#i am able to feel and be driven by happiness in the present

[lewsnumerounofan]

party foul (jeremiah fisher x reader)

summary: so what if you're in love with your best friend, jeremiah fisher? one drunk kiss won't change anything. right?

notes: not biblically accurate conrad, teen drinking, kissing, 3k words, reader previously dated co**ad, angst/miscomm., not proof read at all

+ part 2

+ i never keep the same tense i'm so sooryim gooo fuckjuhnbsorry oh my god and dw abt the header image!!!!!! it's okay!!!!!

kissing jere was easy.

it was the first thing you noticed. how easy it was to let his lips slant over yours, to tilt your head back at the greedy request of his hands, to forget about the party and conrad and the house.

it was just him and the feel of his mouth on yours.

you hadn't expected this, to say the least. in fact, you'd been bracing for an awkward and mostly miserable night. ever since conrad and you had split back in june, things had been awful. the breakup had been bad itself--getting ditched at prom without explanation was one thing--but watching conrad get back with nicole a week later was even worse.

so you were pleasantly surprised with yourself when you decided to go to the fisher's goodbye party, despite whatever tension there might be between you and conrad.

if you were being honest with yourself though, you mostly had jeremiah to thank. you two had been best friends since childhood, but ever since his brother had broken your heart, jere had been there for you. all the time, really. he'd drive down on weekends to check up on you. and when susannah had gotten worse, you'd driven up to make sure he was eating and sleeping too.

so of course he'd been able to convince you to come stay, waving off your concerns about conrad. i want you there, he'd said. i really want you there. and so you'd come. you arrived late, tired from the hours of highway driving. already the house was packed with hap hazardously parked cars and drunk teenagers. the music was loud even on the warm streets outside, and you couldn't help but feel excited as you pulled your bag out of your car and started towards the party.

taylor was the one who opened the door for you. she launched herself into a hug, giggling and shrieking as you two swung around.

"oh my god. you have no idea how happy i am to see you," she yelled, dragging you into the crowded house.

together you fumbled upstairs, eventually breaking into one of the larger rooms. various assortments of air mattresses and water beds covered the floor. jere had called you as soon as they'd gotten back from the boardwalk about julia's suprise moving. it wasn't often you heard him so... defeated.

"you can drop your stuff wherever," said taylor, "but the one in the corner is jeremy's."

she didn't even bother to hide her grin as you slapped her arm. nothing, not even your best kept secret, made it past taylor.

"shut up. you can't say anything to him or i swear i'll kill you," you promised, only half joking.

"oh please. he hasn't stopped talking about you the whole trip. it's disgusting."

you tried not to smile at that--jere talked about you? i mean, he'd called you just about every day for the last few months. more, on days when things were hard. but still, you felt almost nervous at the thought of seeing him now. of what it might be like between you.

your thoughts were cut off by a shout of your name. running into the room was belly. well, not running--rolling.

"oh my god bell what are you wearing?" you asked. it was too late though, because she was wrapping you up in a wobbly, crushing hug.

"roller skates? duh? they're an old pair of susannah's," she said.

you'd missed belly. she looked fucking adorable in her little vintage number, and you hugged her again just because. over her shoulder you could see steven grinning, and conrad too. you waved to the later while steven strode over, ruffling your hair before taking your bag from you.

"long time no see, city-girl," he said.

"yeah yeah yeah. just be nice to my bag, okay? it's got some very delicate presents," you said. steven raised his eyebrows but did as you said, placing your bag onto the bed taylor had indicated earlier. jere's bed. taylor and steven met eyes and winked--uh oh. the last thing you needed was them trying to set you up with your best friend. your best friend who you're in love with, something inside you said. you tried your best to strangle it.

"hey."

this time it was conrad, who was sporting a pair of atrocious sunflower sunglasses on the top of his head.

"hey. i like the glasses," you said, doing your best to smile. it was weird to talk like this to him. you were so angry and embarrassed and sad because of him for so long, and now there was just... nothing. and it felt okay.

"uh, yeah. nicole--nicole got them for me."

he looked sheepish, blushing in a way that used to have you fawning. now you just did your best to nod, saying, "well, she's certainly got a good eye for fashion."

you were saved from the conversation by steven's cough. he stood by the doorway, impatiently waving you towards the party.

"cmon guys, can we hurry this up?"

"yeah, gimmie one sec," you promised. returning to your bag you pulled out the liquor you'd secured on your way there, the bottles heavy in your hands.

"see," you said, turning back to your friends, "presents."

-

downstairs was even louder than you thought it would be. belly had gone all out for the party--strobe lights blared in every room, a kegger was set up outside, and a dj (was that cam cameron??) was spinning in the living room. you had to admit it: you were having a good time. a really good time. except for, that is, one thing. or person, really. jere was nowhere to be found. he'd even missed out on the group shots you, steven, taylor, belly and conrad had downed first beside the pool and then by the kitchen. jeremiah never missed group shots.

a little more than drunk now, you pushed off from your spot on the counter to find your bestfriend.

"city-girl, where you going?" asked steven.

"i'm gonna go find jere. i haven't seen him since i got in."

"i'll come with you," a voice spoke up.

it was conrad, who looked between you and the floor nervously. you didn't miss the questioning looks that pass between taylor and belly. you shrug at them--a little nervous, but not enough to turn him down in front of all your friends.

"uh, yeah sure."

so you and conrad made your way back through the party, scanning couches and corners for jeremiah. by the time you hit the stairs you were both sweaty and annoyed. you had come all this way to see him, and all of a sudden he'd disappeared.

"he's not picking up any of my calls," said conrad, pulling his phone away from his ear.

"me neither," you admitted, letting yourself swing around the banister to sit at the bottom of the staircase. cautiously, conrad gestured to empty landing beside you.

"mind if i join?"

you nod, scooching over to make room. conrad looked bigger than last time you'd seen him. he looked stronger too. for a while after susannah died he'd looked like a corpse--pale and skinny and only half there. even you could admit you were glad to see him doing so much better.

"hey, look i didn't really tag along to search for jere," conrad said, glancing back at you. shocker.

"i uh," he cleared his throat, "i mostly just wanted to apologize. for how things ended. i know i messed up really bad and i wanted to say i'm sorry."

in the hazy blue and purple's of the dance floor below, conrad's steel-blue eyes were genuine. for the first time that night they held yours steadily.

"i was hurting, and let myself fall on you for comfort even when i knew you weren't who i wanted. who i needed. and it wasn't fair to you. i know that now, and i'm sorry it took me so long. i'm really, really sorry."

huh. you hadn't really expected that one either. but it was nice to hear him say those words. you liked conrad. he was a good guy who'd had a rough hand delt to him. and yeah, he hadn't done right by you. but like susannah had always repeated:

"no harm no foul," you said, and let yourself smile at him. he looked relieved as he smiled back, no doubt recognizing the reference to his mother.

"you're happy now, i take it? with nicole?" you ask.

"yeah. more than happy, actually. don't know what i did to deserve her."

you're happy for him, in that moment. really happy.

"what about you? you finally stopped messing around and admitted your feelings to jere?" he asked.

"huh?" you drop, mouth open. there's no way.

"what," he chuckled, grinning harder at your shocked expression, "like it's not obvious you two are crazy for each other."

you can feel the blush spreading across your cheeks now, stomach skipping at his words. so they all knew, you realized. does jere?

"he doesn't--you didn't tell him, right?" you said, panic rising.

conrad shakes his head, still looking amused.

"no, but he'd be a fool not to see it. you guys are perfect for each other. really."

"thanks, conrad."

and you mean it--it's been months of awkwardness between you. and now you just feel... good. you feel like you've got your friend back. so you lean over and hug him, letting yourself remember that before your fling you were friends, and returning back to it feels comforting and warm.

"thank you, for hearing me out. i'm glad we can be back to normal now," he said into your shoulder.

"friends again?" you ask.

"definit--"

"what the fuck?"

-

it's jeremiah. he stands at the top of the stairs, eyes wide. he's wearing the ariana grande merch you'd gotten him. he looks the same and yet--

and yet something in your chest fizzes and your stomach starts running circles as you look at him. you missed him. and not because he was your best friend.

"jere--it's not what it looks like," said conrad.

and then you realized he did look different. the jeremiah you knew was always grinning about some secret joke, or making fun of belly or steven. he never looked... betrayed like this. and he certainly never looked at you with disgust. with anger.

"what the fuck are you guys doing?" he asked again, but this time he didn't even look at you.

"nothing, jere. we were just talking," said conrad.

you cringed at his words. they might be true, but they sure didn't sound good.

"yeah, sure," laughed jere. you'd never heard him laugh like that. it made your skin prickle.

"c'mon, you know i'd never do that-" conrad started.

jeremiah was faster though. he was up in conrad's face in a second, pushing him into the wall. you'd never seen him like this. he wasn't an aggressive guy; even when the brothers fought it was never violent.

"don't fucking lie, con. you were just waiting to take her back weren't you? waiting until you knew it'd hurt me the most, huh?"

you felt his words viscerally, like they were being penned onto your skin. hurt him the most? it was the closest to a confession you'd gotten, but it all felt wrong.

by now, partygoers on the main floor had started to notice the commotion. people were pointing, some even starting to pull out their phones. great.

"jere," you called. he paused, bright blue eyes on you. even now, fighting with his brother, jeremiah looked beautiful. maybe you had had a bit too much to drink.

"jere, please let it go. conrad isn't a part of this," you murmured. though you didn't break eye contact, you could see his hands loosen around his brother's shirt in your peripheral. jaw clenched, he heeded your wishes, giving a final shove to conrad before breaking away. he walked quickly down the stairs and into the throngs of people below.

"jere, wait up!" you call, desperately trying to follow the broad shape of his back through the crowd. jeremiah didn't bother trying to accommodate your smaller strides, and you almost lost him a few times in the packed house.

"would you please slow down? jere," you said again. by now you were out of the house, dodging pool floaties and scattered drinks. the blonde made no indication of hearing you as he kept striding towards the beach.

"jeremiah!"

finally he whipped around. he still looked mad--the set of his jaw, the notching of his eyebrows--but under all of it, he just looked sad. you hated seeing him upset, and you hated knowing you might've been the cause of it.

"jere, please. what's going on?" you asked, this time softly. he was close to you now. you could see his heavy breathing, could smell the perfume he always wore.

"how would i know. you're the one who's looking all close with your ex--my brother--conrad," he spits. he swallows hard, like he's checking himself.

"it was always you and conrad. even when we were kids it was that way. i was stupid to think it could've been any different."

he turned away from you, gaze hard. oh, jere. you have no idea, you thought. it was him--how could he not see that? how could he really think it was conrad you cared about?

you couldn't deny it any longer: you loved jere. and you definitely weren't about to let him walk away thinking otherwise.

quickly, without letting yourself dwell on it, you grabbed jeremiah's hand. he turned back, eyes wide. and you kissed him.

kissing jere was easy.

it was the first thing you noticed. how easy it was to let his lips slant over yours, to tilt your head back at the greedy request of his hands, to forget about the party and conrad and the house.

it was just him and the feel of his mouth on yours.

and then everything was static. everywhere he touched you--the long, lean press of his body to your front, the sharp slide of his jawline under your palm, the firm press of his hands at your waist. every sense was filled with him and his warmth and the way he smelled.

you were gasping into the kiss, hyperaware of the small noises he made when you pulled on his curls. of just how tall he was, how much he had to lean down to hold you like this.

you barely broke away enough to say, "jere, nothing happened with conrad. we were talking about you-"

"don't care," he said, voice rough. because he was too busy lifting you onto one of the wooden boardwalk rails, muscled arms flexing in the distant party lights.

you barely had time to settle before he was kissing you again, sloppy this time, like he owned your mouth and wanted you to know it. you felt hot everywhere, as his hands pulled apart your thighs and he crowded his broad body into you.

you'd kissed once before for a game of truth or dare. it had been sweet and short, and you both had been teased about it for years afterwards. this was different.

wholly different, you realized, as jeremiah's lips sought out the hot skin of your neck. there was no place except where he touched you; the noise of the party, the lull of the waves on the beach, the quiet way he murmured against your skin.

"jere," you said, because there was no room in your mind for anything or anyone else. he hummed as his canines bit lightly at your ear. jere.

greedy for more, you took one of the tan, strong hands holding your face and brought it lower, lower until it rested over your frantically beating heart. jere had pulled away to watch your ministrations, cursing softly as his hand fell over your chest.

"you sure?" he asked, and his voice sounded hoarse.

"yeah, course jere. it's you."

something behind his eyes sparked at the trust you promised. it's always been you. kissing you once more, gentler this time, jere let his hand run up and under the vintage bathing suit top you'd stolen from your mom for the party.

skin on skin, jeremiah was soft and warm. he was breathing heavy as you as he felt you up. forehead to yours, gaze keen as he watched you pant and squirm.

"this okay?"

you could only nod, eyes drawn tight at the sensation. he kissed you again, his touch more confident as you clung to his shoulders.

you'd messed around with conrad a few times. it had felt good. fun, even. but he'd never had you reeling like this, never made you feel like everywhere he touched was fire. that feeling was reserved for jere.

and as his thumb circled your nipple and his teeth pulled at your lip, you realized you were burning and there wasn't anything you could do to stop it. best friend or not, jere was the only one who could make you feel like this. ever.

you pulled away from his mouth. he looked concerned, and you could feel him move his hands away from you.

"sorry if i..." he started, blue eyes near scared as he watched you.

"no, jere it's not that. it's, it's just that i-"

"hey, there's my man! where the fuck were you dude?"

it was steven. fucking steven. on his arm was taylor, who grinned manically when she saw your mussed hair and blushing expression. please not now, taylor. please don't mess this up any more.

but drunk as they were, the pair didn't notice your nervous expression. instead, steven laughed and said, "so did you finally tell her you're in love with her or what?"

-

jere's face dropped. whatever softness you'd shared moments earlier was gone. his mouth set flat, hands that had been mapping out your body now closed into fists.

"fuck you, steven."

taylor's eyes were on you now, finally recognizing the tears you tried to blink away. with a hand on his chest she held steven back, some wordless communication passing between them. if you hadn't been feeling your own heart break you would've been trying to tease them about it.

instead, you chased after jeremiah's retreating figure.

"jere, will you please listen!" you called. but he was stubborn--you knew this better than anyone. one more time you tried, shouting his name over the stupidly loud party.

he whipped back around, blue eyes sharp.

"just stay away from me, okay? why don't you go find conrad to wipe your tears," he snapped. for a moment, jere looked shocked at his own words too. but then he was shaking his head, tearing his gaze away from yours as he continued through the crowds towards the house. away from you.

and this time, as people collapsed into the space all around you, their yelling and singing drowning out even your thoughts, you knew there was no use calling for him.

#jeremiah fisher #team jeremiah #jeremiah x reader #jeremiah fisher smut #jeremiah smut #jeremiah fic #jeremiah x you #tsitp #jeremiah fisher imagine #jeremiah tsitp imagine #party foul #bigkeepup

[queentheweeb]

Tsu'tey X Male Omaticaya Reader

A/N: Tsu'tey lives after the war therefore he is Olo'eyktan still but, shares it with Jake. 

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Of course, when you gather the courage to gift Tsu'tey your courting gift everything goes to shit. You were okay with Jake Sully mating Neytiri, in fact, you were happy because that meant that Tsu'tey was not betrothed to anyone. You thanked Jake Sully and just as Tsu'tey got over it, he honestly had no choice since once you choose a mate that is who you stay with for the rest of your life, war broke out. You had no time to think or worry about trying to court Tsu'tey. He is the new Olo'eyktan since Euytkan was killed and had to find a way to bring peace. The humans destroyed Kutral, your home tree, and many of your friends that you grew up with were killed. You were angry, but, peace overtook you when Jake came in riding Toruk and became the 6th Toruk Makto. War, fear, anger, fire. It was all too much and happened too fast but, you guys won. All of you had won hard, heavy losses but, with Jake leading with Tsu'tey and Neytiri on his sides we won. Tsu'tey was heavily injured but, will live thankfully. You sent a prayer to Eywa three times a day ever since. 

"Y/N." You didn't expect to be interrupted during your reminiscing. It seemed so long ago that the war happened but, it was only a month ago and Tsu'tey had recovered mostly, his duties as Olo'eyktan were a lot but, he split them evenly with Jake Sully who was now his brother. It was endearing to watch Tsu'tey from hating dreamwalkers to becoming a brother to one. Well, Jake was no longer a dreamwalker, he passed through the eye of Eywa and became a Na'vi no longer did he have a human body. 

"Hello, Jake Sully. How are you doing? How's Neytiri?" You got comfortable on the branch patting the space next to you and urging him to take a seat. He did as he sighed and started talking about how rough it has been trying to accommodate Na'vi life, how he feels, and everything. 

"I really feel like I am not doing this right. I feel as if I am not good enough, I don't want to keep making so many mistakes." You hummed placing a comforting arm around his shoulders. You always were affectionate when it came to anyone so you were glad that he did not push you off in fact, he leaned a little into the comfortable touch.

"Eywa does not make mistakes. She saw you for who you will become. She gave you a chance none of us were willing to give you nor did we have to. I will forever be grateful that we did. As for the mistakes, yes, they were mistakes with big consequences but, mistakes are meant to be forgiven. If we never forgive, we will not be able to live. No one is perfect. You have Neytiri, Mo'at, Tsu'tey, and the clan to help you along. I was born Na'vi and on this moon and I still do not know everything to do and make so many mistakes. This applies to you as well. You should be proud of your victories and not only focus on your failures both past and present. We wouldn't have won and driven the sky people away if it was not for you. Be proud of that. Now go take care of your people Olo'eyktan." You squeezed him in a hug smiling when he hugged you back and looked at you with a grin. 

"You're a great man Y/N. Anyone would be lucky to have you." You felt your smile falter a bit looking at him in slight confusion when he smirked at you. "No wonder Tsu'tey talks about you non-stop." You felt your jaw drop as he winked before leaving you with a pat on the shoulder. Tsu'tey talked about you? You had no idea and you silently thanked Jake for giving you this information as well as the courage to try again with the courting. 

"Jake Sully you are amazing." You whispered this to yourself as you decided to head to where Tsu'tey was knowing he was busy with moving everyone to the new home that he, Jake, and Neytiri had found for everyone in the clan. As you were in the trees you passed by Jake and deciding to tease him as well you murmured low enough for him to hear "Congratulations on becoming a father." You smirked over your shoulder watching him drop his bow and jaw at you in shock making you laugh out loud. Their secret was safe with you, you weren't supposed to know but, you can tell by the slight swell of her stomach and the way both she and Jake protected her stomach. You continued your way to where Tsu'tey would be in his home for a few minutes. 

"Where are you heading off in a hurry?" You stopped hard almost falling off the branch if not for the steadying hand on your waist pulling you back up. You turned to see the person you were rushing off to see. Tsu'tey with the Olo'eyktan attire and a raised eyebrow. His body language was relaxed but, his ears were alert as well as his eyes.

"I actually was coming to see you. Just wanted to be with you for a few I know you're busy." You blinked with your head tilted smiling at him watching as he took in your features. 

"I am not too busy for you. Come." You grinned following beside him as he took you to an unknown destination. As you bumped into some twigs and felt your puch hit your hip you became acutely aware of the courting gift you had for him in there. You never left it and took it everywhere you went just in case an opportunity came up. "Was there something, in particular, you wanted to talk about?" 

"No, not really." You started talking just to fill up the space as he guided the two of you to a more secluded area and once he stopped and pulled away one last branch you found your breath taken. It was a beautiful hot spring with flowers blooming. It was very peaceful and smelled clean. "How did you find this place?" You walked around the edge of the spring aware that he was staring at you but, became too nervous to catch his eye. You thought you would be more confident when alone with him but, your mind and body betrayed you.

"I came across it when I needed time alone. I wanted to show you since...I thought you would like it." You smiled at the thoughtfulness and sat on a rock, setting aside your bag and dipping your lower legs into the water. You looked back with a smile when you hear Tsu'tey get comfortable close behind you, his legs spreading to be beside your body. Taking a breath and deciding to be bold you leaned over onto his right leg feeling him tense. You were going to move but, you felt him place both hands in your hair and re-doing some of your braids. You purred loving the way his hands moved. 

"This was really nice of you Tsu'tey, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your safe space." You weren't expecting him to say anything but, his response had you shaken.

"You are my safe space." It was dead silent as if he didn't mean for it to slip but, he meant it. He didn't move but, the hands in your hair froze for a second. You decided to throw caution to the wind and give him the gift. 

"I have something for you." You waited for him to move his hands completely as you reached over for your bag and pulled out the necklace with feathers and some of his favorite animal bones on it as well and turned to him still on your haunches. You took a breath as you looked up at him, his intensity making you falter a bit. "Um...I had this for so long, I had it since way before the war, before Jake even came but, I was too scared...Now I am not." You watched as he tentatively inspected the necklace and you felt like you might faint if he doesn't say anything. "I can take it back-" You were interrupted. 

"Put it on me." Your ears perked up when he said that, he still had that intense look as he held the necklace. You sat up and grabbed it noticing he didn't bother turning around. You gulped and leaned completely into his space, feeling his breath on your neck and his arms encircling your waist. Your tail was wagging excitedly and once you put it on you tried to pull back but, the way he tightened his hold didn't allow for much movement. "Thank you, now everyone will know I am taken." He spoke so sure that it had you grinning like an idiot. He pulled his head back to meet your eyes with his own grin. "Oel ngati kameie Y/N." Your tail wagged in excitement as you leaned your forehead against his. 

"Oel ngati kameie, ma Tsu'tey." You felt his tail intertwine with yours and you couldn't be any more content.

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Feedback and thoughts

#fanfic #fanfiction #avatar #avatar x male reader #avatar x reader #tsu'tey x reader #tsutey x reader #male reader #tsutey x male reader #Tsu'tey x male reader #fluff #avatar fluff

[inviberu]

everlasting vows

Faced by the question and decision of swearing their devotion and love to you, what do they do? A promise that will bind them to you for eternity... Are they willing to go to such lengths for you?

Characters: Everyone (with the exception of riquet and mitile)

Note: I tried making everyone cute to the best of my abilities but some kind of just... slipped. Happy June Bride!

— Oz!

Oz pauses for a moment. He doesn't know what to say. He almost doesn't want to say anything in the moment after letting the thought sink into his mind. He was the most powerful wizard in the world—he already has enough weaknesses as it is with his injury and his love for Arthur but he already knew that you were one of them the moment he realised how helpless he was when it came to you. Asking him to promise you his unwavering loyalty and love was akin to making yourself a target for all his enemies to pounce on just to get a hold over him. He doesn't doubt his feelings for you. He knows that he'll be able to love you till the end of time and beyond but he wanted to make sure: are you certain? You kiss his doubts away gently and that's all he needed.

"Very well. If that is what you wish… I am yours for all eternity."

— Arthur!

He doesn't hesitate. Arthur treated you like his whole world; you were the most important thing to him and having him promise you such a thing brought him immense joy that it almost brings him to tears as he grasps your hands lovingly under the moonlight. He ran his thumb across the back of your palm gently and looked at you with a gaze so soft you could hardly believe that someone could love you this much. There was no one else present in this moment but you in his eyes as he lifted your hand and pressed his lips to your fingers.

"You don't need to ask. My heart has always been ready to love you forevermore."

— Cain!

He's surprised but his expression quickly broke into a huge smile. Sometimes, Cain acted as if he was human, forgetting that his words—his promises—held so much weight behind them. You thought this was one of those instances but Cain merely shook his head and gave you his reassurance. Human, wizard, unicorn, or whatever entity he might be—it doesn't matter to him. In every universe he's in with you, with every version of himself that might exist out there, he'll always take your hand and vow to you. Like a knight swearing that he's hopelessly devoted to you for life.

"I'll protect you. I promise this—I will never leave your side."

— Snow!

He didn't think you were serious the first time you asked him. He was sure you were doing it in the spur of the moment and got carried away by shallow desires that brought sadness to him when all he felt was pure unaltered love and desire to be by your side. He loved you, yes, but if you were asking him with even just a little smidge of doubt—he'll turn you away. He wanted you to be certain. Snow always liked living in certainty; for things to remain constant once he's committed. He doesn't bode well with change and if there's just a small part of you that doubted him, he gets scared. He doesn't want things with you to end terribly. He already experienced far too much grief and pain that change brought to him.

"I'll wait for you. Be it a hundred years or another thousand—I want to see that your feelings for me will not change. But know that I hold you closer to my heart than anyone else… That is the reason why I want to be certain. I do not wish for an unhappy ending for both of us."

— White!

He's overjoyed but it was difficult to miss the hint of bitterness in his expression and tone when he replies to you. He wants to—so badly; so desperately to the point that he felt his heart ache despite being dead. He's driven by his emotions but the weight of reality is heavy on his shoulders and he couldn't help but laugh bitterly. He is not the same man he once was. He felt like he's merely a shadow of himself. A fragment of himself that he can't even tell if it's truly him or not. He wants to—He can. But, are you prepared to accept him for everything he is as he stands? Even if this form of his is fleeting? If you are, then he'll take your hand and never let you go.

"If you're willing to have me for all that I am… I will respond to your feelings with much more fervour. Truly, I love you. I promise you nothing but my heart to be yours."

— Mithra!

Promises; Mithra knew not to make them. He thinks it's troublesome—an unnecessary risk and a waste of time. However, when you asked him, he couldn't help but wonder if this was the equivalent of what marriage was to Tiletta when she was alive. A promise to love someone forevermore… His feelings are not one to waver. His feelings aren't fickle. They were stubborn just as he is and he couldn't help but think to himself that maybe promising himself to you wasn't as bad as it sounds. However, he wanted to make sure that you'd do the same for him. He doesn't want to love so passionately and be responded to by a lukewarm romance. He'd take it if he was desperate but he wants—Northern wizards when they want are terrifying.

"Your unwavering devotion and love. I want it. It's only fair if you promise me that too."

— Owen!

He wanted to dodge the question and disappear into mist but his body couldn't move and he couldn't bring himself to bark out another insult or a snarky comment to mock you. It was a futile question but you asked him anyway, you knew that he would always turn away and try to deny himself of his feelings to protect himself from such a vulnerability. But seeing him hesitate this much made your breath hitch because that proved that there was a part of him that was considering it—that there was a part of him that wanted to swear his love to you, even if it's small. He thought for another minute and that's when it hit him. Why not bind you to himself instead? He wouldn't feel as vulnerable and your desire to be together for eternity will be fulfilled.

"What made you think I'd let myself be chained to you? Let's put it like this… Why don't I put a chain around your neck and bind you to me instead? Come on, promise me."

— Bradley!

He sputtered out incoherent noises for a moment and tried to make sure his ears weren't betraying him. The thought never occurred to him and thinking about it now was something he never thought he would do. Promising his eternal love for someone was heavy—far too heavy for someone like him who liked the feeling of being free. Though it wasn't like he wasn't considering it. He loved you. Dearly. Passionately. Desperately. But a promise can be lethal to a wizard and he's reckless—what if he messes up? What if they take you to have something to hold over his head? What if he puts you in danger? What if he loses his magic and both of you end up getting killed? He doesn't know. He doesn't wanna know. He gives you a ring wordlessly as he slips it into your finger. He'll do this much.

"This ain't what yer probably expectin' but… Take it. I don't want ya to feel like I'm just half-assin' my feelings for ya."

— Faust!

Faust freezes and for a moment he allows himself to hope; to dream of a future with you by his side. He stopped himself and brought himself back to reality and looked at you with a difficult expression. He wanted to but a part of him was afraid—coming to terms with his feelings for you was already difficult as it is but admitting that he wants to believe in something he feels like is out of his reach is something that makes him take a step back. His love was pure but uncertainty was something that stayed in his heart from years before.

"Please… Don't ask me such a difficult question next time. I cannot give you the answer I want to say."

— Nero!

It takes him a moment to process everything but once he did, he covered his face with his hands to try and cover the huge smile that took over his face. He was beyond happy—someone wanted to spend the rest of their life with him? The words may not be exact but he took them as words akin to a marriage proposal and all of a sudden he's left fantasising about what could be. A future with you… It doesn't sound so bad (he's ecstatic). He manages to face you with a calmer expression and gives you a smile.

"If you'll have me, I'd be glad to stay by your side. I'll stay for as long as you want me to—Actually, no, scratch that. You'll be stuck with me for the rest of your life."

— Heathcliff!

His first reaction was his embarrassment telling him to run away but the sincere look in your eyes made him stay in place as he looked at you with an expression just as sincere as yours. He didn't want to respond to your feelings and questions half-heartedly—he didn't want to hurt you. Though how could he ever hurt you when his heart was already set on loving you for the rest of his life? It was difficult for him to say his answer but with the way he took your hand and placed it on his chest, just over where his heart was, you already knew his answer without another word from his lips.

"Of course… I can no longer see myself not being by your side. I love you—that's a promise."

— Shino!

It didn't occur to him that it was a question you have to ask him. In his mind, it was already set to default. He didn't think that there was any need to ask. When he fell in love with you and when you accepted his heart, he already knew that he was bound to you for life. His love and devotion is yours for all time; his blade will have another purpose—to protect you. He just looked at you blankly and raised an eyebrow. All of a sudden the serious atmosphere between the two of you broke when he tilted his head.

"I thought that was already a given, though? No? Well, I'll say it for you if you want me to. My love, loyalty, and devotion… It's all yours forever."

— Shylock!

Shylock was no stranger to indulging selfish requests from all people but there was always a clear line he wouldn't cross unless it was for certain people. He yearned with all of his heart—desperately and passionately. Asking him such a question was akin to asking him to walk straight into his doom. He knew that promising himself to you for all eternity will bring him immense happiness; he'll get addicted. It was as if he was tasting the finest wine he's ever had for the first time. How will he bear to let you go if those unspoken promises finally come to fruition? He'll never let you go. Not even after death.

"Fufu… After hearing such a passionate declaration of love for me, how could I bring myself to refuse you? Prepare yourself—I won't hold back any longer."

— Murr!

His expression didn't change in the slightest. Or perhaps it did, a very miniscule one that escaped your eye. Murr was a mystery no one could solve; he was a constant unpredictable variable. Every word he said to you, every touch he left on your skin, and every kiss he gave you—they were all mysteries. Even his answer to your question was a mystery. Not because he gave you a confusing response as usual but because he was silent. He didn't say anything and just continued smiling at you. For a split moment, you don't know if his eyes were downcast or it was just your eyes playing tricks on you.

"Really, really? You want me? Haha! Maybe that's a love that isn't so fruitless~!"

— Rustica!

Devoted; Rustica was a man full of undying love and devotion. He searched for his missing brides for years without any qualms. There might be a few hiccups here and there but it was undeniable that when Rustica loves, he loves wholeheartedly. Loving you was like a melody he couldn't get enough of—everything he does seems to remind him of you and he thinks to himself: so this is what it feels like to be in love with you.

"I can already hear the bells ringing for both of us. It's a precious melody meant for us… Love suits us well, doesn't it?"

— Chloe!

Chloe wasn't fully aware of the heavy weight of a promise is to a wizard. But his love is pure and he loved innocently, all he knew is how he wanted to be with you and nothing else. And that was enough reason for him to respond to you with a smile on his face as he nodded enthusiastically. He knew this is what he wanted—with a wave of his hand, he'll create the perfect attire for the both of you for your ceremony. Oh? Was he being too hasty?

"Oh! I already know what we'd wear. You'd like a traditional white theme, right—Ah, wait! I never properly responded to you… Yes, a million times, yes! I love you!"

— Figaro!

He thought it was funny that you asked him, an elusive character, such a question. Tying him down to you with a promise of eternal love and unwavering devotion? He was hoping that your positions were switched where he's the one asking you that instead. He found himself unable to answer you as he ran a finger through his hair and let out a deep sigh. He avoided looking into your gaze but when his eyes finally wandered and saw yours, he felt a little bit of his resolve break—he felt like he was going crazy. Maybe he is going crazy. A smile crept up his face.

"Do you want me that much? It feels nice to be wanted… by you. Haha, I don't know anymore. Maybe I will. Take responsibility for me, okay?"

— Lennox!

He doesn't speak much but his actions said more than his words ever could. He knelt down on one knee as he took your hand and placed a kiss on your fingers. You know exactly what he meant and no trace of doubt was evident in your expression as your absolute trust and faith was placed on him. In turn, you raised his hand closer to your lips as well and kissed the back of his palm. You wanted him to know that you'd do the same for him.

"I love you, forever and always. You have my promise."

— Rutile!

He thinks of this moment as something that came out of a fairytale or a storybook he used to read to children. There was a time when he wondered if he'll ever have this kind of moment and he felt wonderful knowing it's you he was with when it happened. He let himself smile and broke into a fit of joyful laughter and giggles. The words you wanted to hear left his lips like honey you couldn't get enough of—one more time, you want to hear his answer once more.

"Nothing would make me happier… I treasure you, I really do. I'd make a thousand promises if it meant making you happy."

#mhyk #mhyk writing #my writing #promise of wizard #mhyk x reader #oz x reader #arthur x reader #cain x reader #snow x reader #white x reader #mithra x reader #bro im getting tired #owen x reader #bradley x reader #shylock x reader #rustica x reader #murr x reader #chloe x reader #figaro x reader #lennox x reader #rutile x reader

[kickthecan-revolution]

The. Best. Holiday.

My sister made me an ornament with Peach’s paw print and we laughed so hard, I cried. He’s doing great, not so sure about the dog but everyone is obsessed with him and he seems happy. My sister’s place is like a cool art installation, so many places for him to play.

I’ve actually never been to my sisters before, I would fly out immediately after Christmas Eve. I’m so glad I changed my ticket to leave tonight. Christmas Eve at my brother’s was so fun, and then Christmas morning we went to my nieces house where we watched the little girls open presents. I am kind of obsessed with them. They are so cool and sweet and funny and they absolutely adore each other which is always so cute to see. I tried to stop by to see my parents but the place where they are in the cemetery is closed, so I might go today. 

The drive to Bellingham is about an hour and a half and I listen to Christmas music all the way up. We opened presents and then just hung out – I played with Peach a lot, which was so fun. My older niece has been struggling, and when the kids got back from seeing their dad, she closed herself off in her room and was in tears. You just never know with schizophrenia what’s going on - I can see the pain on my sister’s face just not knowing what to do. After a few minutes I went into her room and we talked for an hour. She asked me if she was the same person that I knew and loved before she got sick – I said that she was even more of who she is. That may be the little girl on the soccer team and who is the life of the party was only a part of her or maybe even a performative part of her, we don’t know, that the smart and brilliantly sensitive and intuitive little human I knew then, is even more focused for me now despite her suicide attempt and the awful scar on her neck as a result, and her diagnosis. That she’s so much more than that and maybe it’s time to forgive herself for both.  I talked about how hard it is to trust myself at times, and that my brain tells me if I make a decision, I’m going to hurt someone, I’m going to hurt the cats, someone’s going to end up dead and alone. I don’t have schizophrenia, but I do struggle with mental illness and some days. It’s very difficult to stay tethered to the world.

She ended up coming out of her room and went to a movie with everyone so maybe it helped? I hope so.

I said my goodbyes and started to head home when my sister called me after I driven 30 miles to tell me I left my purse there. So I had to drive all the way back, and was so tired at that point I pulled up to McDonald’s to get a Diet Coke and a hamburger cause I hadn’t eaten dinner and I got stuck in their line for over 30 minutes. the rain was coming down, hard and so much standing water on the freeway, it was pretty scary, but got home just fine and crashed like I have never crashed before, I meant to post descriptions on those pictures below, but I kept falling asleep. It was trying to hit publish.

I have a lot of people who love me here, and I’m able to feel it more this holiday than ever before.

Woke up this morning to the moon. My flight is not until 7 PM tonight so I’m just going to hang here, get a little Mexican food at my favorite place and take a walk on the beach.



I love all of you so much. I hope you are doing OK, and finding softness, love, healing and a little wonder.

[unidentifiedprimate]

Actually I'm not done.

Telling a Story Through Touch Part 3 - Conclusion

Something kept bothering me.

This

is after the turning point. But when Herbert goes to touch Dan, something stops him. I told myself it was just residual hesitation. They're not fully there yet. Herbert's not entirely comfortable with his former level of physical affection.

But it kept nagging at me. Because after the "Let me", after the shoulder touch, after the hand grab... Herbert SHOULD be able to touch Dan here. But he can't. Why?

It's because of this:

When Francesca comes into the house and confronts Dan, she breaks the spell.

I'm going to go off on a Dan tangent for a bit, so bear with me.

Dan is such a complicated person. I see him as growing up in a happy nuclear family, popular in school, always following the rules and being a Good Boy. He dates the right girls. He wants to become a doctor.

He's NORMAL.

But inside, there's this part of him that he has always suppressed. He's kind and caring, yes, but to the point of obsession. He's a nice guy, but he has a rage that slips out when he's stressed. He wants to help people, but he'll go far past the point of what is sensible in order to do it.

The first time he meets Herbert, he sees him tear into a highly respected doctor who should have power over Herbert by controlling his grades. But Herbert doesn't care about Hill's status or his authority. He is utterly fearless, brash, and rude. Dan has never been any of those things. He's shocked, but I think he's also impressed. He envies Herbert's total self-confidence.

And then Herbert moves in with Dan, and ultimately presents him with the most astounding display of genius and arrogance that he's ever seen. Herbert West is so daring, so sure of his abilities, that he's going to defeat Death itself.

And Dan is hooked. This work scratches an itch he didn't even realize he had.

But he still thinks of himself as a Normal Guy. And throughout both movies, he clings to this idea that he hasn't changed. Herbert is the weird one, even though Dan is right beside him every step of the way.

In Bride, I see Dan as completely compartmentalizing two versions of himself: Normal Dan, who exists outside of the house, and Weird Dan, who only comes out at home in the basement with Herbert. When he's at the hospital or grocery shopping or doing anything else outside in the world, he doesn't think of himself as the passionate scientist fighting against Death by whatever means necessary. He is so far removed from that side of himself that he doesn't even realize that inviting Francesca to dinner at his house means that she would come to his HOUSE, where he LIVES WITH HERBERT and does HORRIFYING UNETHICAL EXPERIMENTS. It doesn't occur to him. Normal guys invite girls over. And Dan is a Normal Guy.

(Dan: Oh. Oops.)

Even at home, he will bring that idea of himself inside - enough to feel repulsed by what he's doing and tell Herbert he's going to leave. But as soon as Herbert reminds him of the magnitude of the work, he's back. It's like a switch is flipped, and the obsessive, driven, weirdo Dan comes back out.

Normal Dan: I am charming and kind.

Weird Dan: Hell yes let's build a new Meg out of stolen body parts.

But Dan has been fighting that side. He keeps trying to hold onto his clean image of himself, and stop himself from falling headlong into the role that Herbert wants him to fill. It's Weird Dan that Herbert needs (that he loves). Normal Dan is useless to him, and kind of hates him. Weird Dan is the Dan that Herbert saw and drew out. The one who can be a real partner to him. His Dan.

When Dan grabs his arm and says "Let me," Herbert knows that that Dan is back in charge. And that's when he's comfortable enough to touch him again.

But then Francesca comes. And she forces him to confront the realities he has been pushing away.

Francesca fighting the Bride is really like a fight between Dan's two sides; Francesca represents a normal life, and the Bride (of course) represents a life with Herbert.

And Francesca is winning. Normal Dan is resurfacing, and he doesn't like what he helped create.

And that's what stops Herbert when he reaches out. That's not his Dan anymore.

When Dan fully rejects the Bride, Herbert tries to salvage it.

Forget it. She's nothing. It means nothing. We'll start again. We'll do it better. It'll be better. (I'll be better.)

But it's over. At the end of Re-Animator when Herbert is in trouble, Dan reaches for him. Even with Meg there, Dan reaches out to Herbert.

But at the end of Bride, he barely even looks at Herbert. He's made a choice. And when he reaches down into the earth, he's reaching for Francesca. He pulls her out, and he lets Herbert get buried. Along with all their work - their life - together.

#touch #part 3 #i'm sorry it just kept rolling around in my brain #i almost didn't include that stupid green gif in part 2 because it didn't really FIT #but i told myself no no. it's fine. it still makes sense. #IDIOT. FOOL. #reanimator #herbert west #dan cain #long post #flashing #tw flashing

[alavestineneas]

King's will

pairing: Aegon II Targaryen x OFC

summary: In the game of chess, the queen has more freedom on the chessboard. In that sense, the queen is the most powerful piece. On the other hand, the king has more value. Because if you lose the king, you lose the game. 

warnings: arranged marriage, medieval violence, slow burn

chapter 1-> chapter 2-> chapter 3 -> chapter 4 -> chapter 5

Winter of the year 123 AC,

King's Landing

Lord Tyrell sat on the established stool, trying not to portray any signs of worry. He was playing a dangerous game that could cost him his head. He glanced around, meeting the stare of the King's Hand. Tyrell nodded at him, diverting his gaze to the entrance. A few moments later, the door opened, revealing King Viserys. Filis quickly stood up, followed by Otto and Prince Aegon.

''King Viserys the First,'' the guards announced, closing the door behind the royal figure. The room fell silent as King Viserys walked towards his seat, his regal presence commanding respect from all those present. Lord Tyrell's heart raced, knowing that the fate of his family and his allegiance hung in the balance of this meeting.

''You may be seated.'' King Viserys gestured towards the chairs, indicating that everyone should take their seats. ''Lord Tyrell, what a pleasure having you back at court. Got tired of the flowers, eh?"

Lord Tyrell forced a smile, concealing his nerves. "Your Grace, it is an honour to be in your presence once again. I assure you, my return is solely driven by my unwavering loyalty to the crown."

''Sure, sure. But let's not waste any more time with pleasantries. What is the matter demanding my attention?" The king's tone grew serious.

Lord Hand coughed before starting. ''Your Majesty. As a Hand of the King, my duties include creating alliances to strengthen the Crown. And now, when Prince Aegon is a man grown, I am glad to propose the marriage of Prince Aegon and Lady Marcella Tyrell. This union would not only solidify our alliance with House Tyrell but also bring together two powerful houses, ensuring a prosperous future for the realm.''

The king leaned back on his stool, considering Lord Hand's proposal. "Does your House approve of the offer, Lord Tyrell?"

''It will be a tremendous honour to my House, Your Majesty.'' Lord Tyrell replied with a respectful bow.

''Aegon?" The king asked, turning his attention to the Prince. His son's face portrayed nothing but boredom.

"Of course, Father," Prince Aegon said with a wry face. "I am willing to fulfil my duty to the realm," he added, though his lack of enthusiasm was evident.

The king sighed. "It is settled then. House Tyrell and House Targaryen shall unite for the betterment of the realm." He glanced at Lord Tyrell. "Prepare for the betrothal ceremony, and let us solidify this alliance."

Lord Tyrell nodded, a slight smile playing on his lips. "It shall be done, Your Grace. It shall be done."

-

Marcella's carriage was nearing the Grand Sept. The building stood proudly, surrounded by immense crowds of cheering people. Royal weddings were rare here; the last one was almost ten summers ago. As she gazed at the grandeur of the Grand Sept, Marcella couldn't help but wonder how her mother felt on her wedding day. Was she happy or frightened? Lonely? They didn't get the chance to talk about it. The Gods were cruel sometimes.

Elize will not attend the wedding; she is staying in Highgarden and watching little Edwin. Marcella did not know if she wanted to see her. Although Marcella had always wanted the best for her sister, she couldn't help but feel a tinge of envy. She was to be wed to a prince, sure, but Elize got to marry whomever she chose. Marcella couldn't help but feel a pang of longing for the freedom Elize possessed. It was a bittersweet reminder of the choices Marcella herself had never been able to make. To stay home, in Highgarden, by her father's side.

As Marcella gazed out the window, she shivered, unsure if the chill in her bones was a result of her thoughts or the icy gusts that swept through the open air. Despite the discomfort, she couldn't tear her eyes away from the distant horizon, where hundreds of common folk gathered to catch a glimpse of the royal bride. The gown was rich but did not retain the warmth of her body. It was white and gold—nothing like her favourite ones. Marcella longed for the familiar comfort of her dresses, adorned with vibrant colours and intricate patterns. She yearned to feel the soft fabric against her skin, a stark contrast to the stiff and unfamiliar garment she was currently wearing.

The carriage stopped. Marcella's heart raced as she took a deep breath, preparing herself for the momentous occasion that awaited her. The door opened, revealing her father's smiling face. Marcella jumped to hug him. She fought the tears with all her might, but a couple managed to get on his green doublet.

''Oh, it is all good, Cella. I am so proud of you, darling," her father said, wiping away the tears from his daughter's cheeks. "Or should I call you Your Majesty now?'', he joked.

Marcella laughed, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. "Not just yet, Father," she replied with a playful smile. "But soon enough, I hope." She glanced back at the carriage.

''Well, we have to hurry, do we? Those dragons are a hell of beasts.'' Her father stretched out a hand for her to grab. They were entering the Grand Sept.

There he stood, in white and gold, matching her. It suited her spouse better, however. Their eyes met, the light from the stained glass windows reflecting in his. A Targaryen Prince. Now, her husband.

Marcella let go of her father's hand, squishing it lightly. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. As she approached the altar, she couldn't help but feel anxious. This was the moment she had been preparing for her entire life—to become a princess and join one of the most powerful families in Westeros.

"You may now cloak the bride and bring her under your protection," a creaky voice of the Grand Septon announced.

The velvet cloth hit her bare shoulders, sending shivers down her spine. She closed her eyes, savouring the weight of the cloak as it settled around her, allowing the Septon to tie her hand with a ceremonial ribbon.

"In the sight of the Seven, I hereby seal these two souls, binding them as one for eternity. Look upon one another and say the words."

"Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger, I am his, and he is mine from this day until the end of my days,’’ Marcella uttered, Aegon's deeper voice echoing hers. The words hung in the air, their vows sealing their fates together. The congregation erupted in applause and cheers, their union celebrated by all who witnessed it. Marcella closed her eyes when she felt the savoury smell of sea and wine nearing. Suddenly, Tyrell felt tired, as if the world had drained her of every feeling she had with lips brushing against hers. Relief waved through Marcella's body—she did everything right.

-

The feast was lavish, although Marcella doesn't remember much. Everything was bleak in her mind, crumbling under the weight of worry. As she sat at the table, surrounded by opulent decorations and delectable dishes, Marcella's thoughts were consumed by the nearing bedding. It was the most significant part—to appease her husband. The bed is where canny women get their power. Marcella was afraid. No one will be there to aid her, not even guards. Was he violent? Marcella had heard stories of women who had suffered at the hands of their husbands. As she glanced around the lavish room, she couldn't help but wonder if this opulence was merely a facade hiding a darker reality.

A few drunken cheers interrupted her thoughts. In the middle of the hall now stood a massive cake. It was adorned with intricate designs. A palm brushed her forearm, burning it with heat.

''The honor of cutting the cake is my wife's!'' Aegon exclaimed, slightly forcing her forward. She reluctantly stepped toward the cake, her heart pounding with unease. The guests erupted into applause, their cheers masking the underlying tension in the room. The bedding started.

The court plunged into the mess. Nobles jostled for position, eager to witness the spectacle. The raucous atmosphere grew even more chaotic as wine spilled and laughter filled the air. She lost sight of her husband, whose face was now replaced by that of mostly unfamiliar men. Their shouts blended with the sound of tearing clothes. The crowd carried her to the chambers, singing obscene ditties. When her feet finally hit the floor, the door closed with a loud thud. She stood alone in the dimly lit room, her heart pounding with fear and confusion. The silence that followed the chaos outside was deafening, and she could feel the weight of uncertainty settle upon her.

A few moments later, the door opened once more, revealing a handful of laughing ladies and the Prince himself. ''I am afraid I have to go, madams. Duty calls. It was pleasant seeing you here.'' He waved them off and chuckled to himself. ''Wife!'' he called out, stretching the letters in tune with some song. ''Why aren't you naked yet?''

Marcella didn't answer; instead, she hurried to the mirror. She took off her earrings and other jewelry before gently removing pins and ribbons from her hair. Her now husband didn't add anything else. She heard him make his way to the bed, with the sound of clothes hitting the floor. Marcella glanced at her reflection one last time, ensuring that every strand of hair was in place. She took a deep breath and turned to face Prince Aegon.

Instead of meeting his drunken gaze, she saw his naked back. Confusion washed over her as she realized he had passed out on the bed. Marcella felt relief wash over her body; she didn't have to share the bed with him today. She quietly tiptoed towards the bed, careful not to disturb his slumber. As she slipped under the covers, Marcella remembered. The servants are going to examine each inch of the sheets for confirmation of their union.

She looked around the room, scanning for something, anything, to save her from the need to wake her now husband. And here it was—a simple butter knife near the plates of fruit. With a quick glance towards her husband, Marcella carefully picked up the butter knife, her heart pounding in her chest.

Taking a deep breath, she slowly pressed the knife against her skin, praying that her plan would work without waking her husband. A small stream of blood trickled down her leg as Marcella winced at the sharp sting. She hurriedly dabbed the blood onto the sheets, staining them just enough to give the appearance of authenticity. With a sigh of relief, she carefully wiped away any evidence and placed the butter knife back in its original spot, hoping that her desperate act would go unnoticed.

Marcella smiled to herself. Her husband would be too hungover to concern himself whether their marriage was consummated, and even if the thought occurred in his mind, he would be too embarrassed to admit that a famous womanizer like himself couldn't perform in bed. For now, she was free to rest.

#aegon ii x oc #aegon the second #aegon ii #house tyrell #house targaryen #hotd #imagine #house of the dragon #hotd fanfic #hotdedit #game of thrones #got #originalcharacter #medieval #court #fantasy #pre asoiaf #tyrell #targaryen #the red keep

[beautyofsorrow]

2, 4, 7, 18, 46

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

evil. evil question. why would you make me think about my multichaps. ok so i tried the intensive outlining thing, i really did, and it flopped so bad because i'm pretty sure i have adhd which, among many other things, means i need novelty in order to stay interested in a thing. but i also need STRUCTURE so i know where i'm GOING or i'll never FINISH so i have started doing this thing where i have the vague outline of what happens and then go from there. for without anesthetic, i had a pretty good idea of what i thought the first four chapters entailed before i ever sat down at the word doc, just so i'd have a measure of security behind this wildly ambitious idea. turns out it was only enough for three chapters and i am spinning my wheels a little on the fourth/fifth/sixth, but it's going so much better than my last multichap did, and i haven't abandoned it like my first. so yay! it's my own version of what i call the ann patchett method of drafting (see "the getaway car" in this is the story of a happy marriage for more details on that, dear mutuals who are not zanna). more adhd, but just rigorous enough to keep me from walking out. this seems to be working, but it's also nerve-wracking because oh no, what if i get ?? chapters deep and i've written myself into a corner? (the answer: girl calm down, it's fanfiction and you're supposed to be having fun)

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

i rifle through the fridge at 10pm looking for a very specific food that does not exist and then get mad at myself when i realize i am gonna have to write it into existence.

see also: my love for the characters (/horny and emotional). a desperate need for non-romantic sexually intimate relationships in media. upsetting plotholes in canon. deranged character dynamics. weird takes on popular tropes. religious trauma. family estrangement. being queer. i also read a lot of books and find plenty of sparks ideas juice inside them, usually in their style and execution. i looooooooove studying form and how it influences a book's plot.

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

whatever best serves the story! and/or whatever i feel i can handle best in a given moment. for example, the first time i tried my hand at sex pollen (drown me in glitter, glitter and gold) i had no fucking clue how to write from a sex-pollened person's POV, so the answer was to stay in la'an's head the entire fic. that let me get really comfy with the story so that by the time i had to write her being all high on horny juice, it flowed much more easily than if i had started in una's POV, who's dosed from the start. also, it was a much better, funnier, and stronger fic that way. la'an's mortification really came through and allowed me to hit a lot of comedic beats i wouldn't have been able to hit due to una's temporary plunge into angst.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

i do all three lol. mostly during and after. sometimes i'll have one from the start and it will stick; other times it will change to something else halfway through. many many times i will come screaming into ur DMs complaining about being done with a fic but not having title tags or summary. i started keeping a file in my notes app of lines of poetry i love, and i'll occasionally plunder them for titles. i'll also yoink song lyrics (just give me trust and watch what'll happen), riff on character quotes or episode titles (without anesthetic, ad astra), or rotate the fic in my head until something appropriately vibe-y presents itself (dress me down and hold me open, aces wild, stitch)

46. How would you describe your style?

contemplative, lyric and/or comedic (depending on the fic), & character-driven

#that fanfic lyfe

[bnha-more-like-bnh-gay]

Izuku quirk: The Siren's Call. Has the ability to sing and increase emotional response from everyone. Izuku singing a happy song when he was 4, everyone else is happy and doing happy things. Izuku sings a sad song as he lost his pet fish, everyone else is feeling sad and when he sings an aspiring song, people do things they feel aspired about.

I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO GET TO THIS, SCHOOL DECIDED TO GRAB ME BY THE THROAT AND MY MENTAL HEALTH DECIDED TO LEAVE

ANYWAY

I LOVE!!! Dudeeee, that’s such an izuku quirk??? Like,,, I love that for him.

I like to imagine that he sings a very like,,, guilt driven song when fighting villains and then they’re just like, “oh shit, what am I doing?!” Izuku: the hero that makes villains question their life choices.

No, but like,,, can you imagine???? He doesn’t even mean to do it most of the time, he just always loved to sing and then people would notice that their emotions would change when he does.

He is always able to help people deal with panic attacks because he sings peaceful songs

It can be detrimental to his health, because he does get sad sometimes (bullying will do that to you) and he sings sad songs which just makes him even more sad. Inko was so worried for him, she still is, but since he got into UA and made friends, he’s been a lot happier!

Jirou and izuku = music buddies

Shouto: are both of you… mic sensei’s secret love children?

Izuku:

Jirou:

Mic: yes.

Shouto: I knew it-

Izuku: ????

Jirou: hold up-

It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.

Present mic is everyone’s dad, don’t @ me (unless there is dadmic content because, as we have established, I live for that stuff)

Anyway

I love izuku with varying quirks :((

My favorite is always quirkless izuku still being a hero! he could do it and I will perish, and fight, and cry on that hill😭 but honestly, I love most quirk AUs for him!! IT’S WHAT HE DESERVES

I’m totally not crying about it.

I would never.

#THANK YOU FOR THE ASK💙💙 #i hope you enjoyed!! #I AM SO SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS TOOK #bnha #mha #izuku midoriya #yamadad #izuku problem child midoriya #quirk au

[seancamerons]

I love coloring, designing, and writing so much.

Doing these things keeps my mood so good, and happy. I 💖 it. I love being a creative! It's awesome. While I do get critical of my designs and writing, but I've made progress, and I can be super dedicated and passionate and happy accidents are reframed from what id normally view as a mistakes or id criticize it to where its no longer fun and happy.

I'm so thankful I was able to overcome and press onwards on my creativity journey, especially after i suffered with perfectionist times and burn out for the better part of 8 years. Only a decade ago I focused primarily on writing and creating passion projects as opposed to other things and I've become more driven and find myself loving and trusting the processes to come what may and everyday little chips away at the negatives and looking at the good and the positives. It's awesome I was able to do that and look at things differently. Even older projects I am less critical and look at it as it is, a journey, where the destination is eventually a thing but in the moment the present I'm focusing on the big picture and not getting overwhelmed. Although occasionally the little things make it worthwhile too, they're big parts of the puzzle of hodgepodge I call life. Like a variety pack of chocolates ,you never know. If anyone is feeling down or ultra critical just know that you never know until you start. Whatever you do my asvkce is to never criticize straight out the gate or downtqlk or downplay your dreams and ideas, even if they're mostly fantastical or unrealistic to you or others. You can find joy in that. It might not even look good to you at first but don't discount yourself, just get up and try again and maybe revisit and come back there is no shame in trying.

That being said, you ever said kind words about my creative projects and supported me on my various projects over the years, that is great, here is a giant thank you. It means so much, and I appreciate those words and positivity and support generally. ✨️

Also many thanks tumblr too for existing and giving me a place to be sharing and working with like minded folks. To me it's not a hellsite, but a outlet for me and others like me, or different from me to grow for the past decade plus and hopefully for many years to come. It took me a long time to get to this place, it took fails, false starts, therapy, comforting myself and kind words and even high spirited cracks qnd self criticisms to let go of my sometimes high expectations and standards I'd unrealistically set for myself. I was goddamn hard on myself. I was miserable and not even confident, and sometimes I'd discount myself and my skills or feel down or feel something was ugly even if it got notes or recognition I thought it was pity or a joke. I used to be and still can be sensitive too, that went hand in hand with my low esteem for myself and pettaining to myself. Idk why I thought it could be easy, a life in the creative realm but it's a double edged sword. The way I saw it I was preparing myself for crits. Hard-core crits that decimated my dreams initially and turned me into what I was. No more. I don't really like who I was then. I want to instil that to my friends here that failure isn't a measure of you as a human, you give up too easily or procrastinate? You are setting yourself up to feel the same on other things too.

Fot instance, I forced myself to uphold comparisons to help me, when it only hindered, and now I am at peace, finally. I wish I knew what I knew before, years ago in college fighting so hard, that one day I'd be at peace with myself, decisions, just because I failed once it's not my destiny or destination, it ain't over until it's over and to me it's only just begun.

Love always, Brimi

💗😊💙💖😊💙😊💙💗

#words #about me #happy creativity #design #art #coloring #coloring books #writing #writing tag #criticism #reviews #comments #support #positivity #motivation #thoughts

[softsapphicvibes]

okay I now have time to go through some (mostly positive!) thoughts and feelings about chapter 34! this is a bit of a long post, and spoilers ahead obviously. this covers part 1, and as each part is released i’ll reblog this post with more thoughts.

so of course I am so happy about the return of stages instead of open world. I love that it’s easier to take a break in between moments (although I wish they would bring back the quit/continue at the end of each stage instead of just throwing you into the next one. I like reading the flavour text for each stage).

i’m really happy about the text returning to a character-driven focus. it’s what i’ve stuck around for, and it was nice to finally get some thoughts from people about things, and I liked being able to understand what was going on.

I loved seeing the deep again. I don’t even care if it was just an excuse to reuse stage elements, I don’t care if they just needed an excuse to shoehorn in the cosmic juggernaut, I liked it. 

the first thing that really grabbed my attention was tesla explaining the reversal of project stigma. the moment where she said they would need the power of finality, or at least would need to take it from kevin, I immediately thought that that was a much better way of bringing up the power of finality than the way that hare just said “kiana could become the hofin in order to destroy the cocoon”. tesla’s dialogue makes for much better motivation on behalf of the characters and also opens up a conversation about who should be taking on the power of finality, if anyone at all! because tesla doesn’t indicate a certain someone would be more suited to it, and why should we (as readers) or the main cast trust hare in this scenario? her plan may be to have kiana take on the power of finality and have it consume her for all anyone knows. (this presents the other issue of hare being an undeveloped/shoehorned character in terms of intent and purpose that I won’t go into here.)

second of all, I ADORED the look of the planet directory (? that’s what ai-chan called it I think) in theresa’s stage. it looked really interesting and new and cool! it’s the kind of thing people brought up when they complained about open world - the individual stages always seemed to have more interesting and complex environments and this new area seems super fun. I can only hope we’re revisiting it later on!

super stoked to see siegfried, actually! he’s one of the only men who deserve rights in honkai and I really liked his little banter with theresa. his entrance was a little underwhelming but I think that was more “realistic” considering his lack of genuine power in the realm. pretty short-lived section and I don’t really know what ai-chan added to the whole thing but it’s whatever.

back in st. freya I really liked the small glimpse of the trio’s original dynamics at the very beginning. it did kinda feel like coming home, and even though there should be some urgency, I appreciated the laid-back but productive energy.

onto the big moment, I guess. I am really happy that they didn’t fade to black and have dudu explain her life story to kiana off-camera before they went to save their dad. I also think that learning that kevin had siegfried trapped in the stigma space and then stole his power adds a lovely personal stake into kiana’s motivations for kicking kevin’s ass. I don’t think she’s exactly one for super cold-blooded revenge, but I think if she gets to lay into him while also saving the world, she would feel good about that. 

now, I really liked the kaslana sisters fighting together, and I loved the cutscene. I would have appreciated some greater conflict in getting siegfried out of his little cage, but I didn’t find it anticlimatic at all. the family reunion was emotional and sweet and i’m not even mad that there was no huge gut-wrenching reveal between bianka and siegfried honestly. of course, he knew there were two daughters out there and it wasn’t like he had been present all of one’s life but not the other. I think they had fairly equal time with their dad, it’s only bianka who doesn’t remember that time, so I was happy with the equal treatment between them.

also, bianka calling on her (mother’s) power to wield the abyss flower made me think that I like the distinction between bianka and kiana as though one of them is more schariac and one of them is more kaslana. I suppose that’s not really a huge revelation but I like the implications and I hope they get to fight together as sisters going forward.

truthfully, I wondered if bianka was going to keep her identity a secret from both of them until after the big fight because she could see how kiana had that connection with siegfried that she was lacking, but i’m glad she didn’t. i’m glad that we’re addressing her place in the world, even slightly, because that’s an internal conflict she’s had her whole life.

finally, I also really liked the little dialogue at the end between bianka and kiana. I liked that bianka stood behind her chosen name, even though kiana wanted to share. it gave bianka the space to affirm that she is her own person who she has built through hard work and turmoil. I also liked that kiana had such respect for bianka in that moment! it feels like a great foundation for them to build on. and that is the type of writing that I have been sorely missing throughout the moon arc.

thank you mhy! i’m much happier after the start of this chapter and I hope it keeps up throughout.

#honkai impact #hi3 #kiana kaslana #bianka ataegina #siegfried kaslana #sapph's post #s/hi3 #s/hi3.txt #i'm not tagging this as spoilers since it's out on global but the read more is there #also how cool is it that i'm not complaining about something. big win for my followers today

[cubedmango]

omg id love to know... how does kurosawa propose in the manga... but also u are a genius adachi should propose in the rd

oh god the manga proposal . okay okay vol 6+7 spoilers under the cut (also i may get stuff wrong bc i am reading this shit through like 3 layers of translations so bear w any mistakes pls 😔)

right so. some context first. vol 6 is basically the whole nagasaki thing except adachi goes there temporarily just to see if he wants to transfer or not . krdc have a kinda-fight over adachi not telling kurosawa about it (mostly its just kurosawa feeling like adachi doesnt trust him and adachi being worried bc if hes away from kurosawa he cant use the magic so he wont be able to get along w kurosawa in a ldr). adachi checks the nagasaki branch out anyway, and kurosawa is later also driven there in the middle of rain by the sheer force of a very heartfelt letter from adachi and then stuff happens and adachi loses his magic. good for him

then onto vol 7 they have the whole realizing the magics gone thing and they talk and hug and kiss abt it and Its Cute As Fuck. and then.. after that adachis back in tokyo and theyre having dinner at kurosawas, adachi tells him hes decided to take up the transfer job (because kurosawa made him feel confident enough to which is !!!!!!! Sobs). then kurosawa tells him adachi should move in with him after he's back from nagasaki, and that he wants to live together with adachi. adachis like 'together? ok bet' (but like. endearingly) and then he jokes how kurosawa almost sounded like he was proposing just then. and then kurosawa makes this fucking face i want everyone to see:

and he goes 'WAIT THAT ONE DOESNT COUNT LET ME REDO' and hes falls to the floor despairing like 'it was supposed to be in a better location and a better time and ......' and adachis standing there like 🧍 before he tells kurosawa he doesnt have to prepare any surprises, and says 'didnt i say i like you even when youre not cool'. kurosawa goes 'but i want to be cool into front of you all the time 🥺' (punching him btw)

so they sit on the couch and kurosawa presents the Rings™ from within the depths of his tv cabinet, says (With His Hands Shaking) 'this kind of stuff might be heavy (like, emotionally) and u dont have to wear it all the time but..... will you accept this?'. adachi has a 'dang i dont have magic anymore but i can still feel his nervousness' thought and then says yes bc . Obviously! then they put the rings on each other and kurosawa kisses adachis hand and goes 'im so happy....' which . God !!!!!!!! then adachi also kisses his hand while thinking that since kurosawas heavy love makes him want to not leave, hes probably someone w a heavy love too (later adachi asks when kurosawa got the rings, kurosawa says back 'youll get scared when i tell you' and adachi goes 'naaah just tell me' and then its back to the funnies after that, basically the manga origins of the movies unpacking/pyjamas rediscovery/matching clothes scene)

#cherry magic #cherry magic spoilers #my answer #oof this got kinda long . i got lost in the explanation sauce #but yeah i v much enjoy this proposal just bc its so . Unintentional but also v v sweet #tho im curious how kurosawa wouldve done it if he could do it the way he wanted #ohh and after this theres like a part two to the proposal w adachi proposing (kind of) which is Sooo good i think abt it all the time #manga krdcs flavor of romance is incredibly appealing to me #i think i made a tweet abt it back when i was reading that was like . theyre So mundane and simple but it Works #if i write that rd proposal bit itll def have some manga influence lol

[unhinged-nymph]

Do you have a timestamp for that particular conversation on EB? The one about being their authentic selves?

It’s kind of an ongoing theme throughout Link’s episode, but Rhett touched on it in his, too. I’m just gonna present the relevant clips and y’all can make your own conclusions lol. But I think you need to listen to both in their entirety (especially Link’s) to get the overall vibe.

(For context, this is in reference to this ask I got.)

For Link:

10:00-15:00ish - releasing judgement on himself and not thinking of himself as a “bad person” as his default. In this section he talks a lot about how he would continuously beat himself up over just being himself, but he’s done the work on that and is ready to accept himself and start being the person he wants to be (more or less lol)

18:40 - “I am what I am, and I’m gonna be who I am, and I’m gonna see where that goes.”

19:43 - He talks about how basically his main goals to achieve happiness are “giving love and receiving love” and how he’s his happiest and in his “sweet spot” when he feels like he has love to give (this whole section felt… interesting lol)

56:30 - “Only I can be me, and I can let go of the things that aren’t me. Me being me and not being what I’m not and being what I am is a sweet spot.”

(So when he’s giving and receiving love and being what he is and not what he’s not is his “sweet spot.” Ok sure got it ✍️)

He also kept saying things like “I’m trying to catch myself when I start to think about how anyone could take it.” He says something like this a couple times but this quote specifically is from around 17:00.

For Rhett:

Well first off less than a minute in he says how they’ve “come out of the closet… the spiritual closet” like ok you didn’t have to phrase it like that but sure lol

30:00 - you kinda need to watch the bits before this for context but: “It’s created a softness towards others and towards myself. And when I say ‘softness towards myself,’ I say, ‘It makes me more suspicious than I ever was about anything that I actually believe.’”

He goes on to talk about how outside influence has caused him to believe what he believes and thinks what he thinks (basically the nature vs nurture convo) and then he says around 30:50 - “I’m able to see myself in that way, I can step back and like … You can hold things a little bit more loosely. … You hold your own personal convictions a little bit more loosely.”

They also both talk about how being creative is currently “healing them” and Rhett describes their creative “destiny” as being more free and soul-driven (around 55:00).

Basically, they both seem to be at this tipping point where they’re doing a lot of self-reflection and healing, their creative process both together and separately is a significant part of it, and it’s leading to them finding and being more genuine and authentic versions of themselves. And I love that for them <3.

#i spent way too much time on this #and I don’t want anyone to thing I’m saying anything one way or another #this is just a list of quotes lmao think what you will ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[gaymer-hag-stan]

Okay so I just beat REmake 4.

Here's a few quick thoughts

The introduction to the village is excellent and sets a perfect tone

Gameplay tweaks as well as the original's formula that is still used still work great. The REmake combat system is pretty tight, although it took me until the island to actually master the knife parrying system, mostly for the Krauser battles.

The treasure hunting is addictive, I got almost everything except some damn treasures in the village, I'm still mad! The shooting range minigame was EXCELLENT, I did not expect to be so immersed in it, I even actually sat down and got an S ranking on every single game! It actually helped me improve my aiming skills for the actual part of the game.

The graphics look amazing and the game makes great use of the PS5's DualSense controller.

I've said this before and I'll say it again; I'm glad the game is still camp as fuck. Yes, it's not as much as the original but it's also definitely not as depressing, grounded and soulless as, literally, almost every other narrative-driven modern game out there. This is so fucking refreshing to experience and I hope it starts a new trend of going back to cheesiness and camp as an alternative to all these non-entertaining but highly-applauded, for some bizarre reason, alternatives.

The Castle looks AMAZING, definitely my favourite area.

Leon, Ashley and of course The Merchant stole the show. Every scene they were in and saying their silly shit was entertaining. Leon's "swallow me whole" and the Merchant's "size matters... Or so they say, right" in particular got me so good 🤣

Krauser and Rámon were also done pretty well I think. Their actors did an amazing job. Krauser has more of a backstory this time and feels more like an actual person and not like a boss fight. Ramón himself looks more unhinged than ever, and both through documents by his caretakers as well as his quotes towards Leon during their battle we are able to see how the comments and treatment he received about his appearance actively influenced his hatred for the world and people. I think this is a very understated detail that adds a lot of depth to Ramón that I've seen no one talk about so far.

I know Luis is everyone's new bae and all, and that's great, but I honestly don't see the appeal. He's uglier than before, he's more annoying than before and he stays longer than before so nah, it's a no from me. They attempted to give him a bit of a backstory this time around but, ultimately, it's not impactful at all. He was also very unhelpful during the mine segment. I felt like he mostly just sat around and did nothing. He was pretty useful in the hut though and the el gigantes fight and he had a few good one liners, I'll give him that!

One thing that is present in the other two remakes as well but is especially annoying and noticeable in this one, is that when you move from one area to another, the lighting effects drastically change. It's like you change filters on an Instagram post or something lol

A little disappointed that Capcom is selling extra treasures and weapon upgrades as DLC again, and even more disappointed that they'll, probably, sell Ada's campaign as DLC... Hopefully that means they're gonna expand upon it though so at least we'll get more Ada. Hopefully...

Speaking of Ada, Lily Gao's performance was fine? Y'all are pathetic and miserable human beings for bullying her off the internet. Honestly. Is she my favourite Ada so far? No, I think Jolene Andersen is the definitive take on the character for me, but Lily gave a completely different approach to the character and, given how the whole concept of her dynamic with Leon is that they have both changed in certain ways after the Raccoon City Incident, it makes perfect sense? The previously innocent and inexperienced Leon is now hardened and cynical. The previously more emotional and alluring Ada is now more "matter-of-fact" and cold.

Overall I am very happy with the game and plan to instantly replay it. Nothing more that I can say.

Just buy it so Capcom can REmake more and get more of our money. I love capitalism

#Resident Evil #Biohazard #Resident Evil 4 #Video Games #Gaming

[shadowypandaballoon]

1. Extreme wide shot

- the context of an extreme wide shot may indicate that the characters are present in the scene. As establishing shots, extreme wide shots are frequently used.

• I find that sunsets are peaceful. A beautiful sunset can make me feel calmer, remove irritability, and serve as a gentle reminder that I am only a small component of a much larger whole. The things that upset me are typically not worth worrying about because life is so much more than my grumbling and negative attitude.They offer magnificent landscape. These hues are quite bright. They create incredible works of natural art. Your mood may be affected by them.

•IMG_20230326_182012.jpg

• March 26, 2023

•Barangay Sinalhan ibaba purok 3Sta.Rosa, Laguna.

2. Long shot/wide shot

- Close shots focus on the specifics of the topic and emphasize a character's emotions, long shots, also known as wide shots, show the subject from a distance, emphasizing place and location.

• I took this picture as a best shot because sunset's are proof that endings can often be beautiful too.

• IMG_20230325_364188.jpg

• March 25, 2023

• 6:20 pm

• Brgy Sinalhan, Santa Rosa Laguna

3. Full shot

-The context of an full shot is to capture one or more character or subjects from top to bottom to focus on the character or place appearance.This is what I chose to take because I can see the beauty of nature in this place it has a clean environment and beautiful scenery.

•Echo park, in a peaceful place. It is one of the places where tourists come because of its clean and beautiful environment, it is known for being abundant in water resources and flowering plants, you can see beautiful scenery, we are lucky because there are majestic sights that we can be proud of.

• IMG_20230219_114313.jpg

• March 24, 2023

• 11:43 am

• Echo Park Cavinti Laguna

4. Meduim long shot

-Between a medium shot and a full shot, a medium long shot shows the subject from the knees up. also known as a 3/4 shot.

•In the sunny day i took this picture because trees and clouds are a stunning combination of beauty. Trees provide a majestic backdrop of strong, tall trunks and lush leafy branches, while clouds fill the sky with billowing shapes of white, grey and blue. Together, they create a stunningly tranquil atmosphere that can be admired for hours.

• IMG_20230326_093939.jpg

• March 26,2023

• 9:39 am

• Sinalhan Sta.Rosa,Laguna

5. Cowboy shot

- A cowboy shot includes the subject's face down to their mid-thigh. This shot size was widely used in Western films like Clint Eastwood's A Fistful of Dollars based on the frequency of showdowns in these flicks. The cowboy shot is now used widely in films of many other genres.

• Kite always flies against the wind, not with the wind. In life too, if we are just going with flow or driven by the circumstance or situation, we will not be able to rise. It's true when things are against us or situations are more demanding we give up.

• IMG_20230326_175719_509.jpg

• March 26, 2023

• 5:57 pm

• Brgy Sinalhan Baywalk, Santa Rosa Laguna

6. Meduim shot

-A medium shot is one in which the subject is shown from roughly knee level by the camera. Since they make it simpler to tell where the scene is taking place, medium shots are frequently employed for establishing shots.

• When im walking at the night i see this latern and i took it as a best shot because it symbolizes the victory of light over darkness as well as hope and goodwill.

• IMG_20230325_130554.jpg

• March 25, 2023

• 9:45 am

• Brgy Sinalhan, Santa Rosa Laguna

7. Meduim close up

-An object is captured from about two feet away in a medium close-up view, a style of camera angle employed in both film and photography. This kind of shot can be utilized to highlight details or foster a sense of closeness between the spectator and the subject being viewed

•In the sunny days i took this shot because I loved seeing my adorable dog walking, playing, happy and free.Dogs are very special and adorable, In every morning he wakes me up and we both go for a morning walk.to keep him happy and healthy.

• IMG_20230323_354627.jpeg

• March 23, 2023

• 7:37 am

• Sinalhan, Santa Rosa Laguna

8. Close up shot

-A shot taken of a person or object at a close range, in order to capture the minute details of the subject.

•I took this as a best because the church is God's instrument for expressing his compassion and concern for the world. Everyone has different beliefs, and what you want to believe is your own choice.

• IMG_20230324_212007.jpg

• March 24, 2023

• 9:20 pm

• Brgy Sinalhan , Santa Rosa Laguna

9. Extreme Close up shot

-Shot is a sharper variation of a close-up shot that occasionally just reveals the subject's eyes. The subject is tightly framed in close-up views, which fill the entire frame with a specific detail.

•Where the sun disappears out of sight from the sky. Standing on the window to welcome the sunset were hitting the eyes that fighting the urge to see the beautiful sky - like how her tongue could never express but her eyes talk a great deal.

• IMG_20230326_171359.jpg

• March 26, 2023

• 5:13 pm

• Brgy Sinalhan, Santa Rosa Laguna

[ihenvs3000w23]

Sense Making in Nature Interpretation

            A number of us are going to take different approaches to this week’s blog prompt as all of us are driven and interested by different aspects of nature. Some of us are passionate about specific wildlife, others are more interested in natural landscapes and some of us are still trying to understand what part of nature intrigues them the most. For myself, I have always been interested in the impact that nature plays in human health. To be more specific, what components of nature play a role in a healthy mind, body and soul.     

Nature is fascinating in itself as there are many aspects of it that play dynamic roles in relationships. The most interesting thing I know about nature is the impact that it has on human health and happiness. As mentioned in the textbook, we learn how to interpret nature through our life cycle in academic settings (Beck et al., 2018). Schools want to integrate our learning with nature through various programs and facilities as it provides individuals important life skills (Beck et al., 2018). Prior to taking ENVS*3000, I have taken a couple of ecology courses and learned about the relationship nature has on human happiness in an ASCI course I took. Human beings depend a lot on their environment for their actions and their emotions. The term used that refers to this relationship is nature connectedness. According to a study conducted in China, there is positive correlation between nature connectedness and mental health (Liu et al., 2022). We have discussed throughout the course how nature is present in music, history and our everyday lives and when we choose to understand all of these categories, we are then able to confidentially submerge ourselves in nature (Beck et al., 2018). Some find peaceful meditation to nature sounds their way of destressing while others find walks or hikes their go-to. I want to pose the question, where do you feel the calmest? What do you do to connect yourself with nature?

Personally, I have always found myself feeling my best in terms of confidence and energy when I am in the outdoors. Whether this be sitting in my backyard enjoying my morning coffee on a sunny day or taking a hike in the escarpments. I have personally noticed amazing benefits to my skin in nature as well, for example, when I am at a beach or in saltwater, my keratosis pilaris magically disappears and my acne settles as well. According to some studies, saltwater places a role in soothing and reducing atopic skin conditions (Martin et al., 2016). I have always found that nature has had nothing but positive impacts on me both mentally and physically. I also believe that it is extremely important to look at how other countries advocate for the environment. Countries like China and Scandinavian countries are very keen on ensuring they are doing their part in integrating nature and the environment into people’s everyday lives.

Beck, L., Cable, T.T., & Knudson, D.M (2018). Interpreting Cultural and Natural Heritage for a Better World (1st ed). Sagamore Venture

Liu, H., Nong, H., Ren, H., & Liu, K. (2022). The effect of nature exposure, nature connectedness on mental well-being and ill-being in a general Chinese population. Landscape and Urban Planning, 222, 104397–. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.landurbplan.2022.104397

Martin, H., Laborel-Préneron, E., Fraysse, F., Nguyen, T., Schmitt, A. M., Redoulès, D., & Davrinche, C. (2016). Aquaphilus dolomiae extract counteracts the effects of cutaneous S. aureus secretome isolated from atopic children on CD4+ T cell activation. Pharmaceutical biology, 54(11), 2782–2785. https://doi.org/10.3109/13880209.2016.1173069

[kyrodo]

I feel My worst enemies now are thoughts of others that I can't control. Both on Choskey and Red's ends. They both experience depression, anxiety, and self-doubt in abundance and while it doesn't always show, when it does it is sudden and abrupt and generally what people consider a mood killer. Thoughts about whether or not things will work out. Etc etc. Which I do not share such thoughts because things are going really well up until the conversation comes up and I'm usually at a loss as to why.

And given Choskey is the third person in our relationship I would understand to some extent as to why, but without abnormal amounts of depression I would think most people would see how well things are going and not really feel the need for such thoughts until something goes wrong. I'm unfortunately most people. I would rather feel freely and be happy than get suddenly struck and wounded for no apparent reason and have to help them clean up and feel okay again.

I understand to some extent I presented similar conversations when I was engaging an older crush. And I understand why they suck so much even though, in that instance nothing was ever cleared up for me, so I had legit reasons to doubt things were going well. But I had a very impatient host who wouldn't give me the time of day any time I felt the need for some level of emotional security.

And I'm not going to be that person here. I've learned a lot from the experience but I also know what kind of example not to follow. I'm not just saying this out of spite, but their approach was simply irredeemably wrong. I understand second partners isn't the going standard, or even third partners given they were in a relationship as well, but they certainly weren't the material for it. I always think about how another person would react to the things I say. Even if I don't necessarily put them in good places sometimes. I know when to pull my punches. I know when to go all out. But most of all if someone isn't an enemy, I actually give a shit what they feel. If I turn enemy I don't do it at random, it is always in response to something I was put through or made to feel like when I got interrogaslighted early on. It makes a lot of sense their content is sociopathic in nature. Whatever they'd rebuke, I offer the same defense for my content, it isn't real.

I do not like being attacked. I do not like being lied to knowingly while being driven into a corner where I'm either forced to bring up that someone is actively lying or say something stupid. But I chose the stupid option because I was too nice for my own good. And because I didn't think it would lead to anywhere productive. Not that that was ever going to happen no matter what I did. Even stupider is that once I recognized I was going to be gaslighted at every slight inconvenience for them, I still clung to them. I still kept trying, given the reality that either I had to give up and deal with the pain of my feelings or try to make them fruitful. And I was not in the mental state back then to choose the more sensible option. I kept trying. Because the very person inflicting me with immense pain was also my only painkiller. Like scratching at an itch that has already turned into an open wound. I was driven to the end of my wits already before I developed those feelings. I was ready to kill off my entire digital identity, I was formulating plans for my own permanent demise. And that much was made clear as expressions of pain whenever things didn't go well between us. I deleted pieces of myself one by one throughout our encounter.

But I recognize many things didn't line up very well. Our respective relationships. Distance. The fact that we'd never met. Or that my feelings likely developed out of depression and loneliness. Our ages. Our content. I am not a horror fan. As much as I entertained the possibility of giving it a serious try, I'm not sure if it is a taste I would have reasonably been able to acquire. I do not have a taste for the grotesque. I can appreciate things that entertain the theme of horror, especially given my preferred colors, but not necessarily things that are legitimately scary. Because I don't like the feeling of adrenaline. And I don't like things that are disturbing. I'll favorite pictures (when I'm not depressed) where a furry is licking blood off their fingers and honestly I still would, because it is vengeful, interesting, exciting, dramatic, but that is not the point of core horror. It is not about expressing emotions or anger or telling a story, it's about jump scares and adrenaline, suspense, anticipation.

Bad things tend to happen whenever I do something because I anticipated something. Trauma or no trauma, that has always been my truth. Which is why I require someone who is actually capable of sympathy and empathy. Who would understand this side of me and work with it rather than act like a dick. Like Red. Like Choskey. I really hate it when I have to spell out everything.

It is an environmental thing as well. Choskey had the benefit of hearing my voice. My Previous crush only saw text and subtexts in whatever manner I expressed it. And in the latter situation, it is very difficult to trust someone you've never met. Distrust was an ongoing failing of ours back in 2020. Distrust was all we had. And I was the only one willing to give trust a shot. Unfortunately it's like having a battery with only one end connected. It doesn't work that way.

Granted I shouldn't have been using a rando like a therapist. I had gone over everything with Red about my spat with Kay, but anything that hits me that strongly I often have to post even if it's not necessarily a great idea. I couldn't let it go. I did not have a focus group so I tried to find one through you. I did not go get a therapist when Red suggested it because it was often during a time when I felt fine. My spiral was an on and off kind of thing. If I felt depressed 100% of the time I would have been more likely to do it. My problem was whenever I felt like I finally got it all out of my system, I was back at it the next hour. So even though I should have it was hard to justify it. Not to mention it takes a lot of effort to actually figure out how to get one and money was tight. I was constantly covering for Red every month for rent and food and Red also requested that I try to keep 3k in my account for emergencies. I took that order to heart.

So I did the next best thing, outside of my friend group because Red already heard everything and going over it again felt pointless, and someone who hasn't met me I could go over my life, who I am and validate my experiences and existence by them listening to it. And in turn that would help me get passed the social conflict that bruised my ego harder than it should have. I was worried about what Kay thought of me after our argument on Twitter, and felt she had the wrong idea of me, and I could not shake that off. Omi also removed me from one of her telegram groups and I took that very personally and felt like I was officially abandoned by my friends. Yet behind my back Red was still keeping in contact.

So I was not originally looking for a second boyfriend, I was looking for a friend group to replace them. And I would have been fine honestly if that was all I got out of our encounter, but my feelings were not making it easy to act maturely around you. My argument with Kay started to be a talking point rather than something I actually cared about anymore. I wanted to surrender myself to the new feeling I developed and for you to give it meaning. The feeling was strong enough to block out my original problem. To keep me from caring about it anymore. I pretended to still care about it but instead I wanted to see how things would go between us. Because I had never been that close to the possibility of someone other than Red being in our relationship. I was excited, it gave me someone who cares about what I say, I was scared, I was hopeful, I was wishful. It gave me someone to subtext in all these idiotic ways, and I felt like it was all I had for company when Red was busy or we weren't doing anything together, or the only person I wanted to see my vents that I couldn't stop posting. And it was the only possibility at the time I would find another furry group. I didn't have vrchat, and I didn't have the courage to use my voice in a place like vrchat anyway.

And I wanted people to play with. Kitsunary is good at times but she gets stressed quickly and her frustration can be stressful or contagious. Red is either bad or not fun to play with for multiple reasons. He's also more busy than other people usually are, and not really that interested in gaming. And that was all I really had at the time. El teniente and Maximus have their own problems, and Marcus didn't like to play with us that often.

And for things like League or Overwatch, I didn't have a lot of options. The possibility of a new love interest or a new friend was much more appealing than any of my other options. So that is where I spent most of my time and focus. I was not necessarily ready or fully onboard with the idea of going poly yet but I felt like it would have been nice. I felt like it would cover Red's weaknesses when it comes to recreational time. And I still feel that way, which is why I have Choskey now.

I know this means Red probably isn't my fabled "one and only" but we have a lot of history, we usually get along well and there are things he provides that no one else would be able to replace, like the whuffy antics. So I don't want to replace him either. And that's why I'm trying to make this work. And that's what I always wanted really.

But you idiots were quick to attack every perceived flaw or ready to make up your own to trigger me as much as possible and nobody has ever treated me like that before. I was a guinea pig for memes and malicious subtext. And at the time I almost couldn't believe anyone would treat people like that. Your reactions and responses never really lined up or made sense but you still made it clear they were attempts at a response. And I didn't understand what you were trying to do or why.

I'm used to Omi's group of friends. They have their own way of doing things when it comes to dealing with drama, and tact, prudence, and sensible communication are high priorities there. But instead of dragging me into a group chat like I expected to settle things you did just about everything else. And I guess I was too used to people being more responsible than I am, older than I am, or having Red babysit me basically that when that stopped being true I wasn't prepared for it. I don't know what kind of therapy I expected to find among memelords, hackers, and trolls. But I clearly expected too much.

Time has been extremely kind to me. And if you or anybody who was onboard with your harassment group cares to see what I write, if you were waiting and hoping time would eventually validate the actions used against me, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Your subtext doesn't hide shit anymore. You brought out every cheap and underhanded tactic in the book and you still couldn't shut me up. Time reveals all things, and even with the most explosive ways I expressed myself what I did has a shelf life. What I did, my intents, my reasons thereof are clear, straightforward and easy to understand. You're a complete mess and everybody got to see that firsthand. You wanted some evil mastermind, you wanted a hater, you wanted any kind of prejudice to attack me for and you didn't find shit. And I'll forever be dancing on your grave for how over the top and stupid the extents you went that would have been handled properly by mature adults. In my position, how do you let people live that down? That is more than just an "oops my bad" moment, that is a deliberate act of a complete asshole who doesn't think before they harm people. Who doesn't even need a good reason to harm people. And you openly admitted that via subtext too and that is mind boggling, and eye opening. Good luck wiping that from memory. Context is everything, and you have it now. You have all the context you could possibly get now, especially after watching my day to day, and you should very much feel ashamed of yourselves. You committed an act of inhumane cruelty without having or needing a good reason to and you get to fucking live with it while I get to laugh in your face.

You revealed who I am expecting so much to harm me for and you found a dragon and a wolf as advertised. You revealed who you really are in the process too. That is the first time in my life somebody committed an act of extreme hatred towards me and ended up biting themselves in the ass in the process. And you did it as a group so everybody knows and you can't do shit about it. Everyone knows who you really are and if I were them that is the crowning moment I would have lost any level of respect for you. And who knows, maybe they did. I am immortalized as a permanent stain on your memories, the dragon's wolf pet who had a breakdown, further aggravated by you in ways that no normal idiot on the Internet would have done. There is no dignity in a life like yours. There is not a single reason I would like to have been on the other side of this other than not be the one who gets hurt.

My only glimpse of an aftermath is my imagination. But I hope you found a way to learn from it and move on. And if you didn't I'm even happier I didn't end up with you. It is incredible how thoroughly you lost my respect even without me being an unwitting advocate of your attack. And if that was someone else's suggestion in the moment, hope you're still talking. What could be a more bonding moment than trying to ruin someone's life together that probably doesn't deserve it? If they're still around after that mess then maybe you'd be perfect for each other. At least when I burn bridges I use words, I don't actively try to harm someone any other way. That's your mess. At least you know how to clean up. Cover stories are your specialty after all.

I know how infuriating just my words and art expressions can be on their own. And when it gets people to do things they normally would never see themselves doing I know I'm doing something right. I never have to cross a single line when people just do it for me so readily. And in the end all they manage to achieve is looking like a complete ass while I return to my regularly scheduled life unscathed. Because unknowingly or willingly, you failed to read between the lines. You failed to trust my words when you were the one covering yours. And I don't know how you made such a stupid mistake but here we fucking go. Welcome to the after life, and what do we have to show for it? I met someone better in every possible aspect and I get to be with him AND Red. It turns out I'm not crazy, I'm capable of reason, that I always learn from my mistakes, and who would have thunk. I guess we all got what we deserved one way or another. I always get the last laugh because I was dealing with a joke.