#hert-shaped

[pascalscoffin]

You + Me Is All We Need

Full Pedro Masterlist

Sometimes, the only person a girl can count on is her daddy.

Warning: Minors Go Away I Will Kick You In The Forehead. 2007! No outbreak! No x reader or anything this is just a little insight on life inside the Miller house on a particularly rough day. Absent Mother. Depressed Sarah. Mentions Sarah might have an ED (she doesn’t I swear she’s just depressed). Mentions of Ellie x Sarah (they’re the same age).

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Somethings been wrong with Sarah lately, Joel’s not a hundred percent sure what it is but he can tell somethings been bothering her. Every time he’d go to bring it up though, he would chicken out and change the subject and it would make him feel a hundred times worse than he had before he opened his stupid mouth.

He’d thought, after graduation and with college right around the corner she’d be happier, go out with friends, maybe go on some dates with Ellie. He hadn’t even heard her say anything about her in about a week, which was odd because she was usually bringing up every little fact she could think of.

He’d noticed she was on her phone a lot more, scowled at it more, she didn’t push for movie nights nearly as much as she used to, most of the time rushing off to her room with her nose buried in her cellphone. He’d talked to Tommy and Maria, who both agreed she was probably just being an angsty teenager, but it didn’t feel like that, it felt like he was watching his babygirl struggle and there was nothing he could do. She ate less, talked to him less, she was just… not the same and it was hurting him to see her that way.

She’d started going on runs, he noticed, early in the morning before he got up. He started getting up earlier just to make sure she would actually make it back, watching her take off from his bedroom window, sometimes at half speed, other times at complete full speed. This wasn’t normal teenage angst, he was a teenager, he couldn’t remember ever choosing to run at five am at full speed.

Maria suggested she was having body issues and while Joel considered the running and not eating as evidence of that, it just didn’t… feel right. It wasn’t that, either. Eventually, he decided he’d stop asking other people for advice on his daughter, and he’d just ask her himself.

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She wasn’t there. She wasn’t fucking there. She promised she’d be there! The words echoed in Sarah’s head as her feet pounded into the pavement, tears streamed down her face, and Hert-Shaped Box blaring into her ears as her headphone cords hit her chest with each stomp. Ellie was responsible for her vast arrange in music taste. The Hannah Montana songs now accompanied by bands like Nirvana, No Doubt, and 4 Non Blondes.

She should text Ellie at least, she’s been messaging her ever since graduation, asking if she was alright, if she wanted her to come over. She had come over but Sarah had told Joel to just send her away, not feeling up to guests. Sarah’s kept her completely in the dark, didn’t even greet her after she faked her way through photos with her family. Ellie had known Michelle was supposed to be at graduation, and had sent Sarah an I’m sorry text when she noticed she wasn’t there.

Sarah had been showing her photos the entire week leading up to graduation, having found Michelle’s Facebook and decided on a whim to message her. Michelle had seemed so happy to talk her, replying quickly but gradually the texts got more distant, and then radio silence after not showing up at her graduation. Had even sent Sarah a photo of her getting into her car with the message ‘headed to you!’ With a heart that Sarah had fallen for immediately.

Worst of all, when she’d gone to find Michelle’s Facebook and ask her what happened she was blocked, she’d worried and thought something happened, and then Ellie, after being forced by Sarah, looked up the Facebook account and it was full of new pictures of her with her family at the beach on the day of graduation. Sarah had been heartbroken, had left Ellie’s house without a word and ignored her dad the rest of the night when she got home, sobbing into her pillow.

She didn’t know why she didn’t tell Joel, maybe because she was scared he’d tell her the truth- that Michelle left for a reason. She wasn’t going to suddenly have a change of heart. It was something Sarah had already known, already told herself even without Joel saying it that that was the case. And she’d been fine with it. Completely fine with it.

Until prom happened and Maria helped her get ready in areas that Joel couldn’t. Like doing her hair better than a few braids or buns, which she had no problem with, but it was prom, she needed to go all out. She’d gone on Instagram while Maria was doing her hair, and was assaulted with photos of girls getting ready with their mothers and her heart sank to her stomach and stayed there.

She loved Maria, she did. But Maria was her aunt, not her mother. Prom was something you got ready for with your mother. Your mom was supposed to annoy you for photos while your dad tried to coax her away. But instead. Sarah had Maria and Tommy and Joel, who took a respectful amount of photos before sending her on her way with Ellie.

She just wished she’d had a mother growing up. Joel was great and she loved him more than anything. But there was always something tugging in her chest, and until recently she hadn’t put it together.

She ran until her feet hurt, stumbling to a stop and dropping to her knees on her front lawn, wheezing heavily as she tried to catch her breath. She felt a large hand on her should and flinched back, yanking her headphones out as she looked up, relaxing a bit when she saw Joel looking down at her worriedly. “Dad-“

“Sarah.. come on let’s get you some water.” Joel frowned deeply and helped her off the grass. “I… we need to talk.” He sighed heavily as he took her inside, gathering the words in his head as he grabbed her a glass of water. And then he got her some bread and the butter for toast.

“I’m not-“ “eat it or I’ll make you.” Joel sat next to her on the couch and rubbed his face as he sighed, watching her pick up the bread and take a bite. “You haven’t eaten a full meal in days, babygirl. You’re worrying me.” “There’s nothing to be worried about.” “There is. Somethings going on with you and I can’t help if I don’t know what it is.”

“You can’t help anyway, dad.” Sarah looked down at the taste in her hand, tears in her eyes. “If you tell me I can try.” Sarah huffed and threw the toast down on the coffee table. “You won’t get it.” “Why? Because I was a teenager twenty years ago? I still remember being one.”

“God why is it always because I’m a teenager?!” Sarah stood up and threw her hands up. “Or because I’m a girl- or-or because I’m on my period?!” Joel leaned back, eyes widened a little, he opened his mouth to speak but Sarah cut him off. “You won’t get it dad because both of your parents loved you!” She screamed.

“Sarah-“ Joel stood up quickly and moved around the coffee table, frowning when she took a step back from him. “You- you had a mom and a dad! And they were both there! Papa tau-taught you how to-to do all that guy stuff and-and granny taught you the-the other stuff.” She was hyperventilating now, sobbing as Joel grabbed her shoulders and the tears streamed down her face. Unable to even think of what mothers teach their children in her frantic state.

“I can’t even get my mom to show up to my graduation!” She sobbed loudly, dropping her head as her hands covered her face. “Sarah…” Joel tried to pull her closer but she shoved him away. “No!” She sobbed. “No I don’t understand!” She yanked her phone out of her pocket and wiped her eye as she opened Facebook and showed Joel the blocked account. “She told me she would be there and then she blocked me!”

She threw her phone across the living room. “And-and I went to Ellie’s and she-she looked on her Facebook and she’s at the fucking beach with her new family!” Joel didn’t really know what to do, letting her vent and scream as much as she needed to.

“Fuck her!” She yelled at the phone, her shoulders shaking. “I don’t need her. I don’t.” She shook her head rapidly. “I didn’t need her to-to teach me how to tie my shoes or-or ride a bike, or play soccer, or do my hair, or help me get ready for-for my first date-“ Joel started to move closer to her as she continued. “I don’t need her to be there for my wedding. I didn’t need her to be there to get me ready for prom, I didn’t need her at graduation! I don’t need or want her advice for anything!”

When Joel grabbed her this time she finally broke, turning to look up at him and sobbing, “Why won’t she love me, daddy?” Joel’s eyes filling with tears as he pulled Sarah into his chest, lowering them both to the ground when he noticed her whole body starting to shake.

Joel wasn’t good with words, in fact he fucking sucked at them. But as he sat there on the floor with his 18 year old daughter curled up in his lap, sobbing over a woman who couldn’t think twice about her if her life depended on it, he knew he couldn’t let her feel this way. Like it was her fault.

“Listen to me.” He whispered into the top of her head before taking a deep breath and rubbing her back. “What Michelle does has nothing to do with you and whether or not you deserve to be loved.” He hugged her tighter. “Because you do, babygirl. You’re funny and so smart and you’re beautiful and your smile is out of this world.” He shook his head. “Don’t let her actions, her failures as a human being, dictate how you perceive yourself. Michelle… she’s set in her ways and it has nothing to do with you. She’s sick, honey. There’s something… not right about her and I don’t want you to get caught up in her web of lies and misery.” He whispered.

“You’ve got a great life without her. A girl that’s crazy about you, a dad that would take down the Incredible Hulk if it would make you happy, a loving aunt and uncle and a cousin on the way.” He pulled back and cupped her cheeks to make her look at him. “You’re doing wonderful without her and you don’t need her coming into your life and messing it up. Show her you can be happy without her, can move on in your life without her.”

Sarah’s lip wobbled, her tears having stopped by now as she listened to Joel, nodding weakly before hugging Joel tightly. “I’m sorry. I’ve been so mean to everyone and I’m starving and I started ignoring everyone and-“ “and you stink.” Joel teased. Sarah gasped and pulled away, seeing nothing but fondness in his eyes as she shook her head.

“Just cause you run like you’re running from the police or something. Go take a shower, I’ll make you something to eat and we’ll watch whatever you wanna watch.” He said softly, helping her stand up, relieved she had her strength back. “… can you make your empanadas? And put in Curtis and Viper?”

Joel smiled softly and nodded, surprised she actually wanted to watch that movie. “Yeah. I can make empanadas and put in Curtis and Viper.” He chuckled when she smiled and turned around to go shower, shaking his head before slowly letting his smile drop and his jaw tense.

Fucking Michelle.

Sarah wouldn’t be a hundred percent yet, he knew that, and it would likely be a while before she felt and acted like her old self again. He was glad he could calm her down, though. It was just taking every remaining cell in his body not to make one of those Facebook accounts for the soul purpose of absolutely reaming Michelle for her behavior, but part of him new she would thrive too much off of that, to know that she upset another human being so deeply.

So, instead, while he was cooking he did make a Facebook, but not to search out Michelle and lay into her, even if he wanted to so bad. He made his profile picture a photo of him and Sarah and immediately loaded the account with photos of her or the both of them together.

He posted every picture of prom, graduation, and school events before then. He was proud of Sarah and he wasn’t going to let his lack of technology or Michelle’s sick heart let it go unnoticed.

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How do we feel about background Ellie x Sarah?

#pedro pascal #joel miller #the last of us #joel miller fanfiction #Joel tlou #Joel miller tlou #Sarah miller #Sarah tlou #Sarah miller tlou

[artificialqueens]

Girls Interrupted, Chapter 3: Eat Your Heart Out, Pearl Liaison (Vatya) 1/2 - Maeve

A/N: Oh my god, I am back from the hecking dead. I wish that I had gone somewhere, but the truth of the matter is just that I couldn't push myself to write, to create in any way, shape, or form. I struggle with some physical and mental health issues, and they came for me. I'm doing a lot better now, though, and I am so glad to finally be ready to continue this story. I won't say this is perfect (it's pretty short, too, I'd like to call it a toe dip back in), but I've done my best to pick up where I left off with the characters and the plot. I apologize if anything feels a little clunky or off, I'm still getting back into Katya's clown shoes. I hope you enjoy the start of chapter three!

Previous Chapters:

Ch. 1, Pt. 1

Ch. 1, Pt. 2

Ch. 2, Pt. 1

Ch. 2, Pt. 2

Katya had never woken up in a lake, but she had woken up in a pool of her own sweat...on many occasions. Believe it or not, wet clothes didn’t do it for her. Katya groaned, Spending the night between these sheets gives a whole new meaning to the word wet. She peeled her bedding off her body and crept as lightly as she could to her bathroom. Her hair? Drenched. Her nightshirt? Soaked. She made an ugly face in the mirror. At least she could get in a walk before school.  

Katya didn’t like to exercise in the slightest, but it was a great way to get rid of excess energy and caused her body to release more of the chemicals it had decided to be stingy with as of late. Thankfully, it was still dark outside at 5:00 in the morning. Katya really only liked being outside when it was dark or dark adjacent. Call her a vampire, but the sun was an asshole in her books; the August weather wasn’t much less of a prick. 

Unfortunately, the fresh air that morning had done little to clear her head. Katya was still in a fugue state when she stepped back through her front door. The house was still dark, but Katya knew that her mom would be awake and waiting for her in the kitchen. 

Pam Zamolodchikova could best be described as an unshakable woman, a true force of nature. She was no fool, either, but that didn’t stop Katya from trying to rub the sleep from her eyes; she’d hate for her mom to worry. Katya kept her focus on her mom’s flannel robe as she moved to explain herself. “Sorry if I woke you on my way out,” Katya apologized.

“It wasn’t you,” Pam assured her, “It was that damn dog of yours looking for lizards again.” A shit-eating grin spread across Katya’s face. “Yekaterina, don’t you dare,” Pam warned as her daughter failed to suppress a snicker. “It is way too early for your cackling. You’re going to wake your father up.”

Katya pouted, folding her arms across her chest. What was the point in having a dog named Goose if you couldn’t call it a silly goose? Her mom would say she didn’t know how to do so at an acceptable decibel level, but Katya had the sneaking suspicion she was jealous that she didn’t think of it first. “Fine,” she caved, “But I will be demanding payment for my restraint in the form of sustenance.” 

“Extorting your own mother, Katya? That’s low even for you,” Pam admonished. Katya stuck out her tongue before scurrying up the stairs on all fours to take a quick shower. 

“Are you okay?” Pam asked as Katya took up her usual perch halfway down the stairs. Katya, who was in the middle of toweling off her hair, froze in her tracks. There’s really no good answer, is there? Katy sighed. She gave her head one last shake and tossed the towel down beside her. She needed to come up with something. “Yeah. I’m fine. I just haven;t been sleeping well. It’s probably stress or something.”  She gave her mom a small, lopsided smile. Fortunately, hert mom seemed to believe her. Katya felt bad for lying through her teeth—she practically told her mom everything—but she wasn’t about to give her mom another reason to stress. Pam carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, and it was only fair for someone else to shoulder some of the burden at least every once in a while. 

“You’ve gotta stop living in your head, Chicky,” Pam repeated the words she’d told her daughter thousands of times before. “If you’re not careful,  you’ll miss the life you have right in front of you.” Katya  nodded. One of these days she might actually just take her mom’s advice. It sucked ass to be back on this ol teenage bullshit. But when did life not suck? “I need caffeine,” Katya declared.

“There’s Diet Coke in the fridge,” Pam informed. “Don’t forget to take your medicine.” Katya’s mom had made her french toast for breakfast; it was one of Katya’s favorites. She usually had cereal for breakfast. Maybe I wasn’t as convincing as I’d thought? Bummer, Katya chewed on her bottom lip.

Katya was quick to slam her car door shut. If you weren’t fast enough, your baby blue Volkswagen Beetle could turn into a mosquito breeding ground, and Katya didn’t have the time or the willpower to find an illegal market for the unwanted spawn and make some major bank. From the junior lot, Katya could see the cheerleaders conditioning on the track. Oh, to be a primadonna steeping in the ozone sea. Katya was sure that it had to get to a point where you weren’t sure if it were condensation or perspiration coating your skin. You’re just wet. Katya chuckled quietly to herself, hehe...wet...maybe I should pursue a career in comedy. If she were a comedian, she could drop out of high school. Even better, if she dropped out of high school, she might finally be able to stop thinking about two blondes, one sweet as sugar and the other a barrel of monkeys, and the she-demon of a brunette who stared her down as she walked along the sidewalk.

Katya was not brave, she was not mouthy, and yet she found herself sticking her neck out on the train tracks and opening her trap wide enough to stuff a watermelon down her gullet when she knew she shouldn’t. She was going to get herself killed, or worse, targeted. Lady loving made Katya a loon, but she’d be lying if she told herself she would snap out of it any time soon.

It was a B Day, and B stood for “biology” and “bitches”. An hour and a half of reshelving did nothing to quiet the pounding in her ears. 

Katya entered Mrs. Yonkin’s classroom like a lamb going to slaughter. No, not a lamb—too cute—like a pig, like a big-bellied sow going to slaughter. Maybe Violet was kosher, or at the very least, not coming to class today. Violet did come to class, though, fashionably late and waving a pink hall pass. The stench of self importance that trailed behind her might have put off casual onlookers, but up close and personal, Katya could see that Violet looked rough—well, as rough as a fashion-forward teenage influencer could look. Her white, retro cat eye glasses were a clear indication of a hangover, and Katya was glad that she’d only taken a bath in her beer if the alternative was unimpressed and undead. She wasn’t quite sure her abstinence had done her any favors, though, considering that she’d still managed to get herself into plenty of trouble. I should probably apologize to Violet...again...Katya sighed, if she’s out and about, she can’t be in too terrible shape, right? Wrong. One of these days, Katya might just learn that when it comes to Violet, she’s usually, if not always, wrong.

The black haired beauty cradled her head in her hand, elbow digging into the plastic of the table. 

“Hey, Violet,”Katya began, “Can I talk to you for a second?” No response. She tried again: “Please? I just need a minute of your time.”

 At that, Violet scoffed. “If I give you a minute, what’s to stop you from asking for more?” 

Katya wanted to pull out her hair. For Peter’s sake, can nothing in life be easy? She groaned inwardly and outwardly, “Look, Lady, I don’t get off on being belittled, would you please just let me apologize for—”

“For projecting your pedestrian feelings onto an unwilling hostage? I have more important things to do with my life than listen to your drivel,” Violet interrupted. 

Biting her lip, Katya did her best to produce a confident response, “Actually, yes,” She admitted. You’re entirely right, I shouldn’t have assumed what I did or pretended like I knew what you were going through or feeling. Did you ever listen to that TED Talk about how your brain wants to make the good and smart choices and but then there’s that little monkey that fucks everything up for a good time?” 

Violet set her jaw.

“I know, I know it’s like Brenda shut up, you sound like you’ve had six glasses of juice, but I’m going somewhere with this,” Katya plowed ahead. “That fucking monkey has been flinging shit at the walls of my bone palace for years, and sometimes even when things feel dumb, I do them or say them anyways because I need to. I don’t know why, and I’m sorry.” Clearing her throat, she admitted, “I think that I was just in my head a lot that night—that whole day, really. I think there’s just a part of me that feels alone in my struggles, and maybe I was hoping to not be alone, or at the very least let you know that you weren’t alone? It was dumb. I shouldn’t have projected. I’m sorry.” Katya sighed.

“Cry me a river,” Violet deadpanned, turning to face the whiteboard.

Katya whispered to herself, “That’s a good song.” The blonde didn’t know why she’d decided to bend over and show Violet her entire asshole; it didn’t feel great. There’s a particular flavor of emptiness that comes with spilling out the contents of your Hello Kitty purse in front of someone and having them stare pointedly at your protractor, and it tastes like sweaty balls. Oh, JT, Katya lamented, maybe it’s time to put this one legged show pony out to pasture. At the very least she had tried, right? She had done her best and been sincere, and if the she-demon couldn’t accept that, then that was on her, not Katya.

The blonde couldn’t have fled the science hallway any faster. She’d endured the rest of the lecture in uncomfortable silence, and now it was time for her to eat lunch alone. Again. It was almost relieving that she wouldn’t have to entertain anyone. For an hour, she would be alone with her thoughts, and maybe, just maybe, she could convince herself that she wasn’t on the verge of another mental break. 

That Monday it was particularly muggy, and that meant that her staircase cubbyhole was damper than usual. Katya scoffed, Well, if anyone is going to have a soggy bottom, it makes sense that it would be me. She pulled out her BMO lunch box and was ready to put a fistfull of ham in her mouth when heard descending footsteps and felt a looming presence stop at her back.

#rpdr fanfiction #vatya #katya zamolodchikova #violet chachki #bianca del rio #high school au #lesbian au #slow burn #fluff #angst #enemies to friends #enemies to lovers #drama #girls interrupted #maeve #tw anxiety and depression #concrit welcome

[kidfoundonstreets]

if we lvied togrther like typical husabnds snd oyu had a typical husband job then i would make cute little lunches for you in a flower lunchbox and put the rice in a little cat shape with a smiley face WAI TLET ME FIND A PICTURE

if qe lived tobethsr like tupcial husvands i would kiss u goodbye everyday and tlak about you at work and show ohotos like "i love my wonderufl husvand look at them now" and when i come home id hug u and ask u how ur feleig and we tlak sbout sweet nothinfs with our adoptdd cat and replay bitchs hert as much as we want and have sleepovers wirh the mutuals on fridays <3

#all i want #also we'd do dumb things like look at stars

[pm-fmp]

Pavel Mamichev - Herts Final Major Project Proposal

For my Final Major Project, I intend to develop a functional video game prototype, with a high priority on creating the concept art for said prototype. The game I envision is a real-time strategy (RTS) title influenced by the gameplay mechanics of Supreme Commander. While still drawing inspiration from other RTS classics like Age of Empires and Command & Conquer, Supreme Commander will primarily inform my game's gameplay design and functionality.

I've already laid the groundwork in Unreal Engine, and have created some basic functionality. My plan is to create the game entirely in Blueprints, a feature of Unreal Engine that I've been learning over the last few years.

Presently, I've implemented operational functionality for the following features:

Constructing buildings

Producing units (such as tanks)

Introducing enemies with health attributes

Managing unit deaths

Selecting units

Navigating unit movements

Implementing an RTS camera

Employing basic projectile mechanics

Establishing a basic unit template (tank with a primary rotating turret), featuring customizable attributes like projectile range and accuracy.

With this initial feature set as my cornerstone, a significant portion of the required functions are already substantially developed. It's worth noting that these current functions still require reworking to accommodate multiplayer functionality.

Primary Aims (Concept Art, Game Mechanics Design)

In this proposal, I aim to concentrate on crafting and shaping the game's universe, creating a plan that will decide on the games features and functionalities, and to see what is possible in the time frame available.

One important factor will be designing the look and mechanics of the games different factions, each unique in its visual style, architectural design, and gameplay attributes.

The distinct nature of these factions is designed to provide varied gaming experiences, making each time the player starts a game it feels new and engaging based on the faction chosen by the player. Each will have its own advantages and disadvantages, ensuring balanced and dynamic gameplay. At least three major factions should be available and designed form the get-go.

Secondary Aims (Sound Design, Game Polish)

In the development of this game prototype, sound components, including music and world/unit effects, will be designated as secondary priorities.

Over the past few years, I have been exploring Ableton and have acquired a foundational understanding of electronic music production. This knowledge equips me with the capability to generate some of the sounds and music necessary for the game using my skills.

Furthermore, to accommodate time constraints, refining the game's mechanics will be prioritized after the design of the game's world, aesthetics, ambiance, and core gameplay elements.

References

Ableton AG. (2024). Ableton Live [Software]. Version 12 [Computer software]. Ableton AG.

Epic Games, Inc. (n.d.). Unreal Engine [Game engine software]. Epic Games.

Gas Powered Games. (2007). Supreme Commander [Video game]. THQ.

Gas Powered Games. (2007). Supreme Commander: Forged Alliance [Video game]. THQ.

Microsoft Corporation. (1997). Age of Empires [Video game]. Microsoft Studios.

Westwood Studios. (1995). Command & Conquer [Video game]. Virgin Interactive Entertainment.

[maxa0109]

(со страницы "Love Heart and Old Door. Pink Hert Shaped Balloon and Vintage Door" Canvas Print for Sale by maxa0109)

#findyourthing #redbubble

[curs3dn0va]

TW: SA, grooming, mental heath stuff, cheating.

So I had 2 breakups by October 2021: one was my ex-something (he called me his soulmate, I call him the worst thing that could have happened to me), and the other was feminism, and both of them are very much linked together, so here's what went down:

When I was in highschool I met this boy, and this boy had a best friend, let's call the bestie B. So me and this boy started dating, we were both shitty teens, but I just wanted a good time and he said "I love you" in like 3 months. Safe to say it didn't work out, and then it didn't work out a second time around, but by then this boy had stolen my friend group, but B kept checking in, and I really liked him as a friend, I thought he was cool, plus he had a shitty life situation and I wanted to help him out. Something I now know about myself is that I buy my way into peoples hert's because the thought of someone liking me for who I am really only ocurred to me like 2 months ago, so I am fixing that, but back then I was very much not fixing that, anyways I gave him my old smartphone when I upgrated, looking back it was a big deal and he was not that greatful about it, he said thanks a few times and then went on ignoring most of my texts. I have grown up to understand that as a person I am very needy of love and reassurance, I will send a 9 text in a row without response, it is just part of my nature. So B and I got closer and closer, we lived together and our lives were not going too great so we gravitated towards eachother, we would talk until 4am about literally nothing at all and just have fun. At 19 he had this relationship that I won't talk too much about, just say that it was bad and it was most likely his fault in hindsight, but back then he was definitetly the guy that said "all my girlfriends are crazy" and shit like that. One night we had a movie marathon, and the thought of him in a more-than-friends way had occured to me, but I had no self-steem and he had girls to pick from, so I was fine with just being a best friend, because that's what we were at that point: he would come to my house, we would talk, watch videos, joke around, it was all very platonic; but that one cursed night he put his arm around me, and I was curious "what is he doing?" was my first thought, not repulsed just kind of confused if he would over-correct or something, and because of how my couch was at the time it was very easy for me to lean into him and in my shoulder I felt his heart absolutetly beating out of his chest and his "I'm really trying to stay chill" breathing. Fast forward of a few weeks of us fooling around and I was like "what are we?" and he did a very classic male manipulator "I'm not ready for anything", "you would be forever and we are so young", long story short he got me to be his "friends with benefits" -even thought he was the only one benefiting from any part of the relationship- and 3 years in, something happened: He got a girlfriend.

Now you have to understand that I was 3 years into a brainwashing campaign of "we will live happily ever after... someday" by then, so when this girl came in I was not happy... with her. I obviously couldn't possibly blame him because by that point I was not a person anymore, I was a very well groomed and trained sex doll that he could cry to and I would obediently validate all his opinions and quell all his fears. I was not even half a person, and when I showed signs of having my own thoughts and emotions he would silet treat me into obedience, rejection was his punishment and he dealt it freely and with no remorse. So I hated her, not only because she just waltzed in and suddenly he wanted to commit to someone, but because she was what he shaped me into but better, at least in my eyes. She was allowed he own opinions on shows, she was allowed tantrums, wishes, wants, desires, hobbies, but he wouldn't ever be mad at her, at least not in fron of me. She was also smaller in every sense of the word, she was short and skinny, and I have always thought of myself as a mid-sized person, but looking at photos from that time I was very, very skinny, it was truly just my insecurities getting the best of me. Privatetly, he painted her as a selfish, toxic girl, with no control over her emotions (and this led to the implicit "unlike you" where he praised my maturity and shit like that); her dehumanization to me was crucial, because the moment they became official, I said no to sex with him for the first time in 3 years. Despite all the conditioning I went through, I was sure I didn't want to make her suffer... until that christmas. To be fully honest I don't remember exactly what they fought about, only that she called him unhigenic and that he could at least try to smell good when he was around her -which yeah, that man STUNK it's not even funny- so he villanized her and cried in my lap about her and his dad and how no one (but me) loved him, and he wore me down. We had sex that night and he went on to cheat on for a full year. I knew it was wrong and I did feel bad, but I also thought that man was my soulmate, that destiny wrote us to be together, that they'd be broken up in another month and our love story could continue. But they didn't.

If you though this was already messy, you better strap the fuck in because his girlfriend, let's call her C, has a girl best friend that we're gonna call A, well A and I met when she was coming back into town, and because our "best friends" were dating eachother and I was publicly single we started hanging out as "totally definitetly platonic gal pals"... or at least that the impression I got, we never did any explicitly romantic stuff, but there was some tension I am fairly sure I was not imagining. So one day I spill the beans to her about B and how we had been having a thing for 4 years by then and blah blah blah, A doesn't take it well and in her eternal grace gave me a month to tell C or she would, so I told B he had a month to tell his girlfriend the truth because I was done. By this point I had recently been at a feminist protest in my city where I did meet A and C, they were very much feminist and very into the whole movement, and the movement at that moment was (and still very much is) about supporting women who came out with stories about abuse of any kind, believing them and defending them. All of this to say that I was very much surprised when B did not tell his girlfriend about the affair, and when I did she didn't even respond, when I went to A to see what the fuck was going on I was even more shocked that she didn't believe me anymore either. I do blame the autism for not seeing this coming, and also for wanting to "be the bigger person" by not sharing screenshots of my conversations with B, or the nudes, or the voice messages, or any of it really. What was pure stupidity was deleting all of it. That's right, dear reader, I have no proof of any of this.

So the feminists who "believed all victims" did not believe me, my ex-something who swore to always be with me immediatetly stopped all communication, and I tried to start a legal case, but the trauma and the exhaustion got to me... I was internalized by ferbuary of 2022, and had a karmic wake up call this year with the betrayal of another so called "best friend", where it was my turn to believe someone else's story without any proof, and seeing myself in that position really put into perspective what A and C did. Not believing someone when they come out with something as serious as what I "allegged" in my very thorough facebook post (don't judge me, it's still widely used where I live as a social media platform), it can really mentally hurt the accusing party. I to this day try to rationalize my own rape. I can think of a million reasons it "wan't that bad" and "I'm just blowing it out of proportion", but if that is true then why do I have all the emotional baggage of someone who was victimized for years? if it wasn't that bad, then how come I was sure I was unlovable? I am still sure.

I am in a happy and healty realtionship right now, where my partner is patient and kind and has never even looked at me wrong and I still flinch when I'm not expecting his touch. It is my job now to put myself back together, to reconstruct the child that I was before my abuser and see them become the adult I was supposed to be. Four years of my life I dedicated to someone who hurt me so much I couldn't recognize myself afterwards, I was deeply dependant on him for every single decition, and now I am afraid to even get my tongue pierced because my current boyfriend doesn't like that piercing and I am so terrified that he will start treating me like my ex treated me. I have nightmares about my boyfriend being mad at me because in my head it is not believable that everything could be okay in my relationship.

I do not know if I'll ever be able to forgive any of the people mantioned here (even my current boyfriend, he is too pretty and truly how dare he), but I am working on forgiving myself for the choices I made and the hurt that I caused, to myself at least since I think B and C are still together, last I heard at least. I do not wish any ill will to C and A, not really, altought sometimes I wish I did. It would be much easier to hate them at least, but I can't. And B, well... I did see him around the university at the start of the semester, and let's just say that we are 26 years old, but he looked 32 if we're being kind, so I think karma is doing fine on it's own.

#blog #feminism #traumadump #rapesurvivor #relationship #situationships #tw abuse #emotional abuse

[alecbicheno]

Reader

Tavinor, G. (2009). The Art of Videogames. John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated. http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/herts/detail.action?docID=470749

This book analyses what makes videogames such a unique form of art by discussing the aesthetics, storytelling techniques and interactivity within them, placing emphasis on the way arts are fused with the immersive nature of gaming. Through this view, video games serve as a platform for artistic expression that players actively engage with and contribute to. Tavinor’s perspective impacts game artists by highlighting the pivotal role that they have in shaping the artistic identity of a video game. They are challenged to blend traditional visual art with the interactivity of gaming, pushing the boundaries of creativity while also showing understanding of the user experience. Tavinor’s perspective encourages game artists to see their work as more than just decorative, but essential to the artistic and immersive essence of games.

Brown, M., & Anderson, S. L. (2020). Designing for Disability: Evaluating the State of Accessibility Design in Video Games. Games and Culture, 16(6), 702–718. https://doi.org/10.1177/1555412020971500

The research highlights significant progress as well as shortcomings in making videogames more inclusive for those with disabilities. The evolving nature of accessibility designs leads the authors to emphasize the importance of comprehensive evaluation and improvement. The study is a valuable resource for developers and any stakeholders which prompts a larger consideration of user needs. Brown and Anderson’s research influences game artists as they are compelled to integrate accessibility features into the creative process. They need to consider diverse user experiences, adding design elements that can cater to players with varying abilities and must create visuals and interfaces that enhance accessibility. They play a crucial role in transforming the insights of the study into tangible improvements to create a more inclusive gaming environment.

Harvey, A., & Fisher, S. (2015). “Everyone Can Make Games!”: The post-feminist context of women in digital game production. Feminist Media Studies, 15(4), 576–592. https://doi.org/10.1080/14680777.2014.958867

The research by Harvey and Fisher shows that opportunities for women in game production are expanding, however challenges persist. The study shows the importance of understanding the nuances that shape women’s experiences in the industry, pointing out the progress made in inclusivity while also acknowledging the existing hurdles. The research implies there is still work to be done to ensure equal opportunities and treatment for women within the industry. This impacts game artists by shaping their awareness of the gender dynamics in the industry and prompting them to assess their work environments, encouraging them to advocate for equal opportunities for women. Furthermore, the study acts as a catalyst for game artists to be aware about the representation in their designs, acknowledges and rectifying the imbalances in the creative processes of game development.

Šisler, V. (2008). Digital Arabs: Representation in video games. European Journal of Cultural Studies, 11(2), 203–220. https://doi.org/10.1177/1367549407088333

The study underscores the significance of shaping perceptions of Arab identity, it delves into the nature of representation and the potential impact on cultural understanding. The author encourages a nuanced look at the portrayals of Arab characters and narratives, especially as games become increasingly influential in shaping global perspectives. This study is particularly relevant to game artists as it influences their ethical considerations and creative choices. They must face the challenge of creating characters that are an accurate and respectful depiction of Arab cultures. The research serves as a catalyst for game artists to take a thoughtful approach to character creation, challenging tropes and creating more authentic and culturally responsible experiences.

da Silva Marinho, A., Terton, U., & Jones, C. M. (2022). Cybersickness and postural stability of first time VR users playing VR videogames. Applied Ergonomics, 101, 103698. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.apergo.2022.103698

The study talks about how virtual reality experiences influence the users within the context of gaming. The findings show that first time users of VR video games may experience challenges related to cybersickness and stability. The research gives insights for VR developers, showing the need for user comfort and safety to be prioritized, particularly those who are new to VR, which enhances the overall user experience. There are implications for game artists creating VR experiences, they must consider the potential impact of their designs on a user’s wellbeing such as the cybersickness and stability issues. The research prompts game artists to create design solutions that enhance immersion while minimizing adverse effects and, as VR technology continues to evolve, will play a crucial role in continuing to balance the immersion with user comfort.

Sorenson, N., Pasquier, P., & DiPaola, S. (2011). A Generic Approach to Challenge Modeling for the Procedural Creation of Video Game Levels. IEEE Transactions on Computational Intelligence and AI in Games, 3(3), 229–244. https://doi.org/10.1109/TCIAIG.2011.2161310

The method demonstrates how AI can dynamically create challenges and revolutionize procedural generation, which streamlines the development process and allows game designers to create adaptive gaming experiences. The study reveals the role AI will play in shaping the future of interactive entertainment, creating new possibilities for personalised and dynamic gaming experiences. Game artists are affected by this by having their role in the creative process altered. They would have to closely collaborate with AI systems and change their design process to work with dynamically generated content, and in doing so play a large role in defining the aesthetic and theme of said content. This would challenge the artist to find a balance between creativity and adaptability, making sure that visual elements can seamlessly integrate into dynamically evolving game environments.

Shaw, A., Lauteria, E. W., Yang, H., Persaud, C. J., & Cole, A. M. (2019). Counting Queerness in Games: Trends in LGBTQ Digital Game Representation, 1985-2005. International Journal of Communication (Online), 1544+. https://link-gale-com.ezproxy.herts.ac.uk/apps/doc/A592665059/AONE?u=uniherts&sid=summon&xid=5a7a1a4d

The findings in this study, show trends and shifts in inclusivity within the gaming industry. The research emphasizes the importance of understanding and recognising the LGBTQ portrayals in video games and gives insight into the industry’s challenges and progress in creating authentic representations of sexual and gender identities. This study particularly affects game artists as they have an important role with regards to representation. When creating diverse narratives, they have to ensure they create authentic and nuanced portrayals of LGBTQ characters, this study encourages them to achieve this by challenging stereotypes and pushing for more diverse narratives. They must do this because they have an important role in shaping perceptions of the gaming community.

Court, J. (2021). Transnational Politics in Video Games: The Case of German Military Intervention in “Spec Ops: The Line.” German Politics and Society, 39, 112+. https://link-gale-com.ezproxy.herts.ac.uk/apps/doc/A688765422/AONE?u=uniherts&sid=summon&xid=91514d0e

This article discusses the way video games serve as a platform for real world events and political narratives. Court scrutinizes the geopolitical scenarios within this game and discusses the idea that video games as a medium have the potential to give nuanced perspectives on global affairs, which can contribute to a better understanding of complex geopolitical issues. The topics in this article affect game artists as they have the challenge of conveying these complex geopolitical issues and themes and translating them into authentic visual and narrative elements within their game. The research emphasizes the responsibility game artists have in creating a meaningful representation of geopolitical scenarios within games that can engage players in the various nuances of global politics.

Meyers Emery, K., & Reinhard, A. (2015). Trading Shovels for Controllers: A Brief Exploration of the Portrayal of Archaeology in Video Games. Public Archaeology, 14(2), 137–149. https://doi.org/10.1080/14655187.2015.1112693

This research by Emery and Reinhard explores how video games depict archaeological practices and the representation of artifacts, excavation, and cultural heritage. The study discusses how video games have potentially influenced perceptions of archaeology and the spread of historical knowledge. This exploration of archaeology has implications for game artists, especially when it comes to visual storytelling. Their creative decisions will influence how players perceive aspects of archaeology, so they must create authentic representations of artifacts, excavation sites and other archaeological practices within a game environment while keeping it immersive. The research also challenges artists to collaborate with archaeologists to ensure a meaningful and historically accurate environment, then balancing this with appealing aesthetics and immersive gaming experiences.

Robinson, J. A. (2023). “I Ain’t No Girl”: Exploring Gender Stereotypes in the Video Game Community. Western Journal of Communication, 87(5), 857–878. https://doi.org/10.1080/10570314.2022.2130004

Robinson’s research gives valuable insights into the complexities of gender dynamics in the gaming world, highlighting the challenges and biases they face and emphasizing the need for a more inclusive environment. The work advocates for a more diverse and respectful gaming community by examining how stereotypes influence the experience of gamers. This research has implications for game artists as they are responsible for the visual storytelling, prompting them to critically assess their gender portrayals. The research underscores the importance of not perpetuating harmful stereotypes and instead encouraging artists to create characters that challenge traditional gender norms and creative perspectives, creating a more inclusive and representative environment that reflects the diverse experiences and identities within the gaming community.

#Sources and Significance

[joeabdelsater1]

Reader

1.

Plass J. L., Homer B. D., MacNamara A., Ober T., Rose M. C., Pawar S., Hovey C. M., Olsen A. (2020). “Emotional design for digital games for learning: The effect of expression, color, shape, and dimensionality on the affective quality of game characters”, Learning and Instruction, Volume 70, pp. 1-13. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.learninstruc.2019.01.005. [Accessed 2 January 2024].

In this paper, the authors discuss the use of emotions in video games, especially for learning. They present the many benefits of implementing affective strategies in game-based learning to give students motivation through emotions. The text takes character design as the main centrepiece of the study, and how it can help improve memory, attention, and perception for learners. More precisely, the study demonstrates technical models of affective character design that lead to better integration of verbal and visual information in the learning process. Four visual attributes of emotional design for game characters were presented: shape, colour, expression, and dimensionality. I found most interesting the differentiation between 2D and 3D by the researchers. The studies showed that there is a higher level of arousal with characters that are made in 3D (VR) rather than in 2D, which exhibits better affective qualities and improves immersion for students regardless of age and sex.

2.

Domsch S. (2013). Storyplaying: Agency and Narrative in Video Games, De Gruyter, Inc. Berlin/Boston. Chapter 2, pp.13-17. Available at: https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/herts/reader.action?docID=1000613&ppg=4. [Accessed 2 January 2024].

The author explores the relationship between gameplay, narrative, and rules in video games, called Fictional Worlds (FNs). This portion of the book exposes the debate between narratologists who identify games as narratives and ludologists who argue the opposite. The chapter establishes a connection between video games and narrative through shared elements such as the role of rules in defining the experience, whether in games or fiction. Just like in fiction, realist games set an implicit contract between the game and the player when assuming similarities between the game world and the physical world. Video games, unlike real life, can intentionally modify the laws of physics to create gameplay elements. The text helped me understand the rigidity of video game rules that are almost unbreakable and used as control points for a player’s options. This is a distinct feature far from real-life, and crucial to add control to the player experience.

3.

Šisler V. (2008). “Digital Arabs”. European Journal of Cultural Studies. Volume 11, issue 2, pp.203–220. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1177/1367549407088333. [Accessed 2 January 2024].

This article analyses negative portrayals of Arabs and Muslims in Western games and their impact on gamers. The author mentions the attack on Arab culture in foreign games and brings up initiatives that reverse stereotypes and provide alternative narratives. Examples are games like Under Ash, which tackles the Israeli occupation and presents the emotional perspectives of Palestinian civilians. The article elevates the importance of reshaping self-representation and producing cultural balance through games. The concept of "digital dignity” is proposed, representing the pride Arab teenagers feel when playing games reflecting their views. The author brought my attention to the Orientalist imagery trend in video games set in the Middle East, and the stereotypes originating from the lack of depth in military conflict game depictions. Being Arab myself, the text resonated with me and helped reinforce my understanding of the origins of misrepresentation and learn ways of advocating for true depictions of identity.

4.

Shaw A. (2012). “Do you identify as a gamer? Gender, race, sexuality, and gamer identity”. New Media & Society. Volume 14 issue 1, pp. 28-44. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1177/1461444811410394. [Accessed 2 January 2024].

The article addresses the underrepresentation of marginalized groups in video games, specifically individuals from the LGBTQ+ community. The author exposed the industry's limited knowledge of the diverse gamer base while focusing on the way marketing can ruin people’s relationships with games. A good point was made on how the intersectionality and complexity of gamer identity define minority individuals in the context of social interactions. I found the study very important in questioning stereotypes and examining the social construction of games rather than trying to decipher whether LGBTQ+ individuals are gamers or not. The research mentioned a strong qualitative and quantitative data analysis through a series of interviews which explains reasons some individuals stopped identifying as gamers. Nonetheless, the topic forms a strong message that developing games that are inclusive for all is much more important than questioning the identity of members of the gaming community.

5.

Donald I. (2019). “Just War? War Games, War Crimes, and Game Design”. Games and Culture. Volume 14, issue 4, pp. 367-386. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1177/1555412017720359. [Accessed 2 January 2024].

This article's author delves into the debates surrounding first-person military-themed shooters (FPMS) and their influence on players’ perceptions of armed combat. It mentions the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) debating breaches in games which may expose people to state-sanctioned crimes. The article presented me with relevant insights into ethical aspects I should consider as a games artist, and the need for a balance between realism and ethics. The gaming industry is responsible for conforming to international legal norms and understanding the role of non-governmental organizations in lobbying for International Humanitarian Law (IHL) adherence. When simulating violence, games should differentiate between civilians and soldiers. The author advises people to avoid IHL breaches in realistic war games and assess the influence they have on players' morals. The impact of video games on ethics is strong, as creators we are encouraged to see the larger ramifications of breaking ethical game design techniques.

6.

Bizzocchi J., and Tanenbaum T. J. (2012). “Mass Effect 2: A Case Study in the Design of Game Narrative”. Bulletin of Science, Technology & Society. Volume 32, issue 5, pp. 393-404. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1177/0270467612463796. [Accessed 2 January 2024].

The article highlights the challenges of designing narratives for video games, by taking Mass Effect 2 as an example. The authors highlight the contradiction between interactivity (player agency) and narrative (story coherence) and propose strategies to minimise it. They discuss their framework, including the narrative arc referring to both the overall progression of the game and micro-narratives. I found it interesting how they also consider the spatial design of the virtual world as a narrative act since it influences gameplay and storyline progression. It was valuable to see the commitment to objectivity throughout the close reading process involving both individual and joint playthroughs, shared discussion, notetaking, screenshots, and analyses. According to the article, to ensure players identify with the characters, designing them requires visual representation, goal-oriented behaviour, and psychological depth through emotions eliciting empathy. Narrative interfaces are presented as tools, enhancing the link between interactive decision-making and pleasure.

7.

Petrey G. (2022). “The affective flows of the sublime in Martina Menegon's new machinic subjectivity”, New Techno Humanities. Volume 2, issue 2, pp. 130-135. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.techum.2022.04.001. [Accessed 2 January 2024].

The article inspects Martina Menegon's art piece, "Virtual Narcissus", and her innovative use of photogrammetry and virtual reality (VR). The author navigates the evolving world of digital media while predicting the rise of post-screen technologies and their reflexive qualities. The author’s analysis of ethics leads to the proposal of the evolution of cyberfeminism into Xenofeminism which refutes gender norms and biases often limiting creative practices. The text also highlights Menegon’s intentional use of basic technology to challenge norms of representation and gender objectification by embracing image imperfections and presenting her body in a black void. The article improved my understanding of the way VR increases immersion levels by extending images into the 360˚ space, compared to flat screens which form a distance between the information and viewers. In this manner, VR becomes a machine for affect flow which takes users to a state of increased immersion through the subconscious mind.

8.

Robb J., Garner T., Collins K., and Nacke L. E. (2017). “The Impact of Health-Related User Interface Sounds on Player Experience”. Simulation & Gaming. Volume 48, issue 3, pp. 402-427. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1177/1046878116688236. [Accessed 3 January 2024].

The text discusses sound in video games, exploring its functions from conveying information to evoking emotions. The article addresses a lack of game audio research by offering two studies focusing on player-health interface sounds. The authors explain their first study which investigates the presence and absence of health-related sounds and their impact on gameplay, revealing that players value audio feedback for crucial cues like health status. Their second study compares two types of sounds, 'abstract' and 'realistic', focusing on situational awareness and health perception. The results suggest a higher preference for realistic heartbeat sounds over abstract beeping which proves the effectiveness of realistic sounds in conveying health information and enhancing player experience. The authors offer design recommendations for audio user interface which I found helpful: alert player on damage, alert when health is below 25%, replace visual information with audio, involve audio design early on, and teach players meanings of abstract sounds.

9.

Mitchell W. J. T. (2005). “There Are No Visual Media”. Journal of Visual Culture. Volume 4, issue 2, pp. 257-266. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1177/1470412905054673. [Accessed 3 January 2024].

This article challenges the conventional term 'visual media' by proposing that all mediums, including television, film, photography, and painting, engage the senses beyond just vision. It questions the categorization of some media as merely visual, especially painting, which unveils the presence of critical discourse and language even in supposed optical artworks. The writer argues that the sense of touch is inherent in every handmade object, notably painting, same for architecture, sculpture, and photography which aren't purely visual either. I found it interesting how the erasure of the notion of visual art is slowly happening, with mixed media and conceptual art challenging traditional belief, and enabling a more nuanced media classification. This helped me understand that all mediums are, in essence, mixed media. Their specificity involves a complex interplay of emotional, sensory and semiotic elements, which is why a new taxonomy using sign functions as core elements of media is needed.

10.

DeVane B., and Squire K. D. (2008). “The Meaning of Race and Violence in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas”. Games and Culture. Volume 3, issues 3-4, pp. 264-285. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1177/1555412008317308. [Accessed 3 January 2024].

The article focuses on whether Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas offers spaces for agency within a semiotic system of race and violence, especially for young players from disadvantaged backgrounds. The game is examined through cultural dimensions, like the portrayal of African American males as hyper-violent. GTA is depicted as an open-ended play space, introducing a concept I found helpful, "field of meaning", which describes video game content as a non-uniform process shaped by social, cultural, and contextual influences. Conducted with three groups of "at-risk" youths, the research shows that hardcore gamers acknowledge aggression's transferability, but can’t identify the "wrong person" affected, children. Athletes differentiate between in-game and real-world violence but understand the influence of violent content on some. Casual gamers show varied interpretations, as the individual went from disinterest to interest in violence when put with others, suggesting that social interactions play a role in shaping perspectives.

[libidomechanica]

“Press, not locks and when the streaks, hast ye softness where borne”

A limerick sequence

               I

The fire; full ornament carefully Alexandering Boy I speak of    pearl sprung. Press, not locks and    when the streaks, hast ye softness where borne with Richard about thou?

               II

For, thou now? Words were green, she leane, framed, the only my condemn’d then can make    us were not from so    falling sea. Gift of a cheek to desire should, I opine.

               III

There too, I have beyond althought; nothings serve, but Juan to a cypress growth    and for pity of the    true? Not alofte, that dart,— beautiful, and one vena cava.

               IV

And, pass’d her arms and situation. To the Head, a God of my brook at    their spring. A simple,    from me remote hert doth as might will be from he week, to thine?

               V

Na thy strange stages, and Philosophic lyre; her stars: come odes of door, in    June, that is on, if but    no dark, cradle; his woe, but wide, as you say’st, the which fain boils.

               VI

Of my stone shape! But as a long men whores of lover headlong I should take    so destroys it; not beauty    was rather doubt? Love, deep as a clamorous sharp sparkle.

               VII

I’m guess’d, and say—I can love proud meant from mine. The joy he tulip, whose and    a living the sky, and    them shall not that awoke with his quiet as the comes away.

               VIII

’Er you know ye seemly sing silent to the days there will to thee, you will    spends up he repent. Blow,    as they streaming learning horses, like one or thanked fish-woman!

               IX

Whoever hands of at also when the stay here right I cares scum, and the    earth’s safe alas! ’Er and    weeping, tinger mine earth in you could lightest be quieted.

               X

Meet, and ruled! Three, but when it and died antagenet. Swerve. Gone to then removed,    or else walls, who takes    a procreatured either told. Yes! And nimbler murmuring.

               XI

Still, would the unhappy spirits appeareth. The letter plant with come other    lonely they common    the dusky colour of forest her and damns me in the braue.

               XII

Did not what dawning bloom, thy men, or whether? Wither frail of colour title,    hurricanes of no    vaile we should not why? Colin came to thee; then will lives us.

               XIII

To guilt thought, that least of song conne, to was sister. Let our down heave there that    beard, the starte, and shown lucus    a noun. When the steed his disgrace: binde you beautiful dream?

               XIV

From all that lurk in the daffodils. Yet I knew the choice no word to sate    its in the wish than at    Waterline who every playnts, her strife! My stocks of troubled him.

               XV

And you do not thereof nobly folly hath thy took her yet I blame, its    edge the breaches they have    bent. From kisses, there, in the thou have once, every grace to life!

               XVI

When I wrote loved! The flush’d by a separate wide and looke the roof, some pearls comes    in fresh numbering home,    if though the bound it should she wings of love there’s an in it.

               XVII

Guilty hand, leave more the removed your lives at Rome, the blacken at his dead,    and blue; strike, and raven    of Mt. Plain on men heads where myne eyes, like to each can looked.

               XVIII

The bastard sight, and play at would not to weep this; my paper siluer so    he rose, waves her own! Lest    said, by me haunting in earth. He wylfull the must play away?

               XIX

Of bards be terms in Guido’s fault I be chasing any now in black night,    and you it’s wreathing’s fierce:    ’ my ways your souls! He scentertain so stuff, live wisest the bat.

               XX

This light assay we would fly, and then? For was told, and allows on her and    no, those fall, on snowy    shriek, that we will ye hear, Eadwacer? Away. Here humble vain.

               XXI

To dull, as those to vaile, taking on thee; that is the Sphinx. When I ’d for    any trouble you blind    her Secret witch becomes in heart, nothings chiming liberty.

               XXII

He all of a call somewhere she world is saving age, i, that sweet fadeth    now my small locked, or didst    thou may foreigner, and serious each, Love? The favour for me!

               XXIII

From Love! I under one who, in your want these mone of her part,—beauty’s    declaretless—how a funnel    of inconversation, one with the want their charge of pains.

               XXIV

How them often hear a troop of dream. Before he did not this contention:    at which their damsels! With    kisses skill Desire on her husband never about there?

               XXV

Equal with went over the cocked haye. Foolish matter; saying ever flowers    are relish, their or    a shamefull flesh and brainsoaked garden gave was it was.

               XXVI

Into them I love in dew? Whose disparity of yore. Than ever shining    no more better clown,    sitting much did not, then pride, and prove Nymph and howe’er histories.

               XXVII

And shooting over them and dumb? Our spring and hence, then, in sleep. Tis better    other and the very    kindly with the stalks to change, war, a stones with pardon me.

               XXVIII

Whose descry a mournful gust own, and all the dark palm trees, lay the Mounter    bark and her maxim forming    is fawn. But the greet thy silver-clearer bid falcon-eye?

               XXIX

The river on. And her parley Mill her, Sister, or identity. Out,    the below, mild revoke    thee, you within and farewell’d towards of the green, a catch light.

               XXX

These, freckled and die: your sounds, siller in the days that he mirror these that    once, and farewell’d grass;    but live at sings rare a words were they were white, we’re weeping, cheek!

               XXXI

Still with it must enemy who take her days that flatter with fig forever    than shorn away? Ay,    Love wither whither steep may be: vnited as that would under.

               XXXII

Wound up from death to do we home. To sea, betrother braiding galleries    of the sun and a places    all past: dissolution I move into his terrible!

               XXXIII

And on pole! Humid see and tell, wherein came years it grew,—saith sike delight,    told timidly expire.    And this, faint extremely dash the palate thy wit we can he.

               XXXIV

Burner, sad temper Juan all the Sphinx. But where was a more. Of wife butteranced    in the rising    speech, and woman, in dead fled feel it should remain day, till these.

               XXXV

Shape of the table to thy goodly race! You will not you no stinge, he talled    Hope is my ladies    ruin. To looking on her stain’d of sunsettle, where further.

               XXXVI

Tush, there. That lurk in a damsels in New York, lying easy my extremely    few: I have ye, merry    head, and golden will, they with ’haviour simple state a maid.

               XXXVII

Nor Palinode if thou have been adverse. Mother mistress a night of fire    it was fully. Southwest    stomakes him daily sails the fragrant mind was not quicken.

               XXXVIII

She slain an owl-songs of a silent claim it was off, and I hold of a    there, and a feint. Yet into    a swooning on thy good release: she shall used up a weight.

               XXXIX

How she had choice is a tighten’d, murmur, seem Angel of reason betighted    to drink? Let could make    so mastery object of Eternity, where will ne’er renne.

               XL

And yet, heart the simple she sweete Violines. For Poesy! When not in ashes,    those themselves sae press    grown, resembling extant with they may between the presented!

               XLI

For him, looking, enamour, ’ reply, marrying were are not he. Meanwhile    her brow’s blue; stripping, cheek,    but she, like a common to cast a corpse-light the daffodils.

               XLII

Then she next day, and the raignes and bones which lays bore: now I must between    first stronger went to his    fechtin’ a kennel. And look into linger; the horn, and breath.

               XLIII

Death, and the hour own heart within it. -Shed her, and please mind in the breath crime,    and poor fishes,—he dream!    A hand of love-poem! Are flowers quickly five. Meads some tree.

               XLIV

Break, and fiery like home one gentleman, and be barren to face in    for Cleone. But the wisardsweltre    inlaid who eats heard nobleness, and to my dear, the bough!

               XLV

—You can’t the her sinks back-hoe. Will streamlet flye: sike might, unlevel without    signs, and Science, far away.    That the whose will pry into think that that through with the weeds.

               XLVI

So sweet, in so he castle, an’ wilfull of mine own full tongue. I’ll taken    of sunset, because he    will hear me? Bettering letter cloud that stepped it a tawdrie lace.

               XLVII

When beauteous eyes a lawn in none; and, and betray us. Their his like an    infancy as just of    them and heavy! So noises and there was compare? Ten tragedie.

               XLVIII

Serene, and keepe in and part potent to you would burnish matter answer    and the fish. To sharp eyes,    but, pale than field, may I love, why should make here, so cleft our love.

               XLIX

While young Semele such place, as on her charm, alas! That white fancie, draw one:    a poor hath been entangle    heats.—Excuse her his neuer her all in libel, or fret.

               L

Or articles of Glory. I am from eyes shut index. A longer    and nowe wildering, I    gavel. Tho’ in the learne there is Dido, dead made up in earth.

               LI

A coldly ting’d with us. And thy beauty. For, Maud and, some cannot toss    and such as amiss,    expected. Place came light Emperor histories. So saint, to hide wave!

               LII

To my tears, whoso fair attitude, Shared with together round. And warrior    magnets all of fervenche    that the breeze with it faithful Sun. Or the whole would faint a kind.

               LIII

A soft land, and thou seems Beauties the Elysian miracle; and put be    crown’d by a right the young    man, let the glad of ruin. More to ill: there’s joy, Adieu!

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 5 #177 texts #limerick sequence

[pazzesco]

Skeleton Clock

Unique early 19th century weight driven skeleton clock with complex experimental escapement - Invented by James Wright, made for him by the clockmaker George Andrew Jepson in 1826

The dial The silvered brass dial consisting of four interlinked circles, measuring between 2.5 and 8.5 inches in diameter; the smallest showing running seconds and engraved in Arabic fives around an engraved band, the second partially etched in black with an open centre revealing the hour, the third with banded decoration to its periphery and carrying the full signature

"Inventum a Jacobo Wright quondam Coll: Hert et nuper Aul Mag: Oxon 1826 Jepson Fecit."

and the largest in the form of an open centred ring showing minutes, again, marked in Arabic fives with an engraved band to the inner edge, with original blued steel hands. The seconds are shown on the uppermost dial via a running hand advancing every two seconds. The minutes are shown on the largest dial and are driven directly from the centre wheel. The hours are displayed through an aperture and are shown on a weight-activated jumping hour system; on the half hour, a three-wheeled pin begins to lift a weight set below the hour dial, as the minute hand revolves, the weight is lifted over a pulley so that precisely on the hour, the pin is released and the hour jumps forward.

The Movement The lead weight fixed on a double pulley to give longer duration and driving a barrel of 16 turns, wound via a protected winding square accessible only on pulling forward the hinged thermometer plate, to a series of three geared winding wheels; the great wheel driving a 16 leaf pinion to a 360-toothed centre wheel measuring 10 inches in diameter with six finely shaped tapered crossings, directly driving the minute hand; the centre wheel also drives a 6 leaf pinion linked to a substantial, solid steel 30-toothed 'scape wheel. The scape wheel is controlled by a wedge shaped sapphire entry pallet acting in conjunction with a jewelled deadbeat-type exit pallet. These pallets are set onto an ingenious system of counter-balanced pivotted levers that transfer impulse to the gilt wood 'dumb bell' balance mounted above, set on a knife edge suspension, and terminating at each end with a turned brass timing disc, japanned black and offering some form of micrometer regulation via a pair of endless screws.

All of the above is set within a heavy brass frame, the plates measuring 5/8ths of an inch thick and cast in the form of a stylised hour glass united by four plain turned pillars All protected from the elements and probing fingers by a rectangular framed glazed hood that.

The case In two parts, the upper section a rectangular-section mahongany plinth that carries the movement and dome, set with a moulded cornice over a recessed centre panel and crisply carved foliate volutes to each corner, applied to the front with a 12 inch long mercury thermometer with large bulb and engraved silvered scale measuring from minus 10 to plus 110 degrees, the brass scale itself hinged at the right hand side and when opened will display the shuttered winding square for the winding arbour; this plinth is further set on a circular-section column terminating in a short socle and square base on squat bun feet Total height including the dome is 2.05m (6ft 9in) high. Movement frame height 27cm (10.5in) high.

#antique #skeleton clock #clock #james wright #george andrew jepson #furnishings

[linuxgamenews]

Dungeon Alchemist next big content drop due to release

Dungeon Alchemist AI-powered mapmaking application game for Linux, Mac, and Windows PC has its third big content update out soon. Which is all due to the work and creative of developer Briganti. Currently going strong via Steam Early Access with 94% Very Positive reviews. Dungeon Alchemist is the AI-powered mapmaking application for fantasy games. Which is now due to launch its third big content update on January 31st. The Winter Wonderland content update will be available at no extra cost. Coming to all owners of Dungeon Alchemist on Steam. Let it snow and cover all outside objects in a cozy white blanket. You can also add brand new winter heme assets. Such as snowmen, ice thrones, or whatever strikes your fancy. With over 500 new assets and a set of shiny new features. All due to give mapmakers more creativity than ever before.

Dungeon Alchemist - AI-powered Mapmaking

Dungeon Alchemist is an AI-powered mapmaking application that enables you to make high-quality content fast.

Features:

An easy to use, simple interface that allows you to create high-quality maps, fast!

An ever growing list of themes. Also, rooms that can be instantly generated

A vast library of thousands of objects to use in your maps

Tools that allow you to shape almost anything you create

Simple Dungeon Alchemist options to swap out floors, walls, windows, and doors on the fly

Realtime 3D terrain shaping: raise or lower terrain. You can also draw paths and rivers and explore mountains, canyons, hills, islands, ...

Export options that instantly create a map ready for print. Or to be imported seamlessly in your favorite VTT

Adjustable light settings

In 2021, Wim De Hert and Karel Crombecq ran a Kickstarter campaign to fund the concept. Due to fund the AI-powered mapmaking application and promptly raised €2.4 million. Also making it one of the top ten most funded boardgame Kickstarter projects of all time. Dungeon Alchemist has since elevated TTRPG players' role-playing experience to the next level. Growing into a community of over 100.000 users that share their creations which each other. Inspiring them to create ever more impressive maps. Which is available on Steam, priced at $44.99 USD / £31.99 / 37,99€. Along with support for Linux, Mac, and Windows PC.

#dungeon alchemist #mapmaking #application #linux #gaming news #briganti #ubuntu #mac #windows #pc

[chrisprosser2]

amusement park rides (research)

Bumper cars

Bumper cars are electric powered go cart with a rubber ring around them so you can purposely crash into other people in the other cars, and they are on a rubber like mat with a border around (usually rectangular shaped) so you don't hert anyone that is not on the rubber lime mat.

Log flume

Log flume is a water ride where you can sit in a log or log shaped boat and you can also get wet riding this ride so be shore to were sone waterproof cloves.

[maxa0109]

(со страницы "Love Heart and Old Door. Pink Hert Shaped Balloon and Vintage Door" Metal Print for Sale by maxa0109)

#findyourthing #redbubble

[fiercerthanyou]

Lover’s Eyes!

Eye miniatures are typically made of painstakingly detailed watercolors on polished pieces of ivory, and surrounded by carved gems, enameled metals, and human hair. These exquisite, enigmatic objects are frequently unsigned, making the majority unattributable to a single artist, and because they depict only a single eye and sometimes a stray lock of hair or eyebrow, the sitter’s identity is also often obscured.

Gold oval brooch with a band of diamonds within a blue glass guilloche border surrounded by white enamel (1890). Lady’s blue right eye with dark brow,

Gold brooch surrounded by a rope of brown hair (ca. 1835), lady’s blue left eye, with wisp of hair that match es in color the hair in the rope, 5/16 x 1/8 inches,

Circular gold brooch with rope surround (ca. 1800), blue left eye, 1 x 1/4 inches,

Shagreen heart-shaped bodkin box (ca. 1835), lady’s left blue eye and dark brow, 1 1/4 x 2 3/8 x 2 3/8 inches (photo courtesy Michelle Rowan),

Gold link bracelet centered with glazed oval aperture, the reverse of the aperture backed with mother-of-pearl (ca. 1840), French school, gentleman’s brown right eye and brow, 3/4 x 1 x 5/8 inches,

Ivory toothpick case with gold piqué embellishment, hinged lid, and burgundy velvet interior (ca. 1890), lady’s blue right eye with blue and gray clouds at the edges, 5/8 x 1 5/16 x 5/16 inches,

Gilt metal bracelet clasp on a strap of plaited brown hair, surmounted by glazed oval aperture ringed with rosettes (ca. 1830), 1 1/32 x 1 1/4 x 7 3/4 inches,

All images from Lover’s Eyes: Eye Miniatures from the Skier Collection and courtesy of D Giles, Limited / Hyperallergic

#art #design #jewelry #jewellery #eyes #lovers #lover'seyes #miniature #human #enigna #brooch #hert-shaped #gold #bracelet #mystery #surreal #18th century #history #style #skier collection #D Giles

[stygiantarot]

Unusual Divination Methods

A long ass list of methods of divination, just in case you’re curious ~~~~~~

Divination is the method of discerning answers beyond a direct interaction. It can be used for foreseeing future outcomes or problems, but that isn’t inherent. It can also be used to commune with entities like deities or spirits, or even for delving deeper into the self (like shadow work).

There are many forms of divination. So many. There are even many forms of what would be considered “unusual” beyond the more commonly practices like cartomancy, runes, or stichomancy. Today I shall be focusing on ones I’m familiar with so I can better elaborate and answer questions.

The methods I will be exploring today:


Aleuromancy: divination using flour (or a flour substitute!)


Catoptromancy: a form of scrying using a mirror (my method uses a cast iron pan actually!)


Osteomancy: divination using bones

~~~~~~

Aleuromancy

A form of divination using flour that’s mentioned in some Mesopotamian cunefiorms, as well as being practiced in Greece and Rome. There are a couple ways this can be done. Firstly is when you pour out the dry flour and look at the way it falls into a bowl or on a plate or surface. Much like tea leaf reading (tasseography), you seek out shapes in the flour and interpret based on that. Another variation is doing the same but after you’ve mixed the flour with the liquids you’re baking with and kneaded it/mixed it and then taken it away to be baked. You examine the remaining streaks of wet dough on your surfaces for shapes and patterns.

The third method is to actually put slips of paper into the items you’re baking to be taken at random and broken open to answers questions after they’re cooked (akin to fortune cookies). This can be a tricky process depending on what sort of paper or ink you’ve used (speaking from experience :-X). The historical Greek version of this used excerpts of famous philosophy and mixed the balls of doughs nine times (a significant number in Ancient Greece)

It can take a lot of patience to try and find shapes and patterns in flour and admittedly it’s much easier with tea leaves. No wonder that became the standard. Don’t get disheartened if it isn’t something you have success with. You might have more fun and results experimenting with the baking slips of paper into dough methods. Great for ritual cookies!

The kind of divining using this method is very simple, more “omen-like” than detailed q&as like in Tarot or runes. Expect to see simple images that may give insight to something coming your way (a boat or bird showing a trip) or warn of a specific type of trouble that may be on the horizon (a money sign showing finances) rather than getting a formulated question clearly answered. However, you can dabble in that methodology when using the slips of paper instead. That way is more akin to stichomancy where you get a general idea or snapshot of the emotion or proverb-like metaphor to your question.

The type of flour can be tailored to help “fine tune” the reading as well- much like a certain flavor or tea or a certain deck of cards. Keep in mind that all types of grains/flours have a baseline association with prosperity and material gain/finances so this method of divination is especially good for those type of questions!



Flour Correspondences:


Acorn: An uncommon one in stores of course, but has deep wildcrafting results if you have the time and patience to grind some yourself. Associated with protection, health, money, healing, potency, fertility, luck, wealth, wisdom, and personal power.


Almond: creativity, luck, wisdom, spiritual understanding, nostalgia

Buckwheat: Money, protection, dreams and sleep


Flaxseed: health, finances, prosperity, beauty, psychic powers

Oat: family, home, hearth, money

Potato: protection, banishing, soothing/healing


Rice: prosperity, career/job, travel, romantic relationships/sex

Wheat: general prosperity, rebirth/renewal, solar energy

~~~~~~

Catoptromancy

From the Greek word katoptron, meaning mirror, this is a form of scrying that specifically uses a mirror rather than flame, water, or crystal ball. However, my version is a bit of a kitchen witch twist on it. We’ll get to that in a moment!

 The Wikipedia article on it refers to a Greek temple that used this method but it was also practiced in many other countries in history. There’s references to the “true seeing” of Hathor/Het-Hert/ḥwt-ḥr mirrors as well, despite them being mainly for practical purposes. The divination is practiced most commonly by placing a mirror near water, outside in moonlight, or near a candle flame. Then the reader looks into the mirror and interprets the images seen. They can be direct appearance-based (how you look) or seeing other images. The mirror can be a standard one, a painted one, or one made of a more opaque substance like obsidian or metal.

I will say personally, I practice catoptromancy in an “inner eye” scrying way rather than a pattern/tasseography way. That means that I am the conduit and the mirror/surface is to help me get into a trance state and what I “see” will be from my mind’s eye or may likely be added to what little I see on the surface through intuition and that sixth sense. But either method is absolutely fine.

I also don’t use a mirror. I use a well loved, well seasoned cast iron skillet for my catoptromancy, with a lighted candle usually. The glossy surface is mostly black iron but is just mirrored enough from being soaked in fat over the past decades of seasoning that it performs quite well for scrying. And the sentimental value helps it’s power. You may want to select an object in a similar fashion. You can choose an important mirror (the size doesn’t matter) or pick something that is mirror-like. The reflective ability is all that matters.

Get settled down in a comfortable spot without too much light. Get your one light source ready; a candle, the moon, a small table lamp or booklight even. You’ll want to be grounded, centered, and calm and then let yourself “zone out” in order to get into the mindset for scrying. Then examine your own reflection for certain aspects that stand out or look past yourself (or angle the mirror to not be looking right at you) to see other shapes or patterns that you expand upon with your trance state. Keeping a journal for this method is especially important. There’s an emotional and internal reflection aspect that can be helpful to refer back to and examine how things went in your life after certain sessions. It can also pair well with dream magic. What you were seeking might manifest after the trance mirror session in your dreams. This method of divination is especially good for shadow work as well.

~~~~~~

Osteomancy

Bones, bones bones! Throwing the bones! Examining the bones! Reading the bones! This is a divination method that obviously uses bones in order to determine associations and messages. It was prevalent in so many cultures throughout ancient and more recent history that it’s hard to pin down a single source. However, there are definitely methods that have particular cultural ties and those should be respected when it comes to closed ones. 

Much like runes or staves, the most common method counts upon both the appearance of the bones themselves as well as their placement in a “casting” (when you gently toss them onto a flat surface). Casting sets also frequently include items that aren’t just bones like small stones, coins, shells, pieces of jewelry, etc.

You can carve, mark, paint or stain the bones in ways that have personal associations to you to help in reading them. You can obtain these bones in any ethical way you are comfortable with. I don’t believe they have to be remains you have processed yourself; though that can add a different spiritual component. You should be considerate in collecting your set though. There is no set number of objects to have (even a single piece can answer yes/no questions) but I don’t recommend starting out of the gate with a pile. You should get comfortable with each piece and determine its associations before moving on to a new one.

Unlike Tarot, they don’t come with set meanings. Though there are sometimes obvious ones: a coin for finances, a seedpod or nut for fertility/prosperity, a sharp tooth for protection, etc. Think about what creature the bone is from, what part of the body, what shape it has when helping determine your personal associations. Treat it like a correspondence for herbs or crystals and that way you can have a more organic “sliding scale” type meaning for when you cast rather than a rigidly detailed one like with Tarot. For example: a meaning like “luck” or “prosperity” is better than “success in work”. It’s also common to have objects touch and then their meanings are joined. In the previous example you could get promotion/raise at work from having a work piece crossing with a prosperity or luck piece.

It is also up to you on what level of ritualized dedication and/or care you would like to give your set. Many people like to do a special dedication ritual to almost “welcome” the item to its new job as a divination tool (my own is what I call “Massaging the Bones”). You can also regularly cleanse and “feed” the casting set (energy that is- not literal food, though you could give it energy from something you’ve cooked in a non-literal way!). I do recommend a special bag or box to keep everything in as well as a soft thicker cloth to cast on. Just so the items don’t get damaged. Be careful in your casting. Practice a lot to know your strength level to throw while still keeping the objects safe. There may be a couple pieces (like baculums or thinner bird bones) that you need to wrap in a square of cloth before storing with the rest of your set for extra protection. This is especially true if you plan to take your set anywhere where it’ll be traveling in a bag or purse.

You can have a ritual circle of string or another material (embroidery hoop!) you lay out to help organize your cast if you like too. This is usually treated one of two ways. Like the face of a clock and items “closer” to certain times are more immediate and further away items around the imaginary numerals are more in the future. Or it’s concentric and the closer to the center of the circle are more important/relevant and then less relevant or immediate as you get closer to the edge. Those that fall outside the circle aren’t relevant to the reading.

This is a divination method you need an large amount of patience for as it is basically creating a tool yourself from scratch, even if you buy the supplies from elsewhere. The framework is laid by you. And just like someone designing a Tarot deck from scratch; be gentle with yourself and allow yourself the room to practice, change, grow, have fallow periods, return, get bored, become fanatic, etc. It’s a process sort of divination that grows like a living thing. This makes it a bittersweet one- rewarding and frustrating but mostly immensely satisfying.

~~~~~~

Divination is something that can be tailored to your desires, needs, and supplies. It can be made personal. You can create a whole new type if you like! Use what inspires you, what works for you. Use the marks on toast, the recommendations of Netflix, steam in a bathroom mirror after a shower. The world is your oyster!

#divination #TAA #stygian original #aleuromancy #catoptromancy #scrying #osteomancy #bone casting #fortune telling #mirror scrying #flour correspondences #witchcraft #witchy #witchblr #unusual divination

[wetsteve3]

REG DEARDEN’S SUPERCHARGED VINCENT 1949 VINCENT BLACK LIGHTNING FRAME NO. RC4436 ENGINE NO. F10AB/1C/2536

Sold for £ 221,500 (US$ 304,687) inc. premium Following a glorious era throughout the 1920s period very few British motorcycles were mechanically capable of contesting the rarefied world of Record Breaking. Since WWII the most frequent choice of machine for the Blue Riband of Motorcycling has been Vincent’s 1000cc Black Lightning. Vincent is undoubtedly revered as Britain’s most cherished medium-volume manufacturer but, having begun in 1928, and started manufacture at Stevenage (Herts), regularly producing several hundred machines each year, it was to universal disappointment the firm ceased trading in 1955. However, when arguably at their peak during the late 1940s, the American rider Rollie Free – formidable former Indian racer, and renowned for his hatred of Harleys – gained the World Speed Record at Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah, USA, for Un-Streamlined Machines on Fuel. This was achieved in September 1947 on a much-modified version of the 50-degree ohv vee twin. The Vincent was owned by John Edgar and, by arrangement, had been especially prepared at the factory. Famously, those last few mph of the Record attempt had proven elusive until Free stripped down to his bathing trunks, whereupon, he thundered through the traps at the magic two-way average speed of 150.31 mph. This important Record saw Vincent’s contemporary advertising proclaim they made the World’s Fastest Standard Motorcycle. And, very soon there after, the firm were prompted to introduce the Black Lightning model, incorporating a similar engine specification to that of the Edgar/Free prototype. Priced in excess of £400 it was easily Britain’s most expensive motorcycle. Is it any surprise, perhaps, but barely 30 examples were ever produced and sold. Today, a Black Lightning is categorically acclaimed as the Holy Grail of post war motorcycles.

  By its very nature Record Breaking is traditionally the most demanding of arenas. The roll call of contestants with a realistic chance of success has never extended beyond the resourceful few. However in 1949 The Motor Cycle, Britain’s leading 2-wheel publication, offered a Trophy, plus a generous £500 prize [more than the price of a new ’Lightning] for the first successful all-British attempt on the absolute World Speed Record, for which full streamlining was clearly a necessary requirement. The Record had been held since 1937 by BMW at 173.54 mph. Inspired by the Blue Un’s offer Reg Dearden, a popular high profile m/c dealer at Chorlton-cum-Hardy [Manchester], purchased a Black Lightning direct from the factory, expressly for the purpose. There was a widely held belief in those days that the guarantee for reaching these targeted speeds was most easily achieved by the fitment of a supercharger. In early 1950, therefore, Reg returned the bike to Stevenage for the retro fitting of a purpose-built Shorrocks ’charger, together with the necessary but complex “plumbing” system, which was fed via an outsize S.U. carburetor and float chamber. Other mandatory tasks included an extension of the gearbox and engine main shafts, the making of a special clutch contained by specially cast alloy casings, fabrication of a dramatically re-shaped ex Grey Flash fuel tank and, in order to correctly install the supercharger within the chassis, the main frame, engine plates, and swinging arm were strengthened-and-lengthened” by about 6 inches. The work was undertaken under the personal supervision of Phil Vincent, MD, with advice and assistance from George Brown and various other luminaries constantly involved at the Stevenage factory. Press reports of the time quote Dearden’s subsequent claims to the effect that every individual part on the bike was virtually now “one-off”, simultaneously admitting in a rueful mode how the work had cost him several thousand pounds! The work in fact proved such a massive undertaking that it took the factory until mid-July to complete.

  Public appearances of the Vincent, thereafter, were infrequent, inasmuch the next reported sighting of the now supercharged Vincent was as part of a spectacular display in a branch of Kings of Oxford, whose 20-odd shops were owned by Stan Hailwood [Mike’s father], an old friend of Dearden. Reg himself, meanwhile, was enjoying a close relationship with Norton over an arrangement that entailed the entering and supporting of a posse of promising young riders to compete in the Isle of Man TT and elsewhere, riding the Bracebridge Street machines. At any one time Dearden had at least 20 Manx Norton competitors “on his books”, a program that continued for many seasons, undoubtedly consuming an immense amount of time and concentration on his part. It is probably this reason, along with the news in 1951 that NSU had now upped the Speed Record to 180.29 mph, which caused the modified Vincent to lay dormant until 1953, when it was briefly announced in the technical press that the intended rider for the Record attempt – presumably at Bonneville – would be Les Graham [father of Stuart]. Les was already 500cc World Champion, and had been assisted by Dearden in his early career. Sadly, he was fatally injured in the 1953 Senior TT, causing yet another delay and a possible reduction in enthusiasm for the Record Breaking project. Even so there are some recorded instances of the bike in use. It was timed at Pendine Sands at 150 mph, but ran its bottom end. Following this setback it was further modified at the Stevenage factory, whose tester briefly rode the machine, fitted with silencers, on the public highway. Reg, too, apparently tried a series of straight-line Burn Outs, using “slave” tyres. And, in a letter to Classic Bike dated April 1992, Ireland’s Vincent agent, Harry Lindsey confirms how he too once rode the bike on an undisclosed aerodrome strip, although his all too brief “blast” was swiftly curtailed due to engine shaft failure.

  The setting by NSU, in 1956, of a new Speed record at Bonneville, at 211.40 mph, seemed somehow to rekindle Dearden’s interest, for it was reported he would now fly the bike to the Salt Flats – although no rider was specified – in his own Cessna airplane, for one last serious attempt. Yet again it came to nought when the CAA refused to certify the aircraft concerned for this particular mode of transportation! The Vincent thus stayed unused and neglected at Dearden’s premises over the next decade, until it was eventually sold to Eric Biddle, a publican friend, in 1970. Biddle never used the machine, but sold it on to Michael Manning, a scientist, who lived in Pennsylvania, USA. In 1977 Manning took the Supercharged Vincent to a Vincent Owners Club Rally in Canada, where it was ridden over a short distance but, after returning to his home in Philadelphia, it again remained in storage until acquired in 1987 by the present owner, a passionate collector and user of Vincents, from Texas.

  The vendor’s association with the Stevenage product is a profound and lifelong relationship. As a true aficionado he knows instinctively if a Vincent needs restoring, or when sympathetic preservation is the better route. In the case of the Dearden Vincent he’s applied the latter philosophy. After his purchase, and following a gentle re-commission, he was struck by the machine’s obvious originality. Considered alongside its minimal Running Time, over a period of sixty years, this originality creates something that is utterly unrivalled. During the last 20 years the vendor confirms that the bike has been run on several occasions. The resultant racket emitted by those huge open pipes, he claims, resembles no other. In 1999 the well-known UK photojournalist Mick Duckworth sampled the Vincent on a remote Texas highway for a 7-page feature in Classic Bike. The generous terrain allowed Mick sufficient space, and enough time, for familiarization. After reaching a speed close to 100 mph in bottom he bravely engaged second gear…at which point he suddenly remembered exactly what a precious artefact he was astride. The test ride concluded happily, however, with the owner stating, “You’ve probably ridden this Vincent further than anyone in living memory!”

  The historic Black Lightning reposes in all its visual potential, slightly oily, yet with its original HT leads and the OE Avon tyres first fitted at Stevenage so long ago; even the rims’ black factory paint remains in place. Original low usage Black Lightnings are rare, supercharged ’Lightnings rarer still. This one is unique