#i don’t care if we’ve been mutuals for all of my tumblr life

[sazuka57]

No actually I’m mad enough about it to speak up.

This new trend of judging ppl for making AUs upon AUs for their blorbos instead of making ocs or filing the serial numbers off is annoying af.

I wrote for ocs for 6 years (probably closer to 8, but I digress). Do you know how lonely it is writing for ocs? No one wants to read it. No one cares about it. I had exactly one person who consistently liked or even interacted with my posts and they’d do it as support, without actually reading any of my work. I wrote over a thousand pages of “original fic” and only one 90 page story got any attention and that was only because I promoted the heck out of it. The rest? Nothing. So much nothing that I just stopped posting. Kept writing, but stopped posting—because no one was reading it!

Not to mention—fanfics have a lot of sites to post on. You’ve got wattpad you’ve got ao3 you’ve got ffn you’ve got tumblr etc etc. But for original work? Uhhhh maybe tumblr. Maybe some obscure site that has probably a hundred users trying to make their story pay to read. That’s it. There’s no easily accessible platform for these things.

And also! LET PEOPLE HAVE THEIR FUN. Like this is legit the new kind of cringe culture? “Wow thinking about the blorbos in another au, so cringe. Make your own ocs loser.” Like. Stop it. Some people don’t wanna make ocs. Some people don’t wanna file off the serials. They just wanna create for the love and fun of their blorbos.

So just. Stop it. Just stop. Stop judging people about having harmless fun. If you wanna do ocs, good for you. Have fun with your ocs! Create! Spark that joy!!

And if you wanna keep using your blorbos, then good for you! Make that 36478162 AU. Let it spark joy!!! Real life works hard to suck joy out of all of us, so do what makes YOU happy.

#and if I see one more damn post about this #about making fun of ppl #I’m blocking your ass #i don’t care if we’ve been mutuals for all of my tumblr life #you can bugger off with your judgmental nonsense

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for telling my ex boyfriend I don’t miss him?

Tw for talk of sexual activity, emotional neglect

For context, I (19f) broke up with my boyfriend (18m) three months ago. We were going strong for a day short of nine months, but he was going to meet my family and my anxiety got in the way so I panicked and self sabotaged the best relationship I ever had. I know now I was a coward and I hurt him deeply, we’d even planned on attending the same university and starting a bookstore together

He really was the best thing to ever happen to me. He was unconditionally supportive of me when I deal with my emotionally manipulative home life, always told me how pretty I am, got me gifts and would binge my favorite shows so I could infodump to him. He’d been seriously neglected and borderline abused by his toxic ex boyfriend (an ex-mutual friend) but he always went above and beyond to make sure he wasn’t projecting onto me and our relationship. I was head over heels

But I broke up with him the day before our nine-month milestone because I was so sure that he would break my heart and leave me just like everyone else in my life had (and a week before we were to fly cross-country to meet my parents. I went alone.) And he told me in the many conversations we’ve had since then that it ruined his self-esteem and made him question his own self worth if he couldn’t even convince me that he was worth keeping around

And he said that he had planned to ask me to marry him when we got out of university in a couple years. He was so devastated over the phone, but I stuck with my decision to not date anyone during college. I needed to focus on myself and my own mental health… which I haven’t been good about doing (looking at my various online dating profiles)

While we were together, all of my friends were in their horny college phases and hooking up with anything that moved and they’d leave me out of friend activities because I was with my boyfriend. It made me feel alone and isolated and I’d cry to my boyfriend about it and only realize later how awful it was to complain to my significant other about how badly I wanted to be single. Yet, he never complained. I was awful to him

We’ve recently become friends again and we’ve started having casual sex. He has an almost unnaturally low libido compared to my super high one so when he calls me, I’m always at his front door. He’s always so sweet and caring, even after we’ve broken up, and he always checks in on me in the following days to make sure I’m okay. He’s undoubtedly my best friend and my romantic feelings for him have all pretty much died

Last night I spent the night at his place. As we were drifting off, I heard him mumble that he misses me and wrote it off as his sleepy pillow talk. We’d talked in length about never getting back together because of how I hurt him and I agreed it was for the best. This morning, he asked me if hed said anything strange and I didn’t bring it up until he kept nagging me and I told him what he’d said.

He started apologizing profusely and I said I wasn’t upset, because I’m not. I asked him if he meant it and he said he didn’t know. I said it’s fine, he can keep the answer to himself when he figured it out, I didn’t miss him. I ate the breakfast he made and left for work

Now I’m sitting at work and feeling really bad about it. I want to still be his friend and still sleep with him for as long as he’ll have me, but I also feel like I shut him down and hurt him again. I don’t know if my decision to put my foot down was the right one

So, tumblr, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[lemonarcade]

to everyone:

we did it! we made it to the end of 2023 :) thank you for being part of this roller coaster of a year that went by faster than my brain could comprehend, whether you’ve known me for quite a while, or we’ve just started getting to know each other.

our world has changed and is still changing very much, and i wish only the best for every single one of you that sees this. please stay safe, take care, and here’s to 2024!

some personal messages under the cut!

💌: @by-moonflower

dearest kesya,

writing letters long asks back and forth has become one of my favourite pastimes.

i send you strength and resilience, hope and light. may you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

thank you for always indulging me in my ramblings; sharing our agony over inarizaki’s aggravating middle blocker, mr no.10 sunarin.

your works will forever hold a special place in my heart (i go back to them from time to time) and one day i might frame your beautiful prose and your use of language.

you’ve seen me through my many many reinventions of the (online) self, and each time you welcome me with open arms and a warm loaf of earl grey bread (don’t mind me, i’m just fondly thinking of the wonderful ask you once sent me). this humble one simply cannot express through words just how much this friendship means to me, but i hope that we can continue to watch each other grow and live through life, just as we do now.

sending my warmest wishes for your 2023 to end well, and for 2024 to welcome you just like i was.

tearfully,

caz

💌: @bflfism

yun!! the beefleaf mutual™ that wrote an amazing lqq fic that i was so intrigued by, despite not knowing much more about tgcf outside of the first season of the anime (i don’t think i’ve ever said this to you, so imagine me running to drop a comment as soon as i’ve posted this) i can’t believe i was lucky enough to have found you and stuck with you through your blog changes (as you did with me). what would life be like if i never met you- nevermind! i don’t want to even consider the possibility 😤

even if you don’t frequent tumblr as much anymore, i still enjoy the connection with have through the dash and asks! and :D i would like to say that you have my utmost support in your cosplaying journey ~ (please see my likes are like little thumbs up and encouraging smiles hehe)

💌: @minkibug

minki my beloved tuxedo cat mutual 😼 your silliness never fails to make me smile as i scroll through dash. you 🫵 will be the best dentist. i also wish that you’ll have an unlimited supply of matcha forever (only the best for my fellow matcha lover). it’s such a joy to see you on dash, whether that be study struggles (relatable) or new kpop fixation (good on you) or random tidbits, know that i look at your posts fondly.

💌: @harubirus

hihi fae! i hope you don’t mind the tag, but i wanted to use this opportunity to show my admiration and appreciation for you. your poetic and artistic reblogs never fail to open my eyes to the ways creativity can be expressed, and even more so from your own creations! although we haven’t truly interacted much, your presence on my dash is one i treasure and hope to continue seeing as the new year rolls by. wishing you all the best with life and hope it is treating you well 🧡

💌: @thelargefrye

🍟 my fry queen! i’m very happy we’ve managed to get to this point and remain mutuals (let’s not look at my multiple deletion and creation of blogs…)

smalls, i will always be a loyal fry of yours; even if our fandoms may have drifted apart, seeing your reblogs and posts on the dash reminds me of how i look up to you. your passion and support for ateez is still going strong to this day, and i really admire it as a fellow atiny.

may you enjoy the rest of 2023 and a good 2024 await you!

💌: @secnghwa

viviii it has been way too long since we’ve had a proper chat! whenever we do have a small one, i never seem to be able to ask how you’ve been doing, so here’s me hoping that 2023 has been good to you. ateez’s comeback brought us back together briefly and it was awesome :D the seongjoong unit song was FIRE 🔥 and your bias slayed every. single. rap. verse.

thank you for being part of my 2023 and i hope 2024 will kick off nicely for you!

💌: @barsformars

rinnie i was ecstatic to see your return! hope this year has been good for you, or else 2023 and i will need to have a talk *cracks knuckles*

i missed you a lot, and admittedly did go through your blog on more than one occasion… it was so delightful seeing you back on the dash :D i never did ask, but how did you find ateez’s comeback? they really outdid themselves in many ways, and this album showed quite a lot of the growth that they’ve done since their last full album.

you’ve always been and will always be a good friend of mine that i will think of, and i cherish the times in the past that we shared 🧡 do let me know if i can keep in touch on another platform!

2024 better watch it and be nice to rin 👊

💌: @yinyinggie

you are genuinely a fairy in disguise. let me squish your cheekies okay (please)

combining compliments from teyval and the christmas tree, i am here to present my end of year words of gratitude to the lovely fae.

yinggie, the moments i spend talking to you are never wasted, and most of the time i tuck some of the words into a pocket in my heart. you are like spring flowers blooming in the company of light breeze, and it would be my honour to be able to capture the essence of the gentleness you exude.

my liege, it is MY pleasure to know you and i hope to get to know you even better with this coming year, and perhaps many more to come (i reiterate my wish to someday meet in person)

i feel like you have inspired and helped me to work on myself in quite a few ways, whether it be directly or indirectly, so please have this token of gratitude 🌷

my parting words to you would be that my belief in you stands strong and you can do anything you put your mind to (taking wise words from someone i know)

hope you have a grand closing to end the year :D

💌: @dumbificat

dumbs! (please let me know if i can call you that) my dear darling, you are so so sweet and lovely, and i’m so glad i’ve gotten to know you this year. your willingness to help others and to put yourself out there deserves all the pats on the back and thumbs up (. you’re such a wonderful meowtual and i would definitely love to know you more in this upcoming year. thank you for being a constant witness to my valorant fails and wins. please do take care of yourself and i only wish the best for you 🧡 cheers to the new year!

💌: teyval

to my fellow server members, thank you for making this last half of 2023 such a blast! it's been amazing chatting with everyone and meeting so many lovely people in the span of these past few months, and i wouldn't have it any other way 🧡

to my jijis, your warm welcomes to us newbie mods really made my day. it's been incredible to work together to improve on teyval as a safe and positive space to everyone else, and the endearing ideas you guys have come up with to bring joy to the members is so heartwarming.

special mentions to mhie, zee, snob, ven, yukari, rosey, bell, nervo, meisha, star, henry, alu, cixi, mr cosmic (and ely) for being gold star souls that are part of the reason i continue to go on teyval regularly.

💌: @hereisleo

if leo ever sees this -> i got a kodak film camera!! i've brought it along with me on some trips and special occasions, and from the developed film it's quite clear i've got a lot to work on hehe

hope you've been healthy and well, and continue to be so as we step into a new year 🧡

#thank you 2023

[ya-zz]

You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid

“There’s my favourite person!” Her words were happy, a bounding smile on her face as she approached you. That smile soon faded when she saw the solemn look on your face. “What’s the matter, kiddo?”

Looking up at her, you notice the worry within her eye, a deep sadness hiding behind.

“Oh, Ana… it’s nothing.” You lied.

She tuts, shaking her head as she sits next to you.

“You cannot hide from me. A mother knows and sees all.” She leans in, arm nudging yours.

It made you smile, the way she was so caring towards you. It was genuine love and care, a mother with her kid; although you were not hers biologically, you felt somewhat closer to her than any other person.

“Ana… can I ask something?”

“Of course, what’s on your mind?” She leans forward, head tilting slightly as she looks at you.

She noticed the slight hesitation before you spoke. “Am I a bad person?”

The woman was almost taken aback by your question, eyebrows raising.

“Far from it.” She smiles once more. “You are a kind soul. One that has been through so much, but look at where you are now.” Her hand reaches for your shoulder, a gentle embrace as her thumb rubs gently. “We’ve all made mistakes. Even I have, but those do not define us.

Mistakes are a part of life, but you my dear, are far from bad. You are still young, have so much life left within you. Don’t waste that time wondering if you’re bad.”

The tears fell from your eyes, cheeks turning colour as a sob escaped you, but Ana did not stop there.

“Listen, kiddo. Those thoughts in your head? The bad ones? Destroy them. Prove to yourself that you’re better than those thoughts. And even if you can’t, you have people out there that care.” Her arms wrap around your torso, pulling you towards her as she hugs you close. “You’re gonna go far, kid, I know it. Don’t let anyone bring you down, not even yourself.”

She doesn’t let go, resting her head against yours as her hand gently rubs your arm, calming those thoughts inside of you.

“Remember to care for yourself and remember that I will always be here. You may not be my kid, but at heart,” she laughs, “I feel like you are.”

——

A lil something for one of the kindest tumblr mutuals I have ever had the pleasure to interact with @colemorrison 💛

#overwatch #ana amari #ana x reader #Ana amari x reader #ow #overwatch fanfiction #overwatch 2 #overwatch ana #overwatch Ana amari #fanfic #fan fiction #reader #reader insert #yazzfics

[courfeyracs-swordcane]

💌 :3

OH, YOU WANNA DO THIS? WE CAN FUCKIN DO THIS!!!!! Do not make three mouth at me we can fuckin do this

I am once again saying that Tumblr Mutual is an incredibly funny way to refer to you, my boyfriend from real life, but let’s GO. (Also note from the future it’s 1am and I did 100% kind of lose coherence halfway through this. However,)

Right off the bat. INCREDIBLY cool I’ve been saying this for years now and if you poke me when I finished typing this I can pull up receipts. Top ten Coolest Guys I’ve Ever Met in the most stereotypical definition of that word possible. Yk. The vibes are off the charts

We’ve covered how you’re gorgeous but I’ll do it again now that I don’t have to hold back: god FUCKING damn. god FUCKING DAMN!!!!! and also your VOICE what the FUCK you sing so goddamn well and I’m really really normal about it?? ALSO AGAIN. INCREDIBLY FUN TO DO MAKEUP ON EVEN FOR NON GAY REASONS. also the SKIPPING and the swinging my hand at knotts you’re literally adorable Jesus Christ

also I love the way you care about people— the way you remember things they say and like and are and bring them back up?? I just think that’s very cool (top ten things I can’t remember if I ever wound up saying but have been thinking since you started sending Cy zine apps)(also you held my hand and pointed out all the scare actors and I love you for that)

ALSO. ONE LINERS GUY. POETRY GUY. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. you’re so goddamn good with words I don’t think I’ll ever be over it!!! (also. Definitely never gonna be over hearing you read them. Agh.)

Also. Relatedly. you’re fucking hilarious. All the time. I laugh so much around you.

Good taste in music. Good taste in media. Good taste in vibes and aesthetics. Good taste in blorbos both store bought and homemade. Incredibly chewy takes on all the above. Incredibly fun to talk to about all of them. 10/10

INCREDIBLE hugs also and very very comfortable to put my head on and also YOU CAN PICK ME UP WHAT THE HELL. WHAT THE HELL. what the hell. That’s my job!!! Also you’re WARM?

Also this is not so much a you problem but you have really cool coworkers 10/10

We are setting aside all of the synesthesia shit you do to my brain until it’s not 1am and I can describe it better but you’re so down there you’re so in the dark and in the blue and in the red swirly and there’s the big light coming down and clouds around the moon and maybe a beast that’s too big to even see. TLDR. The Big Deep Dazzling Dark. that’s you. Honorific.

Top ten guys to hang out with ever also if you haven’t gotten that from the. Everything. Where’s the quote about knowing you can get along with someone if you can sit comfortably in silence for half an hour. that’s you. Also very easy to trust which I don’t know how to elaborate on but like!! Top ten guys who are safe to show things to and enjoy things with!

TOP TEN NICKNAMES GUYS ALSO. NEVER GONNA BE OVER THOSE EITHER.

There’s no way to phrase it without sounding insane but the way you?? move through the world??? is really really cool to me you’re just out there!!! You just come across as knowing yourself really well? Unsure how to explain it

ALSO. PREPARED FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING AT ALL TIMES. JESUS CHRIST. you have everything anybody could possibly need ready to pull out at a moment’s notice that was incredibly impressive. relatedly. the way you have recommendations for literally everything at all times?? Holy shit??? Also incredibly impressive!!! Goddamn!!

Also you can talk about things really well which is both impressive and also just always really cool to listen to! Good takes and effectively phrased and it’s just genuinely interesting no matter what it is 10/10 could listen to it forever

Also good driver holy fuck oooh baby when that LA traffic,

Also it’s funny when you bitch at all the surrounding cars 10/10

Also once again. HOT. also once again YOU SHOWED ME YOUR HOMETOWN 😭. also once again some of the most fun I’ve had in the last Ever this weekend we’re so out there we’re so fine we’re so back. Also once again WARM and COMFORTABLE and INCREDIBLY FUN AND FUNNY TO WATCH THINGS WITH I love the way you make your gay little comments and I love your gay little earrings and the things you do to my vocabulary and I love watching you dissect things and your reaction images compilation and your emojis aslo and I love the guy I am around you and I love how you talk about things and the way you write and the way you know me better than I ever could have expected and the way you act and behave and Are and the way you scheme for people I don’t think we even got into the absolutely off the charts generosity and I love your taste in everything and I love making blorbos and stories with you and it looks like you can cook really well and I love how you’re so easy to be comfortable with and I love how you’re so myths and stories and fairytales and I love how you can talk so well and I love how you’re so wetboy and so fishes and so water and so moon and I love how you think of me like the sun and I love being red and blue and I love how you can commit to the bit and to the aesthetic and I love you and you smell good also and there’s definitely more but it’s almost 2am now and I’m losing words so I’ll come back to this in the morning bc I’m definitely forgetting things and they’re Important

Tldr. Holy fuck.

#top ten guys that are WILDLY OUT OF MY LEAGUE but I’m NOT COMPLAINING

[astrobei]

Hello Suni astrobei. For end of year asks, I ask you 2 and 12

hi abby strangeswift !! ok so i got a couple asks for 2 so i’m going to answer that one elsewhere so i can focus my full attention on Gushing !

12. talk about a new friend you made this year

ok i’m about to get seriously so sappy so if you don’t feel like reading through all this feel free to Leave (no hard feelings LOL)

i’m someone who has a pretty small social circle irl so i never thought i’d meet so many wonderful ppl this year, and definitely not online and definitely not because i started writing fanfiction again LOL like if u told january suni this she’d look at u like 👁👁 on a more serious note though this year was insane for me. so much changed really quickly in my life and i’m so beyond grateful that amidst all the chaos i was led to all of u guys ! literally if we’ve had even one conversation on here there’s a very high chance i’ve referred to u as a friend irl so. do with that what u will.

abby and ella (@elekinetic) and sierra (@finalgirlbyers) i want u guys to know that i treasure u all So Much. like even if our convos are sporadic or if we talk exclusively through asks ur presence on my dash brings me so much joy and i look forward to each post u make and each message and each ask and each incoherent ramble in the tags !! i don’t have Favorite Mutuals but if i did it would be u guys because it’s insane how much i light up seeing ur urls ! i hope 2023 brings so many more wonderful interactions w u guys, u rly make my mindless scrolling on tumblr 100x more fun

yvie @nnilkyway HELLO i am so so beyond grateful i met them this year ! what a strange stroke of luck too bc i was so obsessed w their art before we met and hearing him say he was a big fan of my work was like. mind boggling. anyways yvie is literally one of the funniest people i have ever met in my life oh my god it’s so rare for me to find people whose sense of humor just Clicks with mine but like. four messages in and we were sending each other memes and becoming best friends and it was fantastic! i have never once felt weird or intimidated talking to them which is crazy for me, a person who feels weird and intimidated a Lot, and also need i reiterate his INSANE TALENT !! like holy shit ! my go to person for talking about gf mike wheeler or mitski or literally just anything and everything. yvie if you’re reading this i am putting u in my pocket and holding u so close. mwah. also we are married, btw. if anyone cares.

haven @bookinit02 OK. you all have heard me gush about haven a million and one times on this blog and i’m sure you’ve seen her gush about me because she’s (rightfully) obsessed with me (/j. kind of) but haven was the first friend i ever made in the byler community which is so so beyond insane to me. i fell in love with her writing so instantaneously and you guys should’ve been there to see my reaction when i saw her leave her first comment on my fic. literally screamed it was so embarrassing 😭 we talked exclusively through ao3 comments for a while because she’d yell every time i updated ihcisc and i’d yell every time she updated her season 2 rewrite and then one day she dm’d me asking me to make a twt to add me to a byler gc and the rest was History. anyways haven is one of the most talented most creative people i’ve ever met BUT she’s also one of the sweetest and most compassionate people on the face of this planet and deserves nothing but good things always ! she’s one of those people that i need to talk to every day or i’ll go insane and i love how our convos can speedrun the entire human spectrum of emotions within like. 5 minutes. she’s so incredibly supportive and my #1 hype girl and she has the freaky ability to entirely turn my mood around on a bad day in less than 20 seconds. she literally managed to sleuth around and find my venmo just to send me soup money. if i could buy her Everything then i literally would. i would eat cilantro for her. i would watch the mlvn makeout scene for her. i would get my socks wet for her. literally i would do anything for her and i can’t wait until i see her in june and i chase her in circles around the airport and then we kiss👩🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽 and we Hug so tight and platonically 🫂

thea @wiseatom u already know. i tell her every day that i would do literally anything she asked of me and it’s true! literally 2 minutes ago she said “suni u should dye ur hair green” and for a moment i seriously considered it. anyways thea is objectively the funniest fucking person i have ever met in my life and is also my twin. if my twin were blond and taller and also a different age. in all seriousness though thea feels like the world’s most insane older sister to me and as an Actual older sister i’m really loving the feral little sibling treatment. she’s so insane easy to talk to (probably bc our brains work in the exact same way) and Oozes talent from literally every single cell in her body. she sends me a snippet of her work and i spend the next 10 minutes rolling on the floor trying not to SCREAM. there are so few people who can make me laugh as much as she does but also turn me into a blubbering mess of a baby with her Evil Cruel Prose 2 seconds later but thea wiseatom has been put on this planet to achieve the impossible. i have rarely felt so seen as i do when i talk to her, whether it’s for advice or Wallowing or complaining about our disproportionately large heads together, she is so kind and supportive and one of my favorite people Ever. i can’t believe the universe put her 3000 miles away from me because i Need to be a menace to her in person but we’ll make it work. every day i say goodnight to her at 8 pm my time and then say good morning to her at 2 am my time and then i go to bed <3 thea if you’re reading this (and u better be. i tagged u) i hope u know that u are the light of my life and i am packing my bindle as we speak to begin the cross country trek. mwah.

@andiwriteordie ANDI ! i miss talking to u every day but u are so busy with ur big girl job and cranking out quality fics at light speed so i’ll give u a pass 😔 andi is literally a legend in the byler fic community so when i found out she Knew Who I Was,,, i died. i literally died. even when we haven’t talked in a while i love how we can pick up a convo like nothing has changed or send posts that remind us of each other or go crazy apeshit in each others tags like there’s no tomorrow !! andi is so so inspirational to me, she is so kind and creative and full of positivity (even if her writing is mean and full of Sadness and Misery. still haven’t forgiven u for descent, btw) she feels like my other older sister and she has such an insane way with words that i will never understand ! thank u for singlehandedly keeping byler tumblr going, i hope 2023 is so kind to u and u get ultra promoted and have so much fun at the eras tour like u deserve <3

moon aka @smoosnoom omg ok not only is moon so crazy talented but she is such! a sweet person! back when i started writing for byler she was such an enigma to me, an ao3 user and a total Mystery, so i never expected us to actually talk and now! here we are! she is so uplifting and supportive and i’ve loved getting to know her over the past few months, whether it’s bonding over our shared hatred (affectionate. mostly) of finn wolfhard or bawling our eyes out to everything everywhere (oh my god.) seeing her comment on my first fic literally made my heart stop dead in my chest. she has such a gift for making everyone feel so immediately accepted and welcome in any space, and i will spend the rest of my life stewing in anger that she’s taller than me. that feels extremely, unfathomably illegal. anyway moon if ur reading this (and u also better be! bc i tagged u!!) i hope the new year is so good to u <3 mwah ily

#ok this was so long . #now that i’ve Gushed #i can continue to the other asks in my inbox. oops #anyways i love my friends so much if u couodnt tell #so full of Love and Good Feelings today #thanks for this ask abby i bet u are regretting it now LOL #/ask

[arcxnumvitae]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN

NAME : Kris

PRONOUNS : She/her

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : Tumblr IMs and Discord. My Discord I’m only comfortable giving out if we’ve already established a bit of a rapport so I generally like to wait a little regarding ooc chatting before offering or giving it to someone.

MOST ACTIVE MUSE : It can change but lately it’s almost always a dragon and second is a fae. I think a lot of that is because they’re part of groups with dynamics with other muses of mine that I can also have fun with incorporating. Even if it’s just them chatting or talking about recent events. Haha, I really like connected stuff so it’s a surprise I don’t have more connected muses.

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS : A side blog for about a month before I took the plunge and made this one! Leeeetttt’s seeeeeee, like 2015? I was a senior in high school and I’ve been here suffering ever since!

BEST EXPERIENCE : Absolutely absolutely the worlds and friendships I’ve made here. Some of my favorite years here were getting to create so much with @thewolfisawake​ and a friend who’s unfortunately no longer online. Kirei and I have been friends basically since I started and oh man, the love explosion I could go on about. Eight years this year! My rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good-time gal, she’s been with me through the best and worst days of my life and I cannot ever begin to truly articulate how much our friendship means to me.

Getting a little less sappy, even though our third friend is no longer around, I’ve felt so honored to have still been able to make connections here and getting to create new worlds, new plots, and new friendships with people. It got a bit disheartening for a while because I wasn’t writing as much because it felt like all I could find were people who frankly didn’t bother giving me the time of day because I was someone new and someone they didn’t already ship with. It was hard to get interactions or write with new people. So this past little while has been an absolute blast.

RP PET PEEVE : Oh my gosh I feel like I go on about this so much that it’s going to get annoying but it’s always my most consistent number 1 issue over the years. Shipping. Smut. Only caring about ships. Only caring about smut. Heck, only caring about solely your muse in a ship or only caring about writing smut for our ships. Dropping even attempting to interact with a muse of mine like a hot potato just because you realize the possibility for romance isn’t happening or because I didn’t immediately jump onto the ship bandwagon with them. I swear I’m not anti-ship because I also really like writing romance and I think writing smut can be fun! I just hate when it seems like that’s the only thing someone cares about when writing with me.

I guess it’s like...you create this fully fleshed out muse with hopes, dreams, aspirations, story hooks, and relations to other muses but none of that gets touched because you’re only used as fodder to write out “And (my muse) kisses (your muse) before having wild and raunchy sex with them” over and over again. I feel like it comes as no surprise if you’ve followed me for even a short amount of time that I really enjoy creating plots and events and things like that with our muses. It’s just how I prefer to do things. I’m also here to, like, write with people, not write out romantic scenarios for people, if that makes sense.

So if it’s obvious, and it always feels like it’s pretty obvious to me, when what we want out of something isn’t matching-- and worse, my muse is being treated like a glorified sex doll? Yeahhh. It’s why I wrote that big dramatic rule update/PSA post a minute back when I was going through some spring cleaning (also talking about my #2 pet peeve-- mutuals I can’t get to write with me)  and-- I’m glad I did? I was right, I would not have wanted to deal with that with how stressed I am now and I’ve been enjoying using Tumblr and writing out muse mess as a breather. So, pat on the back to past me I guess?

Kind of stealing Marshy’s sentiments (who I’m also stealing this meme from too, hi) I’m a big fan of ships but I’ll never insta-ship, and depending on the muse, I genuinely mean it when I say that it may take time to get there, but I think the journey is part of the fun anyways. Anyways, I rambled again! Sorry!

PLOTS OR MEMES : I’m fine with both! I always tend to automatically resort to memes or fun dash things rather than long-form plotted threads when I’m super busy or tired, which is why I haven’t touched a tracked thread is a hot second ahahaha.... But I like both! 

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : *SpongeBob out of breath meme* How long are we talking? I can do long, it just depends on the muse, my energy, and if I have enough to work with. Longer threads may take me a while to get to since they require more attention and focus, but it all just depends!

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES : Some yes and some absolutely not and thank goodness for that. I feel like most of my muses differ from me more often than not, and the only ones I may share similarities to are the introverts like Veritas, Raven, Aur, etc. Veritas, being my first ever muse, has more pieces of me than anyone else, but really that’s more like some of her personality beats and awkwardness than anything else and I still think she’s still a lot cooler than me personality-wise anyways!

Tagged by: @sansloii​

Tagging: Anyone! Just say I tagged you

#{Mun #:outofcash

[bethiewhimsy]

things that have changed my life this year:

- got this tumblr account. i’ve had tumblr for years, but this account has been a life changer. i have finally gotten the courage to openly be insane about the things i enjoy. and i have mutuals and friends and followers who care. (and if they don’t care, they see, and that’s enough for me lol)

- @4listr and @youretoomuchweretiger. they are my best friends in the world. i can’t believe we’ve been friends for only a year (almost). i feel like we’ve grown up together, i feel like we’ll continue to grow together. you mean the world to me and i cannot imagine entering another year without you. thank you so much for caring about me, for being the most amazing friends i could’ve wished for. please know that i will always love you.

- started college !! i can’t believe im already done with a semester. i enjoy it so much and im so happy to have this opportunity. it’s something i didn’t think i’d be doing, but it’s a delight.

- @krispyykrab i just want to give you an honorable mention. i’ve only known you for a short while, but in that time, you’ve made yourself a home inside my heart. i hope we stay friends for a long time more :)

- bungo stray dogs. it’s a story that i’ll never forget, characters that will forever be important to me, and a piece of media that has had a huge impact on me.

- will wood. i cannot begin to express the impact this enigma has had on me. his music, his personage, everything. he is so fascinating and talented, and it’s a damn shame i’ve only just now begun to see that. as he’ll be ditching us soon. but all the same, it’s incredible to see how he’s grown as a person and an artist. i’m talking about him like i know him and it isn’t like he’s going to be reading this, but what im trying to say is: he is so important and has altered my brain chemistry. i haven’t been so down bad for something and someone.

- i have gained more courage this year than i have in my entire life. it still isn’t much, but it’s a start, and that’s good enough for me.

#this felt so good to write #new years 2023 #it’s been a rlly good year

[technetiumai]

I’m going to try very hard not to spend my first WIP Wednesday in months complaining about all of the reasons why it’s been months since I’ve participated in WIP Wednesday 😅. Or you know, written... at all... 😭

And, as usual, my choice of what to share baffles even me, as it demonstrates no obvious connection between this fic and the Carry On universe, but I just share what feels right.

(I wrote this, the bit I’m sharing and the tumblr post, after waking up from a nap after taking one of my stronger migraine pills, so I’m a little... loopy? Jello-y? And I also feel kind of like a bag of sand? And I really can’t see the screen or the keyboard properly, 😆. I just felt like I should warn you.)

CW for violence, flippant reference to suicide/self-harm/mental health issues/trauma, and men saying horrible things about women? Is that too specific of a CW? Idk, I myself might need a CW for that, so...

“Men don’t need armour or axes. We subsist on our own strength. Which is why we have real power, and all you have is tears, and pity, and vigilante justice. Because all of you are weak.”

Suddenly he is held aloft by one armoured hand around his throat and another in a fist, lodged under his ribcage.

“And fear is not a weapon?” Her words echo against the surrounding buildings. 

When she speaks again it is lower, with a sneer that must be felt, though it is hidden by the mask. “Fear for themselves? For their sisters? For the loss of every glimpse of life they are permitted? Fear of the loss of the human race is not a weapon?” She shakes her head slowly, leaning into him so that our cold metal brushes against his face. “There are no weak women.” 

He laughs and tries to turn his head. She pushes closer, putting more venom in our voice---more magic. “With only the choices we have, there is no path that does not require strength!”

“Really?” He persists with a greedy smile despite the tin of starlight that has begun to encase him. “What about the ones who lose themselves---who shrink up into corners---dead eyed and soulless---or perpetually whimpering. Or the cowards who throw themselves over the edge? Sometimes with-child? No, you don’t care about those things---”

His head and spine are crushed against the wall in a sudden release of anger.

“Or,” he tries again when the shock subsides, “what about Mistress Pitch—?”

He winces at the surge of pain as his skull cracks against the wall again.

“All of those people do only what they can. That’s what we all do. Us women. There are no good choices for any of us. And Mistress Pitch will die for her choices. But there are---” her whole body is against him now, her fist pressed so far under his ribs that it’s leaving him more breathless than the hand around his throat, “No. Weak. Women.”

Finally, she breathes the request we’ve been waiting for---so low that only we can hear it.

“The suit of shining armour becomes a keen and bloody sword.”

And we obey her.

Now, this is a fictional au, about an extreme situation in a dystopian world, and the story has been in my head for quite a while. So, the opinions expressed by characters in this fic are not reflective of my feelings about things happening in modern times... that being said, as I write this (and as I find myself incapable of focusing on much else, fic-wise) I feel it will be very obvious which recent current events have been weighing heavily on my mind. I don’t know if that’s a good thing, a bad thing, or a neutral thing. But it is what it is.

Tags? I’m just gonna... tag... mutuals who I see around a lot... 😆 I think I might be done with thinking for today. 

@ivelovedhimthroughworse, @cutestkilla, @captain-aralias, @gekkoinapeartree, @bookish-bogwitch, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @facewithoutheart, @bazzybelle, @artsyunderstudy @mrskrementz, @messofthejess, @fatalfangirl, @gampyre, @aristocratic-otter

#so many ellipses in this post #this is the dystopian Niamh is a superhero/vigilante/dexter-style murderer au btw #dexter-style like the people she targets not the methods of murder #she generally uses a magic ax #or in this case a magic sword #and other magic things #including HER FISTS #I'm so tired and I still have an 8 hour work day starting in two hours #carry on #WIP Wednesday #cw violence #violence cw

[islandofmuses]

This is a low activity blog

*Hello* everyone, my name is Sandra, you can call me Sandy or by my full name, as you wish, I’m 34 and I’ve Rplaying on tumblr since 2012, took a break around 2016 as my real life got in the way, and I’ve been back since late 2020.

I like to think of myself as a friendly person, I’m always willing to chat.

My ask is always open, I’m willing to do cross-overs and fandomless threads for my muses, I’m more than willing to write with ocs, everyone is welcomed! never be afraid to poke me of you wanna write, also if we’ve been interacting for a while feel free to ask for my discord!

Rules under the cut!! 

Muses & Muses

Open Starters

Rules under the cut!

Frist of all, I’m a very opened person so never be scared to ask me for plots, even if you think they don’t fit, I’m sure we’ll be able to come up with something.

I’m of age and so are all my characters but I will not write smut. If our characters are in a relatioship, I’m okay with the leading up to, but there’s a point I’m going to ask you to fade to black, please respect that, I do not like to write full on sexual scenes do not push me into this. Goes without saying, if you’re a minor then, I’m sorry but as 34 year old person, I’d rather not write with you.

If you have any questions, want to chat, want to plot ALWAYS feel free to reach out.

Replies will be slow, I am adult with a job and other hobbies and blogs, so sometimes its going to be hard to catch up, feel free to poke me if I’ve gone too long without replying.

I am willing to do Discord RP, but I need to have interacted with you, at least ooc a couple of times to feel comfortable doing so

It goes without saying : NO FORCE SHIPPING!!!!

English is not my main language, please understand and excuse me if I make any mistakes, as much as I put in the efford sometimes it happens.

My opens are mutuals and non-mutual unless stated otherwise. And always opened to be picked up at any time.

As for following, I’m not that selective, usually I always follow back, however if I don’t, please don’t take it personaly, it’s either me not wanting to approach certain plots, or wanting to take myself away from certain things for my own sake. If I follow you and than unfollow after a while, it simply means we probaly never interacted and I want to keep my dash clean, which leads me to the next point, I will unfollow if you don’t cut post and I have to scroll trough a lot, I’m sorry, its nothing personal, but its a bit annoying to me. However this doesn’t mean I won’t write with you.

Regarding Fcs, as long as you’re not using someone under 18, someone who asked not to be used, or has done some really bad things then its fine. You should be able to pick whoever you want, and I don’t chery pick fcs, I care about your character not the FC you use for them. If you have low resources or none at all, its not really my place to not write you over that, I’m okay with not using GIFs, icons etc. In the end we’re here to write, right? 😁❤️

I also ask of you not chery pick my fcs either. I understand if you’re a fan of someone I’m using, and of course I will write that character with you, but please look at the character not their face. I’ve had some bad experiences with this, which is probably why I like to stick with mostly underused fcs for my characters.

I’ll do my best to TW anything I see that can cause triggers to other, but if you see anything in my content that I’ve forgeten to, pease feel free to tell me.

I like ships as much as everyone, but I don’t usually plan ships, unless with my closest RP friends, I usually go with chemistry.

Goes without saying I do not tolarate any kind of drama, I’m only here to write and have fun, so please be respectful!

That is all, thank you so much for reading all this, the rules as mainly for you to know what I’m opened to, so there’s no confusion on any of the parts, have a good day and happy writting!!

[wistfulwisp]

Ezra

He/they

I'm not sure what my favorite animal is anymore? Anything that will love cuddling with me ig :3

My question for the 1 card reading:

I feel so, so lonely. So isolated amongst the people around me, irl. I feel unseen and unheard and like a phariah, sometimes. In my home, in communities I frequent.

I want friends again. I want people in my life whom I can trust and who want me there and care for me deeply. I want to feel seen and cared for and loved by people other than myself, who don't feel like they exist in my phone.

How do I find them? Or, how long will I need to wait before I find them? Or- what's a lesson I need to learn now before I can be ready for them?

Whichever question the deck wants to answer, I guess. I'm not quite sure what I want to ask first. I'm in a massive transitory period, it feels like. I feel desperate and antsy and deeply lonely. And I fell into the trap of putting all of my eggs in one basket again, and I just... I need to move forward, but I don't know what to do with all of this fear and pain. From feeling alone in the world.

So the first thing that I wanted to say is that I am just … very sorry that you feel so alone in the world right now. We’ve been mutuals and friends on Tumblr for a long time, or at least I consider you to be my friend, and I definitely empathize with your situation. I know exactly how it feels to Feel like, despite the world being such a largely populated place, that you are the only person in the entire world, and to feel as though if you were to stretch out your hands as far as they go in any direction, you would never hit anyone for a 5 mile radius. You know what I’m saying?

Anyways, I consider you to be my friend I care about you, and know that even though I am just a person talking to you through a screen that there’s someone out there that understands and that my DM‘s are always open and my ask box is always open and that you have a friend in me, and this is one of those moments where I don’t have much else to offer you, but I do hope that… that offers a little bit of comfort.

-

Secondly, I want to quickly mention that, despite me describing tarot to a lot of people as a “therapeutic tool“ that tarot is obviously not a replacement for therapy. I see this because tarot offers me a great opportunity to connect with you to connect with your feelings, and it offers you a great opportunity to see your emotions all laid out for you, but it cannot replace a professional opinion, or any sort of systematic and regulated help that you could get in situations like this. The reason I describe this a therapeutic tool is because I find the tarot has this stereotype of being a tool of clairvoyance, Which I do appreciate in media but I don’t often appreciate in reality because I don’t think that Tarot should be used to manipulate people into believing that you’re talking to the dead or that you can predict the future with 100% accuracy. What I love about tarot is the opportunities it creates to connect with people and connect with yourself, however let it be known that I’m not a therapist 😂 and I cannot provide any sort of regulated or professional comfort. However, I can pull a card for you and see what the cards have to say. 

judgement: judgement first and foremost is a major arcana, meaning that it typically represents larger stages of life or problems that are at the forefront of your mind in the moment of getting this reading. Judgement can represent a few different things, the biggest thing being a calling to a higher purpose, or from a higher power. Whether that some sort of religious figure or whether that’s just your own intuition, judgement reminds you that we are constantly being called to serve a higher purpose. If you feel as though in your life right now, you are being called to do something drastic or being called to change paths and there is a belief within you that that change of course will make you happier, This is a sign to go for it. the other aspect of this card is your own judgement of the world, or the way in which you perceive the world around you or yourself. It’s a card of self-evaluation and of reflection. Judgement reminds us to have a clear yet critical vision of the way that the world is around us, and to acknowledge that the way in which we see the world is often not the way the world actually is, but that your perception of the world is the way the world is for you. It calls us to not be overly critical, but to also not be passive in allowing certain things to happen, and believing that we have no control over them. in terms of your questions specifically, I think this card calls you to take action, and to acknowledge that you do have control and power in this situation. it doesn’t really tell you how long you’ll have to wait to find a solution to your problems or how you will find a solution, but I think that it provides a good perspective to go into these problems with the lesson that the cards are trying to teach you: that the world is full of opportunities to be critical and opportunities to be analytical and opportunities to become closer to who you want to be, and that you have the power to get there. I hope that makes sense I know that that may be rather vague, but if you ever wanted another single card reading on this or a paid reading, I’d be happy to provide that for you. Or if you even just wanted someone to listen again, my DM’s are always open. 

#k #elmosworld #tarot #and honestly I’d be happy to give you like #a three card reading on the house just bc #well you’re my friend on this hellsite and I get what you’re going through #dm me if you’re interested #if not that’s okay too #Ezra

[myname-isnia]

I need to vent. So badly. I need to do it out loud because I’ve had enough of being stuck in my own thoughts

I need to talk to someone who’d actually listen, who wouldn’t chastise me or try to turn everything into a moral lesson or pretend like they know me better than I know myself

It’s why I can’t talk to my mom. Why do I have to live in a world where I can’t talk about my problems to my mom?

She doesn’t get me, not in a “I’m a moody teenager nobody understands me” kind of way, but in a “you know nothing about what I’m going through or crying about, why are you acting like just because you listen to instagram psychologists in your free time means you’re the most enlightened person on god’s green earth??”

I don’t have anyone I could go to. My mom’s out, who’s left? Not my little sister, definitely not my shitty dad. Who else? My grandma’s the reason my mom’s the way she is, so not her. My dad’s SIL is one of my most favourite people in the world but I don’t feel like I can come crying to her, she’s too blunt, too brutally honest. She’s helped me greatly before, but I’d go to her for any problem except emotional.

I don’t want to go to my friends. I already was the cause of a fight that ended a fourteen year friendship. I’ve already showed them that I’m extremely unstable and prone to hysterics. If I start openly crying to them about such seemingly minor things, they’ll get sick of me and I’ll lose them. I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t have anyone else.

And my problems are just so, so stupid. So inconsequential to anyone but me. Even for myself, all they bring are tears and headaches, and yet here I am, sobbing over them again and again, intentionally throwing myself down self hatred spirals that I know every curve of like the back of my hand, going throw the same thought processes that I know will make me upset.

Why do I keep doing it? Do I just like to make myself suffer? Have I no real problems?

If it wasn’t obvious, I’m once again being a whiny bitch about my art

We’ve been here a million times. My skills are nowhere as good as I’d like them to be, I’m complaining about it on tumblr dot com instead of taking steps to improve, when I try to talk about it and people give me actually good advice I get mad and hysterical because I’m not being validated in my useless, self-imposed suffering that will lead me nowhere. Yeah yeah, what else is new?

To get good at art you need to study. You need to look at what other people do, how they create art that you like, and try to learn from it. But whenever I look at people who are more skilled than I am, I turn into a fucking toddler. Why them?? Why are they better than me??? I get so irrationally angry that I literally only follow one artist, a… I suppose ‘friend’ is a nice term, though I don’t know how accurate it is. If it isn’t, then a mutual. And I get insanely jealous of her too, but I’m better at containing it. We don’t talk much, but I still don’t wanna ruin what little relationship we have because of my inability to process my emotions.

Honestly? I’m just tired. Completely fucking exhausted from all these tantrums I throw. It seems I say it so often lately, but I truly am sick of myself. The fits, the crying into my pillow until I get a pounding headache, the pushing everyone away because I can’t stand the embarrassing ordeal of being cared for… I don’t know how much more of it all I can take. I wish I didn’t exist.

My mom sat me down today when she noticed how I angrily shut off my tablet. I spent a year desperate for a shoulder to cry on, so I told her that I’m frustrated by my art, or rather, by the lack of it. I’ve told her before over the phone and she always started lecturing me about not giving up and trying and practicing and how the greats weren’t born great and all that stuff. I thought she’d be different in real life. She wasn’t.

She says I’m lazy. Says I don’t want to learn. That I don’t try. But I do. I try and I try and I try. I create canvases and start sketching and get frustrated and delete them and want to throw my tablet at the wall and snap my stylus in half… but I don’t stop trying. And sometimes, very rarely, I manage to draw something I’m happy with in the moment. Often I’ll think it should be killed with fire in a few days time, but it’s the moment that counts.

Mom tries to teach me theory she doesn’t know. She doesn’t have an artistic bone in her body, yet acts like she’s been drawing all her life. She tells me to trace over art books, to look at cartoons and movies and learn how expressions and poses work. No matter how much I yell, how much I tearfully explain that that’s not the main problem, that if I need to draw something I’ll figure out a way, she won’t listen. She can say she understands all she wants, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t get that I can’t physically visualise what I want to draw

I wanted to make some Green Opal art for a few days now. I’ve only drawn them four times before – walking side by side, sleeping cuddled up, Opal kissing Midori on the cheek and Midori holding Opal as she flips Suyin off. I tried thinking what I’d want to draw them like this time. Sitting together, one’s head on another’s shoulder? Actually kissing on the lips? Bending? Reading a book?

I tried to picture it in my head. I couldn’t come up with anything. I looked at dozens of references. Nothing seemed right. I read through lists of romantic interaction prompts. None of them inspired me. My mind’s eye was completely empty, and I don’t have aphantasia or whatever it’s called, I can normally visualise pretty much anything. But when it comes to art, it’s like someone slips a blindfold over it.

And say I did come up with what to draw – then what? Draw it? With my anatomy so wonky it could classify as body horror? My thick and lifeless lineart that suffers most from my heavyhandedness? My colours which I can never memorise the theory of? My shading which is basic at best and completely nonsensical at worst? And say I did manage to make something decent even with all of that added into the equation – then what? Post it and get a grand total of three notes?

I know art is first and foremost supposed to be for yourself, you’re supposed to enjoy making it and looking at it. But if I don’t, if I hate the process of drawing and the end result so much that sometimes I feel like killing myself over, what else is there for me to do but seek feedback? A spare like. A causal reblog with no added tags. There are days when those serve as my lifeline. Days when the hundreds of screenshots I’ve made over two and a half years of people saying nice things to me are the only things that keep me going. Even if 80% of those are things said by my friends, who are basically obligated to say nice things to me.

But if I hate art so much, why do I keep at it?

I don’t know

To prove something, maybe? To whom? My parents? Myself? Society? Probably not. I don’t have anything to prove

To leave my mark on the internet? To make myself feel like I’m doing something instead of just lazing about all day?

Am I just doing it by inertia because once upon a time a lonely middle schooler convinced herself she was gonna be an artist?

I really don’t know. If it doesn’t make me happy, what’s the point? If the number of people who interact with my art could be counted on one hand, what’s the point? If it drives me to going insane with screaming and crying at least once a week, what’s the fucking point?

I should just quit. It won’t be a big loss. Maybe then my mental health will actually improve, once I stop dragging it down into the gutter with every non finished piece that can barely count as being started

Quit writing while I’m ahead too. It’s not like I’ve written anything in a month anyway. And before that, it took me almost a year and a half to post something. It’s clearly not for me.

#to anyone I owe a reply message to – I apologise. I’ll need five to ten business days to recover from this #if I ever do #knowing me I’ll recover and then get into this all over again by the end of the week #my mom made me promise to spend time with her tomorrow morning #I really don’t want to but she won’t listen #I just want to be alone #I thought crying to someone would make me feel better #somehow it’s even lonelier than crying by myself in an empty apartment clutching a dirty stuffed animal #my head is killing me. it feels like it���ll split open any second #maybe I should just go to bed

[smoothness-is-critical]

I’m so sorry I never got to say I’m so sorry.

I apologize real quick cause I need to speak on something I’m not comfortable speaking about on my main socials. But this is why I keep tumblr…as my own little journal.

Freshman year of college week 1: I come home to my dorm and see a note left on my door that says “Come to GFloor - Juan and Kwan” with a room number. It’s the first week and at this point I haven’t met a lot of people so I grab my friend Sam and we head down to say hi. This is the first time I met you (this bout to sound like I’m in love but please yall it’s not like that just bear with me). You had the most captivating eyes I’d ever seen and the cutest smile out of the corner of your mouth and I could tell from the moment you said “Hi” you were a cocky mf lmao. We got to chatting with you and Kwan about the different people we met in our first few days so far and ended up joking about Kwan together for the first of many many times. Sam was trying to get with you but you kicked her out before anything could happen and she was annoyed with you so like the good friend I am, I was too.

Fast forward: we are chatting probably about a year later. By this point I know you from hanging on GFloor and we’ve been slowly becoming friends. We talk about the first time we met and how I thought you were a cocky asshole and I didn’t like you but how you grew on me. You finally tell me the reason you kicked Sam out of your bed and we laughed for so long and so hard over it. You end up hanging with us in the lobby periodically, sitting with me when I worked the desk and we started bonding more and more. I end up introducing you and some of GFloor to Alpha Sigs underground Yu-Gi-Oh ring. We figure out we have mutual friends through your quid ties and my zeta ties and this is when my ride or die best friend group to this day starts to form, the Brothel. You were there from the very start of the group and will always be an honorary BrothelMate. We run in the same circle for a few years between Wool, the brothel, and quid and each year more and more people graduate and we end up leaning on each other’s friendship more and more.

2015/2016 rolls around: it’s just us at this point. All our friends graduated and we become inseparable. You come to each of my work shifts to sit with me. We walk to and from class. We eat every meal together. We spend a whole spring break week together at my house. We are pissing people off every chance we can. You’re watching me walk to your apartment from the balcony during that weird bit of time when clowns were running rampant across America so I don’t get abducted. You are my music plug. My drinking partner. You are the best guy friend I’ve ever had. We got each other through some hard ass times. You dealt with my heart break that put you in an uncomfortable position with such ease and care. You always helped me laugh through the tears and knew exactly what to say when I was at my weakest points. You were my rock during one of the hardest things I hope I’ll ever go through.

Maybe I was selfish. Maybe I took your love and friendship for granted. Maybe we were just a friendship of convenience. Maybe I should have given you more space. Maybe I put too much on you. Because I lost your friendship so suddenly. We had one misunderstanding and it was a wrap. I felt suicidal for the very first time over it. I didn’t think I could go on without you in my life. I didn’t want to go on without you in my life. That was 6 years ago. I mourned the loss of our friendship since then. You’d still appear in my dreams. We’d always make up and become best friends again. I liked dream world better than the reality of passing you on the sidewalk after class and having to feel your eyes look directly through me. But we both graduated without each other. We moved home and moved on with life. We were both too stubborn to make the effort to fix our friendship. You made amends with my friends in 2019 but I was in Virginia…

I’d often daydream of running into you and finally swallowing my pride to tell you how sorry I am and how much you hurt me but how much I missed you despite it. I wanted to hug you again and bullshit like old days. I wanted the closure my friends got with you during homecoming 2019… I wanted you to want to give me that closure. I wanted not to mask my pain with anger towards you anymore.

Now it’s 6 years later and my roommate calls me late at night from the airport: “do you know if something happened to Juan??? I just got a text saying something happened…” we reach out to Freshie who confirms our fears… you’re gone. Just like that. My heart broke. I couldn’t even react. I lost your friendship 6 years ago and still hadn’t recovered and now I am forced to suffer with these unpacked feelings and things we never got to say. Things I’ll now NEVER get to say. It hurts but I’m dropping it all. All the hurt and resentment to say I love you and I always will. You were simply the best kind of person. The kind who told it how it was. Who was unapologetically himself. Who would always always fight for the people he loved. You deserved so much more from life than this and none of it’s fair. I’m so sorry I never got to say I’m so sorry. I’ve always loved you. Rest Easy, Juan.

[nox-artemis]

Kentaro Miura

It took me awhile to get my thoughts in order. Honestly, as well intentioned as they are, a constant stream of fan tributes on Twitter and Tumblr more-or-less telling me how to process “The End” of Berserk with Miura’s death didn’t do a lot to console me, so I had to take some huge steps away from social media and only conversed my feelings with my other close Berserk fan-friends.

It was very surreal waking up yesterday morning to a friend messaging me simply saying, “did you hear the news?” When shit like that happens, I go onto my Google stories app and scroll through. I didn’t find anything really worth getting too upset over (maybe a bit sad that Queen Elizabeth II’s doggo died?) so it hit me to check my Twitter feed instead.

And that’s when I saw it.

We all know death is inevitable, and life is pretty much spent prolonging the point to that inevitability as well as preparing ourselves for when it happens to us or someone close to us. Being part of the Berserk fandom was the only time we all collectively had this on our mind not only for someone else but for someone we never met or really knew that much about. We only knew Miura through his magnum opus – and that was good enough for us. And no matter how much we discussed the worst-case scenario – pondering how the story would continue and how WE would continue – it still wasn’t enough to prepare us for this amount of shock. Hearing Miura had died and that the Berserk we know and love under his direct supervision is over truly felt like losing a long-lost friend.

It wasn’t just that the Berserk we know of is “over”, but that Miura didn’t have to die. He was only 54: not a young age, but not an old age either, especially by today’s standards. He could have seen the end to his magnum opus the way he envisioned it, yet he died of something so avoidable but is only brought about by a great deal of stress (from what I’ve read). It was always a morbid open rumor that so many of Miura’s infamous hiatuses were actually mental and/or physical health breaks, so the older or more conscious of us fans, while always eager and anxious for a new chapter, learned to not take them so personally. Miura was a spellbinding artist and storyteller, but he was also a human with his own life and conflicts that he was entitled to address at his own pace. This isn’t meant to blame anyone (at the very least, maybe to address some societal/industry issues), but it’s troubling enough to remind everyone – as the story of Berserk has demonstrated – that you need to take care of yourself physically and mentally, and while everyone struggles in life, you don’t have to struggle alone.

I always despised this weird cult of youth that insinuates that life isn’t worth pursuing once you hit your mid-thirties, and how some people so engulfed in their youth insist that they wouldn’t mind dying by the age of 50 or 60. It’s a shame when people live by that because there’s so much to live for beyond your youth – as I’ve learned, I only started buckling down when I transitioned into my thirties. Miura could have had a longer life ahead of him, going beyond Berserk and into his other endeavors, professional and personal, but that will unfortunately never happen now.

Everyone knows I have a lot of thoughts and opinions on Berserk. Most of you found out about me through my blogging several years ago, and I’m pretty proud that I was never the sort of fan that groveled at Miura’s feet and treated Berserk as some untouchable holy book: there were things I disliked about Berserk and things that disappointed me about Miura’s writing, but there were SO MANY MORE THINGS that I loved about Berserk and was proud of Miura for, and I wished him to continue his advancement in narrative growth. He did so and we watched it happened.

And, by meeting so many friends and acquaintances through the fandom, we saw a lot in ourselves change too. It’s surreal how we always joked that it would be one of us fans who would die before Berserk ended or the worst-case scenario of Miura dying; maybe some of us secretly preferred for that happen. But when we weren’t waiting around for another chapter… look at how much we’ve done with our lives! We graduated high school, undergrad, grad school, started and advanced our careers, traveled the world, got together, popped out a kid or two!... And while we experienced a lot of downfalls and tragedies that coincide, can you believe how much we have accomplished together?

We were all personally inspired, motivated, persuaded by Berserk in different ways: a lot of us were inspired for the better and admittedly, some for the not-as-good (if spending countless hours on Tumblr has taught me, there were definitely some toxic fan takeaways that had to be confronted). I’m not going to go to the point of saying that I now live my life by Berserk’s philosophy to a T or live as a reflection of certain characters (because I’m pretty sure that Miura was trying to tell us to NOT live your life like some particular characters) but it certainly helped to brings some aspects of life and existence into perspective, through the lenses of so many characters. Berserk also inspired me to write more, an already favorite pastime of mine, and how I should go about writing and planning a story, taking cues from Berserk on how to and how NOT to write and approach things in my own way, which I think is for the best in the long run. I can only dream that I’ll be published someday – which doesn’t have to be a pipe dream because it’s still much more possible than impossible. And so many other have done the same, creating our own stories and works.

And OF COURSE Berserk inspired me to be a little bit badass from time to time in moments of frivolity and seriousness – but it reminds us all that being badass and being a kinder person who tries to become the best version of themselves are not mutually exclusive. We definitely need more of that in today’s world.

We all made our own little bonfires of dreams happen, and because of Berserk existing, there will be a lot more beginnings than endings, and I don’t see a lot of bonfires being extinguished anytime soon. Miura poured his heart and soul into Berserk and its characters, and while he has passed on, his characters and lessons will live on through us and everything we create and how we live our lives (hopefully for the better).

I was happy to share all of my thoughts with you all – and I’ll continue to do so, since the mythos of Berserk has been a major backdrop of my creative mind for over fifteen years now and there is still so much to dissect and speculate. Personally, I don’t see Berserk ending just yet, if only because I’d be surprised that Miura or his publisher didn’t have some Operation London Bridge type plan in place in the event that this happened (Berserk is, after all, a major title that most likely brings Young Animal a lot of revenue). Again, I never treated Miura or Berserk as divine untouchables, so if there are plans in place to continue Berserk without Miura (BUT with his permission) or just on how to wrap up the story to give it a fulfilling conclusion, I personally would be okay with it (as a friend of mine put it, it’d be more of a tribute than an imitation). Going beyond our lifetimes, works will continue to be interpreted and reinterpreted as they have since time immemorial; perhaps Berserk will reach that point someday.

Honestly, and many have thought so too, Berserk was also meant to be cosmic level in both scale and concept. The plot is so grand and Byzantine that, even under Miura’s direct supervision, I always had a hard time envisioning how a story of this scale would conclude. As much as we love to hate him, a final showdown between Guts and Griffith seems too simple, too “good vs. evil”-esque for Berserk. Maybe having a low-key, vague but optimistic and bittersweet wrap up is what is best for Guts, Casca, and their new-found family. But that’s just another one of my fan speculations.

Regardless or what is to become of Berserk now, I think it’s safe to give adulations. We all came across Berserk at different times in our lives and stuck with the story for different reasons. For some of us, it was just another series that our friend from the campus anime club recommended to us; for others, we were drawn in from a morbid curiosity of its dark notoriety in anime circles. A few of us read for the gratuitous violence and the clout (because we all know you’re so deep and hardcore [/sar]), but a lot more of us read for the journey and the characters that we became a part of. The heaviness of Berserk made us confront a lot of trauma and even relive our own. For some of us, understandably, it was not a good idea to dive deeper (and maybe somethings could have been handled better); for the rest of us, it helped us cope, if not entirely through the story itself, than through the support network we made for ourselves in this fandom and its many realms (some realms, I argue, are more caring and nurturing than others).

From time to time, I always wonder if I would ever “grow out” of Berserk. There were indeed several times I took a step away from fandom and have tried to reduce my exposure to the story - but I always came back in some way, because the essence of Berserk has never left me and never will. Humorously I envisioned myself actually forgetting about Berserk for several decades, decades in which I work at my career, raise my family, mourn my elders, but continue living my life, only to go on the future internet in my mid-50s to find out… Miura is STILL working on that ending, sitting at his desk in the same pose as that famous monochrome capture of him, only he’s grayed and wrinkled, like the great Miyazaki.

The possibility of that future is over, but there are so many others.

#berserk #berserk stuff #kentaro miura #rip kentaro miura

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

PRIDEFALL UPDATE: real or fake?

What is Pridefall?

Operation Pridefall, also known as Project Pridefall or simply Pridefall, refers to an attack planned by /pol/ (a political discussion board on the anonymous website 4chan) for all of June, AKA Pride month. The original 4chan thread, which has since been deleted, was primarily focused on “redpilling,” i.e. spreading queerphobic propaganda to make people question the LGBTQ+ community. However, now that it has spread outside 4chan, there are threats of harassing, doxxing, and outing queer people (especially minors) on social media, spamming gore and rape videos in private messages and Pride tags, and even kidnapping, assaulting, or killing queer people in real life.

Specific targets include Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and dating apps. The goal is to go after smaller accounts so the queerphobia isn’t lost in the comments.

Is Pridefall real?

Yes and no.

I searched “pridefall” on 4chan last night. Apparently any new threads on it are being deleted, and anytime someone mentions it, everyone calls them slurs and says no one is doing it.

However, Pridefall is gaining some traction on Instagram--I have seen it for myself. I don’t have TikTok or any dating apps, but I’ve heard that some people are spamming homophobia on TikTok. As for Twitter, I only looked briefly, but I saw some Pridefall accounts there, as well as a lot of warnings and blocklists from people who are worried about it.

I’ve also heard that there have been a few Reddit and Discord raids, and that there is an Operation Pridefall Discord server (someone who spied on them says they have been banned on Discord as well as a platform called Riot before, so very few people are left on the Discord server now).

What do you think, Lia?

This is not coming from 4chan. No one on 4chan is interested anymore.

Most likely, people outside of 4chan heard about it and decided to take matters into their own hands.

The original 4chan thread wanted to make Pridefall “normie-palatable” by avoiding Nazi imagery or other overt unpleasantness, but I have seen a LOT of both on Instagram. This reinforces my belief that 4chan isn’t doing this.

A lot of the people behind this are young, or at least unsophisticated. Most of the Pridefall accounts on Instagram engage in very childish trolling, and one of them said they were a minor. Some of the threats I’ve seen are so outlandish that I can only imagine they came from a fairly young person.

My guess? Most of these people are around 13-19.

There are also very few of them and some of them probably have multiple accounts. Anti-Pridefall accounts outnumber them by far.

However, on Instagram I’ve seen Pridefall accounts following each other and commenting on each other’s posts, so there may be a few groups working together.

A lot of this shit is going to get deleted. I know Instagram is working through reports very slowly right now because they have fewer people available due to COVID-19, but most of the worst accounts I saw last night were deleted by this morning. I saw some more accounts deleted today.

Most, if not all, of these Pridefallers are just trying to scare us. Because they’re probably quite young, there’s very few of them, their accounts keep getting deleted, and law enforcement can track online activity, there is no way they have the balls or resources needed to coordinate major attacks.

There is a very, very slight chance this could spill over into real life, but as long as you practice basic online safety, you will be fine.

That being said, if you are threatened or doxxed by a Pridefall account, PLEASE contact the police. Better safe than sorry.

I do think that the threat of being doxxed or outed is more real than the threat of being attacked. I have already seen one Pridefall account who posted a trans boy’s address on Instagram (he is okay, he posted recently) and another who posted someone else’s address.

There is little chance this will last throughout Pride month. Apparently the goal is for Pridefall to worsen until the end of June, but given that this is most likely just some vastly outnumbered teenage trolls who are bored in quarantine, I seriously doubt they’ll be able to stay interested for a whole month.

This might not be as big on Tumblr. Tumblr is a lot more anonymous than, say, Instagram, which will hopefully deter would-be doxxers. It’s also known to be a highly liberal and queer-friendly site, so any Pridefaller with half a brain cell should know that A) their content is sure to be outnumbered and reported (only us Tumblr users know how bad staff is at deleting questionable stuff), and B) anyone with the original goal of “redpilling” is sure to fail here. Plus, I only remember seeing few, if any, mentions of Tumblr on Pridefall planning threads.

Still, expect to see some Pridefall activity here. Unsurprisingly, not all of these Pridefallers have half a brain cell. Some of them will definitely be unable to resist the lure of a community as openly queer as Tumblr, and we’ve all seen or heard about doxxing, harassment, gore, Nazis, and queerphobes on here. Also, 4chan has historically had some beef with Tumblr, so young teenage boys who idolize 4chan may target us for that reason.

How can I stay safe?

If you have any social media accounts where you A) have posted identifying personal information, and B) are openly supportive of the LGBTQ+ community (especially if you’re queer yourself), put them on private for June. Any other accounts are probably fine to stay public.

If you need a private Tumblr, you can make a password-protected secondary account and only share the password with mutuals you trust.

It is probably okay to be openly queer on a private account (e.g. have pronouns/rainbow emojis in your Instagram bio), since a private account is not likely to be doxxed. But if you want to be extra careful, remove queer identifiers from anything that is publicly visible.

Use Pridefall blocklists. They’re all over Instagram and Twitter. I may repost some here.

Report any Pridefall accounts you see. This is VERY important because this is how we can actually get rid of Pridefall content.

DON’T RESPOND TO ANY PRIDEFALLERS WHO PERSONALLY INTERACT WITH YOU. I know it’s tempting to give a snarky reply, but if they message you, comment on your post, etc, just block them. Seriously, don’t feed the trolls. It's exactly what they want.

Make sure your password game is strong. Use a different password for every site (I know, I know, it sucks), and use passwordmeter.com to test their strength. Write them all down on a piece of paper.

Make sure your username game is strong. Don’t use the same username for multiple sites, and avoid putting personal information in your username, such as your name or birthday.

Do NOT open random links!! Pridefallers could message you links that will give you viruses or track your IP address.

Don’t accept DMs or follows from people you don’t know. Pridefall accounts don’t always look like Pridefall accounts. Some of them are undercover.

Use a VPN. This is probably a little overkill unless you’re particularly at risk of being doxxed, but it will hide your IP address.

Be careful who you interact with. A lot of queer people on Instagram are DMing Pridefall accounts or commenting on their posts, but this could make you a target. As helpful as anti-Pridefall accounts are, you might even be targeted for following those.

Be wary of Pride tags. Unfortunately, a lot of Pridefall accounts plan to infiltrate tags commonly used by queer creators during Pride month. Use discretion when looking for queer content.

Be safe IRL. Lock your doors, lock your windows, be aware of your surroundings, don’t walk alone in poorly lit places, know basic self-defense, etc. Again, I absolutely do not think people will be attacked in real life, but you should be doing this shit all the time, not just in June. Thanks to COVID-19, you’re safer inside anyway!!

Make yourself hard to dox. Even though I have a very unusual first name (it's not really Lia), I am extremely hard to find online. I just went into an incognito browser window and searched my first and last name in quotation marks, but I didn’t find myself until page 4 of Google (and that result wasn’t even posted by me). I’m only half as careful as I could be, but here’s some of the things I do:

-I never use a picture of myself as my profile pic, except for Facebook and Instagram, which are both on the highest privacy settings possible.

-If I post identifying information on a public account (my college, my age, etc), I use a pseudonym or my first name only.

-On Instagram, I only use my first name, and I used special characters to type it, so you won’t find me if you search my name.

-On Facebook, I only accept friend requests from people I know. Most, if not all, of my Instagram followers are IRL friends, friends of IRL friends, and trusted Internet friends.

-If I’m really being paranoid, I’ll make a brand-new email account to sign up for a site. That way, my accounts aren’t all linked through one email address.

-Before I post a picture online, I delete the EXIF data with verexif.com, since EXIF data can hold GPS coordinates.

🌈 Stay safe, everyone.

You will not be harmed. You will be okay. Like cockroaches, we are survivors, and we will get through this!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

-Mod Lia

#mod lia #og post #og post cmf #pridefall #operation pridefall #pride fall #pride #pride month #lgbt #lgbtq #gay #safety #psa #please reblog #pride 2020 #lgbtqia #lgbt pride

[thejudgingtrash]

Annabeth is a good person,but not a nice or pleasant one,IMO.

YES.

That’s it. That’s the post. Pack it up everybody, we just cracked the case and cleared up one of the most compelling fights in the PJO fandom since forever. Good job everybody, clap it out and there’s the door! Don’t forget ordering the drinks at Starbucks, Mitch! They’re on me!

Okay, but on a more serious note: YES. YES EXACTLY.

And before some of you roll your eyes or grab your pitchforks – put your biases aside and hear me out for once. I like Annabeth. She’s my in my top three characters only second to Percy himself. I love Percabeth. It’s my favorite ship in the entire series and to be frank, the only ship that I care about PJO wise. Hell, I spend my time creating my own headcanons or writing my own fanfics with Percabeth being the star in them.

But that is not to say that I’m unable to see how certain things have developed over the years or where they stand now in regard to Annabeth. I’m not here to ignore things that have been said and/or done due to or in the name of Annabeth and I’m not here to vilify anyone that doesn’t like her. And I’m here to admit that I’m guilty of some of the things that may be addressed in this meta essay that you will read in just a second. However, I try my best to assure you, that I’m for once able to recognize my own bias.

Warning: a monster essay lies right upon you.

This should count as a paper of its own.

Back to the statement on top: I would go out even further to reframe your claim, anon:

Annabeth Chase is a good character but not a nice or pleasant person.

Annabeth is a wonderful character but she isn’t a nice one. Or at least not nice to everyone. She is (construction wise if I dare say) the best character out of the series. She has her positive traits (she’s caring, she’s emotional, she’s encouraged and volunteers, she fights for what she believes in, she forgives (even if doing so begrudgingly)) but she also has her negative traits (she’s stubborn, she’s brash, changing her mind takes forever, she is prejudiced, she baits others). That balances things out. She is branded as the intelligent kid but does irrational things (like I’ve just said a) she’s a kid and b) she’s not a robot). She should probably know better, but we all make mistakes and hopefully grow and learn from them. The clouds in the sky do blur and cover our visions sometimes.

Annabeth had clashes with other characters or was about to have fights due to her stubbornness or jealousy (Rachel, Reyna, etc.) and has of course her problems with the mortal world and her family but she also found new friends, some things cleared up throughout the narration and she was/is quite popular in Camp Half-Blood.

The thing is: she doesn’t have to be nice or pleasant (as a character). Or at least not all the time. Her character is humanized. That is what or who she is. Human. She does stand out as a character, not just because she’s the (future) love interest. She feels like someone you could meet in real life and either adore from the top to the bottom or declare as your biggest enemy. And that’s totally okay if you lean either way – liking or disliking her. Or even feeling indifferent about her. Also great!

To say that she has been the best character that Riordan has crafted is easy to say, because she has been sculpted after Riordan’s wife. He had a model he could rub some of real-life events or traits on. That’s not the problem. The problem truly doesn’t lie on Riordan’s side for the most part for once.

The problem is inherently on the fandom’s side. What the fandom does, how it acts and how it treats Annabeth as a character is the problem. The problems vary but it’s mostly the mischaracterization of Annabeth, starting fights and fan/ship wars, internalized misogyny (in some cases) and how some of the Annabeth stans lash out (ha, got firsthand experience in that field among many of my friends and mutuals!). There is a reason why many people are wary of people that have Annabeth or Percabeth related URLs.

The fact that we see Annabeth mostly through Percy’s lens and (until the Heroes of Olympus saga hits) we never really see her in chill everyday situations is essentially Riordan leaving the back door of the house open, ready for all of you asshats to rob his mansion in Boston. Because a frame on a character means that we don’t get to see the character in its entirety (unlike we do with Percy in PJO for the most part). That means a bunch of stuff is left open for interpretation which is the reason why Annabeth gets so many polarized headcanon and opinions tossed around. I think that is one of the true appeals of Annabeth. You can add on stuff and it necessarily doesn’t have to contradict itself.

We have people calling her abusive due to a (n admittedly stupid and unnecessary) judo flip and we have people that act like she’s never done anything wrong. People sorta use this excuse to form and shape Annabeth however they want and distort her characterization.

People in the fandom act like Annabeth is some weird prized possession. We perceive Annabeth mostly through the eyes of others (Percy, Apollo, etc.) and when we had some sort of insight in her ways (MOA, HOH) it felt… weird? Somewhat? Like Riordan left two bullet points of her characterization and told the ghostwriter: aight, fuck it up, gringo, see you on Tuesday and greet Fred the next time you see him for me. 

There have been many posts lately (by Tharini, Simi, Sawasawako, Jewishpercy and Annie I believe?) that HOO Percabeth felt weird. That they felt weirdly constructed, that there was no conflict, no growth. It felt stagnating, like we’re turning back. We had five books prior where we had Annabeth and Percy slowly shifting from disliking to liking and crushing each other. True development. And when we finally got the cake it felt… dissatisfying. Like the cheap box stuff and not the delicious exquisite taste that we were promised.

I said it previously in my Percabeth ship roast, but let me repeat myself: many Percabeth related things are straight up fanon. Some of it is very old fanon so that’s been unable to distinguish unless you’ve read the books recently and subtract nearly 99,9% of things you see on Tumblr (and occasionally the other shitty parts of the fandom like Reddit, IG, Twitter. Although they mostly steal and recycle tumblr stuff oh well. But back to the topic).

The way people treat Annabeth is so strange. She’s either an innocent fluffy smush baby that’s never harmed a fly and all that she wants for Christmas is being Percy’s lapdog or she’s the devil incarnate, broke into your house, killed your parents Batman style, kicked your puppy and didn’t flush the toilet on the way out. I think this is what mostly makes people hate her or the ship Percabeth. And both extremes are wrong and right at the same time? She is multifaceted so both stereotypes are true and untrue and sorta cancel each other out in the same way.

The true reason why people dislike Annabeth is because the stans are doing the most. (The haters as well, don’t get me wrong, but oh boy. Piss of a stan and you’ll know what I mean). That isn’t inherently new. Are you guys old enough to remember the ship wars that have happened cross platform? Perachel vs. Percabeth? Oh boy, oh boy. I saw some kids on tumblr a few months ago trying to infiltrate both tags and start shit (and also fail). The fact that Rachel still gets used as the bitchy (ex) girlfriend in fanfics? It’s 2020 guys. I know this apocalyptic year is far from perfect and over but I think we can let this trope die, right? Right? I thought we’ve established that Rachel is a pretty chill charcter by now… right?

If you posted your stuff on FFN back in 2010-2013 and it wasn’t the typical cutesy Percabeth story (Goode High, the gods read TLT, punk/prep Percabeth, college AU, etc.) people would’ve come for your fucking throat. Not because the story or the narration was shit. But because the pairing wasn’t Annabeth and Percy (in the sense that Annabeth had to be paired with Percy. I mean Percy gets shipped with everyone and their mother but for Annabeth it was strictly Percy. As annoying as this whole Connabeth thing is – the people behind it actually had a point. She never had a different love interest unless it’s a Percy centered story and he goes off dating Athena, Artemis and Zoe at the same time for some odd reason. Yeah, FFN Percy ships are something). Or it wasn’t the action filled canon compliant story or it wasn’t an AU that was popular.

People were really stubborn, snobbish and wanted their stuff in the four five boxes that were the most popular ones and that’s it. People have been bullied off the site in many fandoms, so it’s not a PJO-only thing but it’s still sad that it happened. (Off-note: most of these FFN tropes are still alive and well and thriving on AO3. Don’t be so snobbish and pretend that every piece you’d find there is a holy grail. There’s a lot of trash you have to waddle through. Same with Wattpad, Tumblr or anywhere else where fanfics get posted. Also had this discussion with Annabeth stans. Sigh).

And Tumblr back then? Forget it, wasn’t much better.

That view has sorta changed (at least for people that have been in the fandom for several years or have managed to find a way to navigate through it) but some of the negative sentiment from back in the day has survived. Be it by new fans coming in or from old fans that never let their stance die. The aggression feels differently and somewhat not. (I don’t know if the anon function had been abused that much back in the day. I was an observer not a participant in the fandom).

Crack a joke at Annabeth’s expense (Kal’s famous “Annabeth is a Republican” post or Dee Dee’s and many others “Annabeth has the education of a second grader, chill with the college plans, girlie” stance) and you have people insulting you, making callout posts, unfollowing and blocking you (based on only that? Okay, honey), making aggressive counter-posts, etc. in a minute. If you respond with “It’s a joke, it’s not real” you have a 50/50 chance of either getting blown off or embarrassing them so that they apologize for once.

This isn’t just about jokes. You can make a headcanon that’s not the cozy cute convenient mainstream saga and people would react the same way. Or art piece (no, not including the whole Tannabeth Blackchase shtick done by Viria and others) or fanfics.

People project so much onto the unfinished canvas that is Annabeth Chase that any form of negative sentiment as little as someone not liking her to straight up criticism, regardless of how tiny it may be, seems like an affront. Like an invitation to a fight. Like an insult to them, their character, everything they believe in. Let me state something:

You are NOT Annabeth Chase. Annabeth Chase IS NOT you. Annabeth Chase is NOT real. Her feeling cannot be hurt. Someone criticizing, disliking, joking about her or even insulting her will not bother her. Someone making a statement about her is not an insult to YOU.

Let me repeat that:

Annabeth Chase isn’t real. Annabeth Chase isn’t you.

So think a little before you act? I get it when you’re a kid and new to fandoms or haven’t been up with fan cultures in the past and are back in the scene. But if you’re in your late teens or even older as an adult and you’re unable to understand that you aren’t what you like – you aren’t the extension of a fictional character – I feel incredibly sorry for you. Because that’s just incredibly sad. Someone disliking something you like isn’t an attack of your character. It shows you that you are you and the other person is a human just like you. That they just have different taste. Disliking something you like isn’t a crime, you know? But me feeling sorry for the way some of y’all act won’t mean that that’s even remotely okay. Especially if you’re no longer in the intended audience for PJO age wise and should know better.

This isn’t a “white stans” only thing. I’ve seen and witnessed firsthand how people of color, mainly women of color, act the same or not even worse when it comes to her character. People have projected their problems and real-life occurring events into her character (I’m sure that she isn’t the only character nor that this is the only fandom where this is happening) and in some cases like I’ve said cannot separate their own personality from the fictional world. Fights with woc happened because of Annabeth fucking Chase. So many things have happened in the fandom the past few months, mostly due to people being forced staying at home because of the quarantine but I’d say it’s 10% on quarantine and 90% on people for acting up like this.

So here’s a little story: There was the act of Riordan blowing the fandom up because of his own stupidity and being unable to apologize for his mischaracterization and lack of research (the whole Piper fiasco) back in June (?) and admits the upset fandom, people on Twitter, Tumblr and Discord legit thought that none of that mattered and that the outcry was destroying Annabeth Chase’s birthday. That’s right. People thought that Annabeth Chase’s non-existing birthday because she’s a fictional character had a higher priority than the rupture and prevalent racism in the fandom. Okay. This isn’t a great look, Annabeth stans. And this of course pissed a lot of people off. I made a post about it and someone not only berated three other people on said post but no, we had a mighty argument which had disrupted many friendships in our circle which haven’t recovered until this very day. We both had our parts in it and no one is innocent. But the cause of this still remains Annabeth Chase or how people prioritize her non-existing well-being. Anyway. I’m getting agitated just thinking about it.

Let’s go back to the characterization thing with Annabeth. Let me remind you:

Annabeth Chase is an asshole. There I’ve said it in a post ages ago (too lazy to look it up, sorry) and I’ll say it again. And that’s not me insulting her. That’s me actually loving that about her. Annabeth is one of the very few unapologetic female characters that really showed all young readers across the world that you can be a girl, a badass, smart, strong, standing up for yourself and what you believe in. You don’t have to be nice. You don’t have to hide your feelings. You don’t need a man in all cases but it’s also okay to accept help and defeat.

A large reason why I think she’s an incredibly important character in children’s literature/YA because many other novels (mostly (sadly)) have the “Oh, I’m a white skinny dark-haired girl that likes unconventional things like READING. I’m not like the other girls, that take care of themselves and pamper themselves by enjoying shopping and wearing make-up. No, I’d rather be one of the boys but a sweet cute little boy and not the jock fuck that drank vodka shots out of a filthy shoe once. Despite me calling myself hideous every man in a 10-kilometer radius falls in love with me and tells me I’m oh so sexy and by the way I’m only 16 years old” shit going on for no goddamn reason.

Yes, I do blame Twilight for this mostly in recent years, but this trope isn’t by any means knew. Pretty sure that you could even use classics as Pride and Prejudice and dissect them in the same manner (Bold statement: Lizzy Bennet is the OG Bella Swan. There. Go fight somewhere in the corner, people). The new wave of YA focuses on girls belittling themselves and only starting to believe in themselves because someone else (mostly the male love interest) tells them they’re worth it. And these books hit the mainstream because they’re incredibly bland and picture perfect white.

With Annabeth it’s different. She shows up for the job and is done with it. (Brie Larson would probably be the perfect in real life version of her. You either like or dislike her. Or you really don’t care). That is what is so refreshing about her. Her unapologetic nature. Can it be off-putting? Yes. Is it annoying? Yes! Hell, every time I read The Lightning Thief, I want to rip her goddamn head off. And it’s just so well written. Her shift from mistrusting Percy but secretly still believing in him to her opening up. Wow, Riordan did something right there.

Annabeth Chase isn’t a young character. She has existed along with PJO for 15 years. She’s on her way to the second decade. I’m pretty sure that with the success of Percy Jackson (and Harry Potter) many lives have been warped and shaped.

But when I say the problem lies mostly in the fandom, it doesn’t mean that Riordan’s completely innocent. The only problem that I have with Annabeth lies not truly with her but the fact that Riordan is only able to produce three variations of female characters:

The sweetheart (Hazel, Silena, Calypso, Hestia)

The strong feminist (Annabeth, Piper, Thalia, Reyna, Artemis)

The bitch (Drew, nearly every female goddess in the goddamn Riordanverse next to every female monster)

And these female characters only know three endings:

End up married with a mortgage, three kids, two dogs and a cat somewhere in Connecticut by the age of twelve

Get dumped into the hunt

Chill on Mount Olympus and only come down to be a nuisance and/or give a cryptic message before going back and doing a godly rave party or something

We know Annabeth as the badass strong female first (or the bitchy character we’re supposed to actually like. Choose your approach), the blueprint so to speak, so some of the other characters feel almost pale in comparison and almost not needed? Doesn’t mean that other characters can’t behave similarly, but it feels kind of redundant especially if their character arcs end in a rather anticlimactic way (Thalia, Reyna). The new additions are the much needed woc as the main story with PJO was inherently white (anyway stan black!Percy and Grover, folks). So it’s not to bash on the new characters, it’s more Riordan’s fault more than anything.

Since Riordan only knows three female character arcs it feels like he tried to copy the formula several ways with different nuances. Some more or less successful. This is where fandom actually comes in handy and helps create more distinguished and fleshed out characters in form of headcanons or fanfiction.

But even in these cases people still make it about Annabeth when it’s time for characters of colors to shine. Remember that whole spiel and discussion that broke out when people (Kal, diver-up, Caitlyn, Bee, reynaisalesbian, etc.) joked about or criticized that Annabeth thinks that she’s having it harder because she’s a blonde? In front of Hazel and Piper? If she would’ve been a real person that’s an invitation for getting decked. And then all hell broke loose because Annabeth stans couldn’t accept the fact that in the real world and/or in fictional worlds the woc/coc have it harder? That the white woman wasn’t the victim that needed the coddling? Yeah, that was mad pathetic.

I hope you people get my point?

Well fuck. I wrote so many things and have the feeling I’ve said nothing. Anyway, I hope I made sense. This is way too long.

TLDR: Chill about Annabeth please. She’s an important character but that doesn’t mean that everyone has to like her, regardless of being a character in the books or a reader/fan of PJO in real life. She isn’t nice or a sweetheart all the time. She also isn’t the monstrous asshole that some try to make out of her.

Peace out.

#Mel answers #pjo #percy jackson #Annabeth chase #percy jackson and the olympians #Percabeth #pjo Meta #Heroes of olympus #hoo #trials of apollo #toa #hazel levesque #piper mclean #reyna avila ramirez arellano #rachel elizabeth dare #pjo fandom #coc #rick riordan #riordanverse