#hi ive been fucking Gone

[petricorah]

scenes i loved from Real Enough to Get Me Through by @marriedzukka <333 [ids in alt]

#zukka #zukka fanart #sokka #sokka fanart #zuko #zuko fanart #atla #atla fanart #avatar the last airbender #zukka fic rec #myart #yall. yall. dani. this FIC #first off it made me cry twice. not like 'oh im crying' internet speak no. like. eyes are too blurry to read let me stop this for a sec #it is SO GOOD #your prose? amazing #your insights on grief? life changing #THEM??? THEM their relationship and trust #'zuko looked at him and his world shifted on its axis' #ive been thinking about that line for WEEKS STRAIGHT #i can't tell you how many passages i screenshot just because of how beautiful or cute they were #the moment of seeing the painting of sokka's mom? how did you manage to make it so telling character wise--so sweet so PAINful AND so #cute with their relationship?!!?! #'oh so you think i'm beautiful too' #GOD #i had so many scenes i wanted to draw it was crazy #also #'Our loved ones leave impressions on us that can still impact our decisions and feelings even after they're gone' #fuck. had me crying AGAIN #seriously this fic is so wonderful and not just through a zukka lens. truly life changing you're an AMAZING writer #the fandom is so lucky to have you and i can't Believe it took me so long to get around to reading this masterpiece

[marsbotz]

seriously fucking obsessed w cunty business guy jay btw. not to be predictable or anything

#ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #jay walker #me after waiting like a whole fucking year only for 30 seconds of screentime. WHATVEER> #literally so funny how nobody gaf abt jay being gone still \LOL . idk where i heard he has amnesia but super funny if so #hes just living his best fucking weird life. whatever #ninjago spoilers #dragons rising spoilers #sorry ive been gone 5000 years please dont flop /<3

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad #we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic #was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though #it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything #also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't #tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer #both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first #time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been #making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said #i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly #implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me #bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication #we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked #& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol #which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't #even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around #a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins #literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww #am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely #concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know

[ozymoron]

hes so hot like genuinely what the actual fuck

#⚠️ #personal #his big fucking eyes have captured my fucking soul #i actually might die i think #im actually dying #im dead im gone #ive been dead #girl just gotta say. he has very kissable lips what who said that huh

[s0fter-sin]

youth by daughter is 09 soap in mw3, bitter and defeated after losing ghost, talking to 22 soap who’s so hopeful and secretly in love with his lieutenant

#just mw3 soap being broken after losing his entire team as well as ghost #talking to 22 soap who still has everything and is so full of love it almost makes 09 sick with grief #its a blend of him talking to 22 soap and almost warning him #‘and if youre still breathing youre the lucky ones. cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs’ #‘and if youre still bleeding youre the lucky ones. cause most of our feelings they are dead and they are gone’ #‘well ive lost it all im just a silhouette’ #‘and if youre in love then you are the lucky one cause most of us are bitter over someone. setting fire to our insides for fun #to distract our hearts from ever missing them. but im forever missing him’ #as well as him talking to his ghost #‘shadows settle on the place that you left. our minds are troubled by the emptiness’ #‘destroy the middle its a waste of time. from the perfect start to the finish line’ #‘my eyes are damp from the words you left ringing in my head when you broke my chest’ #theres a fic by m1ckstar i think? something like that #about soap worshipping price and him just slowly losing it after he comes back and breaks his perception of him as a god #and mourning ghost at the same time #and i never shouldve read bc fuck if it didnt hurt #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #talk to me ghost #soapghost #ghostsoap #09 soapghost #09 soap #09 ghost #soap cod #soap mactavish #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #we’re a team. ghost team

[feral-mouse]

YALL SORRY I'M DRAWING DAVIS AGAIN AND I'M LIKE THAT'S HIM!!! THAT'S FUCKING HIM LIKE FINALLY

#shut up 🐁 #archer davis #my art #my oc #wip #ive been making to do the murder oc week stuff but have been soooo busy this week 😭 #ive been trying to get all of my assignments done before the weekend because I'm essentially gonna be gone the entire two days #i thought it'd be fun to add pictures of my ocs when i talk about them but there are barely any (good) davis pictures #so i was like 'fuck it im gonna draw a new one' #AND HE ACTUALLY LOOKS OLDER LIKE PSJFJKW #HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE IN HIS 50S. IDK IF I DID THAT WELL BUT HE'S KINDA GETTING THERE I THINK

[thebirdmanhewatches]

Going feral about hinndredd and hinndredd Louie really all the hinndredd characters and versions of characters it’s where a lot of the older ideas regarding when hinndredd was on earth went along with the door lore, the Hamilton rip-off, the older version of current earth patchwork back when he was just a original patchwork reboot and not his own thing inspired mildly by bojack horseman, the older nightmare fuel reboot and associated lore, thauriel, Magnus tilby, more distilled and combined forms of characters that are sometimes somewhat demigod esc, the tower with myself at the top of it, azazel/cult on his endless quest to dig a pit, the scp characters, Magnus tilby, stuff regarding the origins of bauddalins, both types of joy(which ended up basically zombies without me noticing), every dropped plot thread that has ever existed, Magnus tilby

#hark says i #100%birdmade #ocs #<*| hinndredd #<*| bauddalins #oc lore #my oc lore is so self referential and tangled no one but me can decipher it #when you get two separate reboots of the exact same guy deep you know you’ve gone to far #when every remotely separate evolution of Louie Howard has been made into their own characters you’re in too deep #fuck I’m actually three patchwork reboots deep if I’m putting the first fully fledged form of the first proper patchwork reboot in hinndredd #hinndredd doesn’t count hinndredd doesn’t count #see having new ideas is hard so when I get bored I go back to old ideas but do them different this time #hence the fucking joshes(technically louies but Louie would be so pissed if anyone else had his name and I respect him) #I offer him a seat as a god of this world Ives made but he has no free will so he cannot take it I keep the option open for him though #oh shit there is another Louie Louie from back when they went to space but as previously stated Louie cannot think for himself so he cannot #actually be pissed at me #I could just not have louie from back when they went to space but a lot of hinndredd stuff is from just after his era and he and all the cha #racters surrounding him are so unique from their later counterparts I can’t help but include them #old Nora and Eira where fucking wild #plus like I want space travel and no one else does that except from Bob who’s lore is exclusively a David bowie animatic and becomes the god #of natural death after getting scooped by birds #aka god aka myself #so many bobs too I just don’t make a big deal out of it because they’re all from mostly irrelevant lore and I don’t like them

[orcelito]

I think I cried harder today over my dad's jackets than I did at his deathbed. That was a miserable time of course, a memory that will likely be seared into my brain until I die, but I cried... I think a normal amount, all things considered. More than I ever usually do of course, but I typically don't cry At All. All this free crying is certainly surreal.

The jackets, though. I was put in charge of doing his laundry, because we don't want to pack up dirty clothes. I was expecting it to be unpleasant bc my dad's dirty clothes - gross. But really, it was much more unpleasant in that... those were his. It felt wrong to touch them. Felt wrong to treat his jackets as gross. Because they were just his jackets. They weren't even in the hamper. And then I was remembering him wearing them, and then I was crying. Again. And again. Weeping over these damn jackets.

Then I found a shirt on his bed that still smelled like him. It smelled like a Hug From Dad. And that set me off crying even harder.

In total, I think I cried like 6 times within 40 minutes. It took me that long to finish sorting the damn clothes bc I just. Was a wreck. Like, what are you supposed to do when you're living life like normal, vaguely hopeful bc you're taking steps to secure your own happiness, and then 4 days later you're sorting your dad's laundry because he fucking died. Suddenly. Without a goodbye.

And you have to worry about his lack of a will (even under an ideal situation, only 2 heirs and no conflicts between us, probate's a fucking Bitch), and arranging the funeral, and prepping his obituary, and picking out pictures, and writing a speech bc you want to talk at his funeral, of Course you want to talk at his funeral, but even just thinking about anecdotes you could share has you crying yet again.

I've cried more times in the past 3 days than likely the entirety of last YEAR. And that's WITH my cat, and uncle, and family friend dying. Those all hurt, my uncle most of all, & I was real fucked up over it. But this? This was my Dad. Likely the person I'd have named 2nd closest to me in my life, second only to my sister. He wasn't perfect, but he did so much for me throughout my entire life. All he wanted was to raise us to be happy and independent. And he accomplished it, we're getting by without him, but we still wanted several more decades with him. He was only 57. We should've gotten several more decades with him.

But here we are now. Playing investigators to his life, digging into all his shit, trying to find documents and take inventory of all his things, and learning Many things about him in the process. In his lockbox of sensitive documents, like his SSN and birth certificate and all that stuff, we found an old letter. About a decade old now, written in my hand. Right at the very top, we found that he'd kept the letter I wrote to him telling him frankly about my struggles and the things I wanted him to do better. He kept it. He tried to take it to heart. He looked at it again, sometime more recently than all the rest of the documents. That was on top.

His love for us is evident everywhere. The pictures he has hanging up all over the place, majority of them with us in them. The old fathers day cards placed on display in his bedroom bookshelf. The gifts we gave him, even stupid little knick knacks, placed around his apartment with pride. I wish we'd taken more videos of him. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I don't want to forget his smell either, the smell of a Hug From Dad, but I still tossed that shirt into the wash even though it felt like saying yet another goodbye.

It's the suddenness that hurts the most, I think. We were planning on having him help me finally get my license this year. My final words to him, the last thing he would've seen from me, were messages asking up on whether he'd called his car insurance company to make sure there wouldn't be problems. I should've called him more. I don't know if I'm going to learn from this.

I cut my 2 weeks off early to have time to grieve and to work on things for the funeral and settling the estate. The last thing I'd wanna do right now is selling fucking bubble tea in a job I already decided to leave. So here I am without a job, though with potentially two life insurance policy payouts to come. Inheriting half his 401k. Inheriting couches, knickknacks, keepsakes, paintings, art pieces, maybe even his guitar and other furniture if we can figure out what to do about space (I don't have room for this furniture, I don't know if I even have room for the couches, but God do I want to keep so much of this furniture). It has me even considering keeping one of his guns, just one. A tiny little revolver, it sits so comfortably in my hand. I don't even want to use it for anything. I just want to have it, keep it stored in a drawer with its ammo kept separate. I don't like guns, but this is a part of him. He loved collecting guns. He was about as responsible with them as someone can be, keeping them locked in a lockbox and impressing upon his children the importance of gun safety (I've known the basic gun safety rules ever since I was a little kid. Of course, of course, of course.) It reminds me of him. It's horrifically easy to have a gun in Indiana. I apparently don't even need a permit to carry anymore. (I have no intention to ever carry this in public.)

It's all a cycle. Business, grief, thoughts about my future. Round and round, like the most nauseating carousel in existence. I don't know how I'm still so functional. My skills with compartmentalization have been my lifesaver.

And im just thinking about the story my dad's best friend shared today. About a friend of theirs who lost her father. She reached out after hearing about my dad to share his words with her: "it's okay to grieve, but don't make his death your life".

He explicitly referenced himself in this, saying if he were to die suddenly that he wouldn't want us to define ourselves by it. Grief is expected, but he wants us to be able to move on. He's always wanted us to establish ourselves and make ourselves happy. He wouldn't want to be a weight holding us back from that.

So every time I start to feel guilty for thinking about having nicer furniture or using his life insurance payout to fund the rest of my college, I remind myself of that. Thinking about the material isn't a bad thing. I'm only human. And in the end, he'd Want me to be thinking about it. He never intended to die, certainly not without warning like this, so he would've only encouraged me being pragmatic about it all.

He only ever wanted us to be happy. So I need to do what I can to live up to that.

I love him. I miss him already.

#speculation nation #negative/ #this got really long on accident. but i think typing this out was really helpful for me. #getting the thoughts out. processing. the works. #nearly cried several times just from writing this. #...and honestly i might reference this again when i start seriously writing my eulogy. #things suck a Lot right now. and i really wish they were different. #feels like i picked a bad choice in a video game and am now seeing the Bad Ending or whatever #all i need to do is reload a previous save. it's all still there. perfectly preserved in my memories. #but... that's all gone. as suddenly and unfair as it is ive been thrust into a new chapter of my life so thoroughly. #it's not all bad though. he wasnt prepared for dying so it's been hell to prepare for him #we dont know if we'll even be able to get into his fucking iphone. stupid piece of shit. #but he had life insurance. he had a union job. and That comes with benefits #(something about a year's salary going to the family. aka half a year's salary to Me. and isnt That mind boggling.) #as much as it hurts im going to be realistic about it. im going to do what i need to finish my education. #and im going to use it as a springboard for finally becoming a 'proper adult'. #the kind who could own a nice kitchen fridge. one with an ice machine on the front of the door #and freezers in the drawers. #maybe then i could think about getting motorcyle lessons. not from my dad as i originally wanted #but i wanna keep the family biker spirit alive. i wanted it even before he died. and now i want it even more. #ive had so so many thoughts. it's only been 3 days. ive had to emotionally numb myself several times just to Get Through It. #everything is exacerbated. my mom wants to go to the funeral. we will have to fight her on this. my dad Hated her. #and i certainly dont fucking want her around either. not then. not when im talking about my dad. #(my dad. my Dad. i saw him die. i felt him cold. i do not regret it. it still hurts me.) #it's overwhelming. i loved him so fucking much. even with his flaws he was truly an amazing father. #i'll... shut up now. if you read this far. well. hug your loved ones a little tighter. you never know when youll lose them.

[lord-shitbox]

I like how as the season goes on it's made more and more clear how Kirishima's shift from "demon" to "kind and reliable adult figure" isn't actually as unprecedented as some characters in the show feel it is. Like with him entertaining Yaeka when they were both younger, before Miyuki's accident, and how he went with Sugihara to apologize to the antique seller lady when theyd just met.....like I just. love how it shows he always had the seeds of kindness in him! even in his terrible youth! It's just that he's finally starting to grow them now

#the yakuza's guide to babysitting #kumichou musume to sewagakari #kirishima tooru #ygtb #YK..LIKE....ALSO. HE HAD MIYUKI AND AOI TO LOOK UP TO IN HIS YOUTH. AND NOW NEITHER OF THEM R REALLY THERE IN THE SAME WAY #theyre not Gone gone but he's stepped forward into those roles in their place (''brother'' for sugihara + caregiver for Yaeka) #yk....hes growing up...from being the one in a position to be cared for hes growing into being a kinder person that can care for others #from that state of such violence. yk. #I WAS GONNA POST SCREENSHOTS BUT THE SITE ISNT WORKING. NO VISUAL EVIDENCE SORRY. #from episodes 7 and 12. like he did not have to take sugihara in and did not have to go with him to apologize for stealing! #& how he played w baby yaeka...like! hes always been a kind person it just wasn't expressed much!! #put brother (2 sugihra) in quotes because you know how translation is. fucked up. literally translated it's brother but in like a sworn bro #kind of way. frat bro kind of way. idk i dont work here #+ not really sure how to explain why taking sugihara to apologize is so significant to me but im p sure it's a Thing. its a Gesture #could also be him demonstrating 2 the shopkeeper that the sakuragi family has her back. but still he couldve handled the situation in #many other &less kind ways. also the fact that he let sugihara apologize on his own instead of forcing him or like beating him up &dragging #him to the shopkeeper. #ill rewatch ygtb and take notes on kirisugi relationship ive got headcanons #aro krishima and bi sugihara homiebestieship agenda

[exsqueezememacaroni]

gods I love Mike's voice

#hi full disclosure #im still on puppy hours plus catching up on work post hard puppy time #and ive been doing a straight listen of hbomberguy's DK nightmare stream (60 hours) #but in between has been kfad and just now i put on California and FUCK Mike sounds so good after a break #like a real goddam angel #@ashestoashesfnm97 i saw your post! kiss kiss happy new year #same to you @angeldustking #and @perfectisaskinnedknee we need to TALK holy moly #ok i salute you from the trenches really realy im not gone #i just need to make 16 baskets in 6 days on 4 hrs of sleep #uhhhhhhh..... #mike patton

[pyrriax]

hi tumblr im pyrr pyrriax and im in my trimonthly artist arc, lord help me and all the projects that are currently sitting in my drafts while i am lured in by the siren song of drawing

#haunted ecosystem #this is not helping with how much my hands hurt on a daily basis this is why i type and dont handwrite/draw very much. #im lured in regardless and i really need to find an artform that doesnt Hurt but for now. digital art <3 #like theres a difference between my dumb doodles (quick easy not much different from regular computer usage) and actual art #but im an artist at heart i spent sooooo long being an artist and thinking i was shit at writing. that is wrong! im actually kinda good #im rambling in tags today because i have been not social (my partner is in genshin hell and my beloved is. somewhere.) #okay but on another note i reread the first. couple chapters of wtds this morning? the pacing is a little weird and the tense is fucked #but its actually a lot better than i thought it was? you can tell i was fleshing everybody out in my head and i totally forgot about how #i described the watcher [who i am STILL redacting the name of until we get there] and just. ough. pandora being very logical #and then jumping to the latest chapter and fucking sobbing because i forgot about how it went and just. pandora and his. #whatever the fuck is wrong with him. #i have gotta start recommending people read that again. its surprisingly friendly without context because of how i approached it #that fic has taught me so many things its actually a little comical. it also made me relearn how to make and write ocs so thats fun #once i finish that main fic (and i WILL i am actually planning to sign up for a thing. im finishing it i swear.) i finally get to show off #more of the world and characters ive crafted. showing backstories and what-ifs and all these oneshots ive been keeping close to my chest #for like absolutely ages because i dont want any spoilers on my tumblr #and. im finishing that fic in pseudo-memoriam of somebody who deleted their accounts everywhere. still miss you dane! #ok this has completely gone off topic ily tumblr im going back to drawing and i might make a new pfp #it'll still be lavius but it'll be fray lavius since i think about him a lot and i like his color palette.

[sea-jello]

i’m actually surprised i’ve never seen this one

also bald michael

#HOW THE FUCK DO YOU DRAW MICHAELS HAIR IM GOING TO RIOT #IVE GONE THROUGH LIKE 4 DIFFERENT WAYS TO DO IT IN MY LIFETIME #I REDID IT TWICE IN THIS ONE ALONE IF NOT FOR HIS HAIR I WOULD HAVE BEEN DONE WITH THE WHOLE THING IN LIKE 10 MINUTES #i colored it at first but i didn’t like it so you get black and white #posting bmc angst and then immediately following up with PISS is really funny to me #i couldn’t find the picture by itself so i went to op and grabbed the picture directly from the post #i’ve done this meme for every fandom i’ve majorly been in on tumblr so far #which is 2 #can that count as tradition #bmc #be more chill #jeremy heere #michael mell #bmc jeremy #jeremy bmc #michael bmc #bmc michael #jellos scribbles

[selenealwayscries]

im actually posting skins again yayyyyyy <- exhausted

ive been missing him for the entire day so i spent like 6 hours in front of my laptop making this

the link to it will be in the reblogs as usual o7

#mcyt #dont really wanna tag this but . #dsmp #and #dsmpblr #mcytblr #technoblade #technoblade fanart #mc skin #if my tags look messier than usual its because i havent posted dsmp adjacent content in ages ive forgotten how i used to tag them o(-( #i miss him so much #i know its been almost half a year since hes gone but it still doesnt feel real #sometimes i still get his old videos recommended to me on youtube and its just as if he never left at all #im genuinely so thankful for technodad for bringing us so much comfort and keeping his memories alive on reddit #i dont actively use reddit for shit but whenever i see him talk id still open it just to check out what he has to say #something something what died didnt stay dead youre alive so alive <- t*yl*r sw*ft fan #sorry the swiftie kicked in for a sec anyways #the urge to go back and binge his content is real but the fear of fucking up my university grades is even stronger #i should probably go actually grind out my proposal . or my website . or my essay on ethub- *GIANT ROCK FALLS ON MY HEAD* #catgirl supreme #moondrop.exe

[hella1975]

this isn't meant to like. make you give your opinion on Discourse™️ or anything I just wanted to ask, but I keep seeing people upset about taylor dating mr. 1975 and I can't figure out if it's bc he's a terrible person or just a greasy alcoholic 😭😭😭 do you know what's up with that guy??? like on one hand I like not knowing things about celebs and I should keep it that way. but also

i, unfortunately, do know what's up with that guy and it's that he's said something problematic about every faction of society at least once. for me i have some weird, reluctant fondness for him because he is just a train wreck and he's such a twat all the time that at least it's nondiscriminating, and i also like that when he sings about mental illness it's bc he's actually BEEN THERE and been publicly a mess bc of it and been addicted to drugs and acted like a dick, and he ACKNOWLEDGES THAT, but also at no point am i gonna jump on the 'he's an amazing person' parade bc generally he is just a sleazy idiot. it is weird watching people suddenly dragging up every single thing he's ever said to be like 'look! this is why he's bad for our tay tay!' when the running joke with matty healy is that he's just a prick. like u dont need to expose his moral fibre. u can just say he's a prick. and also as funny as the jokes are she's still a grown woman who's been around the block a few times when it comes to dating. i think she will be okay maybe

#idk that's just what i think though. like he's been cancelled more times than he has songs and yet a lot of us are still here #and he acknowledges it like there's a running gag at his live shows where he goes to say a very explosive sentence and then he gets cut off #by the band with a random song it's so funny. like he'll go 'i just think that immigrants- *LOUD GUITAR*' & i think that's a part of it too #is that a lot of people don't get that sometimes he's being ironic? he takes it too far and these days he's annoying #but idk ive seen certain instances where im like. that went over so many people's heads #idk i just dont think he's Evil and Malicious i think he's just a prick. like people can just be pricks even if they're super famous. wild #he's so fucking pretentious but he got famous for being REAL and his music has helped a lot of people because of how real it was #like i made a post a while ago about his song 'give yourself a try' and how the concept of it is literally #'life is a little bit shit to be quite honest with you and you WILL get fucked over by it and fuck yourself over but you're here anyway #so you might as well give it a go' like???? so many mental health ballads are like 'the world is So Beautiful and So Are You' #but matty healy ALWAYS has gone actually it isnt and you arent. whatever though #and i just really like that #ask #also big disclaimer that i dont have an encyclopedic knowledge of all the dumb shit matty healy has said ive just been listening #to the band for a while and have picked shit up along the way. if it turns out he's done some actually reprehensible shit that ive missed #then that's literally bc i do not actively run in 1975 circles and do not intend to ever start <3 so dont yell at me LMAO

[mieczyhale]

if y'all fuckers who think bucky barnes is a villain wanna see a villain so bad i'd be more than happy to show you one : )

#if you're gonna be so fucking ignorant #so cold hearted and stupider than shit #you're part of my villain origin story #maybe leave the tortured man alone - the one trying to recover from 70 years of unimaginable pain and horror and violation- #he didnt sign up for that shit. he was experimented on by zola while he was a prisoner. he was given the serum against his will #and everything that happened to him after his fall from the train?? he didnt fucking want that or ask for that either #that grabbed him at a point where a normal person would've been dead. he's fallen into a goddamn ravine #his arm was aleady fucked. he wasnt a that aware of his surroundings #its not like he waltzed up to the nearest hydra base and offered his fucking services #they captured him. again. they operated on him. tortured him. brainwashed him - and that's JUST what we saw on screen. for 70 fucking years #and through the years he's frozen #again and again and again #ive seen sympathy for steve being frozen for 70 years - sympathy that is absolutely deserved yes. but where's the sympathy for the main who #had to experience being frozen and thawed and refrozen?? being frozen - thawed - electrocuted - brainwashed - told to do something he cant #NOT do because he isnt fucking there. he's not aware and he's not himself and if for a moment he was and e tried to say 'no'?? how fucking #well do you think that would've gone?? so he's forced to kill and as soon as they're done with him he's frozen all over again. where the #fuck is the sympathy for him?? people who hate bucky - who call him a villain - have none to spare for him bc he was forced to kill their #blorbos parents over 20 years ago. get the fuck out of here #maison speaks #and vents apparently

[kn11ves]

emotional support group for autistics who got called condescending and rude as kids just for responding to things directly and still not knowing how they were being mean

#what did i do #i got constantly told by my mother and step father (and his family) that i always talked like i knew better than they did or that i was #just as mature. i was just fuckjng talking what the hell did you want me to do #why do you feel attacked when a 10 year old speaks to you as an adult????? literally what #i dont know on that note sometimes its just like i dont even feel like ive aged at all #sure i have a giant explosion of time in my head just Gone from my memory because i was getting abused but like i dont feel like ive aged #or really matured ive felt like ive alwats felt #i cant relate when epople are like me when i feel all my ages or i wish i could go back to being x age or being x age everything felt so #different..like no it didnt. or im missing something? #i have never in my life felt like anything has changed. ive always been this old. there is no ''inner child'' and ive never had childhood #innocence or a nostalgia or childhood to go back to. i have no idea what any of you are talking about ever👍 #ugh jst rmemebred skmething that happened with my white step dad's mother #we visited her house and she literally fucking didnt let me go (not physically) until i replied to her with Correct Granmar. what was i #doing? i was reaponding to her by saying ''yeah'' and she kept repeating ''yes'' like telling me to say yes instead of yeah and i didnt #Fucking Get It because guess what you old white cracker i barely fucking speak english and you are just saying things in an aggressive tone #like thats gonna make me get it. and i Didnt i just kept replying yrah to her yes's and then she got tired of it and we left out the door #and theeeeen i got yelled at in the car by being called disrespectful and rude by my parents. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO????????? #those crackers never liked me LOL i literally know they didnt #ugh i rmemeber this one time my step dads father was like trying to show me some dumb boxing or karate or something punching move and he #told my mother that i was good at it because he felt i had a lot of aggression and then NY MOTHER YELLED AT ME IN THE CAR FOR IT?????? #oh fucking wonder why te kid being abused mighthave aggression but she didnt Know (apart from what She was doing to me) like why would it #be my fucking fault if he thought i had aggression in me HOW IS THAT MY FAULT WHAT DIDBI DO I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO THE MOVE BECAUSE WELL #I WAS TRYING TO GET ALONG BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY WANTED ME TO DO #she was like do you know how much that embarassed me and WHAT THE HELL HE SAID IT I DIDNT I WAS LIKE #8??? OR SOMETHING???? I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!! I DIDNT KNOW WOMAN WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME #mothers when they mother👍