#i feel like my friends are tired of me saying “i want to play xiv” daily but OH WELL TWO MORE WEEKS lets go | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rollingsins · 1 year

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all hers part vii

summary: Tara hasn’t fucked you in days. When you make a scene in front of her friends, you get what’s coming to you.

warnings: (+18) smut. strap-ons, rough sex, spanking, possessive!tara with some aftercare. ghostface!tara

word count: 2.9k

a/n: for all my horny babes out there who wanted some rough gf!tara sex. thanks for all your asks and comments, let me know what you want to see next!!

You’re bored. Tara’s friends are boring.

It’s the fifth night this week they’ve been over.

It made sense, you guess. Since Amber’s murder they’d been a little clingier than usual. They’d lost one of their own, it checked out they would want to grieve as a pack.

But five nights in a row. You were losing your sanity.

Wes brought the video games, Mindy the alcohol, Chad the weed. Liv brought herself.

They’d park up in Tara’s living room, stay until two or three in the morning.

They’d completely interrupted you and Tara’s perfect routine; gone were the sleepy nights on the couch curled up into each other. Gone were Tara’s romantic meals, the bubble baths, making out in front of the fireplace. Instead, you sat on a couch wedged between Chad and Liv, competing with an Xbox for your girlfriend’s attention. The worst part was, Tara didn’t seem to mind.

“Mario kart?” Chad suggests. It’s late, almost eleven.

You’d kind of hoped they'd get bored and go home, especially since the last of the weed had been smoked and Mindy had forgotten to buy beer.

Desperately you willed Tara to tell them to go.

“Sure.” She says instead. Reaches over you to grab one of the controllers, “Hope you’re ready to get your ass whipped.”

You sink back into the couch.

Perfect.

The weed made Tara mellow a little. She got sleepy and by the time the two of you went to bed she was definitely too tired for sex. It made you a little antsy. Usually Tara couldn’t get enough of you. It wasn’t unusual for the two of you to fuck every night. You haven’t had sex with her in over a week and it’s killing you.

You feel on edge. Press your hand to the small of Tara’s back, just wanting to touch her. Usually, she was all over you. Not tonight. She’s too captivated by Wes’ stupid video game. Both hands gripping the controller tight. You hate this. She’s made you jealous of an inanimate object.

“You suck at this.” Chad tells her as he laps her.

You rub Tara’s back. Slip your hand under her shirt, absent-mindedly. You miss her. The warmth of her skin. She retracts herself slightly, turning to shoot you a look.

“Baby.” Tara says, frowning, “I’m trying to win.”

Hurt swells in your chest. She’s competitive, you know that. Still, the rejection makes your heart clench painfully. You withdraw your hand.

“I’m going to shower.” You mumble, more to yourself than anyone else.

She hums in response. Her eyes don’t leave the television.

The shower doesn’t help. Your body feels tight. You close your eyes, try to relax. Drift your hand down, touch yourself. You rub circles on your clit, picture Tara. Her smile, her lips. Imagine her on top of you, her weight. The tiny noises she makes as she fucks you. It almost works. You bring yourself to the edge. Furrow your brow.

Sigh. It isn’t enough. You don’t want the thought of her, you want the real thing.

You finish up, dry yourself off. Maybe you’ll just go to bed. The idea of going back downstairs and watching Tara play video games for another two hours sounds like hell. You slip into a tank top, don’t bother with a bra. Slip on a pair of tiny, black panties. Catch the look of yourself in the mirror. You look hot. Fuckable. You bite your lip, tingle running through you. All you want is for Tara to come upstairs and press you into the mattress.

You might know how to get it.

They’re still playing when you walk downstairs. Your stomach flips, knowing exactly what’s about to go down. She’s going to be furious with you. If anything’s going to get her away from that stupid video game this is it.

You feel the entire room freeze as you walk back into it. Chad and Wes stare. Even Liv looks up from her phone. No one’s looking at the screen anymore. Tara looks up at you. Blinks once. Then twice.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She asks. There isn’t too much heat in her voice, not yet. Almost pure disbelief.

You shrug. Hop down on the couch next to her. “Just getting ready for bed. Who’s winning?”

The television blares. The controllers abandoned. Wes scratches his head, looks away from you, blush rising on his cheeks. Like a moth to a flame, Chad’s eyes flicker down to your chest. But you’re not watching them. Your eyes are on your girlfriend.

She’s livid. You can almost seem the steam coming out of her ears as she stares at you. She’s shuffling out of her own jacket, trying to wrap it around your shoulders. Your top is see-through, your panties barely cover you. You know you’re putting on a show. You’re past caring. You want these people out. If you have to get naked to do so, so be it.

“Put this on.” Tara orders. She tries to pull the jacket around your shoulders. You shuffle away from her, defiant.

“No. I’m not cold.”

Her brown eyes blaze. If looks could kill, you’d be six feet under. Wes stands. Awkwardly runs his hands through his bleach blonde hair.

“We should go.” He suggests.

“Maybe we should stay.” Chad suggests, an eyebrow raised. Liv whacks him.

“Or go.” He declares standing up, a little hasty, “Bye Tara. Good luck, YN.”

They filter out one by one.

Tara doesn’t take her eyes off you. You can feel the tension radiating off her. Quiet fury, the scariest kind. You’ve never pushed her like this before, your stomach thrums with the thought of what she might do. Bend you over the couch, maybe? Throw you on the floor, or spread you out on the dining room table? You feel yourself get hot at the thought.

When the front door clicks shut, all hell breaks loose. She stands, the controllers clatter to the floor.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Tara hisses, “Parading yourself in front of all my friends dressed like that.”

“I was hoping one of them would fuck me.” You say. “Since you have no interest in doing it yourself, apparently.”

It’s a dangerous game you’re playing. Her eyes darken. You don’t care, you’re angry too. Frustrated. You miss her. You just want her to claim you.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” You say. “I wanted one of them to fuck me. Maybe Chad. He’s kind of cute. Hell, Wes too, why not? Maybe they’d take turns. You can play your stupid little video-game and watch.”

That does it. Her eyes flash. She swallows, hard. Clenches her jaw.

“Get upstairs.” She says, voice low, dangerous. “Now.”

You don’t have to be told twice. You practically leap off the couch. She’s following, heavy foreboding footsteps behind you. By the time you get to the bedroom, your heart is racing. She slams the door behind her, tears off her jeans. You watch as she reaches into the top drawer of the bedside cabinet.

You don’t bother to undress. Making her angry is turning you on. She hasn’t fucked you in days. Your body craves it, craves her. You want her to remember what’s hers. You want to see how far you can take it. She pulls off the rest of her clothes, tightens the strap-on around her waist. Your mouth waters at the sight.

“Take off your clothes.” She orders as she tightens the strap around her waist.

“No.”

She looks up at you. You don’t often defy her when she’s like this. You were like putty in her hand most nights. It’s almost fun to watch the look in her eyes as you challenge her.

“Take off your clothes.” She tries once more.

“Make me.”

She blinks back at you. Your stomach flips as you watch her. She steps towards you, hands rough as she grabs at the base of your tiny tank top, ripping it clean off.

“Come here.”

She tugs you to her, rough. A flurry of movement as she settles herself onto the edge of the bed, her hands tight around your waist. Then she’s pulling you onto her lap.

“No.” She says as you try to wrap your arms around her neck and kiss her, “Face down. Now.”

She pushes your head down, hard. Lays you flat across her lap, ass up.

Her hands are soft, softer than they should be as they brush the fabric of your panties.

“Don’t you ever do that again.” She says. She’s serious, stern. “Don’t you ever show yourself off like that.”

Then she smacks your backside. Hard.

You gasp.

The sting sends a rush through your body. She hits you again.

“Is this what you wanted?” She growls. Hits your ass once more. “You wanted to be over my lap like this? You wanted to be punished?”

“Yes.” You gasp out. Arousal pulses through you.

She tugs your panties down your legs and smacks you again. The sound of her palm hitting your bare skin echoes through the room.

Your cheeks flush red.

“You’re mine. I’m the only person who gets to see you like that. I’m the only person that gets to fuck you. Say it.”

You bite your tongue. She smacks you so hard you whimper.

“Say it.”

“You’re the only one who gets to fuck me.” You say.

“And?”

“I’m yours.”

She continues her assault. Lands smack after smack to your reddening skin. By the time she’s done you’re gasping, pussy dripping wet, ass beet red.

You almost moan the moment you feel her relax, hands smoothing over the red skin. Her other hand is in your hair, stroking, almost soft before she grabs a fistful and tugs your head back.

“Get on your back and spread your legs. Now.”

You clamber off her. Do as you’re told this time. She’s spanked the defiance out of you. You’re so wet you can feel it dripping down your thighs, you need to her fuck you. More than you’ve ever need it before.

Your body pulses as you spread your legs wide for her.

She’s on you in an instant. Tugging your hips to her, settling between her legs. She doesn’t bother with foreplay. No doubt she can see how pathetically turned on you are. You feel the dildo at your entrance, then she’s sinking into you for the first time in days. You almost orgasm right there on the spot. You moan, grab for her, trying to pull her down. You want to kiss her. She slaps your hands away, grabs them and holds them high above your head.

In your euphoria, you’d briefly forgotten how angry she was.

“You told me you wanted to get fucked, so I’m going to fuck you.” She growls. Her eyes are black, the way they got only when she was like this. “I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow. I’m going to fuck you so hard the neighbors will hear you scream.”

She drives her hips into you, hard. You cry out; it sends shockwaves through your entire body. She slams into you once more, her thrusts deep, hard. Merciless. She doesn’t let up. Doesn’t allow you time to get used to the length of her cock as she pounds it into you. You don’t care, you like the burn. This is all you’d wanted. Tara, your Tara, wild over you, possessive, rough. Taking what’s hers.

And then she’s fucking you so hard you can barely form a coherent thought.

Her hands snake tight around your throat, choking you just hard enough you start to get light-headed. She’s grunting, the force of her entire weight behind her thrusts builds you so quickly to the edge.

“Fuck.” You gasp.

The mattress squeaks, debauched sounds of her skin slapping into yours as she pounds into you.

“Fuck.” She’s gasping too. She removes her hands from your throat and grips your hips so hard her fingers turn white.

“Who do you belong to?” She’s asking, but you can barely hear her over the blood pounding in your ears. The feeling of her cock rocketing up into you, splitting you open has encompassed every sense you have.

Her fingers grab your cheeks, forcing you to look at her.

“Who do you belong to?”

“You. I belong to you.” You gasp out. She grabs your hips, speeds up her pace.

“Who does this pussy belong to?”

“You.”

“That’s right.” She growls. Her hands are back around your neck, squeezing. “You’re mine. Your pussy is mine. These are mine.”

She grabs your breasts, flicks your nipples with her fingers. Her hips don’t stop moving. You can’t take much more, you feel your stomach coiling.

“Every part of you belongs to me. Don’t you ever show yourself off again. To anyone. Do you understand me?”

You’re nodding wildly. Half-lidded eyes. At that she seems satisfied. She reaches down between your bodies and circles your clit.

You cum. Hard. White light flashes behind your eyelids, every part of your body feels like it’s on fire. Your pussy throbs around her. The low cry you let out sounds almost inhuman.

She doesn’t relent. Pounds you through your orgasm. Her thrusts are angry, hard. Unforgiving. You tremble beneath her, heart almost beating out of your chest. She thrusts into you once more, then she’s sliding out of you, propping herself on her knees.

“Turn over.” She growls.

Your pussy aches, the orgasm almost too much. You feel light-headed, sensitive. You grip at her forearm.

“Baby-“

“I’m not done with you. Turn over.”

You don’t dare disobey her. Your pussy throbs, your ass stings from the force of her hands. You clamber onto your hands and knees. She’s lining herself up again, sinking into you without any warning. You grunt as she pushes you face down into the mattress, her cock sinking all the way inside.

She pushes your head down into the mattress.

You feel each thrust. Your body is starting to feel it now, the way she’s been manhandling you. She lands another smack to your bright red cheeks and you almost cry out from the pain. But then she tilts her hips in such a way that you’re gasping her name out into the pillow.

You can feel another orgasm building.

She’s grunting. Her hands are around your thighs, tilting her hips so she can get as deep as possible. She hits the right spot once, then twice, then you’re moaning loudly into the pillow as your orgasm overtakes you. You feel her hips jerk, nails digging into your skin as she cums too.

You’re quivering when she pulls out. You barely feel her slip out of the strap-on and nestle down beside you. Your heartbeat is in your ears. Your entire body aches.

You shake as you feel her hands on your back, trying to pull you into her.

“Come here.” Tara says. She tugs you into her chest and wraps you in her arms. She presses a long kiss to your forehead. You shiver.

“Good girl.” She says. The anger is gone. She strokes a protective hand over your back. “Are you okay?”

You nod into her chest. Angry red hand marks bloom on your hips, your ass cheeks still red from when she’d put you over her knee. Your pussy aches, but in a good kind of way. The kind it always did when she made you hers like this.

Her hands skim over your bare skin, rubbing, apologetic. She presses another kiss to the top of your head.

“You need to never do that again.” She warns, circling a protective arm around you. “I’m serious, baby. You know what it does to me.”

You do know. You know she’s killed people for just talking about wanting you. You’d put all of her friends in danger tonight. More than than, you’d awakened that part of her she was trying so desperately to shelve for you. You press a kiss to her chest, trying to steady her beating heart.

“I know.” You murmur, “I’m sorry. I just wanted you to pay attention to me.”

It sounds so childish when you say it like that.

She looks at you for a long moment.

“I’m sorry, baby-girl.” She says, “I’ve been neglecting you.”

For the first time all night, she leans down and kisses you softly.

“You’re my whole world. You know that.” She says, strokes her finger over your cheek. You look up into her eyes. The black is gone, replaced by her soft brown irises.

“I know.” You say. Bury your face into her chest. This was all you wanted. Just you and her, the way it should be.

“I’m sorry too.” You murmur into her skin. “I don’t want Wes or Chad, I don’t even know why I said that. I’d rather die than be with someone that isn’t you.”

She likes that. You can tell by the way she curls her hand into the base of your neck, protectively. You yawn, a little sleepy.

“School’s going to be hell tomorrow.” You say, remembering the show you’d put on.

“We’re not going to school tomorrow.” Tara says. She rubs a lazy hand down your bare back, “We’re going to sleep in, and then I’m going to make you pancakes.” She presses a heavy kiss to the top of your head. “And then I’m going to make you cum for every day I didn’t last week.”

That does sound appealing. Your stomach flips. You press your lips to her chest.

“Love you.” You mumble into her skin.

“Love you too.”

Next part

#ghostface!tara #tara carpenter x reader #tara carpenter x you #tara carpenter x yn #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x reader #mine #fanfiction #ah #scream #tara carpenter #tara carpenter x fem reader

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hithren · 2 years

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Update

Been a little while I feel eh?

Mostly rambling and where I feel mentally under the cut to save y’all. But long story short, I’ve been feeling really disconnected recently, from both tumblr, art, and FFXIV in general. I want to get out of this headspace, but not sure how just yet.

I’m finding it increasingly harder to focus on tumblr anymore. The changes to the site that make it look like ass, aside, I just… feel like it’s so empty these days? Or maybe I’m just outside of too many circles now.

The XIV RP community feels different now, or again, maybe it’s me. I’m too old, I guess. I haven’t really RP’d in ages I feel, save for some stuff with close friends in Discord, not even in game. I can’t find a FC. It’s either I feel I don’t fit personally, or my characters don’t. I’m beginning to think it’s impossible to find what I’m looking for/need out of a RP group. Even RP aside, I find myself more often than not logging in and doing stuff alone, which triggers several days of me not even desiring to log in at all.

But… I don’t really have another game I feel I want to play either. And it’s certainly not that I want to give up on XIV, but I’m beginning to feel the same feeling I did in the final days of my RP ‘career’ on Aion (god that was so long ago). Has the XIV sphere really changed that much? I feel so lost.

I’m beginning to feel like I won’t find what I’m looking for unless I run the FC myself. But that’s such a huge undertaking and at the same time I feel I don’t have much to offer anyway. I’m just… craving the type of RP that focuses on character growth and story. A small group of like-minded people who consistently grow together, whether through big plot or just… repeated interaction, I dunno.

I did dig up my old twitter, finally putting it to use. When I stopped focusing on tumblr, I tried my hand at doing art for another fandom. Part of the reason I haven’t really advertised it here is, well, I assumed everyone who followed me here would really only be interested in XIV content. But I’ll be honest and say… I’m kinda tired of only doing art for one fandom, one game, whatever. I admittedly don’t really know much about twitter, nor how to balance creating interest in my art if it’s not singularly focused but. I’d like to try.

I really do need to do commissions. I’m still not in the greatest living situation and that money kept me afloat and kept my family off my back. I even made a new commission site and everything. I taught myself how to make Vtuber models recently, trying to tap into that market. But I’ve been gun-shy in advertising. Because I have… no real followers over on twitter and again, I feel that anyone left over here followed me for a specific type of content.

I just feel so disconnected lately, with everything. Watching streamers play co-op games with their friends, etc. I’m like, shit, I want to do that. Man maybe I’m just lonely, imagine that.

Ah well. If you read all this rambling and are curious, you can go peek at my twitter. I warn you, there’s not much there, and the stuff that is has no relation to XIV at all. Though I have considered reposting some of my old art over there. If you want to take a peek at my new commission site, it is also linked over there, though again, I haven’t begun to advertise. So I guess I consider myself… semi-open for them? A secret? Kinda?

#ooc #Im alive #in all ways except mentally

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cryptidblue1 · 1 year

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I wish XIV would make a tag like the busy tag you can toggle on/off that basically says you do not want to join an FC. That or make it where the Busy tag stays on even after you log out and log back in. Because I have suffered six random invites, four people whispering me as if I'm a sprout, and half of them getting offended when I say "no thank you" or just decline the invite within five seconds of it showing up.

Like bruh I have been playing this game, on this specific character on and off since 2.0 open beta. I have enjoyed my time without the need of being part of some massive FC, and I am Tired of people feeling personally attacked or taking offense when I tell them this. Like I don't need an FC to socialize, I literally made friends with a bunch of randos in a Puppet's Bunker run this morning by just talking and making jokes as we ran the raid.

I don't need an FC to level my jobs: as seen below:

Could I have already finished this by now? Yes. Do I care? No. I literally level up a class when I want to be on the game, but don't want to sit around a city or in my apartment. Like all of my crafters/gatherers were things I leveled while watching youtube documentaries on cave and diving disasters or listening to a podcast since leveling is just something to help split my attention just enough to keep me on task.

I don't need an FC to do content with. I don't do endgame raiding, and the stuff I do run I can do in PF/DF or with the small group of people I talk to on discord that also play the game.

I don't need an FC for the "True Endgame" I am happy with my little Goblet apartment and couch surfing in a friend's house. I also follow enough people on twitch and twitter, as well as read shouts and such in cities, that if I wanted to go to an event I can find one and go.

I am just ranting to rant a bit, because this really is just more of an annoyance I have with the random invites and how there's always that one section of any MMO that needs to feel like they won something by having the biggest guild/fc/clan and thus something you want to be a part of.

#blue is ranting #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #I'm just being an old biddy #is this the mmo equivalent of going “damn kids get off my lawn”?#bruh I just want to get ninja to 50 without fifty random invites pls

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sarenhale · 3 years

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Honestly, relating to your WoW/FFXIV post, I wonder if the 'great community, by the way' thing only has become what it has because the influx of WoW players? I hope it stops because acting like everyone in XIV is a perfect saint is only going to upset people even more if someone is even slightly less positive in game. I don't know I hope the whole WoW vs FFXIV stuff dies down, even Yoshi-P had to basically say 'shut up, WoW is what we want XIV to be, and we'll never even touch the heights WotLK had.' I just think if Blizzard hadn't been ousted as a bunch of sexual abusers it wouldn't be this extreme, like trashing WoW is kind of 'slacktivism' in a way. Sorry this is so long you're just the only person I've followed that did the WoW -> XIV jump and you haven't really done the extreme 180 everyone else has, and I think you have good opinions on things. Also I hope you have a good day :)

Thanks for the kind words! I'm flattered to hear that you like my opinions and attitude. I do try my best to not be grating over things like games.

I will put a 'read more' because I do get into a bit in detail for this ask.

I personally do get a bit tired of the costant ffxiv and wow comparison and debate too. That's why I sometimes make fun of it in a light way, and make jokes or memes about it, but also keep to myself when debates come out and people start complaining or piling up discourse over discourse. I'm just glad to enjoy my game and see people enjoying it too, that's enough for me. I honestly don't have the patience or age to withstand game discourse anymore lmao.

I completely understand why people would want to switch games because of the recent Blizz horrifying actions, the fact that the game apparently hasn't been fun or well curated in a long time, or just for funsies and switching things up. I'm absolutely not complaining about the switch in games, if anything, I'm glad people are giving other games a chance. But I am a bit tired about the costant comparison, discourse, and millions of videos essays where people try to defend wow (as if you needed to defend a game you like... you can enjoy that game, period, and not create wars over it), or people making huge ffxiv against wow essays. Like I said some months ago, I studied the whole 'wow effect' for my thesis years ago for my Uni degree and I don't plan to go back at studying the phenomenon cause I just don't care about it anymore, to be honest.

I think sometimes people are just way too over protective of things they care about, like games, and when change occurs they react with panic and overprotection over something they can't control - people migrating over games, new influx of players, etc - instead of seeing the whole thing as something of a natural process all games and popular media are subject to. Like, imagine how bad things would be for every game or media if stuff NEVER changed. Especially for MMOS, that's a death sentence. And you don't want that for your favourite game. Even WOW suffering player loss might be a good thing in the end, it might force the companies to rethink their approach to games and community, since a lot of problems laid in there.

I played my fair share of WOW during my Uni years. I played for around 3 years or something, on and off with friends irl and online, and enjoyed my experience. Overall, I still have very good memories of fun and friendship in WOW, and it's a game I still like aesthetically a lot, along with its story and fantasy races. Hell, sometimes I think about how much I miss my WOW ocs, and drawing WOW related stuff.

But I don't think my relationship to WOW was as intense as some people's - I did transition from WOW to FFXIV, but I spent something like 2 years when I stopped playing WOW (I started in mists of pandaria, stopped around the beginning of battle for azeroth times) playing almost no videogames. So it wasn't like I switched from a game to the other immediately, I think mine was more of a timed and organic switch, I didn't start playing FFXIV until quarantine hit and I had nothing to do (and was feeling really bad and needed a distraction from the imminent doom), and I also got my new desktop computer knowing I could start playing a new game comfortably, and not on a toaster-like computer like I was doing during the WOW days. (computer shutting down due to overheating mid-raid, it was fun)

So maybe the fact that I didn't do the 180 turnaround switch like some other WOW players is what makes the difference in attitude and thinking. When I started playing FFXIV, I didn't have WOW fresh in my mind so I could do costant comparisons between the two games, or my affection towards WOW kinda like... influencing my taste, or opinion of the new game in any way.

WOW was a good memory but nothing more. I never forged a huge relationship with the game anyway, so it's probably what's different between me and other players that maybe (understandably) have more history with it. I engaged with it, liked it for a game I could spend some free time on, and then moved on when I got bored with it. That's kinda it. I understand that some people who have been playing for way more years than me might have a more affectionate memory or relationship with WOW, and that might be something that influences their reasoning sometimes. But it's also a bit of a common thing withing some communities like WOW- something that people could definitely abandon and move on, change attitude. Time and game change. There's no point in getting stuck in the past with the old WOW glory days, and that kind of sentiment- we're not getting back in time, and change should always be something to be embraced, especially in games and MMOS. Changing views, games and opinions is the base of not getting stuck in the same state of mind and I highly encourage people to do it.

As for the ‘critiquing WOW has become super extreme and almost like it’s a rule’... I mean... yeah? That’s the effect that often times ‘problematic’ things have on large crowds of people online. It’s to be expected, but it doesn’t come from nothing- a lot of bad things piled up in the game, the company, the community and their attitude- and it just so happened some things tipped the waters over and everything came out in a costant flow during the past year or so. But it doesn’t come from nothing- it’s just a result of people being genuinely critic of the game they engaged with, which is something good to do.

So yeah, I appreciate the ask! I like hearing from people that follow other games too and may have experiences similar to mine, and I'm also grateful that you've been following me from so many years since I was playing WOW, to now.

That said... I would like to keep asks like these to a minimum. I enjoyed this ask because it gave me a point of inspiration to think about my journey from games, and the chance of talking about something I care about (and I would like to think I know something about too, degree and experience and all...), but I don't plan to respond to more comments or asks that might move towards a more 'discoursy' tone of this same "ffxiv and wow" topic. I do enjoy asks like these but you can't count on everyone making a good and civil argument when asking questions, so I do have to keep a firm hand on asks and topics sometimes, or people get rowdy and think my tumblr blog is the new reddit. It has already happened with some people coming to my askbox to complain about shit I genuinely couldn't care less about. That will just get your question deleted, go to reddit if you want to complain or fuel the flames. I'm just here to vibe.

#thanks for posing the question in a genuine and mature way- i enjoyed talking about this #answered

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entropictome · 3 years

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Holiday Hot Pot

S:Final Fantasy XIV No plot or purpose. Just one man, his friends, family, his overwhelming grief and their very late Starlight. [mentioned non-WoL OCxThancred] 5754 words [ More FFXIV Content ]

“You look like shit.”

Moth’ir was missing his characteristic shades so all four occupants could clearly see the viera’s tactless comment send his eyes rolling. Five if the infant in his arms wasn’t soundly asleep. His comeback was snappy as always. “Thanks, kid. Thought I’d take a page from your book for a change.”

The Burn’s reaction was immediate. His rage coiled in his arms as he quickly changed stance. Ever one to turn to violence before reason. His voice rose as he started “,Why are you always-”

The rest was swallowed by a mitten plopped against his mouth. His smaller─but no less dangerous─companion shot him a long suffering look. Keeping The Burn’s temper under control was like trying to keep a lit match from igniting firedamp in a coal mine. Most folks had no hope but to abandon the mission to begin with. Ibuki was the sole exception. Though she could give him a good and proper dressing-down, it didn’t take much besides a sigh and disappointed look to upend his rampage before it started.

The anger didn’t go away, it just receded, but it allowed the pale and dark scaled auri to turn their attention back to their long missing friend. The three gathered around him with varying levels of interest. Leaving Havhen to flail helplessly as their presence was quickly forgotten in that of Moth’ir’s. Whom was obviously the more respected between the two when it came to their present company.

“You’ve been gone for months without word! We were really worried!” Ibuki stated, nearly whining with the intensity of her sincerity.

“We would have come sooner but there were a lot of things to take care of,” the Xaela man spoke apologetically. “There were so many festivals and trying to keep the bar staffed with so many people wanting days off and of course the Basement-”

Ibuki elbowed her much taller compatriot and cut his further worrying off by enthusing “,but Bukidai has dealt with all of it marvelously well so you don’t need to worry.”

“Oh?” Moth’ir looked at the Xaela with an appraising look. Though, paired with an easy grin, it was unlikely he was being serious. “Food baskets?”

“All delivered as of yesterday,” Bukidai, who was serious, assured him. “Thanks to our volunteers.”

“Volunteers is it? Did Mr. Auberdine show up?” Moth’ir asked and chuckled lightly when he saw Bukidai’s surprise.

“Ah, yes. Though we had to ask him to leave-”

“Because he was trying to convince everyone that volunteers deserved two baskets for their trouble.” Moth’ir interrupted, leaving Bukidai startled once again. “Did that every year. A few others too. Reason why I started delivering them my own damn self if I’m honest.”

“Every year?” Bukidai’s horror was indication enough that Mr. Auberdine had thrown one of his characteristic fits before he allowed himself to be let go.

“Grew up as a wealthy merchant’s son and then his family landed themselves in dire straights with bad investments,” Moth’ir shrugged. He was sympathetic but the sympathy was for Booker, not the man. “He’s remarkably less worse than he was but he’s never quite gotten over the idea he deserves more than everyone else.”

Bukidai sighed and shook his head. “Regardless, I think we can make do with our other volunteers if they want to pitch in again.”

“If you say so,” Moth’ir said dubiously. Bukidai held unto hope for dear life but Moth’ir had been divested of that a long long time ago. “Take care with old U’leh. Greying Miqo’te lady, very unassuming. She likes to troll through some of the donated items in Spring and Autumn for cakes to raffle off at her little charity parties.”

“She raffles off donated cakes?” Bukidai was aghast then pulled himself off the topic for another. “Spring is an awful long time away. Aren’t you coming back?”

“If you need to break out, we’ve got you,” Ibuki rose her sweater’s sleeve so she might flex her otherwise deceptively pudgy arm. Havhen─who had been watching their interaction with keen interest and was not familiar with Ibuki’s playful personality─shot Moth’ir an alarmed look over her shoulder.

“Contrary to whatever belief you might have, I am here of my own free will,” Moth’ir stated firm enough that they knew he meant it. He had certainly come of his own accord anyway. Staying was less than thrilling since he didn’t much care for the sole physician in this strange hospital. Divulging why was far more personal than he was comfortable sharing but he did add a “More or less.”

“More or less?” The Burn attention had been momentarily bought by the possibility of fighting.

Moth’ir gave him a stern look “,I’m staying.”

It was the right thing to do. More than that, it was where Thancred had left him. Left them. The four of them descended into an awkward silence. None of whom seemed particularly thrilled with the prospect.

Ibuki, hopping from one foot to the next, tried her best to break the quiet. “Is the baby yours? Bukidai said you left because you were feeling sick and had suspected but we didn’t know for sure.”

“Ibuki!” Bukidai chastised her.

Moth’ir gave him a solid kick to the shin. Which might have actually hurt had he been wearing anything but his slippers. He gasped and proclaimed with played up scandalization “What a gossip!”

Havhen was likely the only one of them who noticed the slight hissing. Something which indicated an actual irritation from Moth’ir he hid by dramatizing it.

“Is it a boy or girl?” Ibuki asked before throwing her arms up and blithely gesturing “,you know, for now.”

It was a joke that three of them understood better than the other two. Though she wasn’t aware of Havhen’s case. She had quite nearly forgotten they were there at all. Which was more or less in their favor as they were busy taking mental notes. Specifically on Moth’ir’s face after Ibuki asked her question. Moth’ir had settled into fatherhood like a round peg in a square hole. He’d fallen in but the corners weren’t right. Fairly typical of new parents but he’d taken his ineptitude as immediate failure and the guilt had landed him here in Havhen’s care. He’d only just been able to acknowledge his daughter directly at all.

Moth’ir visibly braced himself before muttering “,it’s uh... she.”

“She’s so cute! Can I hold her?” Ibuki thrust her arms out exuberantly. Either not noticing the stumble or too polite to point it out. Moth’ir handed her over mayhaps a bit too eagerly but the fact he’d been carrying her without needing to was progress. Havhen made a note of it.

Holding a baby was something Ibuki had enough experience in that she hadn’t needed coaching. Utterly doting, she looked fairly natural cooing down at the fussy bundle who had begun to stir due to the commotion and movement. Moth’ir struggled not to look miserable watching the pair, ears flattened against his head. Grief that went unnoticed now that all attention was on the baby.

“What’s her name?” Bukidai asked pleasantly.

“Doesn’t have one.” Moth’ir said flatly. Bukidai looked to him with confusion but Moth’ir waved him off and continued. “Her dad thought I should name her but I’ve been preoccupied and just... haven’t.”

Havhen distinctly remembered the white haired hyur had mentioned he’d wanted Moth’ir to name her because it might help them bond. And something about having already named two girls but that hadn’t been meant for Havhen’s ears. The concern of Moth’ir’s friends weren’t at all alleviated by the explanation but Bukidai had enough sense to recognize Moth’ir’s agitation. He simply nodded and smiled, if a bit awkwardly. “I’m sure it will come to you soon.”

Moth’ir brushed him off, glanced over at the window and the dwindling light outside. Whatever he’d wanted to see there caused him to sigh. He postulated “,You three didn’t really have a plan once you got here, did you?”

Said three exchanged glances that said they hadn’t and then all four heads turned to Havhen. The physician shook their head and crossed their arms in front of them. “Absolutely, not! This is a mental care facility! Not an inn!”

“It’s not like you’ve got any other patients and there’s not exactly a line waiting,” Moth’ir stated sternly.

“Nevertheless there are professional standards I have to adhere to,” Haven pushed back with just as much authority.

“It’s a madhouse,” Moth’ir exclaimed incredulously “,You’re already a joke and a half!”

“Not a madhouse!” Haven corrected him with a great deal of passion. “Those facilities garner their reputation by focusing on containment and are as like to cause as much─if not more─damage to their patients had they just left them alone. This facility is for study and treatment with the intent of rehabilitation.”

Havhen was a generally genial person but this was a subject they were particularly staunch on. Moth’ir, on the other hand, was just normally stubborn and exceedingly opinionated. Where the standoff would go was any one’s guess but it wasn’t likely to be clean. With that in mind, Ibuki interjected “,that’s actually quite fascinating! I’d love to get an interview with you on the subject for an article. Mor Dhona isn’t that far from Ul’dah, I’m sure some of my readers would love to know more.”

“You’re a reporter?” Havhen asked, scrutinizing the pastel garbed auri woman closer. “Publicity would be nice but your ilk are so fond of twisting things on their head for greater attention.”

“Well, you’re in luck because miss Bunji is far more partial toward fluff pieces,” Bukidai noted with a fair bit of amusement.

“Oh! I’m so tired of writing hard hitting news! Everyone is so wary of talking to me now but I don’t mean to find bad things! I’m just very good at tripping into them,” her sudden outburst sounded surprisingly sincere considering it’s absurdity. It had also upset the baby who she quickly went about soothing. “Oh! I’m so sorry, dear thing. It’s okay! Nothing’s wrong! You’re not running a money laundering business out of here are you?”

The last question was aimed at Havhen who simply held their hands up defensively. “If I was I wouldn’t be struggling to make rent.”

“You’d be surprised,” Ibuki sighed as she gently rocked the baby back to complacency.

Havhen considered the three newcomers and nodded approvingly. “Alright. You can stay for a short while.”

There was a short lived celebratory movement before Havhen added: “Under the condition you do chores around the building and submit yourselves for an interview of my own.”

Moth’ir balked. “Nevermind, everyone can go sleep outside.”

Havhen crossed his arms and said firmly “,if she’s going to write about my organization she might as well get the best understanding of what I’m trying to do.”

“I think we can handle some housework and questions,” Bukidai offered, trying to hearten Moth’ir whose grimace only deepened in return.

Moth’ir threw his hands up and shook his head but went to his next order of business “,Regardless, your kitchen stock is atrocious. Scribbles, go out and see what food stuffs you can pick up for tonight. It’s Starlight and almost sundown so don’t expect a lot.”

“You can count on me!” Ibuki chirped despite his sentiment and snapped off a salute unfamiliar to Havhen.

“You,” he pointed at The Burn “,there’s some weird creatures out of town. Ask around the adventurers, see what all is edible and how, kill it and bring the proper bits back.”

The Burn grinned and smacked his fists together. “I can do that.”

“As long as you can ask politely and don’t pick a fight,” Ibuki said to him as more of a warning than anything else.

“You’re with me in the kitchen,” Moth’ir nodded toward Bukidai “,let’s prep and you can see if you have any more ideas about what we have on hand than I.”

“And me?” Havhen pointed at themself.

“You’re on baby duty.” Moth’ir gestured dramatically toward his daughter, still in Ibuki’s arms who passed her off to them.

“Alright kids, we have a short amount of time and very little to work with. Let’s move,” Moth’ir gestured and his people went to do as they were asked.

Havhen and the child watched them all scatter. Before today Moth’ir had been antagonistic and withdrawn around them. This commanding man and the willingness of his peers to follow his direction was bemusing. Both attitudes were entirely alien from the way he had been with his beau. At least when he didn’t think Havhen was looking. Assuming different personae to suit different groups was normal enough but, when all was said and done, some of Moth’ir’s faces would likely have to die to save the host.

“It should be an interesting night for us, I think.” They cooed gently to the nameless girl.

--------------------------------------------------------

Havhen had hoped they might be able to observe something that would give them clarity on Moth’ir in the process of the night. What they happened to see was utter chaos. Babies need care and Moth’ir’s child was particularly fussy without any seeming need to be. A fact even her wet nurse had noted. Then there was the utter mess that Moth’ir and Bukidai were making in their kitchen. Which was adequate enough by Havhen’s standards but not theirs.

The Burn returned first. A bit bloodied for his trouble. He’d gotten a handful of strange looking material he all swore was good for eating in a variety of ways. Havhen had some doubts but Moth’ir took him at his word.

“Who did you piss off?” Moth’ir asked passively after getting a proper look at the viera’s nose.

“Some weird frogs, some newts, wriggly things, you know,” The Burn gestured toward his assorted meats as if the question in itself was inane.

“I said: who,” Moth’ir reiterated, pointedly.

The Burn crossed his arms and stood defiantly. Which unraveled under Moth’ir’s steely gaze and he finally yelled “,it was some roegadyn, okay? Didn’t like the way I asked and wouldn’t listen so he started punching. He was asking for it.”

Moth’ir shrugged and shook his head. He wasn’t exactly pleased but the disappointment didn’t stick. He said to The Burn “,Thanks for the bits, kid. Since you’re here, try and keep that one out of our hair.”

Moth’ir gestured toward Havhen, saying to them: “And you? Good luck.”

It was a particularly perplexing series of statements that cleared itself up over the course of a brief conversation. Havhen came to the conclusion that The Burn would make a good case study if he’d allow it. Alas, it was unlikely that The Burn would avail himself to their care so Havhen was forced to deal with him on a social level. Which was an exceedingly unpleasant task. He was combative, sullen, and downright rude without any self awareness. A hungry malboro would have made better company.

Luckily, Ibuki returned not too long after. If her strength had been in question, it was not now as she managed to juggle a notable number of boxes. Of which she was more hampered by the awkwardice of their distribution than their weight.

“What did you do? Buy the whole market?” Bukidai exclaimed as he started offloading her parcels.

“There’s a lot more in the market than food, you know,” Ibuki retorted. “I just got things that they said were edible and looked good.”

“Is that a whole dodo?” Moth’ir asked as he eyeballed what she’d brought in.

“Yup! The man said I could have it cheap because it’s Starlight,” she said as she divested herself of her last package. Arms free, Ibuki turned to Havhen and stretched them out to them “,let me see the baby!”

They could hardly deny her after she asked so passionately.

“More likely that the seller misjudged his buyer’s needs and wanted to offload it quickly,” Moth’ir commented looking the bird over. He’d found little wrong with it all the same.

“Oh! Oh!” She hopped back around to face him after having secured the baby in her arms “,I was thinking maybe a hot pot would be good?” Ibuki’s suggestion sounded more like the favorite child pleading a favor of an otherwise stern parent.

“I think I saw a burner for one,” Bukidai added with a questioning note. Indirectly asking why Havhen would have one to begin with.

“I’m quite particular towards hot pot dishes, myself,” Havhen explained “,I should have noodles too.”

Ibuki looked enthused for all of a second before she schooled herself back and asked “,like, spaghetti?”

Havhen gave her a sympathetic look and patted her and the shoulder “,I’m not sure I’ve had pasta in a hot pot. Personally, I’m preferential toward glass noodles but I have udon too.”

This suitably reignited Ibuki’s excitement. She nearly launched herself at Havhen, might have had it not been for the babe, asking “,you have a lot of stuff from Othard here, actually. Have you gone to Kugane?”

Havhen suspected the woman might be a tad homesick but unfortunately had to shake their head. “Not myself. The matrons of my clan told me stories of Yanxia from when we’d travel before the Garlean occupation. I believe it’s a short boat ride between?”

Moth’ir audibly hissed. A thing so uncharacteristic that it completely silenced the room a second and then was immediately moved on from. Moth’ir’s friends assuming it had been unintentional; like a sneeze. They hadn’t been told that Havhen had just happened to be Moth’ir’s long lost sibling. That their clan had once been his. At least, before they’d left him to die as a small child. But Havhen did.

They gave him an apologetic look. Divulging details about their clan hadn’t been their intent. It was an act which Moth’ir had very clearly expressed wanting nothing to do with. Their conciliation did little to quell the absolute rage that Moth’ir was having trouble keeping from his face. Cooking did though.

Havhen and Ibuki settled into chatting idly about Othard while the babe slept in her arms. The Burn─whose chaotic nature had been hard contained just moments before─sat calmly watching Ibuki. A man who was seeing his girlfriend in a domestic light for the first time and wasn’t sure what to think. Havhen rather thought he looked awed. The dining table they sat at and the kitchen were hardly separated. Only a partition that covered perhaps half the room from view. With The Burn preoccupied, he could hardly stop Havhen from observing Moth’ir.

Havhen had thought Bukidai might be in charge of the hot pot, seeing a Xaela would surely know more of the concept than a Eorzean born miqo’te. He was no doubt talented but it was to Moth’ir’s beck and call that he scurried. Ibuki mentioned to them that the pair had come to Kugane some time ago and that’s when Moth’ir had picked up some new techniques. Havhen was fairly impressed that anyone could simply “pick up” traditional methods from one trip but there was a great deal they did not know about Moth’ir.

Ibuki and his hyur “friend” had both spoken about Moth’ir’s prowess as a craftsman. The man had asked him to make a dress for their child and what he produced was of a higher quality than Havhen had expected. The act of putting the dress on the baby had helped Moth’ir acknowledge her and he’d since made several articles of it’s ilk. They had encouraged it because it seemed to be a source of catharsis for him. In the kitchen, Moth’ir seemed just as at home as he did with a sewing needle. Though these two fields were not the limits of his capabilities, Ibuki confirmed they were two specialties of his many interests.

He also seemed to be cooking more or less as a stress relief at the moment. As evidenced by the increasing number of plates Bukidai was producing.

“This is actually pretty early for us.”

It was a lovely little spread. Maybe more geared toward ten people than five. Ibuki had gotten her hot pot. Her eyes glittered despite the fact some of the ingredients used were… questionable in texture. It did look appetizing despite knowing where some of it had come from.

“Do you usually make so much food too?” Havhen eyed the spread and glanced to Bukidai.

“Uh…” Bukidai sheepishly responded, rubbing the back of his neck and then taking a moment to remove his neck tie as he’d suddenly become cognizant of it. “Yes and no? Traditionally, we cook a lot more but we also share with the neighborhood.”

“They do that at the end of every moon but Starlight is supposed to be special,” The Burn noted dully.

“Must be profitable in Ul’dah,” Havhen suggested without having any real clue.

“Oh, it’s all free though.” Ibuki commented cheerily.

“Who knew you were such a philanthropist?” Havhen remarked, turning around only to find Moth’ir missing. They stepped into the kitchen and found him sitting behind the partition. His head between his knees and both hands resting on the back of his neck.

“Gimme a moment.” He’d murmured, completely devoid of any venom he’d usually summon. He could only turn with a facsimile of it when Havhen sat beside him but the comment he’d expected to have to beat off never came. They simply sat there quietly.

Bukidai pretended to busy himself with the spread once again. Shooing Moth’ir’s clockwork toy off the table. He remarked “,that thing has a mind of it’s own.” A statement that started Ibuki and The Burn on a discussion on whether it had been set to follow the babe─since it was never far away from her─or if it was actually possessed. For that matter, where was the other one? None of the three had seen that one in a while. They only made indirect mentions of the man whose countenance both automatons shared. Neither Ibuki or The Burn knew what his relation was to Moth’ir though they’d seen him from time to time. Only Bukidai had any clue.

Bukidai who much preferred this to impeding on Moth’ir’s privacy any more than he already had.

They sat like that for a long time. The three younger ones chatting amicably amongst themselves while the miqo’te siblings sat out of view. After a bit, Moth’ir had gathered himself enough to pull himself to a more relaxed position. Havhen gave him a moment before risking a quiet remark “,they sound like family.”

Moth’ir only hmm’d at first. When he managed to speak, his voice was quiet too but the lack of force was from the palpable exhaustion that colored the tone. The kind of exhaustion unrelated to sleep. He replied “,Maybe they are. Ul’dah is a long way from the Steppes, Hingashi and wherever the hell The Burn fell out of.”

“Ul’dah is a long way from the Twelveswood too,” Havhen said gently as they could “,but you seem keener to keep your distance.”

“So many questions,” Moth’ir spat but even this indignation lacked fire.

“When one cannot find answers they are often left with nothing but questions,” Havhen replied pleasantly enough. It still pissed Moth’ir off.

The Burn was yelling about something but Ibuki and Bukidai were laughing. At his worst there was a request he calm down because he was disturbing the baby. Words which were also choked with laughter.

Moth’ir let them hang there. Content to sit and listen and not at all up to acknowledging what was a valid statement. He was supposed to be getting better after all but sometimes Havhen and their questions made him want to disappear into the swamp.

“If you don’t celebrate on Starlight, what do you do?” Havhen asked him, trying another angle.

Moth’ir sighed with his whole body. He tried to say “stuff” but all he managed was a weak roll of his wrist.

“You and your man must have some traditions?” Havhen offered.

Moth’ir snorted. The idea of Thancred being any one person’s was cute to him. Even after the hyur had confessed all those things to him before he’d left. Before Moth’ir had had the ability to say it back. Words that he so desperately wanted to say back. They pooled in the back of his throat and begged to be released so Moth’ir did something uncharacteristic of him and spoke about him. If just to speak of him at all. “Thancred’s not usually home when the holidays come around. ‘Specially not these last couple years but when he is it’s just a drink and then sleeping in.”

“Festive,” Havhen said with a chuckle.

Admittedly it didn’t sound like much but it had meaning for him. Maybe Thancred too. A tradition started nearly a decade ago. A rare occasion when Thancred hadn’t had any luck with any fair maiden despite his “silver tongue.” Too inebriated to make it to his lodgings but just sober enough to crash against the backdoor of Moth’ir’s home and workplace. Thancred almost looked dignified sitting there, looking like a misplaced gift from Nymeia’s Saint after Moth’ir’s very long and miserable day.

Thancred somehow talked him into one single drink for the occasion despite Moth’ir’s distaste for alcohol. So they might be on equal footing or some line of the sort. Though Moth’ir wasn’t anywhere near as intoxicated by the time he’d managed to dump Thancred in his bed. Then they’d passed out in a sleep near as deep as death itself. An act remarkable for the both of them.

All their important moments seemed to be in that bed. Very few─if any─had a thing to do with Thancred’s typical salacious activities. It was another sort of intimacy only available to them in the privacy and relative safety of Moth’ir’s room. Honestly and vulnerability that they’d not allowed themselves anywhere else. And yet...

“I didn’t realize you lived together.”

Moth’ir rolled a hand dismissively again. “Some of his stuff is at my place but I don’t think he lives anywhere anymore.”

“Too busy doing what he does.” Havhen said with some meaning. Near everyone who paid attention to the daily happenings around them had some conception of the Scions of the Seventh Dawn even if they didn’t know each member. Savior’s of the realm and at their center the indomitable Warriors of Light.

But Thancred was quite faliable. It was one of his charms.

“I don’t want to go back.” Moth’ir said so quietly Havhen almost didn’t hear him.

Havhen lightly bumped his shoulder against Moth’ir’s. “His life is largely here in Mor Dhona now, isn’t it?”

Moth’ir crossed his arms over his knees and pressed his eyes there to shut out the pressure from behind his eyes. He’d had some conception of Thancred’s work but it was something alien and distant. He imagined it was much the same for Thancred and Moth’ir’s work outside the Tavern. They’d known each other in a way that no one else did─that no one was supposed to─but they’d lived separate lives save where they let it intertwine. A special and private part of themselves tailor made for each other. It had worked. Might have continued to work but then Thancred had taken him from this hospital to the Rising Stones.

He’d met the women who’d given Thancred a shave and a haircut and found he’d liked them both despite that. Hadn’t recognized the man with the sun and stars before he spoke because he’d been missing the goggles and shroud he’d seen him in before. Lightly roasted Thancred with a Seeker woman with whom he shared new material to his friend’s chagrin. One of them would tell him if anything happened to Thancred while he was on the field. Thancred had assured him of such before he’d left.

And he’d liked that. He liked the idea that he’d be one of the first to know. He liked that Thancred had shown him context to the part of his life that had been a thin outline. But Moth’ir could never go back to waiting and wondering and subtext and half told stories they were too tired to finish telling because living it had been too much. He liked knowing and he liked being here and he knew he could never ever go back to that room. It’s privacy and false safety be damned.

He’d fooled himself into thinking he’d feel differently once he returned and started to go around the usual rounds but here he was. The same comedy routine fit like a glove but it was a glove that weighed as much as a buffalo and he was so tired. More than that: “They don’t need me,” Moth’ir said, choking back something that might have been a sob. Though he didn’t know why or what he was feeling exactly.

“It’s gonna get co~ld,” Ibuki’s voice came from beyond the partition.

Bukidai’s voice came after, raised suspiciously “,alright! alright! But make sure you don’t eat everything!” His added emphasis that the couple had had a habit of scarfing down an absurd amount of food returned to a normal pitch but the reaction to it was no less raucous.

Havhen shook their head in agreement and said “,Maybe once, but they do seem to have themselves covered now.”

“Wish I did,” Moth’ir breathed. Drawing himself up and closing his eyes, trying to center himself once more.

It was quiet between them again. The only sound coming from Ibuki singing over what was assumedly a well done meal. But Moth’ir broke the silence by turning to them and stating “,I never wanted children.”

Havhen cocked an eyebrow at him but let him continue on his own without prompting. So Moth’ir continued. “I did when I decided to keep her but I never wanted children. I don’t know how to do this and I don’t… how do we do this? I don’t know how to name kids.”

Havhen considered the distance Moth’ir had kept himself from his family and friends. They considered that he carried internalized feelings of guilt as if his abandonment was due to his own fault. The way he shied away from his daughter and the way he tormented himself for having done so. They wondered if “I never wanted” simply meant he hadn’t thought he should as if he was not worthy.

Moth’ir could simply have been asking for their opinion but the emphasis on “we” seemed like more. They did not know if he meant as keepers or as a clan. They weren’t sure if offering their typical naming conventions would be much use to him. Havhen offered a smile and said “,Oh, I’m not sure it’s all very complicated. You just pick something you think sounds nice or has meaning to you.”

Moth’ir sighed, clearly unsatisfied by that answer. Answers to a question that wasn’t the one he wanted to ask would never be sufficient.

“I think picking a name of someone important to you is suitable as well. As a tribute of sorts,” Havhen tried again despite the futility.

Moth’ir’s eyes stared upward as he considered various people whom he’d had some attachment to. It was an ordeal when one specifically kept people at arms length with few exceptions. “Can’t just name her Menphina, can I?”

“I mean,” Havhen shrugged and said flippantly “,your fellow Eorzeans might find that blasphemous but it’s your daughter.” They received a gentle elbow to the ribs for their trouble.

“Moth.”

“After your mother?” Havhen asked.

Moth’ir eyed him warily. Karga clan was very distinctly something that was his and his alone. It was never far from his mind that Havhen had only ever had their gods forsaken clan. He did not know what they saw when they thought of him and his siblings and his mother together. They all had meant the world and more to him and he misliked the idea of someone belittling that.

Havhen continued to smile at him warmly as he tried to assure him “,I think it’s a lovely name. And, from what your brother has told me, a woman deserving of such dedication.”

Moth’ir only knew that Moth’wo had trusted Havhen with the health of his brother. He’d not had a clue said brother and they were related by blood. How close the two actually were was a mystery to him. He hadn’t even ventured to ask so he had no choice but to accept the comment at face value. Or at least he had no energy to grill them about it.

Eased somewhat he turned his attention inward. He reiterated the name Moth in a whisper. More for himself than Havhen’s benefit. Making it real. Making her real. He closed his eyes and used it as a point to center himself.

Havhen ventured to tap his shoulder to grab his attention before holding their arm out, hopefully offering a hug. Moth’ir regarded them irritably but leaned his shoulder against theirs and allowed himself to be pulled closer. Havhen lightly pressed his head against Moth’ir’s and so they sat. Silent while idly listening to the other three while their minds were elsewhere. For their part, Havhen was busy committing the moment to memory. A small victory for them that may mean nothing but a memento of their brother when he left them for good but that in itself would be enough.

“Hey, you think she can eat some of this meat?” The Burn’s voice asked from beyond the partition.

Moth’ir snapped to, breaking Havhen’s precious moment. On his feet and away in a second. “You feed that baby anything and I swear I’ll kill you with my bare hands.”

Havhen let themself linger for a moment. Wrapped their arms around their knees and listening to the new argument. Havhen had been walking with Moth’ir’s ghost for over a decade. They’d been convinced of his death by their mother and it haunted them. But then he’d returned alive; so very much alive. That life had been a messy and painful one. Whether he cared to know or not, Havhen’s had been much the same. The mystery of what laid before them could very much be more of the same but that wasn’t the important part. That they were alive is what gave those lives meaning. Nothing more, nothing less. Which is why they allowed themselves a moment to linger and not a moment more.

A life must be lived.

And there was a hot pot they needed to get to before it was gone.

#My Writing #heirsofdiscord #Final Fantasy XIV #Moth'ir Karga (FF)#Thancred is technically here but also is he?

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eerythingisshaka · 4 years

Text

The Coffee Prince Pt. XIV

[T’Challa x Reader]

Word Count: 4.3K

*Part 1* *Part 2* *Part 3* *Part 4* *Part 5* *Part 6* *Part 7* *Part 8* *Part 9* *Part 10* *Part 11* *Part 12* *Part 13*

A/N: Long break, but it’s back! Hope those who read are still here to enjoy and new ones get with it too. SO much has happened for a recap but shit went down. and now we are here. Links to previous chapter above.

Tavia stands before you, looking healthy in plain clothes, less bewildered than your last meeting with her hair braided back like Cleo in Set It Off. Your mouth goes dry from anxiety as you grip your door, thoughts ping pong in your mind to let her in or slam it in her face. She has no right here. Why didn’t you throw her shit out anyway?

Shuri steps between you both, speaking softly. “This doesn’t have to happen if you don’t want it. She is only here because she has made strides in rehabilitation but you have the final say.”

You swallow the rock in your throat, feeling damned by this choice being up to you. But at least you could control this situation. “I don’t want this.”

Shuri nods, “Then we will leave.”

“But I need to. If it’s over with now, I can be done for good.” You step your feet heavily aside from the doorway to allow Tavia entrance. She hesitates, looking away but once Shuri gives her the go ahead, Tavia shuffles by to go straight to her room.

“Do you need me with you?” Shuri asks.

“No, it’s fine. Thanks.”

“Ok, I will be just around the corner, waiting.”

You thank Shuri, before shutting the door slowly. You instantly feel warm and stifled. Having this space alone has been Hell itself but having someone there you absolutely loathe was worse. You choose a spot on the couch, biting your fingernail anxiously. Each click of the nail to tooth comforted you during the ransacking Tavia was doing in her room.

Tavia steps out with a duffle bag over her shoulder and a rolling luggage bag by her side. She closes the door behind her, meandering to the middle of the living room and stops.

“(Y/N),” Tavia says calmly.

You lift your hand up between your face and her. “Don’t fucking say my name, just...”

“Ok.”

You both sit in a stalemate of silence, making you gradually angrier. The presence in your place felt stifling, felt evil. You can’t stand it. “Tavia, why aren’t you leaving?”

Tavia shrugs. “I want to talk to you.”

“Then talk!” you shout out.

“(Y/N), you told me not to.”

You stand up, clapping aggressively. “I said don’t say my name, Tavia! You don’t listen, damn!”

“I’m sorry!” Tavia screams out. Her hands fall to her sides in defeat. “I can’t make it better but I can’t stop being sorry!”

“And you can stay being sorry, but I will never give a fuck about the apologies!” Your voice shakes your core, making your head throb from the energy you’re exerting. The adrenaline you get from letting her know exactly how you feel is exhilarating and long overdue.

Tavia closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. Tavia has never been the bigger person in an argument. If the old Tavia caught this attitude, the whole apartment building would’ve had a show to watch. “I just hope when you see him again, you’re as tough on him as you are on me.”

You feel your feet moving before you can think, bounding towards her. Tavia retreats behind the kitchen bar. “Chill, chill!”

You glare at her from behind the counter. “Who are you threatening? After all this bullshit, you’re still fucking around and throwing Erik in my face like he’s your personal hitman now? Don’t think I won’t tell Shuri.”

Tavia scoffs. “Erik? Fuck him! I haven’t seen him since that day. I just know he ain’t dead, since Wakanda doesn’t fuck with that kind of thing.”

“What do you mean? If you don’t talk to him, how do you know he’s not dead? He almost killed T’Challa.”

“Because when I thought my head was on the chopping block, one of the red chicks said capital punishment isn’t practiced anymore. I was talking about T’Challa, actually.”

“Shut up.” You walk away, shutting her out as much as possible.

“I’m serious. You want to come at me for what I did, that’s fine but you got a lot to talk to him about and I just hope cuz he dickmatized you, that you don’t let him off easy.”

You fold your arms defiantly. “What do I have against him? He protected me from you all acting up on me.”

Tavia bucks her eyes at you wildly. “Do you really feel no anger towards him during all of this?”

“Of course I do! But this isn’t about him right now! Why are you deflecting so damn much? You should be telling me how you and Erik decided kidnapping me and taking over an African nation could possibly turn out for the best!”

“I wasn’t a part of that. I was-”

“But you were Tavia! YOU put that gun to me just like he did. I had no autonomy because you stole that by putting fear in me because I was so shook my best friend could flip on me like this. How am I supposed to take that Tavia? Should I just forgive you for being so close to ending my life? And ending my child’s!”

“I didn’t know you were pregnant! There’s no way I would’ve put you through that with that on information.”

“I didn’t know either, Tav. But it sure is great to know that is where your moral code sticks. ‘Let’s not wreck the fetus but send her through all the hell she can take.’ And you want to talk about T’Challa? T’Challa the bad guy?? I would’ve taken his lies way better if they didn’t have to come out because my life was in danger!”

Tavia shakes her head, picking up her bags to leave. “He is selfish. If you know him, he is barely any better than Erik. He just has a nicer way of talking. They all lie, they all kill, you just gotta pick a side.”

“So which are you, Tav? You still deciding?” you ask, plopping on your couch with exhaustion, unscrewing the cap of your room temperature wine to take a swig, your hands shaking.

Tavia points to her chest, “I’m for me. I suggest you do the same. Don’t let him lead your life anymore.”

“I haven’t seen him in months. Trust me, I’m over it.”

She walks over to the door, stopping to look back at you. “Stop thinking about him. Get rid of that damn stuffed panther plushie, and maybe move cuz I know you can’t afford this place alone but you need a new environment.”

“Step, Tavia.”

“I’m sorry girl.”

When she finally leaves, you glug the wine bottle a little more to drink down the pain, coughing it up when your throat closes too tight to swallow anymore. Wiping the drips of wine off your mouth, you cry out harder than you had since you came back home from Wakanda, feeling your loneliness hit you hard. There was no way to repair things with Tavia, no matter how badly you wanted it. And there was no way you would reach out to T’Challa for anything ever again, no matter how badly your heart ached for a glimpse of him. You hoped he would stay in Wakanda for good. If he could do anything for you now, that would be the best gift you could ask for.

The weather was getting cooler by the day as fall snapped the summer heat wave, you had more reason to stay in and unsocialize from the world around you. You stay up late watching a marathon Will & Grace, laughing at Jack using his teaching position in his acting studio as a means to pick up guys.

“That would not fly today,” you quip between laughs, hugging your panther plushie under your chin in the darkness of your bedroom. The world around you grows quiet as the days get shorter, giving you peace with a sprinkling of eerie sensations. You look at your bedroom door instinctively, feeling a shiver run down your spine ominously. You close your eyes and shake your head. Being alone and in the dark makes your imagination run in a dangerous direction.

“It’s nothing. There is nothing. It’s just you,” you repeat to yourself again and again, pulling your covers tighter. Your brain visualizes the worst at night. Prowlers, murderers, ghosts, and monsters plague your brain when night falls no matter what you have watched before bed. You say a prayer for protection to ease your worry, but something hovers above you, waiting for you to trip over your words.

The brightness of your TV creates a halo that makes your eyes tired, so you rest them while listening to your episode play out in the background.

*BANG*

The sound makes you hop up in your bed. Listening carefully, you try to orient yourself and find out where it came from. Your TV is off, leaving you completely wrapped in pitch darkness.

“Heyyy, princess.”

You gasp sharply, seeing for the first time a dark intimidating figure standing by the window,

His voice is calm but in a way that you know you fucked up. “You thought we were through? Nah, far from it.”

He lunges at you, ripping your blanket back and pulling you by your ankles off the bed. Yu land on the floor hard, feeling yourself land on a charger. Your body seizes up, voice completely stolen as he gets on his knees, pushing your shoulders back until he has a clear grip on your neck.

“Just cuz that bitch punked out on me, don’t mean it’s over. I’m taking you out regardless, and that fake ass T’Challa can come get you once your soul gone.”

His grip on your neck tightens harder and harder. You try to beat his hands off of you but it feels like you’re underwater as your arms move slow and heavily. You reach for his face to give him any reason to let off of your neck, but he won’t let loose his hold.

His snarl glows in the darkness as his hands compress your neck. “See how you like the afterlife without ancestors to take care of you, princess. He has no clue what it’s like to be us. Where is he now?”

You let in a deep breath suddenly, sitting up continuing to gasp for air. Your hand rests at the base of your throat, making you pull it away, quickly running to the lightswitch. Once your room is illuminated, you see your wrinkled up blankets, your plushie on the floor. The TV is still off but no one is waiting at your window.

Your heart is still pounding as you pick up your plushie and sit on the edge of the bed, taking time to evaluate what happened. The violence of your dreams were nothing new, keeping you from being able to rest most nights. Most of them are short, and jolt you awake so soon that you barely remember them but this one was vivid and completely etched in your brain. Erik waking you, dragging you, choking you. Your neck still feels sore like it happened but that must’ve been your own doing, there’s no other way.

You fall back on your pillow but your body was too energized by the fight to rest anymore. You watched the sun come up in its bright orange hue, lovely but nowhere near Wakanda’s views.

At work, you feel the lack of rest overcome you as you type away at your computer, wanting nothing more than to rest your head on the keyboard.

A coworker of yours tosses a scarf around their neck with a flourish. “Hey! I was going to make a coffee run, and you look like you could use some!” they say in a sing songy manner.

You look up at them before leaning back and rubbing your temples. “Ah, that’s fine. I’m disciplining myself to finish this report before I get any treats, and I am just about there. I’ll get some for lunch but thanks.”

“Suit yourself. I just need something warm. This building is terrible with heat in the winter time. Uh...is that a hickey??”

You pull up the collar of your shirt further, feeling hot from embarrassment. “No, uh, I got an allergic reaction.”

They squint their eyes. “Lemme see…”

You grab your phone, pretending to take a call and apologize. They shrug and mouth that they will talk to you later. No way in hell could you explain that you choked yourself last night, which sounds even more freaky than the hickey assumption.

Making their exit, you rest your head on your arms for just a couple minutes and it feels so good, you can’t stand to be at work anymore, wishing you could snap your fingers and be done with the day. Instead you shake yourself loose and type away, continuing your project until the very last minute before lunch.

You feel a small sense of accomplishment, having done something arbitrary in the grand scheme of things but to add some positivity to your life, you decided not to deny yourself your promised treat: a hot cup of a frilly coffee drink and maybe even a little cake pop or something. Treat yourself Tuesday is afoot!

As you bundled up for the weather, you took your time crossing the street to make your way to the coffee shop near your job, crunching the red and orange leaves habitually along the way. As you walk in, the smell of the roast livens you up on impact. You wait in line behind the others, looking over the menu for fall specialty drinks until it’s your turn and you order our usual macchiato along with a big chocolate chip muffin..

“Abby!”

“Tall vanilla latte, no foam!”

“Sausage egg sandwich for Steven!”

“Order for Thomas!”

You check your phone lazily scrolling through celebrity feeds until your order is ready.

“Oh shit, I forgot to ask for it to be warmed,” you say to yourself.

“Already done!” The peppy freckle faced barista says.

You hold your hand over your heart, touched. “Thank you so much!”

You put the warm pastry in your pocket and walk out taking a sip of your drink. As you round the building, a figure in the distance looks familiar. Long black coat, broad shoulders, a contemporary confident gait. Your stomach does a somersault, feeling dizzy and breathless all at once. You take your time watching him walk away, heading for the garage parking lot. There was no doubt in your spirit that that was who you thought it was. Your reaction told the truth that your eyes couldn’t confirm. Was he in the coffee shop while you were? Did he ignore you for his benefit? No, that wouldn’t matter because that’s what you wanted. But how could he not say anything?

After work one day you head over to the community center to visit with Shuri. It had been a while since Tavia came that you got to talk to Shuri. As you turned the corner the parking lot of the center looked pretty empty compared to what it used to look like during the school year.

Walking up to the building you look around and catch a glimpse of a balloon caught in a powerline. Across the street from the center is a park. That park was the area in which the community block party was held that T’Challa invited you to early on in your relationship. The bustling bodies congregated around food and music was so awesome, they really pulled something off great that day. When T’Challa carried your weak ankle self back to your place to help mend, he seemed like the most important thing to you on Earth. You never thought he would be the kind to lie and leave.

“HEY!”

The bang of the doors in front of you opening startles you. A body rushes towards you suddenly. You feel doom impending upon you as you raise your hands to stop the attack. This wasn’t going to happen again.

“Stop stop stop!” You yell out, stepping backwards your heel collapses over the edge of the sidewalk. The rough asphalt catches your hand behind you as you watch two youths run past you giggling, not even noticing you on the ground. Their laughter fades in the distance as they run across the street in the grass, slinging their backpacks at each other morning stars.

“Hey! Why are you on the ground?”

Shuri comes out of the doors, leading with a hand out to you. You instantly feel foolish having this stylish teenager helping you up as you sit amongst rocks and old gum.

“No reason. I wanted to come by but some kids-”

“Eh! It was Marcus and Angel, right? They play too rough, and I try to tell them but they have NO RESPECT!” She shouts at the top of her lungs to the unknowing kids. “Come in, I was just thinking about you.”

Walking inside, the warm colors greet your eyes, entertaining you with their aesthetic. Deep, cherry wood lines the hall with intricate carvings along the ceilings and baseboards. Touchscreens displaying activity schedules, meal menus, and student achievements are located at the end of each hall. You can just barely see the inside of the gym through the double doors to the left.

“I don’t think you have ever been in here before. Have you?” Shuri asks.

You shake your head. “I guess some things got in the way. It looks amazing in here.”

“Thank you. It took a lot of planning on my part. Jabari can be very stingy with help sometimes.”

“Who is Jabari?” you ask.

Shuri starts to speak but catches herself. “Come this way.”

Her square block heels clop down the hall as you follow behind. She takes you to a podium in front of a frosted window.

“This is something I especially like. New visitors to the center are shown this during the tour, usually toward the end. It gives a bit of some background on what brought us here and what our mission is.”

She pushes a black panther head embedded in the stand, which begins to stream a flood of light onto the frosted glass. A voiceover talks to you about the long reign of Kings and Queens that reside in the independent nation of Wakanda. Images of the sprawling landscape and the beautiful sunset lure you in. Images of King T’Chaka come in that show him making a boisterous speech that is translated by a narrator. Stating his desire to close the gap of education, generational wealth and health disparities between whites and minorities across the world. He says he wishes to make a better world for himself and his son. As he picks up a toddler, you see a young boy with multiple beaded necklaces around his neck, smiling and clapping as a crowd cheers.

“I wasn’t born yet, so don’t worry, it gets better,” Shuri whispers to you jokingly.

Your eyes begin to water and it catches Shuri’s eye. “Sorry. He just looks...like himself.”

You feel butterflies, holding your stomach as you reminisce on what was. The little boy in that film is T’Challa with his father. And he looks so much like Bean did in your dream, shockingly so.

The voice over goes on to showcase the outside of the community center during its construction. Some big burly man lug logs of wood, breaking them down to lumber.

“Those are Jabari,” Shuri says.

A shot of T’Challa looking over blueprints and directing construction workers fill your vision. You focus on him, looking at his hair coils, his black clothing with the pop of embroidery. The camera zooms in on his long finger pointing to the blueprints and fades back in to show the constructed center. As the film closes a final shot of T’Challa welcoming you and hoping you stay crumbles you. This was him before he ever knew you. He looked so happy and accomplished and looking forward to the future. Nothing like how you left him.

Shuri touches your arm. “Is everything alright?”

You shake your head. “Is there a bathroom close?”

“Two doors down.”

You jog down to find the unisex bathroom, pushing open the door heading straight for the sink. Your head is pounds as you gasp for breath through your tightening throat. Each inhale feels more painful than the last as you lean your back against a wall and tears roll down your cheeks. You heave a big breath and sob out loud, wringing your emotions out like a sponge. This amounted to too much today. Tavia’s words ring in your ear as you realize she’s right.

The door opens a crack as Shuri pokes in and sees you weeping. She doesn’[t say a word as she wraps her arms around you, taking on your pain with all her little frame can handle. You feel like you’ll never stop crying, especially with Shuri there to help you through it.

“Please...I can’t,” you squeak.

Shuri squeezes you tighter. “Yes you can. Just cry, it is fine.”

Shuri offers you some tissue to wipe your face and says, “He isn’t here, I’m sorry if you were looking for him.”

Wiping your eyes, you barely look at Shuri out of guilt. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.”

“It’s ok. But he’s been spending more time in Wakanda now, so if he’s here it’s for official business.”

You purse your mouth before saying, “I swear I saw him this week. Leaving the coffee shop near my job. But it couldn’t be, I know he would’ve said something to me. Has he been in town at all?”

Shuri stands quietly, looking past you.

You look at her face suspiciously. “Has he mentioned me at all?”

Shuri’s shoulders fall as defeat washes over her face. “I don’t want to be the one to talk to you about him. He should be doing that.”

“I know! But...I can’t contact him except through you or by coming here. I shouldn’t have to hunt him down, why hasn’t he even checked on me?”

Shuri tightens her jaw, refusing to answer. You get up and walk past her to throw away your tissue.

“Ok. Well tell him he needs to take his bank info off of my rent.”

“He won’t do that.”

“So you have talked to him about that? He said something?”

“He won’t let you be without. Even if he isn’t talking to you currently. He may just think you need space but I haven’t got a single idea what is going on besides Wakanda.”

“It’s fine. I’ll move then. That will cancel it officially and he won’t have to extend his charity to me anymore.”

“What? Where are you moving?” Shuri asks.

“Shuri, you know I can’t tell you. But I have to leave that place. Probably this city. I hate my job and I haven’t been myself since Erik came and fucked things up. I’m done, there’s nothing for me here.”

Shuri takes our hands in hers, eyes heavy with sympathy. “I know he wouldn’t want that.”

You shrug. “I can’t care anymore. It’s holding me back. I want to leave all of what happened behind. But here while I’m here, I have had nothing but constant memories of it. And Shuri I love you, but your brother is job.”

Shuri nods. “With no benefits that I can see, if you ask me. I understand, you deserve more.”

At your office, you draft a resignation letter a couple times before the verbage hits just right for you to print and sign. Giving it an official trifold, you put it in your desk drawer and feel your excitement in your toes just thinking about a new chapter in your life that could lead to bigger and better things. Most of your work hours have been filled with researching homes and jobs in other counties or and some neighboring states.

“Hey hey! You look a little peppy! Have you had your coffee on time today?”

Your coworker invites you to join them on a field trip to the shop, talking your ear off about the office gossip, which reminds you not to tell them about you leaving until after you have given your letter to your manager. When you make your order, they treat you by paying for the two of you and you sit together waiting on your name to be called.

“One order for Kibble, one for Bits!”

“That’s us! I’ll get it, stay here.”

You look out the window watching the breeze whip the trees loose of their leaves until they come back, setting your drink in front of you.

“Here you go. My phone is buzzing the hell out my ass.” As they take their call, they get more irritated with each minute, rolling eyes and mouthing words they choose not to say.

“Sure thing, thanks Karen! Girl, I apparently have to help fix a fuck up that wasn’t mine AGAIN! Fuck this job!”

“Right? Well, hit me up another time. You still have to tell me about who ate Lawrence’s lunch when he went the fuck off.”

“You right. It was me, but there’s more to it. Catch you later!”

You smile after them, taking your cup in your hand to carefully remove the top to release some heat. Coffee jumps onto your hand, hot and messy. You shake off the excess liquid and subtly lick your finger, spinning outward to get up and get a napkin.

“Need this?”

You take it thankfully, looking up at your good samaritan and freezing in place. He takes a seat in front of you, using another napkin to wipe the table up.

“How are you, umhle?”

Your mind is empty. Your sight goes black. You can’t recall what happens, until you hear him holler as your drink is tossed down his lap.

Masterlist

RagTag

@sweetpeachjones@scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade@universalbri@therevolution-willbelive@you-like-this-chain @sarcastic-sunshines@airis-paris14@afraiddreamingandloving@kreolemami@lalapalooza718@syreanne@thiccdaddy-mbaku@she-is-golden @wakanda-inspired@90sinspiredgirl@bidibidibombaclaat@sithlordslut@brujademente@chaneajoyyy@slimmiyagi @lewatigress @shesakillerkween @queentearra @fiercedeception@yaachtynoboat711 @yofavcocoa @katasstrophey @zxddy-panther@babygirlofwakanda@destinio1 @heyauntieeee @ambthegamer @savageiz@klaine15689 @nickidub718 @dramaqueenamby

#shakafic #t'challa x reader

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princecharmingmendes · 4 years

Text

Heartstrings | Chapter XIV | Shawn Mendes

“ ‘It’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don’t make you a better person… you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens..you’ll always love them.’ - unknown”

“Shawn was a huge believer that the ‘soulmates’ situation’ was the most stupid thing on the planet, specially since it was such a rare thing to find someone with the same mark as you. He would do anything he could to prevent the so called 'destiny’ from happening, but could he?”

hi, this is the last chapter to this series and i'm so grateful to anyone who followed this story as it was in the building process, and i'm so happy with how it "came to life", so thank you so much. i have to shoutout to two people in particular or this wouldn't have turned out the way it did. first of all, i have to thank my bad boy anon for requesting this series on the first place and being so supportive, and also i have to thank @fanficshawn for helping me figuring this whole concept out. anyway, i hope you like it, and please give me some feedback.

new chapter of a Raul series coming soon

*Word Count: 4.8K+.

*Warnings: cursing, slight angst.

*Posted: June 18th, 2020.

-*-

Whenever I think things are going alright, everything seems to flip upside down. I can’t seriously follow Shawn’s mood swings, really. I know we’re in the middle of finals and his mom had a car crash, but Aaliyah called me to tell everything was fine and he simply disappeared for a whole week. I couldn’t find him anywhere on campus and I swear I tried being comprehensive, but I just can’t take it anymore, I’m done waiting for him to actually open up to me. And even though he got better last weekend, he got back to normal rather quickly. So I decided to study and ignore the hurricane that Shawn Mendes is on my life.

I took the tests and days flew by as I hoped to go home as soon as possible, I was exhausted and this whole semester was a mess, not for academic reasons, Shawn, and Tyler and then Shawn. Since when guys are the only thing causing trouble in my life?! I mean, that’s all they do, but I never put so much effort on them, so this is a bit frustrating. But when I left my class due to the fact that my tests were officially over and I was feeling so much lighter than I was before. Unfortunately, the light sensation was gone when I saw his jeep parked outside the building and his body leaning on it as he texted someone.

I felt my phone vibrating on my back pocket and I picked it up as I started walking away on the opposite direction he was standing. Pretty mature, running away from my problemas, I know, but what do you want me to do? There was a text from him saying he was waiting for me outside and that we needed to talk. I ignored it and then my phone started ringing and I had to pick it up.

“Hi?”

“Y/N, are you seriously running away from me?” Shawn’s voice echoed through the phone.

“I’m not”

“I’m literally looking at you looking over your shoulder”

“Well, I’m not the one who disappeared, am I?”

“That’s why we need to talk, I promised you I would explain everything, and that’s why I’m here, baby girl”

“Is that how you work?”

“What do you mean?”

“You simply vanish and suddenly you’re ready to talk?!” I know I sounded stupidly mad, but I had to be honest.

“I’m sorry, I can explain, I know it won’t change everything, but I’ll at least be honest” he said and I was able to hear his voice from behind me and not only from the speaker as he turned off the phone call.

I turned around, only to be met with a pair of those gorgeous honey eyes, that even though I was wanting so bad to punch him, the sight alone still made me weak on my knees.

“Why should I go with you? I think you’ve had enough chances”

“I know that, but again, I’ll ask you for one more, let me take you out, we can grab lunch and then pack, I can give you a ride home, please, Y/N, I’ll answer everything you want after lunch”

“You promise me that?”

“I do, can I take you with me?”

“Where are we going?”

“I can take you to the diner, the one from our first date”

“It was a fake date”

“Didn’t feel fake to me”

“It- You-“

“Come on, we can discuss this later, I know you’re hungry and you probably didn’t have breakfast nor dinner”

“How did you...?”

“I know you, Y/N, like the palm of my hand, now come on, burgers and fries and the guys are all waiting for us”

“Are they?”

“Yeah, it’s the end of the semester”

“Oh” Was all that left my mouth as Shawn extended his hand to me “let’s go then”

“Okay” he said as I grabbed his hand and interlaced our fingers, walking back to his car as he practically skipped his way back.

“How’s your mom by the way?”

“She’s fine, she’s at home”

“That’s awesome”

“Yeah” he answered and squeezed my hand softly “thank you”

I looked at him trying hard to hold back a smile, but it was impossible “Let’s not start this again, you were right, I’m starving!”

That was enough for Shawn to basically drag me chuckling to his car and I couldn’t hold back the laughter that bubbled from my throat. He was so excited to go grab lunch it was way too contagious, or maybe it’s because I was about to understand the whole situation and maybe be in peace with him. So the whole time we were in the car, he was basically beaming and jamming to his favorite songs as I tried not to die for laughing too hard. He parked two blocks from the diner cause it was filled with students and got out, as soon as my feet hit the ground, he was beside me, offering his arm like a true gentleman.

“Peace offering?” he tried with a grin and I just nodded giggling “I know this doesn’t mean I’m free, I don’t want to be free, I don’t want to be the reason you’re upset anymore, I just want you to enjoy today”

“Thank you, you are forgiven, for now at least, it’s a truce until you tell me everything”

“Works for me” he answered before placing a sweet kiss to my temple.

We entered the place and our table cheered as they saw us walking hand in hand and we just had to laugh. The guys hopped off the booth and left a spot for us both to sit in the corner against the wall, and Shawn didn’t resist the opportunity to pull me in. He rested his arm on the booth, just above my shoulder and I swear I had to hold back the need to just lean on his chest and relax after this stressful finals weeks. So instead of laying on him, I grabbed the menu to pick something up and Shawn poked my shoulder softly, which made me look at him and he was just smiling down at me which made me very confused at first, but then I heard Mel’s giggle from across the table and saw her holding her phone up at us.

“Come on, don’t pout at me, you two look way too cute for your own good” was all she used in her defense and I ended up just shrugging.

Everyone made their orders super quick cause apparently they’re all starving just like me, but even when the food arrived they kept on talking and cracking jokes all the time, which cause Brian to spill his soda through his nose. Somewhere between finishing my fries and milkshake, I felt Shawn’s arm falling around my shoulders casually, and since I didn’t do anything to shrug him off, he just kept it there, eventually pulling me closer, which led me to actually lean into him as the guys kept on talking.

Shawn looked down at me and placed a kiss on my forehead “Tired?”

“A bit, yeah”

“I can take you home”

“It’s okay, I’ll miss them anyway and my bags are already packed and my dorm is basically ready for me to leave”

“Oh, you can come nap in mine if you want, while I pack my stuff and then we can talk”

“Seems pretty good to me”

“We can even stop by at your dorm first, so you can pick up your stuff” Shawn offered as he played with some strings of my hair “Ian’s going home after lunch, so if you want to crash at my place and stay in his room, so we can leave tomorrow morning to be at home for lunch, you can”

“That’d be great, Mel’s probably going there to stay with Mike as well, right?”

“Mhmm, but they’ll both leave tonight”

“What are the love birds whispering about?” Brian chimed in.

“We are no-“

“It’s not worth it” I cut Shawn off by placing my hand on his cheek softly “we were just talking about packing and how we are going home tomorrow”

“But that’s not interesting”

“What did you expect, Brian? Them to tell you how they’re going to have sex all night long? Come on, they’re not you” Mel said rolling her eyes playfully at the red-haired boy.

“What do you mean ‘they’re not me’?”

“They’re not dumb” Mike replied and we all laughed as Brian seemed a bit too pissed to find it funny.

“Ha-ha as if you and Ian were a lot better”

“Everyone knows we are, dude!”

“Y/N! Help me out!”

I smirked at him and shrugged “Ugh, I wish I could, but I’m to busy whispering about my sex life with Shawn to help you” and with that the attention was back on the guys.

“Our sex life?” Shawn teased with a boyish grin on his lips as I rolled my eyes at him giggling softly.

“Shut uuup”

“Don’t blush, baby, it’s okay, you know you can talk to me about everything you want”

“I swear I’m not going back to yours tonight” I threatened and he only chuckled, placing a kiss to my hair.

“I’m only kidding, don’t need to get all flustered about it”

“Yeah yeah, fuck you”

“What a dirty mouth” he gasped and chuckled at my frown “I’m only teasing you, come on, don’t get upset”

“Whatever” I said rolling my eyes, but I couldn’t hold back a smile when he grabbed my face and kissed my cheek.

We spent a little while there just chatting and laughing until some of them needed to leave, so we decided it would be best if we left as well, apparently I was the only one with my stuff already packed. Shawn and I got to my place only to pick up my stuff and I took the opportunity to say goodbye to Mel and wish her happy holidays. But before I could leave, she pulled me into the room one more time in a bear hug as Shawn quietly left with my bags, telling me he would wait for me on his car.

“Mel, it’s literally just a couple of weeks”

“I know, I know, call me clingy or whatever, but I’ll miss you” she said with a frown and I laughed at her.

“Stop being silly, you won’t even have time to miss me! You’ll be spending Christmas with your new boy”

“Yeah, that’s pretty nice, right?”

“Yeah, and you said, back in August on the first few weeks, that you didn’t want anything serious”

“Guess you’ll never know, you didn’t know Shawn was your soulmate back then either”

“Is he really?”

“Dude, are you dumb or you’re just playing pretend? He’s clearly in love with you for ages, Y/N, he literally worships you, he’s just learning how to show it now”

“Are you sure? Maybe he was right, there is no such thing as soulmate”

“Sweetie, soulmates are simply two pieces that fit perfectly, they don’t have to be romantically involved, they’re just the other’s half”

“Mel...”

“Oh, come on, Y/N, here, I’ll read the definition for you”

“It’s not necessary”

“Shush for a second, thank you” Mel places her hand above my lips to keep me quiet “ha! found it! ‘It’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don’t make you a better person… you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens..you’ll always love them’”

“Aaand?”

“That’s you and Shawn, obviously”

“You’re reading way too many novels for your own good, Mel, and I’m the one who’s saying it”

“Fine, but when the both of you finally realize how special is the bond between you two, I’m going to be the one to tell you that I told you so”

“Okay” I shrugged giggling and she laughed in response.

“Now go, your man’s waiting downstairs”

“Okay, bye Mel” I said hugging her one more time.

We let each other go and she just grinned at me “Bye, bitch” So I took my backpack and phone and turned to leave, but before I could shut the door she added “Oh, you’re going to be completely alone tonight, so please do me a favor and use a condom”

I shut the door a bit harder than needed and I hear her laugh from inside the bedroom. I only shook my head, unable to contain the smile from blossoming on my lips as I walked away. Shawn was sitting patiently on the driver’s seat, looking down at his phone as I climbed up in his jeep. He locked the device as he looked up at me, starting the engine and starting to drive to his place.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Melissa, she’s just crazy”

“Took you a while to notice” he said with a chuckle and placing his hand, palm up, on the console.

“She’s just great at hiding it” I replied sarcastically as I laced our fingers.

He brought our hands to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the back of mine “Whatever you say”

The drive was short to his place, and I didn’t even picked up the bags, only grabbed my backpack that had all the stuff I needed for tonight and tomorrow morning and went with Shawn to his apartment. The place was filled with bags and backpacks, but apart from that, was the nicer it’s ever been during the semester. We didn’t stick longer downstairs, Shawn only grabbed two bottles of water for us and dragged me to his room, which was a complete war zone. He only took something’s off his bed and told me to get comfy to nap as he packed.

So that’s just what I did, I took off my shoes and placed my phone on the nightstand, laying down and watching as he started to go through his clothes and fold them not so nicely, and place them on his suitcase. I didn’t even noticed when I dozed off, but was really hard to keep myself awake with Shawn softly humming to some random song. I just noticed I was off, what felt like minutes later, when I felt someone calling me in a low tone and gently caressing my face waking me up. The first thing I saw was his honey eyes, then his body crouching down beside my side of the bed and then his perfectly aligned teeth in a beautiful smile.

“Hey” he mumbled softly.

“What time is it?” my voice sounded extremely groggy “how long was I out?”

“It’s almost 5:30, ordered us a pizza, hope you don’t mind” he replied standing straight “you slept for a bit more than an hour and a half”

“Oh shit” I let out as I ran a hand through my hair “I didn’t even noticed I was out til you woke me”

“You were sleeping pretty heavily, I felt bad for waking you up, but I was afraid if I let you sleep longer you wouldn’t be tired enough to sleep at night”

“No, you’re probably right, thank you” I said as I sat up, rubbing my eyes softly “Are you done with packing?”

“Yeah, I though that maybe if you wanted to talk... We could do it now”

“Oh, okay” I said crossing my legs and he sat down in front of me.

“This is not easy for me, so I’m going to ask you two things, okay?”

“Okay”

“First, I wouldn’t like things to change between us, it might take a while but I don’t want to loose you”

“You’re scaring me” I said with a nervous chuckle and he only smiled softly at me.

“I don’t intend to, I’m sorry, and the second one, I would like to say everything I have to say first, cause I don’t really know how to say this best, and I’ve practiced”

“Okay, sure” was all I could answer and I saw his cheeks getting pink.

Shawn took a deep breath and I placed my hand on his knee, and he only smiled at me as a response.

“You know I never really believed in soulmates and stuff, I just think it is a coincidence, right? And I even covered my birthmark that everyone teased me about with the swallow tattoo, to prevent myself from being stupid and looking for the same mark on others, cause for me this shit just wasn’t real. So when I found out, that you, the girl I had a massive crush on and my best friend and I shared the same birthmark, I completely lost my mind. I didn’t want to believe it was real, I didn’t even know if you thought of me that way. I was scared to death” he took a deep breath and I squeezed his knee gently.

He once again offered me a smile as he kept on going. “I didn’t want it to be real, didn’t want you to be my soulmate, I didn’t want to lose you, I wasn’t ready to be the one to ruin this amazing friendship we built during our whole lives, so my pretty dumb boy logic brain thought at first to ignore it, act like I never saw it before, and hell, I don’t know if it’s the soulmate/mark thing, if it’s God, if it’s C.I.A or, I don’t know, some greater love force, but every day we went through was getting harder to ignore my feelings for you and the itch sensation to just grab your pretty face and kiss you.

And then, my amazing ability to deal with feelings thought it was better to push you off than keep on falling harder for you, and I know, I was the worst to you and I’m so incredibly fucking sorry for ever treating you like that. You didn’t deserve it, and you also didn’t deserve being left in the dark, and I don’t even know how you found it in yourself to forgive me, but I’m so thankful for that. I felt like shit for ever making you sad and it literally hurt in me to see you less than happy, specially cause I knew it was my fault. And then the whole fake dating thing started and it was a mess. I was constantly jealous of Tyler, cause he’s an idiot who never deserved you and cause I really wanted you to myself. But I was completely torn between telling you everything and keep on pushing you away so I wouldn’t be the one hurting you more. Crazy, I know” he said with a ironic chuckle.

“Just a little bit” I mumbled softly and he shook his head with a smile.

“But since we started spending so much time together again, I just couldn’t keep on pushing you away, I had to be selfish and have you back on my life, and to be honest, since I first found out about our soulmate situation, that’s when I finally felt happy and relieved, when I had you around me again. And I even thought you were into me as well, hell, you kissed me, twice, and then I had to go on and ruin everything cause I got jealous over nothing, again” he said running his hands through his mop of curls, tugging at the roots “and then I was sure I fucked it all up and that you’re never going to look on my face again, and then there was my mum thing, and I couldn’t go to anybody else, I just showed up at your door without even noticing it, I am just always coming back to you.

You took care of me like no one else would, and that’s when I knew I couldn’t hold back anymore, I just needed you and I kissed you, and everything fell into place. I couldn’t stop smiling the whole day after that. And I know I disappeared for a week, I just didn’t want to see you and not explain everything you deserved to know about me, so it took me a while to get my shit together, but here I am”

He looked at me like he was staring at my soul and all I could do was hum in response.

“I thought you’d need some time to process it, so if you want me to leave I can go or if you have any questions you can ask me” he added softly and after a few minutes without any responses he started to get up to leave.

“Where are you going?” my question was barely a whisper, but he listened because he looked down at me with a frown.

“I’m leaving you to absorb it”

“No, don’t, don’t run away from me now”

“I’m not” he said sitting down again and reaching for my hands, that I promptly placed on his “I’m here now, Y/N, and I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to”

“Okay, so let me see if I get this straight” I started and he nodded with those big doe eyes “you were falling for me and freaked out when you found out we were potential soulmates, and decided to ignore it and push me away afraid of ruining our friendship?”

“Yeah”

“And then you decided it wasn’t the right thing to do and started hanging out with me again and noticed that you shouldn’t have done it on the first place without telling me anything? Your best friend?”

“I fucked up pretty badly, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did” I said and he sighed, closing his eyes that were already pretty glossy from the tears that started to form “hey, look at me, now I’m talking”

“Okay” he said sounding completely broken.

“You should’ve told me in the first place and we could’ve figured this whole thing out together, so neither of us would’ve suffered, cause even though you did hurt me, you also hurt yourself, and I know it wasn’t your intention to do it to neither of us. I know you never meant to hurt me, you were just doing what was better in your head for me, but here’s the thing, I’m the one that should decided what’s best for me, Shawn, okay? The whole problem here is...”

“That I’m an idiot?” he suggested.

“No, honey, well, a bit, yeah” I said and he let out a sad chuckle “but the main problem is miscommunication, we should’ve just talked to me, and this whole mess wouldn’t have happened”

He nodded looking down at our joined hands and I let go of them, only to cup his jaw and force him to look up at me “why were you scared of losing me? Or hurting me?”

“Me?” he asked and I nodded in response “I just- you’re perfect and I’m just Shawn”

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked chuckling softly.

“Yeah, you’re the most intelligent person I’ve ever met, you’re good in everything you do, you’re the sweetest, kindest and most beautiful girl I’ve ever met and me? I’m just Shawn, the dumb boy, that never had a real serious relationship and that likes to party on his free time, I’m not enough for you”

“I’m not all of that, I’m flattered, really am, but I’m not that, Shawnie, and you, oh baby, you’re way more than that, yeah, you might have this bad boy with a frozen heart exterior, but in reality, you have the biggest heart and are the softest guy I’ve ever met”

“Only for you” he mumbled.

“And that’s honestly all that matters to me”

“Is it?”

“Yeah”

“Really?”

“Yes, Shawn” I said giggling softly.

“So what do we do now?”

“What do you mean?”

“With all this?”

“Well, we should communicate better”

“Okay, that’s on me”

“No, it’s on me too, if I told you I liked you way too long ago, this could’ve been avoided”

“You liked me?”

“Yeah”

“As in the past?” I only hummed in response and he nodded.

“And now I’m in love with you”

“You’re what?!”

“In love with you”

“You fell in love with me?! Out of all people?Just like I did with you?”

“Yep” I said popping the ‘p’ and he laughed.

“Well, maybe there is such thing as soulmates”

“Maybe” I giggled as he pulled into his arms, hugging me tight to his body.

“So what do we do with this?”

“We can go slow with this, just go with it and don’t hold back anymore”

We just sat there, in each other’s embrace for a while, letting the eventful evening sink in as he gripped at my shirt and I played with his soft curls. Maybe we had a rough start to whatever this is, but having him like this makes me so sure that this was all worth it, if that meant I would have him like this at the end of the day.

“This can’t be real” he mumbled after what felt like ages.

“But it is, very real” I replied sitting up straight properly on his lap and he cupped my face gently.

“Prove it” he smirked at me, great, the Shawn I knew is finally back, and I only laughed in response, leaning in closer and finally pressing my lips to his softly.

The kiss was slow and passionate, I guess we weren’t in rush, we were just exploring each other calmly after everything that happened and I couldn’t feel happier. He was still cupping my jaw and my fingers were lazily wrapped in his curls, just getting used to one another. But when I tugged at it a bit harder than before and he whimper lightly into my mouth was as if something shifted around us. The whole place seemed to lit up on fire and even though all humans need oxygen to breath, suddenly it wasn’t important to us anymore. His tongue ran on my bottom lip as I let him deepen the kiss.

He was carefully leaning in and making me lay back on his soft pillows as his tongue licked into my mouth, one of his hands running down my body, only to stop at my waist, giving it a rough squeeze, getting a soft moan in response from me. And that was all Shawn needed to encourage him to keep on going. He placed a few pecks on my lips as he trailed down to my jaw and neck with his open mouthed kisses that was literally making me roll my eyes back and tug harder on his soft locks. When he started nipping on my collar bone his phone rang.

“Oh shit” he mumbled into my neck, nuzzling his face on my neck and going back to his assault there.

“Shawn” what was supposed to come out as a normal sentence ended up a moan when he left what could only be a red mark on the column of my throat.

“Hm?” he hummed completely ignoring his phone.

“Someone’s calling you”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm” was all I could reply as he got back to my lips to kiss me all over again, living me completely dizzy, and almost making me forget about his phone.

“Let them” he mumbled before kissing me again, until I cupped his jaw and pushed him away softly making him whine in protest “I’m finally able to have you all to myself”

“And we have all night, baby, but you ordered pizza and I’m starving”

“Oh shit” he replied at the same time the doorbell rang making him groan in frustration.

“Go open the damn door, Mendes!” I said giggling and he got up to do it grumbling how mean I was, but still with a smile on his plump lips.

And I was there smiling to myself like the idiot I was, feeling my lips tingling and my whole body on fire. My phone buzzed from the nightstand and I reached to see who was texting me right now to ruin the moment, but it was only Shawn.

“Come downstairs, honey, the pizza’s here”

To Shawnie:

“I’m literally upstairs, you could’ve just called me, idiot”

From Shawnie:

“Nah-ah, don’t be rude to your boyfriend”

To Shawnie:

“Which boyfriend? I didn’t know I had one”

From Shawnie:

“Come downstairs and I’ll show you who’s you’re boyfriend”

To Shawnie:

“Nope, this bed is pretty comfy”

From Shawnie:

“Y/N, come on, baby, pretty please”

“Seriously, the pizza well get cold”

“Don’t make me go upstairs and pick you up”

“Y/N, I’m serious, if I go upstairs you’re going to be punished with tickles”

To Shawnie:

“Thought you couldn’t be rude to you girlfriend”

From Shawnie:

“Touché!”

“Now come here, baby, and I’ll make it worth it”

“Get your pretty ass downstairs”

To Shawnie:

“I’m coming”

It was all I could reply, still giggling like a teenage girl and I went downstairs, only to find him with our chat still open, writing down a reply I could never repeat out loud without turning myself into a blushing mess. But I’m not going to complain about it, I was happy, completely and utterly happy.

-*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*Thank you SO much for the love, guys, means the world to me!

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it! And thank you so much! See you soon 🙃

*xoxo

-🌙

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mememanufactorum · 4 years

Text

Final Fantasy XIV Primal lyric starters

* FEEL FREE TO SHARE AS YOU PLEASE, NO CREDIT NEEDED. CHANGE PRONOUNS OR ANYTHING ELSE AS DESIRED.

-Under the Weight-

Cold are the hands that grasp at your soul

Bound to the dark, for the light I shun

Succumb to the hate that corrupts your fate

In spite of the blood that was spilt before, you whet your blades, you thirst for more

Now kneel, overdweller, your lord commands

There’s no salvation for the sons of man

The skies will tremble and the earth will quake

From the crumbling walls, no one escapes

I’ll drag you down to the seventh gate

-Thunder Rolls-

Thine advent quelleth creeping night

The wicked burn, their pyres bright

Soul without a name, heed my call

Sin doth stain the hearts of us all

Soon he too shall reap what is sown

Step into the storm, know its mercy

Let the wind and the rain crash down over thee

Soul fallen from grace, ware thee well

Judgment thou must face, thine own hell

Soul, thine end is nigh

Take my hand

All life must return to the land

Purge thy flesh of fear and be strong

Step in from the storm, praise its mercy

Let the sting of the rain never stray far from thee

Now lift thine heavy head and vanquish thine sorrow

Now turn thy gaze ahead and look to the morrow

-Oblivion-

There’s nothing left

Now close my eyes for one last time and say goodbye

The pain won’t cease

I’ll find no peace

We are taught to fear the reaper

I try and try but I can’t say no

This endless nightmare has just begun

My heart is dragging me down unto oblivion

The endless lies, I’ve cast aside

Steeled is my soul, my blood grown cold

I gain control

We all learn to fight the reaper

Can’t defeat her, so instead I’ll have to be her

My mind’s made up, my fear is gone

-Unbending Steel-

Red bloometh the rose of conviction

Red bloometh the rose of hate

Red bloometh the rose of conquest

Only blood will sate

The war, it wageth on

The storm, it rageth on

The bold ever fight on, their lives echo in song

All, like snow, they fall, petals plucked and strewn

The war still wageth on

The storm still rageth on

The bold blindly march on, their lives lost in a song

-Fiend-

What is it like when you pull back the curtain and realize every wrong is a right?

Your world is rusted like a dirty razor

You walk the path laid before you

The call of reason, you refuse to abide

Necessity is an inventive mother

You’ll find slumber when the world comes tumbling down

Retreat where lesser men lead

Flee from what you do not see

Heed the dark within your being

Waste no more time fighting your demons

Lay down your arms and let the evil inside

You let it eat until there’s nothing left at all, so you can feel that you are truly alive

Better to serve in a waking nightmare than to live in their paradise

What is gold always glitters, but it still comes with an unpayable price

You are the night at the end of the tunnel

The angels graze in the meadows of excess

-Equilibrium-

A heartbeat without harmony is moonlight without dark

The heart seeketh equilibrium

With balance will your worry part

-Locus-

Let go this destiny

You’re caught in a trance

The mortal coil we serve is taut like a spring

Our world’s a fantasy, no more than a test

No time enough tomorrow for turning back to where we began

This mortal coil we serve is naught but a spring

Your world’s a fantasy, you’ve failed the test

-Beauty’s Wicked Wiles-

In time, you shall follow

Behold as our burdens become south with the sun

Step from the dark to the light

Give into your hunger

Cast off inhibition, let passion run wild

Fuel the unquenchable fire

You needn’t hide

-Wayward Daughter-

Each petal a promise torn, shorn one by one and cast to the winds

I gave unto them my all

Wayward daughter, step into the night

Naught save the night shall know our sorrow

We give unto it our all

-Amatsu Kaze-

Is this divine torment or judgment, I know not

To the end of the world I flee to surrender to the whims of fate

He shirks not from my rage and speaks of destiny and defiance

Surrender to the wind

Surrender to the rage

-Sunrise-

Stranger to kindness until freed by love eternal, you and I

Honor binds me unto errant kin

If here I find my end, stay your tears for we shall meet again

As the light of the setting sun fades, bid farewell to me, beloved

In these fleeting moments, hold my hand as I whisper a silent prayer

Should dawn never break on this thousand thousand year night, I promise

Should I take to wing and seek you in every distant sky

One more life for us, one more chance – for this I pray, I beg, I plead

Dreams of you and me in my heart I hold forevermore

Wait for me, wait for me, my love

-eScape-

Come ride, heroes, ride

The storm heads gather

Why do weathered warriors wander their way whither wanting wonders wait?

Twixt the leaves you’ll find naught amiss – missing aughts and crossing fates

Dare the dead tread ahead on a road that was borrowed design

Through the sum of their suns do they seek tomorrow

Witness as the end shall begin what was final

-What Angel Wakes Me-

Yet with each descent do we rise again to our hearts’ content

Fly away, my friend, for a day and then we’ll begin again

Do you love me not?

Will you, when I’m gone, remember me?

Braving anything together, we learn to play our part

Catch a falling star, lock it in our hearts eternally

To these crowns we cling for we’ll all be kings tomorrow

Summer child with heavy eyes, come our angel nigh, sing in our sweet lullaby

Time wilts and fades, luster lost in the rain, bows to the blade, till the spring calls again

-Invincible-

These memories ache with the weight of fate

Ever we fight, never we fly

Ever we fall, forever we fall

Now breathe deep of the darkness beneath the flood, where all of the proud angels drink to their deeds of blood

Their lies, twisted and torn, into dreams they’ve spun

Yet ever we will stand stall, invincible

-Return to Oblivion-

My sins claim me

How long have I waited to open my wings?

The soul longs for oblivion

A slave to my fate, ever doomed to repeat this

No more goodbyes, though my heart is still aching

Now open my eyes one more time, here I come

Spring’s promise of sun is honored when winter’s weighed upon us

Clear as diamond, yet fragile as ice

My heart is racing

Falling too fast, but the fall will not break me

No more goodbyes, I am tired of waiting

-To The Edge-

All our splendor bathed black in silence, our surrender, a somber reverie

Know our places, for worth is wordless

Brother, stay this descent to madness

Come and save us

Catch us before we fall

Don’t lose hope

Like broken angels, wingless, cast from heaven’s gates, we only fly when falling far from grace

Hell can take us, heaven can wait

Quick to their ends, our candles burn until we’re free

In monochrome melodies, our tears are painted in red

Deep inside, we’re nothing more than scions and sinners

In the rain do light and darkness fade

Time circles endlessly, the hands of fate trained ahead

All things change, drawn to the flame to rise from the ashes

To begin, we first must see the end

Rock of ages, we cast the first stone

We know not what we do

Tomorrow’s come too soon

Follow blindly like lambs to slaughter, at the mercy of those who ply the sword

We’re forgotten, now and forevermore

Without a compass, wandering lost in lies and faith, only alive when fighting death’s amber embrace

Our hearts beat loud, unafraid

On hands and knees we pray to gods we’ve never seen

Come, shadow, come follow me

The final hour upon us, no more time to breathe

#Final Fantasy XIV #Final Fantasy #roleplay meme #roleplay prompt #rp meme #rp prompt #I know I skipped a few songs.#Mostly because I didn't find their lyrics particularly workable into a meme format.

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fragmentedink-archived · 4 years

Text

Hell to Pay: Part Forty-Four

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI, XXXVII, XXXVIII, XXXIX, XL, XLI, XLII, XLIII

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

A/N: trigger warnings for mentions of suggested abortion

Amara flopped down on her couch. Cin was still with Renee, which- well, it sucked. She missed her mate. And she needed help getting rid of all their shitty furniture so she could let him buy some better furniture for the better apartment she was planning on moving to. As soon as she found one anyway.

She was still laying there, staring at the ceiling, when she heard Nik come in the door. “What happened to your door?” He asked.

“Ash. Shut it behind you.”

“No.”

When she levered herself upright, he was setting the piece of plywood she was using as a door against the wall. “You’ll let in a breeze, dickhead,” she said, flopping back with a groan.

“Good,” Nik said. “Maybe it’ll get rid of the charred wood smell.”

“Not my problem much longer. I’m moving.” Amara threw an arm over her eyes. “Hopefully.”

When Nik didn’t speak, or move closer, Amara groaned loudly. After sitting up, she crossed her legs, peering at how Nik’s arms were folded across his chest.

“Come, sit on the shitty couch I plan on replacing.”

“Why are you leaving?”

Amara squinted. “I’ll tell you if you sit down,” she wheedled.

“When were you going to tell me Destris was dead?”

Guilt pricked at Amara, but she lifted her chin stubbornly. “Sit, and then we talk.”

“No. You lied to me.”

“When?” Amara asked, spine straightening.

“I thought you were done not telling me the truth.”

“Not like I’ve been around much to tell you anything.” When she looked at Nik, he looked close to tears. “Seriously. Sit. I’ll tell you everything.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why tell me now?”

“Because you’re here, dumbass. And no one’s here to interrupt me this time.” She patted the couch insistently.

“Name calling is not going to work in your favor,” he said, pursing his lips.

“Name calling is my way of showing love and you know it.” Amara leaned back. “I was afraid to fail again. I wasn’t going to put you through that. Besides, I was on a tight schedule. I killed him quick. I had to. I needed his soul. And I felt like shit for bailing on you, but- I needed Lev back. You needed him.” She screwed her face up. “And then Cameron kicked me out of the house.”

Nik gave a grim little smile. “Everyone needs Lev,” he said. He sat down on the couch, facing away from her.

“Yeah well, you were kind of out of commission without him. I need my best friend functional. Or as close to it as you usually are.”

“Doesn’t excuse the fact you lied to me. Again.”

“Right. Next time I’ll drop everything I’m doing on a time sensitive mission and tell you what i'm doing.” She crossed her arms. “I wasn’t trying to leave you out of the loop. That’s not a lie. Shit just happened fast, and then Cameron pushed me out of the house, and I haven’t seen much of you since.”

Nik got up with a muttered, “Whatever.”

“Hey, no,” Amara said, jumping to her feet and grabbing his wrist. “Wait. Please. You’re here. Please. Let’s talk, now that you’re here.”

Nik pursed his lips, clearly thinking about it, before he flopped back down. “Speak.”

“Cyrus said the spell we tried didn’t bother to offer anything in exchange.” Amara tipped her head back. “He’s the one who thought of killing Destris. He killed Lev, he should die. So I killed him. Cameron wouldn’t come, which. I expected. He’s got baggage I don’t think anyone wants to unpack. I wish I could have dragged it out, but I was afraid of Destris getting away if I toyed with him. So I gutted him when he opened his front door. Cameron wouldn’t let me stay while they did the magic. So I came over and cried on you, but you know that. And then we spent days waiting for Lev to wake up, and that’s all I could think about at the time.”

She paused, touched his shoulder. “I’ve been ignoring you,” She finally said. “Worse than usual. And that’s not fair.”

“You didn’t kill him fast enough.” Nik’s voice broke. He curled into the couch, looking away.

“Noted for next time.” Amara hesitated. She leaned against him, closing his eyes. “Hey. I won’t apologize. You hate those. But. I’ll try to be a better friend.”

Nik stared into the couch blankly. Silent tears slipped down his cheeks. “I’m pregnant,” he finally said, voice cracking. “He’s the father.”

Oh. Amara had no idea what to say. “You keeping it?” She finally asked.

“I don’t know.”

Amara considered him. “You don’t have to, you know. If you don’t want to.”

“You mean not carry a sadist’s spawn in my weird omega uterus? Yeah, I’m aware.”

“Plenty of angels are weird about abortions. Won’t even say the stupid word. It really is an option.”

“If i want to get an abortion, I will. I just don’t know what I want.”

Amara considered that. “Okay,” she finally said. “Whatever you decide, it’s the right decision.”

Nik gave her a really tired look. “Okay,” he said dryly. “Thank you, Ash.”

“Ouch,” Amara said, smacking his shoulder. “Take that back right now.”

Nik curled into the couch and rested his head on the back cushion. “What, exactly,” he said, “is Cameron going to say when he finds out I slept with his brother of all people? Cameron puts up with a lot of my shit, but he’s not going to put up with this. Not Destris.”

Amara considered him. “Cameron isn’t going to do anything,” she said. “It’s Destris.”

“Destris did not come onto me,” he said. “I came onto him. I went to him for the drugs and I was more than willing to let him fuck me- and knot me. Even if it’s Destris, I am not Destris, and… this kid sure as hell isn’t either.”

“You went to Destris?” Amara frowned. “You knew it was Destris, and you went to him anyway?”

“No I did not know it was Destris,” Nik said, irritably. “But that doesn’t mean shit.”

“Kinda think it means everything,” Amara said. “If you don’t know who you’re fucking, how the hell do you consent.”

Nik’s eyes narrowed in thought. “Easily. With my mouth. And ass apparently.”

Amara rolled her eyes. “No.” She said. She poked his cheek. “Not how consent works, dumbass.” She leaned against him, and sighed. “But I’m not going to change your mind. I know that. Just... know Cameron will understand.”

“Sure he will,” Nik said. “Because Cameron is capable of forgiveness or empathy or literally anything else on any form of emotional spectrum. Not to mention we already have one kid in the house that he wanted to kill the moment he laid eyes on. And that kid isn’t even a hybrid.”

Amara nodded. “Cameron is just a freak of nature who doesn’t feel shit normally. But I know it’ll work out. I just know.” She tapped her temple.

“Since when were you an optimist?” Nik demanded, voice cracking. “Ugh, stars. I am so sick of crying.” Nik wiped hastily at his tears, his glower faltering. “I’m a horrible person.” he closed his eyes. “Lev literally just got brought back from the dead and I’m pissed off everyone cares more about him than me.”

Amara shrugged. “You’re allowed to be selfish. And everyone will stop fawning over him soon enough. Or, as much. Everyone fusses over Lev. You do, I bet. If you need more attention, more love, more- whatever, ask for it. You know no one will mind. You deserve it too.”

“Do I?” Nik asked, silent tears slipping down his face. He palmed his eyes, sniffling. “I’ve been selfish my entire life,” he said “Now I’m just being an asshole. Not like I was just brutally murdered and then necromancied back into life.”

“You are,” Amara said. “Now go be selfish, or I’ll tattle to Lev and Cameron that you're not getting enough attention that you need.”

“I decided to go out and get high and completely blow off everyone, making Cameron turn into a skeleton, Lev try to make me stay dead and everyone try to handle me. I’ve been nothing but selfish and smothered and now I want erven more attention and it’s even worse because Lev doesn’t remember anything and now I’m pregnant and if i say a word to anyone about it, especially Lev, then he’s going to try to bend over backwards to parent me and Cameron’s going to hate me, even more than he already does, and Nate’s going to get even weirder about me being in Cameron’s house and-” Nik’s mouth snapped shut and he took a deep breath. “Point is, being selfish is what got me into this mess in the first place.”

Amara sighed. “I don’t know how to logic you out, Nik. You'll have to find someone else to do that, but I’ll always be here for you. Cheesy as that sounds. If you can't be selfish around anyone else, then, be selfish around me.”

Nik blinked rapidly, scrubbing his face before moving over to lean against her. His entire body trembled with barely suppressed tears while she put her arm around him. He sniffled. “You’re annoying,” he finally said, petulantly.

“It's my job,” Amara replied. “You wanna stick around a bit longer?”

“Yeah,” Nik sighed against her.

---

With Nik gone for the day, Lev was stuck in bed, though at least Cameron was there. In the chair. Out of arms reach. Lev lasted an hour, ignoring the vague ache pulsing through him, before he cracked.

“Cam?” Lev asked.

“Hm?”

“It hurts,” Lev admitted. “I- can you hold me?” He was quick to add, “I can sit in your lap if you still want to read, but- not being touched… hurts.”

“Sure,” Cameron said eventually. He settled more comfortably, and then shifted so Lev’d have room.

Lev wobbled the few steps it was to Cameron’s lap, and curled in immediately. Cameron pulled a blanket around Lev, and started to play with Lev’s hair absently as he read. Slowly the ache faded, and Lev sighed softly into Cameron’s neck.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

“Mmmhmm,” Cameron replied.

“I guess we should let Ash know… I didn’t realize… I didn’t know it hurt like that. Nik hasn’t let me go since he arrived.”

After a few seconds, Cameron said, “Nik will be back soon.”

Lev nodded. He knew that. And he didn’t begrudge Nik his time away. “I like time with you too,” Lev said. “I like it when you hold me. I feel safe.”

“All you have to do is ask.”

“I know. That’s the hard part.” Lev pressed a shy kiss to Cameron’s cheek. “I’ll work on it.”

“That’s probably for the best.”

Lev snorted softly, and snuggled back into Cameron. “You haven’t changed much.”

“I’ve been at work. I’ve been too busy.”

“That sounds about right.” Lev absently traced Cameron’s collarbone. It stuck out more than he remembered, and he didn’t like it. Not one bit.

Cameron went back to reading, but Lev didn’t mind. His alpha’s hand was still playing with his hair, and Lev was content to let him.

Lev had dozed off by the time Nik came home. Lev only stirred when he ehared Cameron tell Nik… something about dinner. That was enough Lev’s head shot up, peering blearily around.

“Nik?” Lev asked, finally focusing on his boyfriend.

Nik gave him a tired smile. “Hi.”

Lev scrambled clumsily out of Cam’s lap, and wrapped himself around Nik tightly. “How was it?” He mumbled.

Nik wrapped his arms around Lev’s waist. “Amara was being Amara, as usual.”

“A little annoying, and not really helpful, but you feel a little better anyway?”

“Yeah. Exactly that,” Nik said.

“She’s good at that.” Lev pulled away, long enough to flop on the bed wearily. “Nap with me?”

“Yeah,” Nik promised, joining him. “That sounds nice.”

---

Lev had sent the sentries back for proper pillows twice, though he wouldn’t give back the others. He tucked them around Nik, though he tossed a few chosen to the floor. Nik didn’t offer to help, and just watched Lev sleepily. Lev took several breaks, and napped frequently.

He occasionally took small laps around the room. As long as he didn’t stray too long, Nik just waited for him in bed. Lev poked around in the adjoining bathroom, puttered around in the walk in closet. He dragged several pillows in there with him, and one of the extra blankets, too. He left them there, out of the way, and crawled back in bed with Nik once again.

Nik tugged Lev close. “If you keep getting out of bed, you’re going to get in trouble,” Nik mumbled.

“You’re with me,” Lev said. “I’m supervised. And I don’t stay long.”

“I see you’re going to drag me under the bus with you.”

Lev burrowed close. “I didn’t mean to. I- I can stay in bed.” He touched Nik’s cheek lightly, and then, “I’ll try anyway. I’m supposed to try to walk a bit.”

Nik whined at him, and curled into Lev.

Lev stroked his hair. “I’ll stay,” he promised, more firmly this time. He pressed a hesitant kiss to Nik’s forehead. To Lev’s delight, Nik began to purr softly.

Lev settled deeper in the bed, and closed his eyes. Before he knew it, he was dead asleep, one hand fisted in Nik’s shirt.

Tagging: @incandescent-creativity @idreamonpaper @solangelo3088 @halstudies @alittleyellowdinosaur @caelisis

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #wip boost #ch: cameron #ch: nik #cameron and nik and lev #hell to pay

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calumance · 4 years

Text

LA Devotee - Part XVII

Warnings: first half in angsty, second half is fluffy

Word Count: 3.4k

Summary: Emily is broken, and feels like she’s pushing Calum away. Calum is worried that Emily will never understand how real their relationship is. Meanwhile, Trevor calls up Emily for help with a surprise for Mikayla.

A/N: Thank you for being patient with me on this update, I took some much needed time off but now I am back so updates every Saturday!! 🥰🥰

Masterlist

As much as I loved Mikayla, and respected her words and advise, I did not try to call Calum. The second I got home, I filled Duke’s bowl full of food then headed for the couch. As soon as I made it to the couch, I curled up in a ball and laid there, watching mindless TV until my eyes were so tired that I had to shut them. I rolled so I was facing the back of the couch and put my hands over my face, blocking any source of light. I thought about what Mikayla said, to not over think it. Laying here like this is overthinking it, maybe I should try to call him.

I pushed myself away from the back of the couch and grabbed my phone. The picture of us on my background causing my leg to bounce in nervousness. My finger swiped across the screen to unlock it and I stared at Calum’s name. The dial tone sounded for a full minute before I was sent to his voicemail. My heart tightened and I closed my eyes after ending the call. I tossed my phone onto the coffee table and assumed the same position I had been in before. My eyes tightly shut, squeezing the tears from my eyes, my eyes stayed shut until I was lulled by the hurt into some sort of restless sleep.

My phone made a hard buzzing noise against the coffee table jolting me awake. It only vibrated once, but it was enough to cause me to scramble towards my phone, falling off the couch in the process. After I grabbed my phone, I was highly disappointed to see that it was Trevor. Wait, why the hell was Trevor texting me? “Hey, sorry for texting you out of the blue, but you’re Mikayla’s best friend so call me when you get a second.” My eyebrows stitched together, and in absolute panic, I immediately called Trevor. “Hey, Emily. Thanks for calling me so soon.”

“Is everything okay?” I blurted out, still sitting on the floor, because what was the point of standing up?

“No, yeah, everything’s awesome. I’m going to propose to Mikayla.” My heart skipped and beat and I wanted to scream in excitement. Mikayla has always expressed to me how head over heels she is for Trevor, and they’ve been together for almost four years now. “I wanted you to help me plan it. I already have a ring, I just don’t know what else to do, surely she has told you something about her perfect proposal?”

Oh, boy, has she. “She wants to be proposed to on the beach, at sunset. Venice beach, to be precise. She’s always dreamt of it being that she would be holding hands, walking along the shoreline with the guy- you- and talking about life. She told me that she would want her closest friends to be there, maybe for like a bonfire, or something. Of course, some drinks, music, you get what I’m saying.”

“Yeah, yeah. Like that night we had right after you moved here. We were at the beach and you two got all drunk on wine coolers.” He sighed, with a soft chuckle.

I chuckled back at the memory. “Yeah, like that, but about a hundred times more romantic.” My elbow rested on my knee as my fingers ran across my forehead. “When were you thinking of proposing?”

“Soon? Maybe like Sunday? Could you help me invite all of her friends? I already breached the idea to her, and she was all for it. Will you keep the proposal part of it kind of hushed though? I’d rather have only you know.” His voice became quiet, as if he was afraid of someone hearing him.

“Yeah, I’ll send out a mass invite in the morning. I’m so excited for you, Trevor.” He thanked me again and hung up. After I was sure the call had ended, I tossed my phone back onto the coffee table and laid back so I was pressed against the floor. I was happy for them, but I don’t know how I was supposed to have a happy face when the one person I want to talk to, won’t talk to me. I pushed the base of my palm into my eyes and groaned.

I reached above me for my phone and held it above my face, careful not to drop it on myself. Again, I tried to call Calum, and again the call went to voicemail. Before I started to cry again, I called Michael. One hand holding the phone to my ear, the other hand covering my eyes, in hopes that it would stop me from crying. “Emily!” Michael’s voice was cheery, and there was a few explosions behind him, like he was playing a video game.

“Hey, Michael. How are you doing?” My hand reminded over my eyes, and I swallowed down the sob in my throat.

“It’s going great! What’s going on with you?” He mumbled a few words as he continued to play whatever game he was playing.

My hand dropped from my face and my eyes narrowed at the sudden burst of light. “Not much, listen, Calum isn’t answering me, do you know if he’s okay?” Maybe he knew we were fighting, maybe he didn’t, either way, I left that part out.

Whatever Michael was into suddenly paused, the other end of the phone suddenly became really quiet. “I don’t know, actually. The only time I’ve seen today him was for our performance, after that he went straight for his hotel room and hasn’t come out since. I’m actually kind of worried about him.” I squeezed my eyes shut, and replaced my hand over my eyes. “Do you think I should knock on his door?”

“You’ve known him way longer than I have, Michael. Does he get like this a lot?” Michael hummed in response, but didn’t say much else. I sighed and licked my lips before continuing, “If you knock on his door, just don’t say anything about me calling.” Michael agreed and I hung up the phone. After a few minutes of laying on the floor, I sat up and started preparing the Facebook invite for Trevor and Mikayla’s party on Sunday.

At this point of the night, I had completely lost track of what time it was, all I knew was that it was late. Duke was curled in a ball at my feet at the other end of the couch, soft snores escaping through his nose every so often. My arms tucked into my chest, the sleeves of my sweater pulled over my hands. The episode of The Office where Jim proposes to Pam playing on the TV. Just as Jim knelt down, my phone buzzed. Without taking my eyes off the TV, I reached forward and grabbed my phone, thinking Michael had gone and talked to Calum. I sat bolt upright when I saw Calum’s name on my screen. My fingers frantically swiped to unlock my phone and read his message. “Hey, sunshine. Are you still awake?”

My eyes lifted to the TV just as Pam nodded to Jim and they embraced in a loving kiss. I looked back at my phone and typed back a simple “Yeah.” The three dots in the gray bubble showed up and I watched as they disappeared and his message showed up. “Can we talk?” My heart skipped a beat and I typed another simple “Yeah.”

Within a minute, my phone was ringing, what was surprising was that it was a Face Time call. I propped my phone up on the coffee table, tapped the answer button, then pulled my arm back into my chest. When Calum came into view, the only light that was illuminating his face was the light of the TV. He ran his hand down his face then grinned. Just as he grinned, I looked away from the phone and back at the TV. He sighed and out of the corner of my eye, I could see him reach up and turn the lamp on. “I’m sorry, Emily. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, I just wish you would realize how real this relationship is.”

As much as I wanted to fight him, he had a point. Everything that has happened to me in the past month and a half has felt like a complete and utter dream. None of it has felt real, and maybe I was acting like it wasn’t real, but how was I supposed to act when the last real relationship I had wasn’t actually real? I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands, hiding the tears that had started to fall. “I know I act tough, Calum, but my last relationship destroyed me. What I thought was real, ended up not being real, and our relationship has felt too good to be true since the second I laid my eyes on you. I’m sorry that I’m pushing you away.” Even though I covered my face, the sob that escaped my chest gave away the fact that I was crying, and I moved my hand to use my sleeve to dry under my eyes.

“Sunshine, you’re not pushing me away. No matter what happens, I will be here. I’m not going anywhere, you are worth every crazy second. Please don’t cry.” He paused for a second and then took a deep breath before continuing, “Can I tell you something?” I nodded, still covering my face with my sleeved hand. “You are the are the light of my life. I was wrong to act the way I did, I was just angry that I couldn’t be there to protect you. That’s my job as a boyfriend, and I couldn’t do that. There was not a second that went by today that I did not think about you, and I tried everything I could to fly home and see you, but there just isn’t time until my next day off in a few days. I’ve just been on edge because I miss you so fucking bad.” He gritted his teeth on the last few words and my breath hitched.

I brought my other hand to my face, “I miss you too.” The response was muffled by my hands and the tears. My chest heaved as I held in a sob, but then rolled over so my back was facing the camera.

Calum sighed, “Emily, please look at me.” I mumbled a ‘no’ into the back of the couch and Calum sighed again. “What do you want me to do, Em?”

My mind ran around in circles until I rolled over and grabbed my phone, surprising Calum. He leaned back and raised his eyebrows. “I want you to just bear with me. I want you to understand that having a perfect relationship has literally never happened to me. I am broken, and I am pretty certain that you are going to be the one to fix me, but it’s going to take time.” I used my sleeve to dry the tears off my face and I licked my lips, thinking of how I wanted to word my next thought. “I care about you very much. I want us to last for a long time, it’s just going to take a while for me to realize what a functional relationship looks like. Can you promise me that you’ll be patient with me and still continue to,” I licked my lips, “Care for me?”

Calum grinned and looked down while nodding, “Of course, Emily. I’m not going anywhere, not any time soon.” I nodded and bit my lip. My eyes met the floor, we were silent for a minute, but Calum cleared his throat and started talking about his day. Which was nice, because I missed talking to him all day. By the end of the night, we were laughing and talking as if the past twenty-four hours never happened.

On Sunday afternoon, I wore a black and white striped maxi skirt with a white tank top, a jean jacket and some sandals. As I was getting ready, I Face Timed Calum. “How do I look?” I asked as I stood in front of the floor length mirror in our shared bathroom.

He eyebrows raised, his fingers running over his lips to hide a smirk. He looked over the top of his phone, then back to the phone. “You look absolutely ravishing, honey.” I blushed and turned the camera to the front facing one as I walked around the house to grab the rest of my things before walking out the front door. “What are you guys doing tonight, again?”

I closed the door to my car and placed my phone in the holder which is suction cupped to the windshield. “I’ve told you, Trevor wanted to have a party with all of Mikayla’s closest friends, like this one time when she and I got all stupid drunk on the beach.” Calum hummed, knowing I was hiding something. “And, Trevor is proposing to Mikayla. I’m only telling you because you’re not here and blow the surprise.”

His eyes widened and spread a wide toothy smile, “Hey! That’s awesome, they’ve been together for a while, right?” He looked over his phone again and nodded in response to the person in front of him.

I glanced behind me to change lanes, and then looked back at Calum. He was still holding onto his phone, but he was wiring his in ear monitors, wrapping them around the top of his ears so they were just hanging. “Yeah,” I smiled at him. “About four years now, maybe longer than that. I can’t remember exactly how long she told me they’ve been together.” My eyes flicked between my phone and the road. Calum was shoving one of his monitors into his ear, “Do you need me to let you go?”

He shook his head and frowned, “No, I still have a couple more minutes.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see him prop the phone against something and took a few steps back to take a drink from his water bottle and start doing his pre-performance routine.

Just as he was called to the stage, I pulled into the parking lot by the beach. Trevor and Mikayla were already there, laying out the beach blanket next to the firepit that had already been set up. Calum and I bid each other goodbye and I grabbed my things to head to their spot. Before stepping into the sand I took my sandals off and lifted the bottom of my skirt. As I waded my way through the sand, a breeze blew my hair back and tickled my face. It was an absolutely beautiful afternoon, and all I could think about was how much better it would be if Calum were here with me. When I finally reached the blanket, Mikayla stood up and wrapped her arms around me. While her arms were around me Trevor smiled and nodded at me knowing that everything was going to be perfect.

Everyone I had invited showed up within ten minutes of me being there. Drinks were quickly passed around, and a speaker was brought out to play some music to keep everyone smiling and laughing. My heart skipped a beat when the song switched to a 5 Seconds of Summer song. As much as I loved the song, I couldn’t help but lower my eyes and wash back the rest of my drink. “Emily, do you want me to change the song? I know how much you’ve been missing him.” Mikayla asked, reaching for her phone.

“No, no, it’s a fine. I like this song, and it’s nice to hear his voice.” I smiled as Trevor handed me another drink, twisting the cap off for me. “Thank you.” I held up my drink and threw my head back taking another large gulp.

“When does he come back?” Our friend Sarah asked. She was leaning back, pressed against her boyfriend’s chest, his arms wrapped around her stomach.

“He comes home for a break in a month. I was thinking about visiting him before then, though. We’ve just been so busy at work that I haven’t really found the right time.” I shrugged and Sarah nodded. “Anyway, I’m okay, he’s okay. Let’s go back to laughing and having a good time.” Everyone nodded and someone dropped a joke, causing the mood to lighten back up.

Soon, the sun was starting to set and Trevor made eye contact with me. Mikayla was just the perfect amount of buzzed, her eyes were sparkling and I knew she was already having one of the best nights of her life. As I brought the bottle to my lips, I nodded. He nodded back at me, and whispered into Mikayla’s ear. She nodded and they both stood to walk towards the water. As they approached the sand, I stood and grabbed my phone. I followed behind them as they held hands and walked along the water line. Once Trevor stopped walking, I pulled out my phone and recorded. I got close enough that I could just barely hear them, but concentrated on videoing the moment. They held hands while Trevor spilled his heart, until he got down on one knee, pulling a small black velvet box from his pocket. Mikayla’s hands shot up and covered her mouth. I could hear her gasp and then she nodded vigorously. Trevor placed the ring on her finger then stood and hugged her, placing a long kiss to her lips.

I stopped the recording and stood in my place until Mikayla caught sight of me and started running towards me. My arms stretched out as she jumped into my arms and hugged me tightly. My arms wrapped around her tightly and we held each other just for a moment. When she pulled away she showed me her ring. It was a rose gold ring with an oval diamond and a halo of diamonds that had the clasp holding the stone at the top to make the halo look like stars. As Trevor walked past me, I fist bumped him. Finally, my best friend was engaged, and I couldn’t be more happy for her.

When I got home, I immediately fell into bed. The morning was going to come quickly, and waking up on Mondays was hard enough as it is. After finding the motivation, I pushed myself off the bed and put on a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt. As I was brushing my teeth, my phone began to ring. With my toothbrush still in my mouth, I walked back into the bedroom and grabbed my phone, answering Calum’s Face Time. He chuckled when he saw the toothbrush hanging out of my mouth. I smiled and propped my phone on the sink and held up my pointer finger. “Okay.” He said, his voice husky and low, making my bones shiver.

Quickly, I finished brushing my teeth and grabbed my phone off the sink. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you to call. How was your show?” As I walked out of the bathroom, I switched the light off, walking my way towards the bed.

“It was good,” He began and I crawled under the covers and switched on the bedside lamp. “How was your night? Did Mikayla say yes?” He raised his eyebrows and smiled, remembering that I had told him Trevor was proposing.

A smile stretched across my face and I leaned my phone against the lamp on the nightstand. “Yeah, she did. I took a video do you want me to send it to you?”

He raised and arm and let it rest against his forehead. “I’d love to see it. I’ll watch it tomorrow, though. I’m exhausted.” His eyes started to shut and I couldn’t help but smile.

“That’s fine. Why don’t we both get some sleep and talk again tomorrow?” He nodded and then we bid each other a goodnight before the call ended. Before rolling over onto my side, I sent Calum the video. For the first night in a couple of days, I was able to fall asleep with a smile on my face.

************

Tag list: @notinthesameguey @thinkofmehlgh @limer-encia @another-lonely-heart @itsmytimetoodream @babyoria

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hithren · 3 years

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Another year... survived.

There’s a ton I could say about this year. But it probably won’t ever come close to fully describing it. This year has been one of my worst, as I am sure it has been for a lot of people.

This year, Covid took my grandmother and a close family friend. Age and failing health took my dog of nearly 15 years. My health suffered, both mental and physical. I had more medical tests, procedures and appointments this year than my entire life it seemed, all while battling the anxiety that came to being in hospitals during a pandemic.

This year and its struggles drained every ounce of creative energy and drive I had. I am sure fellow artists, writers and the like can understand the feeling. My two remaining commissioners (from my one and only commission opening this year) can attest to it, and I am blessed by their patience and understanding. It’s very hard to pick up a pen when the world around you is all but falling apart.

I don’t really know what 2021 will bring. Living here in Southern California where the virus is all but complete chaos, I feel it will never end. I don’t see a light. As I write this, 3 of my cousins and their girlfriends/families are fighting the virus. My own family is wearing masks in our home and praying we didn’t catch anything when my dad had to be rushed to the ER full of covid patients due to a freak accident this past Sunday. We’ll be testing this weekend.

I want to try and make this year a better one, even if it's just small steps. I’ve finally been approved for therapy, after fighting against my unsupportive family for years. It came unexpectedly, a referral by a doctor I’d been seeing about IBS/IBD symptoms for over eight years. Exhausting all other options and most medication, they cited stress and anxiety, and wanted me to be seen by a therapist to see if it helped. Being doctor’s orders, my family can’t really argue. Blessedly. With the pandemic still raging, I’m hesitant to begin office visits. But soon. Hopefully.

I want to try and make new friends. Find new circles. More and more I find myself lacking reasons to do much. I’ve no interest in XIV anymore, I can barely log in and do a few things here and there. I no longer cap tomes on three characters/grab Eden weeklies etc as I used to. It’s mostly cause I really, really tire of doing it all alone. I want to raid again. I want a Savage group even. Just a group/FC to do content with. But it’s not just XIV. I feel alone in every game I play.

RP too, I want more of. I’ve been working on my character roster. And I’d like to find some IC homes and RP FCs for most of them. I miss having a small community of friends to RP with and tell stories with. I miss connecting. I’ve been running a personal arc for one of my characters, and the whole time I just think, wow… I don’t really know anyone. No one knows my character enough to care to be here. Or that’s how it feels. I want it to change. I look back to just a few short years ago, and I know I felt different then.

As far as art, and my future with it, I don’t know that either. Jobs are even harder to find now with the pandemic. I don’t see much hope for me at the moment. Maybe it will change. My first goal is to finish the last remaining commissions I have. I’m not sure if I’ll do more openings, at least not like I used to. It may be more of a ‘hey email me if you’re interested and I’ll see if I have time/energy’ kind of thing rather than slots and full openings.

But I’ve also decided I want to try my hand at making a visual novel game. A New Year's resolution? Maybe. Or maybe just a goal to try and better myself. It’s going to be hard, and maybe slow-going and discouraging. But part of me is also excited. I toyed with the idea of doing a patreon to go along with it. So I can keep supporting myself as I work on it. I don’t even know if people would be interested in my original characters, stories, or the process, but it would be worth a shot, maybe. I don’t know the first thing about coding, or games. But I’d like to think I can draw. Most days.

Am I doing okay? Some days it's debatable. Sleep is hard. Whether due to medical reasons or just insomnia/anxiety, there’s been a few days this month I’ve been still awake as the sun comes up. I freak out over everything. But I’m trying. Trying is hard. But I am.

I don’t know what 2021 will bring. I wish I did. But I honestly hope it’s better. Better for a lot of people I know who are suffering. I thank everyone who took the time to read this through, who still follow this blog after an entire year of very little activity. I am so very grateful for your support. I wish the best for you all in the coming year.

Here’s to a new one. May it be better. It doesn’t have to be great. Better is good enough.

#ooc

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fist-and-fury-xiv · 4 years

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VII | Gods

The following prompt is a collaboration between @otolin-xiv and @severine-savage for our double WoL AU.

Killing gods is hard.

The burn doesn’t fade. It’s much like a phantom, a quiet unsettling thing that sticks to the skin and slowly rides. Even if Otolin can’t see it, he swears it’s there, the little pin-pricks on the backs of his hands, on his callused and scarred palms.

It’ll be a reminder. He’s sure he’ll carry more over the next few weeks- no, this will take months? Maybe years. Nothing new. He holds up a hand quietly, head tilting and brows furrowing in thought.

He struck a Primal with his bare hands. He wasn’t sure it would actually work, but it had. That, and the dozens of arrows by way of the Elezen with the bow. Down goes the hand, thoughts drifting to her.

How was she doing?

It had been like staring into the sun. The heat was so intense she thought she wouldn’t survive it. She couldn’t get the story she used to hear growing up out of her head. Something about how to cook a frog. She’d watched that man walk into the dirt-packed arena and start to throw fists with that thing. And as tempting as it had been to keep her head down, to act like she was dead, to wish that she was dead, instead she’d struggled free of her bonds, propelled forward with a warmth and a brightness different than the fire around her.

She couldn’t hear herself think over that thing but she didn’t need to think. She knocked an arrow, drew it back, and fired. Again, and again, and again. And though she couldn’t hear her own voice over the roar of the creature and of the fire, she still sang. She sang as loud as she could, fingers rapping out a rhythm on the string of her bow and the shaft of her arrows. No one was more surprised to survive than she was. Surprised enough to laugh a little.

He realizes they hadn’t said much to each other before that battle.

Or even during.

It’s what makes Otolin stop on his slow, steady walk and reconsider. Thinking. No words had been exchanged, just simple and quick looks to signify the other’s presence. That they weren’t alone. That he wasn’t. It’s an odd thing. For most of his life, he’s been on his own (or that’s what he thinks).

Now there were others, people who had come into his life who... some were aggravating. Others a little grandiose. But they were well-meaning and kind enough, better than most of the types he had dealt with before. Severine though? She was…

He had no clue really what she was like, but there’s an inkling… something that tells his gut, his mind, his instinct, that he knows things about Severine he shouldn’t. That’s what makes him stop in the hallway and then turn around.

For most of his life, he had been on his own… if only because Otolin just preferred it that way.

She didn’t trust people. Not easily, not at all.

So why did she trust this guy after one intense fight and nothing more than an exchange of names?

Lifting her chin she stares at the back of his head, willing that thing in her brain to do what it does. Give her insight. Give her some idea. Give her an edge like she’s always had. When he stops and turns around she draws up short just to keep from walking into his back. He looks down at her and she looks up.

“‘Ey ah… thanks. For the rescue back there.” That’s what that was, right? A rescue. She couldn’t have done it by herself. Wouldn’t have managed it, right

She lifts a hand and briefly, lightly, pats the outside of his arm. Just a hint of contact is what she needs to get that glimpse into his mind to figure out how she should play this out.

A hand on his arm, brief but slightly… alarming.

Otolin had preferred things that way, but now that wasn’t possible. Isn’t. He’s in the thick of things now, moreso than he had been before. Such things happen when you kill a god, a primal. Contracts are often sealed in the fires of conflict, invisible or not.

Back to the present. He looks to the hand on his arm, and then up to Severine. “You… it just… just felt like the right thing to do,” he murmurs quietly. “You were as… you helped too with that… bow. Your bow.”

It’s a little awkward, the conversation, the way he conducts himself but it’s more out of unfamiliarity than anything. In the wake of Ifrit’s defeat, Severine had seen him giving orders (in a way) to the white-haired man, the rather roguish looking one. Or perhaps it was the other way around?

Nonetheless, they were familiar with each other.

Just like Otolin feels with Severine, but he can’t place it. Can’t seem to… frame it. His head ducks and he smiles, looking back up to her; it’s a tired look. “You’re… what about your friend? I’m… I’m sorry.”

She waits for the piercing headache. The vision. The glimpse of whatever that thing that makes her different and gives her an advantage when she’s hustling.

There’s nothing at all.

Her hand draws back and dangles at her side, fingers curling and relaxing a few times.

“Puk? Yeah. Thanks. He… I didn’t know him long. Ain’t no one should go out that way though.” They’d told her what had to happen to those that were… what was the word. Tempered. She purses her lips and nods once, pushing a hand into her short-cropped blue hair. The ends of the strands were fried and frizzled. Burnt from the heat of Ifrit.

She bites at her lip and glances around, gesturing with a hook of her chin to point towards a little alcove, walking over towards it. Her gaze slips past him, following another figure and then move to his face. “Can you tell me the truth about something though? Whatever it is y’all do here… is it worth getting involved? I mean… should I?” She was sharp enough to see where this was going. Knew that someone would ask her to stick around since she was lucky or unlucky enough not to end up like poor Puk and those other prisoners.

He stares, listening. Waiting. Not having to talk much is easy. Better.

Also, he seems to be waiting for something. His features scrunch in thought for a moment, but it doesn’t come. The headache that gets better each and every time. The sight. No, it was the Echo. That’s what Minfilia had told him.

Otolin lets his arms cross his chest, nodding once. “I… I agree,” he says. “Regarding your friend. Regardless of the length of time, I… friends or acquaintances don’t come easy and often, so… I don’t have anything better to say there. I’m sorry. Words aren’t my strong suit.”

He pauses, listening to that question, trying to understand it. His head tilts, a frown having formed already, and he sighs.

“It’s an odd thing, isn’t it? Weird, almost,” he begins to explain, looking over his shoulder for a moment and then back. “These people from all different paths, these places, coming together to… to fight these things, the primals. To defend others. To be… to be a ‘hero’. One of them said that, called me that, and I just… that’s not me.”

It had been… Yda.

The one with the mask, and the blonde hair, who told him that.

The tall Highlander pauses for a beat, and then continues. “But even then, there’s something… something that makes me feel like I should be involved. I should help. These primals, the… the Ascians? They’re a threat to people living their lives, no matter where they’re from, no matter… no matter what they’re doing.”

Another pause.

“That’s why I’m doing it. Why would… why would you want to do it?”

Her nose wrinkles a little when he says the word ‘hero’. She leans back against the wall, arms still loosely crossed, staring past his shoulder occasionally. Like she’s looking for an escape. Some way out of all of this.

“Y’know, I know a lot of stories. Kind of my thing. Hero stories are always popular. Folks like to hear them. Y’know what the problem with a lot of them is though?” Severine leans forward, looking up at him with her eyebrows lifted. “The hero dies. Usually badly. The songs make it all pretty later on but…” She clucks her tongue quietly and flicks her gaze up to him.

He’s talking about things she has no concept of. Primals. Ascians? Means nothing to her. And she gets the feeling she doesn’t really want to know.

“Honestly? I don’t. I don’t want to be a hero. I don’t mind people thinking that I am, but I ain’ a front lines kind of gal. You though… you wanna help people. Yeah? You think your friends are just going to be okay with it if I don’t join up your little party?” She smiles some then, sighing and leaning back, stretching her neck uncomfortably.

“You say words aren’t your strong suit? They’re mine. Maybe we can work something out.”

Otolin just looks, notes the little change in Severine’s demeanor at the particular word. ‘Hero’. He rolls a shoulder, watching carefully; another look is given over his shoulder, as though expecting something to… something to…

The phantom pain, the pin-pricks of fiery pain return to his hand, but he’s so focused on the conversation that it doesn’t matter. He tunes it out, and just watches, listening. That frown forms, but he nods. “I think my friends are… going to try and get you to join, to ask you until you can’t say ‘no’. No threats though. Not their style, well… maybe… no. Not even her.”

His head tilts at the last little bit though, eyes widening, as though she’s… she’s found him out, but it’s also on him. He spoke. He said too much. Why is he talking to her? Why is telling this Severine this? Why is he-

Where is this trust coming from?

“They aren’t, no.” He stops for a beat, and then goes on for a few moments more. “If they’re yours, I… then let’s work something out, yes?”

Her eyes narrow and she examines him for a long moment. Willing herself to be able to read more. Is he trying to cheat her? Is he going to turn on her? Every bone in her body is screaming to just run. Get the hell out of Thanalan, put it behind her, change her identity again.

But she doesn’t need a voice in her head telling her how to read people. She’s always been a good judge of character. She’s always known just what people are thinking, what they’re trying to hide.

The question is, does she think she’ll be able to get what she wants out of these people before they take everything from her?

Lifting her hand she offers it to him, smiling wryly. “Looking forward to working with you. Otolin, wasn’t it?”

Becoming a god is easy.

#seaswolchallenge #writing #severine sauvageot #otolin stone

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