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anyoldfandom · 3 months

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I am actually. I am so emotional over the Salazar parents and I need to share this to tumblr too.

A lot of stories where the MC is adopted I feel. Either dismiss the biological parents and the impact they have on the kid's life, or makes them evil and abusive, framing the loss of the bio parents as a good thing, or at least something we shouldn't think about just look at this new family.

But Genrex doesn't do that. From the start, Rex wanted to find out more about his parents - it's one of his primary character motivations, next to helping people. He loves them, even though he doesn't know them.

And the more he finds out about them, the more he realizes they loved him. Rylander is consumed by guilt but as Rex's first connection to his pre-Event life, the first thing he does is hug him. And when he tells Rex about his parents, the two things Rex knows is that 1) they were scientists, and 2) that when he was in danger, they were desperate enough to use their secret, experimental technology to save him. Technology built from their desire to help the world, to save countless lives and end countless suffering.

And then. When he finds out that they were dead, he doesn't stop caring. It'd be so easy, too, to tie it up there - his parents were good people, he got his answer about them, the end. But they don't. He doesn't. Because the show is saying once again that they are his parents. He still calls them mom and dad, even as the show makes it clear Holiday and Six adopted Rex as their son. Even as the show even parallels Six and One with Rex and Six (and I will talk about that more later if I don't forget, trust me), to really drive home how much they're family. Rex even says he considers the two of them family, and later that he considers Noah, Claire and Annie family.

He has new family, the show tells us, but his old family still matters to him. He's upset that he never has the chance to meet his parents, that everything he hears about them, about his time with them, is secondhand knowledge. It tells us clearly that not only does Rex still love them, but that he still wants to know them. And everything we find out about them reinforces the love that they had for each other.

We see Abuela and the family in Mexico, who connect him to his birth family and tell him that he was so loved back then, and still is now. We see their office in Abysus through Rex's eyes. The picture of him and his dad on his desk. The drawing Rex drew, proudly pinned to the wall.

We see it in the familiarity of the drawing. That that robot, that build, was what Rex created when he was lost and scared and alone - that it was made to keep him safe. That it first appeared in his mind in a place he felt safe.

The show says, tenderly and softly, that the love is still there. That the fact these people died was nothing but a tragedy, that their love is a big part of what made Rex who he is today - that every molecule in his body is filled with their final gift to him. That every time he cures someone, every time he uses a build, every time he makes a machine - we see the love that they had for him.

And the way he quietly absorbs his father's face. The way he freezes and whispers "Mamá?" when he finds out Zag-Rs has their mother's voice. The fact that she even has her voice as a testament to Caesar's love, too - that it was meant to bring comfort and safety. The way Rex yells at Caesar when he finds out they have a family property, a connection to their past, the way he fights to protect it.

And, none of this takes away still from Six and Holiday being Rex's family too. None of this removes the work either set of parents did for him, the love either set has - the show says that it was unfair that the Salazar parents were lost. That Six and Holiday are not replacements, that they still love him as parents but play different roles in his life. They can not, and have no desire to, replace the Salazars. But Rex needs parents, he needs protectors, and so they will do what they can for him - at first out of necessity, to keep this kid they barely know safe, but then out of love. They aren't replacing what was lost, but are doing their best to do what Rex's bio parents would do. And they do mess up in it - they mess up in ways Rex's bio parents might not have. Six is clearly bad with showing affection, affection we saw the Salazars give Rex so easily, and Holiday is overworked and stressed constantly, sometimes breaking under the pressure and snapping at Rex and Six, things we never saw the Salazars do.

It's just. It's about how sometimes things will not be the same. They will be different. That doesn't mean the people you lost aren't still with you.

#This is also. Why I dislike the 'Rex was secretly made for the nanite experiments the accident was a lie' theory so much #Bc it assigns malice where the show says over and over again there was only love.#That this was only ever a tragedy of good people whose good intentions were manipulated and twisted.#And I think giving them something shitty to have done in the past especially goes against the message of the show's perspective on adoption #The family we choose is not always stronger than the family we are born to. Sometimes they are equal in different ways.#Rex's bio parents are gone but not replaced. They have also shaped who he is #Six and Holiday are just picking up where they left off. Because they have to.#Also I don't like the theory that Rex's parents are EVOs somewhere bc I think it diminishes the impact of the tragedy too.#I get. Wanting them to have a happy ending. But I think it's important to realize that this is the closest they can have to a happy ending.#Some things cannot be replaced. Or fixed. Sometimes life takes what we love and what loves us. And that is okay.#It is okay to be upset at that and it is okay to never fully move on.#'What about Caesar?' I have. Another post's worth of thoughts about him.#But I think he's also a character who is defined more by Rex by their relation and defined by the story by his guilt #I think he is the closest thing Rex has to a shitty bio family member and he is shitty in plenty of ways #But he's also a parallel to Rex in a lot of ways. He fails where Rex succeeds bc of it.#generator rex #genrex #Anyways. Sorry for the big post.

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movedtodykedvonte · 2 years

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As much as I like asshole big shot Spamton headcanons, I love the idea he was kinda normal and down to earth or more anxious/pathetic even more.

Like a lot of people make him an asshole to explain why no one helped him or why he avoided getting help cause it meant admitting to his shitty behavior. But from how everyone speaks about him before he went missing he was a decent guy, unlucky but they refer to him as prestigious and speak with regret over his downfall. He was probably a normal but shady guy (due to the phone) who was more an oddity than nuisance to those around him. A lot of him being a jerk as a big shot headcanons sorta stem from the idea he did something to deserve it or his hubris being his down fall and other than him clearly not having money to fall back on I just don’t see it that way.

A crux of Spamton’s character is that he is ultimately helpless and not in control of what happens/happened to him despite the knowledge he had been bestowed. That everyone is a puppet and he was punished for trying to be something more, something that he wasn’t. It’s a lot more bittersweet and tragic if he genuinely didn’t do anything crazy or sleazy until after his fall cause it just reinforces the idea that no matter what he did or who he made connections with or who helped him, he was never in control and someone else pulled the strings.

Spamton playing by all the phone’s rules, everyone else’s rules and still getting the short end is so befitting of his story and fits to why as a literal puppet he seems to out right refuse to adhere to any semblance of the norm or rules of convention.

#like Spamton trying to find some guidelines that tell him how to succeed and be better and do good #trying to follow every rule and strictures #just so he doesn’t mess up and doesn’t lose it all #only to be driven insane for leaning into it losing everyone and thing you loved and being tossed aside anyway #that’s so much more compelling to me than he was a jerk always and kinda got what was coming to him #like I love sleazy sales man Spamton but I also love Spamton as a puppet being like that cause he’s sick and tired of being fucking nice #aren’t you tired of being nice?#don’t you just wanna go apeshit #puppet spam at Addispam and big shot Spamton #utdr #undertale #deltarune #spamton #spamton g spamton #spamton g. addison #addispam #big shot spamton #big shot era #also makes it sadder when people still talk being his back about being weird or odd or out of place cause he genuinely is trying #he’s just like that #deltarune headcanon

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martyrbat · 4 months

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driver's seat — dc holiday special (2017)

(ID in alt!)

#AHHH SO MUCH HERE !!!#WHY IS HE LIKE THIS !!!!!#gift giving and acts of service as a love language....#which isnt a shock. afterall hes superman. everything he does everything he goves to the world—hope and peace and someone protecting it—is #acts done out of love and adoration for the planet. even earlier in the comic him hiding the jetpack and WANTING that man to succeed and ge #proper income from his invention. acts of service on a larger than life scale but also.... hes still a kansas boy and just doing little #things that matter just as much as the big ones. cooking for her. moving and rearranging furniture until shes happy. unpacking. cleaning.#carrying her when exhausted. spellchecking but never rewriting or rephrasing her work....#like from him saving the world from destruction to giving bruce kryptonite in an act of trust to just hugging her and letting her cry #just his love language always is through those acts of service before anything else #lois loving her shitty old car.... do you think she and bruce bond over it. the polycule lover in my head says yes.#the basketball seat cover...#the john mayer....#clark flying her across the sunrise painted sky and humming to replace the radio #and that adoring gaze he gives her that speaks more than words ever could....#hes such a sap and a loser i hate him :(#c: dc holiday special (2017)#crypt's panels #posts from the crypt #transcrypts #superman #clark kent #lois lane #clois

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kerorowhump · 8 months

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keroro the type of person to get very upset if he's not invited to something

#and literally invite himself like ep21 lol #headcanon #musing #he doesn't just wanna be included he wants to feel like he Belongs. it is a subtle difference from kururu in my opinion #kururu wants to feel like he matters in people's lives! yep! and so he likes to participate and be asked #but he won't be heartbroken or anything if hes left out bc hes used to it and hes low energy so hes gonna be fine #keroro i think feels extremely like he doesn't belong anywhere rn #because earth is just a foreign unknown place. unwelcoming. everything is so big. he's not a human he's not a frog. he's not home #but he just as much doesn't feel like he belong with keron and the platoon because he doesn't really wanna succeed in his goal #not like his teammates' lament of wanting to at all (despite not wanting it either! giroro open ur eyes!)#and so and so... something snth why wont you resonate with me? thank u ep31 the perfect character study on keroro #anyway yes he wants to be included in the sense he wants to feel Part of it not just to hang out but Actually to.#be part of the family. part of the team. be . NEEDED. im saying.#make sense?#i thiiiink that is why the birthday thing stings. that and he wants to be appreciated as well. like praised. know hes doing a good job.#that hes loved . that he is needed. is what he wants to know. and doesn't. :) and when hes reminder he loses all strength #consistently from what ive noticed #kururu #keroro

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cburambles · 2 years

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Been reading complaints about the lack of Rhaenys & Laena during the war of the Stepstones but their absence make sense on a strategical & political level when you consider:

They need someone to manage & keep Driftmark safe like Robb then Bran did for Winterfell. And keeping a dragon or two around is an immense advantage.

If the Velaryons fails in the Stepstones ( dragons & dragonriders are not immortals after all & we see how Daemon would sometime put himself in a vulnerable position despite being on Caraxes) & the Triarchy fully takeover the shipping lanes by controlling the islands but also sending pirates to threaten merchants ships & ports, Rhaenys, Rhaenyra & Laena would be the back-up plan, whether to protect the ships & ports or re-take the Stepstones.

The Triarchy tactics consist of retreating in the caves of the island to protect themselves from dragonfire. Assuming Laena already bonded with Vhagar, They would be able to spot her from miles away due to her size. Same for Meleys, mostly because of her color (it's also prob one of the reason as to why Daemon attempted to attack the Triarchy at night)

Sending all the dragonriders to the Stepstones after three years of war except for Rhaenyra would prob make Westeros even more look weak & desperate on a strategical & tactical level. And this episode demonstrated how even if they are compared to nukes, using dragons is more akin to manoeuvering a battlefield with attack helicopters. Adding more doesn't mean things will get better if you have no sound strategy.

The absence of Rhaenys & Laena (assuming she is also a dragonrider at the time) is likely Corlys deciding to cautiously plays the cards he has on his hands & not for some sexist reasons in the writing room.

It probably push even further that he trust Rhaenys enough to take care of his lands during the present times but also the military & political situation if he ever died during the campaign.

#hotd spoilers #house velaryon #rhaenys targaryen #laena velaryon #also been seeing ppl wondering why he would risk Laenor's life but not Laena #their situation is totally different #Laenor need to gain military experience & possibly a knighthood to succeed in that society while Laena is still raised to be a lady #like remember how rhaenyra is still the heir & she decided to pick criston cole in the kingsguard out of merit & not because #he's from some big house?#she & corlys share the same vision about these kind of things

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seishun-emergency · 1 year

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ibara learns how people work pt 23495748

#leo liveblogs #leo wonder game lb #that was part of her arc in bogie time wasnt it?#god i should reread bogie time. big fan of bogie time #but yeah iirc a lot of hajime's contributions to their bogie time team was #remembering How People Work #knowing the people that would be issuing them challenges #therefore being able to succeed those challenges according to that specific issuer's conditions #like chiaki with the bread crust lunch bc hajime knew as long as he put in An Effort chiaki would give it max pts #things that ibara would overlook because she always focuses on the material reality #and doesn't consider emotional/characteristic factors like that #anyways. fascinating shit i think #ibara saegusa

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daydreamerdrew · 1 year

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The Incredible Hulk (1968) #252

#I’m really enjoying the conflict here #that the Hulk came to help his friends but they think his presence is just making things worse and they can handle it on their own #which does seem to hurt the Hulk’s feelings because they don’t appreciate what he’s just gone through to try to help them #and then that the Hulk’s upset that his friends would tell him not to hurt people that are actively hurting him #and therefore that his friends are prioritizing other people over him #it’s not that his friends never get concerned about the Hulk getting hurt but I’d say it’s exceedingly rare #because the Hulk’s proved that he’s able to survive everything he’s already experienced #so over time the fear that someone will succeed in killing him gets diminished #and pain is temporary and so isn’t as much of a big deal #I think it’s interesting to have the Hulk pick up on that while his friends are concerned about him #that doesn’t really exceed their concern for the people around him #and who’s is more deserving of sympathy- the Hulk or the person he’s fighting #isn’t always a simple question with a simple answer #marvel #bruce banner #betty ross #rick jones #fred sloan #thunderbolt ross #my posts #comic panels

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cryptidcalling · 1 year

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Literally only using Disney Plus to watch Bluey. Talking about all my feelings in the tags (sorry, I didn't realize it would get so long)

#I freakin love this showwww like it's just so simple and wholesome and sweet #I love how the family feels like a real family but theyre still all so loving and kind #I love how it shows that sometimes parents make mistakes and its important to encourage your kids to communicate their boundaries #I love how bandit is always trying to teach them life lessons in fun ways and even if he doesn't really succeed still loves just having fun #I love the complete lack of gender stereotyping #I love how much I can relate to bluey and bingo even as a college student #I can see mu own childhood struggles so clearly in them #especially the way Bluey wants to have control over games and has a hard time explaining why it's important for her for things to be a-#-certain way. The show never belittles her for wanting things to go her way or disregards her upset feelings.#Instead it just shows ways for compromises to be made or ways for her to feel comfortable going through new experiences #I used to feel so humiliated and guilty as a child because of just... the way i was. I suspect now that I have ADHD but at the time #I had no idea. And I'd have these big reactions to things as a kid and even when I calmed down i would #feel the need to keep pretending to be feeling those big feelings because I knew if I stopped an adult would tease me about how it clearly #wasnt a big deal. And no. I know it wasn't now. But at the time I still was having these big feelings as if it was a big deal.#And my parents did find compromises. I would get really upset when I was told to leave somewhere immediately but with a 5 minute heads up I #would be perfectly fine. Being told to clean up immediately was upsetting but saying 'after dinner you need to clean' was easy #So on and so forth. But even with those compromises those big feelings still became a source of humiliation. I didn't realize how long it #stuck with me until I was 16 and I cried in front of my parents for the first time in YEARS bc my permit was going to expire and I didn't #know what to do. And I was so ashamed and humiliated and I was expecting them to make fun of me and call me dramatic like they did when I #was little. Even when they didn't I was still scared. I had to ask my dad directly if he thought I only cried to get my way.#He said that he didn't think that and that's the only reason I started to feel better about it.#And lets make it clear; my parents were never ever ever trying to hurt or upset me. It was all just meant to be teasing.#But it stuck with me for SO LONG even when it was all supposed to be harmless. They're amazing parents.#And watching Bluey really warms my heart because Bandit and Chili never go out of their way to make their kids feel-#embarrassed about their big feelings. You have the big feeling until its done and then you keep on going.#Such an absolutely wonderful show.

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elympios · 2 years

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Julius’ view of Ludger could have been so sinister if it weren’t for the fact he hates himself too much not to be self-aware about it. Especially when you think about how eerie it is for Ludger to look after Julius and cook for him when Julius loved Claudia for that exact same caring role in his childhood and that doesn’t even get into Julius using Ludger’s watch and keeping him in the dark about literally everything about their family.

If Ludger were even just less willing to mother Julius or if Julius was more overtly controlling I think Bisley would have discovered Ludger’s existence a LOT sooner after Ludger finally snapped at his overprotective paranoid older brother and ran off.

#v #x2 #striborg fd is weird and not very well explained HOWEVER i think i can make it work #if ludger siding with bisley was bc julius got too controlling #because nova not knowing ludger has a brother doesnt work unless ludger resenting julius since high school #nova doesnt even recognise julius meaning she never met him at all #which is really hard to reconcile unless ludger has been spitefully refusing to admit theyre related for the past three years #but that doesnt track with how ludger seems to have split from julius somewhat recently #since something big must have happened for julius to now decide to give up on convincing ludger to listen #and for julius to instead just murder them both (and a bunch of innocent bystanders)#SO MY HEADCANON IS that julius coached ludger never to tell anyone they were related #like in canon its extremely convenient that people know theyre brothers but no one ever makes a big deal out of it #which i also headcanon as julius telling ludger the same thing. dont say that we’re related.#but prime julius is like. nice about it. ‘dont say we’re related because i dont want you getting hurt’#i like giving prime julius a bunch of red flags in how much hes deceiving ludger #i think its so fun to make him sympathetic and yet also be like *squint*#i also think julius would be very aware of it and thats where striborg julius and prime julius differ #i think striborg julius would unironically say something like ‘this is for your own good’ while doing something thats ultimately justselfish #i mean he literally tries murdering ludger and if he succeeds he basically says ‘i told you so’#prime julius is constantly held back by being self aware tbh #to the point that his self deprecation becomes unreasonable #when hes (sort of) confronted about what hes hidden from ludger he only tries to explain that it was done with good intentions #and he readily accepts (ish. in his sidequest letter) that he cant excuse his actions #............... ANYWAY i dont have a point and i think these two are NEATO but i also wanna underline how horrific they could have been #but theyre literally so fucking sweet they didnt turn out that way

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a-drought-of-thoughts · 2 years

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ant*ny st*rr why dyou have to go n be such a nightmare irl i legit think he's one of the best actors currently working and i wanna write essays, essaysss just on how he embodies homelander's resentment towards vought in how they make him hide parts of his real self and how that's the one thing he can't fight no matter how much he wants to and that only serves to worsen his repression and shame issues, again leading him to displace his anger towards more vulnerable targets

#ideal the boys timeline is when homelander actively works to bring down vought succeeds and then #everyone else in the world come tgt to kill him #i firmly believe a big factor in why he is the way he is is bec he was never allowed by vought to even consider he had a good/caring side #or someone who could ever do some genuine good things #bec you have been required and Trained to fulfil the role of being this mega corporation's poster boy ever since you were a fucking kid #he did not have a single chance in hell #the boys tv #homelander

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meistoshi · 22 days

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i think a fair amount about just how much satoshi projects onto others...... he's learned recently that he does that, & he's actively working to bite down on the impulse to insist everyone else must feel as strongly about his ideals as he does, but like. it still happens a lot. especially with battles, or anything of a competitive or aspiring nature, really. in his mind, uncertainty & holding back are victory-killers, & why else would you try something if not to succeed at it, to thrive at it ?? because satoshi would never put himself out there prepared to fail, he often fails (heh) to wrap his mind around others treating failure as an expected outcome, & that's something he still has to work on both ways — he needs to learn to stop automatically assuming everyone has the same values, & he needs to learn one can go into something ambitious with the expectation of failure & that the expectation is not a failure in & of itself. like, he accepts failure when it's passed, he acknowledges he won't succeed 100% of the time, especially at things he's not experienced in, but the idea of preparing for the failure outcome before the fact is still baffling, & oftentimes infuriating, to him.

#he heard ''go big or go home'' & has been running with that ever since #his annoyance at this type of thing flares its worst when HE'S the opponent #because at that point he takes it Personally. as an Insult. & he feels like the other's not taking the matter seriously.#timid/tentative/blasé/what-happens-happens trainers are his worst enemy frfr #tamping down that lil bitchy part of him has been a work in progress & he doesnt always succeed in keeping his mouth shut #so he sometimes lashes out in a way that he absolutely does mean but knows he shouldn't #ooc. pkmn is autistic culture.#study.

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hon3y-y · 4 months

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Obsessed! Choso who wants to give you the world and is attached to you by the hip. Can’t be 5 feet away from you and needs your physical contact at all times. When you demand personal space and time to yourself he cries to you and begs you to stay. He succeeds by eating you out while crying. You try to push him away but he’s too strong.

He’s not controlling at all! He trusts you, he just doesn’t trust anyone else. Especially your annoying and bitchy friend who makes comments about how you’re “too young to be locked down.” It made his teeth grind, she made his teeth grind. He didn’t trust her, and he didn’t want her to corrupt your perfect mind.

After attempting to convince you for an hour to not go, trying things like asking you nicely to full blown on his knees begging, he decided to take a different approach.

He had you pressed against the door, basically sitting against his face and his arms are wrapped under your thighs to limit your movement. You try to push him away, letting out choked gasps as he just pulled you closer. His strong grip left you defenseless, gripping onto his hair and the wall as his nose brushed against your clit and tongue pushed into your weeping hole.

He’s messy, face soaked from tears and your juices, big eyes staring up at you, so puffy and wet. His little hiccups as he sucks on your clit make you pout, “c-choso, breathe baby—“ he cuts you off with a hum as he shakes his head ‘no’, more tears gathering in his eyes. Do you not want him? Is that why you’re so eager to leave?

He has no choice but to eat you out until you’re slumped over, babbling incoherent words as he draws another orgasm out of you. It’s now you who’s crying, your body feeling so weak and your ears constantly ringing. Choso weakly licked at your sore pussy, making you twitch with every drag of his tongue.

He pulls away, tears dried against his face and the sadness replaced with cocky smirk as he allows you to lean on him for support. “Still feel like going out babe?”

A/n; Thought I posted this before? Oh well.

#jjk #choso x female reader #choso x you #jujutsu kaisen choso #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen smut #choso smut #smut #choso kamo #choso x reader #jjk choso #drabble #ask #he’s so hot

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sugume · 3 months

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CALL ME DADDY w/Jujutsu Kaisen

More: Fem!Reader, explicit content, daddy Kink, dd/lg undertones, implied 24/7 kink play, blowjob, praise, punishment, spanking with a paddle, blood, riding, cunnilingus, squirting

Featuring: Gojo Satoru, Ryomen Sukuna, Nanami Kento & Choso Kamo

☾ Satoru Gojo

The ‘Dad Joke’ Daddy, ’s very playful and dorky. He loves doing the stereotypical TV dad things like smoking cigars, having a world’s best dad mug, and reading the paper during breakfast. Your number one supporter, always at every event or promotion you have, and he’s the first to support you when you’re down. Because he has more life experience, he enjoys guiding you.

“Quiet baby, Daddy’s tryin' ta read the paper.” He hushes you with a firm pat on the head. You're on your knees under the table, with his cock buried as far as it can go.

“Sorry Daddy,” you whisper, taking his heavy cock out of your mouth. “I promise I’ll be quiet.” You look up at him expectantly through wet lashes.

“I know you will, love.” He smiles down at you before gently pushing your head back towards his cock. You happily shove It back into your mouth while he picks up his favorite mug and reads about the current world events.

“Such a good girl, always listenin’ to what Daddy tells you, hmm? I think you deserve an award.”

☾ Ryomen Sukuna

The 'Disciplinarian' Daddy, has very high expectations of you. Very strict with SO many guidelines and rules, it's almost like he wants you to fail so he has a reason to punish you. He’s a brat tamer who readily reminds you who's in charge. Likes to physically enforce his rules and never skips a good spanking.

“I’m sorry Daddy, promise I am!” You sob as the wooden paddle comes down on your already bruised ass.

“You didn't sound sorry laughin' and messin’ with me durin’ my meeting.” He grits out, forcing your hands to stay on to the side when you try to cover your ass.

“Thought it was funny while m’ just tryin’ ta support us,” he brings the paddle down, ignoring your screams for mercy. “All you do is sit at home and’ spend my hard-earned money.”

“I'm sorry Daddy I won’t do it again.” You squirm when he rubs an especially sore spot on your ass that you know for a fact is going to sting for the next week.

“Yea?” He slowly lets go of your hands.

“Yes! Yes! I swear Daddy, on my life!” Your sob of relief turns into a scream when he brings his hand down again.

“What did I say about swearing things on your life, huh!?”

☾ Nanami Kento

The ‘Professor’ Daddy, he's so calm and patient with you. All he wants is to see you succeed. Likes taking you on informational dates like going to a museum or aquarium or just staying in and watching documentaries. He’s a pillar of strength, very structured and strict but also forgiving and nurturing. Loves giving you praise and seeing your face lighten up when he teaches you something interesting.

“C'mon little girl, you can do it.” He encourages you from his place underneath you.

“I can’t do it! ‘S too big, I’m so stupid!’ You cry out, covering your tear-ridden face from your daddy.

He must be so disappointed, you think.

“Hey…Hey, you can, princess, I know you can. Remember what Daddy taught you?” he pulls your hands from your face and places them on his big chest. You look into his eyes and nod.

“Yea,” he settles you over his cock. “Daddy knows he taught you how to ride, you just have to do it yourself now. C'mon perfect girl you can do it.”

With his praise you nod to yourself before slowly guiding yourself down his shaft. Once you reach the hilt you moan and smile down at him. He smiles back before nodding back expectantly. You brace your knees on the soft pillows underneath them and slowly start bouncing exactly like he taught you.

“My perfect girl.”

☾ Choso Kamo

The ‘lowercase ‘d’ Daddy, the rare submissive daddy. He loves doing anything that pleases you and tends to be more forgiving when you break the few rules he has. He enjoys providing from a submissive mindset and being wrapped around his partner's finger.

“Do you feel good, baby?” Chosos asks from his position underneath your dress.

“Mhm, feels so good Daddy, you always make me feel so good.” You moan when he goes back to eating you out. He says something else but it's muffled as he sucks on your clit, his fingers curl into your g-spot.

“Right there Daddy,” You squeeze his head between your thighs. “M’gonna squirt Daddy, you’re gonna make me squirt!” You yell before releasing all over his face.

“Fuck that felt so good Daddy.” You grin at Choso who’s come out of your now damp dress.

“Yea? You tasted fuckin’ divine babygirl.” He grins up at you.

“Can you do me a big favor?” You blink innocently, already knowing the answer. His eyebrows frown in confusion.

“Course I will baby, what is it?”

“Can you lick my mess up off the floor, don’ want my parents to wonder why the floor is wet.”

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ms-demeanor · 4 days

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You posted about adhd and I was hoping to follow up to clarify something. I’ve explained to my partner a million times about how the borderline-hoarding mess of his space is very mentally draining to me, and he understands but we’ve both essentially accepted he won’t clean his mess because he can’t because of his adhd. You’re saying he’s actually being a shit head?

This isn't necessarily an issue of him being a shithead, but it also isn't a sustainable situation. It's not good for you and there's a level of clutter that's probably not good for him either.

Large bastard is a lot more clutter-y than I am. The solution we've come to is trying to keep our messes at least isolated from one another; he can have his messes and I can have mine, but he can have those messes in his spaces, not all over the place. Sometimes those messes migrate, and that's when it's important for him to make the effort to rein them in rather than trying and failing to make a daily effort to keep our entire shared space tidy.

I think when you say "we've both essentially accepted he won't clean his mess" what I'm hearing is resignation; you're not happy about this but you don't know what to do so you've thrown up your hands and he feels helpless and unsure of what to do to improve the situation. This is the kind of "it's fine" that isn't really fine.

I think it would be worthwhile for you to each separately think about the mess and talk about it together. Are there areas that YOU *need* to have not-messy? Both for utility and your mental health? Are there areas where you can tolerate more mess than otherwise? Are there areas that are going to be harder for him to keep the mess out of than others? Are there things he doesn't *know* about cleaning up the mess?

I'm obviously a big "communication communication communication" person so I'm going to recommend a lot of talking about stuff, which is probably going to mean a lot of thinking about and interrogating stuff. I'm going to say "talk to him about why the mess bothers you" which means you also have to really articulate to yourself why the mess bothers you (for instance I'm not actually *bothered* by a messy kitchen, but I know it's going to reflect badly on us - and me specifically b/c of presumed gender roles - if someone pops by and the kitchen is a disaster, AND a messy kitchen is going to be harder to use). Genuinely, sometimes knowing *why* something is a problem might make it easier for someone with ADHD to do something. And it's not that he doesn't care that it upsets you, it's just that "Oh if I don't wash my breakfast dishes Anon won't have clear counterspace to make lunch" might be stickier in his brain (and less hard to look at emotionally) than "this thing I forget to do upsets my partner so I should do it."

For the record, I think that people with ADHD should read up on Demand Avoidance and see if it might explain some of the issues that they have in their day-to-day life; I've seen some really unfortunate situations with friends where trying to do things that their partner needed became the subject of demand avoidance. *I* have experienced negative outcomes of demand avoidance. The solution to that, however, isn't to stop making attempts to do the thing OR to simply try harder to do as they're asked/told (which reinforces the demand), it's to work on setting up a situation where the partners' needs are not interpreted as a demand. This is fuck-off difficult and requires a lot of patience and care and many attempts to succeed and will be different for each person and relationship.

(Also for the record demand avoidance isn't *super* strongly linked to ADHD and it's not a definitive symptom; like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it is something that occurs in some number of people with ADHD and can be a useful lens through which to examine various behaviors; you don't need to have DA or RSD to have ADHD, and having DA or RSD also doesn't invalidate your diagnosis; they're symptoms. For me, DA often feels like "if I don't look at it, it can't get me" - If I ignore all the messages I've got they aren't real and don't have real consequences so I'll just ignore my texts. If I don't look at the vendor email about the order, the problem with the order isn't real and it won't get added to my task list. If I don't look at the requests in my inbox I can't let people down when I don't do them. It's a self-protective coping mechanism but it's *maladaptive* and I can't just ignore the vendor email or all my texts. I need to work on a way of doing the stuff that I'm avoiding in a way that makes it less stressful and doesn't hurt the people relying on me. That takes a lot of effort, personal insight, trial and error, and )

But before I dive into specifics I want to be really really clear about one thing: sometimes people are simply incompatible. Sometimes one person has such a low tolerance for "mess" and the other person has such a high threshold for "mess" that it can't be reconciled. It sucks that this can end up being a thing that people break up over, but it is MUCH better to acknowledge incompatibility as early as possible instead of spending years and years building resentment.

There used to be a great forum called MiL's Anonymous that I spent a lot of time on. It had a lot of people in a lot of difficult situations struggling to get by and hold their relationships together. The question that was used as a litmus test to approach each situation was simple: If you knew today that everything about living with this person would be the same in five years, would you stay?

Because you can't control your partner. You can't control the future. You can only control yourself and your proximity to situations that are harmful to you. If you knew, 100%, that things wouldn't get better in five years, would you be okay with staying in this relationship? If the answer is "no," then that's that. Don't worry about questions of whether or not your boyfriend is a shithead, start the process of ending the relationship because there's a good chance the situation is going to be exactly the same in five years.

If the answer is "yes," and you'd stay in the relationship regardless of whether or not things changed, then it's time to take actions to improve your life within the context of the relationship.

(No judgement on that yes or no, btw. If you would hate living like this for another five years, and you would feel like you'd wasted your time and hadn't done the things you wanted to with your life, get out. Bail. Go. It will be better for you and better for your partner if you split instead of spending half a decade building resentments and and problems that you'll have to spend another half a decade healing from.)

Also, a note: you describe your boyfriend's mess as borderline hoarding - is the issue *mess* or is the issue *clutter*? I have friends who are very tidy, but whose homes are very cluttered. They like things, they have many things, they keep many things around, but their houses are always clean and well-dusted and orderly, just with a tremendous amount of *stuff.* I am addressing all of this as though the issue is mess, not clutter. If your boyfriend's situation is clutter (the space is busy and packed with things but it is functional and clean) and your issue isn't with *mess* (things out of place, things not having a place, things that need to be cleaned up gathering in stacks, falling behind on regular chores like laundry and dishes and taking out the trash) then you definitely need to assess whether or not you are compatible.

For instance here's a room that is messy but not cluttered compared to a room that is cluttered but not messy:

That first room is a *mess* but it would be very easy to clean up in under an hour. The second room is fairly tidy, but would take significant effort to pare down and declutter. BOTH of these can be difficult to live with but the second one is not dangerous or threatening to anyone's health. (The second one is QUITE cluttered and if every room in a house looks like this it can be overwhelming to live with; this is actually harder to deal with in a relationship than the first one in a lot of ways. I don't have a lot of advice for what to do if your partner is a high degree of tidy-but-cluttered because I don't actually think it's a problem or wrong to have thousands of books or bins full of lego or a million kitchen appliances as long as you have the space and can keep it safe and well-maintained; this is a really significant compatibility issue)

Okay, all that out of the way, here's the hard work.

Talk about this shit

Talk to your partner and define "mess." Make sure you are on the same page about what you mean when you're talking about what a messy room looks like versus what a tidy room looks like. Gather reference pictures. DRAW reference pictures.

Explain not just that the mess upsets you, but *why* and *how* it upsets you. In this context don't think of it as your boyfriend's mess, think of it as an unpleasant roommate. Discuss this using "I-statements". "When I have to pick up laundry all over the apartment, I feel like a parent more than a partner." "When there are piles of miniatures all over the table, I feel like I don't have anywhere to do things I'm interested in." "When there are dishes in the sink, I feel frustrated because I have to clean before I can feed myself."

Discuss, frankly and openly, whether he knows how to clean. I'm not trying to make excuses for him here but a lot of people with ADHD have a lot of stress and avoidance around cleaning because they spent a lot of time getting yelled at for not knowing how to clean properly.

Discuss your needs, be firm about what you require but willing to compromise. You *need* some spaces to be clean, and some spaces may be harder for him to keep clean than others. It may be MUCH harder for him to keep a bedroom tidy than it is to keep a kitchen tidy; if you need a clean and empty bedroom with everything put away and he simply cannot do that, that is a compatibility issue. But perhaps you need *your* side of the bedroom to be very orderly and can tolerate a moderate level of mess and clutter on his side. Maybe you're really really bothered by a messy kitchen, but it doesn't bug you if the dining table is covered with projects and papers. Figure out something more workable than "his mess goes everywhere and i live with it because he's incapable of cleaning" because he probably is not incapable of cleaning and you deserve to have places in your home that are comfortable for you.

Reduce friction for cleaning

Sometimes the problem isn't cleaning, the problem is the many many steps before cleaning, or not knowing where something should go when you are done cleaning. One of the absolute best things I've done for myself for cleaning my space is getting a broom holder and mounting the broom to the wall. Sweeping is now essentially thoughtless. I don't have to find the broom or pull it out from a pile of fans or go scrounging around for a dustpan it's right there on the wall, frictionless. So here are some ways to reduce the barriers to cleaning:

Make sure you and your partner both know how to use your cleaning supplies and know where those supplies are. When I switched dishwasher soap I had to re-show Large Bastard where I was storing it and how it was used, because to him what happened was the dishwasher tabs just vanished one day and he didn't know what I was putting in the machine or the process I used. He sometimes puts tools away in places that I can't see (he's more than a foot taller than me) so sometimes I can't get started on a maintenance project until he shows me where he put the battery pack for the drill.

Consider making a how-to chart to or having him make a how-to chart to keep someplace accessible so he can reference it while cleaning. Goblin.Tools Magic ToDo is great for this. Basically a lot of the time people with ADHD have trouble knowing what to do from step to step even if they've done something before, so having a step by step guide can make it easier (I have notebooks full of step-by-step guides for everything from paying for my tuition to removing licenses for my customers to weeding my yard)

Remove obstacles; don't keep cleaning chemicals in the garage in a box that's behind a stack of parts, keep them in the room you'll be cleaning. Don't keep the cleaning supplies that you use to clean the bathroom in the kitchen. Sometimes this means buying two bottles of bleach solution and two scrubbers and two sets of cleaning gloves but having fewer steps (fetch the windex, fetch the paper towels, fetch the gloves) is often the key to getting things done (open under-sink cabinet and grab windex, gloves, and paper towels that are there instead of in the kitchen).

This sort of overlaps with the next category, which is:

Create Dump Zones

One thing that I've found that seems very different between people with ADHD cleaning and neurotypical people cleaning is that neurotypical people are good at getting to a point where the cleaning is "done." They have checked off their tasks and they have finished and it is over. There are *SOME* chores that are like this (taking out the trash is a binary state, the trash has been taken out or it has not) and some chores are perpetual (horrid cursed dishes) but I think with people with ADHD, some chores that are binary for neurotypicals are actually perpetual chores. For instance "clean off the counter" is not a one and done for me. "Clean off the counter" may involve a three day reorganization project. "Clean off the counter" does not mean "wipe down the tile and put dishes away" it means assessing whether or not I need to make vegetable stock and bleaching three tea containers and reconsidering whether or not the sharps container should live somewhere else and going through the mail and figuring out what needs to be responded to and taking out the recycling and on and on and on.

We have had company at the house for the last two weeks, so I asked large bastard to clean off the dining room table, which is largely a project zone for him. Cleaning off the dining room table meant putting away his meds (and since he's a transplant patient that involves a 30 gallon rubbermade tote), throwing away some trash, and totally reorganizing his workshop. It also incidentally involved picking up a table from facebook marketplace and moving my plants, which has now involved moving my former plant rack outside (moving buckets, finding and organizing planters and gardening tools) and taking the former table to the thrift store (not done yet) and cleaning the rug that was under the former table. So "either the table is clean, or it isn't" isn't really true for us.

HOWEVER "hang on we can't eat until the table is clear so let's drive to Pico Rivera to get that console table right now" isn't a workable plan, so you create dumpzones as areas of holding between the start and the finish of the chore.

A dump zone can be a laundry basket. It can be a craft bin. It can be a back room or under your bed. It is a place to put things that you are going to deal with later because if you deal with them now it is going to derail the thing you are actually trying to do, which is set the table for dinner.

Dump zones are vital to cleaning with ADHD and I recommend them for day-to-day cleaning as well. The day-to-day dump zones might be more for you than for your boyfriend. For instance, Large Bastard works with bullets and he sheds bullets all over the house. I used to get stressed when I found bullets when I was cleaning because are these work bullets? Are these recreational bullets? Are they in testing? Do they need to be pulled? Do they go in the workshop or the office or the garage or does he need these today so they have to stay on the counter? And the answer now is "that's not my problem naughty bullets go in the jar." Which is perfectly sensible because he gets to say "mystery yarn goes in the bin" and "art supplies go in the bucket."

I feel helpless when cleaning a lot of the time. I'm frustrated and lost and I don't know where stuff goes and everything I pick up spins off into three projects in my head and every step feels like a wall to scale. Dump zones help me with that when there's pressure or a reason for cleaning beyond day to day home maintenance. People are coming over? The bedroom is a dump zone, I'll deal with that later. I'm just cleaning up because I need to? Okay I can find a permanent home for this new dish soap.

AS A VERY IMPORTANT COROLLARY TO THIS:

Active projects do not go in dump zones while you or your partner are cleaning. This may mean designating a project sanctuary area like a corner of the table or one particular chair in your main room where a project can be placed so as not to be disturbed. (if my current crochet project ends up in the yarn bin, that may mean that I don't pick the project up for another three months, it lives on the windowsill behind the couch because that's where it'll get worked on)

Do not put things away for your partner, put them in the dump zone for your partner. Your partner has to be the one to put their own stuff away in a way that works for them. I tend to find that this naturally puts a limit on the time stuff sits in the dump zone, because eventually you'll go "hey where's my thing?" and will put stuff away. If that doesn't happen, it's still generally better to have stuff in a dump zone than all over the home.

Do not decide you know what things go together from your partner's stuff and try to "put like things together." The neurotypical urge to put like things together is the mindkiller(j/k). You do not know which things are "similar" in your partner's organization schema and attempting to organize things on your own is going to end up with all of the things "organized" being functionally lost forever from your partner's perspective. Large Bastard's mom would do this and it was infuriating, she'd say "oh I put all the electronics stuff in one box" and she would mean soldering irons, transistors, ham radios, HDMI cables, and cellphone chargers. We are *still* going through boxes of stuff that she "tidied up" when he was hospitalized in 2020 and 2021.

To prevent the need for quite so many dump zones over time, you can work on setting up landing zones and "homes" for projects and tools.

Landing Zones

Landing zones are places where things go when you come inside from doing various things. Sometimes your landing zone only needs to be a tray for your wallet and keys, sometimes your landing zone needs to be a place to take off muddy boots and put a trowel and gloves down before you shower.

To make an effective landing zone, consider what behaviors you're trying to minimize and whether the people using it are ACTUALLY going to use it. For instance I was tired of the corner of my hearth getting cluttered with random junk so I hung up some hooks and put a shelf and a basket there and it became a really effective landing zone for my bag and keys and the mail, but it was VERY ineffective for Large Bastard because it's by a door that isn't the primary door he uses to enter the house. As a result I always know where my keys and bag are but he has trouble finding his keys and wallet. He tends to enter the house through our bedroom and has an overloaded valet next to the door and that's usually where his wallet ends up. Mounting a shelf to the wall above the valet and putting a basket and a hook on it will be a better place for his stuff to land. It's not that he's not using the first zone because he doesn't know that it's there, or because he doesn't care about lost time when I'm searching for my car keys after he borrows them, he's not using it because it's not by the door he uses. That's all.

I have a landing space for when I come in for gardening that's different than the one when I come in from grocery shopping. I have a landing space for when I walk into the dining room instead of the kitchen when I get home.

Landing spaces prevent stuff from piling up all over the place because they are a limited functional space that should be used frequently. Mail ONLY goes in the landing zone. If you have mystery mail or if you're not sure it's safe to toss, you put it in the landing zone. You can't let the mail get piled up too high or you won't have a space for your keys. You can't let the change in your wallet tray get too deep or your wallet is going to slide off, etc., but you also don't just put change on the coffee table or your nightstand because the landing zone is right there.

Homes for items are just what they sound like. They're the place the item goes. It lives there. My meds live on my nightstand. You would not believe how poorly I did with taking my meds on my vacation because they weren't on my nightstand. A while back large bastard lost one of his sets of sorted meds and we tore the house up looking for them because he couldn't find them in his nightstand, which is where they live. *I* found them in his nightstand because I emptied out the entire top drawer (he had only looked on the top layer) and found them underneath a radio and a hammock. Even though they were *hidden* they were in their home, so they were findable. I recently needed ink for an art class. Art supplies live in a dresser by my desk. Ink lives in the art bin or the top left drawer. The ink was not in either of these places (it was on a cabinet in the dining room behind a teacup) so it took me weeks to find it.

Sometimes the reason that ADHD spaces are so messy is because objects have been assigned homes in places that are visible and if they get moved they get lost. This is a genuinely difficult problem that requires a lot of effort to solve and can involve a lot of trial and error for creating a tidy living space. For some people, open shelving and visible storage might be a good solution. For some people, assigning a VERY clear home and inculcating that location by habit is the only way to clean up a space. For some people one very cluttered corner to at least isolate the chaos does the trick (for me and large bastard open shelving doesn't work because anything in one place for too long becomes invisible; that means that I rely on assigning things homes and large bastard relies on having contained chaos and a general idea of where to search but what that DOES NOT mean is that he is clean or tidy. His spaces look like an explosion. But he can mostly find his stuff and do what he needs to do and as long as that's limited to specific places in shared spaces I can live with it; the dining room table can be a disaster, the kitchen cannot).

People organize things differently. It often takes a while for neurotypical adults to settle into an organizational style that works for them and ADHD adults may need to settle into a new system every few months for it to continue working. The cleanup and declutter is most likely going to be a permanent project that is always going to demand some level of attention from everyone in a shared space, but "my ADHD means I can't do it" is not really going to fly. Maybe his ADHD means that he can't keep his space tidy, but it doesn't mean you can't move stuff from shared spaces into dump zones or that he can't do stuff around the house.

If he's insisting that his ADHD means that he can't clean it is possible that he's not being a shithead, he just feels helpless and doesn't know where to start and has adopted the belief that he's a useless piece of shit who can't even keep a tidy space like a grownup because he's internalized a lot of shitty attitudes (hello, my internal monologue about keeping a clean house). But it's also possible that he's just being a shithead.

It's something that's worthwhile to investigate with him. If he's unwilling to make an attempt, then he's being a shithead.

It is also not your responsibility to rehabilitate another person. If he wants to clean and it's something he feels bad about and needs some help and support with the way that someone might need help or support for learning to use a mobility aid, that is fine but you don't have to be the one who gives him that support if it's detrimental to your health, and you don't have to be the one to teach him that stuff if it's not something you're capable of. And if he is NOT interested in working on making your shared living space more accessible for you, that is not your suitcase to unpack and you just have to ask yourself the question from the start: would I stay with this person if I knew the situation was never going to change?

IDK, I'm sure a lot of this reads like "anon you must take on the emotional labor of training your partner to be an adult" but it's really meant to be more of a way of assessing yourself and your relationship. If you created landing zones do you think he'd use them? Would he get angry if you assigned a laundry basket as a dump zone for his stuff while you tidy the living room? Is living with him long-term going to be comfortable for you if nothing changes? Do you have enough of a shared definition of "mess" that you're at least in the ballpark for what counts as a clean house?

anyway good luck, and a reminder to folks that I'm compiling a bunch of adhd resources and other information on my personal website, ms-demeanor.com. It's coming along slowly but it will eventually include stuff like ADHD cleaning tips and how to tackle a hoard, so maybe keep your eye on that space.

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