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burrow-ix · 5 months

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Snooze

Summary: A late night drive through downtown Cincinnati after a rough day at work helps your blossoming relationship with Tee become even more serious.

Warnings: just straight up sickening fluff; allusions to a potential spicy part 2 👀 and it’s also just really freaking long so 😅

Also, thank you again @balanceingrace for helping with framework and helping me love this story again. I love you always🤍

You shuffle into your little house after an extremely long and busy shift at the hospital, throwing your purse lord knows where and your shoes in the general vicinity of the little shoe rack by the door.

You loved your job, but a day like today made you want to break down and never go back. It was one thing after the other, difficult patients, difficult family members, there was no time for time management, and not to mention losing a patient halfway through the day. That was your straw, but you had no choice but to swallow back the tears and keep moving.

You peel off your scrubs after slugging off to your bedroom, and lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Your mind was numb, your body was numb.

After a few minutes, you finally slide off the bed and go into the bathroom to take a shower, the borderline scorching heat of the water soothing your achy, and extremely tense muscles. You let a couple tears slip out but you always tried to make sure you didn’t bring work home with you, because that would just make your job and home life worse. You refused to combine the two.

You step out of the shower and quickly dry yourself off and half ass-ly drying your hair. You realized once you started that you quite frankly didn’t care. You slip on an oversized shirt and panties before slipping into your bed, the tears wanting to flow but you wouldn’t let them. You just took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling once again.

Your brain started running 100 miles a minute. Replaying the day in your head, if this was what you still want you wanted to do for the rest of your life, what tomorrow what was going to consist of, your relationship with Tee that has become VERY serious recently, the big black hole in the middle of our galaxy. You know, all the things.

At one point, you turn over and the clock read 10:47pm.

“Oh shit” you groan. You had laid here for an hour and a half just thinking. You wanted to go to sleep but you couldn’t shut your brain off.

Your phone dings and you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. You lazily picked up your phone off of your nightstand, and it was almost like your favorite person read your mind.

Tee 🤍

wanna go on a drive?

You smile at the text, your heart that has been cold most of the day flooding with warmth almost instantly and a couple tears make their way down your cheeks. It’s like he knew, he had that instinct of needing to take care of you, and that’s what he was going to do.

(Y/N)

how did you know I needed that?

Tee🤍

bc I know you

I need to see you and I feel like you need to see me

I was just hoping you were up since it’s way past gma’s bed time 😉

You roll your eyes, that smile not leaving your face. You did normally go to bed at 8:30pm. You loved your sleep, who doesn’t? But he loved to make fun of you for it.

(Y/N)

I do need to see you, really bad.

come get me

Tee🤍

on my way baby

You take another deep breath, not only thanking Joe and Olivia for introducing you two but thanking God for placing Tee into your life. The longer you guys have been together, the more he knows you, how you operate, which faces mean certain feelings, even as much as knowing when something is wrong even when he’s apart from you. It was the little things.

You throw on a pair of biker shorts and a long sleeve. It was fall time and temp was in the 60s. It was beautiful outside lately.

You fix your hair as best you can, still keeping it up but making it look like you weren’t just about to go to bed. 15 minutes later, Tee texts you saying that he had just pulled in and you throw some shoes on before heading out of the house.

You walk down to his car and open the door, leaning down to peek at him. He smiles at you, one arm leaning on the console and the other resting on the steering wheel and you couldn’t help but match his smile.

“Hey you” you say.

“Hey you” he repeats, his smile radiating. His smile killed you. It was so bright, so genuine. He was someone who was genuine. Very kind hearted and caring. You adored him.

You climbed into the passenger seat and made eye contact once again. You two look at each other for a moment before he leans in and presses a gentle kiss to your cheek and then on your lips.

You pull away a few moments later and bump your nose against his, smiling like a love sick puppy. The way he makes your mood change instantly still blows your mind.

“Missed you” he murmurs.

“I’ve missed you too” your voice cracks, not intentionally, but those tears were making their way back. Little did you know that you just needed him to help you feel better.

“I knew something was up, what’s wrong?” He asks, resting his hand on your thigh, his eyebrows furrowed as he watches the tears form in your eyes.

“It was just my day. I can tell you while you drive” you assure him.

“Driving can wait” he gives your thigh a squeeze.

“No Tee, it’s okay. I’ll be over it by tomorrow. Just go ahead and drive, for me, please?” You quietly beg. He stares at you for a moment before nodding and backing out of your driveway.

You two ride in silence for awhile before you tuck a foot under you, getting comfortable since who knew how long you two were going to be driving around for. At one point, the air was getting colder and you were getting cold but you didn’t want to say anything because you were enjoying the windows down.

Tee easily read your body language so at the next red light, he put the car in park and unbuckled before slipping his hoodie off and handing it to you.

“You don’t have to do that. I’m fine” you smile at him as he buckles himself again.

“No you’re not. Can’t have my girl freezing” he smiles back before hitting the gas as the light turns green. You roll your eyes and throw his hoodie on, sneakily smelling his cologne.

Tee’s hand slides onto your thigh, giving it a nice squeeze. You smile over at him and you rub your hand up and down his tattooed arm. Sexy ass.

“Do you want to talk about your day now?” He asks, glancing over at you. You let out a deep sigh before starting to explain one thing after the other, and he listened attentively, he was a very good listener and you were thankful, especially on the days where you needed to rant.

“….and everything just piled on top of each other and it became almost unbearable. I tried to wind down so I could go to sleep and just forget about today but my brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up” you let out a huff of annoyance and he quietly chuckles at the last part.

“First off, I wanna say how much of a badass you are. I could never do what you do in a day. That’s a hell of a lot of brain power to use and energy that I don’t have”

“You’re a fucking wide receiver, Tee, you have a lot of both of those things” you giggle.

“But it’s different, you know what I’m sayin’? Like you are having to keep people alive, some you can’t help and it was written in the cards from when they were even thought of. But you are so fucking brave and so strong to do what you do everyday. I hope you know how badass you are, because seriously, you are and I admire you for it every single day” he looks over at you as he arrives at another stop light.

Your heart floods with a familiar feeling you’ve experienced honestly since you started dating Tee but you kept pushing it off because you didn’t want to believe it so early but it was happening; hell, it happened already, you fell in love with him, truly, madly, deeply. It was pathetic.

He was the most generous and loving person. He was supportive and encouraging in everything you did. Always looking out for you, checking on you, making sure you feel beautiful always. You were his queen, his number one, other than his Momma, and rightfully so.

You’ve had a few serious relationships over the years but all of those men turned out to be trash and honestly gave you trust issues but this was different in only the best way possible. You saw a future with Tee, even after this short time that felt like a lifetime.

Not to mention he was a hottie. His handsome face, that stunning smile, his tall and muscular frame, his tattoos; the man was the definition of tall, dark, and handsome.

Tee glanced over at you, feeling your eyes on him, he gives you his bright smile that makes you want to squeeze him tightly and never let him go.

You love him.

“You want to tell me what’s on your mind right now? Did I say something wrong?” He asks, turning his eyes back to the road, a small and almost worried smile gracing his face.

And speaking of heart racing, yours was about to beat out of your chest at what was spilling out of your mouth.

“I love you” you breathe out.

Tee’s heart could about explode. He’s been so scared to say it, afraid of how you would react when he would say those exact three words to you. He honestly fell for you a lot sooner than you fell for him but that was another story for another time.

“I am so glad you said that, because I love you too” he says, his smile the brightest it’s ever been.

“I really need a damn stop light because I need to kiss you so bad right now” you say and he laughs.

“Hold on, I gotchu”

He turns onto a different street and the light turned yellow and he slowly comes to a stop, placing the car in park and looking over at you.

“Thank you Jesus” you breathe out and grab his face, smashing your lips against his. You two smiled against each other’s lips, thinking about how you both finally made the long awaited confession.

Then to make it even more perfect, “Snooze” by SZA comes on shuffle. You two finally pull away from each other, not without another sweet kiss from Tee.

“I fucking love you” he says just above a whisper. Your stomach was doing backflips. Just hearing him say those words meant the world to you.

“And I love you” you smile.

He gives you one more firm but tender kiss before he shifts the car back into drive as the light turns green.

That just happened.

When you first started dating Tee, “Snooze” was y’all’s vibe, and still is. You dreamt about him. There was never a moment where you wanted to be somewhere else. He made you feel so important, so wanted, cared for, loved.

Everything in this moment couldn’t have been more perfect. This song playing as you two drove through mildly quiet downtown Cincinnati, windows down, the cooler air slipping into the car, nipping your skin but in a comforting way.

The sky was clear so despite the city lights, you could still see the beautiful stars in the sky. The man you loved to the left of you, his tattooed hand on your thigh, you wearing his hoodie, and both finally saying out loud that you loved each other. Your heart was surely the size of both of your lungs combined at this point. Every bad thing that happened today vanished from your brain like it never even happened. This was what heaven looked like to you.

He must have felt this moment too because his hand finds yours and laces your fingers together, giving it a soft squeeze.

“Long as you dreamin' 'bout me, ain't no problem

I don't got nobody, just with you right now

Tell the truth, I look better under you

I can't lose when I'm with you

How can I snooze and miss the moment?

You just too important

Nobody do body like you do”

“Damn” Tee murmurs and shakes his head.

“What?” You ask.

“You…the way you make me feel. It’s just wild” he says, full on blushing and you couldn’t help but blush in return.

“Quit Tee” you smile down at your clasped hands.

“You quit” he chuckles.

“Ain't a home when you not here

Hard to grow when you not here, I'm sayin'

I can't lose when I'm with you”

“You should stay over tonight” he glances over at you with hopeful eyes.

“Teeee” you sigh.

“Please? It’ll kill me to take you home tonight” he juts his bottom lip out.

“That’s very dramatic” you giggle and flick his lip.

“It’s not dramatic. I don’t wanna take you home, especially now” he says, squeezing your thigh. You smile sadly and rest your head on his arm, your mind already working to figure something out. You didn’t want him to take you home either.

After another half an hour or so, he pulls back up to your house. He leans his head back onto the head rest and looks at you, his eyes sad.

“Don’t look at me like that, Tee” you whine.

“I don’t want you to leave. It’s been a week and I miss you” he sighs, looking down at your hands intertwined, his thumb rubbing back and forth on your hand.

“You’ll see me at the game this weekend” you tell him but he still didn’t like that. You wanted to play a little hard to get now.

He turns his head back, looking forward. You knew he was pouting.

“Tee”

You sigh when he doesn’t answer you. His hand still rested on your thigh as you watched him. You get an idea.

You unbuckle your seatbelt and climb over the console and into his lap, straddling his hips. He looks up at you, eyes widened slightly. He gave you a quick glance up and down before his eyes meeting yours as you speak up.

“Can I suggest something?” You ask and he hums.

“I would stay at your place, but I have stuff to do here tomorrow, stuff that I could get done while you’re at practice. So what if we stayed at my place tonight? I know it’s not as nice as y-“

“Okay” he smiles, his hands running up your thighs and holds onto your hips.

“Okay?”

“Okay. But I might have to run home to grab stuff for tomorrow, if that’s okay?”

“Well yeah, of course, whatever you need to do. Are you sure it’s okay?” You ask running yours hands up and down his shoulders.

“More than okay. I don’t care where we stay, as long as you’re there” he smiles again and you couldn’t help but smile back.

“And then I could stay with you this weekend?” You suggest.

“Absolutely” he nods.

You wrap your arms around him and nuzzle your face into neck.

“I’ve also missed you” you say, pressing gentle kisses onto his neck, your breath sending chills down his spine. He wraps his arms around you tightly in a hug. He couldn’t get enough of you, ever.

“I’m going to go home and grab my iPad for our meetings and grab more clothes so I can stay a couple days, okay?” He asks, running his thumb over your bottom lip.

“Okay”

“That okay with you?”

“More than okay with me” you kiss his lips multiple times, him giving you a loving and healthy smack to the ass before you crawl out of his lap and out of the car.

“I’ll be back. I love you” he smiles. God, it felt so good for him to say that, and it felt so good for you to hear it.

“I love you. Be careful” you smile back, giving him another kiss before shutting his door and making your way back into the house.

Holy shit. What a day.

45 minutes later, as you laid on the couch, you get a knock on your door.

“Damn it” you curse under your breath as you hop off the couch and run to the door. You accidentally locked the door out of habit.

You unlock the door and open it to be greeted by Tee who had a bookbag on his shoulder and a duffel bag hanging by his side.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to lock it” you say grimacing.

“Don’t want me to stay, huh?” He smirks pushing his body up against yours, backing you further into your living room, shutting the door behind him.

“Don’t you start being dramatic again. You know I want you to stay. I want you to stay all the time” you cock an eyebrow at him, sliding your hands up his arms and around his neck as he drops his bags.

“Mhm” he hums as he presses his lips to yours, his tongue making its way into your mouth, giving you all the feels.

Tee’s hands slide from your hips to your ass, squeezing it with his large hands. You moan into his mouth and he presses his hands into your ass so your hips press into his.

After a couple minutes of your make out sesh in the middle of your living room, he pulls away slightly, his breath fanning your face. He must have brushed his teeth before coming back over to your house because you tasted and smelled mint.

“You make me feel…insane” he says.

“Is that a good or bad thing?” You ask and he smiles at you.

“So good” he chuckles, reattaching your lips for a few more minutes before you break away again.

“As much as I want to continue this, it’s so late and you’re gonna hate yourself in the morning if you don’t go to sleep” you breathe out.

“You right. Tomorrow, after I get back?” He smirks.

“If you’re lucky” you shrug, giggling at his expression.

“I’m very lucky, damn it” he says nuzzling his face into your neck making you laugh.

“Let’s go to bed, you exhaust me” you sigh, walking past him towards your bedroom.

“You haven’t seen anything yet, baby” he says, giving a harsh smack to your ass as he walks behind you.

“Tee!” You gasp and he smiles innocently.

You two eventually get changed into more comfortable clothes and get comfy in bed, your back pressed against his front, his long arms wrapped around you and his face nuzzled into your neck, mumbling “I love you’s” to each other that still didn’t feel real.

And that’s when he starts to slowly hum a melody that you both listened to earlier in the night, allowing you to relax and finally drift to sleep.

I can't lose when I'm with you.

How can I snooze and miss the moment?

You just too important.

Nobody do body like you do, you do.

#tee higgins #teeeeee #tee is everything #cincinnati bengals #nfl #joe burrow #tee higgins fic #fluffy #fanfic #tee higgins x reader #joe burrow fan fic

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cevansbaby-dove · 5 months

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I need fluff so here is a small one

Chris Evans X Girlfriend!reader

ok might have some hint of smut hehe.

You and Chris are going on GMA In the morning so you two fly out to New York For the weekend.

"babyysss!! New York Looks amazing at night!" You say looking out the hotel window. You hear Chris chuckle as he puts his things away. "i thought you might like it here"

You turn around. "i want to move here!" Chris looks you. "babe no we have Boston"

You walk to him wrapping your arms around his waist. 'Pleaseee??" you give him the sad face. he kisses your head. "the answer is no princess I'm sorry"

You smile. "I still love you it's ok" You kiss him slowly. He smiles and says as he leaves soft kisses down your neck. "trying something Princess?"

"No sir..hmmm i just like kissing you" Chris smiles and looks at you. "i like kissing you too" he kisses your nose then says. "i'm going to get my stuff set out for tomorrow"

You bite your lip watching him walk away.

"Alright Chris" You say as you sit on the large bed. You flick your heels off and lay down and smile.

After Chris gets ready for bed you walk into the bathroom getting ready for bed. this is what you walk out in.

Chris walks out from the small kitchen and says. "Shit wow!" You smile. "You like?" You do a small twirl "babe i almost choked on my tea what do you think?"

Chris lays down "God i could look at you all my life."

"All your life uh?" You sit on your knees on the bed. "what are you hinting at Mister Evans?" he sits up and says looking into your eyes. "Marry me"

"baby you aren't being serious are-" He says. "Very...Serious Y/n i love you, being here with you makes me feel better. I adore your laugh, your face when it scrunches up when you smile and god your eyes i could look at them forever"

You blink away tears when he pulls out a small box my his carry on. "Y/n will you marry me?"

You nod. "yes YES! Chris" You wrap your arms around him he smiles then you pull away and he slips the ring on then looks at you. "Aww darling why the tears?"

"I'm just...happy" You hug him once more and he says in your ear. 'I love you so much"

The next day.

You and chris are getting ready for the interview and you pick this outfit out.

Chris walks out in this outfit

"babe ready yet?" You stand up after you put your shoes on. "yes let's go" You look at him. "umm baby that has to be such an ugly color on you....can't you wear blue?"

"Sorry Megan said to wear this" You say under your breath. "well ima have a talk with her" You two get to the set and are greeted by the cast and chris has his arm around you and you look at him ever few minutes and smile. Your going to marry this handsome man and you couldn't be happier.

You and Chris are behind the stage and you look up at him and say. "You alright love?" He nods. "hm hm" "And now please give them a warm welcome to Chris Evans and Y/N L/N!"

You and Chris walk out and wave to the guests. Chris sits down and you sit by him and say. 'hello there" Chris waves and the crowd goes wild.

"wow Good morning everyone" Chris says with a smile.

You and Chris end the interview by telling everyone that you and chris are planning a wedding, Chris smiles knowing his fans will be going nuts on Social media.

you guys get back to the hotel and you take your shoes off and lay on the bed. "Man I'm tired now"

Chris smiles and kicks his shoes off and lays by you. "My poor baby" You turn and look at him. "Thanks for bringing me along babe i enjoyed every minute of it"

Chris places a soft kiss on your lips. "I'm glad you got time off to come with me, I love you" You place your hand on his cheek. "I love you too"

Thanks for reading this also for being understanding for me taking a small break, i got some news from a family member so i just had to help her out. Love you all!

taglist:@patzammit @nicoline1998enilocin @cutedisneygrl @armystay89 @k-slla @alternativeprincess94

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kanmom51 · 7 months

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Jikook - what we see is what we get

When we get to see it.

Not seeing it doesn't mean it's not there though.

Was sitting today BTS songs just playing in the background while I'm working on my post. All this shit just happening around us, around JK and JM (yes, JM is part of it, he's also affected by it all), and The truth untold comes up.

This version:

youtube

One of, if not their best performance imo. The emotion just pouring out of them.

This song. It kills me every single time. Brings me to tears every single time. JM turned away from JK singing "and I still want you" in every performance. Well, other than their last 3 in Seoul, changed by them, performed by them, ending facing each other JM singing "but I still want you". Defiant.

youtube

All about the need to wear that mask to hide your true self for fear you might not be loved for who you truly are, that you might be seen as ugly, a monster. And the two of them, changing the staging, turning to each other, looking into each other's eyes, while changing the "and" to "but I still want you"... do people understand this? The enormity of this moment?

And then this song comes up, this performance:

youtube

This was on day 2, while on day 3 we had this:

Omg, my YT logarithm is trying to kill me today.

And got me thinking about this moment we got on day 3 as well.

youtube

This love, people, this chemistry, us not seeing it as often for the lack of BTS ot7 content doesn't mean is gone. It's very much still there. We just aren't as lucky to be able to see them in that one frame as often or even at all. But when we do, there is no denying it. Even if it's for the shortest of moments.

We saw it in 2020 (have people forgot memories 2020 for god sake?)

We saw it in 2021

So much more, so little image allowance... But you can find it all in my masterlist.

We saw it throughout 2022 in their Seoul and LV PTD concerts.

And in JITB even if briefly,

And in Busan and Run BTS episodes.

And we even got a little touch of it in 2023, when there was no way of keeping them out of the frame, like in Jhope's enlistment BTB, D-Day in Seoul and even when not being in one frame, in those lives we got to enjoy when the one joined the other in their comments and even without the other even making that kind of appearance.

Letter, goddamnit.

Oh and then we had JM literally flying across the world to be with JK for his Solo debut (if only GMA concert wasn't cancelled, damn it), and them dipping off for their 4 day private trip in CT.

It's sad how short people's memories are. Really. I am reading all sorts of fanfictions being put forward as "this is what happened with Jikook over the years", stating facts that are not facts, creating non existent drama, because people love the drama.

This is a loving couple in a long term relationship. You know, that boring kind. The stable, loving, filled with respect and no drama. The one where one supports their partner when they are struggling. One where just being with each other is fulfilling (cough JK coming to JM's room in LA just to be with him in the same room for hours cough).

Funny how people are talking about them breaking up 2020-21 during the pandemic when JK literally had a slip of the tongue spilling the beans they live together, they are one household, in Run BTS episode 142 they were each gifted a knife. JK all proud and piping up "we got 2"...

JM just sitting there all quiet, smirk on his face.

Stories about breakups. Stories about sexually experimenting but no actual emotional commitment. All while ignoring the constants. Those things that are just there, all the time, whenever we do get to see them:

That electrical chemistry between those two.

The way they look at each other constant over the years.

The way they talk to each other constant over the years.

The way they touch each other constant over the years.

The way they talk about each other.

The way their interactions are so different from the others or their own with the others.

The way the others are around them, their reaction to Jikook.

All still there!!!

*PS:

I wrote this post yesterday before JK's Radiohead appearance and his TikTok post-delete.

I guess now would be a good time to repeat what the wise @ourwinterspring (yes, I'm mentioning you again, lol) once said (well a couple of days ago, that is):

Rumors are created by haters

accepted by fools

and spread by idiots

#Jikook #Kookmin #Minkook #Jungkook #Jimin #JK #JM #Youtube

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cardboardheartss · 4 months

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Short PAC : What would BTS members think of you?

⚠️DISCLAIMER! TAROT CARDS ARE NOT 100% ACCURATE! TAKE EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT! IF MY INTERPRETATIONS ARE INCORRECT FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME!⚠️

remember to take a deep breath, and think about which pile you feel most connected to before you pick a pile to read!

(Please don’t forget to like, reblog and follow! It will be much appreciated!📦)

Pile 1 : GMA Performance

Pile 2 : HHYLT Era

Pile 1 : GMA Performance

Overall energy : Strength, KnoP & The Fool

The BTS members think you’re really cool! They LOVE your vibes overall! In their eyes you seem like a very strong, patient and hardworking! They also think you have a pretty tough demeanor too! You may have a tough demeanor, but they also think you’re a bit naive and really carefree too! You give off “YOLO” vibes to them!

RM : 2oP

RM thinks you’re a very busy but skillful person. He thinks you manage wayy too many responsibilities and struggle to just and rest at times. If he could give you any advice, he’d want you to slow down for a little bit and just rest to avoid overworking yourself.

Jin : 10oS

Jin views you as a person who’s sad? He thinks you’re quite melodramatic. You may have had experienced some sort of loss and he can tell that it has affected you a lot. He would want to encourage you to keep going!

SUGA : QoP

SUGA sees you as a family oriented person. Thinks you’re also down to earth, smart, warm-hearted, and you’re also devoted to your loved ones and people around you in general! Overall… it’s really positive thoughts!!!

J-Hope : Wheel of Fortune

You give off, “go with the flow” vibes to jhope! He sees you as a lucky person, who’s is literally protected by the universe! He thinks you’re also really kind, you’re like his twin lol! Once again! Positive vibes!

Jimin : The Hermit

Jimin thinks you’re spiritual. He views you to also be an introvert too, who is also detail oriented. Jimin could also think you’re probably a teacher, given off by your calm demeanor with many wise words to say.

V : The Tower

I believe for V, he may meet 2 different types of pile 2! One of them being a person who he thinks has a strong aura and you literally pave the way, and go against society’s norms. The other type of pile 2 he’ll meet, is the one who he thinks loves to stir up drama for no reason and sees you as a person who thrives in unnecessary drama as well!

Jungkook : The Chariot

Jungkook sees you as a focused person, whom wants to achieve their dreams! He believes you are a hardworking person too. But he may see you as an intense person, who doesn’t want to be played with, so he will avoid getting into any trouble with you!

Pile 2 : HHYLT era

Overall energy : 5oS, 8oP & AoC

The members think you’re very competitive whom likes to stand out , and will not be bothered if you lose friends/family to want to achieve their goals! They think you’re also a perfectionist who’s also very emotional because you wear your heart on your sleeve lol!

RM : 8oS

He may think you’re very stubborn. He thinks you don’t know your way around this thing called life, and you often times victimize yourself.

Jin : The Chariot rx

He thinks you’re not a force to be reckoned with, he might even be too scared to tell a simple joke! You seem really aggressive in his eye!

J-Hope : 2oP

He will see you as a very busy person. He may think you have many jobs or sources of income. For you to rest because it will be too much work for your own mental and physical health.

SUGA : 2oS rx

He views indecisive. In his eyes. He sees as a type of person who would sit for an hour, deciding what to eat for dinner that same night. Apart from you being indecisive he does believe that you’re able to understand other peoples opinions and see both sides of the story.

Jimin : The Empress rx

Jimin thinks you lack creativity. he thinks you worry too much, mainly about work. He also thinks he have body image issues, and that you have a strong connection with Mother Nature, if he could give you any tip and advice he would want you to love yourself specifically your body, because of a very naturally beautiful body, no matter what shape or size .

V : AoP rx

V would think you’re over spender, and he thinks you cannot plan your future properly. You seem to go with the flow, but that doesn’t help you in anyway whatsoever. if we could give you any tip, he would want you to stop planning properly and to stop over spending your money because you’ll never know if your salary will increase or decrease.

Jungkook : 7oP

Jungkook sees you as very hard-working. He thinks you’re good at making a long term career path/investment! He appreciates all the hardwork and can see you doing excellent things in the present and future!

Thank you for reading!📦

(21/01/2024)

#tarot #tarot reading #bts army #bts tarot #pac reading #pick a pile #btspac #Namjoon #jungkook #park jimin #taehyung #kim seokjin #yoongi #jhope #kpop tarot #kpopstan #taehyung users

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seoul-bros · 10 months

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The Future of Jikook

After watching the video and GMA soundcheck performance on Friday and then seeing all the contradictory reactions on line to the song and its reception, I have been quietly mulling things over here in my little corner of the internet.

There are so many fan feelings conflating here. Those who want JK to turn into the BTS Harry Styles, those who are still smarting over the way changes to BB affected the trajectory of FACE, those who feel that the breakout of one member is a threat to ever seeing BTS as a band again. It makes for a tense, emotional and chaotic time on-line especially on Twitter where people tend to have a knee jerk reaction to anything that is said and nuance is completely lost.

Look into yourself and I am sure you will find a whole load of contradictory emotions lapping at your consciousness right now. What I have found myself thinking however, is how does all this noise affect the members and in particular Jimin and Jungkook?

Making Choices

One question that came to mind was why did Jungkook pick this song for his solo debut. What is it that he likes about it and how does that differ from the way SB sees or is marketing the song. During Festa 2023 I commented on the transformation that JK has been through since last year. He has made a conscious effort to shake off the maknae part of the golden maknae starting with his deal with Calvin Klein and all the swooning I am seeing on Tumblr shows that he has succeeded. As Yoongi said, JK is all grown up.

Then I was thinking about JK's musical choices, who and what he listens to and I remembered earlier this year he sang the Sam Smith and Kim Petras hit Unholy on one of his lives. If you also recall he later scolded Jimin for being prudish about the song on his own live.

Twitter Link

JK was obviously ready to move into more explicit territory even then. So what about Seven made him think this is the song that launches me as the new and more mature JK.

I think for one thing, the lyrics are sensual and not gender specific. I am in the "loving you right" lyric camp because it gives a more mutual gratification feel to the song in keeping with the other lyrics as opposed to the macho stud, I'm a sex machine, version.

Jungkook wants to ease his lover's mind, he want to trace their lines, he loves how they wrap around him when they make love, he is devoted, his love runs deep and when they are together he wants to make sure his lover is satisfied and feeling that afterglow.

So yes JK is going to be talking about sex from now on along with almost everyone else in the Western music industry. Along with Jimin for example. As a side note, I still don't quite understand my overwhelmingly visceral reaction to the Like Crazy MV. It's f**king art and so is he.

Now SB and his cronies know the audience they are playing to and we will get symbolically het videos both for this and what is rumoured to be his completely English speaking solo album but even this video, which to be honest I have dumped in favour of the live performance and the choreo video, went for humour rather than full out fangirl wish fulfillment. I mean that may also come but I get the feeling that somewhere down the line they are going to need to pivot hard.

What do jikook want?

Secondly, I was thinking what do jikook want both severally and individually. All the members have an enviable work ethic and a deep love of music but the emphasis that these two and JHope put on performance is legendary. Look at Jimin here monitoring between shoots for his music shows in the behind the scenes video this week. He is serious about giving his best even when he himself is not in the best physical condition.

They are both ambitious and are looking for longevity in the industry and importantly, and prefacing this with an, in my opinion, this is something they want to do together. Neither wants the other to get left behind and I think that is what they are fighting for right now.

Whatever you think about their bond, it cannot be dismissed and the sequence of events of the last few weeks for me just reinforces that. Everyone noticed the way their relationship was highlighted in the Beyond the Story book (just started my copy yesterday but I couldn't resist the spoilers last week) to the extent that Variety went on a fishing expedition which JK expertly deflected.

Jimin is in New York right now and Jikook were seen dining together the night he arrived. We don't know what Jimin's schedule is but we can assume that he will take advantage of the visit to also support Jungkook as he has done with the other members when his schedule allowed. Jungkook is important to Jimin and vice versa.

Has everyone already forgotten the amount of promo that JK has done for Jimin over the last few months. Here he is listening to JKIVE's Golden Hour who we later found out was collaborating with Jimin on Angel Parts I and II.

So this is the perspective that I am going to adopt from here on in when I react to content. I am going to ask myself does my reaction help or hinder jikook in being able to continue working together towards their aim of further success in the music industry. I will veto anything designed to drive a wedge between them, be that from the company or the fans and I will continue to work hard for them in the way that a fan can buying, streaming and supporting their music and their content. There is even word on the grapevine that there maybe some jikook collaboration and/or content on the way. I'll be watching out for that.

Wow quick update something is definitely coming.

Post Date: 16/07/2023

#jikook #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jimin #park jimin

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always-is-always · 10 months

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Jimin in NYC

I’m just going to say it, as my whole being feels it.

Jimin will be there to support Jungkook. There is no doubt anywhere in my mind. It’s the only place he would want to be, on July 14 2023.

Sure, he’s probably worked out something with one of his labels to do some “work” while he is in town. But I think that the main reason for his arrival in NYC today (July 13) is to be there in Central Park tomorrow morning, to bear Witness to his Jungkookie’s performance on GMA.

There’s a slim possibility that we might get a pic or two from Jimin, posted on his IG. He did share photos when he showed up in Chicago to support Hobi, and he also shared photos with Yoongi at his performance. It wouldn’t be a big stretch, you know....

We have not had a selfie on IG, with JM & JK in over a year. Last one was April of 2022. I’m holding hope that we might miraculously get one, from this event.

Since they are filming everything that Jungkook is doing this week, more than likely we will be getting a “Behind The Scenes” video from this trip to NYC and his performance on GMA. I’ll go so far to say that we will probably see Jimin in that video.

All those toxic hate-filled people out there who are bashing our beloved Jimin and Jungkook can just burn up in the flames that they create through their hate. I have no tolerance for hate in any form, as it is the antithesis of everything that BTS stands for.

I am beyond thrilled for Jimin, and for Jungkook. I know that they are probably feeling super excited, and no one can take that away from them. They deserve every single millisecond of happiness and joy that they feel... They deserve that, and so much more.

Let’s celebrate with them, send them both tons of Love, and hold space for the most special and awe-inspiring experience for both of them... By doing so we can offset the negative energies that the “other ones” send them. 💜💜💜

#jikook #kookmin #jeon jungkook #park jimin #jungkook seven #jungkook performing on gma #jimin in nyc #jimin supporting jungkook #love them #surround them with love #its just my opinion #my dream was correct

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foxes-that-run · 6 months

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Olivia

Harry wrote Olivia for One Direction's Made on the AM which was written and recorded between March - September 2015. Several months after 1989 was completed. Taylor has said she played 1989 for Harry and it's highly likely he was also aware of the Vault Tracks.

From Rolling Stone:

Bunetta and Ryan cite “Olivia” as a defining track, one that captures just how far One Direction had come as songwriters: They’d written it in 45 minutes, after wasting a whole day trying to write something far worse. “When you start as a songwriter, you write a bunch of shitty songs, you get better and you keep getting better,” Ryan says. “But then you can get finicky, and you’re like, ‘Maybe I have to get smart with this lyric.’ By Made in the A.M. … they were coming into their own in the sense of picking up a guitar, messing around, and feeling something, rather than being like, ‘How do I put this puzzle together?’”

Harry also said Olivia 'fell out' when they were trying to write something else to GMA and avoided answering what he was trying to write which may have been Perfect as it took a long time.

youtube

Who is Olivia?

Harry famously answered this "Is Olivia even a person? Is Olivia an emotion? Is she a place? We don't know" Oliva sounds like 'I love ya'

Harry later referenced Olivia in the leaked Ophelia (I feel ya). Harry wrote Ophelia, in Tokyo when she was there for the last Reputation show in November 2018, he also wrote Little Freak at the same time. Ophelia and Olivia are Taylor Swift.

Taylor also has a cat Olivia Bensen, adopted June 2014, Harry can be heard laughing in her adoption video.

Lyrics

[Spoken Intro] [Verse 1: Niall] Remember the day we were giving up When you told me I didn't give you enough And all of your friends were saying I'd be leaving ya? She's lyin' in bed with my t-shirt on Just thinking how I went about it wrong This isn't the stain of a red wine, I'm bleeding love

Harry has referenced Taylor wearing his shirts in a number of songs. She's also wore a few of his shirts.

The Red wine is also a reference to 1989, so we know who he is singing to:

Clean - "You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore"

Maroon "The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me" and

[Pre-Chorus: Niall] Please, believe me, don't you see the things you mean to me? Oh, I love you, I love you, I love, I love, I love Olivia

I think this is a reference to "Say don't go" a 1989 Vault Track. As Harry and Taylor were dating again through the production, and she has said she played it for him it is likely he knew the lyrics "Make me love you (Make me love you)? / I said, "I love you" (I said, "I love you")/ You say nothing back"

[Chorus: Harry] I live for you, I long for you, Olivia (Ayy, ayy) I've been idolizing the light in your eyes, Olivia (Ayy, ayy) I live for you, I long for you, Olivia Don't let me go, don't let me go

This is almost a direct response to Say don't go's: "Say, "Don't go" / I would stay forever if you say, "Don't go""

[Verse 2: Liam] Say what you're feelin' and say it now 'Cause I got the feelin' you're walkin' out And time is irrelevant when I've not been seeing ya The consequences of falling out That's something I'm having nightmares about And these are the reasons I'm cryin' out to be with ya

Say don't go was asking him to ask her to not leave, In Olivia he did.

[Bridge: Harry] When you go and I'm alone You live in my imagination The summertime, butterflies All belong to your creation I love you, it's all I do, I love you

Harry continued to refer to Taylor as sunshine, butterfly's and all things good:

Golden: "golden as I open my eyes / Hold it, focus, hoping, take me back to the light / I know you were way too bright for me / I'm hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky”

Sunflower Vol 6: "Sunflower / My eyes, want you more than a melody"

Sweet Creature: "Wherever I go, you bring me home / Sweet creature, sweet creature / When I run out of road, you bring me home"

Fine line: “You sunshine, you temptress / My hand's at risk, I fold"

Daylight "If I was a bluebird, I would fly to you / You'd be the spoon / Dip you in honey so I could be sticking to you / Daylight, you got me cursing the daylight (ooh)"

Grapejuice: "Give me something old and Red."

Little Freak "I disrespected you / Jumped in feet first, and I landed too hard / A broken ankle, karma rules"

Happily "I don't care what people say when we're together / You know I wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep / I just want it to be you and I forever"

#haylor #made in the am #harry styles #Youtube #one direction #one direction haylor

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allthecastlesonclouds · 4 months

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tell me about drawtectives. what is this little show.

oooooh my god oh my god. they are my guys. so.

drawtectives itself is a youtube series created by julia lepetit on Drawfee. it's an rpg mystery show– s1 is a murder mystery, s2 is just a mystery– that doubles as an art challenges show. she draws all of the backgrounds and npcs and most of the assets (the 'cutscenes', you could call them) and then the team gets together, knowing absolutely nothing besides what julia's asked them to prepare, and does some funky improv to create a very funky storyline.

there are 3 players and one dm; the pcs are rosé, york, and grendan/grenda/grandma/gma, and the Big NPCs are Jancy True (s1/s2) and Eugene Finch (s2) and they're, in their own words, a found family, so. beloved. their backup plan if all their jobs fail is to move out east and open a bookstore. jancy and eugene have fully accepted their titles as mom/ancestral ghost and son despite meeting each other likely once before the drawtectives dragged them together. overall though if i had to summarize, it's a bunch of friends getting together, making a bunch of puns, appreciating julia's art, and laughing together. the vibes are 10/10 so loving. in writing the transcripts i've written (Karina laughs) (Nathan laughs) (All laugh) So Many Times it's just fun.

so there's three pcs. first one we meet is gyorik 'york' rogdul, who's a half-orc come to the city to learn about his mother's culture. he is the character we have by far the most lore for– if I compiled all the lore I had about the Northern Tribes and Wild Trains, I think the document would be multiple pages. he's also illiterate, which was an interesting decision for the english major of the group to make (in other words, York Will Not Be Illiterate For Season Three bc Y'all Cannot Read) and morally gray if you think about it too hard (he killed his own brother) but yknow he's hot so it's okay. they're all hot any crimes committed are okay. he's also aroace (confirmed by the player, which is!! vibes!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TELLING ME @axolotllee!)

rosé is the Human Rogue and the youngest of the party; her main trait in s1 was Millennial and she Dealt with that. she, in contrast with York, has so little lore we are scraping the barrel. she was a thief, then left everything about that life behind and changed her name to rosé when she went to work for jancy. she lied on her resumé. she knows how to sew; she's sewn Pockets of Holding on most of her clothing. she bonded with a stray cat that lived outside her last apartment. she's three credits short of graduating college. she's, in addition to being a drawtective, jancy's intern, and cried when jancy got her a cupcake. she won't tell her best friends when her birthday is or where she goes to school or what her last name is. that's all we know about her and i love her and she could probably kill someone as she has multiple knives on her person and does not use them. she's bright and funny and can be pretty dark but really does find the humor in it which is. wonderful.

so grendan highforge starts out as The Snobby Rich Boy which. already love the trope something Always Happens To Them if they're a pc. then through s1 they make an offhand comment about a character (faucon, whose name is pronounced 'falco') and how if her name was pronounced that way it'd be grenda. faucon asks how they feel about it. they are caught very off-guard by that and then ask to be called it for the next hour or so. then the next witness calls him gma, and then grandma, and then. yeah she realizes she's genderfluid. and he uses any pronouns and has a full beard and also wears a romper and loves dogs and the player is the Most Experienced TTRPG-er so through maybe using resources a bittt grandma is the most observant character of all of them. he's also a dog walker and a lightweight and does canonically have druidic magic though that was Not Touched On Much and showed up to their first day on the job slightly stoned (they did stop doing that though.) she carries around a box to make the height difference (york is 7'. grendan is 4'. rosé is 6'. you can see the formatting issue) slightly less difficult. she doesn't know how rhinos reproduce but has had a fascination with them since a police chief said one might've committed a crime. i think they could kill someone by talking too much but they don't actually have the strength or dex to do Jack Shit.

and jancy true is the head pi (a great many of the characters are puns and i love it so much) and is there to make sure things get done and clues don't get missed. she has a cochlear implant and uses a cane and solved s1 just by Reading The Paper and hearsay. she solved about half of s2 before Someone Stopped Her. she says hello children to the drawtectives and it is such a fond thing. eugene is. a guy who i love. julia started the show thinking he would be some mysterious character to join them and then made the wonderful improv decision– avoiding having to do npc-npc conversation– of saying 'yeah eugene is spinning a camera on its stand' and rosé just says so gleefully. 'guys. i think he's stupid.' and he became their son. his character is a lot of The Plot of s2 so i don't want to get into it too much but. jancy and eugene my beloved.

they're just. such a family. to quote nathan (grenda's Player) from the s2 talkback: "That's one of my favorite things about this show, is we came in with these vague ideas for characters, and just playing them with each other, they became friends and became better people as a result of knowing each other and solving mysteries. ... Like, we all kind of independently made our characters people that either were distant from their families or, you know, just had tenuous connections to other stuff, and so these are, like, the realest connections they have in their lives."

and then karina (rosé) about 10 seconds later: "Yeah, we love a found family where they bond over just being the worst."

god. them. they're chaotic and loud and feel very real to me. they have excitement and are pretty bad at social cues but they love each other and want to die together because they would hate too much to be separated. i could articulate this better but it's one in the morning and they mean a great deal to me.

#ren <3 #GOD THEY'RE MY GUYS #'my guys' really is the shittiest group of found family to exist. god. the bad kids the virals the crows and now the drawtectives. wow.#drawtectives #fuck it we're maintagging this #i'm realizing i probably should've written more about the premise of the show– s1 is a murder mystery; the murder of sorin justice.#his wife lotta justice hires jancy to solve the crime and jancy wanted to train proteges so here they are!!#s2 is. you wake up on a train with no memories. why are you here where is jancy DID YOU JUST SEE A MAN GET MURDERED WHAT'S HAPPENING #it's genuinely a really funny show and has Very Good Vibes and. i love it. the prompts are horror if you think about it which. i also enjoy #but the cast were all members of collegehumor up until jan 2020 so. they know comedy.#plus they're all very close so they know each others' boundaries #and i'm talking i guess #questionnn!#also. lmao it really does seem like grandma is my favorite #tbf she is. but rosé's paragraph should be longer i love her so much it's just. hard to describe.#thank you thank you for letting me talk about them i love them <3 <3

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joyswonderland1108 · 10 months

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What?

How is it even JK's fault that Tae can't travel to see him and support him?

First of all, and i'll say it beforehand i don't know the exact details of the law so don't ask me about any further information, i know it very superficially if you need more information you might want to ask a K-army or a K-friend in general. With that being said, since BTS announced and publicly that is that they're cancelling their military service postponement and will be enlisting after the completion of their solo activities, they are now bound by the military rules.

Which means, the boys cannot travel outside of the COUNTRY, without an official schedule aka something related to their work, whatever other activity they decide to do while out of the country is their own business but they just can't travel for "fun" and supporting another member is actually inside that "fun" box it ain't no official or professional schedule.

Up until now the two times we were sure Jimin was there for members (Hobi and Yoongi) he still had a professional schedule aside but he took the chance to make it in time to support his hyungs. A friend brought up Joon in Spain with his family and while it might look like a regular vacation for some but he DID have a professional schedule, he also took that opportunity to make it a mini family trip, it's basically a win-win situation, you get an official schedule you grab the opportunity which is always great to see our boys having a good time.

Now, Jimin is "coincidentally" (I don't think it's coincidental at all but you feel me) having an official schedule during this period, was it pre-fixed or was he able to arrange it to be able to support our Maknae AND get some work done? Maybe, maybe he went for the two birds one stone strategy. Up until now we have no idea what's up, will he be able to attend GMA or not, we have NO IDEA.

For all we know, Tae doesn't seem to be having any official schedule for now, not in Paris not in the US so again, no official schedule means no flying out of the country. So why tf is JK to blame? He's not the one making up official schedules. Their only concern is Jimin and i'm sitting over here thinking why aren't they questioning why wouldn't Yoongi go too? Since apparently Tae is being "held back by the evil step-mother that is Hybe" to go support the love of his life, Yoongi isn't held back by anything so why isn't he going? Makes us go back to the same point which is : No official schedule.

Second of all, Bitch! And if Tae isn't interested in going on a 10+ hours flight just to support a member, doesn't even have to be JK and even if the military rules weren't applying, he doesn't have to, why do they make it seem like it's a MUST that Tae should go to support JK, support isn't just by being physically present, how do they know he's not very actively encouraging him via messages and video calls?

Bitches are quick to assume Jikook aren't even texting each other but now they're assuming that about TK as well or..? And again if it's Tae's choice to not travel all the way to the US for one day, then how tf is JK to blame? It's not like JK has been plotting with the evil step-mother again to stop Tae from going to him dafuq?

It's one thing to be a delusional shipper and another to be a delusional maniac. This isn't just shipping blindly, this is projection, very blurred lines between reality and fiction, dementia? Please go get treated in a mental hospital. I know someone else was saying that Jimin is going to grab the attention yada yada, why is he grabbing the attention just when it comes to JK? Why wasn't that said about him when he went to support Hobi and Yoongi?

All this bla bla bla and we're not even a 100% sure Jimin is going to GMA anyways, they're already combusting just at the thought of Jimin and JK being in the same country, same city. Chile~ anyways so.. SEVEN IS COMING!!!!! Are you ready? Personally i'm not, but i am at the same time.

(Tagging this under Jikook because well.. Jikook.)

#jikook #kookmin #minkook #mingukkie

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enchxanting · 1 year

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our love is god [ethan landry] pt. 5

read part 4 here || all parts

pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader

warnings: major character death, depictions of murder/suicide

a/n: okay here we get to see the toxic psycho behavior start to come out! this part is so different from the last that it gave me whiplash to write. n e ways hope you like

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even before I turn over, I can feel Ethan’s eyes on me.

He grins. “Hey, good morning,”

“Hi,” I say, sitting up against the backboard. “Have you been up very long?” I check the alarm. It’s relatively early still, only 8:15.

“No, no,” he says. “I just didn’t want to wake you. You looked so peaceful.”

There’s an awkward tension between us, neither quite knowing what to do now. Eventually, Ethan clears his throat. “So I, uh, I had a really special time with you last night, and I kinda want to keep hanging out? If you want to, I mean.”

“You mean like, go on some dates?”

“Um, yeah? If that’s cool?”

I don’t know if he’s ever asked a girl out before because he absolutely cannot look me in the eye, but his expression is so sweet that I lean over and gently kiss him.

“That would be great.”

He smiles, and I almost lose myself in this moment, until I remember the rest of last night.

“Shit, shit, shit,” I say, untangling myself from his arms. “I gotta go see Tara.”

Ethan frowns. “Wait, why?”

“I have to apologize. She’s all alone right now, Sam left last night.”

“I don’t see why it’s your job to tell her you’re sorry, though,” he says. “She literally slapped you.”

I pull on some discarded jeans and a t-shirt. “It’s more complicated than that,” I sigh. “I don’t want this to become a big thing. Easier to just apologize now, you know?”

He gets up and wraps me in his arms, resting his chin on my shoulder. “Alright. At least let me drive you? It’s too far to walk right now.”

I know that it’s a bad idea to bring Ethan, but the feeling of his arms around me and the faded scent of his cologne is intoxicating. I can’t help but be persuaded.

“Fine, okay,” I say. “Thank you.”

He gives me one more quick kiss on the neck before pulling away to get dressed.

***

Usually, the drive to Tara’s is ten minutes long. Thanks to Ethan’s driving habits, we make it in five.

Pulling up to the house, a wave of nausea and jitters passes through my body. I’m considering turning around until Ethan takes my hand in his. The non-verbal reassurance calms me down, and we walk into the house together.

I’m surprised to find that the door is slightly ajar, deadbolts forgotten without Sam in the house. I know that she’s still gone– her car is missing from the driveway– but my theory is confirmed when I find a note on the kitchen table:

At gmas. Don’t text. Call when you can have a real conversation -Sam.

“That’s brutal,” Ethan whistles.

“Yeah.” I remember how Sam looked at all of us last night, and it sends chills down my spine. I push it away. “I think I should bring her something.”

Ethan laughs. “Don’t you think that’s over the top?”

I roll my eyes at him. “Oh, whatever. I just want this to work.”

Opening the fridge, I find a bottle of orange juice that Tara once mentioned was her favorite. “Hey, that’ll work.”

Ethan grabs a ceramic cup from the cabinet and hands it to me. “How about making it special? Got any mixers?”

“Like Sam keeps any alcohol in this house,” I scoff, pouring the juice into the cup. “Plus, a mimosa isn’t the best hangover cure.”

“I don’t know… I was thinking something more like this.” He reaches underneath the kitchen sink, pulling out a bottle of drain cleaner.

I laugh, thinking he's kidding, but he doesn’t crack a smile or put the bottle away. “Come on,” he continues, pulling out an identical cup. “She’ll puke her guts out and you’ll get a little revenge before you apologize.”

He pours in blue liquid and mixes it with equal parts orange juice. I can’t lie, I’m a little horrified. “Don’t be a dick, Ethan, that stuff could kill her.”

He pauses for a second, and I can’t read his expression before his face softens. “You’re right, Y/N. I’m sorry. I didn’t think about that.”

He leans in and kisses me unexpectedly, and even though I’m still weirded out by his suggestion, I melt into him, letting the moment take me.

“Is okay,” I mumble into his mouth. “We gotta go. She’s probably waking up now.”

Without looking, I grab the cup from the table, distracted by Ethan’s eyes raking over me. It feels good to be wanted like this. I smirk at him and turn on my heels.

He follows me up the stairs, and together we approach Tara’s door. I know she’s in there by the sound of her sleep music playing softly, even though it’s past 9:00 at this point. Tara’s usually an early riser, but I’m willing to bet that the hangover is preventing her from starting her day.

Out of courtesy, I knock gently on her door. “Tara? Are you in there?”

No reply. Not wanting to give up, I turn the knob and let myself in. She’s laying in her bed, facing away from us. “Hey, Tara?”

Tara turns over, and I can tell she’s not happy to see me. “What are you doing here, Y/N? And with… Ethan?”

Even though she’s trying to ice me out, she’s clearly interested in whatever happened between us. I clear my throat. “Yeah. Listen, Tara, I know both of us said a lot of stuff we didn’t mean last night–”

“Did we?” she interrupts. “I don’t know, you seemed pretty fucking sure of yourself when you got in the middle of my family business.”

Her words hurt, and I can feel Ethan shift uncomfortably behind me. “I know. Can we just forget about it?”

I hold out the cup and she eyes me suspiciously. “What, did you spit in this or something?”

“Jesus, Tara, no,” I sigh. “I came to say sorry or whatever. You said it’s your favorite.”

This seems to persuade her. She takes the cup from me, sitting up in her bed. “If this makes me feel better, I’ll consider accepting your apology.”

This makes me smile slightly, and I can see a glint in her eye that tells me she might not be as mad anymore. She lifts the cup to her lips and drinks, and I relax a little, thankful she accepted my peace offering.

But something is wrong. Really, really wrong.

As soon as she swallows, her face scrunches up. She drops the cup, spilling the contents on her comforter.

“Tara?” I say, “What’s going on?”

She’s hacking now, and I see her start to convulse. I’m full-on panicking now. “Oh my god, Ethan, call 911!”

He’s completely checked out, watching Tara choke. “Fuck, Ethan, just do it!” I scream.

This seems to wake him up, and he grabs his phone from his back pocket. “Jesus, it’s fucking dead!”

This can’t be happening. I take her head in my lap, trying to elevate it so she doesn’t choke, but there’s no use. Tara wheezes and wheezes, then suddenly goes still, blood starting to trickle from her mouth.

I’m frozen. I can’t do anything but stare slack-jawed at Tara’s gaunt face in my lap.

Then it hits me, and I start screaming.

“Oh my god! Fuck, fuck, how could this happen, how could we kill–”

Ethan suddenly slaps his hand over my mouth, frighteningly out of character for him.

“Y/N, stop, please, stop! Someone’s going to hear.” He retracts his hand, and I feel my eyes welling with tears. I’m shaking.

“Jesus Christ,” I say. “I just killed my best friend.”

We sit in silence for a second until the reality of the situation dawns on me. “Holy fuck, what are we going to tell the cops?”

I can see the cogs in his brain turning, and he stumbles around the room. Suddenly, Ethan stops and picks up a copy of The Bell Jar from Tara’s desk.

“Okay. Now, we did a murder, and that's a crime. But, if this were like a suicide thing…”

“A suicide thing?” I don’t follow.

“I mean, you can do Tara’s handwriting just as well as your own, right?”

I suddenly understand what he’s asking me to do, and the thought makes me sick. But we have no other option.

I gently lift Tara’s head off of my lap so I can get up and rip out a piece of paper from her half-full history notebook. “Fuck, what do I say?”

Ethan thinks for a second. “We have to tie it back to last year. Make sure to talk about her fight with Sam last night.

It feels impossible, but I force myself to start writing.

Dear world,

You might think what I’ve done is shocking. To me, though, suicide is the obvious answer to the impossible challenge life has given me.

Though Richie Kirsch and Amber Freeman did not kill me last year, they stole something much more valuable– my will to live.

The absence of my father and sister, the deaths of some of my closest friends, and then the departure of my mother, all combined, made me realize that there is no one left who really knows me, no one who really cares.

I can’t live like this any longer, alone and afraid of an enemy who isn’t there. I died knowing that there was no other option for me. I hope you can understand.

Tara

By the time I’m done, I’m shaking so hard that I drop the pen. The page is stained with my tears, but there’s no time to rewrite it.

I collapse on the ground, and Ethan wraps his arms around me. “I know, I know,” he says. “It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

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