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whatacaitastrophe · 3 months

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Is It Over Now - Chapter 7

Previous Chapter

Chapter Song Inspiration: "Burn Butcher Burn" - The Witcher, Season 2 Soundtrack (performed by Joey Batey)

Chapter Warnings: none!

Spotify Playlist: Here

Chapter Notes: if you have read this fic, liked it, reblogged it, or left comments THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. keep the comments coming bc i love hearing your feedback (and like tinkerbell, i need applause to live).

Chapter 7: I Hear You're Alive. How Disappointing

The next two days fly by without incident, unless you count Wyll making Fallon cry because she has to do one hundred crunches at the end of their final training session before the ball (Fallon counts it). At least when he leaves the morning of the ball he promises he will not be at their door bright and early tomorrow, because he intends to take the next day off. It’s a sure sign of how Wyll expects the evening of revelry and celebration to go.

After their conversation, Fallon and Astarion fell into an easy rhythm. The first night, they stayed up talking about everything and nothing, only taking breaks to exchange sweet kisses. They still haven’t properly had sex yet, but that’s something Astarion is perfectly ok with. When it comes to Fallon, Astarion wants to do this right. He doesn’t want Fallon to feel like he poured his heart out to her just to bed her (and maybe, just maybe, he’s still the tiniest bit insecure and worried that Fallon had done exactly that).

Somehow, despite the past two days being some of the best of his life with Fallon, Astarion is incredibly nervous for this ball. He loves a good party, especially one where the attention will be cast upon him, and he’ll be given the opportunity to charm an entire room full of aristocrats, but the anticipation of this night has him pacing around the suite.

It could also be because Shadowheart arrived at the suite in the early afternoon with a team of hair and makeup professionals trailing behind her to help them get ready for the evening, and as a direct result, Astarion has been left to entertain Lae’zel, who quickly refused the assistance of the small army Shadowheart assembled, declaring she does not need an entire day to become perfect.

“Astarion,” Lae’zel warns after his twelfth lap around the sitting room in the last hour. “If you do not stop pacing, I will make you.”

Astarion scowls at the githyanki, but he does as he’s told; mostly because he’s still fairly certain Lae’zel could snap him in two if she really wanted to. He picks up the book about the young wizard that he’s still reading, but concentration eludes him and he’s just staring at the pages without absorbing any of the content.

“My lover has informed me that I need to work on my….people skills,” Lae’zel starts with a huff. “So I am going to ask you why you keep looking at the bedroom door and why you cannot sit still, but please do not mistake my inquiry for actual concern.”

Astarion snorts with laughter. “I think part of having people skills is showing genuine concern, Lae’zel.”

Lae’zel gives him a stone cold stare, and he almost regrets teasing her. “It’s the first time Fallon and I are going out in public together. As…more than friends.” He clarifies. “So this giant party where everyone is watching, it’s basically our first date.”

“Yes, Shadowheart did mention a romantic development. I did not realize Fallon was finally over the wizard.”

Astarion winces. “Ah, well, not entirely, but that’s complicated to explain and I’m sure you don’t want to hear about the whole sordid affair.”

“That is correct, I do not,” she confirms. “Besides, I’ve heard enough that I think I understand.”

“Well, that’s why I’m pacing,” he tells her, and Lae’zel levels a stare in his direction. “You asked.” he concedes, raising his hands in defeat.

Awkward silence fills the suite, and Astarion really wishes he’d thought to turn on the phonograph before their friends arrived because now he’s too afraid to stand up and risk the gith’s wrath by moving around again. “Do you think the wizard will show his face?” Lae’zel breaks the silence.

“Gods, I fucking hope not. She’s been doing so well…I worry about what seeing him again might do to her.”

“Maybe that is the real reason why you pace incessantly. You are worried for Fallon, and maybe a little worried for yourself and your romantic involvement with her, should the wizard return.”

Astarion is stunned, and not just because Lae’zel just read him so thoroughly. “Why Lae’zel, I think you may have just shown genuine concern! Shawdowheart will be very proud.” He deflects, as this is a very strange conversation to be having with Lae’zel, of all people. Then again, maybe the warrior is the best person to have this conversation with, because she minces words even less than her girlfriend does, and unlike Wyll or Karlach, or even Halsin, she won’t try to soothe his nerves with false narratives. Astarion defies her and stands to walk over to the cabinet where he and Fallon keep the wine. He pours them each a glass before sitting back down again. “Do you think he’s going to show up?”

Lae’zel ponders for a moment as she drinks her wine. “No,” she declares. “The wizard has not been in contact with anyone for the last year. I believe he is intelligent enough to know his presence would not be welcome.” As backhanded as it is, Astarion is surprised by the compliment Lae’zel affords Gale.

Astarion winces. “Well…that’s not entirely true.”

“My assessment of the wizard’s intelligence, or that he has not been in contact with anyone since he left in the first place?”

“The second part.”

Deafening silence fills the suite again, and Astarion swears Lae’zel does not ever blink. “You’ve spoken to him.”

“I’ve seen him.” Astarion confesses.

More silence. “When?”

“Months ago…it’s a long story.”

“Does Fallon know?”

“No.”

“Does anyone?”

“....no one other than you and Gale.” Astarion did not think it was possible for the githyanki’s lips to get any thinner, but they do and she’s glaring at him. “Please don’t tell her.” Astarion begs.

The silence that follows could not have lasted more than a few minutes, if not seconds, but it feels like an eternity while Astarion holds his breath, waiting for Lae’zel to say something.

“I will not intervene, because it is not my place and unlike my lover, I do not care to gossip,” she sips from her wine glass. “However, I will encourage you to be honest with Fallon, because if she ever finds out you kept this from her, it will not end well for you.”

Astarion sighs, finishing his own glass of wine and pouring another. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“I’ve never taken you to be a coward, Astarion. Do not start now, as I do not associate with cowards.”

It might be the nicest thing the gith has ever said to him, and the closest she’s ever come to admitting they’re actually friends. Lae’zel dismisses herself to get ready for the ball, leaving Astarion alone. Astarion sighs quietly and tells himself that he’ll broach the topic with Fallon first thing tomorrow. He doesn’t want to ruin this night for her. Astarion looks at the grandfather clock by the door and realizes that he should probably get ready as well and he heads for the spare bedroom.

An hour later, Lae’zel is the first one to return to the sitting room, followed shortly by Astarion. “Well, don’t you look dashing.” Astarion offers the gith as he takes in her form. The dress Lae’zell chose (more likely chosen by Shadowheart for her), is a simple, black floor length a-line gown with a cowl neckline. The halter top compliments her toned body, and the necklace she’s wearing is a pendant with moons and stars on it. The ensemble is not much different than the one Lae’zel wore to last year’s Winter Solstice Ball, and Astarion is almost certain that Lae’zel not repeating an outfit is entirely Shadowheart’s influence.

The doublet Astarion picked out for himself is black velvet, and the filigree throughout is the same color as Fallon’s dress. Though the development of their romantic involvement is less than a tenday old, Astarion always knew he would be the one escorting Fallon to the ball, and he’d be damned if their ensembles didn’t match, or worse, clashed altogether. Shadowheart calls from the bedroom that she and Fallon are nearly ready, and Astarion begins pacing again. Lae’zel glares at him, but she doesn’t say anything, and Astarion notices that even the stoic githyanki warrior is fidgeting a little in her seat. He does not dare bring it up for fear of losing his head, but it’s sweet to see his friend be nervous about seeing her lover in her dress for the first time.

The door to the bedroom opens and Astarion freezes in place and Lae’zel shoots to her feet. Shadowheart is the first to emerge and though Shadowheart looks absolutely lovely, Astarion is watching Lae’zel. He’s never seen her look awestruck before. Lae’zel walks over to a beaming Shadowheart and takes her hands. “ Zhak vo'n'fynh duj' : Source of my joy. You are more radiant than the sun.” Astarion looks away when Lae’zel captures Shadowheart’s mouth in a deep kiss (it feels weird watching the gith be this vulnerable), his gaze automatically goes to the bedroom door.

Fallon steps through the door, and Astarion is breathless. He imagines the look on his face is not much different than that of the one Lae’zel had on her face moments before, but when Fallon smiles at him, Astarion honestly forgets that there is anyone else in the suite aside from the two of them. Fallon walks–no–floats towards him, the chiffon of her dress having the exact effect Astarion and Figaro envisioned together. He meets her halfway and takes one of her hands and Astarion bows deeply to the woman in front of him, and kisses the back of her hand.

“Well, I must say, whoever chose this dress for you has excellent taste,” Astarion jests as he rises. “You look absolutely exquisite, darling.”

Blush creeps up Fallon’s neck. “Thank you. For all of it.” He knows she means more than just the dress.

Wyrm’s Rock is decorated for the season to the nines. Wyll’s stepmother is known for her parties, and this one is no exception. “It’s beautiful.” Fallon muses in awe as they walk in. “I can’t believe I missed this last year.”

Astarion squeezes her hand softly as he thinks back to this time last year. Astarion and their friends attempted to convince Fallon to leave The Elfsong for this occasion, but their efforts were in vain. When they’d gone to collect her, she was already several bottles of wine deep in the bar with some of the tieflings from The Grove, could barely stand, and was in absolutely zero condition to spend an entire evening socializing with the aristocrats of Baldur’s Gate. They’d all agreed that with the absence of Fallon, and even Gale, it didn’t really feel like much of the celebration it was supposed to be.

The four of them step further into the extravagantly decorated room and are immediately greeted by various members of the court, fawning over Fallon especially after missing last year. Astarion holds his tongue as they fuss and speculate to her face about why she was absent last year, and pride spreads through his body as Fallon fields the question and deflects like she’s been doing this her whole life. This was why she’d become their leader. She charmed people with ease and carried herself with such confidence it was no wonder nearly everyone they met fell in love with her instantly. Eventually she’s able to wave them off, and Astarion leans over to kiss her temple.

“Gods, those people do love their gossip, don’t they?” Fallon muses with a laugh.

“Yes, I’d no idea you’ve been out of the city training dragons, do tell me, when shall I get to ride one? You’ve been holding out on me.”

“Your very own dragon is your solstice gift.” She teases with a wink but expression very quickly changes to surprise and then pure glee. Fallon lets out an excited squeal and Astarion follows her gaze to where Wyll is standing but it’s not Wyll, or even the druid Halsin towering next to him that caused the object of Astarion’s affection to squeal with delight.

It’s Karlach.

Not only is it Karlach, but the tiefling looks like herself.

Fallon does not bother with proper etiquette, and she gathers her skirts in one hand, takes off towards Karlach at a sprint and leaps into her friend’s arms. Astarion trails after her, and though he definitely is not running as Fallon had, Astarion’s gait is definitely quicker than usual. After sacrificing herself and becoming an illithid, Karlach was forced to lay low after the battle ended. For obvious reasons, illithids were not exactly a welcome sight in Baldur’s Gate, but Halsin welcomed her back to The Grove with open arms.

“I missed you, soldier.” Karlach is murmuring into her embrace with Fallon as Astarion approaches the reunion.

“I can’t believe it– you’re here! And you’re you!” Fallon exclaims, hugging Karlach again with tears in her eyes. “How?”

“Just a little bit ‘o temporary magic, I’m afraid. Nettie and our pal Halsin made me a potion so I’d look like meself tonight. Not that I ever stopped being me, but, you know ‘ow it is.”

Fallon greets Halsin next, and the druid picks her up to spin in a circle and Astarion just smiles as the fabric of her dress floats effortlessly around her. He really does have good taste. Halsin was one of the first people to ever suspect that Astarion had feelings for Fallon. The conversation occurred shortly after Halsin confessed his own feelings for Fallon to her, only to be gently turned down after Gale refused the suggestion of an open relationship. At the time, Astarion made fun of Gale for being so incredibly traditional in his way of thinking, but now that he has Fallon, Astarion understands. He doesn’t want to share Fallon with anyone else, either.

“How do you do it?” Halsin asked him whilst sitting by the fire one evening.

Astarion looked up at the druid in confusion. “Do what?”

“How do you cope with the ache in your heart, watching Fallon and Gale together day in and day out? I only ask because I’ve not been in this group very long, whereas you’ve been here since the beginning. When does the pain of watching her love another fade?”

Astarion stared at Halsin, mouth slightly open. “Are you suggesting I have feelings for our dear leader?”

“Am I wrong? I’ve seen the way you look at her when you think no one is watching.”

Astarion frowned. “I don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about.”

Halsin gives him an understanding smile. “Then perhaps I misread the situation. My deepest apologies.”

“No apology needed, friend.” Astarion replied before turning back to his book, ignoring the very ache Halsin just spoke of.

Halsin lets go of Fallon, approaching Astarion. The druid offers him a strong handshake and claps him on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you, friend. I am very glad to see the two of you together. She looks happy.”

Astarion looks over to Fallon and then back to Halsin. “She does, doesn’t she?” Waitstaff pass buy and offer each of them a glass of champagne, and Fallon eagerly listents as Karlach regales her with stories of the grove, seeing Arabella again, and learning how to live among druids as an illithid, and learning how to live as an illithid in general.

“I mean, I thought that emperor bloke was joking when he said he ate brains, nope. It’s truly the most horrific part of this ‘ole thing. ‘Course I don’t eat people or anything–” Karlach stops speaking suddenly, and her facial expression shifts to complete horror in an instant.

“You owe me twenty gold, mate.” Wyll tells Halsin, and his tone can only be described as disappointed anger. Halsin also looks very unhappy, and a sickening feeling begins to form in Astarion’s stomach as he realizes that Halsin’s unhappiness has nothing to do with owing Wyll money.

“Well, this is quite the reunion, isn’t it? Leave it to The Winter Solstice to always bring old friends together.” An omnipotent voice comments from behind Astarion’s back, and Astarion whips around, willing his fingers to not ball into fists at his side as he tries to remember to breathe. That annoying, condescending voice only belongs to one person.

Fallon spins around to face the owner of the voice and she gasps. For the first time in over a year, she speaks the name of her ex-lover, and her voice is shaking.

“Gale.”

Chapter List

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #gale #astarion #astarion x tav #bg3 fanfic #female tav #astarion fanfic #astarion fanfiction #astarion bg3 #baldurs gate astarion #baldurs gate #baldurs gate 3 #gale x tav #astarion x gale x tav

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charmixpower · 2 years

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I'm sure we've all seen @/4kidstv's power swap post, with the context of magic Winx coming back

So I was thinking about s4, and the tragedy that is Believix (despite how good it looks) and how nonsensical it is (how the fuck can it harm the Wizards?? Like seriously, shouldn't they be able to absorb these attacks too?? This is before most of the world believes in the Winx, so it can be because the Wizards are some how weakening due to belief, however the fuck that works—)

Anyways, I'm sure you all know how little sense the Wizards of the Black Circle's powers make, so I won't talk your ear off about how Believix is confusing

But the idea of Fairy Hunters being able to fuck with a Faries powers is goddamn amazing!! But the writers accidentally wrote themselves into a corner with the passive ablity of magic absorption, which makes all spells useless before making Believix into a deux ex machina without properly explaining why Believix works and Enchantix doesn't (except to spend the whole season dissing my girl Enchantix)

The context I just set up speaks for itself, right? We know where I'm going with this, yeah?

The Wizards of the Black Circle's powers! Except it's like the magical version of body horror

The Fairy hunter's abilities come down to magical enegry manipulation. They can absorb a fairy's power and send it back to them when they concentrate (it's not a passive ablity like in the show), they can switch around people's powers if they trap them in a magical spell circle (essentially switching out the girls magical core's), reflector spells are they're bread and butter, and they're their one of like 2~5 known groups actually able to steal someone's powers permanently (I say someone like the person they're stealing from is still alive, that is not the case)

This both makes them very good at their thing of hunting magical users as all their powers are specifically based around fucking up a magic users, makes the guys useful one last time before higher levels renders them completely meaningless as the Wizards arnt specialized to handle guys with swords lmao. Like they have attack spells, and I really need to iron out a lot of things this whole post is just ideas in a rambly mess, but this isn't their area so they fumble a bit

This is ALL because I remembered how they have Mitzi powers??? Where the FUCK did they get that from? They're not faries so how did they make Faries? Simple, they have the ability to manipulate magic and magical core's so they just shoved the power of Magic into Mitzi

The Dark Fairies are low magical people with the magical cores of dead faries inserted in their body (which is not safe mind you). Plus it gives a reason for a name as cool as Disenchantix to have something genuinely horrifying and badass attached to it. Mitzi the Disenchantix fairy of Mirrors, for example. That magical core was ripped out of the actual fairy of Mirrors

(Disenchantix was such a let down, plus it would of been so much more fun of Valtor gave the Trix a new transformation based on the magical things he had stolen. Like the Trix empowered by the spell of the elements, that would fuck!!)

So Disenchantix would be from an Enchantix fairy, Disbelieveix would be from a Believix fairy, ect. It's like the normal fairy forms, made of real fairy magic, but twisted and wrong. The Disenchantix forms would look like Enchantix, but like with shorter gloves or arm warmers. They sandals wrap all the way up their legs or only cover part of the foot. It's like the uncanny valley of the magical forms

This comes with the draw back that the Wizards cannot attack directly because that's not how their magic work, in good news for them they own magical artifacts....artifacts that can be broken 👀👀 or stolen 👀👀

Or on the other hand they can use the magic they stole to augment themselves, giving themselves the ability to shape shift....run fast....sound waves...what the fuck does Ogron do again??

It's impossible to actually steal a living person's magic because their magical core will produce new magic, so swapping the base enegry of the magical core's is as close as they can get while still handy caping the winx

Plus it would give a reason they need Sophix and Lovix, they're pretty weak right now and are really wanting for a power boost before they get their asses kicked. I'm imagining it being given by Diana and Aurora instead of the hand out faries tho. After convincing the vengeance faries to maybe not attack the humans, the Winx are allowed to connect with the external magical cores the Major fairies keep around

(they're three types of magical cores 1 The one that people have inside their bodies ala inner fire alta, 2 planets magical cores aka the second Sun of Solaria and that stuff that Valtor keep stealing magic from, 3 relative ones like Cloud Tower's heart. This is an example of the third type)

Maybe Nebula has on too and each pair of girls gets to vibe with one of these transformations while they fight the Wizards, cheating to reach higher powers while everything is wrong

Once the Wizards are defeated they spell is reversed automatically

Bonus! They're at the same level as Roxy during this season!!! Which could make the Bloom+Roxy arc so much more interesting

And it would make the Fairy Hunters that much more intimidating without trying to pretend that they're magically stronger than Valtor (who is implied to actually have destroyed some planets). They're just smart and creative. They're strength isn't in raw power like Valtor's is, it's in knowing their enemy like the back of their hand and using their magic in creative ways

Make them less like in canon where they just beat the shit out of people and win, and more like actual hunters. Specifically ambush and endurance predators. They collect information before they attack (which means that they give a lot of down time in the season for the vengeance faries while they plan and stalk lol)

Also!! I know I cut Wizards from my rewrite but I'm bringing the word back but in a new context. Wizards are defined as people who can use both witch and fairy magic. I define fairy magic kinda like alta fire bending, and witch magic like the other kinds. Fairy's make their internal magic external, while witches manipulate external magic (Faries can manipulate whatever their the fairy of but that's because it connects to their internal magic, like a fire bender bending pre-existing fire). Haven't decided if they can be born naturally like that or if you have to commit several drastic human rights and ethics violation to aquire that kind of power (to let Valtor's and the Wizards fucked upness speak for itself), but I like it

Ok, I think I've rambled about everything relevant. Thank you for listening to me scream about this idea

#winx club #winx season 4 #wizards of the black circle #rus chatters #winx headcanons #rus has ideas #winx rewrite #long post #fucking long post

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lesbianrobin · 1 year

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3, 8, 15 💕❤️💖

hi jas <3 <3 <3 thank u!

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

i could literally make a bingo sheet for my own fics if i didn't think that would be an embarrassingly self-absorbed act so i shall provide a list that you might potentially make some sort of drinking game from:

steve and robin do some little weirdo thing to demonstrate that they are freakishly close, robin talks about a foreign film that i like, someone dies and people have to process it, steve cries, reference to steve winning prom king, steve cries, steve cries more, somebody else cries, genuinely i cannot write a fic or even a single chapter of a multichapter fic without making somebody cry it's a problem, please help me.

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

oh i've always wanted to write an st fic inspired by "i know the end" by phoebe bridgers! i love the blend of intensely personal emotional turmoil and like the sense of smallness in the universe like you're insignificant but simultaneously feeling like you're maybe the only one in the universe. the surreal pseudo-science fiction vibe. the classic americana. when the sirens sound you'll hide under the floor but i'm not gonna go down with my hometown in a tornado i'm gonna chase it i know i know i know......... either way we're not alone i'll find a new place to be from a haunted house with a picket fence to float around and ghost my friends no i'm not afraid to disappear the billboard said the end is near i turned around there was nothing there yeah i guess the end is here.....

i'd really love to write something kinda surreal and trippy with the st universe i love the idea of hawkins becoming a bit like night vale and bending reality and playing with the idea of converging universes. so i may try to write something like that someday idk i have so many fics in progress already lmao

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

ok so this fic is still in progress but my favorite au's gotta be young strangers. so far it's barely an au i must admit it's Technically all canon compliant and actually my original plan had been for it to be completely canon compliant!! but then s4 came out and the way max and eddie's plots went it became. unfathomable for me to stick to canon.

for those who haven't read young strangers the concept is that steve had an older brother who died prior to the start of the show, and originally i was just going to explore how that impacted his interiority yknow? i was going to focus on him processing and healing from his grief through his relationships with the kids and robin. but then s4 happened. and like max being suicidal and dying/becoming comatose because of the complicated feelings she has about billy's death + having eddie die right there in dustin's arms just seemed far too dark and it was impossible for me to reconcile those things with my goal in this fic. so! in the last half of the fic we're gonna be veering way off-course and i'm really excited for when this semester's over and i have some time to finish it up!!

#asks

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lesbixch · 2 years

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Let me speak my truth . I really do think shion is a lesbian bc the way she talks about men is like SOOOOO incredibly self centered to me it reads like she literally wants the attention and love shes been craving ever since she got permanently relegated to being shion lol. like it does not read ‘i am attracted to men i like this guy for who he is’ it reads as ‘this boy did something nice for me my god im worthy of love i want to feel that care and attention again’ ITS SO . OHHHHHH SHION WE WILL GET U SOME THERAPY . OH GIRL WE WILL GET U SOME SELF WORTH.

like for shion, her first meeting with satoshi is a special wonderful event bc for the first time in YEARS someone stands up for her and takes literal blows and kicks to the face for her. This is the same girl that was locked away in a catholic boarding school against her will AND NOT A SINGLE FAMILY MEMBER TRIED TO STOP IT BTW. shes used to being second best, to her desires being stomped on, her agency being taken away, to being someone whos just NOT worth fighting for. so having someone think her worthy of the kindness of FIGHTING for her is so special to shion. again she doesnt love satoshi for who he is but for what he DOES for her. like she is the most unloved girl in the world she will take ANY scrap of attention and kindness she can get. like she fixated on satoshi patting her head for this reason shes so touch starved any kind gentle touch is a lifeline. its genuinely tragic

FOR SATOSHI. FOR SATOSHI that first meeting is just another tuesday that he puts his physical well-being on the line to help keep a girl safe. Him coming in between the bullies that wanted to beat shion up is quite literally a repeat of what he was doing for satoko day in and day out, putting himself between satoko and her abusive aunt. like its actually sooo fucked up lol? and shion does not even realize this is the thing !!! all thru out meakashi she lambasts satoko for being weak and letting satoshi take the brunt of all this abuse (and if I get into WHY shion hates satoko this much in meakashi I’ll be here for 827949&2$ more words so let me keep it short) when SHION BASICALLY DID THE SAME during their first meeting!!!!!!!!! she let satoshi handle it!!!!!! she did the same thing satoko does and arguably some of her hate for satoko is projection on her part lmfaoooo ITS INCREDIBLY AWFUL AND I LOVE IT and i think its why i just cannot take shion being romantically into satoshi seriously . I just cant! in a sense shes too self absorbed (im saying this in the most loving way possible btw) to actually be into HIM as a person. like its already rough bc both of them are abuse victims who struggle w expressing themselves but shes asking for him to pay attention to her and fix half a lifetimes worth of neglect for her when hes literally in an abusive home himself. like…. *shaking shion from the shoulders* can you please think about how SATOSHI FEELS???

Later on in meakashi she quite literally reflects that maybe she didnt love satoshi and she just used him and for me that was like . THE nail on the coffin like MUCH THE SAME WAY that keiichi ignores satokos agency and kills teppei in tatarigoroshi without thinking about how SHE would feel, shion does the same thing with attacking satoshis little sister not once but TWICE. she feels SOOOO much guilt and she feels soooo helpless and powerless as shion the unloved little sister that she does anything AAANYTHING to try to ease her guilt and feel like she has control. she uses satoshi as a justification so often and just beneath that is her resentment and jealousy of mion, her hate toward her family, and most of all her self hate for how powerless she feels. shion is drowning in self hate it seeps from her every thought and word. its quite literally fascinating to read her arc because every second line she says, she means the opposite. you just cannot take her at her word for so many things and that kinda includes her attraction to men😭😭😭

anyway shion lesbian. All the higurashi girls are wlws btw but i firmly believe shion is a lez . girl we will get u out of comphet hell so help me

#prsnl #sknzkensjiwb #sosbjwjsjs #lziwjueisb #sonzbwnedios #oeidheiid #extra words so none of this shows up in the tag #hwtc #one girl . one stun gun . one dream #thats the shion tag btw

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unpopularly-opinionated · 2 days

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I just want to cleanly describe to you that you consistently engage in behavior that shows you are more interested in having an unpopular opinion then attempting to mentally wrap yourself around a topic and understand it. After scrolling back for two weeks I've repeatedly seen you engaging in absorbing the narrative of others without bothering to check to see if they were right, claiming others are "making up people to be angry about" while they very clearly are showing you the person they are angry at and another half dozen signs that you are more interested in arguing then understanding.

You are very dispassionate towards any problems with your own stances and don't seem particularly intent on acknowledging or addressing them as much as trying to dress down the one you are speaking to, dismissing those problems as if they aren't fundamentally destructive to your supposed belief of being right. More aptly, you just want to be a contrarian.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou_xvXJJk7k

Your response to her statement that trans people being targeted by Nazis is a "fever dream" is to try and argue semantics while she very clearly was just doing what she always does, constantly screeching about how trans people are babies and have never ever been harmed. It's her entire schtick, she deleted the tweet because it was going to get her in actual trouble because it was ACTUAL HOLOCAUST DENIAL.

In short, rethink most of your stances and recognize that you've created this stupid label for yourself that you need to be constantly engaging in unpopular opinions.

You don't need to reply to this because I'm not going to see it or care, but I highly doubt you'll resist the urge as you clearly are taking these unpopular opinions on for a reason, and I think that reason is as transparent as J.K Rowling's holocaust denial.

Man, if you're gonna chastise me for my crimes, at least make sure your example of me committing those crimes actually has me committing those crimes. This entire ask falls apart because the example you chose to hinge it on doesn't even exhibit the issues with me that you brought up.

It's very obvious from the get go that despite trying to make this sound like a generalization of my blog as a whole, it was actually entirely predicated on one single post of mine that ticked you off, clearly well enough that you weren't even capable of coming up with a good excuse as to why it ticked you off.

Like I'm not joking when I say that this reads like you wrote this as you read the thread and then you got to the end of it where your entire argument falls apart because I do the exact opposite of the things you claim I do, but you'd already written all of this out so you just decided to hit send anyways.

Next time, leave it in the drafts, buddy. But anyways, to break this down in earnest:

The reason my URL is what it is is for two reasons:

Back when I originally created this blog in, oh probably 2013-14 I'd say, I used to be way more into fandom spaces than I am now, and when I was coming up with what to call this blog, I recalled how I often tend to have the opposite, less popular opinion on things people enjoy. Not to be ironic, of course, these opinions are completely genuine. The description of my blog actually used to read something like: "The Star Wars Prequel Trilogy is better than the Original Trilogy" to give an example of the kind of unpopular opinions I tend to have.

The reason my URL has stayed as it is for so long now is because of people like you. I cannot express enough how funny it is to me when people dismiss whatever it is I have to say because of my URL. They usually try and attach some hurtful line like "maybe you wouldn't be so unpopular if you blah blah blah". It's endlessly humorous to me because it just goes to show that they don't have an actual leg to stand on in an argument.

As I said though, my opinions are my own first, and unpopular second. Meaning I'm not out here needlessly contradicting people for fun. I do find writing out needlessly long responses to people to be somewhat enjoyable, case in point, but I'd never stoop so low as to be a baseless contrarian.

I actually find this line curious because, if anything, I focus far far too often on the problems in my own stances. Most of the time when I'm staking my claim, it winds up full of numerous caveats where I acknowledge either the failings in my argument, or my own lack of knowledge on a subject. Sure, I don't do it on every single thing I post but I also have a life and don't wish to subject myself or others to me needlessly caveating every single time I make a point. No one sensible does that.

What's funny though is that in the exact post you referenced, I acknowledged and addressed the problem with my argument, that being that we were arguing two completely different points.

Now, of course, to the actual reason you sent me this:

As a short example, J.K Rowling clearly engaged in Holocaust denial and it's very strange you think "that's out of left field for her" considering she has been making friends with those types for years now. Your response to her statement that trans people being targeted by Nazis is a "fever dream" is to try and argue semantics while she very clearly was just doing what she always does, constantly screeching about how trans people are babies and have never ever been harmed. It's her entire schtick, she deleted the tweet because it was going to get her in actual trouble because it was ACTUAL HOLOCAUST DENIAL.

This is why I said it's funny that you chose this post out of everything to use as your example of me supposedly trying to be a needless contrarian, or always be right, while ignoring any problems with my own arguments when I quite literally did none of those things in this one post.

My interaction with that post quite literally ends with me pointing out the fact that I was arguing from a completely different perspective than the person I was arguing with was, and that it was "on me" for not realizing that sooner. When the post called JK Rowling a "Holocaust denier", I was purely arguing from a semantics perspective.

Semantically-speaking, she's not a Holocaust denier. Up until that post however, I wasn't aware there was a legal definition of what it means to be a Holocaust Denier, and that that was the perspective the other person was arguing from. Legally-speaking, I gather that she is in fact a Holocaust Denier, granted I'm not a huge fan of that label being applied since, again semantically-speaking, it doesn't fit. She's more of a Holocaust Revisionist, rather than an outright Denier, but legally-speaking these mean the same thing, so whatever.

In short, rethink most of your stances and recognize that you've created this stupid label for yourself that you need to be constantly engaging in unpopular opinions.

I rethink most of my stances every minute lol. I've stated on numerous occasions that my political opinions have a way of changing with the wind purely because I have a shite memory and quite often just forget what my stance the previous day was.

I also run into this issue of differentiating my pessimistic, optimistic, and realistic opinions from one another. I have completely different opinions based on whether we're talking about the way I want the world to work, the way it does work, or the way it probably will wind up working.

I also don't "engage in unpopular opinions", I engage in my opinions which might not always be the popular one. Very important distinction.

Contrary to your belief about me, I don't actually write this blog solely for yours or others benefit. I don't care if you see this response or not, though given that I know what you're like, I highly doubt you won't troll my blog for this response later.

I also don't care about your weird little goading tactic meant to make this a "win-win" for you, since apparently a win is what you're looking for here. Again, I don't write this blog for you or anyone else. I'm responding to you because I can, and because I want to, nothing else.

Anyways, hope I cleared things up for you, anon. Take care.

#random #anon #asks #anonymous #long post

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sorin-sunchild · 8 months

Note

So the kind of people you don't want around you. are actual harmful bigots who want to kill and oppress minorities and.lets see, normal ass people who hate how normalised pedo and incest shit is on the internet and want ppl to acually be safe??? ok proshitter

The types of people I don't want to talk to are bigots, and still dangerous and unpleasant in their own rights radical extremists who call themselves 'Antishippers'. (This paragraph is also the tl;dr) Look how quickly you jumped to calling me a derogatory name for those who (you view as) directly opposing you! You don't know anything about what I think. You just assumed something about me because that makes it easier to hate me. You probably wouldn't even believe me if I said I don't like those kinds of ships either. Why?

Because to accept that people can disagree with you without directly belonging to the 'opposing group' or displaying certain negative characteristics/viewpoints you've been taught to hate or being bad people in general, are the shades of grey people with black and white mentalities cannot process. It would crumble the foundations of their beliefs to accept that people are complex. Especially when it comes to the imagination. Let's see why antishippers (as a group which suddenly emerged, and thus created a need for an 'opposing' label in the first place) are radicalised extremists. These are all actual signs of radicalisation/a couple of reasons why people become radicalised and how that works in this context (there are more but this post is too long); Being influenced or controlled by a group - Antishippers are themselves a group of course, people who all believe the same thing and use the same label are generally considered a 'group' or 'community'.

But also it is not unknown for 'subgroups' of antishippers to exist, where one or more with strong influences (sometimes an adult claiming to be 'safe' but who really knows when it's so easy to groom children using this 'safe adult' routine AND the community has produced said predators in the past) will usually dictate to others whom they should target for harassment or shaming of some kind. Doing so of course proves you're 'really in the group' you're 'really one of us'. Even if that means you'd have to expose yourself to content you dislike to interact with that person, it is deemed fine for other antis to impose that exposure on you because they're doing it 'for your own good/for the good of the cause' (see below).

Antishippers are frequently judgemental of each other, isolating, alienating and targetting their own members if said member doesn't 'toe the line' of acceptable fictional content absorbed and produced or general opinions on certain things. This creates an enviroment where free expression is not allowed, one must conform to the group or else. Portraying an obsessive/aggressive desire for change or 'something to be done' - You said something that eludes to this yourself. You see the existence of people who simply do not let fiction rule their lives, and understand that people can imagine and create all kinds of awful things whilst also maintaining that these things irl are bad as 'normalising' a certain behaviour. Not only are 'proshitters' not a monolith hivemind creature where everyone is the same*, they also do not carry that much power (but to admit the enemy isn't a threat would undermine the group, of course). Laws against acts like CSA and incest are not going away because somebody online drew Sans and Papyrus boning (pun intended).

Yet! Many antis strut around acting like there has been some kind of...rise, in the acceptability of certain taboo sexual acts purely based of online niche fictional content. If you're seeing genuine adult-minor or incest stuff a lot, you are in the wrong circles because I basically never see it and neither do many people I know. So, why all the anger from antis? The aggression towards others? Encouraging suicide, victim blaming, group harassment, attempts at or successful physical harm? What do you want to actually do, actually change? It's not about protecting minors. It's about controlling others until they agree with the group, or don't exist any more.

*'Us versus Them mentality' in which the opposing group is seen as not/less than human/lesser than the 'good' group - When I say 'Antishippers' I mean it as a name for the general group/mentality. I fully accept that there are people who label themselves antis to escape harassment, to follow what everyone else is doing without really understanding it, due to misunderstandings of what it means, or because they've been radicalised and aren't actually bad people or engaging in the worst of the behaviour they're just kind of 'there' being held by the group. That is not the way Antis behave about proshippers, neutralshippers, comshippers, anti-antis etc etc etc. The list of 'enemies' is never ending (and they are all secretly the same and absolutely always think x or do y etc). Whilst the list of allies contains only the group.

Therefore, you must stay with 'us' to be safe from 'them'. It's even popular/common to perpetuate rumours/propaganda about how the enemy works and thinks which are then used to radicalise others. As well as creating more and more rules about what is and isn't acceptable (see the idea that even real people can be 'minor coded', that an age gap of two years is unacceptable, that aging up is still pedophilia and that fans get to decide how old a character is based on the artists art style etc) to both create more enemies and close the iron fist just a bit tighter around those who wish to gain the approval of the group.

Things like 'proshipper is short for problematic shipper' (it's not, pro is just the opposite of anti and we are not getting into why the word problematic needs to be put on shelf until people start to use it correctly). Or proshipper = pedophile which is just a massive stretch/jump in logic and just statistically improbably - come to mind as popular antishipping propaganda. Do you really think people, anyone, would run blogs/accounts dedicated explicitly and openly to harassing people online who don't belong to the group? Of wanting them to kill themselves or be killed by the group? That they would happily delight in the idea of having caused someone to commit suicide? That they would mock or fakeclaim somebodies irl CSA story? That they would enact mass harassment campaigns, spread rumours, accuse people of being pedophiles, mass report people to get their accounts deleted, dox them and in extreme cases create sexually explicit RPF of those they hate, try to give somebody needle laced cookies etc if they actually viewed these people as actually people, equal individuals with rights and complexities - they just happen to not like what the person does fictionally? No. Yet these things have been done. The online stuff is happening right now, across the internet, as I type and anyone reads. Antis are naturally hostile because they believe in this less than human enemies, because they've been made to believe it. Usually by somebody who actually does believe it, and wishes for everyone else to conform because clearly you're too dumb to know what's actually right and wrong (see my first point). There's also an awful lot of ableism, misogyny and other negative viewpoints like again, victim blaming and suicide encouragment that is actually ignored because the group is always in the right but those things done by the enemy are wrong. Spending an increasing amount of time online and spreading extremist views online - I don't think I even have to explain this one. This might come as a surprise, but being online should be an enjoyable experience. I'm not saying never keep on track of world events that are negative or acting to harm and oppress. I'm not saying never speak out about these things. What I am saying is...for as 'normal' as antis want to say they are, if you're spending a lot or any in fact time online hating on somebodies fictional ship instead of just blocking tags and moving on that's not 'normal'. Or good for you, for that matter. You're just going to become so consumed by it that the group has full control over you. Remember, these ships do not influence real harm happening. These is no actual genuine proof that they do. You are being lied to, tricked, swindled and manipulated into believing it so others can decide how you should think and control your online presence. Don't become like them. Desire for status, need to dominate - These 'safe adults' who seem to run Discords full of minors like that's not sus especially when you're directing them to accounts with porn on it, asking them to share their sexual preferences because you are 'safe' and gathering info and 'face reveals' on them. Also just in general, some people just become antis because it allows them to aggressively dominate those who aren't antis and nobody in the group finds their maliciousness weird.

Need for identity, meaning and belonging - From ex-antis, it can be deduced that yes, a lot of antis experience this. Or just from the way some speak about the group and those opposing it. I get it, I really do. Feeling part of a group who is objectively 'right' and doing something noble, protective, good for the world especially vulnerable groups...that sounds amazing. You could really build a home there, in that idea. You are good, you are good because you are part of this group, end of story. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. No identity makes somebody automatically good. It's your actions, and the actions of those you choose to defend, which determine the harm you cause or allow to be caused. This is a really hard pill to swallow especially because there will likely be many redeeming qualities to people you've befriended in the group and it's just hard to self-evaluate and realise you've been wrong. Nobody and nothing exists in a void. Those who wish to prey on you because you want to belong, you need to feel like somebody good, like you're doing something with your life - they don't actually care about you. That's why it seems so easy to piss them off sometimes, to be excluded which them creates fear and pushes you closer because you can't possibly lose your group. You've made it your whole identity now. Who are you without antishipping? So what if you're telling people to kill themselves, or laughing as somebody is doxxed and cries about it on TikTok? You're good because the group says you are good, and if the group says you are good then you're not alone. But you can just...not be an anti, actually. You don't have to 'pick a side'. There's lots of people who will happily be your friends the moment you stop revolving around shipping discourse and start just enjoying being in the fandom. I promise fiction can be just fun and you can protect yourself from stuff you don't like. You're not wrong for feeling what you feel just knowing it's out there, it's the actions and mentality which isn't valid.

I could go on, honestly, but this post is already long and exhausting. I wouldn't have even answered if you hadn't also sent those follow up 'kill yourself' messages. Sorry for everyone else who has to see this.

#long post #shipping discourse

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cutlikediamonds · 9 months

Text

8/6/23

how many times do i have to have a mental breakdown about needing my own space and boundaries before you stop fucking breaking them without my permission. how many times are you gonna pretend to understand and learn when it happens just to act as if it never happened and keep disrespecting me in the same exact ways over and over.

i dont care that 'i can say no' i dont care that its on me to fucking communicate my needs or whatever the fuck, has it ever fucking occured to you that i am actually constantly fucking communicating my needs and you just absolutely refuse to fucking pick up on it or bother to learn how to read me at all.

you dont get to just take up my space as if you are entitled to it. you dont get to have a fucking attitude when i say no. you never fucking ask and when i fucking BEG you to and you finally ask its first of all, only a negotiation for you not actually fucking asking, as if you dont actually give a shit about my comfort youre just playing nice to get what you want, you make it impossible for me to say no without looking like a villain. you dont get to set me up like that. you are not entitled to me. you are not fucking entitled to me. i am not a child anymore. you do not get to disrespect me so blatantly.

you make it impossible to say no and then second of all even if i do you shame me for it and storm off as if i was the unreasonable one when youre the one who cannot take a fucking hint. you guilt trip me for finally snapping as if im not defending myself as if you didnt push me to that point as if it was a game or a joke to you. its not me being mean or moody its you refusing to see how much youre making me uncomfortable.

"you get so moody when people are just confused" "you never hang out with me" "youre being mean right now" you dont get to say these things. you dont. i actually dont fucking care if me saying no hurts your feelings. you dont get to minimize my feelings like that as if im an unreasonable child throwing a tantrum, im a fucking adult and my own fucking person, you dont get to tell yourself that im being a brat to make yourself feel better. we arent fucking kids. when i say no to something it isnt an invitation to try to convince me to say yes, it isnt a challenge. its a no. its so demeaning to assume that i dont know what i want or need or that my words hold no weight. i am not asking for your opinion. when i say no you have to respect it. you have to.

i dont care if im hard to read anymore. i spent years making excuses for you by telling myself that, that its my fault for not being clear enough or brave enough. but its not my fucking fault. i am clear. i am brave. you just dont have any respect for me and that is your fault not mine. im done bending over backwards to be heard when you arent even trying to listen. im done being convinced that im so hard to understand and so high maintenance when i know that im not and i have people in my life who handle me better to prove that. i am not difficult. and you do not deserve my patience and understanding anymore, youve had 19 years to learn how to read me.

im done catering to learning your language and how you see things and adapting to you to keep the peace. you have to fucking suck it up and adapt to me sometimes whether you understand or not and you dont get to dangle it over me when you do as if it was some noble deed and i now owe you one cuz i dont. and if you just cant fucking do that i dont even know what to tell you, grow up. the world doesnt revolve around you.

when i say no its no. when i say stop you stop. stop making me blow up in order for you to listen, listen the fucking first time. you are a grown woman you dont get to play that fucking dumb, you dont get to be that self-absorbed. fucking do better, its actually not that hard. learn how to apologize while youre at it cuz i genuinely cant remember the last time you did and it has been warranted so many times.

... okay i had to get all that out.

i am so tired of being here its actually so draining. my therapist keeps asking me why im not doing things like working this summer, how the fuck am i supposed to do things like that exactly? when im stuck in my childhood home and sleeping on a couch cuz i dont have a bedroom anymore with all these people who are so convinced they know me and have certain expectations of me that are so far-off from who i actually am? how am i supposed to function or breathe easy let alone, what, get a job? go out more? be productive? im barely a person right now. im a concept to these people and one they think they have ownership over. i cant even think when im here, i cant even feel, i cant breathe.

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pochx · 2 years

Text

don't actually read this please

idk what it is about the confessional of a small (semi) private space online to say shit u really should not tell people so openly that works so much better than my actual journal but uh.

it helps!

anyway. fr this is confessional shit that i'll talk about w/ the new therapist i'm trying to see if it comes up but

i'm that bitch who causes problems and is so good at slow burning bridges. like it's the self prophecy idk why but that's the hardest thing for me to stop myself from doing. my anxiety and fear latches onto one small thing and i make it real because idk! idk.

also wtf is happening outside. whatever, it's distracting

but god it just came out of nowhere this small fear. this small concern that first sprouted during some other deeply anxiety fueled misery moment. and now it's all i can think about. it is all i can think about.

but like god. i'm no fun. i just. i'm barely even here man, barely. when people think of their best moments, the best memories. i have never been in a single one. and not like i have to be but, i just. don't leave that mark on people, they don't have those moments with me because i'm just not that person. and the self actualization or w/e and i make it true, i'm just a fucking drag y'know?

also like. literally random but and different it came to me tonight so like. because of this constant fear right? and delusional tendencies of me to my relationships but idk if ppl realize how heavily i have to rely on what they directly say to me to prevent even MORE constant fear and whatnot. but someone recently (a month ago) said to me "i know my word might not mean much but..." and like damn

it actually really fucking did until then and also now. like i have full confidence and will take ppl on their words because i have to. i cannot play guessing or indirect games, i will be direct and i will assume u are too (do i tend to say things matter less than they do? yes but it matters little for you and more for me to change how i react/feel) but saying that just. ruins the confidence i had in your word until then.

also this last bit is just me whining and being insecure but i can tell that my writing is no good okay and that others think so. i know. a few decent lines or some snarky humor here and there isn't enough. and i'm relatively okay with that but its more frustrating to be told otherwise. i can show u what i write but the radio silence is enough okay. the polite dodging of making any comment beyond something else or the one small good line that there is. it's mediocre and i wish we could just go with that. or that people only ask about my silly oc because they want to be polite or w/e and that no one else literally cares or thinks the same oc w the same concept is interesting. like mint chocolate and mint with brownies are the same thing essentially i know.

sorry.

that's mean. and unfair.

things aren't great mentally. they never are but it's really bad and i'm trying to start getting some help. i just. need to be a genuine selfish dick for a bit (even more than i already am<3 self absorbed icon<3)

whatever. it's okay. my birthday is next month and, i'm sure it'll be forgotten again. i'll just keep being the little clown i am and accept what i'm given because it's not like i can ask people to change their habits for me right?

again. sorry. not what i normally actually feel or think. i just need this moment to be a dick.

(actually what i really need is to stop being a jug with the bottom cut out so the care that ppl give me isn't instantly lost but u know. sometimes a bitch just needs to be told that ppl are glad to have them in their life over and over again and that they do something that actually somehow improves it) (this is too much. it is needy. it is insecure and like a baby without object permanence. it will be annoying if not already)

wow. uh that was long. whoops. really hope no one read this. quite pathetic innit? bit much really.

#ig i cant stop anyone but just uh.#yea it's personal stuff and etc etc #anyways cheers to being the same unchanging bitch for the most part right #also its 1 am....i did not finish my hw thats due b4 class tmrrw. ig no book reading b4 class bc i gotta do that instead

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wallflowerimagines · 3 years

Note

Could you maybe write something with an s/o that is super hands on? Like, if they wanna see Moreau's cool teeth or Heisenberg's scars they'll really get all up in their business, grab their faces and take a look? They're not mean, just curious and handsy

PS, this Anon sent an update for all 4 Lords plus The Duke!!!! So first time duke imagine add on, let's get handsy!

Alcina Dimitrescu

Please keep your hands out of her mouth, Darling.

Alcina is... barely tolerant of this behavior, but also a little amused. You are fascinated by her canines, despite the fact that they aren't particularly sharp or pointed like you keep assuming they are. You have this image of "vampires" I your head, and while Alcina is close to certain stereotypes, she doesn't meet all of them-- specifically the sharp teeth. You cannot seem to get over it, no matter how hard you try.

She will occasionally indulge this little habit of yours, but it's mostly because she loves you. Keep your hands clean and your nails clipped, or else she'll flick your fingers away.

Still, as much as she loves you, Alcina does have her limits when being poked and prodded.

She will only let you do it in private. Alcina won't let you stick your fingers in her mouth in public-- it's not appropriate or befitting of her station.

If you're too enthusiastic, she will playfully nibble on your fingers as a warning, and lick up the small bead of blood that comes from the cut. Is that vampiric enough for you? After all, you taste divine, Darling.

If you're so fixated on the fact that her teeth aren't as long as they are "supposed to be", well, Alcina is happy to show you the error of your ways💕💕

She will definitely use your fixation as an opening excuse for intimacy. I hope you're ready for it...

Donna Beneviento

Not okay with it.

Donna's veil isn't just for mourning-- she's also cripplingly self conscious of the scar on her face, and the Cadou mutation did not help her self esteem at all.

If you try to run your hands over her mutation, especially without warning her first? Donna will just shut down. Normally Donna and Angie will both chat and spend time with you, but after this Donna will completely back away from the relationship, and let Angie take over for her completely.

Angie is her safety net, after all. And you've just crossed a boundary she was not ready for, or even aware that you wanted to cross.

You have to explain that you mean no harm, but even then it's not a great scenario. Donna regresses almost completely if you don't warn her beforehand. You're back to communicating through Angie until you give her a genuine, meaningful apology.

You really need to push the idea that 1) you love her unconditionally and the scar will not affect that, and 2) you were only interested in touching it because you love her so much and you want to be familiar with every part of her.

Essentially: Always, always ask for consent with Donna before you go poking around. She can be alright with it in specific circumstances, but never assume, and never engage unless you have explicit permission. She needs to psych herself up beforehand.

(Still, if you ask and then press a kiss to the writhing mass that she hates so much, she will absolutely cry. There's something about that gesture that really gets across how much you adore her. It's... reassuring. Safe. It makes Donna feel adored, unconditionally. You love her to pieces, and this a gesture that reaffirms that.)

Salvatore Moreau

You... want to mess around inside his mouth? That's a little--WAIT HOLD ON NOT YET!!!

You have to warn him first, for your safety.

Moreau's mouth is full of acid, and as much as you want to get all up in there to check out his neat chompers, you have to warn him first so he can make sure you can examine him safely.

He's proud of his mutation, to a certain extent. The fact that you love him not only despite it, but because of it? It strokes his ego a little bit.

Still, he wants you to be safe. No sticking your hands in there without warning! Moreau would never forgive himself if he hurt you, so do give him a heads up if you want to take a dive in his mouth.

If he's feeling brave, he might actually use this as an excuse for intimacy like Alcina. He might wrap his tongue around your fingers or pull you in for a kiss if he wants too. You've got this focused expression on your face, and it's entirely centered on him... Salvatore couldn't resist even if he wanted to 💗

If you choose to mess around with the growths on his back, it's a little less romantic. They are very painful some days, and unless you are giving him a massage he will say no. It's not because he doesn't trust you! But Moreau needs to manage the pain, and depending on how bad the pain is on that specific day, that means you can't touch his back. Just remember to ask beforehand, and you're golden 💛

Karl Heisenberg

Hell YES

Heisenberg isn't self conscious about his body at all, to be honest. Sure he has scars, and while not All of them have good memories associated with them, he has a surprisingly healthy mindset about them. The scars are there because he's alive. He survived everything life threw at him, and he's still going strong.

While he won't tell you all the stories behind his scars, he will share the more palatable experiences. Some are from dumb mistakes he's made while doing metalwork, and he's more than happy to tell you the less painful stories when you have your hands all over him.

Because, yes, that is the best part about this whole thing. You cannot keep your hands off of him, and it is EXCELLENT. Karl loves it. He's a pretty handsy guy himself (to the point where you're starting to suspect he's a little touch starved), so he does not mind that you return the favor.

You trace his scars with this focused expression that's just so entirely absorbed, so fascinated, Karl gets hit with this weird mix of fondness for you and pride in himself. Seeing you so absorbed in him and his body makes him really want to do the same with you. He wants to return the favor.

The light touches you give his torso are so delicate... It makes him feel important and valuable to you.

Honestly, it's almost intoxicating. Heisenberg will absolutely trail off in the middle of a sentence if you run a hand across his chest. The feel of your hands on his body is so, so good. He likes physical contact with you, but if you specifically trace his scars? All bets are off.

9 times out of 10 he just can't hold back and pulls you in for a make out session. The last 1 out of 10 has a tendency to... escalate😈

The Duke

More than happy to indulge your impulses.

You being handsy is something that the Duke actually really enjoys. He likes to keep you nearby, and when you seem so obsessed with running your hands all over him it's much easier to keep you close and safe💖

You're the most focused on his hands and fingers because...uh...whoo... something about him with all those rings just really does it for you???

It's really nice to weave your fingers in between his, giving little kisses to the inside of his wrist or the tips of his fingers, and the Duke is always happy to oblige.

It's very charming, watching you coddle his hands like they're something precious. He feels a little overwhelmed by the reverence in each gesture, so he does his best to repay the favor.

The Duke will definitely smooch the tips of your fingers to reciprocate any affection you give him, and the kisses will continue up your arms, past your shoulder, and climb up to your mouth. It's a half silly, half romantic, but 100% genuine.

He loves you, and it's always entertaining to watch you squirm in anticipation as his kisses slowly approach your eager lips. The waiting is half the fun💕

#lady dimitrescu x reader #alcina dimitrescu x reader #donna beneviento x reader #lady beneviento x reader #salvatore moreau x reader #lord moreau x reader #karl heisenburg x reader #lord heisenburg x reader #re8 #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #resident evil #the duke x reader #the duke resident evil #alcina dimitrescu #donna beneviento #salvatore moreau #karl heisenberg

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rayofsunas · 3 years

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otherworldly! s/o

A/n: happy monday! I woke up at 7am and since then I've been grinding out assignments/classes and now this, so I actually feel productive even though I've been staring at my computer for a while. but thank you for requesting anon! I enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoy reading it! <33 also to understand this more, I'd like to point out that this connects to the speculation Genshin and Honkai are alternate universes of one another. so for example, Scaramouche is a harbinger from his time, but he may have been a warlord in a different, with a completely different name (keeping his appearance ofc) hope that makes sense. so if you've paid attention to what I've been saying about Scara and his mini-series, etc. you'll understand what I mean in Scara's lol. his reader insert is fem for the same reason as above btw!

Summary: otherworldly! s/o who arrived as a fallen meteor, that can bring back plants to life/heal deep wounds/scars and resurrect people.

Parings: Albedo/Gn! Reader, Xiao/Gn! Reader, Scaramouche/Fem! Reader

Warnings: swearing, fluff, alternate realities/time traveler au! (reader is not the traveler), death/resurrection

Word count: 1.7k

Albedo

you don't have a vision like some people in Teyvat, because you're not from there; you're from a whole different world itself. instead, you have healing abilities that allow you to any energy you absorb in the form of food/sunlight, and you can use that energy to heal others. though, the healing can only go as far as healing minor injuries such as shallow cuts, scratches, or smoothing out scars. the same can work if you were to heal yourself.

Albedo is so intrigued when he finds you passed out in the pit of a meteor, half of your body hanging out while the other is awkwardly still in it

one, because who is this stranger in a meteor for crying out loud

and two, he notices your wounds on your arms are healing by themselves, slowly though

as someone who studies alchemy, life forms, and such, he's very intrigued that you're able to heal yourself without medicine, and he wonders if you can do the same to others

so he takes you to his lab, and runs a few tests

yes, you're still passed out when this happens, but he's just so curious and couldn't hold back

don't worry though, he's just drawing some blood and testing to see what you can do, because who knows, you may not even speak his language and won't be able to communicate with him (doesn't make a difference Albedo, you need COnSENT-)

so, just for science, he cuts the palm of his hand a little and decides to see if you can heal him

it doesn't take him long to notice the way the tips of your fingers are glowing a light greenish-yellow, so he immediately assumes that's the source of your powers and places a finger on his palm

it takes a second before anything happens, but eventually his cut starts to slowly close

once again he's even more shocked and intrigued

you have the natural ability and he's never come across someone with so much raw strength being able to do that

so you're right up his alley

when you wake up you're confused as hell (obviously) but thankfully, you can speak his language and are able to share your story

Albedo decides to make a deal with you

he'll help you get home if you can educate him more about your ability and your homeland. you agree

it works out perfectly, because you both have something the other needs/can do for the other (you have your power that he's interested in, and he's found a way for you to return home)

it's also easy to work together because of those same common interests, and it helps that he studies alchemy cause he's way more knowledgeable about you and the process can go a tiny bit quicker for you if you wish to return home sooner

at first you're merely friends, co-workers if you wish

but then he starts falling for you and vice versa

you both genuinely enjoy each others company, so you decide to stay in Teyvat a little while longer, even after he finds a way for you to go home

I wouldn't put it past Albedo to want to return to your world if you allow it

he'd be interested in this new or not so new world ;)

Xiao

you're like the traveler in a sense, where as soon as you climbed out of the meteor, you felt this connection to Teyvat and your vision randomly appeared. you have a dendro vision, something you learned was a rarity within liyue and mondstadt. along with that vision, you had the previous ability to grow/heal plants. you can bring back dead plants, though if they've been dead for a very long time, that's beyond your ability. they also can't be brought back if they've been badly burned.

Xiao may not be interested at first about what vision you have or even where you came from + why the hell you climbed out of a meteor

he's more interested in getting you home so you can stop asking questions about his own abilities/vision and odd, unfamiliar, but beautiful world

but boy when he catches you bringing back a wilted Glaze Lily?!? shook

he secretly thinks you're so cool and it piques his interest

he's never seen anyone do this before, and though his eyes were deceiving him when he first saw the lily spring to life again

but then when he catches you healing more plants, on your way to Liyue to hopefully find Zhongli for answers, he's so interested

he doesn't ask a crapload of questions, BUT he's going to ask at least one or two

"how're you doing that?"

"what are you?

the questions are kind of vague and require more in-depth explanations than he'd originally hoped, but he's surprisingly willing to listen to your story on the way to the harbor

after he learns your story and calls for Zhongli, he'll immediately leave and claim he has no further interests in you

but he's obviously lying

he finds as he's sitting on top of one the smaller mountains one night, looking down at the glowing Liyue town, he has more questions

way more questions

surprising Zhongli, Xiao shows appears when he's showing you around and getting you accustomed to the people/culture

he finds himself hoving behind you, shyly almost, never asking questions (at least not in Zhongli's presence

his reason for standing behind you is to protect you from any harm, so that way, when he decides to ask you more questions, you'll be there for him to do so and not dead or lost

when you tell Zhongli you'd wish to stay in Teyvat, specifically Liyue, Xiao is happy ngl

he can ask you questions and now that you're somewhat used to Liyue, having been here for four months already and planning to stay forever, he can catch you alone and ask questions without Zhongli hovering or acting as your tour guide lol

slowly, and I mean sluggishly slow, he's going to ask you more questions and he may, emphasis on may, tell you his own story

Scaramouche

you're from an alternate reality of Teyvat, a former doctor in your world. basically, Teyvat hundreds of years in the future. you've studied the human body to become a doctor obviously and you used to be able to bring back the dead using your bare hands. it didn't matter how far back ago they've died, as long as their full-body was still intact (full skeleton needed). though, the further back they died, the more energy you'd use, and if you run out of energy too soon, you couldn't bring them back. but now in this strange land, you can't. in exchange for your powers being lost, you're given an electro vision.

Scaramouche is tasked with finding out more about these odd meteors that keep appearing in various corners of Teyvat

and one very large one

he doesn't care who you are, what you are, what your excuse for being in Teyvat is, but he's been ordered to explore the fallen meteor and since you happened to be passed out inside it upon further exploration, you're part of the mystery he's been told to check out

and, it doesn't further help your situation that you landed in Snezhnaya, in the weirdest, not-so-warm clothing AND he finds you attractive (yes, you heard it here folks), plus you're going to catch hypothermia out here dressed like that

it would suck for a pretty girl such as yourself to be frozen to death

so Scaramouche decides to take you to the Tsaritsa, who leaves you in Scaramouche's care since he found you

she says he can do whatever he wants you, dispose of you, etc.

when you finally come too in an odd room on a couch in front of a fireplace, you're confused, cold as hell despite the flames, and when you see his face, you're immediately angered, which he finds odd

it's almost as if you recognize him... but he doesn't recognize you so he's confused as well

"what're you doing here?"

bold of you, he thinks. to question him with that tone as if you have authority here, over him

"watch yourself. I was going to ask you the same."

you don't seem too pleased with him though

"we agreed to never speak again, or so I thought..."

"are you stupid or are you just playing the stupid card to be released?" he'd say

though as soon as you burst and yell at him about a situation he's not familiar with, he's starting to understand a bit more

you're not from here, not anywhere in Teyvat at least, and by the way you're talking to him as if you know him, he assumed correctly that you're from an alternate reality, where he's also present

though despite his correct assumption, he demands answers and you cannot be allowed any kind of freedom until he gets them

you tell him your story and how in your world, a version of himself exists and that you were briefly married, though split because he was too much of a control/power freak for you and your daughter

he disagrees with the last part about him being a control/power freak ofc but

he decides he'll keep you around, against your wishes

one, because you can become useful if your resurrection abilities are awoken; you'd be able to save many fallen Fatui soldiers, with more training so you don't run out of energy ofc

and two, he doesn't think his other self would miss you very much if you're both on bad terms, he sure would miss such a pretty face if you were to leave though, that's for sure...

so, he's going to keep you around, so he can help train/get used to your electro vision. it works best that way since he has the same vision and can train you more efficiently (I think Scara has electro powers, just an assumption!)

he will also hopefully be able to awaken your resurrection abilities and if you can't, well then sorry you're disposable

overtime, all the Harbingers tease him about his little crush and he either denies it or strongly provokes it cause his ego is through his fucking hat

exhibit a. literally doesn't care that he's caught by childe staring at you train and will say something like, "and? you're just jealous she's not interested in you like she is me."

exhibit b. will throw a fit if someone accuses him and says he has, "no room for crushes or love." even if he was somewhat capable of it in your world...

3.22.21, rayofsunas

#rayofsunas #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #albedo #albedo x reader #xiao #xiao x reader #scaramouche #scaramouche x reader

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tamago-tamago · 3 years

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little acts of love

what are some little things that the genshin boys would do to show that they love you? sometimes, there are acts of affection that aren't so obvious to the human eye alone.

characters: diluc, kaeya, xiao, albedo

genre: fluff, gender neutral

a/n: hey, hey, this is my first genshin headcanon, please let me know your thoughts:)

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Diluc ❣

he would pat your head

whether he's simply passing by or watching you work hard on whatever task you have at hand, he always feels inclined to give you a pat on the head

it's nothing extravagant, really

but, he finds that it delivers a sense of reassurance and the pride that swells in his heart when he sees you — feelings that he normally finds difficult to convey through words

as he's quite a tall person, i think it also comes naturally to him

he wants to protect you, and the way you always lean into his touch reminds him that you understand that

it's almost become a thing between you two, whenever you'd run up to see him, he'd greet you with a smile and a small pat on the head

whenever he holds you, he feels like he has the whole world in his hands (which he firmly believes he actually does)

and you, you love the warmth of his touch

he would leave small gifts

diluc may constantly be absorbed in his work, but there's almost never a moment where you leave his thoughts

he'd be walking down the streets or around the winery and suddenly think, "ah! they would surely love this" or "huh, this reminds me of that one time they stupidly tripped down a hill"

and he would promptly be reminded about the million reasons why he loves you

up until today, there's hardly been a time where he came home without something in hand

sometimes it's a small flower that he thought would match your outfit today, sometimes he goes out of his way to buy you some materials that he knows you've been needing recently

whatever it is, the effort that goes into getting you these gifts is always worth it if he gets to see the bright smile on your face

Kaeya ❣

he would keep an arm around you

oftentimes it's around your shoulder, sometimes it's around your waist

wherever you go, kaeya loves to keep you close to him

maybe it's because there's a deep-rooted fear that you may disappear if he doesn't cherish you enough, yes, that point still stands

but! more than that, it's simply because he loves being near you

he can't get enough of your beauty, your lovely voice and cute smile — he's absolutely drunk on you

he would openly admit that he also likes showing you off too

he wants to make sure that everyone knows just how great of a person you are, so that they could shower you in the praise that you deserve

this man would never leave your side unless he has to

he would let his guard down

everyone knows kaeya for his smug personality, there's almost never a moment where he's not acting haughty

but there are times where even he gets tired of keeping that act

and those times are when he's with you

of course, he still pulls out a joke and teases you from time to time (he can't help it, it's practically in his blood), but he's also a lot calmer and relaxed when you're together

or should i say, he becomes soft

he doesn't feel the responsibility of being the cavalry captain or the pressure of being, well, kaeya

at least the kaeya that the rest of mondstadt thinks he is

he knows he's popular and that some people have mixed feelings about him, but he has complete trust into you, knowing that you love him for who he actually is — both the personality he projects, and the quieter one he keeps hidden

Xiao ❣

he would watch you as you leave

xiao's primary job is to protect liyue, so this makes sense

you are just as important (if not, more) to him, so he would do anything in his power to keep you safe

but of course, there is an extent to his doting, he understands your individuality and knows you're very capable of taking care of yourself

though that doesn't stop him from sitting on the roof of wangshu inn and watching your figure retreat into the distance

he'd sit there and watch you until you were out of his sight

this means even if you stop to talk with other travellers or merchants along the way, or if you get off track because you've spotted the resources you've been needing recently

xiao's a patient man, and not a single ounce of him would complain about that; all that matters is that you're safe

he also finds it cute when you spot a familiar face and get all happy, though he can't understand how you could possibly be excited about meeting someone

he would kiss you when you're asleep

or maybe... you weren't actually asleep but he thought you were asleep !?!?

speculations aside, i think this is the vulnerable side he would only show in private

we all know he doesn't really care for relationships or as he calls it "mutual understanding", so falling in love was already something really big for him

but seeing you asleep, sometimes on his lap, or against his chest, or next to him in bed, he can't stop the urge to plant a soft kiss on your forehead

he literally cannot stop it; the warm buzz in his chest and the way his heart warms as he kisses you

only being near you quells those feelings

sometimes you stir in your sleep because of him, so he'd spend the next while gently stroking your head to lull you back to sleep

Albedo ❣

he would trust you

okay look, that might not sound like much, but to an alchemist who's always making sure that everything is precise and accurate, it's difficult to find someone that he doesn't have to be wary of while conducting experiments

add on that internal battle he's constantly having with himself, it's relieving to finally have someone that he can be himself around; he doesn't have to keep his guard up

whenever you enter the lab, he doesn't have to pause his current experiment to accommodate to your presence

usually, he'd have to stop, so that he could focus and discuss matters with whoever came in without interruptions

however, you both have this mutual agreement that if you came in while he was working, he didn't have to worry about diverting his attention — he could finish it and as soon as he does, he would give you all the attention in the world

he appreciates that you genuinely listen to his speculations about life as most people tend to brush off his rambling and nonsense

he would constantly draw you

as an artist, albedo knows the importance of occasional practice and warm-ups to ensure his skills don't get rusty

so why not practice on you?

to him, you were the perfect model, he was fascinated by every single detail of your body and he thought you always moved with elegance

he doesn't think he would ever get bored of drawing the same thing over and over again, because he learns something new about you every single day

and most of the time, you aren't even aware that he's sketching you

he'd quietly sit at a distance and watch as you carry on with your own work

by the time you're done, his page would be full of small sketches

if you nudge him, he might give in and show you those drawings, but oftentimes, he keeps them to himself

he's sure you already know how beautiful you are, and if not, then boy oh boy is he whipping out the sketchbook

#genshin impact #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact headcanons #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin scenarios #genshin headcanons #diluc #kaeya #albedo #xiao #genshin impact fluff #genshin fluff

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deerestapologies · 3 years

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5 times you called him by a pet name + one time he called you by a pet name

(Diluc + Zhongli x GN!Reader)

Diluc

1. "Oh, hey hon." You greet mildly.

The candles have begun burning a bit low, the long shadows making his pout even more obvious.

"I apologize, I was held up for longer than anticipated."

He produces a small bouquet from his coat, a cluster of wildflowers, and approaches like he's about to give an offering instead of a gift. He kneels by your chair, face stoic as usual, but you can see the worry and shame in his eyes.

You twirl the stems to absorb their delicate scent, and then carefully drop them in your water glass. You cup his face in your hands, and press a kiss to his brow.

"It's okay." You kiss his brow again, "I am not mad." You kiss his nose. "I am hungry though."

You laugh lightly at his rush to sit across from you. An evening eating cold roast was worth being able to spend it with him.

2. "I understand your frustration, but perhaps we had best move on." You place a hand on his crossed arms.

"Their behavior was unacceptable, especially for those who would call themselves knights."

The stubborn clench of his jaw tells you just how angry he is. The idiots were lucky to have only gotten the verbal bludgeoning earlier instead of the literal one he wanted to dish out.

"Yes, but you've already made them apologize, and they do seem repentant," the fool knights in training nod frantically, "so why not leave this mess for Kaeya, darling?"

He sighs, but loosens his posture to wrap a protective arm around you. The hell the Knights were going to catch for this was still to come, but at least no one lost any limbs. Yet.

3. Tucked into your pile of pillows, book in hand, you waited as you do most nights. Diluc had a late meeting scheduled after dinner, but he promised it was truly to do with the winery and not of the vigilante variety.

So you bide your time, until you hear his heavy boots come up the stairs.

"I'm home." He calls softly.

"Welcome back." You say just as softly.

He goes through the motions of undressing, refreshing himself, and redressing without missing a beat, but his posture seems wilted. You mark your page, and turn over the blanket for him.

"How did it go?"

He heaves a deep sigh, and crawls over to you. Pulling you close, he lays his head on your chest but doesn't say another word.

"Oh, sweetness." You embrace him, one hand holding his face and the other in his hair. "It's okay. I've got you."

4. You lengthen your steps, but the increased pace doesn't seem to deter the boy following you. He isn't dangerous per se, but his persistence is damned annoying.

"But, if you'll just listen," he jogs back up to your side, "I just need your help for a little while!"

"I am neither a Knight nor an Adventurer," you cut him off with a sharp wave of your hand, "And you have nothing I want. Now leave me be."

He sputters, "M-master Diluc said-"

As if he's had his tongue plucked out, he suddenly stops talking.

You turn around only to find Diluc himself, a stifling hand on the kid's shoulder. His face is a stoic mask as always, but his energy is thunderous.

"I agreed to help you out of deference to your mother, but you," You see the boy wince as the hand tightens, "failed to listen to a word I said. Harassing my staff and my partner has only earned you banishment from all of my properties. Now go, before I report you to the Knights as well."

You both stand stock still as the boy sprints from the winery back to Mondstadt proper.

"Your going to report him anyways, right?" You mumble, after he is just a speck on the horizon.

"Of course," He finally relaxes his stance to look at you, "Though I doubt Jean will be happy about it."

Your chuckle, already imagining her face when the letter reaches her desk. Heaving a sigh, just grateful for the problem to have moved on, you grab Diluc's hand.

"Thank you," You pull him into a tight hug, "for protecting me as always, angel."

5. You gently rap on the door frame to his office. He looks up from his work just long enough to give you a soft smile.

"I was wondering," You lean against the frame, avoiding actually entering lest you get sucked in as well, "If my dear husband was going to come to bed tonight?"

The bright lamp on his desk means you see his blush even from across the room. He huffs an embarrassed laugh, but starts shuffling paperwork into orderly piles.

"I hadn't realized the time, my apologies."

You hum, "It is understandable. But I cannot rest if you are not in bed with me."

You watch as he tucks away his tools, pulls his gloves off, and undoes the tie in his hair, all with a much to pleased smirk on his face.

He pulls you into a delicate, lingering kiss with a hand on your neck. The warmth of his skin makes you shiver. You lean into him, letting him wrap you in his arms.

He chuckles, "Well, I would hate to neglect my husbandly duties."

1. The lingering warmth from your bath and the softness of the sheets has you dozing in minutes. You toss a hand onto Diluc's side of the bed, wanting to be present when he comes to bed as well but the ache of a long day is catching up to you.

After several moments you feel a calloused hand grasp your own. You are too tired to properly see, but feel the dip as he climbs into bed.

Still holding your hand in a delicate grip, he presses a kiss to your palm, and then your cheek.

"Sleep, my love, I am here."

Zhongli

1. Zhongli re-enters the house not even ten minutes after leaving. He is patting down his jacket and looking about the entryway in wonder, and you can't help but chuckle.

"Forget something?"

"Yes," he plants his hands on his hips, "I can't seem to find my wallet. I could have sworn I remembered it this time."

You get up from where you were leisurely awaiting his return, and snag the 'disappearing' wallet from where he left it on the table.

"Not quite, old man." You wave it, teasing.

"Ah, of course."

Tucking it into the pocket of his jacket, you tug him closer to plant a kiss on his flushed cheek.

"My apologies, it seems I was a bit distracted this morning."

He tucks a piece of hair away from your face, gaze so blatantly loving you can't help but crash your lips against his. Damn whatever appointment he may have, he shouldn't be so handsome in your direction.

2. It is not every day you wake up before him, so you try to make the most of it. You prepare his clothes for the day, just so you can pick out your favorite of his shirts. You start a light breakfast, and brew an energizing blend of tea for both of your sake.

You spend some time simply waiting at the table, content to sip your tea and watch the morning birds.

When the soft shuffle of feet brings Zhongli into the kitchen, you stand up. He is mostly dressed, minus his tie and shoes, jacket loose around his shoulders.

You steer him to the table, and press a kiss to his cheek when seated.

He hums contentedly, still a bit sleepy, "Good morning."

You pour him a cup of tea as well, and his smile grows a bit wider. He tilts his head up, "Thank you."

You meet him half way, pressing a firm kiss to his mouth, "Of course dearest. Do you have anything pressing today?"

A hand comes to rest on your hip, preventing you from moving back to your seat.

"No, nothing more important than this."

3. Squished between the mattress and the press of his body, you couldn't imagine being more content. The warmth, the scent, the feel of his breath ghosting across your skin.

You run a reverent hand through his hair, spread loose over his back. It seems impossible for you to be this happy, like you would only read about in unrealistic fantasies.

Amber eyes are already watching you, when you open yours. His gaze is soft, unbearably so, so you look at the ceiling.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

He answers it so easily, as if it is among the many universal truths that exist in his head.

"You must understand," You wet your nervous mouth, "I mean it. Truly, I love you."

You feel his head tilt in confusion, but power on, emotions spilling.

"You are my starlight. My life would be unimaginably dark without you. I am scared constantly by the sway you have over me, but I cannot stand the idea of living without you. I want be here with you, forever, no matter the cost."

You squeeze your eyes shut against the flood of tears that threaten to spill, waiting for his polite retreat. His body lifts off yours and you pull a shuddering breath in, unused to laying yourself bare in this way. He could end you now, destroy you by just walking away.

But you feel tremoring hands grasp your face, almost too tightly. He doesn't say a word, can't, but presses his forehead to yours.

4. "Zhongli?" You call into the empty hum of the parlor, hoping it will carry to his office. It's not far, but he gets absorbed in his work easily.

You lean out the door a bit, and try to project your voice more, "Hey, honey?"

The door to his office clicks open, and his head pokes out. "Do you need assistance?"

"Yes, please," you adjust the pile of books in your arms, "Would you mind grabbing this other pile? A client requested reference material from just about every era, and I don't think I have the wing span to carry all of it."

He presses a quick kiss to your head, and scoops up the remaining books with no problem.

"Of course, would you like me to relieve you of those as well?"

"Not a chance, show off, you're gonna have to deal with the doors."

As if to prove your point, he balances the stack in one hand to hold the front door open for you, smile only slightly smug.

5. Given how busy your lives were, and his propensity for letting time fly, you figured he would forget again. It would not be the first anniversary he forgot, and you imagine it wouldn't be the last.

It's not like you could hold it against him, especially not when he was so earnest and loving all year round.

So your surprise was genuine when he led you, dressed in his best, to a private booth at Liuli Pavilion.

The food was made by the head chef, as a show of gratitude for Zhongli's long patronage (you send a quiet thank you to Childe), and the service superb. The evening is relatively quiet, you converse as normal but with the additional soppiness that comes from acknowledging romance.

You are especially glad for the privacy when you cannot help but practically ravish the man over the table, his face being too handsome to bear just looking at.

Shortly after, he looks at you with burning eyes, and finally says, "I am quite full. Perhaps we should head home."

"That sounds perfect."

You continue to stare, sappy and sated, as he blindly pats at his pockets, equally unwilling to look away.

After several moments, it dawns on you, and then immediately on him.

You can't help it. You laugh. Hysterically, because no matter what Zhongli is Zhongli.

He's standing now, flustered like you've never seen, pacing the room as if his wallet would be anywhere but the table at home.

"This was not my intent." He huffs, "I had planned the evening meticulously."

"And it was lovely," You choke back another laugh, "But, sugar, you are not living this down for the rest of our lives!"

You are laughing as you pull out your own wallet, giggling uncontrollably as you hand over all the money on your person, and can barely walk you're so light headed when he leads you out the door.

He doesn't once let you go, from the pavilion's steps to your front door. Indulgent to the end, your man.

1. It is always a pleasant surprise when your errands overlap. Working nearly in conjunction makes it happen quite often, but still, it makes your day brighter.

You have just finishing bartering your lunch into existence when you spot Zhongli headed your way. Quickly, you slip the chef a few more mora to add another dish.

He is at your side in an instant, bringing your hand to his lips in that coquettish way he has.

"There you are," he lowers your hand but does not drop it, "I've been looking for you, treasure."

You twine your fingers together, relishing the warmth. You snug up to his side, taking the liberty of placing his hand on your hip just to see him blush.

"Have you now?"

"Always."

#genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin diluc #genshin zhongli #(the chef after zhongli +1: excuse me this is a wendys)#an informal apology

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chainofclovers · 3 years

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Ted Lasso 2x6 thoughts

I felt like the physical embodiment of a series of iconic reaction GIFs while watching this episode. I felt like Higgins gagging on air and right and wrong choices. As an invested, non-casual Ted Lasso viewer, I feel quite absorbed in the experience of every episode, but I’m not usually a LOUD non-casual Ted Lasso viewer. At one point last night, I shouted “This is the wackiest show ever made!” at @bristler, and that doesn’t even sound like something I would say. And by “wacky” I just meant “all the emotions are happening at once.”

This episode was absolutely great and I knew that every single Rebecca Welton feeling I have would intensify because of this episode and that is exactly what happened.

This is me bravely writing down my episode thoughts after only one viewing (just like last week) and a bad night of sleep! Copious spoilers and emotions ahead...

This show goes all in on hats! A lot of bad hats for giving bad relationship advice and making bad decisions! Feel like you’re gonna do something correctly? Just put on a bad hat, that’ll snap you right out of it. Just had a revelation that you are almost certainly in an abusive relationship? Your girlfriend is hiding in the parking lot with a terrible hat for you! (I love this show.)

Dark forest dark forest dark forest dark forest.

I truly, truly, truly do not mean this to sound judgmental of any other fan, but it’s taking everything in my power not to just type “dark forest” in the comments of every person who is outraged that LDN152 is not Ted.

Gonna get my initial thoughts on the Sam=LDN152 reveal out of the way. I honestly like this choice.

First, I like this choice because of who LDN152 isn’t. I think about how awful it would be if she’d matched with Rupert and realized she’d been manipulated by him and charmed by him all over again, and how, when she gets the same reveal the audience already has, she would end up retraumatized by having been charmed and taken in by Rupert all over again. I think about her matching with Nate (if he’d redownloaded the app) and the inadequacy of her assertiveness advice and how Nate is one of the only non-Rupert characters who’s used sexist language against her and how Nate’s insecurities would be like water trying to co-exist with the oil of Rebecca’s insecurities. Nate and Rebecca are fond of each other and seem to want to be in each other’s lives, but a romantic squishing together via dating app would set them both back lightyears. I think about her matching with Ted, a man currently on a parallel-to-Rebecca trek through a very painfully dark forest, a man swinging wildly between performative attempted wit and utter panic. A man she trusts with her professional and personal challenges. [Her challenging mother comes to town and Keeley and Ted are the people she wants with her at lunch.] Ted and Rebecca, with all their current limitations, and with all the ways the forest obscures the view, are trying to be there for each other in their real, non-romantic comedy versions of their lives, and the discomfort of matching on an app seems like the kind of thing that would make them rear back from each other instead of bringing them even closer together. It is not time. It is so profoundly not time that I would have been furious if the writers had continued the “maybe it’s Ted?” line of thought for another second longer than they did.

Second, I like this choice because of who Sam is. I know. He’s not an appropriate match for her. The power dynamics are all messed up and their ages are all wrong. But this does introduce a potentially interesting parallel between Rupert and his younger women and the scrutiny Rebecca would risk herself and Sam experiencing if she goes for it. Rebecca seems to have tried to put away her Rupert-related trauma, but the specter of Rupert is lurking, and I do see that being a good person making an ethically complicated decision with another good person is very different from being an abuser setting out to take advantage of multiple people...but there are parallels she might have to reckon with. Also, Sam is a kind person with a strong ethical center and a well-documented interest in Rebecca. He and Ted helped each other feel more at home in London during a time of deeply missing other homes, and Sam has internalized a lot of Ted’s ways of living in a way that might genuinely appeal to Rebecca even if she doesn’t fully realize why. The writers on this show don’t write messes for the sake of drama. They write messes because life is painful and complicated and also very funny. I’d be shocked if, however this Bantr thing plays out, it isn’t painful and complicated and also funny.

(I am already a little worried that whatever happens next is going to activate some very ironic fan reactions given this is a show whose thesis statement is about withholding judgment. This fear is based not on Ted Lasso-specific knowledge but on unfortunate patterns of fandom, but...you can fear the impact of racist, sexist, and ageist tropes on two beloved characters without embodying those tropes as a viewer. You can watch characters make decisions that could subject them to harmful scrutiny without performing that harm yourself.)

Ted Lasso is a fictional character who tweeted about the joy of eating out (you know...at the Crown and Anchor) the day before 2x6 launched and during 2x6 Rebecca invited him to eat out at the Crown and Anchor. (I love this show.) I am so, so, so fond of all the little lunch-y things in this episode. Ted can’t bring Henry his lunch because he’s “at work” aka living in London. Ted and Beard surprise each other with secret sandwiches on Fridays. Rebecca is overwhelmed by her mother’s visit (her mother’s performance of a harmful pattern) and wants Keeley and Ted there. The scene at the Crown and Anchor, as painful as all the divorce/separation feelings were, was also so homey and lovely in terms of these characters being friends, being at home in a place despite the very not-at-home feelings emanating from Deborah. The Bake-Off viewing! Ted being the designated driver (probably a good thing on this particular day)! Rebecca feeling discomfort but not shutting down! Also cute British pub feelings. Evidence that Rebecca has talked to her mom about Ted! About personal things about Ted!

Naaaaaaate. His bursts of confidence and insight. The pain and insecurity and anger almost literally bubbling under the surface.

I cannot say enough good things about Higgins. He’s grown so much, and his decision to be honest with Beard regarding his concerns about Jane was absolutely impeccably done. Many, many trusted people in Higgins’ life told him not to do it. They are all good people, and they were all wrong. Sometimes one human being’s honesty makes the difference for someone who is struggling, and that’s exactly what happened here. Beard truly heard Higgins. And of course he didn’t immediately break things off with Jane. But he heard Higgins, and when Jane showed up Beard’s face looked different than it ever has, and Higgins words are with him as he walks off into the night with Jane and that might save him. And Rebecca witnessed it.

And I’m so glad she witnessed Higgins’ choice in the midst of this very difficult experience of a) trying to find Ted because she knows he’s in pain and being unable to and b) watching her mother repeat a pattern that Rebecca herself was able to break. It taught me so much about Rebecca. The way she was punished (and described the experience using the language of punishment) for having an honest reaction to her mother’s decision to leave her father the first time. The way she was taught that love is conditional, that love and reconciliation are things you can purchase with gifts. The way her mother uses the language of self-help without internalizing what it would take to heal, and probably has little use for actual therapy. The way her mother drinks alcohol as a way to feel free.

I don’t even know how to think, much less write, about everything with Roy’s coaching and his image and how Ted feels about it and all the fatherhood things Jamie brings up and all the fatherhood things Ted is missing w/r/t Nate and everyone except for Rebecca taking at face value (or willfully deciding to take at face value) the idea that Ted’s panic attack is actually just him needing to go barf up a fish pie. Ted hugging his backpack in Sharon’s office. Rebecca trying to find him, and Sharon being the one who does. The words “I wanna make an appointment” being the words that conclude the episode at the exact midpoint of the planned-for show. Halfway through the middle season. The moment Ted realizes he’s never going to be okay if he doesn’t give therapy a try.

I also can’t say enough good things about the moment with the team and Sharon, the way she agrees to one drink, the way it’s clear that she adores them all. Sharon is exacting and professional without being cold and calculating, and everything she does in this episode is such a gorgeous model of assertiveness, patience, and moderation...three things Ted struggles with the most.

What a dark forest. What an excellent group of humans.

#ted lasso #ted lasso s2 spoilers #ted lasso 2x6 #meta by me #a lesbian watches ted lasso

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in-tua-deep · 3 years

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Are you into my hero academia? What about an AU or crossover with tua?

UHHHH I am technically, like, peripherally? I watched some seasons of the show like two or three years ago and since then have simply absorbed all content through osmosis, reading fanfiction that has canon events, and my sister telling me about the arcs of her fav characters lmao

so a crossover hmmm

First of all you'd have to like, establish whether bnha is an alternate universe or just The Future If No Apocalypse with quirks being traced back to the descendants of the kids born without mothers

So let's say it's that - the glowing baby was the "first quirk" but the truth is people had powers before that. But - well, the Umbrella Academy was obviously a marketing gimmick to those in the future! There were even comics based on them

In the future, you might find some of those comics in museum exhibits dedicated to depictions of powers in the pre-quirk era, but they're just fun depictions and much less popular than, oh, DC or MCU comics which are also in the exhibits!

End of s2 doesn't happen I guess in this au?? No sparrow academy at least lmao. So, the Umbrella Academy stop the apocalypse (again) and the Commission threat is? Neutralized? Whatever. They decide to jump back to the future

Five warns them that time travel is a crapshoot, that he has no fucking idea when they'll land beyond some nebulous "future" because Five can at least control the direction if not exactly how long

Also, Five is like. Super tired. Incredibly tired. Homeboy still has a healing gut wound, time traveled twice, has been jumping all over the place, gotten even more injured, experienced paradox psychosis, and managed to undo time all in the space of like, two weeks. There actually more than that but we don't have time to get into how fucking tired Five is from his ~Month of Hell

Like genuinely this is like putting someone almost delirious from lack of sleep in the driver's seat of a car and expecting to get to your destination in one piece

But hey, the siblings are like "do it uwu" and Five has sacrificed everything for them already so why not get behind the wheel again

So Five jumps them, and of course something goes wrong because Five has pushed his powers like a great big rubber band and honestly it was only a matter of time before he lost his grip and it snapped back to hit him

So here be the umbrella academy: spilled out into the future like a cup of bad coffee.

Five probably isn't in too good of shape tbh, like they're hundreds of years in the future (but hey at least confirmation of no apocalypse am I right) in a world full of superpowers and Five is like. bleeding from his ears and nose probably idk

Let's handwave a little bit - Reginald made them all polyglots so the squad all speak varying levels of Japanese. Allison is the best at it, Five is second best but tends to use more archaic words bc he had missions in Japan back when he was with the commission, and Klaus is third best.

(Ben is the worst bc he decided when he was 16-and-dead that he didn't have to do anything regarding lessons and maintenance and hasn't given a shit since - but also he's dead so)

So you have a bunch of weird adults with a bleeding child in like, an alley who have appeared from nowhere

so of course heroes get involved

Anyway, the squad get taken in and Five is conscious but like, barely? And he's not going to let himself get separated from his siblings again fuck-you-officer and there is a lot of confusion

anyway detective tsukauchi ends up getting involved and ends up having to hear this batshit story and be like "...truth." which sends all kinds of people scrambling because fucking time travel? Like yeah, it's been theorized to be a possible quirk but there's no recorded cases of any sort of time travel that is for more than 24 hours let alone hundreds of years

"I'm an adult." Five says sourly, "I just happened to be returned to my 13 year old body when I time traveled one time."

"True." Tsukauchi says, feeling his soul leave his body, but like. absently. the way he does when he's called in at 2am after getting off of work at midnight.

"I'm 58." Five says.

"Lie." Tsukauchi says, because this is a headcanon hill I will die on.

"I'm probably 58, but it was hard to keep track. I'm at least 50." Five corrects.

"True." Tsukauchi sighs like these six (seven? they keep referring to another sibling and Klaus said 'ghost' like that was fine and it registered as true and Tsukauchi is not nearly paid enough for this) are not giving him a migraine by just existing

on the bright side there's like, probably protocols in place for individuals who are Legally Chronologically Adults but thanks to quirks are Not Physically Or Not Mentally Adults with tests to determine if the individual needs a guardian or not

though i'm gonna be honest idk if Five would pass the test bc he literally cannot take care of himself at all, has never paid taxes or understands how to exist legally, and also his emotional maturity is stunted as all hell. also like. we don't actually know how much being in his thirteen-year-old body affects his mental state but yeAH Five is vibing

anyway Tsukauchi probably phones a friend on this bullshit because Time Travel Child alone is probably enough for the Hero Commission to be like "find a way to control and use it or nuke it from orbit" and that's not even touching whatever the fuck Klaus is doing (shit gets real once 'dead men tell no tales' stops being true) let ALONE Allison's whole deal

on the bright side like, at least Vanya isn't getting side-eyed that much bc Big Destructive Quirks aren't exactly unknown? if vanya wanted to i guess quirk suppressors exist for that until extensive training on how to control a super powerful quirk happens

Tsukauchi in the group chat: Aizawa please I am literally begging you to take this bullshit on

Aizawa: in this economy? with my class?

RatGod: lol we'll take them ;3c

Aizawa: no

Anyway they probably end up having to live at UA while Five insists on trying to get them home still and everyone else is like "oh hey we used to be child soldiers as well! (:" and Aizawa is like "i hate everything about this and everything about all of you but also like nedzu is making me interact with you so :/"

nedzu is out here vibing like "lol i just don't want the hero commission to get their little paws on these time traveling fuckers, i think you should make then teaching assistants or something"

honestly the siblings are probably like. figuring out how to function in the bnha universe and getting like, legally registered and stuff while Five ferally refuses bc that's like saying he's giving up on getting them home and he can do this

Recovery girl tries to heal him a little when he arrives and he passes out for two weeks like, immediately bc homeboy is running on fumes and spite at this point

also i think on principle it would be REALLY FUNNY if the squad got to tag along with the class bc like. Five is thirteen and the class are all 15. this does not sound like a large age gap. anyone who has interacted with teenagers know that the class would squint at Five and be like "who is this sassy lost middle schooler."

I feel like when I was a sophomore we were still like "freshman... babie" even though we were literally only one year older.

i think the difference between the umbrella academy and school kids would be pretty funny like. objectively the bnha kids are lowkey child soldiers?? like they're 15 and fighting villains but like, there's all this red tape and laws and stuff but,,, deku still be breaking his limbs in a child fighting ring against equally superpowered children for like. entertainment and sponsorships sooo

but also like Five would be like "oh cool when is the experimentation class"

"the what"

"you know, when your powers are pushed real hard by putting you in different terrible situations while your dad and sibling stand by with clipboards writing down the exact voltage it takes before you can't use your powers anymore when being electrocuted"

"hound dog's office is right there. therapy is available to you at any time. i need you to know this."

all might calls Luther "my boy" like one (1) time and Luther just breaks down crying probably because he is starved for positive attention

klaus and midnight get along like a literal house on fire, aizawa tried his best to keep them apart for as long as possible but god damn

(klaus: your name is shimura nana??

all might: immediately dies choking on blood)

i feel it absolutely necessary to point out that aizawa, present mic, and midnight are all like, 30? and the umbrella academy are all between 29-early 30s? they are PEERS but like. the umbrella academy are more chaotic due to childhood trauma

the umbrella academy probably get offered to like. also train to be heroes. i mean,, there HAS to be some sort of track for people who change careers right?? you don't have to cement your future as a hero when you're 15 i'm sure there must be something and the squad already have experience if they want to go be legal heroes

diego probably does at least?? diego just vibes honestly. diego gets momo to make knives during a team exercise and they just go feral on everyone else and it ends with diego highfiving momo and someone getting way to close to being stabbed for comfort

Five might just be. legally enrolled as an Actual Student? But also i think it's funny to picture the entire squad just. all in the back of the classroom with luther trying to fit into a high school desk as they take notes on the laws of The Future surrounding heroics

every word out of the umbrella academy's mouths just make everyone more concerned on principal but like, five and klaus are probably the worst offenders. Klaus just says whatever comes to mind with no filter and Five doesn't get what people would consider to be abnormal anymore like

Five: yeah our dad bought us when we were babies and experimented on us throughout our childhood in order to make an elite team of child soldiers superheroes, it happens

Todoroki: ...have you heard of quirk marriages?

izuku probably has an aneurism bc he's is the only person who might recognize them from the comics because you know ya boy extensively researched the idea of heroics in pre-quirk eras (batman was an inspiration alright???) and might dredge up a memory of a less popular comic series

Five: I can time travel but it is very hard, which is why we are hundreds of years in the future. And why I look like a child.

Kaminari: so are you a kid or not?

Five, serenely: whatever is most convenient for me at any given moment

Mina: hell yeah game the system

they have a brief lesson on astronomy and Luther raises his hand like "ooh! i was isolated on the moon for four years and did SO MUCH research" and then just gets up and starts infodumping like way too much information on the moon

Izuku sitting there like "damn if quirks hadn't popped up we could have achieved so much in terms of space travel. please tell me more giant man who lived in pre-quirk era."

Vanya finds out about the quirkless and is like "oh mood that genuinely sounds like my childhood, being ordinary in a house full of extraordinary people, and then i found out that i did have powers but only much later in life after i had already been emotionally scarred by the experience"

deku: vanya we have so much in common

iida and uraraka: concerned noises

aizawa: hound dog. therapy with hound dog for all of you.

there's probably some conflict with like, the hero commission wanting to get their hands on the time travelers?? but probably especially five and klaus as a) time travel and b) ghosts (the hc def has bodies they would like to stay buried)

five has a pavlovian reaction to anything with 'commission' in the name and hates them on site, probably plays into his age in order to become a ward of UA or something to protect him from the commission a little bit.

(this makes nedzu Five's legal guardian. aizawa has his resignation papers all prepped in a drawer marked 'in case of emergency' but let's be real, if nedzu wants to take over the world aizawa should probably be on the rat-bear's side of things :/)

five: ah, i do recall the inhumane experimentation that we were subjected to

nedzu, who was experimented on: haha same hat! want me to dig up the location of reginald hargreeves's remains so you can spit on them?

klaus: nah no worries we dumped them out in the courtyard unceremoniously like, a while back. how long ago varies for each of us because of time travel!

luther: you said hound dog's office was down the hall and to the right?

on the bright side, Luther probably feels like. way less self conscious about his body, partially bc of his fighting and all that in the 60s but also bc !! now he genuinely doesn't feel like a freak. no one even gives him a second glance. one of the teachers looks like a slab of cement with a face. gang orca looks Like That. there is literally a student with an entire bird head and goth aesthetic. Luther does not stick out at all

allison and shinso bond over having "villainous" voice-based quirks

allison and shinso having worn muzzles at some point in their youth as punishment 🤝

aizawa probably helps train vanya as well with the whole, being able to erase a world ending quirk safely thing he's got going on which makes for a very nice safety net

i don't think vanya would want to be a hero at the end of things though. maybe the assistant teacher in the music class or something?? all vanya wants is to be able to not end the world

i feel like as time goes by, five brings up trying to get home less and less. part of that is because like,,, genuinely what do they have to go back to?? Allison has Claire, but like. I'm 100% sure the first thing she did in the future was try track down Claire's records and found out Claire was like. fine. became an adult, had a family, probably became the ancestor of the first "quirked" kids who officially popped up after light baby. had a good life, died at an old age etc. etc.

they start settling into the bnha world with like, "we can always hop aboard the five express into where the fuck ever" as a plan Z if things go completely pear shaped (again)

i'mma be real, five himself doesn't give a fuck as long as there is a) no apocalypse and b) his family is alive. Like that's it. His bar is so incredibly low and yet his life keeps fucking trying to limbo under it

i just think it would be funny to have like, Five trying to get along with his "peers" and make friends while the siblings do the same but like, in the staff room

also think it would be funny for five to just walk into the staff room and get coffee occasionally.

a teacher: why is a student in here -

Five, sipping coffee: i'm an adult

nedzu like "what kind of guardian would i be if i didn't teach my new son all the tunnels around ua so he can pop out wherever"

five like "hey new dad can i put stashes of supplies all around ua of weapons, money, food, and other assorted things that might be useful if one needed to fight or make a run for it" and nedzu is like "haha just put your list of what supplies you want in your go bags on my desk and i'll critique it later!"

anyway a bnha/tua crossover would be incredibly chaotic but probably very funny

#long post #far tua long #tua bnha crossover #what kind of disaster is this #there are so many characters in bnha to even consider #there is no more apocalypse so five either chills the fuck out or his paranoia ramps up to an eleven #or both!#five teleporting into nedzu's office like: hey i wrote a 52 page potential contingency plan for if x happens #and nedzu is like 'wonderful!' and gives it back to five the next day with corrections and critiques in red ink #klaus ben and ghost!nana get along like a house on fire even if she keeps telling klaus that he's too skinny #ben: klaus is an absolute fucking idiot with zero braincells #nana nodding sagely while looking at all might: ah yes i know the exact type #diego and snipe become absolute bros like ride or die because why not #luther gets positive reinforcement and goes to therapy #also thirteen listens patiently to luther infodumping about space because i think that would be nice #five is either like 'i'm only thirteen uwu' or 'i'm fifty eight' and there is nothing in between - only what is most convenient #i feel like kaminari and mina vibe with five's brand of chaos #iida doesn't know whether to murder five for being a gremlin and disobeying so many rules or to be respectful bc five is technically old #aizawa is SO TIRED y'all #aizawa thinks vanya is going to be the good hargreeves but PSYCHE all the hargreeves are equally chaotic in different ways #five calls nedzu 'dad' for the sole reason that it makes every teacher and/or hero in earshot cringe in automatic fear #klaus also calls nedzu dad because he just thinks it's funny #five and nedzu have similar coping mechanisms so they vibe but nedzu also vibes with klaus's sense of chaotic humor #five gets talked into healthier coping mechanisms by way of 'keeping his cover' or 'preventing the hc from getting their hands on you'#aka five is not allowed to drink alcohol #five HAS gone to midnight and been like 'hey teach knock me the fuck out my brain is working overdrive and i need to not be awake anymore'

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gh0st-patr0l · 3 years

Text

ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!)

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm.

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

#sorry if this is longwinded but I had a lot to say so [shrug]#karl jacobs #dsmp #dream smp #dreamwastaken #ghost.txt

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