#i feel like im just job transport at this point | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angel-eyes05 · 1 year

Text

i remember his hands - chapter 4

PAIRING: kang the conqueror x fem!reader

SUMMARY: after a scientific experiment goes horribly wrong, you've been transported to the quantum realm and have been stuck there for the past decade. with no company, aside from janet van dyne, your life changes forever when a mysterious man in a golden ship crash lands next to your settlement. startled with his initial presence, you two have a rocky start. but as time goes on, you two find each other slowly drawn to one another. you have secrets though, and he has a past he refuses to bring up. can you two make it through navigating an unknown world together, discovering any ulterior motives, and stand the test of time in a place where time has no meaning at all?

INFO: slow romantic burn, pretty fast sexual burn, kinda enemies to lovers????, takes place during that little flashback janet has during quantumania, idk how accurate this is gonna be to canon stuff cause i get very confused about the quantum realm lol, reader is in mid to late 20s while kang is in his “early 30s” (ik he like technically doesn't age or whatever idk the lore but i just made it accurate to jonathan majors age and wanted to give an accurate age range/gap/count), y/n will be very fleshed out like im gonna give her everything lol

WARNING: explicit language (sexual and verbal), smut, p in v unprotected (stay safe people), a little angsty, he’s being nice to her awwwwww

CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 2.7k

NOTES: OMG IM SORRY THIS IS COMING SO LATE!!! its kinda coming from the mix of being really busy this past week and not knowing what to write lol so again, sorry

PREVIOUS PART

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saying you were furious with Kang was an understatement. Although at this point, you were more upset with yourself for giving into it that easily. You hadn’t even had a full conversation with him and you had sex with him. Honestly, you should’ve seen it coming. That was what upset you the most. You knew exactly what would come of it, and you did it anyways. And worst of all. You liked it. No. You loved it. You tried to make yourself feel better by thinking that it was just the fact that it had been years since someone touched you like that that made you love it. But deep down you knew it was him. The way he handled you, the way he kept teasing and edging you, the way he put you at ease. You loved it. And you wanted it again.

You had been in this back and forth with yourself for the past three days, the amount of time its been since you’ve started giving Kang the cold shoulder. If you were being honest, you felt bad about how cold you grew towards him. But he deserved it. Part of you wished you had finished the job and killed him then and there. But you didn’t. You still didn’t know why. Right now, you just decided to blame it on clouded judgment from your blood loss. You stopped yourself from trying to figure out why though, as you realized it would send you down a rabbit hole of thoughts.

After two hours of no luck catching mites for food, you gathered your hunting gear and headed back inside the cabin. And yet again, there he was, just sitting there sprayed across the couch. Despite your pleas to her to get him to work or do anything other than sit around, Janet insisted he needed more to time to recover. Which he would trick her into believing, as you knew what his body was capable of at this point. You would occasionally exchange glances with him while working in the kitchen. In the spilt seconds that your eyes would meet his, you tried desperately to search for any signs of remorse or regret for what he did. But you could never find any. At most, you could only recognize one emotion going through them. Desire. And you knew for what.

Which is why would look away from him so quickly. Janet walked out from her room and over by the couch to talk to Kang. Presumably to try and get some more information out of him. So far, she told you that the only things she found out about him was his name, which you already knew, how he crashed, the core of his ship ran out of energy, and what he called his ship, the Time Chair. He had been secretive about everything else. Frankly, you didn’t really care about finding information about him anymore. You just wanted him out of your house. Janet stood above the couch and asked him to stand up. You turned around to watch and see what would happen. Reluctantly, Kang stood up from the couch and took a couple of steps around the room. You snickered a bit to yourself after seeing the look Janet gave him. He whipped his head around to see you smiling to yourself. “Is everything alright?” He asked sharply. “No no, it’s just funny.” You remarked with a smirk on your face. “That's enough you two.” Janet said, shooting daggers at you. She turned her face back to Kang. “Alright, since it seems like you're well enough to walk, you’re gonna take care of some errands for me in town.” You could see his posture slightly slouch in response to her demand. You couldn’t help but quietly giggle to yourself. “Oh and you’re going with him.” Janet said, turning back to you. Before you could disagree, she said “I need you to show him where everything is and to be there to carry him just in case he can’t walk anymore.” You looked at him up and down, then turned back to Janet. After standing in silence for a second, Janet replied. “Okay, mainly to show him where everything is.” You scoffed to yourself before grabbing your gear and walking outside. Janet tapped Kang on the shoulder as a sign to follow you. He walked outside to find you already about 50 feet ahead of him. This was going to be a long day.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You walked around the market, making sure to keep at least a five foot distance between the two of you. Your only interaction with him was handing him the bags of wild fruits you purchased to carry. You walked past a pawn shop type building. You knew you and Janet were getting short on cash. You stared at the gold bangle on your left wrist. It was a gift from your father. You could still remember unwrapping the box that contained it on your 14th birthday and putting it on immediately after. You hadn’t taken it off since. But times were getting desperate. And this was your last resort. You took a deep breath and told Kang to wait outside for you. You walked inside and up to the counter to make the trade. You reluctantly unlatched the bracelet and placed it on the counter, tears welling up in your eyes. You took the money from the attendant and turned to leave, but bumped into someone on your way out. “Sorry.” You said without looking at them.

Your eyes shot up at them though when you felt a hand grab your forearm. “Told you it was her.” One of the men said. Finally taking awareness of your surroundings, you noticed three men crowding around you, one of which held a tightening grip around your forearm. “I thought I told you I didn’t wanna see you around here until you gave me my money.” Once you registered their faces and recognized who they were, you finally responded. “And I’m so terribly sorry it hasn’t gotten to you yet, that’s a real shame on my part.” You replied sarcastically. The man’s smirk dropped as he started to twist your forearm. You stifle a scream as he twists it behind your back. “Oh yeah? And what’s stopping me from breaking your arm and taking what you have now?” You tried to think of a way out of this when you noticed a shard of glass on the floor from when one of the men slammed the pawn shop attendant’s head into the counter. You grabbed the shard of glass and stabbed it into the man’s foot. He screamed and let go of your arm. You picked yourself off quickly from the floor and punched the other two men and ran out the door for your escape.

Kang was still standing outside the shop when you grabbed his wrist and started running as the two men you punched started to run after you. He breaks away from your grip and starts running with you. “Mind explaining what’s going on?!” Kang shouted at you. “Maybe after we lose them!” You shouted back, maneuvering between the carts and people in the streets. You grab a ball from two children playing in the street and chuck it at one of the men’s heads, knocking him to the ground. You turn a sharp corner and bump into a wandering person, giving Kang time to catch up with you. You grab his wrist again, realizing he isn’t as fast as you are. You look around the street, desperate for an escape. You notice an alleyway just up ahead and run into it, Kang just behind you. You push the both of you back into the darkest corner of the alley as you see one of the men run past. You wait a couple of seconds to see if he will come back before let your guard down. Once a bit of time has gone by, you slunk yourself into the corner.

“What the fuck was that?” Kang asked angrily. “You know, a little bit of a warning would’ve been nice before you dragged me through the streets while being chas-.” He stops himself when he turns around to see your head cuddled into your knees. He hears slight sobs coming from you mouth. You lift your head from your knees as you clutch the money you just 1) risked his and your life for and 2) just traded away one of your most valuable possessions away for. You couldn’t help but feel at least a little ashamed for breaking down in front of him like this, but you couldn’t help it. He sighed and walked towards you. He kneeled down in front of you and took your face in both his hands. He cupped your cheeks and used his big thumbs to wipe away your tears as they were coming down. “I’m sorry.” was all he could muster up to say. You just nodded in response. “I’m sorry for yelling.” You nodded again, keeping your teary, bloodshot eyes away from his. “And I’m sorry for leaving you that night.” You finally looked at him as he said that. You could see a sadness enter his eyes as you looked at him. Sadness mixed with sincerity.

You looked back down at the money and clenched it with your hands as you put it away in your jacket pocket. You took some deep breaths, but couldn’t seem to calm yourself down. You just couldn’t believe what you just did. You were angry at yourself for giving something so valuable to you away so easily. And for what? Money that was going to last you two weeks at best. Memories started to flood back into your head. You just missed them all so much. You tried not to think about them too much, but as a result, you began to forget how much they meant to you. You could just sit there for hours, crying and reminiscing. Something ripped you away from those thoughts though. You suddenly felt this huge weight rest upon you. Then it clicked. He was hugging you.

You felt Kang’s big bear arms wrap around your smaller frame. You sniffled as you felt his hot breath graze against your neck. You could feel your cheeks getting hotter and brighter as he tightened his arms around you. You noticed you were beginning to calm down. You pulled away to catch your breath. Then he kissed your temple. Then your forehead. Then the bridge just above your nose. Then your cheek. He stayed on your cheek for a while before pulling away. He was doing it again. His deep brown eyes were swimming oceans into yours. You could sit there for hours just staring at him. Taking in all his features. Noticing the way your cheeks fit into his hands so easily. What happened next was a change in pace though. You kissed him.

Saying you were kissing him was doing a disservice to both of you though. It was more as if you two were melting into each other. Becoming one. Joining into each other’s body’s. Your hands gripped onto his hips, desperate for more of him. A slight moan escaped him and entered your mouth. You could already feel yourself getting wet. You knew where this was leading. His hands traveled from your jawline to the hemming of your shirt. His warm, coarse hands traveled up your cold, smooth stomach to just underneath your underboob. You took this time to take off your jacket and place it on the floor next to you. Next, you remove your hands from his hips to help him unbutton his pants. You slid them off his legs. He gets the memo and moves his hands from your breasts to your shorts and slides them off. He hooks your underwear with his pointer finger and drags them off. You do the same to his. He helps slide you down from your sitting position to lay down.

It hasn’t been until this point when your hand dips into a dirty puddle that your remember where you are. You make sure to remind him as well when he goes to take off your shirt. Yeah his cock may be hanging out and your bare ass is out as well, but you’ll take the privacy of a shirt right now if its what you can get. He respects your wishes and puts his lips to your collarbone as he rests just above your hips. After a couple seconds of sucking on your collar, he pulls away, leaving a purplish mark there. You nod in approval just before he slides his throbbing cock into your already tight walls. You let out a wail as he enters into you. He places a hand on your mouth and whispers into your ear. “Not here either.” Yes, you could be slightly louder here than at the house with Janet, but you still had to remember you were in public. You nodded as he continued to slide inside you. You dug your nails into his bare thigh, which only caused him moan more.

Once he was fully inside you, he started thrusting into your hips, fucking you into the hard, rocky, cold concrete below. It definitely wasn’t your ideal setting, but you were gonna take what your could get. His hands moved back underneath your breasts and eventually unhooked your bra. He squeezed one boob with one hand and moved the other underneath your back for more support. Then, he moved his lips back to yours, letting your both release your stifled sounds into each other. It only helped you feel more like you were a part of him. Letting your moans into his mouth as his grunts entered yours. As his thrusts began to speed up, you moved your other hand to his tricep to squeeze for leverage. The deeper into you he went, the more you could feel the heat sink lower into your body. God, you had just started and you were already about to finish. You could sense he was about to also though, with the way his thrusts got messier and his kisses more desperate.

Everything became so overwhelming to you. You knew he wasn’t going to want to cum before you did, but on the other hand, you didn’t necessarily want to be the first one either. So you stifled the urge by biting down onto his lips. Your lips eventually moved down to his jawline and explored down his neck, until you found the perfect place to begin sucking. His moans into your ear only brought your closer to your brink. Eventually, you couldn’t take it anymore. “G-god Kang I-I’m s-s-sorry, I-I have t-t-to do it-t.” You said, eyes welling up. “Sh-hhhh it-s-s ok. Do it if-f y-you need t-to.” He said quietly into your ear. Suddenly, you let go of everything. You felt the white heat escape your body all at once as it wrapped around Kang’s cock and leaked out of you. You felt yourself relax as Kang began to tense up even more. You moved your hand from his thigh to his cheek and began to rub it with your thumb. “It’s ok, you can do it.” You said tiredly. He closes his eyes, nods, and releases his cum into you. His orgasm takes over his body as he moves his hands to your hips and digs his fingers into them. You both moan as his cum enters your body.

You both breath heavily once he’s finished and he begins to exit you. He reaches for his underwear and pants before stopping himself. He looks over at you, then grabs your shorts and underwear and helps you put them on before putting on his own. You smile slightly at the kind gesture and help him put on his after you’ve finished with yours. You check your jacket pocket to make sure the money is still inside. Once your hands find it, you take a deep sigh, still disappointed in yourself for making the trade in the first place. Kang notices this and intertwines his fingers into your hand. You look up at him and he smiles at you as he leads you out into the street. You suddenly find yourself doing the last thing you would expect from yourself.

Forgiving him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

NEXT PART

A/N: so…hi….its been a minute! again, so sorry for the delay, but if im being honest, i kinda work better when im posting sporadically so yeah dont expect a set schedule for me posting. but yeah i didnt really proofread this chapter cause i wanted to get it out asap so dont judge. but yeah we’ll see where it goes from here lol byeeee.

#quantumania #ant man #kang the conqueror #kang the conqueror x reader #kang x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #i remember his hands #mcu fanfiction #fem!reader

92 notes · View notes

zebulontheplanet · 9 months

Note

Can you give me some advice? Lately I've been getting access to a lot of the things I need, some of those things being diagnosis and work. My circumstances are really different from other autistic people and have a hard time relating to the high-masking/invisibly autistic crowd, but I don't know if I have a place with higher support need folks. I've had a store keeper job for two days that almost ended in a meltdown and me seriously mishandling machinery people can normally handle that could've left me with irreversible bodily harm, and now I have an option to do something related to my special interest. I have a really hard time with transportation and handling safety outside, am semiverbal, shut down at the drop of a hat etc. which my parents go back and forth between saying that I can't be independent or that I can learn if I try/with time. My personal intuition about the extent of my disability(which is the problem, I haven't fully seen it yet) might be.. uncomfortably more impactful than people around me think. My family has subconsciously made a somewhat accommodating environment for me to not completely break down, and they've always significantly supported me. But contending with the idea I might be significantly disabled is hard. What if people are right, if I "apply" myself I won't be so disabled. But also, this could end in a massive meltdown/regression, and feel that people around me are being a bit overly optimistic. I don't know what to do or think. Thank you for reading.

Hello! I relate in a lot of ways. Before my regression i was semi-independent and my parents were sure that i'd be fine independent in life. i even held down a few jobs even but had to leave due to burnout and physical health issues.

Growing up i never saw people like me. People who couldnt mask very well, people who stimmed a lot, people who were just in the middle of things if that makes sense. That was until i came onto social media, specifically tumblr. I now feel like i have a pretty good community and have a lot of good mutuals! I swear i have a point here!

My point is that you will find your people eventually. And if you cant find your people in the high support needs community then maybe search in the medium support needs community. There arent many of us on tumblr but we're definitely here. It takes time to find where you belong, and honestly ive been trying to build up the community myself! Thats why i started posting. You definitely aren't alone in this. Also, whoever said if you just applied yourself you'd be better is an asshole! You're disabled, and thats ok. I wish you the best of luck!

im sorry if this isnt what you meant, you didnt exactly ask a question. if you need more advice then lmk!

#autism #medium support needs #semiverbal

11 notes · View notes

el-im · 11 months

Note

personally it's hard to feel excited for snw when it just feels so hollow? im not sure if it's the pacing or what but it feels ungenuine? and beyond that people's characters feel rushed? like i know hemmer had to be replaced but like we could've spent way more time on his character! he was interesting! (i might be biased bc i love the andorians) and not even touching whatevers going on with spock. or chapel. this is the least of my grievances but when they put that black undershirt on pikes green wraparound...hate crime.

yeah, I mean. whatever. I watched it in a single sitting when I was sick and it beat laying in bed looking up at the whitewashed ceiling.

I agree the exposition of characters seem very rushed. It kind of violated the “show, don’t tell” rule, particularly w la’an, who was kind of put in a position that needed her to air her dirty laundry in front of the whole crew. I wish they’d had time to create narratives around past experiences, kind of like they did with Kirk/Tarsus in TOS, in which his participation in a historical event was made relevant by whatever was going on in the ep. (This was kind of(?) done in the Jurassic Park Knockoff Ep they did but not super successfully). I do believe it’s a pacing issue.

That said, I will say that I appreciate it being (more, at least, than the other new treks I’ve seen… which is… only Picard) episodic. I love that they’ve got some new task to handle, some new planet to explore in each ep. In that sense, it’s much more similar to TOS than I could have hoped for, general relationship arcs aside. (But wrt pacing, sometimes I think this works against them bc of how the show is written. They could do a self contained so w a lot of backstory in TOS, but bc of how this show is written, it’s more difficult to accomplish all that in a single ep. Like M’Benga’s daughter? In that specific instance I wish they’d shown him talking about her in previous episodes, and people asking if she was back on earth w his partner or… and him going quiet. Or Hemmer trying to fix the medical transporter in an earlier ep and him freaking out, but not having that immediately resolved… the same goes for discovering Una is… whatever species she is. Would have LOVED to see some xenophobia first—the crew making jokes when they come across some anomaly that it must have been caused by them, or something, and her looking uncomfortable/chastising them/whatever. Or the demonstrated persecution of them broadcast from some federation planet… if we had more context for these stories, if their roots were better established, they’d land harder. But they don’t). So sometimes that episodic formula kind of works against them, but ! like I said. whatever.

frankly, I was ambivalent abt the whole enterprise (la de da) to begin with, so wasn’t expecting much and was pleasantly surprised by it, on the whole. A friend of mine has seen Disco and didn’t think I’d enjoy it, so I haven’t seen that, and I’m not inclined toward watching animation if I can help it so haven’t seen LWD or prodigy, the second of which is literally made for babies but. Yanno. I liked SNW. I didn’t love it, I don’t agree with a lot of decisions they made, but I can see their intentions/where they’re coming from. I LOVE this spock, though think you have to see him as separate from the Spock we see in TOS (like in AOS, you kind of have to appreciate their differences as characters, and learn to love them not as the same person, but as branching extensions from a stem). I also LOVE Pike. I had a lot of hopes about him going into it because I thought the original storyline for him in TOS was done so well in that two part ep that included the original footage from “The Cage”, and I think they did an excellent job tailoring Mount’s Pike to the character laid out there, all the while fleshing him out into a fully fledged captain.

further, I’ve gotta say, I love the antics/shenanigans, and how much everyone seems to like each other. I don’t get the point of rough and tumble, cynical sci fi 24/7. (I do—it has its place, but it shouldn’t be in Star Trek). Even DS9, which as we all know tackled huge narratives abt power dynamics and prejudice and genocide… had episodes where they played baseball. And fishing mini games. Picard, which I’m comparing it to bc, again, it’s the only other trek I’ve seen that’s been produced since AOS (I think), seems similarly jam-packed with shit. Ohh the Borg and here and so are the romulans and Deanna’s son died somehow and the Android suppression as a weird metaphor for ?? Revolution? Workers rights? Idfk? And there’s time travel and fascism and section 31 and corruption at the highest levels of Starfleet which only peepaw and his dog, tintin, can root out. And there’s his mother, for some fucking reason, and-

And it’s all horrible. Everyone’s cynical and mean and/or gratingly stupid/infantile (AGNES!!!!!!). It was refreshing to see something that… wasn’t… that.

#I didn’t care abt hemmer at all though so I can’t really speak on that point #I think conceptually it would have been neat to have an aenar onboard but frankly I think ent did more w the aenar in their last terrible #season by establishing them culturally than snw did by having an individual #who had maybe like 4 lines ?? before dying? I just didn’t care #I liked his relationship w Spock and their little carrot scene but that’s the only memorable interaction he had to me #asks #trek #am surprised by the Spock/chapel thing cause I think how it was presented in TOS was excellent.#her loving him and never saying anything. he feeling respect and affinity for her but not having/being willing to express anything beyond #perfectly done. and they both have to take that in stride because they’re professionals and have bigger fish to fry yanno #so I dislike that this is coming up as something so soon in their lives #when I think it’s something chapel should have been aware of then but let it steep and simmer #because the way we see it in TOS. It’s like resignation.#knowing she’s kind of. condemned to feeling that way.#but.#I’ll say again #I think comparing it to TOS isn’t the way to go and it’s got to be something in its own right #I’m excited for the second season! again. not touched by every character but didn’t really hate anyone #looking forward to cherry picking what is canon to ME #and throwing the rest away

7 notes · View notes

wttcsms · 4 months

Note

i just wanted to ask your advice about life and grad school and trying to not think about the prestige of certain schools since i feel like you'd just provide a lot of insight on it, and sometimes i feel lost in my life even though i'm pretty young still haha! but sometimes i'm nervous on the fact that i may not get into a good college but idk if that makes sense ^^

hi!!! i personally really enjoy talking abt my academic (+professional) career & i am so honored that you would come to me for any type of advice omg!!! i will say that being young comes with a lot of bouts of insecurity; when i went to my original university, i admittedly didn't have much school spirit or even pride for it. i chose it because i got a full ride academic scholarship to attend, and once you're in college, you realize just how EXPENSIVE the Real World actually is, and so, even though my first university didn't necessarily come with a lot of "prestige" (even kids back home didn't wanna go there LOL), it was a very smart decision for me to attend there because i graduated with my bachelor's, high honors, with no debt!!

i also used to be obsessed with the prestige of schools, and as i look into phd programs, i suddenly am transported back to when i was younger + worried about how a school name would look on my final transcript or resume. the truth is, prestige doesn't guarantee you much.

i will say that certain universities and colleges can help you network, but it doesn't really matter if those relationships are shallow, right? we (and profs you have) aren't going to be so inclined to help you out with 100% enthusiasm if they don't really know you too well, right? so for me, even though the first university i attended was honestly kind of crappy, i decided to make the best of it! professors are humans too, and it's hard for them (esp during freshman & sophomore classes) to connect with students, and most students aren't going to want to put forth the effort to have a relationship with them. i made it an effort to introduce myself to a select few profs, i would attend office hours, i would make a point to engage during lectures, etc. i basically stood out from my peers, and in the long run, that has helped greatly, esp when it came time for me to turn in letters of recommendation for grad school. my "deeper" relationships that i spent a semester (or several semesters; the college was small and i had the same profs for several classes lol) cultivating paid off bc i had spectacular, personalized letters of rec that probably would have been harder for me to obtain had i attended a "prestigious" school where im certain a bunch more students would be vying for the prof's attention OR the professor would be too busy with their own workload and research to really be attentive to me.

while at the "crappy" university i attended for undergrad, i managed to secure two internships, one w/ jp morgan. lots of interns never heard of my school, and believe it or not, with the ivy league students i interacted with, they either knew the same amount or even less of what was going on than i did. they go to great colleges, fantastic schools, have been attending private feeder schools that would land them at these prestigious schools i'm sure you're looking at, and the fact of the matter is, it's not like everyone who attends there is a genius. when i was younger, i thought that the school you attend is directly associated with how smart you are, but that is def not the case. never, ever, ever question your intelligence if the school you want doesn't accept you. it's so corny, but rejection really IS redirection.

what i really want you to realize is that a good college is purely dependent upon YOU, as a student. form genuine connections with your profs (these relationships might come in handy; not just for grad school, but i've had several profs actually come to me with internship AND post-grad job opportunities with their friends' companies), be active and engaged on campus (join a club, do community service; if you do join a club, though, it is best to have a leadership role within it), consider asking a close prof if you can be a teaching assistant, approach your classmates confidently and be friendly to them, work hard!!! undergrad is fantastic for figuring out or getting an idea of what you want to do in the future!!! i was 16 when i started college full-time & i just picked a major (accounting) where i thought i could get a job with it LOL. nearly 5 years + one degree later, i figured out that working in industry wasn't for me & that i much prefer academia haha!!! try out a little bit of everything; i'm starting my fourth internship pretty soon, and honestly, you don't know what you don't like until you actually try it out.

i hope you have the greatest college experience of your life! when we're young, the silly stuff doesn't seem so silly (re: the prestige of the school you attend), but it's ok! because no one expects us to have perspective when we're young lol. just know that no matter where you go, make an effort to make the best of it :)

edit: some success stories!!! my undergrad aka what i considered to be a tier below community college (nothing wrong with cc either!!!); many of my classmates have went on to attend "prestigious" colleges for their own phd programs :) one of my close friends completed her undergrad in biology and is attending a private college for a phd; one of the colleges i'm looking at!!! my other friend works full-time at goldman sachs, which is proof that you don't need a columbia degree in finance to get in LOL. so, finding good opportunities is possible no matter where you end up attending <3

#my grad school is an infamous party school LOL #i will say that starting college young has altered something in my brain 😭#i'll be worried that im gonna be a hag and that i won't have anything to offer to the world by the time i graduate from grad school #which is stupid bc then i remember i'll be 21 when i'm done #u have time!!!!! u don't need to worry abt feeling lost in life bc everyone is lost in life!!!!!#even me!!!!!

6 notes · View notes

draeisgrayte · 1 year

Text

Love Bite | Chapter One

Synopsis: "Just because your ancestors were in love doesn't mean you have to be in love with him." "It's not that." "Then what is it?" "It's fate." Great-great niece of Kanroji Mitsuri has just gotten a new job because her best friend's older brother, a descendant of Iguro Obanai, is looking to hire an assistant for his bakery. Airu has to navigate through her strong connection to Inkyo, who seems to be interested in everything except her. He only teases her when they're alone and is bland when with other people. Will she end up like her great-great aunt or finally fulfil those last words said in the arms of the one she loved?

Warnings/contains: DEMON SLAYER SPOILERS!!, fluff, mutual pining, mentions of soulmates, descendants of Obanai and Mitsuri, jealous Obanai

Word Count: 5K

a/n: This a little project I’m working on because I couldn’t live without giving somewhat of a happy ending {new beginning??} to Obanai and Mitsuri. I LOVE them and so “Love Bite” was born, a short story {this is only chapter 1 out of around 10}

In each other’s arms that’s what I’m told. That’s how my great-great aunt died, in her lover's arms. Is it weird to think that my best friend’s family could have been actually family? Yeah, it is. Though, I’m sure fate has a reason for everything. Such as it just so happened that my best friend’s older brother, mysterious as he is, needs a new hire for his bakery. That’s why I’m here, picking on the skin on my middle finger, hoping the scary Obanai wouldn’t put me through the terror of an interview. I don’t think my mental fortitude could handle that today. Not after my friends insisted on celebrating a night early for my new job. I still haven’t recovered from the alcohol they forced me to practically inject into my veins.

I was scared to even open the front door to the quaint storefront. Sora had informed me that her brother took Thursdays off and could usually be found working on new recipes and plans in his small office space near the back of the building.

“Just knock on the door and he should come to see who it is. I told him you’d be stopping by anyway, so he may just leave it unlocked for you.”

My luck wasn’t the best, so I highly doubt the door would be unlocked- With a simple push of my hand the dark wooden door slid open allowing me to be hit with a gust of air conditioning. The inside space was a dimly lit calm ambiance. There were tables tucked away in secluded areas, some out in the open, and plants were absolutely everywhere. There was a sleek wooden nature theme throughout the whole building and I felt like I was transported somewhere else entirely. There was a counter off to the left side of the entry point that housed a display case and an array of decorative items lining the space behind the counter. A sword is displayed proudly behind a glass covering in the center of the shelves that climb the wall. I take a few steps toward it and notice the deep hue of purple that shines off the curved metal. The hilt was a mix of pink and white stripes with a lime green cap on the bottom. It was breathtaking.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the glass and gasp lightly when I see another figure behind me. I turn around on my heel and come face to face with Obanai.

“Airu.” He whispers, his eyes flitting around my body. He’s very close. So close I can smell the expensive cologne he’s wearing.

“Nice to see you Inkyo.” I bow my head, nervous to meet his intense gaze. I felt like he could see through anything. Especially how he made my body react. His long dark hair covers his face slightly as he steps closer to me. I feel my heart start to do gymnastics in my chest. Im scared if he gets any closer he’ll be able to either hear or feel it.

“Your hair is different.” He notes blandly, reaching out a steady hand to swipe it away from my face. He was right. I had cut my long pink and lime green locks to a shorter, more mature bob haircut. I’d kept the bangs though. He fingers it gently and then drops his hand.

“I like it.” He moves away to move something around on the counter and I try to not let out a loud sigh of relief.

“Sora told me that you were looking for a new hire?” I decide to say. I’m not sure why I was so keen on working here anyway, I’d probably get super distracted by Inkyo and those damn eyes of his. He stops organizing things and glances at me.

“Not anymore.” He moves behind the counter and scoots a few things on the shelves over the tiniest bit. He lets out a sigh when he realizes there's dust on his pale fingers. I must’ve had my mouth open or something because his gaze holds mine for a long time now. “What?” He inquires, furrowing his brows slightly. I shake my head and close my mouth.

“Uh, well I feel like I’ve wasted your time now. I didn’t know you’d filled the position.” I bow my head and feel the urge to leave as quickly as possible but Obanai just shakes his head slowly. His undusty hand reaches up to his mouth as a small smile appears on his lips.

“No Airu, you are my new hire.” He tilts his head to watch my slow reaction processing the information he’d given me. My mouth falls open again and I slam my hands on the counter and lean in close to him.

“Really!?” I exclaim. His eyes widen slightly and then soften as he nods. “Oh thank you! When do I start!?” I clasp my hands together and hop excitedly. Money. I needed money. Plus I got to work with the man who I’d thought about for the last several years.

“Well, I’ll have to give you a list of what happens here daily. What to do when you arrive, when you leave, when you man the counter, and when I’m not here. If you want to come with me up to my place we can discuss the subject of your contract.” He shuffles some things around on the counter absentmindedly again. His place? My everything says yes, but my will says that’s not the best idea.

“Uh, well,” I try to find the words I’m looking for but draw a blank on all words I’ve learned. Inkyo positions himself in a leaning position against the back shelves, which makes his black button-up shirt clench around his torso. I gulp in, trying not to stare. “Is-Is going up to your place really a good idea?” I avoid eye contact like the plague. I hear him let out a small chuckle and suddenly he’s lifting my chin to look into his golden and blue eyes.

“Airu Mitsuri what are you thinking about?” His smirk tells me I don’t have to answer that question for him to know. Maybe it was the atmosphere. Maybe it was my crush on him. Though, maybe it was fate trying to fix a travesty and who am I to get in the way of fate?

“Fine, but I get to show you this really cute picture I took of Bean.” I reach for my phone in my pocket and he lets go of my chin. Bean was the black cat I bought when I moved out of my parent’s apartment so I wouldn’t get too lonely. In a way, he reminded me of Inkyo, except Bean was clingy while Inkyo was offputting. If I tried to cuddle with Inkyo he’d probably throw up in his mouth. Not that I was the problem, just physical touch didn’t seem to be his thing. Even though he did just grab my chin…

“You going to show me or keep dissociating in my bakery?�� Inkyo teases, his voice sounding more comfortable with me. I quickly glare at him and then go back to retrieve my phone. I swipe into my gallery and try to hide the number of selfies and random videos that could be found there. I tap on the picture of Bean laying on his back, paws outstretched to the camera. My little baby looked so adorable in this picture I just wanted to gobble him up. Inkyo takes a look at the photo and gives it a smile but nothing else. I’m about to tell him he should be worshipping my baby boy, but he takes his pointer finger and swipes to the next picture. That picture happens to be me in a new black dress I’d ordered online that had a heart cutout on the chest. I’ll be frank, the dress was very short, very revealing, and if Inkyo really wanted to he could observe my pink lace bralette peaking out from the heart. I screech and grab my phone from off the counter.

“What are you doing!?” I hold my phone to my chest and I catch Inkyo lazily staring at how my arms squeeze them together. “I haven’t even started yet! This is harassment!” I exclaim turning my front away from him. He chuckles again and moves out from behind the counter.

“Sorry, I got carried away teasing you again. I just wanted to see if you were still as cute when you got flustered.” He brushes past me and walks toward the door. “Shall we move this upstairs so you can start preparing for tomorrow?” He nods his head toward the door and I can feel my face still warm from his pestering.

“Am I?” I hear myself asking. Inkyo was on his way to leave the building but stops in his tracks. His body shifts toward me again, eyes engulfing me yet again. His massive hands flex by his sides and that god-given shirt exposes how muscular he really is. I take a few steps closer to him, my phone still clutched to my chest. He watches me like a snake about to strike a field mouse.

“Are you?” He finally repeats like he’s questioning what I was asking. I sigh and shake my head, not courageous enough to ask him if he still thinks I’m cute. I should be happy enough with the fact that he even ever thought I was. I nod toward the door.

“Let’s be on our way boss man.” I walk past him and out the door. He stands near the door for a beat before catching up with me. His long legs cause him to walk a little faster than me, but he makes sure to stay on my right, the roadside of the sidewalk.

“The stairs to my place are right here.” He points out, guiding me with a hand lightly on the small of my back. I can’t help but think about how people must see this. A young woman and man heading toward an apartment. If they didn’t already think we were together they must think that he and I were about to do something together. I climb the stairs slowly, trying to avoid flashing Inkyo my underwear if my skirt were to blow up. I reach the landing and he quickly enters a code and opens the door for me. “Welcome to my abode.”

I can feel him watching me as I look around in amazement at his home. There was art everywhere, one, in particular, caught my eye. A regal-looking woman with a lovely kimono draped over her delicate-looking body. Her hair was a dark brown color and her eyes were shut gently. I felt drawn to her like I’d known her somehow or she’d done something extremely courageous for me.

“Her name is Tamayo.” I feel Inkyo say from behind me. I turn my eyes away from the painting and look up into his. He’s not looking at me, he’s looking at the painting. “She was an incredible woman.” His eyes seem to soften carefully when looking at her. I can’t help but feel a slight pang of jealousy course through my body. I wasn’t a normal-looking girl, even in this day and age. I had bright pink and lime green hair and don’t get me wrong, I loved it. Though, it did attract a lot of attention from people, sometimes not the best. My eyes were almost the same green as in my hair and my pale skin made them stand out like bright lights. Then there was my body, I was a curvaceous girl. The curved blade downstairs didn’t hold a candle to the number of dips and round areas on my body. I was ideal by western beauty standards, but here in the east the amount of food I ate and my body type were looked at with judgment. The one thing that brought me any amount of comfort was my grandmother smiling at me with tears in her eyes when I was 16.

“Come here Airu.” She whispers softly and beckons me to her side. I walk to where she was sitting on the bench. The sunlight was illuminating her soft features and light green eyes. I sit down next to her, expecting a scolding for how much I’d eaten at the restaurant, but she extends her hand and rubs my cheek softly.

“Soba?” I question, trying to understand her emotions right now. She was touching me so gently, yet there was an incredibly confused look on her face. She looked sad and happy at the same time.

“You look so much like her.” She mumbles, her fingers moving to my bright hair. She smiles when she touches it. “I had just been born when I met Kanroji, but I remember her contagious smile and beautiful braided hair.” I tilt my head in confusion. I’d heard that name before in stories my grandma would tell of her great aunt Kanroji Mitsuri, a swordswoman in the 1900s. She weaved stories about demons and a great battle against their Lord. How my great-great aunt had excitedly told my great-grandmother about a man whom she fought with. He was mysterious and more than handsome, she was sure they’d fall in love and get married after the war between dark and sunlight. Though she never got to see the sunlight of the next day, she finally found the love she was looking for in Inkyo’s ancestor. “When I pass I want you to have her nitchiri sword, I think she’d want that too.” Nitchiri?

“Soba, are you feeling okay?” I ask in the most respectful way I could muster. I was worried this was some weird way for her to tell me she was dying and didn’t have long. My Soba was a source of flowing wisdom, I don’t think I could navigate this world without her. She smiles sadly and pats the top of my head.

“Don’t worry Ruru chan, I’m not dying just yet. When the time does eventually come though, I want you to know fate has a path for you, but you can also have a path for fate.”

Soba passed 3 years later and a similar sword to the one downstairs is displayed in my own home. I looked like Kanroji Mitsuri and that was enough for me to know I was going to be just fine. Hell, maybe those genes would get me in good graces with Inkyo. Being attracted to people who looked like me is kind of in his genetics right?

“Airu? Airu where did you go just now?” Inkyo’s eyes are finally looking into mine and a small shudder runs down my spine.

“Sorry, just reminiscing about Soba.” I smile, trying to hide the fact that the memory I was recalling led to me hoping he’d be into me based on my looks.

“Obaasan Mitsuri… she was also an incredible woman.” He presses his lips into a thin line as if trying to stop himself from crying. I lower my brows as I stare up at him.

“Do you call every woman you know an incredible woman?” I huff, crossing my arms in front of me. Inkyo looks off to the side and scratches the back of his head. I must be mistaken, but it looks like there’s a hint of red on his cheeks.

“Not all.” He mumbles in response. I puff out my cheeks and lean forward, trying my best to intimidate him.

“Oh yeah then what do you say about me when you talk about me?” He shuts his eyes and lets out a sigh. Oh no, did I push him too far? He covers his face and turns away from me. “Answer me Inkyo,” I demand. He lets out another breath and turns completely around, now facing the door we’d walked through a couple of minutes prior.

“Jeez, do I have to fire you just to get you off my case?” He mumbles against his hands. I stand up straight again and grumble a few words about how he’s an asshole and then turn toward his (of course) black couch. I plop myself down on the soft cushions and huffily brush my skirt out over my legs.

“Fine, then if you’re all business, then let’s get started,” I state plainly, a little hurt he wouldn’t answer me. Inkyo turns on his heel and walks toward me.

“Well, since we are in my home I feel like it would be rude for me to not offer you something to drink.” He looks over to the steel-accessorized kitchen with the same warm wood as his bakery. I sink into the plush couch and wave my hand dismissively.

“I’ll be fine with some apple juice if you have it.” Why’d we even have to come up here again? Why couldn’t we sit at one of the tables downstairs? My eyes widen and I watch Inkyo rummage through his stainless steel refrigerator. Oh my goodness…was he…going to murder me? No…surely not. Well, I was a major pain in the ass so it’s plausible. Whatever the reason, I may have been to quick to follow him up here. Damn this lovey-dovey brain of mine. The clink of a glass being set on a coaster in front of me breaks me out of my thoughts. Inkyo’s eyes watch me carefully as he sets himself in a sleek (black again) armchair across from me. He steeples his hands under his chin a serious look on his face.

“So let’s get down to business.”

ಊ♡ಊ

It’s been about 2 weeks since my meeting with Inkyo Obanai and I had no idea how busy a small bakery on the outskirts of Tokyo could get.

“Could I get one of those small muffins?” A tall teenage boy asks, pointing to a blueberry muffin in the case. I smile brightly and nod.

“Of course! That will be 3.40 please.” I relay. The boy flushes and fumbles with his wallet. I giggle to myself and gather his purchase in the signature black and white paper bag. He hands me the money and I smile graciously. “Thank you, have a nice day.” I wave to him and he bows his head and waves goodbye. I wipe my brow and sigh. Phew, it’s not even noon yet and all our tables are packed with students, employees on break, and a few elderly people.

“Wow, it was never this busy before.” A familiar voice observes. I turn my attention to the figure in front of me and a smile instantly appears on my lips.

“Sora!” I exclaim and nearly jump over the counter to give her a hug. She welcomes me into her arms with a smug look on her face.

“The one and only.” She chuckles. “But seriously, how are there so many people in here? I didn’t think Inkyo had it in him.” Her eyes fall to my slightly shorter stature and then she rolls her eyes. “That’s right I forgot you worked here. That’s why there are so many people.” She groans and nods toward the counter. “How has he been treating you?” She asks walking behind the counter with me.

“Good, but what do you mean that’s why there are so many people here?” I question. Sora laughs and a piece of her thick raven hair falls in front of her face. Just like her brother’s. They looked identical except for their eyes. Both of Sora’s eyes are a piercing greenish-blue hue, still as intense as her brother’s though.

“You. Airu you’re absolutely stunning. People are coming to see you smile at them.” She answers with another small laugh. I pause. Really? Did people come to see me? What about Inkyo though? He was extremely attractive, people had to come for him too, right?

“Oh.” Is the only thing I can manage to say. Sora pats me on the back and looks out into the crowd.

“Just make sure Inkyo doesn’t see any of these dudes flirting with you.” She advises. I furrow my brows and look at her questioningly. “Just, keep that in mind.” She pats my back again and moves toward the small trinkets on the back shelves. I’d grown fond of a lot of them while working here. There was a beautiful handmade pot with intricate blue flowers painted on them. Then a calico figurine stood proudly with a little backpack on it. Then there was, of course, the sword. I caught myself staring at it at all times of the day. Wondering how it would feel to wield such a magnificent piece of weaponry. It made me miss my sword all alone at home. Maybe I could ask Inkyo to display mine too?

“Sora.” I whisk around to see Inkyo staring at his little sister with a blank expression. “What are you doing here?” He asks. He glances at me, but then his eyes are back on her. She turns toward him slowly and shrugs.

“If I’m being honest I was a little hungry. Lucky for you the taste of you being an asshole doesn’t get into your food.” She smiles innocently and Inkyo lets out a loud groan. “Oh, I also wanted to see Airu in her cute little apron,” Sora adds, her fingers playing with the tie on my back. I squirm under her touch.

“Sora that tickles.” I giggle. Inkyo’s eyes narrow and he catches Sora’s wrist.

“Why don’t you get your food and go sit down?” He grumbles, releasing her quickly. Sora’s eyes light up mischievously and I can tell she’s about to annoy her brother. I want to tell her to just do as he says, but she’s a stubborn girl.

“Okay, but I’ll be taking your little girlfriend with me.” She grabs me by the waist and picks up a muffin from the display on top of the counter. Inkyo’s eyes trace her arm around my waist and then flit up to my eyes. They look like they’re subtly burning with some sort of emotion. I want to ask him what’s wrong, but he turns away before I can.

“Fine. Do whatever you want.” He places his palms on the counter and greets a new customer with a tight smile. Sora leads me away to a free table near the breakroom.

“He’s so weird.” She says when we’re finally sitting down. I nod slowly but feel a bit confused by that whole interaction.

“I think you tease him too much,” I mumble absentmindedly. Sora’s eyes widen and she bites angrily into her muffin.

“He deserves it. He’s always acting like he’s better than me and it’s only because our parents favor him. You look so much like our ancestor, the great swordsman Iguro Obanai. You’re the best Inkyo. We love you so much. It gets a little old after a while.” She mutters. I soften at her plight. Her parents did favor Inkyo, I’d witnessed it all our life.

“I’m sorry Sora. I just think there are better times for you to enact goblin mode.” I reach out and caress her hand. She smiles through bites and turns to watch her brother at the front counter. “Do you want to hang out after my shift?” I ask in hopes she’ll say yes. It’d been a while since we had gotten together. She presses her lips into a thin line and turns her gaze back to me.

“Thanks, Airu, I’d like that.”

Sora leaves after we chat for a bit about our plans for later. She makes sure to flip her brother off as she leaves. He rolls his eyes as I walk back toward my station.

“I love that little goblin.” He chuckles. I bump my hip into him and he startles.

“I think she’d like to hear that from you every once and a while,” I say, enjoying the way Inkyo stares at where I had bumped him.

“Yeah, probably.” He mumbles, still engrossed in where we’d touched. Sora was right, he is weird. I grin to myself and resume standing by the display case. Since our chat, the bakery had emptied, and only a couple of the students remained working away on their computers.

“I don’t know how to thank you for this job, Inkyo.” I voice, not sure where I was going with the conversation. He looks at me and shakes his head.

“You don’t need to. I’m glad I get to work with you.” He replies, a small smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. He lifts his hand to cover it but I catch the sleeve of his dark shirt.

“Why do you do that?” I ask, turning my body toward him. He watches me with the same intensity a few weeks ago.

“Do what?” He questions back, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Cover your mouth when you smile,” I explain. His eyes widen slightly and I can feel my heart pick up speed. What was I doing? This was brave, asking him all these personal questions. We were friends, but we weren’t as close as Sora and I. Was I being rude?

“Whenever I smile around you I feel like the corners of my mouth are being ripped open. The amount of joy you bring me splits me open.” He breathes. My eyes are the ones to widen now. What did he mean by that?

“Excuse me? Can I get that last cinnamon roll please?” Inkyo’s gaze lingers on me for a beat before attending to the customer in front of us. I, on the other hand, still stare at him as he goes about running a business. The joy you bring me splits me open. I let out a shaky breath and cover my mouth as a smile forms. I can’t help it, it’s wide and almost painful.

Ah. So that’s what he means.

ಊ♡ಊ

“Oh give me a break. He’s not dreamy!” Sora rolls her eyes and punches at the pillow next to her. I laugh at her reaction.

“No really! I swear. I know describing him doesn’t paint a very good picture, but let me pull up a photo.” I scramble to find my phone.

“Bean are you hearing this shit? Your owner is bonkers!” Sora gestures to me wildly and Bean, who is laying next to her, blinks twice before closing his eyes again. Sora sighs exasperatedly and flops back into the couch cushion. I finally find a good photo of the scraggly anime character I was talking about. Sora’s eyes study him for a while before she nods once.

“Okay, maybe I will be hearing you out.” She shrugs and I pump my fist in the air.

“I told you! He’s evil but so damn attractive.” I kick my feet and hug my phone.

“You have problems.” Sora teases. I nod my head as I think about my type in men. Yeah, I do, but that’s what makes me special.

“Hey now, remember this is my house. I can kick you out.” I narrow my eyes and Sora holds her hands up in the air in surrender. I throw a pillow at her. “Get some sleep you dingus. It’s nearly 2 am.” I groan as I push off the ground to a standing position. Sora sticks out her tongue and stuffs the pillow next to her.

“Weeeeeeaaaaaaak.” She mocks and then flips herself to get more comfortable on my couch. I roll my eyes and flick off the light.

“Goodnight Soblin.” My nickname for her is a mixture of her name and goblin.

“Goodnight whore.” Her nickname for me is any insult she can think of. I smile to myself and walk the short steps to my room. I open the door and Bean scurries to come to sleep with me. “Traitor!” Sora calls from the couch. I close the door behind us and take a deep breath. My eyes catch the glint of the moon’s reflection on something shiny. I look up at the wall above my bed. There hung my sword. It had a pink and white hilt, with a guard that was four hearts around the bottom of the blade. The blade was a mixture of black and a redder pink.

“Kanroji Mitsuri, what exactly were you like?” I mumble to myself. Bean mews softly from my bed and I crawl in with him. I catch myself staring at the sword above me as I drift off to sleep.

“Here.” A voice mumbles. In front of me is a boy about my age. He wears black and white stripes and a mask over his mouth. His eyes are blue and gold, beautiful. He holds striped green socks in front of him with his head turned away from me. I smile happily and take them gingerly from his grasp.

“Thank you.” I bow my body and when I look up his eyes are on me. My smile grows and his eyes widen. He stumbles back a few steps and I tilt my head in confusion.

“It’s-It’s no big deal.” He stammers and before I can say anything else he runs away. What a strange boy. I peer down at the socks he’d given me and can’t help but feel my heart flutter slightly. What was the serpent Hashira doing giving the love Hashira a pair of socks? I look up to where he’d run off to and think about hunting him down, but I highly doubt I’d be able to find him. He probably blended in with the shadows.

“Whatcha got there?” A voice from behind me asks. Kyojuro Rengoku stands behind me, his usual wide stare looking back at me. I glance at the socks and then back at the flame Hashira.

“Some socks…” I reply. He smiles widely and studies the socks.

“They remind me of Iguro Obanai.” He nearly yells. I smile and nod.

“He’s the one who gave them to me,” I confirm. Kyojuro nods and then gestures to me.

“By the looks of your face, he set your heart ablaze!” He exclaims. I gasp and touch my cheeks. Warm. So warm. My heart nearly explodes with a feeling of excitement and happiness. Could my goal of finding a man to love me finally be fulfilled? I glance behind me, where Iguro had run off to.

“Yeah, I guess he did.”

12 notes · View notes

stinkrascal · 1 year

Note

While on the topic of relationships I wanted to ask something and I hope its not overstepping if so you can feel free to ignore this. Im a sufferer of chronic pain and I think there will be a point where I cannot work anymore. How did you go about expressing to your partner your unable to work and provide 50/50 and is he okay with it? I don’t know how to open up to my boyfriend because Im scared he will feel pressured or overwhelmed. Thank you for reading Jaiden!

hello anon! i was gonna answer this last night but i fell asleep aha, but you're not overstepping at all! i'll put this under a cut because it's pretty long

when we first discussed me not returning to the workforce, i basically just sat him down and told him my feelings about why i didn't think i can maintain a job. this was during covid, before the vaccines, so i still couldn't find work without significantly risking my health or his parents' health, since we still lived with his parents at the time, and his father is immunocompromised. i can't drive (i tried learning but it ended dangerously, that's all i'll say), so finding reliable transportation would be difficult. there's also the issue of our location, where at the time we lived in a rural town in bumfuck louisiana (we live in a city now, but still nothing compared to cities in bigger, more densely populated states) where job opportunities for me, someone with no education and no prior job experience, were sparse. and lastly of course i brought up my absolutely terrible mental health crisis, which he's witnessed firsthand, so he knew what i was talking about when i explained the deeper symptoms i'd been experiencing. i literally just made a list of all the cons and explained to him why i personally didn't find it viable, but still reassured him that i was open to finding work if we ever needed extra income, as well as reassuring him that i wouldn't be mad if he didn't agree with my reasoning, i simply wanted to put my thoughts out there so we could communicate our expectations. he is a very kind person though, so he understood exactly where i was coming from and we planned accordingly.

i also feel compelled to say that our circumstance is very unique in the modern day, as we had a lot of privileges a lot of people i know don't have. my partner attended college and received his bachelor's degree for free on account of his scholarships, so he has no debt, and neither do i. he works in a field where jobs are always in demand no matter where he goes, where the starting salary is very comfortable, and where growth is inevitable, and that combined with the fact that we live in louisiana which is a low cost of living state compared to many other states makes our decision a viable one. we also always had support from his parents, who have been nothing but kind and encouraging and have fully integrated me into their family. we're in a really privileged position to make this decision and i fully recognize that, and i understand that not everyone can make this decision because of various factors. so please don't take this as me trying to like "sell" this lifestyle or whatever, there's that weird trend online of the ~tradwife life~ and ~divine feminine~ and whatever, and i never want to seem like i'm shoveling that to my followers, it's just that the circumstances of our lives worked out in such a way where me not having to work became a reasonable option.

if you and your partner reasonably cannot live without two incomes, which is very common given how expensive it is to live, i would highly suggest discussing the possibility of you working less hours and contributing less financially, so maybe instead of working a full 40 hours a week you can take up part-time work, and pay for all the groceries/utilities while your partner handles the rent. instead of splitting 50/50, y'all can try something more like 40/60 or even 30/70 depending on your needs. try to emphasize the good this will do for your physical and mental wellbeing, and if it helps you like it helped me, i would make a structured list going through the pros and cons of your thought process! assuming you begin working less hours, i'd also recommend taking on more housework as a compromise, since you'll be working less. obviously you don't have to do all the housework since you're both still working and it's unfair to expect you to do all the housework while having a job and paying bills. honestly i don't work and my partner still helps with chores and he's responsible for his own laundry and cleaning his own office and stuff, so don't let your partner think you have to take on ALL the household labor while working part time. but still, try to level the division of labor by doing a few more chores, maybe doing the dishes more often, or cooking more often, or cleaning the shared spaces more often as a compromise, since you'll be working less than they are.

there's also a lot of remote work available nowadays! so if your chronic illness makes it difficult for you to work shift work, i would highly suggest finding something where you may work from home. one of my best friends works remote at a call center, where they provided the computer for him, he just had to find a way to pick it up himself, but otherwise he never has to leave his house for his job. there's plenty of jobs like that, so i would definitely try to find work like that if you not working isn't an option, but you want to find work that isn't so taxing on your body!!

sorry i rambled so much, apparently i had much more to say than i thought i did ahah. i really hope things work out for you anon, i'm sending you lots of love. take care of yourself <3

#jade answers #anonymous #it is very scary to talk about these things at first #but i think it's worse to leave things unsaid than to discuss things. even when it feels scary #it is better to list your expectations and your needs! never feel embarrassed for expressing that #even though rest assured i was also embarrassed when trying to express my own needs lol

7 notes · View notes

mach1ne-g1rl · 1 year

Note

Saw your most recent post on dhmis and tma and I've got opinions to say I believe Computers is an Eye episode because Colin's whole deal is stealing personal info and being smart but its not my strongest I see Jobs as a buried because while it doesn't involve much claustrophobia its more about harmful workplaces and overworking which ties in with the buried in a symbolic sense. I will argue so strongly Death is an End episode. The End is LITERALLY the fear of death smh. While I can see the argument its a Stranger because of Stain Edwards the theme of death is so strong that it isn't that relevant. I see Family as both Stranger and Corruption, Stranger because the whole episode feels very uncanny with the design of the family and set being a "real" place. It's also Corruption because the episode is about toxic family relations. I still cannot believe how you thought Friendship was originally a Vast episode. While I can see why you would assign it Lonely it's clearly a Corruption, it's literally about toxic friendships. Also bugs. Tbh i don't know what to assign to Transport my closest guess is Vast but my argument isn't very strong Electricity is a hard one, I don't think i can assign it to one entity. I think Electracey is a Extinction avatar because she's a robot and the "everything in the home will be plugged in and part of the electric family" line. I could see Charged Yellow being either Eye, Stranger or Extinction. Eye because he's want to find the truth and also green eyes, Stranger because Yellow gets replaced, and Extinction because he gets replaced using specifically technology. The power outage is probably Dark because darkness. Lesley is a Web avatar, I will fight you on this. She's controlling them, she's the literal puppet master. You said that Lesley isn't the main one pulling the string making her less Web aligned but I would argue that makes her MORE web aligned because she's knows she's not fully in control. I interpret becoming a web avatar as not only being manipulative, but accepting your lack of free will. As Annabelle said in 147, "let it never be said that I do not dance the steps I am assigned." Sorry this is long and probably sounds a little rude i just have very strong opinions on tma and dhmis have a lovely day

COmputer being eye was also on my first post but i removed it bc i didnt think it was part of the big Fear factor ? but the way you phrased it does make it work

jobs being buried makes sense too !! my main reason for it being spiral is just Duck calling everything out and then Also going weird ? and then going back to "this is all wrong" very strongly (also the episode is reminiscent of Sculptor's Tool to me with only duck pointing out how this is Odd)

death SHOULD be end ur right , i just didnt think anyone in dhmis seemed very scared of the Death there ? so i thought it wasnt very important but Yeah when you mention it its definitely end ty (Or desolation bc it also feels like . theyre more focused on the grief of losing someone n not the Fear of Death ? if that makes sense=? but i dont rly get the End and Desolation anyway so)

CORRUPTION FOR FAMILY IS SO RIGHT i think i considered corruption for it at one point but i second guessed myself enough to remove it again . and stranger never reallly seemed correct to me but it was the closest and i had no one to discuss with so i ran with it:sob:

IM SORRYY LSITEN OK i hadnt listened to tma in full when i made the first list. i just read the entities wiki page and heard season 5 ..!!!! honestly idk if i agree with corruption bc , while thats probably the deeper meaning of the episode (toxic friends) warren always seemed like just an autistic asshole to me so i never saw the whole . toxic thing ? and he never really actually seemed friends with any of them ?? yea taking advantage of their kindness but i wouldnt call it a toxic relationship bc there never Was a Relationship to me (probably factually wrong n im being ignorant here but its my list and blehh :P im biased towards warren) and im probably just forgetting something bc i havent rewatched it in a while but are there bugs besides warren (are worms bugs)?

transport i assigned Web bc red guy being like . aware of the whole They're Trapped There thing and trying to escape and Lonely bc they're trying to get to other people/ civilization/ community but are just . stuck ? and in some episodes the lonely just takes ppl to endless places that they cant leave (cul-de-sac is the only one i remember) and it just (again) reminded me of that

ELECTRICITY /SHOULLD/ be more than 1 or 2 very true but i just Really hate assigning more than 2 to these idk why ive set that rule for myself but it just feels wrong, disorderly and i dont like it . but yes i can see electracey being extinction (tbh i feel like teachers being avatars/ assinging them patrons/fears could be a whole other list itself) Charged Yellow being stranger i disagree. yes hes replaced but it feels more like . if s1 jon got replaced by s5 jon ? does that make sense ? I HAD DARK For this episode too bc the power outage but it didnt feel like a big fear factor here ? and i just didnt think it was significant enough (the dumb self-imposed rule) Lesley IS web coded i completely forgot annabelle for a second when i made this :sob: ive had too much michael on my mind and i thought being trapped wasnt enough of a theme here ? not like it was in Transport or like Dreams but yea it definitely should be Web

IM GLAD this is long i like hearing other ppls thoughts and input on this silly stuff (it did sound a little rude at times but dw i get it) I think at the end of the day the way we judge these is just Very different? Unless you disagree, i dont think the web series is this "up for debate" as the tv show is bc it just has . Less. There's maybe 3 lines at the start, then the teacher comes in and starts singing about what they embody, then the horrors and the end (only the last 3 episodes rly made me question which Power would be associated with them bc it kinda follows a plot so they could all a little be taken as web and lonely with red guy?) Theres just so many more ways the TV show can be interpreted. These could be judged on the Teacher, the Lesson, the thing that scares the characters, the thing that scares the Audience, symbolism/manifestations, etc. (i think i just went with whatever seemed the most relevant to me / what scared the characters ? but i was also being pretty inconsistent there lmao) i feel like there would probably have to be multiple lists or just one BIG list of everything that could count as one of the entities ? or maybe im blowing this out of proportion and its really simple for you, and only i struggled with this :,) either way it was fun ! and i think thats all that matters maybe the real dhmis tma entities assigning list were the friends we made along the way aww

#sun.ask #can you tell im very unsure of myself

3 notes · View notes

exceptionally-minded · 2 years

Text

I deduced that my followers enjoy the ramblings of loquacious bibliophiles, so I've decided to share my live-tweeted Kenobi III reactions here instead of my personal blog. Spoiler warning should be obvious.

I'm still very focused on how Reva / Moses' character will be treated and am happy to see Vader respecting Reva in Vader's way.

"How does the Force work" "not like that" feels like a reference to Ep. 7 "That's not how the Force works!" - Han

Obi-Wan describing it as turning on the light is a beautiful visual and honestly reminds me to meditate more often.

I also keep recalling portions of text from Clone Wars: Wild Space and would like to again recommend that literature.

I don't mind the voiceovers from previous films but if it continues much longer I will feel it's a bit... indulgent

Mapuzo hasn't been mentioned before which I conclude from its limited Wookiepedia chronicling - edit - it was apparently mentioned in a game.

Obi's hallucination of ROTS Ani reminds me of Ezra's visions of Maul. How sweet for Leia to ground Obi - it echoes of the "sins of the father" question that haunts ROTJ.

Reva is the smartest and most awesome Inquisitor. Why is everyone still sleeping on that. Oh yeah, because the Empire is inherently corrupt and doesn't actually value talent. Just loyalty.

"Father, aren't you going to say hello?"

Ewan: DOES NOT SAY HELLO THERE

Obi sitting in his same spot on a transport in his same robes doing his same arm pose... he "cannot help what he is."

SOMETIMES WHEN I LOOK AT LUMA I SEE HER MOTHERS FACE

NO NO NO NO I CANT CRY ALREADY THEY CANT DO THIS ITS OUTRAGOUS ITS UNFAIR

Ahhhh Leia's wondering about her parents - first of all, she's SO STRONG with the Force - second of all, what wonderful foreshadowing for the Star Wars: Bloodlines novel.

Leia and Obi-Wan can already communicate with each other through glances. I like how she is confident that he is trustworthy even though she still knows he's not being completely honest with her. An interesting distinction, to be sure.

A friend pointed out last night that they did a great job not spoiling her role here. The trailer made it look like it would be all about Luke and thus far it is NOT and I am NOT complaining. MORE LEIA

20:02 I need a gif of Tech saying "Oh good, a probe droid."

Action hero Obi-Wan has entered the chat!!! The dramatic head raise. Deadeye shot. SO Uncivilised.

The way she runs toward him in her little green Endor-foreshadowing jacket like a human Grogu to Mando

Knowing Aurebesh is such a problem because now I have to pause this all the kriffing time...

Leia introducing herself to the droid and introducing her droid to the droid because droids ARE life forms and obviously her parents would because blah blah blah you already know.

"You're not the first Jedi to come through here" EXCUSE ME MA'AM IM ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT

Jedi Order symbol scratched onto the wall Leia and Lola are looking at. Cant really make out the Aurebesh name because its so scratchy... wait, wait, I've got a signal coming in... LR_E. Best I've got. Was really hoping for a major easter egg like "Ashla."

Oh kriff there's actually a ton of names... I don't have time for this, someone else on the internet can do it

I SPOKE TOO SOON!!! QUINLAN KRIFFING VOS YES YES YES PLEASE GET MY GUY BACK INTO LIVE ACTION!!!!

This droid's lower limbs look like clone armor from the back..

Oh no, I was right... again. You know that shot from the trailer that we thought was an armored clone's butt? Yeah it was the loader droid from the safehouse 😦 Damn I am so disappointed right now.

Shit I didn't think we'd see Vader so soon. Can you imagine how CONFUSING it would be for Obi? Like wtf IS THAT

Ooh I did not miss how Reva was startled by Vader's callousness toward the civvies.

Echoing in my head: Vader's "I sense a presence... once I haven't felt since...." from Ep IV

When Jedi say "I'll be right behind you" they literally NEVER MEAN THAT. See: Kanan Jarrus, etc.

Okay very interested to see how they're going to manage the transition between Ep 3 and Ep 4 lightsaber duel style.

I recall on Mustafar that Obi-Wan KNEW Anakin was his equal, so he utilized Anakin's hubris against him by manipulating him to make stupid decisions, coaxing him onto dangerous platforms, even - I know - the high ground. And I'm seeing that here too, he's looking around his environment for an advantage, whereas Vader is just stalking him down.

Oh no, Obi-Wan released some fog for Vader to walk through. Anakin just haaaaaaaates that 😉

"I am what you made me" ugh, I mean, I expected that, but that's pathetic. Own your mistakes, Anakin. You're angry with yourself.

Damn that was brutal, not like it was unexpected but good gracious I could not watch the fire scene. Tala is great but their escape was too easy. Droid is great. Reva supremacy. The end. Can't wait for next week. QUINLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

#kenobi spoilers #kenobi series

22 notes · View notes

infoglitch · 11 months

Text

Yeah I'm still doing this rewrite. Still horrible at writing women but eh. Hope y'all enjoy

Ruby found herself sitting at a table in a dark room as the gray haired man sat in front of her wit Glynda standing in the corner as she read through a book. Even though magazine on top of it could be seen. Ruby gulped nervously as the man infront of her sighed.

"So... Your tai-yang's daughter. Ruby correct?" The man asked as he stared at her focusing all the attention to the girl before him. Ruby nodded as the man sighed and closed his eyes as he rubbed his nose. "Ofcourse... So care to explain why you want to go to beacon and why you show decency with a scythe?" The man asked as his brow furrowed. His glare focused upon ruby. The girl took a deep breath as she held it for a few seconds before exhaling

"Well my dad's a huntsmen, my uncle qrow is a huntsmen, my mom was a huntress and my big sister is gonna be a huntress might aswell follow in the foot steps" ruby said as she smiled before sniffing the air. "Are there cookies here?" She asked. The man nodded and snapped his finger as out of nowhere a jar appeared in front of ruby as her eyes sparkled and immediately opened the jar not paying attention to the fact the jar just... Appeared.

She started to stuff her face as the man cleared her throat. "So as for your desire to go to beacon academy early... I have already discussed it with your father." The man. Spoke as Ruby stopped harfing down cookies as she looked at him with her mouth full of cookies before chewing and then swallowing. Almost in a cartoon fashion. Ruby sighed and pushed the cookie jar back- nope, nope ok she's not. she's gonna keep em there.

"Did my dad ask you to not let me go?" She asked as she frowned Abit. The man shook his head as he out stretched his hand as a cup of tea appeared. Ruby once again not questioning.

The man took a sip before setting it down. "Despite your father's behavior normally. It appears he's lightened up.... Maybe... Actually no." The man said as he took another sip before placing the cup down as it vanished.

"Regardless the point is clear your father wants you in beacon and you want to be there as well.. as the headmaster-" "wait your headmaster ozpin?!" Ruby interrupted the man as he groaned.

The man knows as ozpin face palmed as Ruby then meekly apologizes for interrupting him. "As the headmaster it is my job to personally greet and welcome new students. So since your father has wanted you to go your sister most likely would love to have you there as well, and you yourself want to go to fulfill some vague family business I would like to welcome you to beacon academy. The transport will arrive at the docks next week I suggest you pack your things and pick whatever weapon you want to have." Ozpin spoke bluntly... He seemed bored. Sure he was being polite but he seem tired.

Ruby shook away the thought as she nodded vigorously as she thanked ozpin continuously before Glynda dragged her out of the room and sent her away. She then turned to ozpin as he inhaled his shoulders rising before falling as he exhaled. He leaned back in his chair. "Glynda... Please tell me I'm not an idiot for letting a child go to my academy." Ozpin spoke in a more relaxed manor as Glynda looked at him softly. "Your an idiot oz. But your decisions are yours." Glynda spoke as ozpin closed his eyes as he remembered a woman. Wearing a black gown with white hair, her skin pale with cracks running along her body.

Back with Ruby she was walking home as she rubbed her ear as it ached. She grumbled as stopped walking and took a deep breath. Before exhaling and screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GOING TO BEACON!".

The next few days were a flash as Ruby was gathering parts of fire arms and machinery aswell as buying the scythe that she returned. Eventually the day came as Ruby was carrying a red and black box on her back as she and yang were heading to the docks. "So how you feeling rubes? You excited?" Yang teased as she looked at her sister who had a big dopey grin as she nodded vigorously.

Yang chuckled before ruffling ruby's hair as Ruby tried to pry herself free. "No fair you mess up my hair yet you won't let me mess with yours" ruby whined as her sister let her go as yang chuckled before patting her sister on the back.

"That's because your hair isnt shaped to look perfect." Yang spoke as the two arrived At the docks as a large air ship sat it's doors closed as a ton of people huddled around. "Well this is it. There's Still turning back. Rubes. You ready for huntress training" yang asked as her sister nodded before the doors open and a man wearing a pilots out stepped out. "Greetings all students. I am your pilot. I will be escorting you to beacon academy. Now please enter single file." The pilot spoke as he then entered the air ship as people entered and found their seats.

Ruby entered and found herself sitting between her sister and two other people. The first was a young black hair man his face slim and angular as he wore a green tailcoat that had a flower petal pattern across the sleeves as he wore simply white sweat pants. The man was scrolling through his scroll as the person next to him was red head girl whos face was much more rounded much like ruby's. She wore a black t-shirt with the words "BONK!" Written across it. She wore a pink over shirt that and wore black shorts. She was going on about something revolving around lightning... Hammer and pancakes? Ruby couldn't quite understand due to how fast the girl was speaking.

"Um hi" ruby said sheepishly as the red head looked at her as she smiled. "Hitherenicetomeetyaimnorathismopeisrenwhatsyournameyourfavoritecolor-" the girl spoke so fast The boy placed a hand on her mouth as he looked at her. "Nora. Your speed talking again. Take a breath and speak slow." He said calmly as the girl nodded as the boy smiled softly and removed his head. The girl took a deep breath and exhaled. "Hi there. I'm Nora Valkyrie. This mope here is lie ren." Nora spoke at a normal pace allowing ruby to think of an answer. "I'm ruby rose. This is my big sister yang." Ruby smiled softly as she pointed to her sister who waved at them.

As the four talked we see a blonde sitting in his chair as he face was GREEN as he rocked back and waiting for the ship to arrive at beacon. Eventually it did as everyone got off with Ruby waving goodbye to Nora and ren "Bye bye! Hopefully we get to hang out! Bye!" Ruby shouted as the two walked away. Until someone ran past her and ran to the nearest trash can as he bent down and started vomiting with yang coming off the ship as she looked at the boy. "Let's hope not to get teamed with vomit boy over there. Anyway see ya around. You go make friends." Yang said as she pat her sisters back as Ruby looked at her confused "friends. I don't need to make friends I already got you!" Ruby said as yang sighed before seeing a group of people. "Well my friends are over there so cya later rubes!" She ruffles ruby's hair before running off. Ruby reached out her hand for her sister before sighing. Great. This was gonna be middle school all over again.

Ruby begin walking around looking at all the sites before hearing something fall before she kicked something as shattered glass could be heard as Ruby looked to see a dust canister broken at the dust grains glowed as there was a BOOM as the grains of dust exploded causing ruby to find herself in a crater. She covered her ears as they were ringing as she shut her eyes to focus before something blocked the sunlight. Ruby opened her eyes and saw young woman with white hair stare down at her, her face contorted into a scowl. Ruby knew she was about to get yelled at so she curled up into a ball as the girl looked at her. "Hey. Hey. Hey crater face are you alright?" The girl asked as she crossed her arms. Ruby was not hearing any of it as the girl groaned before grabbing ruby the shoulders and lift her up.

"Are you alright? You took the brunt of a explosion." The girl asked as Ruby shrinked back before realizing that she wasn't being yelled at. "Um yeah I'm ok." Ruby said as she wiped off the gunk left by the explosion. "That's good to hear. Now then." The girl proceed to slap ruby. Ruby held her cheek as the girl began scolding her. "Do you have any idea how careless that was, just walking into a dust canister! You could have died. Or lose a limb!" The girl shouted as Ruby looked down ashamed.

"I'm sorry." Ruby whimpered as the girl sighed before rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Look just be careful next time you dunce. Now then may I ask your name?" The girl asked as Ruby looked at her and nodded smiling. "I'm ruby. Nice to meet you." Ruby beamed as she out stretched her hand. The girl grabbed her hand and shook it but when they were about to speak another voice interrupted.

"Weiss schnee. Second heir to the great and mighty schnee dust manufacturing" a black haired girl spoke as their yellow eyes stared at the two and ruby could feel the eyes piercing gaze. Weiss turned to the girl and shared her piercing gaze with her own. "It appears someone study's a lot. How'd you tell." Weiss asked curious as the black haired girl closed the book she was reading but not before placing in a bookmark.

"White hair. Natural white hair isn't found anywhere else. Except for the schnee's.now my only question is why are you here. Come to get more fanus to serve you perhaps?" The girl said coldly as Weiss grumbled as she crossed her arms. "It appears you have me mixed up with my father. I don't do that." Weiss retorted as the black haired girl shook her head as she began walking away.

"Schnees are all the same. Once a enslaver always a enslaver." She shouted behind her as Weiss clenched her fist and grit before taking a deep breath and exhaling as she seemed to calm down.

"Um well it's nice to meet you Weiss" ruby spoke as Weiss just sighed and began walking away as Ruby was now left in a crater. She groaned and sat down. "Great. Just great." Ruby spoke as a shadow casted over her. "What do you want now lad- oh" ruby spoke as she looked up and saw a familiar blonde male as he wore a hoodie and blue jeans as he had plate armor covering his chest, shoulders, stomach, and knees. "Um hi I'm jaune d'arc." Jaune spoke as he waved at her. Ruby shot up and pointed at him "vomit boy! I knew you looked familiar!" Ruby proclaimed as jaune sighed. "ofcourse I'm already getting nicknames well Atleast I ain't named crater face" jaune retorted as he crossed his arms as Ruby frowned "didn't have to go there... Well it's nice to meet you jaune I'm ruby." Ruby spoke as her and jaune shook hands as they hear a ringing as the large school gates opened for them as everyone immediately ran in to the school.

#rwby #fan rewrite #rwby: fate

2 notes · View notes

askaborderline · 1 year

Note

I feel like i always fall for people who are literally unavailable. Either they live too far, or they already have an s/o or both. I hate being 26 and being single my entire life. Everyone i know has someone. Theyre all happily in love and they have good jobs and are moved out and i have no one and nothing except a job that doesnt pay well and a family that constantly emotionally and verbally abuses me. Ive regretted every single time ive told someone i had feelings for them bc they reject me, ghost me, or they already have someone. Im so so lonely and its so hard for me to make friends at college bc im 7-8 yrs older than those kids. And its even harder at work bc i feel like everything is superficial. That no one there is actually my friend, they just talk to me bc they work with me.

They say that no one likes you when you’re 23…. or 24, 25, or 26 I guess…

I think everyone can relate to falling for someone unavailable. While the internet is great in part because it creates a culture where we can connect with people around the globe, that of course means that we can’t always meet people in person. While there are plenty of people who can work around this, and do, that really isn’t the case for everyone.

I’m sure everyone can relate to falling for someone who also already has a S/O. The polyamory part of my brain wants to yell “That’s okay! Date them anyway!” But trust me we understand that most people do not want to date more than one person, and we run into that as well a lot.

And honestly, even if you do find someone, there’s no guarantee they’re going to be a good fit.

I’m sure you can find 100 posts out there telling you that you’ll find someone, it just takes time, and while those are of course well-intended, it’s not always a helpful message to hear. It can very easily come across the same way some toxic positivity messages come off.

As does messages that say things like “everyone is in a different spot in their life, it’s okay if you feel behind”. But it still sucks. We know this.

It’s very easy to tell people “when you turn 18 (in the US) you’re free!” but… it’s very hard to actually move out on your own and a lot of times it comes down between putting up with an abusive and shitty household or quite literally being homeless. “At least I have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in and food to eat.”

People can’t help if you come to them about having feelings for them and they already have someone and are strictly monogamous. People also can’t help if they simply don’t have the same feelings for you as you do them. But it still really sucks, and so does people ghosting you over it.

I understand not making friends easily at college. While I’m not 26, I am 23, but also I look 21. I haven’t made any friends in college either, and certainly the few acquaintances I have made are not anyone who would date me or I would even want to date.

And yeah, work place friendships are certainly a real thing- I see my coworkers come in and hang out with each other off the clock all the time, and I know they text and snap each other all the time, etc. I, personally, don’t fit in with really any of my coworkers, and do not have that. My coworkers very much only talk to me because they work with me.

The solution I see most people talk about is either going to events or try online dating. Well, I’ve tried online dating and personally it does not work for me, but at this point I work and go to school so much I don’t have the energy to be going to places on a frequent basis. Not to mention going places cost money, and if you don’t have your own form of transportation then you really aren’t going anywhere. I’m kind of tired of these being the go-to answers when people ask “how do I make friends in my 20s”, but I personally don’t have any other answers. If anyone else has any suggestions that aren’t “meet people in school, get a job, go to events, and try dating apps” I would love to hear them because I too am in this situation and all ears.

And I mean really even if you DO manage to overcome these things, seriously sometimes the relationship itself is worse than being single. I quite literally managed to attend a concert where a guy started talking to everyone around him and ignoring his clearly awkward little brother so I made a point to ignore him and talk to his brother which led to him pretty much asking me to help look after said little brother to which I was like ofc this guy is way cooler than you and I don’t want to talk to you but I ended up getting a crush on him and we started talking after and ended up in some sort of faux relationship that was very up-and-down and overall bad for me and culminated in him going to a different state to pick up his kid and get divorced while sleeping with someone else all while I was… back home… so like YEAH even if you do overcome all that and find someone it could literally go like that 😳.

But like. Idk. I have to have hope at the same time? Do I really think I’m going to end up with someone in 2023? No. But I really think that I personally have to have hope. Because I don’t have anything else. I don’t haven’t friends here. I don’t have things to do here, or if I do I really don’t have the energy to do them while being chronically ill and working 20-30 hours a week + being a full-time student doing 12-15 credits a semester… just because I didn’t make any friends last semester doesn’t mean I won’t make any this semester. Just because none of my coworkers want to spend time with me outside work (and that’s fine because the feeling is mutual) doesn’t mean that perhaps some day a customer won’t come in and see me and think that I would make the perfect friend (or more). But, uh, yeah, it hasn’t happened yet. My coworkers are either in long-term relationships or are getting dating apps and getting dates within a week and then that same night they’re telling me this having customers ask if they’re single and I’m like wow! That’s great I’m getting misgendered by other trans people because people apparently can’t even tell I’m gay. And then I come on to tumblr to escape that crushing reality and see my mutuals all in healthy loving relationships with 4+ people or finding a new budding romance at also 23. So then I vent about it to my online friends who all also have partners. Or I text my irl best friends back home about it who are just as neurodivergent as me so 48+ hours later (or a month. Or never) they respond with “damn that sucks sorry to hear that”. And then I sit at home and my mom goes “I’m going with the friends I’ve made! See you later!” And I just. Sit at home. And probably sleep because I’m exhausted.

I’m not going to push anyone to have hope. If you really don’t have any hope that’s fine. You’re allowed to sit and complain about how lonely you are. I’ll listen, at least. Because I very much understand. And even if I wasn’t in the same boat, I would still listen. I understand the feeling of feeling like it’s not going to get better. It really sucks. I do hope it gets better for you though. And me too. Maybe 2023 will be our year. Statistically if we’re going to find someone then the older we get is another year closer to that. It’s just the waiting that sucks.

#aab #mod spooky

2 notes · View notes