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wolvesofinnistrad · 20 days

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Read on Ao3 Here.

Its been about 6 months.

6 of the best months of a relationship Buck has ever had. And its not even about it being a guy, discovering his bisexuality. Its just... Tommy.

Hes great in so many ways, and the dynamic is so different that for the first time Buck has been able to relax, not always feel like hes chasing after someone. Actually, hes found out he quite likes being the one that gets chased, romanced, flirted with.

Everything is going great and hes even, in the back of his mind, been starting to think this might be it, this might be a long term thing after all which he'd have never expected. And then Eddie fucks it all up by telling him his most recent girlfriend, Beatrice or something Buck honestly hasn't kept track lately, broke up with him because quote "i can never have a place in your life when you've got Buck so entrenched in it."

Hes never had anyone imply that his and Eddies friendship, the little family hes made with Eddie and Chris, is somehow wrong or off-putting. Eddie was more annoyed than anything and didn't seem to care. But Buck... Buck got worried. Not because he cared about what Betty or whatever thought, but because he wondered if it wasn't true. If maybe their dynamic would scare people off eventually, and did that mean it would scare Tommy off as well?

So that's how hes sitting here, curled under a blanket on the couch, a new sectional he bought because Tommy's back didn't get enough support in the last one, spilling his guts to his boyfriend. When hes done he looks up at Tommy, expecting, well, something. Anger, confusion, heartbreak, but... Its not there. Tommy smiles at him, placing a hand on his leg over the blanket. "Evan... i understand how important Eddie and Chris are to you. I would never make you choose. I would never try to cut them out or deny you that."

Buck takes that in sits with it for a moment but finds it doesn't fully alleviate his concerns.

"But what if... i mean, if were together, you know, for the long haul. It wont affect you? What i have with them?"

Tommy smiles, he looks away for a minute and laughs.

"Can i be really honest with you Evan?" He says, meeting his eyes now.

Buck nods.

Tommy inches closer, drawing up one of his legs beneath him. "When we first started dating i knew you all were close, but i didn't really understand until later that you were a 'family.'" He pauses, thinks. "But when i did, yeah, there was a moment i was a little worried where i fit in. Where there was space for me in your life. And then i had an idea, and once i wrapped my head around it that way, re-conceptualized how i looked at things, it didn't scare me anymore."

Now that's surprising to hear, Buck wants to know what could have so easily changed his mind. "And what was it that made you not worry then?"

Again Tommy laughs. "I started thinking of Eddie like he was your ex husband."

Bucks eyes bug out a bit. "My what?!"

Tommy shrugs. "It was easier in my head than just saying your best friend who you're co-parenting with. I've dated guys with kids, with exes before. It wasn't a stretch to think of it like Eddie was your ex and Chris was your kid from another relationship. Once i put it in my head like that, i didn't worry about whether we could have a life together. You'll always be tied to them, but it didn't mean you couldn't have a life with me to." He reached over and took Bucks hand, squeezed it tight. "And honestly Evan? I'm starting to think I'd like that. A life with you."

Despite how weird it is to think of his little family with Eddie and Chris that way, how Tommy sees it, there's something relief and happiness coursing through him. Knowing that Tommy's already figured out how he can keep some of the most important people in his life and incorporate them into a new life hes building for himself. For him and Tommy.

"Evan?" Tommy asks, scootching closer on the couch, their knees knocking together.

Buck realizes its been too long since he's said anything, but when he speaks he simply says "move in with me."

For all of a second Tommy looks shocked, then elated, then seemingly guarded. "Evan... You don't have to lock me down or something i just exp-"

Buck cuts him off, "its not that. Trust me, I've done that before. Held on so tight, clung because i was scared of being left behind. This isn't that. This is..." he stops, lets his mind and body calm enough to get this right. "This is me holding on because I don't want to let go. Because i want to stay, right here, with you. I'm not scared of being left anymore, I'm scared of not putting down roots. Of not letting the best boyfriend I've ever had,"

"Only," Tommy interjects.

"Best," Buck reiterates, gripping his hand tighter, boyfriend I've ever had know that i want this. I want him. I want a life with you too. And hearing that i think, it was just the final thing falling into place, the last weight weighing on me. I... I've been thinking of asking you for a while, but i wanted so bad to get it right this time. And i think i am, but Tommy." He looks into his eyes. "Tommy you're the first time I've felt like if i got it wrong it would still be okay, we could make it work anyway. So move in with me. Please. Or.. heck, we could get a place of our own if you like?"

Tommy kisses him then. Its slow and passionate but all consuming. Its like nothing hes ever had before. And it feels so right. For once it feels Right.

A week later Tommy sends him a photo of a house for rent. Rent to own actually.

"Wheres that at?" He asks, because its a nice place, he can see the potential.

"Its literally a block away from Eddie's house, I saw it as I was driving away." He says, and Buck can almost hear the laugh and smug smile miles away.

"Its perfect." He writes back. But what he means is, 'you're perfect.'

#bucktommy #kinkley #evan buck buckley #evan buckley #tommy kinard #this is a bucktommy endgame fic dont hate me but im into them rn #my fic #fanfiction

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shushthisaintmytumbla · 2 years

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a year in the books - 8/9/22

It always just amazes me how much can change from the previous time I write here. I have definitely neglected this space for quite some time (longer than usual) as its been almost a YEAR! It’s always so insane to see how much has changed and where i am now from where i was in the last post. I truly don’t even know where to begin, but I guess i will just state the fact that tomorrow is my one year anniversary of living in NYC.... HOWWW?! So much has happened over the past year. New friendships, self growth, hurt, feeling lost, finding myself, you name it its happened. Its crazy to read my last post and see how un settled this city made me feel. I can now leave my apartment and get just about anywhere by memory. I have so much to say and update on so I guess we shall start with a big part of my last post. D.

Wowow i don’t know what to say but girlllll you were just getting started with this heartbreak. To say being in a toxic relationship is difficult is just an understatement. Its definitely been one of the biggest struggles from the past year. I have been hurt countless times, but yet i still find myself stuck in the same place. From where I was a year ago, I’ve been back and forth and pulled in every direct. From a genuine relationship to a hook up to a toxic friendship to friends to enemies and back, we still gravitate towards one another. Our relationship makes zero sense to me, but id like to think my mental state of the relationship has begun to take positive steps out of the toxicity. It’s hard to say what the future looks like but all I can hope is that I find a way through this muddy path. I know I am capable and I hope to continue to work on finding my way out... I guess thats all I can really say.

other than THAT! lol so so so much good has happened. Sometime after this post I pushed myself out of my comfortzone to make nyc MY city with MY friends. It took some trial and error, but through a literal friend dating app I found my best friends who I now could not imagine life without. Were literally going on our second trip together this weekend like thats how freaking amazing they are. They make NYC home and I couldnt be more grateful. Not only do I have them, but ive been able to connect with people who I barely knew im college, I have molly and her friends and I even had brooke (who unfortunately just moved back to LA) for so much of the past year. Once i got out of my comfort zone this city really openned up to me. My friends here are the reason I love new york as much as I do and for that I am forever grateful.

Not only have my relationships changed, but MY JOB changed. This I never thought I’d be saying a year ago, mostly because I thought my job was going to be the coolest thing ever. It was at first, dont get my wrong, but once things set into place i realized the scam that is reality TV lol. I am now at a new job that has been one of the most challenging ones yet. Hold onto your seat bc you wont believe this... I AM SO BUSY. I thought i was cursed w boring jobs hahah but not the case anymore!! I really really struggled the first few weeks, but id like to think im getting the hang of it now. Its still in influener marketing which I enjoy, but now i do everything from sourcing talent to contracting to runnning a full campaign. I hope to stay in this role for a bit and grow at the company because it definitely seems like there is a ton of room for it. Im excited to see what the future holds w this career path.

Another big thing is I started therapy this year! It is something ive always been so scared to do, but something i really needed. I am so good at venting to an online portal, but actually seeking a mental health outlet has been so good for me. Sometimes i doubt my progress, but ive been able to open up a lot more and id like to think its made me more overall healthy.

I feel like thats a pretty lengthy update on the life status for now, but i hope to come back soon w even more life wins and not go so long without writing here! I am so so excited to see what the future holds, how my nyc life will progress, and what new challenges will come my way to make me even stronger.

xx,

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kabutone · 2 years

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ok maybe don’t read if you’re in a relationship rn cause i’m talking about like. relationships ending and all that

but anyway, i often wonder what the point of relationships is ,,?? like, as someone who isn’t that pretty and also grew up closeted, and in a predominantly white school, with all cishet classmates (except for maybe One person), i have not dated that much. partially bc i never got the chance due to my circumstances and partially cause i’m not really conventionally attractive, and when people like me i hardly ever like them back. and when i like other people, they almost never like me back.

and then when i get even Close to maybe getting into any kind of romantic relationship, i’m like, what is the point?? i have friends that “date to marry” and i guess that would be true for me too, so then it’s like, im hesitant to try to date at all. and i also know sometimes people specify at the beginning that they’re looking for something short term, so then what does that look like? cause i RARELY ever hear of a breakup going well. one or both sides is always so crushed after a couple breaks up, and its like, so if i get into a relationship, it can only end in marriage and being together FOREVER, or crushing heartbreak for one or both of us???? that’s so high stakes

like idk i guess i have trouble distinguishing what’s different between friendship and relationship, like i have a lot of friends, and some people that i’ve lost touch with but we could become friends again if we reconnected, but there’s no harsh line of “friends” and “not friends” usually. i Also know sometimes people have on and off again relationships where its “dating” and “not dating” but usually that’s accompanied by both people being stressed about it. like why is it that you can go from “friends” to “dating” without much issue but going Back down to “friends” from “dating” is a big deal???? like it’s so rare, so many people HATE their exes with a passion and i understand if they genuinely were shitty bc they cheated or abused you, but sometimes its just Because you broke up i think

anyway . i feel very stupid for not getting it. i know i’m not aro bc like for sure for sure ive been in relationships and felt romantic attraction i just also don’t get it???? but anyway. if relationships usually end so badly, it feels like dating a bunch of people feels like going on a mission to make a list of enemies. if there’s a risk you and the other person will hate each other forever, why even get in a relationship in the first place unless you’re very certain that wont happen???

#is it the autism or lack of experience idk??

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sounds6noise9 · 1 month

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how much longer do i have to atone? what did i do that was so bad that i cannot allow myself to die, even though i beseech of that very thing. there's no single reason for me to continue on when i will either inflict hurt or be hurt. ive always felt like with each and every person i converse with, i will never talk with them beyond the surface level. i cant connect with anyone, i simply cannot. i dont know how to be charismatic, how to end the silence, and why silence feels like my burden. ill explain more in another post, later. yesterday i was put in a situation where i became harshly aware of this, depsite having always known. ive always known, and some days i am more aware of it than others. i know its been weird because im apathetic as of late, and cant really think properly. but when you said that it was awkward being there with me, i couldn't help but feel worried. i know ive been cruel to you for a little, but its only because you hurt first. but it was selfish of me not to see through that, but even still why should i act like i care. do i even really? who's to say? but i was nevertheless worried, because even though i knew i'd take my life, i thought by some chance, that someday, you'd save me. that maybe my love for you, and the interchangable sum, could be wonderful enough to save me from this dream of dying ive had. but it was foolish to even think that when we could never connect in the first place. those nights where i looked at your pictures to ease me into sleep was just time spent on useless acts of greed. how could i ever hope for our bodies to exchange warmth when you could never even feel like i was a wonderful enough person; im not lovely, i will not be someone you could ever even want to be around. i know of you, but i dont know you. neither do you know of me, i dont think im a very vulnerable person because maybe ive always just been like that. i know of you, the promise of death. and though i vow to this promise, i sometimes stray away, i sometimes have love to give, i sometimes think about a life worth living. but when i think of these thoughts, i realize that i cannot have that because i have to atone for something with no reason as to why. i mustve done something so bad that i will never have any sense of normality in my life. i thought that i could, but truth be told, i will not be the person to save you, nor will you be the person to save me. our friendship has already seen a decline, and im sure it will soon be no more. my life is different from yours, because you loosing me will not feel like a loss. you have others to make up for it, people who wont make you feel lonely, places to run to. i have nothing, and so loosing you will be a cold loss. as i navigate these feelings, i will fluctuate between not caring, and caring enough so that it is reminiscent of a heartbreak between lovers. we are not lovers, even though i wish that we could be. i will still wish even in the times i am swarmed by a brigade of untidy loneliness. i thought that loving someone and forgoing everything else is all i need, that if i dont murder myself, i can move 2,000 miles to where you live. we'd finally see the same stars at the same time, not even in different time zones. i can see your face, instead of it just being plastered to my screen. i can touch you, all the while you touch me. im greedy and selfish and there's nothing of me i can give to you, i cant provide you anything, because it just doesnt happen that way. someone with such an idle personality should have no hope, no hope that someone like you, with the beautiful hair, could ever save me

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qumiiiquinnquin · 9 months

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multiple thoughts this wednesday afternoon

i wish we could live in a world of peace and happiness. many people wish that. but often times a lot of responses i get when i express those thoughts are always “good luck with that” and “yea unfortunately that’ll never happen”. i know it wont. but i want to keep believing. its very hard to , because it feels like with each passing day , something worse happens , either with friends , family , or the world at large. i just want violence to come to a rest. i just want people to no longer suffer and i want them to be able to lead happy lives. i just want to not be afraid of the world im living in and feeling so broken and helpless as everything passes by , and oh look at the news. another terrible thing has happened. i know world peace is in extremely far reach from us , and because of that , world peace seems impossible. but i want to keep believing. i want us in the future to be happy and healthy and not in constant fear like many of us are today

i do not understand why people get upset if you do not understand something or did not know something that they for some reason expected you to know when nobody told you. why is this a consistent theme in my family? it makes me feel very insecure , considering i already have memory and listening problems

its really hard for me to accept or believe compliments people say to me. it is not out of ungratefulness - in fact , i appreciate them a lot , its very sweet. its really my extreme self-doubt and self-hatred , and past events in my life. being told im something like ‘beautiful’ or ‘kind’ by a relative , only to have them later indirectly say to me im ugly , and more directly telling me im extremely disrespectful of all my elders. plus...my own past actions. ive been a shitty friend before , and seeing or hearing people tell me that im very nice or a good friend or they care about me... why? especially my closest friend who refuses to leave despite me saying things to him that i wish i never said , and having such extreme outbursts , and always on the brink of ending our friendship due to thinking i dont deserve friends or wanting to commit... i dont understand. even if that behavior happens much less now ((though it occasionally still brews and i have to hold myself back like a wild dog on a leash)). i really cannot understand why anyone bothers to be nice to me. am i making you feel obligated to be nice to me? am i being manipulative? am i just luring people into being nice to me and being my friend and then having to deal with how i really am? i dont understand. there's just so many better people...why me?

lately ive expressed feelings of wanting to be in love. but the love world seems scary. how do you find ‘the one’? how do you end up trusting them? im too afraid to experience anything because i know i cannot pick myself back up. i am too afraid to experience heartbreak , my partner cheating , ending up with an abusive or toxic partner , having a partner that really wants to force themselves onto me or being sa’d or four letter r worded by my partner ((trauma-related fear)) , my partner ending it... i want to love , and i want to be loved. but i do not know how to love , and i am afraid of what may lie underneath the words “i love you”

anyway. im going to go check if the nectarines are ripe yet and am going to eat to take my mind off of this stuff , among other things...

#vent #long post #im feeling quite empty

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krayonders · 3 years

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thinking about how i have a seven page unfinished outline of a ted-centric fic saved on my google drive that i was going to start publishing as soon as nightmare time dropped. i only wrote 96 words of the first chapter and it would be such a commitment, but i am kind of looking at it

#shut upmelie #it's a ted and frank are roommates in college au but it's not ted/frank #i just really wanted to make them roommates and have since we first met frank #it spans several years and has both [redacted]/ted charlotte/ted and bill/ted in there #heartbreak is a fun thing to write about dont @ me #havent looked at the outline in a hot minute but i think there's also barkins #anyway it probably wont happen because im streaming today but #maybe…… maybe i'll take a break from thinking about danganronpa and ninjago to write some hatchetfield #HONESTLY this outline is the wildest thing ive ever done #the ending is still not in place because i originally was going to have multiple ending so people could decide their own story #who did they want ted to end up with?#there was a best friends to fake marriage for tax purposes to lovers path #there was a holy fuck youre the ex i never got over and we've been bitter about it for so long but i think im falling in love again path #and a charted path that loosely followed the canon of tgwdlm #anyway it was a big project and i've poured a lot of heart into it and on one hand i really want to write it #but on the other hand i already started a kazuichi's friends tells him to stop pining after sonia and calls him an idiot all the time fic #(which is another fic i havent decided the ship for because brain goes 'heehoo write about friendship')#THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TEDTALK #which this really was huh

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xlysaaa · 3 years

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Ahhhhhh

Ok, so this might become a bit of a long post. After reading the latest Kono oto Tomare! chapter, i just have to get these feelings off my chest. It'll be random & full ramblings.

i put some panels of chapter 105 but also from 99.5 in this post.

-> lot of spoilers, so read at your own risk <-

this wont be a review or something. I just want to ramble and scream.

First of all, Chikas father . . .

I have literally no fucking words for this sorry excuse of a father! seeing this flashback made me wanna puke my fucking guts out on the floor.

how much do you have to sink as a human being to make YOUR VERY OWN CHILD think this?

What kind of human scum do you have become to tell to YOUR VERY OWN SON " It's hell. Ever since you were born, Its always been hell." ?! What kind of heartless huge shit being do you have to be to treat your very own son like he's the worst, like he isnt worth of human affection or care?!

While Chika was scared & uncomfortable, because he punched someone for the first time to defend himself, instead of talking about it the father looked at him like he was dirt.

When Chika went to the Takaokas that day in Chapter 99.5, he brought back come of the selfmade cake from Tetsukis mum, because he wanted to share it with his father, he thought he could make him happy.

look at this adorable sweet baby bean? how dare you make him cry. ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽

Imagine a little smiling chika hoping his father would come back early from work to share this delicious cake with him. . . and THEN! imagine the father telling chika in his drunk state all those horrible things, while chika still cares for his father and put a blanket on him to keep him warm. Only for the faher to say ".. I cant bringt myself to love you."

We read in the latest chapter that his mother left with another man, chika cant even remember her face, because he was 2 years old. If its because of the dad, why wouldnt she take chika with her? i dont care whatever her business is, she is as much to blame as this human trash called father. There were so many moments were i had to pause for a bit cause these scenes were too heartbreaking.

Of course Chika would never treasure himself when never once did his father! How should he know how to hold himself dear, when his father never did?

I cant find even the words to describe, what i'm feeling. I feel so sick to my stomach.

I'm so glad that he had his grandpa who cherished him and gave Chika affection. He always encouraged Chika. "Hey, Chika. Dont give up on yourself" & showed him the Koto. He & Tetsuki literally pulled Chika out of the deep darkness & showed him light.

Look Chika, they're all waiting for you! T____T

- - - - - - -- - - - - - -

When Tetsuki transfered into Chikas class, a boy told him that he shouldnt get involved with chika because he's a loner & he's trouble. He said "Instead you can be friend with us" to which Tetsuki replied "Thanks. But no thanks." IN YO FACE YOU SHITTY BULLY CHILD.

Anyways, after school the boy & his friends planed to isolate Tetsuki & bully him . . welp, these boys forget chika "LAME. You guys are super lame." and off they go :'D thank to these shitty children ⬇️

a wonderful unbreakable friendship started! They became best friends who were inseparable. /chikas adorable blush q.q sweet baby bean!!!

When Chika had an argument with his father & left the house, he was bullied by middles schoolers & fought. . . it was then when they started to slowly fall apart.. Chika started to avoid Tetsuki & isolated himself again. Even when Tetsuki tried to ask what happened or tried to help him, Chika would only say "Its got nothing to do with you, do dont butt in." Tetsuki blamed himself "If only I had been there the first time Chika had fought. Maybe we could've run. Maybe we could've feigned defeat. Anything so he didnt have to deal with their attention. Any maybe he would still be . . ." He missed his best friend & was worried what would happen to Chika if he keeps going on like this..

Tetsuki was told by the teacher that his mother had an accident & needs surgery. He's waiting anxious in the hospital, hoping for the best, trying to keep the worst case thoughts away . . thats when Chika comes running into the hospital he was worried!

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS SIMPLY PERFECTION, I CANT!!! ૮₍ ꒦꒳꒦ ₎ა❤

When Tetsukis dad said to Chika that he heard a lot about him from his wife & thanked him for supporting Tetsuki, he asked about his wounds & if they hurt. . thats when Tetsuki learns the reason, why chika kept his distance from him. He didnt want to involve him or put him in danger. "E-Everything's fine! I'm not hanging out with Tetsuki anymore, nobody's seen us together, nobody knows we're friends or anything. I would never drag him into my problems. Never."

Takaoka-papa is as wonderful as Takaoka-mama, jesus the Takaoka family is a bunch of lovely human beings, help me!!!

BONUS:

WHY ARE THEY SO DAMN WONDERFUL??/Tetsuki is so happy for chika *ugly sobbing deluxe*

I'm so glad that that he had Tetsuki right beside him, i dont wanna imagine what would have happened to Chika without his support & affection.

For me, they have one of the most wonderful & most strongest bond ever. I love their friendship so much, seriously i could probably write an essay about them & would never be able go stop. 🥺❤❤❤

Chika went through so much already, he fought his way through life, suffered, so NOW! Let him finally become happy!

Ufff, i didnt mean to make it THIS long.. but there's so much to say about this manga & the relationships chika made or the persons met.ヾ( இ⌓இ)ﾉﾞ

#kono oto tomare!#kono oto tomare #KoT #KoT 105 #Kono oto Tomare 105 #Kono oto Tomare spoiler

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homieswithhades · 3 years

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why steve rogers returning to the past was wrong

disclaimer: im clearly a stucky enthusiast, but please, do not be thrown off by that. i admit, there may be undertones of bias because of that in the following, but i did my best with trying to lay out the facts and draw logical conclusions, so do please give me a chance. also, i may have accidentaly omitted some moments and some quotes may not be 100% word for word, as my memory lowkey sucks. ALSO this is NOT a peggy hate post!! i think shes a dope and underrated character and quite frankly she was done dirty. but i also definitely h8 the trope of badass woman falls for the hero.

first and foremost, every sane person knows endgame was complete and utter bullshit when dealing with steves character, so this post will be more for you to maybe show (and hopefully convince) some stubborn friend or family member. nice, concise (not) and including proof from the movies (+a few tweets and stucky undertones, if u dont fw that i respect it but bucky is an integral part to steves character regardless of how u interpret their relationship) here is why steves character development was thrown away at the end of endgame.

let us begin at looking at the cap trilogy.

in ca:tfa it should be noted that steve had no one to return to in the 40s, except bucky. i believe steves relationship with peggy was no where near as developed as it should have been to elicit him returning exclusively for her. as we are aware, steves driving force has absolutely always been bucky. bucky was there for steve after his parents died, when he was sick, and always protected him from whatever trouble he got himself into. "until the end of the line" right? steves relationship with peggy was forced and short lived, literally, we're talking a matter of months here. i need to keep emphasising the important disparity between bucky and peggy, as it is absolutely key in this whole argument. steve dropped everything and went against every order just to even attempt to save bucky. even the slightest chance of him surviving being captured was enough for steve to break into a hydra camp and free the 107th division. steve even had the chance to capture zola, one of the main villains and masterminds of the war, but again, steve prioritised bucky. when theyre trying to escape the exploding hydra camp, the exchange between steve and bucky is critical. steve says "go! get out of here!" as all he wanted was bucky escaping safely. he put bucky's life over his own (this wasnt the first time he did this, nor the last) but bucky rooted himself to the spot, and yelled back "no, not without you!". they both escaped safely as we know, and then steve gathers the howling commandos to take down the red skull. bucky then falls off the train, nd steve blames himself for his death, even visibly crying over it twice. steves morals went from "i dont wanna kill anyone. i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" before buckys death, to "i wont stop until all of hydra are dead or captured" after. stuff happens and steve defeats the red skull and is now in control of the flying ship with the bombs. he connects the comms with peggy and she tries to convince him theres another way to disarm the ship. steve was so dedicated at that point he didnt even want to hear it. he didnt even attempt to do anything to ensure his survival. this alone proves, peggy was not important enough to him to return to.

next is ca:tws. The stevebucky movie. in the museum, peggy confirms that steve saved the man from the 107th division who eventually became her husband (steve was never in the 107th, just to clarify) i believe her husbands name was daniel sousa (as revealed in the marvels agents of shield show) steve then finds out peggy is alive and talks to her. she, in short, tells him she's lived her life, and it was his turn to live his in the time hes in. the "my best girl" line was unnecessary and out of place; again, steve barely knew her. again, shit goes down, and steve finds out the winter soldier is bucky and immediately drops everything, and becomes dead set on saving him. not killing, not imprisoning, but saving him. no matter the cost. "he saw me, and he didnt even know me" "hes not the kind you save, hes the kind you stop. he won't recognise you" "he will." god, steve KNEW bucky would recognise him. regardless of the brainwashing, steve managed to break through the barrier hydra fought so hard to drill into buckys mind. nothing ever broke him out of that state exept for steve. "im not gonna fight you, youre my friend." "youre my mission" "then finish it. cos im with you till the end of the line." [[good fucking lord let me break out of my essay-esque semi professional format here and just say how fucking heartbreaking those lines are. oh my god. read them, over and over until it hits you.]] steve shows us again, that he is willing to not only die for bucky, but literally die by his hand. he would let bucky kill him. he'd dropped his shield. he didnt fight back. steve always, always, ALWAYS got up and fought back. always. exept that time. the time bucky could have killed him. that scene is the essence of "im with you till the end of the line" because then, it was true. it was true because steve was okay with dying at buckys mercy. theres a difference between sacrificing yourself for the greater good (steve going into the ice), willing to die for someone (steve risking his life multiple times in attempts to save bucky) and finally, being willing to let someone kill you, because you love and trust them so much (hellicarier scene). the difference between peggy and bucky's relationship to steve is that steve may be willing to die for either, but only willing to be killed by one. not to mention, bucky pulled steve from the river. he recognised him. steve broke through 70 years of brainwashing with such impact it literally drove bucky away from hydra out of his own free will.

in between ca:tws and ca:cw its confirmed (im p sure sam says it) that him and steve looked for bucky for two. years. even off screen, bucky was steves priority.

im going to squeeze in 2 points from from age of ultron here, for chronology's sake:

steves worst nightmare, as portayed in the movie, is LITERALLY going back to the 40s and being stuck there (with peggy too??lmfao) and also the quote "family, stability, the man who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. i think another one came out." objectively confirms that steve isn't the man he used to be, and doesnt want to return to the past. aou may have sucked, but that doesn't mean the character development should be thrown away.

ca:cw. hoo boy. steve went against 117 countries and half of his closest friends and colleagues because he believed bucky was innocent of the bombing of the un conference. god, steve quite literally, did everything to defend and protect bucky. though i shall acknowledge that steve did attend peggy's funeral, however, there was no real connotations there other than the fact he was mourning her death (understabdibly so). steve then proceeds to protect bucky for 2 hours 27 mins and 41 seconds to the point where they escape together to siberia after the airport fight. "i dont know if im worth all this steve" "what you did all those years... it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice." "i know. but i did it" again, absolutely heartbreaking quotes if you read it a couple of times and truly understand the meaning of them. steve somewhat indirectly tells bucky yes, yes he is worth all of this. otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it. a quote to support that would be "for the longest time, i always did what i thought was right." (disclaimer this is not a direct quote i deadass couldnt find it to save my life, i belive steve said it at some point during civil war or tws, but the point is, bucky is the only thing that could have shaken steves morals so intensely.) and finally, the most important part of cw, the fight at the end with tony. bucky and steve constantly protected each other. steve kept fighting because he was fighting for bucky. to keep him safe from tony and the world. he got up, time and time again. "i can do this all day." the fact that he said that to tony, some people consider them the closest of friends, proves again, a million times over, bucky is more important to steve than literally anything else, INCLUDING his shield. his mantle. he dropped it and left it like it was nothing, because his priority was bucky. as always.

theres not much to discuss for infinity war other than their hug whicg was honestly just adorable.

mmmmm endgame. i will not go into how much i hate that movie because it would be a rant quintuple the length of this one. in the support group, steve dead ass fucking says "you gotta move on. you gotta move on" and that sentiment was literally forgotten at the end. my main point for endgame is this. people tend to tell me, the reason steve abandoned bucky and went back to be with peggy is because he knew that he was finally safe. :/. if you had half a braincell youd know that's not true. the steve we know, never would have left bucky for good, ESPECIALLY after the "dont do anything stupid until i get back" exchange [[god i want to beat the shit out of the r*ssos]] mostly because, bucky had fucking no one in the time he was living in!!! no family, no friends and most heartbreakingly, no one he could trust. (yes sam was there but were just seeing their friendship develop now in tfatws, all that wasnt there in endgame) and secondly, what made steve think bucky was entirely safe??? half of the worlds population just suddenly reappeared, which as we see now, there were massive consequences for that. i simply believe steve is not that stupid. steve going back was disrespectful not only to his character, but to bucky AND peggy. most importantly, the steve we've been watching since 2011 would NEVER abandon bucky, no matter how safe he thought he was (he visited him frequently in wakanda, the safest place on the planet arguably ffs) especially for such a dumbass and quite frankly, nonsensical reason as going back to be with peggy, who clearly stated to him she moved on, and so should he (which he did. idk endgame writers prolly didnt watch the previous movies :/) its not even debatable. bucky is more important to steve than peggy. even in terms of screentime.

now allow some tweets to speak for me, this one being the absolute most important one:

ladies and gentlefolk, all of the stuff ive said can be summarised in that last line. "it would be contrary to who he is."

heres some more:

and now finally, id like to briefly mention steve and tfatws, so beware of spoilers (writing this as of ep 4 coming out; praying it doesn't age badly)

bucky mentions steve, unprompted, fucking constantly. he clearly isnt over steve leaving, and im hoping that gets acknowledged and talked out in the show.

in conclusion, tl:dr, steve shouldn't have returned to the past and stayed there, it is contrary to who he is, as shown to us through his trilogy and other appearances in the mcu. not to mention the timeline bullshit in endgame makes zero sense in the first place.

#long post #stucky #captain america #steve rogers #mcu #marvel #tfatws #bucky barnes #peggy carter #hwh's marvel thoughts #please dont bullshit me in the comments also i dont have the strength #imma hide this in the tags praying no 1 will b bothered to look but steve and bucky gay #everytime some1 calls their relationship brotherly it takes 10 years off my life nd makes me wanna impale myself ❤#also no beta we die like men #my meta

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skepticbeliever-bookclub · 3 years

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Hello, old friends and readers!

As October has arrived and with her, a giant splash of another Autumn and with that, comes the advent of our Spooky Month. We took in ten nominations of the members' favourite horror genre titles and narrowed that down with a vote to three titles to read over the course of this whole month!

Our first selected title is the truly terrifying, emotional, heartstopping objects in mirror are closer than they appear by uneventfulhouses. A beautifully gripping horror story that hinges a slowly creeping dread and terror over mirrors and the question of 'what if the one you love changes overnight?'

Rating: E

Summary:

Inside the bathroom, Ryan’s standing in front of the mirror, the water on, but his hands are by his side. Shane regards him curiously, but Ryan ignores him, keeps his eyes on himself.

Shane walks over to one of the urinals and starts in on his belt, and when he looks up, he looks into the mirror, and Ryan’s already gone and stepped away.

Ryan’s reflection doesn’t follow him. Shane feels a shock catapult and slam into his solar plexus.

Shane stares, his fingers stilled on the buckle of his belt as Ryan’s reflection stares back at him. The door to the bathroom closes, and the image in the mirror stutters, before it moves quickly, like a 4x scrub on a video.

Shane blinks at his own reflection in the mirror, quickly and frantic, waving his arms, forward stepping and back. Nothing out of the ordinary happens.

or; sometimes things aren't always as they seem.

Book Club Thoughts:

i love all the little hints that he's not just "ryan but nasty", he's literally a mirror image, from the misplaced scar to the switched dominant hand

I'm very into how we know that this Ryan isn't right immediately, but that shane blames himself for ryan all of a sudden being mean to him

I remember first reading this and just having such a lump in my throat over Shane’s heartbreak and not–Ryan being SO callous and cruel

god the build up is so good. like, i’m fucking scared! i’m worried about shane AND about ryan, about their relationship but also their friendship? and shanes… insecurities and worries which obviously he cant/wont share with ryan (or “ryan”)

the breakup scene honestly feels like a nightmare brought to life; but like, one of those realistic nightmares that should never happen irl but technically could if someone lost their mind, and haunt you for ages afterwards because what if, what if

made me scared of mirrors for a good week

For me, something that makes "what if?" and doppelganger horror good is when the people are still recognizable. It's them, but skewed. Mirror!Ryan isn't Shane's Ryan, but he's still recognizable as A Ryan. Just Ryan pushed a step to the left. Same with Mirror!Shane. It's still a version of Shane and Ryan, just wrong and horrible.

actually this fic has an almost synesthesia-like quality for me, where i feel like i am experiencing it in ways other than reading it--like hearing it or smelling it

i woulda been losing my mind, like I'm here reading about someone else seeing stuff and it made me think i was crazy

It makes me think too about how Shane is fully certain that in every universe, for every possible version of Ryan, his one constant is going to be him loving Shane. And that he realizes that he is the same! Soulmates! I hate (love) that!!!

the spooky aspects are also done so well too. you're all caught up in the heartbreak and then suddenly shane is seeing things, the uncanny valleyness of ryans behavior, the psychological horror of katie not believing him

There are so many great elements but honestly I love this fic mostly as a great example for how doppelgänger storylines can really force characters to face their own faults and the faults of their loved ones head on and still come out the other side still loving themselves and each other.

... Ryan with his broken glass sharp edges replacing soft laughter and familiar touches with rough, bitter substitutes, stripping Shane down to the parts he wants, the parts that could love Ryan even when he's messy and mean and cold—love him and actually say it.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US FOR OUR NEXT DISCUSSION? CHECK OUT THE FAQ, AND SEND US AN ASK! IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR FIC RECS, PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR READS, NOMINEES AND BOOK CLUB REC LISTS!

#shyan #shyan fic #skeptic believer #otp: we took an oath #horror #read of the week #established relationship

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lansangprincess · 1 month

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of course bisexuality includes heterosexual attraction but i hope ant has more of a storyline than just hooking up with harper with a will they/wont they dynamic… his backstory (including his family) seemed so interesting in season 1 but we never saw it and only heard about it. now it feels like we might not acknowledge it much. part of me just isn’t a huge harper fan honestly. esp. after malakai. and why set up a triangle between amerie x malakai x spider just to bring in a new tall blonde guy who looks like spider? lol. those are my two yellow flags after my first look at the trailer. of course we have to actually see what happens first so i don’t want to be too negative but i want to level my expectations haha.

i looove the concept of someone targeting amerie & them narrowing the suspect down. so fun!

oh! I kind of had an opposite impression. I feel like we are going to see more backstories for Ant, Missy and Spider because of how much more screen time they're going to get this season. so idk we'll see?

also im actually not that big of a harper fan either but i really loved ant even though we didn't get to know him that much so I feel like this pairing could get me to like her more. and maybe it's the fic writer in me but i feel like there is definitely potential for him to get her to open up in a carefree way that she doesn't w anybody else. im excited to see what her friendship dynamics are with everybody because the entire 1st season she was so held back by what she had going on at home and so hopefully we can just see her enjoy herself and be a solid friend to amerie and the group

lmao i didnt even think of the fact that the new guy is also just tall and blonde 🤠 Though he does give off a completely diff vibe. It looks like he's a photographer and becomes friends with Malakai (at least close enough to ask abt his deal with her). i dont really like love triangles especially when i already have my loyalties so im right there with you with the yellow flag.

i didnt watch the OG Heartbreak High but now im wondering if every season (and we WILL get more seasons trust!!) will have a little mystery plot to them. the 1st season was about what was going on with Harper, why their friendship fell apart and who made up the rumor about Jojo. and now we're gonna have to figure out who's targeting Amerie, etc. Could be really fun ! ✨

#heartbreak high #heartbreak high season 2 #amerie wadia #malakai mitchell #harper mclean #ant i still dont know his last name #amerie x malakai #harper x ant

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itonje · 3 years

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i accidentally unfollowed you trying to send this ask... thats the anti anti song of achilles agenda trying to hijack me. anyway i dont know anything about greek stuff and ive never read song of achilles but i love drama, whats wrong with it?

HI also this has happened thrice with my mutuals once with claudio and once with ramon everyone unfollows me whilst trying to send asks anyways uhh i think the song of achilles is a poor iliad adaptation that kind of makes the characters either really milquetoast or really caricaturized beyond belief (the one character i think they did...relatively less awful with briseis just because for ONCE. for ONCE an adaptation didnt make her in love with achilles and actually leaned into her relationship with patroclus more which i really like as in the iliad the one time she speaks its not even about achilles lol. but she still only rlly exists to augment the achilles and patroclus relationship and also she dies in a really awful way which i HATE). like if a character is not made like wildly evil (agamemnon, thetis, neoptolemus and the latter i find funny cause hes just as bad as his dad is in the iliad and iliadic related content) theyre declawed to all HELL

and thetis being evil makes me so mad when she has a good relationship with achilles, maybe one of the most important relationships with achilles in the iliad, his best loved one other than patroclus, and its implied she cares for patroclus as well as shes the one to preserve his body and keep it from rotting but in here shes just. the homophobe mom who only exists to keep achilles and patroclus apart bc she hates patroclus which is SO stupid because it goes against one of her biggest character traits which is ‘she loves achilles so much and would do anything for him’ as well as so many of the women in this story only being a wedge between achilles and patroclus’ relationship (like deidamia) which is so misogynist and pisses me off SO much because theres so much more you could do with that! like i understand making the gods more distant and abstract and cold to humanity but there are canonically cruel ass gods in the iliad and thetis is not one of them!!!

and going back to my declawed comment objectively the worst characterization here is patroclus. in the iliad patroclus is known to be very friendly and likeable among the greeks, he weeps when he hears of them being beaten by the trojans and one of his epithets is even ‘amicable’, as well as briseis saying he was the sweetest to her when she became a slave (because yes she was a slave she literally was a slave and no one acknowledges that because god forbid achilles and his men could be the the BAD guys here).

but hes not just nice lol! hes known to be a fantastic fighter and when he dons the armor of achilles and goes to fight the trojans he has the highest kill count of any iliad character! he tries to mount the walls of troy because he wants to destroy shit so bad he may be nice to the greeks but hes also an incredibly formidable and violent fighter (and he killed a guy at the age of 12 by the way hes just wild i love my crazy boyfriend soooo much) and tsoa just makes him. incompetent lol? so that achilles can like rescue him all the time which is so silly...lean into the warrior boyfriends dynamic you want to have warrior boyfriends who are crazy and kill people in your books SOOO bad

also the song of achilles doesnt even lean into the kind aspect of him yeah hes nice to briseis and the women but where are his friendships w the greek men lol? what about him and menelaus?? theyre really good friends in the iliad, menelaus getting upset over patroclus’ death is heartbreaking too.

but patroclus isnt an active character, everything that happens to him is just that-it happens to him. he makes NO active choices at all the only thing he does is ask achilles to let him fight for the greeks. hes just a witness to EVERYTHING he does NOTHING of genuine importance or active choice and i know that it was written like this so it could make achilles seem more important, (as well as leaning into the ‘oh we have no choice when it comes to how the gods play us’ but i would argue in the iliad whilst a theme of us being victims to our grander fate is there, the iliad also says that even though we cant control our ultimate futures we CAN control the choices we have in front of us, achilles giving back hectors body wont bring back pat or make him. not die eventually but he still does, and its still important. maybe the MOST important choice he makes. but thats... another thing lol) it is tsoa after all, but patroclus is also a main fucking character lol? and as important as achilles is to patroclus’ character so is patroclus’ to achilles!

also even achilles seems like hes strung around first by his mother and then by the war and god it all seems like this is all here to absolve achilles of responsibility, to absolve him of wrong doing when in the iliad achilles does many many many things wrong as well as just being a bit of. an emotional hotcase (lol), and thats what makes him interesting! but no hes just whitewashed so that we dont have to feel bad for liking him and we wont find patroclus morally dubious for just going along with all of achilles’ shit out of love (when patroclus, like i said above, also does bad shit cause thats just how these characters are...most of the greeks do awful wretched shit in the iliad lol and they still are heroes with compelling characters cause like. moral ambiguity baybee)

anyways this is all to say as an iliad adaptation it sucks. as a gay love story though. its fine lol? again. not my fav dynamic for these two but. this book isnt meant for people who are like hardcore achilles kinnies or whatever the fuck or have been reading and fixating on greek myth since they were baby like me lol. i know there are lgbt kids who read percy jackson or whatever or are vaguely familiar with greek myth who are going to read this book and see themselves in it and be happy and content with the rep and thats wonderful. i recognize this book isnt really supposed to be for readers like me who are hardasses about adaptation and its okay for people to enjoy it as less of a greek myth interpretation and as the romance it actually is. the writing is very beautiful and yes it inspired some (positive) emotions out of me regardless.

however if youre looking for gay greek myth content that actually has pretty interesting and compelling characters, with various heartbreaking stories and fascinating themes about divinity, fate, humanity, and love well. just read the iliad.

#finny.txt #asks #SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG RESPONSE..THIS BOOK MAKES ME SO. RUGAFSHDSDFHSDF

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waitingfortheendtocome · 3 years

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Forced to Let Go CH 1

I wrote this a while a go and posted it on my AO3 account. I was meaning to post it here but I kept putting it off until I completely forgot about it lol. This is a Jemily(JJ/Emily) three chapter Fic. It was meaning to be a one-shot but It grew too long so I split it into three parts. I was listening to Easier to Run and My December by Linkin Park, as well as Britney’s song called Everytime which where the songs that inspired this fic so I was listening to those songs while writing them.

Gif’s I use aren’t mine credit goes to the creator I don’t know who made it I borrowed it off the gif sets tumblr gives you.

Warning: angst, angst, angst and more angst. Heartbreak, self-doubt, loneliness

Chapter One

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Emily’s Apartment

Emily walked numbly into her apartment early in the evening. She had just got back from working the local case which happens to be a bank robbery case. She didn’t exactly enjoy the case but it made her realize just how badly she needed to get away. Besides the bank exploding near her, trying to solve the difficult case and saving the victims, she had to save none other than Will which to her felt like an insult to injury. Things with JJ haven’t exactly been all that great and perhaps that was her fault but she could hardly be blamed. Her and JJ were the best of friends technically they were past being best of friends at this point they were lovers.

JJ had been the first person who welcomed her into the team, the first person who treated her like an equal and made her feel welcoming. Emily fell for her the moment she laid eyes on her, Emily knew she was screwed the moment JJ smiled brightly at her and shook her hand. Maybe all along Emily read too much into it but the small smiles and the light blushes the lingering touches that accompanied them when they started getting closer and becoming best friends. Emily and JJ hung out often but what caused Emily to confirm her feelings was after they shared a room for the first time and began having intimate conversations Emily was casual when JJ mentioned dating other women and told the younger woman that she dated and been with women since is her preference. Emily had studied the thoughtful look JJ carried but it wasn’t brought up again at least not until months later where it was followed by a kiss.

Emily should have tried harder to resist but she couldn’t help it by that time Emily knew she was in love but knew she would never come forward first and express her feelings first. For one she hadn’t wanted to get hurt and two she didn’t know how JJ felt for her whether it was her experimenting or her actually having feelings for her and wanting more. Safe to say she now knows exactly what JJ feels for her as well what this whole seven plus years were to the woman she considers a best friend. Nothing more than an experimentation, something to get her curiosity out of her system. Emily felt her heart shatter at the idea that to JJ all this time it wasn’t anything more than an experiment.

Emily walked into her kitchen shaking the thought out of her head and grabbed her bottle of wine, a wine glass and sat in her living room filling her cup not even bothering to turn the lights on. What was the point? The darkness around her for once it felt welcoming and it fit her depressing mood. Her heartbreak, betrayal and loneliness. The feelings once alienating to her she now welcomed it like a second skin, this no longer felt like home to her.

“Maybe I really am meant to be alone.” Emily grumbled to herself as she filled her glass

But her thought wandered again as she took her first large gulp of wine back to the blonde and Emily hated herself for even thinking about her but she couldn’t help it. Emily was in love with the blonde despite the heartbreak she was currently nursing. After that one kiss JJ and Emily ended up having sex casually at first but it became frequent especially when they shared a room or JJ stayed over. Emily’s hopes started to grow the more they hung out together believing things might lead to more but it never did so Emily waited patiently which slowly became hopeless when they went to New Orleans and saw JJ spend a little too much time with that detective Will which lo and behold the two ended up secretly dating so Emily ended her whatever it was with JJ which became hopeless when the blonde showed up in Emily’s old apartment questioning why she was distant.

Emily got confused until JJ pointed out why they weren’t hanging out like they use to until Emily felt offended letting JJ know that they can’t have sex because she is with Will. JJ obviously got offended and stated nothing was serious to say Emily ended up having angry sex was understatement if JJ’s loud reactions was anything to go by but much to her own frustration neither bothered to stop their casual sex. Even after Doyle came back when they were in Paris the two were going at it but now that Doyle was dead and things were going back to normal Emily just couldn’t do it. She felt broken, confined in her own skin and felt alone. She just didn’t feel the same anymore so two weeks ago she ended up confronting JJ about it. Emily couldn’t handle being someone else's dirty little secret. Being someone else's secret fling. A second choice. Even if that person was JJ who she loved.

Emily loved JJ. She fell in love with her, her bright personality, compassion, kindness, her beautiful smile to match all her beauty. JJ was Emily’s light. Emily’s anger. Even then Emily couldn’t be second best to Will so she had confronted JJ about it. That led to a heavy discussion and JJ’s last words before Emily promptly left JJ’s hotel room during the Oregon satanic ritual case broke and shattered Emily into millions of pieces. Not only that but it only proved that the blonde didn’t feel the same way despite JJ’s countless reminders but Emily just didn’t feel it.

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Flashback

Oregon-JJ’s Hotel room

Emily tried to hold back her tears as she looked away from JJ and out the window as a form of distraction. She knew if she looked at JJ she'd break down. She wondered why she even bothered coming to the hotel room to bring up what they were or even ask if they could be more. She assumed JJ felt the same way. They have been secretly having sex for years now so she just assumed the feelings were mutual. Emily herself tried several times to stop it due to JJ and Will but the blonde didn’t seem to think so saying that it was okay as long as no one found out which made Emily slightly uncomfortable but ignored it. She had been content with at least having JJ in some form so they continued. Emily got the courage to talk to JJ about it, to ask her what they were and if they can be something more. Although Emily wasn’t outright with the last request knowing it was a bad idea so instead she hinted it in a way that can be brushed off quickly.

To say it was a mistake was an understatement because they began to talk about their feelings and JJ reassuring Emily how much she loved her but and wanted to be with her but couldn’t according to JJ she couldn’t hurt Will or do that to him which baffled Emily due to the fact that she technically was going behind his back but Emily didn’t voice it instead she looked away. Granted when Emily began to see how close JJ and Will were becoming due to Emily’s request she had insisted on them not sleeping as often the only times they did was when they were overwhelmed from a case or spontaneous but spread out in actuality Paris was the last time they were in bed together. JJ tried a few times but Emily refused now glad she put her foot down because here she was standing in the blondes hotel room getting her heart broken on top of everything else she is going through right now.

“Emily please say something.” JJ asked her voice cracking trying to contain her own emotions heartbroken over having hurt her best friend

“I’m not asking you to leave him, he is your safety net, comfort. What you’re expected to marry and spend all your life with. I would never ask you to leave him. I just needed to know if I had a shot. A chance. If you would have given us a chance but I know what sacrifices that made JJ I’ve been out for most of my life now remember,” Emily told her shaking her head feeling hurt and betrayed, “Those times JJ, the intimacy I will always cherish them. You know I love you dearly Jayje, but at the end of the day after we have sex I look beside me to find the side of the bed meant to be yours cold and empty. I wished to have you wake up beside me every morning, wrap my arms around you and hold you while you fix yourself coffee in the morning and I whisper I love you. Take you out on dates, show you the world because you deserve that and more. All this sneaking around I realize now I can’t anymore. I can’t do it anymore. Especially not after everything that has happen.” Emily turned away from JJ barely able to contain her own tears.

JJ's eyes become glassy from the unshed tears, “I’m sorry Emily. I love you. I truly love you and wished to be with you but I can't. I don’t want to hurt Will and I can’t make that kind of commitment. I’m so sorry Emily.” JJ whispered between sobs

Emily shook her head with a sigh and walked away with an indifferent shrug but paused to squeeze JJ’s shoulder as a form of letting her know that they aren’t any hard feelings despite her shattered heart.

“It’s fine JJ I wasn’t expecting you to and I knew what your answer would be but I can’t continue sleeping with you either. It isn’t fair for me or Will. I care about you Jayje and don’t worry this wont fuck up us working together or our friendship just pretend we didn’t have this conversation is for the best.” Emily told her as she opened the door and walked away.

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Emily’s Apartment

Emily shook the memory away and got up from her chair and walked to the bedroom putting down the now half empty bottle of wine and dropped on her bed curling into a ball and sobbed uncontrollably no longer able to contain her heartbreak anymore. What was the point after years of giving someone all your love and them not even bothering to give it back. Emily remembered all the touches, kisses, caresses and whispers of affections they’ve shared. Waking up beside each other in their shared hotel rooms the rare times they get to share a hotel feeling content and happy to wake up beside the woman she loved than realizing those are the only times they wake up together and her heart would ache at all over again. Emily wondered if Doyle was right all along. His whispering words hunting her whispering how she’ll never have the woman she loves and will end up alone with no one. Emily's body shook remembering the painful stab wound and equally painful branding mark that she still had on her. She was going to get the blackbird tattoo but now just the thought brought out more heartache. She’s going to get it but will have to wait until she wasn’t hurting which was worse she hated the brand mark.

What made it worse was fate slapping her in the face by forcing her to save Will. At the end of the day she ended up saving him for JJ’s and Henry’s sake not even for Will’s sake since Emily never found him interesting and found him slightly boring but she didn’t know what JJ saw in him. Saving him was Emily’s tipping point. Emily’s breaking point was what led her into drinking half a bottle of wine was the text she received from Garcia letting her know what Will proposed to JJ and she said yes. Emily knew that was an impulsive request for marriage and knew it was JJ who requested it and that hurt the most especially when Emily knew JJ never wanted to marry him. Emily secretly knows she pushed JJ to him and hates herself with passion for it. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t be here and see them together anymore. What's worse in two days they are going to say ‘ I do' . Two days if that didn’t scream rushed wedding before she changed her mind then Emily wasn’t sure what did.

Emily laid in her bed for what seemed like hours, her bedroom as dark as the rest of her apartment sobbing every time she thought she was getting it under control another fresh wave of tears fell and another heavy sob broke out of her causing her to sob even harder. Until her body tired itself out and she ended up crying herself to sleep. A few lone tears flowing out of her eyes even when she slept, her shoulders tense and body curled up as if attempting to protect herself from her own heartache.

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Next Morning

Emily stirred awake not sure how long she was asleep let along. She sat up feeling a headache but didn’t care. Emily woke up worse than when she was the night before. Memories of the night before coming back to her quickly, the case, Emily’s call from Clyde, the discussion she had with JJ weeks before, Emily distancing herself somewhat from the blonde. She still went to team gatherings and the girls nights but she no longer let JJ sleep over nor did she linger back when they were parting ways. Now any time Garcia calls to go home Emily leaves with her or quickly after but now Emily realized she couldn’t do it anymore. Emily felt broken she couldn’t have this life back. Doyle took her life from her, taking it back like nothing and going back like nothing happened made her realize that he destroyed that for her. Emily realized now that the only thing that kept her here was also taken from her and she no longer had a chance with.

JJ was the only thing that kept her here. The hope that they can be together but now that is gone too. Emily stuck around hoping that she still had a chance to be with JJ especially after the conversation they had in Paris where JJ promised they’ll meet again and even hinted at them being official and her giving Emily a chance. Emily grabbed her phone and texted Clyde letting him know she accepted the offer and will fly to London the following evening. Now all Emily had to do is take today is back her suitcases book a flight. She didn’t have to worry about the furniture since she could pay the landlord to get rid of it.

Emily didn’t think she just pulled out all her suitcases and began the slow process of packing her bags.

“Come on Emily…. Don’t think about it just pack and leave don’t look back.” Emily told herself

#Criminal Minds #Jennifer Jereau #Emily Prentiss #jemily #jemily angst #jemily fanfiction #jemily story #JJxEmily #jj/emily #jj and emily #jennifer jereau/emily prentiss

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gaylonelydyke · 3 years

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if it’s not too late, 12 for episodes and ships, and 17!

its never too late! thankyou for the ask 🥰 oo damn this is gonna be a hefty one, just to prepare you this is gonna be long 😅😅😅

spoiler alert for my friends who are finishing up season 2 rn, be careful if you look at my top five episodes, pay attention the the episode numbers, i will put [ ] in bold at the beginning and end of spoilers!

12. Top 5 ships

5. faith x myself because have you seen faith? shes such a babe! spare consensual kiss maam?

4. willow x oz, i dont know if this is an unpopular or not but i feel like if the 90s had been more accepting of term then willow wouldve been bisexual, but like even now tv shows will rarely let characters say that word :( but anyway i love them! theyre both quirky and kinda awkward but its such a sweet relationship and you really see how they go from awkward crushes to an actual deep relationship, oz is one of my favourite characters too what a dude!

3. giles x jenny, mlmxwlw solidarity in this bisexual couple! there is no an ounce of straight between them and i love it, i love their dynamic, i love that giles *respects women* (im staring daggers at xander rn), also the original girlboss x malewife couple askdjaksjhd

2. drusilla x spike, these two!!!!!! once again a bisexual couple with zero straight between them, the vibes are off the charts. sexy vampires, goth x punk love, i just love them man, and their relationship is so interesting to delve into. like theyre vampires, theyre soulless and yet they have a capacity for love, they care deeply for eachother, theyre so tender towards eachother in season 2 in the way they take turns to care for one another, also drusilla picking spike up with one hand made me gay and thats on that

1. willow x tara!!!!! lesbians man lesbians! they have a beautiful relationship, until a certain point wink wink, they feel like a perfect match, willows become more outgoing due to buffy and xander snd having a proper group of friends, so its cool to see her as the more outgoing independant one in the relationship, and tara is such a honey 🥺 the biggest sweetheart in the world what a babe!!!! also like how groundbreaking was their relationship? as a queer couple, they had p much the dame amount of screentime as a aueer relationship today! and willow says the word lesbian so many times and is always making gay jokes which is something shows today are too scared to do, its honestly refreshing which is weird for a show in the 90/00s

12. Top 5 episodes

this is so hard because its such a damn good show so i had to rlly be picky about this but here we go

5. 6x22 ‘grave’- i watched buffy for the first time last year at work coz i worked with one other person just packing shit, and THIS was the episode that made us cry infront of eachother. the scene with willow and xander at the end is one of my all time favourite scenes and like legit we were watching and we starting going like ha.. this is so sad Q_Q and we looked at eachother and we were both crying akdjdjsjdhs its SO GOOD, like this is a friendship ive been so invested in and [seeing xander be able to pull her back from that dark place was so heart wrenching and amazing god its so good]

4. 3x12 ‘helpless’ - im finishing up s2 in my rewatch rn so i havent rewatched this one to double check but i remember loving it man. buffys father daughter relationship with giles is my favourite of the whole show they make my heart ache, so i love that this is an episode that really shows you how dedicated giles is to her, [its the breaking point where he finally disregards the fact that hes a watcher and acts as her father once and for all, its a turning point for their relationship where he is finally embracing the fact that shes like a daughter to him and i just love to see it Q_Q get you a dad who will leave his lifes calling for you]

3. 4x22 ‘restless’ - season 4 is interesting coz it has really good episodes and them some gd awful ones 😂😂 but this one just blew me away, i love a good character study episode and this is THE SHIT! its so weird and creepy but in the most perfect way, its not on the nose its so subtle, it feels like an uncanny valley version of buffy almost, i like that they finished the season first and then took this episode to do something out of the box and different i feel like it lets them fully explore this idea without the pressure of needing plot included. [also the cheese man is iconic. dont however like xander being all nasty with willow and tara but whats new there man]

2. 1x12 ‘The Prophecy Girl’ - for my first watch of buffy i wasnt that into the first season, like i enjoyed it but i didnt think it was anything super special? but this episode changed EVERYTHING for me. up until now buffy had been fun, witty, charming, but not anything new atleast for me, maybe in the 90s it was but right now its your average teen supernatural show. but this episode!!!! the emotion! buffy facing her death, her speech about how shes just 16 and shes scared and she doesnt want to die, that is what i wanna see!! its heartbreaking and it made me cry, and then it gives us the wonderful moment of giles trying to take her place and buffy realising that she has to be the one to do it, man its so good! basically anything with buffy and giles being a duo is gonna make it an automatic yes from me and this is indeed the case for this episode, i just love that the show remembers that shes a child! shes not brave all the time, shes not strong all the time, shes just doing her best and sometimes its overwhelming, 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 i bow to this episode

1. 2x17 ‘passion’ - i know i just sang praises about prophecy girl but THIS EPISODE IS THE SHIT, the best episode full stop. i wont accept any argument. angel is probably my favourite big bad, its so funny to see plain bread, mopey brooding angel become this charismatic, funny, poetic, blood thirsty angelus, hes everything i want in a villain and in this episode he delivers! rip jenny tho love her. i think the tension built around angel is so good, because of his drawings and notes left around, every scene youre worrying like is he here now? are they safe or what? its so tense! and also it is me and im a slag for buffy x giles father daughter moments and this episode fucking delivers! giles discovering jennys dead body is probably one of the best scenes on the show, the dramatic irony is heAVY, we know jenny is dead, we know that these flowers arent from her, but giles is so so happy, and i want to see him happy but you just know somehing horrific is about to happen and damn does it. its a masterpiece! i love jenny and giles so much it is so sad, but also the fact that it gave us that scene makes me almmmoost ok with it? i also love the moment where giles breaks down in buffys arms, hes been there for her and now shes returning the favour and hes accepting it i just 😭😭😭 also on a different note, angels narration of this episode is amazing! it gives us great insight to who he is as “evil angel” and like even though hes awful i was also kind of rooting for him coz hes just such a great villain

sorry this is so long lmao, last question!

17. Which characer do you wish had less of a focus on them in the show?

i dont wanna get yelled at butttttt i dont like the amount of focus on dawn. i think it makes sense for the her first season considering the story arc but that season really does double down its focus onto dawn and buffy and it barely leaves room for anyone else to have a storyline, it keeps the episodes super depressing too its like a constant level of just sadness the whole time because we’re so stuck in THEIR arc, theres no room to balance it out and have a breather, some people might like that its more serious but i really really didnt like, i love episodes like prophecy girl where it is campy and brings the more emotional notes in when the time comes, but dawns whole arc is just constantly depressing the whole time i just hate it, and also just shes not a character i felt i could connect to because of how suddenly shes introduced, so its weird to have her SO focused on in the first half of that season coz we dont know her yet so i feel like the emotional moments dont land the way that they should? basically they shouldve eased us into dawn or introduced her differently and maybe i would like her enough to want the focus on her but i really just dont

adksjakjshd apologies for the essay this is, thanks for the ask!

#btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #why did i write a paragraph for everything im so sorry #i wish i knew how to add a read more link but i dont on mobile #my post #dawn fans please dont murder me #i dont hate her i just dont like her yanno #i am scared people are gonna hate me for not liking her but we all have our tastes

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army-of-mai-lovers · 3 years

Text

ATLA fic recs pt 3!

part 1 part 2 (again, consider this a re-rec of everything I recced in those parts, those were all brilliant fics! I have really good taste y’all)

This is for Spotlight Saturday (which I didn’t even know was a thing oh my goodness that’s so cool) and also bc I passed two milestones since making the last one of these! thank you! I don’t know why you’re here but I’m so glad you are! <3 <3 <3 <3 also, a gentle reminder that I love so, so many more fics than appear on these lists, and there are even more fics that I’m simply not exposed to. if you want to send me your work or the work of people you really like, please do so! (G or T only, please)

1. Hooked by @listless-brainrot I know List writes fic specifically to cause me pain but I cannot tell you how much serotonin I got when I found out during the Great Jetru Summer Storm of 2020 that somebody had a) already made content and b) that content was literally incredible. Like not only does List have impeccable taste and an impressive amount of patience he’s also a really good writer??? To be perfectly honest I sometimes turn my brain off a little when I read fic, but List makes me sit up and pay attention to his writing and the way he’s writing. I think the framing device here with Haru telling this story to the gaang at the Western Air Temple is so interesting (and it makes me so scared list dude please tell me that doesn’t mean what I think it means you can’t-) and Jet and Haru’s burgeoning friendship/relationship? has been handled with such care and with such depth. I am absolutely obsessed with how he characterizes Haru in particular. Haru, being such a minor character, normally doesn’t get any kind of characterization, but List really said not only is Haru going to be the pov character of this fic, I am going to create an environment that gives him so much nuance. We really have no choice to stan.

2. and the stars, they too, tell of spring by @katarahairloopies when I first read this fic I went absolutely feral, as I am wont to do with Kit’s fics and with yueki content in general. It’s just so personal. And like not in the queer eye meme way (although,,,,yes) but to me it’s very clear that the author has spent time in the situation they’re describing, in one way or another, and took a lot of care in rendering that situation to the absolute fullest of their ability. It’s one of those fics that has just stayed with me even though I read it a while ago, like I can still picture the situation, the way they described it, the way I felt reading it. Simply iconic. Simply iconic. I wish every atla fic writer would have the kind of care and patience with Yue and Suki’s characters in their long af fics that Kit does in a really short and pointed piece of work.

3. i like my girls just like i like my honey by @lazypigeon I am....obsessed with this???? I love it??? It is totally gorgeous. I’m a sucker for ship fics that also explore friendships and the whole friendship between Sokka and Yue was just so queer and so utterly perfect. The jokes about their neighbors thinking they were married...the background zukka...the dresses....I loved it all so much. It really brought a smile to my face to read some fluff about two friends going outside to hang out with one another, like can you imagine??? wild. And then we meet Suki who is a farmer at the farmer’s market that Sokka and Yue go to and y’all pls tell me why farmer’s market aus aren’t a bigger thing because the idea of Suki being a farmer and asking Yue to go sample strawberries with her was just???? so cute????? like go off that’s absolutely iconic again we have no choice but to stan! And Sokka was absolutely hilarious when he was trying to wingman for Yue it was so funny and cute. also bonus for the title it was simply *chef’s kiss*

4. the anchor by @firelordemai one of my fave Maiko fics to date. Both POVs were on point but there was just something extra about that Mai POV it was gripping. I could not tear my eyes away from the screen reading this. I love love loved so much how the rock stood for their love for one another and how Zuko kept it, the whole way through, just utter and complete perfection I’m getting emotional just thinking about it oh my goodness. Legit it’s been a minute since I read the fic I’m just sitting here thinking about the use of language and how their relationship progressed and I am crying!!! I am crying!!! just. the talent. the talent! your fave could never! I am just obsessed with how the author chronicled them growing up and the challenges they faced as teenagers and the way they were driven apart and came back together again and my heart was on the floor in pieces when Zuko left it was just. oh my goodness. read this.

5. time for the moon night by @kahtara ok storytime: when that ask game where you tell the author your favorite fic of theirs went around I hit up Joey and said that it was between laughter lines (which I have recced before peep part 2) and icarus, point to the sun and that I was planning on reading time for moon night but I just didn’t know if I had the emotional strength to do it and they said it’s less sad than laughter lines so I was like all right chill I’ll read it and NO, NO IT WAS NOT LESS SAD THAN LAUGHTER LINES, IT WAS, PERHAPS, MORE SAD THAN LAUGHTER LINES. in all seriousness, time for the moon night is my new favorite fic of theirs. the way they write yukka in general is just so full of nuance and emotion, they really flesh out both Sokka and Yue’s characters so well and in such a careful and precise manner and I really love it. The way time is bent throughout this whole fic is just so amazing. this kind of gorgeous, thoughtful writing that isn’t shy to really get at the depths is the reason I love fanfiction. this is why I care! ao3 is FREE. and yet you can get writing of that quality and substance?????? i’m floored honestly.

6. if you ran away (come back home) by @shrinkthisviolet I want to spotlight one line in particular. “She wondered how long it would take him to notice the weak spot on the dummy’s left side.” That is so Mai. That is so Mai. The author did such a wonderful job capturing Mai’s situation and her perspective on it, but that line prepared me for an absolutely wonderful character study of Mai and look into her situation before and after the Agni Kai. I’m honestly so floored at how the author was able to portray such an intimate character study that so in character and so well thought out. Mai stans, come get y’alls juice. This one is also really sad and I cried a little (me crying at ATLA fanfiction is exactly as common of an occurrence as you think it is.) What was particularly heartbreaking to me was the way that the author showed how, even as a kid, Mai was driven to suppress her feelings and play to her best political interests. She’s just a kid! She’s just a little baby!!!!!!! I’m heartbroken, and I’m at a loss for words, quite frankly. I want Mai to have the whole world. gosh anyway this author is so incredible and I’m so so excited to read more of her work, because this was just stunning and deserves an incredible amount of praise.

#fic recs #this post is so late omg #that doesn't matter what matters is that it's here #jetru #yueki #so much yueki #maiko #yukka #atla #atla fic recs

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