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blade-that-was-broken · 12 days

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“Hey Clay?”

“Yeah?”

“I know you don’t really like to talk about your older bro-...”

“Did he call again? Ignore it, he’ll stop. Honestly, he should know better by now,” Clay grumbled, not looking up from his project. Last week, Bruce had called him, out of the blue. It had been a weird phone call, acting as if the last several years didn’t happen. As if Bruce didn’t just pick up and move across the country the moment he could, leaving the rest of them to their mother.

He knew he was holding a ridiculous grudge. It had been years. And Clay might have gotten over it eventually, if Bruce hadn’t replaced them with his perfect family. He barely stayed in contact - even with the brothers who weren’t as mad at him. Branch had been young when Bruce left, barely six years old. Clay wasn’t a whole ton better but at least Branch knew him to an extent. Branch at least knew his favorite color. Clay doubted Branch knew the first thing about Bruce.

“He… he’s here.”

Bruce wouldn’t leave his resort and his wife and well, now his kids. It was like he expected everyone to pick up and go visit him just because he lived on an exotic island or whatever. As if Clay didn’t have responsibilities or Floyd wasn’t constantly traveling. As if it was so easy for Grandma to leave the house and fly across the country. Bruce barely called and he never, ever visited - much less out of the blue like this.

Clay stopped and looked up, his head swiveling around to look back at his best friend. Her curly blonde hair was wrapped up in a messy ponytail, which was fairly normal, but the uncertain and awkward expression on her face was definitely not the norm for her. “What?” he asked, shocked.

She nodded. “Yeah. There is a guy down in the courtyard. He said he’s your older brother.”

Clay shook his head. Bruce would never leave his precious wife and resort to visit him, especially when he knew how much Clay was upset with him. Had been for years. Honestly, aside from one phone call a week or two ago, Clay hadn’t really heard from him in years. Clay could have chalked it up to Bruce just knowing that he was angry with him for abandoning him - them - with their mother the first moment he could, but he barely kept in contact with Floyd and Branch as well. And they didn’t hold the hard feelings that Clay did. Not that Clay was much better; he didn’t talk to any of his brothers much either.

“There is no way,” he protested with a huff, rolling his eyes. She must be mistaken, there was no other option. “He’s never made a trip out here. He would never leave his resort. What is he doing out here?” Viva hesitated, glancing away, which was very strange for her. She was very straightforward and easily excitable. Clay felt his brow furrow a little. “Viva…”

“He’s not… like how you said.”

He just sighed and took a deep breath. Bruce definitely had a way with people; he always had. Granted, Clay probably painted him in mostly a crappy light, due to the fact that whenever the subject did come up - which was extremely rare - it was not often positive. Clay had a lot of anger and probably a lot of resentment. It was a work in progress. “Look, Viv. I know he’s easy to believe. He seems soooooo friendly and charming that you want to just swoon or whatever. He’s got that effect on people but…”

“No.”

“No?” Clay asked, confused. She said it so strong, so flat, so sure and Clay wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“Clay… he’s not like that at all. He was actually really quiet and awkward and super uncertain but held him with some kind of…rigidness? At least as much as he could,” Viva looked uncomfortable, like she had seen something she really didn’t like. He wasn’t sure what that was about. At the moment, he was more hung up on the description which did not sound like Bruce at all.

He scoffed. “Bruce?”

“He didn’t say that was his name,” Viva continued, still uncertain, glancing towards the window. “But you only have one older brother right?”

Clay blinked and his whole world came to a standstill. “I….”

“Clay?”

Older brothers.

There was no way, though. He hadn’t heard anything from him since their parent’s divorce and when he was practically dragged away almost kicking and screaming. Clay barely remembered it; he tried not to. Everyone had been crying but Branch’s screaming, going along with everyone else's tears kind of drowned everything out. It hadn’t been a pretty memory and Clay avoided thinking about it. Coupling that with his mother’s systematic way of erasing anything that evoked him or their father from their house and their lives, it only took a few years for everyone to stop considering them entirely.

His eyes widened. There was no way. There was no way it was possible.

Clay didn’t even think. He bolted out the door, not even bothering to strip off his lab coat. There was no way. It had been at least fifteen years. What were the chances? After fifteen years? There was no way.

He had to be sure.

Making his way down to the courtyard, with Viva shouting after him, he scanned the area upon slamming the doors open. It had been a decade and a half. He had no idea what to look for anymore. They had all changed.

“He’s by the fountain, sitting on the stone wall,” Viva supplied.

That helped. He made his way over, still looking over the area until he spotted a more middle aged guy with short hair and bandages on his arm. When he looked, Viva nudged him, giving him the sign that who she had talked to was him. Definitely not Bruce.

He looked over at Clay and recognized him, suddenly nervous. Clay just stared. That was all he could really muster up to do. “Uh… hi, Clay. I know you might not really remember me but…”

Clay didn’t say a word at first, just launching himself at his big brother, knocking him into the grass behind in a hug. He clearly wasn’t expecting it but he took to the action pretty quickly, wrapping his arms around Clay’s back for support and to keep him from being tossed around.

“John Dory.”

Clay couldn’t remember the last time he thought of him, much less said his name out loud. He hated that. His eyes were squeezed shut, just soaking up the firm grasp his oldest - his oldest - brother had on him. He had so much to say and so many questions but only one happened to come out. It had been fifteen years and now John Dory just showed up out of the blue.

“How did…how did you find me?”

It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say. There was a lot he wanted to say and do but his mouth had run off with him, questioning so much that he really didn’t actually care the answers to. Because he was here. After fifteen years.

“Bruce told me.”

Clay shifted slightly. “B-Bruce?” He supposed it might have been easier to find a resort owner before some crazy older college student. Although Clay felt like he had his name out there more than his other older brother, as he had written papers and had been featured in several journals. Although it might not have been in things John might have looked through. They could be pretty niche.

“I…” John tensed a little and hesitated. “He found me. The hospital found him, I guess? They found him and called him. I’ve been staying with him for my recovery.”

Clay’s heart dropped as he pulled away, trying to assess. He scrambled off his brother, stepping back. “Your what?”

John grimaced.

Viva nudged his shoulder and spoke quietly. “Clay.”

Clay’s eyes were drawn downward. Sure, there were bandages on his arm but John’s grip didn’t seem to be very weak so he doubted that would be so debilitating and honestly, his legs seemed fi-… where was his leg?

“W-Where is your leg?”

“Sudan… I think?”

Clay just stared.

“Right, sorry. Kinda dark humor there,” John muttered, sitting up a little more. “I was… I have been, I guess, in the military for a while. Over ten years I guess, uhm… it’s a long story. But some stuff happened, my arm got kinda burned up but it’ll be okay. Head got banged around a bit but that should be fine too. The biggest thing was my leg which… well, that ended my military career pretttyyyy quick. The hospital found Bruce and yeah, I’ve been staying with him but…. I wanted to see you. Needed to see you.”

There was a pause.

“Sorry, that was… that was a lot of words.”

“When Bruce called…” Clay drifted off in realization. Bruce had called to tell Clay about John.

“He didn’t want to freak you out.”

“But I hung up.”

John nodded. “Bruce didn’t really tell me anything about what happened with you guys or anything but I just… I bought a plane ticket and well, here I am.”

Here he was.

“Does Bruce even know you’re here?” Clay asked, uncertainly. With John’s state, it probably meant that Bruce was kind of taking care of him, which meant he was in charge of his welfare and health. John was still on leg crutches and probably couldn’t get around super well. It couldn’t have been that long since it happened.

John snorted. “I am a grown man.”

“Missing a leg!”

“So?” John asked, his nose wrinkling. Clay almost felt like he had been slapped. Floyd and Branch did the same thing. “I knew a guy who lost both and guess what? He lives alone. Does just fine.”

“He’s probably freaking out.”

“Bruce? Probably.”

“Then why are you here?”

John tried not to look hurt. He would have done a great job too, if he hadn’t looked away. It was a telltale sign and Clay noticed. He didn’t even realize what he had said and how it came out until it was too late. He cursed himself; he didn’t want John to think he didn’t want him here. “I haven’t seen you in fifteen years, Clay. No matter how much time passes or what happens, I love you.”

Shit.

“Clay… he’s so cute,” Viva sniffled. “You never told me-”

“That I existed?” John guessed, making Clay cringe. “That seems to be an ongoing theme.”

“JD, I just…” he didn’t really know what to say. He didn’t have any excuse, really. He could blame a lot on his mother but that felt wrong to say to him. There wasn’t any real excuse that would make anyone feel better.

“It’s alright,” John replied, although Clay could tell there was some struggle. Which made sense. No one wanted to feel forgotten by loved ones. Especially not the ones still alive. “Bruce didn’t tell his kids I existed either. I’m getting over it.”

He shouldn’t have to get over it, Clay thought. He shouldn’t have had to do any of it. He should have spent the last fifteen years with them. He should have been there for birthdays, for their graduations, for their important moments. He should have been there when Bruce got married. For Floyd’s first show. For Clay’s best college awards. Bruce’s kids should have known their uncle their entire life, not just now and so forth.

“She’s dead, our mother,” Clay said, blandly. He blamed her a lot, for pretty much everything. Not the divorce itself; that was both of them, but for cutting them off from his brother. For forcing his name to never be spoken. For erasing his memory. It was one thing to keep them away from their father, although Clay didn’t like that either, but to keep them away from their older brother was unforgivable for him.

“So is dad. Over ten years.”

Ten years. Over even. John lost his family, became an adult and lost his father. No wonder he joined the military.

“Six.”

“I tried looking for you,” John promised, like it was something he had to convince Clay of. Like he didn’t want Clay to think that he didn’t try. It wasn’t meant to make Clay feel worse and Clay knew it but it did anyway. Because Clay hadn’t. He hadn’t looked. He hadn’t even considered it. “Before joining the military. After too, a little, I suppose. I’m no detective I guess.”

Clay just stared at him. Did he think…?

“I know…” John frowned again. “I know you’re mad at Bruce but I can’t… I… Clay, I want to be…to have… to be in some part of your life and I just…”

“I’m not mad at you.”

Clay hated the almost hopeful look that John stared at him with. It was a expression that screamed he wasn’t expecting this reaction. “You… aren’t?”

“No. Of course not. Our parents were petty and bitter and it is all their fault. JD, you never… you didn’t abandon anyone. Dad took you away and mom decided to try and erase that part of her life. Have you blamed yourself this whole time? For years?”

“No, no, I just… I don’t want you to think I stayed away or something.”

“I believe you,” Clay promised. “And I’m so glad you’re here.”

#soldier on au #john dory #clay #viva #the one au where clay's anger is not directed around jd ever #i guess i have another like that too but still; this is different idk i guess #sorry yall ive been super busy #and trying to draw #along with the million other things of life #but this was mostly written so there is that #it's a little longer too!!#branch and possibly clay are gonna make jd a kickass leg #i just feel like clay is intellectually very smart while branch is good at literally making things???#idk it's just i dunno #i both have all the ideas for jd and branch and ZERO ideas too #there's like no in between #but like guyyyyyysssssss #they so cute thooooooo #ironically JD kinda becomes a buffer for bruce and clay which is hilarious considering canon #or what is usually written about jd and clay #but it gets better #and here i am ranting in the tags again #i love it when people reblog and there are thoughts in the tags tho cause i read them and it's fun

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echo-goes-mmm · 1 year

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So we all the love the whumpee-thinks-caretaker-is-their-new-master trope but what if it's true

Caretaker who did buy whumpee, and who does wholeheartedly believes and acts like whumpee belongs to them

But damn it they take great care of their possessions. After all, cats and dogs get spoiled with treats and comfy beds and vet visits when they're sick and cuddles and a form of love

Why should a slave be any different? Especially because caretaker bought whumpee for companionship

Plus whumpee can tidy up, cook for themselves, hold a conversation, and even play games like cards or board games, and can go everywhere caretaker can

That's infinitely better than a cat or dog.

It's just such a shame their old owner was so terrible. Whumpee is so timid now, and nearly skin and bone. But that's nothing a good owner can't fix, right? The poor thing needs some proper structure and attention that's all. It's a good thing whumpee is human. It would be a lot harder to rehabilitate a rescue who can't comprehend speech.

And whumpee doesn't want to leave. Fetching files from a desk and playing checkers and occasionally cleaning the kitchen while master chatters about work is far better than being locked in a cold basement and getting beaten every day

Their new master doesn't lay a hand on them, their version of punishment is no music while doing chores, or no dessert

After all, you wouldn't hit your dog. Caretaker's new pet deserves at least that

#carewhumper #i suppose but caretaker isnt super whumpy here #whump #this is super indulgent #pet whump #i guess but not really #slavery whump #yeah that fits better #its the good master trope #yeah yeah we all know slavery is bad #this is fiction get off your high horse #but like wouldn't this be nice for whumpee??#its the benefits of being owned (protection. doesn't have to worry about bills/homelessness. possessiveness as care against other whumpers)#plus being told whats right and wrong you dont have to think much as long as caretaker is Clear #without much of the drawbacks of being a whumpee (torture. starvation. lack of social interaction)#i imagine this world is like your typical fantasy/medieval world #caretaker is probably wealthy or a lord with an estate and servants #caretaker got lonely maybe. wanted someone in their life more personally attached than hired help #like personal assistant meets pet whump meets default friend #i do think whumpee and caretaker would become close friends #Meet caretaker: a minor lord who recently inherited the title!#Meet whumpee: caretaker's new slave whos just happy to be fed and have his own bed #journey with them as they navigate the condescension and annoyances of the royal courts!#caretaker needs a friend they can trust while whumpee discovers that they deserve affectionate actually #hurt/comfort shenanigans ensue #head chef edna just wants everyone fed #whumpee have a cookie challenge #get that whumpee a meal #my writing

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redbootsindoriath · 9 days

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Apparently in my absence this post had its 1000-notes-iversary.

This time we get to see the culprit responsible for ruining our heroes' lives as well.

I've really missed you guys, by the way. I know I've said that already, but I'm serious. Once or twice this year I've been right on the brink of coming back but schedule stuff always keeps me from letting myself commit to that again, and that in turn has kept me from posting anything at all. But I've been in an unexpected drawing mood lately and so if I can get enough stuff to set up a queue we might pretend I'm back for a month or so sometime this year. Maybe. Hopefully. We'll see. No promises though. That's why I'm hiding this paragraph under the cut.

Transcription:

[Beren:] "Uhhh...barkeep...I think he's had enough now..." [Tolkien:] "No, I don't think he has...!"

#beren #bilbo #frodo #tolkien #túrin #the man the myth the legends #beowulf except everybody is short #one shiny #three shinies #everyone deserved better except mîm #what's this a happy ending #my trash #is this actually funny or am i just tired #i'm sorry professor tolkien #/end classification tags #túrin keeps becoming a bigger and bigger guy in my drawings and at this rate he's going to be way taller and broader than he should be #canonically he was really tall and broad but i don't think the professor meant like THIS #at least it makes him really distinct i guess #gonna be sufficiently intimidating for the dagor dagorath #but in the meantime he's just making beren look like a schoolkid in this doodle #(and as i'm sitting here writing these tags i suddenly realize i forgot túrin's white hair streaks again)#(tsk tsk shame on me)#(and didn't it say somewhere that beren's hair also turned grey...? i can't remember where it said that though)#(0 for 2 i have failed all of us)#ANYWAY in my absence tumblr apparently changed formatting again which is not cool but whatever #it's nice to draw again #i've had art block for like 9 months straight #and suddenly this month i suddenly was able to write AND draw again as if i never stopped #i've had writer's block since maybe 2021 so that was the most surprising part #weirdest thing ever but i'm not mad about it

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writeouswriter · 1 year

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Reading a fic that's so well written I wish I could close my eyes and just let the descriptions and atmosphere wash over me, but the dilemma with closing my eyes is, well, I then would not be able to continue reading this fic, now would I.

#fanfiction #fanfic #reading #i don't read longform fic very often but this one is so good wow i'm in awe and clicking next chapter next chapter #the movie it's for I'm not even a particular major fan of itself but I am a fan of the character and the ideas and oh my god #they perfect it to a tee in every way even better than the movie could and yet keep their characterization spot on in line with the og #it's amazing the way they balance the humour and banter with the suspense/tension and drama/horror #and their descriptions are gorgeous/pick out just the right details #their follow-up is more canonical to me as a sequel than the actual official sequel which is wrong in so many ways #and I am in love with their writing style so much my god #i'll say the fic if asked probably will honestly make a rec post for it when I'm done just because wow but here i'm just vague posting #i mean it's 10 yrs old and I've been reading fic for 8-9 yrs and it is truly one of the best I've read in all of that #from all my tags I mean you can labour a guess for the fandom or fic and if you were to guess it wow good job I'd be impressed #but anyway !!! love finding masterpieces I hope this person decided to become an author in those 10 yrs almost *sobs*#I'm gonna say the fic anyway whatever it's From Out the Ocean Risen by Bluestar god it's good (for p/acific r/im)

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zebratimw · 11 months

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Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

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tjerra14 · 10 months

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Joining the hunt

#guess what i finally made it to thornmarsh for pics #it was an experience #and not only because i was playing in german at that time #for science #did you know in german talanah doesn't say she and amadis 'parted ways'#but that they 'separated' instead?#and they keep with that translation the entire time #it's also glorious that both '(female) friend' and 'girlfriend' translate to 'Freundin' so y'know.#'couldn't ask for a better friend'#becomes a little ambiguous when it's 'keine bessere Freundin'#(if you squint hard enough)#(and we do a lot of squinting here. the sun's bright. after all it's the SUNhawk)#anyway have a little insanity #aloy x talanah #hawk and thrush #hfw #aloy #talanah khane padish #hfw photomode

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kimbapisnotsushi · 7 months

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you seem to have a good read on HQ and your takes are great, so i have a question...and if you'd rather not go there, please ignore this! but i see oikawa get called "arrogant" quite often and i'm curious, would you say he is? what is it that makes people think that? imo he has a plenty of flaws, but i truly don't think arrogance is one of them. self-centered, sure, but not arrogant i think. i'm open to being wrong, i'm just legit so confused by that particular criticism, it makes me doubting my reading comprehension. i feel like that one post that's like "free my man, he didn't do that. he did a lot of other stuff tho" LOL. if you do answer this, then thanks for your time!

oh, dear anon. this is a very very big question and i'm honored you think i am capable of providing an answer that does it justice!! i don't consider myself an oikawa expert by far, but i'll do my best because he's still very beloved to me, and i hope whatever i say helps!

(but also - maybe take what i say with a grain of salt LMAO)

anyways, to get the main point out of the way: i completely agree that oikawa isn't arrogant! i actually haven't seen any commentary about that myself (bless!!!), so i can't say for sure why some people might think that, but my guess is that they think his pridefulness = arrogance — they think that the confidence he has in himself and seijoh contributes nothing to their actual power and is utterly meaningless if they don't win, especially in the face of ushijima. which, like, come on. what kind of captain would he be if he wasn't confident in himself and his teammates? is he supposed to tell them that they're going to lose??? is he supposed to discourage their hard work and effort???

or maybe it's because oikawa acts like he's all that, but doesn't have anything to show for it. who does he think he is? what does he think his pride is worth? what right does he have to go around making grand declarations when he has nothing to his name?

(which isn't entirely true, either, but we'll get into that, promise.)

now, do i think that he can, occasionally, be flippant, shallow, and/or petty? yeah, sure. he's got one hell of a personality about it. even iwaizumi says as much. oikawa is great at being a little shit. it's one of my favorite things about him!

but is oikawa genuinely arrogant, or self-centered? well . . . i don't think so.

see, here's the thing about oikawa: he knows he's good, but he doesn't think he's good enough. i think it'd be easiest to really explain what that meant if we broke this down into two separate parts, so let's give it a go, shall we?

(buckle up, friends, because it's about to get LONG. also: TIMESKIP SPOILERS!! and there's a tldr at the start of the tags because. WOW.)

so, first things first: if people are calling oikawa arrogant, then i'm like 99% sure that they don't actually know what the word "arrogant" means.

"arrogant" is used to describe someone full of themselves. it's used to describe someone conceited and pompous. it's used to describe someone so assured of and invested in their self-importance that they don't care for other people, and if it seems like they do, then it's usually wildly off the mark and still serves to inflate their own egos.

oikawa has never once been like that. he's been pretty much the exact opposite, in fact.

and yeah, sure, by his third year of high school, he knows he's good at volleyball, and that's fine! it's perfectly all right to claim you're good at something if you have the skills/experience to back it up. confidence is healthy as long as it isn't in overabundance, and we actually see a lot of this throughout the series!

(not to mention that this was where ushijima fell short. he was overflowing with confidence. he did not believe, for even a single second, that hinata shouyou and his meager, scrappy little flock of crows could beat him.

but oikawa? he knew. he knew what it looked like to make something bloom.)

the key to oikawa's confidence that made him better was that he could pinpoint others' strengths and weaknesses just as well as he could with his own. and (bear with me, please, i might get kind of boring here bc it's nothing that hasn't been said in the manga before) i don't mean it in the way we see the coaches or more analytical players do, as observations to be taken advantage of by everyone else; i mean that in the sense of how vital it is to his position as a setter. that was always the biggest difference between oikawa and kageyama: no matter how much more raw talent kageyama had, no matter how much better oikawa believed him to be, kageyama, especially in the beginning, struggled to do what oikawa could with a team. kageyama struggled to bring out the best in each player. and it wasn't because he didn't know how -- oikawa freely admitted that kageyama had the skill for it, that kageyama, once he got his shit together, could win against him -- it was because kageyama didn't have that same confidence in himself.

(not until much later, anyways. but that's another story, for another time.)

so, oikawa's confident. he knows he's good. he can bring out the best in each player. he's got a killer serve (and a killer smile!), a mind for tactics that borders on machievallianism, and cherishes the trust he is given like it's something precious. his coaches let him lead without leaning on them. his team has the utmost respect and admiration for him. he has a reputation. from karasuno to shiratorizawa to the whole of miyagi -- there is not a single character who knows oikawa tooru and would believe that he is, in any way, bad at volleyball.

but it's not enough. despite all of that, oikawa still doesn't think he's good enough. and that, friends, brings us to the second point.

oikawa tooru is nothing if not passionate.

so were the others, of course. kageyama kept going after his grandfather's death. hinata kept going while being a nobody from nowhere with no one to back him up. atsumu kept going while osamu didn't. it's not even about just those who went pro -- kenma, kuroo, noya, and everyone else found things that they were passionate about and kept going with it. the entire story revolves around loving what you do and trying to keep that love alive, and, sometimes, that can be really, really difficult when it seems like it doesn't love you back.

oikawa was so insecure over kageyama to the point where he nearly decked the poor kid. oikawa got crushed by ushijima-- who kept telling him that his team was not good enough, that his choices were not good enough, that there was nothing good enough to be proud of -- for years in a row. oikawa was taught that there would always be someone better than him no matter how skilled he was, but if he let that stop him then he didn't fucking belong on the court in the first place.

oikawa tooru is intimately acquainted with not being good enough, but he keeps trying to be. he keeps going. he tries to keep the love alive even if he's not loved back. he pushes and practices and takes a plane far from home to become even better. even if he doesn't have the skill, even if he doesn't have the talent, even if he doesn't have the love -- he still has his pride. and what does that mean, in the end? how far does that take him?

in the end, oikawa tooru walks across a world stage and sees people who believed in him on the other side and calls it a family reunion. in the end, he gets to play the volleyball that reminds him of why he loves it and how it gives him so much love back. in the end, his pride is unyielding and unbreakable, a product of the forge. he molded it with his own two hands. he will not let it falter so easily.

arrogance would not have taken oikawa tooru this far. i hope this has proven that he is anything but.

remember: instinct is something you polish. talent is something you make bloom. and never, ever let anyone else tell you what your pride is worth.

#tldr: oikawa 's confident in himself but (believing that there will always be someone more talented) is always striving to become better #ANYWAYS #i know this one's a bit different from the itachiyama post where i analyzed each panel but like #that was REALLY hard to do for this one since there were so many good ones i could use!!!#so i ended up just smashing 2-3 panels together that i thought were best representative of each point i wanted to talk about #and then just diving deep into the whole thing #if i had done it the first way we would have been here FOREVER #literally that's why it took so long i kept deleting and rewriting and going 'holy shit how the fuck do i write this'#'how can ANYTHING i possibly say do justice to oikawa tooru'#i hope i did a good job and i hope this helped anon!!!#i genuinely think this is the most insane thing i have ever written so thanks for that i guess #oikawa tooru #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu meta #sou says stuff

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animentality · 2 months

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the way you describe durge and gortash is like you're talking about the nerevar and dagoth ur insane

I don't know who those people are, but if they're not hot and deranged, then I'm gonna be hot and deranged when I find you.

#im guessing a video game #im guessing fantasy #im guessing gay fantasy #im guessing rpg #im also guessing weirdos #like they had better be freaks anon so help me god if i come back here with two boring white people youre going to feel the wrath #of divine comedy #your life will become hilarious

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fortes-fortuna-iogurtum · 6 months

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#hi back for now bc it's fall break and I'm stuck on campus #trying not to complain about it but I've been having stomach issues for at least the past couple of weeks #it's been acting up since I got here but the past few weeks and specifically the past few days it's become a lot more intense #I made an appointment with the medical clinic here on campus and they're treating me with something for a possible stomach ulcer right now #I have a follow-up in a couple of weeks #I'm struggling to keep on top of all my thoughts and feelings and emotions right now too #which may be causing or compounding the stomach issues. honestly who knows.#all I know for sure rn is that I feel very tired and worn out despite it being fall break #and I wish I didn't feel this way #kinda sad and very tired #it's a perfect opportunity to catch up on school work that I've fallen behind on. and yet I feel completely unable to even think #about school. hhhhh. 🙃#it's been such a hard year guys. and I don't want to complain or wallow but I wish I could just break down have a good cry #or a screaming fit if needed #just get it all out #and then maybe I'd be able to cope a little better #unfortunately I'm not sure that's how it works. so I guess I'm stuck feeling like this for now.

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heavy-lobster · 1 year

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Hate it when I see people say shit like "the Violet paradox mons are so stupid and lame, they're all just robots!" like uhmmmmm yea they are and it OWNS ok. blasts you with my beam attack

#the killer robot aesthetic fucks severely and is MUCH scarier #and imo it works a lot better with the plot tbh #iron jugulis and iron thorns are PEAK #iron valiant and iron moth are RAD #iron bundle is SILLAY #iron hands #i ended that tag to early but i forgot what i was going to say there anyways whoopsies #anyways i feel like its fits the unnatural horrors beyond human comprehension vibe a lot better #“theyre all just robots” well all the scarlet exclusives are just dinosaurs. fucker #well guess what my son boy Henry is a robot AND a dinosaur piss your pants about it #the fact that theyre all robots MAKES it scary like. why! how far in the future is this! at what point will every pokemon become a robot!#how terrifying is this future that they had to become robots in order to survive. did they even BECOME anything or #did the people of the future create them to look like present day pokemon that are now extinct.#much more intriguing to me personally than. here is a woolly mammoth. its descendants do not look like this anymore bc idk evolution or wtv #not saying i dont like the ancient pkmn just saying the people who dislike the future ones are WRONG theyre sick as hell ok #anyways more importantly for each version what paradox mon do you think fucked Arven and Mabosstiff up so bad like #ive been thinking about this a LOT #cant be one of the ones you encounter with him present or he probably wouldve brought it up #my bet for Violet is iron valiant since i feel like thats the scariest #i have no thoughts on scarlet but i guess the equivalent #(based on pokedex placement)#would be roaring moon #idk tho i havent thought about it much #either way. fucking terrifying #pokemon spoilers #lobster.txt

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fideidefenswhore · 1 month

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Had circumstances been just a little different, Anne Boleyn might still have lived. Had she produced a son, Jane would have been a passing distraction, Anne's enemies would have been silenced, and her fiery character might again have seemed, at least at times, beguiling to Henry. During the course of their brief marriage, which lasted just over three years, there had been many fluctuations. After the final miscarriage, Anne fought back, saying she had been frightened by Henry's accident, but also broken-hearted at his paying attention to another woman. This kind of criticism was not something Henry was prepared to tolerate in a wife; one of Katherine's strengths, as she herself acknowledged, was that she had never shown any sign of animosity or distress in response to the king's infidelities. Henry and Anne's relationship had been a genuine love-match, however, and the volatility which helped bring about the extraordinary events of the break with Rome remained a part of their relationship ever after.

Henry VIII, Lucy Wooding

#'never' is doing a lot of heavy lifting/ obfuscating here lol #(it's traditionally thought that she never had harsh words about bessie blount-- and indeed there's no record of this--#although elizabeth blount's primary biographer has said that she had no court presence after the birth of henry fitzroy suggests a frosty #dynamic... just about the elevation of fitzroy #however there's the hastings drama)#also 'her enemies would have been silenced' is overly simplistic #unpopular queens having sons might have reduced overt hostility #but it didn't annihilate it. more realistically might have 'bridled' her enemies #and yet i still find this excerpt compelling so . here we are #lucy wooding #last part of sentence 2 tho...eminently plausible #prior to this storms always melted into sunshine . stormclouds gathered on the horizon and storms began again. then repeat.#and as reviled as the assertion 'genuine love-match' has been as of late. there is evidence which supports it .#would jane have been a passing distraction? again we don't know. their periods of 'royal mistress' (although there needs to be a better ter #maybe...object of king's affections?) are different in that there is only record of anne's in hindsight via cavendish etc #and also in their actions. in 1526 there was no royal watcher that believed the withdrawal of one of the queen's ladies was significant #in 1536 there was one who believed jane's meetings with henry were highly significant and they proved to be...#altho as wooding underlines here they proved to be mainly due to circumstance #it's not to say there weren't discussions behind closed doors of anne becoming queen among the boleyns circa 1526. but they were not known #and wouldn't have been guessed due to lack of precedent

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boxfullaturtles · 1 year

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Adagio in Green

After they stopped the apocalypse, the Mad Dogs are in really bad shape and they're going to need all the help they can get. Between New York trying to clean up after the Krang, escalating gang wars, and humans being on the lookout for anything weird and new, life just got a whole lot harder. And none of the family are ready for it. It’s a good thing they’re not alone.

An obligatory post-movie recovery fic, currently planned to be in two parts. It’s not a story about a triumph of good over evil, but of the rocky process of healing and how recovery isn’t always linear.

Coming soon. At some point.

#this had become a labor of love that i wasn't sure about posting but i've poured a lot into it so here we go i guess #it's going to be a rough journey but they will be better for it by the end #rottmnt #rottmnt fic #sage draws turtles #sage writes turtles #adagio in green fic

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wild-at-mind · 2 months

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Not reblogging it for reasons, but I really agree with that person on here who said people are reframing depression and generally feeling shit all the time as a good thing because of the horrors of Gaza. There are people on here heavily implying that you feeling bad and finding it more and more difficult to live with yourself is actually an appropriate response to war and genocide. In some way, it might be. But the thing is, where does that lead? Does it lead to decisive action in accordance to your values, or to nihilistic stewing and self isolation from your community?

The post went on to call it anti-recovery culture- I don't know if I would call it that, because I get why people don't like recovery culture, especially in relation to addiction, but mental illness also. I think that's something I'm not qualified to speak on. So I wouldn't call this anti-recovery culture. Instead I would call it pro-burnout in activism culture. Do you honestly think people who are the most productively working in their communities and participating in actions to help overseas are feeling like this? Or do you think they have learned to use self-accountability and community support to reign themselves in when they begin to burn out emotionally, and rest and recuperate their mind in order to come back stronger? Ask yourself, is that wrong of them to do, because they should be feeling bad, because after all that is the appropriate response....does it mean they don't care, because they don't spend all their time feeling shit? Or perhaps, the truth is, they do care, and are demonstrating it all the time, but they also understand that them feeling shit literally doesn't help anyone. Why can we not talk about or acknowledge this?

#i don't want to make out like i'm some amazing activist- absolutely am not talking about myself here #but i think they key thing is activism is best done as a group and one of the group's important functions is caring for one another #if you see an activist framework that encourages people to isolate from others it's not leading anywhere good- avoid #please do not let these ghouls trick you into thinking your depression and shit feelings are the right thing to feel #or that it's wrong to not want to have them any more #as that other post said: no thought crimes and also no thought activism #it's just thoughts and they don't do anything without actions and guess what makes you unable to do actions? (depression)#by the way i wish there was a better word than burnout to talk about this because it's so associated with work and capitalism #but it's a thing- i have seen it through my environmental activism group over the past 4 years #one woman just cut ties with everyone right down to her best friend and disappeared- we know she is alive but that's it #i miss her. but she had all the tools to avoid burning out and she didn't use them- at the end of the day you can't MAKE someone stop #oh yeah finally the above attitude to mental illness also puts you in a vulnerable place for conspiracy thinking #PLEASE do not become like my dad who listened to his mental illness too hard #and went from a leftist to a horseshoe theory conspiracist #guess how much activism he does now?! (hint: it's 0)

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