the way louis garrel portrays an unflinching, repressed religious fanatic who relentlessy haunts caravaggio down while going slowly insane with the way he can't reconcile caravaggio's art, so trascendental and all-encompassing, with his debauched, dissolute life, to the point that by the end of the film he wants to to kiss him, spit on him, fuck him, kill him is something that can actually be so personal
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TWELVE
Allen and Cal slept fitfully. Both guys missed the other.
“If he’d just be honest, I might be able to help him get out of this mess with the women in the red dress and the man driving the army green Chevy pickup truck,” said Allen.
Cal still in bed was feeling the blues. He missed cuddling with Allen out at the farm on the prairie. The Pine Lodge Motel was not a bad place, but he preferred bunking with Allen in the same bed at Allen’s place. That’s where his heart was.
“But how can I tell Allen about my Meggi and the fact that she is blackmailing me? And about the fact that I hid my gayness and married a woman to cover up my shame and guilt from being gay something I have no control over. Being honest is always best,” Cal had these running thoughts in his head.
“This is the stuff soap operas are made of,” he added.
As a diversion this morning he might drive out to see Allen at the farm. He got into his truck and took off. It was a gorgeous sunny day on the South Louisiana Cajun prairie without a cloud in the sky with a perfectly moderately dry coolish temperature, not a typical prairie day with heat and humidity. Cal was keen on seeing Allen soon so he took the most direct route to the farm.
As he approached Allen’s homestead he noticed Allen making some fence in a field behind the house. Cal parked his truck, blew the horn and headed out to meet Allen. As he approached him he could see Allen measuring and cutting barbed wire for the fence.
“Morning, sunshine,” said Cal as he approached Allen.
“Hey, city boy,” cried out Allen, “fancy seeing you out here this morning. You’re up early aren’t you?”
“Yep, I thought I’d get an early start, and I missed seeing you last night. It’s selfish of me to come out this morning, but I just, sort of, needed to see you. Hope that’s okay, Cajun man?” Posing that as a question and waiting for an answer.
Allen answered directly and quickly, “City boy, you don’t need a reason to see me. The fact that you want to see me is reason enough for you to be out here.” He added, “I’ve a thermos of sweet-in-the-pot coffee. I need a break, let’s move under that big oak and have a seat on the grass and have some strong brew.”
The two men sat under the shade of the oak together with two cups of strong coffee not saying a whole lot of anything but hanging out enjoying each other. Two men comfortable with each other can be just fine quietly drinking coffee pressing the mute button.
After awhile Allen said to Cal, “Hey, city boy, everything good with you. You seemed a bit tense last night. Just asking as your friend.”
“Thanks, Allen, yes I was a bit tense until I shared that meal with you last night at the Crapaud Diner; fried chicken and pie can do wonders for lifting the spirits,” said Cal.
“I agree with you, city boy,” said Allen, “but I can’t help wondering if there’s more?” Questioned Allen.
“There is more, Cajun boy, but I’m not ready to share with you just yet,” said Cal. “Give me some more time to unravel some things, okay?”
Allen said, “I care about you, city boy.”
Cal answered adding to Allen’s statement, “I care about you, too, a lot, Cajun boy.”
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