#he is doing so many things to my brain

[gible-love-nibles]

Kissing him on the mouth wouldn't fix all my problems, but it would fix some of them

#🐉🎮.txt #lead me save me from my solitude 🎭🔧 #i'm having a real big yearning moment rn gamers #he is doing so many things to my brain #it's. extremely unfair that he cannot hug me or cuddle me rn. extremely so >:( #if i talked about all my thoughts on this man we'd be here all night. so i won't. for now at least

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them. #hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore. #but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

some misc Barn & Wally doodles from the past week or so <3 i heart them

#i read 'barnaby bites wally out of affection' exactly Once and it imprinted in my brain forever #its so damn cute... what the fuck... who authorized that.... #one thing about me: yes i Will exaggerate size differences. no im Not sorry #listen one thing i love more than the big guy & their lil buddy dynamic #is big guy & their lil buddy 'rough-housing' #where it looks vicious but the big guy is actually being so so gentle and careful <3 #it kills me every time!!! #AND THESE TWO ARE PERFECT FOR BOTH BABEYYYYYY #the bestiessssss themmmmm them them them #i have so many thoughts / feelings about them and many of them Directly Conflict <3 #scribble salad #welcome home #wait when. when did i start drawing barnaby so damn much #every other scribble is Him #uh oh! looks like hes Blorbo!!! #anyhow sometimes i sit on doodles for Days and Days #until it occurs to me that hey. i can post these #i havent been scribbling much bc ive been chipping away at comms when i have the free time to do Art #the only non-comm stuff have been silly warmups riperoni #BUT! AHA! last week's me (early this week???) was in their Barnaby & Wally feels!!! #providing current me with Crumbs to post!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

If I was in a lucid dream with a ghost, I would simply impress them with my blunt rolling skills

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #mdzs au #MDZS disco elysium au #This is brought to you by my Scrambled Egg brain - slowly burning up as I try to finish a long comic for this AU. #I hoped it would be done several days ago but I've changed things so many times....It is now Very Close to being done! #I probably should have just posted each page daily but at this point I'm just being stubborn. I want it complete and together. #Ruining the surprise a bit to say 'yeah its a digital art comic' #But its been tricky figuring out the style I want to use for it! #hence the swaths of MSpain(t) doodles that boil down to 'how would this look if I did X?' #I wanted to do a fully Black & White Ink style. But I scrapped it. Then I did small bits of colour. And scrapped it. Sigh. #This comic started out as just the first panel and then my brain went 'hold on. Its time to make a dumb joke' #Any disco elysium fans who finished the game probably know the scene I'm doing for the *actual* comic after seeing this <3 #Anyways I know in my heart LWJ would roll the worst blunts ever his first time. And then dedicate himself to the rolling craft- #-until he has finally mastered it. He would roll blunts so good that people would hire him and pay him a monthly salary for it. #But he declines. His master blunts are for his beloved and his beloved alone. #wwx would roll above average but after having lwj do it for him he can ever go back.

[sneez]

pathologic but it's a lost 1920s german expressionist film [id under cut]

[id:

image 1: a digital drawing of a fake poster, using bright colours and rough, painterly brushstrokes. the title, 'pest' (german for 'plague'), is written at the top in spiky black text. in the foreground a man dressed as a tragedian is staring intently at the viewer, his hands raised and splayed as if in horror. in the background, the town is framed against a red sky, with the polyhedron in yellow behind.

images 2 and 3: fake casting sheets for the film, with the names of the actors and the characters they are playing above a black-and-white portrait photograph of them. all the text is in german. in english it reads: 'Pest', a film by Robert Wiene Alfred Abel as Victor Kain Ernst Busch as Grief Lil Dagover as Katerina Saburova Ernst Deutsch as the Bachelor Carl de Vogt as Vlad the Younger Marlene Dietrich as the Inquisitor Willy Fritsch as Mark Immortell Alexander Granach as Andrey and Peter Stamatin Bernhard Goetzke as General Block Dolly Haas as the Changeling Ludwig Hartau as the Haruspex Brigitte Helm as Anna Angel Brigitte Horney as Maria Kaina Emil Jannings as Big Vlad Gerda Maurus as Yulia Lyuricheva Lothar Menhert as Georgiy Kain Asta Nielsen as Lara Ravel Ossi Oswalda as Eva Yan Fritz Rasp as Stanislas Rubin Conrad Veidt as Alexander Saburov and Tragedian Paul Wegener as Oyun Gertrud Welcker as Aspity

image 4: four digital sketches of set designs for various locations. all are strongly influenced by expressionist imagery, using extreme angles, warped perspective, and dramatic shapes. they are labelled 'street 1' (a street lined with houses), 'street 2' (a square with a lamppost and a set of steps), 'polyhedron exterior' (the polyhedron walkway), and 'cathedral interior' (the dais at the far end of the cathedral).

image 5: four digital drawings in a black-and-white watercolour style, showing fake stills from the film. all are similarly distorted and lit by dramatic lighting. the first shows katerina's bedroom, with katerina standing in the centre of the floor. the second shows the interior of an infected house. the third shows daniil staring out of the frame in horror, one hand on his head and the other raised as if to ward something off. the fourth shows an intertitle with jagged white text reading 'the first day' against a dark background.

end id.]

#pathologic #artwork #conrad veidt #(i know there are many other actors but i dont have tags for them my bad) #anyway :D this has been my brain project for the past week or so i have been thinking about it so much #i have so many more things i want to draw for it but i am trying to hold myself back. for the sake of my Wrists #also obviously the cast list is way whiter than it should be for pathologic but german expressionist cinema was not particularly diverse an #i was trying to go for realism so apologies for that #i had so much fun with these i dont normally draw locations because i prefer drawing people but i found it so much more enjoyable #when i could mess around with the perspective and make stuff look wacky. thank you expressionism i love you expressionism #also it goes without saying that i was most heavily inspired by the cabinet of dr caligari (which is why i went with robert wiene. he would #do such a great job i think) #i hope you are all well my friends :D kiss you

[mumblesplash]

pov you’re the wither and you have about 30 seconds to live

(the marks under his eye just say ‘RIP’ in sga/enchantment table language if anyone was curious)

#my art #witchcraft smp #smajor95 #i just thought it was funny seeing as his whole deal is not letting people do that #the idea was actually that he was *about* to summon the wither which is why the sword’s in his off hand you know what nobody cares topsy #the witchcraft smp kinda got me tho ngl i literally have like 4 things i want to draw from this episode alone #i keep saying this but i really need to start just posting stuff and not letting myself finish it bc i want to draw so many #and frankly almost none of it needs to be polished but i keep getting carried away and not having time for other drawings >:[ #i even do this fully aware that people in general like sketches *more* than finished stuff! my brain doesn’t care! #anyway enough about me how about those block game witches

[c-kiddo]

hi fir! (: wondering if you have any sketchbook doodles lately? i love ur lil doods sm 🫶

aw :' ) thank u . here is some ùna and ava things

#have other things but. owl girl and butch he/she/they upon ye #asks #myart #ùnaava #2024 #described #(in alt text ) #maybe i should do combined posts of just random sketches but i doont knooooow . so many random portraits bc doodling #also lots of shai-hulud at the moment. dune in my brain lol

[bitchthefuck1]

Tom's line about Shiv being selfish and "find[ing] it very hard to think about me" is actually so telling because while it's absolutely true that she rarely takes his position into consideration, Tom never once thinks about what he can do to help Shiv unless it also benefits him.

Every single time he makes a move or sacrifice that might help her, it's always something that he thinks will give him a leg up. He volunteers to take the fall for cruises, not for Shiv, who is in no way implicated, or even for Waystar, but because he thinks it'll ingratiate him to Logan, and the second it seems like he might have to actually follow through on that, he immediately tries to get out of it and even throws Shiv under the bus. Meanwhile, for all that Shiv disregards his interests, there are a number of things she does that only help him, and she's the one who actually sacrifices something and undermines her position with Logan to beg him not to let Tom go to jail.

It just makes it so clear that no matter how much he might love her (and I think he does, in his own compromised way), for him their relationship was always built on the underlying assumption that it's her job to prop him up, but it's not his job to help her.

#i rewatched that ep a few days ago and this was just cooking in my brain for a bit #their relationship is so messy and interesting i want to watch them get a divorce on a loop forever #and like. the wildest thing is that Tom does occasionally do things that don't serve him to help someone else. but its always greg #which you might say is ultimately down to the power dynamics (shiv can do more for tom than he can for her and tom can do more for greg) #but there are still plenty of points where tom actually does have the power to help shiv and chooses not to #and I love how succession never really has a clear 'what this character is telling you is 100% the truth of the story' moments #anytime a character is making a statement like 'this is who you are/who i am' or 'this is what i really want/what you really want' there's #always some kernel of truth to it but the narrative they're spinning is almost never fully honest #you can't take any of it at face value and it's such a good way of showing how they're always on some level 'playing the game' #and like. at a time when so many stories are basically spoon-feeding their audiences it's so nice to have a story that trusts you to #sort through it all and see what's real and what's not and rewards you for putting that work in #succession #4x07 tailgate #succession season 4 #failmarriage #shiv roy #tomshiv #tom wambsgans #siobhan roy

[necessarymeanstoanend]

spade represents the tip of a pike; an implement for killing

alex’s

white void of doom

sketch and background element/scribble that isn’t really visible but i’m sharing just in case anybody did notice it.

other details

#now i have to draw one for alex *sobs* #how tf do you guys come up with backgrounds for EVERY DRAWING?! oh my god. i’m not creative enough for this bullshit #two things i discovered with this drawing: 1) birds are hard af to draw. 2) wet black hair is hard af to draw #you guys have no idea how many purple hues are actually in this art piece #this is like if dream and jessamy happened to have met under way worse circumstances #anyway let me know if you guys have any ideas for alex’s (i have no idea when exactly i’ll actually get around to it but still) #bones and shit #a majority of this one was inspired by The Locked Tomb fanart and symbolism #6 hours and 34 minutes but i’m gonna guess that roughly an hour and a half of that was me trying to figure out a background #tom sturridge #like minds #murderous intent #like minds 2006 #nigel colbie #art #fanart #drawing #digital art #nigel colbie fanart #artist of tumblr #like minds art #nigel colby #<- including the old tag bc why not #somebody get this movie out of my brain #scoop it out along with all the other useless shit i keep in there #i was thinking maybe alex’s should be the complete opposite of this #like instead of his head being turned down it would be turned upwards #maybe he should be wearing the clothes he did when we first saw him with sally rowe (or maybe his school uniform) #i ​definitely want both of them to be side profiles and the theme is going to have to be somewhat consistent as well #<<‹ these tags are mostly so i remember my own thought process but feel free to leave your two cents

[pineappical]

that one scene where ted jumped and hit his head on the door frame.. which actually turned out to be an accident and jsuds had to get several stitches for 😭

i think it is pretty funny how often he gets into shenanigans that i wonder if beard just ends up getting a sense for when it happens (and along with the disguise kit, he also owns a med kit) and is always prepared 😌

(also ted is fine, he got a stern talk from both rebecca and beard, but other than his ego, he's fine 💛)

#ted lasso #ted lasso fanart #blood // #coach beard #doodling these inbetween comms.... ill do an actual drawing soon :3 #pn.art #ted hits his head on so many things because hes that tall that its a wonder his noggin is still intact #come on girl!! is your brain souped yet? 😭 #GAHH IM JUST THINKING ABOUT HIM AGAIN DONT LOOK AT MEEE RAAAHHH #so funny remembering some of my mutuals still follow my art blog AAAHHH GAY PEOPLE UPON YE

[needylittlegirl]

if you dont “believe” in aftercare you deserve to get run over by a bus btw

#tbd #saw a crazy tweet now im just thinkin abt how many people dont think aftercare is necessary #my ex didnt think it was needed ever #he would do crazy things specifically to avoid anything that could be taken as care or intimacy after sex #and it did awful things to my brain!! #i have such a weird relationship with sex now because i’ve never experienced aftercare #its crazy that people think its an absolute necessity #i remember one time he left immediately like he always did #so obviously i started crying cause its very confusing to have sex and then the person just walks out not even 5 mins after!! #especially for how young i was it was Confusing #and he came back cause he forgot his wallet or something so he saw me crying #got mad at me it become an argument etc etc cause i told him why i was crying #and he said to me and i Quote #‘expecting a guy to care about you after sex is idiotic and immature- #‘you should be glad you’re even getting laid in the first place so take what you can get and stop expecting guys to care abt anything else’ #which is an insane thing to say and i Believed it for years #the fact i was sitting there crying and i told him it was bc he made me feel like he hated me and i was awful and a worthless girlfriend?? #and that was his response ??? how crazy do you have to be #anyways. aftercare is always necessary and if you dont provide then one of you is gonna be suffering

[vintageseawitch]

"omg i didn't know this book was based off a REYLO fanfic waaaah i don't like that 😭😭"

#reylo #kylo ren #pro kylo ren #ben solo #pro ben solo #anti tros #pro the last jedi #fanfic #reylo fanfic #ali hazelwood #the love hypothesis #love on the brain #love theoretically #not a fan of how people dislike kylo & say mean things about him #there are PLENTY of pathetic villains y'all simp over #you just don't like that it's not original star wars #since these folks also talk horribly about the prequels 🙄 #SO EDGY #oh no he massacred so many people #THERE ARE SO MANY VILLAINS THAT DO THIS & YOU LOVE THEM #anyways my precious bby Kylo did nothing wrong 😇🤗 #he's the best guy around #what murdahhh

[tennessoui]

Obikin body swap idea: getting to see how the other half lives. Anakin just being super flustered by the idea that when he touches himself he's touching his master even for innocent things like running his fingers through his hair or getting to touch his beard.

Meanwhile Obi-Wan is trying to cope with how overstimulating Anakin's connection to the force is and even the best shields only dampen it slightly. Inner peace? He doesn't know her.

ooo i feel like when we talk about obikin body swap, this is always what we go with (overwhelmed by his master's body! anakin and overwhelmed by how anakin experiences the force! obi-wan), and it's good it's great i think these are great interpretations of the characters and i can see why it's such a popular take on obikin body swap

so what if that but also:

anakin overwhelmed by how little time obi-wan actually has to himself and how busy he is and him realizing that it's not that obi-wan purposefully doesn't spend as much time with him as he wants it's that obi-wan's body walks down a corridor and two younglings want him to give them a sparring demonstration, four Council meetings are scheduled, and one archives padawan is coming incessantly wanting to ask if he's ready for book club this week because she has thoughts on the last chapter

+

obi-wan unused to how strong he feels, how easy the Force suddenly is to manipulate; sure it's loud and i have a soft spot for that sort of headcanon about how anakin experiences the force, but i think we can't forget it wouldn't just just be overstimulating for anakin: it makes him powerful as fuck. obi-wan feels tired and the mechno arm hurts and it's straining his shoulder so he decides to use the force to call his datapaad over from its charging spot, but it zooms over so fast it shatters on impact with the wall

+

anakin overwhelmed by the new and unfamiliar aches and pains of obi-wan's body, the way he hurts when he wakes up, the way long space travel makes him feel sick and stiff

+

obi-wan realizing how persistent the chancellor is when it comes to comming and meeting anakin for lunch--oh lunch won't work what about tea oh tea won't work what about opera----

+

anakin trying spicy food for the first time in obi-wan's body and he's.... actually fine???? cue realizing that obi-wan was just pretending when he was younger to not like spicy food the bastard. (upon confrontation, obi-wan says, 'well it just seemed to mean so much to you on a personal level that i wouldn't be able to handle the heat of tatooinian food, i didn't want to disappoint you but you should really try stewjoni cuisine')

+

obi-wan realizing quite quickly that uh. anakin was not ever faking his very low alcohol tolerance

#asks #obikin #do not get me wrong i like a) the switched body trope #and b) the 'anakin is confronted with having everything he has always coveted and yet must resist' trope #paired with c) the 'anakin's connection with the force is deafening and loud and no one else could handle it' #trope well enough #especially when im in the particular mood for b or c (c is rarer for me but i have a soft spot for it) #but i feel like there are so many tropes to pull in for body swap #so many things that would overwhelm each other just about their daily lives #and before someone says something about obi-wan not being able to handle spice or scottish food isnt spicy #those are headcanons that i switch around whenever i want based on my mood i am a river i am a stream etc stewjon can be whatever i want #idk maybe ive just seen asks answered by other blogs with these specific tropes or im combining them in my head or smthng #cant really trust my brain most of the time

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Not sure if this theory makes any sense at all but I'm starting to believe that there's no time skip between Wally's phone calls and what we see/hear in the show's Media/Merchandise. If we see the Toyland call being made before the Homewarming episode then it would make sense that Wally's expecting Barnaby to come over soon. As well as the Homewarming sketch from the prior update. (I don't know, still kind of brainstorming this perspective)

that theory Does make sense and i've been considering it! the "timeline" is such a nebulous thing right now because we still... don't really know! there are too many variables and too many Maybes for any solid answer.

maybe the reality that the neighbors live in exists outside of time like you say, and like half of me suspects. there's so much reality fuckery already present, but I'm also... unsure of how much merit this holds given what we know / can infer about how time passes in Home. i'm putting this theory on a low shelf to look at but not prioritize

maybe it really has been 50 years, and Barnaby is either still around / Wally is still in contact with him, or Barnaby... isn't there. who knows, maybe Wally was just verbalizing some Wishful Thinking. i mean, Wally is a bit of an unreliable narrator, isn't he? we can't assume that everything he says is entirely accurate or truthful. and i mean, if it's been 50 years it makes sense that Wally would be pushing for connection / to revive WH. who knows how long he's been trying.

hm... i mean. it could be a mix of that and the Outside Of Time theory. who knows, maybe W is receiving calls from different points in the timeline - Wally may have started out just calling, and has just graduated to invading the WH website / getting pushy with the envelopes and media that's been sent to the WHRP. maybe Wally got tired of waiting for W to respond before W was even born. who's to say!

#i mean. idk the emphasis wally puts on Its So Quiet makes my brain tilt its head #it feels like wally breaking composure before he pastes the Facade back on with '-during homewarming' #that and just the way he phrased 'everyones usually so busy so its just me and home for a long while' #Usually so busy. Usually. why not Always? or Is? #usually. #and then the 'its just me and home for a long while' #the phrasing here has Connotations i think! #homebogging #welcome home speculation #wh speculation #OF COURSE. I HAVE TO DEBUNK MYSELF! #what we hear / see from Wally is - ironically - more genuine than the WHRP's or W's recovered media (save the eddie excerpts) #the WH media shows us the ideal homewarming - where everyone is getting into the spirit and spending time together and the like #but then wally could be telling us what homewarming is Really like - lonely. quiet. #WHICH MAKES SENSE THEMATICALLY! and it mirrors how christmas time is. its marketed as this joyful thing that brings people together #when in reality its lonely and stressful. i know i certainly never feel more lonely than i do at that time of year! #so there's just. layers. right now im simultaneously believing in the time discrepancy And them existing outside of time #im leaning on the first one but you know! #BUT!!! IM CONFIDENT THAT THE HOMEWARMING WALLY WAS CALLING FROM WAS NOT THE ONE WE SAW IN THE UPDATE. #wally spoke with enough familiarity about the time of year to make me think 'hes lived through many of these hasnt he' #it could be that time Has passed for the neighbors and its been many homewarmings. #it could be that it Started as what the commercials/update showed us. #but as time passed maybe it became a time where everyone just... Isolates for one reason or another. so now it's just quiet and lonely #im still rolling it all around in my head! many factors and implications to consider w/ this update! #Take All Of This With A Grain Of Salt As Usual!

[brookheimer]

roman is free in the sense that he is free from waystar, but he is not free in the sense that he has 'escaped the cycle.' roman realized everything is bullshit and left, but that's not what actual meaningful freedom would be for roman. what rome needs is for business and family to finally make a clean separation, for him to be allowed to love his family without molding himself into an image of logan that he isn't. waystar has always been the only way the roys know how to interact with one another, and it still is. in that sense, nothing has changed. roman's declaration about the nothingness of waystar is not actually a change, because he still marries waystar to family, and thus believes family is nothingness as well -- functionally, there's little difference between that and the opposite belief that both waystar and family have meaning and are 'real.' what the roys need is to realize waystar is bullshit and family is real, but roman went from thinking both have meaning (family has meaning thus waystar has meaning) to thinking neither do (waystar is bullshit thus family is bullshit). nothing changes, the cycle keeps on cycling. finally family has been severed from waystar (what he's needed all along -- he's never really cared about the business, only his family, and the business was the only way he could be with his family, so he tried and failed time and time again to mold himself into the businessman his dad wanted him to be), and while this is a good thing, it's coupled with his realization of the hollowness of the family itself. in hindsight, this was inevitable, i think -- if waystar royco was the beating heart of the roy family (which it was), there's no conceivable severing of the two that would allow the family to maintain functionally intact.

i do think that roman will have relationships with his family after the finale (shiv is definite, con is likely, kendall is also likely because roman is incapable of not being around his family and can't imagine a world in which they don't return to each other somehow), but he's aware for the first time of the nothingness of their bonds, something that everyone has already known except for him -- something, i think, that isn't even entirely fair. they do love each other. there is something there. and now that waystar is no longer part of the equation, maybe there's hope for real relationships beyond transaction, beyond business, beyond logan. but none of them believe that to be possible. roman always used to, but for the first time, i think he's not sure. he's free of waystar, but the roys never managed to functionally healthily uncouple family and business, so being free of waystar also means being free of family -- it has to mean that. he's convincing himself it's all nothing and he doesn't care, and that won't last. but, in my opinion, neither will the distance between the siblings. i think it'll take time, but they'll come back together, albeit in varying degrees (i doubt shiv and ken will ever have quite the same relationship again, for instance). roman is free of waystar but not because he realized it's not necessary for family -- because he 'realized' family is not necessary, that family is nothing too, that everything is nothing. it's an empty sort of happiness, unsustainable and hollow. but i do think there is hope. i think it'll be okay for rome in the long run (family-wise, at least). i just don't think nihilism is a salve capable of healing deep cuts, only a bandage allowing them to stay hidden for a little while longer.

in life and in death, waystar royco and the roy family are eternal partners, inextricable from each other -- and so long as the two remain conceptually married, it'll be hard for roman to find legitimate happiness: if one is dead, then the other must be too. he ends the series the same as he started it, believing fully in logan's conception of family as a business unit (meaning now that both are bullshit), people as economic units (meaning now that both are bullshit), and roman himself as the son who couldn't be the heir and thus was never much of a son at all. logan dominates his worldview just as much as it always has. sure, roman acknowledges that everything is bullshit now, but that's even more logan than his previous viewpoint which was a naive sort of belief in family. now, it's all just bullshit. everything's bullshit. it's logan with nihilism as the dominant frame (rather than capitalism), but regardless of roman's thoughts on the meaning of things, the structure of the world is the same one that logan taught him. he is free from waystar, but he is haunted by its ghost and always will be.

#yes i said the 'roman is free (by choice) thing in one post however that was literally just to match the format of the #other parts of the post to make the con punchline work LOLL. needed to clarify my actual thoughts - that was mad oversimplification #anyways tl;dr - he's realized the business is nothing (!!) which means family is nothing (...) and logan's worldview prevails (fuck) #don't know if this makes sense or is even accurate to my thoughts bc 77% of my brain is focused on shiv rn lmaooo #succession spoilers #roman roy #casey shut the fuck up about roman roy #succession #so many thoughts to think. #idek if this is what i actually think LANDASJDNk i might change it later or post a new thing i just needed to clarify that i do not think #roman is actually free and that other post was just phrased that way to make the joke work LMAO #long post #100

[sneez]

corvin

[id: two digital drawings of corvus from the video game paladins. he is a pale-skinned young man wearing a red and black caped coat with the collar pulled up over his mouth, and has brown hair with a white streak. the first image is a portrait of him from the shoulders up alongside a full-body drawing. text beside it reads 'guy who really needs to stim but isnt letting himself so hes just standing about looking intensely uncomfortable'. the second image is a full-body drawing of him holding his pistol and knife in an action pose against a background of scenery from the game. overlayed text reads 'I'M JOINING THE WAR AGAINST AUTISM ON THE SIDE OF THE AUTISM'. end id. ]

#paladins champions of the realm #pcotr #how do i tag him he doesnt have a surname does he. or does he <- guy who doesnt know the lore #paladins corvus #that should do it. im a tagging master #anyway i have been playing more paladins than is good for my health recently and i love this guy a lot #i love For The Greater Good characters especially when they are extremely autism also #it makes me so sad that so many people hate him. i mean i get why but also Hes fun :( and sillay #my entire perspective on him changed once i realised he was autistic (which was almost immediately tbf) #everything made sense. enlightenment #anyway i cant decide if i would recommend paladins because it has kind of ruined my brain and also my sleep #schedule but if any of you already play it/play it in the future im VictorKain over there :-) #can you guess who i main. anyway feel free to friend me (altho i wont know who you are unless you message me first) #i hope you are all doing well my friends! i still have some things to answer im sorry about that i am a slow beaft #i love you all very much. kiss you on head #artwork