#i have read nothing with roy in it maybe like 5 pages total so this is probably ooc

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

Just thinking about Roy Harper meeting Kate Bishop in THEEEE stupidest ways possible like

Roy has successfully picked the lock on Jason's main safehouse but didn't have to bust through a deadbolt or chain, which is suspicious.

Also suspicious is the woman aiming a gun at his head.

"Who the fuck is stupid enough to break into the Red Hood's apartment?" She snaps at him.

"I could ask you the same thing!"

"I didn't break in, genius, I live here."

"You're not the Red Hood."

"No, I'm dating the Red Hood."

Stupidest lie ever, Roy thinks. "Joke's on you because Red Hood doesn't have a girlfriend, and if he did, he'd tell his best friend!"

"Well joke's on you because Red Hood doesn't have a best friend!"

They stare at each other. Roy feels like the silence is uncomfortable.

"That was kind of mean, wasn't it?" The woman asks, much quieter than before.

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking," Roy admits. The woman has kept the gun aimed at him the entire time. He's almost impressed.

"Wait," her forehead wrinkles. "Arsenal?"

"Yeah, how did you--wait. Not Hawkeye?"

"Oh my god! Yeah! That's me!" She's gone from threatening to Ray of Sunshine in less than half a second, bouncing over and squeezing Roy into a hug. "It's so good to meet you!"

A few minutes later, Roy has a glass of water and is watching Hawkeye tape the gun back under the table. "I thought you didn't use guns?"

She heaves a massive sigh. "I don't like guns. Doesn't mean I don't use them."

"Ah."

The front door shatters and Hawkeye heaves another sigh just as the Red Hood rounds the corner, gun up. Roy stays leaning against the wall. "Hey, Jay."

"Roy? What are--" his head whips between looking at Roy and at the table Hawkeye is crawling out from under, roll of duct tape around her wrist like some tacky bracelet. "Kate--?"

"Oh, hey babe," Hawkeye says, apparently very unbothered by the Red Hood with a gun pointed in her general direction--Roy knows Jason and he knows he's not actually aiming it at her, seems she knows this too. "You didn't tell me Arsenal was coming into town."

"Because I didn't know--" Jason is cut off by Hawkeye using his shoulder to balance as she presses up to her toes and plants a kiss on the cheek of his helmet.

"I'll let you boys catch up," she says, breezing towards the bedroom. "Jason, I'm taking your patrol tonight."

"No, you're not," he protests, which is cute. Roy can already tell he's lost the argument.

"Yes, I am," she counters, turning so she can face them as she walks away. "I'm not fixing that door. You guys can do it while you have a bro-date. Or a real date, or whatever. I don't know your life."

"Kate," Jason says, a tinge of desperation in his voice that is the only reason Roy isn't laughing his ass off right now. "You live with me."

"Oh, yeah," her voice drifts from the room she disappeared into. "I do, don't I? I like that. Hm." She says it like she actually forgot for a moment it was true.

"I see," Roy says conversationally. "So she's insane."

Jason finally flips the release on his helmet, setting it down on the kitchen table with a sigh. "Just don't mention any of your trick arrow prototypes or--"

"Trick arrows?" Hawkeye practically falls out of the room, about, from what Roy can tell, halfway in uniform. "Oh my god, yes! Finally someone who will appreciate this! Arsenal," she says, locking eyes with him. "Boomerang. Arrow."

"Why would--" it takes Roy half a second to actually process what she's said. "Oh, shit! Yeah. Yeah, that's a genius idea! Jay, we're going to need to switch safehouses, we need a workshop."

Jason sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, acting like he's so put upon, which he undermines when he says, "the apartment under this one is already set up."

#kate bishop #hawkeye #roy harper #arsenal #jason todd #red hood #batfam #my stuff #dc brainrot #roy: what if i just....invited myself into your relationship #OR: #roy: week 5 of living with jason and kate: am i...dating you guys? #kate: oh i thought you knew #jason: so that's why you weren't putting out #kate: WOW JASON #roy: WHAT #i have read nothing with roy in it maybe like 5 pages total so this is probably ooc #literally anyone to jason after watching kate and roy do some dumbass destructive bullshit together: so you have a type #lmao i feel like roy would go out as hawkeye when kate has to go back to her universe for a while just to fuck with people #kate thinks this is hilarious and very deadpool coded of him #oliver hates everything about this btw

[alecmagnuslwb]

Love Me Tinder - @doubleredweek Day 5

Read on AO3

Roy doesn’t know why, but he’s fairly certain that Jason Todd is trying to kill him. There’s no other explanation for the scene before him. Firefighters don’t actually do this; he should know he’s been one since he decided to drop the sidekick gig at eighteen and never once before has he seen a firefighter actually wear nothing but tight-fitting jeans and suspenders while washing one of the firetrucks.

It’s just not something they actually do except maybe for the annual charity calendar which it’s nowhere near being the time for that photoshoot and no one has a camera. Well no one except those two girls he saw across the street about twenty minutes ago that were definitely not being subtle as they took a few shots he’s sure will make their way onto Instagram and then from there turn up in some tabloid later.

He can see the headline now: Bruce Wayne’s sexy ward gets wet. It’s like a bad porn he kind of wishes he was starring in.

For a brief only slightly insane moment he contemplated chasing after the two women and asking them to forward him whatever videos and photos they took for his own personal use. Luckily his logical brain took over for his horny brain before he could do anything so absurd.

Roy lets out a literal groan when Jason pauses in his work and runs a soapy wet hand through his hair the little white streak near the front being pushed all the way back.

“Go to your bunk if your gonna start making noises like that,” Dick says as he leaps up beside him twisting himself into an impossible sitting position on the picnic table out in front of the station that Roy’s been happily planted at for forty-five minutes now pretending he’s reading the book in his hand.

Haley, their own personal little firehouse mascot comes trotting out. She pushes up with her three strong legs and settles on the bench beside him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Roy says indignantly looking down at his book that he realizes now is definitely upside down. Dick chuckles clearly seeing the realization cross his face. Roy hastily flips the book right side up ignoring his best friend.

“If you’re gonna ogle at least make your decoy convincing,” Dick says reaching down and picking up Haley cradling her in his arms like a baby.

“I am not ogling your brother,” Roy huffs casting his eyes down to his book. He starts reading and realizes he has no clue what’s going on, he’s pretty sure he just kept turning pages to seem like he was accomplishing anything but daydreaming about Jason’s six pack.

“You are totally ogling my brother,” Dick says as he starts literally rocking Haley to sleep. “You should just ask him out already, I’m like 99% certain he’d say yes.”

Roy gives up on his book tossing it off to the side. The thud of it against the table disturbs Haley from her drifting slumber the small grey pup giving him a warning look. He scratches behind her left ear the way she loves in apology before looking up at Dick.

“You want me to ask out your little brother?” he says in disbelief. He always assumed Dick would be very much against the concept of his best friend and his little brother.

Dick just shrugs. “Yeah, why not? Little Wing’s been a hell of lot better off since he finally quit the whole Outlaw gig and if it weren’t for him randomly running into you that never would have happened. Your good for him and considering how lovesick you look all the time when he’s around I’d say he could be pretty good for you too.”

Three years ago on a random chilly Gotham night Roy walked his way into a hostage situation by accident, the infamous Red Hood had broken it up, but not without a little help from the former Speedy.

Jason had been grateful for the help, but behind those eyes he could also see a hell of a lot else going on. He looked tired, worn down by life. Roy knew the look well; it had hit him before he could even legally rent a car. Mostly Jason looked like he could use a friend, so Roy decided then and there to be one.

Within the year Roy knew more about Jason’s life since being brought back from the dead than even his own brother and six months after that he’d convinced Jason he didn’t have to hit the streets anymore if he didn’t want to.

Getting him the training and into the vacancy in their firehouse had been easy with Dick vouching for him as well.

“Batman might beat me up though,” Roy says leaning back and finally letting his eyes stray back to Jason who it seems has sadly finished his job. A dry t-shirt now covering his Adonis like chest, suspenders hanging at his sides.

Dick whacks him on the shoulder with a huff. “Batman will not beat you up, I’ll beat up Batman if he even thinks about it.”

Roy chuckles at that his eyes still following Jason as he talks to a few of the other guys.

“Okay, since you’re willing to protect me from the big bad bat I’ll ask him to have dinner or something sometime,” Roy concedes looking at Dick with a ‘does that make you happy’ face.

“Fantastic,” he says with a big grin slapping Roy on the shoulder once before tumbling gracefully off the picnic table to stand in front Roy, Haley still perfectly held in his arms. “I got a shift with the other job,” he says with a wink lifting his shirt to reveal the Kevlar of his Nightwing costume. Roy gives him a playful salute that Dick returns as he wanders over past Jason.

“Hey Jay!” he shouts as he passes him by. “Roy wants to ask you something!” And then he’s off blowing Roy a condescending kiss before he disappears into the firehouse.

Jason turns his attention to Roy those perfectly white teeth showing as he makes his way over to the bench. He sits down straddling the same side of the table where Roy sits those tight pants stretching perfectly over Jason’s thick thighs that have been the star of some of Roy’s most pleasant dreams of late.

“What’s up?” he says ruffling out his rapidly drying hair. He’s so bright, so much happier than the fatigued anti-hero Roy met all that time ago.

He’s also annoyingly handsome with his hair sticking up in an array of directions from drying in the hot summer sun. Roy thought being best friends with an absolute smoke show for years was frustrating, this is so much worse. One day he wants to ask Bruce if there’s some sort of pre-requisite that Robin’s needed to look like they’d grow up insanely handsome to get the job.

For a moment Roy pauses and considers chickening out, Dick ran off so it’s not like he can force this to happen.

The thing is Roy really wants this to happen, plus Dick will continue to stick him in situations like this if he doesn’t just bite the bullet so he takes a deep breath and the biggest leap he’s taken since he was literally jumping across rooftops.

“You want to get dinner with me some time?” he asks holding his gaze with Jason those blue green eyes of his shimmering in the slowly waning evening sun.

Jason squints one eye at him the start of a smile on his lips. “Dinner as in a date or dinner as in two friendly firefighting friends?”

Roy smiles. “While I find your alliteration fun I was thinking of it more as a date.”

Jason’s half smile grows full and he swings one leg over the bench. “Sounds great, it’s about time you asked.”

He stands and starts walking backwards eyes still on Roy’s.

“Well you could have asked me,” Roy says holding his hands up in a why not gesture.

“Pfft,” Jason says still cautiously walking backwards. “I’m way too emotionally stunted for that and you know it.”

Roy huffs out a little laugh kind of in awe that Jason had ever considered asking him out first.

“You still off shift Friday?” he asks just as Jason has one leg in firehouse the other out.

“Yep.”

“Good, I’ll pick you at seven,” Roy says catching Jason’s bright smile and nod of agreement before he disappears inside the firehouse. Roy opens back up his book with a smile starting it from the beginning knowing good and well he won’t comprehend a single word of it once again. Just this time his distraction won’t be watching Jason, it’ll be thinking about Friday.

#my fic #jayroy #jayroyweek2021 #jason todd #roy harper #writersmonth2021

[saltyslack-toast]

#Knock The Book 2: The Devil All the Time

WELL, I MADE IT TO THE 2nd BOOK REVIEW OF MINE, MEANS THAT I’M A PASSIONATE AND PERSISTENT BITCH, PERIODT. No actually I’m just bored and got really nothing to do, so here I am making judgmental, invalid and uncritical book review just to ease my guilt for doing nothing at home (just so my mom see me working through my laptop).

Okay The Devil All the Time is actually my first English book. The story of how I got this book as a matter of fact is quite irritating and funny at the same time. My uni friend, she saw this book in a modest book bazaar near her hometown. She was reading the title and the word ‘devil’ just remind her of me, she bought it and just gave it straight to me…... I’m sad but like thankful???

It’s a secondhand and hardcover book but I don’t really mind, considering the fact that the quality is still very nice though, except the worn spots stained all over the cover that make the book looks very old. My friend bought this only for RP 25.000, yes dude you’re not misread this shit, it was THAT CHEAP (whoever sell and own this book before me, I really appreciate it). Although if you want to buy the new one, you can get this book for USD 26.95 which converted in rupiah would be RP 407.500, yeah its cost pretty fancy for broke students like us and I don’t know if the book’s supposed to be available in your local bookstore but I think you can find it in worldwide shipping online store like amazon or any other shop perhaps. The book’s cover illustrate a dying white mutt hanging on the ‘log’ and bunch of cross everywhere, the cover is actually make sense when you read the book. It published in 2011 by doubleday in United States of America. The Author is Donald Ray Pollock, and you can find the sum information about his background written on the cover, but based form the book’s cover you can also check his website in donaldraypollock.com but when I checked, I’m not sure if it’s really his website since it just like pest control website (LMAOO I HAD NO IDEA FR). Anyway,

Let’s go breaking down the book!

“… Too much religion could be as bad as too little, maybe even worse, but moderation was just not in her husband’s nature”

The whole story in this book, basically give you portraits regarding the life of lunatics in the time after WWII. Nope, there is no sums up about the events happened in that moment so chill y’all non-historical enthusiast bitches. This book gonna give you a bizarre experience reading it, the first 10 pages of this book was already psychedelic, I assure that shit. Have you watched Games of Thrones series on HBO? It’s chilling right how Ned Stark, the protagonist of the main series died in the first season???? EXACTLY that was the vibes u got after reading the first chapter and get crazier every time u read forward. By the way, this book embodied 7 chapters and 55 sub-chapters, the chapter in odd and even numbers has 2 different main focuses on each characteristic exist, here I sum it up for you:

On the odd numbers chapters (1, 3, and so on), the central story of these chapters is circling among the family of Willard Russel, his Mom Emma and Uncle Earskell and also those 2 insane peeps Roy Laferty and Theodore. Willard Russel used to be a navy army and a bit skeptical dealing with religion issues just like his uncle, but his mom has always been a devoted worshiper. Willard married to the beautiful and kind-hearted women named Charlotte and they was given a son named Arvin Eugene Russel, everything was normal until Charlotte got sick and Willard gone crazy praying to god for his wife’s recovery and poor little Arvin has to suffer the predicament by his own self. Their stories always give me religious-fanaticism-gloomy vibes (is that even make sense??). Don’t even get me started with the life stories of the two brutes-ass man, Roy Laferty and Theodore they were used to be ‘preacher’ in Emma and young Willard’s Church. Nothing I could say further because it’s gonna be a major spoiler for you, but their stories really giving you insights of how frustration and fanaticism allow people to do something beyond their common sense.

“You remember what I told you the other day?” He asked Arvin

“About the boys on the bus?,”

“Well, that’s what I meant, you just got to pick the right time”

On the even numbers chapters (2, 4, and so on), the main tales is pertaining on the journey of Handerson couple, Carl and Sandy. They were like the Bonnie and Clyde but sad and exploitative version in this book. Carl is a ‘photographer’ and sandy working as a waitress in a café called Wooden Spoon (Which the place where Charlotte used to work as a waitress and the place she met Willard for the first time as well). During summertime they got this ‘ritual’ ((but not in a religious way)) where they drive to different states and give a ride to the hitchhikers found on the way, then Carl forcefully offer them to fuck Sandy for free (HIS OWN WIFE) while he took pictures of them fucking and after that Carl kill them and take all the money those hitchhikers got in their pocket (dude I can’t even judge anything). But to be honest, I’m not a fan of these two characters because they were all so ANNOYING to death. And then there is Bodecker Lee who’s a police and also Sandy’s brother, ok that’s it, I’m not gonna give you any spoilers.

“… He went down the street and sat on a bench in a park the rest of the day thinking about killing himself instead. Something broke in him that day. For the first time he could see that his whole life added up to absolutely nothing…”

You might be confused since there are quite a lot of keen characters in this book but there’s a point where all these bitches are relating to each other, so chill y’all impatient gripe-ass. Overall, the flow of the story is undoubtedly interesting for you to keep going throughout the whole story, because every phase gonna make you wondering about next things happened to them. But, the transitions among every chapters is quite uncomfortable for me, because sometimes when the story has reached its climax there is no resolutions coming to solve the problem immediately, and you’re faced to read the new chapter with a whole different setting and characters so it’s kind of ruining the vibes and emotions the book has made me, but again this just my personal preference so please don’t judge (while everything I did right now is judging inaccurately).

“He realized that he would never preach again, but that was all right. He’d never been much good at it anyway. Most people just wanted to hear the cripple play”

However, what I like the most from this book is the deepening of every character exists is so fascinating, even for just the side or supporting character (for god sake I’m sorry idk what to called a character that isn’t the main one), for example a bus driver in Meade, Ohio which Willard talked to when he was on the way home after the war ended, the narration wrapped and portraits the driver’s life perfectly without make us bored, and there’s still a bunch of interesting narration about the life of the side characters in this book that also as odds and intriguing as the main character’s background (jesus, everything happened and everyone in this book is just so strange and peculiar I swear to god). The story finished in a most tragic-beautiful but still gloomy way, even though it’s quite predictable but still a very good closing for me personally. To be noted, on the way to the end of the story, there will be emerge another asshole priest character named Preston Teagardin, ready to shake you up until you finish the book. But still, let’s said this particular ‘last minute character’ has proving that the author is paying so much attention of how the story ended isn’t leaving any 'rush-made' impression (this shit might confused you I’m sorry my English hasn’t got any better *sorry hand sign* *sorry hand sign* *sorry hand sign*). # hashtag attention to the detail bro.

Holy crap, that’s the first time I’m almost able to cut all the bullshit I intend to bring it up here.

This book is one of my top 5 books that you have to read once in a life time (although I haven’t discover the other four, omg im sorry y’all). Little information for you that the first time I read this book (yeah I read it for quite few times) is when the campaign of presidential election era, which in Indonesia the religious are pretty sentimental issues, some of the people in my country suddenly became those annoying fanatical preachers, man I can’t stand it. And this book is just precisely relating to that condition and I get to know at least a glance of what the heck odds things happened in their minds, since you know fanaticism and stupidity doesn’t hit only on particular group of religions, race, gender or anything, we can all be stupid and brainless (especially me because I basically have no brain). There probably quite many scenes that is pretty disturbing to read (I don’t know if people could be triggered by it???? But I guess so) so yeah a bit warning. Overall, I genuinely recommend this book for you guys because every element in this book is almost perfect, the storylines, bold characters, and the RARE AND STRANGE AND SENSITIVE topic promote by the author in this novel is totally a BOOM. Don’t worry reading this book not going to give you those agnostic and atheist vibes HAHA chill I still consider myself a devoted Muslim tho (hashtag masyaallah ukthi).

By the way before I wrapped it up, I hear that this book will be made into a netflix film. WELL, of course I’m excited because the casts are so amazing, and I love Netflix adaptation and I enjoy watch movies as much as I read books (again, unnecessary information of mine *sorry hand sign*). I found that the release date is postponed from the origin plan in 15th May (which is three days ago from I posted this on my page) due to I don’t know perhaps corona because that bitch has ruined everyone in the world’s schedule, but for real I can’t find the exact information regarding to the updated release date, so while you wait the film to launch, why don’t you just go read the book first? I assure you this one not gonna give you any disappointment.

I think that would be it for this 2nd rubbish book review of mine. Although, I think I made a little progressive from the first one (OR MAYBE NOT???? I’M SORRY Y’ALL) but of course there’s still much deficiency I served. Still, I hope my writing get better in the process of making this whole novel of reviewing book inaccurately. To be honest, I wrote this shit not for getting any engagements or audience but for my own satisfied HAHA. So yeah I’m literally comfortable writing for nothing. But bitch guess what I’m just gonna keep going, until I could professionally writing and make it for a living? Well, amen for that.

Xiao, See you in Advance!

#book #book quotes #bookaholic #booknerd #book review #the devil all the time #donald ray pollock #religion #review #novel #thriller #psychological #tom holland #robert pattinson #bill skasgård #sebastian stan

[experimentaldata]

When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go

A Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood fic. 2748 words. Rated T - Smoking and alcohol mentions, war mention, mild language. Set in Season 1 roughly, pre Maes-Hughes-you know what. 

6:00 PM = Ed

   It was raining again. He hated the rain.

Not as much as the Colonel, of course. It’s not like it rendered him totally useless. But losing his limbs had turned him into a human barometer. Each drop in the pressure meant that his stumps ached, and the the pain usually lasted until the weather changed. He’d woken up the night before from the pain, then slept uneasily until it was time to report for duty that morning, careful not to stir. He didn’t want Al to see how much it hurt him. Al had enough to worry about as it was. And he’d only blame himself. Ed could see the looks Al gave him when he thought he wasn’t looking. So he’d stayed still, and gotten up like he normally did, exuding only his typical amount of grumpiness. Thankfully, their day hadn’t involved a lot of moving around. They’d spent it in the East City library, reading and re-reading alchemy texts until Ed’s eyes ached almost as much as his arm and leg. Lieutenant Hawkeye had borrowed the Colonel’s car to drive them back to their hotel room, and left them with a picnic box for dinner, courtesy of the Hughes.

    Ed ate the entire crock of chicken soup and four whole wheat rolls despite himself. It had been a long day, and the warmth from the food sank into every crevice, warming him inside and out. He described the taste to Al, who added it to the “to eat after my body’s back” list. The pain receded to the background as he ate. In its absence, he felt hollowed out - the tension keeping him on alert had finally let loose. Then it hit him. The wall he had held up all day against fatigue was finally breached. That darned soup. He told Al not to wait up for him, he was just gonna finish some research in their room. And he tried, he really did. Sprawled out on the bed, his jacked and boots tossed over the chair in the corner, he willed his eyes to stay open. Just one more page. Maybe chaper 5 of Complete Biological Processes for Alchemists would have the answer. Maybe if he held his head up. Loosened his collar. Put his head on his arm. Rested his eyes just for a second.

8:00 = Al

    Al hadn’t heard from Ed in awhile. He wondered how long it would take him to fall asleep. Ed thought he could hide it, but Al knew it had been a bad pain day. He always knew. It must’ve been really bad for him to go to bed this early--usually he stayed up at least until he had eaten dessert. The double slice of cherry pie Mrs. Hughes had packed was still on the table though, next to the bottle of milk, both untouched. Al could only imagine how warm and fragrant that pie was. He scribbled a note about it in his food journal, then went to go check on his brother. As he suspected, Ed was sprawled out face-down on the bed, his head laying on his right arm. His shirt was hiked up a bit from tossing and turning, and one of his socks had fallen to the floor. Al shook his head. Sleeping with his tummy out again. And no blanket. He crossed the room softly and laid the blanket from his bed over his brother. Ed didn’t move. Out like a light, he thought.

    He sat down in the chair by Ed’s bedside. It would be nice to sleep himself. He’d almost forgotten what it felt like to fall asleep. He remembered so much about what it was like to have a body - he could imagine the taste of foods he’d tried before, the feeling of his favorite clothes and blankets, even smells he liked. Falling asleep, however, was a memory that eluded him - it was something you felt by not feeling anything, after all. But about a year into heir quest to get their bodies back, he had developed a work-around. He couldn’t sleep anymore, at least not like other people. But he could dream. It had started as small bursts of deja vu during the lonely nights he spent watching over Ed. Over time, he had figured out how to enter his memories at will each night, reliving them in a daze until he lost track of time. It wasn’t quite as good as sleeping, but it took him away from this body, and this strange place they were living, if only for a few hours. He leaned back in his chair and looked inward, calling up whatever memory his soul decided to play back for him tonight. And then Winry walked into the classroom, and those boys were teasing her, and he was telling Ed not to--

10:00 = Riza

    Riza felt like a frayed rope. The week had been meetings on top of PT exams on top of paperwork Roy forgot to file. She’d strangle that man, Colonel or not, one of these days. All he had to do was sign his name and save the both of them from a week of heartache and a note to his file. But that might get in the way of his sucking-up time. Stupid state dinners, that sort of thing, she thought with a laugh. She poured herself another ounce of bourbon and sighed. It was getting late. Black Hayate was curled up in her lap, twitching in his sleep every so often. Probably hunting rabbits in his sleep, she thought with a smile. At least one man in my life never lets me down.

    She took a long sip of her drink and sighed, letting her head sink into the back of the chair. No end in sight to all this chaos. Roy’s ambitions of becoming Fuhrer and current position as colonel meant he was forever in strategy meetings, personnel conferences, and diplomatic events. And he always wanted the hawk’s eye there to watch his back. She could read a room faster than he could blink, and their five-minute post-meeting conferences proved more useful than weeks of departmental consulting. Never mind that she had her own men to attend to, and that she was stuck cleaning up the mess after Roy was inevitably late with something, again. And he wonders why I drink, she thought. Well, that was one reason. There were other reasons why she needed help from a bottle to sleep at night. But she wasn’t going to dwell on that. No need to remember the past, in all its technicolor gore and misery. That was then. This was now. Now was a fireplace, and an armchair, and Black Hayate snoring, and her clock chiming - ten o’clock already? Better head to bed, then. Early morning PT drill tomorrow, and she had some new recruits to beat some sense into. Slowly, she peeled herself up from her chair, swaying slightly as Black Hayate jumped down off her lap. She laughed at his little sleepy whine and--was that a hiccough? Damn. She’d had more than she thought. Oh well. Her head was going to hurt tomorrow regardless. She slunk back to her bedroom, undressed down to her undershirt and threw herself into bed.

12:00 = Jean

    What a night. First the cafe, a delectable steak and an even more delectable date. Damn, he thought, flipping over onto his back and pulling the blanket up. She was so hot. His eyes danced across the void of the ceiling as he traced the memory. From the cafe to that dive bar, where she had impressed him with both the quality of her conversation and the quantity of shots she could take down. She could drink him under the table, he thought, if they were going for that. But this was a Thursday night, so they left the bar and went instead to...a dance hall. Jean wasn’t exactly sure how that had happened. But he was sure of how he felt watching her move through the crowd. She had waist-length hair that tumbled down in waves to her waist, swaying as she did in time to the music. He chuckled to himself, and kicked his feet out from under the blanket. Still feeling the warmth from that one, he thought. He hadn’t wanted that night to end. But by eleven, the weeknight crowd had started to thin out, and in the absence of its energy, their conversation had stalled. A few minutes later, he was waving sadly at the bus as she sped off to her apartment. He stumbled back to his, alone.

    He didn’t know what it was about him. Every date he had had for the past long while started out well enough. They would talk, offer a cigarette, maybe get a coffee. Something would spark. They’d go out. And at about the 6-hour-of-acquaintance mark, she’d mumble some excuse about an early morning shift, or an elderly aunt, or...he thought one girl had even made up a kid sister she needed to babysit. Regardless, they’d thank him for the lovely evening, and there he’d be. Sleeping alone, like he always did. He heard the clock in his neighbor’s apartment strike midnight. Tomorrow morning was gonna be rough, he thought. He had to report at--0400? 0430? Sometime. The lieutenant would have his head on a plate if he was late one more time. Sleep. Now. Gotta focus on not focusing, Jean. Don’t focus on falling asleep. Just let it happen. Just breathe. In and out. In. Out. in. out. in...out...

2:00 = Gracia

    Being a mom is hard work, Gracia’s mother had told her. She remembered it well. That day when they had finally made it to her family’s hometown, six months after they found out they were going to have Elysia. Her mom had thrown a big party at her childhood home, and invited all the surrounding friends and relations to stuff themselves on her home cooking and wish the newlyweds well. Gracia joked that she was trying to make everyone as fat-looking as she was to save face. Her mom had just laughed. And that’s when she told her, her eyes blinking back proud tears, how hard it was to be a mom, and how proud she was that Gracia was going to be one. It was one of her favorite memories of her mother. Her mother lived just long enough after that to see her granddaughter one time, on her first birthday. Three generations of her family were under the same roof, for the first and last time she could remember. It was heavenly. With her mother there, it seemed like nothing could go wrong.

    What she wouldn’t give for some of that magical mom power right now, she thought. She could see Elysia’s outline in the doorway, lit from behind by the hall nightlight. Somehow she had woken up right as her daughter crossed the threshold of their room, though she couldn’t hear anything over Maes’ snoring. Must be that special sixth sense moms get. Elysia had thrown up, it turned out. Her little face was stained with tears. She had tried to clean it up herself with her blanket, then stood in the doorway until mommy woke up. She knew she would. She was right. One set of fresh sheets, a warm washcloth, and a changed nightgown later, and her baby girl was tucked into bed again. She looked up at her mother and tugged at her sleeve. Would mommy sleep with her tonight? Gracia sighed. Between the kicking, the stuffed animal tossing, and the sleep talking (she inherited this from her father), sleeping with mommy meant mommy not sleeping much at all. But those brown eyes looked up at her, and Gracia melted the same as she did the first time she saw them. Yes, mommy will sleep here tonight. And now, installed in the toddler bed with her daughter’s feet planted in the small of her back, there was nowhere else she’s rather be.

4:00 = Pinako

    Old age changes a person. It used to be, Pinako thought, shifting to her left side, that she could just look at a bed and fall asleep. A lifetime of hard work will do that to you. She had proudly worked her way through four years of uni, two more of automail training, and another two of apprenticeship without ever missing a night. Early mornings were when she got her best thinking done, anyway. And that’s how it had been for the past forty years. But as she neared seventy, things were changing. She slept fitfully now. Every small noise might wake her up, even the ones she was used to. Tonight, it was the dog barking at heaven only know’s what. She muttered some choice words and eased herself off of the bed. Better go shut that dog up before he wakes up anyone else.

     She found the dog on the porch, holding the freshly-killed mouse he had caught in his mouth. More like a cat, that one was. Well, it was good for him to earn his keep. She patted him on the head and sat down in her rocking chair. She had left her pipe on the end table beside it. Hmph. Getting forgetful in her old age as well as sleepless, she thought. She tamped down the bowl and lighted her pipe, blowing a test smoke ring out into the starry night sky. Yep, still got it. She smiled contentedly and smoked for awhile, the dog curled at her feet. It was quiet out here. A light breeze whispered in the apple trees her and Yuriy had planted so long ago. The pipe got a little too warm, so she set it down and just rocked for a while. Maybe I should just stay out here tonight, she thought. Not like I was getting much sleeping done inside. It was going to be time to get up in a few hours, anyway. Just stay here, keep rocking. Let the wind blow. Stay quiet. Be still. Rock back. And forth. and back. and forth.

6:00 = Roy

    Ishval. All he ever thought about these days was Ishval. The rain wasn’t helping. He had been stuck inside going to meetings all week. Mind-numbing stuff. This is not why he’d signed up to be a state alchemist. All these meetings and paperwork were getting in the way of...what? Sometimes, if he was being honest, Roy didn’t really know. At first, the path had been clear. Take this job, accept this assignment, fill out these forms. Drag yourself through enough mud, they’d assured him, and your gilded cage was waiting for you at the end. So he had, in central command, then at Briggs, and then - Ishval. There were some things you just couldn’t unsee, things that played out again and again on the blank wall you were staring at, trying desperately to put out the fires in your mind so you could sleep.

    Tonight, it was the hospital camp they had taken, early on in the conflict. His superior officer assured him that the wounded were to be taken alive, as prisoners, unless absolutely necessary for the safety of their men. The position they held was valuable, and wounded Ishvalans didn’t pose much of a threat. But of course there’d been complications. It was an ambush. The rebel troops burst at them from all directions, and the order was given to light up the camp. Together, he and Kimblee had reduced the entire area to ash and rubble. They’d celebrated that victory that night, bits of wheelchairs and stretchers littering the ground around their bonfire. Another victory like that might have killed him.

    Roy rolled over to his other side and willed himself to close his eyes. He hadn’t slept a wink all night. Make that the past three nights. Damn, this rain had to stop. He could hear it pattering merrily on the windowsill outside, mocking him. He felt so useless in the rain. Lately, he’d felt useless anywhere. What was this all even for? What was he trying to do? Could a country like Amestris really be saved? Could it come back from the brink of destruction? Could it ever atone for Ishval?

    Just as his mind had given up trying to solve that conundrum, he jerked awake. His clock struck 0600. Time to get up.

#Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood #FMA:B #Edward Elric #Alphonse Elric #Riza Hawkeye #Jean Havoc #Pinako Rockbell #Yuriy Rockbell #Roy Mustang #Fanfiction

[margridarnauds]

I actually don't know *exactly* what you ship but 1 - 5 and 9 - 13 for whatever your 1789 ship is since I haven't seen it yet and don't know much about it, I jsut like soft HCs

HARD SAME on That Soft Shit

So, Royal Officer Who is Also a Part Time Parrot/Peasant Whose Father He Tried To Arrest For Tax Evasion (and who was killed in the attempt WOOPS)

As a word of warning: Canon has been bent forward, backward, and sideways to support this one, since at least 98% of the 1789 fandom is dedicated to nothing if not figuring out new and inventive ways of twisting canon to our own diabolical ends. 

1. Who makes the first move and how?

Ronan. Always Ronan. Probably via tackling. Like, it’s 100% canon to the Takarazuka that this is how he kisses: 

There is no helping this boy. He might think that he’s being smooth and suave, but no. There is NOTHING smooth or suave about this disaster. The good news is that there’s nothing ELSE that could get Lazare to take the inevitable hint. Things Lazare de Peyrol is good at: Strategy, shooting things, giving the 18th century equivalent equivalent of powerpoint presentations on how to shoot unarmed civilians, stomping in place. 

Things Lazare de Peyrol is NOT good at: Actually thinking that the peasant boy he’s been awkwardly trying to flirt with is interested in him sans a 20 page paper with citations. 

“The fuck is this? The fuck are you?” (Also: I REALLY need to remake this gif one day but until then, enjoy it in all its low-quality splendor.)

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

Both of them have their reasons to be insecure. I think that both of them, on some level, always think that the other will choose their side over them. On one hand, Lazare feels really, really insecure that Ronan will eventually choose the other revolutionaries, especially since they all have more in common and Ronan spends more time with them. And, on some level, I think that Lazare is fully aware of what he did to Ronan’s father, what he’s continuing to do with the Revolution, and so there’s this kind of BAFFLEMENT that Ronan loves him. And, meanwhile...there’s not a LOT that’s mentioned about Lazare’s upbringing in-canon, of all of the main cast, he tends to get very little in the way of what we KNOW about him, a lot of the speculation that I do is pure projection/speculation. I do think, however, that there’s enough evidence, at least in the French version, to indicate that Laz was pushed into the army from a young age by his family. Again, not CANON canon, but there are a few lyrics that could indicate it, and there were a LOT of aristocratic officers at this time (Off the top of my head, I can bring up Lafayette and the Marquis de Sade), who got into it when they were about 14. So, Lazare’s never really HAD the stability of a home/family life, and I think there’s this constant dread that it will be pulled out from under him. 

 Meanwhile, it has to sink into Ronan’s mind at some point that Lazare, unlike him, actually CARES about what society thinks. Lazare isn’t interested in creating a brand new, shiny world, he wants to succeed in the old one. And that means keeping things behind closed doors, marrying someone with a comparable pedigree, doing what’s expected.

As far as what makes them feel better...Ronan’s continued presence is a biggie for Lazare. Like, there’s that worry that one day, Lazare will come back to an empty room because Ronan’s changed his mind, but nope, there’s his boyfriend, sprawled out on their bed, and as soon as he gets in, Ronan’s right there, pulling him closer. And also, even though Lazare gets IRRITATED with Ronan’s “Brave New World” speech from time to time, given that Ronan seems blissfully oblivious to what is going to HAPPEN with that Brave New World (namely, the extinction of everything that Lazare’s known), there’s SOMETHING about the fact that Ronan always mentions that BOTH of them will be there. Ronan started the Revolution for the purpose of revenge against him, but he’s going to end it so that he can create a world where they’ll be together. And despite everything else, that’s oddly soothing, to the extent that sometimes (just sometimes), Lazare likes to imagine what that new world could be like. 

Meanwhile, I think that Ronan sometimes is completely taken aback when Laz DOES go that extra mile and shows affection. Like, they’ll be having dinner together and he’ll catch Laz doing a half-smile at something he’s just said, or Laz will take his hand and press a kiss to it, and it’s suddenly like “Oh. Oh. He really does. Like me, doesn’t he?” And it’s moments like those where he realizes that Lazare really IS committed to this one, he just has a different way of showing it. 

3. Who is the most romantic?

Popular belief would say Ronan, because he’s the one who’s most outwardly expressive. He’s the one who tends to initiate cuddling, he’s the one most likely to regularly say “I love you,” etc. BUT! Lazare is the one most likely to remember some minor detail that Ronan mentioned once just so he could surprise him with a present, he’s the one who tends to do more quiet, intimate gestures (hand kissing, forehead kisses, etc.) and he’s the one who tends to look at Ronan like he hung the stars when he thinks Ronan’s not looking. And it’s more dramatic coming from Lazare because he ISN’T a natural romantic, he tends to think this kind of thing through. 

I just realized there’s a very distressing lack of French 1789 gifs on my computer and that needs to be amended soon, but THIS? Is how Laz tends to look at Ronan in the Takarazuka. (Ignoring the caption since I added it. Even if it’s accurate.)

Keeping in mind that THIS tends to be his default expression: 

“Hello, my name is Lazare and I’m dead inside. I have three emotions, one of which is ‘homicide,’ another of which is called ‘Ronan Mazurier,’ and another of which is called ‘I haven’t had enough morning coffee for this.’” 

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

Ronan. He’s always trying to figure out ways to touch or cuddle with Lazare. If he could, he would totally sit on Laz’s lap all the time in lieu of a semi-decent seat. He tends to “accidentally” manage to get his hands underneath Lazare’s shirt when they’re cuddling or just...tugs him closer. It’s not like Ronan’s ever really been in a situation where privacy was the NORM, since he’s a peasant. You have to figure that all his life, he’s slept at least three to a bed.

Lazare will never admit how much he actually loves it, because he’s been so touch starved all his life that he NEEDS that. 

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

With Ronan “most embarrassing” is a very interesting term, since he’s.....Ronan. He’s the EMBODIMENT of “disaster, chaotic gay/bi.” There’s “That time that the illegal press that he was helping run was raided by the police, causing Ronan to go through the sewers. Shortly thereafter, he *mysteriously* gets a new coat.” There’s “That Time Ronan Initiated a Dance Off In Front of Laz’s Boss, Who Happens to be the King of France.” There’s the first time they met, where Ronan more or less called Laz a bitch to his face and got into a fist fight with him. And then, there’s That One Time Ronan got called out by the Queen’s favorite governess and shipped off to the Bastille. Bonus for the Takarazuka and Toho productions, where he’s ALSO hella drunk/hungover at the time. Modern AU Ronan would get hurt after slipping on the floor while dancing to Baby Shark (dododododo). There’s just...never a dull moment. 

Meanwhile, it’s a longstanding headcanon of mine that Lazare tends to pace back and forth. This is not in and of itself embarrassing, I say as a chronic pacer. What IS is when his boyfriend catches him mid-pace, making gestures and facial expressions to go along with an imaginary conversation in order to prepare for an audience that he’s not had yet. 

10. What two songs, two books and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

Ronan: Baby Shark (Dodododododo) (No, I’m never NOT going to be on my bullshit with this one) (Lazare regrets allowing him it, but there’s very little that Lazare can ultimately deny him), he can’t read in-canon but in a modern AU I GUESS something that’s

Lazare: Two Steps From Hell - Nero 

(Historically, if it was at all possible, it would be a duel between Richard mon Roi and Ah, Ça Ira)

Neither one of them’s a big reader, but I can see Lazare taking along, like, a copy of the military regulations. And maybe a copy of Pamela if he’s worried he might suffer from insomnia. And honestly, in a modern AU, I can see Ronan taking, like, a pulpy gay romance novel about an innocent peasant being seduced by a wicked count. He does dramatic readings of the steamiest bits. Lazare rolls his eyes and turns over in their shared hammock. 

Luxury items: Lazare NEEDS his work computer. He doesn’t even need wifi, even though it’s obviously IMPORTANT; he just needs to be able to do his work. There are times Ronan thinks Laz would MARRY his work computer if he could. Also he and Ronan can BOTH agree that water filtration is essential. They are NOT going to die of something easily preventable.  

11. What do they hide from one another?

Lazare suffers from traumatic nightmares, and it’s something that he REALLY does not like to talk about, at all, mainly because he considers them to be humiliating. (Just like he really doesn’t like to talk about what CAUSED aforementioned nightmares.) Ronan eventually is able to coax him to talk about it and can usually get him to go back to sleep. 

Ronan has been known to tone down just how bad he’s hurt, either intentionally or unintentionally (”I’M ALRIGHT. Oh fuck, I’m not alright. Fuck.”) He tends to call Lazare out on “mother-henning” him when he thinks that Ronan has so much as a scratch on him. (Which is ironic given that we KNOW that if Ronan ever found out that Lazare got hurt, he would make over him just as much if not more.)12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

Suddenly the stakes become REAL. Like, the Revolution VS the Monarchy conflict really starts to come into play, as they both start to kind of realize that one of them might not survive this. Suddenly, Ronan’s little tendency to get himself into trouble is something that causes a HUGE amount of anxiety for Lazare, because suddenly Lazare realizes that if Ronan doesn’t come back, he won’t be nearly as fine with that as he’d been pretending. Because Lazare’s life rests on stability, and somehow, without him realizing, Ronan had become that source of stability. And suddenly, Lazare’s devotion to the Royal Family becomes even more frustrating for Ronan, as he has to think that every time there’s violence in the street, “That could be Lazare.” He started with the Revolution in order to get revenge on Lazare for he did to his father (”Hello, my name is Ronan Mazurier. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”) but then when the situation FINALLY turns around so that Lazare could actually go down, there’s this sudden “OH SHIT.”

13. When do they realise they should get together?

I mean, in the French version of Maniaque, there’s a Very, Very Interesting place where Lazare goes from using the “vous” form of you on Ronan, indicating a high degree of formality and separation that’s almost TOO polite given their social statuses and that then switches over to a “tu” form. Shortly after male dancers dance homoerotically on stage. Because it’s a French musical. So, in terms of the canon material...........I would say that’s a very good indicator. I kind of like the idea of Maniaque as a back and forth between the two of them, with both of them kind of getting under each other’s skin with their responses. It’s fairly common to read it as Lazare-As-Interrogator, Ronan-As-Plucky-Revolutionary reading, and that’s probably what the writers INTENDED, but...it’s so much more fun imagining them both coming in with this high level of tension and mutual hatred and ending it on a much more uncertain territory. 

Personally, since we’re dealing with HEADCANONS though, I actually tend to put them actually realizing that there’s SOMETHING when Ronan arrives at the printing shop and no one even ASKS about where he’s been for the last month and then he has that argument with the Revolutionary Bros. Like, as a warning, this is totally outside the realm of any canon evidence, but I tend to see Lazare as very, very stressed when Ronan escapes and in my own AUs he totally helps him escape because it’s the only reasonable explanation for where the FUCK Ronan’s been staying all this time, and Ronan is at this point where his faith in the Revolution’s at an all-time low, and he realizes that Lazare is the only one who really...CARED about whether something happened to him. 

#long post #peyronan #otp: he would be troubled if you died on him #reydiogaga

[rubixa-seraph]

11 Questions About Me

Tagged by @gentle-outlaw

Sorry this took me a while to get to! Mobile sucks!

1. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the 3rd line on that page? 

Kurt nodded.

- Halo; Ghosts of Onyx

I’m totally not done reading this book because I keep playing video games instead.

2. What is your happiest memory and why?

I am... having a very hard time answering this question. It’s not that I haven’t felt happy before, but there is nothing that I can remember so pointedly to be the “happiest.” I am generally happiest when I have good food that I want, so it might as well be any time I am eating food that typically comes out a bit expensive. It’s not good because it’s expensive; it’s expensive because I’m poor.

3. Do you have any OC's (for fanfiction or totally original)? If so, describe them or if you have more than one, describe your favorite one!

[[MORE]]

I do and I can’t just describe one without the other. Through some manner of world building and RP and various factors, one character became two...

Roy King and Evan King are effectively a set of twin characters, though originally one was a “copy” of another. I stick them into a lot of fan content for fun but they do have their own standalone little world bubble I’ve built where they have an original setting.

Roy is the elder brother, typically stern, demanding, and somewhat testy. He is very closed off and trusts very few with his emotions, and in any given new relationship being established, he expects the other party to prove themselves to him, first, before he will extend his goodwill in kind. He takes loyalty very seriously, thus he is picky about who he will trust; and if you deliberately backstab him, you’ll be sorry. Across different settings, Roy is often represented with the motif of bugs, especially that of bees/hornets/wasps and also the scorpion. Sweet and giving of what he has when he trusts you, and a downright bastard when angered or agitated... and depending on the setting setting he’s in, he chooses lethality as a means to deal with traitors. In his original setting, he is a fae war-king of a fictional fae court that is a fae imagining of honey-bee fae. The war-king part is that he is the strongest offense and defense of the Hive, and the Queen is the only one that holds sway over him.

Evan King is the younger twin. Instead of being more withdrawn, he wears most of his emotions and his heart on his sleeve. He’s a bit of a romantic, and it shows. He’s also one to walk away from most troubles instead of contesting against them, but he can still get snarky and profess his dislike before crossing any lines. Many a time he has to focus on preventing Roy from actually trying to follow through on a threat or a fight. Across different settings, Evan is often represented with motifs of birds, especially that of the legendary Phoenix. Bright, somewhat elusive, resilient and positive after conflict even if it still had hurt him, and focuses a lot on healing others, especially his brother. He’s also a bit of a daring troublemaker and a kleptomaniac (with boundaries.) In his original setting, he’s an avian “god” (patron) whose two major traits are treasure-collecting and a perchance to adopt stray youths. Bring him “offerings” or gifts (even actions of goodwill) and he leaves no debt unpaid to you. He is good with children, if not a bit coddling.

4. Who is your all time favorite fictional character and why?

It’s hard to think back on this but I would say Roy Mustang from FMA. It’s a bit hard to describe but the hero worship is strong. Though never explicitly explained in the manga itself, he stood out among his peers, not just from skill alone, which he had gained through blood and sweat both, but also that he certainly did not look to be of the same race as the majority of Amestrians you see. As someone who is Asian growing up in America, this character meant a lot to me just for the nature of him existing in the position that he had, with the burdens that he had; and the perseverance was something that I hung on to.

5. What do you find yourself thinking about the most?

How tired I always am and how I’m always in need of looking for a distraction. Also I want tea and cake and pastries and yummy food... I grew up a bit wealthy before my family fell apart so I catch myself often missing the luxuries that I had. I know it makes me sound terrible but look... I miss it, okay? It was a part of my life growing up but then all the lies my family fed me came crumbling down and that wasn’t my fault...

6. Look out your nearest window and describe what you see!

It’s still super early in the morning. It’s cloudy today. I see the back parking lot of the gas station across from my apartment. Cars are going to and fro for the morning commute to work, and there is a garbage collection truck pulling in near the dumpster.

7. What makes you feel nostalgic?

Piano music. A long time ago I was a pianist; concert level. I performed on stage, small and local as they were. But my family didn’t want me to actually pursue music. What a waste of my talents...

8. You have two hours left on earth, how do you spend them?

Eat good food. Okay, I might have stress eating issues...

9. What's your favorite sound?

I could have so many different answers to this but the sound that really gets me grinning on the inside is that low-toned whistle someone does when they are impressed at something cool or awesome. The context matters; something interesting has to have happened for that sound to be pleasant for me. (Thinking back to “Hellsing Ultimate” when Alucard fought Luke Valentine.)

10. What was the first fandom you were involved in?

I guess it was digimon.

I can’t say I truly had a great time being there and I’m glad I have stepped away from it now.

11. Describe your idea of a perfect day!

On a good day I would wax poetic but... I’m very very tired today.

I want a warm cup of milk tea and a lazy day in bed while playing my favorite MMO and listening to a podcast of a guy with a good narrative voice read classic short stories. Which is exactly what I’m going to do today after a good nap. :)

I tag: @apurplemoth @squeakybat

Questions:

1. Favorite art technique that you do, or favorite thing(s)/part(s) to draw.

2. A skill you would like to learn?

3. Anything you like to study the most at your leisure?

4. Favorite childhood picture book?

5. Every been on a plane or ship/boat?

6. If you could be something not-human, be it animal or mythical creature, what would you envision yourself being?

7. Favorite constellation?

8. Preferred toppings on a pizza? (I won’t judge; I do white sauce with sausage, mushrooms, and pineapples OR cranberries, so...)

9. A song that comes to mind this very moment, on whim.

10. Preferred fashion for yourself?

11. A character you really like at the moment, and maybe why?

#rubixa-seraph #ask #tag

[tessatechaitea]

New Titans #114

This is it! The last regular issue of this comic that I own!

I guess the changing of the guard leaving Arsenal in charge was the last straw for me. Or maybe the last straw was that Pantha's tail hole on her shorts never ripped so that I could see her butthole. One of those two reasons is definitely why I stopped buying this comic though. This issue is called "24 Hours" which makes me think of Gaiman's The Sandman which makes me think, "Why the fuck am I rereading this shit when I could be rereading that shit?!" Oh wait! I actually know the reason for this! It's because these Titans comic books were stored in a big old regular sized moving box that I wanted to get out of the way! Also I've reread The Sandman and I've never reread this. And since I'll be fifty in a little over two years, I should probably get all of the stupid time-wasting bullshit ideas out of my head now. Any writing projects I can't finish by the time I'm fifty, I'm abandoning. At that time, I'll just make up new ones that will only entertain me and a few other people. So if I've ever said anything in passing about something I was going to do, like finishing the Goggles Futures End story or my Fantastickal Fuck-Fighting Books, you'd better get your vote in now! The issue begins at midnight with Changeling getting his ass beat by a dark silhouette who claims Changeling promised to "end her living days." I don't know who that might be or why this is happening. With Zero Hour beginning right around this time, my comic books might become complete nonsense. I just have to hope the comic books involved in that non-crisis-labeled crisis will have "Zero Hour Tie-in" labels on the front. I probably don't understand what's going on in this one because Marv Wolfman is being artsy. And fuck if I know anything about art! I read comic books for a reason, people! At 1:10 AM, Starfire flies around wondering if Earth is really her home. Yes, it takes six panels for her to ask that question. But she's also being artsy in a poetic way! She uses phrases like "scarlet sea" and "delicious nectar" and "golden skies." It's almost as if somebody scoffed at Marv Wolfman when he mentioned he wrote comic books earlier in the week and he thought, "I'll show them!" Then he was all, "Hey! That issue by that new kid Gaiman was kind of artsy! It had those clocks that showed what time it is and the whole thing took place in only 24 hours and it was all filmed in real time although with all the cuts from one character to another, why did it even fucking matter? Oh wait, it's only 1994! I don't know who Jack Bauer is yet!" At 3:36 AM, Pantha breaks into somebody's apartment. Supposedly it's the person who changed her from a person into a cat or from a cat into a person. But it isn't so Pantha gets to scream in existential angst which is the only cathartic release available to those of us who know nothing has any meaning and all of our clothes need to be tailored so the tail can stick out of them. At 4:10 AM, Dick Grayson proves he's a master of disguise by first being unrecognizable and then being unrecognizable in a different way.

A true master of disguise! He's already showing hints of his ability to be Agent 37 of Spyral.

Notice how the panels are all wonky in the previous scan? I'm sure Marv Wolfman put a note in the script to the artist: "We're being artsy this issue! Art it up!" At 5:20 AM, we finally learn what happened to Deathwing. I don't mean we get an explanation of what Mirage did to him and why he doesn't have testicles anymore. We just see that he's making an appearance so that the audience can go, "Oh, that fuckbunny isn't dead? Great." The silhouette from earlier has dragged Changeling into Deathwing's bachelor pad. She's still just a dark profile but she mentions that Changeling is probably strong enough to accept her seed so it must be Raven. I guess being a demon from a dimension of empaths means you don't learn about the birds and the bugs. Unless this answers a question I'm sure I asked much earlier! Changeling can turn into a female version of any species! And Raven squirts semen because, well, she's Trigon's daughter. At 6:05 AM, Arsenal goes jogging with Bill Clinton. Clinton messes up Sergeant Steel's plans to manipulate the Titans into working for the government by telling Roy that he wants the Titans to be completely independent but he hopes that they'll work with the government. This plot point feels like Marv worked himself into a story arc that he didn't want to pursue any more. It's not like the DC Universe needed another team working on behalf of the U.S. government. At 6:15 AM, Garfield Logan finally gets laid.

Okay, maybe he doesn't get laid. But he definitely comes in his pants.

Do you think Marv Wolfman was in the shower when he thought, "Comic books have 24 pages. There are 24 hours in a day. Hey! I should steal an idea from Neal Gaiman!" At 7:43 AM, Nightwing crashes through a skylight. Just like Batman taught him! I can hear Bruce now: "Good job, Dick! Now they'll have to call Wayne Skylight and Window Repair! Another payday for the Batman!" At 9:00 AM (Eastern Time, Planet Earth, Sol System), Jarras Minion of some planet in the Alpha Centauri system watches his entire race disintegrate before his eyes. Probably a symptom of Zero Hour! At 10:05 AM, Nightwing declares, "I'm not a doctor! I just feel like a doctor!" It's his philosophical explanation for why he doesn't use lethal force. It totally makes sense because Nightwing still punches the shit out of people just like how doctor's love to give shots and cut people open. At 11:20 AM, Changeling begs to remain a virgin. He escapes but he has some missing time so he might also be pregnant. I guess I'll never know unless he starts showing in 24 hours! Or I'm curious enough to go buy some back issues. Ha ha! That was a joke! I have no curiosity. Page 12 is noon, of course! Nightwing has lunch with a detective because Dick Grayson had the fear of Alfred beaten into him about sitting down promptly at noon for the midday meal. Twenty-four hours for Dick Grayson went like this: 9 PM - 4 AM: Risk life with grown ass adult man in bat costume. 4 AM - 8 AM: Sleep. 8 AM - 9 AM: Waffles. 9 AM - 12 PM: Training. 12 PM - 1 PM: Cucumber sandwiches. 1 PM - 5 PM: Study time. 5 PM - 6 PM: Tea. 6 PM - 9 PM: Try to evade Bruce and Alfred as Dick finds a quiet spot to masturbate. At 1:30 PM, Roy has coffee with Steel. The government's final offer to the Titans: the government gives the Titans the Terraist's satellite, an Earthbound base, and money to pay off any lawsuits against the Titans and in return, the Titans promise to consider missions for the United States. What a terrible deal for the government! The Titans can just turn down every mission and the United States gets nothing for their investment. There must be a loophole. Steel reminds Roy, "You gotta decide fast!" As if it wasn't the easiest deal in the world to say yes to! At 2:25 PM (Eastern Time, Planet Earth, Sol System), Jarras roleplays Kal-el's early days. As his world is destroyed (along with some visiting Darkstars), Jarras escapes in a pod called the Omegadrone. It's both an escape pod and a weapon! I don't remember the character Minion at all. Probably because this was the last Titans comic I read for decades. At 3:55 PM, Wolfman reveals that Red Star has taken a job as a mall security cop. And I guess a babysitter as well since Baby Wildebeest is hanging out with him. At 4:10 PM, Roy Harper signs the contract with the government even though he knows it's going to blow up in his face. Fucking leftist comic book writers, portraying the United States government as underhanded, manipulative bastards who don't give a shit who they hurt to get what they want! At 5:20 PM, a bunch of Darkstars are killed by the rainbow spiral that destroyed Jarras's planet. The populace of the planet had been bred to be passive. So I guess the moral of this story is that hippie beatnik pacifists are only asking for trouble. Fucking right wing comic book writers! Well, at least Jarras has learned the lesson that peace is for dead people. The Omegadrone will teach him how to get revenge. At 6:03 PM, Roy thinks he's going to get Wally West to join his government Titans team but he's really going to get Impulse. I know that because I looked at the future roster of this team: Arsenal, Damage, Impulse, Mirage, and Terra. No wonder I stopped reading it! At 7:32 PM, Nightwing takes a shower. Naked! I know that's how most people take showers and I probably didn't need to emphasize it but he also jerks off so maybe I should have started with that.

DC canon: Dick Grayson jerks off thinking about puns.

And after he finishes.

At 8:54 PM, Dick Grayson turns in his resignation to Roy Harper. He's officially off the Titans! Good riddance, ya dumb jerk! If that even is you. Try looking more like Dick Grayson next issue, Dick Grayson! At 9:20 PM, Red Star, Pantha, and Baby quit the Titans as well. Then they go on a romantic road trip which DC apparently didn't publish. There's an advert in this issue for a Green Arrow story arc called "Cross Roads" that the copy compares to Knightfall and which nobody fucking remembers (probably!) but DC never published a Red Star/Pantha team-up?! No, they were right. Just as I was typing that, I was thinking, "Fuck, I would never have purchased that shit." At 10:10 PM, Changeling agrees to stick with the Titans. But he's full of Raven's disgusting seed, so he'll probably just turn on them immediately. At 11:05 PM, Dick and Kory break-up. But not in person! Dick waits for her to arrive to a dinner where he can dump her but Kory knows better and just flies into outer space. I don't remember what happens with her but it's probably super boring. I'm sure she goes home, fights with Blackfire, fights some Gordanians or whatever dumb race always enslaved the Tamaraneans, and then remembers why she moved to Earth in the first place. At midnight, Phantasm arrives to lead Harper and Logan into Damage #6. And then into Titans Zero Hour! Oh. So I guess I do have one more issue of this story arc to read: New Titans #0. I also have a Titans Elseworld Annual in the stack. Plus a Team Titans Elseworld Annual and one more Team Titans issue. And finally, before I can totally move on, Deathstork #0! New Titans #114 Rating: C. The one hour per page gimmick really helps Marv Wolfman clean up a bunch of loose ends to get the Titans ready for a big group change in Zero Hour. Plus he was able to shove in the Minion origin story (which was really just Superman's origin). And I usually give the art a pass even when it's not very good (and I often ignore it when it's great!) but holy Lobo's bulging crotch, it was fucking terrible this issue. It was so bad that I'm not even going to remember who the artist was so that I don't have to feel embarrassed for them.

#New Titans #Teen Titans #DC Comics #DC #Comic Book Reviews

[dailybail]

How to Get Useful Data From Losing and Inconclusive A/B Tests

A/B testing is crucial to developing a robust digital marketing strategy. However, not all tests result in valuable data. 

What do you do if a variation you thought would rock ends up flopping? Or what if your test results are inconclusive? 

Don’t throw in the towel just yet!

There’s a ton you can do with inconclusive or losing A/B testing data. We’re going to cover how to put that information to good use—but first, let’s cover why A/B testing matters in digital marketing.  

Why A/B Testing Is Crucial to Digital Marketing Success

A/B testing helps marketers understand the impact of optimization methods. For example, it can show how changing an ad headline impacts conversions or whether using questions in titles drives more traffic. 

A/B testing provides hard data to back up your optimization techniques. This allows marketers to make better business decisions because they aren’t just guessing at what drives ROI. Instead, they’re making decisions based on how specific changes impact traffic, sales, and ROI. 

How Do I Know If I Have a Losing or Inconclusive A/B Test? 

After running an A/B test, you’ll see the results in your own data dashboard (such as Google Analytics) or in the testing tool you use. 

Optimizely, a popular A/B testing platform, provides data in an experiment results page, which tracks each variation, number of visitors, how many people completed a specific action, revenue, and other metrics. 

The example above shows variation number one had fewer visitors but drove 5 percent more revenue, making it a clear winner.

Other times, the numbers might be much closer. An inconclusive test might mean the numbers are less than a percent off, or neither variation got any traffic at all. 

When your tests don’t have enough data or if the numbers are too close, they are considered inconclusive or statistically insignificant.

Then, use these tips to make the most of your data. 

6 Ways to Leverage Data From Losing or Inconclusive A/B Testing 

You’ve run your A/B tests and are excited to get the results. Then, something unexpected happens: The variation you expected to win performs worse! Or you find the variations don’t actually impact the metrics you are tracking at all.  

Now what? Don’t assume your test failed. There are plenty of steps you can take to leverage that data. 

Try Something Really Different 

Inconclusive test results could mean your variations are too close. A/B testing can help you see if a small change (like using red versus green buttons) impacts conversions, but sometimes those tiny tweaks don’t have much impact at all. 

Remember that you may need to run the test with several similar variations to see what caused the change. 

Rather than getting discouraged, consider it an opportunity to try something totally different. For example, change the page layout, add a different image or take one away, or completely revamp your ad, asset, or CTA. 

Analyze Different Traffic Segments 

So, your A/B test came back with almost identical results. Does that mean nothing changed? Maybe not. Rather than looking at all the data, try segmenting the audience to see if different people responded differently. 

For example, you might compare data for:  

new versus returning customers 

buyers versus prospects 

specific pages visited

devices used

demographic variations

locations or languages

Overall, your test might be inconclusive. However, you might find specific segments of your audience respond better to certain formats, colors, or wording. 

You can use that information to segment ads more appropriately or create more personalized ads or content. 

Look Beyond Your Core Metrics 

Conversions matter, but they aren’t everything. You might have hidden data in your losing test results. 

For example, you might find conversions were low, but visitors clicked to view your blog or stayed on the page longer. 

Sure, you may rather have sales. However, if visitors are going to read your blog it means you’ve connected with them somehow. How can you use that information to improve the buying process? 

Say you run two variations of an ad. If one variation drives massive traffic, and 30 percent of visitors from that variation convert, this could mean more revenue. Obviously the winner, right? 

Not necessarily. Take a glance at your “losing” ad to see if it drove less traffic but had higher conversions, for instance. If you’d only been looking at traffic and outright revenue, you might not have noticed the second ad works better statistically, if not in rough numbers.

Now, you can dig into the data to find out why it drove less traffic and use that to improve your next set of ads. 

Remove Junk Data

Sometimes tests are inconclusive not because your variations were terrible or your testing was flawed, but because there’s a bunch of junk data skewing your results. Getting rid of junk data can help you see trends more clearly and drill down to find crucial trends.  

Here are a few ways to clean up junk data so you can get a clearer understanding of your results: 

Get rid of bot traffic. 

If you have access to IP addresses, remove any from your company IP address. 

Remove competitor traffic, if possible. 

Also, make sure to double-check tracking tools you use, such as URL parameters, work correctly. Failure to properly track testing can skew the results. Then, verify that sign-up forms, links, and anything else that could affect your data are in working order.

Look for Biases and Get Rid of Them

Biases are external factors impacting the results of your test. 

For example, suppose you wanted to survey your audience, but the link only worked on a desktop computer. In that case, you’d have a sample bias, as only people with a desktop will respond. No mobile users allowed.

The same biases can impact A/B tests. While you can’t get rid of them entirely, you can analyze data to minimize their impact. 

Start by looking for factors that could have impacted your test. For example:

Did you run a promotion? 

Was it during a traditionally busy or slow season in your industry? 

Did a competitor’s launch impact your tests? 

Then, look for ways to separate your results from those impacts. If you can’t figure out what went wrong, try rerunning the test. 

Also, take a look at how your test was run. For example, did you randomize who saw which versions? Was one version mobile-optimized while the other wasn’t? While you can’t correct these issues with the current data set, you can improve your next A/B test. 

Run Your A/B Tests Again 

A/B testing is not a one-and-done test. The goal of A/B testing is to continuously improve your site’s performance, ads, or content. The only way to constantly improve is to continually test. 

Once you’ve completed one test and determined a winner (or determined there was no winner!), it’s time to test again. Try to avoid testing multiple changes simultaneously (called multivariate testing), as this makes it hard to see which change impacted your results. 

Instead, run changes one at a time. For example, you might run one A/B test to find the best headline, another to find the best image, and a third to find the best offer.

Losing and Inconclusive A/B Testing: Frequently Asked Questions

We’ve covered what to do when you have losing or inconclusive A/B testing results, but you might still have questions. Here are answers to the most commonly asked questions about A/B testing. 

What is A/B testing?

A/B testing shows different visitors different versions of the same online asset, such as an ad, social media post, website banner, hero image, landing page, or CTA button. The goal is to better understand which version results in more conversions, ROI, sales, or other metrics important to your business. 

What does an inconclusive A/B test mean?

It can mean several things. For example, it might mean you don’t have enough data, your test didn’t run long enough, your variations were too similar, or you need to look at the data more closely. 

What is the purpose of an A/B test?

The purpose of an A/B test is to see which version of an ad, website, content, landing page, or other digital asset performs better than another. Digital marketers use A/B testing to optimize their digital marketing strategies. 

Are A/B tests better than multivariate tests?

One is not better than the other because A/B and multivariate tests serve different purposes. A/B tests are used to test small changes, such as the color of a CTA button or a subheading. Meanwhile, multivariate tests compare multiple variables and provide information about how the changes interact with each other. 

For example, you might use multivariate testing to see if changing the entire layout of a landing page impacts conversions and which changes impact conversion the most. 

What are the best A/B testing tools?

There are a wide range of testing tools based on your needs and the platform you use. Google offers a free A/B testing tool called Google Optimize. Paid A/B tools include Optimizely, VWO, Adobe Target, and AB Tasty.

You may also be able to run A/B tests using WordPress plugins, your website platform, or marketing tools like HubSpot.    

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Conclusion: Make the Most of Losing or Inconclusive A/B Testing  

A/B testing is crucial to the success of your online marketing strategy. Whether you focus on SEO, social media, content marketing, or paid ads, you need A/B testing to understand which strategies drive results. 

Every A/B test is valuable—whether your new variation wins, loses, or is inconclusive, there is important data in every test result. The steps above will help you better understand your A/B testing results so you can make changes with confidence. 

Have you used losing or inconclusive A/B testing before? What insights have you gathered? 

from Blog – Neil Patel https://ift.tt/3v6aaTO via https://neilpatel.com

[lilymycatherine]

HOW MUCH DO YOU READ?

Harvard Business Review,  Neil Pasricha author 

1. Centralize reading in your home. Back in 1998, psychologist Roy Baumeister and his colleagues performed their famous “chocolate chip cookie and radish” experiment. They split test subjects into three groups and asked them not to eat anything for three hours before the experiment. Group 1 was given chocolate chip cookies and radishes and were told they could eat only the radishes. Group 2 was given chocolate chip cookies and radishes and were told they could eat anything they liked. Group 3 was given no food at all. Afterward, the researchers had all three groups attempt to solve an impossible puzzle, to see how long they would last. It’s not surprising that group 1, those who had spent all their willpower staying away from the cookies, caved the soonest.What does this have to do with reading? I think of having a TV in your main living area as a plate of chocolate chip cookies. So many delicious TV shows tempt us, reducing our willpower to tackle the books. Roald Dahl’s poem “Television,” says it all: “So please, oh please, we beg, we pray /go throw your TV set away / and in its place, you can install / a lovely bookshelf on the wall.”Last year my wife and I moved our sole TV into our dark, unfinished basement and got a bookshelf installed on the wall beside our front door. Now we see it, walk by it, and touch it dozens of times a day. And the TV sits dormant unless the Toronto Blue Jays are in the playoffs or Netflix drops a new season of House of Cards.

2. Make a public commitment. In his seminal book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Robert Cialdini shares a psychology study showing that once people place their bets at the racetrack, they are much more confident about their horse’s chances than they were just before laying down the bet. He goes on to explain how commitment is one of the big six weapons of social influence. So why can’t we think of ourselves as the racehorses? Make the bet on reading by opening an account at Goodreads or Reco, friending a few coworkers or friends, and then updating your profile every time you read a book. Or put together an email list to send out short reviews of the books you read. I do exactly that each month, with my Monthly Book Club Email. I stole the idea from bestselling author Ryan Holiday, who has a great reading list.

3. Find a few trusted, curated lists. Related to the above, the publishing industry puts out more than 50,000 books a year. Do you have time to sift through 1,000 new books a week? Nobody does, so we use proxies like Amazon reviews. But should we get our reading lists from retailers? If you’re like me, and you love the “staff picks” wall in independent bookstores, there’s nothing as nice as getting one person’s favorite books. Finding a few trusted, curated lists can be as simple as the email lists I mentioned, but with a bit of digging, you can likely find the one that totally aligns with your tastes. Some of the lists that I personally like are: Bill Gates’s reading list; Derek Sivers’s reading list; and Tim Ferriss’s list, where he has collected the recommendations of many of his podcast guests.

4. Change your mindset about quitting. It’s one thing to quit reading a book and feel bad about it. It’s another to quit a book and feel proud of it. All you have to do is change your mindset. Just say, “Phew! Now I’ve finally ditched this brick to make room for that gem I’m about to read next.” An article that can help enable this mindset is “The Tail End,” by Tim Urban, which paints a striking picture of how many books you have left to read in your lifetime. Once you fully digest that number, you’ll want to hack the vines away to reveal the oases ahead.I quit three or four books for every book I read to the end. I do the “first five pages test” before I buy any book (checking for tone, pace, and language) and then let myself off the hook if I need to stop halfway through.

5. Take a “news fast” and channel your reading dollars. I subscribed to the New York Times and five magazines for years. I rotated subscriptions to keep them fresh, and always loved getting a crisp new issue in the mail. After returning from a long vacation where I finally had some time to lose myself in books, I started realizing that this shorter, choppier nature of reading was preventing me from going deeper. So I canceled all my subscriptions.Besides freeing up mindshare, what does canceling all news inputs do? For me, it saved more than $500 per year. That can pay for about 50 books per year. What would I rather have 10 or 20 years later — a prized book collection which I’ve read and learned from over the years…or a pile of old newspapers? And let’s not forget your local library. If you download Library Extension for your browser, you can see what books and e-books are available for free right around the corner.

6. Triple your churn rate. I realized that for years I’d thought of my bookshelf as a fixed and somewhat artistic object: There it is, sitting by the flower vases! Now I think of it as a dynamic organism. Always moving. Always changing. In a given week I probably add about five books to the shelf and get rid of three or four. Books come in through lending libraries in our neighborhood, a fantastic used bookstore, local indie and chain stores, and, of course, online outlets. Books go out when we pass them to friends, sell them to the used bookstore, or drop them off at the lending library. This dynamism means I’m always walking over to the shelf, never just walking by it. As a result, I read more.

7. Read physical books. You may be wondering why I don’t just read e-books on a mobile device, saving myself all the time and effort required to bring books in and out of the house. In an era when our movie, film, and photography collections are all going digital, there is something grounding about having an organically growing collection of books in the home. If you want to get deep, perhaps it’s a nice physical representation of the evolution and changes in your mind while you’re reading. (Maybe this is why my wife refuses to allow my Far Side collections on her shelf.) And since many of us look at screens all day, it can be a welcome change of pace to hold an actual book in your hands.

8. Reapply the 10,000 steps rule. A good friend once told me a story that really stuck with me. He said Stephen King had advised people to read something like five hours a day. My friend said, “You know, that’s baloney. Who can do that?” But then, years later, he found himself in Maine on vacation. He was waiting in line outside a movie theater with his girlfriend, and who should be waiting in front of him? Stephen King! His nose was in a book the whole time in line. When they got into the theater, Stephen King was still reading as the lights dimmed. When the lights came up, he pulled his book open right away. He even read as he was leaving. Now, I have not confirmed this story with Stephen King. But I think the message this story imparts is an important one. Basically, you can read a lot more. There are minutes hidden in all the corners of the day, and they add up to a lot of minutes.In a way, it’s like the 10,000 steps rule. Walk around the grocery store, park at the back of the lot, chase your kids around the house, and bam — 10,000 steps.It’s the same with reading.When did I read those five books a year for most of my life? On holidays or during long flights. “Oh! A lot of downtime coming,” I’d think. “Better grab a few books.”When do I read now? All the time. A few pages here. A few pages there. I have a book in my bag at all times. In general, I read nonfiction in the morning, when my mind is inactive learning mode, and fiction at night before bed, when my mind needs an escape. Slipping pages into all the corners of the day add up.

Happy reading. Neil Pasricha thinks and writes about failure, resilience, happiness, trust, and gratitude. He is The New York Times bestselling author of six books,  including The Happiness Equation and The Book of Awesome, which have sold more than a million copies and have spent more than 200 weeks on bestseller lists. He hosts the award-winning Top 100 iTunes podcast 3 Books with Neil Pasricha, where he’s on a fifteen-year long quest to uncover the 1,000 most formative books in the world. He gives more than 50 keynote speeches a year at places such as TED, SXSW, and Google. Visit him online and get his book recommendations at Neil.blog.

#skill

[sempiternalsandpitturtle]

Professional email writing tips and tricks (+ examples)

If you’re looking for ROI in your digital marketing strategies (and who isn’t?), then email needs to be a part of your plan.

Email is arguably the most important form of communication in business today, and the right email marketing strategy can pay big rewards in terms of engagement, lead nurturing, conversions and other key metrics. In fact, 73% of marketers say that email is the best digital channel for generating tangible ROI.

To really capitalise on email marketing’s potential, you need to craft compelling and engaging professional emails.

Take a page from these examples and follow their professional email writing tips and tricks.

6 professional email writing tips:

Start with an attention-grabbing subject line

Use a conversational greeting

Keep it short and sweet

Balance style and tone with your target audience

Give a warm farewell

Don’t forget your email signature

1. Start with an attention-grabbing subject line

Let’s be honest, the vast majority of recipients are not going to open your marketing emails.

The average open rate for email marketing campaigns is a paltry 17.9%.

You can boost your odds, however, by crafting a subject line that actually resonates with your target audience.

People have become pretty discerning when it comes to quickly spotting emails that are relevant to them and those that can be swiftly sent to the trash folder. If you come on too strong at the outset, you’ll find yourself in the latter camp.

Subject lines should be concise and to the point.

Get a little too verbose in your email subjects, and the whole thing won’t even appear in the recipient’s inbox.

There is such a thing as too much brevity, however. If a sales prospect can’t get a good sense of what the body of an email contains just by reading the subject line, then they probably won’t open it.

Welcome to the 82.1% of unopened emails.

Your subject lines should offer something valuable to the reader.

Maybe it’s advice on how to solve a common problem in their industry or a special discount on your products – whatever it is, the recipient should feel that they’re about to get something in return for opening your email.

Another approach to crafting engaging subject lines is to pique your audience’s curiosity.

Thought-provoking headlines are more likely to intrigue recipients and can improve your open rates. The key is to not give too much away up front. If the subject line tells the reader everything they need to know without even having to open the email, then why bother clicking on it?

It’s all about finding that happy medium between telling your audience what they need to know up front and giving them a compelling reason to keep reading.

Whatever you do, stay away from gratuitously clickbait subject lines. No one is going to take you seriously if you resort to those kinds of tactics.

2. Use a conversational greeting

Arguably the biggest mistake people make with any kind of professional writing is to veer too hard into formality.

Professional does not equal stuffy.

If you want to come across as genuine, you’re going to have to ditch the “Dear {blank}” greeting.

I know, I know, everyone and their grandmother were taught to open any letter or email with “Dear”. but it comes across as incredibly stiff in the age of the emoji.

Kicking off a professional email with a simple “Hi” shows customers and prospects that it was actually written for them by a real person who didn’t pick up all of their business writing etiquette pointers back when typewriters ruled the world.

If you want to get even more conversational, “Hey” works too. Some people might find that a little too familiar, so as always, know your audience.

There are some instances where you’ll want to drop the greeting altogether.

Certain newsletter templates don’t really require an intro because they speak for themselves or lean on graphics to tell their stories. Take this example, for instance – we began the email without a greeting, but let the visuals grab the reader’s attention:

If you’re not sure what your target goes by – for instance, “Mike” vs. “Michael” – it might be better to lose the greeting and avoid calling them by the wrong name. It’s a simple mistake, but all of your efforts to come across as casual and friendly could blow up in your face if you get it wrong.

3. Keep it short and sweet

Of the approximately 196 million emails that get sent every day, only 20% are actually opened.

With those odds, just getting your sales prospects to click on your emails should be a win, right?

Measuring the success of your email campaigns by open rate is kind of like judging your content marketing strategies on the basis of organic site traffic alone. All it really tells you is how many people saw your content. What it won’t tell you is if they actually paid attention to it.

That’s why many industry experts view click-to-open rate (CTOR) as the best email marketing metric to use. That’s not to be confused with your click-through rate (CTR), which measures how many recipients actually clicked through some element of your email. CTOR is similar to CTR, except it’s limited to the people who opened your email rather than the total number of recipients. It’s a bit more granular and focused on the effectiveness of your email messaging.

In 2018, the average CTOR was just 11%, which actually represented a dropoff from the previous year.

So, of that original 20% who opened your email, only 11% actually clicked on a link or otherwise engaged with the content.

Now, I’m not a maths whiz, but that doesn’t sound great.

You don’t have a lot of time to make an impression – good or bad – on your audience. Assume that if nothing catches their eye within a second or two, they’ll delete your email without giving it a second thought.

That means you have to keep your emails short and punchy.

Don’t bury the reader with an info dump or bore them with a bunch of deep analysis – save that for your whitepapers. You have to get in, make your mark, provide some actionable next steps and get out of there.

Take a look at how Airbnb approaches asking a customer to take a survey and give some feedback on their recent experience.

There isn’t a single ounce of fat on that message.

It’s personalised, and it has a clear message with a direct ask. There’s even a clickable CTA to make the next steps as easy as possible.

Consider what matters most to your audience and deliver a message that speaks directly to it.

Make every word and phrase count.

You’re going for maximum impact, so don’t waste a single precious moment of your audience’s time or attention.

4. Balancing style and tone with your target audience

Digital communications beg for a looser, more conversational tone, but you don’t want to overdo it. Finding the right balance with a breezy, informal style while maintaining a professional demeanor is key.

If your email is littered with grammar and punctuation errors, your audience won’t take you seriously. That just makes you – and your brand – look sloppy and inattentive.

Getting too cutesy with emoticons, GIFs, emojis and slang is another cardinal sin of professional email writing.

Remember that scene in “Lethal Weapon” where Murtaugh raps with his kids at the dinner table? That’s how cringey it is when marketers try to imitate Gen-Z text messaging and work fire emojis and YOLOs into their emails.

Of course, the other side of the spectrum is just as bad.

Stilted language and flowery prose has no place in a marketing email – that is, unless you want your prospects and customers to think you’re some 1950s tweed-jacket-wearing college professor.

There’s a pretty simple trick to finding the right balance and nailing a conversational tone:

Read your email out loud.

Does it sound natural? Could you see yourself actually saying the same thing to a co-worker or friend?

If it’s awkward to say out loud, it’ll read that way in an email too.

The more natural the style and tone of your email message, the more personalised it will seem. You want the reader to feel like every email has been carefully crafted specifically for them. That’s a lot easier to do with a more playful, conversational tone.

5. Give a warm farewell

Ending a professional email can be tricky, but a lot of people probably don’t give that much thought to it. They might use the same canned sign-off with every email, regardless of context or circumstance.

That’s too bad, considering it’s your last chance to leave a memorable impression. To come so far only to bungle things in the final moments would be a real shame.

The old standby, “Sincerely,” can work in some situations, but it’s a little formal for many tastes. Same goes for “Best Wishes or “Best Regards.” “Cheers” seems to be pretty popular these days, but it’s almost a cliche at this point.

If you’re asking something of the recipient, even if it’s just to reach out with any questions they might have – ending the email with a simple “thanks” can do wonders.

In fact, emails that close with some variation of thanks – i.e., “thanks in advance” or “thank you” – are more likely to receive a response than any other sign-off.

One thing to keep in mind is to switch things up if you are going back and forth with a prospect or client. Spamming “best wishes” over and over again in your responses is not going to come across well.

6. Don’t forget your email signature

You don’t really have time or space in the body of your email to explain your role in your organisation and how people can get in contact with you. That’d just be wasted email real estate.

Email signatures are a simple way to give recipients the most pertinent information about yourself:

Your name.

Your company.

Your job title/position.

How to reach you – email address/phone number.

You don’t have to reinvent the wheel here. The whole point is to deliver the most essential details in the most compact package.

Knowing how to write a professional email is an important skill for any marketer to have. Whether you’re sending out brand newsletters, following up on qualified leads or working with a vendor, finding the right way to present yourself and your brand is essential.

Do you have some can’t-miss email writing tips of your own? Drop some of that marketing wisdom in the comments below!

from http://bit.ly/2n14ICY

#content marketing

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Fantasy and Adventure New Releases, 27 April 2019

Fighter jocks, secret conspiracies, elemental academies and Cleopatra’s tomb all feature in this week’s roundup of the newest releases in fantasy and adventure.

Alt-Hero: Q #1: Where We Go One – Chuck Dixon and Helix Haze

When federal agent Roland Dane is sent to Peru to escort a U.S. Cabinet member, he has no reason to believe his assignment is connected in any way to his Treasury team’s recent bust of a ring of amateur counterfeiters. But when the Secretary of State and his entourage is unexpectedly attacked and the subsequent news reports of the attack bear no resemblance to the events he witnessed, Dane is forced to confront the shocking discovery that nothing in his world is quite what it appears to be.

Alt★Hero: Q is an incendiary comic series that explores the mysterious phenomenon of QAnon. Set in the Alt★Hero universe, the story is written by The Legend Chuck Dixon, the co-creator of Bane and the most prolific author in the history of comic books.

The Earth Awakens (Elemental Academy #2) – D. K. Holmberg

Having passed his first test at the Academy, most believe Tolan has proved he belongs. Only Tolan knows the truth: that his shaping required power from the borrowed bondar—and possibly from the elementals themselves. If he can’t find a way to shape without one, he’ll be expelled from the Academy.

When he intervenes to stop another attack on the city, he once again finds himself in the middle of the battle between Terndahl and the Draasin Lord. Worse, because of his continued reliance on the bondars, he begins to fear he might be responsible for releasing elementals.

Another test approaches. For him to remain at the Academy, he must find real power within himself, but a greater challenge distracts him. With increased attacks on the city, Tolan might be the only one to know what they’re after—and how to stop them.

Lions of the Sky – Paco Chierici

Sam Richardson is a fighter pilot’s pilot,i a reluctant legend with a gut-eating secret. He is in the last span of his tour as an instructor, yearning to get back to the real action of the Fleet, when he is ordered to take on one last class—a class that will force him to confront his carefully quarantined demons.

Brash, carefree, and naturally gifted, Keely Silvers is the embodiment of all that grates on him. After years of single-minded dedication, she and her classmates can see the finish line. They are months away from achieving their life-long dream, flying Navy F/A-18 fighters. They are smart and hard-working, but they’re just kids with expensive new toys. They’re eager to rush through training and escape to the freedom of the world beyond, a world they view as a playground full of fast jets and exotic locales.

But Sam knows there is a darker side to the profession he loves. There is trouble brewing in the East with global implications. If they make it past him they will be cast into a dangerous world where enemy planes cruise the skies over the South China Sea like sharks, loaded with real weapons and hidden intentions.

The Lost War – Karl Gallagher

It was supposed to be a weekend of costumed fun. Instead these medieval historical reenactors are flung into a wilderness by magic they don’t understand. They must struggle to survive and deal with monsters who consider them prey . . . or worse.

“Karl Gallagher’s first production, the Torchship Trilogy, was good enough so that I read and reread it. He has now turned his hand from science fiction to fantasy.” – Professor David D. Friedman, Professor, Santa Clara University, also known as Duke Cariadoc of the Bow, KSCA, OL, OP, founder of the Pennsic War.

“Highly recommended for those who enjoy watching a group fighting for their own survival on a sticks-and-stones level of technology in a brand-new world which has magic (and to make it more interesting some in the group are becoming magic users themselves)!”–Amazon Reader Review

The King’s Enemies (The Henchmen Chronicles #5) – Craig Halloran

In the final inning Abraham must shut the enemy out or die.

The invasion begins with an enemy the likes the people of Titanuus have never imagined. Armed modern weaponry, diabolical forces muster at the Kingsland border wall, while savage barbarian forces called the Gond, secretly lay siege upon the House of Steel.

With the Crown of Stones incomplete and the king slipping into madness more treachery bears fruit as former alliances are broken and old enemies rise again.

Outgunned and overmatched, Abraham Jenkins, must use his wits and sword to bring the enemy down before the curtain closes and he is trapped dead or alive in Titanuus forever.

Savage Sword of Conan: The Original Marvel Years Omnibus Vol. 1 – presented by Marvel Comics

Crom! This inaugural volume ushers in Marvel’s line of definitive Savage Sword of Conan collections. Full-color covers, letters pages, pinups, extensive articles and reviews on Conan, his world and his creator -everything’s included just as no one is spared the vengeance of Conan! After the breakout success of Conan’s color comic, Marvel brought the legendary sword-and-sorcery saga of Robert E. Howard’s hero to its black-and-white magazine line. In lushly illustrated novel-length adventures with all the drama, violence and allure the comic book medium can off er, writer Roy Thomas and Marvel’s greatest artists craft a host of Conan classics like Barry Windsor-Smith’s “Red Nails” and John Buscema’s “Black Colossus” and “A Witch Shall Be Born” featuring the infamous Tree of Death are just the beginning!

COLLECTING: SAVAGE TALES (1971) 1-5; SAVAGE SWORD OF CONAN (1974) 1-12, SPECIAL (1975) 1

Tomb of the Queen (Jo Bennett Archaeological Mysteries #2) – Kristi Belcamino and Nick Thacker

Jo Bennett, fresh off her incredible discovery of a temple full of snakes hidden in an Arizona desert cave, wants to answer the question that’s been plaguing her for her entire life:

Where is Cleopatra’s tomb?

She’s idolized Cleopatra since she was a girl, following in her mother’s footsteps. Now she has the career and education to back her up, as well as her small team of close friends.

But she’s not the only one looking for Cleopatra…

And whoever finds her first will control a fortune, as well as something even more sinister…

Uncanny Collateral (Valkyrie Collections #1) – Brian McClellan

Alek Fitz is a reaper, a collection agent who works for the supernatural elements of the world, tracking down debtors and solving problems for clients as diverse as the Lords of Hell, vampires, Haitian loa, and goblins. He’s even worked for the Tooth Fairy on occasion. Based out of Cleveland, Ohio, Alek is the best in the game. As a literal slave to his job, he doesn’t have a choice.

When Death comes looking for someone to track down a thief, Alek is flung into a mess of vengeful undead, supernatural bureaucracy, and a fledgling imp war. As the consequences of failure become dire, he has few leads, and the clock is ticking. Only with the help of his friend Maggie—an ancient djinn with a complex past—can he hope to recover the stolen property, save the world, and just maybe wring a favor out of the Great Constant himself.

It’s a hell of a job, but somebody’s got to do it . . .

A Witch in Time (The Halflife Chronicles #5) – Wm. Mark Simmons

Years back, a blood transfusion with a member of the undead left Christopher Cséjthe a half-vampire. Since that time, he’s gone mano y monster with zombies, werewolves, master vampires, and creatures from the Cthulhu Lagoon—not to mention an immortal Nazi, an ancient Babylonian demon, a six-thousand-year-old necromancer, voodoo queen Marie Laveau, the mad monk Rasputin, and a couple of the Great Old Ones.

As founder of After Dark Investigations, he’s seen his fair share of the seedy side of the supernatural world. He’s saved New Orleans from total destruction in the past. And lost his family to another temporal realm. To add insult to injury, someone cut the gas line of his SUV and then ran over him with a semi-truck while he tried to get a tow. But this is the third time Chris has died.

It’s old hat at this point for him. Now, awakened in a world he doesn’t quite recognize, he’ll have to use his wits to once again keep the supernatural world at bay. INTERPOL is interested in some of his associations with Vlad Drakul’s grandson—better known as Dracula—and a trio of witches from Greek myth want him dead—and for good this time.

Bad enough. But what’s worse is that the IRS is looking into his tax returns and not at all liking what they find. Now that’s really terrifying.

Fantasy and Adventure New Releases, 27 April 2019 published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames