#fucking wild huh. i didn't even have cheese

[beepbeepdespair]

HI okay so i have more weird dreams involving ofmd cast members to tell y'all about. i did try to find the post with the original two on it but tumblr's search function is a fucking joke so i couldn't 💀 ok here goes

so this first one happened a couple nights ago. i dreamt that there was an abandoned run-down old house not far from me that was infamous because if you entered it, you would only exit being dragged out by your ankles because you'd be dead, and no one knew why. my best friend, who i remember was in a VERY kawaii outfit, went in and i tried to stop her but i was too late and she died, so i had to go in to retrieve her body. and it was then that i came face to face with the reason why everyone died in that house:

madeleine sami. or at least some version of them that was somewhere between a horror film serial killer and a mob boss lmao. she was in a black suit (and looked fucking fantastic, might i say)... and then i suddenly pulled a machine gun out of god knows where and said "right. you're coming with me." i led them out with her hands behind their back hoping she'd be cooperative and i wouldn't have to kill them, but literally the second she got out the door they made a run for it and i was like "shame. ah well i gave her a chance" and fucking mowed them down kfndndndn. like. i shot her probably 20 times, mostly in the head

and i do just want to stress quickly that i absolutely adore madeleine and i do NOT want to shoot them. so i have no idea where this came from lmao. at least it's the kind of badass thing i think she'd enjoy

and now we move onto last night's dream. so in theory i do have a tiktok (i say in theory because it is d e a d i do not use it) but on the rare occasions i hop on there, normally because someone's sent me something, there's this lady on there called haley who i am SO jealous of lmao. she's a professional/performing mermaid at a park, gives out necklaces to kids, does tricks, that sort of thing

anyway i dreamt that i was one of these mermaids and taika and rhys had come to watch me perform. they decided that they both really wanted one of these necklaces and in the dream there was apparently some company policy that i could only give them to children so i had to apologise that i couldn't give them any. they really didn't like that answer so they jumped over the barrier into the pool and drowned me krnrnrnrnr

again i absolutely adore those two and i know they would never do something like that, but i will say the image of rhys and taika holding mermaid me underwater until the bubbles stop was oddly hilarious to me

#fucking wild huh. i didn't even have cheese #ok to reblog #beep beep gets personal #personal #beep beep dreams #beep beep likes ofmd #ofmd #ofmd cast #dreams #dream #madeleine sami

[lestappenforever]

28. “Look, it’s not my fault we got distracted.” “No? Then whose is it?”

Ohhhh, I like this one!

Here you go, my lovely anon. You're also getting 48. “Don’t lie to me. I’m like a bloodhound. But for lies.”, and 34. “I know, love, I know.” because I found them fitting. ❤️

---

28. “Look, it’s not my fault we got distracted.” “No? Then whose is it?", 48. “Don’t lie to me. I’m like a bloodhound. But for lies.” and 34. “I know, love, I know.”

Max's kitchen is an absolute mess. There is flour everywhere; on the kitchen counter, on the floor, fucking flour handprints on the fridge, which Max has no idea how got there.

(That's a balatant lie. He knows damn well how they got there.)

The bag of sugar has been tipped over and spilled into the sink, which is going to be a bitch to clean up. The cocoa powder has dyed the majority of Max's otherwise pristine white tiles brown, and the mere sight of it is enough to make his temples start aching.

That's definitely going to be a bitch to clean up.

He praises himself lucky that he had enough sense to trick Jimmy and Sassy into the guest room with their dinner (and their litterbox) before embarking on this journey-turned-disaster, because his cats are incredibly curious and will lick anything to see if it's edible. And Max doesn't particularly fancy a trip to the emergency vet this late at night because his cat may have ingested something poisionous to them.

There are three cracked eggs in a bowl that has somehow managed to remain upright, but the shells are thrown haphazardly into the sink.

Next to the bowl is another bowl, this one containing nothing but cream cheese.

Max sighs at the chaos of it all.

"Wow. I didn't think it would be this bad," Charles pipes up from behind him, looking over Max's shoulder at the kitchen. He's holding a can of whipped cream in his hand that is substantially less full than it had been an hour ago.

Max cocks an eyebrow at him. "Maybe you should have thought of that earlier, huh?"

Charles looks at him with an indignant expression.

"Look, it's not my fault we got distracted," the Monégasque says with a huff.

Max snorts.

"No? Then whose is it?"

Charles doesn't answer. Max waits.

Charles still doesn't speak, but he looks Max up and down, which is saying everything his mouth isn't.

"Mine?!" Max almost shouts due to his surprise, turning to face Charles.

The Monégasque is only wearing a pair of black boxers. His brown hair is a complete mess, cheeks flushed and lips bitten red. The base of his neck and his chest are covered in blooming bruises left there by Max's mouth, and there's a perfect outline of Max's hands on his hips.

He looks even more obscene now than he had done earlier, and Max kind of wants to devour him. Again.

"I am not the one who came in here wearing one of my Red Bull polos out of fucking nowhere after refusing to even try one on for months!" Max counters, pointing an accusing finger at Charles.

It wasn't as if it was a well-kept secret that Max wanted Charles to join him at Red Bull. Hell, he'd practically spelt it out in numerous interviews over the years. But Charles and his undying loyalty to Ferrari had ensured that Charles wouldn't even try anything Red Bull related on to appease Max.

Until today. When they'd had things to do. Because tomorrow was Lando's birthday, and the Brit had bullied them into promising they would make him cupcakes. And neither Max nor Charles had the ability to tell him no.

Especially not when Carlos had been standing behind Lando at the time, glaring at them with a look that said 'If you don't make this boy cupcakes for his birthday, I swear to God I will kill you both'.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know me wearing a Red Bull polo would drive you that wild?!" Charles responds in a raised voice.

Because of fucking course it turns into an argument. It always does with two people as equally stubborn as Max and Charles.

"I have literally told you it would on numerous occasions, Charles!"

"I thought you were exaggerating, Max!"

"I obviously wasn't!"

"Yeah, well, I know that now!"

They stare at each other for a long moment, not saying a word. Then Max glances down at Charles' hips, tilting his head to one side.

"Are those my boxers?"

When he looks back up at Charles' face, the Monégasque's eyes widen. Max knows that look. He's trying to look innocent.

"No?" Charles offers unconvincingly.

Max narrows his eyes.

"Don't lie to me. I'm like a bloodhound. But for lies."

Charles snorts.

"So what if they are?"

Max groans, looking at his absolute warzone of a kitchen.

"Charles," he whines miserably, looking back at Charles who presses up against his side and kisses his neck.

"You know, you don't have to take me to bed every time I wear your clothes. We can just clean this up and get back to work," he says against Max's sensitive skin, in a tone of voice that absolutely does not make it sound as if he means it.

Not even a little bit.

"You're a fucking menace," Max tells him as he picks Charles up by the backs of his thighs.

Charles fucking beams at him as he wraps his legs around Max's waist and his arms around his waist, letting the Dutchman carry him.

"I know, chéri. I know," Charles tells him, as he leans in to nibble at Max's earlobe, sending a shiver through him.

"Just so you know, you're cleaning up the kitchen later," Max says, matter-of-factly.

Charles squawks at that, beginning to squirm in Max's hold, but it's useless.

"Max!"

Max just grins as he carries Charles back to the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him.

#Ask prompts #Lestappen prompts #Lestappen ficlet #Anon asks #Asks #Lestappen drabble

[gunmetal-ring]

Stream of consciousness

They're rly turning this whole Stephanie Eugene thing into a middle school romantic comedy huh

Hahahahahaha shithead son

See this is why it would have been nice to fucking see the goddamn transition between Alexandria and commonwealth instead of jumping 1 month ahead. But I'm not bitter.

Aaron! Hi! Oo somethings on the dl

Oooooo Daryl "doesn't matter to us"

Oh that's so nice. Honoring deanna. So weird that she and Pamela knew of each other

Awwwwwww zekes getting surgery and he brought Jerry along for support!!! And omfg i keep forgetting about money being a thing "what about his bill" like jfc

Pamela kinda reminds me of Jane lynch in a way

Oh OK so oceanside still exists. Tbh it's kind of fucked up that they didn't help Alexandria when they were starving...? Unless I'm misunderstanding something?

God Lance is a dick. Wild to me that Pamela is completely incapable of killing walkers. Nice to see Daryl got his crossbow back. Also I just realized he's not wearing the armor. Why is everyone so dirty?

Omfg going on a hunt as networking what the actual literal fuck is wrong with these people. Jfc it is WILD how completely capitalistic these people are

Haaaaa calling pam out on her privilege. Nice.

Maggie's accent seems fainter for some reason

"Natural order" Uh nothing about the commonwealth is natural girlfriend that's literally the point

Oh zekes in a shitty apartment too. I hate that. Poor guy. I rly wonder if this is bc of the contention between mercer and zeke

Ha Carol is not subtle in the least "anything... come up?" HA he pieced it together!!!

I rly don't understand WHY there aren't more doctors and shit like it's been 10 years!!

Goddammit I fucking love carol

I am here for Maggie calling out Pamela like holy shit I love her

Alright maybe Pamela isn't totally useless I guess. Altho she definitely sees this as a clit measuring contest and Maggie's like "You go right ahead girl. I got nothing to prove"

Aw rosita and Eugene. Altho coco being so out of sight is making me nervous. Wow so Eugene doesn't trust rosita... interesting. If anything SHE shouldn't trust HIM since he's been all in since day 1

2 turkeys is more than they've had in weeks? What? It's been over a month since commonwealth showed up I thought they already met with them and got food?

HERSHEL JR YES!!!!!!!!!!!! Lil pumpkin head

Mercer is divulging... bonding... advising... ooo

Zeke doesn't like pineapple on pizza. Canceled. I won't hear a word about it. Perfect pizza is Hawaiian + red pepper flakes + parmesean cheese. Read my fic roots if you don't believe me.

Maggie's in over her head? Doubtful. Even before her whole revenge arc. Lance dissing hilltop... yikes. Tbf it is a bad idea breaking up before Alexandria is fully up and running to adequately provide for hilltop but whatever

Mm Lance is pulling on hershel jr... honestly I'd get it. Just for the medical assistance alone. Swarm incoming... yeah no shit you guys are shooting guns!!

Oh hell yeah mercer in close combat that's what I'm talkin about

What the FUCK this is gun safety 101 don't fucking shoot near people?! What the fuck?!?!? Mercer I thought you were better than that!!!

Maggie's pissed that daryls bought in... oohoohoooo

So Eugene essentially is in love with 2 women. What a weird scenario lol. I wish he would cut off that fucking braid jfc

Eugene... yeah... like you're a fuckin idiot. Sorry. I wish we could have SEEN some of those subtle cues in his and fake Stephanie's relationship there's the five hundreth demerit for Kang&Co for skipping the 1st month

OK so... the manuscript... wasn't a memoir? Goddamn she is so fuckin dorky jfc. They're both so. Fuckin. Dorky. I'm caught between cringing and smiling.

Uh oh Daryl hugged maggie!! Ship alert!! (Just kidding)

Diane is leaving. I'm sorry but like this is just not impactful. Aaron and Gracie would have been more impactful. Lydia would have been more impactful. Hell the oceanside girl would have been super duper impactful. Diane is basically a nonentity.

So Pamela doesn't encourage a work life balance. Why am I not surprised. She's like a less shitty Jeff bezos. Ok not that bad but still.

Lance I get that you feel like you have something to prove but guns are so passé and also a bad idea.

NEXT UP:

Kang are you FUCKING kidding me?! MORE people?! What the FUCK god fucking DAMMIT

You know what i am growing increasingly concerned that Daryl is going to kill Leah for the commonwealth. He's either forced to or has to in order to keep his cover or wants to protect them or something. If this happens I'm actually gonna be really angry.

A good episode. One of the better ones of this season. I don't have too many criticisms

#op #twd season 11 #twd s11 #twd spoilers #twd s11 spoilers #review

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

i am very much enjoying my vague void! it's currently blasting hozier at full volume and that's almost louder than my internal screaming (don't worry, everything is fine, i just saw a spider)

i've never once in my life have followed a recipe correctly. all of my measurements are completely random and whatever happens happens. it is no longer in my hands. whatever eldritch entities exist take the wheel. and i absolutely refuse to spell anything in english without autocorrect because y'all have way too many double letters and random vowel placement

thank you! sadly, i won't have a break right now, because we just had christmas vacations, but the start of the new semester is always pretty chill. and you're absolutely right, i should take up necromancy! the snow and the cold will add to my mysterious vibes. i just need to get a big black cape with a hood to complete the aesthetic

i definitely picture everything above 5'6 feet as the same height. 5'7 and 6'2? the exact same thing. no difference here

how is morepork a real bird name. it's just... more pork? but the bird is magnificent. i completely approve of your first order as bird queen, not that you need approval from mere peasants like me, but it's a great order. ohhh salps look really cool, and it does look a lot like it! when you said boob implant i thought of mermaids and them using salps as boob implants but then i realised wait wouldn't jellyfish be better for that? because of their shape? ignoring their little leggies they're quite boob shaped, no? and then i realised that i was thinking about mermaids and alive boob implants... if i had to think it, you have to read it. i'm sorry

i was sold before but now i'm even more sure that i want to hire you. and I'll make sure to have lactose free cheese for the backflips (unless you want the lactose version? i'm not judging). will the biting of ankles cost extra?

that sounds like a brilliant set-up for a horror movie where they kill off all the children one by one. it's absolutely horrifying. if something like that would've happened to me i would've most likely just passed out. whatever happens afterwards is not my problem. and now i really don't want to know what the hell your leg was caught on because that seems like knowledge that would get me killed

ah so you're a fellow dirt eater? according to my mom my favourite thing to do outside when i was a little kid used to be eating sand. just shovelling handfuls of it into my mouth and crying when my mom made me spit it out. which i refuse to believe. if there are no photos it didn't happen

you warm climate people are starting to make me think that i'm better adjusted to the cold than i thought i am! it's either that or our buildings are better heated. i definitely don't know if anyone else calls hot water bottled hotties but i like it so from now on i'm using it

that's so cute! i was clearly a way more selfish child because when i found any amount of money i just kept it and bought candy as soon as i could. i clearly couldn't save money then and i can't now. we have stores like that (or i'm assuming that they're like that solely based on how they sell lollies) and they used to be my favourite thing because you could get so many lollies for such a small price!! and my mom even used to let me order for myself sometimes so i always felt like a very big girl jsjshsbsjk

also the fact that i can't send pictures on anon is a crime (yes i know why and it's good that that's not possible because can you imagine anons being able to send pictures? oh no is all i have to say about it) but anyways. because i have this one super cursed photo that reminded me of you and now i can't share it :((

duuuuude, sick void bro. sounds like a vibing void. I feel like I haven’t seen a spider in awhile. Other than daddy long legs. But they’re chill. They mind their own business. 

I nearly always follow recipes exactly. My mum is like oh cook this for about 7 minutes? Yeah sure. I’ll take a wild guess. I’m like they say exactly 7 minutes so I’ll set a timer for 7 minutes and start a stopwatch so if it does seem to need more than 7 I can keep an eye on the extra time and be aware of exactly how long it takes me for next time. Other people are like oh let's see I have [lists 5-10 things in their fridge], hmm...oh I know what I could make with that! I’m like I have beans in my freezer because one recipe required them and no other recipes I know how to make do so what am I supposed to do with these now,,, this is stressful,,, basically I barely know how to cook and recipes are the only things saving me in that area. That is entirely fair. Except for the fuck duck, and murder is not the word you want surely, situations, it’s pretty helpful.

Ohhh I see. At least the start is chill! For a little! Before your entire situation spirals out of hand and you’re behind in every class and it’s taken you a whole day to read 10 pages and you’re exhausted and it’s only week 2. Just me? ok. fair. anyway. I want a cloak so bad. One of my uni friends tempted me to class because she said she was wearing a cloak so my depressed ass honest to god dragged myself out of bed and to said class just to see it. It was worth it. They’re incredible. Everyone should own a big cloak for the aesthetic.

I’m glad it isn’t just me hahaha. I can visualise my own height in feet but everything else is just the same size that is a vague amount taller than me, mentally.

It’s also known as the ruru. But the name morepork amuses me. It’s named after the call it makes haha. It does sound like it’s asking for more pork if you know to listen for that. thank u for ur approval, it means a lot, turns out becoming bird queen didn’t ACTUALLY get rid of my anxiety disorder weirdly enough so validation is great! lmaooo. What if the jellyfish stung them tho? At least salps wouldn’t do you dirty like that. The mermaids would just look like there are hundreds of bugs crawling around in their boobs, flesh shifting as they float around. Which is a vibe. If you’re into that. Jellyfish WOULD make a more solid, single, implant, some of them are definitely boob shaped. But that’s kinda boring no one’s gonna be traumatised by that. Salps on the other hand...yeah, that sight will DEFINITELY traumatise someone.

To be PERFECTLY honest I haven’t done a backflip in years but for lactose-free cheese? Dude. I’ll be going back to training. Gonna be the best backflip you’ve ever seen. As long as it’s not Tasty cheese I am content, but lactose free IS better. The biting of ankles will not cost extra, it is a pleasure to be allowed to do that.

Oh it absolutely would be. It’d be very funny if it reached the wider world bc people would probably be like ok but who would send kids into the bush like that,, it’s an odd concept. meanwhile everyone who grew up in nz is gonna be like y’all, you’re not gonna fuckin BELIEVE what i experienced growing up, it’s real dude. On one hand, I feel like murdering kids in a movie is questionable, on the other hand, It exists, so maybe people would be down for it. I feel like it’d be a good concept even if it wasn’t murdery tho. Like psychological horror? I’m not sure if I’m using that category correctly I don’t watch much horror. A kid following the rope but then being shifted into a different horror dimension but they never take the blindfold off because their teachers said not to and they’d probably have to let go of the rope to do it...I feel like this could work super well as a short film. The viewers see everything. The child just knows something is off and no one is coming when they call for help. I am so down for this. I also do not want to know what my leg was caught on. Some things I am better off not knowing.

yes! I am a fellow dirt eater! We had a sandpit at home (that’s a little bold. It was a large plastic shell that my parents filled with sand. technically a sandpit. but not fancy sdflsdkfsdf) but I don’t think I ever tried to eat it. Then again, I possibly did and just don’t remember because there’s no photo evidence of that one. I’d have to ask my parents sdfhsjdfs, I would however fully believe them if they said yes. it’s very characteristic of me. I don’t doubt it for a second. muuuum that’s my emotional support sand don’t make me spit it out smh the disrespect these days.

Oh I’m absolutely terrible even by most people’s standards around here when it comes to cold and hot temperatures. I remember sitting in the sun in my school shirt and school jersey in summer on a blazing day like it’s a bit chilly, isn’t it? Meanwhile my friends were in the shade absolutely dying from the heat. Likewise in winter I’d be shivering, teeth chattering, dying with my long sleeve thermal, my school shirt, my school jersey, my school jacket, my longs, warm socks and sneakers and gloves and school scarf while ppl would be walking around in a shirt and shorts like it’s a bit warm this winter huh? my body didn’t learn how to thermoregulate and it shows. But yeah NZ does also have a reputation for shittily insulated buildings and such. It shows. skhdfsfs if it’s not common use maybe don’t say can i have a hotty to someone without context but otherwise go ahead lmao. it’s a fun shortened version.

I was typically a very good saver, to the point where my extended family started gifting me gift cards and vouchers for Christmas and my birthday because if they just gave me money I’d put it in my bank account to save towards uni once I hit like, 12 years old. Which I think was a smart move. But apparently, I’m supposed to buy myself ‘something nice’ with it. I think I’m still an okay saver but I’m not as strict anymore. I’m aware of how much I can spare and I’m not just like you can never get anything for yourself ever, so I do get lil things for myself sometimes. oooo yay! At least you know what I mean. But yes. They were the gold mine for lollies. Absolutely terrific stores. My mum would be like hey lindsey how about you order? And I’d be like mother, I am 7 years old and I have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder everyone assumes is child shyness why would you think I would want to do that. Instead I will whisper my choices to you. After therapy tho I felt pretty rad for picking my own lollies by myself. I was like 13 at that point but sdfkjhsdf listen I got there in the end.

sdfkjsdfkjhsdf I like that a cursed photo reminded you of me. That’s all I need to hear. Tumblr said no anon dick pics but they also said no anon cursed photos either,,, very sad. for the latter part. the first part thank god. If I could turn on photos on anon I absolutely would just to see this but I don’t think I can :(

#tasty cheese is nasty and i will die on this hill #i'm not sure if other countries have like the same main cheeses or if it differs everywhere #tasty. colby. and edam are the main three i think of #i know there's like mild or some shit but i know only the blue yellow and red packets #either or a wasp or a bee just flew in my room but it flew out so i'll respect that #my plans for today were reply to your ask and that's it #what am i supposed to do for the next twelve hours #oh wait i know #m u r d e r............ #Anonymous

[bisexualnerd]

Melancholy Kaleidoscope

Chapter 5/5

~You can read on AO3 here ⤵️⤵️~

Dinner had been peaceful so far. There hadn't been any sign of attempt murder just yet. No flying dishes nor forks being used as weapons.

Bruce was looking at them with suspicion in his eyes.

Well, the man had every right to keep a close watch on them.

Cass stole a piece from his plate again and Tim whined quietly at his sister. The said sister just giggled and booped his nose. He sighed as he could hear Jason sniggering from the other side of the dining table.

"Cass..." He complained again as another piece got stolen. "You have your own food already..."

"Messing with you is fun, little brother." She grinned.

"But..." He got interrupted by a shout.

"You take that back Todd!"

"What?! It's true. That potato piece does look a lot like you."

"I am not a potato you imbecile zombie!" Damian had jumped on his chair with a spoon raised high, pointing at Jason.

The older boy just snickered, leaning back a bit to avoid the Spoon of Doom.

"Damian, don't attack your brother. Jason, stop provoking him." Bruce interfered.

Tim picked out a bean and threw it at them randomly.

"No, go on. This's getting good."

"Tim please..."

Jason had raised a chicken leg to block out Damian's attack and now the Spoon of Doom had flown all the way to Cass's plate, hitting one of her vegetables. 

And then one of Damian's elbows knocked at Dick's plate and now there was sauce on the everywhere. Dick looked quite heartbreaking at that. 

Tim grinned at Bruce before throwing another bean at Jason and Damian, then took joy in seeing the horrified look on his adoptive father's face.

Damian had now resorted to trying to hit Jason with a knife. Not exactly sharp but still enough to make someone bleed. Jason, on the other hand, had dumped all the food from one plate onto Dick's and used that plate as a shield to protect himself. His other hand held the chicken leg from earlier so he could occasionally bit into it.

You know, you couldn't just waste Alfred's cooking.

He heard Cass laughing from next to him and found himself grinning even wider. His sister then threw small pieces of vegetable at their brothers and encouraged them even further.

"Cass, sweetheart..."

"Fun, Dad." She pouted.

"Please don't encourage them..."

"Fun." She emphasized.

Bruce looked like he was asking for strength from above now. From the other side, Jason jumped out of his seat to avoid getting stabbed and Dick had lunged forward to wrestle the knife out of Damian's hand. Apparently, knives were off limit. Forks weren't.

Damian grabbed a fork from the table and with a loud battlecry, he went for Jason.

Tim had managed to pick up a handful of beans to throw at them. Cass was cheering from her seat. And Dick was trying to look unamused but the small upward quirk on his lips told a different story.

Jason ducked under the fork and they chased each other around the table with the older laughing and the younger shouting. Bruce had tried to grab either of them several times and failed.

Jason was now using Cass to hide from Damian. The younger boy stopped before them, glaring hard.

"Step aside Cassandra, so I can put this zombie back to his place."

Cass's eyes widened at how Damian had called her and smiled at him. She glanced back at Jason with a mischievous glint in her eyes before speaking.

"No killing."

"Sis, you traitor!" Jason gasped dramatically while the younger boy huffed.

"Fine. I will not slay him, but there is no guarantee I will spare him from my wrath."

Cass nodded and stepped aside, leaving Jason without any protection. Damian jumped, the fork high in the air...

...just to be caught by Bruce, who had leaped from behind him. Tim startled, crashed into the table and sent one of the plates flying to Dick.

"Alright time out! Time out!" Bruce took the fork away and dragged Damian away from Jason. 

Tim looked down at the sauce stain on his shirt and grimaced. Alfred would not be please. Speaking of...

"Where's Alfred?"

Silence fell upon them and Tim stepped away from the mess on the table.

"Right...I'm just gonna..." Dick dashed down the hallway, probably went looking for Alfred.

He came back with the old butler in tow, who took a quick look at the mess before shaking his head disapprovingly.

"I went out to check on the garden for five minutes, and come back to this. Anyone care to explain?"

"It was Jason and Damian." Tim quickly provided.

"Yes. Jay and Dami." Cass confirmed.

Alfred's "I'm-not-mad-just-disappointed" gaze fell upon the two said boys, one of them grinned sheepishly and the other glared at the ground. 

Please, take a wild guess which was which.

"You know that's not completely true." It was now Bruce's turn to smile evilly at them.

"Of course it was Jason and Damian to create this whole mess. But...you both have encouraged them to continue to do so." The man turned to his oldest. "Thanks for being the only child I'm proud of."

"Dad!" Cass frowned.

"B, come on!" He groaned.

"So it's settled. Master Jason and Master Damian will clean the dining room up while Master Tim and Miss Cass will be in the kitchen to help me."

"Sorry guys." Dick waved his hands around. "But I can help too. Providing emotional support and encouragement is very important too."

"Big brother!" Cass poked Dick on his side. 

"Really?!" Jason narrowed his eyes.

"Thank you Master Dick. Now off you go. All of you."

They ended up cleaning for a good hour. By the time they had finished, he was exhausted. As the four of them dragging themselves upstairs, he could see Dick chuckling to himself from a few feet behind.

The dick.

They all eventually bunched up in Cass's room because this was usually considered neutral ground. Dick had gone to find several more blankets and pillows so they could make themself comfortable.

When Tim finally cuddled up between Jason and Cass, he remembered.

"Hey Jay, what about the prank?" He whispered.

"Hmm..."

"Jay...it's your idea."

"Right...sorry. So tired. Can we do it tomorrow night or some other time?" Jason mumbled, half asleep.

This is pathetic.

"Fine."

He snuggled against his brother's side and closed his eyes, letting out a long sigh. Not even ten seconds later, he heard Dick whisper-calling for him. Tim fluttered his eyes open to see Dick petting Cass's hair and hugging Damian close to his chest.

"Timmy, hey...the prank?"

"Jay said tomorrow night. He's tired."

"Okay fine. But we're doing it."

"Never say we're not. Go to sleep Big Bird."

"G'night Baby Bird."

He shut his eyes again and tried to sink into the blanket. Jason mumbled something unintelligible and draped an arm over his torso. From his other side, Cass buried her face into his hair and curled up into herself.

Tim yawned, eyes watered. He so needed sleep. He breathed in the scent of Alfred's detergent on the blankets and their clothes as it lulled him into his dreamland.

Everything was good.

 

----------------------------- 

The next night, Jason had stored all the cheese and leftover meat in his mini freezer. Dick had somehow managed to find an oversized piece of bread and hid it away very carefully. Tim had made sure they got enough vegetables and tomatoes. And he had installed a camera in a dark corner of Bruce's room.

They were so gonna get yelled at.

But it'd be worth it.

Besides, the prank made Jason happy and less broody so he was not gonna deny his brother of this.

The clock struck three in the morning and the operation "Bruce the Sandwich" began.

After many discussions, they had argeed that getting past Damian, Cass and Alfred was the hardest. Making their dad into a sandwich (that sounded like murder, Jason loved it so much) was child play. But not like the movie. Nuh uh.

Almost ten minutes later and they had successfully completed their first task. The three carried the food to Bruce's bedroom and while Dick and Jason waited outside the door, Tim went to the kitchen to get the peanut butter jar. Just a small reminder of the the prank's precedence.

He came back not even three minutes later and they all crept into the man's room.

They started with filling the bed with meat and cheese, making sure nothing touched the man himself but as soon as he moved, all the squishy leftovers would startle the man out of his skin.

Tim got some peanut butter on the veggies and stuck them to Bruce's face and neck. He hoped it'd stick until morning. He then got some more using his thump and swiped it across his dad's forehead while whispering.

"Simba..."

Dick snorted from the foot of the bed and lost his balance, which resulted in him almost fell off the bed. Jason, who was next to him, put his hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing. Tim could still hear a low chuckle coming from his brother's throat.

"If Bruce is Simba, then you are Rafiki." Jason said.

"Hey," Dick whispered. "The Bat King. Coming to theatres this 30th February."

"There's no 30th February."

"Yea no shit Sherlock. That's why I say it."

Bruce twitched slightly and Tim almost jumped on Jason. But the man soon returned to being still. Tim turned around, face scrunched up as if to tell his brothers to finish their prank.

"The bread."

"Oh right. Fuck! Where do I put it?"

"You're half sitting on it Dickhead. That goes on B's head dumbass."

"I didn't sit on it Little Wing."

"Uh huh. Sure..."

Tim placed the bread on Bruce's forehead. It did look a bit squashed. Oh well...

He booped Bruce's nose lightly with one finger which still had peanut butter on it. The man now sure looked like a lion with his coloured nose.

They discarded the tomato slices around and the final piece ended up on Bruce's nose. They tried to balance it but it always tipped over. So they out it on the bridge of the man's nose, right between his eyes.

Dick left behind a piece of paper saying:

"Here's your breakfast in bed. Bon appétit!"

Then they ran off into the night...

 

...and to the bathroom to wash their hands 'cause going to bed with dirty hands didn't seem so fun.

They were so doomed by the way.

3:54 in the morning now and they all but passed out on Jason's bed. Tim got sandwiched by his two older brothers. He didn't think he minded sleeping like this.

"Can't wait 'til morning." Dick murmured.

"This is morning ya dipshit." He heard Jason's low grumble and snuggled even further against his brother's chest.

"Can we sleep?"

"Fine. Listen to the little shit and sleep already Dickhead."

"Goodnight." Tim didn't even have the strength to tell Dick that it should have been "good morning".

 

They woke up to the sound of yelling.

Tim rubbed at his eyes and looked around in confusion for a few seconds before the memories came back to him.

"Holy shit! B's up!" Dick shouted excitedly and dragged him up, hitting Jason by accident, which made his second oldest brother growl at them.

"The prank, Jay. Get your ass up now!"

"Fucking hell Dick! Slow down."

"That's your prank dude! Do you want to see the result or not?!"

"Right, let's go."

They scrambled to their feet and dashed down the hall. Standing by the doorway of his room was Bruce, with veggies still sticking to his face, though one or two pieces had fallen already. The peanut butter on his forehead stayed intact.

Tim fished out his phone to take a bunch of pictures while Jason was still busy laughing at their dad's face. The man still looked confused and scared (which was unusual to others, not to his kids) with pieces of food randomly falling from his body to the floor.

Upon seeing them, Bruce bellowed.

"BOYS!"

"Shit, let's go before he gets food on us." Jason pushed him down the hallway and then they were running away.

"RICHARD JOHN, JASON PETER, TIMOTHY JACKSON, COME BACK HERE! YOU ARE ALL GROUNDED!"

"Dickie and I are adults!" Jason called back.

"Did you just..." Tim spluttered. "But I am not, Jay!"

"Yeah, your problem, kid."

"Oh fuck you. He's gonna ground you anyway."

"Hm sure..."

They hid in Tim's room and the older two barricaded the door and windows with his furniture, singing "Do You Hear The People Sing" while doing so.

"What we're gonna do with the pictures?" He heard Jason asked. Tim grinned.

"Just so you know, Twitter is going to have a field day."

End.

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