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wolfjackle-creates · 1 year

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Bring Me Home, Chapter 2 Part 1

First, Previous

Story Summary: Tim Drake and Danny Fenton meet online as precocious preteens with far too much internet freedom due to parents who are far too interested in their work to monitor what their kids are getting up to. They bond and don't bother keeping secrets from each other about their vigilante lives.

This chapter wasn't supposed to exist. I was supposed to end the first chapter with the last segment I shared then jump ahead to the point where Tim helps Danny escape. But I couldn't get the idea of Tim and the Young Justice team ending up in Amity. I mentioned the idea to @britcision who asked if I really couldn't find a way to fit it in. And that was followed up by a night of insomnia due to bad life decisions regarding caffeine. And thus I figured out how to make it work.

This is going to be a longer segment! I've been wanting to share something a bit longer for a week or two and then I hit the 250 follower mark, so now I have an excuse to do so! (I totally would've shared regardless of a notable follower milestone.)

Word Count: 4.8k

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Tim was in the pilot seat of the plane, but had it set with autopilot and was facing the back where Conner and Bart were arguing over what to have for dinner. He and Cassie exchanged grins and he pulled out his phone to text her and ask if she was up for sushi just to throw a third option out there and make the argument worse when the computers all started beeping as the plane wobbled.

Dropping his phone, he turned back to the controls. The computers had failed and the plane was losing altitude fast. Tim pulled up on the steering, trying to keep the plane from nosediving into the ground.

“What’s going on?” shouted Conner.

“I don’t know!” Tim grit his teeth. “Plane failure, we’re going down!” he warned. Examining the landscape before them—mostly open plains thankfully—he held the steering steady as he aimed for land empty of buildings and roads.

“I’ll break the door,” called Conner.

“Superboy, lock the steering in this position!” ordered Tim.

“Done!”

Tim abandoned his seat and ran to the door, reaching it just as Conner tore it open. Without hesitation, Tim jumped out, Conner’s arms around him a moment later holding him in the air.

Next to them, Cassie had hold of Bart who was grinning as he showed off the bags he’d rescued before their escape.

From their place in the air, they watched as the plane crashed in a fiery disaster.

“Do we check it out or do we run in the opposite direction?” asked Cassie.

Tim wanted to run without leaving any trace of who’d been flying the plane. But… “We have to make sure the fire doesn’t spread. And make sure there’s nothing incriminating in the crash. But I want you or Wonder Girl on recon and we’re out of there as soon as first responders get close.”

“You’ve got it,” said Conner in his ear.

And a few moments later, they were on the ground facing the wreckage that was their plane.

“You know,” said Bart, “We probably didn’t have to steal the plane when we left. Had anyone tried to use it to escape, they wouldn’t have gotten very far.” He tossed one of the bags their way and Conner caught it. “But look at what I saved!”

Tim leaned over to see as Conner opened the bag. Right on top was the cellphone he’d dropped when the plane started to fail. He laughed and grabbed it. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t turn on for some reason. Deciding to deal with it later, he looked at what else was in the bag: his and Conner’s civvies. “You’re the best, Impulse!”

Bart held out a second bag to him. “And this is as much of the evidence I could get to. The last bag has mine and Wonder Girl’s belongings.”

Tim pulled him into a hug. “I don’t know what we’d do without you.” Letting him go, he turned to the burning plane. “Now, let’s take care of this.”

Over the next hour, they managed to contain the wreckage and put out any fires. No local authorities ever came out to investigate the site.

“Where the hell even are we if there’s no one around?” asked Conner. “Even back at Ma and Pa’s someone would’ve been here in, like, ten minutes.”

Tim just shrugged. “I’ve no idea. Somewhere in Illinois. But I don’t like this. Let’s see if we can find the nearest town. Make sure everything’s okay. Wasn’t there a highway just south of here? Impulse, mind checking it out and seeing if you can see any signs pointing us to a local town or city?”

“You’ve got it, Rob!” said Bart with a salute before disappearing.

Tim had barely opened the last bag to see what else Bart had saved before he was back.

“You’re right about Illinois! Saw a sign. A town called Elmerton is east of us and a town called Amity Park west.”

Tim froze. “Amity?” he asked. His mind already spinning away. Danny had mentioned tech sometimes went wonky near Amity due to the interference of ectoplasm. Could that be what had happened to the plane? And Danny had mentioned their town was so small they didn’t have much of a police force. A large explosion would probably be assumed to be a ghost and be left to Phantom or the Fentons…

“Yeah. Do you know it?”

Tim laughed. “Yep! I’m friends with the local hero. He knows both of my identities. Let’s go pay him a visit. Civvies will be best. I’ve told him more about you as my friends than my teammates.”

The others exchanged hesitant glances. Cassie was the one to speak. “You talk about us to him? Why haven’t you mentioned him?”

Tim shrugged. “He and I don’t really keep secrets from each other. And I’m sure I’ve mentioned him. Remember when we were trying to settle on a movie last week? I suggested the reboot Star Trek movies because Danny had been going on about them for ages and I wanted to see what had him so worked up.”

“Okay, what the fuck, Rob,” said Conner. “You need to be more obvious with these things. We thought you meant someone from your school or something. Not a fellow hero!”

Bart nodded his agreement. “Also, won’t he be mad you’re just telling us his identity?”

“Danny’s an idiot,” Tim stated. “He’s worse at keeping a secret identity than Kon.”

“Hey!” protested Conner.

“Rob’s got a point,” said Cassie as she elbowed Conner with a grin. “But, Robin, if we’re going as civilians, how will we explain the lack of transportation?”

“Easy. According to Danny, tech acts weird around Amity. Probably why the plane went down and our phones don’t work. So we’ll just say our car broke down and ask if Danny can fix it. He’s good with machinery.”

“Why haven’t you brought him into the League if the two of you are such good friends?” asked Conner, arms crossed.

Tim just shrugged. “He doesn’t want to join. The local threats he takes care of are constant enough that he can’t leave for more than a day or two. Besides, his parents don’t know and he can’t explain absences that are longer than a single night where he pretends to be at one of his friends’ places.”

“His parents don’t know?” Cassie shook her head. “I couldn’t imagine doing this without Mom’s support.”

Tim nodded. “Yeah. I’m honestly kinda worried about his living situation. So the chance to go check on him in person is something I can’t bring myself to give up. You guys don’t have to come if you don’t want to, but Danny and I’ve known each other for four years and things have been rough for him this past year since he’s gotten his powers. I need to make sure he’s okay.”

“Wait, four years?” asked Conner.

“He predates Robin?” Bart’s mouth was all but hanging open.

“I did exist before the suit, you know.” Tim stood a little taller. Usually he liked being Robin more than Tim, but he did have a life outside of the suit.

Cassie rolled her eyes. “That’s not what he meant and you know it. It’s just… You don’t talk about your pre-Robin life very often.” She grinned and Tim suddenly felt uneasy. “We are so asking him all sorts of questions about what you were like.”

“I mean… I wasn’t all that different to the current me.”

“Oh, we’ll be the judge of that,” she promised with a wicked gleam in her eye. This was going to be a disaster, wasn’t it?

“So what’s got you so worried about Danny?” asked Bart.

Tim sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “So, the deal with Amity Park is that his parents built a portal to the Ghost Zone in his basement. In the process of getting it to work, there was a lab accident and Danny got ghost powers. Don’t ask him or his friends about it. Now ghosts come through and try to attack the town and Danny stops them. Bad enough, right? But the reason his parents were building the portal is because they’re ghost hunters. They see a ghost, they pull a weapon on it and try to, and I quote, ‘tear it apart molecule by molecule.’ I don’t like the idea of Danny living there when he has ghost powers but he’s refusing to leave and I don’t have any way of kidnapping him and keeping him away.”

“You know that’s a spot on your ‘how close is Robin to going supervillain on us’ bingo card, right?” asked Cassie.

Conner elbowed her. “Not the point right now, Wonder Girl.” Then, in a whisper just loud enough for Tim to hear, he added, “Though this gets me close!” Back in his normal voice, he said, “Robin we’ll absolutely go check on your friend with you. Is there anything else we need to know?”

Tim tilted his head but decided not to address the teasing. “Don’t eat any food cooked in his house or stored in the main fridge. And try to avoid mentioning the word ‘ghost’ around his parents. They apparently will take that as an excuse to literally talk for multiple hours on the topic. It should go without saying, but his hero identity must be kept secret from his parents at all costs. His best friends and sister are the only humans who know. Though all the other ghosts know.”

“So…” start Bart, “You’re telling us that his rogues all know his identity but his parents don’t. That’s a bit of a role reversal.”

Tim laughed. “Yeah. Weirded me out when he told me, too. But he’s not concerned about the ghosts knowing. Just human ghost hunters.”

“Like his parents,” Cassie said.

“Like his parents,” Tim confirmed.

“Well fuck.” As always, Conner knew how to sum up everyone’s thoughts.

“So, do you know his address?” asked Bart.

“Nope,” Tim said, popping the P. “But we won’t need it. His house is obvious from a mile away based on what Danny’s said.”

Cassie shook her head. “Every word out of your mouth makes me more concerned and more curious.”

Tim laughed. “That about sums him up. He’s got some stories that could rival ours for ridiculous and crazy. Now, Wonder Girl, Superboy, what do you say about flying us closer to town? Then we can change and walk the rest of the way in.”

“You’ve got it Boss-man!” Conner shouldered the bag of their belongings and hugged Tim close before launching them in the air.

Cassie did the same with Bart who pointed in the direction of Amity. It wasn’t long before they could see the town.

The group landed in a small grove of trees to change out of uniform before walking along the side of the highway towards Amity.

As they were walking, Bart asked, “So why shouldn’t we eat any of the food at Danny’s? I’m hungry.”

“We’ll go and get far too many burgers and snacks on B’s dime. The food at Danny’s house isn’t safe to eat or even be around, just trust me.”

“Hey, Tim,” said Conner, “What the fuck does that mean?”

Tim just shrugged. “Look, his parents would fit in at Arkham. The rest… well, we’ll see when we get there. I only have second hand information myself and I don’t know if I fully believe what Danny says.”

“You didn’t crash the plane on purpose, did you?” asked Bart who was now walking backwards in front of him.

“Yeah, Tim,” agreed Cassie, “Sounds like you’ve been wanting to come here for a while. Convenient, isn’t it? You could’ve just asked us if we were interested in a road trip!”

Tim flushed. “Are you guys seriously accusing me of deliberately destroying evidence in a plane crash? Me?”

“Don’t worry, Tim!” Conner slung an arm around his shoulders and leaned into him. “I believe you. If you wanted to concoct an excuse to get us here, it’d be much more subtle.”

Cassie and Bart laughed as Tim grumbled about traitorous friends. Louder, he said, “Oi, watch what you say. We’re in everyday clothes.”

“Of course. And you’re not just saying that because we’re right.” Bart stuck his tongue out at him.

Tim ducked under Conner’s arm and threw a punch which Bart easily dodged. “Remember I know where you sleep!” he called out.

“Right back atcha!” replied Bart. Cassie and Conner laughed at them.

It only took them about twenty minutes to come to the outermost buildings of the town and within forty, they were in the town proper.

“Now, seriously, Tim, where’re we going?” asked Cassie looking around.

The people who were around kept giving them odd looks and Tim had no idea what they were doing to stick out so obviously.

As if echoing his thoughts, Cassie muttered under her breath, “Is it just me or are we being stared at?”

Conner replied just as quietly. “I can hear them whisper; they know we’re outsiders. What sort of town is this, Tim?”

“Amity’s been through a lot the past few months. It might be a more active hot spot than Gotham, actually. I don’t think they trust strangers right now.”

“Worse than Gotham?” asked Cassie. “Timmy, bestie, you are totally keeping secrets from us again! Not cool.”

“I’m not!” Tim protested. “Look, we just need to find Danny’s house and hope there isn’t a ghost attack before we do.”

“How often do these ghost attacks happen?” asked Bart.

“From what Danny says, something usually happens most days. But they’re generally small. Big attacks… maybe once a week? But those can take a few days to fully resolve.”

“Dude, that is worse than Gotham,” said Bart, awe in his voice. “And the local hero just takes care of it all himself?”

“Yeah. Danny Phantom seems to be pretty competent. At least against ghosts.”

Cassie let out a low whistle but decided to change the subject. “So, if your friend’s house is so distinct, what are we looking for?”

Before Tim could reply, the roar of an engine drowned him out and a giant silver-and-green monstrosity turned the corner so fast only two wheels remained on the ground. A woman in a blue jumpsuit leaned out the window holding a gun bigger than herself as she screamed about ghosts.

Around them, people took one look and ran into any door they could, slamming them shut. Conner, Cassie, and Bart fell into defensive stances.

Tim just grinned and relaxed as he watched to see what street the GAV turned down. It really was as ridiculous as Danny had said.

As soon as the noise of the Fenton’s illegal tank died down, Tim answered Cassie’s question. “We go down the same street as that vehicle. Those were Danny’s parents.”

“Are we going to the lair of super villains?” asked Conner.

“Nah, just mad scientists.”

“Tim, is this really the best idea?” Cassie had pulled out her phone and was uselessly trying to turn it on.

“We’ll need to if you want your phone fixed.”

Around them, people were starting to cautiously open doors and look out to make sure it was safe. Tim pretended not to notice the looks his friends were exchanging.

“Come on, what happened to grilling Danny about what I was like before Bruce took me in?” He really hoped the potential for embarrassing stories, of which there obviously weren’t any, would get them to stop second guessing him.

Cassie did hum consideringly. “Well, it’s not like we haven’t faced weirder. And we can hold our own against mad scientists if needed. Even without any form of communication device. Which… Tim, on a scale of an elephant noticing an ant to about to start world war three, how likely is it that your family has noticed something happened and how totally normal will their reaction be?”

Tim groaned. “Look, I’ll see if Danny can fix my phone first before we get dinner. If it doesn’t take too long, it won’t be an issue. We probably have a few hours before B does anything irreversible.”

“I have no idea how you put up with someone always in your business like that,” commented Conner.

Tim shrugged as he finally got the others to start moving in the direction the tank took. “I mean, I keep track of you guys about as closely as Bruce follows me.”

Bart laughed. “Whelp, that’s another box checked on the ‘Tim is going to grow up to be a supervillain’ bingo card!

Tim stuck his tongue out at his friends and sped up so he was walking a few feet ahead of them. Around them, pedestrian traffic started picking up again as people decided it was safe to come out again.

Bart ran up until he was walking backwards in front of Tim. “Do you really think you can outrun me?”

“I’m not trying to out run you. Just walk ahead of you. I’m the one who knows what I’m looking for.” They reached the turn and Bart kept walking straight so Tim grabbed his arm. “Like, for example, the fact that we need to turn down this road.”

A quick glance down the street proved this had to be the right place. The giant Fenton Works sign hung off one of the buildings and the monstrosity Danny referred to as the Ops Center sat precariously on the roof.

“In fact, that building that’s probably breaking every building code ever imagined is our destination. Come on! The sooner we get there, the sooner Danny can fix my phone, and the sooner we can eat.”

“He’s totally taking us to the lair of some evil mad scientists, isn’t he?” Cassie muttered.

Tim pretended he couldn’t hear her. Or Conner’s reply of “Oh, definitely. One more square and I’ve got bingo.”

“I think we need to change the rules of the game. We have winners too often. First person to a full card wins, not the first person to connect a line.”

“I hate you guys. You’re fired as my best friends. It’ll just be me and Danny from now on. I’ll run away and move here and hide in his attic and never talk to any of you ever again.”

Bart hooked their arms together. “Then we’ll just come and drag you back. Evil scientists and ghosts and creepy town or not.”

Conner walked up until he could bump his shoulder against Tim’s and Cassie ruffled his hair.

“Yep. You’re stuck with us for life at this point. No firing allowed,” she said.

Tim hid a smile as they walked the last half block to Danny’s house. And then the group just stared at the building for a minute.

“You know, after seeing this place, I don’t think I needed the warning about the food,” commented Cassie. “I’m not going to trust a single thing they try to give us.”

“If it comes from Danny or his sister, it’ll be fine. From their parents? Decline.” Tim took a breath and walked up the steps and rang the doorbell.

Voices could be heard from inside and a moment later, the door opened to reveal the largest human Tim had ever seen. And the orange jumpsuit he was wearing was so bright even Tim, used as he was to Robin colors, had to hold back a wince. Jack Fenton was smiling broadly at them.

“Welcome to Fenton Works! Who might you lot be? Would you like some fudge?” And even though his hands had been empty a moment before, he managed to pull a tray of fudge from…somewhere.

Before Tim could reply, Maddie Fenton was there, too. “Jack, let the kids speak! Welcome. Are you here for Jazz or Danny?”

Tim put on his gala-smile. “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Fenton. I’m Tim, Danny’s penpal from Gotham and these are some of my friends. We are on a road trip and were passing by and I decided I wanted to stop by to see Danny. Is he home?”

The words were barely out of Tim’s mouth before Jack was shouting with a voice loud enough to shake the windows. “Dan-o! Your friends are here!”

Maddie’s reaction was more interesting. Her brow furrowed and she seemed to mumble to herself, “Penpal? Has Danny mentioned a penpal before?” Louder, she said, “Please come on in. Danny will be right down.”

As his friends shuffled past him, they each poked or prodded Tim in some way to let him know how crazy they found the situation. Maddie shut the door behind them and the click of the door had no right to sound as ominous as a lock turning in a cell in a supervillain’s lair.

True to Maddie’s predictions, footsteps echoed on the floor above them and then down the stairs. Danny froze on the steps, though, as soon as he saw exactly who was in his living room.

Tim raised a hand and grinned. “Hey, Danny! Surprise?”

“Tim? What the—” Danny cut off the phrase with a glance at his parents. “Secrets! We’ve talked about surprises like this! What are you doing here?” And then he was running the rest of the way down the stairs and hugging Tim tightly.

Tim’s surprise lasted just a moment before he was hugging Danny back. “I don’t actually think we have had a conversation about the proper way for me to show up at your place when I ended up stranded in the area by accident with a non-working phone. I blame you, by the way.”

They pulled apart, but Danny stayed close enough that their arms brushed against each other at the slighted movement. “I can fix that for you. It’ll take about twenty minutes.” He glanced at Tim’s friends. “Each, I’m afraid.”

Cassie waved off his apology. “Fix Tim’s first. His family is the one that’ll freak out if he’s out of communication too long. It’s nice to meet you Danny, I’m—“

But Danny cut her off. “Cassie, right? Tim’s told me a lot about you. It’s great to finally meetcha! And you two must be Conner and Bart!” As he said their names, he correctly pointed at each boy.

“You’ve got it in one,” agreed Conner. “Though I’d like to open by saying anything Tim said is probably a lie.”

Danny laughed. “Even the part where he called you the coolest person he knows after Dick? Because I got that message just—”

Tim slammed his hand over Danny’s mouth. “No need to go into that right now.” He ignored the way he felt his face heating.

To his relief, Danny’s dad butted into the conversation. “Well we’re thrilled to have you kids here! Will you stay for dinner? My snoockums will be making the best chicken you’ve ever had!”

“Actually, Mr. Fenton,” said Tim before anyone else could, “Danny and I have this ongoing debate over which is better: Batburger or Nasty Burger. It’s been going on for years and I need to try Nasty Burger so he can’t use the excuse that I don’t know what I’m talking about when I insist Batburger is better.”

“Oh you are so going to eat your words,” Danny said shrugging out from under Tim’s arm. Looking to his friends, Danny asked, “Have all of you had batburger?”

Bart grinned. “Sure have! We’ll be sure to give our unbiased opinions!”

Danny laughed. “Great, because Tim sure won’t. He’ll refuse to admit how he’s completely wrong and Nasty Burger is the absolute best ever.”

Cassie shook her head. “Is it really called Nasty Burger? Why would they do that?”

“Oh someone vandalized the sign years ago and the restaurant decided to lean into it. Now, come on, I’ll fix Tim’s phone and then we can get dinner.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to eat here?” asked Maddie again.

“Yeah, mom, we’re sure.”

“How long’ll you kids be in town for?” asked Jack. “Do you have a place to stay?”

Tim shrugged. “My foster dad gave me a credit card for us to use for lodgings, food, and gas on the trip. We were just gonna find a hotel or something in town.”

“Now that just won’t do!” Maddie even covered her mouth with her hand, eyes wide in disbelief. “Neither the hotel nor the motel has any ghost shields to speak of. What if there’s an attack? No. You must stay here. Our house is the safest place in town, dontcha know.”

“Exactly!” boomed Jack. “In fact, let me show you!” He reached over and flipped what looked like a light switch, but instead of a light turning on, a siren sounded and glowing-green metal slammed over the windows. At least five hidden compartments on every wall opened revealing lasers and guns. Each of which made their own noises.

Danny tensed next to him as about a third of the weapons pointed to him and a robotic voice said, “Ghost threat detected.”

Then a girl appeared on the stairs shouting at the adults. “I’m trying to study!” It was amazing how she was able to shout over the noise of the alarm systems. “Who activated the home defense system?” And that’s when she noticed Tim and his friends.

As soon as her daughter appeared, Maddie flipped the switch back off and the weapons disappeared back into the walls, the metal retreated from the windows, and the alarms fell quiet leaving behind a normal-looking living room once again.

Behind him, Tim heard Cassie mutter, “What the fuck?”

“Who are you?” Jazz asked as soon as it was quiet.

Jack answered for everyone. “These are Danny’s friends! Tim and… sorry, I don’t think I caught the rest of your names.”

“Dad!” Danny shook his head. “Come on down, Jazz. I’ve mentioned Tim a ton. He’s my online penpal Secrets. And these are his friends: Cassie, Bart, and Conner.”

“Oh! Secrets!” She ran the rest of the way down the stairs. “It’s so great to meet you. Danny didn’t mention you coming to visit.” She shook Tim’s hand with a friendly smile.

Tim couldn’t help but smile back. “Glad to meet you, too. Danny talks about you all the time.”

And his friends were done being quiet because Bart decided to take over explanations. “Our visit was unscheduled. We were in the area and our transport and phones stopped working. Saw the sign for Amity and Tim brought us here.”

Jazz nodded in understanding. “Yeah, that happens around here. But Danny can fix your phones and car so you won’t be stranded long.”

“Yep! That’s just what I was about to do. Fix Tim’s phone then take them to Nasty Burger. I’ll take care of everyone else’s after we eat.”

Jazz nodded. “Bring me back a milkshake? I have a bit more studying to do. But, Tim! I want to get to know you better. After all, you’ve been such a large part of Danny’s life these past few years. So I’ll pull out some board and card games and we can just hang out for a bit while Danny fixes your phones.”

Tim felt his face flush again. Did Danny really talk about him that much? “Uh, yeah. Sure. That sounds great.”

“Oh. My. God. Jazz! You’re not allowed to interrogate my friends.” Danny took Tim’s hand and dragged him towards the stairs. “Come on, let’s go up to my room where I can work on your phones.”

Tim heard snickering from at least one of his friends as they followed them. But really, most of his focus was on how Danny’s hand felt cool but solid in his own.

Jazz just rolled her eyes. “It’s not interrogating, Danny. It’s getting to know someone. That involves questions!”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Conner. “No one is worse at interrogation than Tim’s dad.”

“Not my dad!” protested Tim automatically.

“Foster Dad, whatever! You know who I mean.”

Danny didn’t let go of his hand until they were in his bedroom. And once everyone, except Jazz, was in the room, he shut the door.

“Great, now that we have some privacy, let’s have proper introductions! Glad to meet you all. Do you want anything? Jazz and I have water bottles and pop cans hidden up here that are safe. And I’ve got, like, seven flavors of pringles.”

“What flavors of pop?” asked Conner.

“Coke, ginger ale, sprite, and fanta,” replied Danny.

“Can I have a sprite?”

“I’ll take a coke if it’s okay,” said Cassie.

“Fanta for me!” called Bart.

“You guys got it. Tim?”

“I’ll just have water for now.”

Danny nodded. “Give me just a sec. The fridge is hidden in Jazz’s room.”

And then the Young Justice team was left alone.

Cassie hissed, “What the fuck, Tim!”

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And there you have it! Tim and Danny's first in-person meeting. And the Young Justice's introduction to Amity and the Fentons.

If anyone has any fics, meta analyses, or whatever that focuses on the Young Justice characters, I'd love some recommendations! I've read less on them than the bats and they're shaping up to have a big part in this fic.

Tag List:

@gremlin-bot, @bonebrokebuddy, @britcision, @lady-time-lord-, @welcometosasakiworld, @akikkobara, @phoenixdemonqueen, @dolfay, @skulld3mort-1fan, @we-ezer, @markus209, @sjrose1216, @onyxlightdragon, @dragonsrequiem, @jesus-camp-the-sequel, @spidey29phangirl, @kyrianclawraith, @evilminji, @introvert-even-on-the-internet, @emergentpanda-blog, @lexdamo, @v-inari, @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit, @longlivethefallen, @undead-essence, @xye-chan, @liandrin, @seraphinedemort, @kisatamao, @schalensitzbucket, @caelestisdreamer, @runfromthemedic, @nutcase8691

#dpxdc #bring me home #tim drake #danny fenton #cassie sandsmark #bart allen #conner kent #tim's supervillain bingo card #he thinks his friends are overreacting

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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year

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The Framework is the most exciting laptop I've ever broken

From the moment I started using computers, I wanted to help other people use them. I was everyone’s tech support for years, which prepared me for the decade or so when I was a CIO-for-hire. In the early days of the internet, I spent endless hours helping my BBS friends find their way onto the net.

Helping other people use technology requires humility: you have to want to help them realize their goals, which may be totally unlike your own. You have to listen carefully and take care not to make assumptions about how they “should” use tech. You may be a tech expert, but they are experts on themselves.

This is a balancing act, because it’s possible to be too deferential to someone else’s needs. As much as other people know about how they want technology to work, if you’re their guide, you have to help them understand how technology will fail.

For example, using the same memorable, short password for all your services works well, but it fails horribly. When one of those passwords leak, identity thieves can take over all of your friend’s accounts. They may think, “Oh, no one would bother with my account, I’ve got nothing of value,” so you have to help them understand how opportunistic attacks work.

Yes, they might never be individually targeted, but they might be targeted collectively, say, to have their social media accounts hijacked to spread malware to their contacts.

Paying attention to how things work without thinking about how they fail is a recipe for disaster. It’s the reasoning that has people plow their savings into speculative assets that are going up and up, without any theory of when that bubble might pop and leave them ruined.

It’s hard to learn about failure without experiencing it, so those of us who have lived through failures have a duty to help the people we care about understand those calamities without living through them themselves.

That’s why, for two decades, I’ve always bought my hardware with an eye to how it fails every bit as much as how it works. Back when I was a Mac user — and supporting hundreds of other Mac users — I bought two Powerbooks at a time.

I knew from hard experience that Applecare service depots were completely unpredictable and that once you mailed off your computer for service, it might disappear into the organization’s bowels for weeks or even (in one memorable case), months.

I knew that I would eventually break my laptop, and so I kept a second one in sync with it through regular system-to-system transfers. When my primary system died, I’d wipe it (if I could!) and return it to Apple and switch to the backup and hope the main system came back to me before I broke the backup system.

This wasn’t just expensive — it was very technologically challenging. The proliferation of DRM and other “anti-piracy” measures on the Mac increasingly caused key processes to fail if you simply copied a dead system’s drive into a good one.

Then, in 2006, I switched operating systems to Ubuntu, a user-centric, easy-to-use flavor of GNU/Linux. Ubuntu was originally developed with the idea that its users would include Sub-Saharan African classrooms, where network access was spotty and where technical experts might be far from users.

To fulfill this design requirement, the Ubuntu team focused themselves on working well, but also failing gracefully, with the idea that users might have to troubleshoot their own technological problems.

One advantage of Ubuntu: it would run on lots of different hardware, including IBM’s Thinkpads. The Thinkpads were legendarily rugged, but even more importantly, Thinkpad owners could opt into a far more reliable service regime that Applecare.

For about $150/year, IBM offered a next-day, on-site, worldwide hardware replacement warranty. That meant that if your laptop broke, IBM would dispatch a technician with parts to wherever you were, anywhere in the world, and fix your computer, within a day or so.

This was a remnant of the IBM Global Services business, created to supply tech support to people who bought million-dollar mainframes, and laptop users could ride on its coattails. It worked beautifully — I’ll never forget the day an IBM technician showed up at my Mumbai hotel while I was there researching a novel and fixed my laptop on the hotel-room desk.

This service was made possible in part by the Thinkpad’s hardware design. Unlike the Powerbook, Thinkpads were easy to take apart. Early on in my Thinkpad years, I realized I could save a lot of money by buying my own hard-drives and RAM separately and installing them myself, which took one screwdriver and about five minutes.

The keyboards were also beautifully simple to replace, which was great because I’m a thumpy typist and I would inevitably wear out at least one keyboard. The first Thinkpad keyboard swap I did took less than a minute, and I performed it one-handed, while holding my infant daughter in my other hand, and didn’t even need to read the documentation!

But then IBM sold the business to Lenovo and it started to go downhill. Keyboard replacements got harder, the hardware itself became far less reliable, and they started to move proprietary blobs onto their motherboards that made installing Ubuntu into a major technical challenge.

Then, in 2021, I heard about a new kind of computer: the Framework, which was designed to be maintained by its users, even if they weren’t very technical.

https://frame.work/

The Framework was small and light — about the same size as a Macbook — and very powerful, but you could field-strip it in 15 minutes with a single screwdriver, which shipped with the laptop.

I pre-ordered a Framework as soon as I heard about it, and got mine as part of the first batch of systems. I ordered mine as a kit — disassembled, requiring that I install the drive, RAM and wifi card, as well as the amazing, snap-fit modular expansion ports. It was a breeze to set up, even if I did struggle a little with the wifi card antenna connectors (they subsequently posted a video that made this step a lot easier):

https://twitter.com/frameworkputer/status/1433320060429373440

The Framework works beautifully, but it fails even better. Not long after I got my Framework, I had a hip replacement; as if in sympathy, my Framework’s hinges also needed replacing (a hazard of buying the first batch of a new system is that you get to help the manufacturer spot problems in their parts).

My Framework “failed” — it needed a new hinge — but it failed so well. Framework shipped me a new part, and I swapped my computer’s hinges, one day after my hip replacement. I couldn’t sit up more than 40 degrees, I was high af on painkillers, and I managed the swap in under 15 minutes. That’s graceful failure.

https://guides.frame.work/Guide/Hinge+Replacement+Guide/104

After a few weeks’ use, I was convinced. I published my review, calling the Framework “the most exciting laptop I’ve ever used.”

https://pluralistic.net/2021/09/21/monica-byrne/#think-different

That was more than a year ago. In the intervening time, I’ve got to discover just how much punishment my Framework can take (I’ve been back out on the road with various book publicity events and speaking engagements) and also where its limits are. I’ve replaced the screen and the keyboard, and I’ve even upgraded the processor:

https://guides.frame.work/Guide/Mainboard+Replacement+Guide/79

I’m loving this computer so. damn. much. But as of this morning, I love it even more. On Thursday, I was in Edinburgh for the UK launch of “Chokepoint Capitalism,” my latest book, which I co-authored with Rebecca Giblin.

As I was getting out of a cab for a launch-day podcast appearance, I dropped my Framework from a height of five feet, right onto the pavement. I had been working on the laptop right until the moment the cab arrived because touring is nuts. I’ve got about 150% more commitments than I normally do, and I basically start working every day at 5AM and keep going until I drop at midnight, every single day.

As rugged as my Framework is, that drop did for it. It got an ugly dent in the input cover assembly and — far, far worse — I cracked my screen. The whole left third of my screen was black, and the rest of it was crazed with artefacts and lines.

This is a catastrophe. I don’t have any time for downtime. Just today, I’ve got two columns due, a conference appearance and a radio interview, which all require my laptop. I got in touch with Framework and explained my dire straits and they helpfully expedited shipping of a new $179 screen.

Yesterday, my laptop screen stopped working altogether. I was in Oxford all day, and finished my last book event at about 9PM. I got back to my hotel in London at 11:30, and my display was waiting for me at the front desk. I staggered bleary-eyed to my room, sat down at the desk, and, in about fifteen minutes flat, I swapped out the old screen and put in the new one.

https://guides.frame.work/Guide/Display+Replacement+Guide/86

That is a fucking astoundingly graceful failure mode.

Entropy is an unavoidable fact of life. “Just don’t drop your laptop” is great advice, but it’s easier said than done, especially when you’re racing from one commitment to the next without a spare moment in between.

Framework has designed a small, powerful, lightweight machine — it works well. But they’ve also designs a computer that, when you drop it, you can fix yourself. That attention to graceful failure saved my ass.

If you hear me today on CBC Sunday Magazine, or tune into my Aaron Swartz Day talk, or read my columns at Medium and Locus, that’s all down to this graceful failure mode. Framework’s computers aren’t just the most exciting laptops I’ve ever used — they’re the most exciting laptops I’ve ever broken.

[Image ID: A disassembled Framework laptop; a man's hand reaches into the shot with a replacement screen.]

#pluralistic

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lc-holy · 9 months

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Miraculous awakening Live-blog:

Originally I didn't want to watch the film because I know I'm not going to like it, but since I've seen a lot of people talking about it, I thought I'd make up my own mind.

(I watch the film in French)

Fu's voice is a little less cartoonish than in the series. But what intrigues me is who is Fu talking to? Is he breaking the 4th wall by talking to the audience?

He could also have said: "this film is a Jeremy Zag fanfic, it's not canon to the series".

So Marinette in the film is ashamed of her father? I can understand that she's a teenager, and that her father is a bit overprotective.... It's a bit cliché and déjà vu but hey.

Wow, Sabine and Marinette's discussion in the bakery... it was too weird and unnatural.

First song... it's so weird... I don't understand what's happening? We see Marinette taking a bike, going in all directions, but finally coming back to the bakery...

And I have the impression that the lyrics don't match what we see on screen? I have the impression that the song wants to show us that she's weird because she's clumsy like in the show, but at the same time she doesn't say it clearly.... I find the song lyrics too vague and empty... I don't understand what this song is trying to tell me...

Oh, Gabriel! His design is my least favorite at the moment. Mostly because of his tiny shoulders! In the series, his shoulders are broad, which gives him presence.

Oh, it's nice to see how Gabriel's clothes are made. After all, in the show, Gabriel doesn't want to leave his house and does everything by phone. I think it's nice. But the scene didn't even last 1 minute...

Alya saving Marinette was pretty good here.

So Alya likes to film people making fools of themselves? I thought her passion was journalism and superheroes! And Marinette smiling? If I were her, I'd be afraid she'd film me without my knowledge and post it on the Internet.

Well, the dialogue is awkward, but I understood what Alya meant xD

I don't quite understand Marinette's montage, which is supposed to show us her clumsiness... I don't think Marinette is all that clumsy, actually. She's supposed to be the school's disaster girl, but she hasn't done anything really catastrophic.

Wow the miraculous butterfly giving end-of-the-world flashbacks.... I wasn't expecting that.

But why is everyone laughing at Marinette! She hasn't done anything particularly embarrassing...

First interaction between Adrien and Marinette, it's pretty sweet. I can see why she has a crush on him, he's one of the first people to be nice to her (although there was Alya too, but hey). But Adrien disappearing while putting the books away! I burst out laughing. Did he run away or what? He hadn't even finished putting the books away! And the fact that he said afterwards that he found Marinette too weird? Is that why he ran away?! It makes the scene less cute...

Adrien: "I'm used to it, I work alone all the time." I don't understand why he says that? Why does he work alone? In the show I can understand, he's home-schooled, but here I don't understand what they wanted to tell us about Adrien with this sentence...

So in the film Adrien can go out whenever he wants, ok.

Fu is very strange, but it's funny. Fu giving her the ladybug's miraculous is almost the same as in the show, except that in the show fu gives her his miraculous because she saved him but also because he saw her clumsiness and lack of confidence.

I thought it was funny at first, but fu is starting to get creepy, and I feel like I'm watching a parody of miraculous here.

Okay, the akumatization scene could have been interesting, especially with the parallel when Adrien finds the black cat ring and the failed marriage proposal. But the akumatization is so quick??? We don't have time to feel all the frustration of the akumatized character, who cries and suddenly growls a little because he's not happy. We don't see Gabriel feeling the negative emotions. And no pact between Hawkmoth and the akumatized? okay...

And we're talking about the fact that Adrien didn't have to do much to get his miraculous? It just came to him because he's the chosen one. The same goes for Marinette... in the end, the fact that she saved Master Fu's life was for nothing, since the miraculous come magically to the chosen ones.

Wow Calm down tikki... I have a feeling she's going to be radically different from tikki from the series. I feel more like tikki with Plagg's behavior.

Tikki's rap is weird, I don't know if I like it or not xD

Marinette: "First a song, now a yo-yo and then what? A dinette?" Huh? You know you can be humorous and still make sense. Maybe it's just the French translation.

Is the yo-yo alive?

Huh?! Chat noir is here?! But we didn't see Plagg and Adrien meet! We didn't see Adrien transform! We didn't see Adrien's reaction when he discovered the miraculous....

Chat noir: "A young girl doesn't hang out in a place like this at this time of night" How to destroy the charm of Chat noir's character in one line... But it's a different story, so the characters are bound to be a bit different, so we'll let it slide.

It's a shame we didn't get to see Adrien's reaction when he found out he'd been chosen to be a hero, because he seems to be playing the super-mysterious hero by hiding in the cathedral. So far we haven't seen much of Adrien, except that he looks sad to have lost his mother.

Chat noir is a bit strange? As we haven't really been introduced to Adrien, we don't really understand why Adrien suddenly changes personality...

He made a joke without being insufferable! Phew, it's Chat noir all right. And then he calls Ladybug assistant... Chat noir... I believed in you...

Alya says Ladybug is strong, even though she's done absolutely nothing so far.

The lighting effects are really nice.

Oh my, the careless whisper music started when Chat noir took Ladybug's hand! What's that music?

So Ladybug and Chat noir didn't beat the akumatized person, the butterfly simply left the object. Which makes me think that Tikki didn't explain how to purify the akuma! She should have explained this to Marinette instead of telling her to trust herself.

So it's Fu that explains their power ok. But even after falling in love with Ladybug, Chat noir still wants to go it alone?

What's with the characters in this movie disappearing like that?! Is master fu a ghost?

Plagg is so pathetic?! What did you do to him?! Is this his first on-screen interaction with Adrien?! I feel like they introduced him to us as if we already knew him.

He farts and burps, yay.... It's the quintessence of humor. (I'm not against fart jokes, but in movies it's always complicated to make jokes like that).

Stop farting plagg!!!! Aaaaaahhhh!!!

So is Hawkmoth a separate entity? But then, who is Hawkmoth? And is Nooroo kind?

Nooroo: "These powers aren't meant for this" Nooroo says this when Hawkmoth tells him he wants to cause chaos to get Ladybug and Chat noir's miraculous back. So Nooroo's power can also be used for good? like in the show?

Uh... what year is the film set in? Are there any prisoners in the catacombs???? Are people still selling newspapers in the streets? What's going on?

I'm sorry, but the akumatizations in this film make no sense....

Nino tells Adrien to be super mysterious to seduce the person he loves. But this scene should have taken place before Ladybug met Chat noir! Chat noir's behavior would have made more sense!

Why doesn't Adrien want to stay with Marinette? Because he thinks she's weird? (#notmyAdrien)

Well, their discussion is actually quite cute.

The action scenes are nice, but we need to stop using unnecessary slow motion. Why slow down when Nino confesses to Alya?

Ladybug still had a plan to beat the bad guys, even if there was no Ladybug vision. Wait... Isn't there a lucky charm?

But don't akuma go into objects?! They go into people! Oh okay... it wouldn't be very kids friendly to break their leg to get the akuma out of their body anyway...

Meh... the way she purified the akumas was not impressive at all. And she didn't do what she did in the show and get the akumas that formed Hawkmoth's head. It would have been cool to see this scene with this animation. Well...

oh? Chat noir became a little more humble all of a sudden.

Parisians still read newspapers? Don't they have the Internet?

Ladybug and Chat noir advertising cars? The subtlety of this ad xD it made me burst out laughing.

The rooftop scene is very cute, too bad it ends with Chat noir blocking Ladybug against a wall.

Tikki forced Marinette to touch Adrien's hand to bring him closer and now that Marinette wants to ask Adrien to go to the ball, she tells him to stay focused on her mission? She was fearless from the start and now she's cautious? Why is that? Tikki's behavior has changed completely...

Do the earrings flash in case of danger? It's not very discreet, but okay.

So Chat noir pretended to be in danger to get Ladybug to come?

Wait, wait... Chat noir tells his life story here?! And his secret identity? oh... that’s right... From the beginning, they never talked about the importance of keeping their identity a secret... So if it doesn't matter, why don't they already know who they are!

Adrien: "Since my mother died, I've sworn not to get attached to people, so as not to suffer" Ok Gwen Stacy.

Joking aside, we see so little of Adrien interacting with others in this film that this sentence is a little surprising. And he has Nino, doesn't he? Isn't he his friend? In fact, we don't really know what their relationship is, since they've only exchanged two sentences.

In all the songs, French lip-synching is catastrophic....

"Every day you save the world with that mask but the girl wearing it saved my heart" "How could I have imagined for a second that she could love me, behind my mask hides an empty and abandoned heart" Chat noir throwing out corny quotes he found on the internet xD

And stop farting plagg !!!! I promise you I love plagg in the series but here he is uninteresting and insufferable!!!!!!

Ooh... Gabriel are you okay?

Adrien gets angry with his father, but he doesn't care that he's in a terrible state?

Oh! Adrien "tutoie" his father in the film.

And we've never seen Chloé and Adrien interact with each other... Are they childhood friends or not?

And Marinette loses hope again ...

Stop with the careless whisper music, please.....

No, just no ... even if Adrien is heartbroken, he'll still turn into Chat noir to save Paris ... now Adrien is just selfish. He turns into Chat noir just to see Ladybug. This scene really made me angry...

The fact that they say they're "stronger together" is starting to get on my nerves. It's so cheesy.

Chat noir cataclysm is a liquid?

Hawkmoth masters the force?!

Tikki: "Get up, Marinette, don't let your fear paralyze you" No, but you have to stop using phrases like "go and believe in yourself!". Marinette has a head injury and has to be taken to hospital.

So there wasn't even a final fight? Quite simply: Oh no, Chat noir is my son! I'll stop being mean!

Gabriel's story told in a minute. I prefer Felix and Kagami to tell it, sorry Gabriel.

Gabriel: "The only power stronger than death is love" Gabriel, even you don't deserve to say such corny things...what have they done to you, poor guy...

I heard Fu was more competent in this movie than in the series. And really...I don't see how...he served any purpose other than to explain their power. He didn't even choose the heroes.

Ladybug: "the power of love will be there to protect you" ah yes, the film completely assumes its cheesiness.

So there's no Miraculous ladybug: it's the power of love that literally fixes everything.

Didn't we even see Marinette make her dress?

Has Adrien turned into Luka or what? Instead of playing guitar chords, he's playing cheesy poem quotes!

This final scene is long....

This identity reveal sucks... my god... no impact.

I'm not giving a score because I don't like to rate films. But here's my general feeling:

This is fan fiction written by someone who can't write. I tried to detach myself as much as possible from the series, but even though I knew nothing about Miraculous, everything is too vague and unexplained. The relationships between the characters are bizarre and unlovable.

Marinette is an empty shell who tells us nothing except that she doesn't trust herself.

There's nothing charming about Chat Noir, who thinks only of Ladybug and has nothing heroic about him.

The relationship between Gabriel and Adrien is non-existent.

Chloé is useless.

Plagg just farts...

The final battle is non-existent... ! ! !!!

Yes, you don't write a series like you write a movie, but here instead of taking another direction to make a parallel universe to Miraculous the series, they just took away everything that made it fun. They didn't add anything or develop anything differently, they just took things away.

The music in a musical should tell a story, but here it's the same thing all the time... and it doesn't tell much either.

If you like the film's music, I think you might enjoy the film, because it's watchable. It's not horrible, but it's forgettable and cliché.

I'm not going to talk about this movie again, I'm clearly not the target audience. I'll leave it to those who will like the film. I will only continue to watch the series and the special episodes.

#miraculous awakening #miraculous awakening spoilers #miraculous movie #miraculous awakening salt

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forbidden-sunlight · 1 year

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False Garden of Eden [yandere!various!csm x stoic!reader]

Credit goes to @hana-no-seiiki for inspiring and collaborating with me to write this piece that is based off their current CSM series Chainsaw and Happiness Pillbox [link to story is here!] and @lyomeii for proofreading/editing, especially with that one I was stuck on lol :)

The intention of this story is for entertainment purposes only, it is not my personal belief(s). The behavior exhibited here is inappropriate and unhealthy, hence it should not be encouraged. There are also triggers, so please take caution. You are responsible for your Internet consumption!

Content and Trigger Warnings: Obsessive Behavior, Strong Language, Gaslighting, Stalking, Toxic Relationships, Toxic Behavior.

Humanity disgusted you.

For all their philosophical talk on the importance of imperfections and cherishing all life around them, their greed knew no bounds. Even when they had a roof over their heads or a warm meal in their bellies or hadn’t had their lives cut short by disaster, they wanted more. More, more, more. You knew it was only a matter of time before their mistakes became their undoing….but why did your husband love these pitiful creatures like an owner fawning over their precious dog? It baffled you. But to her credit, Makima was quite good at that; a great manipulator who lured others into Public Safety when they were at their lowest, and those who defied her commands would be on their knees, begging for mercy. Just like what she had done to you all of those years ago.

The chains she had coiled around your body was a contract of fidelity; a marriage, a vow to love and protect each until ‘death do us part’. In her terms, ‘love’ meant being an obedient wife who should kiss or embrace their weary husband after a troublesome day at work, and vice versa. Obviously, Makima referred to herself as the husband. It was her right as the ancient, powerful Control Devil to protect the pitiful Dreaming Devil. This unfortunate person was you, of course.

Sighing, you hoisted yourself up from the ground with gloved hands on your knees, using one to wipe the sweat on your brow before glancing around the valley. This area had been protected for the last century from being demolished and turned into a condominium because it was within the jurisdiction of a shrine outside Tokyo. And for the last century, it has served as a secret place for you to escape the city and remove yourself from the mask of a devil hunter in the Intelligence sector.

To bask in the solitude of nature for a few glorious hours before returning to the home that you shared with Makima. The priest did not mind if you planted seeds for a small garden, so long as you did not do anything to anger the gods’ resting place. A small price to pay for a ‘contract’ that allowed you to have freedom. In the time you have found this place, the small garden became a chaotic, lush area. And you would not have it any other way…except perhaps not two crows that you knew were under Makima’s control.

It was her way of respecting your privacy with a little….surveillance. You repaid such kindness by flipping up your middle finger and blowing a raspberry.

Yet despite the feeling of tranquility that flows over your stressed body, to be able to inhale the air in your lungs and just breath from the leash she had around your collar you knew deep down that this is not true freedom. Aware and you wanted more than just a garden to be free. You wanted to leave Tokyo and never come back. To go to some hidden corner of the world where no one, not even Makima, would even dream to think you would go.

You frowned. Wonderful. Now you felt like a hypocrite because of your excessive greed for freedom. Because without this garden, you knew you would have gone insane much sooner than your current mindset, being slowly and meticulously chipped away by Makima’s machinations until her focus reverted to Denji.

The boy who was a shell to the Chainsaw Devil. Her idol, the Hero of Hell. He was everything to Makima….but to you, he was dangerous. As the Dreaming Devil, you were both a strong and weak devil. You thrived on the fear from the poor souls who were trapped in the illusion of their worst nightmares - a tactic that your husband has used on more than one occasion in an interrogation with a stubborn suspect - and yet with dreams themselves, pure and impure, they made you weak. Since Denji’s mindscape was full of these dreams, he was less than an ideal partner to be around when devil hunting. Especially since Makima had every intention of using you as an incentive for the kid and ensuring his absolute obedience towards Public Safety.

So why didn’t it bother you as much as you thought it should? Did it have something to do with the Chainsaw Devil himself? Or were you just being stupid?

More importantly, why the fuck did Makima have to bring him home, of all the dogs she could have possibly selected? She knows how dangerous the Chainsaw Devil is. If the ‘dog’ had been another Hayakawa Aki, then there wouldn’t have been too many issues.

Well-known asshole and a competent Public Safety official, at least Aki knew when to stand down, or at the very least be much more aware of the situation than Denji was.

You still did not understand why his face always turned red when he was within your vicinity. Humans had weaker immune systems than devils, so he could just be sickly from making too many contracts than the average hunter.

Still doesn’t explain why you would run into him even though you never tell anyone where you’d be in the city. Even Denji would just so happen to be nearby when he ran up to greet you like an enthusiastic mutt.

Shaking your head, you resumed your work in the garden. Once weeding had been finished and some of the bushes trimmed, the skies began to transmute into a dark blueish color, overriding the reddish-orange hues of the remaining daylight. Ah. You have been here too long. It was time to go. Back to the cage that was a ‘home’ to Makima and her dogs.

Fumbling around in your pants pocket, your deft fingers removed a glass vial filled with sand. Pulling up the cork, you shook out the sand and murmured under your breath, allowing it to engulf your body in a vortex and teleport you approximately half a block from the condominium.

It wasn’t hard to see why the Dreaming Devil was also known as the Sandman to the humans who feared them so.

Wiping off some of the dirt on your shoulders and pants, the Dreaming Devil who craved freedom was gone, and in its place was a stoic human who worked under the Public Safety’s Intelligence sector, [First Name] [Last Name].

When she got off of the elevator on the third floor, Makima smiled. Ah, her wife was finally home from gardening and had dinner almost ready. She hadn’t intended to stay at the office until late, but Denji needed an extra incentive. Or would it be considered a punishment to fondle his superior’s chest when it was obvious that he’s lusting after her spouse?

She blinked for a moment, then shook her head. Well, either way, he was motivated to kill the Gun Devil. Promising a puppy that he’d get anything he wanted in exchange for destroying an enemy was effective. She briskly walked down the carpeted hall and towards a door with 307 etched in golden lettering. With a quick turn of the key, she stepped into the hallway and was immediately bombarded by her precious pups.

Makima gave a short laugh, her grin widening as she gave each of them a good scratch behind the ears. “Yes, Custard, Papa is home. Were you good for Mother today? I hope you were too, Tiramisu, or no special treat for you tonight. The same goes for you, Strawberry! Don’t think Mother did not tell me about how you tried to chew up the television remote again! You know that isn’t a toy.”

Once all of her precious children were given affection, she walked into the kitchen and saw her sweet spouse standing in the kitchen cleaning the dirty dishes. Makima glanced over at the dining room table and saw that everything had just been plated. Miso soup, grilled fish with rice, and boiled veggies. A typical Japanese staple, minus the wine glasses filled with a visceral red she was all too familiar with.

Although devils did not need human food to sustain their appetite, Makima truly appreciated the time and effort her wife had put into planning the meals they shared. Especially acquiring blood without tipping off any of the other tenants. Yet what caught her attention was [First Name]’s shoulders. She was shivering. Did she forget to put on a sweater after taking a shower?

Goodness, she was a forgetful one, wasn’t she?

But that’s all right. This is why the Dreaming Devil had a reliable husband to look after her well-being.

“Is everything all right?” Makima asked as she approached [First Name] from behind, wrapping her hands around her spouse and resting her chin on the devil’s shoulders. “It isn’t very cold in the apartment? Did you spend too much time outside again?”

[First Name] did not answer. Instead she kept scrubbing dishes in the sink with a soapy sponge, hot water spewing from the faucet. Yellow orbs widened slightly as realization hit Makima.

Ah. Is she afraid that something bad happened at work earlier today and she’d be punished for it? Silly, silly spouse.

“If you’re waiting on something, don’t worry.” Makima felt [First Name]’s body quiver even more when she tightened her grip on her spouse’s middle. “I love you very much, [First Name], and would never allow anything or anyone to hurt you. No one will ever lay a finger on you but me.”

Denji...and Aki....they might look at her wife but they will never lay a hand on her. Although she has been a good girl and never interacted with anyone except for the cashiers at the grocery store they will never stop covering what they desire the person who is hers by divine right.

Taglist

@hana-no-seiiki

@lyomeii

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simpingcowboy · 4 months

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Pedro boys and why I'm swiping left on their tinders

This is all to be silly!! I love them all very much <3

Frankie Morales

His name there says Frankie (Catfish)....with his main profile picture being him holding you guessed it...a catfish. He doesn't have many other photos on there, with the exception of a few older military photos that are so blurry you can hardly tell which one he's meant to be.

The rest of his page is pretty empty aside from the music section, where you actually get the first real glimpse at what this man is about. While his music selection is very respectable, it does not overshadow the glaring issues with his profile.

In short, Frankie's profile makes you think "Am I dating the man? The fish? Or a catfish?" Swiping left fs.

Marcus Moreno

This one isn't his fault! His profile is perfect. No really. All the women at The Heroics made sure to help him with it! His photos are cute and show off all his best assets. The bio is a little cheesy in an endearing "yeah he's definitely a dad" way. The problem then? It's Marcus fucking Moreno!!! Leader of the Heroics!!!!!! On Tinder???? There's no way anyone is going to believe it's really him. I believe there's a verification option on Tinder now, but really...even then Idk. Unless he fully comes out on an interview or something to super casually mention he's on Tinder, it just ain't working. No one likes a catfish! (Sorry Frankie!)

Jack Daniels

Mr. "Tinder What?" himself!!!! Let's say he manages to figure out how to set up a profile and all that. It's gonna be inTERESTING to say the least. His photos are actually pretty solid. An intriguing mix of photos of him on the ranch and photos of him in the Statesmen HQ looking very well put together. Opening line is definitely "Save a Horse! Ride a Cowboy! 🤠♥️" Very on brand for him. Followed by something very pro-american about the flag or serving his country and honestly... that's where I'm gone 😅. We get to see a bit of Jack's political mind in Kingsman and let's just say i don't wanna know the rest of it.

I'm grateful this is Tinder and not Bumble. Because if Jack used the audio prompt and I heard that smooth Kentucky accent...forget EVERYTHING I just said. I would be taking a chance on him. Sorry 😔 I can't fix him, but I will have fun trying!!

Joel Miller

For namesake, we're gonna set this pre-outbreak. There's no time for swiping in the apocalypse. Profile isn't bad just very empty. He's not really trying and it's kinda obvious. His bio reads something along the lines of "Single dad of a spoiled teen" with mostly photos of himself and Sarah on his profile. A few photos of him and Tommy out camping or on a work site.

And as handsome as he is, the profile feels like something his kid forced him to make as a way of getting him off her back. I wanna sympathize and help her out, but I don't know I have the heart to attempt to win over this very clearly emotionally unavailable DILF. So for that reason, I'm swiping left.

Pero Tovar

If for some ungodly reason Pero was given Internet access and had a dating profile... it'd be a disaster. His bio reads something along the lines of "I don't open this app. If you wish to see me meet me at this pub" with approximate days and times he's there.

The first picture on his profile is a way too far away blurry shot of him training. If I was feeling brave enough to continue scrolling through his photos...the rest would certainly be borderline explicit highly suggestive photos of his torso and groin. And whilst I might think about it for approximately .25 seconds any remaining sense of dignity would kick in before I actually did anything about it. It'll sting momentarily, but I will be swiping left.

Ezra

Another man on this list who should absolutely NOT be given internet access. His photos are beautiful but uninformative...the only shots of him are blurred and artistically obscure. He pads the rest of his profile with photos of books he's reading and grainy shoots of the forest.

The bio...if there's a word limit best believe that Ezra has hit it. He used every given character at his disposal and managed to say very little with all of it. Something about a wandering spirit longing for companionship and a couple sexual innuendos for good measure.

While visually and verbally not the worst profile on this list, his pretension is so utterly palpable through the screen I actually don't think I'd be able to make it through the end of his bio without cringing...also his music selection is all just banjo instrumental???

#am writes #pedro pascal #pedro boys #ezra prospect #pero tovar #joel miller #jack Daniels #marcus moreno #frankie morales #pedro pascal characters

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jaehunnyy · 9 months

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dynamic

Genre: soulmate!au, strangers-to-lovers, crack, maybe a bit suggestive but not really?, floofy floof

Word count: 2.1k

Pairing: rockstar!Wooyoung x fem!reader

Warnings: mentions of pain and some broken bones, mentions of a funeral but nothing explicit (related to Seonghwa's story Memento Mori), mentions of crying, swear words, Wooyoung has some other piercings that he has irl, pet names, a kiss, possible grammar mistakes

Taglist: @shakalakaboomboo, @pocketjoong-reads, @nebulousbrainsoup, @justhere4kpop, @bluehwale, @bluisheye93, @ssaboala, @i-luvsang, @ad0rechuu

Networks: @cromernet 🤍

The music echoing through the loud speakers was suddenly replaced by your muffled breaths, a frustrated sigh escaping your lips as you kept messing up the same step for the nth time that day. You groaned in annoyance when your friend blamed it on the pain of your overworked limbs; yet, you signaled him to shut up, starting the music once again and trying to concentrate as much as you could before everything you crafted came crashing down—cause this scene happened exactly two minutes before the disaster.

Wooyoung was helping his bandmate, Hongjoong, upload some announcements on the internet as they temporarily needed a lead vocalist who could replace Seonghwa on their tour. Due to the loss of his soulmate, all he wanted was to stay back from fans and fame for a bit, and they were all willing to give him a well-deserved break and wait for him.

"You know you can still call me whenever you need help, right, guys?" Seonghwa asked on the other side of the phone, voice low and raspy due to all the crying he'd been through.

Hongjoong smiled and nodded, wishing nothing more than to be close to his friend and show his support in this hard period. Attending a funeral would never be easy, especially when it’s your soulmate’s, your other half’s grave you're crying on; so he just wanted to show love to his friend.

“Yeah, Seonghwa, just relax. It will be alri—’’

“OUCH! MY FUCKING HAND!” a sharp scream was heard, followed by another one: “It hurts, I can’t feel my hand, ouch!”

“Woo?”

“Soulmate, I fucking adore you but, holy crap!”

Hongjoong looked worriedly at Wooyoung, hanging up the phone as Wooyoung continuously hissed in pain. Among the eight rockstars, Wooyoung was the most excited to meet his soulmate—despite the pain he had to go through. Thus, he was convinced it wasn't one-sided; Wooyoung was clumsy and made you suffer a bit as well, and after all, where would the fun be in having such a bond, if not in teasing each other about the places you've hit yourself? Wooyoung endured all this pain for the sake of your tied souls, the pain that wore his soulmate's face, so he was taking it like a champ—not today, though.

“Does it hurt that bad? Do you need to go to the hospital? You have quite a low pain tolerance, maybe it’s too muc-’’

“Shut up and just take me to the hospital!”

Hongjoong took a long breath and shut his eyes, allowing Wooyoung to talk to him like that only this time. It’s safe to say that it was a hell of a day for both of you; all you wanted was to prepare the perfect choreography for the opening of Guerrillas’ concert, yet everything seemed compromised now. You were on the way to the hospital and you were sure you had some broken bones, crying not only for you but for your soulmate too, knowing how hurtful that must have been. Minho was nagging at how he told you that it was too much, but as soon as he saw the tears on your cheeks, he stopped.

“Y/n, you will be fine… I’m by your side.” Minho, better known as Lee Know, your friend and partner for over ten years sighed, rubbing your back to soothe you a bit.

You tried to take deep breaths, being used to this kind of pain, but more likely overwhelmed due to the wrong time this happened. As soon as you reached the hospital, your friend helped you get out of the car and followed you inside, asking for a doctor who could see you soon. At the same time, Hongjoong made it to the hospital too, carrying his extra whiny friend as he didn’t seem to shut up about his condition.

“I’ll get you both an X-ray, prepare. I will need to cut your shirt so that I can have access to your hand, okay?” the doctor professionally said, until you heard some protests from an emo guy.

“My mesh shirt? No, doctor, sorry but you are not cutting this.”

“Wooyoung, let her do her job.” Joong sighed, rubbing his temples as the younger one was giving him a headache.

“No, no! No one is touching my outfit, I put a lot of effort into it!”

Already losing his patience regarding Wooyoung’s antics, Hongjoong nudged his nape slightly in order to make him shut up—yet Wooyoung didn’t seem to be the only one affected.

“Ouch!” you said in unison.

Your eyes widened and you looked immediately around you, in search of the voice that echoed your scream, realizing that besides your friend, the emo guy, his friend, and the doctor, the room was empty. You stared at the shiny, silver jewels that adorned the long-haired guy’s ears, your eyes unconsciously roaming on his eyebrow piercing, then slowly, on his handsome features. His hair was tied in a messy ponytail, and you were completely out of it; was he really your soulmate? You must have been daydreaming for a while, because you felt Minho’s fingers pinching you, and when you flinched in pain, the guy copied your reaction—he had to be your soulmate. You opened your eyes to see him standing next to you, an overly excited wave coming from his healthy hand.

“Hey, I think we’re soulmates!” he exclaimed, a big smile stretching his lips as he talked again: “You have no idea how excited I was to meet you, despite the pain you caused me. I learned to love you with all of it.”

You smiled softly, reciprocating the feeling; the soulmate bond has always been a special thing for you, so now, with your soulmate beside you, you couldn’t help but show it to the world. Soul ties have fascinated you since you were just a little girl; something about having your own half, someone you could call yours forever, made you shiver with excitement.

“I’m happy to meet you as well, emo guy.”

Hongjoong smiled softly at the sight of his friend, an arm on his shoulder as he played with his hair softly: “Wooyoung is quite a special human, he is more than the emo guy he wants to be perceived as; he has a lot of love to give you.”

You nodded at his friend’s words, Woo’s hand touching yours before the doctor came back, taking you to the place where you would be examined.

“Seems like you two have a broken arm,” the doctor said, writing something down before talking again: “you should take some rest and medication, for at least a few weeks.”

“I won’t be able to play the guitar for that much time? Holy crap, what would you guys do without your dear bassist?”

"So we need to replace both Seonghwa and you now, amazing." Hongjoong said sarcastically, rolling his eyes at the younger one who was sticking his tongue at him.

The familiar names seemed to make more sense now, as you opened your mouth to speak.

“Don’t tell me… are you guys members of Guerrillas?” the words left your mouth as your soulmate smirked, nodding.

“See, Joong? She’s a woman of culture.”

“No way, I was supposed to dance at the opening of your concert!”

You saw the shocked look on their faces; they were surprised to have one of the best dancers at that moment, and the leader of a well-known dancing crew beside them.

“I guess I couldn’t get luckier, then.” Wooyoung whispered, hugging your shoulders with the other hand while you leaned into his touch.

Three months passed since you and Wooyoung first met, and this period was filled with nothing but happiness and news in your life. You have discovered that under the cold allure he loved to keep on stage, he was a lovely, sweet guy (although clingy). He was also surprised by how much you resembled each other, though, in the end, you were his other half. His heart had always craved your touch, your voice, you. And despite those around you who were judging you for going too fast, you two felt as if it was the right thing to do. For Wooyoung, his soulmate meant another reason to keep pushing through when life gets hard, it meant happiness, the sweet sensation of spiritual fulfillment. For you? Your soulmate meant dynamic. A constant development of your personas, learning and growing together. A necessary energy that tied your souls together—it was giving you life, just like the blood flowing through your veins. And there you were now, in your practice room, your body settled between his legs as he laid his chin on your shoulder, watching whatever you were scrolling on your phone when suddenly, an idea hit you.

“Should I show you the choreography that united us?” you chuckled, turning your head to see him better.

“I would love to. Teach me too!”

You smiled and got up, dragging him after you, in the middle of the floor. You started teaching him some of the easier moves in your choreography and watched as he followed along, though he seemed pretty much blinded by your beauty, and maybe, just maybe, a little lightbulb started to brighten his head with some amazing ideas too. He met the sight of his guitar, going to grab it as you looked at him.

“Woo?”

He just smirked, grabbing the guitar and attaching it to his torso with the help of its strap, then taking his phone and playing a rhythmic rock song, filling the speakers and your ears with a sweet melody. Queen's Crazy Little Thing Called Love was now serving as background music, while Wooyoung was working on strumming his guitar, fingers skillfully plucking the strings while he moved his head along to the music. You looked at him in awe, admiring how his hair fell into beautiful, raven waves on his face, the way the rings adorning his fingers shined with every movement of his hands, the way his body was swaying to the beat.

It didn't take you a lot to start moving to the music, eyes shining with passion and love as you found yourself freestyling something. Your arms and legs were swaying graciously, making you get carried away with this being the first time properly dancing since your hand healed. Your soulmate wore a cheeky grin on his face as he started to sing the lyrics, his fancy attitude flying around him as he mouthed the words.

"There goes my baby

She knows how to rock and roll

She drives me crazy"

His smile kept growing bigger and bigger with every step he was making toward you, finally approaching you and putting his guitar aside. He smiled and his hands found their way around your waist, your bodies swaying in unison (more like jumping as you were too immersed into the music), into your little soulful party. He pressed his forehead on yours, noses rubbing together, making you giggle softly. You two kept stepping and stepping until he had you pinned to the wall as his face got closer to yours, his warm breath on your neck. His soft lips captured yours, your hands finding their way into his hair as your tongues molded into a sweet, yet passionate kiss. It was lovely, exuding a sincere emotion, the pure love between you—that was until you softly hissed when you felt something cold against your lips, looking at Wooyoung with a raised eyebrow, to which he only smirked.

“Holy shit, do you have a tongue piercing?”

“Surprise, baby.”

You were face-timing your boyfriend while he was on tour, and the idea of cooking together popped into Wooyoung’s head. He was still upset that you had an event coming up right when he was touring (or at least that's what you told him, cause you had other plans), so there you were, trying your best to distract him from finding out more than needed.

“Hi, princess. We’re making waffles today.”

“Okay, chef.” you nodded, giggling at how advanced he was with his recipe, while you were only taking the ingredients out, in order to waste time.

“My love, you are soooo sloooowww.” he whined, intentionally dragging the words and looking at the camera while you moved away from the camera’s view. “Baby, a bit to the right, please? I can’t see you, can you move your phone a bit?”

He frowned when he noticed your sudden disappearance, looking around and noticing something off; you were definitely not home. What he expected to be your usual kitchen was replaced with some modern furniture, way too similar to the one in his hotel room.

“Babe? Your kitchen looks so damn similar to mine… Are you perhaps in the same hotel as me? Did you trick me?”

You smiled softly, knocking at the door and waiting for him to open it; without hesitation, he hung up the call and opened the door for you, catching you in his arms as you wrapped your legs around his waist, whispering a slow “Surprise, baby.”

#ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez fluff #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung imagines #wooyoung scenarios #wooyoung fluff #jung wooyoung ateez #jung wooyoung x reader #ateez x y/n #kpop oneshots #kpop ff #wooyoung x y/n #ateez x you #wooyoung x you

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ghiradellidarkchocolatebrownies · 10 months

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STORYTIME: DO NOT FEED YOUR CLOWNS THIS!!

I volunteer a few days a week at a clown shelter. Earlier this month, a Teacup-Birthday mix named Kiki was adopted by a (seemingly) very nice middle aged couple, and we were very happy to send yet another clown to a good home. But disaster struck this afternoon when the couple returned to the shelter, wanting to surrender Kiki back to us. Their reason? She was not performing any tricks and had been biting them nonstop for weeks now. I was of course very shocked and confused by this. Kiki was one of the most playful and least temperamental clowns I had ever cared for.

I asked them if she had the proper environment, if they had changed her costume or markings in any way, if they were feeding her the proper diet. They said that they were doing everything right, and were following the care instructions we had given them. I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, but their story just wasn't adding up. And they were shifting nervously, and talking quietly to each other when they thought I wasn't looking. I told them to wait while I took Kiki for a checkup. As I took her to the vet's office, I couldn't help but notice that she seemed to lack any energy at all. When I tried to tickle her stomach (something that she normally loves), she snapped at me (Luckily, I jerked my hand away before she could bite).

When the vet examined Kiki, it was revealed that she was suffering from malnourishment and a button infection. I went back out to talk to the owners, and they continued to deny any mistreatment. After some more questioning and prying, they finally broke down and admitted what they had been doing.

They had been feeding Kiki a mix of mice and small bones (no problem there). But for her candy intake, they had been feeding her SUGAR-FREE candy. My heart sank as soon as I heard those words. No wonder Kiki had been so sick.

Every clown owner should know that (in general) Clowns need a healthy mixture of raw meat and sugar in their diets. Feeding them sugar-free stuff can be very bad for them and cause a LOT of problems.

For one, they will not be getting their much needed sugar intake. A sugar deficiency will lower their mood, make them more easily agitated, make them sick, and can even be deadly for some clown breeds (such as Birthday and Circus). As Kiki is a Birthday clown, she might not have survived another week without sugar.

Another thing to keep in mind about sugar-free products is that they often have artificial sweeteners in them. These sweeteners are not ideal for clowns, as most clown breeds have sensitivities or allergies to them. Simply put, most clowns' digestive systems are not properly built to process sugar-free foods. Feeding your clown artificial sweeteners over time can even weaken their immune system (This is likely what contributed to Kiki's infection).

The owners claimed that they had no idea that sugar-free candy was bad for clowns (very unlikely since the care instructions specifically list sugar-free foods under the "DO NOT" section). My boss suggested to them that we take care of Kiki for a few days, but they told us they weren't coming back. As soon as they left, we informed other local shelters about them and even posted on internet forums about it, as they may go somewhere else and find a different clown to mistreat. They clearly only see clowns as entertainment and nothing else.

We gave Kiki some cotton candy, and she's already starting to return to her old self. Unfortunately, though, this means that she's back in the system. There's no telling how long until she's adopted again.

Before anyone asks, we make sure to look into anyone who's interested in adopting one of our clowns. We run background checks, call character witnesses, make sure they have the proper environment for a clown and have the money to support one, etc. Overall, the process takes about a month or so. Sometimes it can take even longer if we have a waiting list. It is extremely rare that a clown adoption goes wrong. In fact, this is the first time it's happened in the year I've been volunteering here.

TL;DR

Don't feed clowns sugar-free foods! It can make them very sick and cause a lot of complications.

#dont feed your clowns sugar-free candy #clown husbandry #clown posting #clowncore #clownery #kiki the clown #clown care #clownblr #pet clown #my post

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riversdarkblog · 9 months

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Pairings: Serial Killer Wanda Maximoff x Reader & Photographer Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Warnings ⚠️: Blood lots of it, Multiple Murders, Sadism, Knife, Knife Marking, Scars, Stalking, Height Difference, Age Difference, Dark Wanda, Mentions Of Kidnapping, Jealousy & Manipulation

Pet Names/Nicknames: Honey, Darling & Detka

Word Count: 2,177

A/N: Decided to write it on this account because it's part of my Serial Killer AU!!! I hope you guys enjoy it!

Y/N worked hard to get the perfect job in the city. It was her dream job and it was fulfilling to finally achieve it. Little did she know that she had an admirer. A brunette haired woman that had emerald green eyes was her admirer. Her name was Wanda Maximoff and she was a photographer. Well not really it's just her cover for what she really does. Wanda was a Serial Killer and she went by the name Scarlet Killer. She would visit Y/N at the cafe she worked at every single day with her usual outfit. A dark grey baseball cap and sunglasses. Wanda would always get a cup of steaming hot tea and a blueberry muffin.

Wanda had a peculiar fascination with Y/N and she was enamored with her beauty and perfection. She was sure that Y/N was meant for her and she was determined to make her hers one day. Wanda had worked hard researching and observing Y/N's movement and she knew her schedule like the back of her hand. Everywhere Y/N went Wanda would follow in the shadows. Even when she was going home Wanda would follow. Wanda would take multiple photos of Y/N and would always put them up in a room in her house. The room that has all the photos usually stays locked whenever a family member or her friends are over. Other than that she spends all her time in that room looking at the photos. Since Wanda lives right next to Y/N she can easily take tons of pictures.

Wanda went as far as getting to know Y/N's friends on the internet. Even though she was a photographer to the outside world she was invisible. She didn't take pictures of people but instead she took pictures of Nature and all the animals that lived in it.

Lately though Y/N has been going on dates with a couple men or women. But they've all ended in a disaster even if the two were hitting it off. Each time she went out on a date, she'd come home feeling troubled the guys or girls had suddenly changed and had become cold. What was more confusing to her was that they would never talk to her again, no matter what. Unknown to her Wanda would follow her on her dates and get jealous causing Wanda to use her to mind control them after every date to never speak to Y/N again. It happened more than 10 times and Y/N gave up on dating for awhile after her last one was a complete disaster.

Every time she kills one of her victims she would either mind control them to kill themselves or kill them with her magic. Every victim she has killed will always have a trail of Scarlet veins down their body. It's how she got her name as the Scarlet Killer. Sometimes she'd rip her victims' hearts out depending on who it was. She's sadistic and loves to see the horror on her victims faces when she kills them. She mostly uses her powers to kill but sometimes she'd use her engraved knife to kill them. She has a mask that covers her whole face except her emerald green eyes that would glow red. The mask she wears is black and has scarlet designs on it.

Today was no different. Wanda had walked into the cafe Y/N worked at and walked up to the cashier that was standing there waiting. The girl smiled and Wanda frowned because Y/N was usually the one to take her order like always. "The usual Miss. Maximoff" the girl said causing Wanda to snap out of it. "Uh yeah to go quick question though where's Y/N at" Wanda said and the girl looked up before frowning. "She called in sick today she said she wasn't feeling well" the girl said and Wanda's frown deepened. "Will it be for here like usual as well" the girl said and Wanda shook her head as she gave the girl a 20 dollar bill. "No it'll be to go and keep the change" Wanda said and the girl smiled before nodding her head. Wanda walked off to the side as she was deep in thought. How did she not know Y/N was sick. Was she lying about being sick. Or was she actually sick and Wanda had no clue. "Miss. Maximoff" someone called out for the tenth time causing Wanda to snap out of it. She turned around and saw a man standing there holding out a small bag and a plastic cup with Wanda's steaming hot tea in it. "Oh thank you" Wanda said as she took the two items before leaving quickly.

She got into her Red Buick lacrosse before backing out and driving away from the cafe. She arrived home a couple minutes later and parked in her driveway. She got out of her car before locking it. She looked over to her right to see no car parker in the driveway causing her to be even more confused. She looked around before walking across Y/N's lawn and walking up the front porch. She was about to knock but decided to use her magic to unlock the door instead. Scarlet magic flowed out of her hand as her eyes glowed. She heard a click before pushing the door open. She shut the door open and locked it before walking through the sunlit house looking for Y/N. She made her way up the stairs and down the small hall before stopping in front of a closed down. Her mind told her just to throw the door open but she didn't want to wake Y/N up if she was in there still sleeping. She opened the door quietly before shutting it behind her. As she looked up her gaze immediately landed on Y/N who was still sound asleep in nothing but underwear and an oversized shirt. The blankets were a complete mess and a pillow was laying on the floor. Wanda used her magic to fix the bed up before slowly walking over. She loomed over Y/N and smiled softly before sighing. "You have no idea how badly I want you detka, I wish I could just take you far away from here where no one will find you and just have you all to myself" Wanda muttered out as she reached out but stopped. Wanda's gaze traveled down Y/N's body. "I just want to mark you up so people know who you belong to" Wanda whispered a little louder. She stood up and looked around the room. "Every time I saw you on a date it made me so fucking jealous" she hissed out as she careful sat on the edge of the bed making sure not to wake you up.

Wanda made her knife appear and ran her fingers over the designs on the handle. She had to fight off the urge to mark Y/N right now so she stood up quickly before getting her camera out. She took a picture totally forgetting the flash was on causing her to panic when Y/N started waking up. Right when Y/N opened her eyes Wanda disappeared in a flash. Y/N looked around her room when she sat up frowning as she scratched her head before falling back onto her bed. Meanwhile Wanda appeared in her living room her heart pounding like crazy. Her mind was racing with thoughts on if Y/N caught her.

It had been a couple days since then and Wanda had to make sure that Y/N didn't see her. Wanda was in an alley tonight watching as a man's life flash before his eyes. "Please I do anything please let me go" he shouted and Wanda looked at him with her glowing eyes causing him to gulp in fear. "I don't have time for this I need to be somewhere, give me what I want and I might just let you go" Wanda growled out as she watched the man struggle against her magic. "I don't know what you're talking about please" he shouted out and Wanda huffed before she pushed herself off the wall. She walked up to the man before looking down at his chest. "If you don't tell me I'll rip out your heart" Wanda said in her Sokovian accent. Wanda looked up to see the man staring at her in fear. She sighed before using her magic and ripping the man's heart out causing him to scream out before he fell limp on the ground. Blood had splattered across Wanda's mask as she crushed the man's heart.

She lifted her mask up but froze when she heard a crash. She looked over to see Y/N on the ground staring up at her in horror before looking back to see the guy's veins glowing. Y/N stood up quickly before backing away as Wanda pulled her mask down and started stalking towards Reader. Y/N grabbed a glass bottle that was near her before throwing it at Wanda who quickly used her powers to stop it before slamming it against the brick wall. Wanda watched as Y/N almost tripped causing her to smirk. Y/N turned around before running out of the alleyway. "Running will only make it worse Hon I love a good chase" Wanda shouted loudly causing chills to run down Y/N's spine.

Y/N continued to run down the deserted street before Wanda appeared in front of her causing her to scream out. "W-wanda please don't kill me" Y/N stuttered out as Wanda tilted her head to the side before taking her mask off. "Now why would I kill a pretty girl such as you darling" Wanda said in her thick accent. Y/N looked around before looking back at Wanda who was staring at her. "Why are you doing this" Y/N said and Wanda didn't say anything all she did was grab Y/N and vanish.

The two appeared in Wanda's living room. Wanda let go of Y/N's arm before throwing her mask onto the chair. "Wanda answer me what the hell has gotten into you" Y/N shouted causing Wanda to glare at her. "Shut up I'm doing this for your own good" Wanda growled out as her eyes glowed. Y/N was about to speak but Wanda took a step forward. "You belong to me and only me none of those men or women would be able to take care of you like I would" Wanda said and Y/N backed up into the coffee table causing her to wince. "I don't belong to anybody" Y/N shouted causing Wanda to smirk before tilting her head. "Why don't we make it true than" Wanda said as her knife appeared in her hand causing Y/N's eyes to widen in shock. Before Y/N could try and run Wanda grabbed Y/N by the arm and yanked her forward. Wanda placed the tip of her knife under Y/N's chin before tilting Y/N's head back so they were looking directly into each other's eyes. "Listen here Y/N, if you let me mark that pretty body of yours with my knife so everyone will know who you belong to I won't kill your family or friends but if you don't I won't hesitate to kill every last one of them" Wanda said causing Y/N to tear up. "Y-you wouldn't" Y/N said causing Wanda to let out a dark chuckle. "Oh Honey you know what I'm capable of you've seen me on TV and just a while ago you know I'm dangerous" Wanda said and Y/N let out a sob as she collapsed to the ground with Wanda still holding onto her arm.

Wanda listened to Y/N's thoughts race like crazy. She clutched her knife tightly making her knuckles go white. "I know what you're thinking, I suggest you just give in now or you know what the consequences will be" Wanda said and Y/N looked up with tear stained cheeks before nodding her head. Wanda smirked as she yanked Y/N up before shoving her against the wall.

Wanda watched as Y/N slept soundly in her bed looking at the freshly cut scars on Y/N's shoulder and waist. Her Initials were carved into Y/N's waist as for her initials for her killer name were on Y/N's shoulder. She looked up at Y/N's tear stained face before smiling softly before leaning down and kissing Y/N's cheek. Y/N had passed out awhile ago due to the pain that was inflicted on her body by Wanda's knife. Wanda slowly got off of Y/N before walking into her bathroom to clean up. Her dream of making Y/N finally her's had come true and she'd never let anything happen to her.

Taglist: @red1culous & @natashaismylove

#Wanda Maximoff x Reader #Wanda Maximoff #Scarlet Witch #Dark Wanda Maximoff #Serial Killer Wanda Maximoff #Wanda Bear My Precious Witch ❤️🌹#river's serial killer au #Lesbian

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deanwritings · 10 months

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Flour, Flour Everywhere

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Fluff.

Prompt: “…” “i can explain” “what did you do to my kitchen?”

Summary: Dean comes home to a very messy kitchen.

Word Count: 934

Gif:

A/N: Look at me writing fluff. Just a cute little piece based on a prompt I saw

Shit. This was not as easy as you thought it would be.

You run the back of your forearm across your brow, wiping away the beads of sweat that had started to form.

This looked so much easier in the Youtube video playing on your phone.

It had come across your screen last night when you couldn’t sleep and were in the bowels of the internet trying to find something that would help you relax enough to finally pass out.

But as “Apple Pie ASMR” played, not only was it deliciously relaxing, but it looked pretty easy. Which sparked the idea – why not bake a pie?

You tried your hand at baking over the years, never venturing outside of cookies, but you found baking relaxing, and figured there was a certain green-eyed hunter who would be very appreciative to have a freshly baked pie.

So when Dean headed out for a supply run this morning, you popped into the kitchen and got to work.

And boy, was it work.

You had pulled out almost every pot, pan, and appliance as you worked to mix and form the crust and render the apples. It sounded so simple, but Jesus Christ you had been at this almost an hour now and you still haven’t even gotten the crust dough in the oven yet.

But you take a deep breath and dive back into it, putting all of your strength into the counter as you use the roller you found stashed in the far back of a cabinet as you attempt, again, to even out the dough beneath you, and you groan as it continues to stick to your rolling pin.

More flour. Was what every website said if your dough was sticking, but every time you added more flour, it would just harden again, and you basically had to start over.

But you were in too deep, and you weren’t the type of person to give up when it got tough.

When the going got tough, the tough were going to make this god damn pie.

Dean wanderers down the hallway, grocery bags hanging from his fingertips as he takes heavy steps towards the kitchen. It was nice getting out of the bunker but sometimes it really sucked how long it took just to get some simple items since the bunker was so far out from town.

As he takes his next step, he hears a grumbled “for fuck’s sake,” the voice clearly belonging to you.

He picks up the pace, not worried, but curiosity carrying him the rest of the way to the kitchen as he approaches the entry, his steps faltering as he nearly loses his grip on the bags in his hands.

When he left about two hours ago, it was a sparkling clean kitchen. Exactly how he liked it, especially since he was really the only one who cooked among the three of them.

But now. Now it was a disaster.

The counters, usually clean and free of clutter, were covered in what had to be every piece of cookware in the kitchen. In between the limited space of bowls and pans was flour, butter, Dean had no idea what else but holy shit was it a mess.

You’re bent over a counter, your back to Dean, not having noticed his presence.

“What the hell did you do to my kitchen?” Dean roars as he finally steps into the catastrophe that is his kitchen. Yes, his kitchen. He spends the most time out of anyone in there, and prided himself on keeping it sparkling.

You jump up at his voice and spin around, flour flying around you.

He drops his bags on the table, being that there is no room anywhere else, keeping his hard gaze on you as he stalks closer.

“I can explain,” you hold up your hands as he stops in front of you.

He raises his eyebrows and nods, silently letting you know to continue.

Instead of answering, you spin around, and Dean frowns, but without any time to linger on his confusion, he takes a quick step back as you quickly twirl back, this time, with something in your hands.

Dean looks down in disbelief.

“Is that…” He points at it, his anger falling away.

You fold your lips and nod.

“Homemade apple pie.” You lift it up as a peace offering. “Fresh out of the oven.” You finish with a smirk.

Dean runs his tongue over his teeth, nodding as he decides if he’s going to accept your bribe.

“Fine,” he concedes, taking the tin from your hands. You reach behind you and return with a fork, with Dean grabs with an “ah.”

Dean hurries over to the table, pushing aside the grocery bags as he takes a seat, carefully placing the pie in front of him with the utmost care.

He gives his hands a rub, taking in the golden lattices and glistening apples laying underneath, his mouth watering at the sight.

He picks up the fork and digs in, steam billowing as he lifts the fork to his mouth, not waiting for it to cool before it shoves it in.

He takes a bite, the apples not mushing beneath his teeth, and an overwhelming taste of salt exploding over his tongue.

“Soooo,” you come around the island and rest against it. “How is it?” You look at him with gleaming eyes.

“Great, sweetheart,” he mumbles over uncooked apples, taking a hard swallow.

“Does this mean I’m forgiven?” You plead.

Dean just raises his eyebrows with a tight smile and shoots you a thumbs up.

Forever Tags

@iprobablyshipit91 @likesiriusly @kittyque @findingfitnessforme @wonderange @deansgoddess @captainemwinchester @xtina2191 @smoothdogsgirl @mogaruke @chin-up-love @tsunadesenjuuchiha @lyarr24 @globetrotter28 @krazykelly

#dean x reader #dean x y/n #dean x you #dean winchester #dean reader insert #dean imagine #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fic #dean winchester imagine #SPN #spn fic #spn fanfic #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural fic #reader insert #spn x reader

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jayrockin · 1 year

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As a sequential art student how do I become as weird as you? Like do you have an illustration or seqa degree? I saw that you take science classes for funzee but what are your major inspirations? Like what made you realize you wanted to draw your own strange little people?😸

I have a biology degree 😅 Making great use of it, as you can see.

I draw pretty much compulsively, and I have been since I could hold a marker in my chubby toddler fist. I also grew up on the 00's internet with no supervision and read a bunch of webcomics and webmedia projects I was way too young for. Lots of illegally uploaded manga as well, of course. I drew comics because I read comics, they were just the medium I grew up saturated in.

I wouldn't describe my major creative influences as unanimously "good," as many of the formative comics of my youth were unfocused serialized disasters drawn by furries, weebs, transformation fetishists, and other such weirdos in their spare time. I think those kinds of unfiltered, self indulgent web projects with zero concern for broad appeal are interesting even when they're bad, though. They're such a clear window into the person who made them, and people are very interesting to me.

If you are looking to make your stuff weirder, just become more unapologetic about filling your art with the things you are interested in. Artists avoiding sincerity will find themselves with a more highly marketable product less vulnerable to criticism, but less invested in their own creations. Audience critique is valuable but if you try to please the people with irony poisoning, you will end up processing out everything that makes it interesting.

Learn what you want from your art, view critique through that lens. Allow your work to be goofy and imperfect and revealing. Allow sincerity to loop it back around to being genuinely cool. Become cringe and free.

#secondary lesson: become unapologetic about not including things in your work you dont give a shit about #jaytext #writing

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avaantares · 6 months

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Wait, Zhao Yunlan's gun is actually a...?!

(I've never claimed production meta for @guardianbingo before, but after the amount of time and research I put in on this, I feel like I've earned the "Zhao Yunlan's Gun or Whip" square, haha)

SO. GUYS.

Maybe this is something fandom as a whole figured out back in 2018, but I, who didn't hear of Guardian until 2020, did not realize until now and I need to share the knowledge because when I finally noticed, I made an unholy sound.

I've tracked down where Zhao Yunlan's gun came from -- or at least, what it most likely started as. Not the in-universe dark-energy-maybe-uses-bullets-maybe-doesn't-device-that's-best-not-thought-about-too-long, but rather the actual fake-steampunk-revolver-that-is-best-not-looked-at-too-long-because-it's-awful prop.

Y'know, this disaster:

I was actually working on a different Guardian Bingo fill and needed to look something up for continuity, so I'd flipped through a couple of episodes at super high speed trying to find a scene. As luck would have it, one of my skips forward happened to land on the scene I screencapped above, when ZYL confronts Zhang Shi.

Normally we don't get this clear (or this stationary) a shot of the godawful gun prop. I'd assumed all along they had just taken a plastic gun, glued some extra bits and bobs on it to make it look fancy, and hit it with some dry brushing (fun fact: you can watch the paint flake throughout the series; check out the top of the barrel and the side of the cylinder in the above screenshot!) to make it look #steampunk like the abandoned aesthetic of 25% of the show (as I've said before, I have theories about what happened in preproduction, but that's another post). This sort of thing is exactly what I've done for cheap cosplay weapons or background props for film work that aren't going to be seen at HD detail range.

Anyway, since the detail showed up better here than in other shots, I paused the video to look at the random screws and hex bolts (why??) they'd glued on it, since I recalled that I had the aforementioned gun/whip bingo square to fill.

That's when I noticed a detail that had eluded me before: An inverted V shape at the bottom of the grip.

Only looking more closely, that's not an inverted V. It's a symbol that I've seen a whole series of variations of over the past 15+ years... every time there's a new installment of the Assassin's Creed video game series:

So I started hunting. The principal weapons in each game turned up no matches, but eventually I found a gun that looks almost exactly like ZYL's:

It's not a perfect replica, but the details are certainly all there: The stylized logo; the leaves and swirls on the grip; the feathers up the back; even the Victorian scrollwork beneath the barrel.

Now, what's really interesting is that this gun isn't actually from the AC game series. It's part of an elaborate fan project by artist David Paget that started as a class assignment back in 2014. Even though it gathered a bit of steam in the AC fandom and generated a couple of forum role-play groups, OCs and the like, nothing about this artwork was ever connected to a real Assassin's Creed title. So why would there be a physical version of a gun that was only someone's fanart?

This is where the smoking gun (*rimshot*) goes missing, because I can't prove any of this, and it's been long enough that digging through the archives of the internet to find answers is going to take way more time than I can afford to spend on a project I'm not getting paid for. But there are two likely possibilities:

Scenario A: Some employee in a toy factory somewhere in China got told, "This Assassin's Creed franchise is really big, so we need to be producing replicas from those games to sell. Work up some designs." So the employee Googles "assassin's creed gun," finds David Paget's very professional-looking art, and whips up a replica to mass-injection-mold without realizing it's not actually from a game. Later, someone on the cash-strapped Guardian production team needs a gun to mod, and finds a cheap toy revolver on clearance after several years of sitting in storage because there was little demand for a replica of a gun that was never in a game. They buy several, glue hex bolts on the cylinder for reasons unknown, and poof! Instant pseudo-steampunk!

Scenario B: Other fans were involved in the design. Someone did build a 3D model of David Paget's design that's still available on Sketchfab (screenshot below), and it's not unreasonable to assume that other fans could have thought it looked cool and built 3D printable models. Later, someone on the cash-strapped Guardian production team needs a gun to mod, and acquires the 3D print file of one of those models from the interwebs. They mod the file a bit, print some, glue hex bolts on the cylinder for reasons unknown, and poof! Instant pseudo-steampunk!

Personally, I find Scenario A far more likely than Scenario B, for two reasons: First, the hero prop looks more injection molded than 3D printed, especially given the technical state of 3D printing back in 2017-8. And second... Budget-challenged dramas do have a history of picking up bulk video game replicas and using them as cheap props. I made a post back in 2019 about the WoW Horde shields we spotted in a different drama...

Anyway, no firm answers about the source of the hero prop -- the world may never know! -- but we have now confirmed that in some alternate universe (possibly one of the first eighty?), Zhao Yunlan and/or Zhao Xinci is an Assassin.

Wait, wait, wait... *recalls mechanics of how the whole Assassin's Creed frame story is supposed to work* Uh... so... who wants to write a genetic memory explanation for the whole Kunlun -> [lots of lifetimes] -> Zhao Yunlan thing?

(I did actually check the catalogue of a friend of mine who makes replicas of props from various media franchises to see if he'd done a commission of the David Paget design, since a surprising number of his custom pieces actually do end up on film and television, but while he has a gorgeous replica of a revolver that actually appears in an AC game, it appears he has not done the Zhao Yunlan gun. I didn't really think it likely, since he's in the U.S., but you never know.)

#guardian #zhen hun #c-drama #guardian bingo #assassin's creed #tv props #it's always fun when my various hats end up stacked on top of one another

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compostboy · 1 year

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Reigen Needs To Win The 2023 Tumblr Sexyrematch & Here's Why

(Spoiler warning for mp100)

Reigen Arataka is the best candidate, but also has the best motif. When thinking of a tumblr sexyman we want someone who is an unattractive disaster in many ways but is easy to yassify and slutify.

Disclaimer: This is a very lazy breakdown of his character and not meant to be a serious analysis, partially because I am very insane over him and would be putting way too much of my own personal headcanons and fantheories in that no one would want to read and partially because I want to go make lunch soon

In canon Reigen is a conman with a good but somewhat selfish heart and he manipulates children for money, and when his 14 year old student temporarily leaves him he gets depressed and drinks his sorrows away and vomits, except the bartender says something about not even having served him alcohol. He crashes his whole career in a fit of hubris. Certified pathetic man. Sewer rat energy at many points in the story.

His heart is in the right place and he has a redemption! It is very emotionally satisfying and he is willing to die for his student who he previously used and lied for. Ultimate sweetheart, perfect husband material, you want this man to raise your kids but not to file your taxes. Possibly divorce material? Wouldn't key your car I don't think

Gets a nicer and nicer ass as the anime progresses.

Known outside his fandom! My own mutual is reading my nsfw Reigen fanfiction and they haven't even watched or read the source material

Could be fucked by anyone and still be hot, the ship isn't even important at this point he could do it solo

Ultimate dilf number one babygirl hottest anime woman etc etc

Was disgraced by Sans Undertale, needs this rematch to take back his honour and receive the final title as a crown on his hard work to be the hottest character on the Internet

His theme song 'go go Reigen’ is very good to do your chores or homework to, gives you just the right sense of urgency

Multifaceted! You can do whatever you want with this man it is very easy to rotate him in your mind

Wears a suit as per tradition

Modern yet traditional, similarities to our one and only Onceler in that he owns a company that doesn't have the most ethical business practices except Reigen is actually very caring and kind and he is the sexyman for the future

Vote Reigen Arataka

#reigen arataka #reigen #reigensweep #reigen sweep #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #sexyman #tumblr sexyman #tumblr sexyrematch #sexymanotd #reigen campaign #reigen sexyman campaign #reigen arataka campaign #reigen for sexyman 2023

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mostlysignssomeportents · 8 months

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Saturday linkdump, part the sixth

On September 12 at 7pm, I'll be at Toronto's Another Story Bookshop with my new book The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation.

On September 14, I'm hosting the EFF Awards in San Francisco.

I usually write this blog 5-6 days/week, but every now and again, I take a break, and when I do, I get massive link backlogs of stuff I want to write about, but lack the time to address in depth. When that happens, I turn my Saturday edition into a linkdump. Today, I present the sixth in the series – here's the other five:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/linkdump/

Why was I offline and away from my blog? I went to the dirt rave. Yes, I was one of the 70,000+ people stuck in the mud at this year's Burning Man, and when I emailed my editor at the New York Times to say I might be late on the op-ed I was working on, she asked me to write about what this year's mud crisis meant:

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/06/opinion/burning-man-flood-playa-climate-change.html

tl;dr:

Bad weather is normal at Burning Man (it's a feature, not a bug);

Mostly burners leapt to the occasion, which is what people almost always do in disaster situations;

This is the second Burning Man heavy weather year in a row;

The climate emergency is tipping the Black Rock Desert from "extremely challenging" to "impossible";

This isn't the last event, place and tradition that will have to be radically reconsidered in light of the climate emergency;

But now I'm home, in my hammock, with all the laundry done – just in time to leave again. I'm about to head back to my hometown of Toronto for a book launch. The Internet Con, my latest nonfiction (from Verso Books) came out last week, and I'll be appearing at Another Story Bookshop on Tuesday:

https://anotherstory.ca/events/29283

Internet Con is a "Big Tech disassembly manual." It explains how Big Tech got so big (lax anti-monopoly enforcement, which led to regulatory capture, which let Big Tech abuse our privacy, labor rights, and consumer rights), and how we can use interoperability so it's no longer Too Big to Fail, nor Too Big to Jail:

https://www.versobooks.com/products/3035-the-internet-con

You can read a long excerpt from the book in Wired, which lays out some of the shovel-ready legislative, regulatory and technical proposals that are the book's main purpose:

https://www.wired.com/story/the-internet-con-cory-doctorow-book-excerpt/

You can also hear me read the whole introduction and first chapter of the audiobook on my podcast:

https://craphound.com/internetcon/2023/08/01/the-internet-con-how-to-seize-the-means-of-computation-audiobook-outtake/

That comes from the audiobook, a DRM-free, independent edition that I financed, produced and narrated myself. You can get the audiobook everywhere except Audible, Apple Books, and Audiobooks.com, all of which have mandatory DRM policies. You can also get it direct from me:

https://transactions.sendowl.com/products/78992826/DEA0CE12/purchase

The DRM-free ebook is available everywhere ebooks are sold (Kobo, Kindle, Nook, etc), as well as in my own DRM-free ebook store:

https://transactions.sendowl.com/products/78992801/9C4FC2B8/purchase

Verso's books are sold in bookstores around the world; you can support your local bookseller by buying it through Bookshop:

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-internet-con-how-to-seize-the-means-of-computation-cory-doctorow/18771891?ean=9781804291245

If you'd like a signed copy, there's stock at Book Soup:

https://www.booksoup.com/book/9781804291245

Now, it was inevitable that I would do a book event for Internet Con in Toronto – I've never had a bad event there, and I love my hometown – but the timing of this event was driven by a non-book-related factor. Talking Heads is appearing together at TIFF, to support the re-release of Stop Making Sense, the greatest concert film in human history:

https://pluralistic.net/StopMakingSense

People often ask me what my favorite book is, and I always tell them that you should never trust people who have one favorite book, as it inevitably turns out to be The Bible, The Fountainhead, or Mein Kampf. But while I don't have a favorite book, I have a clear and unambiguous favorite band.

If I was forced to listen to no music other than Talking Heads for the rest of my life, I would be perfectly happy. Ecstatic, even. Throw in David Byrne, Tom Tom Club and Casual Gods and I probably wouldn't even notice anything missing.

There's a running joke among my Burning Man campmates that whenever I'm in charge of the music, I'm just shuffling Talking Heads rarities, and whenever someone puts on anything else, I demand to know which Talking Heads album it came from. Which is all to say: I have tickets for the Talking Heads event at TIFF and I could *not be more excited.*

Continuing on the Canadian theme, one of the annual highlights of Canadian media is the Massey Lectures, a series of public lectures given around the country and rebroadcast on CBC. These are always great, but recent years have been superb – Ron Deibert's 2020 series was unmissable:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/10/dark-matter/#citizenlab

This year's Masseys are shaping up to be the GOAT. They're presented by Astra Taylor, an activist rock-and-roller turned documentary filmmaker who is one of the founders of the Debt Collective, fighting for student debt cancellation. Everything Astra does is amazing and her profile on CBC Ideas gives some background on the role that unschooling played in making her the powerful activist she is today:

https://www.cbc.ca/radio/ideas/astra-taylor-interview-2023-massey-lecturer-1.6959320

There's no question that things are messed up right now, but Astra and people like her shine out like beacons of hope. 17 years ago, self-described "democracy nut" Tom Stites gave one of the seminal lectures on the role news media play in democracy:

http://citmedia.org/blog/2006/07/03/guest-posting-is-media-performance-democracys-critical-issue/

17 years later – and from his perch as editor at the essential International Consortium of Investigative Journalists – Stites presents us a long-overdue, extremely pertinent followup: "Building Civic Energy is the Goal, Not Saving Old News Business Models":

https://banyanproject.coop/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/Hope-College-speech-for-Banyan-website-1.pdf

Stites's intervention is extremely timely, because policymakers all over the world have made the mistake of thinking that Big Tech is stealing the news media's content, which is absolutely untrue. It is good, actually, to index news stories and let people discuss, quote from and link to news stories. News you're not allowed to talk about isn't news, it's a secret.

But Big Tech is stealing from news. They're not stealing content – they're stealing money. The Google/Apple duopoly rakes 30% off every subscription payment collected in an app. The Google/Meta duopoly rakes 51% out of every ad-dollar (and maintain that death-grip through creepy, privacy-invading surveillance ads). Meta and Twitter hold social media subscribers hostage, forcing publishers to pay to reach their own subscribers.

We don't want the news to be Big Tech's partners – we need them to be Big Tech's watchdogs. "Link taxes" and other profit-sharing arrangements between the media and tech cut against the civic energy Stites wants to build.

(You can read more about this – along with policy prescriptions for halting Big Tech's rent-extraction from the news – in "Saving the News From Big Tech," my EFF white-paper:)

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2023/04/saving-news-big-tech

If your spirits are lifted by stories of principled activists achieving important – and improbable – victories, you could do worse than to attend the EFF Awards on in San Francisco Sept 14 (I'm the emcee). This year, we're honoring Alexandra Elbakyan for her founding of Sci-Hub, the Library Freedom Project and the Signal Foundation:

https://www.eff.org/awards/effawards/2023

In more activist news: Mozilla produced a startling and astoundingly good – if demoralizing – report on the state of digital privacy and security in the automotive sector:

https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/privacynotincluded/articles/its-official-cars-are-the-worst-product-category-we-have-ever-reviewed-for-privacy/

Entitled, "It’s Official: Cars Are the Worst Product Category We Have Ever Reviewed for Privacy," the report reveals just how absolutely terrible the automotive sector is when it comes to privacy practices, collecting (and selling) (and giving away) information about your sex life, your geneology, your genetic characteristics, and your smell (no, seriously).

Their recommendations for which new car you should buy boil down to "don't buy a new car." I have been urging consumer research groups to release a report like this for a decade. There are whole categories of gadgets – like, say, "smart speakers" – that are unsafe at any speed. At a certain point, reviewers need to have the guts to say that every manufacturer in an entire sector is a dumpster fire and they should all be dragged in front of a firing squad – or at least a Congressional committee.

Cars, after all, are nightmares of privacy invasion and rent-extraction, the source of autoenshittification on a massive scale, a mobile form of technofeudalism:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

The fact that cars score so badly on privacy is especially ironic given the campaign Big Car waged against the 2020 Massachusetts Right to Repair ballot initiative, in which car manufacturers held themselves out as the defenders of driver privacy from unscrupulous third parties who couldn't be trusted to handle the vast troves of data your car collects with every hour that God sends:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/03/rip-david-graeber/#rolling-surveillance-platforms

This is a familiar refrain: monopolists often claim that any check on their absolute authority over their users will expose those users to privacy risks. Apple has run a global ad-campaign claiming this, and while Apple does prevent Facebook from spying on iPhone owners, they also secretly spy on those customers in exactly the same way that Facebook used to, and lie about it:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar

It turns out that giant companies just aren't good proxies for their customers' interests, and that the power they amass through monopolization shouldn't be counted on as a source of user safety. Monopolists won't reliably defend user privacy – that job belongs to democratically accountable regulators. That's an argument I developed in detail with Bennett Cyphers in our EFF white-paper "Privacy Without Monopoly":

https://www.eff.org/wp/interoperability-and-privacy

That is, rather than getting privacy by "voting with your wallet," you need to get it by voting with your ballot. "The market" is an election that you vote in with dollars, which means that the people with the most dollars always win. When there are zero cars on the market that are safe to drive, you can't vote with your wallet by buying a good one.

On a related subject, the DOJ Antitrust Division has brought the most important tech anti-monopoly case of the century, charging Google with monopolizing search:

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/06/technology/modern-internet-first-monopoly-trial-us-google-dominance.html

Part of the DOJ case turns on the fact that Google goes to extraordinary lengths to keep you from every trying another search engine, paying out more than $45 billion every year to be the default search on every device, program and service you might use. In other words, Google spends entire Twitter's worth of dollars every year, lighting it on fire to keep you from finding out about rivals.

Google argues that this is fine, actually, because these are only defaults, and users can dig through their settings to change their search engine. Sure, Google – and the first 20 search results you serve are only defaults, and it wouldn't matter if you were ordered to put them ten screens down, because users could always scroll to see them.

But search defaults aren't the only way that Google locks in searchers – and then harms us by invading our privacy. Google's ubiquitous Chrome browser ties Google's search to Google's invasive, nonconsensual, total surveillance. Chrome turned 15 this year and Google made a huge PR splash out of the anniversary:

https://blog.google/products/chrome/google-chrome-new-features-redesign-2023/

But all that puffery conspicuously failed to mention that Google had quietly rolled out its long-discredited, new surveillance technology, FLOC, which it pretended to kill in 2021:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/22/ihor-kolomoisky/#not-that-competition

FLOC is back, rebranded as the Topics API: this is a system for spying on you so advertisers can target you. Google is spinning this as a privacy improvement because it might someday replace "third party cookies," one of the creepiest web surveillance systems.

But as Ron Amadeo writes for Ars Technica, Chrome is the last major browser to support third party cookies – both Safari and Firefox block them by default. So Google is basically saying, "We are going to improve your privacy by changing how we spy on you, even though all our competitors don't do this kind of spying at all":

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2023/09/googles-widely-opposed-ad-platform-the-privacy-sandbox-launches-in-chrome/

This kind of gaslighting, where Google pisses in all our mouths and tells us it's raining, is the hallmark of a decrepit, arrogant, crapulent monopolist that needs to be shattered in the courts. Kudos to the DoJ for doing the people's business here – and kudos to DoJ antitrust boss Jonathan Kanter for promising that he will not go into corporate law when he finishes his stint in government.

The DoJ isn't the only public agency that's serving the American people. The FCC just announced proceedings to force cybersecurity labels for "smart" devices:

https://www.fcc.gov/consumer-governmental-affairs/fcc-proposes-cybersecurity-labeling-program-smart-devices

This is long overdue, and it's a welcome action from the FCC, which was hamstrung for years because cowardly Democratic senators joined with homophobic, libelous Republicans in blocking confirmation hearings for the amazing Gigi Sohn:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/15/useful-idiotsuseful-idiots/#unrequited-love

After years of abuse, Sohn bowed out. Now, Anna Gomez has been confirmed to fill that fifth FCC chair, turning the FCC into a fully operational battle station:

https://www.fiercewireless.com/wireless/senate-votes-approve-anna-gomez-5th-fcc-commissioner

The fact that there's all this great stuff going on in the administrative branch is easy to lose sight of amidst the circus of federal electoral politics, in which Donald Trump has retained his role as ringmaster and chief distractor.

Thankfully, we have expert Pantsless Emperor skewerers like Ruben Bolling around – his latest Tom the Dancing Bug revives his brilliant Calvin and Hobbes-inspired Trump gag:

https://boingboing.net/2023/09/06/tom-the-dancing-bug-a-calvinesque-and-hobbesian-look-at-taking-a-mug-shot.html

Well, that's me signing off for the weekend – I've got to pack for my flight to Toronto. If you're looking for more weekend fun, check out the trailer for Fractured Veil, the video game my old pal Chris DiBona has been working on for seven years and which is heading for Steam early access next month:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjNd3QQnENU

Just watch it. I mean. Wow.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/09/nein-nein/#everything-is-miscellaneous

Image: Roel Schroeven (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/roelschroeven/45413895

CC BY-SA 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

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