#i just cant stand it NOW

[getoswhore]

when m twenty m retiring from writing ngl LKSDJFLKDJ

#i #idk #i just cant stand it NOW #id probs be too busy with work #n life #sob #cause rn m jobless LKJDFLKDFJ #its so hard finding a job here after the move #SIGHHHHH #i think ill end up actually writing real books #cause i like #real #stuff #KLJLKFJSDLFKJ #id still be lurking tho ngl #maybe just archive this one day #or complelty delete my entire acc n act like i was never on this hell site #;LDKF;SLDKF;LK #why am i thinking so far into the future #help

[realstrap]

05/13/2024

‼️needed ASAP!!!‼️

Hey, so one of my coworkers at my job just quit this week and management off loaded all their hours on to me bc our department is short staffed

I now have multiple full shifts this week with no food for lunches! I've been skipping meals at work due to lack of funds and my body really can't take it anymore! I need to be able to feed myself.

I need $180 for groceries for my lunches plus household toiletries, I'm having a real rough time before I get paid, pls lend a hand if you Can!!

CA: $lezsalt or $sleepyhen

VM: wildwotko

Dm 4 PP

#sorry we are poor #shout out to her for standing up to managements bullshit #but like girl im gonna miss you 😭 #now im just surrounded by cishet dudes #thank you for the hours ig but i need to eat i cant just keep enduring

[yrsonpurpose]

Please stay gorgeous and strong and unbelievable. I miss you I miss you I miss you I love you. I’m calling you as soon as I send this, but I know you like to have these things written down. A ✿ / ❀

#rwrb #rwrbedit #red white and royal blue #alex x henry #firstprince #userninz #userveronika #chrissiewatts #usernuria #usersteen #userclara #usermegsb #usermaloune #mine* #been wanting to make a full one of these since the movie came out so now... the full (incomplete) list!! #something about this email thread just makes me want to stand in a dark room and scream #the realisation alex has about henry offering alex an out and that it actually Was a big deal to him to say that #if no ones loving me like this then keep it i dont want it #'i know you like to have these things written down' and then it gets leaked 😔😔😔 #alex saying that he cant match henry for prose but coming up with this list anyway #bc henry doesnt need all of the fancy words in the same way he just needs alex. and HIS words. and how he expresses his love in his own way #mhmm.

[robotpussy]

#polls #personally i dont like it but thats only because i dont like fandom. the type of stuff that gets the most attention #in fandom usually just annoys me idk. how to explain it in a way that wont come off as me saying #fanfic or whatever is evil its just the fact that it just bombards alot of the conversations? #i prefer it when the thing i like has 10 fans and theyre all on one message board or forum #like for example mtvs downtown is getting popular but apart from annoying #'me and the mid nerd guy i copped by being weird and sexy' posts its not awful.... #but then smth like... clone high or smth i suddenly cant remember ppl just got so annoying abt that show?? #like i cant stand it i dont even bother watching it anymore plus its just weird to me now like i can't watch it regardless #im just rambling but personally i do not like it. like i dont want what i like to get a revival #i dont want anything new! i just want to enjoy the thing and move on 😭 #fandom seems to prioritize shipping and memes over evaluating or simply just enjoying something! #this goes for anything. music film tv books....

[aroaceleovaldez]

Nico and Percy's dynamic through the series is eternally funny to me, because it's just. like.

Percy's having a constant mental struggle between his fatal flaw of loyalty with a promise he made to Bianca to protect Nico, versus his Big 3 kid desire to maim other Big 3 kids / Poseidon descendant urge to totally maim Nico specifically. He hates Nico so so much. He thinks Nico's annoying and weird at best, and creepy/sketchy when he's older. The only positive thoughts Percy has towards Nico are "He's Bianca's brother and Bianca was my friend and I owe her/He's Hazel's brother and Hazel is my friend and would kill me if I was mean to him," "He's a powerful asset and useful ally (if questionable)," and "He's kinda pathetic and I feel maybe a little bad about it." Percy has multiple occasions throughout the series where he strongly considers - and on one occasionally actually goes through with - throttling Nico.

Meanwhile, Nico is following around Percy like a lost puppy. He explicitly can never bring himself to even dislike anything about Percy no matter how hard he tries. He has a whole bit in BoO where he's mentally going "UGH he's so stupid BUT IT'S ENDEARING HOW DARE HE." He's totally smitten. He's making deals with his dad for Percy. He's making convoluted plans to help Percy stand a chance against Kronos. During the entirety of BoTL it's like he's playing tsundere - "I'm helping NOT PERCY SPECIFICALLY with this quest! Me helping Percy would be SILLY because I DEFINITELY HATE HIM." Then he proceeds to show up to Percy's birthday party to basically ask him on a weird date and spend the entire next book scrambling around trying to help him or protect him or impress him. And Percy could not give less of a shit.

Just. That dynamic is so funny to me. Percy is the founder of the Nico Protection Club in that he's the one they're all protecting Nico from and meanwhile Nico is throwing himself at Percy to the point where the literal god of gay love calls him out on it.

#pjo #percy jackson #nico di angelo #Percy shows up at CJ and squints at Nico like ''hm. why do i feel like i hate you? like i just wanna punch you in the face?'' #and Nico just immediately goes ''huh no idea anyways i have to go-'' and jumps into Tartarus #but not before he gives Hazel essentially a detailed explanation of ''this is Percy i cant say much but please dont let him die <3'' #and Nico's whole Tartarus trip was basically a whole ''im doing this so no one else has to'' #only for Percy and Annabeth to fall in like one book later and Nico proceeds to spend the next book internally screaming about it #and then Cupid calls him out on it and the next book #Nico's just like ''at this point im hoping i keel over within the next week just so i can force this dumb crush to chill the fuck out'' #Nico staring pointedly at Will: ''For my own sake i need to form another crush RIGHT NOW so i can finally get over Percy.'' #''this has been so bad for my health'' #Nico's crush on Percy is just too funny to me. horrible pick my guy. terrible job. love that for you. he could not be less interested. #Percy LITERALLY TRIES TO KILL NICO and ditch him in the underworld and Nico is somehow STILL like ''but i love him'' #Percy basically chokes him. beats up his dad. tells him ''go get smited by your dad for me.'' and ditches him. #and Nico's opinions/crush on him DO NOT CHANGE #though also Nico's reaction to Percy beating up his dad + skeletons is SO funny. his jaw is on the floor. he's flustered about it. #he just witnessed Percy be incredibly hot and proceeded to go ''yea i'll do anything for this man. collect reinforcements of 3 gods? sure'' #nico you absolute DISASTER with HORRIBLE TASTE. you can do better. raise your standards. #which tbh is funnier when you factor in sun and the star. Nico just wont stop crushing on guys who dislike him and everything he stands for

[fauvester]

little moshang fan kid <3

spoiled, aloof, a bit of a bitch, terminally 'weak constitution'-ed, lowkey lazy, prefers reading his dailies in the office and pretending to do paperwork to fighting

#svsss #moshang #he DOES grow up and becomes a respectable demon prince eventually. but hes a cold disinterested spoiled brat as a teen #shang qinghua rides his ass because he KNOWS that hes slacking on the paperwork that hes pretending to do #but unfortunately thats His Baby and he cant be TOO strict (this attitude not extended towards binghe... sad) #crawling out of mirrors like The Grunge to scare the transmigrated soul out of uncle sqq #he got his love of shiny shiny jangly accessories from aunt sha hualing #when he was a baby everyone in court was trying to poison him for political reasons #but didnt realize that since hes only half demon full demon poisons wont kill him #so for years moshang just thought their kid had like. horrible IBS. lack toast and tolerance that almost kills you #and even now as a young man hes like.... ah... sadly my body is too frail to go on ceremonial monster hunts with father.. #my greatest love language for a series..... making fankids #his fighting style is Very elegantly avoiding all attacks. poor MBJ like JUST STAND TALL AND TAKE A HIT LIKE A FUTURE DEMON KING #his poor firstborn son like Why would I do that. getting beaten up is very unpleasant. i would personally like to avoid that

[rosetterer]

If you're going to be mad that a canon ship has 1000+ fics when HenRen also has that amount but spread out over several years, then you should be furious that a non-canon m/m ship has 25k+ fics... you know, if this REALLY was about caring about the way that people write for lesbian couples compared to gay couples...

Just like some of y'all all of a sudden care about the female love interests

And just like you all of a sudden care about racism

But... it's not really about all that, now is it?

#its all about tommy getting in the way of buck and you fucking know it #911 abc #like YOU DONT ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT ALL THIS #Now youre standing up for the female lis when buck has a male one that isnt eddie #where were you before?? #liking bucktommy is racist because they are both white and now you care bc its tommy #not when most of his other lis were white #now you care about the lesbians and how “little” fic they have written for them when bucktommy is catching up to them fast #but you never cared before #did you? #these are all real issues but you cant pretend like you care about them. you just care about your own ship going canon #and as someone who likes buddie... at this point i wish that it doesnt go canon bc 90% of you dont deserve it #bucktommy #evan buckley #911 on abc #tommy kinard #tevan #fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck #someone post this on twitter i dont give a fuck #cant edit right now but the first tag is supposed to say buck and eddie oooooops

[skitskatdacat63]

Can we talk about how in all the 2011 Post-Qualifying pics, Jense and Seb are always gravitating towards each other, and then Mark/Lewis are just🧍‍♂️

#theyre like this in 2009 as well tbh....the australia ones...omg #but 2011 stuck out to me just bcs theyre so often together #the hungary one(2nd on left) is by far the funniest to me like why is lewis standing so far away 😭 #the sebmarkson ones its a little less obvious cause theyre an ot3 yknow 🥰 #but seb imo always is leaning towards jense #but those 3 are mostly pretty close but it feels like lewis always was standing specifically apart 😭 #(maybe one day ill make a 2009 version but i cant spoil myself!) #also im telling you sebson would be so popular if they existed now #lestappen who? these are *my* emotional support rivals 🤭🤭🤭 #only have eyes for each other genuinely!!!!! #like look at any quali/parc ferme/podium/champagne pic theyre always focused on each other #seriously they would pop off in today's fandom #jenson always with the proprietary arm curled over seb's shoulder #ALSO NOT PICTURED #all the other pics from these but its specifically them cropped and like being silly with each other and looking at each other lovingly #also yes Grace if you see this this post *is* because im reading Solar Flare again #f1 #formula 1 #sebson #jenson button #sebastian vettel #mark webber #lewis hamilton

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[astronomodome]

#yes the fishing rod just hovers there and grian bird stands next to it #listen ive already decided grian is just a really weird bird i cant go back on that now #hermitcraft #grian

[slavhew]

coughing and hacking

//

Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave /

...well, better than the alternative /

Outliars and Hyppocrates: a fun fact about apples /

Love, Me Normally

//

#drrr!! #drrr #durarara!! #durarara #izaya orihara #shizuo heiwajima #shizaya #will wood #admin draws #fanart #i hate this album (i love it to pieces) (i bought it on bandcamp and you should too) #you should also listen to it whole not just these that manifested as acute mental illness #and please please PLEASSEEE imagine izaya specifically doing an onstage monologue with that last one <3 heart love but no peace. oooh no. #i once spent an hour and a half listening to it back to back with izaya in mind and cried and shitted in hallus dms the whole time #i fucking cant stand him AND THE CURRENT BLORBO IS ALSO ADSORBING THE WILL WOOD SONGS. KILLING SELF #anyways. will wood so fucking good . please . jump in the sauce with me #edit it is now apr 18th i have now officially fucking failed in holding back the onslaught of will wood thoughts about new blorbo #lucky that i still dotn know how to translate the thoughts into an interestign visual format otherwise #it would be so fucking over already otherwise

[3-aem]

i also don’t want to portray myself as faultless. my work isn’t ai and it isn’t copied. but nk will say i Had old pieces that were copied and referenced ai. Yet it isn’t good faith when i apologize, state how i took accountability, and explain thats definitely not the case today because i learned my lessons- to respond with well you made these mistakes in the past so how can i believe you, you are lying, and have not changed.

so i quit. how can i prove myself then besides what i mentioned in the last post. my question is will you even ALLOW me to prove myself. each time i must explain, i place a spotlight on something that was resolved agreeably with the artists, resolved by removing the works, and resolved within myself by learning from it. but by not saying something i also allow You to concoct narratives and have to watch people spread them around and come to me demanding apologies. it is a very uncomfortable very distressing process that has worn me down completely.

never mind that other artists who have copied have not nearly been requested to apologize as much as i have been. never mind that they were forgiven when they removed the works or even when they just say sorry and don’t remove the work at all. But you still choose to hound me afterwards for doing just that?

nk has stated that i have not fixed this. and that i must address it. how many times though? for how long also? who on this planet starts the conversation by recounting all their mistakes, especially when they know they are resolved.

i have had to learn my lessons through cruelty like yours. trust me its a trauma i have to bear and they are not lessons you then forget.

my anger and my feelings of defeat come from the fact that even after nk was still talking like i had not even attempted to make progress. just look at your tone here.

#im going to fking throw up this is the last time i will ever say this #do not come begging to be for another apology i am done #i will never address this issue again okay #i need to say this because no matter what when i see people supporting me now i feel guilty #i recognize it is just because i hate myself #it is because i havent accepted i made mistakes #but i cant accept it because people cant accept it #i cant accept it and i cant move on #and that is why i think its best to leave art #i cant make work i am proud of anymore #i dont want to list names of artists #but i will say that when king chris reposted my work without credit i viewed it the same as when i referenced other artists work #but there was no callout no request even from the comments for credit #and he has millions of followers #i felt like i could not stand up for myself because i have this history #because of this history i can never properly defend myself i feel i must always kneel to it #even though i have changed and realized i was wrong i still have to acknowledge it always

[beaulesbian]

It's time to rewrite this story.

#nimona #nimonaedit #nimona movie #ballister boldheart #ballister blackheart #ambrosius goldenloin #nimona netflix #mine #gif:nimona #netflixedit #nimona spoilers #you know how that little girl is there multiple times shes so important #bc thats the thing nimona really cant stand to see - someone so young turned against her already #bc that view on others can be changed and manipulated just like it happened with gloreth #and even after 1000 years nimona wanted to just burn and destroy things in the beginning with her plan #but she was hurt and betrayed again and sadly turned it all inwards at herself.. until ballister reached her #and then actually rewrote her story! the narrative that told everyone shes a monster she took it and changed it and ppl saw her as nimona! #the parallels are just insane in this movie i still have some thoughts #sorry rlly kinda like that i can post more than 10gifs now that i have to have the new editor #long post

[moeblob]

You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

#moe talks a lot #i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry #and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds #LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO #shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds #BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER #i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up #i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong #after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before #YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain #oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older #and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds #holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang #sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat #but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like #welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant #anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain #im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake #but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry #anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering

[lunarharp]

when an obsessed orufrey person plays ace attorney for the first time in a while

#witch hat tag #orufrey #you know those times when the defendant is still in shambles at the end of a case because it was not a clear-cut thing #but you get to present one Special Sentimental piece of evidence that proves not all is lost #qifrey's breakdown would be like... he turns up calm and pleasant like dahlia kristoph gant etc but very quickly: #well first he's hiding his scar so you have to use the bracelet and also you find out about the seal on his hat using that. #eventually he is throwing water that comes out of nowhere like that coffee prosecutor guy. and his cape starts billowing #the more he breaks down his neck thingies start coming undone btw. To represent his descent into guilt and his LIES becoming undone. #course as the player i have already used my magatama and seen his 35894 psychelocks. but theyre those BLACK psychelocks #representing his repressed memories taken by the brimhats. also his glasses shatter out of nowhere when you keep presenting evidence #and tartah's testimony etc. and the player is like UHH this guy is A PUPPET MASTER but coco's heartfelt testimony commands the tone #and of course he's someone who has been twisted and damaged by trauma like adrian andrews. the mastermind is of course the brimhats #only me with my magatama knows that... only i can do it. It has to be me..... #just like how as the reader i can see everything about qifrey and i can hold him dear as much as i judge him #whereas if i were oru things would not be ok unless memories can be restored and mentally ill decisions can be illuminated #WELL ANYWAY !!!!! what i appreciate about ace attorney is its ability to mix silliness with seriousness #i cant usually make jokes about serious heavy heartbreaking stuff in witch hat because it is all very intense emotions for me #but i appreciate ace attorney's mix of sincerity and psychological pain and the inherent silliness to being a character in a situation #so.....Get Iguin on the stand. Now. BAILIFF.. TAKE OFF THE MASK #i would most love to be able to prove qifrey's eyesight is failing. hed be like I have no reason to pursue the brimhats (smiles pleasantly) #and it would be like You're lowering your gaze.. proof that the court lighting is too harsh for you..! #his glasses would crack at that moment btw. I used apollo's bracelet and saw the glyphs on the glass. #I know all about u. and i will save u

[leverage-ot3]

okay but the parallel between hardison using eliot as an example of redemption to harry in the panamanian monkey job and eliot saying he could never be redeemed (and he’s made peace with that) to sophie in the finale

#something something everyone can see how eliot has been redeemed but eliot. eliot will never believe it #something something hardison looks at the man who has stood beside him and protected him for over a decade and seeing him as redeemed #hardison watching him risk his life day after day after day month after month year after year #and knowing in his heart that this is what they stand for. this is what they strive for. to do better. to be better #and to hardison? eliot is the epitome of that #it breaks his heart that eliot can’t see that #parker wants to shake him he’s being stupid ‘ELIOT CANT YOU SEE’ ‘YOU ARE GOOD’ #hardison as he joins in shaking eliot: ‘YOU ARE A GOOD MAN PLS BELIEVE US WE ARE RIGHT UR WRONG’ #insert me with the always sunny conspiracy corkboard with red string connecting these two plot elements #i’ve connected the dots #i’ve connected them #I am Not posting this at peak time or anything I just had this thought just now and almost lost it #leverage redemption #leverage ot3 #meta #parker x hardison x eliot #eliot spencer meta #eliot spencer #leverage #parallels #the panamanian monkey job #the crowning achievement job #leverage redemption s2 #leverage redemption s1 #leverage redemption 2.13 #leverage redemption 1.02 #mine #people pls like this show me I’m not going crazy