#how am i alive rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

la-lil-alien · 2 years

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thesoulcages · 5 months

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haven't had lexapro in DAYS bc my family insurance plan is still switching over...yall idk if i'm gonna make it today at work cause the dizziness and brain snapping is REAL

#how am i alive rn #theprivaterambles

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trobeds · 1 year

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i know the hunger games isnt about romance i know it isnt a love story but. theres just something so beautiful in the way peeta is the personification of what it means to heal and he /is/ the dandelion and the bread and the hope that things can be better even if they wont be fixed. even if the nightmares dont stop he will still hold her. wake her up and tell her shes alive. shes safe. and when its over and done and theres no more saving or protecting or trying their absolute hardest to die if it means keeping the other alive, the horrors dont stop. but katniss will still find that comfort in peetas arms.

#and peeta Goes Through It too but hes there!!!!!!!! hes always there and hes kind and artistic and peaceful and good and everything that #the games could never destroy (the hijacking couldve but he found his way back. he still wonders whats real sometimes but he knows. he know #who he is. a painter a baker and a boy who loves. she reminds him of that love too)#anyways :( katniss longs for peetas arms and nobodys been this gentle with her since her father died and she stopped letting her mother #hold her. and peeta does #something about the way he holds her so so gently with so much love and care despite all the destruction and how peeta counteracts the fire #in katniss. the one that tells her she needs to protect and defend and prioritize keeping her family alive and keep her guard up. but hes #there to comfort her and hold her and protect her and those r all the things katniss doesnt get the privilege of thinking about because she #always thinking about who she needs to protect #its so personal to me. god i am Not okay rn #i have a rehearsal before school tmr and i am sooooo sleepy but. insane thoughts can never wait #everlark #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #peeniss #< the real ship name #the hunger games #thg #late night thoughts & all that jazz #🫀

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qangelbluebird · 2 months

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Creation = The Thing (from the tubhole?)

Primary Protector (Creator (not used but could be)) = Tubbo

Rank 1 Shell = Sunny

Guardian = Philza

Shell (in general) = Eggs

Pancake Shell = Empanada

The Mother of Pancake Shell = Bagi

Duck Shell = Chayanne

Trauma Shell = Tallulah

#i can’t talk in chat rn and am dealing™️#qsmp philza #Philza #donno what else to tag #I kinda hope he keeps playing it relatively serious #the idea of Creation being something from either the tubbhole or something Tubbo made #to protect Sunny in case he isn’t there #‘you are my job’ yeah he’s meant to look after her- DID HE JUST POINT AT HER AND SHE DISAPPEAR #I KNEW IF HE POINTED AT YOU YOU GET VOIDED BUT WTF #‘Rank 1 is now Safe’ UH HUH. SURE.#OH HE BROUGHT HER BACK #‘Guardian I am here for you’ ‘how can I trust you?’#‘yes it was warm there like a blanket :)’ ‘no one else is here for me’#SUNNY #‘primary protector is missing.’ ��Primary Protector put me here for you.’ ‘fear no more’ at least Phil is getting #‘PRIMARY PROTECTOR WILL BE FOUND OR RECOVERED INTO A BACK UP’ WHAT #‘I need your help guardian’ ‘locating (primary protector)’ ‘do you have the data’#Phil trying to explain to Creation what happened and why-#‘primary protector cannot die. primary protector is not alive to begin with.’ WHAT. TUBBO LORE?????

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imminent-danger-came · 10 months

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So I'm like, utterly obsessed with MK and Wukong's relationship, because it's like, Wukong has borderline unreasonable faith in MK and MK is willing to put pretty much anything on the line for Wukong (risking the curse being released in 4x02, ready to "meet his fate" FOR him in 4x13), yet MK is also purposefully ignoring SWK's mistakes/flaws and thinking in binaries of "good guy" and "bad guy". And at this point I'm not sure what they wouldn't do for each other, or where is too far to go for each other, and let me tell you girl it's edging on unhealthy.

#I am so enthralled with this dynamic #I got to say #THEY ARE WALKING TO THE BRINK #And then they'll walk back #BUT RN. OH MAN.#When the thing that is a virtue in one context is a vice in another #Is anyone ready for my ''SWK and MK are kinda like Rose Quartz and Steven if Rose was alive to face her mistakes'' take.#Because. WOOF. Steven and RQ had such a fascinating relationship. Like. One of the my favs in media.#And every time MK is hurt by Wukong or see's how Wukong has hurt someone else I'm like. MAN. OH BOY OH BOY #And yet he still loves that monkey unconditionally and Wukong loves HIM unconditionally and I'm like #Going to throw up #And idk throw a SWK V MK fight somewhere in here and it is just the worst soup #I am rubbing my hands together #But I am a tragedy enjoyer it's true #Me: ''Oh fuck. Azure died before he could make the world a better place :'( ''#Also Me: ''Oh fuck. Azure died before he could make the world a better place >:) ''#lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk rant #imp tag

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sharkdays · 4 months

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"That despite having experienced inhuman suffering, she has nonetheless been able to gain the strength to face life."

#collei #genshin impact #gi #erm. hi #something not pokemon related for once? shocker i know #anywas this was a collei piece i did a while ago that i never finished #been having Emotions abt her recently and i wanted to share even if it's a little messy...#anyways. she makes me insane.#also yes the flowers have meanings it was Intentional. however my drawing skills for nature and memory are both not all there so.#take it as you will #anyways collei i love you girl...#shes a physical manifestation of death and rebirth she's resurrection do YOU SEE MY VISION #also i miss you short haired collei but her hairstyle rn is cute too...#my collei design in my head has changed so much lmao. i tried making her a little more matching to how she is in my head now #thinking abt her growth and learning as a form of defiance. reclaiming her life....#she refused to die!!!!! and now she's hurting but alive!!! im gonna pass out dont look at me.#i am not nearly as good as putting my thoughts into words as some other collei enthusiasts so Just Trust Me #shark's scribbles

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koifsssh · 9 months

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wikiangela · 3 months

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tease tidbit tuesday💀

tagged by @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @daffi-990 @fortheloveofbuddie @disasterbuckdiaz @hoodie-buck 💖

hi! so, yesterday I randomly opened the doc with the buddie death cast au - which is a fic I started writing last summer on vacation and never got back to it but then made progress lol it's gonna be MCD, which i know is not everyone's thing so feel free to ignore this 🤣 it's basically buddie in the universe of the "they both die at the end"/"the first to die at the end" books so it's gonna be sad, sorry lol (I never even read mcd, idk why i'm writing this but this idea just wants to be written i guess haha) gotta put this weird mood I've been in lately to good use and finally write this 🤣 not sure if I'm happy with this snippet, but it all needs editing, the first two snippets were written on my phone and haven't been edited yet lol

I posted two snippets so far, gonna link them both snippet 1 | snippet 2

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“Is all of this clear, Eddie?” she asks in the end.

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” he says shortly. He should've just hung up immediately. Or cancel this stupid subscription after Shannon died. Sometimes he wonders if maybe people who get the calls and coincidentally get into accidents, for example, just give up and refuse to fight because they think it’s their time. Not like Shannon could do much, her injuries were too severe when they got there, but the point stands. Maybe they get more reckless, thinking it doesn’t matter anyway.

There’s a short pause on the line, but then Jane speaks up again, her tone softer, more sympathy seeping through.

“I know it’s not easy to accept, if you’d like some help with that, on out website you can find therapists and grief counselors specializing in-”

“Listen.” Eddie interrupts. He’s spent enough time in therapy. He’s not doing it on his supposedly last day. “I know it’s all bullshit. I don’t care. You said what you had to say, I listened, for whatever reason.” he rolls his eyes. He really should’ve hung up, or not answered at all. “Is this conversation over yet?” he asks and is met with another moment of silence. She’s probably wondering what everyone else always is: why is he even spending money on this if he doesn’t believe. He has an answer ready to go, but that’s not what she asks.

“Can I ask you a question?” she says quieter, whispering, probably not allowed to go too much off-script.

“Sure, why not.” he shrugs. He’s wide awake now, anyway, he’s not in a hurry. Not like he’s dying anytime soon.

“If it was your last day, how would you spend it? You don’t have to answer, just think about it.” she adds quickly, her tone much softer and gentler now. Eddie’s mind immediately supplies a picture of Christopher and Buck, just a casual hang-out, like usual, maybe going to the movies, or the aquarium, or the planetarium, something fun for his kid. And later a gathering with the rest of their family, maybe a barbecue at Bobby and Athena’s, with Maddie and Chim, and Hen and Karen, all their kids, just everyone having fun together. Yeah, that’d be a perfect day. “There’s no harm in spending today just like this, if possible. Just in case.” Jane adds, still whispering. He doesn’t tell her that’s more or less his plan, anyway, for the evening after his 12-hour shift. During which nothing will happen to him, because Death-Cast doesn’t know shit. “Well, lastly, Eddie,” Jane’s voice is back at normal-volume, tone strictly professional but sympathetic, as she recites the end of her script, “on behalf of everyone here at Death-Cast, we’re so sorry to lose you. Live this day to the fullest.”

Eddie hangs up without a word.

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no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @911onabc @housewifebuck @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @nmcggg @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @king-buckley @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @puppyboybuckley @weewootruck @buckaroosheart @spagheddiediaz @steadfastsaturnsrings @exhuastedpigeon @jesuisici33 @theotherbuckley @rainbow-nerdss @malewifediaz @giddyupbuck @diazsdimples @jeeyuns @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @honestlydarkprincess @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks

#tease tidbit tuesday #death cast buddie au #buddie wip #buddie fic #buddie #wikiangela writes #my writing #fic snippet #my wips #angst #buddie angst #mcd #i don't know how yet but eddie will die in this one bc apparently ive been in the mood to break my own heart lmao #i wanted to say maybe i'd share smth happier tomorrow but i don't think i have any happy wips im actively working on rn???#there are happy wips in general but im not really in the mood/inspired for those rn #ran out of happy when i finished the natalia fic i guess lol #who even am i lmao what's with all the angst and sad im usually all about fluff 🤣#(gonna share some more of alive shannon tomorrow!)#btw if you haven't read the books and have questions hmu but also i'll try to make everything clear in the fic lol #but also SO recommend the books they're so good and so sad and I think about them like at least once a week (the prequel wrecked me)

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theprinceandthewitch · 7 months

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I'm pretty much done with TOH lol.

A braver and more energetic soul can try giving this show a constructive critique... because I will actually, wholeheartedly lose my humanity while writing out the script.

There is like... a problem this show has that permeates the whole thing: It says its going to do one thing, but then does something completely different. Like how the first two episodes of the series make you believe Luz is going to learn how her inability to separate fantasy from reality is actually inhibiting her growth as a person... only to make her a chosen one and to give her everything she ever wanted without Luz changing the way she treats people.

#TOH critical #Reaching Out is my most hated ep along with the series finale bc of how guiltrippy Luz is in RO #Oh yeah Amity i know you have a very valid reason for hating me rn bc its my fault your abusive dad found out you skipped tryouts...#...but you cant be mad at me bc my dad died on your special day. Also I am jealous of you for having an Alive Dad #even tho i know your father is a horrible person and treats you like dogshit lol.#i can never forgive them for lobotomizing Amity's character #like Luz can lie to her face repeatedly and she'll be like... this is fine im sure it wont happen again...#still crazy to me how Amity gets the female love interest treatment you see with m/f ships... how could you do this to her #i want to see the Amity who actually had a spine and was willing to kill to achieve her goals #but no she gets reduced to ''bad but sad girl''... and i start fighting and killing

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kavehater · 29 days

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I support girls but NAH THIS IS REACHING “if you look carefully LIKE REALLY CAREFULLY 🤓☝️”

#the same people who would shriek like the witch of the north melting her skin off if I tell you haikaveh / kavetham isn’t implied because #if you actually look into our culture they’re being normal and not everyone having rivalry and caring about each other means they’re 💅#in fact Arabs are some of the worlds most hospitable people alhaitham letting kaveh live with him #is the most Arab thing I’ve ever seen #heck if kaveh was a stranger it wouldn’t be unusual for an Arab to let him in their house ☠️#goddamn #“if you look in the internet you can see how they’re implied!🤓☝️”#maybe if you had any respect for my culture or any desire to be educated when I’m handing this to you for free you wouldn’t be your mistake #your mums greatest mistake 🤗🤗🤗*#dora daily #if only ppl dedicated this level of detail to actual culture compared to pulling out their microscope at level 100x magnification lens to #observe robins spots under her eyes the world would be a better place 🙀#let me tell you btw this whole I hate you meh meh meh ( I’m so in love with you ) trope is the most whitest booktok millennial plant growing #basement dweller nonesense I have ever heard in my life don’t do that to my pookies ☹️#( the pookies in fact were 11 and 9 years older than her respectively )#guys my dad is the straightest man alive ( oh the trauma lowkey wish he wasn’t ) and he legit was putting his hand on his best friends lap #LMAOOO even I as a very logical person was like bro this is so zesty rn I am SO uncomfortable #anyways live laugh love boothill x Baizhu they’re the most canon things I’ve ever seen in my life #<- this is a joke btw it’s an ironic ship I saw on tiktok ☠️

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halogalopaghost · 2 months

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#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED #I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn #so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and #I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀#how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but #SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad #I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for #herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean #I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to #I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore #I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit #is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia?#and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD #I don't have severe pain (yet).#I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it #so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive #I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!!#I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 7 months

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"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"

#tw suicide #i wish i was joking #i am just so so tired of keeping myself alive! can't someone else do it for a change? or better yet kill me??#said something to the emergency room psych #she queried it and i confirmed i had said precisely what i intended #she blinked and said 'i usually hear that from jaded forty year olds not twenty year olds'#i won't share what because it was a highly specific explanation of precisely how i might see myself suiciding or how/whether i thought i #could. she asked me and i answered. apparently she wasn't expecting that level of detail and confidence #is it funny to anyone else that i always struggle with confidence but i can confidently tell her specifics about suicide thoughts?#this is reminding me of the fifteen year old yesterday i was conversing with and he randomly started listing all the suicide methods he #could think of and i was internally like you missed a dozen i can think of. didn't say that obvs #i don't know i am. tired. of everything. and i had a long and good conversation with an older woman from church last night (mother of the #boy. i have confided in her before she's great)#she's hte only person irl who now knows about the second suicide attempt (tho she doesn't know it was the second) and she was encouraging m #to see the psych and escalate care #but all day ive been regretting telling the psych or bro or anyone honestly #it would be so much EASIER to have said nothing and gone through with my plan #i wouldn't trust myself not to rn if i had access #i mean. i know multiple ways in this room i could kill myself. but i won't #there's a couple of specific methods that are most of the thoughts usually so they're the specific ones i gotta watch out for more if that #makes sense #ooh gosh im rambling i should shut up xD #personal #puddleglum hours

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arkham-guard-dp-au · 1 year

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(Apologies for constantly sending stiff in your ask box. I honestly have nothing better to do and I have too many ideas.)

That being said... Here's a new idea I'd like to share cause I have nothing better to do with it besides trying to draw it and I thought, hey, this can fit in this au possibly.

Danny being afraid of Professor Pyg not just because of the Dollotrons he makes but he gets flashbacks to his own vivisection whenever he's near the guy. Professor Pyg literally lobotomized his victims and sew doll masks to create his Dollotrons, his idea of perfection. The worst part about dollotrons is that they're alive.

I see Dollotrons as souls stuck in living tombs, here. The only way to free them is if one destroys the vessels to allow the souls to finally be at peace rather then suffer inside their former bodies, constantly wailing for help as they watch on, never to be in control again. What made those bodies them have been erased with the use of chemicals and surgery. Their mind and body is not theirs anymore. They're Professor Pyg's now.

For ghosts/halfas/liminal's to see such a thing will cause such a visceral reaction of wrongness emanating in their cores. Cause by all means, the Dollotrons should be dead with such a disconnect the body and mind has with the soul. But nope. These Dollotrons will be considered abominations. (I imagine Danny having a similar reaction to Garnet from SU when she saw the gem shard fusions in a way cause like, in some ways, the dollotrons are most like Halfas like him. But more twisted)

Danny makes sure to keep his interactions with Pyg to a minimum. Everyone notices and doesn't blame him. Even the Joker is put off by Pyg (in Arkham Knight). Joker!

[Just more possible interactions and world building (?) for this au I guess... I really need sleep TwT]

Add this Pyg a**hole to the list of villains for Danny to go feral on.

#danny phantom #batman #danny fenton #arkham guard au #arkham #arkham asylum #pyg #tf the more i learn about batman the more horrified i get #gonna read some wayne family adventures after this #wholesome content that should be canon wfa is #anyways i was getting like mad father vibes for a sec there #good game btw #also like a quick search didnt say so like is there any cure for the doll people?#i dont think so which is sad #also i dont think theyd ping as halfas bit definitely something that should not exsist and am overall feeling of wrongness.#which kinda is how half ghosts r in some fan takes so i guess i can see the resemblance there #idk #but also my dude l #yall do not apologize for asks #op rn is keeping this au alive and i am along for the ride #look at these crops. they have been watered too well. help. its turning into a jungle #and im not even upset.#arkham guard danny #more lore to feed yall peeps. courtesy of asker #food for thought #the feral list is deff spectra. joker #and pyg now #also vlad depending on the mood #ops i think i did too many tags

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tinakibed · 1 year

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c!drunz for the art requests? 👉👈

for u anon :DD punz protecting his bbg (hes in a vulnerable state dont mess with him ok ok 👍)

i didnt originally intended to make him so babygirl but it is what it is

#someday i will draw them as the epic power couple they are....#i am once again reiterating that people can ask for requests #just please note i am the slowest artist alive #and also please dont ask for anything too complicated. i dont know how to draw #punz #dreamwastaken #c!drunz #drunz #oh wow the colors are ass on my phone. please ignore #i dont have time to fix it rn 😔#my art

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hybridkilljoys · 8 months

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I've been an absolute emotional wreck since last night due to my narcissist father making me feel less than human so can i..........ask for some reassurance that i'm not an absolute failure of a human being

or pictures of your cats, that would help a lot too

#its been months of dealing with his abuse and last night it left me feeling worse than ever and i am just #really exhausted and mentally broken rn #and i hate asking for reassurance because I always feel like a bother and I should just deal with shit myself until it passes #but when i say last night was bad it was bad and i feel like i am not even meant to be alive that is how that man made me feel #so i just wanna be selfish this one time #and ask for spare kindness because i could really use it right now because my feelings arent going away #no matter how hard im trying to distract myself today and i dont have the strenght to stay like this for a week or more #so yeah #gomen for rambling in the tags im just really #idfk embarrassed and ashamed i dont like asking for help i feel dumb even tho i know its not dumb but yeah #txt

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rainybraindays · 2 months

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I keep seeing things where people are like "it was so nice to see Colin's satisfied little smirk fall when he realized she wasn't going to fall over herself for him anymore" because they seem to think he really only sees Penelope as an ego boost, but like...my guy just found out he hurt one of his best friends feelings? And thats why shes been ignoring him for months? Hes not upset because his ego isn't getting stroked, he's upset because he hurt someone he cares about. Why is it so hard for y'all to grasp

#rainy talks #the way people look at him; nicest man alive; who has yet to be intentionally mean to anyone #and think he just sees Penelope as some ego boost #like he very clearly sees her as his *friend* and he's upset because shes upset #literally how are you people going to handle him getting upset at her for Whistledown #because like in the books where she does significantly less damage #he gets UPSET #y'all gonna get pissed about this??#not to mention Penelope lashing put like this at him #is because hes the only person around her that'll take it #but thas just my opinion and its 3 am ad I am not writing an essay about that rn #and like even if he does see her as an ego boost;arguably so does she!!!#but again i am NOT getting into tjis #I'm just a massive colin defender #I'll also defend pen for alot of shit but man she doesn't need it shes got a whole fucking posse and hes got like 3 gays who love him

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