#i dont think i quite get how i can achieve that kind of relationship with others

[mocksyoucondescendingly]

rrrrrrrrr hell feeling

#not hell feeling. weird feeling badness… #i don’t know how to be polyamorous #i dont think i quite get how i can achieve that kind of relationship with others #like! how do you bring that up!! especially to a non queer individual #sure okay i’m in love with this one guy. and i think an open/poly relationship would be a good fit for us #but thats not really on the table atm. but it’s still smth holding me down #and then there’s this gorgeous woman.but she’s like. cishet. and she’s already got some young children #and im like. i want to enter a partnership with you. but i don’t know how to explain my feelings #because they’ll always belong to him. but they also belong to her. and… #idk. if it’s this easy for these two people to tumble into my life and mess me up inside #then there will probably be more before i’m even 50 #and then i start feeling so conflicted

[redredemptions]

bit of bg3 spoilers ahead so you decide if you proceed or not lol. minors dni pls

actually a shame how raphael is actually such a complex character but everyone gonna be like HAHA WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM HES BAD IN BED HE ONLY WANTS HIMSELF TOO XDD

personally? i really like how he’s written. (before i will get jumped on, obviously i DO NOT condone the shit he’s done. i do want to punch him sometimes ngl.) honestly my fav part about him is that he is rather interested in tav for someone that has so many statues and pictures of himself👀 you cannot tell me there is not any interest, i think we know that our tav/durge might be the most fascinating (;)) client he’s had in all of his centuries. yes we might be just a tool for him bc we get him his crown which is his heart desire. also i cannot stop thinking about that scene in act 2 in last light inn where he tells you THAT HE LITERALLY THINKS OF YOU honestly? i wouldn’t doubt that, smarmy as he might be. can we talk about the “I’ve grown quite fond of you, you know, in my way” hello???????

moving on to more imporant matters: can we speak about how he’s actually THRIVING knowing how usually nobody gives a fuck about his kind??? my man was like ppl dont love me but who cares but i’ll love myself.

‼️TW FOR ABUSE FOR THE PART IN BRACKETS. ‼️

~

(for those who don’t know, cambions are usually sent into the abyss and they are abused by demons, or sent to the material plane.)

~



consider the relationship with his father too??? imagine having to bargain for power with your father for CENTURIES and he doesn’t care no matter what. still, raphael would do anything to hold the most power known to any kind and to prove himself worthy. he even made the orphic hammer???listen, ambition is specific to cambions, nobody does it like raph though…honestly i find his ambition admirable, as much as i want to punch him sometimes, like i said in the intro of this post. yet we have all his achievements and people will still be like haha bottom that is bad in bed. besides, do we really trust a salty incubus? they are the ONLY character that states their opinion on raph’s performances… 🌚

anyway. these are my thoughts on the matter and this is my the contribution to the raphael nation. i’ve always wanted to join it for a while, so here i am, i just wanted to ramble about him a bit xd this post turned out longer than i expected to but oh well hi. if you made it this far tyvm for taking ur time <3 however if you don’t like my opinions that’s fine you can always scroll further :)

EDIT: i dont have a problem with him being a bottom ofc, nor with the idea that he would be bad in bed. in short for all this blog, i have a problem with people ridiculing him. why would that stuff matter having how complex he actually is?

#bg3 raphael #raphael bg3 #raphael the cambion #raphael baldur’s gate 3

[autisticandroids]

15, 21, 23?

15. something you learned this year

i don't know if i can say i learned a new skill as such. but one thing is like... i really enjoyed making three card stud. and it really opened my eyes to like, how much of what i like about the practice of fanfiction is the meticulous remixing/reinterpretation of canon. there's a way in which the AMV is a more... analytical art form than the fanfic, because you are literally forced by the constraints of the medium to keep to the text. all you have are song lyrics and the kuleshov effect to convince your audience to take the new meaning you intend to convey from stuff already in the show. and i brought that ethos to three card stud even though i did add stuff. in a lot of ways three card stud was just me listing off things from canon i think a lot about and saying eh? eh? like. hoping the context would make it clear *why* this stuff makes me crazy. and i think that was a lot of the motivation behind the fic i'm currently working on, which is about dean and cas getting caught by the police. that fic at this point is mostly lists of things that have happened in spn episodes, placed in a new context by baffled feds and cops. which is the fun part. so like basically i learned that this is really fun, listing off canon facts in a new context

21. most memorable comment/review

so the most memorable traditional comment as such i got was probably this one, on i fold in half so easily (ifihse tends to generate the best comments because it's extremely dark without the ways in which it is dark being obviously flagged. so people are more shocked and more forced to think). "Cas: no officer i am very happy please dont tell dean im emotionally complex" is so funny and true that's literally what happens in that fic.

another top contender is this one, on getting serious, which generates good comments for the same reason ifihse does, though it's a lot less intense.

but in terms of my favorite *response to my work,* it was the breastfeeding anon saga (in chronological order here) which was a response to my fic smorgasbord.

and then i wrote a fic based on those anons, and then i got these very funny tags on my fic post:

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

when i tell you about the 120k deanvictor fic which is literally 90k of victor henriksen hunting down a serial killer dean winchester while becoming a little (sexually) obsessed with him and then 30k of victor knowing about the supernatural and moonlighting as a hunter while he and dean suck each others dicks so much.

and also it's about victor's relationship with his two ex wives and his former stepdaughter who he is still emotionally a parent to even though they have no legal relationship and the coworker he had an emotional affair with who he doesn't speak to anymore and how he feels trapped in his life and his job and dean represents this escape for him this total freedom. just living in his car on the road and not having to worry about what your boss thinks or needing to quit smoking. while for dean victor represents this stability and adulthood dean can never achieve. and dean leaves three spare pairs of underwear in victor's divorcé bachelor pad as a kind of little... fantasy. of what life could be like.

anyway the most compelling scene from that, IN MY MIND, is a scene where victor STILL thinks dean is a serial killer. and now he has him in custody. and against his will he's... charmed. by dean. because dean is charming and pathetic, shaking and sweating from mild alcohol withdrawal but still cracking jokes and being friendly and observant and extremely young-feeling, for 28. and earnest in a way he didn't expect. and they're forced to work together against a demon siege, a spin on jus in bello where victor still doesn't find out about the supernatural he's just protecting himself and a prisoner from a threat. and he has the uncomfortable realization that he's attracted to dean winchester (serial killer) (guy he is trying to take down) (has killed so so many people). and he's like well. we can table that for later. and then dean escapes.

so i've been trying to figure out a way to scoop out just that scene and turn it into its own fic because that's actually manageable for me.

the dean and cas pursued by the cops idea also comes a bit from frustration that i can't write this, though the feds in that one are ocs bc it's later.

from here

#spn #asks #sketcheun

[irrigos]

this is only tangentially related to fl, but ive been thinking a lot about the genre of historical fiction where nobody is prejudiced ever (or if they are, it's in ways that aren't real, like being prejudiced against rubberies but not people of color, or are no longer relevant, like people in fl still being anti-catholic but not antisemitic. as far as we know anyway)

it's... interesting. it definitely has its pros, and i see why people would want to craft that kind of world to play in, but i also think it's worth acknowledging the downsides, too. also this post is really long but i couldn't find a good place to stick a readmore. look at my posts, boy

like, i get that nobody wants to write Period Accurate Racism Simulator, both for personal moral reasons (ie "I don't want to write racist texts") and for commercial reasons ("No person of color is going to want to buy Period Accurate Racism Simulator") but also... so much of society is structured around prejudice that historical stuff almost falls apart without it

i was in two Regency-era larps, and both of them were "no prejudice" alt history, one of which had a whole alternate timeline explaining why Britain was a global superpower even though colonialism didn't happen, and the other one... well never quite got around to explaining the worldbuilding. but both were in agreement that Queen Elizabeth I ended sexism forever (and also homophobia and transphobia i guess??)

but like... so much about what is iconic about the regency era (especially in regency romances) is the negotiation with extremely strict social rules, which were, at their core, about controlling women. a woman can't be alone with a man because that's improper! i mean... what if they fuck each other???? But if it's equally valid for this woman to be in a relationship with another woman, then... it would also be improper for her to be alone with other women? okay so she can't ever be alone... but if polyamory is a possibility, then i guess she can't be in groups, either, because they still might all fuck each other!!! so nobody can... ever be around anybody? of course, if we dont view a woman's assumed reproductive capability as a commodity that must be protected and secured, then we don't need to police who she is alone with, but then we remove the stuff that's fun and interesting about Regency romances! At this point, we're just writing regular fiction, but everyone's dresses are really high waisted.

And I mean, if we imagine a Regency era Britain where colonialism flat out did not happen... how are any of these characters this wealthy? How are they still using the products that were made accessible to Britain because of colonialism, like fabrics from India? If there were no colonies, then Britain didn't colonize North America, then there was no Revolutionary War, which means France didn't go into debt FUNDUNG the Revolutionary War, which means it wasn't in the dire financial straits that lead to the French Revolution, which means that Napoleon would not rise to power because of his military service DURING the French Revolution, which means the Napoleonic Wars aren't going to happen, but obviously we're still having the Napoleonic Wars because how are you gonna do Regency Era without its tentpole features, like people achieving upward mobility through exceptional military service against the dreaded Napoleon. And don't even get me started on how the history of Corsica would fit into all this!!!

People made the decisions they made because of the world they lived in, and if you change fundamental aspects of the world they lived in, its absurd to have them make the same decisions.

And on top of that, it actually ends up being kind of limiting for what kinds of stories you can tell. i mean, if no prejudice exists, then you can't have anyone interacting with it, internalizing it, or overcoming it. To have a character that, for example, is concerned about homophobia would be as bizarre in this setting as someone worrying about societal backlash because... idk their favorite color is red instead of blue. Who cares! Do you care? Clap if you care.

I know that's the fantasy some people like engaging with, and that's perfectly fine, but... well, it's not what I like writing.

I think Fallen London splits the difference pretty well- society still exists on the Surface as it always has (more or less), so you can still write characters engaging with it, but having London be it's own little pocket of equality has its own problems. I mean, if London was moved underground and the Masters granted everyone equal rights under the law, then that means no minority has ever campaigned for an expansion of their own rights and succeeded. There was no real Women's Sufferage movement in London, because there was no need. But there were Suffragettes who did cool stuff!! Stuff that might be interesting to engage with, but you can't, because of the setting. You have to overlook the accomplishments of real marginalized people, because the very premise of your story depends on the new government just... deciding to be nice.

Is this a problem that needs fixing? Nah, I don't think so. I think it was good when FBG went to remove some of the #problematic bits of text that still hung around (like changing the description of the Fourth City Airag so it's less... shitty, for example) because that doesn't fit with the tone they're setting. But I think it's fun and interesting to look at the opportunity costs of these decisions!!! im just having fun lol

#long post #one time i was talking to my partner abt how my idea of a good time is taking media apart on my autopsy table to see how they work #and they thought i said my autism table #which is #.... also true #taking fl apart on my autism table because i know how to party

[wulvert]

SQUINTS AT MY DRAFTS SWEATING AFTER READING UR PARAGRAPH AND REALISES IVE MADE SCARLET WORSE its fine though she can be extra deranged as a treat. she deserves it. also the "wants to leave town" part makes me feel so validated in one of my song choices in the paperteeth playlist. (this one if anyones curious https://youtu.be/MPwzFs1BiSw)

I DID GET THE "PAPERTEETH CAST ARE ALL FRIENDS HEHE" PART DOWN THOUGH!! i write them like.

[KELLY TAKING A PHOTO OF HIM AND THE ENSEMBLE] "SELFIE WITH THE BESTIES!!" [SCARLET, AVERY, AND TRISHA'S EYES ALL GLOWING LA CREATURA LIKE HOW CATS EYES DO WITH FLASH ON (example below) WHILE KELLY IS CASUALLY JUST PEACE SIGNING IN THE MIDDLE SMILING]

i love trisha nd kelly nd avery nd scarlet so much. im so weak for the "found family"(?) trope where everyones messed up in their own ways but they have each other in the end. im also very interested in what trisha and kelly are like (their flavor of. trauma?) but that. maybe might be TOO spoilery for u to answer,,,

SCARLET CAN HAVE AN UNDERCUT IF I BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH!! tht reminds me. how does scarlet dye her hair so fast,,,i came up with the goofy headcanon all the dye she uses is like. that temporary party hair dye nd she just drenches her hair in water and its all Gone in Seconds. nd then repeat waskwkdwkdakd

miscellaneous questions!!

-did scarlet/avery/trisha/kelly all go to college at some point? not the. same one obviously. vampire hunting doesnt seem like something u need a degree for but i have a silly headcanon explanation in my head 4 my fanfiction for how kelly knows avery thats just. "avery and kelly were randomly assigned roommates in college and avery could NOT get rid of him"

-do scarlet/avery have prior relationship experience or r they both just two absolutely clueless disasters trying their best

-whatre everyones family's like!! we know a little about avery's entire family being like. #KILLVAMPIRESFOREVER #ONTHATGRIND🔥 but im curious about more like. in depth i guess?? was averys family. Good? ive been writing her like they. weren't but then i realized i actually have no idea how her family treated her. sory this turned into avery its still a general all-character question!! i m just. very normal about her. this question could be very spoilery so pls feel free 2 avoid answering!!!

NOOO its fine she can be worse! i think her avery tolerance qualifies her 4 it. reading back my paragraph i dont think i quite got across how like... abnormal she is

YEAH so trishas trauma flavour is she cannot feel emotions strongly without turning into a giant murderous wolf- kelly hes chillin. hes achieved his goals. happy little guy. insults slide off of him, he has a positive mental attitude.

oh man dw scarlet actuslly wears wigs, she styles them herself its vry impressive 2 avery who cuts her own hair and has never had it turn out even. i dont think even scarlet could cut and dye her hair that fast even with all her free time to practice- & her hair wouldve been fried by now even with the carefullest bleach sesh.

Trisha graduated highschool- kelly & scarlet went to uni (seperately) and avery dropped out of highschool as soon as she turned 16, 2 become a vampire hunter- you only need a license to do it as a hobby but u can also be employed as one which avery scarlet kelly are, trisha is unemployed. avery joined the lumber co at the same time kelly did- avery has to kind of make sure. he doesnt die. he did stick to her but avery eventually did start 2 appreciate his friendship. avery, despite everything is like insanely good at killing vampires, kelly joined on a whim and sucks. scarlet joined bc it pays pretty well, but she was pretty averagely skilled at it.

do avery/scarlet have previous relationship experience is a good question i absolutely cannot decide at all- i rly go back and forth on how pathetic either of them were before becoming vampires. sometimes i think scarlets probs had a few relationships b4, and for avery its like. shes shy. she would only date someone if they confessed first. and so would scarlet. which is an issue. either way for scarlet she hasnt been in a relationship for years and avery is avery.

no for sure averys family sucks, she has 11 brothers, shes the youngest child, they were all raised to be vampire hunters, the only one who didnt turn out to be one is estranged. they would absolutely kill her if they found out and would fight abt who gets to be the one to do it. avery is actually pretty close with the estranged brother though. they do get together at like, christmas but outside of that they dont rly talk much as a family

Scarlets family is nice i made a post abt them before, she knows they would still love her despite the vampire thing but shes too embarassed and scared 2 tell them, so shes distanced herself from them as well, they worry a lot.

kelly im ngl he just spawned into existence. i imagine his family r like clones of him

trishas family is a whole thing, her dad is avscrletkellys boss so theres that

did i miss anything? i usually wait to answer things ik r gonna be long on a computer but im on my phone and i wanted to talk abt my creatures right now

also this made me realise averys been a vampire hunter for 10 years which like obvs 16-26 is 10 but i cant do maths.( shes been 1 for the longest out of the three)

#asks

[thetaekookcloset]

I hope you feel better! I wanted to share some non-shippers takes on tkks relationship.

I’ve heard some say that taehyung is jealous of jungkook getting more lines in a song, and that was the reason their relationship becAme strenuous, and therefore distant. They concluded that that was why taehyung was singing with jungkook when he wasnt on the song. Ive gotta say… i dont think i have ever seen taehyung jealous of jungkook’s talents and abilities (and vice versa). One thing that sticks out like a sore thumb to me is whenever, literally whenever, jungkook does something, taehyung has the most fond look on his face. Take for example chris martin telling kook his voice is beautiful, or when jungkook threw the baseball. If he were actually jealous, he wouldnt have that “deeply fond” look on his face. Thats the kind of look i have on my fave when im proud of someone i love.

Others say the reason they’ve drifted apart is because v stole kooks girlfriend. 😭 i have no words for that one. If that were the case, i dont think a 5 minute convo would have solved the problem, but thats just my take. I mean.. if my so-called “friend” stole my partner, i wouldnt be cuddling them the next day or punching their abs😭. Its funny how everyone comes to a different conclusion based on the same content we watch because i never had to watch anything other than bighit content to feel like their relationship was different. It wasnt one specific moment or video for me, i just had this feeling that something was different between them.

I really didnt want to think so because i wasnt big on shipping or anything. Maybe its because i started by watching old content because new bighit content is definitely not the same. Idk, i just notice that new armys are different from old armys. In general, new bts content isnt the same as the old one. The old ones feel more spontaneous, less monitored, and NO im not referring to solely taekook content, but the content *in general*. If you watch the first run episodes or old bangtan bombs, you will understand what i mean. Idk why bighit thinks following the typical idol image, when BTS has literally been the ANTITHESIS of being an “idol” from the very beginning, almost as soon as they achieved mainstream success. If you ever say you miss their old music or if you miss their old content, you would be shamed into oblivion… but like isnt that what bts implied in festa? They werent too keen on their new releases. Lots of old armys got into bts because not only were they really talented despite coming from a small company (back then), but they felt a lot more open with their audience compared to other idols, so it was sad to see how more and more controlled content became.

Lol yeah there are a few non-shipper perspectives that I could see as being real possibilities, but I don’t think there’s any evidence to suggest that Taehyung is jealous of Jungkook’s ability, talent, or limelight, and even less to suggest that one or the other of them stole the other’s girlfriend lmao that’s hilarious to me.  And people say we make things up!

I do agree that there seems to be quite a big difference, across the board, between much older Big Hit content and the content since they started to gain a lot more popularity.  Unfortunately, I think that’s sort of bound to happen in pretty much any situation like that.  The bigger something is, the more profitable it is, the greater the need (or at least, the perceived need) to keep it squeaky clean and as appealing as possible en masse, which means the less real it can be.  It’s like the Mickey Mouse-ification of BTS lol.

It’s too bad, but it’s probably inevitable when something reaches that scale of popularity.

#ask #taekook

[lycheermne]

Day: probably around 90-100

wow, it has been quite a while since i have posted. frankly because i just went on a trip to tennessee without documenting it all on this writing thing am i right.... anyways i have realized that i have been brainrotting a lot recently and not just through twitter, but redownloading instagram has always made me a bit more anxious about things that never really mattered.

for instance, there are these group of people that kind of are the complainers of the group. people who just yap and complain/judge other people when in reality i can tell there is something going on with them if they keep talkin like that. they get me a bit anxious because it shows how two-faced they are with how they approach me one day and how they act another day around me. because i know that if they talk crap with me, then i should already be prepared that they talk crap about me. its just sort of a group i wished that i was on their good side, but then again, they are wildcards in this situation and anything they say might be out of pity or just a better control over what others do. and there are some people in that group that dont really seem to contribute the most (they are there for the ride) but it concerns me because i swear they just seem like they would be greater friends to me if all they werent doing was just complain. but i guess the more i keep thinking of achievements that i have done, it dawns to me that i cant let myself peak in high school and i must continue going into greater heights.

i think ive seen what instagram does to you, that you are catering towards your friends to see that you have an ok life or something like that. wanting to impress, show a media version of yourself, and highlighting good parts of your life (or bad) if you have that trust with others. it gets me a lot more anxious that usual, and i am finally realizing that.

also character development (would you call this character development?) but i am not anxious or worried about this particular group of people would say when 3 months ago, i would be 24/7. i know my place in life now, and on tour it dawned to me how they really act (like pussies, ngl)(thats too much of a strong word, i would say, shame because it really shows how they operate behind doors) it also makes me realize that everything is totally a full circle because they claim that they dont feel like they belonged in our group, which is understandable considering that this person has quite literally a victim complex without actually showing it, but are quite literally doing it to the same person that wants to get along with everybody. anyways there is this couple that i am rooting for heavily, i love them and i hope they are doing there best lol. very lovely couple, i would also love to be in a relationship where it always has just been best friends all along.

yea i am probably just going to stop using twitter and instagram for now, 5 day challenge lol.

[0thsense]

28 9 2022

sigh. there is a 50% chance this is my last post on the blog. yesterday i felt very depressed in bed and i resolved to make a blog to write and vent, but today i randomly feel better. is it because i internalized what i thought about yesterday? i was feeling unhappy because my friend ned did not seem to be as happy to spend time with me. we were at one point comfortable and happy sharing our true thoughts but now i feel a sense of distance. it only makes sense because we live in different places for many years now but i cant help but feel there is more to it. our different stages in life with my degeneration while he is in a happy relationship and pursuing early retirement. i cant help but feel that maybe he just doesnt find as much value in our relationship anymore, while maybe im clinging on to my past glory. he seemed to value martin's company more because martin keeps up with the latest gossip from a variety of friend groups and perhaps i cant even offer anything more interesting than that anymore to ned. writing this is making me feel depressed again. i keep thinking about all the opportunities that ive missed and im already 27 now. i was telling martin on the subway back to our hotel how i read somewhere that your mental peak is at 25, and its just downhill from there. i tried to pretend and believe that i didn't let that change how i act, as martin annoyingly took the obvious position of 'oh are you going to just give up because of that', but i do think about it quite a bit. i dont have much time left, and worse yet i didnt realize how little time i have as ive squandered the past few years. i poured so much time into getting good at these games i dont want to mention, and achieved the goals i set. the only problem being that the goals were a proxy for actually being able to achieve the real goals i actually care about, and i still cannot achieve those real goals. i wonder if anybody other than me will ever read this. i hope that some random person finds this and finds it interesting enough to read and share. i dont think i will share this to anyone i know unless in time i become someone who can look back on this and laugh. that seems currently unlikely. today i met jarvis's friends. im not thinking of names for them because i dont think they will be recurring characters. i still struggle with meeting new people, i dont think the depressed state i am in helps very much for that. i probably came off as not shy but a little weird, which i guess is pretty accurate. i just wish i could make connections more easily, everything i do still feels forced, just like how its felt my whole life. it makes me worry about meeting a romantic partner. i used to think that if i could just show someone my true self i wouldnt have trouble finding a partner, but now im unsure of even that. ive lost a lot of confidence in my true self, and i also think my true self has truly become less compelling. im in a bit of a rut i suppose. if i start thinking all of these things every day i might do it. that felt forced to write but this blog is supposed to be a stream of consciousness so i should not hold back, though im probably just thinking it because its my first day writing this blog. i wonder if i should include mundane things like wow i scrolled up and this is a giant wall of text. probably not because it doesnt add anything and this is already getting very long. this might be the most words ive written in a single day since like my last essay in college, like more than 5 years ago. thats very sad to think about. my friend yan just posted that he will come home for 2-3 weeks for christmas. im very excited to hang out with yan again, but i have a small fear that he will treat me like ned. that would make me really sad. im kind of supposed to plan something important during those 2-3 weeks for the toddpole friend group, but its unclear and messy and it stresses me out a bit to think about it. i hope it works out, i think i can do it. of course no matter how well i do it i will get made fun of for it but thats just how it is.LIMIT

[time-is-an-allusion]

.

okay so I am really entertaining thoughts abt transplanting Ford from his world to mine...I’m imagining it basically being my life as it is now but if (an obviously AU version of him) were in it. 

in the AU i have, he spent a lot of time going to punk(-adjacent) shows both when he was younger and after a certain point in his recovery. so did I during the latter half of my drug addict years. i’m imagining we met at one of those. he liked my “colorless green ideas sleep furiously” patch because he likes linguistics. we become friends after that.

we’re Addict Friends for a while bc he’s still an alcoholic and i was still a pill addict, but our relationship is never toxic except in the way that any relationship is toxic if there’s any aspect of enabling in it (i mean we never hurt each other). in fact, we end up using less around each other because we find we both enjoy each other’s presence on a clearer head.

i’m toying with ideas about what happened to him during the pandemic. maybe he gets clean over quarantine (as is a thing I’ve read a number of recovering addicts on Reddit saying they did). maybe he got worse. realistically he would have gotten worse. 

either way, he re-enters my life during the part where I’m having my brief little problem with alcohol, reaching out to me to basically say “hey dont do that i know from experience that u rly dont want to do that” (i imagine him shortening words and omitting punctuation except where he absolutely can’t). and unlike i did with literally anyone else, i actually listen to him bc he’s the only one who says anything who’s speaking from experience.

if he’s clean by this point, we start talking about Not Doing Harmful Substances Anymore. we’ve both figured out doing weed instead of pills/alcohol and in this AU, he (instead of a Person I’m Not Friends With Anymore) is the one who gives me a place away from the guy I was living with who was Driving Me To Drink. 

if he’s not clean yet, he tells me how he’s been doing wrt his addiction. he tells me he’s impressed with me and that me quitting d.ph is inspiring to him. he asks me about how i cope and i tell him. i assure him that, if he ever decides to get clean, i’ll be there for him and he can talk about everything with me.  

he’s the first to point out to me that it’s an achievement that i was able to quit at the drop of a hat (as i did) and gets me to recognize my recovery much sooner than I did in real life. 

i would answer the question of what he and i were doing after that part of my life, but it would require me to bring in real people from my life and imagine how they’d interact with Ford and...it just feels weird to involve real people in my imaginary scenarios without their knowledge and i feel weird asking. i mean imagining it at length. i can imagine general things though like him asking my brother what helps me when I’m having that Really Bad Anxiety that I started having around that time. at the very least, he wouldn’t be like my ex and tell my family that it was “hard to relate to [me]” with what i was experiencing. like of course he wouldn’t relate but he wouldn’t have to fucking say anything about it. i  can’t relate to him a lot of the time, but i don’t feel the need to point that out.

and obviously This would be the part of the story where we fall in love (maybe we were kinda low-key in love with each other while i was with my ex but obviously didn’t say anything at the time). i feel like, if this were real life and i had known someone that well for that long and they approached me romantically at this time, i would be in a position to say yes. now, i haven’t known anybody that well for that long who would romantically approach me, but if they did. well, if i turned them down, my reasoning would be something other than “this is the wrong time”. i think enough time has passed between the breakup and now that it could be healthy in reality, so i choose to imagine it in fantasy.

honestly? i kind of love all this.

#txt #i censored the name of the drug bc everyone from my main blog knows i did it and they might look it up and find This #drugs / #addiction / #alcohol / #alcoholism / #hyperpersonal imagines #addiction imagines #recovery imagines

[maschotch]

I also don't feel like Fisher King let her recognize that Hotch is just some guy. There is a shift in how she views him but its not quite there yet. She doesn't see him as the hero anymore "you got me shot" she's blaming him. There is a crisis but the paradigm hasn't shifted yet but it's starting to. She could have blamed Gideon but he had already messed up before the pilot, he's human. So its easier to see he is a person capable of mistakes. Elle saw Hotch's humanity but not his mistakes.

i looooove that she blames hotch akjsdhglsjd bc i dont think it even matters what hotch could’ve done?? elle just.. has all this unprocessed anger that needs a target. the fisher king was dead  by the time she woke up. that part of her grief, that kind of closure, is over and done with before she’s even really aware of what happened.

she’s stuck in a limbo in the months she’s away—disconnected from the team that’s supposed to be her family—and didn’t have the opportunity to heal before coming back. so she’s just.. sitting with it. and all this negativity festers in the pit of her stomach. it’s regret, it’s sorrow, it’s hate, it’s everything she hasn’t dealt with since the attack. elle’s not really one for self pity and if she can’t do anything healthy with it, all those negative emotions come out as anger. resentment. she externalizes it, and hotch just happens to be the one she chooses.

i think it’s interesting that it’s hotch and not gideon that she’s mad at. i think part of that has to do with her actual relationship with gideon: he may be a little odd, but in the end he always pulls through. he hasn’t failed her yet (which i think is why it’s so important she only meets him after the bombing pre-season one). hotch is capable, but he doesn’t have that almost mystical quality gideon seems to have as he makes intuitive leaps and connections that none of them can hope to achieve. gideon is the infallible one in her mind (spencer and derek, meanwhile, were there for the bombing—they know that, when it comes down to it, hotch is the reliable one). part of it also is the way that gideon neatly avoids responsibility for his mistakes. again, a lot of this has to do with his own unaddressed trauma, but it’s a stark contrast to the way hotch blames himself for everything—including elle’s attack. 

elle knows it’s not really hotch’s fault. she knows that he was just trying to look out for her by telling her to get some rest. but… if it wasn’t his fault, whose was it? the fisher king, but he’s dead and gone—not a suitable outlet. she needs someone real, she needs someone flesh and blood right in front of her to funnel her anger. hotch, intentionally or not, volunteers. and they go too long without addressing it that, before they realize it, this wedge has become an irreparable chasm between the two of them.

#like... idk the way that she projects onto hotch/gideon is very different from the way morgan/reid do #to her gideon is the one who can do no wrong #hotch... he's more of an older brother figure #like. dad gideon is mysterious and all-knowing. brother hotch is the hero.. a human.. but a hero nonetheless #they confide in each other about certain things but there's a separation they both feel/maintain even before the fisher king #and like.. that was fine. theyre fine #but she was vulnerable w him in a different way.... #'i dont want to end up like that guy' and all the other insecurities she had... she'd never tell gideon those things #i dont even think she would tell morgan or reid #but hotch is the one she trusted for advice.. trusted to look out for her.. to protect her #and he failed #idkidkidkidk #asks #elle greenaway #aaron hotchner #2x01 #2x02 #2x05 #2x06 #ANYWAY. #lots of thoughts about them always #GOD just realize this is gonna bring me that much closer to the photo limit smh no more pics in asks askjdhlfgajk

[fishfem]

Do you have any advice for telling a man to stop something? My boyfriend of four years causally calls everyone a cunt or a bitch and when I ask him to stop calling me that he says whatever or he calls everyone that so it doesn’t mean anything. It’s partly my fault for not telling him to stop it when we first got together but I had just been in an abusive relationship and assumed it was normal. Recently I’m realizing he shouldn’t call me names or call me stupid so I’m trying to convince him to stop but he always says it’s a joke or brushes it off. I wanna stay with him because i love him and no one else could really deal with me because of my past and the amount of trauma baggage I have.

i'm so sorry youre dealing with this anon.

This is a tough situation. Firstly, it's not your fault. He's the one choosing to say slurs and ignore your discomfort. That is not your fault. It is not your fault that you were initially afraid to say something. It doesnt make it right that he's doing it or less gross.

Truthfully, there is not much advice I can give since I dont know you two. I am sorry.

As it is, your bf gives me a lot of red flags, and I understand you said you dont want to leave and you do not have to, but I do hope you read the following still.

How soon did you get in a relationship with your boyfriend? The fact that you were afraid to say something until now, to me, implies it was pretty close. That worries me because people are extremely vulnerable after leaving abuse. Especislly romantic relationships as someone often will try to get in a new relationship quickly which can leave them less likely or able to screen for quality in their partners. I'm not saying your boyfriend is horrible and actively targeted you for this or that this is what happened, but I do think its important to be aware of that imbalance in power.

Secondly, his absolute lack of care for your comfort and dismissal of you is concerning. If your close friend, who know yknow had been abused before you met, came up to you and finally commented on something youve slways said and saying it makes them uncomfortable, would you just shrug them off like this? knowing it is something that has likely bothered them since the beginning, but theyve finally healed enough to say something?

Another red flsg is the fact that he calls you names and calls you stupid. You sort of mentioned this then passed on and I think it definitely is related to the fact that you only recently realized you deserve to be treated better, but its just that— you deserve to be treated better, and he shouldnt be treating you that way.

i wonder if he knows you view him as your last chance and the only once accepting of you. because to be quite frank, that is very useful to him. it lets him know he could do anything and you wouldnt leave.

all these things together, for me, paint a concerning image. best case scenario, hes unintentionally taking advantage of the trauma mentality and behavior you got from abuse and is just kind of a very inconsiderate person.

i want you to know; he is not your only option, whether its worst case scenario or not. there ARE others who would "deal with you". trust me, he does... not sound like anything special. but also; you dont need to be in a romantic relationship. i know that feels like it means you have to be alone, but it doesnt. you can develop a loving group of friends. you can enrich your own life. romantic partners are not the end all be all, and it is better to be single than to be partnered and unhappy. for women especially, this is literally statistically true. i know it may feel like that life isnt something you can achieve for yourself, that while others could do it you couldnt be happy like that— but you really probably could. it just takes time and persistence. and it really is rewarding. i know some older lesbians who dont have partners whether due to never finding someone, losing someone, ending a relationship, etc, and theyve been single for decades— but they are the happiest women ive ever seen.

the most important thing to remember with relationships is youll always be under their power whether theyd like it or not if you dont believe youre able to survive on your own. society encourages this in women, and abused women often really struggle with it.

.

now i understand if youre not ready or willing to face any of that. but please remember you have worth and your boyfriend should be listening to you, and it is not your fault. im sorry i dont have better advice for you given the ambiguity.

#asks

[loycos]

a few thoughts about bubbline i just felt like listing

- i find it very interesting how the canonization (thats a word, im sure it is) of their relationship didn’t actually mark the beginning of it, nor did it mark the rekindling of it. in universe, for them, it was just a casual kiss between girlfriends, it was... kind of insignificant. but for audiences watching it, it changed everything. usually when The Big Kiss trope happens, whether between straight or gay relationships, it’s the beginning of the relationship. in this case it was just proving something observative viewers already knew.

- its amazing that despite showing so little on screen, its actually quite clear when PB and Marcy started dating again- after the ending of Stakes. it’s both brilliant and infuriating as an audience to realize such a huge plot point happened off screen. they changed relationship status and we werent there to see it! I, for once, dont mind it. i found that usually fans fill voids like this better than what the staff (especially under the restrictions of a cooperation) can achieve.

- as an lgbt+er myself, and one who is very into reading subtext in media and filling the empty spaces it leaves, it was already clear from ‘What Was Missing’ that this relationship had obvious queer undertones (thank you mrs Sugar) but i could see why straight casual viewers missed the ques and therefore dismissed the relationship as merely platonic. however, ever since Stakes, it’s been getting harder (and funnier) to understand their view. like at that point you have to take things the show presents to you at such face value that i have to wonder if they even got anything out of watching a sophisticated show such as adventure time to begin with.

- a very clear case of “meaningful subtext and subliminal messaging” and NOT queerbaiting. not being able to rely on obvious romantic tropes really made them built a deeper connection between the girls, one that is far more convincing and engaging than most straight couples. but the kiss definitely mattered. it wouldnt have felt as triumphant without it. beyond the huge impact it had on normalizing LGBT+ content in children’s media, it rewards you as a viewer for reading between the lines and coming to logical conclusions (like shows with good writing do).

- while i understand the frustration of fellow gays at the ever growing “gays at the last second” trend, i don’t think this should be counted alongside other examples of it. 1, this one is a titan of a show- older and far more popular worldwide (especially in its early seasons), that debuted the whole Bubbline subtext way before the rest of the industry even dipped their toes in it (i know there are more examples but never this clear, this intentional, and this not-debunked by their creators), thank you again mrs Sugar. 2, even without a clear cut confirmation, we’ve seen their relationship! for 90% of their appearances they were already romantically linked somehow (whether its as exes or girlfriends). the last episode just gave us new lances (or just re-enforced the same lances) to examine the interactions we’ve already seen.

- in my opinion, non canon ships are better than canon ones. Bubbline is a canon ship, but its been piloting as a non canon one for so long that it feels more like the latter, in the best possible way.

- all of this being said, i can’t wait for Obsidian! now that the cat is out of the bag, i wonder how they’ll build upon this relationship even further.

#bubbline #rant #long post

[hurricaneonanesthesia]

Fluff Alphabet (Mammon)

@pzlqpibz said: Please can i have one full alphabet on mammon ? 🥺🥺 Love you, take care of you !!!!!!😚😚😚

Hi! I hope that you don’t mind that i’m tagging you. But anyways here is a full fluff alphabet for tsun tsun baby mammon :)))) ~Admin Hurricane

A - Activities; How do they like to spend time with you?

He likes taking you out to buy stuff despite him not being able to afford a lot of things lol. And if he can, he also likes taking you to his shoots so you can see him going all out with different outfits and such.

B - Beauty; What do they admire/find beautiful about you?

He rlly likes your hair and just playing around with it. He also thinks it’s rlly cute when you’re studying together and your face scrunches up while you try and figure out what the answer is. He’ll just kinda stare at you longingly and then when you catch him, he’ll turn away panicked and blushy lmao.

C - Comfort; How would they help you if you felt down/were having a panic attack?

He’d also panic because at first he wouldn’t quite know what to do, but then he would just pull you into a hug cause he wouldn’t rlly know what else to say. 

D - Dreams; How do they picture their future with you?

At first, he thought that it was a one sided thing, so all he could rlly see is you with one of his brothers and not him. But then after you got together, he could see it as something that could work out. Being the avatar of Greed, everything used to be just about him, him, him, but then you came into the picture and all of that was thrown out the window. 

E - Equal; Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He gives off dom vibes, but rlly he’s the more passive one lmao

F - Fighting; Would it be easy for them to forgive you? How do you fight?

It would probably be something along the lines of: Mammon: grrrr you idiot human, I’ll never forgive you! *five minutes later* Mammon: nooooo MC come back dont hang out with my stupid brothers.

G - Gratitude; How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what you’re doing for them?

He acts like he isn’t but really, he is, he’ll just never admit it.

H - Honesty; Do they have any secrets that they hide from you? Or do they share everything?

He gets into a lot of trouble with the witches and he doesn’t want to get you involved. But since he’s a terrible liar you still find out anyways.

I - Inspiration; Did you change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You did! You helped him with his relationship with his brothers. 

J - Jealousy; Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Oh boy, he’s a tsundere for a reason lol. If he wasn’t the avatar of Greed, he’d be the avatar of Jealousy lmao.  

K - Kiss; Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

I like to imagine that he’s a rlly good kisser dshfbsffdbsh. The first kiss was most likely pretty rushed and a spur of the moment type of thing, where he literally goes “cause i love you idiot,” then proceeds to kiss him.

L - Love Confession; How would they confess to you?

If you’ve seen lesson 20, you know ;)

M - Marriage; Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

At the beginning of your relationship, he’s terrified that you’re gonna leave him cause everyone thinks he’s a scumbag, but then later on he really believes that he wants and will get married to you. He’d probably propose by pulling you into a secluded place away from his brothers, maybe the top of the devildom and then ask the question. And mammon, being mammon would want an extravagant wedding lol

N - Nicknames; What do they call you?

Treasure, baby girl, babe, baby, my human

O - On Cloud Nine; What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It’s pretty obvious lol, he’s more blushy and clingy than usual. He doesn’t easily express his feelings cause whenever he sees you, he turns into a stuttering blushy mess. 

P - PDA; Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Oh man, if he could let the entire Devildom know that you’re going out with him, he would do it. His brothers are tired of him constantly bragging and going “mE AnD mC aRE dATiNG”. But he’s a shy blushy baby about PDA in front of everyone else. 

Q - Quirk; Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

I think that mammon would actually be rlly good with kids! He doesn’t seem like it at first but he’s just a big softie for them.

R - Romance; How romantic are they? What would they do to make you happy? Cliché or rather creative? 

He doesn’t act all romantic at first, but he’d try his best to make you happy. Something catches your eye? He goes out of his way to go get it for you later. 

S - Support; Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He’s supportive of whatever you want, he believes that you can achieve anything you set your mind to. 

T - Thrill; Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He prefers to follow a routine. 

U - Understanding; How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

When the two of you start dating, he knows you pretty well. He doesn’t show it but he’s pretty empathetic. 

V - Value; How important is the relationship to them? What is it worth in comparison to other things in their life?

This relationship is vvvvvvvvvvvvvv important to him. He’s never had anything like this because he’s constantly being put down by his brothers and he wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

W - Wild Card; A random Fluff Headcanon.

When the two of you wake up in the morning and you’re trying to get up, he’ll just pull you back unexpectedly and cuddle longer, refusing to let you go.

X - XOXO; Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

In public, he’s a blushy baby, but in private be prepared to have this boi be stuck to your side like glue. He won’t let you go. You probably have to initiate the cuddling first tho.

Y - Yearning; How will they cope when they’re missing their partner? 

Oh man, if you’re gone, he sulks a lot and hides out in his room. He’ll probably just lay on top of his bed scrolling through his gallery looking at pictures of you, or you and him. 

Z - Zeal; Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

If it’s you, he’s willing to try his best and achieve it, even if he acts like he’s uninterested. He really cares about you and wants to ensure your happiness.

Want more of my writing? Be sure to check out my masterlist :)

If you wanna request something, don’t be afraid to send something my way! Thanks for reading and have a lovely day!

#obey me shall we date #obey me #mammon headcanon #shall we date mammon #mammon obey me #mammon x reader #mammon x you #hurricanethedragon #mammon fluff alphabet

[ibelongtowrath]

I am so happy to meet another Satan lover such as I, if you dont mind i have an request where Satan and MC gets a kitten together and they raise it together, GN mc is appreciated, but ignore me if this is to weird :)))))) thanks love your work ❤❤❤💕💕💕

Thank you so much for the request! I hope you love it! I kind of focused a bit on their relationship, so I hope you don’t mind.

Adopting A Kitten With Satan - Satan x GN! Reader

Warnings: references to depression, so much fluff, do I even know how to write fluff?! Reader is gender neutral (no descriptors/pronouns), Satan refers to them as “kitten” a few times.

“You’re serious?!”

Satan laughs, loud and boisterous. He reaches a hand forward to cup your cheek before sliding a finger down the length of your face softly, a grin spreading across his handsome face as he watches your eyes widen in both surprise and disbelief.

“I’m serious,” he tells you. “We will visit the shelter tomorrow.”

You jump from where you’re perched on the bed, practically tackling the demon into a hug as you screech happily. He laughs once more, drinking in your elation, reveling in it. Strong arms wrap around you in a tight embrace, a tear falling from your eye to drip quietly on your cheek. Satan notices, softly stroking the expanse of your back with one hand, moving the other to caress a thumb across your face, catching the small drop on his skin. Lips press softly against the now slightly-wet spot, a reassuring touch, and your eyes close happily, eternally grateful.

“I didn’t think it would be possible to love another being as much as I love you,” Satan murmurs, “but this kitten is going to be a very close second.”

“Mm… what kind of kitten do you think will fall into our laps?” you ask, turning your head to look up at him, a shine in your eye. 

Satan chuckles softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before pulling you into his own lap and running his hands down the sides of your body. You press yourself against him, back to chest, the rhythmic serenity of his heartbeat kissing your skin. 

“Hopefully, one that’s equally adorable as the one that’s in my lap right now,” he teases, pressing featherlight kisses into the back of your neck. “Of that, I’m sure. Though, that might be difficult to achieve...for the actual kitten, that is. Not my otherworldly beauty.”

The laughter that sounds from your beautifully soft lips fills the still quiet of Satan’s bedroom. It rings out like a wind chime in the soft, cool breeze of a summer day, the lilting notes being carried swiftly, drifting to your ears. Satan closes his eyes, reveling in it, relishing every last second until it fades, quietly praying he’ll get to hear it again soon.

“Satan…,” you say suddenly, turning your head to face him. “Thank you. I-... thank you. I’m so excited.”

I need this.

The words didn’t form, didn’t fall from your lips, but Satan knows exactly what you were going to say. He knows why you felt the need to cut them short, though he wishes you didn’t feel the need to hide your emotions.

“For once, you’ll have to thank Lucifer, not me... he finally agreed to lift the kitten ban,” Satan answers, kissing the top of your head and running his fingers through your hair, lightly scratching your scalp. “It was relatively easy...with a hard promise to not have a repeat of the last time, of course.”

“I’m surprised you managed to convince him, even so.” You tilt your head up to press a soft kiss to the underside of his chin. “I’m going to have to check your coat and every single pocket before we leave, though; otherwise I imagine I’m going to hear several suspicious meows coming from questionable places.”

The beautiful sound of your laughter rings out again. Satan squeezes you just a bit harder, burying his head into your hair. It’s a sound he wants to revel in as long as possible, wishing he could manipulate time, expand those beautiful few seconds just a bit longer. With a sharp inhale and another kiss to the top of your head, he pulls back, placing a few fingers under your chin to tilt your shining eyes towards his.

“A very tempting idea, my love,” Satan murmurs against your skin. “But having the privilege of loving and doting on  two  beautifully adorable and cunning kittens is far more than enough for me.” 

A small smile plays on your lips as he gazes into you, lost in the beauty of love, of each other; the kind of look painters and photographers struggle to capture the sheer emotion of. It comes easy for him, for you. No, love is not always butterflies flitting nervously in your stomach, hearts pounding heavily behind chests. It is the comfort of a safe place in their embrace, the anchor holding you down when a storm surges the waters beneath your feet. A sense of overwhelming adoration and affection, knowing you are each other’s peace, serenity,  home .

A few more moments pass and, reluctantly moving his eyes from yours, Satan lifts you off of his lap, placing you into the bed before climbing in next to you and wrapping an arm around you, pulling your head into his chest.

“Come now, darling,” he says, pulling the sheet over you. “Get some rest. I need that pretty little mind and those beautiful, enchanting eyes sharp for our big day tomorrow.”

“Okay,” you giggle, settling against him. 

Satan’s heart beats gently through his chest and your eyelids flutter as you focus on the rhythmic lull, coaxing you to sleep. Soft kisses press into the top of your head, “I love you”-s murmured in a low, soothing voice against your skin. Your eyelids grow heavier, struggling to keep them open, barely managing to whisper a single “I love you, too” before succumbing to the sweet siren song of slumber.

He stays that way for a while, not quite willing yet to drift off. He’s content to simply hold you for a while, stroking your hair. Blue-green eyes study your peaceful features, the softest, most gentle snore sounding from your nose; he smiles softly, heart swelling with adoration, more and more with every beat. 

Was it possible for a heart to burst from too much love? For once, Satan didn’t know the answer, and he didn’t care. If that was his fate, then a happy fate it would be indeed. Every day, it grows with the way you roll over in his bed, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, yawning a good morning greeting. It swells each time you smile, hearing every musical laugh, the flutter of your lashes and the way you blush when he tells you that you’re beautiful. His heart grows each and every day, beating for you, more than he ever thought was possible.

It breaks a little when you cry, face streaked in tears running down your cheeks. It shatters when he sees how helpless you feel, so fragile, so broken. How he wishes he could take the pain from you, seeing the way it bears down on you, the look in your eyes when it all becomes too much. He holds you until the teardrops dry on your face, eyes and cheeks swollen from crying, kissing each one away, until you fall asleep in his embrace, your safe place. His arms are your home, your peace, your serenity.

Amidst another struggle in your battle with an invisible enemy who wreaked its havoc on your mind, Satan’s heart breaks into a million pieces as he watches you endeavor, feeling helpless himself. And so, he ran to Lucifer, despite his own pride, pleading with him to relent on his ban. He knows it won’t instantly heal you, but damn, if he wouldn’t do everything in his power to make it known you are never alone, no matter what evil your mind speaks to you.

Unsure of exactly how much time has passed since you fell asleep, Satan feels his own eyelids grow heavy. Face buried in your hair, so soft, the weight of his lids like stones dragging them down over his eyes, murmuring one last “I love you” against the top of your head before succumbing to the sweetly dark embrace of sleep.

---------

Hearing the kittens before you can even see them, your hands clap excitedly as the shelter guide leads you and Satan into the room. Some sleep, not even stirring when your shriek of excitement echoes throughout, others playing and mewling sweetly, running up towards you and the volunteer. Some pad slowly from across the room, silently observing, hesitant. 

Your eyes take them all in, an overwhelming excitement washing over you. Sinking slowly to your knees, you happily reach a hand out, scratching the nearest kitten to you gently behind the ears: orange and white stripes, sweetly meowing, purring so loudly his small body practically shakes with it. You pick him up and cradle him to your chest, looking up at Satan, eyes filled with adoration.

“I was worried about you leaving here with all the kittens hidden in your pockets,” you laugh, “but I think I should we should be more afraid of me doing that.”

There it is again, the musical chime of your laugh. Satan can’t help but to laugh with you, overcome with unbridled love as he reaches down and ruffles your hair gently. You beam a smile up at him before turning your attention back to the kittens, setting the one in your arms down next to you.

Suddenly, you feel the soft padding of a paw swat at your arm, and you laugh again, looking around to find the culprit. In your lap lays a beautiful black kitten, rich, fluffy coat shining in the light, eyes the color of peridot. Feeling your breath catch in your throat, the kitten presses himself to you, placing his paws on your face gently. The sound of his purrs fill your ears, his small body vibrating. Tears pool at the corners of your eyes as you pick him up, cradling him into your arms and pressing your face to his soft back, the soft rumble of his purring against your cheek. Turning your tear-filled eyes to shine up at Satan, you smile sheepishly up at the demon.

“Oh,  Satan … can we take him home?” you plead, standing slowly, stroking the kitten’s soft fur. “Please?”

“You already know the answer to that, my darling,” Satan chuckles, scratching the little kitten behind his ears. “I’ve already signed the papers.”

Squeezing your eyes shut, tears filled with happiness and gratitude fall, trailing slowly down your cheek and onto the kitten’s fur. He opens his eyes, blinking slowly before settling back into your arms, happily purring away, as though he knows. Satan gently brushes your tears with a thumb, a loving gesture, before pulling you into his arms, kissing the top of your head.  Like a little family . Smiling softly, you kiss the kitten’s head, offering him up to Satan. The demon takes the kitten into his arms, cooing at him, and your own heart swells with happiness and emotion and pure love.

“What should we name him?” you ask, wrapping your arms around Satan.

“Hmm…”

Satan debates a few moments, before smiling cheekily down at you.

"How about Luci?” he chuckles softly. “The perfect way to show our gratitude to my dear older brother, and annoy him at the same time.”

Your laugh rings out again, scooping the kitten into your arms from Satan’s embrace. The demon wraps his arms around you once more, kissing you deeply. His kiss feels like love, excitement, peace, tranquility,  home .

“Come,  kittens ,” Satan beckons with a wink. “Let’s get you to your forever home. There are plenty of kisses and cuddles to be had for the both of you.”

#obey me #obey me satan #satan obey me #obey me fluff #Satan shall we date #satan fluff #obey me fanfiction #obey me fandom #shall we date obey me #obey me shall we date #swd obey me #obey me! #obey me swd

[liquidstar]

something the latest chapter of kaguya-sama made me realize is just how much better all of the characters are doing in their lives now because of their friendships with each other, and i just think thats so sweet.

kaguya herself used to be absolutely miserable and never smile, but then chika made her be her friend and miyuki made her join the student council and over time she became so much more open and happy, you really see just how important all her friends are to her when she’s afraid that she might lose all the pictures of them she’s taken, they absolutely melted this former ice queen’s heart. through the series she gets more and more warm and acts more like a typical happy girl. the ending song for the second season also makes it really obvious that she sees her friends as her happy place, an escape from her terrible home life, she really does love them so much. in the latest chapter she makes it so clear that her friendship with chika is just as important to her as her relationship with miyuki, and that the only reason she didn’t tell her was that she was afraid chika would be mad that she has a new special person in her life, but because chika loves her friend so much she’s nothing but happy to see her finally have more special people in her life too.

and miyuki of course has gotten a lot better when it comes to accepting his flaws and not seeing himself as a failure, he only ever initially drops this facade around chika who becomes sort of like, a mom friend to him, and since a lot of his issues stem from his mom abandoning him its really important for him to see that not everyone will. and later on its much more directly addressed between him and kaguya he becomes much more able to be happy with who he is and not push himself so much or be afraid that people will leave him for not being perfect. not to mention his friendship with ishigami who he actually confides a lot of his issues in, despite the fact that he gets his relationship advice from manga, but the scene of them laying down under the tree and just talking, while very funny, is still a really sweet moment. his relationship with kei is also very big, because thats his sister, but he also sort of fills the role their mother usually would have for her. and though she’s annoyed by it, its really important for her because its implied that when she was with her mom she wasnt exactly treated well, she ran away to be with her father and brother for a reason, and kaguya was the one that actually gave her the strength to do so so it all comes back full circle. 

but chika has her own issues too, she seems like a very simple character, a typical genki girl. but she was a musical prodigy as a child, winning award after award. and yet she was so unhappy with that very ridged life, she had no freedom and all she did was practice. you can see it in her eyes in the flashbacks, despite the praise and trophies her eyes were were so dead and she was so different from the happy carefree chika we know. but then kaguya sort of became the straw that broke the camel’s back that forced her to quit, and it wasnt really out of kindness at first, but their friendship ultimately is what made her become the chika we know, the one who loves to laugh and play, its like she’s making up for lost time and finally getting to be a kid with all her friends. she is very much the gifted child who lost her childhood because of it, but she’s so much happier now. not to mention her friendship with the table-top board game club! its not given as much focus but you can really see her thrive in something she’s truly passionate in now, she loves making games and playing them with her friends!

ishigami’s whole thing can be pretty heavy, its played off as a joke at first but he legitimately is explicitly suicidal, but hes able to get better with the power of friendship. miyuki was very literally portrayed as a light coming into his life when he first enters his room to save him from his isolation. even before that though, miko also helped him, even if he didnt realize it, she was the one that advocated for him not to be held back a year which prompted the student council to look into his case and help him too. he has to get over a lot of his anxieties, at first he’s even afraid of kaguya, but he warms up to her over time too and they develop a pretty sweet relationship with her as his sort of tutor. and very critically, he joins the cheer squad. he actually put himself out there and made “normie” friends and it turns out it wasnt so scary after all. and his crush on tsubame is so important, because she rejects him, but they stay friends. he never once feels like she owes him anything or “friendzoned” him, even if it hurt to be rejected he wanted to be friends. she was really afraid of losing her friend that she loves so much, those feelings of platonic love arent in any way seen as lesser. and she helps him in the end by making sure the school knows that hes actually a nice guy and that means the world to him. theyre still friends and that relationship is important to both of them.

similarly though, ishigami also helped miko before they were even friends without her realizing it. he saw how much she was struggling with the constant bullying and decided to leave her a note to tell her that it gets better, and it was an incredibly important thing that stuck with her for a long time. their entire relationship is defined as “two people who secretly help each other” because theyre both hold such high personal morals that they dont expect good deeds to have to be pointed out or repaid. and then when she ran in the election, miyuki helped her get over her stage fright so people wouldn’t make fun of her anymore, and because he’s such a nice guy he even offered her a seat in the student council where she’d make a bunch of new friends, and despite going through sort of a rough patch she’s still ultimately far more confident than she’s ever been and she’s absolutely ready to become the president next year now, finally achieving her goal. and her relationship with miyuki becomes very sweet as they develop their relationship in the “senpai-kun and kohai-chan” chapters where they just bond as friends, often through her weird emo poetry but he supports her despite being terrified of it. 

hayasaka is one of the most loaded characters in the series despite not being in the student council. the arc that focuses around her is even titled “ai hayasaka’s friends” because they’re what help her out of her situation. since she was a child she was used as a pawn by the shinomiya family, not unlike kaguya herself, and she considers kaguya to be like her precious little sister. but she’s also been manipulated into betraying kaguya by becoming a spy for her abusive family. and the amount of guilt she feels over it is so painful to watch, but she’s too afraid to do anything about it. when kaguya finally finds out, she’s not instantly forgiven, but for the first time in kaguya’s life she wants to forgive someone who betrayed her, and they talk it out, and they can finally become proper friends just like they always both dreamed of. her friendship with miyuki is interesting too, because they have a clash of ideals about not letting your “true self” be seen by people, because they wont love you anymore, and despite miyuki arguing against it, it very much is an idelogy he shared at the time. but when she finally does show her true self she’s loved, and in the valentines chapter she confesses to him, not out of love, but out of friendship. she asks him to be her friend, and her circle of friends just grows from there with all her facaudes dropped.

all of their arcs just play into the greater overall theme of the series, which just comes down to honesty and vulnerability with the people youre close to, the series may be a romance but it places such important emphasis on all its characters relationships and how they can make each other better, its so nice. theyre just friends and they care each other. 

#kaguya-sama #this is half analysis half just me talking abt how lovable the characters are. theyre so nice. theyre friends #i love the trope of friends helping each other i really do. its very much found family in its own right #long post #text heavy

[ronsenburg]

Hi! I wanted to ask you something about Klapollo. What topic/argument do you think could possibly cause them to break up or take a break from the relationship? I live for the drama and was thinking about maybe writing a fic but like I dont want to make either of them assholes, like Apollo bringing Kristoph up to hurt Klavier, for example. I don't think he would do that but I struggle to come up with something else.

Oh boy, I hope you’re not upset about this, but I wrote you an essay. I’m sorry.

Overall, I really like the klapollo relationship timeline because, compared to, say, narumi/su they have a much more normal, organic story. They meet, flirt, share a mutual trauma, get together! Totally normal! But I also think that they would have a much harder time than narumi/su finding the balance you need in a serious relationship and I can see them calling it quits for perfectly practical reasons that aren’t really anything to do with one being a jerk, you know? Here are my top things that I think they would have to navigate and maybe struggle with before a real happily ever after:

1. Money. You’ve probably seen my post where I talk about Apollo feeling uncomfortable with displays of affluence. I don’t think that this is an easy one to get past. AA6 Spoilers, but Dhurke and Datz literally raised them in hiding on the run in the mountainous jungles of Khura’in. They sent Apollo to the states as a nine year old. We don’t know what he did when he got here, but my money’s always been on the foster system. That doesn’t typically breed a sense of stability, financial or otherwise. 

From my experience (so take it with a grain of salt), children who grow up with very little tend to behave in one of two ways when they reach financial stability and/or achieve wealth: first option, they’re really bad with it. They spend it nearly as fast as they make it on things they didn’t get to have or experience when they were growing up. Second option, they never spend it. They know what it’s like to be without, so they save as much of it as they can so they have the security of knowing, if something happens, they won’t have to go back to the way it was before. I will always put Apollo in the latter category. He works hard for what he has and what he gets and, I think, things that signify extravagance make him uncomfortable. On the other hand, I think that the Gavin’s have always had some sort of wealth. Klavier and Kristoph have very different aesthetics to their spaces that we get to experience (Klavier’s office and Kristoph’s cell) but they’re both pretty lavish. Now, we can assume they each made their money individually in their respective careers but, honestly, Kristoph’s cell is so gaudy. To me, it screams “this is what I’m used to and I refuse to accept any less” which is an attitude that I feel comes more from a lifetime of that treatment. 

So if we accept everything that I’ve said above as true, trying to put a person who saves every penny they get and feels bad treating themselves with a person who spends money freely because it’s been a constant throughout their life? It can go poorly. Casually dating, maybe it’s not such an issue once Apollo says “please no more presents and can we just get takeout for once?” but if you’re talking about something more serious, where you have to live in the same space and pay joint bills and be confronted with the other person’s spending habits constantly, it’s a whole other thing. Please take it from me as a person in a long term relationship who loves their partner tremendously—everyone fights about money. Everyone. It would be very difficult for Apollo to feel comfortable, even if he knew that finances were in good shape and there was savings, etc. Things happen, people leave. Nothing gold can stay. Changing that line of thinking takes work. It would also be easier said than done for Klavier to just do an about face on his own habits for Apollo’s comfort. Being a celebrity makes money, but it costs money, too. There is a certain amount of lushness that people expect. That can’t just go away. These are things that become bigger problems overtime, no matter how much you love each other. 

Anyway, I would be really surprised if—even if you’re writing them as really happily married—Apollo doesn’t have a ‘emergency fund’ that even Klavier doesn’t know about. It’s a ‘just in case’. Just in case Klavier leaves him. Just in case he needs to get away fast. Just in case the world ends. It’s not a logical thing, something that he sat down and rationalized doing, it’s just there because it feels better to have it than to not. But that can be kind of hurtful if the other person finds out about it, so. There you go, a whole minefield of money related drama.

2. Apollo’s Abandonment Issues. He’s got them! What do you call and orphan twice over who also lost his very best friend? I don’t know, but if capcom doesn’t stop picking on my boy I’m going to kick them in the teeth. I will still never get over AA6 for telling us that Dhurke took Apollo in when he was orphaned as a baby, then abandoned him in the USA, then came back for him and got his hopes up, and then was actually dead the whole time! Hahahaha! What a trip! 

Anyway, you don’t come back from that super easy. People who suffer this kind of trauma usually have a really hard time trusting others, which is understandable. They also can have unrealistic needs from their partners, become codependent, or even just self-sabotage their relationships, pulling away first to try and avoid the pain because they think the other person will leave them. I think that last one is most likely for Apollo, especially given the disparity in circumstances I mentioned above. If Apollo can’t trust that Klavier actually loves him, can’t trust that he won’t leave him like EVERYONE ELSE HAS, then they can’t have a healthy relationship. Drama.

3. Klavier’s Emotional Trauma. Kristoph is a pretty big jerk to Klavier in the last case of AA4. He criticizes and undermines Klavier, threatens and admits to manipulating him. In the anthology, Klavier shares an “lol so funny!” story about Kristoph accidentally breaking a window while he and Klavier are playing ball. In it, he convinces Klavier that it was his fault and that he should take the blame and apologize for breaking the window! And Klavier does! That’s gaslighting, baby, and since the Anthology is supposed to be canon, we can take that to mean it’s been happening since Klavier was a kid. Think about that. An entire life of gaslighting and manipulative behavior! You don’t come back from that easily, either. 

People who experience emotional abuse can, among other things, suffer from depression and low-self esteem. They need affirmation from their partners and can have a hard time with letting people in or being honest (though not from a malicious mindset—more a “I’m going to say what I think you want to hear because if you’re happy, bad things won’t happen!”). They can also always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Sure things are good, but when will that end and the bad time start? It’s a self fulfilling prophecy: if all you can do is worry about things going wrong, then you aren’t actually enjoying when things are going right and you will cause the issues you’re so worried about. Drama.

4. Fame. Klavier has been in the spotlight since he was a literal child. If the Gavinners were already hits when Klavier was 17, they likely formed and starred their rise some time before then. A year, maybe two? Klavier spent his formative years in the spotlight. He quite literally doesn’t know any other way. Apollo, on the other hand, has never experienced the kind of scrutiny he’d be subject to when dating someone like Klavier. It can be really stressful and hurtful and just overall not a good time. And I’m not saying that Klavier wouldn’t be sympathetic, but I don’t think he would really understand how difficult it could be to have been thrust into that position out of nowhere, because he’s had years of dealing with it and was in a completely different place in life when it began for him. It’s not unreasonable to think that Apollo might not be able to take it. You can love someone and want to be with them but if you can’t adapt to their lifestyle, it’s not going to work. They could walk away rather than risk what might happen to Apollo if they kept it up. Drama.

5. Careers. They both have very demanding jobs. While sharing a similar profession can mean there’s a mutual understanding, it can also cause issues if you... never get to see each other? Schedules can be out of alignment (which could easily happen; their cases can’t always line up and they seem to require a lot of time investment outside of just normal hours). If Klavier goes back into music, that’s an additional time constraint. Why be in a relationship when you can only see the other person for moments here and there? What about the stress that comes with those jobs? That can cause drama.

6. Klavier looks like Kristoph. They are very different people, yes, but similar enough in some ways that it could cause tension. Maybe Klavier is tired and stressed and snaps at Apollo, and suddenly, all Apollo can see is Kristoph and all he can feel is the uncomfortable churning in his stomach that goes along with the memories of him. Someone he trusted, someone who let him down. That’s a difficult subject to broach, and it can fester like an infected wound if left intended. 

But Apollo sounds like Kristoph sometimes. We saw it in AA5, which is, of course, an extreme circumstance. But it can come out from time to time in other ways. A phrase that slips out, the way he intones certain words, the way he signs off in his emails—little things that are harmless, but can still act as triggers. 

Sometimes you need to get away from things that can remind you of your past in order to work on getting over them. If you are in love with someone who shares a similar trauma, who brings those issues from the past to light frequently just by being themselves, it might not be a healthy situation. I don’t think they would need to throw it in each other’s faces for it to become an issue. Drama.

There are more, but I probably took this more seriously than you intended. Whoops! Anyway, I hope that helps??? Maybe???? I hope you get them back together in the end because they deserve to be happy though!!!!!!!

#LONG POST #shut up krissy #if you want me to cut this please let me know #klapollo