liking a cis guy is so painful when you're trans and you don't pass, he just sees me as a girl, likes me because he thinks i'm a girl and he likes my girly features and i don't even know if he's into guys . .
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thinking about Anne Carson’s translation of Sappho’s fragments being titled if not, winter, thinking about winter as a landscape of snow-blankets and cold quiet, thinking about lesbianism as a similar kind of vast emptiness---not a melancholy void but rather potential and loneliness and waiting and possibility, thinking about my favorite poem from lesbian poet May Sarton being the one titled “The Land of Silence,” thinking about yuri writer Iori Miyazawa’s concept of “yuri of absence” where scenery that merely suggests the possibility of two girls (say, “a cliff towering over the sea,” grass growing on it, “gray ocean and sky [...] stretching beyond the horizon, [and] there is an empty bench for two”) is enough to be yuri, that is, enough to cement a lesbian or lesbian-like dynamic, thinking about Terry Castle’s observation that lesbians exist as ghosts in the modern imagination, a kind of haunting which only, paradoxically, makes us more real, thinking about the very common closeted lesbian experience of supposing lesbianism to be a secret world, impossible to access...
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happy pride month to scarlet and winter and thorne and kai and-
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wife* (*in an agender way**) (** in a dragon way?) guy** (*** not a guy****) (****unless the bit is really good)
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my ever growing aversion to sewing vs the need to make a pokemon plush for my boyfriend
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lol the gay tag is trending and it's aggressively horny.
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The price of representation has been, in my opinion, a shift away from the context in which gay life is portrayed. A gay person is acceptable on primetime television, but as an adjunct to the heterosexual story; their issues, such as they are portrayed, are increasingly seen as moral thought experiments on which the straight characters can dwell, or even just as a signifier that the heterosexual characters are liberal and open-minded enough to have gay friends. But the depiction of queer lives operating independently of the heterosexual, of queers who have aspects of their lives that don’t concern the heterosexual, or a culture that acknowledges the problem of the heterosexual, are few and far between. […] While there are more individual gays on screen than ever, the absence of life as it exists between queers is almost more pronounced today than it was twenty years ago.
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reading this paper i found on lesbianism in media and these quotes really get it:
“In addition, [the lesbian’s] suffering, which most often takes the form of disappointment in love, does not really register as tragic, but as simply sad or pathetic.”
“The lesbian is at once the sexiest possible woman and at the same time an abject and unwanted creature.”
I think a lot about how older media (during the era of lesbianism-as-pathology) is so obsessed with this brand of not-tragedy. (about how we don’t even get the dignity of tragedy.) and how that has stuck around, in many ways. i get the keen sense that a lot of people have the same attitude toward lesbian suffering that they do toward roadkill; “oh, poor creature — yuck, no, i’m not touching that.” you know? people outside the fold of lesbianism tend to be hopelessly intrigued by it in their own ways, but they want nothing to do with us. our pain is too grotesque. our suffering is pathetic. maybe those stories about us serve a similar function to horror media: instead of the rush of subjecting yourself to something that unsettles you, it’s the rush of indulging in that mingled sympathy and disgust — in the kind of story that you, of course, perfectly heterosexual as you are, could never experience for yourself.
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