#i dont remember how tagging works anymor

[sprimps]

a sweet love, a toothache kind of love

#hiii im not dead #accept this. i dont know when i will pick up my pencil again #dont have a computer so i cant check the colours..... praying it doesnt look AWFUL!!!! #god drawing this took SO LONG i had forgotten how long fucken drawing actually takes #my art #this looks st valentines themed. as far as im concerned it is feb14 instead of mid august #if someone wants a vertical version hmu methinks it could b a cute lockscreen #go2 #good omens #aziracrow #crowley #aziraphale #AH YOU CAN FINALLY EDIT HASHTAGS #i dont remember how tagging works anymor #good omens 2 #good omens fanart #good omens 2 fanart #aziracrow fanart #ineffable husbands #neil gaiman #david tennant #michael sheen #uhhh idk what else. chao #going back 2 my slumber. see u in like 5 months mayhaps

[ourhouseishaunted]

woe. chronica ass be upon ye

I really liked this sequence and i wanted to see if i could capture the color vibes i got from it. debatable whether i succeeded but if i work on this anymore i will Cry

original page under the cut

#chronica #trigun #trimax #trigun maximum #did this as an experement to see if i remembered how colors work in the Hot Minute its been since ive done them digitally. #i dont. think i have #trigun spoilers #kinda. if you can glean anything #eyestrain #body horror #<-maybe??? idk #n e ways i cant look at this anymore just take it #does this count as nsfw?? #idk someone let me know if i should tag that #my art #.txt

[sollucets]

guys i am trying Really hard not to have public opinions about of this morning... pray for me

#i work really hard not to do that. genuinely. every single time i reblog a meta or post my own opinion or write more serious tags #it is Vetted #i keep these things to my friends & my discord & such on purpose because. because. it's better for everyone #but im hanging on by a thread today i guess :') #for now.... just.... people need to remember that when youre debating fiction like this #the characters are fictional but the people listening aren't #and you can cause real fucking harm by talking about demographics the way people have been #rowan chatter #(if i see someone fucking say ray can't love again i'm going to kill. it's directly to murder i will be committing crimes) #(AND if i see another implication that he should've had to get sent to prison it'll be arson also) #fuck you all you dont get to have ray anymore. im taking him he's in my pocket now #do people even know how rehab & therapy fucking WORK #okay. okay. okay okk okokokkok mission failed a little #but we're far enough down in the tags now. reblogs are off. don't eat me

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops. #and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can! #and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here: #barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time. #barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done. #and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies. #and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them) #and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances'' #from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

[snow-and-saltea]

yesterday i spent 45 minutes of my life watching a video essay criticising the use of cheap shock values and crossing of taboos for a video game and i went from "he has a point even if he's explaining it in a really inflammatory way" to "oh umm... i can see how he thinks that way even if i don't agree" to "oh this guy's just straight up using people on tumblr as material for an audience to get mad at like other outdated people on the internet. nvm he's just an asshole"

#yuu rambles #it was about the coffin of andey and leyley btw - i agreed w him on the first half of the video about how it felt rather noncommittal to it #concepts and themes but i recognise its not really *trying* to be serious which means its not a reasonable #framework to judge the intention and execution of its work - an apple pie does use butter in it but just bc it does #doesnt mean you get to compare it to steak; a dish that also uses butter. this is intuitively easy to understand for me #but nonetheless it was like 3 am i had stuff to do so i just put it on my background to listen #he makes a diss at “people on tumblr” early on that i just raised my eyebrow at but shrugged it off bc its such an old joke #its lost its zinger; and im p sure its just confirmation bias from going into the tags of the thing you dont like lol if you use tumblr #normally you wouldn't come across things you dont like bc you'd have blocked them. But Anyways #then at the end he got sooo self righteous about how people on tumblr are insane and weird and showed screencaps about how twisted everyone #who likes the game are. there were some screenshots of people's post that were like “incest is bad and shouldn't be explored in media. #paragraph break‚ me who is an incest survivor and finds it helpful for working through my trauma: lol” #those types of post. but then lmfao he started going out of pocket and just mentioned the lists of other people he doesnt like which are #a screenie of a video essay about how kink is important at pride #and then some other stuff i dont remember anymore w the tumblr screenies #it was very mockingly written and said and at the end of it i felt sad i couldnt #block people on youtube lmao. like its not i dont want this guy to comment on my videos. i dont want to see his channel involuntarily #recommended to me ever again. just resorted to the most base sort of trolling behaviour he accused and judge other game devs for in his #video essay. good fucking god. the psychological projection is unreal #i dont have any strong feelings towards the game at the end of it even though i thought i would be like Eugh at first #but my bleh for any cheap gimmicks is overshadowed by my disdain for this guy's reliance on self righteous rhetoric #i discovered another new channel i really like tho after that vid!! bc i had to watch smth else to cleanse my palate lmao #they're jacob geller and freddydude! ive only seen one vid from freddydude about his essay on #detention‚ the horror game set in taiwan during the era of white terror under new cn leadership after ww2 #im personally quite jumpy so his humour and the way he edits his videos to make it silly even though its Scary #made me like it a lot!! im going through jacob geller's other vids but ive watched three specific types of terror #and the one about pinocchio which made me go :00 wow his scripts are super good! #again everything at your own discretion esp w the whole james somerton shit‚ but i enjoyed what I've seen so far #i just wanted to end this in a somewhat positive note JSHDKSJDJD the ramblings Continue... #theres a pedantic error in one of ky tags but im gonna update it when im on comp bc mobile sucks smh my head

[lion-buddy]

being the resident nezuko liker is such a challenge sometimes

#ooo these tags contain complaining if u dont like that then see ya around <3 #i would love to scroll through the tag without being bombarded by. awfulness. both bot and fandom posted #yknow. yknow. that is a 12 yr old #it has become!!! genuinely frustrating! it always has been #and i dont mean to complain but. man. im just disappointed #and.while kinda begin the kny mascot she is barley present in fan made content. with meaning. and its all mostly reposted art ugh. #and even official stuff has her only as little child nezuko and!! i get it its cute whatever but it feel so pandery and wrong all the time #i just poitn. that is not her that is a facet u r choosign to hyperfocus on show me the real her #and lets be honest the og stroyline isnt kind to her etiher she is nonexistent after swordsmith #i remember for a time when idid post abt her i was one of the inly consistent nezuko artists who wanted to like. put her in scenarios #and i want reiterate again that drawing cute art and gifs of her is fine it doesnt hurt anyone. i love to see it actually #but like. in a fandom as big as this youd think. youd think they like her more!!!! but no #and. the last thing i want to insinuate is “if u dont like my fav character then u suck” cus thats is not how fandom content works. at all #fandom is a experience for u to cultivate for yourself. and sometimes it just comes up short!!! i guess #it jsut felt weird being lonely in your liking of an aspect of the series where there are so many ppl. yet they all only like the hot men. #which again. u do u. nothign wrong with it. its anime afterall. it can just be frustrating sometimes. #idk! im also not very social so maybe its just my fault but. man. id love to find some other resident nezuko likers that. isnt just shippin #i feel interacting would be so much easier if my fav was like. one of the main boys like everyone else. or i made ship content or somethin #but like i said fandom is for u and u only if that makes sense. the point is to create things u want to see. which is what i do and enjoy #just with nezuko specifcally. i dotn want to put my stuff of her in the tags anymore cuz i just. dont trust the fandom with her. its weird #but also. appreciate those who did interact. i hope ur all doing alright <3 ty for talkign with me :] #i just needed to get this out cuz its. kinda why i dotn post abt kny anymore. especially the s3 fandom im sorry i just dont vibe with it </

[wyrmswears]

shoutout to grubbs for being my favourite reject the call trope

#i was thinking about him and juni and how they are under such similar circumstances and both turned out so different and yet so similar #like. ok. you have juni who is forced into using her power for good since she was a child. #on earth a hundred years have passed. the world is unrecognisable to her. on her end? shes only 20 and has outlived everyone she knows #ok disclaimer uhm. i dont remember how old she is in demon thief but i THINK shes late teens or early twenties so 20 is her age for now #grubbs on the otherhand possesses his own talents. strong ass magical capabilities for one #he isnt kidnapped like juni. beranabus doesnt force him to be a disciple. but he says that if grubbs doesnt then hes a coward #which yknow after seeing bo run back into the depths of slawter in the hopeless attempt to not abandon her family. yeah fair #juni lets her spite and anger about her role build up inside her until she just. doesnt fucking care anymore and she would do anything to #escape. kill people. kill her friends. #grubbs of course has bad past with lord loss so he doesnt exactly have the same option but to him juni is everything he doesnt want to be #but after wolf island he?? is sort of like her?? i suppose he just starts his Morally Grey arc here. yknow. eating people. #but theres a sense of fuck it. if hes going down then hes the universe with him. #grah this isnt comprehendable #anyway you can tell what one i drew late at night and what one i drew at a reasonable time #i wasnt sure whether to post these because its not work that i care about but honestly at this point the demonata tag is the #'ohh two cakes' thing. the demonata tag is STARVED #demonata #the demonata #grubbs grady #eat up bitches (two people) #grah ALSO #ihave so many thoughts i love tags #grubbs' reject the call is deeply rooted in his trauma #i love the portrayal of his trauma its actually so fucking good #i think about early lord loss grubbs a lot. the kind of grubbs who stayed with random family members and traumadumped to their kids #because idk the interaction of him telling these kids that demons killed his family out of nowhere is such a weirdly human interaction #ok goodnight demonata nation (two people. including me) #wyrm draws

[bl00dw1tch]

the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am

#horse.txt #vent // #sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk #anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember #from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore. #bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like #made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them #but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it #doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge #that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs. #which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely! #but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues #so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig #EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet. #sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore #i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭 #its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back #bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝 #at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos #still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn #sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this #the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall #i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious #thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now #alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post #daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty. #😎😎😎💪💪💪 #the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket

[cryptojuice]

take this with a grain of extremely drunk but at this point I'm my journey? now? I'm like literally the idealest person in the world and I think everyone else has something wrong with them

#is it autism? is that why people don't just fuckin communicate with me? #my autistic superpower is im TOO GOOD at communicating and everyone else is behind me. #im already in the 'so how do we meet our needs' stage when other people are in the avoidance stage or the self awareness stage #idk. idk. fuckin tired of it #tired of games tired of excuses tired of IMMATURITY #tired of being more grown than people in their mid 30s. tired of being more grown than my parents in their mid 50s #tired of being the ONLY person i know ACTIVELY working on their flaws and making progress #maybe others are just working on things i dont notice and maybe others dont notice what im doing. but idk. people have seemed to notice. #is it because im becoming buddhist? am i like more fucking enlightened or something? #i would hope that wouldn't be the only thing causing such a disconnect cause that sounds fucking pretentious #im drunk cause i was upset. remember yhis if you're reading these tags #im not upset anymore cause i got drunk. and made a really good omelette #but yeah i feel so different from other people. so much better and also so much worse. hashtag paradox #best communicator deepest thinker most compassionate soul. also most horrible awful sinner #↑obsessed with the concept of sin in a fascinating way for someone who doesn't Believe in it #yes im a sinner yes im a real sex demon from hell no hell doesnt exist yes reincarnation is real yes i am buddhist yes i believe in ghosts. #i contain multitudes #anyways #i was supposed to *** ** ***** *** today and i didn't so I got grumpy i guess #i really need to practice the principles of detachment #I've gotten a lot better at patience and calm and meditation but i still care so much about inconsequential shit. enough to drink it away i #i should sleep i was trying to fix my sleep schedule the last two nights #but i don't want to. i want to drink and have fun and maybe cry #we'll see #doubt anyone is gonna read this it's mostly for me #gonna tag this #therapy #so i can find it if i need it #i just miss my girlfriend man. but she stood me up again without a word and it's disrespectful #and i know I'm gonna forgive her

[red-signal]

people nearby are talking about things i have or once had hyperfixations on help 😭

they playing animal jam that thing was like my entire life for 6 years !! and theyre talking about brokeback mountain and THEY QUOTE BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN IN NATM

i am trying not to bother them about it but when i heard them saying like "i hope it isnt blocked on the school wifi" i did yell to them "I tried to get them to unblock it from the school wifi last year but it didn't work" so uh. oops. eavesdropping 👍

#they are playing it (on mobile hotspot) ancient sealed away hyperfixation do NOT reemerge #w o r d s #although recently i have been thinking about animal jam lore. I mean i always did but now that I'm older I can do what's neccecary and put- #aside time by my own choice to get all the lore info i need #fireheart if you see this i remember u have mentioned having played animal jam in the past. and cared enough that you played tunnel town #i may end up asking you for help. be warned. #thers a good chance ill rb this and tag u later #DID I EVER MENTION HOW I WAS PECK THE BUNNY ALPHA FOR HALLOWEEN A FEW YEARS AGO ??? #i dont have my membership anymore but i could probably work around that #OH AND THE TIME I GOT THE AJ BUNNY PILLOW PET FOR MY BIRTHDAY AND IT SAVED ME FROM GETTING A CONCUSSION ?? #I ALSO GOT A CLUB GEOZ PLAYSET FOR THAT BIRTHDAY AND THE LITTLE COLLECTIBLE PETS AND EVEN THE SUN AND MOON ONES #AND ANYONE REMEMBER HOW THEY USED TO HAVE THAT SUBSCRIPTION BOX ?? WE DID IT BUT THEN THEY CLOSED THE PROGRAM AFTER WE GOT THE FIRST ONE #IM HEARING THEM DO THE INTRO AND HAVING TEENAGER COMMENTARY ON IT LMFAO

[todayisafridaynight]

GORGEOUS case bro I've never seen one with a continuous design like that and the embossment itself is so tasteful... always happy to see Mr. Dunkulous too <3

ALSO AYO YOU WATCHED MONDAY? How was it? Either way you're almost done with the Sabu Tsutsumi catalogue then... that's epic... I'm glad you liked Destiny too, it really is such a cute movie

Also I'm pretty sure PS4 preloads are open too BUT I'm still salty Xbox gets it a day early </3

Its one of the first designs i ran into while looking up wallet cases LMAO lucky me me thinks…. Its very pretty <3 mr dunkulous here to stay and keep me company lest i totally lose my mind <3<3

AND I DID i mentioned so durin stream yesterday ! i REALLY loved it, sabu keeps putting ttm in terrible situations and it makes me giddy seeing him panic 🥰 AND DESTINY WAS ADORABLE it was so cute….. really wholesome and what my soul needed….

OH PS4 PRELOADS OPEN ? Ill check it out when i get home later……. Why does xbox get it a day early thats rude me thinks…..

#snap chats #cancelling a post i was gonna make to bitch in the tags of this one <3 #anyway on this day this monday we remember the words of our king ryuji goda #A Real Man Oughta Be A Little Stupid DO YALL WANNA KNOW HOW MAD I AM. #HOW I JUST SPENT A FRACTION OF MY FOOD MONEY ON A STUPID CARD #WHEN MY FUCKING ID WAS UNDEE MY TABLET. CAN YOU IMAGINE MY RAGE. MY ANGER. #I TORE UP MY ROOM ALL WEEKEND BUT NEVER THOUGHT TO CHECK UNDER MY FUCKIN TABLET #its a lilfunny….. im tryna make the most of it ok GODAMMIT IM SO MAD THO I CANT #$20 is like $5 in todays society everything is twenty fuckin dollars i cant live like this #at least my deadnames not on my id anymore… and it doesnt look like its falling apart ig… #STILL HAVE THIS TERRIBLE PHOTO AND ID RATHER BE DEADNAMES AND HAVE $20 THAN NOT HAVE $20 #NO ONE TALK TO ME ANYWAY kinda funny. hang on. #at least i dont have to get a new sticker… i just scalpe the old one from my oher card.. lol… knife came in handy… #was leaving to Waste Twenty Dollars when i ran into one of my roommate’s boyfriend for the ninth time this semester #and we both clamber into the elevator and he like ‘ive seen you a lot lol so uhh whats your name :)’ #and the struggle i had… do i say Aforementioned Dead Name do i say my Thinking Of Changing First Name do i say Last Name…. #the safe answer is always last name so thats what i did but god i floundered..i stared at him for a second longer than i shouldve #today sucks. at least i dont have a night class today… #i’d stream y0 but streams dont go well when i stream them at 5 #plus i have to work on a comm… ouugg lemme cap it here before i rant for thirty tags straight LMAO #anyway. love my new case. destiny was cute. angry jealous frog ttms funny and sad at the same time. monday made me giggle 🥴 #this was a good post to make while making sure my cars battery didnt die LMAO ok bye <3

[ctrl-alt-bucky]

Guess who's alive!

That's right, it's your friendly neighborhood mcu textpost dude! A lot has changed since I last logged onto this hellsite of a platform almost 4 years ago yikes. I have no clue how this account still manages to gain notes and followers, so to those who are still around (or new), here's an introduction of who I am and what I plan to do with this account:

First things first, hi i'm Myles :3 I'm a 20 yr old queer/trans guy, ex fanfic writer, retired marvel textpost creator, masked men enthusiast, and after all these years, yes I'm still a Stucky simp 😪 I also have a boyfriend!! If you see tags from years ago detailing my yearning for a partner, no you don't :]

My current hyperfixation is Ghost and König from Call of Duty so probably expect a lot of that here + the occasional Stucky/Bucky/Winter Soldier post and maybe some other interests if I feel like it. I haven't written fanfiction in forever but if that changes, I'll use #Iwroteathing as a tag! If you want to read anything I've written in the past, my Ao3 is BetweenTheStars

If you're a minor, racist, lgbt+phobe, conservative/right wing, ED/SH blog, please Do Not Interact with me. I use the block button often and have 0 intentions to respond to dms atm.

Anyways, thanks for reading! I'm glad to be back! Here's a bonus vid of my snail Meep :]

#i forgot how to format tumblr posts lmao #intro post #introductory post #introducing myself #do tags even work the same anymore #okay but if you remember my account from back in its peak you deserve a veteran badge #marvel unrelated #gonna add tags related to my interests to find more peeps dont mind me #simon ghost riley #simon riley #cod ghost #stucky #mcu #snail #snailblr

[bo0zey]

raaawwerrrrrr hehehe uwu ::)))) lol teehee!!! weewooweewoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! xD hahaha :P lolzzzzieeee awoooooooga meowmeow woof hahahahahahahahah :D lol lmao :3 8D

#OMGGGGGGGGGHHH IM SO RANDOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG I AM SO SILLY AND ODD!! HASHTAG DORK ALERTTTT LOLLLLLLLLL #yesterday when i woke up my first thought was i don’t want to be here i should really kms and for a moment it was genuine not passive #it struck me at that moment. how Genuine i meant it and wanted to do it #it was only for a few moments until eventually i glanced over and saw my perscription bottles on the bedside table #and i reminded myself that these thoughts are happening because i hadn’t taken my medicine in a few days i don’t know how long but a few #off and on then off for a few days #im so unwell i hate being so pathetic!!!! stupid stupid stupid everyone else from my nursing school either already took the test Or #they’re studying right now preparing to take the test either way everyone’s gonna be a nurse and i’m not at this rate i haven’t done shit #it’s because i feel hopeless again i feel futureless i know i don’t want to live another few more years i know this it’s a core belief #so searching for jobs for a long term future just seems so pointless to me #but i know my family expect me to do it and i’m going to do it don’t worry i know i’m just a chronic procrastinator i’ve been like this #and i know i can’t live at home forever i know if i truly want to not be here anymore then i have to get my own apartment #somewhere i won’t be found and somewhere ​i’ll be able to die alone without the risk of being found and hospitalized #i won’t fuck up it won’t be an attempt it will be completion and seen through i’ll only have one chance i absolutely cannot fail that #anyways if anyones reading the tags DONT WORRY PLS IM JUST VENTINGGG N BEING DRAMATICCC LOLLLL PLS DONT WASTE UR ENERGY WORRYING!!!!!!!!!!!! #i’m really fine my life is fine i have nothing to complain about i just am an annoying whiny crybaby who can’t suck it up and grow up #everyone has to grow up and be an adult nobody wants to work but we have to #except i don’t jsut not want to work i want to Genuinely not be Alive lollllllllll #darn! how do i get over such a silly little hump! a bump in the road! #i’ve been an adult since i was the age of a child i can’t remember exactly when my role in life switched but i know it was sooner #sooner than a child is supposed to grow up #i’ve been an adult for so long no wonder i’m so tired i already grew up i don’t have the energy to live as an adult anymore #my mind n body are tired. i wish the world would just stop asking anything of me. #i have nothing left to give anyone only rage and sadness so i just want everyone to stay away so i don’t hurt anyone anymore #ramblings #🤣🤣🥸🥸🥸🤓🤓🤪🤪😝😂😂🤣🤣🤩🤩🫢🫢🤭🤭🤔🤔😲😲🥴🥴🤠🤠🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡😺😺😽😽😺😺😼😼😸🙀🙀😹😹😹

[scalpelsister]

.

#posting here to explain my jinx posting without like. venting in some poor gif makers tags #but basically. goodbye by ramsey came on in my mix and that reminded me of my ex qpp / childhood best friend #and how the day before my birthday marks. 8 months. of not having her around and in my life #like to give context: we met in kindergarten. we where like. 5 lol. #like we where very close for 16 years #/I do not really remember being a person without her at my side/ #and ive been doing the thing I do where I dont really unpack things? like I had my little heart break when it happened obviously but #I then was like. well ok no more crying lets get on with it #and i am just starting to realize that I have not been getting on with it and also that this is perhaps going to be a bit hard to unpack #and come back from #and i am also wondering if this isnt having fun exciting new bad consequences on my social skills #and how i am interacting with. literally everyone. #like literally if you know me right now I am so sorry holy shit lmao #i also do not have any support group anymore. like this is not me asking for one from internet strangers its just uh #a bit worrisome that I have no therapist no very close friend no parental figure or family member who can fill those roles for me #like my dad financially helps me and I am grateful but I havent seen him sober in weeks. months even. and also he is only interested in the #woman he met. he literally probably spends more time with her kids #than he does with me #and theyve been dating for less than a month #with his last gf he literally was constantly going on about her kid like it was his kid and i was a work friend #like cool just say you dont love me and would kick me out if you had the heart to next time actually. #so yeah im having a really good good fun normal time right now :) #my post

[ace-with--a-mace]

i think ive been in a constant state of melancholy

#or im losing my mind #idk i was 'normal' for like 3 weeks i was functioning making shit doing work girlbossing if you will #and i was driving yesterday and i keep breaking cuz i see people everywhere just crossing the street and shit without a care #and my mom lept getting mad at me cuz allegedly there was nobody there #so im like hm. even tho its fl ppl in my area have sense so i know what im seeing isnt real so its whtvr ill manage #and then im driving but i cant focus cuz my head is yelling st me to swerve and drive through buildings or swerve off the road cuz #“if u dont now then something much worse will hit you later and itll be fatal” so i went home. and now i just have a pit of dread or sadness #or nostalgia or whtvr #the pit is unrelated to the thoughts and shit. i think its always been there and im jusg aware of it #like yknow how ur always breathing but it becomes manual when ur aware? ya. but it hurts #my throat feels like its closing up my chest and stomach is heavy im crying somethn js happening idk what #it could b nostalgia cuz im thinking ab my friends j dont talk to anymore. could be dread ab my future cuz j lowk donr have a plan #could b melancholy (a word ive been looking for for forever and just remembered) could be some type of panic/anxiety attack #idk. idk idk idk #l speaks #shut up l #ranting in the tags because i can #but its 2 am i gotta b up at 9 for mass so hopefully i can sleep off whatever this js #i am going to pretend its nothint serious because i like to drive i love driving and i am normal and i cant afford shit going wrong now.

[somethingtardisblue]

.

#having a little vent in the tags #will probably delete this tomorrow if i remember #but its nearly 2am and i cant stop crying #theres just so much to do with the research project #and then i have to revise for four exams too #i know its just two months left but i have no idea how im going to cope #its so hard to do work when i can barely get out of bed every day #and i hate being all on my own #i don't want to be at uni anymore i just want to go home #at least at home i can do stuff to help mum and i feel like i matter #at home i have my family and we're all going through this together #here theres just me and i can't cope on my own #i dont know what to do #i just dont want to let mum down