#i make myself sad with my own art

[emderperq]

“I’ll be home soon, Flapjack…”

“…time to go home, Flap”

#ASGSGDHDHFH #im still not over this #not sorry for any emotional damage this causes #the owl house #more like the ow house #the owl house fanart #toh #toh fanart #hunter toh #hunter toh fanart #flapjack toh #art #digital art #fanart #artist #digital artist #thanks to them #thanks to them fanart #i make myself sad with my own art

[youchangedmedestiel]

So apparently it has been a year since I started this blog/joined Tumblr, according to Tumblr itself.

And today I got inspired so I draw. I hope you'll like what I did. I'm very shy about this, I considered giving up multiple times because it wasn't perfect. And there is a lot of amazing art out there. Plus, it has been more than a year since I draw something and even before that it was years ago, anyway I'm out of practice so I'm not so confident about my drawing skills anymore.

I never know when I should stop adding or deleting a pencil stroke. But whatever, even if it's not great I have nothing to lose, and this goes for everybody (maybe I'll inspire someone else to get back to drawing or even start doing so for the first time).

It's a pic from my phone so the quality is what it is, sorry. I also didn't have a pencil sharpener with me.

Anyway, here's my little sketch book that I should fill and the pic that inspired me:

#dean winchester #sad dean winchester #I mean look at his eye #it seems like he is about to cry #my poor baby #he is my muse apparently #I love dean winchester so much #so it makes sense #anyway I turned the thing into destiel because I can't help myself #destiel #deancas #still beautiful still dean winchester #fanart #dean art #dean fanart #destiel art #destiel fanart #sort of #should I dare create an art tag of my own #not sure I can draw as often as others #nor as well #anyway let's try #there'll be one at least #my destiel fanart #1 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone

[teejaystumbles]

(Ice is starting to form Ending what had begun I am locked in my head With what I've done

I know you tried to rescue me Didn't let anyone get in Left with a trace of all that was And all that could've been)

Please take this And run far away Far away from me I am tainted The two of us Were never meant to be

All these pieces And promises and left-behinds If only I could see In my nothing You meant everything Everything to me

[x]

#did I just make myself terribly sad because in my head was only the phrase 'take this' for this picture #and it led to me coming back to this NIN song that has crushed me since forever (as the title on my blog proves lol) #this is probably dreamling #dream of the endless #the sandman fanart #own art #teejaystumbles

[orcelito]

Wild that anytime I post an update a lot of people read it and are even excited about it and have their own thoughts and reactions to it that I'll never know.

Comments are only the very tip of the iceberg with it. And I am Very grateful to commenters for letting me in on it. But in the same way that I'll be excited with my friends when a fic we love updates, it's likely that Other people enthuse with Their friends when my fic updates. And it's just so strange. An experience I'll never have access to.

Everyone's relationship with my fic is unique. So many different people with so many different circumstances and preferences... and the number of people that have told me that my fic is one of their favorites, some even saying it's their Favorite favorite... every single one of them have their own relationship with my writing.

It's just interesting to me. I think and think and think on my writing. I have my plans for basically the entire fic, the way I want it to end already thought out, all the major plot beats and the relationship progressions, All of that thought out. I love my writing so very much, but I'm on the inside looking out. This is my mechanical horse, and I'm in here laying out the groundwork and pulling levers and constructing limbs, puttering away making the horse move. Forever and always, my relationship with it will be more intimate than anyone's, and yet more clinical. Because I know it better than the back of my own hand, but I'll never have the experience of reading it fresh. Of reading it without knowing everything that's going to happen from now to the end and beyond. I won't have the thrill of the plot twists I have planned, the delight at seeing things progress, the horror at seeing things go wrong...

This is my mechanical horse, and I'm making it move.

I just always wonder what it must be like to see it from the outside. I hope to others that it's a pretty horse.

#speculation nation #itnl shit #didnt mean to write this much about the concept but i really am so... #jealous almost. id love to be able to read my fic as a reader. #because it's tailor made to my tastes Exactly. #and i know it's good writing. i surprise myself even sometimes with how good things end up. #it's never a doubt in my mind that i'll make things good. even the harder things . while bringing trepitation . i know i'll figure them out. #the relationship a fic writer has with their own fic is so... yeah. intimate. but still somehow emotionally removed. #but thats how it goes with any art piece i think #the creator sees all the bits and pieces that went into it. remembers the thoughts as they made it #they know their work better than Anyone Else. but they'll never be able to experience it like an outsider. #is my fic helping someone through a rough breakup? is it something someone rereads when theyre sad? #is it a fic that people stay up way too late reading? the fic that someone discovers and consumes all within a day? #that voracious love. ive experienced it many times with other fics. but i can never experience it with my own. #but in the end. that's okay. i will just continue to do as i wish with it. and maybe people will continue to like it. #it is my goal to make a fic that people will never forget. what that may mean differs depending on the person. #i want it to be the best fic it can be. and i will make it so with every brick i lay down. #puttering about for days and weeks and months. it's Most of what i think about. it's my impact on the world. #and it's sitting for 3 hours after work in the storage room writing until im shivering but Satisfied with a productive writing session #it's writing some of my most emotional scenes while sitting for an hour on the toilet #no one else knows what the toilet written scenes are. but I Do. such is my relationship with my fic. #(the focus in the Quiet Rooms cannot be underestimated. the bathroom is indeed one of the Quiet Rooms lol) #& man. ive rambled so much now. but i just love my fic so very much #i'll never be an ITNL reader. and that's okay. because i'm its writer. & that's a status that No One Else can boast. #even those people who state that it's their Favorite favorite cant rival the intimacy of my own relationship with it. #I Am Its Writer and that means so very much to me. #i... really do love my fic y'all

[inferno-silentdragon]

Another omori pixel doodle while I procrastinate

#ok you know i'm like so out of it i accidentally post the same doodle with a new one #omori #omori fanart #omori hero #see you tomorrow #this was also spawned by tsuki XD #tho i honestly felt like i needed more hero art in my life so i was more than happy to do that #but ye i'm kinda curious what songs do people associate with hero? #for me it's see you tomorrow; the sunset bgm #since that's when we get to see hero and i just feel it fits him #that also makes me think the morning/daytime bgm is for kel #i guess you can say hangin out with the boys is for hero but i think that's more for the brothers instead of just one of them #and now for a bit of a ramble because the second image is sad #i've been a bit iffy lately since it just seems easier to just draw in pixels #and i'm just a little afraid of people (and myself) thinking that i should just do this #just a bit a fear everytime i majorly shift in styles #jack of all trades master of none #it's been happening as i keep one upping myself on my own project #but i guess that's to be expected with the order i'm doing everything #my art #pixel art

[boyywithluv]

.

#having a creative rut feeling #gonna rant #im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well #and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it. #every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that #like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw #but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better?? #i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it. #and thats scary for me. #but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content. #i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating. #i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it #i just feel. worse? i dont feel good. #i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good. #ugh #idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make #and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame. #not that i find those things lame #but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain. #when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!! #but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset #im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay #bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft. #i don't think im making sense but like. #you know #I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content #multiple times. #so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame #but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't #vent ish

[lovelylovelyartist]

I saw a video of a painting of Mary being restored, recently. I'm not, nor have I ever been a religious person, but it got me thinking- Why have I never seen Mother Mary grieve like a mother after the Crucifixion?

I've seen plenty of art of Mary holding Jesus after he'd been taken off the cross. But in those, The Virgin Mary feels so, idk, detached. She looks sad, but she's also accepted it. She is serene in her grief, heavenly and beautiful.

To me, Mother Mary is that. She's a Mother.

She held her baby. Raised him with a husband that loved them. Kissed his wounds and wrapped him in hugs when Christ- he was human, so he had to be a child- had a fall. She taught him about his Father, and the future God had prepared for him.

Did she know? She knew she would be pregnant with God's child, the angel told her she would bear the savior to humanity, but did she know how he would die? Did she know that he would be flogged viciously, his beard pulled out, made to wear a crown of thorns, then forced to carry his execution method over nearly a half a mile? Did her heart not break, hearing her son cry out his dying words, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

And even if she did know, would that have made it hurt any less?

IDK, I'm no religious scholar, I'm not even christian/catholic/whatever. I'm thinking of the Jesus documented in history, and the people in his life. but even if I was religious, I'd feel sad, maybe even a little angry for Mary. That she's not allowed grief, that in art she's not allowed to be anything other than the beautiful, serene, loving Virgin Mary.

(zoom for better quality, tumblr is a dumpster fire. I'm pretty happy with this, i tried using digital acrylics in Rebelle instead of watercolors like I usually do. added with the canvas texture, it makes for a cool look)

#religion #mother mary #jesus christ #OK just because I'm not religious please dont think this is meant as a personal attack #This is more just. my brain going down depressing rabbitholes #cause I did research for this post and made myself sad. #and honestly made me.... lowkey feel more angry toward religion in a weird way? #at least towards the theoretical god for putting his own son through all that #andfor what? his son's blood to wash away humans sins? gods a washing machine and jesus's blood is the detergent? #You're GOD. you can MAKE a better detergent. #IDK have a lot of thoughts on the matter i guess #LITERALLY DONT @ ME THOUGH RELIGIOUS PEOPLE LOOKING TO CONVERT ME/CHANGE MY MIND WILL BE BLOCKED ON SIGHT #Yall didn't want me before I found out i was a disabled gay leftist and you really dont want me now lmao #the artist has spoken #my art

[mejomonster]

I would like. To be in mutual love

#rant #yeah... #........................................................................................................................................... #look its like this. im chronically ill. i know its not totally up to me i cant go out 1-3 times a week trying ro meet ppl. i know i #cant even eat some days my tummy too upset. cant work some days cant even sit up. can barely keep up witj friends i already have #and i know the being drained wont get better. i might be this sick forever. and i know im prioritizing my own art over #meetjng strangers. thats a choice. i know its my own fault im lonely. i also just. i wanna build a relationship #that long term where u meet and become friends then best friends then fall in love and hey if ur lucky marry ur best friend #and i know that wont come from forcing myself on dates w ppl i dont like. i know no ones ever liked me before #i know i havent felt attraction in years anyway. i miss having a crush. but i suppose itd be sad anyway. to crush and not be liked back #to feel ill need to wait another 5 years for another rare crush. i dont believe in fate i dont think. so i might not ever #kiss someoje i like. i might not get lucky and hold a crushs hand. spend months or years with someone like that #i just. i hate so much romance isnt like skills. i cant just date 1x a week until i run into love #i cant even find 1 person a month to crush on let alone ask out. cause the feelings are luck too #luck of who u run into even if u go tl events. even wuen i had 10k tinder matches the only date #the only person who respjded. was someone with a gf who didnt have much in common with me and me not mucj w them and it #was just not enough click to even make a friend #god it makes me sad. id like to kiss someone special. hold their hand. hear em talk hours #i have friends and love em but i dont wanna kiss a friend. i just dont feel romancy very much.

[lifeismarvelous]

words cannot express how important this is: REBLOGS > LIKES

I cannot STRESS enough how absolutely crucial reblogs are to all creators, it helps us be SEEN it helps our work ACTUALLY SPREAD AROUND it LETS MORE AND MORE PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT THE STUFF WE MAKE Likes are nice because it lets us know you’ve seen our work and enjoyed it, but reblogs are MUCH more powerful because it lets us know you really want to support us by sharing our work around and telling others about us and the stuff we make. ESPECIALLY when someone works so hard on something and they get really excited to post it and show others, only for it to get very few reblogs. It discourages the creator if their work doesn’t get enough attention. We put in a lot of love, hard work, effort, and dedication into everything we make and it would really mean so much to us if you reblog more and let us been seen! Support your favorite creator today!!

#sincerely #a person who's been making art and music covers for years #back in high school i'd compare myself to other artists and kept feeling bad abt my own art skills #and i'd get sad if my stuff didn't get so many reblogs here on tumblr #bc everytime i saw someone's art post and it has much more notes than mine i felt like my own work was just bad #i would also post some of my music stuff here too but that never got as much attention as my art did #so now i just never post music stuff here

[technovillain]

tim schafer has an insurmountable amount of swag and i need to be like him

#guy who i look up to fr #knowing that he got his start in point and click games makes me more confident abt my own ideas #but also point and click games are just. not popular anymore. sad. #but just the way he talks about his ideas. i understand that. i want to work with a team like the psychonauts team oh man #ahgghhghghgghgh i want to be a career artist so bad #some people are afraid art as a career would kill their interest in it but #i cannot kill my art interest for more than 3 days. if i dont draw or do something creative for 3 days i get this horrible itch #and i cannot stop myself from indulging in art every second of every day i am always thinking of it so i feel like i just #have to make my living from it. its the best thing that i could do for myself. if im going to be insane about creating art #it better be my job #god #i am going to be so mushy about art sorry im watching psychodyssey #what 2 hours white noise does to adhd bitches #i always forget abt white noise and the Effect it has on me this shit is so awesome #.txt

[fantasticalleigh]

there is nothing more humbling than putting everything into the things you make and then having it amount to nothing each time. no matter how hard i try none of it matters. but at the same time it's kind of freeing and allows me to be more cavalier about the next thing. ¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯

#i have to remember i do it for ME and nobody else. and it helps me. and that should be all that matters. #leigh speaks #i practically killed myself working on my senior body of work for an exhibition for 2 years #and then covid came and it didn't happen and the prospective buyers i'd been talking to went silent #even my own family didn't care so i stuffed all the art in a storage bin and i hate looking at it #sometimes i think about just not doing art of any kind anymore but i think i would literally implode without it so guess not #this has been on my mind since 2020 tbh and obvs my dumb little art show is not more important than the pandemic #but that was so important to me and i never got that closure. i'm allowed to be sad and bitter #sorry you got sad emo leigh today :( maybe i just need to take a social media break for a while i'm just tired of everything #for the record i am PROUD of everything i make #i will never be ashamed of any of it #but it sucks when you try and share that with the world and all you get is confirmation that once again it doesn't matter

[mymarifae]

i hope everyone's prepared for me to become the most annoying person ever in 13 more hours

#i'm going to cry i'm going to listen to this and just start fucking sobbing #this song is so special to me you don't understand and i'll never be able to put it into words properly but like #orangestar's music. is important to me. i relate a lot A LOT to the feelings he incorporates into every song #those feelings of like.. struggling. and sadness and wondering what the point of it all is but trying so hard to stay positive #trying So Hard to see the beauty in the world even when it all seems like fucking garbage #and to stay hopeful for the future. to continue building your own life rather than letting society shove you into a monotonous routine #it's just... so so important to me. putting my relationship with music into words is hard but it's more or less how i keep myself sane LOL #daybreak frontline is a particularly beautiful song. one of my favorites. #and the thing about having these vocaloid songs that you hold near and dear to your heart and then they get covered in prsk is like #well all of the kids are like. very important characters to me. they make me happy i love them lots!! #so when they sing these songs that i've loved for years and like grew up on. that just makes them even more special 🫶🏾 #and i think this song is like. peak vbs. this is the kind of music they do best this is where they all shine the brightest #also the art looks very very very very pretty. #see what i mean. i am going to be so fucking annoying about this forever this iseverything. to me.

[netscapenavigaytor]

the stage in a hyperfixation wehre every day you go talk to a friend on the same wavelength of insanity about it as you, and every day emerge from the dms shaking and covered in blood .

#error 0 #literally nothing but evil shit goes on in the interest channels i have with my sibling i stg #for the past week not a single day has gone by without one of us making the other so fucking sad about our jsr hcs. #to say fucking nothing of the darkness that was going on back at the peak of the kirby hypfix. #true ----- veterans remember us talking abt our oc finite as Haha Wacky Cabbit and then like 70% of the art we put out #was alarming eyestrain unreality bullshit that no one had the ----- and pseud context for #i think. most people never even found out all the Finite Deeplore #...hm side note this is maybe the third time ive found myself talking about me and pseud's jsr headcanons and the finiteverse #in the same breath. i hope thats not an omen #kirby is one thing bc kirby has a Lot going on #but a 1-2 year jet set radio hypfix where i get consumed in an ouroboros of my own nonsense? that's scary. #i think it's not super likely though - as stated it's an ouroboros #jsr is so starved of official media and i have a chronic aversion to fancontent #so the moment me and pseud stop feeding into each other's brainrot the fixation is dead in the water #...That Being Said. you never know. bc the finiteverse kept chugging along #even when me and pseud could go months at a time without touching any official kirby content #and honestly the kirby hypfix might have been the START of my fancontent aversion #and things got so scary in the finiteverse. writing a fucking worldbuilding wiki and shit #(never got to a presentable state though) #why am i speculating on the trajectory of my hyperfixations like its a goddamn weather forecast. that wasnt the point of this post #welcome to netscapenavigaytor dot tumblr dot com where i say anything #remember kids. be shameless in talking about your interests or else you will be like me #and just talk AROUND your interests instead of about them

[orbleglorb]

if i rb a bunch of ship ask games someone has to ask something eventually right. right

#sasha lore #it does make me sad that nobody's really interested #like yeah i could make my own content blah blah but this is usually how i decide what i put effort into #writing and drawing takes so fucking much out of me that i can't really just *make* art #and i don't want to make a bunch of shit that nobody even likes #i know “create for yourself” but i have never created just for myself. it is almost always a form of connection #if nobody's going to reach out and connect then i don't want to do it #it's not even wanting likes i just want ppl who care

[sucktacular]

Shower good. 👍👍👍

In bed now. Considering making a hot bowl of instant noodles ...

#sucktacular sucks #man i wish i had chicken wings so bad... #id go comatose for realsies after tho and ive got stuff to do later jfjsnfn #also listening to my angsty teen music and just mm 💕💕 #RED i know youre singing about Jesus and stuff but Not To Me youre not. 💕💕💕 #christian rock didnt need to go so hard #but they did and its so hopeless romantic my existence is nothing without you -core #my only regret in life is i never did a Beyond Birthday x L Lawliet slide show/amv yo any RED music #or even The Birthday Massacre #and thats really sad #i failed myself #(<- saying jokingly) #but if i ever do make a new video i def wanna do one for RED or TBM or even Breaking Benjamin #one day perhaps #i dont think ill use fan art unless its painstakingly sourced and i ask the artists permission #but i can def see myself trying to do some kind of still image slide show with my own art #but id have to story board that out and draw it all and thats. so much... #but man i was really inspired by reggi's collab #anyway

[pepprs]

STILL wide awake! i did not put down my phone! and now im hungry. so i will not be sleeping tonight ♥️

#purrs #also… im gonna admit it. ive been up for hours cleaning out… my toyhouse accounts. not cleaning them out but cleaning them up. and im so #FUCKING mad at my 18 year old self for giving away characters that meant so much to me to 12 year olds on warriors amino who never finished #their half of the art trade… and now so many of them are like. completely out of my reach and i can never get them back. im trying to ask #for the characters ive been able to find and track them down. which for ppl who actually love and care for them im sure is predatory and #annoying bc it’s like ok you made that choice so live with it. but im so fucking mad at myself and i wish i could undo it. i know it doesn’t #matter bc i don’t do that kind of deviantart stuff anymore but like.. i gave away characters who were so special to me growing up and now so #many of them are like.. on locked / unauthorized toyhouses or deleted or the person already owns them and is never trading them and #imjust so SAD!!!!!! over pixels i know. PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER over pixels. but im so saddddd aughhhhh #delete later #(i also did clean out photos and do practice drivers tests btw. but ive mostly been doing toyhouse stuff) #also im so sad and angry charahub went down and i didn’t even know it and i can’t access my data at allll like so much precious info #on there is gone forever. pain and suffering. also it’s worth naming im not in this to like have the best most expensive whatever designs im #doing this bc i desperately want to salvage every piece of my childhood / adolescence and never let go of anything in my life ever and when #i was 18 i thought i could run away from deeply permanently hurting and betraying a friend by selling all of my characters starting w the #ones they made me and then branching off into baiscally all of them to not make it look like it was just abt them bc i couldn’t bear to be #reminded of what i had done. and now i live with the consequences. in more ways than just the characters obviously. so there’s that #(i had my reasons for doing what i had to do btw. but i will never stop feeling guilty about it or regretting how it must have felt for them #bc we were like best friends and then i turned cold and awful because i didn’t know how to communicate my needs so instead i just shut them #out and didn’t even have the decency to explain why. and it fucking sucked that i did that. lol) #* ​and still sucks. and i think abt it all the time and try not to talk about it for a lot of reasons but here i am so. lol