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empressofmankind · 5 months

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On My Silent Days

I Miss You A Little Louder

[Crocodile x female!OC]

Explicit with a capital E

Word count: 7k / 15 pages

A/N: Writing this has been my whole life the past 5 days, as anyone who has frequented my Dash recently can attest. I am obsessed with their chemistry.

Technically, this is part of 'The Show Must Go On'. You don't have to read it, but I recommend it. You'll get to know Shivs and her helter-skelter relationship with Buggy which sits as the background to this whole ordeal.

You see, this is like, Arabaste arch at the earliest - Cross Guild era more likely. By then, Shivs and Bugs have rollercoastered through so much bullshit and they've come out rock solid on the other side somehow. Clown keeps failing up, even with this relationship. Sir Crocodile finds the whole thing insulting, to say the least. And seems to think it is one well-placed remark away from utterly crumbling. Jealous ex, whomst? My dude, you fucked that up yourself. Repeatedly. You had more chances than you have fingers. Chemistry aside, this is absolutely a desert of his own making.

What else do you need to know? Shivs is only 2 or 3 years younger than Buggy (i.e. my age, come sue me), but Crocodile is 5 years older than the clown. So, she's in her mid 30s, he's in his mid 40s. She originally met him when he was maybe 28? Do the math. Oh yes, and for those less familiar with the Cross Guild era: our favourite clown has managed to accidentally become the lauded public face of what is actually Mihawk and Crocodile's venture. Understandably, the ex-warlords are a little miffed by this and spend decent amounts of time physically abusing poor Buggy.

Shivs' absolutely flawless plan is basically swapping sexual favours with her ex for get-out-of-jail-free cards for the clown.

My girl literally barging in here telling Croc: "I'll take ur cock if u leave my clown alone."

Yes. That's it. That's the plot.

She almost had him, too. Arguably, she had him the entire time. And then he gdamn snapped her from the pond edge like an unwitting gazelle in the last minute. Cuz we all - her included - forgot who we're dealing with for 14.5 pages straight. APPARENTLY.

screams into a pillow

Tag(s): Oh? Ok. Sexual favours! Is she fucking her boss? No, but he always makes it feel that way. Is she fucking her ex? Yes. Are they technically still married? Maybe. Blow jobs? Deep throat. Size kink? 100%. Filthy language. Graphic sex. Soft dom? Power bottom? I am on the fence. Little girl vibes on the margins, like, he tries. She too sassy and sooner a brat. Oh, orgasm denial! Big time. Humiliation? A little bit. Stretching? Yes. Moar size kink. Choking? Big yes. Spoiling? Also yes. She deserves nice things. Power imbalance? Yes. In whose direction? It kind of flip-flops. Did I need to spend so many words on their smoking and his cigars? Probably not, but it scratched an itch. With them, it counts as foreplay; I am sure. You know you're doing well when he takes the damn thing outta his mouth. World class banter, too. If I may say so myself. But really, the bottom line is that it's just oral and PIV dressed up real fancy.

ON MY SILENT DAYS

I MISS YOU A LITTLE LOUDER

The double doors were as tall and foreboding as Shivs remembered. All bevelled hardwood and delicate gilding. She stood before them, gazing up. In the dead centre sat a brass knocker shaped like a bananawani's head, polished to a sheen.

Knocking was for people with appointments, and waiting wasn't something she planned on doing here ever again. She put her palms against the cold, expensive wood and pushed the massive doors open as if breaking a siege. They swung on smooth hinges despite their weight and struck the marbled walls with resounding booms.

The opulent office beyond was exactly as she remembered. Marquina walls, fishbone parquet floors, blackwood furniture. The taxidermied juvenile bananawani set in the wall vitrine behind his desk was new. What had been there before? A map? A ship? No, a stone. An artefact of some kind riddled in curious glyphs.

Crocodile glanced up from his papers and the irritation flitting across his scarred face in the split second before he realised who'd dared barge in, set the hairs on the back of her neck on end. How often had she seen someone shrivel into a desiccated husk straight after that look?

Shivs held his pale gaze, set her jaw and strode into his office as if down the plank.

The creak of leather as he leaned back in his seat. “You know I've killed people for less.”

She paused in front of his outrageous statement piece of a desk. She put her hands in the pockets of her baggy pants and forced her shoulders to unclench, her stance to relax. If Buggy’s dumb luck had managed to rub off on her in these past months, then now would be the time for it to start working for her.

“Lucky I am not ‘people’,” she said as she crossed her fingers in her pocket.

Amusement squinted his eyes as the corner of his mouth twitched up behind his cigar. “No, you're not,” he said as he rose.

Shivs was not short. Not by any regular definition of the word. Buggy was only a head taller than her. She hadn't forgotten how tall Crocodile was, not really. And yet, as he came around his desk and towards her, there appeared to be no end to him as he approached. If she reached up, stretched her arm, she could nick his cigar. But only just.

"Do you still smoke?" he said as he stopped well within her personal space, forcing her to crane her neck to meet his gaze. He took a flat, brass case from the inside pocket of his coat and held it out to her. She remembered it. Remembered the exquisite taste of the narrow cigarillos in it.

"No."

"Liar." His gaze flicked down along his cigar at her. "You smell of cigarettes, doll."

"I have changed my ways."

Humour flitted under his gravelly voice. "For the worse."

Shivs pursed her lips. "It's an expensive lifestyle when they don't come free with a goodnight kiss."

"Hah."

The bark of laughter actually reached his eyes, crinkling their crow's feet for a moment. He held out the case to her again. "You poor thing. I do support charities, you know."

She took it this time and flipped it open. The rich waft of tobacco and sweet Goji berries greeted her as if no time had passed at all. Might as well enjoy her sojourn back to hell while she could.

She put one of the thin cigarillos between her lips and let him light it. Watched the firelight catch and reflect in his rings. Took a moment to savour the blend, rich and sweet as polished Beli.

They were very good.

Always had been.

Shivs took the cigarillo from between her lips and blew the smoke up in rings through a slow smile. They almost reached him.

Crocodile leaned down through the cloudy hoops to pluck the shoulder of her red-and-white striped sweater between thumb and index finger, a judgemental 'hmph' escaping around his cigar.

She enjoyed the expensive smoke and his fascination while it lasted. Maybe, just maybe, this would be enough? Letting him treat her like a doll badly in need of a better dress up? He liked to spoil, always had. Now, more than ever, he had the means to take it to completely nonsensical levels. Her ego could take it, if that was the price of leaving Bugs alone.

Shivs indicated his everything with an up and down wave of her free hand. "No way to afford the good stuff on a waiter's salary."

He let go of the fabric to brush his thumb across the smear of grease paint near the collar, staining his skin and the gold of his ring red.

"Or a dud's haul."

He hooked the silk kerchief from his vest's breast pocket and wiped his hand. She followed the length of his arm up to his face.

"The entertainment isn't half bad."

“Yes.” He chewed the butt of his cigar, derision twitching his thin lips as he tucked the kerchief into an inside pocket of his coat. “His pathetic antics can be mildly amusing.”

Shivs’ grip on the cigarillo tightened, but she smiled pleasantly. “I like it when a man can make me laugh,” she said, pointing at him with the thin smoke between her fingers. “Even if at his own expense.”

She frowned at his broad back when he turned away from her without a witty reply, retreating to the button tufted camelback near them.

“You're not here for a social call,” Crocodile stated as he sat down, putting his arms along the sofa's curved back. Something flitted past his pale eyes, but it was gone so fast Shivs couldn't nail it. “What do you want, doll?”

Shivs rolled back and forth on the balls of her feet, pursing her lips as if preparing to drive a hard bargain. She intended to seem casual, unconcerned. But her palms were slick with sweat and her heartbeat drummed in her ears. She filled her mouth with smoke, tasting the rich flavours. Savouring them before blowing it out in small puffs through her pursed lips.

"I want you to leave him be," she said, extinguishing the cigarillo in his ashtray.

Crocodile shifted and put his shin across his knee. Her gaze flicked down and she saw him take note.

"And if I do?"

She held his gaze. One breath, two breaths, moved her jaw but didn't form the words. She wanted him to leave Buggy alone. Even if that meant taking his… beating, instead.

He blew out smoke through his nose, waiting patiently for her answer. The hint of a smile lingered as his pale eyes held hers from above the waterline of his scar. And in that moment, he reminded her so strongly of a lurking crocodile. Watching. Waiting. Biding its time to strike. It sent a shiver down her spine, and not entirely out of fear.

Shivs pursed her lips, steeled her emotions, checked her resolve. I'll do it for you, Bugs. It's a deal I know he won't refuse.

She met his intense gaze head on, then dropped hers slowly to his crotch once more. Allowed it to linger there, before looking back up.

He chewed the butt of his cigar and beckoned her. "You never could fit all of me down that skilled throat of yours."

Shivs watched him uncross his legs as she approached. She trailed her fingertips along his clothed thighs before leaning on them. It brought her face level with his and she deliberately took a moment to breathe in his secondhand smoke.

“Want to judge if that hasn't changed for the worse?” she whispered against his lips as she savoured the distinct flavours that made up his private blend.

Strong muscles flexed and relaxed under her palms, and she presumed that to mean ‘yes’.

She ran her hands down his muscular thighs, taking in their shape until her palms rested on his knees. His breathing changed, she could tell from the way he exhaled smoke. Denser palls, deeper breaths. No resistance as she pushed his knees apart far enough to kneel between them.

Brushing her fingertips across his overstated belt buckle, she smiled to herself. Some things never changed. She slipped the tooled tip through the frame, her movements slow and deliberate as she listened for the subtle shifts in his breathing. She loosened the prong with a sharp tug on the strap, using more force than was strictly necessary. An undercurrent of need laced the grunt that escaped him in response.

Shivs reached into his pants with both hands, catching his gaze as she drew his penis out, feeling it swell against her palms. She made a noise of appreciation as she let her hands slide down his shaft. His pale eyes hunting after hers when she broke their gaze to look at her fingers fitting around the base. She had not forgotten how tall this part of him was.

Leaning forward, she trailed teasing kisses from halfway down his shaft towards the tip. I’ve swallowed swords longer than this, and dicks aren’t even sharp, she thought as she flicked her tongue past the rim, playful-like. Length was only half the problem though, she knew that perfectly well.

She put a hand on his thigh and leaned on it as she ran the flat of her tongue across the head and took him into her mouth, suckling the tip. Inched his cock further with deliberately slow, short bobs, tilting her head to ensure he’d catch every movement of her lips as they worked around him. Need strained his stoic expression when she stole a glance up. A twitch of his eyebrows when the tip bumped against the back of her mouth. She sucked down and drew his cock back out, watched it twitch and his grip tighten on the backrest as she felt his thigh flex under her palm.

She took him into her mouth again and ran the tip of her tongue along the underside of his cock. Relaxed her neck and let it slip further than before, teasing at the entrance to her throat. Nudging it, stretching it just a bit before sucking down and drawing him back out, tasting precum for her efforts.

The frustrated groan that rumbled up from somewhere deep within his broad chest sent sparks flying down her spine. This is gonna work, she thought as he reached for her head, petted her hair while she teased the precum from him with fleet, wet kisses.

“Stop messing around and swallow my cock, sweetheart,” Crocodile grunted, pale eyes alight with hunger. The petting stopped, fingers tangling into the hair at the back of her neck instead. It was like the twitch on the line that told a fisherman to react.

Shivs glanced up along his hard shaft, and reeled him in:

“Yes, Sir.”

The horny groan that drew from him, before she’d even begun to take him again, settled comfortably in her bones. Gotcha, she thought.

Shivs breathed slow, deep, steady breaths as she slid his cock along her tongue, lining him up. The head pushed past the entrance of her throat and she switched to shallow breaths through her nose. The grunts and huffs that escaped him every time she swallowed were inhuman and she needed more of it.

She slid his cock further down, felt his thighs tremble as she did. The closer she got, the more his musk pervaded every stifled breath she managed around his thick cock. It was a heavy, heady scent and she shifted her position to press her thighs together. He didn’t notice.

She stroked his legs, ran her hands up to his hips as she leaned closer, and took him deeper still. His fingers were fisted painfully tight into her hair, but his large hand followed her without force or resistance, resting heavily against the back of her neck.

Almost.

Almost there.

And then the tip of her nose bumped against his flat stomach. She could hardly smirk with his dick this far down her throat but counted on the crinkle of her eyes to work for her as she caught his gaze and slowly raised her hands, palms up. She didn’t care that they trembled.

Look. No hands, motherfucker.

Crocodile grinned down at her through a huff of smoke, cigar dangling between his teeth. She thought it looked a little worse for wear.

“The pathetic clown doesn’t know what a dirty little slut you are, does he?” Crocodile said, his gravelly voice thick with lust as he petted the back of her neck. “Giving such sweet head to save his sorry hide.” He ran his fingers along her throat as if trying to feel how far down his cock had gone. “I always knew you could do it, sweetheart.”

“Now,” he added as he huffed out a pall of smoke and she felt cool metal sliding around the back of her neck, barring a retreat. “I need my cock-hungry doll to make me feel good.”

Shivs dropped her hands to his hips, gripping the folds of hard muscle there for support. She slid her tongue between her bottom lip and the underside of his cock, making sloppy little noises with the slightest bob of her head. Even those small movements pressed the round curve of his hook into the back of her neck, sending a shiver down her spine that made her squeeze her thighs together. She didn’t bother to try and hide it.

His large hand joined his hook, strong fingers digging into the back of her head, twisting into the hair there and holding her put as his thick cock twitched so far down her throat she didn’t even know anymore where precisely she felt it. She worked her throat around him, drawing rumbling moans from him that pitched.

“Ah -nngh- you feel so good, doll. So. Damn perfect.” His thighs tensed under her arms, flexing his hips with short jerks. She closed her eyes as she swallowed around him, frowning with effort. His breathy grunts as he lightly fucked her throat made her pussy throb.

Suddenly, his grip tightened like a vice and he shoved her nose-first against his hard, trembling stomach muscles, stealing her breath. Her eyes flew open as her throat strained and cramped, swallowing around him in reflex.

“Fuck, honey. Ah---! Yes, yes.” The satisfied, drawn-out moan as Crocodile spilled his hot cum down her throat reverberated through the quiet office.

Her fingers dug around his hips, tears jumping into her eyes as she gagged, feeling cum come up around his cock as stars danced into her vision. His grip weakened as he rode out his orgasm and she pulled back before he was quite done pumping cum. Shivs swallowed it mindlessly while coming up for air. His dick slid wetly out of her throat and mouth, streaks of cum connecting them before they broke.

She glanced up from his softening cock, glistening with her saliva all the way to the hilt. He’d tilted his head back, held his cigar nowhere near his mouth as he came down from his orgasm with deep, steadying breaths that expanded his wide chest and flared his nostrils.

He straightened with a lazy groan and a roll of his broad shoulders.

Shivs met his gaze, panting.

“You’re still my pretty little thing, aren’t you?” Crocodile said, his gravelly voice breathy as he reached for her, stroking her cheek with his thumb. The gold of his ring was smooth where his fingertip felt rough, the warm touch grounding her fried senses. It lingered at her eyepatch, lightly brushing the faded leather. “The things we let people do to our faces…”

He hooked the kerchief from his pocket and dabbed her mouth. She reached for his hand with both of hers, touching the back of it, taking the cloth. She watched him watch her as she cleaned her face.

“Don’t you have a new pretty thing? Miss Face-of-the-Casino in her cute kimono?” Shivs forced her tone to be casual, edged with light mockery, maybe. It was stupid that it’d stung when she’d seen the younger woman. An irrational, petty feeling. An old pain. And, none of her business, at any rate.

The dismissive look that flitted past his pale eyes was rather unexpected. “An investment, nothing more.”

“She’s pretty,” Shivs said. Perhaps, part of the sting had been the fact that Miss Pretty had not responded to her the way women did when they were into other women.

Crocodile looked at his cigar before putting it back in his mouth. “That she is.”

Their gazes crossed and she pursed her lips. He reached for her jaw, fingertips grazing its curve. Then leaned down and pressed a peck against her frown. She sat up and chased after him as he took another draw from his cigar, stole the aromatic smoke from him as she teased her tongue into his mouth. He blew it out through his nose, taking the cigar from his mouth as he caught the back of her neck with his hook and took control of the kiss.

“You can have one if you like, sweetheart,” he said when they broke apart, indicating his cigar.

And lord, if she wasn't tempted.

“You share ‘em these days?”

His derisive ‘hmph’ made her smirk as she rose to her feet.

“What about Miss Pretty? She enjoy your… cigars?” Shivs said, and noticed she’d gotten his cum all over Buggy’s sweater. Shit.

Crocodile glanced at her, pale eyes searching. “I prefer making deals with those who have something of value to offer, doll.”

Shivs put her hands in her pockets and rocked up on the balls of her feet with a mildly overacted grin. “Oh, it’s a deal then? You’ll play nice?”

“My compliance doesn’t come that cheap,” he said through a huff of smoke.

She crooked an eyebrow, risking a hint of ridicule in her tone. “Cheap? And here I was, thinking I have a unique skill up for offer.”

He actually cracked a smile as he flicked the butt of his cigar into the general direction of his desk and ashtray. Then beckoned her with hook and hand.

“Come here, doll.”

It would have been too easy.

She sauntered back to him and linked her fingers with his, curling the others around his hook, letting him draw her into his lap, straddling his thighs. He shifted so his cock was between them, pressing against her clothed cunt.

“What else will it cost me?” she said as she rested her hands on his shoulders, lightly riding against him. Every rub along his dick pulsed pleasure up her spine, and she hadn’t failed to notice it was already stiffening again.

He stoked the tip of his hook along her cheek as his large hand took in the shape of her firm butt, guiding her movement. “I want to know if your tight pussy can take all of me now, too.”

“Here, on a couch?” she said as she slipped her fingertips under his coat and pushed it off his shoulders. She trailed her hands down the revers of his vest, grabbed hold of them as she dry humped against him. “I thought you said you weren’t cheap?”

The bark of laughter that drew from him shouldn’t make her smile the way it did.

He pressed a kiss against it.

“I wouldn’t dare, honey,” Crocodile said as he gathered her up in his arms and rose smoothly from the couch, leaving his coat behind. He strode across his study and through the adjacent library to the expansive bedroom beyond. She remembered the sweeping view from its curving window wall and the sea of nightlights twinkling far below.

Instead of depositing her on his spacious bed, he set her down on the plush rug beside it. And motioned up and down her clothes with a dismissive gesture. “Take those rags off.”

Not my rags, Shivs thought as she kicked her boots aside, removed her baggy pants and grabbed the edge of the sweater. She didn’t wear a bra. She didn’t like them, and she hadn’t bothered wearing one this evening either.

Fingertips traced the lacy sides of her underwear while she had the sweater pulled over her head.

“You still have those.”

He sounded…not surprised. Curious, maybe?

“No reason to get rid of perfectly fine underwear,” she said as she freed herself from the sweater, finding he’d already undressed.

“They can stay on,” he said as she folded the sweater, her hand lingering on it before she turned to him.

“For now?”

A smile twitched the corner of his lips.

“Here, doll.” He held something out to her, cream-coloured and neatly folded. It seemed small and delicate in his large hand.

When she took it, the fabric cascaded into a surprisingly classy, mid-thigh negligee of shimmering silk. The top was constructed from intricately detailed lace with tiny bananawani worked into the pattern.

“Pretty,” she said as she brushed a finger across the delicate lace. She put it on and it fit her so neatly it felt like a second skin. An outrageously luxurious second skin for the silk felt soft as sin and the lace light as air. She turned a full circle on her tiptoe, overacting it just a little. She knew he liked that.

“Looks good on you.” He reached for her head, combing his fingers through her tangled red hair, tucking stray bangs behind the strip of her eyepatch. “I’d never let you get so grimy.”

“Can’t be a dirty little slut if you wash me.”

“Hah.” Crocodile leaned down and scooped her up into his arms, just like that. “Come here before I shove my cock down your throat again to shut you up.”

“Don’t tempt me- ah!”

Her reply cut off when he suddenly let go, dropping her into his bed. And that was quite the distance, even if the landing was soft. He immediately climbed on top of her, caging her with his much larger body. She spread her legs, accommodating his wider hips as he reached for her breast. His thumb traced circles around her nipple through the fine lace, stiffening at his touch.

“Like what you see?”

“Always have, doll,” he rumbled against her collarbone. Though no longer smoking, she could still smell it on him. Would be able to pick it out of a crowd. Subtle tones that reminded her of burnt coffee, dry glass and cinnamon, mingling with the faint wax smell of his hair gel and heavier citric notes of his cologne.

A small gasp escaped her when he brushed the lace down and kissed her hard nipple, taking it into his mouth and licking the sensitive tip. She felt the curve of his hook press against her hip, hitching up the silk as his hand slipped between her thighs. Strong, confident fingers pressed against the fabric of her panties and outer labia underneath. It ignited old desires, flickering life into fires she’d thought snuffed out.

His rough fingers traced the delicate lace, undulating with its curling, stylised waves. Her breath caught when they found the edge along the crease of her thigh. A mewl on her lips as he dipped them under the smooth fabric, fingertips grazing the warm, sensitive skin of her outer labia and sending sparkles of anticipation up her spine. The delicate fabric stretched with an alarming whimper from the seams as strong digits brushed between her folds, not quite able to reach. He grunted against her breast at the soaked pussy he found there.

She felt him slip the hook under the edge, warm from resting against her hip. The thought of him pulling her panties down with it lit up every nerve in the vague vicinity of her hips. Her eyes snapped open at the sharp jerk, the sudden cry of fabric tearing at the seam between silk and lace.

Shivs made a noise, nose wrinkling. Those were the nicest-.

“I’ll get you new ones,” Crocodile promised against the curve of her breast, his gaze down as he hooked the fabric from her hips. The hunger in his pale eyes as he looked at her pussy made her spread her legs further. He leaned down to caress her labia and press a light kiss against them that made her throb, thinking about his tongue.

A breathy huff escaped Shivs when he slid his middle finger between her folds instead, running slow circles around her inner labia. Gathering the moisture there before teasing them apart and brushing across her clenching entrance. Pleasure sizzled up her spine when he pressed it inside, mapping her inner walls and finding all the right places far too easily. If he kept this up, she was going to come very soon.

He switched to her other breast, teasing the sensitive skin as he inserted a second finger. “I seem to remember you liked getting your little hole stretched,” he rumbled against her nipple, and spread his large fingers apart. She moaned at the strength in them, the ease with which they pried her open. It sent twinges of sweet, sweet pressure blazing through the haze of need fogging her thoughts.

She reached down to his hand, stroke the back of it. Found his thumb and guided it against her clit with a needy moan. Her thighs trembled as he massaged it firmly, pushed his fingers all the way in, then spread them as he pulled out. She felt his knuckles and the hard edges of his rings press into her labia when he pushed them back in but she didn’t mind, kind of liked it. She reached a hand for his shoulder, neck, grabbing hold of the tout muscle there as she arched her back towards him. His pace was torturously slow and she was loving it.

Shivs let out a drawn out whine when he stopped, pulled at his neck, wrist, knowing perfectly well neither will give an inch but trying, anyway. She tried to clench her thighs, rub them together, nurse the need smouldering in her veins, but his knees were between hers and she writhed in vain.

Crocodile shifted unto his elbow, bunching the silk further up her hips while taking his hard dick in hand. A hoarse whisper close to her ear as he guided the head against her slick pussy: “Won’t you beg for my cock, sweetheart?”

“I need to feel your cock in me,” Shivs said as she caught his hungry gaze. “Feel it fill me, stretch me.”

He grunted with barely contained need, she could see it in the straining of his back as she reached for his thick neck, folding her hands behind it. Felt it in the way his hips twitched as he pressed his shaft through her wet folds, coating it with her juices.

“Am I not a good girl, sir?”

“Yes, you are.”

Shivs moaned loudly when he entered her. Whined at the delicious pressure as he pushed deeper into her soaking wet pussy, stretching her around him. She clung to his neck, mewling with incoherent need. Her hand went to his hair, messing it up but not caring. Neither did he.

“Ah -ngh- fuck,” Crocodile grunted, his breath hot against her neck.

Shivs held onto him for dear life as she arched against his hard body, savoured the sharp pleasure of him stretching her cramping, soaking cunt wide enough to plough through. He’d not bottomed out yet. If she could take him, she’d have him wrapped around her finger.

“You’re. Fuck. As tight. As I remember. Sweetheart,” Crocodile groaned into her neck, his gravelly voice strained to the point of being near unintelligible. It was getting tougher and tougher to push further through her tight, contracting walls.

“Almost there,” Shivs whispered as she brushed a stray bang of dark hair from his eyes.

The noise he made in response was inhuman and she drank it in as she closed her eyes, spread her legs further to accommodate his hips and relaxed every muscle she could still feel. A whimper bubbled from her lips when he pushed up against something deep within her that twitched a pleasure so sharp up her spine it sat right next to pain.

“Fuck, yes,” he ground out as his hips pressed flush against hers, his breath hot, heavy pants buffeting against the crook of her neck. “Feels. So good.”

He managed to push himself up onto his elbow, satisfaction animating his whole face as he looked at their joined hips, her soft labia squashed against his pubes. Shivs whimpered, his movement nudging tight bursts of pleasure deep within her.

“I knew you could do it, doll.” His tone was thick with lust, laboured from his heavy breathing. He gently brushed a strand of sweat-slick red hair from her forehead with his hook, looking so proud. “You like getting your little cunt stuffed, don’t you?"

Shivs gave a sharp nod, struggling to form words.

“I know you do, honey,” he whispered as he rolled his hips against hers, not truly thrusting. She reached for his face with trembling hands, stroking his hard jaw. He grunted under his breath with each push and she pressed pecks against the puffs of hot breath until he responded. Until he chased her tongue back into her own mouth and pressed her head back into the pillow with the desperate force of his kiss, demanding entrance with his tongue that she was more than willing to give.

“That's all you g-got?” she whispered through a moan and a bated breath when they broke their kiss for want of air. “I b-barely feel it.”

“Ah? You want more, doll?” Crocodile pulled out with a grunt, just a fraction, before shoving himself back inside her to the hilt, making her mewl with pleasure through clenched teeth as his cock bottomed out and up against her cervix. “Shall I take you back to my study? Pound you bend over my desk, like I used to?”

Shivs whined into his mouth as she latched onto him again, arms tightening around his thick neck as her cunt squeezed around his cock from the pleasure coiling around her spine. If he took her from behind, he could probably push deeper still. Oh, she’d be in trouble.

“Who’s cheap now, hrm?” A breathy hum into her ear as the obscene slap of his hips against hers filled his bedroom. She whined in need, the heady mix of mind numbing pleasure laced with an edge of pain making her tremble against him. “Do you want to be my little whore again? My pretty fuck slut to sit on my cock whenever and wherever I want?”

All she could do was whine and roll her hips to meet his steady thrusts. Fingers digging into the taut muscles across his shoulders, keeping him close as he fucked her deeper than she’d ever felt a man, even him. She whimpered, the heady mix of mind numbing pleasure laced with an edge of pain all but overwhelming her. Especially when he thrust just right, shoving his cock against a sensitive spot so deep inside her she didn’t even know she had it.

“I missed my. Pretty cocksleeve,” Crocodile grunted into her ear. “The. Only. Little slut that can take me -hng- properly.”

“Fuck me harder,” Shivs whispered, hands massaging his broad shoulders. He groaned with effort, she could feel the bridled strength in the muscles working under her palms. His pace picked up, and so did the strain in his body. Every thrust stretched her so deliciously, stimulating every needy nerve inside of her.

“Do it,” she moaned wantonly as his thrusts started to push her up on the bed, her weight no match against his strength. “I c-can take it.”

“Ah - hng- you’re. Going to. Make me cum, doll,” he growled through clenched teeth. He grabbed her shoulder, holding her in place as he jerked his thrusts up against her. Her mind was unravelling. The only thing she could think about was his cock filling her, burning up every single nerve she had as needy pleasure coiled in her belly. She wanted him to cum. She really did.

When he paused, she struggled to comprehend why. Her gaze found his. Sweat beaded on his forehead, his mouth slack to accommodate the deep breaths heaving his chest. He was barely holding still, strain thrumming through every inch of his large frame above her.

“Does. My pretty little thing want. Cum as deep in her tight pussy. As her pretty throat?”

She whined, pulled at his neck with both hands. “Y-yes.”

“Beg. For it.”

“P-please,” she whimpered as she tried to make him move, weakly rolled her hips towards him.

“Please what?”

“Please, s-sir.”

The noise he uttered in response to that settled somewhere at the primal base of her brain. She wanted, no, needed, to hear it again.

“Please, sir. Pound my needy hole like I deserve,” she mewled into his ear, savouring the way his breath hitched, that noise came again.

“Damnit, doll,” Crocodile grunted through clenched teeth as he picked up a pace that became quickly rougher, slightly erratic. He locked his hold on her shoulder, broad fingers digging around her thin muscles and narrow bones, keeping her put as he pounded into her soaking, cramping cunt. “Gonna fuck you so full, you'll be leaking my cum well into tomorrow.”

“Please, please, pleaaasse,” she whined and clenched around him as he fucked her into the sinfully soft matrass with long, deep strokes that shoved his cock shamelessly up against her cervix to fit it all in. She wanted, needed, to cum around it, desperate for release. “Fuck me full of cum, sir. Stuff my tight cunny like you did my slutty mouth.”

“I -ngh- will, honey. I am,” he ground out, barely intelligible as his pace lost all semblance of rhythm and he bucked against her in the grip of his orgasm’s first throes.

“Oh! Yes, yes,” she moaned as he shoved his throbbing cock as far as she could take it, cumming against the deepest corner of her cunt as she shuddered around his cock with unfulfilled need. He stayed buried inside her as he came down, breath erratic before steadying, slowing. She whimpered in need, clenching around his softening cock. She hadn’t been able to cum around it like she wanted. It was too thick to cramp enough for a proper orgasm. She knew that, but had thought maybe this time…

He knew it, too. Remembered it.

“You’re still my pretty little thing, aren’t you?” he said as he caressed her cheek, ran his thumb across her parted lips. “Unable to cum around a cock like a big girl.”

She made a small noise that he swallowed in a kiss.

They stayed that way until her breathing steadied as well. Then he sat up and gathered her into his lap. She held onto him, her cheek against his collarbone. Not quite ready yet to let go.

“You look parched, doll,” Crocodile said as he brushed a bang from her eyes.

Shivs peered up at him. “I would not say ‘no’ to a sweet white.”

A noise escaped him that could have been a fond one as he lifted her off his lap and rose. The sound of his retreating footsteps filled the quiet. He’d gone to his study, judging by the distance. Shivs got up as well and shimmied the negligee down. Despite everything, she did not feel like taking it off. It felt nice against her flushed skin.

She sauntered to the curved window wall and found the view precisely as she remembered it. A sea of nightlights twinkled across the city below, mirroring the deep blue, star-speckled sky above. The moon hung low, waning from view. It wasn’t long before he returned. She heard him uncork a bottle behind her and fill two glasses. The snap and swoosh of his lighter. The familiar scent of his cigar preceding him as he came to stand beside her, still naked.

He held a glass out to her, a cigarillo clamped against its curve. The wine was a deep bronze instead of the pale yellow usual to white wines. She accepted the glass and smoke, gaze lingering on the narrow slot through its delicate stem. It allowed him to hold them with his hook without slipping. She glanced sideways and up at him. A fond smile twitched her lips when she noticed his hair was neater than before. He’d evidently taken a comb to it for a hot second.

Shivs put the cigarillo in her mouth and turned to find his lighter lying on the nightstand beside the wine bottle, and a corkscrew with its split cork still attached. She glanced at the label as she lit the cigarillo. It read ‘1811’ in large, proud capitals, and a name in a curving script she couldn’t be bothered to try and decipher. She would not be able to afford it, anyway.

Taking a sip, she returned to his side. The wine was sweet, indeed. With hints of lime, honey, saffron. She made herself comfortable against him, her bum resting on his thigh. “It’s a nice view,” she said as she blew out a thin pall of smoke.

He glanced down at her and their gazes crossed as he idly stroked her hip. “It is.”

Shivs leaned into his touch, sipping the wine. It really was, very good.

“Clever scheme you’ve gotten up to, in order to save the loser’s sorry hide,” Crocodile remarked as he blew a smoke ring against the narrow cloud she’d just produced. “But it has a flaw.”

Shivs let her weight shift from his thigh to his loin, only the soft silk between them. “You sure?”

A self-satisfied smile twitched behind his cigar as he gave her hip a squeeze. “None of this will work on Dracule.”

Only because I don’t have a penis, she thought, but no matter. They may have both grown older, but Croki was still fundamentally the same man she’d left years ago. And that would work for her, she was sure of it. Inevitably, Mihawk would pick on Bugs. She would take it upon herself to get irritatingly upset about it. Mihawk would no doubt insult her next, and Sir Self-Satisified here would take it personally by-proxy and shut him up. It’d be a win.

“I’ll think of something,” Shivs said as she blew a thin pall through his smoke ring, dispersing it.

He glanced at her, amused. “He’s partial to good wine, at least.”

“I’ll take it under advisement.”

She nipped her own wine, idly rubbing her thighs together. Pleasure skulked around the base of her spine, denied but not forgotten. She made a little noise against her glass when she felt his hand move up her thigh, his thumb brush under the edge of the negligee.

“Still needy?” he said as he bunched up the fine silk, rubbing his middle and ring finger against her clit in slow circles. It sent lazy sparks of pleasure straight to her brain. Drawing a shuddering whimper from her as he dipped his middle finger between her folds.

“Cum for me, honey,” Crocodile rumbled as he lightly ran the tip of his finger along the inner rim of her vagina, then teased the sensitive spot further down. Shivs gasped through her moan as the briefest shudder of an orgasm stole over her like a thief in the night. It was not enough, not nearly enough.

“N-need more,” she said as she put the glass down with a wobble. Reached for his large hand when he stopped, withdrew, tugging it back. Bunching two of his fingers together, of a mind to stick them into herself if he didn't.

“Come to our board meeting tomorrow. You’ll come sit with me and I’ll take good care of your needy little hole.” He shook her fussy touch and caught her pubes, massaging his palm firmly against her soft cunt, pressing her bum against his cock. “You can ride my palm like you used to, and I’ll make you cum on my fingers till your tight pussy is sore from cramping around them.”

Shivs wasn’t particularly keen on doing any of this semi-publically, least of all anywhere Bugs would be. Though she feared she wouldn’t be able to talk herself out of this, as easily as she’d talked herself into it.

“Don’t worry, doll. I’ll leave the pathetic clown alone,” Crocodile promised as he stroked her flat belly with the rounding of his hook. “Can’t beat the loser if my hand is occupied with something sweeter, hm?”

Shit. She had to tell Bugs. Forewarned, forearmed, and all that. She turned in his hold, his hand moving to her butt instead. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” she said, but he caught her wrist when she took a step back.

“Ah, ah,” he admonished as he stopped her, pulled her with him, back into bed. “You’re staying with me tonight.”

“I, what? Why?”

Suddenly, she wanted to leave as he gathered her against him, nestling her into his lap and chest, spooning his large body around her like a cage. She wanted to leave, wanted to go to Buggy and cry when he guided his cock back inside her still moist pussy with an incriminating noise and a satisfied rumble. She’d meant to turn this trick and tell Buggy about it. Tell him her plan to manipulate the ex-warlord to leave him alone, to leave them alone. Tell him it had worked.

Shivs pushed herself on her elbow but Crocodile pulled her back down to him.

“Stay,” he said as he hooked the fluffy underblanket and silk cover sheets about them, his arm around her waist, hand on her hip.

“Why.” She had to tell Buggy, but now she couldn’t. She’d left after they’d gone to bed. She hadn’t told him yet. He didn’t know. He’d wake up alone.

Crocodile stroked the midline of her belly with the tip of his hook, rippling the cream-coloured silk as it moved up her chest, counting to the fifth rib. The one behind which her heart sat.

“Wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise.”

A quiet sob escaped her.

"Ssh, sleep, honey," Crocodile whispered into her hair, fingertips stroking her hip. “I’ll take good care of you tomorrow.”

Honourary mention tags: @smut-goblin , @ruledbyproblematique , @gingernut1314 , @swirlsofblackandwhite

(N/A): To anyone reading & making it to the end. Writing this has consumed me the past days. I want to know what you think! What did you like? What made you laugh? Was there something specific you noticed? Something you now wonder about? I am 100% open to lengthy comments and blow by blows, ngl. I am obsessed with this.

If you want for more, I jotted down some of my own thoughts regarding this debacle. I may also be plotting another stint. Because Impel Down, do you understand me??

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arcandoria · 21 days

Text

In light of the last bit of Nexus User Entitlement and me still being miffed about it, let's try to make something positive out of it and shed some clarity why certain private mods cannot simply be made public (aside from, obviously, one not wanting them to be public in the first place):

Not always you can just yeet a .archive into the big world wide web. Some mods require frameworks, some mods require specific structures, some mods need to function in specific ways in order for them to be available universally. These same mods can work perfectly fine in the modder's game because it's held by duct tape and glue as the modder knows they won't put anything in their game that will break it, or they've made it using a framework that is not ideal for public release, but works just fine for their own needs, etc. 90% of my OCs are NPVs. Their mods are not made in a way I can load on PlayerV. I'd have to convert them into something else or put them in a framework. Some of my NPV clothes are badly chopped at the edge because it's going inside a specific pants or boots and I don't need to worry about that edge showing. It's just not fit for release because I didn't make it thinking about release. This is true for many, many modmakers.

A modmaker with an ounce of responsibility will want to publish a mod with a degree of proper documentation, showcase what it does / what it looks like, and offer said mod support and troubleshooting after it's released. This is a lot of work, even if you do it lazily.

There are dozens of body mods available for Cyberpunk currently. The ideal way of working for a mod that you intend to publicly release is to fit it for the vanilla/default bodies first, and adapt to the others later. Doing the inverse process is definitely doable but extremely counterproductive. So just because someone has a mod currently working on their OC, it does not mean it'll even fit another if their body types don't match. This is also true for hairs or jewelry or other accessories.

There are many ways of making certain things, and more often than not, these conflict with each other. Some body mods cannot be used alongside certain frameworks, which means a modmaker would have to either learn a new system and convert to it, or make their mod compatible to multiple options. This has to be a conscious choice from the start, or the modder has to actively decide to do all of this conversion after something is already done (which isn't necessarily hard, but still, extra work).

Feeling frustrated or upset that you cannot have a certain mod is fair. It's a human response and it's understandable. But popping a private mod into the world isn't as deal and done it might seem from a technical level - and even if it is easy, people who pour their time into a creative outlet are allowed to keep things for themselves!

I am thoroughly against refusing to help people to achieve the same/similar result of something you worked on. We are a community and helping each other is paramount to keep modding going and improving. Don't ever uphold knowledge from others, but do not feel pressured into sharing the results of your labor either.

My Cyberpunk Modding Tutorials Cyberpunk Modding Wiki Cyberpunk Modding Discord

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 mods

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ahlovelightaflame · 8 months

Text

11:31 PM ~ *Lee Chan*

Summary: It is at one of your famous garden parties you meet your betrothed. And he’s more charming than you imagines.

Pairing: Lee Chan X Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluffy Drabble

Word Count: 728

Warning: Talks about knives but no one is hurt

Masterlist

Taglist: @foxwinter

A/N: I wrote this while on vacation while I was listening to Paul Shapera’s song “Mad Gertie”

Ever since you were little you’ve always loved garden parties. The tea, the flowers, the colorful clothes, the wonderful cakes, and delicious music; everything was always perfect. It was at these parties you had the most fun. Sometimes, you’d be asked to show off your dance skills, knife skills, or both at the same time. Each time, you were proud to show off your progress to the guests and always graciously received their praise with a bright smile.

It was at this party in particular, that you had caught the eye of a rather dashing gentleman. You had just finished showing off your latest knife dance when you noticed him. As soon as you both locked eyes, he made his way over to you with a bright yet flirty smile.

“You were amazing.” He mused. “Where did you learn such an intricate skill?”

“I learned how to use a knife from the Captain of the Royal Guard himself and I learned to dance from my mother.” You explained. “It seemed natural to me to combine the two, don’t you agree?”

“Yes, it was quite a spectacle to behold.” He admitted with a nod. “But I’m getting ahead of myself. My name is Lee Chan, Prince of Dinole. It is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.”

You nodded as you took his hand. Your breath slightly hitched when he pressed a feather soft kiss to your knuckles. Clearing your throat, you took the cup of tea a servant handed you and took a sip. “So, you’re my betrothed, Prince Chan?”

He gave an awkward chuckle as he averted his eyes. “It appears as though I am, Your Highness.”

“Now don’t get all nervous on me now. Just because I mentioned our engagement doesn’t mean I want to follow the strict and preposterous rules of courtship.” You lightly teased. “I’m glad you’re here, actually. I’ve always wanted to meet you and a garden party is the perfect place to meet.”

“I’ve wanted to meet you as well.” He nodded. “You’re much lovelier in person. Ah, I mean-”

“I know what you mean.” You nodded with a meaningful smile. “You’re quite dashing yourself. But please, regale me with tales from Dinole.”

He shrugged, turning to his own tea cup. “There’s not much to tell. It’s not as charming as your kingdom is. If anything, Dinole is much smaller.”

“Oh, well, I hope the sheer size of my kingdom isn’t too intimidating for you.”

Chan frantically shook his head. “No! I didn’t mean it like that! I meant it as a compliment! I’m so sorry if I offended you! Your kingdom really is wonderful, I promise!”

You gently took his hand in yours, stopping his rambling. “It’s fine, Chan. I know what you meant.”

“Oh. Okay, good.”

Still holding his hands, you sighed. “I’d like to visit Dinole someday. I’m afraid I haven’t been anywhere outside of my own kingdom.”

“I see…” He trailed off before squeezing your hands. “How about this: for my wedding gift to you, we go and see the world. How does that sound?”

You couldn’t believe it. Chan’s proposal sounded almost too good to be true. And yet he said it with such conviction that it just had to be true. Before your brain could catch up with your actions, you pressed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. Realizing what you did, you blushed as his mouth popped open.

“I do apologize for overstepping my boundaries.” You mumbled.

Chan shook his head before kissing your hands again, letting his lips linger longer this time. “You have no idea how much I wanted to do that as soon as I laid eyes on you.”

“Your Highness!” A miffed voice trilled.

Turning around in your seat, you saw your stuffy aunt with her pointed nose in the air. She did not look too happy to be witnessing your public display of affection with your betrothed. You couldn’t help but giggle, while Chan looked positively mortified at being caught.

Standing up, you gave him a polite courtesy and said, “Forgive me, but I must attend to the other guests. Thank you for indulging me in such sparkling conversation.”

He nodded, bowing respectfully. “Of course, Your Highness.”

Quickly, when no one was looking, you grabbed his hands again and whispered in his ear, “Wait for me.”

“Always.”

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plushietoon · 1 month

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Heyo howbout 1, 4, and 6?

WarioWare Fan Ask Game!

1. What WarioWare games have you played? (And do you have favorites?)

Well it started with WarioWare Touched, which I was very fixated on despite the fact I never drew fanart of it as a child. (This also goes for Trace Memory/Another Code that I also loved. I know, shameful. Was an absolute fanatic for Ouendan/EBA though) Then I got to buy DIY which was a good time but now I am the sads because I cannot find my copy of it. Then years later I played Gold which really blasted the WarioWare fixation, and bought Smooth Moves around that time. Played some Smooth Moves, though I need to complete it. Tried out Snapped. Bought Get it Together and Move It! because of the fixation, and Switch Online let me play Mega Microgames. I just bought Mega Party Games and realized I have no memory card to store the game data on. Drats. Oh and I bought Game & Wario before the eshop closed, but haven't gotten to playing that. So that and Twisted are the only games I haven't touched.

6. Are there any songs from WarioWare you listen to often?

Would you believe me that I sang Body Rock in a public karaoke event? Sorry you ain't gonna see that because I'm not doxxing myself.

Anyways, yes Body Rock is at least a monthly listen. Though due to using Move It! as a exercise tool, I've been subjected to Megagame Muscles on a near daily basis. That is a silly song.

4. Do you have any personal headcanons or interpretations of the characters? (In relation to design, hobbies, connections to other characters, etc)

I have lots from 6-ish years of this fixation. I hope these headcanons are tasty.

Mona's pets do have their own rooms in the mansion. But the twins' animal buddies don't live in their house. They come and go as they please. ...Also Ana was upset with Kat for forgetting Don.

The ninjas in yellow are the twins' ninja classmates. They are a bit bigger than what the game portrays them to be due to sprite limitations, and they are all older than the kindergartners. The yellow uniforms are the unfortunate standard uniform for rookie Iga clan students. Kat and Ana usually don't wear that uniform except for when they are attending ninja classes. The whole Boneheads scenario was in the middle of the night and only the twins had unique outfits at that point. Also the classmates don't exactly like the twins for Kat and Ana are little but excel in ninjutsu. Plus Ana led them to failure in that boneheads thing...I don't think we're gonna be forgetting that but please understand she is still powerful in her own right.

Totally stealing your idea that Mona and Orb are weird besties. It just sounds nice. Mona gets to teach Orb all the strangeness of humanity and Orb gets to share alien stuff sparingly.

Kat and Ana were friends with Ruffington before Lulu came along. They're still friends but Kat gets miffed that Ruffington chose to go with Lulu. Kat and Lulu have stuff to bicker about, which does include the matter of who Ana hangs around with.

Leo is a smidge older than the twins, like he's 6 and they just turned 5. I admit I am fond of the headcanon that Leo crushes on Ana. I just think he doesn't understand those feelings now and absolutely fails in getting those feelings out by being a bully to the twins. He does understand those feelings better as a teen...It's just that Ana doesn't return the feelings due to the bullying, and not having the same lovey feelings towards him. I kinda want to say the situation is similar to how in Spy x Family, Damien has a crush on Anya, doesn't get it, bullies Anya, and Anya's oblivious to his true feelings despite being a mind reader. In this case, Ana ain't a mind reader and I don't like indulging the whole "he bullies you because he likes you" sort of deal.

5-Volt practically has to act as the parent to the youth of WarioWare due to most of them lacking consistently present parental figures. Mona's parents are often working far from home, Ashley's parents practically abandoned her, 18-Volt's mum (and probs dad by extension) are hands off but still loving, and the twins' parents expect too much out of their toddler daughters by having them live on their own and be professional ninjas. But they visit sometime. Most of the time though, it's 5-Volt (and sometimes Crygor, Mantis, and the cabbies) who step up in being the parents for parenting stuff like meetings, signatures, or parent and kid events. Honestly it seem that only 9-Volt and Penny have consistent parenting...but the other kids just like having the WarioWare crew be their family. The whole crew is just a mixed up, loving family.

Dribble is the sort of guy who takes a bath every few days while Spitz, as canon states, bathes twice daily. They do not argue over this. Also Dribble is like in his late 20s-early 30s, while Spitz is around his mid to late 30s. I like joking that Dribble could be 28 because of a video I want to make a WarioWare parody out of. But I have to be mindful of the fact that Dribble did teach Wario how to drive...can an 18 year old teach a 15 year old how to drive? ...actually it's possible: this is the world (next to) where babies can drive violently in go karts.

Omni Nom is a friend of Orbulon, not a pet. They both have something to ride on/in. Alien variety can be weird.

I have headcanons found on the cautiouslittleninja ask blog I occasionally return to. Some of them may be outdated by now though. Highlights that I like include Ana having her own secret spots that only she and her animal friends know about, Ana being noted to have eaten mud (and possibly crayons), and Ana is terrified of the concept of Mario due to Wario's tales. 9-Volt's games are about possibly fictitious (to them) tales, so she can't take his word for what a swell fellow Mario is. Just please note I currently do think Ana is plenty powerful in ninjutsu and stuff, it's just the confidence issues and relying a lot on Kat that's a problem.

In speaking of fanmade Ana stuff, I hope to return to writing more entries for the Ana's Diary thing. Yes she kept a diary after the whole blogging thing in the first game. It's a lot less formal compared to the online diary. Kat probably had a peek in there.

Wario still has Hen and he lets the twins care for her from time to time.

Vanessa and Leo would be a formidable duo due to grudges against some of the WarioWare crew but age differences and snobby attitudes might lead to trouble.

I once thought that Cicada wanted to just focus on regular schooling which was why she vanished between rhythm heaven and move it, but it turns out she was training this whole time. I like thinking she's related to Munchy Monk and stuck with him for training. They used to ride trains together.

I feel like I still have more but at this rate I could be talking too much. I hope these are ok.

#warioware #plush blabs #headcanon #yes i am ashamed i did write stuff about ana being weaker but like she just ninjas differently tis all #times change.

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doevademe · 1 year

Note

heart successfully healed 💖 I can only imagine poor Nico's turmoil then relief at Percy remembering him 😊 also when u said Percy remembering doing something when Nico bited his lip, do you mean Percy used to bite Nico's lip??????? 🙈 can you drabble their reunion after Percy gets his memories back? Please?

[First part]

Percy helped Nico up as he took him on board the Argo II. The boy was barely conscious, but insisted on giving them the information they needed to close the Doors of Death.

Percy couldn't help but admire his boyfriend's dedication.

"You need rest," Hazel admonished. She got closer to them to take Nico. "Come on, you can use my bed."

"No," Percy said tersely. Hazel raised an eyebrow. "I'll take him. He does owe me a talk."

"Percy, you can't expect him to—!"

"It's fine, Hazel," Nico said. "I want to go with him."

Hazel looked troubled, but nodded. Percy lifted Nico up bridal style (he was so much lighter than he remembered) making him shout in protest.

"Suck it up, you actually love it," he whispered in his ear. If he was healthier, he would have blushed much more vividly.

Percy felt a hole in his chest.

"Does Hazel... do they know?" Nico asked quietly once they were a safe distance away.

"I've got all my memories back," he said instead of answering. "Do you really think I would out you?"

Back before he disappeared, only their closest friends knew they were dating (and maybe the gods, but they were irrelevant). Nico was just not ready to tell the world, and Percy respected that.

"Sorry," Nico apologized. "Hazel is from the past too and I... I don't know how she would take it."

"She's your sister, she loves you," Percy said gently. "You might be surprised."

She hadn't freaked out when Percy had mentioned kissing a boy in passing.

"Still I... why did we stop?" Nico asked, looking at their surroundings.

"Oh, that. Yeah, my cabin door is this one, and my arms..." he gestured at Nico, still being carried, and then at the closed door. Nico rolled his eyes and opened it for him. "Thanks. Hey—"

"If you make any reference to marriage or me being a bride I'll throw you over board," Nico said, making Percy chuckle. He had gotten quite good at anticipating his jokes. Nico got oddly quiet after he laid him down on the bed.

"Nico?"

"What did you want to talk about?" Nico said softly. "Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad?" Percy asked, eyes wide. "I mean, I'm pretty miffed at you going off and almost dying on me, but mad? That's a bit much."

"Back in New Rome," he explained. "I evaded your questions, I didn't tell you about us. Hades, I didn't even tell you about your mom!"

"Could you?" Percy asked as he caressed his face. "What would have happened if you did? I doubt Juno would have let that pass. She already doesn't like you much."

Nico played with his skull ring.

"I still should have tried, at least," he mumbled. "I'm a terrible boyfriend."

"Nico—"

"I am! I'm terrified of people knowing about us, our first date was at a fast food place. I can't even hold your hand in public if someone is looking!" Nico fell on the bed, exhausted. Percy rushed to his side. It looked like he could shatter like glass at any moment. "This is just the cherry on top of the bad boyfriend sunday."

"Nico, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me," Percy said, carding his fingers through his boyfriend's hair. "So you got traumas and issues, welcome to the club! A relationship is all about taking the bad with the good. And believe me, there's a lot of good that comes with dating you."

"But that doesn't mean I shouldn't work on the bad," he insisted.

"Working and wallowing in it isn't the same thing," Percy said. "Baby steps, okay? Annabeth and Grover know, my mom knows. The important people know, that's enough."

"Not all the important people," he mumbled. He was getting sleepy. "The ship crew... they are becoming important to you, right?"

Percy nodded.

"You can only get into so much danger with the same people and not grow a little close," he joked. Nico smiled. "Want to tell them?"

"Hazel first," he said. "Then the others. Not now but... when I'm stronger."

Percy felt a feeling of pride surging in his chest. He leaned down and kissed Nico.

"If you really want to," he said.

A crumbling sound was heard below the ship. Percy and Nico both stood, swords at the ready.

"A hole just opened up in the middle of Rome!" Coach Hedge's voice sounded from the hallway. "A battle is about to start!"

"Annabeth!" Percy gasped. At Nico's confused look, he explained, "she went after the Mark of Athena, alone!"

Nico nodded. He still looked exhausted, but there was that fire in his eyes that Percy loved.

"Let's go help her, then."

#Percico #my writing #writing prompt #ask #anonymous #me: this is going to be fluffy and just slightly angsty #also me: this is after Tartarus I'll break Nico a bit

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weloveagayboi · 9 months

Text

Barbie is finally officially out so I can talk about how the plot of the movie feels very trans. (Spoilers, obviously)

So I went to an early viewing party for Barbie and got to see it before it came out which was super fun and an awesome experience. And going into it I hoped for gay jokes about Ken (cause he was accidentally made gay with Magic Earing Ken and Cali Girl Ken) and I absolutely did get those jokes. It was awesome. Additionally I expected that, as a trans man who was brought up on Barbie’s and at some point mentally connected my gender expression with Ken, I’d want everything Ken wore in the movie. (I especially want the “I am Kenough” hoodie.)

Something I didn’t expect was that Ken would be SUCH trans representation. Let me explain.

Ken is a man who is oppressed by his society. As a trans man I can confirm that trans men are oppressed in our society. Ken is a man who gets to discover the benefits of being a man in a male-dominated culture which most trans men also experience at some point. There is a moment where we all discover the system that was once against us is now for us and still fucked up.

Also KEN DOESNT HAVE A DICK i know trans men can get bottom surgery and have a perfectly functioning Penis but not all do. Not all can, not all want to, and Ken doesn’t.

And last but certainly not least; Kens are not given the same rights as Barbie’s. Is it a feminism joke? Yes. Will I, a trans man and a feminist, interpret it as a Trans Rights joke? Also yes.

And before anyone gets upset: if people can interpret the matrix as anything but a trans metaphor I can interpret the Barbie movie as a trans metaphor. The way we all experience movies will be personalized and the way we interpret a movie will never be exactly what the creators wanted us to see. Every piece of art when given to the public for viewing will have 1mil+ interpretations based on personal factors. Everyone will enjoy it differently so don’t get miffed that I’m interpreting a feminist movie to also include a trans allegory.

#barbie movie #barbie #Ken #Ken is a trans man in the new Barbie movie and no one can change my mind #barbie movie spoilers

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mariacallous · 1 year

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President Joe Biden opened his remarks this afternoon by calling Tuesday's midterm elections "a good day, I think, for Democracy" and a "good day for America."

"The American people have spoken, it shows that Democracy is who we are," the President said. He added that the election happened "without much interference at all or any."

While acknowledging that all the results are not in, Biden went on to discuss the results that we do know at this stage.

"While the press and pundits are predicting a giant red wave, it didn't happen," he said. "I know you were somewhat miffed by my obsessing optimism, but I felt good during the whole process.”

Biden said that any seat lost by his party is painful. But he pointed out that his party "lost fewer seats in the House of Representatives than any Democratic presidents' first midterm election in the last 40 years."

President Biden addressed voter frustrations, despite Democrats performing better than expected this election season, during his remarks from the White House saying, "I get it."

"The voters were also clear that they're still frustrated. I get it. I understand it has been a really tough few years in this country for so many people," Biden said.

He went on to list the ways his administration is tackling obstacles like the Covid-19 pandemic and a reeling economy.

"And we're just getting started. The interesting thing is that this is all going to really come into clear view for people in the month of — in the months of January, February, March of next year. It's just getting underway. So I am optimistic about how the public is going to be even more embracive of what we've done," the president said.

President Joe Biden signaled on Wednesday how he would try to work across the aisle if Republicans win the House, but made clear there are some issues he won't compromise on. CNN has not yet projected control of the House.

"I'm prepared to work with my Republican colleagues," Biden said. "The American people have made clear, I think, that they expect Republicans to be prepared to work with me as well."

Biden indicated he hopes there will continue to be cooperation across the aisle to deliver aid to Ukraine. "In the area of foreign policy, I hope we will continue a bipartisan approach of confronting Russia's aggression in Ukraine."

Biden also outlined what he does not want to see happen. "I'm not going to support any Republican proposal that's going to make inflation worse," and "I'm not going to walk away from historic commitments we just made to take on the climate crisis."

Winning the House majority would give Republicans power to set the agenda in the chamber. House Republicans would also have subpoena power and control over powerful committees – and they have made clear they would make investigations into the Biden administration a top priority.

On the legislative front, there would be some must-pass policy issues – like funding the government – that would test the ability of Republicans and Democrats to work together if the GOP controls the House.

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lazuli-writes · 10 months

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What if Benjen Stark married?

summary: So if Benjen Stark married, how different would his story be?

pairing: Benjen Stark x Female OC

genre: rabbit hole rambles

estimated word count: 1600 words

a/n: Hey y’all, this is a very old ramble of mines that I wanted to reshare and wanted to throw out there again for the public to theorize with me. Remember folks, copying other people’s works is plagiarism and that’s illegal. Don’t be that kind of person. Anyways, hope you all enjoy it :)

Hey y’all, so the topic of today’s rabbit hole discussion is: what if Benjen Stark married? Imma just run through the idea and the au I had in my mind with the issue. The three points I wanted to touch upon would be: who does he marry, his familial life as a husband and his au story I made in my mind.

For starters, I am 99.99% sure if Benjen were to marry it would be within the North because 1) politics 2) I don’t have a number two, I just felt bad that #1 was all alone.

Before I get into the potential brides, the decision of when is to be answered. I just figured he would marry some time after Robert’s rebellion, after growing tired of Winterfell and all the memories he had of it, talks of him joining the wall would occur between him and Ned and Ned mentions the chance of maybe Benjen starting his own family.

Benjen dismisses it but eventually finds love, that’s the au I had in mind. Yes it’s a cliche, “love thaws his frozen heart” blah blah blah but anyways… on to the why it would have to be a northern. I truly believe in that sentiment that the North is more inclined to marriages within the North. So when Rickard Stark dismissed his own bannermen, I think he was unintentionally saying that the northerners weren’t prestigious enough to marry his children. That is destined to spread some ill will to the starks.

And now there’s Ned who literally married a Southerner who not only is lowkey out of place with her gods and her pov towards social etiquette, but also, I’m sure some northerners weren’t as thrilled with a southern lady. Granted they eventually respected Catelyn for the sole fact that Ned was mostly loved across the North.

So I would think Ned would make it clear to Cat that if their kids (and also by default Benjen because Benjen was lowkey still Ned’s responsibility) if they were to marry, it would be in the best interest of the North for them to marry into the North. Damn I hope I’m making sense.

Anyways onto the “who” would Benjen married. I accumulated four main choices that I thought would suit best for Benjen and I am under the impression that all of them are around the same age range as Benjen as well. Benjen was born in 267 ac so I tried to find women who I thought were also born around that time. The options were Jonelle Cerwyn, Bethany Ryswell, Lyessa Flint or OC northerner.

Now I can see a bunch of scenarios with each one. For Jonelle I would think it’s a fifty fifty chance. House Cerwyn would be happy with any Stark marriage, but I think Ned wouldn’t really see the need in a marriage between their two houses. Marriages meant alliances, and Ned wouldn’t see the need in an alliance with a house presumably as super loyal to the Starks as the Cerwyns.

For Bethany Ryswell, this one would be a cool story I think. Bethany Ryswell in canon marries Roose Bolton and died not long into their relationship. House Ryswell was possibly already miffed by house Stark with the whole Brandon+Barbrey issue. So either lord Ryswell would be totally against Bethany and Benjen or completely for it, either seeing it as a sorry attempt by Ned to appease him or as an apology gift for Rickard’s and Brandon’s insult.

Lyessa Flint is the matriarch of house Flint, to my knowledge. She is the lady of Widow’s Watch on the east coast of the North. Her son, Robin Flint was the lord of Flints Fingers until his death at the red wedding. Lyessa was ill during canon but also pregnant. Idk her hubby’s name or if he was even alive. But assuming Benjen could marry her, I think that would bring up many political strides to the Starks. For a Stark male marrying into house Flint all but ensures Stark claims over much of house Flint’s wealth, but mostly the lands of house Flint. Two strategic fortresses on opposite sides of the North as well as ties to the presumably the largest clan of Flints, the Flints of the mountains (who are also the first flints or the flints of Breakstone Hill). I’m pretty sure some houses *cough* Bolton *cough* would not be happy with the power moves of Benjen marrying Lyessa, but he wouldn’t really say anything out loud I think.

Lastly, an OC from another northern house. I like to think Benjen wouldn’t really care about the political side of his marriage and would genuinely look for love when the chance arrives. So for my oc I decided to have her be from a smaller northern house. So maybe a Tallhart, a Skagosi lady or a lady from the northern mountain clans.

Following the au in my mind, Benjen Stark marries a Skagosi noble lady he meets while visiting Eastwatch by the sea when considering to join the Night’s Watch. He marries a lady from House Stane of Driftwood Hall. Many mainland northerners silently scoff at marriage considering the Skagosi have a bad rep. Ned wouldn’t be all that thrilled but still loves his brother enough to trust Benjen and allow the marriage.

Now for his family life, I can totally see Benjen having his story being centered around loss and how he deals with it. I think his relationship with his wife would be at first feel rushed because of the heat and quick passion that prompted them to get married quickly and joyously. I think having a wife so unexpected and different from what he would expect out of typical northern women would be a rollercoaster for Benjen and eventually genuine love versus extensive lust and attractions would build between the two.

I like to think that Lady Stane (for the sake of the explanation this is what we will address her as) would play a large role in opening Benjen’s eyes to a whole new world. Like maybe he talks about the feast of Skane and she just rolls her eyes and tells him different story about how, maybe Skane was a battle field between the ancient first men and the people who attacked Hardhome. I truly think it was the Valyrians who attacked Hardhome and ruined it. Skane is right there so maybe they tried to fight back and the Skagosi came to save the day. In the end Skane wasn’t able to sustain the survivors so the Skagosi brought them to Skagos leaving a deserted Skane.

I think Lady Skane would enjoy fixing Benjen’s perspective on Skagosi:

“Do you all practice the first night, I heard y’all do?” “No we don’t my love, if that was the case you wouldn’t have been my first.” “Oh”

“Do y’all have unicorns?” “Maybe, maybe not.” “It’s a yes or no.” *she proceeds to shrug her shoulders with a smile*

“Do the Skagosi perform human sacrifices?” “Wtf no we don’t benjen.” “But why did old nan say-“ “that hag can’t even tell her left from her right. Ask me smn like that again I’ll be sure to make you become a human sacrifice Ben.” “Yes my lady.”

“Wait so y’all aren’t cannibals?” “Idk you tell me, I mean I eat you every now and again don’t I?” “SHUSHHHHH we are out in public” “oh shut it I’m sure the whole village has heard your moans Ben.”

I just enjoy the thought of Benjen and Lady Stane being a crazy funny duo whose actions are always keeping the local peoples on their toes.

Now when it comes to children, I think he and his wife aren’t as lucky as Ned and Cat with having children so when Benjen does have a child, regardless of their gender he would fkn adore them. I think Benjen would at max have two children. I like the idea of him having an older daughter and a younger son and the two being slightly at odds similar to Aegon and Rhaenyra or Theon and Yara/Asha. The sister is simply a bad ass who’s stuck in a world with men and their brother isn’t the brightest tool in the shed but is treated like a fkn diamond or gold for simply being a dude.

I think the big issue in Ben story is the emotional divide that occurs between him and Ned that could have been. Ned was basically raised in the south at a young age and for sure would have grown up with just the slightest emotional separation from Ned. Maybe Ben and Ned’s shared daddy issues would result in them not really connecting as much as they could have if they grew up together. And now with Benjen in Skagos, Benjen is now growing even older without the interference of Ned’s presence.

The idea of a more reserved Stark then even Ned for Benjen’s character is what is cool to me because if it was a story, the reader would know Benjen is actually a very chill and pretty fun person to be around, and he’s possibly like that with his wife and kids and maybe the Skagosi. But he isn’t like that around Ned, he’s calm, caring, loving but reserved. And that’s the ‘stark’ contrast between Benjen’s two personalities. (Hahaha see what I did there, holy fuck I’m funny.)

Anyways, thank you for listening to this excessive brain dump, and if you want share your thoughts on a married Benjen, who would you want him to marry and why or how many kids would you think he should have and anything else about Benjen. Thank you for reading, have a beautiful day ✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽

#lazuli writes #lazuli rambles #asoiaf fanfiction #asoiaf fanfic #asoiaf rambles #benjen stark #benjen stark fanfiction #house stark

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thesickpanda · 2 years

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The Ableds are At it Again

Story time!

Years ago, when I was running a feminist non-profit and getting increasingly immersed in leftwing spaces and rhetoric, I came across what I then thought of as a peculiar phenomenon. I’d entered feminist activism *totally* naive, and had no clue about the different approaches, ideologies and sects within it (it was a harsh and steep learning curve). The phenomenon I observed was how certain minority groups stuck to themselves. For example, most of the feminist groups I found myself attending were blindingly white, and I knew my city to be very multicultural, so I dumbly thought, “where are all the women of colour?” My little white noggin’ still had the rainbows and unicorns notion that “We Are All Women Who Share the Same Struggle! Therefore We Should Stick Together!”, completely ignorant of the history of feminism, particularly white feminism, in doing the exact opposite of that (a trend that persists to this day). I had the audacity to feel miffed that black women made their own feminist groups and often termed them by other names. How could we Win the Fight Against Patriarchy if we stood divided, I thought?

Ha. Ha ha. Haaaaaa.

It took me quite a while to understand why minority groups did this. It’s because dealing with privilege, particularly white and abled privilege, is unbelievably exhausting, annoying and frustrating. It also gets in the way of any progress you might actually make in your activism. The people who spearhead such groups are tone-deaf to criticism and don’t make time or space for issues that don't directly affect them and them alone. They’ll pay flimsy lip service to black, indigenous, disabled and transwomen from time to time, but that is about it. For the record, I was never part of any TERF groups, just groups that oozed middle class white privilege. In time, I started joining groups that were more diverse, and I was *always* welcomed into spaces run by people of colour (which, when I look back on it, was an honour and not an entitlement). I learned a lot from the multicultural women’s groups I joined and how different their struggle actually looked. (I am myself a migrant from a developing country). I listened a lot, spoke little and realized how small the scope of most white feminist led organisations were. And I decided to make my own group a different sort of space. Years later, I feel I mostly achieved that, but I did so by platforming more than just white women, and collaborating with diverse groups on issues that were important to them. I made strong ties with those groups and made sure to check in. I absolutely still had my blind spots and I got it wrong a lot, but I was determined to try.

The point is, I understand why minority groups stick together, because dealing with privileged groups is painful, difficult and annoying as fuck.

I am disabled and my number one complaint (and the chief reason I quit activism after a near decade) is how relentlessly ableist I found activist spaces. Venues were often inaccessible, and few if any accommodations were made to people who were blind, deaf or used a wheelchair. I had real difficulty getting to some of the locations of events and meetings, almost all of which were city based (as in the CBD) and never out in the “poorer” parts of the wider city (where I lived). The distance of a venue to public transport was almost never factored in. Abled bodied volunteers would ghost me after committing to projects or events, leaving me, the chronically ill person, to pick up the slack over and over again, pushing myself into crash after crash (their excuses for not turning up ranged from, “I felt tired” to “I forgot” to no reason at all.) Hosting events in the city was often prohibitively expensive, and there were no grants to help small community groups pay for such expenses as venues and AUSLAN interpreters. Chairs in public venues were hideously uncomfortable and I was always in agony. If there was food, intolerances and allergies were rarely catered for. People used to ditch me at train stations where they said they’d pick me up and help me with my bags, so I was in a flare by the time I reached the location of the event. It was, frankly, hellish. Whenever I dared to call out ableism in my so-called allies, they took enormous offense and either demanded I apologize to them, or they quit on me. (I am trauma-trained to be polite and conflict-averse, so it took courage for me to say anything at all). Such experiences eventually wore me down until I left activism with a great deal of bitterness.

After that, I spent more time in spaces for the chronically ill and disabled and my goodness, what a difference that made. I went to local groups and found a welcoming, understanding space where I didn't need to JADE (justify, argue, defend and explain) my position all the time; where accommodations were made for my disability without fuss; where people just *got* it. I really enjoyed being in those support groups. I started befriending other people with chronic illnesses and just found myself a great deal more at ease in their company. I enjoyed this for such a brief time, because then Covid hit and made going to those places in person impossible for me. Thankfully, I have my wonderful Tumblr mutuals, my international friends, and my local support group still does meetings via Zoom, and I have managed to keep up with some of my chronically ill and disabled friends, both locally and in the city. I am glad I had the opportunity to meet them all before things went pandemic shaped.

Now for rub:

I write all this, because I am in the midst of what feels like yet another fall out with able-bodied friends. These friends promised me they cared for me and I could tell them anything; that they’d be open to hearing my views and learning more about my disability. They took no initiative to do this in their own time, mind you, and at the time they met me (just as I was leaving feminist activism behind) I was in no mood to be their tutor. I just wanted local buds to hang out with, play games, go for walks etc. I wanted to feel, and be treated like, a human being. I’d been an activist educator for 9 years and I was tired of it. I just wanted to live my life at that point. I also got a vibe that they were saying those things without actually understanding what honesty might look like from a disabled person. I don’t think they actually expected me to ever call out ableist behaviour. I got the impression that if I ever did, it would not go over well. So I bit my tongue on a number of things, and made a whole heap of allowances for less-than-ideal statements and behaviours. I was in the midst of cutting ties with my abusive family, and desperately in need of a tribe nearby me, so I swallowed down my discomfort and chose to focus on their good sides and the nice things they had to offer.

This worked fairly well up until recently, when we started going into discussions around class, race, human rights and so on. They are white vegans with, let me just say, a very White Vegan headspace (ya’ll know what I am referring to here) and so have a nihilist and reductionist “anti-human” view. Now, to be fair to them, when they met me, I kinda had the same view (albeit from a totally different angle and from different experiences). I was over Humans et large, due to the appalling treatment my disabled ass received for years in leftwing spaces. If the very people who were supposed to care about issues pertaining to disability weren’t even bothering to do that, then what the hell was the point of doing anything, I thought? I was thoroughly jaded and let down by people, so it was easy to fall into step with their negative views on people in general. Theirs was a “humans are terrible because they kill animals and torture each other and pollute” mindset and mine was a “people are lazy, selfish, narrow-minded and ego-driven and I am DONE” mindset.

Then I got therapy.

Therapy changed everything.

Therapy helped me find myself. I identified the problems in my own behavior and the causes of those maladaptive copes (losing myself in activism as a substitute for grieving my dead activist father being one of them). Through EMDR I probed my dark depths, reckoned with the chronic and terrible emotional abuse I had endured growing up, grieved the family I deserved but never had, reconciled with my work addiction and, most importantly, rediscovered my inner child and her beautiful propensity towards hope. I was so broken when I met my psych, having given up my career in activism (which destroyed what was left of my fragile health) and in the midst of breaking up with my family. I was in a very dark place and suicidal. But bit by bit, she has been restoring the light within me, and helping me to love myself and make peace with my past and its mistakes.

I am changing.

So when my friends started on one of their nihilist anti-human rants a few weeks ago (see this post), I started to counter it with nuance, hope and optimism. And….

They didn't like that. Not one bit.

I tried to address it with them in a follow up meeting. I explained that my mental health was fragile but that I was trying to recover it, and that hope in the world, hope in the process, was important for me to get through this phase in my life. Initially they said they understood and would respect that, and then not 10 minutes later I was dealing with an absurd defence of why mass omnicide was the only way to fix the universe’s evil ways (i.e. “blow up the universe to end all suffering”). It was preachy, it was ignorant, it was genocidal language (which for disabled people, along with most other minority groups, is really offensive) and then the more I probed it the more they doubled down. The two of them bullied me in their defense of an indefensible (and philosophically lazy) world view, which is that suffering negates all other aspects of life, and as long as suffering exists, life shouldn’t.

We ended that meeting with quiet hurt and the next day I got a text from my white abled bodied friend accusing me of hurting her feeling by calling out some of the things she said as racist (they were - viewing the survival of brown babies thanks to improved healthcare in Sierra Leone as a net negative for the world because “more humans” is outrageously racist) and ableist (devaluing life because of any form of suffering is massively devaluing the lives of people with chronic pain and illness, or other forms of disability). I called these things out gently, but no matter how much padding you give a call-out, The Ableds Get Weird.

I had invited those friends over because I was having a difficult few weeks for a variety of reasons, and I needed to be cheered up. I made that need clear at the beginning.. I had also hoped I could explain to them why I needed them to uplift and support me with positivity at the moment, as doing the trauma therapy was hard work and draining, and I needed wind put into my sails, not taken out of it. So to come away from that gathering feeling disrespected, stressed out and deeply hurt, did a real number on my health. As they had always told me I could be vulnerable with them, this hurt twice as badly, because when (after years) I finally tested that theory and *was* vulnerable enough to say “Hey, I don’t appreciate it when you say that problematic thing”, I got a faceful of white fragility, outrage and defensiveness.

Oh, the precious little ego of the self-appointed white savior.

My partner pointed out something interesting. He said, “they are left leaning in theory, but the only actions they take are in the defense of animal rights, and animals cannot talk back to them. Animals are “under their care” and have no voice. Animals are beings to be saved, playing into that savior complex. Animals cannot call out problematic behaviours or narrow-minded views. They are not used to having to support or uplift a group that can talk back.”

I thought that was quite astute.

Anyway, after the event, I went into my third flare in as many weeks, and I have been physically sick from the stress and anxiety of the situation every day since it happened. My pain has gotten worse; my nightmares (which were just starting to abate due to therapy) returned with a vengeance; I lost all the weight I’d tried so hard to regain due to chronic IBS; I cannot hold my food down and I can hardly sleep. My partner tried to talk to them, at first in person (they were in such denial about their part in this fiasco he came back crestfallen) and then again through an olive-branch email that basically said, “let’s just let it go but proceed in future with some boundaries, namely, let’s not talk about pessimist world views and politics and instead focus on the things we bond over, like board games and nature walks). He knew they weren’t up to the challenge of understanding the complexity of this situation, and so he'd tried to give everyone an easy out. Forgive and forget, move past it, avoid thorny topics in future. They sat on that for days, apparently deliberating whether or not the friendship they had framed with terms like “forever” and “found family” and “we love you” was actually worth a dime to them.

I got angry. And despite my illness, I sat down and wrote a letter explaining my past, who I was, who I am now and who I intend to become. I explained in more academic terms why their views were problematic, but also went to great pains to say that I don't write people off for having problematic views because everyone does (myself included) and told them the same story I have told you, dear reader at the beginning of this post. I hoped if I explained myself (the old JADE again) they’d understand, but deep down inside, I knew that, judging from their behavior at even the modest call out, this would likely end the friendship for good.

They completely ignored that email. As in, they acknowledge its receipt, but literally none of its content. In fact, they framed my writing it as “taking things too far”. Funny how when the injured party speaks up, it’s all getting too much for them to bear. Gotta love the further silencing of the disabled victim here. Instead they deflected, made petty comebacks and basically wanted to handwave the whole thing away without giving anything due consideration or making clear that they understood the situation at all.

My partner and I crafted another reply to them to address this. We await their response.

If at the end of all this they discard me for being my honest self, then I will discard the notion of even being friends with ableds again. I am so over them and their fragility and egotistical defenses.

People who won’t support your growth in a better direction are not worth keeping around.

I’m just gonna hang out with my fellow spoonies, and all of you beautiful peeps here in my carefully curated and wonderful Tumblr community.

Seriously. Ables ARE weird. And not the good kind.

And I am so DONE with it.

[Addendum: for the record, I am not against vegans or anything; just a very particular type of poorly reasoned and highly privileged white vegan headspace that often comes into conflict with disabled and indigenous peoples and their lives]

#white vegans #ableists #ableism #abledsareweird #the ableds are at it again #white fragility #white priveledge #abled priveledge #dealing with ignorance #mental health #oh god not this again #long post

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soufre-de-paris · 1 year

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ministry of the state of the state of the ministry

i extracted the puffy pillow computer battery and the computer still works if connected to direct power which is GREAT bc i wanna play elden riiiiiiing

HOWEVER there is no way to recycle the growing puffier computer battery in this town BUT the guy at the new-electronics stores gave me his number and tomorrow he'll go talk to his friend at the old-electronics store who, to quote, will know a guy

i made cinnamon rolls with raisins and raisins and cramberries and walnuts and i am very excited for future!me

the building promised the fuckheads who play music at 3AM will be dealt with. this is unfortunately going to be much less severe than i'd like (a fine & a stern talking to vs. public shaming) which i'm honestly not miffed about bc like... you're assholes but you still deserve housing

there has been no water in the building for two days now. no date on when we will have water again

arquitect is driving me insane but there is!! a light!!! at the end of the tunnel!!! ahhhh!!!!

i am pretending i don't loathe my family and dealing with :) every message and :) demand with little :) smiles in my messages :) which they don't understand :) :) :)

still no seeds on the rsc taming of the shrew :C

trying not to despair in one of the group chats while everyone is begging the government to do something about the new public high school curricula/novo ensino médio; failing at not despairing for the future of my poor country

#paris on paris #it's so nice to not be allergic to cinnamon anymore

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atlasllm · 2 years

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Lol i just read your tags on the post XD

I have the vaguest possible idea of what dsmp but I still get a bit miffed when people feel the need to put "fans of so and so media dni" in their bios. Like, how does anyone's interest in anything affect your interaction with them, it's a hobby not a political opinion jfc

i am onece again elaborating i am sick and probably incoherent but YEAH!!!

anotber thing to note is that what Do these mfs do irl if someone admits theyre a fan of something in their DNI. do they automatically assume theyre some hyper bigoted criminal? are they seriously gonna assume the worst in people like that? would they cower in fear if i wore a mcyt shirt in public?

"hello cops i saw a dream smp fan at school i fear heavily for my safety because they like minecraft gameplay and storytelling :(((" (for extra context i am literally the human equivalent to a pudgy pathetic pug)

it is So Dumb to also assume the worst in ppl on the internet that way too sometimes yknow like most of the time someone in a fandom is just here to vibe and gush about an Interest they have and are not secretly utilizing a piece of media for some giant propaganda conspiracy

deadass ppl need to realize that there are real life human beings behind that screen and yea sure there's def some sus ppl out in the world but a majority of the time ppl will be Human First and not big scary fan of [insert media here]

if you catch me irl i'm gonna be talkin about my DOG first before infodumpin about all the weird obscure and definitely not-100%-pure interests i have

once again i am,, SO SORRY if i'm incredibly incoherent like i absolutely agree that DNIs can be weird af but my goodness am i running on shaky sleep and being under the weather @_@

genuinely have a nice day thank u 👍✨️

#atlas speaks;#atlas answers;#girlcalledwhatsername

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the-insomniac-emporium · 2 years

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J Watches Arcane: Ep. 4a, Random Thoughts/Play-By-Play

Oi, only took me fucking months to finally get off my arse and watch the next episode, oops. What can I say, I'm allergic (and yet addicted) to sadness? Anyway, these are just thoughts that I have as I watch, with timestamps. Nothing super in depth, but I just enjoy keeping track of what I notice (might forget otherwise), and it helps with forming bigger pictures with the scraps later on.

Under read-more for length and spoilers (obvs). Seriously, tho, I had a lot of thoughts on this one, even if you ignore the parts that can be summed up with "J, your gay is showing" or "J, your gender envy is showing". I mean, seriously. I mean, like, I had to break this into two parts for formatting reasons. It's kind of absurd. Ends at roughly 22 minutes into episode 4

(1:53) WHAT IS THAT. I WANT TWENTY. FLUFFBALL. Why have I not heard of this fella before?

(4:29) Right up until this shot, everything post-intro/opening gave me low-key Bioshock Infinite vibes. I really should finish that game...

(4:42) Well, first of all, let me just say that I'm glad Caitlyn's mom is still a milf, I guess. Second of all... I know that there's a timeskip between episodes 3 and 4, and I think I read it's somewhere around 7 years, but the contrast between hearing Cassandra talk about Jayce now compared to the last time they interacted is just. It's there. I'm thinking about it. She's a politician, tho, yeah? Feels like she's got experience with putting reputation/public image first. Guess I'm just noting that here in case it pops up again- good source for conflict, yeah?

(4:52) MY WIFE! My wife has a dumb hat!!! I love her dumb hat!!!

(5:29, "we really have descended to anarchy") I am going to melt over her smile oh my god. Also, I appreciate her and Jayce's friendship/basically being siblings (which I have heard a bit about). The way that Cait is so clearly miffed about her post/things with her mother, but still softens up to joke around with Jayce- and the fact that Jayce took the time to come over in the first place :D

(5:55) OH IS IT MY BOY? IS THIS THE FIRST GLIMPSE OF MY GROWN UP BOY? I legit don't know if Ekko's role in the firelights (is that the right name? I have been trying to avoid spoilers) is, like, a huge thing/big reveal, so I don't know if I'll be upset that I got spoiled on it ages ago

(6:22) MY OTHER WIFE. Not to, like, make 50% of this post about how gay I am but-

(6:40) oh hey cool, I got the name right. also just want to say I fucking LOVE the firelights' designs, everything from their outfits to their tools to their sick ass hoverboards

(6:58) that was the smoothest fucking thing I have ever seen oh my god. if I was there to witness that, I would be proposing on the spot. marry me, cool mask man

(7:42, "oh no, she's here") is it my other other wife? is it time for me to start crying, from here until the end, as the chances of recovery slip further and further out of her fingers? will I weep neon pink tears of grape soda gamer fuel glimmer, as the echoes in her skull overwhelm? oh, to be so small, in a world so big and so loud, to feel like one must scream onto the void until their lungs give out, if only to be seen at all- if only to prove that you exist-

(8:52, "... hi")... I mean, like I said, it's a build up, ya know? the end of the rope doesn't feel as bad if you never saw how long it was to begin with, after all

(8:53, *click*) lmao never mind, love my poor, poor feral lass

(9:24) and so it begins. Or, well, it doesn't so much begin as it starts to rear it's ugly head. One thing that I've noticed, and will probably make a separate post for at some point (so the thought doesn't get lost in this jumbled mess), is that the little flashes we see of Jinx's hallucinations here aren't new, per se. Literally in the very first scene of the whole ass show, when the enforcers are walking through the smog, their masks glinting in the firelight, we see those flashes of comic-esque facial expressions, the sort of "signature Jinx graphic". From a design standpoint it's neat, but more importantly, recalling that from the first episode is a great way of showing two things.

Firstly, Jinx has been going downhill for a long ass time. It's not that what happened at the end of 3 completely broke her, it's that life stuck its fingers in the cracks of her mental state, and starting tugging until everything split apart. Also want to say that the fight scene between Deckard + crew and Vi + crew in ep1 also highlights this, specifically with the way everything goes into slow motion, and we Powder at the center of it all, back against the wall, eyes wide and panicked, unable to do anything- because poor girl is probably remembering that shit on the bridge

Okay, tumblr is making me break this up a little, please ignore this random thing, something about a characters-per-block limit?

Secondly, that whole opening sequence sets up the entirety of Powder/Jinx's trauma. Violence, flashes of light, clutching desperately to those who offer her comfort, culminating in the first major loss: Her parents.

Point is, this shit hurts my emotions. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, and please remember that I am not a psychologist/therapist, just a writing nerd with a skeleton full of closets :) yes I know that I fucked that one up, but honestly I think it's funny enough to keep

(11:13) oh. oh, Viktor, time will never be your friend, will it? Deep breaths, love, what you do with what you have will be more than enough. Also look at the little fluffball, back again. Look at them, Viktor, they will give you serotonin

(12:00) these are forbidden candy. I will fucking eat them. Jinx would take one look at these and cronch on one too

(12:35, "the next chapter of Hextech") oh, so you make it stable and the first fucking thing you build is a weapon? please tell me I'm looking at this incorrectly, but that looks like Vi's punchy gauntlet. *three seconds later* okay cool, it has other applications. had me worried there. I mean, I know it will be used as a weapon tho, so... it's a mixed bag :)

(14:00, "a decade?" "it zips past you in the blink of an eye") Heimerdinger, my dude. I know you're small and maybe can't see Viktor's face as well, because you as so close to the ground and so far away, but look at him. Are you really telling me that Heimerdinger is not at all aware that Viktor's health is declining? Has he grown so accustomed to the endlessness of his own life, that he has no concept of the fragility of humanity? just feels a bit insensitive, don't it?

(15:13) why hello, Ms. Bond okay, glad cameras are a thing, even if they're kinda basic at this point. wanted to make sure that my eventual dumb fics can include cute couple photos

(15:44) Cait. Cait. my god. Was that really the best landing you could do? What the fuck. Do they not make sure enforcers know how to get around a little? God, that landing was so loud. Loud landings = hard landings, hard landings = painful landings. You want soft, quiet ones, and not even just for stealth. The process just makes it a hell of a lot easier on your joints!

(17:16) um. okay. sorry, did... did Silco turn The Last Drop... into a night club?... no no no, it's okay, that's fine, no worries. I am just... surprised, is all.

(17:22) is this that one very minor side character that some folks on tumblr are really gay for, but not everyone I've seen can agree on their gender? and also they don't even have a page on the Arcane wiki? and I did definitely check because I saw a picture and suddenly understood tumble's interest?

(18:19, "the world's growing smaller every day") did Silco read that one post I made the other day, when I was having a breakdown at five in the morning?... is he disagreeing with me because I disagreed with him about how it feels to drown, or is he replying to the ending of my post, saying that "hey, no worries, the world does eventually get smaller?". anyway this has been a stupid joke

(18:27) Hawkeye?... oh, nope, just my gf again. sitting in the rafters (very gay of her, if I do say so myself). also, I love that Silco does not react at all to her dropping down directly onto his desk. How many fucking times has she done this? How often did she scare him before he got used to it?

(19:30) this part here is specifically aimed at me. because the creators know I hate eye stuff. I am taking this personally, and not just because it gives me an excuse to pause the show and not look at what I assume is about to be eye needle time. *half a second later* I hated that. Why didn't I just hit play while not looking at the screen? Oh, right, so I could see if I was right and then post about it, duh

(20:28) if anyone is still reading at this point, they're probably tired of me pointing out the fact that I have a crush on essentially every female character. So. Hey look, it's Mel, I can't wait to see what she's been up to :D

Okay, yeah, breaking this into two parts because I've now hit the whatever limit twice, and I have literally never done that before today, so...

#j watches tv #j watches arcane #arcane spoilers #arcane netflix #arcane meta #not super meta but there are parts where I go into it

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