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#he's on some fucked up high horse that he's some better parent when he used to use physical suffering as a punishment for behaviour
niicevibe · 2 years
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I’m nauseous y’all... 
My ex BIL has painted such a disgusting picture of my sister’s character to turn everyone around them against her and NOW, he’s calling her an unfit mother and is planning to go for legal custody of my niece and nephew.
#like i want to throw up right now because he's such an ARROGANT POS and the fact that he's pulling this THREE YEARS after an amicable split?#i can't believe his ass -- we're all fuming#and now i'm worried bc he has ammo on her for shit she's done before#and he's awful enough to use it against her to get his way#WHY he's doing this all of a sudden is beyond me#but i think he's trying to stick it in her face that after he left#HE'S the one thriving#the one who isn't stuck in debt (which is HIS fault btw)#and what kills me?? i'm pretty sure the new chick he's married to now -- he was totally cheating on my sister bc the minute he split--#-- he posted in a relationship fkn nonsense on facebook not even TWO WEEKS AFTER#i'm disgusted I'M DISGUSTED#he's on some fucked up high horse that he's some better parent when he used to use physical suffering as a punishment for behaviour#especially when my nephew was younger -- he used to squeeze the back of his neck SO hard that he'd cry even more#he's such a controlling asshole and i can't WAIT to tell him this to his face.#my sister carried his ass for YEARS -- went into DEBT for this jackass's sake -- and he has the GALL to pull this shit.#she has done so much for everyone; given the shirt off her back to strangers and friends who needed a place to stay and recoup.#INCLUDING HIM#i'm just mindblown at the selfishness he's portraying#and i just KNOW he's trying to turn my niece and nephew against her somehow#my nephew lives with him. and my niece lives with my sister.#BUT my niece said she was going to move in with her dad at the end of the summer.#IDK if my sister knows this??? IDEK if i should bother mentioning it??? bc my niece was going to say it herself.#maybe that part isn't my business yet#unless it comes up as something necessary when it comes family court time.#i'm sorry that i'm ranting on here -- i know too many people on facebook that don't need to know that my life is once again in turmoil.#because i just know that if this man was to get full custody of my niece and nephew he wouldn't let me see them bc he hates our mother#i'm going to make a blog tag in case anyone wants to follow up on this crap--#❣️: nice updates
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justagalwhowrites · 10 months
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Yearling - Ch. 1: Break
A night out takes a turn. The first chapter of Yearling, a TLOU fan fiction. Find the Masterlist here.
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Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader
Warnings: Canon-typical violence. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only.
Length: 5.6k
AO3 | Next Chapter
Friday, September 26, 2003
Dubois, Wyoming 
“They ain’t even that good,” you took a sip of beer, glaring at the girl in the short, white eyelet lace sundress standing near the band on stage. Your Texas accent got stronger when you were drunk. It also got stronger when you were pissed. You were speaking with a full blown drawl now. “I can play better n’them.” 
“Baby Doll, you can play better than everyone in town,” Justin leaned down, his head so close to you that you could feel his breath on your cheek, his lips brushing the shell of your ear when he spoke. His arm went around your waist. “Better than you is a damn a high bar…” 
You could hear the smile on his voice and you turned around in his arms to face him, eyes narrowed. 
“You’re lovin’ this,” you said. “I can tell, you’re just havin’ the time of your life…” 
“I ain’t gonna lie to you,” he smirked. “It is fun seein’ you get all worked up over a girl hittin’ on me.” 
“I am not!” You swatted his chest. “I just think it’s disrespectful, she saw me come in with you, she should know that you’re gonna dance with the one that brung ya…” 
“Hey,” he teased. “I brung you, not the other way ‘round…” 
“Yeah, yeah,” you waved him off, turning back around and taking another sip of beer just in time to see the girl in question heading to the bathroom with one of her friends. She looked a little green and you smiled a little. Served her right. You looked back up at Justin. “Don’t go thinkin’ you’re hot shit now just because I didn’t like some rancher’s daughter tryin’ to climb you like a tree.” 
“Oh I’d never dream that you thought I was hot shit,” he kissed your temple. “Don’t you worry. Need another?” 
“It’s Friday night and if I’m gonna listen to that band fuck up ‘Devil Went Down to Georgia’ you better goddamm well get me another,” you said. He just shook his head and worked his way up to the bar. You smiled a little, watching him go, rapping your fingers along the side of your almost empty beer bottle. 
You were getting attached to Justin. 
He’d started out as something fun to do over the summer when he showed up at the ranch you’d been working at for more than a year now. He was a few years older - not enough to make it scandalous but enough that he knew what the fuck he was doing. He was rugged and handsome and he was happy to buy you beer and whiskey because, at 19, getting your hands on the stuff was tricky. It had started in May with you fucking him. 
At first, that’s all it had been. After a few weeks of him staring at you when you were hanging tack back up at the end of the day, you all but cornered him in the barn. 
“You got some kind of problem with me, cowboy?” You snapped, getting so close to him that the brim of your hat almost caught his chin. 
“No I do not,” he replied. “Unless you count the fact that your ass looks way too damn good in those jeans to be doin’ nothin’ but ridin’ horses all day. Otherwise, I got the opposite of a problem with you.” 
“Oh,” you stepped back from him, looking him up and down. He was tall, broad, handsome. He reminded you a bit of the boy you’d lost your virginity to when you were 16 and he’d been working on your parents’ ranch back in Texas. “Well, I’m done for the day, headin’ back to my room. You’re welcome to join if you want to see what else I’m good at ridin’ on.” 
You turned and started off toward the bunkhouse. He scrambled to catch up with you and you smirked a little. He was definitely going to be fun. 
In August, he asked if you wanted to go to dinner sometime. You frowned, looking over at him, his naked body shiny with sweat. 
“Dinner,” you said, incredulous. “With me.” 
“That’s what I said,” he replied, looking over at you. “Unless there’s someone else you’d rather go to dinner with…” 
“You realize you’re already fucking me, right?” You frowned. “You don’t have to try.” 
“Oh trust me, I noticed,” he grinned, a little cocky. “But I’d like to do more than fuck you. So I’m askin’ you to dinner. Gonna try to make a proper lady outta you and all that.” 
You snorted. 
“No proper lady to be had here,” you said. “But… we can have dinner.” 
This was actual date number five. Not that the number of dates meant much when you were already screwing every chance you got. 
But you’d gotten to really like Justin, especially now that you were spending almost every spare second together. Maybe love him. A little. You’d cross that bridge when you came to it. 
“You know,” he came and pressed a new beer into your hand and took your empty bottle, putting it on a nearby table. “Bet you’d look pretty as hell in a little dress like that…” 
He ran his nose along your temple and you glared at him a little. 
“OK, first of all, it’s after Labor Day, wearin’ all white like that is tacky,” you said. “Second of all, you get frustrated when I take 10 minutes to tame my hair before we leave, you know how long it takes to look that put together? Longer than you want to wait, cowboy.” 
“OK well I’m dyin’ to know where you got that Labor Day thing from. But you’re prettier than her, so I’m sure it wouldn’t take you that long,” he said, smirking a bit. “And I’m not talkin’ about for every day. Maybe if we were to… I dunno… take a trip somewhere.” 
“A trip?” You smiled, brows raised. “You tryin’ to take me away from all this, that it?” 
“Maybe,” he winked. “Thinkin’ maybe a few days, we run away to a cabin on a lake, find some fun restaurants, I get to spend way more time kissin’ you than usual…” 
“Sounds good to me,” you were about to move to kiss him when there was a strange, snarling sound from over his shoulder. You frowned, leaning around him just as he turned to look. 
The girl from before - in the stupid white dress - flew at him, her blonde hair tangled, her fingers curved so her nails were more like claws. He stepped back, his hands going up to stop her but she didn’t seem to notice or care. 
She jumped, knocking him to the ground as you jumped out of the way, the girl ripping at his shirt before digging her bared teeth into his neck. 
“What the fuck!” You yelled, grabbing her by the hair and yanking her backward. She sprawled on the floor next to Justin for a second before she scrambled up onto all fours and tried to rush you. You took your half full beer bottle and throttled her on the side of her head, hitting her with every ounce to strength you had, sending her down to the ground, unconscious. 
“Shit!” A man near you looked between you and the girl. 
“Hey, she fuckin’ started it!” You snapped. “She just tried to take a chunk out of my boyfriend’s neck!” 
Someone else got down on the ground with the girl as Justin got to his feet. You looked at his throat, her teeth marks red and oozing. 
“Jesus, she got you good…” you frowned, leaning in close. 
“We should call the cops,” the man near you said. 
“And that’s our cue,” Justin took you by the elbow and started pulling you to the door. 
“Hey, we didn’t do a damn thing wrong,” you said as he dragged you along beside him. “She went fuckin’ nuts…” 
“Yeah but that’s your third beer of the night and you’re 19,” he said quickly. “Rather not get in trouble for buyin’ you booze…” 
“That’s the girl that hit ‘er!” Someone yelled. You looked up at Justin.
“Run!” Justin pulled you with him as the two of you took off, him clearing a path with you at his heels until you were in the parking lot, a handful of people on your tail. 
“Sure hope you ain’t drunk!” You said as you jumped into the passenger side of his rusted pickup. 
“Sober enough to get us outta this,” he said, turning the key and holding it until the old engine turned over with a growl. He floored it, nearly taking out the front of a sedan on his way onto the main road. 
He careened through town at 80 until the streetlights had faded in the distance and the sky was bursting with stars. 
“What the fuck was her problem?” You crawled to the middle of the bench seat and tried to get a look at his neck. “Maybe you should go to a hospital, this looks bad…” 
“I’ll just clean it up when we get back,” he waved you off. “I’m too eager to find out what kind of sex I get as your boyfriend…” 
“What?” You sat back, incredulous. 
“You called me your boyfriend back there,” he smirked. “I’m really ready to find out what that means once I’m in your bed…” 
“Oh, Jesus,” you shoved him playfully. “You got a one track mind. And you shouldn’t read too much into what I say when I’m defending myself because some psycho tried to take a chunk out of ya.” 
He winked and you rolled your eyes. 
The two of you made it back to your room without any more excitement - something you were plenty thankful for. Once you were inside, you took Justin’s plaid button down off and draped it over your worn wooden desk chair before getting out your first aid kit. You usually used it for patching up cuts when a horse did manage to throw you - a rare occurrence - or when you weren’t paying close enough attention and cut yourself on barbed wire - less rare. 
You frowned at the bite mark, the skin around it red and angry, as you cleaned it with rubbing alcohol and applied a bandage.
“This looks infected,” you said. “Really should take you to a hospital…” 
“Nah,” he waved you off. “I’ll go to a doctor in a day or two if somethin’ ain’t feelin’ right. I’m fine, Baby Doll, really.” 
He tugged you onto his lap and kissed your cheek. 
“You’re cute when you’re worryin’ though,” he smiled a little. “If I’d known all it took was some rancher’s daughter gettin’ handsy with me to get you to be all over me, callin’ me your boyfriend, I’d have done it sooner…” 
You rolled your eyes and shifted so you were less sitting on his lap and more straddling him and his hands went to your waist. 
“See if you were in a dress, this’d be easier…” 
You glared at him. 
“You’re not careful I’ll give you a matchin’ bite mark on the other side of your neck.” 
“Oh, from you, I’d welcome it,” he smiled, kissing you as he unbuttoned your shirt. 
You ground your hips down against his as he undressed you, his hands exploring you as he kissed you. Once you were bare from the waist up, he pulled you down on the bed and you crawled down his body, opening his pants and stroking his hardening length a few times before taking him in your mouth in one, swift motion. 
“Fuck, Baby Doll,” he groaned, one of his hands going to your hair. “Fuckin’ love your mouth…” 
You hummed in approval, making his legs twitch as you sucked him, bobbing your head up and down his length as his fingers dug into your scalp. You worked his cock until he pulled your head roughly away from him, panting for breath. 
“Really don’t want to come before I have a chance to properly fuck ya,” he said, grip loosening on your hair. 
“So demanding,” you teased, looping your fingers over the top of his jeans and boxers, pulling them both down his legs and leaving them on the floor. You took off your own jeans and underwear, too, and crawled up his body, leaning over him to grab a condom from your bedside table. He took one of your nipples into his mouth and sucked you as your breasts hung over his face, his fingers sinking into your hips. 
He reluctantly released you when you moved back down to straddle his thighs, opening the wrapper and sliding the condom on over his thick length. You looked at him naked in front of you and rubbed two fingers through your slit, spreading the wetness that had gathered there. 
“You gettin’ wet from suckin’ me off has to be the hottest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever seen,” his hands slid up your legs as he watched you arrange yourself over him. 
“I’m so busy thinking about this the whole time I can’t help it,” you said, breathless, as you sank down onto him. He groaned as you did, your body slowly and surely taking all of his cock into you. Your hips met his and you ground yourself down against him, his hardness just big enough to stretch you enough to satisfy. You rode him like that, rubbing your clit as you did, his hands on your hips as you worked yourself to an orgasm on his length, coming around him with a whimper. 
He took advantage of your orgasm and grabbed you, flipping you onto your back and driving into you as you rode out the last waves of pleasure, arranging your legs so he was pressing deeper. You groaned as he started to fuck you harder, faster, the force of it making your tits bounce. 
“Love seein’ you come on my cock,” he grunted. “Love seein’ how this tight little pussy takes me…” 
He ground himself in as deep as he could reach, your body tightening around him again. 
“Fuck, I love you,” he gasped it out as he started to come deep inside you, spilling into the condom. 
Your eyes went wide and your orgasm hit - soft and subdued but not entirely put off by his words. He collapsed beside you when both of you were spent, your own slick leaking out between your legs. You stared up at the ceiling. 
“Knew boyfriend sex would be good,” he teased, a little breathless and smiling at you. 
“Yeah, about that,” you said, propping yourself up on your elbows. “What did you say at the end there?” 
He frowned. 
“I said…” and his eyes went wide. “Oh shit… I didn’t mean… I don’t expect… Look, I…” 
“Did you mean it?” You asked, brows raised. 
He flinched. 
“Maybe,” he said. “But I wasn’t plannin’ on sayin’ a damn thing about it to you, alright? So please don’t freak out about this, OK? I feel like we’re in a good place…” 
“I…” you paused. “Well I dunno if I love you yet or not but… I do like you. A lot. You’re kind of my favorite person so… I might love you a little. But just a little.” 
You shrugged and fell back down onto your back. He smiled. 
“Well, you’re my favorite person, too.” 
“Don’t read too much into it,” you smiled a little. 
“Wouldn’t dream of it, Baby Doll.” 
He rolled over to kiss you before getting out of bed. You frowned. 
“Gonna go rinse off,” he said. “I’m feelin’… I dunno, just off.” 
“I’m telling you, that stupid bite is infected,” you called after him as he went to shower. You waited until you heard the water turn on and got out bed yourself, getting his shirt from the chair and shrugging into it. It hung on you and you had to roll up the sleeves. You smiled a little at the physical representation of him enveloping you, the shirt smelling like his cologne with the faint smell of hay below it - a smell he never seemed to really shake. You liked it. 
You got your guitar from its stand in the corner and settled back down on the bed, tuning it briefly before just noodling on it. You’d been experimenting with a combination of chords and the rhythm you could get from tapping on the guitar body itself. 
“That’s soundin’ good,” Justin said, coming out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. He got is boxers off the floor and stepped into them, draping the towel over the chair. 
“Thanks,” you said. “Not sure what I’m gonna do with it yet but something eventually… Feeling any better?” 
“Bit worse actually,” he frowned. “Maybe I should go back to mine, what if I’m comin’ down with somethin’. Don’t need to be gettin’ you sick, too…” 
“You were just inside me, Justin, whatever you got I’m gonna get,” you rolled your eyes. “Assuming it’s contagious and it’s not from that damn bite.” 
“She wasn’t rabid,” he teased, climbing into bed beside you. “Sure I just picked up somethin’ somewhere…” 
You put the guitar down beside the bed and curled into him, falling asleep breathing in the smell of hay on his skin. 
His twitching is what woke you up. 
“Justin,” you whispered, nudging him. He didn’t respond. “You’re dreaming, c’mon baby…” 
You gave him a shake but he didn’t wake up. You sighed and untangled yourself from him and the sheets. You grabbed your panties off the floor and ducked into the bathroom. If you were awake, you might as well pee. You did that, chugged a glass of water and went back into the bedroom. 
It was uncommonly dark, the new moon making it so there was almost no light coming in through your windows. You nudged Justin again as you tried to get under the covers. 
“Hey,” you shook him a little more firmly this time. “Baby, you’re dreaming something crazy…” 
He responded then, taking in a deep, raspy breath, his movements still sharp and jerky. 
“Justin?” You said quietly. “Hey, it’s me, it’s…” 
He shrieked, sounding like the girl at the bar and you shocked back from him, jumping away just as his fingers reached and groped for you. 
“This isn’t funny!” You yelled, stumbling over your guitar as you backed away from him. You squinted, barely able to make out his writhing in the bedsheets in the dark. “Justin, cut it the fuck out!” 
He just shrieked again before he fell to the floor with a thud, his breaths still coming in deep, rasping pants. 
“Justin?” You crept toward his side of the bed cautiously. He snarled and scrambled, on all fours, for you. 
It shocked you so much that he got ahold of your ankle, yanking you onto the ground so hard that it made your brain rattle in your skull, his fingers digging harshly into your flesh as he dragged you closer. 
You fought without really thinking about how or why or who, you just kicked as hard as you could with your free leg, catching the side of his head with your knee. He shrieked and released you and you scrambled back from him, pulling yourself up by your bed to run around to your nightstand. You yanked the middle drawer open - just below where you’d grabbed a condom just hours before to put on the man who was now bent on killing you - and pulled out your hand gun. 
“Justin!” You were crying. You almost never cried. You weren’t sure when you’d started. “Please! I don’t want to do this, please!” 
He snarled and lunged for you again and you pulled the trigger. He collapsed immediately and you screamed, fumbling to turn on the lamp on your side table. 
“Justin?” You got down on the ground next to him. You’d shot him in the chest, right by his heart. The rattling sound of his breaths were gone. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please…” 
You sobbed, instinctively trying to put his blood back inside of him. If you could just fix it, put it back together, he’d be OK, he’d wake up and be Justin again and everything would be fine. That had to be the way it worked, it was the only thing that made sense…
You barely noticed it, out of the corner of your eye. He’d pulled the bandage off his neck at some point, the violent bite mark on display and a fibrous, vine-like tendril reaching out from his throat. Reaching for you. 
You yelped and scrambled back from him, your gun still in your hand. The thing was still moving, with a mind of its own. 
“What the fuck?” You were panting for breath. His body twitched and you did the only thing you could think to do. 
You ran. 
“Help me!” You ran out front of the bunk house, gun still in your bloody hands. “Please! Help me!” 
You heard it before you saw it, the rattling breath and the inhuman snarl. Like the girl at the bar. Like Justin. 
It was Keith, one of the older ranch hands. He worked with the cattle. You’d almost never seen him so much as jog and here he was, running for you, snarling, his hands in a claw-like shape. 
“Stop!” You held up the gun. “I ain’t jokin’, I will shoot you!” 
He kept coming, the snarling getting louder. You fired, shooting him in the head by the glow of the light on the barn. He collapsed where he stood as you heard something crash against the door of one of the other rooms at the bunkhouse. Like someone was hurling their body against it, trying to break free. 
You looked around, frantic. There was only one thing you were sure of: you’d get torn apart if you stayed here. You didn’t know why, you didn’t know what caused it, but you knew you were going to die if you didn’t get away. 
You ran to the paddock where you’d been working with a horse, a filly who was just past her yearling stage. You’d been breaking her in, now that she was old enough, barely to dumb broke, just starting to carry a rider and learn commands. She was there, asleep in the grass. You jumped the fence, not wanting to risk going in the barn where there were sometimes still people, even at this hour. 
“Hey Nike,” you whispered. She roused with a whinny. You’d named her for the goddess of victory and you hoped that meant she’d help you win whatever the fuck battle was apparently happening here today. “We gotta get goin’ sweet girl…” 
You coaxed her to her feet and she shook her head, her mane bouncing. You jumped on her back and realized that you hadn’t even put on shoes or pants, you’d been in too big a hurry to get the fuck out of your room. But it wasn’t safe to go back, not now. You’d have to make do. You tucked your gun into the waistband of your panties. Nike pranced, impatient below you. 
“We’re gonna get the fuck out of here,” you said. “You and me.” 
You leaned forward and took some of her mane in each hand, one on each side of her neck. You couldn’t afford to go and get reins, you hoped this would be enough. 
“Lets see if we can make you a jumper…” 
You nudged her forward and got her moving. There was more snarling from the bunkhouse, louder now. Something must have gotten through a door… you shuddered, thinking about it. 
Once she was up to a good clip, you pointed her at the fence line and drove her to it, adjusting your weight and pulling back on her, hoping that she’d figure it out. 
She did, you barely hanging on as she sailed over the fence posts. 
“Good girl!” You said, driving her toward the woods at the edge of the property. “It’s you and me, Nike. You and me. We’re going to get through this, we’re going to get help, we’re going to get through this.” 
You said it more for you than your horse as you rode into the dark of the forest, the ranch and the bodies of the first men you ever killed behind you. 
*** 
Sunday, November 2, 2025
“Been quiet today,” Tommy said from beside Joel, the gentle crunch of the snow under the feet of their horses the only other sound on the cold air. 
Joel groaned. 
“Jesus, Tommy, why don’t you just ask for us to get swarmed by infected,” he glared at his little brother. 
“Don’t tell me you’re superstitious now, brother,” Tommy smirked a little. “You and I both know that whatever I say don’t got shit to do with anything that happens later.” 
“It will if I deck you for sayin’ stupid shit,” Joel replied. “And I ain’t superstitious, I’m just smart enough to not say somethin’ that goddamn dumb in the middle of a patrol.” 
The men were, at this point, about a four hour’s ride from Jackson, Wyoming. But they’d been taking it at a slow pace because - as Tommy had rightly and stupidly pointed out - it had been a quiet day. A quiet day in a quiet month. 
Raiders seemed to have gone dark - either hunkering down for the coming winter or migrating elsewhere. So had infected, though they knew they could put that on their migratory patterns. Stupid fungus was smart enough to know that the humans it occupied couldn’t hold up in extreme cold and that their host bodies would freeze and die if they stayed too far north during the winter. Things thinned out this time of year. 
“We should turn around and head back soon,” Tommy said. “We cut over a few miles, we’ll be able to sweep up and check a different area…” 
“You know this shit better’n me,” Joel shrugged. “Just don’t be surprised if we come up on a pocket of raiders now…” 
Tommy rolled his eyes as they rode up on a stream. He nudged his horse to follow it, cutting back toward Jackson. 
They’d only been following the path of the stream for about 20 minutes when Joel first noticed it. The sign of footprints, then blood. 
“Tommy,” he said quietly, nodding his head at it. 
“Shit,” Tommy sighed, shaking his head. 
“You said it was quiet,” Joel said, trying not to smirk at him. 
“Fuck you,” Tommy replied, steering his horse to follow the footprints. 
They didn’t have to go far, the snow growing steadily redder the further they went, until there was a body face down on the ground. 
Joel slid off his horse and crouched next to the man, checking for signs of life even though it was pretty obvious that there weren’t any. He rolled the man over. There was a sizable knife buried in the man’s chest but that’s not the thing that caught Joel’s attention. 
“Jesus Christ,” he looked up at his brother, still on horseback. “Tommy, look at this.” 
Tommy frowned, dismounting and squatting down next to Joel. 
“Oh fuck,” he said. “Was that… infected?” 
The man’s face had been nearly torn apart, nail marks like some kind of feral animal had gotten to him but they were distinctly human, little half-moon shapes dragged through his flesh that had gushed blood. He’d been alive when something - someone - got to his face.
“Ain’t ever seen one go at someone quite like this,” Joel said. “And infected don’t use knives…” 
“Maybe suicide if he got bit?” Tommy shrugged. 
Joel looked over the body and found a gun with plenty of ammo and nodded to it. 
“Well then, never mind,” Tommy frowned. “Jesus, he pissed off someone…” 
“The fuck knows who,” Joel said, looking him over more to see if he could find any signs as to where the man had come from. There were a few thick zipties in the man’s back pocket. Joel sighed and held them up for Tommy to see. “Well, probably plenty. I’m bettin’ he’s a raider, probably tryin’ to bring in someone who fought back a little harder than expected…” 
“Fuckin’ hell,” Tommy sighed, getting up again. “Grab the guns I guess, knife too. See if we can’t find who fucked him up.” 
The men mounted up again and rode on. They found another body, this one shot dead and not scratched to hell, though one look at the nails - free of blood and torn flesh - told Joel this was another raider and not who they were after. 
“Joel,” Tommy nodded at another set of tracks, starting with little drops of blood in the snow and coloring it more crimson as the path wore on. 
“Shit,” he sighed, steering his horse to follow the path. 
They didn’t need to go far. 
Ahead was a body in the snow, splayed out on the ground, splotches of red and pink around it. Joel dismounted and approached slowly. He could sense that this was different. This was who the raiders had been after. 
He moved cautiously, almost afraid to see what the raiders must have done to you if you’d done that kind of damage to them. You were bloody but he wasn’t sure the source of it from a quick glance. Your face was bruised and he could see signs of you being bound on your exposed wrist, the skin ringed in harsh and angry red. 
“Jesus,” Tommy breathed, coming up along side Joel. 
He noticed it then, the small, almost imperceptible movement of your chest. Joel tapped Tommy’s arm and nodded toward your torso. 
“Oh shit,” he said. 
Your eyes fluttered open and you took a sharp breath, struggling onto your elbows and hands, trying to drag your broken body back away from Joel and Tommy. 
“Woah!” Tommy held up his hands. “Not here to hurt you, you’re OK, we’re just gonna try to help…” 
“Fuck you,” you spat - literally, blood and spittle flying from your lips as you tried to get a full breath. “Don’t touch me!” 
“Hey,” Joel got down on your level, his hands up, and met your eyes. There was something in them that felt familiar. Something that he wanted to protect. “It’s OK. We’re not like them, those men back there. Guessin’ you killed ‘em?” 
You nodded once. Your eyes were so wide, you were so afraid. It reminded Joel of a baby deer, fragile and wild. 
“You did good, Bambi,” he said, keeping his hands where you could see them. “Fucked ‘em up real good. We’re from a settlement, few hours from here. It’s a good place, we’ve got a doctor who can help you…” 
“Can’t walk a few hours,” you said through gritted teeth. 
“I know,” Joel said, nodding to your torso. “Mind if I take a look? See where that blood’s comin’ from? I’m just gonna lift your shirt, not gonna touch you.” 
You looked at him for a moment before you gave him a stiff nod. He gingerly raised the bloody fabric - you weren’t wearing nearly enough layers to be out in this weather, just jeans, boots and a button down - and examined your stomach. There were two bullet holes there. He winced. He wasn’t a doctor but he knew getting shot in the stomach was bad. He noticed a raised scar on your hip, just below and to the left of your belly button, a branded letter M. His stomach turned. The fuck had happened to you? 
“It’s bad,” you managed. “Just shoot me, better… better than dyin’ with them.” 
“She’s right, Joel,” Tommy said, his voice low. “She’s lost a lot of blood, dragging her back to town’s just torture at this point…” 
You’d fallen back into the snow, struggling to breathe, your eyes closed. But he remembered your eyes, the warmth wrapped in something harsh and sharp. 
He realized then what they reminded him of, who you reminded him of. Tess. You were a survivor, like Tess. He hadn’t been able to save her, either. He’d failed her, too. 
“Bambi,” Joel said, just sticking with the name. He figured you’d offer your real one if you wanted to. You opened your eyes again. “Now, I’m gonna have to touch you for this but I’m gonna be as gentle as I can…” 
“Fuck you,” you winced. “Just…” 
“Not going to just let you die out here in the cold,” Joel shrugged out of his jacket and held it out to Tommy. “Gonna get you on my horse - it’s OK if you pass out, I’ll hold onto ya - and we’re gonna get you back with us.” 
“I don’t…” you began but Joel slid his arm below your legs and the other behind your ribs and he gently, slowly, lifted you into his body. You cried out in pain but he held onto you, putting you on the horse as best he could. 
“Sorry, Bambi.” You instinctively wrapped your fingers around the saddle horn as your body slumped forward and you whimpered. He mounted up behind you and held his hand out to Tommy, who handed him his coat. He draped it over your shivering frame and tugged you against him. Your head lolled back against his chest and you groaned. Your eyes were closed. He wondered if you were conscious. 
“This is damn stupid, Joel,” Tommy said, mounting his horse again. 
“Couldn’t just leave her out here,” Joel said. “You know we couldn’t.” 
Tommy sighed. 
“Let’s get back,” he said. “Maybe, by some miracle, this won’t all have been for nothin’.” 
“And you said it was a quiet day,” Joel said, starting off at a faster clip this time. 
Tommy sighed.
“Fuck you.” 
A/N: Hi everyone! Welcome to Yearling! I hope you've enjoyed it so far and that you'll come to love Bambi and Joel as much as I have as I've been thinking about and planning this story for the last month or so.
You can expect updates a few times a week here as I have brain rot and really only want to write this stuff :)
I'll start a tag list, please let me know if you'd like to be added!
Thank you so so much for reading! I hope you stick around and go on this journey with me. Love you!
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corroded-hellfire · 2 years
Text
Big Brown Eyes - Eddie Munson x Reader, Part 2
Summary: Here’s a part two! You can read part one here. Eddie comes by to change the oil on your car, like he said he would. You manage to get him to stay for dinner as well.
Note: You have all been so kind to me about this story! All of your kind words and messages have meant more to me than you know. I didn’t know if I’d write a direct part two or not, or just little blurbs in this universe, but for now, here’s another part! 
Warnings: single!mom reader, mechanic!eddie, ex Steve x reader, language, i think that’s it?
Words: 5k
[Part 3 | Big Brown Eyes masterlist]
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Sunday, you managed to keep your thoughts circling around Eddie to a minimum. Sundays were always your favorite days because you couldn’t possibly be called in to work. If Steve had Sunday off, the two of you would try to do something together with Everett. It was hard between your two schedules to find time for your son to spend with both of his parents. Your schedule was the easy one to work with. But with Steve being a paramedic, his schedule could be very touch and go. His shifts usually consisted of twelve hours on, twelve hours off. He tried to get his schedule as far in advance as he could so you could get a heads up as well.
Everett loved the days Steve had off. Everett never minded going to the Wheeler’s house to be watched by Karen, but he’d always prefer to spend a day hanging out with his dad. The feeling was mutual as well. Steve told you that when there was down time at work and they weren’t getting any calls, he’d try to come up with new ideas of what he could do with Everett on his next day off. You’d known from day one that Steve would be a great dad and he continued to prove that to you.
This Sunday, luckily, Steve did have off. Your day was full of laughter and joy as your little crew traipsed around the town. Nancy had been reluctant to join you because she didn’t want to intrude, but you reminded her that she volunteered to be a part of this little gang when she decided to be with Steve.
Hours were spent at the park, where Everett needed all attention on him every time he tried something new.
“Mommy, look! M’going down the slide!”
“Daddy! Push me high on the swing?”
“Nanny!” He still had trouble with her full name. “Nanzy!” He tried again. “Watch me! Swinging like a monkey!”
At one point, you heard the unmistakable sound of a head cracking against one of the monkey bars. You spun around, eyes darting for the hurt child on the ground.
“Son of a bitch!”
The sigh you let out is a mixture of relief that it wasn’t Everett and exasperation that Steve hadn’t thought to duck.
“Bad word,” Everett said. “Bad, bad, Daddy.”
With a hand pressed against the already blooming bruise on his forehead, Steve walked up to Everett and scooped him up with his free arm.
“Yes, I know. I’m sorry,” Steve said. Everett turned his head at the sound of a bird and Steve took advantage of his distraction to mouth the words “Shit, that fucking hurt,” to you and Nancy.
A lunch picnic was next, and Everett’s job was to secure the perfect spot to have it. He took this seriously as he walked into shaded spots under trees and tested if that felt better than sitting out under the summer sun. He concluded that it did and plopped down under a large oak tree to claim his seat.
Everett took the longest to finish his peanut butter and jelly sandwich because he kept talking between every bite. And during the process of chewing. He talked about how much fun he had on the swings, how he wanted to go swimming in grandma and grandpa’s pool next time dad took him there. He talked about how he started sleeping with his horse stuffy on his bed with him instead of the octopus stuffy that used to sleep next to him. It was hard to keep up with his train of thought sometimes, but Everett assumed everyone understood these situations as clearly as he did.
After the park, you stopped by the mall to pick up some new summer clothes for the little boy. He was growing like a weed, and it felt like you were buying new pairs of shorts for him every week. Everett tried to get Steve to buy him shoes that lit up when he walked, but Steve told him he’d get him a pair when he was older. The three of you adults knew he’d only be able to wear those shoes once before he outgrew them.
The day was full enough that your brain didn’t have the energy to feel anxious about Eddie’s impending call. Once you were back home and settled for the day, you were surprised at the tenacity of how much you wanted this phone call. Trying to tell yourself to calm down because you only spoke to the man for five minutes in Dustin’s driveway did not work well. Deep breaths didn’t work either. On every inhale you thought of Eddie’s dark eyes, and on every exhale, you thought about his dimpled smile.
Monday brought out the jitters in full force. Everett had slept at Steve’s the night before since his dad had off the next day. So you didn’t even have the distraction of getting Everett up and ready for the day. The normal morning routine consisted of making breakfast as well, but with no little one here to cook for and your jangled stomach, you decided to opt out.
Thankfully, work brings distraction. Around noon, Robin walks through the doors of the library, her dark green backpack hanging off one shoulder. Her expression instantly lets you know she’s not having a good day. Her hair is mussed up and she tries to fix it, giving up halfway. The bags under her eyes tell of her exhaustion before she lets out a yawn.
“Robin, you know I love you with all my heart. But girl, you look like death warmed over,” you say.
“Thanks,” she mumbles sarcastically as she wraps her green and black flannel tighter around herself.
“What’s wrong?” you ask.
Robin slinks over to one of the study tables near the bookshelves and plops herself down in a chair. You’re really not supposed to, but the library was practically empty, so you took the seat across from her. She lets out another yawn and you look at her imploringly, waiting for her to speak.
“I stayed up until like, three, studying for this stupid biology test and then the freaking professor has the audacity to ask me, only me, in front of the whole class, if I think I studied enough for the test. What the hell? I thought community college would be better than high school, but it still sucks ass.”
“Aw, I’m sorry,” you tell her. “Some professors are total dicks. How do you think you did on the test?”
“After that comment from him? I couldn’t focus on anything except being humiliated so I probably bombed it.”
You frown and reach across the table to take her hand. She lets you hold it, not bothering to move a muscle in her slouched position.
“Don’t let me take summer classes again,” Robin says.
“Deal,” you agree.
“As much as I came here to see your lovely face,” Robin says as she sits up in her chair. “I actually do need a book on James Madison for my history class.”
“Coming right up.” You pop out of your seat and Robin frowns.
“I didn’t mean you had to go get it for me. Just tell my lazy ass where it is and I’ll do it,” she says.
You wave at her in a dismissive manner. “I know exactly where they are, and which book you should use. It’s no problem.”
“Wow, it’s like you work here.” Robin smirks at you and you’re glad to see more of her usual self shining through.
“If only they paid me,” you call back to her over your shoulder as you head to the nonfiction section.
The book was right where you knew it would be, so you go back and drop it right in front of Robin.
“Tada,” you say. “Need anything else?”
“Um.” Robin scrunches up her face as she thinks, then shakes her head. “Nope, just gotta skim through this for the answers I need. Oh, wait! You’re coming on Saturday, right? Girl’s brunch?”
“Oh, yeah. I’ll have to check if Steve’s-.”
“He’s off that day, I already checked,” Robin says.
“Perfect,” you say with a smile. “It’s been too long since we’ve done that. Not at all since Nancy’s been back for the summer.”
“I know, but it won’t be the whole gang. El won’t be there,” Robin tells you.
“Why not?” You frown. You love seeing El and you don’t get to nearly enough.
“Will’s got that art show competition thing this weekend. The whole Hopper-Byers clan is driving to Illinois for it.”
“I forgot all about that. Shit. I meant to get him something for good luck, I just couldn’t come up with any ideas,” you say.
“Sometimes I think you have two sons,” Robin says with a smirk.
“Don’t be jealous because I have a cool honorary little brother.”
“I mean, don’t we both have four of them? If I’m schlepping them around like a taxi service, then I’m calling them my little brothers too.”
“When’s the last time you actually drove any of them anywhere? You got your license at the same time that they all did.”
Robin gives you an unamused look before opening the book in front of her. “I have to study, if you don’t mind.”
You chuckle and hold your hands up in front of you in surrender. “Let me know if you need anything.”
Robin leaves shortly before your shift ends and it leads you to stare at the clock, counting down the minutes. You’d made it through the rest of the day but now that you were mere minutes away from heading home, it felt as if time had slowed down on itself.
Your boss comes out from the back room and looks between you and the clock.
“You got a date?”
Her voice startles you and it makes you jump out of your skin.
“Oh, no ma’am,” you say.
She puts her hands on her hips and looks around the library. Her glasses are perched at the end of her pointy nose, white eyebrows furrowed above the frames.
“Put all the books back from the cart?” she asks.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Wipe down all the tables?”
“Yes, Mrs. Montgomery.”
“Alright. You can go.”
“I’m sorry?” You ask. She had never told you that you could leave before the clock struck six.
“You did what you had to do,” she says with a shrug of her feeble, sweater covered shoulders. “You can leave.”
“Oh,” you say. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”
She waves you off as she heads into the back. Mrs. Montgomery has never hated you, but she did get a bit softer towards you after Everett had made her a homemade ornament last Christmas.
On the drive home, the light reminding you of an oil change seems brighter than it ever has been. You know it isn’t, it’s just in anticipation that maybe it would go off soon. Because of Eddie.
Steve’s car is in the parking lot as you pull into the complex parking lot, which means he and Everett are just hanging out at home. Nancy’s car isn’t there though, but she might be back at her house with her family for the evening.
You park your car in the spot closest to your building and check your watch as you bound up the stairs. Eddie said he gets home at seven. That’s about half an hour away. It’s going to be the longest half hour of your life, after the half hour that you had to wait between when your contractions started getting bad and getting to the hospital. Everett’s lucky he’s as cute and sweet as he is after you felt like your spine was going to snap through your stomach during birth.
You take a quick shower and groan to yourself when you see that only took up ten minutes. You could clean? No, the apartment was still pretty clean from the other day. You could read? No, you wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the words on the page. You could cook? That seems the best option. You’re going to have to eat dinner tonight anyway.
Rummaging around in the kitchen leaves you coming up startlingly short. You didn’t realize how badly you needed to go grocery shopping. There’s enough to scrape together to make a decent plate of pasta. Clanging the pots together as you get your supplies out, you take a deep breath. In, Eddie’s dark eyes. Out, his dimpled smile.
As you pour the pot of hot water and noodles over the strainer, the phone starts to ring.
“Shit,” you murmur. You can’t rush or you’ll end up burning yourself on the water or steam. “Coming!” you call as if he could actually hear you.
You slam the pot and strainer full of noodles on the counter, ignoring the puddle it makes, and rush to the other side of the kitchen. Another deep breath, and you’re picking up the receiver.
“Hello?”
“Hey, sweetheart.”
The steam didn’t melt you, but that nickname sure did.
“Hey Eddie, how are you?” You’re glad he can’t see the giddy smile just hearing his voice puts on your face.
“Much better now,” he says. “How was your day?”
“Eh, same old, same old,” you say.
“And how’s the little dude?” Eddie asks and it gives you butterflies that he cares enough to ask about Everett.
“He’s good. With his dad right now,” you say.
“You mean you’ve got a free night to yourself? And what are you going to do to celebrate?”
“Talking to you, for one,” you say, surprising yourself. Flirty things didn’t just come out of your mouth like that.
“Aww, what a charmer you are,” Eddie says. “Well, I got the oil ready for whenever you want me to swing by.”
“How busy are you this week?” you ask. “I mean, like, after work.”
Eddie chuckles. “Sweetheart, all I do is work and come home. Playing DND with the boys was my first social experience here in Hawkins.”
“I think you need some friends who don’t have curfews at eleven,” you joke.
His responding laugh is enough to make your knees weak.
“I guess you’re right. So, to answer your question, I’m free every night.”
“Even tonight?” Again, your brain did not approve of that question before it came out of your mouth.
There’s a pause on the other end of the phone and you feel that maybe you stepped too far. Maybe he thinks you’re too over eager to see him and it’s weird.
“Yeah?” He finally asks. “Tonight works for you?”
“Sure, if it works for you,” you say.
“I guess I’ll need your address then, sweets.”
“Just don’t get the roads mixed up,” you say with a chuckle.
“Hey, Hawkins isn’t that big. I’m sure I’d find you eventually.”
“Sounds a little creepy but because I know you’re bad with directions I’ll let that slide.”
“Yeah, I hated it as it came out of my mouth,” he says with a sigh.
“I do that at least six times a day, so you’re still behind me.”
Seven times now, you think to yourself. Because now all you can picture is Eddie behind you. Pressing kisses on the back of your neck. His hands wrapping around your waist. His chest pressing flush up against your back. Him bending you over.
“Helloooo?”
“Hmm, yeah?” You shake your head a little, trying to dispel your fantasy.
“Thought I lost you there for a second,” he says. “I just said I needed to grab a pen to write down your address. I got one now, I’m ready.”
You recite your address to him, fingers wrapping themselves in the spiral cord of the phone. It’s a habit you tell Everett to quit doing, but here you are tangling the wires.
“Alright, I’ll head out now,” Eddie says. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
“Great,” you say softly. You’re sure he can hear your smile through the phone.
You hang up and realize your hair is still wet and you’re in pajamas. You groan to yourself as you walk into your room and rip open your closet. You can’t wear something particularly nice because he knows you’ve just been sitting at home since work. But you need to wear something nicer than the sweatpants and oversized T-shirt you’re wearing now.
You settle on jeans. Jeans are good. Casual, but look nice. There’s a purple shirt you pull out from the back of the closet. It’s a nice flowy v-neck that conforms to your waist nicely and tends to be baggy in the front, displaying more cleavage than intended. Perfect.
There wasn’t a whole lot you could do with your hair. You didn’t have time to blow dry it before Eddie arrived and it was still in the midway point between soaked and fully dry. The medicine cabinet above the sink is full of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Band-Aids and antibiotic ointment for cuts and scrapes. Behind it all, you find the neglected leave in conditioner that you can’t remember when you used last. When you pop the cap, it still smells good, so you squeeze some out into your hands. You scrub it through your hair and smooth it out the best you can. It doesn’t look awful and it’s the best you could hope for.
Pacing never does anything productive, but that doesn’t stop you from treading back and forth across the carpet in the living room. Every little noise you hear has you peaking out the window to see if the brown van is pulling up. Finally, the sound of squeaky brakes actually is Eddie pulling into a parking spot. Ironic, you think to yourself, that the mechanic’s brakes are loud. You go out the front door and down the steps to meet him in the parking lot.
Eddie hops out of the van and gives you the smile you’ve been looking forward to all day.
“Hey, beautiful,” he greets you. He’s wearing blue coveralls and you wonder if he’d ever changed out of them to begin with. His name is sewn in red right over his heart, and you have the sudden urge to trail your finger over the letters.
“Hey,” you say with a grin. You walk over to your car and lean against it’s scuffed up bumper. “How was work?”
“Did a hundred oil changes but none as important as this one,” he says. He comes to stand in front of you and he tilts his head to the side as he looks at you. “Your hair looks cute all wet.”
“You really don’t stop flirting for a second, do you?” You can’t help the smirk on your face as you watch him shrug, not looking the least bit bashful.
“Why would I? When you get that adorable blush every time I compliment you.” He grins when your cheeks grow even darker. “But tell me to stop and I will.”
He waits, raising his eyebrows at you but you just purse your lips and give him a shrug of your own. He chuckles when you stay silent and taps his hand against the trunk of your car.
“This is it, I’m guessing?” His eyes roam over your old gray vehicle. It’s nothing special but it gets you where you need to go.
“This is it,” you confirm.
Eddie catches sight of the car seat in the back and it brings a smile to his face. He walks to the back of his van and opens the doors. You’d never actually seen a car get an oil change before, so you were surprised by the number of items Eddie brought out. There was the car jack, a handful of tools, and a container of what you assume is the oil.
“Do I need to do anything?” you ask.
“Nope,” he says. He nods his head to the open back doors of his van. “You can sit there if you want.”
Luckily, he had parked adjacent to your car so you could watch him as he worked. The interior of the van is sparse, a few items spread out on the brown carpeting. It smells of oil and gasoline but looks clean, if not a little cluttered. You perch yourself on the edge and rest your feet on the bumper as you watch him begin. He uses the car jack to lift your car up and you furrow your eyebrows.
“Isn’t the oil under the hood?” you ask.
He shoots you a smile before he gets down on the asphalt. “It is,” he says. “But I have to drain the old oil out first.”
“Oh,” you hum. “Sorry, I’ll probably ask stupid questions. I know nothing about cars other than how to drive one.”
“It’s not stupid,” Eddie says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a hair tie. He secures his hair at the nape of his neck, a few wisps still hanging around his face. “If I visited you at work, I’d not know one thing about the Dewey decimal system.”
“You should drop by,” you tell him as he pushes himself under your car. “I’m sure you won’t be able to believe it, but it can get pretty boring working at a library.”
He huffs a laugh as he works. You can hear tools scraping and moving underneath your car. From your angle, you can just barely see the side of Eddie’s face and his tongue pokes out in concentration. It shouldn’t turn you on as much as it does.
“What time is your lunch break?” he asks.
“Whenever I want to take it, really. It’s supposed to be when we’re not that busy, but we hardly are around lunch time.”
“Mine’s at one,” Eddie says after you see him pull something off the bottom of your car. “I get an hour. I could come by and have lunch with you if you wanted?”
The smile on your face is unrestrained since you know Eddie can’t see it from there. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
“Me too,” Eddie admits.
You bite your lip and hold your face in your hands. You hadn’t felt this trill of butterflies and excitement since you were in high school. Eddie starts to move out from under the car and you contort your face back to normal. He smiles at you before standing up and heading around to the hood of your car.
“How long have you known Dustin?” he asks. The hood pops open and he extends it up fully. He reaches down for the oil and wipes his hands on a dirty rag before throwing it over his shoulder.
“Oh jeez,” you say as you think about it. “I think I was a sophomore in high school. Maybe junior? Yeah, I think I was a junior. We had a mutual friend, who ended up being my boyfriend.”
“Not one of the kids from DND?” Eddie asks. He looks over at you with a smirk on his face. The way he licks over his lips before returning his gaze to his work sends a tingle through your spine.
“Oh God, no,” you say with a laugh. “His name is Steve. He’s a year older than me. Everett’s dad, actually.”
“How’d he and Dustin become friends?” Eddie asks, brow pinched in concentration.
“I don’t even remember,” you say. “I just know they became instant best friends and they’re still ridiculous with one another. Dustin is Everett’s God father, actually.”
“Leave the gun, take the cannoli.”
“You’re quoting The Godfather movie? You really are as much of a nerd as Dustin and the gang, huh?” you ask with a smirk.
He laughs and nods his head as he pours the oil. “Total nerd. Was called a freak all throughout high school.”
That makes you frown. “Kind of mean, isn’t it? I don’t think you’re a freak at all.”
“Just a nerd?” he asks, throwing a wink your way.
“Oh, for sure,” you agree. “But if you haven’t noticed, I get along well with nerds. Am one myself, actually.”
“You are not,” Eddie says. He finishes up and closes the hood of your car. When he wipes a piece of hair out of his face with the back of his hand, it leaves behind an oil mark across his forehead.
“I work at a library,” you say. “Let me be a nerd. I’m proud of it.”
“You’re too pretty to be a nerd,” he says. The smile he gives you makes you grateful you’re sitting down. You chuckle and motion for him to walk closer to you. He stands in front of you, and you take the rag off his shoulder. You reach up to wipe away the grease on his face, but you only end up smearing it further. “Eh, don’t worry about it. It takes some serious scrubbing to get clean after work.”
“Do you want to come in and wash up?” you ask. Again, that pesky filter you’re supposed to have fails you.
“I don’t want to get your place all dirty,” he says with a shrug.
“I have a toddler. You think my place is ever truly clean?”
Eddie laughs and nods his head, conceding.
“I made dinner, too,” you add. “Pasta. And I definitely made too much because I’m used to making dinner for two people. You’re not going to let perfectly good pasta go to waste, are you?”
“Mm, but I’m the flirt, right?” Eddie asks. He raises his eyebrows at you, and it causes you to giggle.
“Oh, definitely. I’m just asking if you want some food,” you say.
“You seem to be surrounded by a bunch of young guys. Has any of them ever turned down free food?”
“Not a once.”
Eddie opens his mouth to speak when a car pulls in on the other side of yours. From the angle she drove in, Nancy wouldn’t have been able to see you or Eddie standing at the opening of his van. If she had, she definitely wouldn’t have parked so close to interrupt the moment.
“Hey, Nance,” you say as she gets out of the car.
“Hi,” she answers, shooting you an apologetic look.
“Eddie, this is Nancy, my best friend,” you say. “Nancy, this is Eddie. He plays DND with your brother and he’s great at changing oil.”
“Brother?” Eddie asks you.
“Oh, you know Mike,” Nancy says. She sighs. “So sorry about that.”
Eddie laughs and goes to offer his hand to Nancy before realizing it’s covered in grime.
“Mike’s great. But it’s nice to meet you, Nancy,” he says.
“You too,” Nancy says. She opens the back door of her car and pulls out a grocery bag. “I better head in. Steve’s making dinner and doesn’t have enough oregano, apparently.”
You give her a wave as she makes her way towards Steve’s building.
“Steve? Like your ex?” Eddie asks once she’s far enough away.
“Yeah,” you say. “Nancy is his girlfriend. He lives in that building, right there.” You hook your thumb over your shoulder.
“Aw, that’s nice for Everett. Having his parents be so close.”
“Yeah, that’s what we wanted,” you say. You hop down from his van and start to walk in the direction of the stairwell. “Now, come on. The mom in me is going to make you clean up before you eat.”
Eddie washes his hands and face in the bathroom as you finish up dinner. It’s weird to serve both helpings on adult-sized plates instead of one Mickey Mouse one.
“It smells really good,” Eddie says as you both sit down at the table.
“Thank you.”
Eddie digs in and, like he said, you hang around with a lot of young guys, so you’re not surprised in the least at the way he inhales his food.
“So,” Eddie says between bites. “I don’t mean to be nosey. But your best friend is dating your ex? Is that weird?”
“Everyone thinks that,” you say with a chuckle. “She became my best friend after she started dating Steve, actually. They dated before he and I did and then got back together after Everett was born.”
“She seems nice,” Eddie says.
“Oh yeah, she’s a sweetheart,” you agree. “What about you? You have a best friend?”
“Mhmm,” he hums. He wipes his mouth off on a napkin before continuing. “His name is Gareth. We met when we were like seven, I think. He’s off in California now.”
“College?” you ask.
Eddie laughs. “No, not for him. He’s bouncing from band to band, trying to get a record deal.”
“Musician, huh? That’s pretty cool.”
“Yeah, we were in a band together in high school,” he tells you.
“Really? What do you play?”
“Guitar.” You smile to yourself and Eddie notices. “What is it?”
“Hm? Oh, just thinking about how happy Everett would be to hear that. He is obsessed with music and the guitar is his favorite.”
“Kid has good taste,” Eddie says.
“I like guitar as well,” you add.
“Good to know.” Eddie sends you a wink and you feel the pasta slosh around with the butterflies in your stomach.
Conversation flows just as easily for the rest of dinner. Neither of you realize you’ve been sitting at the table for an hour after both of you had finished eating until Eddie catches sight of the clock behind you.
“Oh, wow,” he says. You turn to see the time yourself and you can’t believe how quickly the night has passed. “I should get going.”
“Yeah?” you ask with a sad smile. You never intended for him to have dinner with you to begin with, but now you don’t want him to leave. “Well, thank you for the oil change. I really appreciate it.”
“Really, it’s nothing,” he says. He stands up and brings both of your plates to the sink. You follow after him, tugging on his arm.
“Don’t worry about those,” you say.
He smiles and takes advantage of your hand being on him. He picks up your hand in his and brings it to his lips. Two kisses are quickly placed to the back of your hand, and you swear your heart could be heard on the other side of town.
“I’ll swing by for lunch tomorrow, yeah?” Eddie asks quietly.
“Yeah,” you answer in a whisper. “I can’t wait.”
“Neither can I.” He presses another kiss to the back of your hand.
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munsluyt · 2 years
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nah bro who EVER said billy’s actions were okay? i wouldn’t say i’m a billy “apologist” and nobody’s saying what he did was all sparkles and rainbows.
girl half of billy stan’s look at him through a canon lens anyway plus we all just want to see him heal, grow and realize his actions were so wrong the fucking character development we were so cruelly deprived of.
also i think stans surrounding billy has a lot to do w empathy, let’s be honest here, a lot of us can relate to the trauma and brainwashing he experienced and how that alone can make you a pretty cold, selfish and ignorant person, you’re in defense mode all the time, that’s whats victim’s of a abuse do? (ESPECIALLY when it’s your own damn parents)
i myself have been through a scary amount of all kinds of abuse in my childhood- let’s not forget BILLY WAS ONLY 17-18- and it took years of therapy to develop a right state of mind. people have issues bro and they deserve the chance to become better people. (this whole “toxic people are damned” is some seriously prejudice shit.)
you’re literally wishing death against someone (granted he’s fictional, but that’s kinda backwards, to sit on your high horse and say someone deserved to die. who tf are you? it’s pretty sick that these billy haters are pretty much stating that the only solution for people like him is to off themselves. people fuck up especially broken/hurting one’s. billy could’ve turned himself around given a healthy environment and i can attest to that.
everyone deserves to better themselves (some people, i will say, are a lot harder to give that consideration but-) if you think otherwise just fuck off with your closed minded self.
lol this had me heated
(the people that are so pressed are pissing me off. LIFE ISNT PERFECT FOR EVERYONE, fuck me man. do you not understand how confusing and damaging it is to have abusive/racist parents? it takes a long time to come into your own line of thinking and heal. racism is disgusting and it’s a generational thing, for some people it’s something they grew up with and have to realize is not normal and wicked. remind yourself his character is only 17. if you don’t agree, if you don’t like what i’ve said here, keep scrolling and move on with your day.)
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Hello! i saw the ask game and i wanted to ask your opinions about my best guy Theoden!
Love your blog!
<3 <3 hello hello! Yess, he is the best!
First impression
I always loved him. It's the soft dad vibes that he gives off in the film and I always transposed those onto book version of Theoden as well, even if they aren't as front-and-centre.
Impression now
As you all know I have a soft spot for imperfection and Theoden is very much an imperfect leader who is trying his damndest in an impossible situation.
I love his fear of being like his ancestors (sure "lesser son of greater sires" but in the immediate memory Fengel and Thengel weren't anything to write home about and I'm sure Theoden had the "don't be like your grandfather" running in his head), which is a nice parallel to Aragorn's own fears and concerns. That certain weaknesses are "inherited" or you're somehow doomed to repeat the failings of your forefathers.
I also really appreciate Theoden's practicality and realism. This is definitly shown way more in the books than in the films.** But he is so pragmatic and realistic about what is happening and has a strong, stable workman-like air to his leadership as king and general. It's very grounding and a nice compliment to the high fantasy that is happening around them all.
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**I have Views & Opinions on what PJ did with Theoden in the films in relation to Aragorn
Favorite moment
In the movies, I love all of his speeches. My favourite, favourite scene is "but do you trust your king/where is the horse and the rider" bit with Gamling. Second up are the paralleling scenes of "I know your face" with Eowyn. Soft dad vibes <3 <3
In the book, I naturally have my favourite scene is when he's missing Grima and having those complex feelings of "I'm angry at this man for what he has done and his betrayal, while at the same time I'm grieving the relationship we used to have/the man he once was." It's so very human.
I just love Theoden's deep humanity. A feature so often missing in the race of Man who are usually more High Arthurian, for lack of a better way to phrase it. Not that the likes of Aragorn and Faramir don't have their deeply human moments, they for sure do, but Theoden is consistently the most deeply human of the leaders, aside from Denethor, and I really like that.
Idea for a story
There's a part of me that's a secret Theoden/Grima shipper, so you know. Anything utterly tragic in that department with some bittersweet hope(?) at the end. Kill me where our love hurts most, my liege.
Otherwise, I would love an exploration of Theoden and his father's relationship and how he positions himself within the frame of his father and grandfather's legacy. Also his changing views on what it means to be Rohirrim - considering I am sure he has a complex relationship with that. He's more comfortable in Westron and Sindarin than the language of his own people! That's got to have some complexity to it.
Unpopular opinion
I'm not sure I have one on Theoden? I feel like most of my opinions are pretty par for the course.
Favorite relationship
Definitly Eowyn. I love the father-daughter vibe happening with them. I wish we saw more of it.
Favorite headcanon
When Theoden adopted Eomer and Eowyn he went around to everyone in Meduseld apologising in advance. People were like "?? your niece and nephew seem charming and lovely ??" and Theoden was like "ok but you don't understand: They are the Children of Eomund. This is going to be INSANE."
He always loved them, of course, but they were little terrors. You know that dual thing of dealing with grief of losing parents/being orphaned at a young age and how that can lead to lashing out plus natural peronalities being on the fiery side.
Theoden just like, put everyone on High Alert.
(lol Grima would have been like mid-late twenties and Theoden is like: New Guy, do you like children? And Grima is all: Abso-fucking-lutely not. Why? Theoden: No reason. Gamling, I was wrong, we can't put the new guy on baby-sitting duties.)
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Thank you!!! Theoden is just, ah, one of my top tier faves. And thank you, I'm glad you enjoy my wee lil' tumblr :D
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saltygilmores · 1 year
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Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 10, "The Bracebridge Dinner" Part 1
You can read my previous reviews here.
Brace-Bridge Din-Ner Brace-Bridge Din-ner Brace-Bridge Din-Ner YEAH!!!
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Motivational Plaque: In a Sea of Run Away Little Boy's, be a Bracebridge Dinner. This is my third favorite episode after "They Shoot Gilmores Don't They"?" and "Lorelai's Graduation Day"! (I know I said it was #2 in my previous post but I somehow forgot about LGD). I can watch it over and over!
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It's a beautiful winter's day in Star Hollow. There's a crisp chill in the air, the unemployed townies are hard at work building snowmen, Taylor Doose has assembled yet another front for his financial crimes ("The Stars Hollow Winter Festival", not to be confused with "The Stars Hollow Winter Carnival") and somewhere in North Carolina, Diet Logan is getting hazed at Military School. Ahhhhh. *breathes in* All is right in the world. For now. Lorelai and Rory are complaining that Snow's mouth is crooked and Rory says she has "stroke mouth" which is not a very nice thing to say, and all I could think about is poor Milo.
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Me when Dean shows up in a few minutes (but at least he mostly stays in his lane and manages to not completely ruin this episode for once).
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No, no, no, no. CHRISTOPHER is in this flawless episode? How did I black him out of my memory?
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Jackson's like, "Uh, come again Sookie?"
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Uh oh is right. Of course he has a sign that says OBEY. with a giant creepy eye. GTFO out of my 3rd Favorite Episode, what are you doing here you fucklenut? "I know Rory has a school break coming up and I'd like her to come and visit for a few days." How CONVENIENT. Summary: Crusty:Ask Rory if she wants to visit me. Lorelai: Okay will do. ANNYWAAAY Does anyone else wonder where Jess is whenever he isn't around? Just me? Okay..
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Have I ever mentioned how fascinated I am by the offscreen, unseen world of the Rory-less life at Stars Hollow High School? Yeah, I know, several times. I admit it's kind of weird that I'm obsssed with an imaginary world where Dean would be a main character.
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PUT ON A COAT SWEETIE YOU'RE GONNA CATCH PNEUMONIA!
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I am Jess Mariano's defense lawyer, and whatever this Chuck Presby did, I'm sure he deserved it.
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Those curly curls. "You saw it was me Jess, why did you keep punching?" *shrugs* "I had momentum." Valid defense. Free my client he is innocent.
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Thiiiin lips! Oh he mad. "Luke's coming to the dinner with Jess." "I'll put Jess in a room with Miss Patty." "There will be no Jess left in the morning." I'm starting to think Miss Patty is on a sex offender registry.
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Me to anyone who doesn't like my commentary.
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Who let Crustypher have a dog? Where is the dog? Should I call the ASPCA?
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An appearance by Babette makes any episode better.
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Clara is me. I am Clara.
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Is this the debut of Jess' Ugly Oversized Vomit Brown Coat? What wretched church donation bin did Liz find this thing in? The only inanimate object I despise more than the Stars Hollow Bridge is this coat.
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Hi.
Dean: He better not do that all night. Do what all night? Wave at people? Shut the fuck up.
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Hi.
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(portrait of the author watching this scene)
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Jess & Luke reacting to "there are horse drawn sleighs outside and everyone gets a ride." Lorelai: There's something so magical about Stars Hollow this time of year. Luke: Yeah, there's the magical plumbing supply store where I bought a magical toilet float last year. Listen up everybody! Luke Danes has learned the secret of parenting and he's going to tell us what it is! Luke: I learned that sometimes you gotta lie to your kid to spare them a lot of hurt. Liz knew that Jess had some time off from school, but she never called, so I lied to him and told him his Mom wanted him to come home but since he was still adjusting here that I thought he should stay, and that his Mom was really upset by that but I insisted he stay here. He bought it hook, line and sinker. Heh heh. What?
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Also. Like Liz Danes would be sober enough to know or care that he was on winter break.
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Jess, sweetheart, my love, my darling traumatized baby boy, my little cupcake sweetymuffin cutiecookie with precious sprinkles on top, here's my credit card, go buy yourself a new coat. You deserve a treat after all you've been through. #BurnThatCoat
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I just think it's reaaaal shifty that they bought Liz into the show as a regular character and they made her surface level cute and quirky! Look at the goofy hippy making bracelets for the renaissance faire! Teehee! Did they think I would forget shit like this? NO. I HATE HER.
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Now, I think I should get something important out of the way in regards to these reviews. If it seems like I'm not saying much about Jess or Jess&Rory, it's not beacuse I don't absolutely adore the ever loving shit out of him. But everything that can ever be said about Jess and Rory has been said at this point. They have been analyzed, dramatized, scrutinized, gificized, lyricized, TaylorSwifticzed, FanficiSized and picked apart like a herd of hyenas going to town on an antelope. i don't think any other couple in the history of television whose tenuous and let's face it, quite unhappy relationship only lasted less than one season has been dissected as much as Literati. So if I don't put every little interaction, every line, every breath they take under a microscope and gloss over some things, don't hold it against me. Never you fret. Jess Mariano is always on my mind. Besides, my style is more about cynical mockery, searching for Millennial references, picking apart the things no one else cares about, coming up with new and creative ways for Dean Forrester to die, searching the background for misspelled signs, and begging Jess to buy a new coat. So yes I am intently watching the cute scene with Jess and Rory in the sleigh. I promise. With that out of the way...let's continue.
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'The gang's all here. So nice. Ran out of room, part 2 in another post, you know the drill.
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we-pay-for-everything · 9 months
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I'm rewatching Nancy Drew season 1 and I have so many thoughts (surprise, surprise!).
Now that I'm paying attention, Lucy does indeed look pregnant.
Carson is insane this season. He read his daughter's texts?? Fucking creepy.
Idk what the fuck is wrong with Nancy. Suspecting your dad of murder, even if he's shady, is hardcore.
Nick and Nancy were not a great match. He was insecure about Owen and between Nancy being super closed off and prioritizing Lucy's death over Tiffany's, they were never going to last.
I know everyone thought that Nancy was just being stubborn and putting everyone at risk because of her obsession with Lucy, and they had every right to, but she's not to blame for them almost getting killed at that fancy auction party. Nick was acting partially out of jealousy and because George convinced him to, George was acting on her feelings for Nick, Bess wanted to go to a glamorous party and steal stuff, and Ace was being Ace (he wanted to get info for the Chief and also help his friends Ig). Their plan was terrible and they had no right to act like it was Nancy's fault it failed. She told them not to do it and she didn't even know what they were planning. George accused Nancy like it was her fault. I genuinely hate saying this about a woman, but she's really annoying. I hate that she and Nancy are my least favorite characters.
Lisbeth is a weird character. Her storyline didn't have a proper conclusion, and why would an undercover agent ask someone out? And introduce them to her parents?? Her parents lived in the town where she was working undercover? Was she born there lmao. Bess is better with her current girlfriend, though I prefer Odette!
Laura is another weird character. She feels pretty unnecessary.
Bess doesn't make much sense. I know they explained why she went around calling herself a Marvin, but in that small town no one ever called her out on it, really? And did she steal all her designer clothes lmao.
Nancy has a very complicated personality. When she figured out Ace was working for the Chief, he wanted to tell her what he had learned about Laura but she just looked at him in disdain and said "Why should I trust you?". Like, give him a chance? Even if he's lying, his lies might be useful to you. Get off your high horse. That was OOC too, because Nancy usually listens to people when she confronts them. She doesn't just walk away.
Owen has been ruined for me. Now that I know the show's MO, it's hard to care about him. The show doesn't know what to do with its characters. They're all discarded as soon as the season is over.
This season is way worse than I remembered it lmao.
It's amazing how you can get so attached to shows you have a million complaints about.
I've been noticing some Nace parallels: they both suspected their partner of murdering Tiffany, they both discovered a life changing secret (this one is a bit of a reach, but Nancy being adopted and Ace finding out he had a brother, and what those secrets did to their respective families, counts as a parallel), they dated siblings lmao, and they are both great at uncovering stuff (detective and hacker).
Victoria is pretty cool. I wish she showed up more.
Anyway, I'll keep you guys posted on my rewatch! I'm sure I'll have lots more to complain about haha.
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dotster001 · 1 year
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Hello I hope you’re doing good, may I have a regular matchup for Twisted Wonderland? I’d say that my personality fluctuates depending on who I’m with but for purposes of the matchup I’ll describe myself how I act around close friends and partner. So, I’d say that most of my friends would say I’m very energetic and clingy. That’s mostly due to how when I was younger I was used to getting brushed off by my parents and “friends.” So once I realize someone likes me enough to talk with me willingly I like being around them 24/7. Although I understand boundaries, and how people want their personal space. Although I’d say every night I tend to lock myself away from everyone and just take time to rewind. When I’m around others though I tend to be judgemental, and not in the negative way most would think it’s the way that I’m very cautious how I’m around others and what they want out of me. Finally I’d say I’m emotional and have mood swings often but I usually try to cover it up in interest for others around me since I don’t want them to bother me or see as if I’m looking for attention when I’m just having a moment. Most of these mood swings are when I’m anxious and I just snap either with anger for a moment or depression and self loathing. And I’ll just add some qualities in a person I can’t stand, but firstly if they act as if they are on a high horse and can’t be wrong pisses me right off as well when they can’t admit when they are wrong as well arrogant people. Thank you in advance ^^
Event Closed
(I love events like this, because I get to interact with a lot of names I see a lot. 😂 Like, I recognize your username, and it's like I'm meeting a pen pal. Anyway, I picked this boy for you right away, so I hope you enjoy it)
I match you with Deuce Spade.
He's perfectly fine with you being clingy. In fact it makes him feel better about his clinginess! When he starts dating you, and even before that, he wants to be near you all the time. He likes to be touching your arm, and talking to you, and hugging you, and having his arm around your waist…he'll only stop if you tell him to.
The first time you snap at him, he gets worried he fucked up, and that you want to leave him. But once you explain that a lot of times it's because you are anxious, he gets relieved, then Uber defensive of you. He'll keep the anxiety provoking things away from you! Never fear! He'll beat up anyone who…again, you're gonna have to stop him.
It's a good thing you aren't into arrogant people, because Deuce isn't at all. He's willing to admit when he's wrong, and often will apologize with a present if you're the one he wronged. He'll give you a single daffodil, then look at the ground like a sad puppy, before asking you not to be mad at him anymore. Then he'll invite you to a picnic in a meadow, where he handmade all the food (basic sandwiches and some brownies) and he'll get you there using the scenic route on his blastcycle.
He likes your "judgementalness" because he has one braincell he shares with Ace. You can use your skills to figure out how to behave around someone, then explain it to him.  It'll save him from a social mishap, and he's so grateful. 
He's fine that you like to lock yourself away at night to rewind. But….
Deuce nervously knocked on your room door.
"Yeah?" He heard your voice call from within.
"It's Deuce. Can…can I come in?" He stared at his feet as he shuffled a little bit with excess energy.
Before you could even have a chance to respond, he spoke up again.
"You know, Deuce Spade? I'm your boyfriend."
He heard you laugh as you opened the door.
"I know who you are, sweetie. What is it?"
"I…I know you like to rewind, but can I come in and cuddle? We don't have to talk or anything, I just want to be close to you," he said, his cheeks turning pink as he looked everywhere but you.
He perked up when he felt your lips on his cheek.
"Of course, love, you're always welcome. You don't have to ask every single night," you laughed.
He followed you back into your room, like an excited puppy, and cuddled up with you on your bed, resting his head on your shoulder, and giving a delighted, satisfied hum.
He watched you scroll through your phone for a couple moments, then kissed your cheek before snuggling deeper into you and falling asleep, much to your amusement.
You weren't even surprised anymore. He did this every night.
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eemcintyre · 11 months
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Random thoughts I had during my fifth viewing of the cinematic masterpiece "Cocktail" (1988)
Well... more like my 5 2/3 viewing bc I got like 2/3 through it and then my mom was like "why didn't you tell me you were gonna watch it, I would have wanted to watch it too" so I lied about how far I was through it "there's still a lot left we can start it over" and I watched the same movie almost twice in a row in the span of a few hours :)
"Wild Again" by Starship is one of the only good songs tbh, although "Addicted to Love" and "When Will I Be Loved" are also pretty alright. But the soundtrack is lowkey horrendous imo
I stand by my previous standalone post- no one has ever been that excited to get on a fkin Greyhound bus
Benefit of the bus, however- the scene with him and the baby; I feel like Tom just vibes really well w kids because he's such a smiley, fun, and chaotic lil guy and gREAT now I have baby fever again thx 💖
Oh the blatant plot exposition about his parents that they beat us over the head with oh-so-subtly
Oh the foreshadowing throughout that is even less subtle
One of my favorite quotes in any movie, bc it makes me feel better about my life being in disarray and not knowing what to do about it, I guess, is the “Most things in life, good and bad, just kinda happen to ya.”
Tom's still got his high little baby voice 😩
Even as a college graduate, the interviewing scene hits way too hard 🥲😩
Someone needs to acknowledge that the Red Eye looks like the most disgusting thing
Wish the dress shirt and tie fit had been featured more because it does things to me, but the scenes contrasting his first and second shift at the bar are when I first developed TC brain rot and fell in love w that lil goofball
I can’t judge the girl giving him the "fuck me eyes" bc have you seen him, plus she’s showing restraint compared to what I would do tbh
The adult learners usually drove me nuts in my classes (which I know is terrible but shhhhh) but I felt so bad for Sheila Rivkin
This professor really thinks he’s doing standup comedy or smth
Honey don’t put your face on the subway stairs that's arguably more disgusting than a Red Eye
The timeline of this movie is pretty hard to follow tbh; much as I adore it, you never know every time a scene changes whether it's been two days or like 3 months
What the actual fuck was the whole yuppie poet thing about- it's like when I used to watch those 60s Frankie and Annette movies where the weirdest shit would just happen for no reason and I felt like there was some social commentary or inside joke or smth that was just going way over my head that, if I had existed in that time, would have just been like "oh yeah that makes total sense"
The amount of raw sexual energy that this man exudes- I remember someone's post from a while back that was like "why is Cocktail like a 'mom' movie that all the moms are still obsessed with" but just like imagine if you saw this in theaters when it first came out
The only man allowed to wear beach shirts and look sexy, change my mind
I've always thought Elisabeth Shue is so incredibly underappreciated as an actress, smth about her line delivery and expressions just seems very genuine and naturalistic idk
She just orders “a beer” WHAT KIND???
So scary tbh how much he was becoming like Doug even being apart from him for a while
The side eye and shade Jordan gives Doug in this scene cracks me up every time without fail
The reggae singer absolutely popping tf off in his silver lamé suit ✨
Brian and Jordan both pulling the “I’m not like other girls” lmao
Sure she’s lowkey a manic pixie dream girl but I still love her
WATCH THE ROAD WHILE U DRIVIN THE CAR BRIAN 😤
If this movie was remade in modern times (God forbid) Brian would 100% be one of those guys with a hustle culture boss up motivational entrepreneur Instagram account. And Doug would perhaps be one of those cringy creepy pickup artists that talks about low-value women and compares them to horses and thinks he can mind-trick them into falling madly in love w him
If someone was waking me up early every morning to drink carrot juice I would commit crimes
The artist guy who made that exhibit looks like the oiliest man I’ve ever seen
Jordan’s dad says “bartender” like it’s a slur
When Brian tears up the check it always makes my lil heart just 💗💫🥺 the character evolution
Why did I only have this thought on my like fifth viewing of this movie, but I wonder if he hadn’t escorted Kerry back to her apartment if he would have gotten back in time to save Doug, and then who knows what would’ve happened bc then he wouldn’t have felt compelled to tell Jordan how much he really loved her and ask Pat for help and all that
WHEN HE FIGHTS EVERYONE OFF TO GET TO JORDAN what can I say, I'm a sucker for grand and melodramatic romantic gestures and proclamations of love
The teasing and singing along at the wedding is getting a little too real guys stop making this awkward 👀😬
I don’t care how unrealistic the end is, and that in real life they would have 100% soon gotten divorced, bc I want to believe that people can change and that all of the tribulation was worth it + enough for Brian to become a good dad/husband and successful but with it not being above and at the expense of his family; he would be such a fun and chaotic dad and their life would be so hectic w twins but I want to believe they could do it :( it comforts my cynical and depression-addled brain to believe they could do it :(
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wherethedogsareburied · 11 months
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long ass intro post incoming! general info and trigger warning below the cut.
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this is my oc blog! it used to be more informational about my wip but then i realized that i was screaming to the void and it would be better if i just let myself have fun with it instead of trying to be Formal and Professional about it lmao. anyway they’re characters from my wip that i think might be my special interest and pinterest isn’t getting as much dopamine going when it’s time to write
the focus of the plot is the past and its tendency to come back to haunt you. it follows a small family that will have its mettle tested by monsters from both outside and within, as well as the leaders of a cult trying to gain control in an age of dying gods.
it goes without saying that there are triggering subjects in this wip. they will be listed in a non spoiler-free manner below:
body horror, infection genre
animal death/violence performed against and by beasts
death and mourning, self-blame for the death of a loved one
parental abuse, particularly neglect
sexual abuse at the hands of an older priest figure & a sister figure
explicit intrusive thoughts in the head of a pov character that involve suicide, assault, and self-hatred
weaponized religion & the long-term baggage that it comes with
heavily implied suicidal ideation
i don’t think i’m going to be posting much at all about all of this but if i do, there will be a “read more” over the post after the warning.
this is going to go by tag system! block or hunt for whichever ones you would like lol
present characters:
bd || 🏛: oleander “oli” noskov. good-spirited, though anxious and helpless in worse situations. infected with lycanthropy as a teenager while in a cult, is now the owner of a decently successful inn. experiences intrusive thoughts, emotional stunting, and involuntary shifts as a result of the cult involvement.
bd || 🎠: dante pastore. headstrong and brave, but a workaholic. close friend of noskov; helped to extract him from the cult. breeds and sells horses, looked up to by his town.
bd || 🎸: magnolia noskova. poster child of 'fuck around and find out'. noskov's adopted teenage daughter; considers breaking-and-entering her source of employment. mediocre guitarist, slightly above-average bassist.
bd || 🫖: emilia shevchuk. levelheaded but has a low tolerance for fools and bad actors. the inn's chef and second-in-command, frequently handles things during noskov's "episodes".
bd || ⚒: abram ogarkov. pragmatic but generally obedient. close friend of pastore, often helps him with work. works odd jobs for a living. is otherwise a sketch artist.
bd || 🃏: anatoly malakov. 'rotisserie-chickens' between being down to earth and high and mighty but holds grudges nonetheless. elderly man at the top of the theocracy as well as the aforementioned cult. widely believed within the country that he can do no wrong whatsoever.
bd || 🐊: ivan malakov blodniek. malakov's estranged son with all his qualities plus the added bonus of teenage clumsiness. missing a few fingers. homeless and on the run from those looking to return him home; ran away after uncovering malakov's and cross's crimes and relationship dynamic.
bd || 🫀: zaine cross. a living mask; prides himself on the ability to be anything one's heart desires. second-in-command beneath malakov in both groups. notably popular with the masses due to his appearance and charm. the driving force behind blodniek's retrieval.
bd || 🚬: hellen vassos. intelligent and methodical but would undoubtedly have some sort of mutual understanding with machiavelli if he were around. practices magic, was expelled from her college due to wanton disrespect of the rules and remains bitter about it. clings to her stepbrother like her life depends on it.
bd || 🏴‍☠️: midas vassos. either empty and stagnant or battling for his life at any given moment. genuinely believes he is dead and that the 'wolf' is the only force keeping his body moving. stepbrother to the aforementioned vassos, helps her acquire illegal materials despite her abuse.
bd || 🦉: ferox blythe. reserved and private but nonetheless regal; a decorated blade. aristocratic figure whose entire job description revolves around legality; works to keep nationwide peace as well as solve crimes untouchable by small divisions. possesses a form of muscular dystrophy. loves kazimierz.
bd || 🕰: fioritura kazimierz. medic by trade but proves to be skilled with blythe's line of work as well. gathers information regarding tricky legal situations as no other assistant processes information in his same manner. has a soft spot for contraptions; uses a motorcycle as her primary form of transportation. loves blythe.
dynamic tags
bd || 🏛️🎠 : dynamic between oleander noskov and dante pastore.
bd || 🏛️🏴‍☠️ : dynamic between oleander noskov and midas vassos.
bd || 🚬🏴‍☠️ : dynamic between hellen vassos and midas vassos. content warning for abuse.
bd || 🎸🐊 : dynamic between magnolia noskova and ivan blodniek.
bd || 🫀🐊 : dynamic between ivan blodniek and zaine cross. content warning for stalking and general obsession.
bd || 🫀🎸 : dynamic between magnolia noskova and zaine cross.
bd || 🫀🐊🎸 : dynamic between magnolia noskova, ivan blodniek, and zaine cross.
lore and worldbuilding
bd || 🌗: blunder (setting). large country close to the north pole. dragon-worshipping theocracy.
bd || 🐺: lycanthropy. illness that modifies the body and mind when presented with extreme stimuli. can be passed on through blood.
bd || 🐲: draconianism. national religion of blunder. involves saint lineages who dictate laws and priests that communicate with local gods. in shambles in the present due to the sudden deaths of 80% of the gods.
bd || 🌲: the sons of volok. cult formed as the gods began dying that emphasizes supremacy of those with lycanthropy. difficult to leave due to lycanthropy's stigma as well as infection rituals.
bd || 🔮: the magic system. power drawn from the use of blood and body parts. can easily turn on the user to draw power from them if abused.
bd || ⚰️: related to the plot. usually involves spoilers and important plot points.
bd || 🐗: rambling
bd || 🎶: music related since i wont be able to shut up about it
bd || 🦚: art
bd || 🦤: memes and shitposting lol
bd || 🐘 : reblogs
bd || 🦣 : original post
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I DID IT!!!! I FINALLY FECKING DID IT!!!!! I REWATCHED THE ENTIRE LOTR TRILOGY!!! and do i EVER have some tHOUHGTS hdosidhsaodi below the cut ✨✨✨
FIRST THINGS FIRST:
was it as good as i remembered??
short answer: yes!!!!!! long answer: oh my gfucijing go d soj shjues us god mother of shitw yEes yes yseeeessss 😭😭😭 (baby birb had better taste than present birb but don't tell anyone i said so 👀)
there are loads of things i missed before, as well as things i didn't understand, but i understand them now :'D it always gave me that wriggly weird feeling in my chest even as a kid, just like 'lilo & stitch' or the song 'reflection' from mulan, but i didn't know WHY. turns out, these things touched my heart and it scared me, bc emotions have always scared me. but ive learnt to appreciate them as well. not all tears are an evil. i know what gandalf meant now :'D
does it hold up????
in my opinion, it does!!!! some of the cgi may look a bit wonky to modern eyes, but for the most part it's totally fine, if not better looking than some more.....recent films 👀 i've never been a great fan of slow-motion, but it's used mostly effectively here, to enhance the drama as opposed to taking up space (sure the feckers are long enough without it anyway 🤣) the core message of the film is beautiful and timeless. there is hope and goodness and love in our world, and it's worth every ounce of courage in our hearts!! it's as true today as it was when the film was made!! as true as it was when jrr tolkien wrote his stories!! if i believe in anything at all (much as i often profess i don't) it's only that our world is worth fighting for.
are u still after shipping aragorn and legolas??
YEAH. IM BASIC SO WHAT??? i JUST LIKE IT OK. I JUST. LIKE IT ;A;
will u be making more bad jokes now??
OF COURSE I WILL!! do u even KNOW me it's like u don't even KNOW me wtf. there's just a lot this time so. OK HERE GOES 💪😤
i can't believe smeagol was always just. like that lol. baby birb did not realise it was the same character as gollum btw. baby birb was. silly 👀
THE CAIN INSTINCT PREVAILS ONCE MORE!!!
'wake up, sleepies' is how i greet my cats in the morning btw
lol merry and pippin look high as FECK. baby birb didn't understand that lmao, i thought they were just tired 🤣
well, at least the gang are back together!! (mostly ;A;) merry & pippin dancing on tables, eowyn bringing aragorn a drink....good for them :'D
also!! nice pyjamas, lads!!! they all look so cute omg ;A;
THE ORB!!!! that's great, we here on tumblr love orbs, this is-----oh shit is he dead?? *SHOVES MERRY*
omg when aragorn grabs the orb and falls over and then legolas grabbed him 👀👀👀 I JUST WANT THEM TO KISS OK
the third act break up btwn merry and pippin is so sad 😔
aaAAH!! A CHILD!!!!! D: scary!! ;A;
every time elrond says 'there's nothing for u here' i keep hearing 'this is a DECENT town and a LOCAL shop!! there's nothing for U here!!!' lmao 🤣
the king's hall at minas tirith could use a few throw rugs or sth tbh, maybe a couple paintings. bit sparse in there really :P
right i'll just say it: the witch-king's fell beast's head looks like a di--
YAAAS PIPPIN LET'S DO SOME ARSON!! :D
aragorn's arm-flail run is back and it sparks so much joy i love him i love him i love hi
i've counted THREE (3) BLATANT WILHELM SCREAMS across these films!!! one in ttt, and TWO in rotk!!! incredible
i can't believe denethor says 'yeah i wish u died instead of ur brother. rip i guess' 😐 TO HIS FUCKING FACE!!! evil. faramir's gonna remember that FOREVER. u got to be careful what u say to ur kids bc even if they don't bring it up again, they will never ever forget. my dad called me 'useless' once when i was 15 and i still think about it sometimes. DO NOT SAY WEIRD SHIT TO UR KIDS. IM BEGGING U ;A;
despite denethor's A+ parenting, faramir is a nice guy, totally willing to lead his men on a death march to a fight they can't possibly win, throwing away their lives (and their horses) on an impossible task for the futile hope of making his father love him. rip 😔
NICE SINGING PIP!!! reminds me of irish sean-nós singing, traditional music from ireland ;A; (here's an example :D)
ngl watching denethor eat is like watching the Dinner Scene from texas chainsaw 1974 👀
OH LOOK DAD'S HERE!! hi dad!! thanks for not giving us any facial expression as a hint to what dad wanted, theoden, ur so. helpful ._.
'hey so listen ur gf is dying and since she's my daughter that means i have to make sure U don't die so. here.' *SWORDGASM*
actually that sword was baby birb's fav bits. baby birb LOVED swords ;A;
THE WORST BIT. eowyn tries to confess her feelings and aragorn rejecting her is SO PAINFUL AND AWKWARD AAA ;A;
BEEG DRUMMERS IN THE ORC ARMY!!!! and SIEGE MACHINES!!
legolas squinting at the ghost like 'this guy SUS'
aragorn's 'u WILL suffer me 😠'
it never occurred to me when i was a kid, but the gang are doing a bit of fucking. NECROMANCY here aren't they??? like???
wait who tf is iorlas
OH is it that hot blond??? NICE. i like him >:3c
being a wizard is cool bc u can cast spells OR if ur gandalf u can use the staff to wHACK DENETHOR OVER THE HEAD!!!! he's got a shillelagh and i'm glad of it 😌 (baby birb used to listen to da's political music and one of the songs had a line about being 'whacked with a sprig of shillelagh' which i got a kick out of 🤣)
'we should TAKE the broken city pieces and THROW IT AT THE ORCS!!!' :D (read it like the spongebob meme pls)
'GROND! GROND! GROND!' ('grond' refers to the biggest door-knocker EVER)
gollum u need to stop fat-shaming sam, ur being #problematic and they're gonna cancel u 😩
'CRUMBS ON ITS JACKETSES' lol silly that's a CLOAK!!
OH FECK FRODO'S ALLERGIC TO SPIDER BITES!! ;A;
it might actually be easier to carry him in that cocoon
'don't go where i can't follow' FUCKING KILL ME 😭
[women screaming]
i still don't know what an eored is. or WHY i don't know. why
denethor re-enacts 'flashdance' lol (except he intends to burn himself and his son alive)
OH SHIT THE MAD MAX COSPLAYERS ARE HERE
oh no!! uncle's horse!!! (oh and uncle, oh no!)
HERE IT IS. THE LINE WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. I AM NO MAN!!! rip uncle tho lol.
can't believe he really pulled the 'u should smile more, ur so pretty when u smile' rubbish before 😒
WOW we should have hired ghosts AGES ago, they can go thru walls and everything!!! O_O
MERRY AND PIPPIN ARE BACK TOGETHER!!! yay~
sam is SUCH a badass, look at him go!! 'AND THAT'S FOR MY OLD GAFFER!!!' adding to his kill count with tears in his eyes :'D
sauron moving his beam around like 'EYE SEE U!! EYE AM LOOKING UPON U!!!'
aw feck frodo's doing the jesus thing where he falls down a few times but has to get back up ;A;
'a day may come when i stop memeing on this line....BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY!!!!!'
lol they're bullying gollum, u love to see it 🤣
SAM STOP BEING PERFECT FOR FIVE SECONDS CHALLENGE LEVEL: IMPOSSIBLE
DO IT KING!! TOSS THAT SHIT!!!!
'what are u waiting for?!' 'i've got to give it a chance to defeat me, it's only sportsmanlike, sam!!!'
LEGOLAS'S FACE. WHEN ARAGORN FALLS DOWN. u can see his mouth go like 'ARAGORN' but it's slow-mo and silent ;A; he just starts shoving ppl out his way to get to him hdoasdiasadisj im. gay
AND THEN THE VOLCANO. and pippin sobbing 'FRODO!!!!' ;A;
god all this lava and frodo and sam haven't got any shoes smh
'uhgh i had an awful dream where my finger got chomped off by this freakish little----OH HAI GANDALF!!!!'
his friends are so happy to see him, they are all so happy omg ;A; THE SHIRE THEME STARTS PLAYING WHEN SAM ;A;
tbh sam and frodo could have made out at ANY point and it would have been less gay than. whatever tf had been going on btwn them the entire trilogy 👀
aragorn singing all elfy adn handsome an di love him i love him i lo
legolas all done up as well, they do a mutual shoulder clasp and he's all demure they look like a fecking WEDDING ok they are getting married ;A;
lol arwen looking out from behind the banner like 'PEEK A BOO!!' always sends me 🤣
(another thing that always sends me: legolas and gimli keeping track of their kill count lmao 🤣)
AND THEN ARAGORN DOES A BIG SMOOCH ON HER IN FRONT OF EVERYONE??? INCLUDING HER DAD????? 😳
'my friends, u bow to no one' SIR UR FRIENDS ARE TERRIFIED (except pippin, he's ok with attention 😌)
THE LADS GO HOME!! SAM GETS THE GIRL!!! THERE'S A WEDDING!!! then the sad bit ._.
side note: galadriel is low-key terrifying and i love her for it. she is such a FREAK, idek how to explain it or why i think so but i just. do 👀 she talks and there's a reverb on her voice, she smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes!!!!! SCARY 👀
'not all tears are an evil' fuck u gandalf stop stabbing me in the heart over and over, ur bullying me ;A;
WOW NICE JOB NOT PREPARING UR FRIENDS FOR UR DEPARTURE AT ALL FRODO!!!! jfc u could have at least TOLD THEM, this is FAR more traumatic and shocking!!! >:V
awww he and gandalf hold hands tho omg 🥺
THEY'RE ALL CRYING AND IM CRYING AND IM UPSET AND BABY BIRB LEFT THE ROOM ALREADY ;A;
and then they SAILED OFF INTO THE SUNSET!! for some reason. (oh right!! great war allegory 😔)
TINY BABBY HOBBITS!!!
THE END!!
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pinejay · 2 years
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the last shadow thoughts. i give it a solid 4/5. spoilers under the cut
i think i personally enjoyed it a lot bc the introduction of the new ramen, the ravens and keas and yachachiyruna. as a bird lover, the concept of talking birds is so fun and exciting to me. the yachachiyruna are also very compelling. the biggest disappointment was that we didn't actually get a descoladore race of sentient beings. the promise of the book was to explore the concept of this new potential ramen, and see how the characters figure out how to communicate with a group that cannot be spoken to in the traditional sense and might only communicate via genetic transfer. but the author's note at the end was pretty amusing, saying how he basically was trying to figure out how to write about the descoladore when he read some book abt birds and then went "wow birds are so cool i'm gonna write abt birds instead" lmao! like yeah i totally fucking get it!
also, while i accept the in-book explanation and discarding of the previous book's suppositions about the origins of the descolada, i do think the final conclusion of the descolada story wasn't very well built up. it was more of an afterthought and convenient tying of a bow on something that just dragged on in the background, which is a little disappointing. i definitely think it could've been better foreshadowed, the way the speaker of the dead mystery was so masterfully built up and foreshadowed, instead of just coming about as a result of a character having an idea that the other characters then go test in a lab to see if they're right.
in general i think this book was used to repair some of the poor writing or potential misunderstandings in xenocide and children of the mind. it's not a new move for card to contradict himself or show a different side of a situation in later sequels, like with the wiggin parents and how much they knew or had a hand in ender never returning to earth, as expanded upon in ender in exile and shadow of the hegemon. it's hard to tell if they're inconsistent on purpose. i want to give him the benefit of the doubt here but xenocide and children of the mind were just so painful to get through and thematically messy. i'm just glad he spends the time to clear up the fact that peter is more ender wiggin and not at all the original peter wiggin beyond the identical genetic body. the instantaneous teleportation and generation of any configuration of matter u can conceive of is also not as much a deus ex machina in this book, and doesn't make things way too easy like it did at the ends of xenocide and children of the mind. it is pretty funny that jane uses it to effectively sequester some of the characters, namely sergeant and his twin sons, out of the main plot bc they're too much of a nuisance to deal with.
as for general orson scott card writing tendencies, i guess hyper intelligent main characters will always just be an ender's game thing. but this time card almost excessively has other smart characters knock the arrogant bean grandchildren off their high horses, which is kinda funny in an ironic self deprecating authorial way. it does get to be a bit much but i can appreciate its thematic relevance. the mormon obsession with procreation was present but bearable. card simply cannot help but extrapolate the biological desire for community growth (and by extension, interplanetary expansion) to individual desire for a nuclear family. the dialogue is sometimes funny and insightful, sometimes obnoxious and overly psychoanalytical. but i would say it leaned toward funny and insightful this time, which is good.
the subplot weaving and buildup was honestly not very cohesive or elegant. idk why i get the sense that a lot of the book was just the characters standing around and talking to each other, then popping up somewhere else and standing around and talking to each other. they were just so static. but there is something weirdly compelling abt the lack of dramatic tension; maybe it made it a more relaxed reading experience. the plot development did seem a bit too dialogue driven, like the characters would literally say x character is now going to try to form an emotional bond with y character. and then the promises in the dialogue were constantly reneged upon bc the characters cannot accurately predict what happens next. so like why have them state out loud what's going to happen in the first place? it's weird, and just kinda bad writing.
the character development also seemed a bit too dialogue driven, at least in the case of peter wiggin ii. the characters say peter has ender inside him, and he just resists the idea less over time. i do like the development of thulium, even tho she's a difficult character to care abt at first, and sprout is an enjoyable character to follow. it was just hard to establish who they were in the beginning when they were all still isolated in that spaceship, i feel like their characterization was not clear. there was one point when carlotta remarked sprout argues so hard until she gives up arguing with him, which seems out of character with all his actions the entire rest of the book, and more in line with something thulium would do.
the japanese parents subplot was also so random and useless, except for when thulium visits her mother. but that reunion scene can be done entirely without the bean children going to earth to convince their spouses to come to lusitania, esp since thulium goes to her mom of her own volition. sergeant and his twin sons are entirely 2-dimensional, their presence in the book is unbearable, and the issue of their awfulness is lazily resolved. i know their entire purpose is to give context to thulium's character, but they should just be taken out of the narrative entirely. it's also pretty wild that at the end the characters just agree to never return to nest and leave the folks be and that's that. but it is their choice lol. and i did like the somewhat open ended yet conclusive ending, with everyone moving on with their lives and the relocation of the ravens and keas and yachachiyruna to their new homes.
#eg
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How do I get rid of my envy?
This afternoon there was a report on tv about a young girl with a high iq, who had parents who supported her and she did amazing things as a child and was very fulfilled, you could really see that. And she reminded me of myself. I too have a high iq but it was discovered pretty late, so I got a scholarship on a private university but at that point I was mentally so ruined, that I couldn't graduate. I have very abusive but also distant parents, who left me with a did. I see this girl, who says out loud what I thought as a girl her age, and I can't stop thinking "why can't I be her?". I am 23 now so, I should be done crying about missed chances as a child. And, while I am usually a very empathy person, when I am hit with envy, I can't see further than my own issues. I have to force myself to be nice.
Envy is a very familiar feeling for me. I grew up very poor in a very rich city. And I always felt like "I deserved it more". Because I would appreciate it more. One example is, I always wanted to go horse riding, as a child. But we never had the money (and if, then my parents wouldn't have spent it on me). When I was 11, three of my classmates got their own horses for their birthdays. And they seemed so... uninterested. "Yeah, I got a horse for my birthday. Whatever." Or, I was using my birthday money to pay for flute lessons and always had to lend flutes. One day, the parents of a friend casually mentioned "Yeah, we bought our son (my friends brother) an expert-quality flute. We want him to start learning it and maybe this expensive instrument will motivate him." And ofc it didn't, he wasn't interested in it. There were some such situations.
I assume by now you see were my "I deserve it better" feeling comes from. And back then it was, kinda, valid. I was only envious when it seemed like, the person wasn't appreciating it enough. But that had switched. I don't begrudge people, who have what I want. But I am so fucking envious. And, since my mental health left me crippled, it is a lot that I am envious about. People with loving parents, who are healthy, who were able to graduate from university, who have a fulfilling job, a nice hobby etc pp. I missed out so many chances because of our poverty and later my mental health. And I know I will never be able to make up for everything I never had. Some chances are just lost.
It's not like I am all the time envious, because most ppl have loving parents. But when I hear a former classmate talk about how they love their job, I am. And I have a hard time saying "Good for you" though that's the truth. But I am too busy with my own envy. It kinda mixed with the hate you feel once you realize you've been abused and missed a lot of opportunities. But it isn't just that. I have those feelings seperated too.
How can I overcome this? It leads nowhere and hurts myself and makes me a bitter person. But it hits me so hard, it makes rationality so impossible and what to be rational about? Some people just aren't lucky and I am one of them? I just can't accept that some things are lost for me forever, I assume.
Hi anon,
You're definitely not alone.
Something my therapist tells me is to try to identify what specifically is causing those feelings of envy, and try to do some introspection and see if it's bringing up a past experience. I often find it's because there have been people in my life who look like that minimizing my trauma. So now when I see people who look like they did, I immediately think "they probably wouldn't understand, they wouldn't care" without actually knowing that.
This may not be effective for you, but I know it helps me to try and remember that you don't know what someone may be struggling with behind the scenes and could have had similar experiences as you. I find that it helps humanize them because we've been through difficult things, even the people you least expect. They may not have the exact same experience as you, they may have more privileges than you in some ways, but knowing that they understand your pain on some level can help normalize and neutralize those feelings. I even sometimes look back at my childhood home and feel guilty for being traumatized because I am somewhat well off. But in reality, the advantages that you or I may have don't trump the fact that we've been hurt too, you know?
I have faith that you'll overcome this. Please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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ohhoneato · 8 months
Text
When I was like 8 or 9, my parents and I were going to a small local event with stands and a band playing. I needed something quick to eat, so my parents gave me some Marie Calender's brand lasagna.
I got horribly, horribly food poisoned from it. I couldn't stop throwing up, I was in absolute agony all night. And none of us, including myself, wanted to go home. So I bore with it all night.
I can no longer make myself eat any lasagna or Marie Calender brand food. That experience made it so that if I smell lasagna, or even someone making a pasta with literally any red or meat sauce, I will get sick. I've thrown up from being forced to eat spaghetti because it's the only thing my parents made.
I've mostly gotten over this. But it still sticks in my mind awfully. Mostly the way my parents handled the situation. Most of the time we had leftovers I could eat, I threw up without fail every time, why couldn't I have just gotten leftovers or something? My family was below the poverty line, I get not being able to make anything else. But we had leftovers, we had oatmeal my brother and I didn't eat often, I had so many different choices to eat, yet they insisted on something I physically couldn't hold down. Until the day I turned 18.
Sometimes I try to say my parents weren't that bad. Lots of people had it worse, my parents are absolutely improving, my mom is actively learning about things that she adamantly refused to when I was younger, like Trans stuff and autism stuff and ADHD stuff. My dad is in anger management, both of them have improved a lot when it comes to caring about me and my brother.
But then I remember this instance. I remember never having my mom defend me to anyone, barely having her there when my grandma (dad's side) fatshamed me into having an eating disorder, or when her mom (mom's mom) angrily told me at my high school graduation not to hang out with "mexicans" or two of my best friends. Instead, she explained why she said that, but never defended me.
I remember my dad having a hairline trigger, something I still try to shuffle around, despite knowing he's a lot better about it now. Yelling at my brother and I for the smallest things, small arguments we could solve ourselves. He made me timid. He made me afraid.
They never asked me if I was bullied, if I was okay. I felt like they didn't want me for most of my life, because of how little it felt they cared about my mental state. As long as I was succeeding normally, they were fine.
And honestly, I don't know how to process this. This is the first time I've thought about this in years, I'm 26. I have a great relationship with my parents and brother, something I've always wanted. And I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth.
But then I get talking with my brother and he'll say, "Hey, you know those attachment issues mom and dad gave us?" And I'll think, "wait, he has them too?"
"Remember when they used to do this thing to us? Yeah, that was pretty fucked up huh?"
My brother takes me out of left field with how much he notices and cares. I've always had a horrendous relationship with him until we became adults. Now he makes sure I'm okay. He brought up the attachment issues because he knows about my relationship with bestie (fwb) and wants to make sure I'm alright. That I won't get my heart broken.
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mindofharry · 3 years
Text
Be My Baby
Tumblr media
In which Prince harry and Princess Y/N are set to marry and are more than happy about it. They celebrate in more ways than one.
AHHHH!!! ITS HERE!!! FINALLY! Prince harry is my guilty pleasure. pls treat him with the respect he deserves. these two are officially my favourite people ever.
fluff & FILTHY SMUT!!!!!! feedback is welcome as always! <3
“Princess Y/N is arriving soon, Harry” Anne, the queen of england said putting down her tea. Harry is the prince, next in line for the throne - Marriage is very important to the throne and for the throne. Anne has been very strict about that, preparing Harry for marriage. Princess Y/N of wales, is who Harry is meeting with today. Hopefully, to settle a deal. Harry has never cared for marriage or for a partner. He’s a lone wolf as his family would describe. But if he wants to be king, he needs to marry. And Y/N is looking like the only option at the moment.
Harry nodded putting the paper down and looking up at his mother. He pursed his lips leaning back in his seat.
“Is something the matter, dear?”
Harry shook his head “No, mother. Just tired” he lied, reassuring his mother. Anne didn’t press any further just got one of the servants to pour her more tea. She could read harry very well, she knew her son better than he knew himself. Y/N is perfect for him. Even if they do not marry, she will be a life long friend. But anne is sure they will marry within the year.
And Queen Anne is never wrong.
Y/N was late.
Harry was beginning to become bored, don’t get him wrong he loves his sister and mother. But he can only take so much. All he wanted to do was to be curled up with a book in the abandoned side of the castle - no one except for the young prince had been there. It was locked up for years before harry found the key, it was like a whole new world in there. It was dirty, messy, filthy - just how harry liked it. He decorated a room in there, and it’s like his safe place from all of this. All of these stupidly important responsibilities. His safe haven.
They were meant to be meeting, talking about their futures together. If his mother thought this was what was best for the country, then harry would push through. He hadn’t see Y/N in years, meeting when they were both much younger. No pressure, just the two kids playing in the fields. Y/N was beautiful, so care free. Harry wished he was like Y/N - the only think she seemed to care about were the moon, the sun and the stars. They never saw each other again after that, they have both obviously seen each other in papers and at events. But never talked. Y/N didn’t know why, neither did harry. They weren’t on the same chapter in life. But now, they’re both willing to do what is best for their country.
And maybe it wouldn’t be too bad marrying a soon to be king.
A servant comes into the dining room bowing at the styles family. Harry waits for him to speak - except a tall girl, bumps into him making the servant fall foward. Y/N (the tall girl) giggled, before clearing her throat and bowing at the styles family. Harry smirked and leaned back. Anne was standing a smile on her face as she saw her soon beaming for the first time in months.
“Your highness” Y/N said bowing, nearly falling down again. But she grinned covering it up. Her dress was long and tight - her mother made her wear it. She would much rather be in a nice flowy dress in the woods right now. Maybe reading about the sun. But her mother needed her to do this, so Y/N would.
Y/N’s father died a couple of months back, it was sudden and no one saw it coming. So her mother needed her to marry as Y/N is the oldest of four girls. They needed a man of the house and once Y/N married, harry would be that man. Y/N didn’t like that one bit. She could be the man of the house if she wanted to. She didn’t understand why they needed a man to pay for things, to do stuff for them. Women are just as capable. But there was no fighting with Y/N’s mother. And Y/N knew she was having a rough time without her husband and Y/N’s dad.
“Princess Y/N, it’s good to have you here” Anne said, as a servant helped her back into the seat. Y/N had the same treatment but she looked rather uncomfortable. She was seated infront of harry, which was glad of. It’s a nice view, she’ll admit. He had grown into his baby face, she thought. And that hair. Fuck, that hair.
“Thank you for inviting me, your highness” Y/N said smiling softly. “Your castle is amazing” She said and Anne nodded pointing around at the paintings. “I actually just got these new paintings in from a new artist in rome. Just beautiful, right harry?” Anne said, giving harry the look. His mother is giving him that look a lot recently, Anne just wants what is best for him and harry just doesn’t seem to care at all. It’s like he’s away from reality. In another universe half of the time. Anne was hoping Y/N would be able to bring him back down to earth, but from her entrance in here - Harry and Y/N are a lot more similar than she thought.
“Yeah, they’re beautiful” Harry said staring at the girl infront of him. Y/N blushed under his stare. She had never felt anything like this before for a man. Her stomach was in knots and her cheeks were getting hotter by the second.
The dinner was nice. It was quiet with Y/N trying to keep up the small talk - Anne was impressed with that. Everyone she had invited to the palace would only talk when spoken to, but Y/N had a certain way about her. She had manners of course, the kindest soul, but she talked. She could talk all day if she was allowed. She just never ran out of things to say. But the food was really good, so Y/N was quieter than usual. Harry had one question: did they feed her in the city? The way she was eating was like she had been starved for years.
“This is amazing” Y/N said putting her fork down. Anne grinned at the girl nodding to herself. She had found a keeper.
“Harry, why do you show Y/N around? She’s going to be staying here for the next couple of weeks” Anne announced and Y/N nearly choked on her water, she tapped her chest.
“I am?-“
“she is?”
Harry and Y/N both spoke at the same time, Anne tutted and ordered the servant to fill up her wine.
“Your mother and I have arranged it. Everything you have is here already, you’ll have your own quarters too. Your horse is being transported down here as we speak” Anne said making new room for arguing. “Y/N your mother said she would be happy for us to host you here if the dinner went accordingly. And i think it went more than accordingly” Anne continued sipping her wine.
Harry and Y/N looked to each other their eyes both wide with amusement and shock. Only their parents would do this.
“Now, run along. Gemma and I have some talking to do” Anne ordered, the servants came and helped the princess and prince up following them out of the dinning room. Y/N was rather uncomfortable with the servants being everywhere, she had a lot more freedom at home.
“Hey, you wanna do something fun?” She asked and harry raised an eyebrow in amusement.
“Hey! Intruder” Y/N yelled and the servants looked around quickly, harry was startled when Y/N laughed loudly taking his hand in hers and running down the hallway towards the abandoned part of the castle. Harry grinned and laughed loudly as they ran together.
This girl, he thought.
The door was locked. Harry brought a key out of his pocket and Y/N laughed loudly making harry shush her as he unlocked the door. Quickly they made themselves into the abandoned quarters and giggled to themselves when they heard the servants feet making their way to this side of the castle - but immediately they turned away, knowing that they weren’t allowed on this side of the palace.
Harry was distracted with locking the door, but Y/N was amazed. She looked around at this place and couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her. This place is really fucking amazing, she thought. It’s obviously abandoned, that man she could tell - but it was still so beautiful. Paintings, upon paintings and books at every end. There was high ceilings and stained glass windows giving a nice hew to the room. Y/N brought her hands to her hips and spinned around her dress moving as she did.
“This place is fucking amazing!”
Harry laughed and finally got the door locked popping the key back in his pocket. He moved beside the beautiful girl and didn’t say anything. But Y/N knew.
“You come here often?” She asked and Harry nodded.
“Found it a couple years ago. Think it was my fathers” He said and Y/N sighed looking around.
“It’s beautiful” you’re beautiful, he wanted to say but he bit his lip instead walking in the direction of his safe haven. Y/N quickly caught up placing a hand on his, harry flinched at the touch. This definitely wasn’t allowed. If anyone saw they’d have to marry immediately. But nobody was here, he reminded himself. And with that he squeezed Y/N’s hand a little tighter.
Harry opened the door the room he had been coming to for years now. It had a few chairs, a huge window with curtains on each side, a fire place in the middle and blankets and pillows surrounding the room. Y/N smiled to herself as she saw harry become more himself. It was like this room allowed him to be himself.
“You come in here often?”
Harry nodded making himself comfortable on one of the pillows, Y/N soon followed sitting very close to the prince. Harry had no complaints at all.
“I come here most days. When i need to take a breath, escape my mother and the stupid royal family” Harry said and Y/N giggled leaning in to harry, their lips close.
“I can think of many ways we can escape reality. Why don’t we try one of them?”
Harry let out a sigh and placed his hand on Y/N shoulder, it fell down her arm to her waist. Harry had been with people before, he had kissed and pleasured many, many people. But never did he feel like this. He felt as if she was a goddess, and she would brake it the touch of his finger. She looked almost fragile, like a painting.
“Kiss me, Harry” She ordered and harry wasted no time, placing his lips on hers.
Her lips are soft and gentle, just as harry had expected. He moved his hands up her hips to her shoulders again, Y/N moaned letting harry's tongue into her mouth. Harry groaned and pulled away smirking at that flushed look on her face. He loved it.
Y/N bit her lip standing up, unzipping her dress. She turned around, the only thing she had was a small night dress and corset. Harry cursed under his breath standing up behind her. Everything felt so intimate. They both felt a lot of things, Y/N never wanted this to stop. Harry hugged her from behind, kissing the back of her neck. After a few seconds, Y/N turned around in his hold, holding his gaze. She began to take off her corset and night dress, now bare. She felt confident in Harry's glare, he made her feel good. He sucked in a breath looking down at her perky breasts, her nipples hard from the temperature of the room. He made a mental note to put the fire on after this, Harry knew you two would be in here for as long as you possibly could. He knew his mother would be beyond pissed that they had gone off alone together.
Harry placed a hand on Y/N’s breast, teasing her nipple with his index finger. His rings were cold on her skin making her whimper. Harry smirked at the sound, lowering his head and taking her nipple in his mouth his tongue swirling the nub of it. Y/N’s hands found harrys hair and she tugged on it hard.
“Fuck” She cursed and harry let go with a pop, again he smirked at the sight of the princess. So undone and flustered. Harry absolutely loved it. Holding her gaze, he began to undress unbuttoning his shirt and pants. Heat rushed to his penis, as Y/N watched him undress.
“Want to have you in my mouth” Y/N said, getting on her knees. She knew she would have bruises by the end of this - but she knew it would be worth.
“Don’t make me cum” Harry ordered, Y/N just smirked and pulled his underwear down almost drooling at the sight of his red, cock full of pre-cum. What a sight, she thought. And it’s fucking huge. Bigger than she thought that’s for sure.
She hummed, pumping harry’s rock hard cock. His head flew back, a moan filling the room. Harry wished her hair was pinned back, he needed some to grip. He took both of his hands and gripped the side of her head. Y/N spit on his cock, keeping eye contact with harry.
“Shit”
Y/N licked the tip, running her tongue over the slit, tasting the saltiness of his pre cum. Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his head.
“You taste so good” She moaned, finally taking his full cock into her mouth. Her hands began pumping the base of the shaft, as she sucked him off. Harry moaned, but tapped the side of her head.
“Need to be in you, no more foreplay” He said and Y/N pouted whipping her lips.
“But i like having you in my mouth” Y/N argued, harry smirked pecking her lips, tasting himself on them. He hummed in agreement. “Next time, let me fuck you” He said kissing her neck, Y/N sighed and placed her lips on his before crawling over to the fireplace - there was a white sheet layed out. Y/N lay down and harry kissed down her stomach, teasingly kissing her thighs. “You’re definitely wet enough for me, aren’t you princess?” Harry said slapping her pussy, Y/N moaned and nodded.
Slowly, harry thrusted into Y/N making them both whimper. “Fuck, you feel so good” Harry said, kissing your lips. Y/N just moaned, gripping his back and putting her legs around his waist. Harry began to move faster, his hands either side of Y/N.
“Faster” Y/N said and harry complied, pounding into her. The moans coming out of the both them were enough to make them both cum within seconds. And that’s basically what happened. They both climaxed, harry falling down into Y/N’s chest. Y/N only felt pleasure and ecstasy.
Shit, her mother picked a good one.
***
“Fuck” Y/N panted into harry’s mouth as he took against the wall. They were left alone for ten minutes, and this happened. They were looking at the new paintings and architecture Anne had got, browsing around the hall. Harry had convinced the servant that his mother was calling and of course the poor servant couldn’t dismiss it, so they had a good ten minutes while the servant searched for the queen.
Harry pounded into her the paintings on the wall knocking loudly, Y/N laughed loudly making harry put a hand over her mouth.
“Don’t want to attract any attention, do we princess?”
They continued their hot and very messy quicky and then made their way to the gardens. Y/N and harry soon found that the gardens would be another safe haven. Beautiful flowers and when the sun is shining a beautiful place to sit and relax.
They couldn’t wait to marry - seen as harry wants Y/N in his bed, all the time. They fuck like bunnies, it’s amazing how they haven’t been caught as of yet. When they get their own palace, harry will christen to the whole place. They’ll fuck in every corner. Every room. Every library and garden.
Y/N looked at harry smiling as he lay on the grass. No one was around as the servant hadn’t arrived back. Y/N quickly looked around before pulling harry into what she could only assume was a place to keep all the fruit and veg away from foxes. It was closed off and you could lock it from the inside.
“Jesus christ Y/N” Harry mumbled kissing your neck as you leaned back on a bench.
“Another round?” You asked with innocent eyes.
“Another round” Harry confirmed lifting up the bottom of her dress and pushing her down so she was flat on the bench. He kissed up her legs, biting down on her thigh.
He pulled up her night gown and saw her bare pussy, wet and glistening just waiting for him. He could cum at the sight. He moaned kissing her thigh, teasing her.
Y/N tugged at harry’s hair, giving him a warning. “Stop, teasing” She pouted and harry smirked finally making his way towards your pussy.
Y/N closed her eyes when she felt harrys breath against her core. “so wet, princess” Harry said, the vibrations going right through her body making her jerk up a little. Harry loved the affect he had on her, the littlest thing would make her jolt with pleasure.
Harry spread her legs a little more, his tongue licking up her slit. Y/N’s tugged on harry’s hair, moaning loudly. Harry watched her unfold becoming so flushed, but Y/N looked so very beautiful in this light.
He pressed his lips to your clit, flicking his tongue up and down. Your hips moved with his tongue movements, harrys hands made their way to your hips trying to get them to stay in place. You wrapped your legs around his shoulders and began to shake and moan.
“Fuck me” You murmured coming down from your high.
“Oh, i will princess”
The days went on and more fucking occurred. Again they fucked like absolute bunnies. They were sure everyone knew by now, but the servants were way too afraid to say anything. Anne would have everyone’s head if she found out what they were doing.
“I can’t wait to marry you” Harry said laying down beside her in their safe haven. Y/N smirked rolling over on her side. He was so beautiful. His eyes, his freckles, that one dimple that came out when he laughed. She was so lucky to call him hers.
“You just want to have me in your bed everyday” She said and harry pretended to think about. “Hmmm, yeah” He said, making Y/N laugh loudly before pecking his lips.
“Can’t believe you’re mine” Harry said pushing her into his chest. Y/N grinned pecking his neck and looking up at him.
“Forever”
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Text
closeted | jjk
pairing(s): jungkook x reader
summary: Jeon Jungkook doesn't like you and you don't like him. Your friends and his friends decide enough is enough and they lock you in a closet together to settle your differences. Mhm.
warnings: language; implied slut-shaming; alcohol consumption; fuckboy?Jungkook x (technically noona) fuckgirl?reader, ft all other BTS members being... helpful? lol; enemies-to-lovers
“Jeon Jungkook? I don’t really have any thoughts about him. Isn’t he kind of a fuckboy?”
“Oh, her? Ah, there’s nothing to say really. Doesn’t she like to mess around?”
Those were your opinions about each other, which was now why both you and Jeon Jungkook were stuck in a closet in Kim Taehyung’s parents’ house.
“Taehyung, let us out right now!”
“Not until you two stop hating each other!” announced the booming, baritone voice of Kim Taehyung on the other side of the door, slightly tipsy and yelling over the loud music.
“We don’t hate each other,” came the silvery growl behind you. Jungkook shoved you slightly to the side so he could slam his fist against the heavy wood. You scowled, jerking away from his touch. “Stop being stupid and open the door.” His short ponytail at the back of his head swayed as he tried to shoulder the door, only for you to hear more bodies press against it.
“Nuh uh, Jungkookie,” Park Jimin snickered, sounding drunker than Taehyung even though the two of them had probably consumed the same amount. “Can’t muscle pig your way outta this one.”
Taehyung and Jimin burst into giggles on the other side of the door as Jungkook fumed next to you, long black bangs flaring as he clicked his tongue and rolled the sleeves of his black sweatshirt up, eyes narrowed, jaw tense.
You threw up your hands as Jungkook backed up and ran into the door with a loud thunk!
Nothing except Jimin, Taehyung, and squeaky laughter adding to the mix.
“We don’t even talk to each other,” you muttered as Jungkook shook his head vigorously and prepared to rear up again like a stubborn horse.
“And that’s the problem!” Kim Seokjin tittered in between bursts of laughter. “We’re all friends, except the two of you that like to pretend the other one is a fucking tree rather than an actual person.”
Jungkook collided with the door again and the single lightbulb hanging from the ceiling flickered ominously.
“Who cares?” Jungkook roared, throwing his head back and pushing his hair away from his face with two hands. You rolled your eyes as he smacked the closet door.
“We do,” said a fourth, trying to be the voice of slurred reason. “In order for our shared friend group to have harmony, we two should work out your differences in a civil, dignified manner and discuss the root of your negative relationship.” You made a face and glanced at Jungkook, who made a similar confused expression. How much did Kim Namjoon drink? He sounded like a drunk philosopher.
“Locked in a closet is not civil, Namjoon,” you pointed out.
“Yeah, but it’s funnier,” Jung Hoseok laughed cheerfully, knocking on the door. “You two good in there? Not ripping off each other’s heads yet?”
“We don’t hate each other,” Jungkook repeated, giving up on fighting the door now that five people were holding it down. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“What’s the reason then?”
“Huh?” you shouted through the door. Jungkook rolled his eyes at you and you rolled your eyes back.
“What is,” Taehyung repeated, slower this time, emphasizing each syllable. “The reason that you guys are so hostile towards each other?”
“Did he eat some snacks you hid one time?” Seokjin piped up. “Because that would piss me off too.”
“That already pisses you off, hyung,” Jimin cut in. “You always bring it up.”
“Because he does it all the time! No matter where I hide them!”
“Your hiding places a pretty bad, hyung.”
“Namjoon! You’re supposed to be on my side!”
“Eh?”
“The side of reason and being right!”
“Hah…”
Jungkook clicked his tongue again and shoved his hands into his loose cotton pants. They were black and white striped and looked more like pajamas than actual pants. He hadn’t even bothered to get dressed to hang out with his friends. What a weirdo. You sighed, looking away, staring at the wall instead. Why look at Jeon Jungkook? Everyone looked at Jeon Jungkook. You didn’t need to add to that ego.
“Hey.”
“What?”
“Why are you wearing hyung’s shirt?”
You glared at him from your periphery. He was leaning against the wall, hunched over, glaring back.
“First of all, this is my shirt,” you snapped. “Second of all, they’re all your hyungs. Be more specific. And third of all, Yoongi only borrowed it because he said he was cold and this was one of the few things that fit him.”
Jungkook shoved his tongue into his cheek, looking at your black-on-black long-sleeved shirt with a moon tarot card design. He narrowed his dark eyes, giving you a piercing stare. You ran a hand through your hair, cocking your head away from him haughtily.
“Yeah, but you knew which hyung I was talking about.”
“Because only one of them has borrowed this shirt, idiot.”
“That’s not very nice,” Hoseok chided from the other side of the door. “No name calling in there!”
“You’re not very nice,” you retorted at the door, suddenly remembering that they were out there listening. In fact, one of the loons had turned down the music so the five of them could hear the exchange better. Mature of them.
“Why don’t you two say something you like about the other?” Namjoon suggested. “Compliments might help lessen the tension.”
Your eyes shifted to Jungkook’s clenched jaw, a vein popping on his neck. Yeah, okay. He noticed you looking and you jerked your head away, staring at the wall again.
“This is stupid. Why do we have to do this?” you complained.
“You look pretty good from the back.”
You flinched, irritation rising. Did he just–?
“For an older lady, that is.”
A muscle in your eye twitched. “Yeah, well, every guy says I look good from the rear view.”
“That’s not a compliment, Jungkook,” a deep, raspy voice from the bottom of the door.
Jungkook lifted himself off the wall, making a noise of surprise. “Yoongi-hyung? How long have you been there?”
“The whole time,” Jimin giggled. “He’s been pretending to be asleep.”
“I can’t sleep anyway,” Min Yoongi grumbled. “You guys are loud as fuck.”
“Nah, you just wanted to listen to the shitshow of these two,” Taehyung teased. There was the sound of a hand smacking of a shoulder and a disgruntled grunt at the bottom of the door.
Seokjin called your name loudly. “Yah! You haven’t said anything, backhanded or not!”
You grimaced and glanced at Jungkook again. He still looked surprised and, for a single second, you thought he looked pretty cute with his big round dark brown eyes and parted pink lips in an ‘o’. For a single second, he didn’t seem like that ‘hot guy’ that literally everyone, not just women, but men too, everyone was head-over-heels in love with, Jeon Jungkook, ‘hot guy’ with tattoos and a handsome face.
Blech.
You shifted your eyes away and stared at the corner. “I guess you might not have only one brain cell. Maybe you have two or three.”
“Ooh, nice, that’s a great one,” Jimin agreed behind the door. “Three is being generous, noona, well done.”
“Shut up, Jimin-ssi.”
Ugh, this shit was so dumb. And what kind of closet was this anyway? It was full of coats. A lot of them were more neutral colors, but there was the occasional muted jewel tone. Why did Taehyung’s family need this many coats and why was this closet on the upper floor? Some of them were neatly tucked in clear plastic covers. Oh. Probably to prevent them from getting moth holes, huh.
“Why do you hate me, anyway?” Jungkook muttered. “I’ve never done anything to you.”
“I don’t hate you. I just don’t like you,” you huffed.
“Why not? What did I do?” he sighed, reaching over and placing his hand on your shoulder.
You whipped your head around, narrowing your eyes. “Don’t touch me.”
He removed his hand, backing up with his hands in the air. “Whoa, okay, jeez. It’s just kind of hard to talk to you when your back is to me.”
“Hmph, why? Precious Jungkookie wants attention? Wants everyone to dote over him and love him?” you mocked in disgust, crossing your arms.
He twisted his lips. “… distracting, that’s all,” he mumbled.
“Hah?” You leaned forward, raising an eyebrow. “You forget how to talk?”
Jungkook looked away from you, frowning. “Sometimes, yeah. You’re kind of pretty.”
You blinked at him. What? You didn’t expect him to say that.
“In some lights, anyway.” He pointed up. “This one is pretty dim, like you.”
That was more like it. “Takes one to know one.”
His eyes shifted back to you. “What? A pretty person to spot pretty?”
You growled and scoffed, rolling your eyes. “See, this is why I can’t talk to you. You’re so full of yourself. All you ever do is think about is showing off how much better you are. How cool you are.”
“That’s because that’s all they ever talk about.”
You paused at his downcast tone. Your eyes drifted from the wall to his face. Jungkook wasn’t looking at you. His eyes were on the ground and he was rubbing the back of his head, frowning.
“I envy the way others talk about me. They always have such a perfect image pictured.” He inhaled deeply, slumping against the wall again. “It’s hard to live up to the picture everyone has of me in their head. Sometimes I don’t even want to try anymore so they give up and leave me alone.”
What?
His dark eyes shifted to you, half-shrouded by his long dark hair, tan skin glowing even in this dim closet light.
“I envy you,” he snapped, irritated edge to his voice. “I know you hear all that crazy shit they say about you, but you do whatever you want anyway. People call you a slut and you just invite all the hyungs over to your place and watch movies all night. People say you dress weird and you show up in big fur coats and wacky t-shirts and knee-high boots. People say you don’t know what you’re doing, but you can calculate your change faster than the cashier with the fucking computer.”
You gawked at him; jaw slightly slack. It took you a second to collect yourself. “It’s… not that hard. It’s basic math.”
“Hmph, yeah, well, I suck at math,” Jungkook muttered. “I’m not smart like Namjoon-hyung.”
“You’re good at a lot of things, Jungkook.”
“Like what?” he accused, putting you on the spot.
“Uh… you can draw. Namjoon draws like a five-year-old.”
Jungkook snorted. “Taehyung can draw.”
You raised an eyebrow. Honorifics, where? “Not realistically like you can. It’s a different style. Weirder.”
“I’m not weird,” Taehyung said through the door, voice half-muffled.
“Yeah, you are,” Jungkook replied without looking away from you.
“You’re kind of like an alien. In a good way,” Jimin added hastily.
“You’re kind of like an idiot,” Taehyung shot back.
Slapping sounds ensued outside the door.
Jungkook scratched his head, messing up his black hair. “I’m just saying I wish I was a little more like you sometimes.” He coughed. “Only sometimes.”
You ran a hand through your hair. “Well, I kind of wish I was like you sometimes,” you admitted, looking away from him. “I wish people would say nice things about me like they do for you. I wish people would praise me without reason. I wish people would fall in love with me like how they fall in love with you, without even knowing you.” You scoffed bitterly, flicking a hand carelessly. “Instead, they just play pretend and mess with my feelings because they think I’m easy.”
You left out a heavy sigh, weight off your chest. You hadn’t meant to say all that, but oh well. It was out there now.
So dumb.
“Then, when they find out I’m not, it’s my fault for some stupid reason. Like it’s my fault you painted this fake picture of me in your head.”
You felt something touch your outstretched hand. You jumped, seeing Jungkook’s right hand touching your fingertips, hand ink standing out against his flexed fingers. You almost pulled back. Almost. Then you caught the look in his eyes and stopped, mesmerized by the seriousness in his dark brown orbs.
“I meant it when I said you were pretty,” he whispered, barely audible.
Your eyes widened.
Your pulse raced through your veins.
“You… you said only in some lights,” you whispered back.
Jungkook lifted himself off the wall. One step. Two steps, towards you. You could have backed up. You could have slapped his hand away and yelled at Taehyung some more to let you out. Men were stupid. They ain’t shit. They play with your feelings and only want to use you. Dudes are just fuckboys.
Except Jungkook confirmed he wasn’t, just now.
And you confirmed you weren’t the female equivalent of a fuckboy – a fuckgirl?
For some reason, that made this different now.
This moment.
Jungkook looked down at you, tilting his head, brown eyes curious. You spread your fingers a little more and laced them with his, pressing your fingertips against the back of his hand as he pressed his against yours. You tilted your head the other way as he leaned down.
“I said you’re pretty in some lights,” he breathed. “You’re beautiful in all of them.”
He stopped just above your lips.
Pausing.
You lifted yourself up to close the gap, holding his hand tightly.
Mouth to mouth, resuscitating something that was almost dead because of misunderstandings and surface judgements, whispers and rumors clouding the truth, because everybody talks, everybody talks, everybody talks… too much.
For some reason, you expected Jungkook to smell musky or woodsy, something manly, but, in actuality, his cologne was light and sweet, barely there, like a fresh summer’s breeze. It was you that smelled more intense, your coffee and cream perfume mixing with his fruity scent, dominating a little, just like how you pressed harder into his soft lips, capturing them, surprised that was pleasant, almost sweet but with a hint of spice, the tip of his tongue teasingly brushing against your lips, and you drew back, narrowing your eyes at him.
He smiled a little, squeezing your hand lightly.
“That was nicer than I thought,” he murmured.
“You’re not that bad yourself,” you muttered, frowning a little at the heat rising in your cheeks.
“You guys still alive in there?” Yoongi asked gruffly from the ground, his voice drifting under the door.
“Did they kill each other? Should we open the door?” Seokjin wondered.
The doorknob began to turn.
Jungkook started and reached for the door.
You jumped and reached for the door.
A thin crack of light appeared.
Your hands intertwined, grabbing the doorknob and yanking it closed before it could fully open, both swiftly locking the door together with a firm click. The doorknob shook, confused noises on the other side of the wood.
Jungkook stared at you, brown eyes wide. “I… I just… thought we were getting somewhere,” he whispered under his breath.
You scratched your cheek with your free hand. “Yeah… we were getting somewhere... with this.”
The doorknob rattled violently.
“Excuse me, you two?” Taehyung shouted through the door. “Why the fuck is the door locked?”
“Uh…” you started.
“It’s jammed,” Jungkook shouted back.
“Nope, it’s definitely locked. I heard it,” Yoongi said from the floor.
“That bastard,” Jungkook hissed quietly, stepping closer to you.
“Why is it locked?” Jimin accused, sounding peeved. “Hmm? You two doing some naughty stuff?”
“Scandalous,” Seokjin and Hoseok gasped in unison.
Jungkook glanced at you and you shrugged, mouthing, maybe? He mouthed back, I thought you weren’t easy. You chuckled, speaking softly to his chin.
“We already spent all that time being hostile to each other.”
“So, you admit to the hostility.”
“Sure, if it helps your delicate baby brain sleep at night.”
His free arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you to his chest, kissing you again, holding your hand tightly, muttering against your lips, you’re kind of annoying, and you muttering back, you’re actually annoying, and him smiling between gentle kisses.
“I have to find the key, fuck, what the hell are they doing in there?”
“Are you sure you wanna know Taehyung?” Yoongi yawned from the ground. “What if you open the door and you’re scarred for life?”
“They were supposed to find common ground, not get handsy!” Taehyung shouted back, bounding away with Jimin’s disapproving sigh following. In the closet, Jungkook let go of your hand, kneading your waist as you wrapped your arms around him, both of your hands on his broad back, moaning softly into his lips as he sighed into yours, the kisses more audible now, hands exploring as Yoongi sat outside the door, clicking his tongue knowingly.
“You’re handsome, huh,” you breathed against his kisses.
“In some lights?” he teased.
You laughed, slipping your hands under his black sweatshirt, running your fingertips on his skin, making him gasp into your kisses.
“Yeah, in some lights.”
Outside the closet, Yoongi and Namjoon sat side by side, Seokjin and Hoseok long gone from secondhand embarrassment. The sounds from the closet were escalating, clothes rustling a little too much for two people who supposedly hated each other. But, as Yoongi and Namjoon discussed calmly, there were plenty of signs that indicated that those weren’t their true feelings.
“If you think about it, they’re a good fit,” Namjoon chuckled, amused as he heard Jungkook yelp. “This whole stuck in the closet thing was more fruitful than I thought.”
Yoongi laughed, raspy and full.
“Why do you think I suggested it?”
--
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