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nikrangdan · 3 years

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cafeworker!ni-ki

pairing: cafeworker!ni-ki x female reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: the cashier at the new coffee shop was so adorable you just couldn’t resist visiting just for him

**did not proofread

————

contrary to popular belief, you were NOT a social person

whenever you were around friends and family, you were always the loudest person there

like SHUT UP Y/N!!!!!!

anyways although you were loud, people still enjoyed being around you because you had such a sweet soul and interesting humor

everyone close to you knew that you hated talking to people you didnt know

but to all the strangers? no

they would think you were an outgoing ready-to-meet-new-people extrovert

which was so, so wrong

but ALAS, you had to talk strangers almost everyday living in 2020

(well lets pretend we arent in the middle of a pandemic right now)

moving on......

so you were in high school at the downfall of your existence

you used to have so many friends when you were younger ..now you only have like 3

and those three were always busy (busy making up excuses thats for sure) so you never really hung out with them outside of school

and on one fine evening after school you decided to visit the new cafe 5 minutes from your house

u were really excited because all the cafes were 15 minutes from your house so now u could just walk to this one if u wanted to !!!

but yeah it was in the middle of a small plaza that had cute buildings

you pulled up to the parking lot and was just about to get out the car when u remembered..

u have to talk to the cashier :/

who’s a stranger! even more ://

it was always so weird to you.. whenever you went out you always had someone else order for you because you just hated talking to strangers

you just felt uncomfortable and you couldnt help it

its not like you have never ordered for yourself but you would always prefer not to

and now that you think about it

this is the first time you have gone out by yourself

you did text one of your friends beforehand but they said they “had homework to do”

LIES!!!!

but you really wanted to try the coffee so you just ran with it

time to face your fears!

you opened the glass door to reveal a cute looking cafe, like the ones you’d see in movies

you loved it already

glancing to the cashier you’d have to be talking to—

hold on

you had to do a double take because WOAH.....

the cashier...

he....

wow..

you have never seen a boy like that in your life

you stood there for like 3 seconds before coming to your senses and standing infront of the menu

that was infrONT OF HIM

“hi, what can i get for you?”

HIS VOICE OH MY GOD..!?!?!

“oh um.. can i get a second to .. look..?”

“yeah of course,” he gestured to the menu on the wall above him

hes so nice u almost cried

your eyes shakily traveled up to the chalkboard menu and u began to ‘read’ the options

its like u could feel his eyes on u WTF!!!!

um um um *internally keyboard smashes*

you couldnt even think

the words on the menu were like gibberish

the ONE time u go out by yourself

this had to happen.. of course! someone had it out for you, you were sure of it >:(

picking a random drink you gave him your order

“uh can i have an iced caramel macchiato?”

ITS LIKE YOU CANT SAY A SENTENCE WITHOUT UH OR UM

u cant help but think hes judging you

he looks like that while u are standing there in old sweatpants your dads tshirt

“sure, what size?” he looks into your eyes after putting your order into the machine

god you felt your heart stop

his Eyes..... theyre so beautiful

“oh um regular” you attempted to give a small smile

hopefully it looked like one

“okay that’ll be $5.12.”

you dug out some cash from your bag and handed it to him

he gave u your change and gave u a small smile

“your drink will be out in a minute”

AAAAA

he went :)

he is so CUTE.....?!?!

he looked around your age too

sigh... you knew he was way out of your league though

you were gushing over him but he probably thought you were just another boring customer

while waiting u sat at one of the 2 person tables on your phone

and u IMMEDIATELY went to text your groupchat

‘GUYS’

‘AT THE CAFE NEAR MY HOUSE’

‘CUTEST BOY IVE EVER SEEN EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE’

‘WTF IM GONNA CRY HOW DOES HE EXIST’

‘WAIT BRB HE S COMIBBG’

you tried to quickly put your phone down without looking suspicious when you saw him walking towards you with a drink in his hand

“here you go, enjoy” he said before swiftly making his way back to the counter and talking to the other worker there

wow... hes so mesmerizing

you’d steal glances at him every now and then while taking sips of your drink

you were sitting there for like 20 minutes before you noticed you finished your drink

you totally forgot you came here to see how good their coffee was

it was good by the way

sadly it was your time to leave

taking one last glance at him, you threw away your empty cup and walked out the door

wow

u cant believe you got to witness the most beautiful human being ever

in your small town?? crazy

you were sitting in your car just thinking

WAIT

U DIDNT EVEN KNOW HIS NAME!

you mentally punched yourself but then you started laughing

what does knowing his name even matter, its not like u were ever going to talk to him anyway

LOL

*sad emoji*

but the coffee was good so you definitely planned to go back

and not just because of the cute boy

...unless....

*time skip*

the next day you went there was a week later at the same time in hopes that he was working the same shift

AND HE WAS!!!!

score! 1 for y/n, 0 for umm... any other person who had a crush on him too i guess

the cafe didnt have too many people since it was fairly new and also in a small part of the city

so when you went in, you were the only one there along with the two workers

“welcome, what would you like to order?”

NOT THIS AGAIN

he looked even cuter today

his messy blond hair almost covered his eyes

you shouldve forced your friend to come with you this time

you ordered the same thing as last time but this time he asked for your name

hmmm

“um y/n” you answered

your heart was always beating 2 times as fast whenever you had to talk to him

he wrote it down on the cup and after you paid, you went to sit down at the same spot as last time

looking at him is literally the highlight of your day

the same thing happened as last time, he came over and gave you your drink without giving u a second glance

>:((((

boooo look at me cute boy

nonetheless u continued going to the cafe at the same time as much as u could which was like three times a week

literally over a month later and u dont think anythings going to happen

u punch yourself for thinking the boy would somehow find interest in you

hes still indifferent to you which isn’t surprising since you’ve never made any kind of move

ever

but

he should know u by now

hopefully..

*time skip again*

it was a saturday

at this point you’ve basically given up on having a crush on him and now since its become a routine u just say you go for the coffee

not really paying attention to your surroundings you dont notice that the boy at the cash register isnt the normal one you see almost everyday

“hey, what would you like to order?”

woah WHAT

you look up from your bag to notice a boy that was definitely not the one that normally stood infront of it at this time

and you also noticed something on this new cashier

a name tag

how come your old little crush didnt have one????

this new boys name was ‘jay’ and he was fairly cute too

looking around the corner at the other worker u noticed he has a name tag too

you recognized him because he was always working when the cute boy was at the cash register

his name was ‘heeseung’

after taking in these new additions you answered to jay

“oh um.. can i ge-,”

“she gets an iced caramel macchiato. her name is y/n”

??!<_|#%[>~€\£~

you whipped your head around so fast to see who said that behind you

was it who you thought it was ??!??!

YES IT WAS!!!!

OH MYGOD

ITS HIM

you widened your eyes at the boy who wasnt wearing his normal black and white uniform

instead he was wearing black ripped jeans and a gray hoodie

wow....... and u thought he couldnt look any better

BUT OMG?? HE REMEMBERS U

“oh wow ni-ki, you know her?” the boy named jay asked him

“uh yeah.. shes a regular” he said before walking to stand next to you

NI-KI

HIS NAME IS NI-KI OHMHGOD

u thought his name fit him perfectly its so CUTE

“are you gonna get something too?”

this whole time you were silent because.. what is going on

your heart was being SO fast you thought that everyone could hear it

“yup, can i get the same thing? also im paying for both of us”

WHAT??/):)/$;##\%|

ur eyes widened even more it looked like they were gonna pop out of its sockets

u unconsciously leaned towards the boy next you and kind of put your hands up

“w-what?? oh um no, you dont have to do that” you nervously said to him as he looked down at you

he kind of had a smile on his face

“i want to.”

there is no way this is happening

“oiiii ni-ki” jay chuckled while punching in numbers on the cash register

“ill have both of your drinks out soon, you two kids have fun!” jay said before turning around to face heeseung

WHAT??!!??!

your jaw almost dropped from shock

millions of thoughts ran through your brain and you couldnt even process anything

u cant believe this was happening

it was like a wattpad story or something.. is this how u meet ur soulmate

your thoughts were interrupted by a hand on your back momentarily and u look to see ni-ki shyly grinning and gesturing u towards a table

no way...

you awkwardly follow him to a 2 person table next to wall and sit down

you literally could not hear anything except for the pounding of your heart

“uh sorry about that...” he rubbed his neck and sheepishly smiled

“im ni-ki by the way”

“y/n...” u felt so awkward u wanted to cry

“agh, im really sorry if that was weird.. i just didnt know how to ask you out.....” he trailed off

*passes out*

IM JOKING

Ok but u felt ur heart stop bc NO WAY

“wait what??” u ask, ur eyes bigger than the moon

“um yeah... haha i took the day off today to try to talk to you.. sorry if that was weird..”

HE WAS SO AWKWARD JUST LIKE YOU IT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER

“no its okay!! im glad actually...”

“really? so is it okay if we hang out?” he asked excitedly

u did not think u could handle HOW CUTE THIS BOY WAS O M G...

“of course! sorry if im kind of awkward though” you gave a small smile

“its okay, i think i am too”

you two began talking about the cafe and where you went to school

turns out even though you two lived in the same town (literally 5 minutes away from eachother) u went to different schools for some reason

u talked for like 2 minutes before jay walked up with your drinks

“hows it going guys?”

“its doing good bro, now go away..” ni-ki lightly shoved jay and laughed

you giggled at the sight

jay looked offended and came right back

“that is not how you talk to your elders ni-ki! y/n do you see this?!” he scoffed

ni-ki just rolled his eyes and turned back to you

“do not ignore me young man!” jay joked

“oh y/n, ive heard all about you from ni-ki over here by the way.”

ni-ki’s eyes got so big you almost got worried

he turned around so fast and gave jay one of those ‘i swear if you say anything ur dead meat’ looks

jay obviously did not care

“hes always like ‘y/n this y/n that’ blah blah im glad he finally got the balls to ask you out because im honestly sick of hearing it!” jay laughed

u were blushing so hard

NI-KI LIKED U????

this felt like a dream

ni-ki pushed jay away so hard and turned back with red cheeks

awe

but yeah that was the beginning of the cutest relationship ever

u and ni-ki were so cute together <333

you’d always visit him during ur free time

it took like 2 months before u two made it official tho

and he was the sweetest boyfriend ever

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littlespaceporgs · 4 years

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The Clone Wars Reacts - Part 3

Alternatively, Leah misses daddy Plo, gets annoyed by droids and is thoroughly entertained by Jar Jar Binks while simultaneously simping for Padme.

TA~DA! Welcome to part 3 of the reacts series, where we cover episodes 6, 7 and 8! I won’t lie to you, I actually found episode 6 really boring, 7 was less boring and 8 was maybe a little bit funny and I lowkey enjoyed it so much. So yeah, the first two reacts are kinda boring because I was super bored, but 8 is kinda funny. As usual, major spoilers for season 1 of the clone wars.

Part 1 - Episodes 1 and 2 Part 2 - Episodes 3, 4 and 5

So, lets do thissssss!

Tags (as always, let me know if you want a tag!): @acciokenobi @roseofalderaan @catsnkooks @peacelandbread @littlevodika @icedcoffeeandgays @captainrexstan @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @mcu-padawan @onabouteverything @fractiouskat

Episode 6: Downfall of a Droid

Notes: since writing these, I’ve discovered that I am 100% without a doubt very much a simp for Plo Koon and it shows.

> Pre-warning, I’m writing this on paper and on the train, so there may be slightly less thots thoughts in this one

> “Suffering serious defeats by Grievous”??????? All we’ve seen for 5 episodes now is Grievous lose????????

> Yeah Anakin! You should listen to Ahsoka!

>> (you need to trust my babey)

> Where the fuck is Plo when you need him? I WANNA SEE HIM

> Maybe that image will tide me over? (we all know it wont but that’s off topic)

> Oh for fucks sake I’ve had enough of Grievous

> YEAH R2, WE ALL KNOW YOURE THE ONLY REASON ANAKIN IS ALIVE!

> “this is too easy” oooohhhhh boy, you say that now......

*Grievous ditches his ship*

> ✨ disappointed, but not surprised ✨

> THERE IT IS!!!!! “I got a bad feeling about this” - bringing the total count so far to 2

> W H A T

>> R2D2?????????????????????????

>>> EXCUSE ME WTF?!?!?!?! DID THEY JUST - R2D2 NO!

> OBI WAN HOW DARE YOU R2D2 IS NOT REPLACEABLE

>> This is one of the few times I am more annoyed with Obi-wan than I am horny for him

>>> Wait no scratch that - i just looked at his face again 💖💖💖💖

> I miss Plo already, can he come back now?

> Oh Ahsoka, you’re so cute 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

> omg Goldie???? I LOVE IT he’s kinda adorable

> ooooohhh boy R2 is going to be on that dodgy ass ship isnt he?

> hahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahah

>> fart humour, i love it!

> Unique items, huh

> OH SHIT THATS THE TYPE OF DROID FROM THE MANDALORIAN

>> just thinking about the mandalorian reminds me of the new armour/helmet kink i discovered I had and how much i love pedro pascal

> Goddammit R3. oh shit oh shit bad droids BAD DROIDS

> is R2 just a really good droid? or do all of them make this many mistakes???

> hahahaha ‘gramps’, Ahsoka he’s literally only 5/6 years older than you

> *GASP* Anakin, he’s not a lightswitch!

> Oh shit, R2 was on the ship!

>> HA HA I WAS RIGHT

> fuck fuck Grievous no dont take R2 bad droid

> okay, I love obi-wan but he’s being a little harsh

>> mild turn-on but ok 👀👀

> aaaawwww the little stomping when he’s excited

> Do we get to see R2 do a mad escape?

>> WE DO!

> oh no, R2 you were so close

> tracking beacon?! R3, what’re you doing?!

> sorry anakin, they definitely saw it

> R3 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THE HYPERDRIVE TOO?

> YEAH AHSOKA, YOU SAVE ANAKIN’S BUTT

> You, know, I’m starting to wonder if R3 is doing all this deliberately??

> lowkey, I want to tally the amount of droids grievous hurts/destroys

> well, i want R2 back in the next episode, please and thank you.

Episode 7: Duel of the Droids

> Okay, all I want is for Anakin to hurry up and find R2, because I want this arc to be over

> I’m going to keep this reacts fairly short because I’m a little bit bored

> All I want is more Plo content, is that too much to ask???????

>> If you can’t tell I have a thing for Plo Koon and I officially joined the simp club for him.

> This trandoshan guy is just.... bleh 🤢

* insert gross shiver*

> YEAH R2 YOURE DOING SO WELL! HOLY SHIT GO R2D2!!!!

> I said it in part 1, and I’ll say it again, R2′s whirring is a mood

> Okay so fucking R3 just turned R2 down, so I am definitely starting to think this is deliberate?

>> HOLY FUCK I JUST REALISED A THING! DUEL OF THE DROIDS???????? R3 VS R2??????????????????

> ANAKIN IGNORE OBI-WAN LIKE USUAL, YOU GO AND SAVE R2 OK?!

> Rex’s expression when he’s told to carry R3 is comedy gold by the way

> Oh please Captain, kindly fuck me

> FUCK YEAH AHSOKA!

> *sighs* Oh the droid humour

> I mean, it is a type of head adjustment I guess 🤷‍♀️

> ...

>> Did you seriously think grievous, being the slimy bastard he is, wasn’t going to kill you?????

> OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT I WAS RIGHT FUCK R3 MAN

> AHSOKA KICK GRIEVOUS’ BIN CHICKEN LOOKI- oh no she was thrown into a wall, never-mind.

> R2 YES ZAP THAT GODDAMN DROID AND SAVE ANAKIN

> oh this is awkward, I love how R2 is insulted that he got R3 hahahahahahahha

> YES AHSOKA YOURE RIGHT, HE IS A STUBBY LITTLE BACKSTABER

> okay the most interesting point of this episode is ahsoka is escaping grievous

> OH MY GOD I WAS RIGHT AGAIN?! R2 AND R3 ARE DUELLING!!!! I CAN SEE THE FUTURE OR SOME SHIT LIKE A JEDI

> THATS RIGHT BITCH R2D2 IS BETTER

> anakin looking out for R2 is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen

> ngl, i had a small degree of satisfaction when I saw R3 get smashed to bits

> “oh anakin... one day” obi-wan is a mood

> oh thank god its over, alright what’s up next?

Episode 8: Bombad Jedi

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH DOES THIS ONE HAVE JAR JAR IN IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

> please tell me it has jar jar in it, then it will surely be funnier than the last 2 eps

> OH SHIT THIS EPISODE HAS PADME TOO IM SO HAPPY YAY

> oh in the white outfit too, i love this woman so much

> I’m going to put a photo hear so you can appreciate it too

> My horny bisexual senses are tingling

> HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA IM ALREADY LAUGHING AT THE STUPID FROG

>> *for context he already fucked up once and we are 1 minute and 15 seconds into the episode

> she has a point though, C3PO does usually get into trouble

> oh boy, he sounds mad.... I’m getting a sinking feeling about this

> oh no

>> ah shit he’s gone and joined the separatists

> YOU DONT GET THE RIGHT TO CALL HER SWEET YOU TRAITOR

> I am much more entertained nonetheless by this episode

> wait so they fart insults???? it sounds like a fart and i giggled a little

> Oh and now jar jar’s trying to talk to them

> HAHAHAHAH C3 always gets shit thrown at him or shot at, whenever he’s in an episode I get a little bit happy

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH ITS A FUCKING MAGNET OH C3 YOU POOR DROID

> why does he automatically jump to jar jar’s been killed oh my god so little faith like its a swamp planet???? and jar jar comes from a swamp planet????? of course he gone survive falling into water????

> buta mesa sav-ed you? i love this stupid creature oh my god hahahahaha

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THE JEDI CLOAK OMG

>> definitely 100% anakins, and I love the Padme has the equivalent of one of his hoodies

>>> I want one too

> ooooohhhh this is not going to go well

> oh boy

> I’m guessing this is where the bombad jedi comes from?

> DARTH JAR JAR

>> I am so sorry no its not mine, but I have no idea who’s it is

> wheresa jedi? OH MESA JEDI?

> have you guys seen zootopia? specifically where they trigger a ‘howl’ with the wolves??? Thats what I headcanon the droids are like with ‘roger roger’

> DAMN PADME THATS SOME MADASS CORE STRENGTH

>> crush me with those muscles please

> “There’s no jedi in here, wait there’s no prisoner in here!” hahahahahahahahah

> One day I’m going to have to do a little audio recording so you all know what sound I make whenever I’ve written hahahahahaha

> FUCK YEAH PADME SLAY THOSE DROIDS

> “I’m afraid the ship has been destroyed.”

>> “Battle droids?” *shakes head*

>>> “... Jar Jar?”

>>>> “Jar Jar.”

> obviously Padme was right, she usually is

> oh boy Jar Jar is your only hope? you’re in for a shock buddy

> Padme is an excellent shot by the way

> OH MY GOD IT ATE HIM TO PROTECT HIM THATS SO SWEET

> “I think Jar Jar’s dead.” “Oh again?” goddamn it C3PO

> YEAH SLUG CREATURE THING GOOD JOB!

> ...

> excuse me????

> WHAT A FUCKING LEGEND HERE I WAS HATING ON UNCLE ANO WHEN HE IS STILL IN THE REPUBLIC

> okay he has my forgiveness now :))))))

alright, I enjoyed episode 8, 6 and 7 were a little lackluster, but I did like 8 a lot actually, more than I thought I would

anyways, see you next time for 9, 10 and 11!! (I’m pretty sure I saw ventress and kit fisto in the title image, so be prepared for major ass thots because i am very heavily attracted to one (1) assassin and one (1) fish man)

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the-angry-pixie · 4 years

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Just a buttload of questions

I was tagged by the lovely @jessiohhh. Thank you chickadee. Took me forever to finish, but I got there. :D

Apparently this is to help you get to know your tumblr peeps better.

Gonna put most of these under a cut to save y’alls dashes.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? I guess if I had to choose it would be black. I don’t know why. A good black ballpoint is a lovely thing to have.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? Depends what stage of my life I am in. I want to retire to the country but otherwise wanna live in the city.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? To sew and make clothes. Gosh how different my life (and my wardrobe) would be if I could fix clothes, alter clothes, MAKE clothes. I want this skill so much!

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Don’t drink coffee. My tea has half a sugar. I worked my way all the way down from two sugars and I’m proud. :)

5. What was your favourite book as a child? My Dad used to read me Enid Blyton books when I was little. My favourite series was probably The Naughtiest Girl in the School series.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Definitely showers. I want to like baths, but whenever I take one I just feel sweaty and gross.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? A fairy. I’ve been obsessed with fairies since I was little.

8. Paper or electronic books? Probably electronic books. Easier to read and travel.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? Gosh I don’t know. I literally sat here thinking about it for a couple of minutes and I can’t pick a favourite. I guess by default it falls to the item that I wear the MOST which would be my black combat boots. I wear them almost constantly.

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? Nah I tend to think Laura is a bit boring. I like my middle name Eileen though.

11. Who is a mentor to you? I’m kind of without one at the moment. Thats just the situation my current life is in right now.

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? I would like to be “Author Famous”. Like have soooooo much money, and dedicated fans who like my work. But nobody recognises me in the street.

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Yes.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? No, not in the conventional sense.

15. Which element best represents you? I wish I was earth but I would say probably water. Can be dangerous or calm. Flexible.

16. Who do you want to be closer to? Hmmm I feel bad that I’m not closer to my godson. But ya see, he’s an annoying lil shit. At least the stage he’s going through right now is really obnoxious. So spending time with him is just... not fun.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? All my Canada friends.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. I’ve talked about early childhood memories on here a lot. I don’t want to repeat a story so lemme think a moment..... I remember being obsessed with pressing buttons when I was younger. I mean, most kids are. But you see my family lived on a dairy farm, and in the dairy where we milked the cows and stored the milk there was like... a WALL OF BUTTONS. And levers, and switches and other doo-dads. And like... I just wanted to press them all. But I wasn’t allowed. Obviously. Only at certain times during the day would my father call me over and lift me up so I could press one particular button. So yeah, I remember that. “Helping” my Dad in the dairy and being excited whenever I got to press the buttons. I never even got old enough to learn what the buttons did before we moved off our farm. :(

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? Hmmm, probably escargot. Snails. They were delicious.

20. What are you most thankful for? My newborn nephew.

21. Do you like spicy food? Yes. But spicy food does not like me.

22. Have you ever met someone famous? Yeah last year I was working on a feature film that had a Disney starlet working on it.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? No way. Too hard. The only time I keep journals is for really important stuff that needs documentation. Like a medical journal when I’m sick. Or an anxiety journal when my GAD gets real bad.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? Pen I guess.

25. What is your star sign? Libra

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Bit of both. If you can get a mouthful with both then thats like... bliss.

27. What would you want your legacy to be? Do I need to want it to be anything? Cause I don’t. Like I don’t really care all that much. Maybe I will later in life.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I dont think its accurate to say I like reading when I literally never do it anymore. Except for fanfic. I listen to audiobooks a bit. I just finished listening to The Stand by Stephen King.

29. How do you show someone you love them? Cuddles, I’m a cuddler.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Yes.

31. What are you afraid of? Wasted potential and never really getting where I want to get.

32. What is your favourite scent? That smell after a sun shower. Everything is wet and the sun is making it evaporate into the atmosphere. Love that smell.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? Not to be cheeky but like, context is a thing. Depends on the context.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? Not terribly different. I would still work. I guess I would travel a lot more. Since that is something that I would love to do but can’t because I don’t have the funds.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Theyre both the same level of scary to me. Yes, I suffer from an irrational fear of pool sharks. So I guess I would go ocean because at least with the ocean you have the surf waves to make it fun.

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? Look around to see if someone had dropped it, then if there was no one, pocket it.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Yes. Last time I went camping there was a meteor shower. Wait, do they count as shooting stars? If not then no.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? Compassion.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I want to get a bunch of babies-breath flowers tattooed in the middle of my back. Its so specific because I plan my tattoos for a long time before I get them.

40. What can you hear now? The fish tank filter at my brothers house.

41. Where do you feel the safest? In my bedroom. In my bed. Laptop and phone and kitty nearby.

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My fear of relationships and emotional intimacy.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? I honestly don’t know. There are a lot of cool places (but like, usually only if youre in the upperclass). Ancient Greece maybe? Jane Austen era? Woodstock? I can’t decide.

44. What is your most used emoji? This lil dude. 🙃 I prefer it to the regular smiley face.

45. Describe yourself using one word. eclectic

46. What do you regret the most? Not having my mental health issues diagnosed at an earlier age.

47. Last movie you saw? In the cinemas? A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood back in January (actually got my wallet out and looked at my ticket stubs). Just in general - I watched The Florida Project last night with my bro.

48. Last tv show you watched? My Little Pony. Been watching episodes to help me fall asleep.

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. Derp-a-derp. My bro and I have been saying that over the last few days when we can’t remember the word we are trying to say. Like “go get me the derp-a-derp” or “what was I saying about the derp-a-derp”. Its a good placeholder.

-----

Annnnnd imma taaaaaaag.... like I said, this is a long one so no pressure (it took me like a week to get through all the questions).... anyway I tag @hichie, @thepragmaticrebel, @heavensdick and @serendipitous-magic.

#meme things

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spidyboyholland · 6 years

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The Boy Next Door-Tom Holland (chapter 6-jealously)

CHAPTER 1/CHAPTER 2/CHAPTER 3/CHAPTER 4/CHAPTER 5/CHAPTER 6/CHAPTER 7

pairing: tom holland x female reader

summary: haz finds out about you and tom, it seems like he is just jealous, or is he actually looking out for you?

warnings: swearing, possibly the mention of sexual content or drugs/alcohol

The whole night had just seemed like a dream. A beautiful, sweet, caring guy had just taken you out on your dream date. You and Tom had layed under the stars for hours, almost till it started getting light. You had to rush home since you had school the next day, which you were not looking forward to due to the lack of sleep you managed to get. Tom had placed a soft kiss on your forehead before walking you back up to your doorstep and saying goodnight at four in the morning. Things seemed to be working out perfectly in this new town. At first, the move was the worst thing to have happened all year, well almost the worst thing. You had been through a lot, so adding moving to the list was not something you wanted to do. But you had to make the most of it, and that’s exactly what you were doing.

Luckily you had Tom and Haz. They made everything in this bleak, dull, town seem full of life and new adventures. You were extremely happy to have them.

Waking up, you smiled remembering the night before. Just you and Tom under the stars for hours. This was the first time in ages you were actually excited to go to school.

Tom pulled into your driveway four minutes late, but it didnʻt bother you. You hopped into his car and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as he asked you “Howʻd you sleep love?”

“Great” You said smiling and putting your bag down by your feet

“Iʻm glad. I hope we can do that again soon.” He said while grabbing your hand and holding it as he drove to school.

As you sat in the car with Tom holding your hand you began to think to yourself for the first time you met him, are we taking things too fast? You had only known him for like four days and you two had already been making out. It all just had all just happened so fast you never took a second to think. It was hard to think around Tom. He had a certain charisma about him that just made you melt when he said your name. Whenever you were with him, things happened so naturally, it didnʻt feel forced at all, thatʻs probably why you havenʻt even taken a second to think about what you were doing. He always just seemed so trustworthy that it never seemed like a problem.

As Tom pulled into the school parking lot, you could see Noah and his group of friends hanging out just outside of the doors like they were yesterday afternoon. A small knot in your stomach grew as you saw them, hoping you and Tom could just sneak past them.

As you and Tom approached the entrance where they all were, it was obvious that you and Tom did not have the same ideaʻs. He waved to Noah and walked right for them, you reluctantly followed behind him.

“Good morning y/n! I love this carpool thing you and Thomas have going on itʻs the sweetest thing.” Noah said while putting his arm around Tom

“Y/n go ahead, Iʻll meet you in there” Said Tom has he motioned you to go inside without him

So much for standing up for me next time... You thought as you nodded and walked in alone.

You walked through the hall to your locker, but you could feel the stares of people as you walked in. It was still strange to be the new girl, but it was getting less bad now that you knew your way around somewhat.

You made it to your locker and managed to open it by yourself today, putting away the books you didnʻt need today and taking out the oneʻs you did.

You looked out in the hallway looking to see if Tom was coming in but instead you saw familiar blonde hair and piercing blue eyes.

“Hey! Harrison!” You said trying to get his attention because he had ear buds in

He smiled and walked up to you

“We have to stop meeting like this” He said grinning

“Oh my gosh you are so cheesy” You laughed as you closed your locker

“Are we still on for lunch today or are you gonna ditch that too?” He asked laughing a bit

“Im so sorry about yesterday Harrison! It is a long story but I will explain at lunch. I wonʻt ever ditch you again I promise!” You saw bumping your shoulder into his

“Okay okay good, I would be pret-” Haz was cut off by Tom stepping right into the conversation, literally and physically.

Tom stepped right in between you two and said “Hey Harrison. Cʻmon y/n, I donʻt want you to be late for AP History. “ He said as he dragged you away

“See you at lunch Harrison!” You say back to Haz as you see him looking down annoyed. He just nods and walks off in the opposite direction.

Tom drops you off at AP History and goes to his class. The rest of the morning is painfully boring and slow. History and French both go so slow that you think youʻll die of old age.

You were excited to hurry up and get to lunch so you could talk to Haz. You needed to apologize about ditching him yesterday, then again this morning when Tom dragged you away from him. Something seemed to of changed from the first time you saw Haz and Tom together. They seemed like actual friends, now they seemed more like enemies and competitors more than friends. Haz told you that thatʻs just how it was at school, but there seemed to be more to it than that.

Lunch finally came around, so you went into the dining hall to look for Harrison. You saw Noah and his group of friends sitting at a table in the middle of the dining hall. You also noticed Tom sitting with them, and Laila sitting next to him. Tom noticed you and gestured for you to come over but you just nodded no and walked away, but made sure to text him so he didnʻt get mad.

“Sorry, promised to have lunch with Haz today.”

You finally found Harrison under a big tree near the track and football field. He was reading and eating a sandwich.

“Hey, is this seat taken?” You say as you take a seat next to him on the grass

“Nope, go ahead” He says while putting his book away

“Harrison I am really sorry about yesterday. I completely meant to go home with you but then Tom started walking me out and then Noah and his crew were outside. Noah just started saying stuff and Tom didn-”

You were cut off by Harrison slamming his hand onto the tree,

“What the hell did Tom say?! I swear to god! I told you Y/N! Tom is bad news! Noah and Tom and their entire fucking gang!” Harrison said enraged

“Wait, no, Harrison, Tom didnʻt do anything! I mean he didnʻt stand up for me, but it was just Noah saying stuff, not Tom. Thatʻs why I couldnʻt go home with you. Things were happening so fast in the moment, he took me to his car then drove me home. I was a little mad at him but he texted me later and we hung out and everything was fine... better than fine actually.” You said smiling turning a bit pink thinking about the amazing time you had with Tom

You looked over to Haz and saw him start to pack up his bag and stand up

“Wait, Harrison where the fuck are you going?” You say while standing up and grabbing his forearm so that he stops walking away.

Harrison turned to you with an frustrated look and said

“Yea. Of course.Of course you and Tom hung out last night.” Haz said starting to walk away again

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” You shout at him

“It means that this isnʻt new Y/N! Tom has done this a million times! What? Did he text you late at night, asking for an adventure? Then let me guess... he took you to a movie in the woods? Maybe a candle lit picnic at the beach? Stargazing? Sunset on a hill?” Harrison yelled

You were having a hard time processing this all right now so you just went with your natural instinct which was to defend Tom

“It isnʻt like that!” You yelled back

“Oh but isnʻt it? He probably told you how much he likes you, and how he loves to spend time with you, and maybe even how he feels a REAL connection with you. Well let me tell you right now, thats bullshit. Laila and Tom fight then break up every couple of weeks, and in attempts to make Laila jealous, Tom will hang around with a new girl for a few days, then he drops her to get back together with Laila. Tom doesnʻt care about you Y/N. “

Tears started to fill your eyes. You didnʻt want to believe it, but it really sounded like Harrison knew what he was talking about.

“He... itʻs...” You struggled to find the words as you wiped the tears from your eyes.

Harrison noticed you were crying and his facial quickly changed from anger to sadness and guilt.

“Y/N... Im sorry... I didnʻt mean too say anything that- nevermind... but, Im sorry”Harrison said as he leaned in to hug you

“I know Im just another stupid fucking pawn in one of Toms games” You said as you wiped the last couple of tears off your cheeks

“No! You arenʻt just another one of those girls. You are different. I care about you. Like a lot. Thatʻs why Im telling you this because I donʻt want to see you get hurt. That would kill me.” Harrison said as he stroked your hair to behind your ear

“Thank you Harrison... I donʻt plan on getting hurt by a fuck boy anytime soon. I think Im going to talk to him about it.”

“Okay... good luck” Harrison said giving you one last quick hug before getting up to leave before class.

You were dreading having to talk to Tom. You were scared. Not scared of what he would say, more scared of what Tom wouldnʻt say.

authours note-Okay this was my first time writing in like two or more months so sorry it sucked and it was short! I tried writing this like a million times but there has been really bad storms where I live that have been messing up the wifi so I had to rewrite this a million times! Message me to be added to the tag list and also message me if you have any ideas you want written in!

taglist-

@mysticaleggshoagieopera @casualprincess77

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whispers-and-sunlight · 7 years

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A heck ton (92) of questions

Thanks @teatowelhowell for tagging me!

THE LAST

1. Drink: Gingerbread green tea

2. Phone Call: my phone says my friend although I dont remember why lmao

3. Text Message: my mum asking her to pick me up haha

4. Song You Listened To: Living as a Ghost- GEMS

5. Time You Cried: like 2 or 3 nights ago?

HAVE YOU EVER

6. Dated Someone Twice: never even dated someone once lmao

7. Been Cheated On: see above :’)

8. Kissed Someone And Regretted It: cant regret kissing someone if youve never kissed anyone B) life hack

9. Lost Someone Special: no

10. Been Depressed: no

11. Gotten Drunk and Thrown Up: noooo whenever i drink i always get really paranoid about being sick haha

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. light blue

13. lilac

14. silver

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. Made New Friends: ye boii

16. Fallen Out of Love: no

17. Laughed Until You Cried: yes

18. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You: no

19. Met Someone Who Changed You: maybe in small ways but i dont think so

20. Found Out Who Your True Friends Are: yes

21. Kissed Someone On Your Facebook: no

22. How Many of Your Facebook Friends Do You Know in Real Life: all of them i think haha i dont use it anymore

23. Do You Have Any Pets: yess i have a cat he is a special boye

24. Do You Want To Change Your Name: nah ive always hated my my name but im slowly getting over it haha (plus itd feel kinda weird to just change it?)

25. What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday: nothing much, just had some friends over lol i have a boring life

26. What Time Did You Wake Up: today at 9 but when i dont have school it can be any time from 8 to 12 lmao

27. What Were You Doing at Midnight Last Night: going through music to make a top jams playlist :’)

28. Name Something You Cannot Wait For: death im going on holiday in a few days!

29. When Was The Last Time You Saw Your Mother: like 10 minutes ago

30. What is One Thing You Wish You Could Change About Your Life: id like to be more confident and outgoing and more motivated haha

31. What Are You Listening To Right Now: Past Lives - BØRNS

32. Have You Ever Talked To a Person Named Tom: yeah like 5 years ago

33. Something That Is Getting On Your Nerves: um idk my lips are kinda chapped lol

34. Most Visited Website: tumblr probably :(

35. Elementary: (im not really sure what this question is haha) it was fun i guess

36. High School: im in high school now, my last year once we go back after summer. I met most of my current friends there so :’)

37. College/University: not there yet but im having to decide about university and stuff atm yikes, im thinking about studying something related to business

38. Hair Colour: brown. not light or dark, just brown lol

39. Long Hair or Short Hair: relatively but not like crazy long? about boob level lmao

40. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: im not sure tbh maybe a lowkey crush yikes

41. What Do You Like About Yourself: i think i have quite nice eyes lol i have been blessed with long eyelashes.

42. Piercings: i have my ears pierced but thats it, and i probably wont want anything else in the future im too much of a wimp haha

43. Blood Type: idk my dude

44. Nickname: id prefer not to say in case irl friends find this lol

45. Relationship Status: v single

46. Zodiac Sign: leo

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV Show: game of thrones, nbc hannibal probably, im not sure off the top of my head haha

49. Tattoos: none atm but id maybe like one at some point? idk its a big commitment and im v indecisive

50. Right or Left Hand: left

FIRST

51. Surgery: ive never had surgery

52. Piercing: ears when i was 12

54. Sport: ballet when i was like 3 if that counts lol

55. Vacation: cyprus

56. Pair of Trainers: idk its not a moment that really stands out haha

57. Eating: surprisingly i dont remember the first time i ate something but i love garlic bread lol

58. Drinking: first time i got drunk i was 15 (on new years eve w my family lmao how wild)

59. I’m About To: stay sat down for like 4 hours probably

60. Listening To: Guillotine- Jon Bellion its a bop lol

61. Waiting For: idk nothing really?

62. Want: a gf lol free spotify premium :(

63. Get Married: yeah

64. Career: idk maybe accountancy (v exciting i know)

YOUR TYPE

65. Hugs or Kisses: hugs

66. Lips or Eyes: eyes (also id just like to say brown eyes are v nice and underrated)

67. Shorter or Taller: taller but thats not asking much bc im short

68. Older of Younger: older

70. Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: um idc really but i do love a good arm

71. Sensitive or Loud: i kinda need someone whos loud sometimes bc im bad at talking but sensitive is good, can you not be both?

72. Hook Up or Relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or Hesitant: hesitant i guess?

HAVE YOU EVER

74. Kissed a Stranger: no

75. Drank Hard Liquor: yeah

76. Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: never properly lost, but ive forgotten where ive put my glasses for periods of like 5 minutes many times

77. Turned Someone Down: no someone would have to ask first haha

78. Sex on First Date: lol

79. Broken Someone’s Heart: probably not

80. Had Your Heart Broken: no

81. Been Arrested: no

82. Cried When Someone Died: no one i know in real life

83. Fallen For a Friend: no but ive had a lowkey crush on a friend yikes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84. Yourself: lol no (i guess i do sometimes, but not enough)

85. Miracles: no

86. Love at First Sight: not really

87. Santa Claus: no :(

88. Kiss on First Date: do what feels right my dude im not against it

89. Angels: no

OTHER…

90. Current Best Friend’s Name: i must maintain anonymity lol but it begins with an E

91. Eye Colour: blue-ish green-ish grey lol

92. Favourite Movie: the lion king, primal fear, ex machina, idk i always forget favs lmao

im not sure how many people to tag so if you want to do it and youre not tagged pls do anyway lol (also sorry if youve already done this just ignore this haha)

@existentialshoelace, @planter-lester, @daniels-knee, @iihappydaysii, @lovinghowlter , @bitakalla, @meow309, @krystalinetg, @starlightlesster

#tag #why are most of the tags not working?? i h8 tumblr mobile #the tags are there on my laptop #uhhhhh hh #also where is the read more #i guess ill tag everyone here and hope they see it lol #existentialshoelace #planter-lester #daniels-knee #iihappydaysii #lovinghowlter #bitikalla #meow309 #krystalinetg #starlightlesster

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pensurfing · 5 years

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Caitlin’s Three Things List

Okay, so moments (probably hours by the time I finish this) ago I wrote a goals list that I think is good for self-evaluation. (Keyword: This is what I think. results may vary depending on what you’re looking for.)

I’m going to hop to it and answer some of these that I laid out in hopes of having a better idea of what I want to accomplish.

The Three Things Lists!

1) Three things that went well this year.

* Audience growth

So once upon a time, I grew a pretty decent following due to creating an Inktober Prompt list. My expectations: Maybe two of my friends would do this, maybe. And then one stranger that has followed me for a while. (There are a few followers I recognize their username because if I post something they always like it and for some reason that keeps me going.)

But because of this prompt, I was exposed to MANY new creators and illustrators that I now enjoy chatting with and following! Instagram had the biggest maintained growth. I’m excited to create for an audience that actually expects me to create and not just for friends who see my things “whenever they aren’t busy”. (Not to bash them or anything, just there are a lot where unless I tell them, they don’t see the posts I make.)

Another surge of growth in my audience was due to tabling at conventions this year. I was terrified to show my work let alone attempt to sell it to someone. Tabling at cons not only boosted my confidence but also quieted one of my ever going demons. “YoU sUcK aT dRaWiNg CaItLiN.” “How do you have a degree? oh right, you just barely passed.” I can’t say this is the case, there is an audience that genuinely enjoys my scribbles. So I am forever thankful to Atlanta Comic Con for giving me that chance. It honestly opened a few doors for me.

**Process

I’ve gotten more comfortable with showing my process. It can be messy, crisp, and illogical. But turns out the people who enjoy my content enjoy my scrambled thoughts. It’s something about not being alone in this sort of sense that calms the nerves.

So I can say with chest poked out that sharing process has gotten MUCH better. I can thank a self-help book I bought this year that was a FANTASTIC BUY. Austin Kleon has [two] (currently? If he has more then I’m buying it like people buy a name brand.) books that helped me see that it is GREAT to share not only the process but advice. “Show Your Work” is the book I’m talking about for now. Great tips, the outline is on the back of the book. So if you’re like me, I need to clearly see what I might be getting into, you might have a ball.

And finally, (not calling myself out on this but other) If you’re going to respond to people when they ask you “how do you___?” do not answer “Google it”. That is the rudest thing I’ve seen some of even my FAVORITE illustrators do; that response can burn in hell. PERIODT. (my one typo allowed.)

*** Art Style Exploration

For those who think college will help you establish an art style that you’ll enjoy or help nourish the one you currently have.... Let me save you over 80K.... No, the fuck it won’t.

That was the biggest thought I had going into art school. If anything, it confused me more and utterly destroyed what little confidence I had in my drawing style. After graduating, I had a huge swing from how I used to draw to how my art currently looks. I stopped trying to please the one professor who stood between me and my degree and started drawing to please my tastes. And guess what? That did something. And that something WORKED. I love what I draw now; I see why I chose this as my career path. I’m genuinely happy with how my pieces turn out versus in college just wanting to turn the damn thing in and hoping it isn’t an F.

2) Three things you could have handled better.

* The loss of a good paying client.

Now hear me out when I say this: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL a good client. Say that three times and then exhale.

Back earlier this year, I had the opportunity to work with a writer who gave me hell and back. And even that is an understatement. I dealt with her because in school you were taught “if they pay on time, finish the work and get the exposure.”

I’m here to tell you my lesson learned: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL good exposure, good pay, a good client.

I was doing the work of three for the price of one and a half. (And was always told I charged too much.) She tried abusing this power with friends of mine, with other illustrators. When things turned out bad, she tried saying it was my fault. She read my contract and then tried telling me I changed the wording, I purposely did this thing, another thing was my fault. I could go on with this story.

The part that I wish I handled better?

How I treated myself afterward. I’m so used to people telling me, “Cait, this is what you do wrong. This is how you fix it.” that I don’t consider my own feelings, and when I bring my feelings into the scenario they no longer matter. Because they tell me they don’t matter. In this case, I wish I had treated me better, because my feelings, my mental health, DOES matter.

**My Patience Getting Into Conventions.

Pretty self-explanatory. I got into one, finished one, and wanted to do eight more in a week. But this sort of thing just takes time and I need to accept that.

***My losses

I had to listen to a Little Mix song to actually learn this one. The context of the song is nowhere near the topic at hand. But a verse from Power feat Stomzy really packs a punch after this year:

“ You look him in the eye and say, "I know I'm not a guy But see there's power in my losses and there's power in my wins" “

I had to look one of my demons in the face, and state something similar. My loses mean I’m trying. My loses piling shows I’m not willing to give up easily, and that is something that took a while to be content with.

3) Three things artistically you want to improve on.

*Composition

It’s not awful, but it can be better.

**Color

I told this BOLDLY if I might add while critiquing someone else’s portfolio; “Your color palette is boring. All your [things] look as if they are from the same universe, during the same time of day, with the same kind of mood. After three photos it’s bland, boring, and understood you have a preference.”

Can you say damn Cait? The statement was, in fact, true, but I certainly could not talk. My color palette is mainly bright, pop, and happy. In order to tell a story, I KNOW it is best told with color. And I failed myself this year. But I sure won’t next year.

***My Damn Tag

Okay, alright. Why is it well-established artists have their tag figured out? Even some who’s art style is so recognizable (I’m looking HEAVILY at you Gabriel Piccolo.) we know it’s theirs, seem to have a tag that suits them and works for them. But more importantly, they put it in A VERY DECENT SPOT. SOMEONE SHARE THIS SCIENCE WITH ME? CAUSE APPARENTLY I DON’T GET IT.

4) Three things you want to focus on trying.

*More backgrounds.

As much as it pains me, I need to improve on backgrounds and perspective. When I do make backgrounds, I’m told I make great pieces. That I should look into becoming a background artist. And don’t get me wrong, I like them. But I don’t like them.

I feel as though I need to improve in that region so that way I don’t feel as though it’s a weakness of mine. My backgrounds are nice, but they aren’t nice to my standards.

**More designs

I love character designs, but let’s be real. If you were to scroll down my site or my Instagram page, or even this Tumblr archive, could you tell?

I draw characters a lot sure, but none are designs. No process, no sheets, no turnarounds, none of that. So that’s a huge goal of mine for 2019.

***Scheduling posting

At one point I was pretty good at this. Live stream in Instagram and Twitter, cool. Videos on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Cool. Everywhere gets a photo, everywhere gets a silly one-liner. Yay. I’m not leaving anything out.

Well by the end of this year that totally crumbled.

SO I want to try getting better at that thing there. Because having attempted this at the end of the year was cool, but it still wasn’t enough apparently.

5) Three positive things to tell yourself.

* You are an inspiration. That’s all you wanted to be in life, you did it. I’m proud of you.

**You didn’t kill yourself like you tried to; you opened up about it for once and used that pint up anger creatively. That is very hard to do, trust. I’m proud of you.

***You moved on, matured, and let it go. Even when the goddess inside you told you these peasants didn’t deserve your light, your friendship, your greatness. I’m proud of you.

I’m just proud of me for not snapping when I had every right to; not everything deserves a reaction.

6) Three negative things you want to leave for 2018.

*Comparisons

Oh boy. I am extremely guilty for this: I’ll compare myself to a well-known illustrator my age. I’ll compare myself to friends who are in the field having a blast and getting work; I’ll compare myself to friends who aren’t in the field and they struggle at getting work. I’ll compare myself to the kid I graduated high school with who is traveling the world, is able to eat, come home to his dog and relax because he doesn’t have tuition to pay. I’ll compare myself to these goddamn baby boomers who keep repeating “We didn’t have it hard, you’re just being stupid. Millennials aka our children deserve to starve. We’ll just put our faith in our grandchildren because screw the kids we raised and refuse to pay accordingly. $7 an hour worked in my day, they need to make it work now.” I’ll compare myself to fake people I created in my head and purposely made scenarios and wonder why I’m not like them, said creations I made because I was pretty low for ten minutes...

I just compare myself too much. To any damn body. It’s draining, obnoxious and most of all pointless. My new motto for next year is: “Unless it is helping you grow yourself, your brand, your spirituality, don’t do it.”

I’m not comparing my chapter two to someone’s chapter thirty-five. I’m not even comparing my chapter two to someone else’s chapter two. I need to stop doing that PERIOD! My journey is different, unique, and worth seeing through.

**Listening to negative others.

A couple of years ago, I lost a close friend around the time my aunt passed away. During this time I was hypersensitive to any and everything done or said; I also kept many walls up to hide my mourning. He caught the crossfire of all of that. I kept secrets from him I was too prideful of admitting and lashed out because of the emotional turmoil I kept suppressed. While in the midst of packing his things and leaving my life, he mentioned that I was a failure because I was unemployed and artistically speaking I hadn’t accomplished anything; that I would remain that way because that’s just the person I deserved to be. Now mind you, I graduated college that year; he was a flunk out. I changed my art style dramatically compared to when I started school to pass; he thought just posting crappy pictures of lukewarm sketches were equivalent. I started attempting trends and all he could do was copy. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to bash my old friend. If he were to come back into my life and move on like nothing had happened I’d do the same. (With some limitations.)

It’s just while typing out this scenario, of our four-year friendship I can’t think of one nice thing/compliment/gesture he has said to me. That’s my problem.

I can be praised, admired, and look highly upon for years straight. But my problem is I let others negative thinking and comments marinate with me for a long while. Too long of a while.

Another example is my mother’s friend. (My mom has many friends that do this shit, but this one stung more.)

This friend always roots for me; treats me like a person, and encourages my artistic journey. I consider her family before my actual relatives.

We went over for some barbeque the family was having and I was ready. Black Hallmark Cookouts, laughing, good food, good music, shit talking others teams. She asked me a harmless question of when was I going to quit my day job. Seemed like nothing at first, until the added gest of what she continued with. “All I’m saying is you can’t do [your day job] forever. That will get old. If the art thing doesn’t work out next year what’s plan b?”

I’m not a calm person (usually). Normal Caitlin would have cursed her out and mentioned how just because she chose a job to settle and be miserable at for most of her life doesn’t mean I have to follow suit. But again, of all the nice encouraging things she has done, said, and showed, for a while, I couldn’t think of it.

So I pray I let go of this nasty behavior in 2018; it’s going to be hard but it is dire.

***Saying I’m Not Enough

Alright, now put the combination of the two above in a bowl and what do you get? A Caitlin who struggles in interviews and applying for jobs because I let comparisons and negative comments rule my thoughts. This stopped me from applying to jobs I would have been perfect for; internships that could have helped me; posting art online.

We (including me) have to stop thinking that in order to be an illustrator means we have to pass a certain threshold of struggle, success, and a huge number of followers. That isn’t the job description. NO JOB DESCRIPTION has ”must have at least 10K followers on Instagram or Twitter.” nOnE.

So we (including me) need to stop treating ourselves this way. Period.

7) Three things you’re looking forward to in 2019.

*Going to move conventions.

**Adding pieces to my portfolio to try again at job hunting.

***Becoming content with the fact that my current situation isn’t my permanent situation. Unless I laze around and make it so.

Alright, so this was basically me calling myself out on my noise. Lashing out my demons and putting it in writing what I want to accomplish. I hope this inspires you to write yours, even if you keep it private. I hope it guides you and maintains your vision.

I’ll see you in 2019

A new wave

Caitlin xx

#pensurfing #new years #new years resolution

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preheating-oven · 7 years

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Heres some random things about me that I’m supposed to answer or something. Thank you @spunkyghost for the tag. I’ll probably super indecisive and do this wrong but here we go.

if you had to eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

pizza, no doubt. My favorite spots are these 2 local spots by UNCC; da vincis and benny pennellos.

do you prefer writing by hand or typing?

I’m equally bad at both but I like handwriting a little better (good luck trying to decipher anything i write.)

favorite age you’ve been so far?

I’ve only been 20 for less than 2 weeks and its been my favorite so far. I’ve dedicated my time to the things that have mattered most to me and I’ve never felt more focused and in control of my life and where I’ll take myself.

proudest achievement/moment?

Hmmmm Me and some of my friends put together some really cool music just recently and put out a 3 song ep that has been super well received by not just friends but strangers as well. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do and seeing happen and listening to all the work we put into it is super gratifying. Check us out or something(; matter704.bandcamp.com

do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

I haven’t in years

apple or PC?

Apple I guess. Idk computers and their connection to capitalism creep me out.

eReaders or physical books?

Physical book for sure. Being an art major you realize very quickly that viewing things in print and on a screen are worlds, moons, galaxies different from each other, so yeah analog for life.

favorite song lyrics?

This dreaded question. I have so many to name one particular so heres a couple that have clicked with me recently.

How to never stop being sad- Dandelion Hands

repeat to yourself that they’re not really gone time has proven that fooling yourself into believing a lie is the most effective way to deal with things you have no control over keep listening to the mixtapes they made you overanalyse every single word you hear “was this a sign that things were going wrong” no no, you were the one that cared too hard, not them stay up every single night staring at your phone either attempting to gather up the courage to turn these demons, these constant reminders of your loneliness into nothing more than a bad dream or praying just for one second you could feel the warmth of equally returned love go out for coffee four times a week by yourself always bring your notebook, never stop writing leave little comics and thank you notes with your tip watch them smile as you get in your car always talk down on yourself whenever possible my life is shit because i deserve it, right? you must have done something real bad its nearly impossible for you to cry now avoid your friends for weeks even though they’re the only sense of consistency you have left in your life, if they really wanted to see you they’d come, but they won’t (who cares?) allow yourself to lose interest in the things you love watch as you begin to take a backseat to the world around you, don’t fight it become a secondary character in your own motion picture but most importantly drown every single one of your feelings in old stolen rum, learn to love the taste of it dripping down your throat find comfort in the warmth coming from your stomach, you’re drinking bottled love now you don’t need other people to drive away your loneliness you just needed to find a way to talk to it.

Any turnover song will do the trick too. Also Doused by Diiv, and Adversity by beach fossils are my favorite of all time. Idk i listen to so much music and i’m leaving so many things out.

last movie that made you cry?

Not a new or original one but Eternal Sunshine will do it every time without fail.

last book that made you laugh?

Idk books are weird for me. More of a non fiction kind of guy so maybe less humor is involved? Idk maybe my photo history text book?

pessimist or optimist? or pragmatist?

Pragmatist 5sure.

if you could dye your hair any color, what color would you choose?

My hair was pink before i cut it all off but yeah that was cool maybe blue? Idk ill have to grow it back out before i consider dying it again.

what’s the last song you listened to?

How does it feel- Citizen, Absolute banger.

favorite book genre?

Photo essays are my gd jam. I really just like pictures rather than word but pictures and words are sick.

one new hobby/skill you’d like to learn someday?

Making clothes. I’ve always wanted to design clothes but haven’t really gotten around to it.

quote you like?

“I think the world is horrible, but I’ve realized there’s light in the darkness,”- Nan Goldin

what kind of super power would you want to have?

Time travel would be so fricken cool yo.

what fictional world would you most like to visit?

Japan lol. But probably wherever Princess Mononoke is.

least favorite food(s)?

Guac. Fight me. Also peanut butter.

pencil or pen?

Pen

early bird or night owl (or neither)?

Both, I hardly sleep. I love the stillness of both but still love the hustle and bustle of being in such a populated area. I like being awake. Sleep is unproductive and frankly boring since i dont really dream.

absolute dream job? (it doesn’t have to be a real job)

Just being an artist. Whether its photos, music, or whatever; I just want to be creative.

So yeah thats some of me for you all. Ask me questions and stuff about this stuff if it peaks your interest. If you follow me and see this you should definitely do this bc i really don’t remember who i follow on here.

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