#i had a good formative childhood i am neurotypical i have

[shaaaaaaar]

i’ve had a post in drafts for a while now about if i’m neurodivergent because like a third of the people i meet end up forming an opinion on if i’m neurodivergent (usually autistic but i’m mostly using broad terms for this post) or not and always get INCREDIBLY passionate about it. i’m not diagnosed with anything, not at time of writing, and there have been people i’ve met who are genuinely SHOCKED by this. because i’m so obviously neurodivergent that the fact that nobody thought to get me diagnosed is mind blowing to them.

as well, part of the draft was about the opposite side of the coin, the people that will very strongly deny i could be anything but neurotypical. the main example i have is my old pediatrician, who really did not like the idea i could be autistic.

it’s midnight, and being bored i remember that post and go back to edit it a bit. go look over that second part about people who disagree and notice how i barely have anything to say. not many examples, not many funny stories, nothing. i think about it further, and there’s only been one or two people that were ever against the idea i could be neurodivergent whenever it came up. i don’t even remember who the second person mightve been beyond they were someone who existed.

as well, my old pediatrician was really bad with anything involving my brain. which yes, wasn’t her primary job, but when i say she was bad i mean she has given me advice that is literally HARMFUL because she completely ignored that i have mental health issues or i’m trans or something. and because she was my pediatrician, my main doctor, and she very strongly denied i could be neurodivergent, i never got tested.

it’s the total opposite with people who think i am neurodivergent. most of the people who have expressed a similar idea to me are neurodivergent and see a lot of themselves in me. hell, i was telling someone about this trend and that i found the bit really funny and i literally got a deadpan serious response, “it’s not a bit. you’re autistic.” even better, the first time someone suggested i might be autistic was when i went to a therapist for the first time

the more i’ve thought about and reflected on it, the less funny it felt and the more frustrating it began to be. not like there isn’t a lot of humor in it, besides humor is how i cope with when i’m frustrated at something, but goddamn, this is all so disorienting and upsetting. my neurotypicalness/neurodivergency is nothing but a what-if.

when i have conversations about my brain with people who think i’m neurodivergent, i feel out of place. because i’m being treated by my peers like i’m neurodivergent, and yes, there’s a damn good chance i am, but i don’t know that for sure, i can’t actually include myself in what people are claiming i’m a part of. it messes with me, and i never know what to say other than mention (multiple times) i’m not diagnosed. yet i look back on the past 18 years of my life and think to myself about how if i learned about this shit earlier i might’ve had a better childhood. because if i am neurodivergent, i could’ve had an environment that was less stressful and better suited for me because i could understand that i need different things sometimes.

i’m just frustrated with it all. fuck, i’m frustrated that this is a thing

#when that therapist shared to my parents she thought i could be autistic dad nearly cried #because he saw so much of himself reflected in what she said and it felt like things about him made sense at last #and im thinking about that right now and how fuck. thats been me the past year as ive thought about this more #self diagnosis #actually its more like peer diagnosis #neurodivergent #shar rambles for way too long

[androgynousblackbox]

Hello,so my life has been overwhelming so I just want to vent, I am have a mental illness which makes me "act dumb"(all I will tell you) unknowingly which I received from my trauma when I was a little girl,my illness caused me to be ignored, gossiped and not have friends for most of my years in school which of course made me depressed.

But my parents transferred me over to boarding school lately and I met some other girls who are trying to "change" me and who tell me that my illness is all in my head,though we had a few good times as friends sometimes I kind of think to myself whether they actually are my friends cuz they scream and throw things at me anytime my illness acts up, they can sometimes be biased like they tell me I'm rude and I apologize cuz I may be rude without realizing it but they always talk rudely to me

And they can also be insultive at times like saying I can never expect to find a guy that actually likes me if I go on like this(cuz all the guys at my school are disgusted with the idea that I might have a crush on any of them because of how I behave) and on cases where they might misjudge me they don't really allow me to explain my side of the story properly despite the fact I told them already about my speech issues

I even had to go to an adult/teacher and tell her what I'm going through but lately she's been finding excuses to keep me from seeing her and told me the reason she doesn't allow me to see her is because she thinks my mental state is all in my head and I'm not trying hard enough to "change" myself

I really wish I wasn't a sexual abuse victim at the age of 5 so I won't going through this cuz I'm just a 15 yr old and I'm supposed to be joyful, happy and enjoying my childhood not cutting myself and being depressed, even my parents are kinda disappointed in me because of my illness. I know the long story I just told you might not surprise you cuz it's just the basic life of a neurodivergent youth living in an African country/ a country that doesn't really recognize mental health and illness

I really think that they might be good friends cuz we play together sometimes but I don't think they realize how much they're damaging me especially my mental health cuz I've been harming myself lately but the thing is despite the fact I've told them about my suicidal state they still do what they do to me (though at times I'm not sure they realize what they're doing) I might also not be able to judge the situation because of my illness,so what do you think I should do about my friends?

First of all, I am so sorry you went through that. You are clearly going through a very hard time and nobody deserves any kind of friends that treats them like that. But it's very easy to say "dump them" without realizing that how hard that must be for you. So yeah, absolutely dump those asses because no fucking friend ever should treat you like that, but since you do have access to the internet, I absolutely encourage you to find groups of people who have your same mental illness or same struggles. Even if they are entirely virtual, form bridges with other people who understand what you are going through and to whom you don't have to pretend to be neurotypical just to fit in. Use whatever platform it's more comfortable for you, but find those people and make your own support system. You can enjoy being young and having fun without those people who would rather you change and conform. You just need to find them. Also, as a side note, that teacher is a fucking dick and she can fuck off. "Your mental state is all on your head", as opposed to where? On your fucking shoe? That kind of shit is really irritating to hear and, again, I am so sorry it came from an adult you actually trust in because you didn't deserved that kind of response at all. Please, seek other people who will understand you. Search for hotlines on your country for when you go through a crisis and confide on people who do deserve you.

[wisteria-lodge]

lion primary + slightly burnt lion secondary (badger secondary model) (bird secondary model)

i hope you’re having an amazing day!! here’s my SHC dilemma:

i know my primary is lion, and it feels a little exploded, at that, but at least i know what’s up. but im still extremely confused about my secondary. i tried looking through other submissions, but i didn’t really find anything i vibed with 100%, but then again i have adhd and im really struggling going through all that text, it just kinda blurs together at some point

so, my secondary. taking the test, i always get burnt, often with a vague hint towards bird. at first i immediately adopted that and decided i was a burnt bird, but the more i go the less that feels right to me and i think it might be some sort of model.

Yeah. “doesn’t feel right.” Definitely see the Lion in your sorting.

working by elimination, im pretty certain im not a snake secondary. that ish doesn’t even sound real to me, i know there are people like this because i know a couple, but it’s just so weird to me that some people are just able to improvise so effectively, and seemingly change themselves like that, and they?? enjoy it?? it does sound dope, like i admire it, but wtf. 

Lion secondaries can get very *does not compute* when trying to get their head around Snake secondaries. I’m considering Lion for you. 

i do act differently in different situations or with different people, but i don’t think i have “personas” as much as degrees of awkwardness 

I see the burnt secondary. You’re definitely talking yourself down here. But the way you talk about “degrees of awkwardness” does make me think about the way Lion secondaries “change faces” by modulating intensity. 

depending on how much my anxiety is acting up, and the more anxious i am, the more i act like a doormat and revert to the proper manners i was taught, but like… that’s not me, and it’s not done on purpose, i don’t enjoy it. 

Looks like somebody’s got an unhealthy Badger secondary model.

it feels gross not to be able to act like myself, whatever the hell that is.

And you didn’t vibe with the Lion descriptions? This is the first time I’m reading though this and… very interested to get to the part where you talk about why you think you’re not a Lion. 

im also convinced im not a bagder - my mother is, and there are a lot of those in my community, so i was raised thinking that was the best way to be, an ideal to work towards, but it’s just not comfortable for me, i don’t wanna do it.

Yeah, this would that  unhealthy Badger secondary model you were talking about. ^

i don’t even think i *can* do it. i mean, “showing up and doing the work” is pretty hard with adhd, and not even the most efficient way of getting stuff done (at least for me), and thinking of the group and what i can do in that group is annoying. also i get that asking for help is important sometimes but it still feels like that’s just admitting i can’t figure out how to do it myself, which, yikes (don’t come at me i know it’s unhealthy)

Hey, breathe. It’s okay. Nobody is going to make you be a Badger secondary. Clearly you’ve spent enough time struggling under the weight of a model that doesn’t suit you, and now you’re pushing back against everything Badger extra hard. 

id rather find a group im a good fit for instead of molding myself to please others. 

See, that’s an exaggerated, caricatured way of conceptualizing how a Badger secondary works… but I’m not surprised that you think about it that way.

whatever i do, it needs to come from me.

… you’ve got a very loud Lion secondary. 

anyway im somewhere between lion and bird, and at first i thought i was a bird because i do in fact fricking love learning everything i can, i wouldn’t naturally call it “collecting”, i’m just doing whatever’s interesting in the moment

You mean you learn by improvising? :) Like a Lion? :) 

but sure, why not - i like collecting languages, knowledge about different cultures, books, music, space, countries, medicine, anything and everything, and i sometimes spend hours researching random stuff that im never actually gonna use “just in case im stranded in the wilderness and need to make soap” you feel? but it’s not actually because i think it might be useful (though i do get random bouts of anxiety over not knowing how to do certain stuff “in case” even though the probability id need them is infinitesimal).

Loving knowledge does not make you a Bird secondary. I’m hearing you talk about about a thing you do for fun, and - this is key - a thing you use as  a mechanism to cope with anxiety. ADHD can sometimes make you feel very scattered, going too fast, and your Bird is giving you [the illusion of] control. And I’m not going to knock that. The illusion of control is important. 

i just like knowing things and being able to use those things to do stuff. i wanna be “that guy” you can come to with the most obscure problem and they’d have some way of dealing with it. doesn’t that sound pretty bird?

Okay. Here’s the deal. You like Bird secondaries. You think they’re cool, and badass. Maybe you’d like to be one. But I’m still not at all convinced you are. I haven’t heard you use it to solve problems. 

but i can’t actually do that stuff. i think i used to, when i was a teenager? but depression and undiagnosed adhd kinda kicked my ass, among a few other things, and now i don’t really have the brain power for it and i feel like im not actually able to learn things as well, or to even think straight.

Wow. That is some burnt secondary talk. I can’t do things. 

(I promise you, people with ADHD have absurd brain power, and can learn things crazy well, although not in the same way as neurotypicals. You are right about not thinking straight, which I am interpreting as “in a straight line.” ADHD people think in webs and corkscrews and I love it.) 

 or if i did, i can’t learn as *many* things as i need to feel accomplished? which idk what you think but it kinda just sounds like burnt bird to me. 

Feeling like the secondary you have isn’t good enough can be a Burnt thing... but feeling like you need to manifest a specific secondary *more* (which is what this feels like) is usually a sign of a model. 

but here’s the thing. all of those sound real nice. and cool. and a good way of doing things, maybe even the “right” way, even though i know that’s subjective. but lion just feels more comfy, and idk if that’s because im a burnt bird modeling lion or if it’s smth else.

… you mean… like being… a Lion?

cause the “collecting skills and knowledge to solve problems” thing sounds cool, but it’s actually more just the first part that i vibe with? the part where i get to learn stuff! but when actually solving problems, i don’t usually think too long, i just vibe. i see where my instinct is taking me and i apply reason *after* that, or like, as a secondary, support thing. im not a dumbass either, im good at puzzles and logic problems, i can totally think things through and use my skills! but that’s not really how i approach problem-solving. i just jump into the situation and see what part of it is closest and start there, or what’s convenient, or what just feels right or nicer or whatever.

This is a perfect description of a Lion secondary with a supportive Bird model. Like a LOT of neurodivergent people (hi!) you built yourself some scaffolding using the Bird toolbox.

and on one hand it could be that im not confident in my skillset enough to do things the bird way, but on the other hand, thinking back to my childhood and teenage years, when i had better executive skills and i wasn’t as completely scatterbrained as i am I now (i was, but not as bad in some ways), i still did this? like, all of my major life decisions where made on the spot based on instinct and nothing else

I’m definitely seeing the Lion primary come though as well. 

whenever i have a problem of the interpersonal sort i just face it and talk to the person and don’t bother hiding or sugarcoating things even if it means hurting that person because i don’t want to lie or come off as something i’m not, when i need to work on a project i don’t bother planning, i just jump in and a strategy forms in an organic way as i go, you know what i mean? isn’t that what this “charging” business means?

Yes.

anyway i have no idea which one is a model and which one is actually mine. i love learning things but i don’t care about actually using them. i mean i like it, of course, but it’s whatever. planning is tedious and it kinda gives me validation because im meant to be “smart” and i guess planning is what smart people do, but it’s annoying and nothing ever goes exactly to plan anyway so you just have to pause and plan again or whatever, and that’s just so boring and frustrating??

I get that you like Bird secondaries, and I get that the picture of “smart person” in your head looks like a Bird secondary but just like… come on…

why not just do the damn thing?? and then what you have to do will be obvious anyway?? and sure, if you planned ahead, maybe you’d already know what you need to do and you’d have prepared it and you’d do it better, but who’s got the time for that?? i can’t use my brain like that! i need to live the thing before it actually feels real enough for me to think about solving it.

I have never read anything more Lion secondary in my entire goddamn life.

i hope this actually made sense and i gave enough relevant information, my head kinda feels jumbled right now. i mean it makes sense to me but i don’t know how this reads from an outside perspective. maybe i should have planned this like an essay or whatever lmao

thanks a lot for answering these & running this blog!!! it’s dope and you give really good insights and you’re just a super cool person!

<3 <3 <3 

#LION SECONDARY #badger secondary model #bird secondary model #lion primary #sortme #sortinghatchats #wisteria sorts #submission

[suspiciouscatastrophe]

Slur of affirmation...?

Hello there! I know I’m a self-proclaimed reblogger and my personal ramblings aren’t probably what you follow me for, so I apologize in advance. I just feel I need a blank space to shout my feelings in, so here we go.

TW: the r-slur, casual ableism, a whole lot of imposter syndrome

I am an autistic girl. At least, I like to think I am.

The label is extremely important to me. I was diagnosed late, aged 16, so I spent most of my teenage years and my whole childhood in the dark about what even am I.

I’ve always had issues. Picking up basic skills and being self-sufficient, making friends, expressing myself, controlling my emotions, adapting to social norms, you name it. I’ve experienced both meltdowns and shutdowns and sensory difficulties. I was switching constantly between doubting my capability to feel feelings and dealing with sudden outbursts of rage, gloom and hate towards myself that usually ended up with me yelling at someone or breaking stuff.

I had my special interests that I used to talk about almost constantly (...some things never change) and an atypical speech pattern that has also stayed with me to this day. Coupled with my rather poor social skills and... uh... “fiery” reactions, I was bullied relentlessly all through the kindergarten (2 years) and elementary school (which in our country lasts 9 years). In high school, I was on peaceful terms with everybody but still generally disliked.

Anyway, why am I typing all of this? It sounds like a sob story absolutely irrelevant to the topic.

I just wanted to provide context for my mindset.

When growing up, I didn’t know I was autistic. I didn’t know that there are people just like me, or at least very similar to me, or that some things that I’m being chastised for aren’t actually bad (e.g. stimming), and those that are could get better if only I knew how to protect myself (e.g. meltdowns).

I simply thought I was evil.

And today, a friend of mine called me a r*tard. We have this sort of a slightly questionable relationship where he acts in a very abrasive and demeaning manner to me in public as a running joke but is sweet to me in private. I know, that sounds messed up but since I know he doesn’t mean it and he’s saying it only to be an edgelord, I don’t register it as harmful. But I digress!

Today he said I was “his favorite r*tard” in a public chat after I said hello.

I don’t reclaim the slur in any way, shape or form. I actually find it very uncomfortable and in my friend circle it’s known that I don’t enjoy being called that. The friend in question doesn’t reclaim it either, he’s neurotypical (as far as I know).

But!

It made me feel... good this time?

(that sounds awful, I’m sorry)

I spend a lot of time just casually doubting my diagnosis.

My diagnosis helped me a lot to understand myself, to find resources and people to relate to, to find the vocabulary for my experiences. It helped me hate myself a bit less.

But something in my brain yells that I don’t deserve any of that. I must be a faker, right? Because I always am. I’m a vile pretentious person that only emulates emotions of others and everything about her is fake, made up to garner social points and to sift away resources.

I’m not self-dxed. My stance on self-diagnosis is that it’s valid anyway (at least in case of autism and similar). Professional diagnosis is a privilege that not everyone has.

But even having that coveted paper from my psychiatrist doesn’t help persuade my brain in the slightest.

Because she didn’t diagnose me properly, right?

Basically my therapist did an evaluation and then forwarded me to her saying she suspects I probably am autistic. And the doctor was like, “Whatever,” and she gave my mother a piece of paper.

So when I get called the r-slur that is used to dehumanize and attack neurodiverse people, I feel... affirmed.

They recognize me as an autistic enough to demean me for it!

Today was the first time I felt that. Usually I feel only discomfort around the slur but today... today it was the slur of affirmation and I feel guilty for even saying that.

#actuallyautistic #autism #r-slur #ableism

[luminarii]

I need fellow Autistics opinion on something, if you're willing to share your thoughts about it.

I have a younger brother (24 years old) who just got diagnosed with Autism. I myself got diagnosed with Autism when I was 22 years old (I'm now 28), and I have another younger brother (27) who got the diagnosis when he was 18. We have two other siblings, but they're neurotypical.

My 24 year old brother's name starts with an 'N', and my 27 year old brother's name starts with an 'S', so I'll call them that for short. Me and S both have many of the "stereotypical" Autism traits, and while S has been showing his Autism since his infancy, I didn't show any signs of Autism until I was about 5 or 6 years old. But now that we're "adults", we both need to live in assisted homes for Autistic adults.

Now, I told you N had recently gotten his own Autism diagnosis as well, but he doesn't show ANY signs of Autism at ALL, and never has. Me, S and our mother (neurotypical) all agree that while he has some difficulties, he is very non-Autistic in many ways. I can give you a list of his difficulties/advantages/past diagnoses: !!!WARNING!!!: SOME OF THIS INFORMATION CAN BE TRIGGERING AND VERY VIOLENT FOR SOME READERS. THOSE POINTS WILL BE MARKED WITH A (!TW!) SIGN.

- He has always been excellent at making friends as, atleast when he was a kid and teenager, was talkative, adventurous, confident, and knows how to read people's face/body/emotions. The last one is still true today. - He still has the majority of his childhood friends to this day. - He was never teased, bullied or otherwise wronged in school as a kid, and was actually one of the more popular kids as he was pretty 'normal'. ('normal' as in he very rarely did anything 'peculiar' or 'weird' that others didn't understand) - As he is the youngest of 5 children, he was the most spoiled of me and our siblings, and could sometimes lose his temper if he didn't get what he wanted, when he wanted it. I know that that can also be an Autism trait, but I am literally 100% sure he was like that simply because he was spoiled by our parents. - He learned everything at the appropriate ages: talking, walking, playing with other kids, sharing toys/other objects, reading, counting, telling time, tying his own shoes, and the list goes on, while me and S learned all of those things much later than the 'norm'. - Even to this day, N is very in tune with other people's emotions, and can easily put himself in other peoples' shoes. He has always been like that, and even as a child, was very good at cheering up others and calming people down if needed. - Our parents separated when I was five years old, back in 1998/1999. Our father got a new girlfriend, let's name her 'D', and D was the one who spoiled N rotten from when he was only 1 year old, and to some extent still spoils him to this day. Ever since our parents separation, D has been more of a 'mother' to N than our maternal mother, since D came into our lives when N was basically still a baby, and has been spoiled by her since day one, basically. Our father died in 2012, and our mother mother died this March, 2020. - As I have already said, N is still very spoiled today, even though he's 24, and can lose his temper quickly if he doesn't get what he wants, when he wants it. When he was a child and teenager, he just got angry and/or sad when he didn't get his way. Now, as an adult, he gets violent when he doesn't get his way. - N has been seeing several psychiatrists over the years, and even been admitted to psychiatric hospitals, sometimes on his own accord, sometimes forced. There, he's gotten a few diagnoses, such as: acute psychosis, Tourrette's Syndrome, and ADHD. I think he got another one, but I don't remember which one. But not even a month ago, 'Autism' was added to his list of diagnoses. - (!TW!) As an adult, whenever he wasn't admitted to a psychiatric hospital/institution, he started to wreck havoc whenever he didn't get his way, and in the most brutal of ways. He has hit and kicked people, even women, almost completely destroyed our stepmother's, D, entire house; the only thing that was intact was the kitchen and bathroom. He even destroyed all the windows in her house, and (presumably, according to D) kicked her cat. - (!TW!) He has admitted to physically abuse D's old dog by kicking her, punching her head with a brick in his hand, and I hope with every part of my soul that I am wrong on this, but I have a feeling he has also sexually abused the dog. - (!TW!) He has killed multiple animals; D's pet bunny, a newborn kitten, and an aquarium full of fish (about 8-10 fish). None of the animals were his own, not that it makes a difference. - (!TW!) This summer, our neurotypical brother ('A') and N were playing a video game on their computers while talking over the phone. N lost to A, and N lost his temper. N threatened to not just kill A and his girlfriend, but to kill A's girlfriend's entire family, cutting off A's skin and using it as a costume to 'start a new and better life'. A understandably has cut off contact to N since. - N is also still doing semi-harmful things to people on almost a daily basis, including, but not limited to: spitting on/after people at the psychiatric hospital, yelling and screaming at them, threatening them, and other forms of verbal abuse.

There are two reasons I'm making this post. 1; N is not Autistic. He has problems, yes, and they're escalating quickly, but he is not Autistic. He has never acted Autistic in any way, and no matter how many 'professionals' give him the Autism diagnosis, I refuse to believe it. 2; the psychiatric hospital he's currently admitted to are planning to send him to an assisted home for Autistic adults, like the ones me and our brother S are living in. This could prove to be extremely dangerous for the personel working there as well as the other residents, especially the latter as we Autistic people won't be able to cope with someone as extreme as N.

I am asking for as many (Actually Autistic people only!!!) people as possible to tell me your take on this. I know that each individual Autistic person is different, and that we all share a lot of the same difficulties and advantages, but are still completely different from eachother in many ways. But N is not Autistic, and again, no amount of 'professional' NT diagnostics doctors can convince me otherwise. What I need is opinions, preferably as many as possible, from other Autistic people like myself.

N is a danger to himself and others, but he is my brother and I love him with all my heart, and I just want to see him get better. But people are about to send him off to a home he doesn't belong, with people that won't be able to handle him. Please, send me your thoughts on this; you might be able to help me being able to help my brother.

#not astrology #autism #autistic #actually autistic #wrong diagnosis #wrong autism diagnosis #I'm desperate #I need your help

[brw]

I love you!!!!! I’m on my phone rn so I don’t have any real good memes or fun stuff to send u but I’m gonna be free a lot over the next few days, and if you want to you can always dm me 💜 if you wanna talk about your favorite comics or whatever as a distraction I would love to learn about them! I hope things start to look up for you soon!

🥺 tysm u are really too sweet that's very nice of u to offer and dw i appreciate even the thought 💕💛

i'm. gonna talk about the current hulk run bc it's very good and makes the brain go brrr because like! canon DID representation that doesn't suck (at least it reads p good in my opinion but obviously i am a singlet and not a system so 🤷‍♂️ could be wrong on this)! it is here!

al ewing said "one thing i do hope remains [after this series ends] is bruce banner as an explicit system of alters. dissociative identity disorder is often represented poorly in popular culture - i don't know how good a job we've done with it, but i do feel like bruce is acting more like a system than he was previously" so like. it is literally undeniable. i mean in canon it was technically confirmed in 1978 (they called it multiple personality disorder back then obvs bc that was the Accepted Scientific Term™) but its very rarely shown in canon as an explicit system so. you know. honestly bruce is the most like... neurotypical-washed? is that a thing? character i've ever seen. smh.

"savage hulk", aka the hulk smash guy we're all most familiar with, is essentially the childhood rage and aggression he had to repress growing up (as his abusive father would hurt him when he got angry so it was very clearly clear in his mind that anger = bad) in one form. he's the green guy and again the most common one we see!

but there is also grey hulk, also known as joe fixit! he is essentially the moody teenager bruce was never allowed to be growing up. he also once had a job at security in what i recall to be a casino! he's more mature and articulate then savage hulk is, n yeah he's just weird n cool he vibes

there is! also devil hulk! devil hulk is basically the only hulk content with not fronting. he's very protective of bruce, and was basically made to fill in the role of a father figure that he never had growing up. he feels like the world has been unfair to bruce and again is. very protective. he calls bruce the "little guy" which i find very cute. he appears as larger then the other two hulks and is yellow. again. he vibes. very dangerous but. he vibes.

there is also guilt hulk. guilt hulk is all of bruce's fears and insecurities and self-hatred put into one and kinda sounds/speaks the same as his dad. uses the same abusive/cruel language brian banner used on bruce growing up. guilt hulk kinda dissappeared for a while but has since returned, tho doesn't show up often.

there is also professor hulk/the professor! has hulk's strength but bruce's intelligence, but he's like, his own alter, despite what endgame implies. very smart very cool. would be very dangerous tho if he got angry with the strong smart combo so if he gets too angry he changes into "savage banner", who is savage hulk but in bruce's scrawny body. comic logic says that this only works with the professor and no other one sjenejhute.

and the last one i can remember is kluh! while most alters/hulks come bruce, kluh comes from savage hulk. he is known as "hulk's hulk". while savage hulk (and most others) gets his strength from repressed rage, kluh gets his from savage hulk's misery and sadness. like. depression hulk. i can only recall seeing him once but. he is there!

and yeah! while i'm disappointed that the mcu changed so much and has not seemed to include bruce's DID in the slightest, looking at professor hulk, i also know that the mcu is Questionable at times so like... idk what to feel. grateful but also. u guys could do much better. come on :/ and i agree w/ mr ewing i hope it continues. needs to be more representation. and more like? good healthy scenes? like idk. bruce shows up in some pretty gruesome n gritty storylines, like in ultimates savage hulk was a cannibal and idk. makes me :/ a bit. not to mention the horrific shit that went on in old man logan which i will not talk about bc ew :/ but it was a bad time i do Not Recommend. like i know marvel wants to be gritty and edgy sometimes but. maybe. chose a different character to do that with. hercules is as strong/almost as strong as hulk. so is wonder man. there's other characters that u can have be gritty and edgy without adding to harmful stereotypes.

anyway yeah. this has been an infodump by brieuc 😌✌️

#long post #* long post #holy SHIT i do not shut up #bruce banner #hulk #asks #💛💛💛 #jay 🦆 #brieuc.txt #anyway thank you for asking! i am sorry for screaming so fucking much!

[insertmeaningfulusername]

Random Tag

Oooh thank you for the tag @sielustaja 👀 This promises to be interesting! 

Do you make your bed? Of course - or if I have time to do it (am too lazy to do it directly after getting up). Going to sleep in an unmade bed feels kinda unclean. 

What’s your favorite number? 13 probably, or 7 or 5. 

What is your job? None at the moment xD Just finished working last week (I was an intern at an elementary school) and now the challenge is to survive summer until uni starts in autumn. 

If you could go back to school, would you? Well if uni counts as school I already am going back, but high school and elementary... Nuh-uh. Miss me with that shit. 

Can you parallel park? More or less. I can improvise if there’s enough space, but I totally forgot about the technique we should be employing. 

A job you had that would surprise people? Lmao I’m too baby to have had many jobs yet, so no. 

Do you think aliens are real? There must be life out there somewhere! Maybe it’s just bacteria floating around in pink goo on some rocky outcrop, but considering that there are billions of star systems and that those star systems must have a planet or two in the habitable zone, the probability that we are not alone is extremely high. So yes, aliens - in whatever form they might have taken - are most probably very real. 

Can you drive a manual car? Idek how an automatic car works. Manual only. 

What’s your guilty pleasure? Um. No idea. Doing nothing substantial on free mornings except flopping around on social media? 

Tattoos? None yet, but soon! I actually have an appointment on Tuesday to talk about the motive and placement of one!!! 

Favourite colour? Grey. 

Favourite type of music? Oof. That early, kinda soft variant of rock the Carpenters, Supertramp and the Beatles have going on, I guess. 

Do you like puzzles? Hell no. But I like seeing other people enjoy them. 

Phobias? No full-blown stuff, I guess. I’m quite neurotypical, too, so I don’t really have any problems with anything. 

Favourite childhood sport? Swimming. I’m not the fastest, but if you can combine it with snorkelling or scuba diving, I’m in. 

Do you talk to yourself? Not really, no. All my conversation with my selves is internal. I will sing to myself though. 

What movie do you adore? Singular? You must be pulling my leg. There are too many, but let’s just say X-Men First Class, Atomic Blonde, The Fifth Element and Prometheus hold a special place in my heart - amongst others. 

Coffee or tea? Both. Both is good. Tea more often because it’s easier to make, though. 

First thing you wanted to be growing up? A scientist. No specification, just a scientist. We always watched loads of documentaries, and I loved observing ant hills, so I guess that’s where that came from. 

Tagging: @hellfre @secretlymagneto @adlerirene @midrashic @flightinflame @lavender-lotion @ultralarryus @lindstrom2020 @tinaxpow and anyone else who feels like it. Apologies if you were already tagged, and of course there’s no obligation to do it 🥰 

[allisondraste]

on writing kiddos

Hi, hello there, it’s me again back with the first bit of meta in a really long time. I’ve been incredibly distracted with school as well as my longfic, which was actually the inspiration for this post.  Just to provide some context, I write a story that spans the lives of my two protagonists from the time they are young children, all the way to their mid twenties, highlighting pivotal moments in their childhood that have had some lasting impact on their present day selves, and as such, I have spent quite a lot of time writing from the perspective of precocious kids and moody teens.  

Fortunately, I love kids, and I’ve had years of experience in both being a big sister and working professionally with kids as both a childcare worker and a therapist.  I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time around kiddos and learn the inner workings of their amazing, rapidly developing brains, and so I’m here to share some of the things I’ve learned AND how it can be applied in a writing situation.  I know that lots of people have apprehensions when writing kids, and so I hope that my anecdotal tips will be helpful to someone out there.

I’ll drop the rest behind a handy dandy read more to spare your all’s feeds. ;D

Age and Cognitive Development

When we write adult characters, part of getting their characterization pinned down is understanding how they think, and the same thing applies to kiddos! Cognitive and socio-emotional development are long-researched topics, so there are a multitude of varying theories, and it can be quite complex to break down into neat categories that apply to all kids.  In fact, all kids develop at different rates, despite following the same general trajectory.

Generally speaking, children start out understanding the world primarily through their senses, reflexes, and movements (interactions with the environment), and end with a fairly complex system of abstraction and understanding of hypotheticals.  (Note that these development ranges are based upon those who are neurotypical and neurodiverse characters would not necessarily have the same markers, so if anyone has any specific tips for writing neurodiverse kids and would like to chime in, please feel free to do so!)

0-2 years - highly sensory/motor based, lots of reflexes; learn the difference between self and environment and differences between objects.  Emotions develop more rapidly, beginning with anger, disgust, fear, surprise, happiness, and gradually developing more and more complicated feelings.  Even at 2 years old, they are likely to not have a solid grasp on labeling the ways they are feeling, and things are mostly behavioral and reflexive. 

2-7 years - children begin to understand symbols and develop language, beginning with the basics and progressing to fairly complex thoughts.  Children between these ages think in a very concrete fashion and are highly reliant upon objects, but they do begin to pretend and roleplay. Children around these ages are egocentric and usually struggle to take the perspective of others. However, they begin to develop the ability to identify and express their feelings and thoughts simply, but struggle to understand the thoughts and feelings of others. 

Mommy had a scrunched up face when she looked a the mess in the house. Billy didn’t really know why her face did that sometimes. (approx 4ish)

7 - 11(ish) - Development of perspective-taking and concrete problem-solving. Thoughts gradually become more complex and holistic, though children at this stage of development take things literally, and at face-value. They typically can understand their own feelings and infer the feelings of others from facial expressions, body language, etc., although they may be inaccurate in their assumptions. 

Mommy’s face scrunched up when she looked at the mess Billy made in the floor.  It was the same face she made when Daddy didn’t take his shoes off before stepping on the carpet.  It usually meant mommy was annoyed  (Approx. 7-8)

Mom’s face wrinkled when she looked at the mess Billy had left in the floor.  He began to pick his things up so she wouldn’t fuss at him. (Approx 10 or 11)

11+ - The ability to think in the abstract and understand hypotheticals begins to develop around age 11, however, it’s different for everyone.  Children and teens usually start to have rather complex thoughts and make inferences based on subtle cues.  They’re able to manipulate information mentally and come to develop their own opinions and conclusions. 

Billy’s mother wasn’t even home yet, and he could already see the look on her face she would have when she saw the mess on the floor.  He hurredly began to scrub the stain from the rug.  He was going to be in so much trouble. He knew it.  

Teenagerdom - Most teens have all the complex thoughts and emotions that adults have, but often have less experience and/or ability to cope with and regulate those thoughts and feelings. Many teens are stuck in this place of being expected to behave in an adult way, while still being treated as a child.  It’s a rough time.  Not to mention, teenagers experience a re-emergence of  egocentrism that takes the form of “Everyone is watching and judging me all the time,” and also “Nobody has ever experienced what I am experiencing and if they have experienced it, then they haven’t experienced it to this degree.”  That all settles down with cognitive maturation and experiences; however, the experiences of teenagers often extend well into the 20s. 

Examining the mess on the floor, Billy knew that his mother was going to kill him.  Murder.  She’d chew him up and spit him back out, never to see the light of day again.  It was the end.  Unless of course he could scrub the stubborn stain from the rug.  This had to be the worst thing that could have possibly happened. 

Personal Experience and Intelligence

As I mentioned above, those age ranges are broad, general “this is sort of what should be happening when,” but they’re more guidelines rather than hard and fast rules.  When writing children, it is helpful to consider the personal experiences a child has had in their lives up to that point as well as their intelligence.  Those are not the measure of a person (even a little one), but they make a huge difference in the rate at which a child matures and interacts with the world.  Generally kids who have more difficult upbringings and those who end up parenting themselves and/or caring for siblings, often seem older than they really are, particularly in regard to their behavior. 

Just to provide some examples for reference, the children that I write in my story are mostly nobles who have relatively comfortable, safe, and happy childhoods.  My Cousland, Liss, is generally a carefree, impulsive, emotional, messy, privileged child, and so I modeled her development more closely in line with the “guidelines.”  Nathaniel is also a noble, but he’s more thoughtful, and has kind of been placed into a parental role in that his dad is emotionally abusive at the very least, and after his mother dies, he is the rock that his siblings stand on, and at that point in time, he is only 10.  He has to grow up a lot faster than he may have had to otherwise. As a very strong counterpoint, there are other characters who do not have any environmental privileges during their childhood.  A very good portrayal of this sort of thing is this comparison of Isabela and Hawke’s respective upbringings.

Both intelligence and life experiences can lead to a quicker rate of cognitive development and maturation in some cases, that does not mean that they are “grown up” or in anyway done developing.  Even the brightest kids, even the kids who have faced unbelievable adversity are still kids and they often still experience impulsivity, emotion dysregulation, and other things that one might not see in adults with the same experiences.  Furthermore, some kids may not even experience advanced development, instead regressing from the lack of social support and modeling from attachment figures. 

Basically, nothing is hard and fast. 

Personality

The next thing I wanted to touch upon is personality.  I think there is a tendency to portray all kids as Standard Kids (which I have endearingly coined Standard Kid Syndrome).  It is all well and good if the intention is just to show a Standard Kid; however, if you really want to dig deep into a character, into who that child is, it’s so important to consider personality traits.  From birth, children have dispositions, and as they grow and learn more about themselves and the world, those dispositions become personality.  Personality traits should shine through very early on!  Kids can be open to experience or rigid and anxious, they can be introverted or extroverted, they can be impulsive or restrained, they can be aggressive, meek, funny, serious, meticulous, silly, cool, gruff, grumpy, snarky, sassy, nerdy, quirky, shy, friendly, withdrawn, and so on and so forth.  Children are new humans; they are not incomplete humans. 

The Kid Voice

When writing from the point of view of a child, all of the things discussed above factor into word choice.  Just like writing adult characters, the way a kid talks in dialogue, or narrates even, is influenced by a blend of so many different things.  Young kids’ descriptions are going to have simpler sentence structures and words.  They may introspect less and observe more.  They may express themselves through their bodies and actions more.  They may have trouble describing what they’re feeling, or understanding what they’re seeing.  Teens may describe things more dramatically and intensely than similar adults would.  They may not.  What is important is considering the mix of traits and experiences they have in relation to cognitive development.  It’s really no different from writing any other character.  It just takes research and planning to get in The Zone.

TL;DR

- Understanding how kids think is a good starting point to writing kids

- Personal experiences, intelligence, and the interaction of qualities can influence how a child thinks in a multitude of ways

- Kids have personalities!  They’re not blank slates that have yet to be filled.  They are whole people, and it’s good to give proper care to show those unique, wonderful little minds that they have

- It’s not so much different than writing adults! It just takes some time spent looking through a different lens!

- This is not a comprehensive reference by any means, so please feel free to chime in!

#writing reference #meta #long post #kids #it is the night #and i must sleep now #yikes #the things i do to get a meta idea out of my head

[awomanonthespectrum]

Have your autism symptoms improved or worsened over time?

Answer by Thomas Gisler

It always bares repeating that every autistic’s life experience is different. There is a common neurological foundation ( AUTISM ) but how it manifests in each individual is unique.

I was very late diagnosed (age 59) and this throws a totally different factor into how I experienced autism. Childhood circumstances which included emotional abuse led me to live in a denial/dissociation detachment from my life experience. I thought that what/ who I was, was so bad and broken, it was wrong to even let these thought come into my head. I tried to be “something else” to please people and it became how I lived. Trying to react to others… looking for ways to be “a good person”. But it had nothing to do with being me. That changed a little as I got older but was pretty much how I operated until my diagnosis.

I guess the good news is the real me is still there somewhere. Looking back on all this, I think my “search” for answers was a search for myself. Even thought I knew I was different I could not admit let alone accept it - but I still knew it.. I could not understand it because of this insane self-oppression I had learned to do. Was that Masking? I guess it was a form of masking.. I’m still learning so much as I put the pieces of my life back together.

What is interesting is realizing how many of my autistic traits were still part of my life. I guess the ones that were noticeable to others and myself were the ones that were highest priority to hide or deny in some way. But often they just took other forms. I use to do lots of leg/foot stims as a child - I STOPPED those along with finger /hand stims I clearly remember my father saying “STOP THAT” in the way that ripped out my soul’s sense of self. I realize I was the “Obnoxious” kid - the self-centered kid - the loaner - friendless until later in school. I had my fixations - my sensory stims - But I kept everything out of view if it brought attention to myself.

Now that the genie is out of the bottle - I’ve been reversing all the oppressive thoughts and behaviors the best I can. I’m intentionally exploring my past and present and learning to feel what was always denied or avoided. I’m fortunate that I have very clear memories of my life. Usually those times when there was some conflict but not always. The more I let myself be, the more I see that I am autistic. It’s still hard to admit it in some ways.. Not because I feel there is something bad about being autistic but to discover that THIS is the answer.. This is why I am so different… and it is not a bad thing.. or a shameful thing… or wrong, or a disease or mental illness - ITS A DIFFERENCE! -

It comes with its share of + and - just like a neurotypical life. In fact, its the autistic traits that make me happy and whole. I am more intelligent than average. I can learn in depth and breadth that is above average. I love that I still have a child’s fascination of the world. My silly humor. I still toe-walk! The routines I both love and depend on. I like to stim in different ways. My life has finally become whole! I no longer wish for death to end this nightmare but am embracing the fun of life because now, I enjoy living. ME ME ME! I’m Homer Simpson with a brain! LOL!

There are challenges too. Some are scars from the past - some that may never heal. I’m still Dyslexic and reading is not enjoyable. I suspect alexithymia because of my difficulty knowing what my feelings are and why. As I let myself feel - I can feel anxiety much stronger - I have what I think are termed Melt-Downs - they can be total frustration and anger over a minuscule disruption in a routine or being overwhelmed by crying as if in despair, that can last from 5 seconds to an hour +. Sensory sensitivity is now a feeling I notice more and more.. sounds, light, touch… usually if I’m startled.. it is like I was hit with a cattle prod from head to toe. These were all things I learned to deny by not letting myself recognize the feelings that came with them.

I think also, as we get older we do not have the mental energy needed to manipulate and deny our true selves as we did when younger - So - this is another facet of autism - another example of how experience of being autistic can vary from person to person. I don’t know what my future holds. I know that I am finding more connections that lead me to those “ Ahhh Haaa!” moments of realization an understanding.

I have to add this… how important it is we let everyone be true to their nature. Let children who are autistic be autistic. Support them in discovering who they are and how to manage their autism with autistic means not some way that makes them feel that being autistic is wrong or bad or broken. Especially not they are some pathological mistake to be pitied. Life is hard enough without being led to believe who you are will never be good enough.

https://www.quora.com/Have-your-autism-symptoms-improved-or-worsened-over-time/answer/Thomas-Gisler-1?ch=10&share=84f14f1e&srid=C7yPi

#autistic burnout #autism #asd #spectrum #autistic masking #autistic feels #child psychology #developmental psychology

[mszegedy]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Days 17-26

This is a list of questions by @autie-jake (full list here), where you’re supposed to answer one per day for every day of April. I keep forgetting to do these daily, so here’s all the days since my last post. My last post is here.

April 17: Have you experienced ableism before? If so, how did it feel and how did you handle it?

Yes! Actually, it made my childhood so bad that my brain decided to forget it. So, clearly nothing to write about here.

April 18: Discuss how you felt when you felt when you first learnt you were autistic vs how you feel now.

I’m not good at the whole “remembering how I feel” thing. My memories of my feelings are all semantic memory. I know as a 6th grader I thought autism was super cool and I read a whole autobiography of an autistic savant because I wanted to find out more about it (Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammett). After a lot of intense research, I decided that I couldn’t conclusively self-diagnose, and regretfully slinked away back into not understanding or advocating for my needs. Sometime later, an actually autistic coworker of mine looked at me for like five (5) minutes, and was like, “Hey, have you been diagnosed with autism yet?” I’ve since adopted her as my second mom, for that and other reasons. I’ve had very few moments in my life when I was sad to have an autistic trait, and I got over it fairly quickly.

April 19: Talk about scripting. Is scripting something that you normally do? What kind of situations do you have a script for? Does it help you?

People don’t like my apologies, so I have a couple apology scripts saved. Otherwise I tend to just wing it and fail spectacularly. The apology scripts tend to sound… scripted, but they’re better than just doing it myself, I think.

April 20: Discuss stimming. In what ways do you stim? What does stimming mean to you? What do individual stims that you do mean? Do you have any stim toys? What would you like people to know about stimming?

Pressure stims are the most important stims for me. I’m more likely to be squeezing a part of my body than not. If nothing else, I can cross my legs tight and squeeze them together. This doesn’t have any specific function; it’s just something I do that makes me feel better. When I’m stressed, I do it more.

I also do motion stims. Often my way of locomotion is more like dancing. This is a little strange, because I don’t otherwise dance. I always feel happy, relaxed, and in control when I do that. When I’m sad or tired, my feet are too heavy for it. I am also very animate with my hands when I talk. When I taught English in Hungary for the first time, the first question I was asked whether all Americans talk with their hands as much as I do. (I don’t think they do. I have it on good authority from at least one American I trust utterly that the way I use my hands is rather unique.)

I have two improvised stim toys for pressure stimming (a scarf for wrapping very tight around limbs, and a butterknife for applying waves of uniform pressure). I also recently found one of those head scratchy thingies, and now I use it every five minutes or so. It’s a little inconvenient with headphones on, but I’m rather creative with it, anyway. I don’t actually like light touch or tickles, but generally the head scratchy thingy can be given enough pressure to provide a substantial stimulus.

April 21: Give a shoutout to some of your favorite autism blogs/autistic bloggers

UM. HMM. Like 10-50% of the people I follow are autistic, but hell if I can remember any of their handles.

I reblog from @nonbinary-hawke and their native issues-related sideblog @finding-my-culture like multiple times a day but I’m pretty sure they kinda just tolerate me? I’m mostly cut off from the actual native community I’m supposed to be part of (the Siberian one), so I try to follow American native issues with kind of a “not my lane but I’m still sympathetic” vibe, and their blogs are most of my way of keeping in touch. But we have a lot of other random things in common too; similar age, similar neurotype, similar fandoms, etc. So I’m pretty much always gonna have a platonic tumblr crush on them, given that and how much I respect their principles.

@autisticadvocacy is ASAN’s official blog, I think, and it’s always posting useful and relevant articles.

@autisticjoy and @autismisaokay are two blogs I’ve followed for most of my time on tumblr. I get the majority of my autism-related content from them.

@autistic-noodle is the first autism-related blog I ever followed! I highly recommend her; if I haven’t unfollowed her after all this time, then that means that they’ve never reblogged anything that’s triggered me, which is pretty darn impressive.

@bogleech is my favorite webcomic artist, which is a vaunted honor coming from someone with ¾ of a special interest in webcomics. I’m not actually sure if he’s autistic, but he posts enough autism-related content to justify being on this list one way or another.

I’ve definitely learned at least one useful thing from @autisticlifehack. What was it? Who knows?

@autistic-flirting is very cute, if not very active.

Shout out to @tikibats and @dreamfriend, who I actually know IRL.

April 22: What are some social rules that do not make sense to you/that you don't understand?

I’m, uh. Actually not sure? I can usually explain stuff if I think hard enough. There’s some stuff I’ve never bothered to figure out, but none of it’s so pressing that I can actually remember it.

Oh! Actually! One night during freshman year of college, I went to the computer lab to do my homework in a not-at-all-revealing bathrobe. I’ve received several explanations on why this was wrong, but I don’t remember any of them.

April 23: Do you have any internal rules? What are they?

LOTS, wow. If I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t have any shred of consistency whatsoever. I am nothing but these rules. Some of them feel more like strong opinions that can be taken or left, like the ones pertaining to writing style, but even those I follow 99% of the time. They range from really foundational moral ones like, “Everything with a mind intrinsically deserves your friendship and understanding,” and, “Every neurotype deserves to exist,” to, “Always wrap code to 80 columns (unless it’s highly nested like Lisp, in which case consider 100 columns),” and, “When mixing fruit flavor tea, always pour the syrup before the tea.” It’s quite the hodgepodge.

April 24: Talk about community. What does the autistic community mean to you? Is it important? How does it feel?

I haven’t had much of a chance to actually participate in any autistic community yet. I don’t even really participate in the tumblr autistic community. It’s just sorta me, my second mom, and a couple random people I get to see occasionally. (Also, my dad, but we don’t talk about my dad.) Most of my friends are neurodivergent in some way, though, so I’m happy with the people I have. (Not that I don’t enjoy hanging around neurotypical people, too. But it feels good to not have to work to make yourself be understood.)

April 25: Do you know any other autistic people off the internet? Is anyone else in your family autistic or are you the only one? Do you wish you knew more?

See yesterday’s answer! I wouldn’t do this if I were doing these day by day, but I’m totally justified here, because it’s literally the previous paragraph.

April 26: In what ways can allistic people better accommodate you and other autistic people? What would you consider helpful?

It’s a broad question. My mom has been getting better at not punishing me for my autistic traits, but the other day she still antagonized me for stimming at the dinner table. (I’m 22. Nearly 23.) So it’d be great if she didn’t do things like that. Not even gonna talk about what my dad could do better. (The ways he does accomodate me seem unintentional.)

Outside of that, I appreciate it when people give me very clearly-worded instructions, broken down into small steps, with every possible detail specified. I appreciate it even more when those instructions are in written form, because I can only remember two or three of those when they’re spoken aloud.

I appreciate it when food places with complex menus have the option to just sit down with the menu, without a time limit, and make up your order. Sandwich and wrap places, like Subway, make me very uncomfortable for reason; Subway has an extremely combinatorically complex menu, and you’re expected to make up your order while they’re making the sandwich. I’d like to spend some time staring at a sheet with each sandwich ingredient listed and explained, and the ways they can be combined, first.

The current switch to online classes has been great for my ability to understand lectures, and terrible for my ability to do classwork and homework. Hearing the lecture through headphones circumvents most of my auditory processing issues, and seeing the lecture slides clearly circumvents most of my attention issues. But when it comes to doing classwork and homework, executive dysfunction rules me. I do wish my executive dysfunction were better accomodated for even in the case of normal classes (and probably careers), but it’s hard to guess what form that would take. I’ve run out of brainpower for good ideas.

For the rest of the month I will do these questions daily, one at a time. Hopefully.

#2020 #30daysofautismacceptance

[nature-played-a-trick-on-me]

Hm okay I feel like making a post about this

Not to like hashtag cancel anyone or anything, nothing of the sort, but just to let ppl know, hi this has been said and just, know that?

And then go on your merry way and make your own decisions, you're your own person.

BC has said some rather unpleasant things about people referring to his characters as autistic and it stings sometimes

People talk about me doing that quite a lot and that being a good thing for people who are on the spectrum, which is great. But I don’t go into a job going, ‘Is this autism? Is this Asperger’s? Is this some other form of slight learning difficulty or disability?’ I’m very wary of that, because I’ve met people with those conditions. It’s a real struggle all the time. Then these people pop up in my work and they’re sort of brilliant, and they on some levels almost offer false hope for the people who are going through the reality of it.”

https://www.metro.us/tiff-benedict-cumberbatch-is-sick-of-people-calling-his-characters-autistic/

For his award-winning turn in Danny Boyle’s Frankenstein, he studied autism so that he might grasp how a fully formed man, with no infancy or childhood to reference, might behave.

“I went to schools and met people, some of whom are very high functioning on the autistic spectrum. I met a 17-year-old who had the mental age of a one and a half year old. Everything was just about bodily functions. Smell. Sexual arousal. Shitting. Whatever. So when I hear people use diagnostic labels casually – Sherlock is autistic, Turing is autistic – it really upsets me.”

He pauses for a nanosecond, then continues to talk: “And it upsets me those 17-year-olds were coming to the end of their care. Because after that they’re supposed to head into employment and earn revenue for their government. Ha. Because from early on you’re empiricised in that Orwellian sense.”

https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/film/benedict-cumberbatch-it-s-fantastic-to-realise-how-insignificant-you-are-1.1999578

I think he means well, I really do, but the general message is just not that great.

My two cents on this, as a person who got professionally diagnosed with ASD after watching THoB's Asperger's mention made me go "Fuck, I am going to have to look into this, don't I?" and proceeded to do so:

Don't be so afraid to let people see themselves in characters. Don't be afraid to say "well, this wasn't intentional, but why not!"

(Personally I admire Elementary's take on this - it wasn't particularly well executed in my opinion but questioning Sherlock's "neurotypicality" on the show is a good, welcome gesture and much appreciated.

You could read the THoB scene as similar but I unfortunately feel like the interview goes against that and turns the scene into a joke)

So now go on your merry way and do whatever you want with this information. Remember it, delete it, ignore it, whatever, it's your life, do your own thing.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

I know you mentioned how you feel when you see people write characters having bipolar disorder or autism who don't know what it's like, so I'd love to ask your POV on this: Do you think Schneider exhibits any signs of being bipolar or having autism? A few characteristics of his remind me of a family member who is bipolar, but as someone who personally isn't and admittedly doesn't know a ton about bipolar disorder or autism, I'd love to know your thoughts instead of having uninformed headcanons.

Ooh I love this question!! Thanks for thinking of me to ask it. My answer got longer than expected, surprise surprise, so it’s an essay behind the cut now. :)

I also love Schneider and find him easier to understand and write than just about anybody, so I feel pretty comfortable getting inside his head and musing about all this. 

For the record as to where I’m coming from here, I am autistic and have bipolar disorder (bipolar 1 technically), and I also have combined-type ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder (I’m quite something). 

I’ve never seen anyone connect Schneider to autistic traits before, and I’m generally thrilled to headcanon my faves as on the spectrum, so I had to think about this. He definitely has interests, but I wouldn’t say he has an intense focus on any specific things in that autistic way. He makes eye contact easily and a lot, and off the top of my head I don’t remember him making any comments that would indicate sensory issues (about noise or clothing texture, for example). He doesn’t seem stuck to specific routines, and his diet is eclectic but not rigid.

He does seem pretty oblivious to social cues? But in an overeager, he steamrolls right past them kind of way…and he often immediately corrects himself when his words come out offensive, because he can tell the difference between what people think it’s okay to say or not. He likes puzzles and mechanical things, but so do lots of neurotypical people. His voice is very expressive, not a monotone, and he’s very comfortable with physical affection.

Honestly, every autistic person is different so it’s totally possible to be on the spectrum and not have some of the ‘usual’ traits (for example, I don’t make much eye contact and am blatantly autistic in a lot of ways, but I’m very comfortable in crowds and loud days like the 4th of July don’t bother me). But I don’t see much canon evidence for Schneider being autistic that isn’t better explained by him having a serious case of ADHD. 

That’s the stuff that he and I have in common, as a matter of fact…he has a billion hobbies and is overenthusiastic and full of energy and impulsive, and he’s often mentally and emotionally moving so fast that he doesn’t even notice he’s pushed past people’s personal boundaries. Trying to be Victor’s best man or inviting himself over to the Alvarez apartment all the time is never because Schneider doesn’t care that they may not want him involved–he’s just so excited to be a part of things that he doesn’t stop and think first, and that’s super ADHD of him.

Now the bipolar question is such a fun one for me! I feel like bipolar people who don’t end up violent or committed are waaaay underrepresented in media, and I tend to see those traits everywhere. Some of my favorite characters I love because they remind me of me, and could definitely be coded bipolar.

It’s really common for bipolar people to struggle with addiction, which obviously Schneider does. I don’t have that history personally, but I completely understand the way bipolar people can use drugs and alcohol to self-medicate the symptoms of the disorder. 

They can also go through periods where they turn to sex in an unusually intense way, and we know Schneider’s a big fan of sex, but I wouldn’t say he’s presented as being unusual with it…just as a guy who likes casual sex and is able to find willing partners.

Schneider does have a proven record of not only gambling but impulsive spending, both bipolar traits. He sees most of his problems as just being different forms of addiction, but that makes sense for him–and I’ve read about people whose bipolar behavior was masked by their addictions until they got sober.

So if we look at him sober, then the question is, does he go through periods of depression and mania that are bad enough it interferes with his life? And I can’t say that I see any major signs of that. He’s weird but has a decent grip on reality, he doesn’t hit patches where he thinks he’s invulnerable and capable of everything, and if he faces major depression, it’s never come up when the show has discussed Penelope’s experience with it. 

To me, Schneider just seems like he’s living with ADHD that was never treated, and he’s been an addict since he was very young…and his seriously addictive personality is always looking for new outlets even while he tries to stay sober from drugs and alcohol.

BUT I have to add that I’m bipolar and while my depression looks pretty much like you probably would expect when you think ‘depression’…my mania doesn’t fit the ‘standard’ tells at all. I’ve never had a problem with gambling or shopping. I’ve never had reckless, casual, or unusually frequent sex. I’ve never tried drugs (which is good! because addiction runs in my family) because I’m weird and somehow I always feel much safer in the harshness of reality.

So my mania looks like skipping meals and not needing to sleep and having the most brilliant ideas, all of which will absolutely work out this time, and because I’m not getting any kind of treatment for my ADHD, manic me is the only version of me that’s able to channel my energy into successfully creating anything–it’s like mania balances the unfocused part of my brain. If I can stay mildly manic, I’m actually in a pretty good place…but of course if I had control over it, it wouldn’t be a potentially dangerous disorder.

Point is, is it possible Schneider has a form of bipolar disorder combined with his addictions? Sure, if it presents atypically or is milder than my experience and thus easier for him to function through. It’s definitely possible that he’s always struggled with intense moods and used to ‘treat’ them with drugs and alcohol, and now that he’s sober uses his hobbies and mindfulness to manage them instead. And of course, if we really want to headcanon things outside canon, we could say he’s totally bipolar but on medication for it so he’s fairly stable. 

But since you asked me :) I would say he’s got adult ADHD to a highly visible degree, and had an emotionally stunted childhood that left him with a childlike sense of joy towards the world and other people. He doesn’t seem to have the extreme uncontrollable ups and downs that come with bipolar disorder, or the sensory issues and difficulty understanding social situations and people that’s so common for those of us on the autism spectrum.

(Side note: it’s really, really common for people to have bipolar disorder and ADHD, or ADHD while also being autistic, or to be autistic and also bipolar. They all combine a lot, and have overlapping traits, so I’m not sure if maybe those overlapping traits could explain the ways your family member reminds you of Schneider?) 

Both those disorders are super important to me though in terms of representation, and if anybody bipolar/autistic has claimed Schneider as one of us, I wouldn’t take that away from them! Because he’s sweet and loyal and he struggles but keeps trying and there are worse role models for people like me.

If anybody does see autistic/bipolar traits in him, I would love to hear the counterargument. I know a few other bipolar people, but don’t know that many people on the autism spectrum, so I could totally be missing things.

#schneider #odaat #one day at a time #autism #adhd #bipolar disorder #autism spectrum disorder #spoilers #long post #meta #mine

[labyrinthus-magici]

🔥!!!

Was looking at my muse list to think of something that stood out but since I couldn’t pick one I’ll just go w something that affects a lot of them but anyway like 

As an autistic person I personally thing the large majority of the magi/snb cast is autistic coded! The fandom as a whole (although it’s not just the magi fandom tbf it’s kind of all of them I’ve been in) ignores that a lot! 

I have seen autistic Judar before which is VALID but it’s really frustrating when Judar and Morgiana are the only two you see (and Mor as an afterthought) bc they’re the ones with the more “stereotypical” traits (i.e Judar being antisocial/struggling with empathy which is probably due to trauma and not even his autism considering that. studies show that it’s allistic people who lack empathy for autistic people usually and not the other way around but I digress!) and I’ve been told that other characters who are autistic coded can’t be bc they’re like idk??? competant lmfao??? I don’t get when allistic people say a character can’t be autistic bc im like lmao good to know you know every autistic experience and trait! Maybe you can educate me on my own disorder that you don’t have bc you clearly know so much about it that you couldn’t possibly be overlooking something! 

Anyway my muses that I intentionally play as autistic and some of their main traits are bellow the cut bc it’s lengthy (The others I’m probably going to accidentally autistic code bc I. am autistic and it affects my writing but ahiodfhg)

Morgiana: Mor is a pretty obvious one, although I do love her autistic coding! So like most of these characters but with Mor esp you have to keep in mind that she canonly has c-ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder but when it’s not a single traumatic event but living long term in a traumatic environment such as an abusive home or any other variation) so that affects how many of her autistic traits present themselves. I do think that she’s become very good at masking (i.e hiding autistic traits) due to them being punished and because of that she is exhausted because masking is very taxing. I think that she started to unlearn this considerably once she joined the caravan with Leila’s encouragement but it was subtle bc while she did become close with Leila and Sahsa she didn’t open up entirely. 

Once she gets to Sindria though and starts opening up I think that she’ll relax a lot because she can see others with the same traits who don’t have to hide them. Masrur especially points out that it’s important for her to stim and because she’s not the only one who deos this, everyone is understanding and accommodating at times when she’s non verbal/not able to speak.  

One thing that really stood out to me about Mor is her hyperempathy. Because she doesn’t talk much, it’s hard for some people to pick up on, but Morgiana often has strong feelings of empathy for others. At first this is something that she struggles with, because it’s something that others have taken advantage of and used to hurt her, and because she’s afraid of her emotions as a whole. Later though, she learns that this can be her strength. Morgiana’s most powerful moments (in my opinion) like when she rescued Nadja, when she confronts Alibaba about the consequences of what the fog troupe is doing, and many other instances, are very emotionally charged. She’s also the first to empathize with the pirates that Madaura has brainwashed, and is able to get the others to empathize with them too. 

Morgiana was my first favorite magi character (the reason I even got into magi in the first place tbh) bc it was so empowering to see someone with many of my traits in an empowering role of a hero because of those traits and not just with them as an afterthought! 

Masrur: I’m going to focus on snb just because that’s what I’m more familiar with as I haven’t read the parts of magi that Masrur is spotlighted in in a long time although honestly all of this stuff applies to Masrur later but it presents itself differently because whilst autistic people never grow out of their traits, just like anything in a person, it changes and becomes more nuanced as a person gets older and gets more experience. 

But Masrur is another autistic coded character! A lot of his traits can technically be explained away by canon/plot details however in this house we don’t  think that because there’s technically an argument against autistic headcanons that it’s at all valid so ANYWAY 

To start we have the way he sees himself as different from others, the way he goes to sit by himself because he feels like he can’t fit in with everyone, how he’s not like them, how he’s just a monster with a single purpose that’s already been fulfilled. Normally, I wouldn’t count this exactly as an autistic trait however Hinahoho is the one that comes to talk to him because he can relate to this experience which is autistic coded so! One thing that’s a common experience in autistic people is feeling quite literally inhuman, usually in the form of an alien, fairy, or fictional character (as it was in my case). This is becuase of the isolation that we normally face in childhood. For Masrur, he feels different from the others, like who he is isn’t someone that would be wanted and that’s something that I can relate to quite strongly. It’s not until he comes to the Sindria trading company, a place full of Neurodivergent coded characters (the ones that aren’t autistic coded are coded as other disorders as well such as ADHD and BPD among others I don’t think there’s actually one person  there who’s neurotypical considering that. The entire theme of the Sindria trading company is that they take in people who are outcasts and in need of help and usually those people tend to be ND.) that he comes to realize that he does belong and that he is valued. 

In addition to that we do see him stimming or doing stim like behaviors at times, he sometimes is talkative and others seems mostly or entirely non verbal, he tends to misunderstand social queues, struggles with subjects that he’s not interested in, etc. 

I think it’s super important to take into account Masrur’s autistic coding because Masrur gets to be HAPPY. Like, yes, he does experience a lot of traumatizing things, but by the end of Magi he still has his family, he’s happilly married and a good father. These are things that people think autistic people can’t have or don’t deserve, and we never get to experience this things in character’s that are canonly autistic. So for me seeing an autistic coded character with such a positive development was something really positive, it’s the same way for a lot of these characters, seeing so many autistic coded characters getting the development that the deserved was what drew me to magi inittially if I’m perfectly honest. I didn’t know it at the time bc I had no idea I was autistic until last year (coincidentally from autistic friends also from this fandom!) but it really was what drew me in. 

Hinahoho: Oh God where do I even START with autistic icon Hinahoho? I think, out of any snb characters Hinahoho is the most heavily autistic coded. Like there is literally no other explanation for his character I can think of whenever I see him I get so happy bc I’m like!!! Yes!!!! Autistic dad!!! I love him!!!  

His backstory first and foremost focuses on his separation from the rest of the people in his tribe because he has unconventional interests (art!!) and that he isn’t able to pass the test and become and adult at the proper time. To start, being a “late bloomer” in things (or alternatively doing things too soon in some cases) is a common autistic experience. A lot of us due to many reasons (mostly due to ableism and lack of accommodations) we aren’t able to do the things that our peers do at the same times like drive, attend college, or move out of the house etc. This isn’t a lack of competence just that we aren’t able to go about things in a way that we are able to thrive in, and this is exactly what Hinahoho’s development highlights! He never does pass the warrior’s test in the way that is most traditional, instead Sinbad (whose an Adhd ND icon if you ask me but I haven’t added him to my muse list yet so aidofhg more on him and the other adhd icons in this series later ahidofhg) mentions how there’s multiple ways to be strong, how he doesn’t have to do things the same way as everyone else to be worth something. 

There’s also the ableism that he faces from others in his tribe. In addition to judging him for not having become a warrior yet, he is bullied by others and treated like a child when he shouldn’t be. The others are so unkind to him for being “different” and “weird” and having “a personality like a fish left to dry” (WHATEVER THAT’S EVEN SUPPOSED TO MEAN LMAO I STILL DONT GET IT) that in his introduction he starts sobbing bc Sinbad said thank you to him like. Like God can I relate to this, honestly his experiences though not exactly the same as my own deeply resemble how I was before I found out that I’m autistic. 

Then, after he learns to love and accept himself and marries Rurumu (Oh!! That’s another thing, people acted like he was unlovable but Rurumu always loved him. He never had to change who he was or mask his autistic traits and that’s SO important because honestly I can’t even imagine someone who isn’t also autistic wanting me romantically especially when I see shit about people taking autistic people to homecoming and calling it “inspiring” and “selfless” and a “learning experience”) he then turns around and teaches others to do the same. I noticed that he becomes very close to both Drakon and Masrur who are both autistic coded and he helps teach them to love themselves like??? LIKE???? and with Masrur he literally points out that he can empathize so points for hyperempathy again. I’m loving how many magi characters have hyperempathy that is ultimately good. Bc it’s usually a weakness in character’s that have it. 

Drakon: Honestly once again idek where to start when his entire development is deeply autistic coded but we’ll start with his backstory. So to start there’s the power imbalance between him and his (neurotypical) siblings. Whilst he is the youngest, I think that the reason that he’s unfavored in the family and is the one always catching shit is because he’s autistic. This is something that happens so often is that when an autistic child has allistic siblings the allistic one is favored or if not favored they definetely get treated better because autistic children are particularly vulnerable and easy to manipulate. With Drakon’s childhood, although again the circumstances in my case aren’t exactly the same, I really am seeing my past self. 

He was from a young age branded as a prodigy, told he was already basically an adult even though he was still a child, and this is so common with autistic children who show a semblance of talent in something. However, he isn’t praised for this in a healthy encouraging way, instead he’s given the responsibilities and expectations of an adult already. In addition to that, he is conditioned to mask his autistic traits, in addition to being taught to devote his entire self to his cause. The fact that he internalized everything so deeply that he had a breakdown when he realized that he wasn’t wanting to die for his cause, that he thought he had to follow everything to the letter all the way down to his deepest feelings, is in my opinion an autistic trait as I showed exactly the same traits for other matters, internalizing things at the same intensity. He social scripts quite a bit, meaning that he has a strong sense of “this is how things SHOULD be so if they AREN’T this way then everything is in RUINS and we have to fix it IMMEDIATELY” he has the roles he’s been given and he strongly believes that everyone else has a role. This does become far more healthy once he’s unlearned the toxic things that he was taught but he still does it, but in a healthy way. Everyone has a role to fulfill, and he’s strict about this, when people aren’t doing what they’re supposed to be becomes irritable and struggles to keep functioning as normal. 

Then there’s the fact that his entire development is learning as a teenager that he’s become a monster, literally in this case, learning that he is hated so much that he resolves to leave his humanity behind, only to gain love and acceptance and learn to love himself in the form that he takes. While I don’t think every monster is autistic coded (as that would be problematic for obvious reasons) developments like this resemble our experiences so well? It’s a perfect metaphor for what it’s like, honestly. 

One reason I think that it’s important for me personally to acknowledge Drakon’s autistic coding is because he’s a strong leader and people think that autistic people cannot be leaders, that we’re incompetent. So to see a character with my traits be someone noble, to become king even, and to thrive is something super positive for me because again it’s something that people think we cannot do that we cannot have but we really can. 

Leila, Sahsa, & Nadja: With these three it’s mostly projecting just because we don’t see enough of them for them to really be that autistic coded HOWEVER tis my blog and you get to hear all my hcs asdfgh. I like to hc these three as autistic 1. bc Leila and Sahsa’s relationship is beautiful, and to contextualize that as a romance between two autistic women is really nice for me who as I mentioned before struggles to ever see myself having a love like that. 2. Leila and Sahsa take to Morgiana and encourage growth in her and I like the idea of them helping her to relax a little on hiding her autistic traits. 3. Because as an autistic person it’s difficult for me to interpret characters as not autistic (where not autistic is other’s defaults for me autistic is the default, so it would be more accurate for me to say I have some allistic headcanons rather than autistic ones lmao) I actually started headcanoning Leila as autistic by accident because I wrote a fic where she had a shutdown (which is when there’s too much stimulants i.e sound or sights etc. and we have to go lay down and rest and shut out the stimulants that are bothering giving us sensory overload.) and was like oh!! Time to make both her and Sahsa autistic bc who’s gonna stop me lmao. 

Also one headcanon I have for Nadja (in addition to her joining Leila and Sahsa’s caravan with her family) is that after Morgiana rescued her she developed a special interest in adventure and heroism which is really cute on one hand bc she always wants to learn stories of heroes from the locals of the places they visit and her parents are like aw she’s talkative sometimes! She’s making friends!!! But on the other hand she tags along on Leila and Sahsa’s “oops lmao just fought an entire band of thieves again” adventures and is that “Let me see what you have!” “A KNIFE!!” “NO!!!” vine so ahidfohg be careful u fuckin superb lil baby. 

Myron: Hers is a bit shorter since we don’t have a whole lot of her in canon, but her strict following of perceived social standards and social scripting makes me headcanon her as autistic. I also like the idea of her being autistic because so often people think that we can’t be proper or socially conscious but more often than not we overcompensate, the deal is that we struggle to understand neurotypical social cues not that we hate socializing. 

Titus: Oh man I shouldn’t have put him so far down on my muse list bc this one is going to be lengthy. There’s a reason whenever I info dump about my son to people that I always call him Autistic Gay Icon Titus Alexius.  

I’ll start with the fact that he struggles in social settings, i.e Sphintus thinking he’s so fuckin awkward at first. (Even tho I hc Sphintus as autistic too but like I said autistic is the default for me ahidfg) He has a special interest in magic, evidently, and is very info dumpy about it as times (though not as much as notable autistic icons Yamuraiha and Ugo). Also his best friends are Sphintus and autistic adhd icon Aladdin so like. Convenient. that the three most autistic coded kids at school becomes besties. asdfgh. Also none of the 4 magi are allistic tbh. 

ANYWAY that aside and glossing over the whole separation he feels from the others (which I could go into length but it’s similar to Drakon and Masrur’s and Hinahoho’s deal and this is getting so long already oof) can we just talk about how fucking POSITIVE his Hyper-Empathy is for his character and the story? 

Okay so like. Let’s start with the 5th district, how after just a little while there he immediately jumped into action with LMAO TIME TO BLOW A HOLE IN THE SKY IM BUSTING EVERYONE OUT LADS. Like. Was it dumb? Yes. Was it noble and valid? YES! And he STILL SHOWED UP TO CLASS READY TO FIGHT THE NEXT DAY. He also tried to call out Mogamett how many times? And still stood his ground with the 5th district, even when Mogamett tried to manipulate him by saying he only cared out of his selfish desire to befriend Marga, he immediately analyzed himself critically and came to the conclusion that no, he really just wanted everyone there to be safe and happy. 

Then, when he goes to Reim and Just. Hhhhhh HE’S SO GOOD. AND HE HAS SO MUCH EMPATHY. The fact that he immediately begins changing things, is firm in that, but his main motivation is that he so desperately wants everyone to be safe and to live happily, the fact that his people’s problems are by extension his own because he feels real pain when others feel it. That’s hyper empathy and though it’s something that can be manipulated he doesn’t let that happen, he uses it for good! 

When he gives his speech about why they need to abolish slavery in Reim asap, he begins to cry and exclaims that any one of them could die tomorrow, that they need to priooritize the people that are in the now who are suffering that they have the power to help their people and to liberate their country and appeals to everyone’s emotions that way and breaks through. Also the other changes he makes?? Like making the Colosseum into a LARPing spot? That’s so fucking good? What a nerd? I love him???? 

I can go into more detail with Titus but for time reasons I won’t but. We stan Autistic Gay Icon Titus Alexius here. 

If you read all of this I love you sm thank you for reading this rambly mess. ahdiogfg 

#Outside Of Destiny《OOC》 #this is so LONG #though none of the stuff under the cut is negative or a rant #it's just me rambling abt how valid all my autistic muses are #ahdifoghdfg #but anyway yes Im an autism if u don't like that like #sucks to be you I guess lmfao #saeiqas

[almond-assistant]

A very long rant and my opinions on neofeminism

Keep in mind that these are very opinionated, and I really don’t wanna fight with you. I’m only posting this so people know where I stand with this stuff, and so they know what kind of person I am.

Inequality: (the fake scenario here is metaphorical and also taken from a youtube video) Imagine there was a short person and a tall person, and there's a wall. In order to see over it, both people are given a stool of equal height to stand on. The tall person is still taller, and can see farther. Instead of giving the taller person a shorter stool, or a short person a taller stool, how about we give nobody a stool. Instead, give them equal materials to build their stool. Equal opportunity does not mean an equal outcome.

Wage Gap: That thing? It's non-existent; women are actually 'out-earning' men, according to literally every governmental source. And if the wage gap existed, it'd be illegal, considering women recieved equal rights in America in 1972.

Transphobia: Trans people are propped up and given all sorts of support in society! I remember at one point I considered myself transgender (I'm still queer-identifying fyi), and I was treated just as well, if not better, than most kids at my high school. And you know how you guys are so "supportive" of trans-men? Well, guess what. By not grouping him in with the cis men, you are therefore being transphobic by invalidating his identity, implying he is not like the cis man, as he would like to be seen as. Do you call a trans guy a rapist, like a cis man? No. Do you consider him sexist, like the cis man? Of course not! Even if he is, you wouldn't DARE accuse him of that! Right? Because he's an owo smol trans flower boy. By rubbing it in everybody's faces that you/someone you know is trans, you are therefore negating the fact that they'd like to be treated like a cisgendered person in the first place. Same goes for trans-women. FYI, I completely support real trans people!

Transtrenders: Super transphobic! If you want to be babied and called uwu smol then go join the adult baby community. You want to be queer? Just don't label yourself trans! Want attention? Go join a fucking talent show or something idk. Don't have dysphoria? What's the point in calling yourself the opposite gender? I don't get that. Wanna be a futa catgirl? I... I don't even know. Please stop that. Sexualizing trans/intersex people is transphobic. Trying to fit in? I get that. I did that. But please, please. don't rub it in everyone's faces. I actually DO have a bit of social dysphoria, but I used to make it a bigger deal than it should've been.

Patriarchy: I agree that patriarchy doesn't work. But, patriarchy is also basically gone, so I don't agree that it's this really big deal you guys make it out to be. On the other hand, matriarchy doesn't work well either. It takes both genders for lots of things to run smoothly. There are highly positioned women and men. That's what makes systems work, including reproduction and all that jazz. So basically, men are in fact needed. Stop treating them like shit. If you got rid of men, we'd go extinct. I know there's this thing with women's bone marrow or whatever, but that's not really relevant, and it isn't even guaranteed to work. By separating women from men, you are therefore being sexist, because equality doesn't have anything to do with gender. It's like if x=y, then y=x, y=y, and x=x. If x and y was female and male, or literally any gender, this would be the goal of feminism by definition. Without the belief that women are currently in a lesser position in society, neo-feminism falls flat. Speaking of which, you always focus on women, why aren't you including all of the other "genders"? Isn't that a bit sexist of you? Society is giving women everything they don't deserve. That's not equality. And yet you still think women are opressed.

Rape Culture: And before you rush to the comments with "You don't know what it's like to be sexually harassed!", I do, and that's why this topic ticks me off so much. Anyway, by labeling all men as rapists, you are therefore being sexist. And, even though you guys say men/boys can't be raped, they have been, and can be. Males are actually sexually exploited more than women. Furthermore, women can be rapists. Consent doesn't apply to just the woman. If a woman wants to have sex with a guy and he says no, yet she forces him to, it's still rape. Legal sexual interactions require both parties involved to give consent. I read a post on here that said something to the effect of, "If you don't have sex with a fat woman, you're raping her". That... boggles my mind.

Ableism: I have mental illnesses too, so this also pisses me off. I mean, I get that some people are wheelchair-bound or don't have the same mental abilities as a neurotypical person. I think it's great that we're helping to accomodate these people! But when you call everything that could even possibly leave out someone other than the neurotypicals ableist, it's frustrating. Literally anything could be ableist or classist. Eating pizza? No, this is ableist because some people have diabetes and can't eat certain things. Running gear? Ableist. Some people have to use wheelchairs, either because they were born paralyzed in the legs, or because they're too obese to move. Brain exercises? No, get that out of here. That's offensive to people with autism or the like, because their brains don't work like that, and it implies they're not good enough. therapy? Kill it with fire. You're saying we neurodivergents are not ok? It's like you don't care about people that want to get better. There's such thing as a target audience, so now let's see.. Pizza? Oh! That's for people who want a quick, cheap, and easy meal! Running gear? That's meant to interst people who enjoy being fit and maintaining their cardiovascular health. Wheelchair-bound folks have specialized exercises for keeping their muscles healthy. Running would not be as effective of a way for them to do that. Brain exercises? For people who want to keep their brain sharp and improve certain areas where they might have weaknesses. Again, people such as my brother (who has medium-high functioning autism) can have special exercises provided to them. But when companies manufacture products that leave out the neurotypical person, nobody thinks twice. So much for equality.

Fatphobia: I do agree that this one exists, although I've never experienced it myself, since I myself have problems gaining weight and keeping it on. I'm actually guilty of fatphobia, but hear me out. I don't mind if you're overweight, as long as others don't have to make special accomodations at no cost to the one being accomodated. If you're 500+ pounds and/or you need a wheelchair and two seats on a plane, I'm calling you out. There's no way you could be that fat without doing it to yourself or having a disability. I don't mind these things if you do have a disability, I understand you couldn't control it then. But if you're just sitting in your bed all day stuffing your face with cheese curls, you have no right to whine about fatphobia, as you could've easily prevented it. Mental disorders such as depression or anxiety that may lower your motivation so low that you don't care, I also get, since I've been in that situation plenty of times. Regardless though, I will not say you are beautiful. This is my personal opinion, and I know others may find obesity attractive, or even erotic (which is in itself fatphobic), but I do not. There are people who don't actually find it pretty, but still say it is. Please stop that. Speak your mind, yo. It's kinda sad that others shape your views, and if you don't agree entirely with the flock, you're not one of them, yknow? That's like... a cult or something.

Classism: I'm soft on this one, since I've been in and out of financial stability throughout my childhood and it sorta fucked me up. But again, calling everything classist is just not right. Songs about fancy cars and diamonds are praising the lush life, not making lower classes feel bad. If anything, those songs help them work harder to achieve their own dreams and have their own great life. But again, it's all about the target audience.

Racism: Racism was originally based off of fear and confusion. Other races had never seen a different skin color than their people's, and thought they were a different breed or species. The reason europeans and americans viewed africans as animals, is because they didn't know what else they could be. African society wasn't as developed, and the African people exhibited very primitive behaviors, as opposed to the educated caucasian. After a while, the african people taken to other lands as slaves, started to dislike that life and form their own opinions and values. The white people learned that the Africans were just humans of a different color, and eventually softened up a bit. But they couldn't abandon their ways of life, so the slaves slaved on, and the rich got richer. These values passed through generations, and eventually someone said, "Stop, these are people too, let's set em' free.". Though, yes, some families still teach their children to be racist, they don't imprison them anymore. Schools do a very good job of describing the treacheries of racism and slavery so it doesn't happen again. Most of my friends (and my boyfriend who I love so so much) are of color, in one way or another. Shit, I'm like, an eighth native american. I do consider myself white though, I'm Norwegian and Irish, for the most part. But I'll still honor my roots. Anyway, even modern racism is still based on fear. Islamophobia stems from terrorism, Black violence comes from stories of gangs and police shootings, and lots of other xenophobia stems from stereotypes. I'm completely against racism, trust me. But when you separate white from black and call white people scum, and call people of color 'strong, independent', and discard white people, it's kinda confusing. Racism applies to race, and caucasian is a race. Get it together.

Cisphobia: That exists. Cisgenderism/Heterosexuality are still identities, whether you want them to be or not.

Sexualities: Cool, You like people (Or you don't, if you're ace/aro). I know these sexualities were shunned before but most people are really accepting now! Just not the weird demonsexual things. Some people don't understand that too much. I sure don't.

Genders: Same as sexualities, don't get too crazy and people are cool w/ it.

Mogai and Neopronouns: Shit, get them out of here. You're making actual LGBT+ people look like a joke.

Anything I didn't mention that you'd like to hear my opinion on? Leave an ask! All interaction is welcome, though not all is wanted. Regardless, I'll try to be kind to you. I really have no reason to be rude to you if I don't know too much about you.

-Kevyn (almondassistant)

#I'm not gonna fight with you #please don't kill me #opinions #uwu????? #neofeminism #feminism #queer

[theblowsyouveinventedandblamed]

Part One: Ableism

TW for: abuse, ableism

So. Some of you may have seen posts about me that were written by my ex-boyfriend/datemate, Ezri (tumblr user @regal-roman and @panpunksexual).

The first post (https://regal-roman.tumblr.com/post/170845546062/he-was-abusive-i-know-he-couldnt-help-that-he)

[Transcript: He was abusive. I know he couldn’t help that he had mental illness, just like I can’t help that I do.

But his illness hurt other people. His illness hurt me all the time. But no matter how many times I asked, he would never get treatment so he wouldn’t hurt me anymore.

I am not ableist. I don’t believe that I’m better than him because I don’t have the illness he has. I wouldn’t mind him having his illness at all if he weren’t hurting other people.

If you are hurting other people because of your mental illness, it is your responsibility to get treatment so you no longer harm others. Victims should not have to accept abuse just because the perpetrators were mentally ill.]

To begin with, the “illness” they are talking about? Dissociative Identity Disorder [DID]. According to the DSM-5 [Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder, Fifth Edition] DID is diagnosed through five criteria. For efficiency’s sake we will only be focusing on the first criteria (criteria A) which is detailed as followed: “A. Disruption of identity characterized by two or more distinct personality states, which may be described in some cultures as an experience of possession. The disruption of marked discontinuity in sense of self and sense of agency, accompanied by related alterations in affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and/or sensory-motor functioning. These signs and symptoms may be observed by others or reported by the individual.” [Information taken from: http://traumadissociation.com/dissociativeidentitydisorder#dsm5, further reading can be done at: https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/dissociative-identity-disorder/dissociative-identity-disorder-did-dsm-5-criteria/]

The line “distinct personality states” is of significance here. Alters (also known as headmates or system members) are separate from the core/original. They are different people occupying the same space. Yes, there are alters known as fragments or shards that are not “complete” personalities, however out of a system of eleven only two of our members are fragments (Anya, a trauma holder and Frank, a protector, neither of whom can front independently). The other nine members of our system are fully formed and act independently of each other. For the purpose of this explanation we will however, not discuss certain members of our system for various reasons, largely because they never directly interacted with Ezri. They are as follows: Nina (a four to six year old child alter), Lucien (a 600 year old vampire priest), Harley (a fictive of Harley Quinn) as well as our fragments Frank (a fictive of Frank Castle, the Punisher) and Anya (a fictive of Anya from the 100). The alters that are important to our narrative are: Lucille (protector), L337 (protector), Gl!!tch/Glitch (protector), Luna (protector/headspace manager), AJAX (protector-ish) and ting (core).

I began my three-month altercation with Ezri on October 18th, 2017. They had known that I had DID and at first their general attitude about it was positive, even before we had begun dating.

[Transcript:

panpunksexual 09/27/2017 This is gonna sound dorky but the way I view you being a system is literally “well that means more friends”]

They continued to ask questions about it, claiming that they had a “pretty good understanding of it. The best I could get without being a system myself”

[Transcript: 

panpunksexual 10/24/2017 Did you ever think people wouldn’t want to date you because you’re a system? 

newt on a newt 10/24/2017 yeppp 

panpunksexual 10/24/2017 When I was first learning about it, I never thought it was weird and I still don’t. I was really curious about it, but I didn’t want to ask a bunch of questions and seem like [I] had a creepy fascination with it 

newt on a newt 10/24/2017 questions r good dw 

panpunksexual 10/24/2017 I think I have a pretty good understanding of it now. The best I can get without being a system myself I’m a pretty optimistic person, so I view it as just having more friends, even though I’m only dating you and not any of the others]

To continue with their claims about me, we come across the line “…his illness hurt other people.” No example of “other people” are given (likely because none can be found). My DID has never hurt anyone directly. My alters (predominantly L337, Gl!!tch and AJAX) have been rude or cruel to Ezri, which they should be held accountable for (even though they were simply attempting to defend me or themselves) and AJAX had previously caused me (and only me) physical harm but he is the only alter that has caused physical harm to anyone. Ezri continues with “But no matter how many times I asked, he would never get treatment so he wouldn’t hurt me anymore.” This is simply untrue, although the ‘treatment’ I am in may not be what he wanted.

If we look at this article by Natasha Tracy “DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER (DID) TREATMENT” [found here: https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/dissociative-identity-disorder/dissociative-identity-disorder-did-treatment-challenging/] a list of treatment options and goals are provided. Treatment options are:

[Transcript: Dissociative Identity Disorder Treatment Types

Dissociative identity disorder is primarily treated with psychotherapy of various types. According to the Cleveland Clinic, the following are DID therapy types:

Psychotherapy – often thought of as “talk therapy.” This DID therapy encourages communication of conflicts and insight into problems.

Cognitive therapy – involves changing dysfunctional thought patterns.

Family therapy – helps to educate the family about the disorder, recognize its presence as well as work through issues that have developed in the family because of dissociative identity disorder.

Creative therapies such as art or music therapy – allows the patient to explore thoughts, feelings and memories in a safe and creative way.]

Treatment goals are as follows:

[Transcript: Dissociative Identity Disorder Treatment Goals

There are many dissociative identity disorder treatment goals. The goals of DID treatment include ensuring the safety of the patient, symptom relief as well as:

“Reconnecting” all existing DID alters into one, well-functioning identity

Allowing the person to safely express and process painful memories

Developing new and healthy coping skills

Restoring functionality

Improving relationships]

We are in therapy and have been for the past two years, seeing a therapist weekly (Wednesday’s at 5:30) which has been beneficial to us and helped us with symptom relief, safety (AJAX no longer poses a threat to me), processing trauma, developing functionality and improving relationships. The only area that we do not, have not, and will not ‘work on’ is integration. Integration is the 'reconnection’ of alters and is not a healthy or tenable option for us and would cause us more harm than good at this point in our lives. Our therapist, a trained medical professional, agrees. Ezri, who is a teenager and not a trained medical professional, decided otherwise and considered it the only acceptable form of treatment and only valid form of treatment. Please note that the only reason they say I should get treatment (which I have been in for two years) is for their benefit, not mine, not anyone else’s. Just theirs.

The third paragraph states “I am not ableist. I don’t believe that I’m better than him because I don’t have the illness he has. I wouldn’t mind him having his illness at all if he weren’t hurting other people.” He begins saying that he is “not ableist” despite the numerous derogatory remarks he has made towards me and my system members about DID, frequently calling them less than human or not real, saying that he is “how things should be” and that we are not normal or less than human.

(Please note, during this conversation Lucille is fronting.)

[Transcript:

newt on a newt 12/11/2017 DID is caused by childhood trauma that is so severe that a child’s brain cannot handle it, causing the mind to splinter and break, forming a completely separate personality. 

panpunksexual 12/11/2017 Yes I know that. But Tyler thinks that you are all real people when you’re not  You’re just in his head. It’s all in his head 

newt on a newt 12/11/2017 “It’s all in his head” much in the same way you are in your own head. 

panpunksexual 12/11/2017 Yeah, but I’m only one person. That’s how things should be. And I don’t like getting worried one of you will make me cut myself again 

[Tyler’s note: no-one encouraged/told/made him self-harm, they told him not to. This is guilt-tripping.] 

Or that one day Tyler will disappear and not come back 

Nobody thinks about how all this makes me feel]

[Transcript:

panpunksexual 12/11/2017 If you’re not the original then you’re not real either]

(Note, the alter fronting here is Gl!!tch/Glitch, who has several typing quirks which I will transcribe as an original version and as a readable version) 

[Transcript: 

newt on a newt 12/12/2017 s0 y0u sxx l337 as lxss than human? [so you see L337 as less than human?] 

panpunksexual 12/12/2017 Yeah]

Ezri clearly seems to view DID/being a system as something that is unnatural and wrong, something to be “fixed” even when it is important to my survival. Their actions and words indicate and are proof of their ableism, which they are not exempt from just because they aren’t neurotypical. Having BPD/BD does not mean he cannot be prejudiced against other people.

“I wouldn’t mind him having his illness at all if he wasn’t hurting other people.” As said before, my DID hurt no one but Ezri and even then it was only a few people acting in defense of me, more comparable to your best friends telling someone who is hurting you to go fuck themself that to being hurt by an illness. “Other people” were not being hurt as anyone who is close to me can attest. They are attempting to use unnamed and made-up “other people” to back up their ungrounded accusations.

I agree with their final paragraph, however 'treatment’ should not just be for other people. Mentally ill people deserve therapy and help for themselves, they deserve to get better and feel loved and accepted. And yes, victims do not have to accept abuse simply because the perpetrators are mentally ill which is why I am no longer excusing Ezri’s actions.

Therefore, we will be presenting all of our evidence against the false accusations that Ezri has made on their blog (shown at the top). This evidence will be separated across multiple posts, and a masterpost will be made.

#cyanide proof #part one #ableism #ableist

[darkangelz87]

Different Perspectives

A Autistic Sherlock and eventually Queerplatonic Johnlock fanfiction. Read if you want. ^^

                                     Seeing from Different Perspectives

                                                                                                                           Chapter One

 Autism.

: a mental condition, present from early childhood, characterized by difficulty in communicating and forming relationships with other people and in using language and abstract concepts.

Vague snapping of fingers, twirling, chewing on pencil erasers, sleeves and hands, bright lights, colors, sounds, texture of food and clothing, comforting or abrasive, touch, unwelcome and hurtful, eye contact, nope, thoughts merging and turning into screams… “STOP!”

Sherlock froze, shocked at the sound of his own voice ringing in his ears as he still was pulling at his curly hair, his eyes growing watery with unshed and unwanted tears as he stared straight ahead which happened to be right above a crowd of milling people in a shopping mall and dear lord, no, John was here. He didn’t want John to see this!

John Watson stopped what he was doing which was interrogating a passerby and he immediately strode over to him where he was sitting on a bench, the army doctor mask coming over his face as he leaned down, trying to catch his eye sight, “Hey! Sherlock! You okay? What’s wrong?”

Sherlock frowned, an eyebrow twitching.

Okay… I should probably start from the beginning.

I was diagnosed with Autism as a child and that combined with my brilliant mind and swift calculations was an astounding combination.

I saw it as a gift, my brain but I learned from other people especially my family and fellow childhood students that it wasn’t such a brilliant thing.

I remember enjoying and getting lost in the rays of sunlight through dust motes and how my pleasure points of my brain lit up with joy as I spent hours running my hands through the magical streams. I tried to show it to my family and got scolded for spending hours loafing when I should be studying.

My first special interest and happens to still be a dear interest of mine before studying murders, literature and violin was the wonder of bees. I fell in love with them after I saw my first bumble bee. One landed on a flower near me as I sat studying on a hill near our old house and when my eyes strayed to it, I felt something in me stir with silent wonder at its tiny fuzzy body and its low almost soothing buzzing. I watched it, enthralled until it flew away, and I rushed into the house, went to the family computer and quickly searched ‘Bees’.

I began to draw hundreds of bees, reading and studying everything about them and catching them, putting them in jars and letting them go after a while. The thing that blew my young mind and made me admire the little insects even more is, scientifically, the bumble bee’s wings should be too small for it to fly. Amazing little creatures that no one ever took notice of.

My bees ‘obsession’ was dismissed as a childish phase.

Flapping my hands when I was happy was discouraged ‘It was embarrassing’, twirling was considered dangerous to myself, to everyone around me and to the breakable objects within reach, when I was quiet and wanted to listen to Bach with my headphones on instead of struggling to push words out of my mouth I was considered uppity and snobbish.

Everything I did was wrong, so I started to formulate a blockade around me, my emotions and my autistic side was pushed down and restrained so I turned myself over to my mind and my calculating abilities and enhanced those qualities about myself instead and silently reveled in the praise it brought me from my family and the school faculty.

It didn’t help me with people though, they were a foreign entity and I didn’t want them to get too close to me because if they found out all about me they would surely go away, and I didn’t want the trouble, the headache and pain of relationships. And having girlfriends or boyfriends was out of the question. Sally Reed from high school tried to kiss me and I punched her for touching my tongue with hers and all the boys wanted to do with me was they hit me and taunted me for being smarter than them. I can’t help it if I knew the formula for pi in 4th grade, I naturally excelled at mathematics.

Later, I found my calling in being a consulting detective for Inspector Lestrade, it fully utilized my brain in a healthy way (drugs got my pent-up emotions and energy out when I was high, and I didn’t care about keeping up facades when I was stoned) and I could get along with Inspector Lestrade (Even if some of his group are complete idiots). I eventually found a promising flat with an acquaintance I knew from an old case, Mrs. Hudson. The only problem which was a big problem considering my sometimes-low funds (I refuse to ask Mycroft for anything if I can help it!) was I needed a flat mate to help me with the rent.

In walks John Watson.

I admit, at first, I was only interested in Watson because of his ability to pay some of the bills and to furnish half of the rent but then it turned to something else when he really listened to my deductions with almost a form of awe and a word whispered in complete reverence like: ‘Marvelous!’, ‘Brilliant!’, ‘Fantastic!’, the list went on and to top it all, he killed a man for me.

I haven’t known him for very long but what I do know of Watson, he intrigues me, and no one has ever intrigued me before. I wanted to keep him thinking that I was this intellectual genius, so I hid my disability from him with care the last couple of months that we have lived together.

Well, seems like the proverbial cat is out of the bag.

I didn’t want to go to a mall to talk to a jeweler that had been robbed from, it was a category 3 at least, not worth my interest but Watson had shown interest in it and he said it would be nice to hang out together, that it would be a casual time out together.

Uhuh… I should’ve went with my instinct and said, most definitely no!

It was an onslaught on my senses ever since we entered the doors. Screaming kids, chattering, giggling girls and boisterous laughter assaulted my ears, fluorescent lights glared in my eyes making my head pound with intense pain and people getting too close for comfort sometimes made my skin crawl and unpleasantly itch all over.

By the time I was clawing at my hair and screaming for everything to “STOP!” I knew my cover was blown.

I didn’t dare to look up when John asked what was wrong, but I gritted my teeth and clenched my eyes tightly shut, trying to shut out the imminent look of pity that would surely be coming from Watson.

What I didn’t expect was gentle, steady hands on both sides of my face.

My eyes flew open in shock and I blinked unexpectedly at the change of brightness as I slowly registered that John had just slipped a pair of sunglasses over my eyes.

I blinked up at John and he just smiled, a little smile that he shows sometimes when he is reading the paper, writing in his blog, or drinking an extra especially good cup of hot tea and he walked back to the jeweler, continuing to ask him questions.

I was dumbstruck.

I composed myself and quietly felt around in my faculties, testing myself to see if my senses had calmed down somewhat and found to my surprise that just dimming the lights had made the sounds more bearable and my pounding headache melted down to a tremor of pain. Note to self: Start carrying sunshades in coat pocket.

John walked back to me and I cocked my head to one side, looking up at him with a question on my face, he answered the quiet question, “Nothing that the police can’t solve by themselves.” I growled in annoyance, rolling my eyes, “Like I said, clearly a category 3, nothing of interest.” John grinned, shrugging, “Ah, oh well. It was worth getting out of the flat for a bit huh?” I snorted, looking away, “I’d rather dissect a skunk than be around these swaggering, giggling bags of testosterone and hormones.” John laughed, making me turn my eyes on him, really looking at him and seeing him, I quirked an eyebrow quizzically at this seemingly normal man and I smirked.

John Watson was anything but normal.

 Author’s note: This chapter is insanely short and kinda pointless lol but I just wanted to start this story with something sooo here it is! I’ve been wanting to write this for a very long time and I’m starting it! I’m excited! :) I will be using my own Autistic experiences in the story (Using sunglasses does help dim down sensory issues for me. I wear them in public a lot.). I hope to be able to kinda write and put together a guideline for the next chapter so it won’t be so short and kind of random and I am debating just keeping the story in Sherlock’s pov and not switching back and forth like I am prone to do.

But yeah, this story is about Autistic Sherlock and how he tries to act neurotypical and generally succeeds until John Watson comes in the picture and figures things out and the big thing is, John doesn’t care that Sherlock is Autistic and it may possibly be one of the things that he loves about him. 😊

Yes, there will be queerplatonic Johnlock a lot later in the story cause it’s a slow burn, very sloooow but cutesy fluffy slow burn.

Hope you guys like it and feedback is appreciated! 😊  

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#autistic sherlock fanfiction #actuallyautistic #autistic fanfic #johnlock fanfic #queerplatonic johnlock