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skiesofthesketchy · 4 years

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Unsend {1}

JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: You accidentally sent your nude to your friend lol.

AN: Hi! Ummm... I wrote this. Idk lemme know if you like it and if you’d like to read a part 2!! Me.. over here obsessed with JJ baby. Ok thanks for reading love you :)

Warnings: lots of swearing, somewhat explicit descriptions, a smidge of blackmail...

Word count: 2.9k

Part 2: Send It

***

It was one of those days where you weren’t feeling particularly great about yourself. Nothing specific was the cause of such feelings, but today you just felt... bleh.

Your rattiest pair of sweatpants adorned your legs and you wore an extra large shirt on top. Your hair was pulled into something that sort of resembled a bun, your face was covered in a mud mask, which looked and smelled gross, but the packaging said it would make your skin soft. You usually didn’t mind your appearance, especially when you’re just lounging around at home, but today you didn’t feel pretty.

Pretty is not the most important thing in the world. Still, it felt nice to feel pretty.

This led you to go through some of your old photos. It always made you happier to look back on some of the amazing memories you’d made. Scrolling through your camera roll on your phone, you found pictures from instances you had totally forgotten about. Your heart melted when you clicked on one of you and your friends.

It was the first day of summer, and your squad spent the entire day surfing before hanging out at the Chateau afterwards. John B. and JJ had grilled up some burgers while you helped Pope make a fire in the yard. Kiara had been the designated DJ of the night, which was her excuse for not helping with dinner. You all sat in camping chairs and hammocks as you ate and listened to music, talking and laughing about anything that came up.

It was a pure moment, and you smiled at the photo. You had insisted on taking a picture to commemorate the amazing day, the first day of a wild summer ahead of you. You had set your phone on the porch with a timer, and yelled at everyone to quickly pose. They were already standing in somewhat of a formation, and as you ran to them to get ready for the picture, JJ grabbed you by the waist and spun you around so that he was holding you with your back against his chest.

“Say pogues for life!” Kiara shouted, and you all huddled closer together in a group hug, JJ smooshing his cheek against yours with arms around your waist as you all screamed at the top of your lungs, “Pogues for life!”

You saved the photo to favorites, the sight of it making you feel better already. Before scrolling again, you zoomed in on your face, your cheek squished against JJ’s, and it made you blush. Any time he held you close, it made your skin heat up and your insides turn to mush.

Sighing, you kept scrolling, and were surprised to find a handful of scandalous pictures you had taken. You remember this day too, and you were feeling extra great about yourself then. So great that you had decided to snap a few nudes. You hadn’t sent them to anyone, but figured it was nice to have a few photos of you looking sexy. You blushed as you looked through these, wondering if you’d ever have the courage to actually send them to someone someday.

Your screen still displayed one of your nudes when you got a text from Kie. For some unknown reason, your phone spazzed out and the screen froze. “Come on,” you mumbled, pressing on the screen and the home button several times. You tapped repeatedly on the screen, annoyed that nothing was happening. Then it seemed to have started working again, because it lit up and you were suddenly watching your photo being sent to someone.

“Oh my fucking god.” Your eyes widened. “What the fuck did I just do!?”

Panic surged throughout your whole body. Your phone seemed to be working just fine now, but did you actually just send your nude to somebody?! You rushed to your messaging app, and the first name at the top of the screen was none other than JJ Maybank.

“No!” you yelled. You clicked on his name and sure enough, your naked body was in the chat, underneath it, the word, ‘Delivered.’

You threw your phone onto the bed. “This cannot be happening to me right now.” ‘Shit, shit, shit,’ was all that was running through your head on a loop as you tried to think of what to do.

‘Maybe he hasn’t seen it yet,’ you thought. You quickly picked up your phone again and called JJ, praying he would pick up. You needed to tell him NOT to open his messages. To delete the whole chat right now before he sees the picture.

He didn’t answer, and you huffed, dialing his number again. You had to get a hold of him. If there’s any chance he hasn’t seen it yet, you were going to make sure he never does. You don’t know how you’d live with the humiliation.

The call once again went to voicemail, and you were on your feet in seconds. You still had hope, thinking if he wasn’t answering your calls, he didn’t even have his phone on him, which means he couldn’t have seen the picture yet.

You slid on some shoes and grabbed your backpack, not even bothering to look in the mirror before running out of your house. You knew JJ would be at the Chateau, and it was only a fifteen minute walk from your house. You figured you could make it in five if you ran.

Then you were sprinting down the streets like a mad woman, your face still painted with the brown mud mask, which was starting to melt off as it mixed with your sweat. You didn’t even care. You just needed to get to JJ’s phone before he did.

“I’m gon’ take a shower,” John B. muttered to JJ. JJ didn’t respond as he grabbed a beer from the fridge. He found his phone resting on the couch as he sat down, taking a swig of Coors. He scrolled through the few notifications he had, the boy furrowing his brows when he saw two missed calls from you and a text.

He didn’t think anything of it when he clicked on your text message, but what he saw had him spitting out his beer all over his lap and the coffee table.

Your face wasn’t in the shot, but JJ knew it was you without a doubt. You were completely naked and laid across your bed. The frame showed from your collarbones down to your thighs, one of your legs propped up lazily, showing all of your most private parts.

JJ was stunned. He wasn’t thinking about why you had sent him this photo out of the blue. He was left ogling the picture in utter disbelief. Your tits were on full display, your nipples hardened into peaks, your skin looking flawless. JJ couldn’t help the grunt that escaped him when he zoomed in on your pussy. He had only dreamed of seeing you this way, but never in a million years thought that he actually would. Naughty thoughts started to swirl in his head when he heard the sound of rapid footsteps just outside.

It was you, panting wildly and your mind still racing. “JJ?” you yelled as you bounded up the porch steps. JJ quickly tucked his phone away on instinct, as if he already knew he shouldn’t have been looking at that photo.

You barged into the front door and stopped in your tracks when you found JJ standing in the living room. He chuckled as he looked you up and down. You were a complete mess, and it was plainly obvious that you had just been running for your life. “Y/N?” he asked.

“Where’s your phone?” You didn’t have time to explain, and you didn’t want to. You just needed to delete the photo without JJ knowing, and then you could forget this ever happened.

JJ decided to play dumb. He found the current state you were in more than amusing, and he thought about how his day has already gotten so much better. “Uh, I don’t know. Why?”

“Come on, J, where is it?”

“I said I don’t have it. What’s this about?” He had an idea of why you ran in demanding his phone, but he wanted to watch you squirm as you tried to explain it. He wasn’t going to let you know he had seen your nude just yet.

“Nothing, I just need it, okay?” You started frantically looking around, throwing pillows and blankets onto the floor. “Where is it?” you grumbled. You still looked like a crazy person, and JJ was enjoying the scene in front of him way too much.

“I’ll help you look if you tell me why you need it.” The man was smirking, which pissed you off but you were too busy panicking to care right now.

“I’ll just call it,” you said, before taking your phone out to call him. JJ took another swig of his beer as he watched you, totally unhinged. He knew he was about to be caught in his lie, but he was excited for it. This whole situation excited him.

His ringtone started blaring from his pocket and you looked at him in disbelief. “JJ, seriously? Gimme your damn phone.” You were now standing in front of him, still quivering with nerves but putting on an angry face for him.

“No,” he smiled, looking more like the devil than the JJ you know and love.

“I swear to god, JJ, I will murder you.” You reached for his pockets, but he had already slipped the phone out and held it above his head, out of your reach.

“Just tell me why you need it so badly!” He laughed as you jumped and yanked on his arm trying to get his phone. He easily kept it away from you, but you were putting in an admirable amount of effort.

“None of your business!” you yelled childishly, hitting him in the chest as you continued to reach for the phone.

“My phone, my business.” You shouted in anguish and jumped on him, making you both crash onto the couch with you practically laying on top of him. Being in this position with your friend would’ve made you embarrassed, but you had too much adrenaline pumping through your veins to care.

Your hands finally grabbed hold of the phone but he snatched it away from you and tucked it into the front of his pants. You looked at him again baffled. “Go on, take it,” he said. You wanted to slap the smirk right off his face.

“Don’t think I won't.”

“I hope you do, sweetheart.” His eyes burned into you in a challenging stare, his face only inches from yours. You knew he was just having the time of his life right now, teasing the shit out of you. You held his gaze, wishing you could burn a hole right through him.

“Fine. You win,” you sighed. It was a bluff. You weren’t going to actually stick your hand down his pants! You sat back in defeat, but that’s when you realized the position you were in. You were straddling JJ, your top half leaning over him and his stupid, cocky face right under you. Heat rose to your cheeks as you hurried to get off of him.

“Seriously JJ. I accidentally sent you something that you’re not supposed to see.” You decided to come clean, the embarrassment of the situation too much for you to handle any longer. You just needed to get this over with.

He sat up, deciding to come clean as well. “Oh, are you talking about the nudie?” he asked.

Your eyes widened until they were bulging out of your head. “You saw it?!” you screamed. This was your worst nightmare, accidentally sending a naked photo to someone. Of course it had to randomly be sent to JJ. You knew he would never let you live this down. You were right, this is utterly humiliating.

“Come on,” JJ laughed, still enjoying every second of this. “Don’t be embarrassed!”

“Of course I’m embarrassed, JJ!” you yelled at him. “You weren’t supposed to see that. It was an accident!”

“It’s nothing to get so worked up about. It’s a great picture, and I’ll cherish it forever.” The gleam in his eye had your stomach twisting in knots.

“Like hell you will. Fucking delete it.”

“You sent it to me. It’s mine now,” he smiled wickedly.

“JJ,” you warned, glaring at him. He didn’t take you seriously though, mud still on your face in patches.

“Y/N...” he teased.

The scolding approach wasn’t going to work, and you sighed. “Please JJ? Can’t you see how humiliating this is for me?”

“It shouldn't be. You’re hot as fuck and you should be flaunting it.” Your cheeks burned at his words and the butterflies you knew oh so well were set loose in your stomach. The butterflies that only seemed to appear when you’re with JJ.

“What? That-- that’s not the point,” you stuttered. “I don’t want a naked picture of me to be on your phone!”

“But I do,” he argued.

“JJ!” You didn’t let your mind drift to why he wanted the photo and only focused on getting the picture deleted. “You’re being a dick!”

“Fine, I’ll delete it,” he said after laughing at your pissed off expression, then standing up and retrieving the phone from his crotch. “On one condition.”

You hit him repeatedly in the chest, overrun by anger once again. “So you’re gonna blackmail me now? Are you fucking kidding me?”

He laughed, not affected at all by your assault. “I’m not above blackmail, sweetheart. Do you want to hear my condition or not?”

You crossed your arms over your chest with a huff. “Fine. What is it?”

He smirked, coming closer to you. As scary and seductive as he looked right now, you held your ground, eyes meeting his devilish stare.

“I’ll delete the pic if I get to see the real thing.”

“What?!” Your mind was spinning once again as heat rushed to your cheeks. “You-- You’re not serious!”

“Dead serious, Y/N.” He was shameless. Despite his attraction and feelings towards you, he knew you were off limits. No pogue on pogue macking was the rule. But today’s series of events had him thinking perhaps you weren’t as out of reach as he thought.

If you agreed to his condition, it would be the best day of his life. If not, he knew he’d have to deal with you hating him for a while until he finally made it up to you, but this was a risk he was willing to take.

You shook your head, turning away from him to hide your embarrassment. You didn’t understand why he would actually suggest such a thing. Was he really going to treat you like every other touron he picked up? Or did he like you? You couldn’t fathom the latter actually being true.

“That’ll never happen, JJ.”

He ignored the pain in his chest that was struck by your words. “Then I guess I’m the proud owner of one of your nudes,” he smiled.

“Come on, JJ. This isn’t funny.”

“I think it’s funny.”

“Well it’s not!” You eyed the phone in his hands and decided to take a chance. You pushed the man as hard as you could and when he crashed to the couch, you lunged for it.

“Ha!” you yelled, grinning ear to ear with his phone in your hands.

“Hey, give that back!” JJ got up, but you bolted out of the house, JJ running after you.

As you tried not to stumble over your own feet, you unlocked his phone and clicked on your message. “You better not delete it!” he yelled after you, catching up fast. Despite how serious you thought this situation was, it really wasn’t too big of a deal. He was laughing as he chased you, and you cheered in triumph when you finally managed to delete the photo.

‘Crisis averted,’ you thought. Except now you had to deal with the knowledge that JJ actually saw a naked photo of you. You were still embarrassed, but at least now there’s no evidence of this ever actually happening.

“Aw, come on,” JJ chuckled as he finally caught up to you. “I didn’t even have a chance to jerk off to it yet.”

“JJ!” You hit him in the chest. You didn’t think you could take much more of his teasing. Not today.

“Don’t worry. I’ll find a way to get my hands on it again someday,” he smirked. You rolled your eyes and started stalking away, ready to just go home now. He only laughed as he watched you retreat.

“Wait, Y/N!”

You turned around to find him behind you, looking as handsome as ever. “What?”

“It was sexy,” he said bluntly, as if his words didn’t just light your insides on fire. “You’re sexy.” He winked at you, then casually sauntered off back to the house, leaving you in a confused daze.

“Fuck you!” you yelled after him before running off into the direction of your house. ‘At least that’s over with,’ you thought, but you knew JJ was only going to continue teasing and flirting with you now that he saw how riled up you had become. How you were going to handle that, you didn’t know, but for some crazy reason, you smiled at the thought.

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part 2??

#jj maybank #outer banks #obx #rudy pankow #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #outer banks imagine #outer banks fic

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saturngrqy · 3 years

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Friday Night Lights// GD

A/n; Hiii guys so my phone got taken and this is the first post I’ve done on a computer.. I can’t tell if I like it or not. Anyways this is gonna be cheesy af and I alr wrote something like it on my wattpad but something about football!gray is just :’) Also I have no idea how football works so fair warning

Wc: How do ya’ll find this shit anyways imma guess around 1k

Warnings: Just cheesy basic shit, fluff;’)

“I’ll see you tonight, right?” Grayson questioned for the millionth time.

“Yess,” I huffed. I grabbed my stuff off my desk as the bell rang, signaling the end of the day. Grayson stood towering over my desk before one of his friends called his name. He looked in their direction and nodded, before turning back to me.

“I gotta go, but you have my jersey correct?” He asked.

“For the hundredth time, I have everything, and I’ll be there on time I promise,” I replied.

He smirked down at me before turning around. Right before he left out the door he turned back to me and gave me a soft wave, making a blush rise to my cheeks. I put my laptop back in my backpack and rose out of my chair, slinging the heavy bag over my shoulder. I waved at my teacher and told her to have a good day (a/n YALL BETTER APPRECIATE UR TEACHERS) She responded with a soft smile and a “you too,” before I finally left the class.

I headed to the parking lot, entering my car. I turned my car on and drove out the parking lot, heading home.

I finished doing my hair in the mirror, a simple ponytail with some strands pulled out in the front. I went back to my room, grabbing Grayson’s jersey off my dresser. I slipped it on, noticing how it went down past my knees, even with a sweatshirt on underneath. I pulled the hoodie out from under the jersey, also pulling my hair out underneath as well.

I glanced at myself in the mirror before taking my phone out to send a snapchat to Grayson.

I posed in front of the mirror, doing a really awkward smile and a peace sign with the caption “I’m wearing itt”.

He responded within a minute, a timer picture of him in the locker room with Ethan with a poorly drawn heart over the picture. I smiled to myself at the heart, something about the way it was so sloppy made my heart warm. I just sent back a picture of me doing duck lips before putting my phone back in my pocket.

I put on some cherry scented lip balm and a champagne toast scented perfume from bath and body works. I fixed my hair in the mirror before heading back downstairs. I got out of my car, pulling out of the driveway to head to the school/

I arrived, texting my friend Alexis that I was there. I had some friends, but I wasn’t wildly popular or liked. Grayson however, was extremely popular and was known and loved by almost all the kids, not just for his looks but also his charming personality. He was especially popular with the girls, as you can probably assume. Many girls did not like me simply because I’m dating him. People were shocked when Grayson asked me out, and in all honesty, so was I, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I met Alexis at the gate to the field, and we found a spot in the student section right at the front so we could get the best view. We asked Alexis’ boyfriend, Josh, who was coincidentally a good friend of Grayson’s, to save our spots while we went and got concessions.

We walked to the concessions with our arms clung together, giggling jokes into each other’s ear before landing a spot in the line for the concessions.

I looked at my phone, noticing a text from Grayson.

“I say we switch it up tonight and go to Monty’s,” It read.

Grayson and I always had this post-game ritual where we would go out and get dinner. Typically, Grayson and I would tag along with his team and their girlfriends and eat at a local diner. We ate there so much they had a spot reserved for us every Friday during football season, and they knew all of our names and our orders. However this time, Grayson suggested Monty’s.

I texted back, “Why? I mean I don’t mind Monty’s but normally we go to the diner”.

He responded quickly. “Idk, just wanna spend alone time with my girl, plus Monty’s has a new veg milkshake we have to try”.

I giggled before replying. “Sounds good to me”.

I put my phone back in my pocket. I looked back up to see Alexis smirking at me. “What?” I asked, confused.

“He is so whipped.” She replies, snorting

I roll my eyes. “He is not, he just knows how to treat a woman.”

I hear her laugh, coughing a small “simp” under her breath. I rolled my eyes again.

We grab our drinks and snacks, me getting a bag of Doritos and a cherry coke while Alexis got a Dr. Pepper. We walked back to the stands, sitting back in our spots.

“And Grayson Dolan scores his third touchdown of the night folks!” The announcer tells, excitedly. I scream and yell Grayson’s name, catching his eyes as he turns to me and points, blowing a kiss. I pretend to catch it, putting my hand on my heart. He shakes his head and laughs before returning back to his team.

There was only about 10 minutes left of the game, and we were beating the other team 20- 7. (a/n don’t kill me idk how this shit works) The other team had almost no chance of coming back after Grayson’s last touchdown. I jumped up and down, shivering, rubbing my hands up and down my arm to make myself warmer. I turned to Alexis and shook her shoulders.

“This is so excitinggg,” I said giddily. She laughed and agreed. I turned back to watch the last couple of minutes.

The buzzer was called, and the game was officially over, with Grayson’s team crushing the other. I almost jumped out of the bleachers, running to the side of the field. Grayson’s team cheered before he ran over to me, hugging me over the fence.

“You did so good baby,” I whispered in his neck.

“Thank you,” He responded kissing my cheek. I turned to him, planting a passionate kiss on his pink lips.

“Meet me at my car so we can go get dinner,” I told him, holding his cheek in my palm. I gently tapped his cheek twice before he ran off with a nod back to his team.

I waited inside my car with the heat blasted for Grayson. Suddenly the door opened, revealing a very sweaty Grayson in his team sweatshirt and sweatpants. He gave me a kiss on the cheek before going to put his stuff in my trunk. He came back in with a wide gorgeous smile on his face.

“You scared me,”

“I’m sorry my love. Are we ready to go?”

I pulled out of the parking lot with a smirk, driving off towards the vegan restaurant. We sat in the car listening to Man on the Moon III, Kid Cudi’s newest album that Grayson and I were obsessed with. Tequila Shots played in the background as Grayson’s hand found my thigh.

I looked down at it before glancing up at him, noticing he was already staring at me. I blushed before looking back to the road.

“You know, this was probably your best game yet,” I broke the silence.

“I know right? That’s the best I’ve played all season. E said that with that performance, I’ll have college coaches looking to recruit me left and right,” He responded excitedly, making my heart flutter at his passion.

‘I’m sure they will be, babe. You make me so proud,” I gushed.

He squeezed my thigh as a response. We pulled onto the side of the street in front of Monty’s. I unbuckled my seatbelt, about to open the door before I noticed Grayson sat still, staring at me.

“What?” I questioned.

“Nothing, I just love you,” He said out of the blue, making my stomach do flips.

“I love you too,” I giggled. “Now lets go get some fucking milkshakes!”

#grayson dolan #grayson dolan smut #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson and ethan #dolan twins #dolan twins fanfic #ethan dolan #ethan dolan blurb #ethan dolan smut #dolan twins smut #grayson dolan fic #grayson dolan blurb #grayson dolan concept #dolan twins fluff #grayson dolan fluff #grayson x reader #grayson x you #grayson dolan imagine #my writing

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astralsweetness · 4 years

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I can’t be honest (but neither can you) || Changkyun/Reader (m)

➣ I cannot believe this is my first contribution to Monsta X, this is really how I’m entering the writing side of this fandom OTL Also hello idk how to write short summaries?? I proof-read this at 4:30 AM so please tell me if I missed something lol. Fair warning I switch P.O.V.’s often in this and with absolutely no regard to any writing rules

➣ Changkyun/Reader | Angst[?] with a surprisingly happy ending that I didn’t mean to write | Showcases some bad coping mechanisms from both he and the reader | Mentioned Wonho/Reader, but it’s purely platonic in a sexual way | Smut warnings include: mentions of choking, pegging, fingering, mentions of a ruined sexual scene, sort of self-imposed edging if you squint, hair-pulling, facesitting

➣ It’s been almost a year since he called off the relationship and your name still tastes like a mixture between sugar and ash on his tongue when he says it, your picture is still saved in his camera roll, and he’s taken the plunge these last few months to reach out to you to be friends again. His hyungs tell him it’s a bad idea, and he tells them he knows, because he does, really, he swears he does. It’s just that his heart soars when he gets to talk to you and he can’t remember why he was ever scared of letting you in past that last wall he’d put up, and he’s going to your place and he hates himself because instead of “I love you” he says “please fuck me” and even now he can’t be honest to you about his feelings.

“I want you to fuck me.” He’s standing at your door, speaking in English with that deep voice of his, and you just blink blankly at him - he hadn’t called or texted to say he was coming over, and to be completely honest you hadn’t seen him in over a week. The silence is uncomfortable, but his eyes are intense, and he refuses to shift shyly under your blank stare.

“..well, come in I guess.” You invite him in with raised eyebrows - he goes easily, knowing your apartment like his own home. It’s been almost a year since you two broke up, but he hasn’t forgotten anything. That same stupid plant he hated was still on your table. He had no idea how it was still alive.

“So.. we aren’t together anymore, we haven’t hung out in a while, but you decided I’m the person you want to fuck you. Suddenly.” Your tone of voice conveys your lack of belief - this sort of feels like some very strange joke, but you have no idea who’d ever come up with one like this.

“You fuck Wonho-hyung all the time, and you aren’t dating him, so why can’t you fuck me?” His words are said in a rush, the first sign of nervousness, and you cross your arms and cock a hip. It’s your default power-pose, lets you feel like you’re in control when you have no idea what’s going on.

‘Is that really all it is?’ you want to ask, but you stay silent. He doesn’t seem aware that when you’re with Hoseok it’s more for the other man’s emotional well-being than it was just to get laid. Sometimes people needed to be broken apart and pieced back together lovingly just to feel okay. For Hoseok, you were a friend he trusted enough to let break him and then take care of the pieces that remained shattered on the floor.

“If you tell me why then maybe.”

“I’m not doing shit for a maybe.” He fires back instantly, gaze narrowing. His shoulders have tensed and he’s widened his stance, an unconscious reaction to the way your own body language had changed. Whether he actually felt it or not, at a subconscious level he believed he was being threatened.

You step forward and snag him by the forearm - the fight goes out of him instantly, replaced by pure innocent confusion as you lead him to your bed. He notices dully that you’ve redecorated your bedroom - though it makes sense considering he was the one who had helped you liven it up before.

“Sit - and try to relax. All the muscles in your shoulders are tensing up.” Your words have the opposite affect you wanted them to have - he tenses more, seemingly thrown off by your care, your notice of his minute actions.

You watch the way his gaze drifts over your room – it catches and lingers on a group picture of you and the rest of his group, tucked safely into the frame of your vanity mirror.

It’s a nice picture, though you really don’t remember taking it. You’re fairly certain everyone was drunk though, since you’ve got your arm thrown around Minhyuk’s shoulders in it, pressing your cheek against his.

It’s cute, even if looking at it is bittersweet. You can see the question on his face, the ‘why did you keep this?’.

“It’s not like I stopped being friends with them just because we broke up.” You feel defensive over your choice, face heating – you weren’t even near him in the picture, on completely opposite sides in it. He just murmurs a soft “oh” that sounds dejected, and you desperately don’t want to think about it.

“Anyway –“ You’re desperate to move on at this point, and he seems to feel the same because his attention snaps back to you. “You’re not really in a position here to argue and make demands, but fine -“ It was just sex, right? For you, anyway. “I can’t literally right now, I have a class in 30 minutes, but if you tell me why then we can negotiate.” You feel like some sort of fucking dealer.

He seems vaguely surprised you’ve agreed so easily, but he works his jaw and tries to figure out how to explain his reasoning to you - whatever it may be. You let him think and go in search of your computer bag. Online classes were a pain, especially those that required attendance in the form of a webcam. The bag has been thrown into a corner of your room, and you sigh and bend down to begin your annoying search.

“Well, we’re not together anymore, so..” You crane your neck to look at him, even as you continue to rummage through your backpack for your computer cord. Damn thing was in there somewhere, you knew. “I don’t have to worry about what you think of me anymore?”

He finishes his statement with an accidental upwards inflection that turns it into a question, and your hands pause before you turn back around and continue searching, mulling over your word choice carefully. ‘You never had to worry’ sits on your tongue, something that is desperate to be said, but you swallow it back down. He wouldn’t believe you and it’d cool the current mood.

“I see.” You finally settle on, standing and popping your vertebrae back into place as your prize - the fucking charging cord - dangles from your hands. Your two words could convey many meanings, and you can see from your peripheral that his brow has furrowed. It’s not the answer he was expecting, though you think he probably didn’t know what he’d been expecting in the first place. “Then - what is it you want?”

“For you to fuck me.” He answers again, and then swallows as he notices your blank stare has returned.

“I know that, you said that. I meant what specifically are you looking to get out of this?”

“I want it to hurt.” His words make your breath catch in your throat, emotions swinging between vaguely turned on and worried. Sure, he’d had some masochistic tendencies in bed before, but - “I mean - I don’t – not physically -“ He’s switched to Korean in the wake of your silence, a comfort language, and you wonder if he even realizes he’s done it.

“Okay.” You respond simply in Korean back and he stops his rambling, just blinks at you. You see the tension finally start to drain out of his shoulders and switch back to English purely for your own sake, because it was easier, definitely not because you wanted to be able to hear his voice speaking your native language. “So long as you promise to use safewords, I won’t ask. I’m not your therapist and I’m not -“

“My girlfriend.” He finishes your sentence quietly, back to English as well, and your mouth goes dry.

“And I’m not here to judge you.” You remedy - you weren’t going to mention anything about your past relationship, and he looks away quickly at that realization. “You mentioned Hoseok -“ His hand twitches at his side when you call his hyung by his real name, but you mercifully don’t call him on this. Maybe this was a bad idea, but you’ve gone this long purely on the denial that he regrets breaking up with you, and it’s too late to stop that now. “- so I’m going to treat this situation exactly like that.”

“Okay?” Changkyun has no idea what that means, his fingers curling into your bedspread. You check the time - 20 minutes until class.

“I’m your friend, and I want to help you. This doesn’t change anything between us, this doesn’t add some extra dynamic, some extra layer.” Your voice has gone business mode and he’s stiffened his back at it, an ingrained response from being in the music industry for so long. “I’m not doing this just because I want sex - if you are, that’s fine, but I’m just doing this to help you out. Is that clear?” He nods once, eyes wide. You think he’s cute. You’ve always thought he was cute, and it reminds you of how cute turned into smitten and smitten turned into perfection and perfection turned into love and love - well, he ended love. “Changkyun - do you promise this is just about sex or release of some kind and nothing else?”

Your tone had softened, and he’d been let out of whatever thrall your no-nonsense voice had put him into. The question hangs in the air heavily, dripping of a nectar so sweet it’s sickening.

“Yes. I promise.” His voice is hoarse, cracking and quiet - and you think he’s lying.

But you’ve held on to your denial for so long. He had said before that the spark was just gone - and what were you supposed to say to that? It wasn’t his fault; people fell out of love all the time. You could barely believe he’d ever been interested in you from the beginning and you refused to believe you were worth falling in love with for a second time. The fact that you had managed to remain friends is more than you could have ever hoped for.

“Okay.” You repeat his assurance, more for your own benefit than his. The room is quiet, and thunder rolls in the distance. Fuck - a storm meant spotty WiFi for your class.

You check the time again - 15 minutes.

“We can use the stoplight system -“ His gaze has blanked so you take the time to roughly translate it into Korean, explaining until his brow smooths out, and then you’re back to English. “Aside from that, though, I need to know what you’re interested in, what you want to happen or don’t want to happen. You can hang out here if you want during my class, or leave, I don’t care - but take the time to think over what it is you want in this session.” Your words are too clinical, you know this, but you can’t keep yourself from doing it that way. You know most of the things he’s into and not into, but if you don’t take this route then it all feels too intimate. Besides, he’d always kept a very careful hold of how much control he’d let go around you before, never wanting to slip too far into subspace, always wanting to seem in command, even when subbing for you. You wonder if that’s changed. You certainly don’t remember him ever blatantly asking outright to have something done to him before.

Memories flash across your mind eye, his back covered in your scratch marks, the way he moaned brokenly when you pulled on his hair, the way he came when you pressed your fingers to his throat. But he never asked for any of it - you had to ask if it was okay to do to him, and he always brushed off any of your attempts of aftercare.

You swallow again, feeling vaguely sick. Things had been broken in your relationship long before he called it off, but neither one of you wanted to admit it. Your heart hurts for multiple reasons, but when you glance at him out of the corner of your eye you know the biggest one: ‘I hope I didn’t hurt him by not talking about it’.

But he didn’t talk about it either. Did he care about whether it hurt you?

“Is that okay?” He’s been talking to you, and you startle out of your thoughts - a half-formed little smirk dances at the corners of his lips, one eyebrow quirked in amusement. He knows you well enough to know when you’ve been drifting. “I said, I’ll stay here if that’s alright with you.”

“Yeah, it’s fine - sorry, was just.. thinking.” It doesn’t really surprise you that he’s decided to stay - he’s confident to a fault, it’s true, but there’s a slash of shyness that strikes through his character, and you know that if he left he might not be able to come back. The thunder rumbles in agreement.

You half-watch him as you set up your computer on the coffee table – he’s looking around your apartment with thinly veiled curiosity, though you don’t really blame him. It didn’t really look anything like when you two had been together, and yet.. you felt it still had his subtle touch all over it. You wondered if he noticed that.

The class is boring, as it usually is – you’re watching the screen but your mind is far away, listening to your admittedly enthusiastic professor talk about the hyoid bone and articulations while your focus is on Changkyun. He lingers around you with a nervous type of energy, clearly not feeling allowed to roam around your apartment (it’d be kind of weird if he had, you admit) but also not feeling comfortable enough to sit on the couch next to you, even if he would have been off camera.

It’s almost like it was before, and you half expect him to sit down next to you anyway and throw his arm around your shoulder, always just off-screen, sitting next to you during your classes while he amused himself with his phone, just so he could be near you.

You’re just about to be able to feel the phantom warmth from the memory of his arm around you before he coughs and you startle, eyes snapping to him – he looks back wide-eyed, not understanding your surprise but murmuring a quiet apology anyway.

God you were so fucked.

.｡..｡.

“So?” The instant your class had ended you’d snapped the computer lid shut – you hadn’t retained a single thing said, what a complete waste. It wouldn’t have mattered if you’d skipped and focused on Changkyun in the end after all. “Did you decide on what you wanted?”

You’re so flippant with your question that he feels like he’s being asked about what it is he wants to eat instead of how he wants to have sex – the entire hour of your class he’d been nervous, and those nerves had by now tightened into a very tight ball at the base of his spine that periodically sent white-hot flames licking along his muscles.

“I –“ His mouth is so fucking dry and he hates how small he suddenly feels – he’d never felt like this around you before, but usually it had always been you asking if you could do something to him, hadn’t it? “I said it earlier. I want you to fuck me.”

He watches your reaction with pin-point precision – the small widening of your eyes, the way your gaze darts to the side like it always did when you were thinking something over – it wasn’t like you hadn’t ever fucked him before, but he’d never asked you to do so, and you clearly hadn’t expected him to come out with something like that so easily.

Why the hell could he say something like that and not something as simple as ‘I love you’, or even ‘I miss you’?

“Okay.” You’ve wrested your thoughts back under control – it wasn’t fair of him to say something like that, looking so utterly and effortlessly attractive. “As long as there’s no kissing I’ll fuck you any way you like, Changkyun.” You were over him and he was over you and this was just sex.

If you said it enough you’d start to believe it, right?

Changkyun just nods at your terms, looking a bit despondent – you can’t help the strong surge within you that says to fix it, fix whatever upset him, but you have a feeling you knew already. He’d always been a bit fixated on kissing you, but you knew if you let him this time then it’d all be over.

“I don’t remember you ever falling this far into the ‘submissive’ side of things, Changkyun.” You’re desperate to regain the upper-hand, and he flushes a bright red at your comment, grumbling out a weak “shut up” that has you smiling.

“Have you been experimenting?” You’re still teasing him but he bristles at the insinuation that he would have been with anyone after you – you had no reason to think he hadn’t been but the mere thought of being with anyone other than you makes him ache deep in his chest, in his soul.

“No.” He tries to keep his voice calm, but it wavers still and he digs his fingernails into the soft leather of his belt, pausing. “I haven’t been with anyone since –“

He can’t say it, but you understand regardless – he doesn’t like how surprised you look, ducks his head and lets his hair obscure his view of you as he refocuses on undressing. It’s not that you’d been wrong to be surprised with his decision for today, either – before you, he’d never really definitively considered himself particularly dominant or submissive, happy with having the choice to be either at the drop of a hat. That changed with you though – you had been so uncompromising with your power, beautiful and self-assured, and he knew without a doubt that if you so much as even hinted at it he would be on his knees for you every single time.

Not that he had ever told you that, of course. He’d never told you anything he really wanted to. Even now, with you looking at him softly, trying to see if you’d crossed a line with your little teasing jabs, the words ‘I’m happy being this for you’ get stuck in his throat and all he can do is tug his shirt over his head wordlessly, fingernails clicking nervously at his belt as he undoes it. You pretend not to notice the way your heartrate accelerates as he reveals his body bit by bit to you, slender waist but powerful figure, beautiful skin, beautiful body.

“Well, then – lie down.” You gesture to your bed and he swallows down the stupid fucking butterflies he gets at the gesture – he’d been on your bed before, he’d been in this position before, there was absolutely nothing to be nervous about.

And still, despite his nerves, a pleasurable chill runs down his spine when he hears the cap of the lube being clicked open, and he forces himself to exhale as he shifts and tries to get comfortable on a comforter he no longer recognized, in a room that had no trace of him in it anymore.

You look at him with a level gaze, always so calm, and he ignores the erratic beating of his heart and nods his assent for you to begin, immediately shifting his gaze to your ceiling.

Why the fuck was he so goddamn nervous?

(He tries to forget the way he instantly whimpers when he feels your finger, slick with lube, probing at his rim, tries to forget the way he gets hard in under a minute from your heavy gaze and one finger alone, and god he aches for more, aches for anything you’re willing to give him.)

“You’re taking this awfully well.” The teasing comes out unbidden, spilling past your lips before you can even think about the words – but it’s true, for someone who had claimed to not have been with anyone since you he was taking your fingers incredibly well.

“My own hands – fuck – exist..” His snarky response turns into a shaky moan halfway through when you decide to carefully – but quickly – add a third finger. There’s something erotic (and interesting) to you about that, thinking over the fact that Changkyun had been finger-fucking himself ever since you two broke up.

“You look good like this.” It’s an attempt to make up for the previous teasing but all it does is cause him to groan and throw a forearm over his eyes, legs spreading wider when you hit that spot deep inside.

“Fuck, jesus – fuck..” It’s a broken sob instead of an actual sentence (though he manages to stick with English), a familiar feeling already building deep in his gut. He’s not sure if it’s because it’s been so long since he’d been fingered by someone else or if it’s because it’s you doing it, complimenting him while doing so, or if it’s a combination of everything, but his back arches against his will and he knows he is seconds away from coming undone already.

“Stop – stop, oh my god –“ At his desperate plea you stop moving completely and he wants to sob as the pleasurable feeling slowly ebbs away, an almost painful drag as it settles back into a dull burn. He’s gasping, tiny whimpering sounds as he sucks breath back into his lungs, chest heaving – his eyes are wide, fingers curling into your comforter. He looks frantic, frightened almost, and even if it wasn’t your responsibility you knew you’d be desperate to fix it.

“Changkyun, ar –“

“I’m fine.” He bites it out angrily, doing his absolute best to look like he had been anything but moments away from an orgasm five minutes into.. whatever this was. He’s shutting you out again, before anything even begins, and it fills you with such an irrational anger that you have to suck in a breath of your own to keep from lashing out, taking gentle care to extract your fingers even as your blood boils.

“Stop fucking lying to me.” You can’t keep the ice from your words, even if you manage to control the volume and pitch – his dark eyes snap from the ceiling to you in surprise. There’s a panicked feeling bubbling up in his chest, because he really doesn’t know if he can handle you calling him on his true feelings for you right now, doesn’t want to have to admit he still loves you while he’s naked and so vulnerable.

“I’m not –“

“Stop it.” His mouth shuts with an audible click of his teeth, so sudden is your cut-in. Your brow has smoothed out, no longer angry, instead immensely sad, and he’s not sure this is any better. “You said you wanted to do this because you didn’t have to worry about my opinion. So why are you still doing it?”

He can’t breathe, and the lube is drying sticky on your fingers, and for a moment neither of you are aware of the position you’re in, the way the thunder has become your constant background music – he’s looking at you unblinkingly and you’re staring back, and it’s too intimate, too much, but neither of you look away.

“Please stop.” He speaks and it’s barely a whisper, the sound of someone’s heart breaking louder than his voice. You don’t know what to say but open your mouth anyway.

Lightning flickers outside your bedroom window and then your apartment is shaking from the resounding thunder, the power flickering and then plunging the two of you into darkness. Suddenly you can breathe again, and you’re quickly trying to slide out from in between his legs because he said ‘stop’ and he was fully coherent even if he hadn’t said ‘red’, because he said ‘stop’ and you have only ever wanted him comfortable.

“Wait –“ He is frantic, grabs your forearm with frigid fingers as he leans half off your bed to catch you from retreating too far. It’s hard to see him but you get flashes from the light outside your window, electricity reflecting off his dark eyes in starbursts.

“You said to stop.” Your voice is broken and you feel so powerless, sick inside because while you rarely manage to ruin a scene it still tears you up inside each time, and Changkyun wouldn’t let you try to fix it with aftercare and you don’t know what to do anymore.

“I meant –“ Stop talking, stop laying me bare and open, just fuck me and make me forget everything, stop being you so I can stop loving you. “I just want to be ruined.” He says instead, and his voice is so low but so weak that you barely recognize it.

“I can’t do that if you don’t let me.” Your clean fingers curl around his and gently pry them from your arm – but then you keep holding them, and you want to let go but you can’t remember how to tell your body to do so. “Will you let me, Changkyun?”

The air is still and silent aside from the rain slashing angrily at your windows – there is no thunder, your own heartbeat loud enough (or maybe it was his, you didn’t know anymore).

“I want to.” He answers instead, voice quiet but a bit stronger than before, and your eyes have adjusted so you can see the features of his face vaguely now, follow the line of his brow to his cheek to his lips, and you’re leaning in and you hate yourself because you had promised this was the one thing you wouldn’t do.

“Let me wreck you then, baby.” And oh that nickname was a mistake but you’d said it anyway, a ghost of a whisper against his lips, a proposition and a plea all in one. He moves forward the last centimeter and connects your lips as an answer, a sound that is almost one of pure relief being ripped from his throat.

It’s like he’s been waiting years for this moment, doesn’t even fight as you grip his jaw lightly and angle him into a better position so you can scope out the inside of his mouth with your tongue, relearning things you had known long ago but had thought were forgotten.

There’s a flighty feeling in his chest, one of nervousness and expectation – he doesn’t want to give you control so easily, he doesn’t want to be opened and laid bare in front of you, he doesn’t want you to see something you dislike in him – but more than anything he wants you to touch him and keep kissing him and god he fucking misses you, has missed this. He’d asked you to ruin him, you’d asked to wreck him, but he knew he was already both ruined and wrecked just from being near you again, from having your lips on his own.

You try to slide your hands back down his body but he stops you, continues to kiss you as his fingers curl around your own, and the act is so intimate it almost feels wrong.

“Just – hurry up, I’m ready enough.” He manages to say scattered between four different kisses, never apart from your lips for more than a few seconds. You hate yourself for not even trying to stop him, leaning into them each time.

“You can stretch yourself some more while I get ready.” You have to pull away from him completely to say this, and he follows you like you’ve got some magnetic pull on him before you’re off of the bed and the connection is broken.

Even with your eyes adjusted it’s hard to properly get the harness on, fingers fumbling with the straps but managing in the end. You can hear him breathing harsh, anticipating – you can tell from the sounds alone that he hadn’t taken your advice, but you’re not surprised. Always your little pain slut, even if he had never wanted to admit it.

When you approach him again his eyes are wide, brow furrowing as he notices you’re still fully clothed – he keeps his mouth shut tight though, gaze darting in the dark. The storm still rages on outside but neither of you even notice it anymore.

Your fingers on the inside of his thigh startle him – he jumps, trying to close his legs, but you force them back open again. Something about that simple action makes a moan trickle into his throat, but he swallows it back down stubbornly.

He can’t conceal the next sound he makes when you press the blunt tip of the strap-on to his opening, though, a rasping whine as you push in slowly, so fucking slowly. Even with all the lube he knew you’d slathered over the toy it still takes a bit of work to get it into him, and every slight stretch makes him grit his teeth in a masochistic type of pleasure, feeling so full by the end that it makes him so painfully hard his head spins. It hadn’t taken long to get him worked back up, but he’s not really thinking about that right now.

All he knows is that he wants to be close to you, wants to feel good, wants to make you happy – he wants so much that he doesn’t think he can even begin to put any of it into words. It always ends up at ‘I love you’ and he already knew that was a phrase that lodged in his throat like knives.

“Please.” This he can say – you don’t know what he’s begging for but he’s begging all the same, the word ‘please’ becoming a chant that slowly shifts back into his native tongue when teeth mark his throat, fingertips pressing insistently into his hips as you fuck him hard and rough. He hopes, distantly, that it bruises. He wants to be able to remember this for as long as possible.

If he was present enough in the moment he might have been embarrassed by the sounds he was making – his naturally deep voice has transformed completely into high breathy whines, all trace of his ‘savage rapper’ persona gone when you bite his lip hard enough it throbs before you’re flipping him, pushing his shoulders down into the bed with one hand.

The feeling of your palm, small but blindingly warm on his back, makes him weak enough that his thoughts stutter, head a chaotic mess of fractured thoughts and sensations. His eyes are open but unfocused – it’s dark in the room anyway, but he’s unaware of it, cognizant only of your presence and his, that warm fuzzy feeling in his chest competing with the white-hot fire you were stoking lower in his pelvis.

You want to cry at how beautiful and perfect he is for you, the way he arches his back instinctively, presents himself as your own personal plaything – but he wasn’t yours, you had to remember that, remind yourself over and over that this was just sex. (If you repeated it enough it started to stop sounding like real words, and that was equally as dangerous as forgetting them in the first place.)

The head of the strap-on teases his entrance and he groans, clenching his fists into your pillow – you’d taken it out when you’d flipped him and he was fighting against every fucking urge and want and need his body was screaming at him to just take the plunge and force himself backwards. (But another part of his brain is telling him to wait, to make you happy, to draw this out as long as fucking possible because he has no idea if he’ll ever get to experience it again.)

“Can you tell me what you want?” Your voice is soft as silk, quiet, and a fluttery feeling rises up in his stomach at the sound, at how you’ve modified an order to be a request. He doesn’t know how he feels at the realization that you were taking it ‘easier’ on him verbally, that you had at some point come to understand he was having trouble letting go completely.

“I –“ He tries, he really fucking does, but like always the words get stuck in his throat. He just can’t seem to bring himself to admit what he really wants out loud and it is destroying him. One of your hands smooths down his side, lingering at his hip, and he feels like you’ve left behind a line of pure fire on his skin, almost burning away the shame and hatred he feels at himself for his fucking inability to be vulnerable, his cowardice.

“Just fuck me.” He says instead, defeat coating his words – and he can feel you hesitating, because it was obvious he’d meant to say something else and hadn’t.

He opens his mouth to say something, though he has no idea what, at the same instant you decide to slide the strap-on back into him. Whatever he’d been planning to do is gone from his mind instantly, his world reduced to just the dull burn, the frustratingly slow drag against his innermost walls, the way you manage to somehow brush up against the spot that has him trembling and dropping to his forearms. He curses in a strange mixture of Korean and English and you laugh softly at the sound, even as you slide out and thrust back into him hard enough that he jolts forward.

He feels, in a sense, like he is being broken in all the best ways – all he can focus on is you, all he can feel is the way you’re fucking him, grabbing at his hips. His breath is caught in his throat and he just knows he is going to ache later, bone-deep and satisfying.

But it’s not enough, never enough – you’re not asking to do more to him like you had in the past and he can’t manage to tell you what he desires most (though, at this point, he’s not totally sure he could say anything coherent anyway). He reaches back with one hand, groping – your fingers wrap around his and he drags them up to his hair, a wordless plea. He hopes you understand what he’s asking for.

A broken moan is ripped from his throat when you fist your hand in dark strands and pull backward, forcing him into an arch – his mind has blanked into varying shades of white, electricity on his skin and molten lava running through his veins, your heat against his back overwhelming.

You know it’s a bad idea before you do it, but you lean down and press you lips to his shoulder anyway, teeth scraping over feverish skin – the hoarse whine he gives at the feeling makes wetness pool between your legs, uncomfortable and wrong because this was just sex, this was just supposed to be for him.

The urge to mark him up is so strong it’s almost distracting – your hips falter in the bruising pace you’d set as your mind drifts, Changkyun groaning at the sudden shift in speed.

“Let me –“ He’s gasping, feels like he’s been running a fucking marathon or drowning (and oh, he has, drowning in you, in his expansive and terrifying feelings for you) but he knows your hips have to be sore by now and to be completely honest he is just downright greedy, wanting to feel you deep inside, wanting to –

He just wants so much. He reaches back to press at you gently and you let him move you instantly, trying to figure out what had bothered him – as soon as you realize he just wants a change in position you’re grabbing at his hips again, tugging him over your legs. His cock drags against the fabric of your shorts and he nearly sucks in a breath, trying to focus on lining himself up instead of the way it throbbed (or the way you were looking at him, hair splayed out on the pillow and yet so in command still).

He thinks he should feel more in control like this, on top of you, hands braced on your shoulders – but he doesn’t, not at all, and he knows instantly that he isn’t when you snap your hips up to meet his and he falls onto you, moan vibrating against the skin of your neck. He can feel your fingers in his hair, nails scraping against his scalp, can feel the infuriatingly teasing way his cock is rubbing up against your fucking shirt you never took off. It’s gone untouched for so long that it’s absolutely aching by now and he thinks he might actually be able to orgasm like this – but he doesn’t want to, not yet, even with how border-line painful its become. He doesn’t want this to end, doesn’t want to have to go back to a world without you in it.

His hips stutter on top of yours when you tug on his hair again, grinding hard against the strap-on, and you lift his face high enough you can press your lips to his, all hot breath and panted moans. He tastes of honey and heartbreak and you want nothing more than to make him cum and fall apart, trembling, on top of you.

“Am I ruining you properly, baby?” Your voice is dark red and sinful, and he trembles at the sound and tries to seek out your lips again, a whine lodged in his throat when you tighten your grip on his hair and keep him in place, rolling your hips languidly up to meet his frantic movements. “Tell me.”

“Fuck..” He responds instead, deep and rough in his chest – it cracks into a high moan when you punish him with a harsh upwards thrust, fingers curling into your shoulders. Your soft laugh, amused or delighted he’s not sure, makes a feeling like electric butterflies break out across his skin. If you had let go of his hair he’d have buried his face into your neck again to hide his expression – but you haven’t, and he knows you can see everything, every part of him, every expression he makes.

He thinks he must look stupid, embarrassing – but all you see is pure beauty. His brow has furrowed and sweat drips down to his collarbones, bruised lips parted slightly, glistening from where you’d kissed him earlier. Hazy eyes try to look anywhere but your face failingly, allowing you to see the foggy galaxy residing in their darkness. You’re not sure if what you’re seeing is his pupil or iris, but you find it gorgeous all the same, intoxicating.

“I’m going to make you cum, Kyunnie.” He shakes at your dangerous words, your knife-sharp gaze. You’re aware he never responded to your last question. “You’ll fall apart up there, ruined, just like you asked to be.”

Your words wrap around him, coiling tightly like chains – he feels caught, trapped, and he wants nothing more than for you to make good on your word, even if it sends a sharp trill of fear through his stomach.

The grip on his hair lets go suddenly and he sags forward, as if your pull on him had been all that was keeping him upright. He’s left a mess of pre-cum on your shirt, flushes a dark red when you drag your fingers through it thoughtfully.

“Messy boy..” You muse, heat spreading through you when you see the way his cock jerks at those two simple words, so red and aching, so fucking beautiful and desperate.

Fuck, you wanted so badly for him to be yours.

One of his hands flies to your wrist when you finally wrap your fingers around him – more of his weight is on you now but you can’t find it in yourself to mind, not with the way he’s breathing hot and wet against your neck, the way he doesn’t stop you when you move your hand, just clings to your arm desperately like he’s not totally sure he wants to be touched yet.

A choked sound leaves his mouth, lips bitten bloody, and you turn your head so you can breathe against his ear, let him press his face further into your neck. “Such a little whore..” You murmur, and he sobs open-mouthed against your skin and thrusts weakly into your fingers and then back onto the strap-on, unsure of which feeling he wanted more of. “So beautiful. So perfect.”

A part of him feels like he’s dying, unsure if he was really okay with being so vulnerable with you – but another part of him, the larger part, feels like he is fucking soaring, like this is all he had ever wanted and more. There are flames licking at his body, coiling tighter and tighter in his stomach, and he’s not sure how much longer he can last like this.

“You can fall, Changkyun.” Your voice is in his ear, like the sound of silk sliding over skin, fingernails tracing lightly along the back of his neck. He hates the way he reacts so viscerally to it, climax surging forward at the sound, at the way your fingers slide wetly over the head of his cock pinned in between the two of you. “It’ll be okay, you can fall to pieces. I’ll catch you.”

He orgasms with a wail that makes him flush a dark red, and he would have been mortified at the sound if every nerve ending in his body wasn’t currently sparking, his muscles spasming as he tries to keep thrusting into your fist even as the lightning bolt sensations turn from overwhelming to painful. He doesn’t even realize tears have slipped from his eyes until he feels your lips kissing them away, and he is hit with such a wave of emotion that he can’t breathe all over again (and it is just pure emotion, he couldn’t identify a single one of them if he tried).

After you slowly pulled out and settle him on the blankets he watches, distractedly, as you slide the straps down over your hips, leaving it on the floor to be dealt with later. Impulsively he reaches out to catch the edge of your shorts when you try to head to the bathroom, tongue sliding over chapped lips when you turn that powerful, beautiful gaze of yours on him. One of your eyebrows has raised, appraising him as he slowly tugs you back to the bed until you’re resting on your knees next to his waist. Sweat is drying sticky on his skin and he’s trying not to feel like he’d done something wrong, reacted in some undesirable way that you’d remember and relate to him for the rest of your life - but above all that, he wants to taste you. It’s the only consistent thought running through his mind, more prevalent than the lingering unease at having bared so much of himself to you.

“Please.” Again, it’s all he can say, eyes so dark and wide, pleading – his fingertips rest lightly on your hip, over the waistband of your shorts, lips parted ever so slightly. It’s so obvious what he’s asking for, and you want to say no. You’re pretty sure you need to say no. “Babe –“

You surge forward to cut him off mid-sentence with a brutal kiss and he gasps – you didn’t want to hear that, and you can tell from the way he’s frozen that he hadn’t meant to say it, even as his body returns the kiss on pure muscle memory alone. This entire experience had been a mess, a mistake, and yet –

“Okay.” It’s more a breath against his mouth than a word, but the way he smiles at your soft agreeance makes your heart hurt. You were in so deep, had fallen so far – how foolish of you to think you had been over him. How fucking stupid you’d been.

He wastes no time, pulling your shorts and underwear down like he’d done it hundreds of times before – because he had, you note dully – fingers wrapping around your thighs. When you sink down onto his face a tension drains out of his body that neither of you had even noticed was still lingering.

All he can smell is you, all he can taste is you – you surround him and this is all he’s ever fucking wanted, to be possessed by you, to be as close to you as possible. He’s not even totally sure what he’s doing aside from the fact that he’s putting his absolute all into it – he’s just trying to taste every inch of you he can, tongue delving as deep as possible before switching to suck on your clit. There’s no rhyme or reason to his method and it has you letting out a quiet sigh that borders on a gasp. He tries to memorize the sound instantly – any sound he could get out of you was a treasure in itself, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever get to hear them again after this.

There is no particular build-up to your orgasm – it’s at first lingering briefly bone-deep and then suddenly it is upon you in streaks of lightning, hips grinding against his face but mouth stubbornly shut. You can’t let this be any more intimate than it already was. (And yet you instinctively reach down and lace your fingers with his, and his thumb smooths across the back of your hand as he continues to mouth at your cunt, drink up your fluids. You are so utterly and completely stupid, your heart in your throat.)

There is a moment you want to carve out afterwards, a small bubble in time where the two of you could just bask in the afterglow and pretend like nothing had changed from a year ago – but you can’t let yourself do that, pushing yourself up off the bed even as every fiber of you begs to remain beside him for a moment longer. His fingers remain holding yours a moment too long before dropping to your bedspread, defeated.

Your heart suddenly felt like it was three sizes too big for your body, filled to the brim with love for a man you knew you’d have no second chance with, and you clench your teeth tightly to keep it from oozing out between your teeth like bittersweet sugar.

He’s still panting when you return with a damp cloth, reaches for it as if he really expects you to make him clean himself off. You scoff and catch his hand with your own, setting it back down on the bed as you begin to clean off his face first. Whether you wanted to avoid intimacy or not there were things you simply refused to throw to the wayside just because you wanted to remain distant, and one of those was taking care of him after sex. (He’s more receptive this time than he used to be, not fighting you and claiming he was fine, letting you dote on him with a sort of hesitant and soft acceptance. It makes your heart hurt all the more, the pure ache and want almost unbearable.)

“You’re always so messy..” It’s meant to be a light comment but the two of you accidentally lock gazes when you say it, your hand stalling in its motions. He looks like he wants to say something, lips parting – your breath catches in your throat, waiting, but he ultimately just shuts his mouth, gaze darting away from you. Your breath leaves you in a small burst. “Just relax, Kyun, I’ve got you.”

It’s the typical words you say to a sub after an intense session (with an accidental affectionate nickname that you bite the inside of your cheek for), but you mean them, and you don’t want to, but you do, irrevocably. You know that if he needed it, if he asked for it, you would let him stay here for as long as he wanted. You knew that tonight you wouldn’t be asking him to leave. And for that you are so, so incredibly fucked. (You wonder if he is too, judging from the way his eyes widen at the nickname and his breath stutters – but you crush that thought instantly, don’t dare to get your hopes up.)

He’s surprised that you take the time to clean him up, bring him water and a change in clothes – they aren’t his but they’re clearly a man’s, and he wonders if they belong to Hoseok considering the size. Something deep in his chest hurts at that thought. He’s even more surprised when you pull on an oversized shirt instead of telling him to leave – he faintly realizes that he recognizes it, a soft violet that hung down to your lower thighs and always felt soft against his chest when he’d hold you – crawling into bed next to him after changing into it, though he’s automatically moving to accommodate you, perfectly content to throw the thick comforter to the floor to be dealt with in the morning.

“Is.. this okay?” Your voice is quiet, so tentative and soft and hesitant, and all he wants to do is tell you yes, this was more than okay, this was everything he had ever wanted.

“Yeah – I mean, it’s your bed, so..” He hates himself for the way he responds, swallowing hard but taking the initiative to slide his arm over your side, nose in your hair. He can feel the way you tense, but you don’t say anything against it or try to pull away. “And.. this? It’s okay too?”

“…it’s okay.” It’s a small response but he inhales deeply in relief, drinking in your scent half by accident. It’s the same smell he had missed for so long, the one he’d dream of and wake up thinking there was a chance it still lingered on his pillow, heart dropping through his ribcage when he realized it wasn’t.

Despite the nerves fluttering in your stomach you fall asleep fast, mentally drained and physically exhausted - his fingers trace the line of your shoulder, head pillowed on his own arm as he watches you sleep. There is a purely warm and happy feeling trying to spread through his body, but it doesn’t make it very far before the remembrance that you still weren’t his and he still wasn’t yours freezes it in its tracks. He feels like his heart is melting, dripping through his ribs and oozing into his stomach and making him sick.

He’s shaking your shoulder before he even knows what he’s doing, and you’re half-awake and groggy but so fucking beautiful and every single one of his nerves feels like a live wire underneath his skin, buzzing and loud and painful, and he is so scared, but he is also tired. Tired of hurting, tired of missing you, tired of the way Kihyun will be talking about you but stop awkwardly when he notices Changkyun listening, tired of the way he smiles so big his cheeks hurt when the two of you talk on the phone, tired of how he swallows down the words “love you” every time you hang up – and he’s fucking tired of being scared most of all.

“Changkyun, you better be fucking dying..” You’re angry, always angry when woken suddenly, and he just wants to kiss you.

‘I love you, I’m stupid, I was scared, I always loved you, I never fucking stopped, did you know I would dream of you? Did you know that you were the only thing on my mind? On plane rides, in the vans, backstage, all I could think about was you and my hyungs all told me I was just hurting myself and I knew that but I still hoped that somehow you and I would end up happy together.’

Like always he can’t say any of it. It sits on his tongue and he just utters a quiet ‘fuck’ instead, throat tight. Why couldn’t he fucking do this?

“..Kyun?” He’s sitting up now, and you are too, side by side – your expression is open, sleepy but worried, and he has a sudden urge to take your face in his hands and kiss your eyelids.

The scariest part of telling the truth, of laying yourself bare for someone, of letting them in, was that they could take one look and never come back. And maybe he’s not afraid of loving you – maybe he’s never been afraid of loving you, with your eyes that hold the only stars he ever wants to look at. Maybe he’s been afraid of not being loved back.

He swallows hard, reaches for every bit of confidence and courage performing has ever given him, forces himself to be brave the way the industry has taught him to be. Moonlight filters in through the window and he thinks your eyes might actually house the milky way in them somehow.

“I love you, still – always. I never stopped.”

He can’t breathe because you’re just looking at him, stunned and disbelieving, tears collecting on your lash-line but not falling, never falling, and he feels like the fucking worst for telling you now, this way, this bluntly – but he knows if he didn’t say anything he would have never said anything, and he’s not sure he could have survived that, so the words had fallen from his lips hard and heavy and desperate to be said. (And a part of him is still surprised he even managed to say them at all, rushed and frantic as they were.)

“I –“ Your brow is furrowed and your voice is thick, but when he reaches to brush your tears away you let him and his lungs start to tentatively fill themselves with oxygen again.

When you smile it is watery and weak but it is there, and he feels like sunlight has reappeared in the lining of his skin, bright and blinding and warm.

#sub!changkyun #sub!monsta x #changkyun x reader #monsta x reactions #monsta x imagines #monsta x scenarios #i don't usually do happy endings but this one just happened #i'm going straight to hell for this

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warmau · 5 years

Text

Love Struck!AU x Monsta X

me: im not love struck. hyungwon: _____ me: pause

Shownu

you walk by and shownu sees it in slow motion, rose colored background and angel hymns playing in his ears

the food on his chopsticks falls right down because he’s still staring at the spot you where just in and jooheon gives him a weird look

when confronted with the idea that he sees you as something more than just a friend he short-circuits

“uh....well....that....well it....that....well...”

minhyuk: it’s ok, take your time

you catch him off guard one afternoon, reading a book recommended by one of his friends

you slip in beside him, pointing at one of the lines

“isn’t this a little too poetic for your taste, hyunwoo?”

his lips part, glasses threatening to slide down his nose as he forgets how to string together a sentence

you smile and a warmth bursts through his huge body that he’s never experienced before

you don’t notice his neck go pink as you lean in even closer

he’s so scared you might hear the white noise blaring through his mind as your arm brushes his

“do you like romance novels?”

you question, curiously and shownu wants to say one thing but all he can do is give out a curt

“i like you.”

Wonho

doesn’t know where to look when you’re in a room

eyes go this way and that way and he starts bothering hyungwon for attention or picking at the lint on his sweater

when you address him, smiley and sweet, he knows his ears are on fire

and that if he makes a quick escape you might not notice

so he always has some outlandish excuse

“kihyun needs me to crack his back - he’s getting so old these days!” “i made plans to go to the market.........in busan” “ouch! i think im having a heart attack - talk to you later?”

closes his eyes and the first image in his mind is you - every time

shakes his head like a confused puppy like: stop thinking about them!

but he can’t,,,,,he’s stuck

“i don’t get it - why do i keep thinking about them?”

kihyun deadpan: “you’re in love”

changkyun: “oh i was just gonna say he’s sick, but i guess that’s the same thing.”

for some reason you’re at the gym before him and wonho debates just turning around and dipping

so he keeps going in and out of the changing room with his duffel bag and everyone is like ..........?

until you spot him and wave and boy damn near drops this heavy bag on his foot out of surprise

you show him that you’re getting stronger, flexing up your arm and wonho just can’t control himself

“you’re so cute”

“what?”

“I MEANT........the dumbbells are just getting cuter........huh............”

Kihyun

suaveness backfires on him very hard

“the weather is so hot today and so are,,,,,,,,,” “and so is?” “and ,,,,,,,,, so are ,,,,,,, these pants why’d i wear jeans in the heat hahaha i need to go”

pickup lines he can never finish and you just look at him quizzically as he tries to save face

will not admit it to anyone but practices greeting you in the mirror

gets caught by shownu who blankly watches kihyun posing in front of the mirror until it’s been fifteen minutes and shownu is like dude, get out - i need to shower

loud and confident usually, but somehow it becomes a little awkward when you’re around

voice cracks on two or three occasions

you get invited to the summer barbecue kihyun is throwing and of course he plans everything perfectly

except for the fact that this is a beach and so everyone is showing up in,,,,,,,beach attire

and when you come running down the beach toward him, kihyun drops the burger he was in the middle of flipping and nearly burns himself on the grill

and you’re like oh shit are you ok and he’s like what do you mean im dandy ,,,,, as he almost puts his hand down on the grill AGAIN

and you have to catch him and scold him for not paying attention

and he whines because “it’s hard to pay attention”

and you’re like why??? it’s easy - just don’t put your hand donw on the fire-

but he’s like no no it’s hard to pay attention because,,,,,,,because

you: because???

minhyuk strolling by munching on his watermelon: because you’re in a swimsuit and kihyun has the mind of a dog

you: wh-

OOP too late, kihyun is chasing minhyuk down the beach with his skewers

Minhyuk

won’t shut up about you

“anyway they were playing the piano with me and they were doing so well even though they said they hadn’t played in YEARS!” “i think they cut their hair a little shorter, it looks nice did you guys see it what did you think?” “oh look they have the game they were telling me about-”

it’s like he’s the daily news alert

but all the news is about you

and when he talks about you - his eyes gleam with sparkles, he almost goes into a day dreamy like trance

if hearts could start swirling around his head, they would

but when he is (rightfully so) accused of having feelings for you

he’s like

“WHAT? WHERE IS THE EVIDENCE?”

everyone: our ears hurt because you haven’t stopped talking about them once so ,,,,,, maybe ,,,,,,,, that’s the damn evidence

refuses it before jumping back into a long rant about how adorable and perfect you are

one afternoon, hyungwon decides he’s had enough, so he tells you that you should try beating minhyuk at talking

so you and minhyuk play the compliment game - spewing sweet and corny things about each other back and forth

until you inch close enough that your noses almost brush

and you go

“minhyuk, you’re so pretty far away but up close it’s even better!”

he’s so shocked, flattered, and over the moon that he stares at you speechless

and hyungwon is like “finally. silence”

you start to wrry when minhyuk is frozen for ten minutes straight and you’re like “how do i get him to function again”

hyungwon: idk. kiss him.

Jooheon

faints every time you lay a hand on him

both metaphorically and physically

like you were accidentally pushed against his chest during the bus ride home and next thing you knew he almost blacked out and hit his head on the hand pole

obliviously, you always assume it’s because he’s dehydrated or tired

minhyuk: looking into the camera like he’s on the office

gets all tingly and giggly when you touch his shoulder

makes squeaking sounds when your hand brushes against his

basically becomes a big mushy puddle of heart eyes

and mumbling incoherent sentences of affection

you: omg i think he might be having fever delusions or something

hyungwon: no,,,,,,,,,that’s definitely not it,,,,,,,,,

hates being told he should “just confess” like what the fuck do you mean “just confess” bold of you all to assume he can “JUST CONFESS”

everyone wonders what will happen when you two start dating and jooheon gets to kiss you

like will he just,,,,,,,,turn to dust? probably

you want to join the guys for lunch after their practice but the table is so cramped so you jokingly ask jooheon if “this seat is taken?” will pointing to his lap

never in your life have you seen someone flip their whole plate over to make room for yours and nod so hard you think it might snap their neck

you, embarrassed: o-oh i was just,,,,joking,,,,but,,,,um,,,if it’s ok,,,,,?

jooheon getting ready to just, turn to to jelly when you sit down:

changkyun: if he dies i get the rest of his rice

Hyungwon

hard to read expression when you’re around but sirens are going THE FUCK OFF in his head whenever you as much as smile

anything you ask him or any questions directed at him from anyone else is just answered with a “hehe,,,,yeah”

can’t formulate much of a thought outside of: holy shit they’re so cute holy shit what do i do holy shit just lean up against the wall it’s fine holy shi-

minhyuk: bro what do you wanna eat?”

hyungwon looking over his head at where you’re talking with shownu: hehe,,,,sure

minhyuk: cool hyungwon machine broken

his nervous habit is chewing on his bottom lip and you think he’s just concentrating on music or on something

but head empty. just you. that’s it.

you ask hyungwon to teach you a little about turntables and being a dj

and he’s like “oh sure” but then you stand directly in front of him, back almost against his chest as you play around with the different switches

and he like,,,,,,,seizes function

and you’re like “oo can i try these on?” pointing to the headphones around his neck

and when you reach out to take them off, he just takes a hold of your wrists and you’re like “oh? i shouldn’t touch them?”

and he’s just like hyungwon, c’mon say something cool. say something that won’t be embarrassing like hehe yeah. this is your moment!

“you can touch me anywhere”

“what?”

“............i mean hehe sure.......”

Changkyun

in capital L love with you but pretends he isn’t

crosses his arms and tries to keep a straight face when it’s obvious you’re doing something adorable and everyone else in the room is like ahhhh cute!!!

changkyun, scoffing: it isn’t even that cute...........

wonho: you shouldnt lie with the lord watching changkyun

changkyun: what

when you’re not looking, he steals glances and lowkey hates the fact that later he’ll be trying to work on something

and he’ll remember how you looked today and it’ll make him pause and just,,,,,,,kinda wish he could just walk over and talk to you

there’s really no reason he won’t just ask you out - he’s just being a big baby

you think he doesn’t really like you all that much so you get a bit anxious when asking him for a favor

but you really wanna throw a surprise party for another member so you end up asking changkyun for some help

but when you do, you accidentally hiccup in the same sentence

and you’re like oh no im a fool but

but changkyun just breaks

“how are even your hiccups cute????????”

“wh-what?”

changkyun, reaching his breaking point over a damn hiccup: “oh my god im in loooooove with you”

“wh-what??!?!?!?”

changkyun, laughing without stopping as he pulls you into his arms LOL

jooheon later on in the day: so you’re telling me you confessed to them because. they hiccuped?

changkyun: yeah. im also contacting the genius world record to ask them to put it in as the cutest hiccup to have ever been hiccuped

jooheon: ok. whipped much.

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keepseaveyweird · 5 years

Text

Request: OKAY BB HERE'S MY IDEA: you’re an actress on Riverdale and you’re dating Jack and he’s just so supportive and you’re doing lots of behind the scenes stuff on Instagram and the fans don’t know y’all are dating but Camila (or Lili, whichever you want. Maybe even Madelaine) post something ab y’all without thinking and the fans go crazy and it’s super cute. :))) sorry if that’s a lot haha

A/N: Okay so I don’t watch Riverdale and don’t really know the actors in it very well, but I tried to get Lilli right? Idk this one was a struggle for me but I’m glad you sent it cause I’m always wanting to get better! I also tweaked the request a bit, so I hope that’s alright :)

The set hustled as producers, actors and make-up artists sprinted around getting ready to film the next scene. This upcoming season was a big deal, and the audience has never been bigger. With lots of media attention from not only fans but tabloids as well, the pressure was on.

You sat in your dressing room, dolled up in makeup and your next outfit as you posed for Jack, who was taking pictures for yours and Riverdale’s instagram. He handed you back your phone, letting you look and begin editing them, preparing for your next post in order to promote the show.

“Babe, these look so good! You should leave the band and take up photography,” you joked, earning a grin from him.

“Very funny,” Jack mocked, “but thanks, love, it’s not my skills making you look good though, it’s just you,” he winked. Suddenly the door swung open, revealing Lilli recording the conversation on her phone, a smile on her face.

“What are you doing?” you asked her as she rewatched the video while laughing.

“You guys are so cute it’s gross,” Lilli smiled, saving it to her phone.

“Thanks Lil’s!” Jack beamed, “but you can’t post that, our relationship is still private.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll save it for when the world knows,” she laughed as she walked out.

Jack looked down to you, confusion written on his face. All you could do was shrug before picking up your script and practicing lines with your boyfriend.

It was a week later, and you had a red carpet event to help kick-off the new season of Riverdale and you were ready to walk it alone, the world still not aware that you were, in fact, dating Jack Avery. Jack hung back in the car as he gave you a quick kiss on the lips before you stepped out, the camera’s immediately starting to flash as you posed with a soft smile.

It was normal to get questions yelled at you from paparazzi, it was in the job description.

Who are you wearing? Who dies at the end of the season? Any special secrets to spill about your castmates?

And you were trained not to answer them, trained to ignore them. It was easy, but for some reason you thought you heard Jack and the other boy’s names pop up. You tried your best to ignore it, pretend you didn’t hear it, because maybe you didn’t, it could’ve been in your head.

At least that’s what you told yourself until you reached the lady from TMZ, who was ready to conduct your short red carpet- interview.

“y/n! How are you doing tonight?” The lady asked, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“I’m doing great! I’m very excited to be here and for the new season to premiere,” you told her using your fake interview voice.

“And we are too!” she exclaimed, looking to fans lined up behind the cameras who screamed in agreement.

“So y/n, you have to tell me. Are the rumors true?” She asked, putting her mic up to your lips. You couldn’t help but stare in confusion, not a clue of what she was referencing.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I know what you’re talking about?” you crinkled your eyebrows.

“Is it true you’re dating the Why Don’t We member, Jack Avery?” The lady rephrased the question, and your whole world just stopped.

It wasn’t because you were embarrassed of Jack, or of his friends or of his music or anything like that. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be seen with him, in fact, it was quite the opposite; you wanted to show him off to the world. But it was still new, only a couple months and the two of you didn’t want your careers getting in the way of what you had.

“I- uh… who told you that?” you asked, curious as to who spilled. You knew it wasn’t Lilli, she was both of your number one fans and wouldn’t hurt a fly. You wondered if it was Cole, who slipped up in an interview while making some sort of stupid joke, or if Camila accidently mentioned his name while talking about behind the scenes because Jack was there almost as much as you.

“Well y/n? You did!” The woman exclaimed.

“I what?”

She pulled a picture up on her phone, letting you take a peek. It was your Instagram page, the picture Jack took of you the other week when Lilli interrupted. In the back was a mirror, and though you weren’t quite dumb enough to post a picture with Jack’s full body in the background, you did manage to miss a big tuft of noodles peeking from the corner. Noodles that are quite iconic, and cannot be passed on as anyone else, which is a dangerous game when trying to keep your relationship quiet.

You knew you couldn’t deny the rumor, couldn’t say it wasn’t him. You couldn’t do that to Jack who you knew was watching on his phone, most likely just as stressed out as you in the back seat of the SUV.

“Well I guess the truth is out,” you shrugged with a slight smile, actually excited the news was out. It meant no more hiding, no more constant night ins. Jack could hold your hand while walking down the street and you could kiss his cheek while out in town. You two could publicly show affection for one another, something you didn’t realize you missed until then.

The lady did a giddy little dance before turning to face the camera with a smirk, proud to say she was the one to confirm the relationship over anyone else. After multiple questions about Jack and the rest of the band, you made your way inside to do a viewing of the first episode of the new season before heading back to your apartment where your boyfriend was waiting on the couch.

As you opened the door, Jack sat on the couch, turned to face you with a giant smile.

“So? The truth is out baby,” he stated, holding open his arms for you to climb into.

“I’m so sorry, I’m such an idiot, I can’t believe I didn’t see your stupid hair.” You sighed, laying your head on his chest.

“You don’t have to apologize, it was probably time we went public anyways,” he said kissing your temple, “and my hair is not stupid.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, ruffling his hair around as he scrunched his nose, “whatever… noodle boy.”

Suddenly your phone went off and you saw Lilli was calling, in which you picked up.

“Hello?”

“Can I post the video I took last week now, the world needs it!” She yelled through the line. You silently rolled your eyes.

“Whatever,” you told her, hanging up before you could hear her squeal. You tossed your phone onto the coffee table, only to cuddle up to Jack, as you had much to celebrate about.

#Jack Avery #why dont we #daniel seavey #jonah marais #zach herron #corbyn besson #writing #blurbs

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inthispagewestanikon · 5 years

Text

First Encounter <3 - a Jiwon/Bobby scenario:

word count:1.8k

Ps:I was listening to OFFONOFF - 춤 while reviewing and I think it matches the vibe pretty well, but bobby - lean on me is the one I listened while writing...

Ps²: If there’s any grammar mistake, I apologize!

Ps³: the main character name is Lee Kyung Ah, in case you’d like to know!

It’s been three years since I came back to korea for real. When I was about four my dad was fired from his desk job and both him and my mom decided to use the money they had saved up to go somewhere else. Even though I was young and don’t remember everything in detail, those were hard times, we had to say goodbye to our family and take off to a new country without even knowing if it would work out.

My parents chose Viena because after all it was the best city to live according to some website. There they opened a Korean restaurant and since they were so busy with it, the plan for a second child got put off, so it was just me and them living in this completely new environment. We really rellied on each other a lot.

Three and a half years ago I came to korea with them to visit my family, as we usually did, but this time my uncle’s wife introduced me to the university she was teaching and I fell in love. I was about seventeen at the time and was at that point in life where you have to decide what you want to do. After that visit I knew I wanted to come back, even though staying in Viena would be easier.

My aunt and uncle welcomed me into their house where I studied really hard to get in Yonsei. My parents were upset with me wanting to leave because after all, they would be all alone in there and it hurt me deeply to do so, but what else could I do?! I felt as if my life was there waiting for me. In Viena I would always be either studying at school or helping in the restaurant.

All of this leads me to where I am now, which is getting ready to go to the university’s festival. At this time around eveyone would just let go of all their worries and enjoy their twenties. I was getting ready in my room and felt like putting some effort in looking good, my friends had been talking about this group that would be performing and how they had to get a picture with them since Ye bin’s cousin was working as their staff.

Well, if we really are going to meet idols I don’t want to be looking a mess. Even if I didn’t really care much about this superficial things, because I was brought up in a very simple and humble environment.

I left the room and noticed I was probably late and my friends would kill me for making them wait.

“Wah, looking pretty for the festival?” My aunt said smiling. She was honestly like a mom to me and even if we were not blood related she treated me as if I was her own child.

“No, stop” I laughed embaressed, maybe I did put some effort in it.

“Wah, who’s this? Where’s my niece?” My uncle said when he got to the living room.

“Wah you two” I said trying to brush it off “I’ll get going now” I said grabbing my bag and shoes.

“Okay, be careful” they said in unisound.

“Will be” I said back as I closed the door.

The streets were so lively today, it really had that festival vibe. I started making my way to the university since we lived close by and I smiled seeing everyone around my age just fool around. I wanted to be free like that, but after leaving my parents back there I just felt like I should keep my reasons straight, I said I would come to study so that was all I really did.

After a quick walk I was already at the campus, I saw my friends near the entrance looking annoyed and I knew why.

“I know sorry sorry” I said as soon as I approached them.

“You should” Ye Bin said putting a mad face.

“I’m sorry, I got carried away while getting ready” I didn’t have a reason to lie so I just told the truth.

“We can see” My other friend said smilling and I blushed.

“Yah, let’s go...I don’t want to miss anything” Ye bin was still mad and I needed to make it right.

“Hey, come here” I pulled her a bit further from the rest “I know you are mad but I wanted to dress up nice for some reason and given that I don’t use this much time I got late” I explained.

“I know you are not lying, and I’m not mad at you” she said and I looked at her like I didn’t believe her. “It’s true...Okay just a bit” she smiled and I knew we would be alright.

We walked around the whole campus and everytime some cute guy passed by my friends would make a fuss, I just laughed at them.

The performance from the boy group was just a few minutes away from starting so we made our way to the stage, they wanted a good spot but so did everyone else there. After squizzing in and some dirty looks we managed to stay somewhere with a good view.

I was just standing there waiting for it to start when some random guy tried to grab and kiss me, I pushed him away as an instinct and when my friends noticed they made sure to shoo him away.

“Wah this guys are getting more and more crazy” Min soo said in disbelief.

“I know right! How this creep just tries to kiss her?” another one of them said but I was so out of it that I didn’t even bother to look who it was. As I was trying to digest what just happened, loud screams bursted out and some guys were stading on stage. My friends were jumping and enjoying the performance, so I decided it would be best if I did the same.

The performance was nice and I liked the songs, they were pretty popular from what I could tell.

“I’ll be right back” Ye bin said with this huge smile at her face.

“Omo, she’s going to talk to her cousin, we’re going to meet them” The girls started having a mini heart attack and as usual, I stood there laughing.

Few minutes later she comes back with an even bigger smile.

“Let’s go meet them” After she said that they all bursted out screaming.

“Shouldn’t we be discrete about it?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh yeah yeah” Ye bin said and they all calmed down.

The way to the “backstage” was very tense, the girls were desperately looking at mirrors and even I was nervous, I mean they’re famous after all.

When we got there this guy came to us.

“Yah! Ye bin, you have to be discrete and don’t go spreading this or I’ll lose my job, they’re being nice enough to do this favour” Even though he said her name only, he was warning us too.

“Ah of course, we are not crazy fans or anything” she said and I almost laughed, they were just freaking out two minutes ago.

We entered the isolated area and the boys were there getting ready to take off. As we came closer they and the staff stopped what they were doing. My heart was beating faster every step I took and I didn’t know why, I am usually the calm one and I don’t really get this fan thing but seeing them left me in awe for a few seconds.

“This is my cousin and these are her friends” The guy said and the others smiled.

Soon after they were posing for pictures, we took one with the whole group and of course the girls wanted individual pictures, so I offered to take them.

“Okay, 1 2..” Before I could get to the next number I feel this cold splash in my face, I didn’t even know how to describe what had just happened, I only had time to stretch the arm which I was holding my friend’s phone.

The intense smell of beer invaded my nostrils and it almost made me sick, apperently some random guy threw beer at my face and when I finally opened my eyes everyone had this shocked look on their faces

“Wah, it was that creep from earlier Kyung ah, I’m 100% sure” One of the girls said.

“I’m seriously going to kill this crazy man, honestly” Ye Bin said quite loud.

“Forget it, he is already gone” I said quietly.

“Here” One of the guys from the group offered me what looked like a handkerchief, but maybe it was a bandana. He had a very defined jawline and even though I did not know his name I did remember he was the rapper who jumped around like crazy on stage.

“Thank you” I bowed.

“Ah” He shook his head meaning that it was nothing.

I tried to dry off my face but everything was sticky and I felt like going home, the day was over, not because my make up, hair and clothes were ruined but because I had nothing more to expect from that festival, I remembered what I promised my parents and it almost seemed as if heaven was punishing me.

“Here” I streched my arm out in order to give back the piece of cloth the guy lended me but he just shook his head from side to side meaning I could have it, of course he wouldn’t take it, it was all wet and smelled like beer. So I just lowered my head a bit in gratitude.

“I will get going now” I said turning to my friends and without letting them say anything in protest I just turned around and walked away.

The walk back home was very weird, the smilling face I had upon seeing people having fun was no longer there, I just kept thinking about how I wanted to lay in my bed and sleep for eternity. All that I was feeling was a mix of embaressment and guilt, but all in all nothing could be changed now, so I didn’t even think about crying.

“It’s okay, things are like that sometimes” I said out loud in order to comfort myself.

I opened the apartment door and thanked god that my aunt and uncle weren’t there and I wouldn’t have to explain why I was wet and smelling like alcohol. I made my way straight to the bathroom and took of the dirty clothes, my white top was all yellow and for the first time I wanted to cry, I loved that top.

After leaving the shower I put on pijamas and laid down, it must be around six or seven p.m but I couldn’t care less, I would just go to sleep, after all, that was the best remedy for everything.

A/N: So, first of all, I hope you enjoy this “scenario” and yes, there will be a continuation since it’s kind of a series/fic idk what to call it yet…

ALSO, very important, I try to be realistic when writing something, so, given that the characters are korean I wanted to showcase some sort of realness with the “wah” and other ‘slangs’ if you may. I am in no way trying to copy them, just give a more “real life” feel to it!!!

#kim jiwon #bobby #bobby scenario #jiwon scenario #ikon scenarios #ikon #yg ikon #korea

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imaginexmeintheuniverse · 6 years

Text

Not Pretty Much the Same

A lovely anon requested: 8 on the romance 25 days list with Peter maximoff x reader 😄🎄

8. Character A’s ex will be at the Christmas Party A is attending. Character B poses as A’s fiance.

Modern AU

Pairing: Peter Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1, 762

Tags: @coltcas

Masterlist | Christmas Drabbles

A/N: idk if it's the same anon who requested the other Peter drabble but you chose perfectly 👌🏽 👌🏽 Also I feel like the prompt could have easily gone both ways, but then I remembered that scene from xma and couldn't not do this (it kinda just became a oneshot oops)

"You've got to be kidding me!" Peter throws his phone on your bed before flopping on it himself.

"Well a good evening to you too, Maximoff," you giggle, sympathetically petting his head that's made its way onto your lap. He flips onto his back and reaches for his phone. You presume he's trying to show you something, but he's moving so much you can't read any of the words on the screen. "I'm going to need you to elaborate."

"My ex is going to be at the Christmas Eve party tomorrow," he sighs, tossing his phone to the side again. You grab it and start scanning through her news feed. It doesn't take long to see why Peter wouldn't want to go anywhere near her. Scrolling through all her social media photos that showcase how successful she is, you stop at the one that probably drove him to throw this small fit. "She's going to be showing off that huge rock her fiancée proposed to her with an—"

"So don't go," you say bluntly, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"I can't not go!"he whines like a child, throwing his hands up like you're totally missing the point. "I said I would go and if I back out now, she'll know that it's because of her and- could you get me some water please—" He looks up at you with puppy dog eyes and you roll your eyes at how dramatic he's being.

"I don't get it," you tell him as you stand from your bed to grab him the water bottle that sits on your desk. "You always said she was awful. Why do you care what she thinks?"

"Because, everything is pretty much the same with me! I'm a huge loser, but instead of living with my mom, I live in a huge mansion where the average age is half of mine." He then turns back onto his stomach and his words become slightly muffled by the pillow. "And I'm still single and haven't dated anyone since."

"Well, you're wrong about two things," you start, turning to him with a smirk. Peter raises an eyebrow, being both slightly terrified and turned on by the sly expression you have on your face. "One, everything is not the same because you've saved the world more times than she's emasculated you—"

"Well, I'm not sure about that one—"

"And two," you glare at him for interrupting you, which again, makes him feel conflicted about whether he's more scared or turned on by where you're going with this. "You're not single."

"I'm... not...?" You let out a chuckle at the impossibly confused expression he wears.

"You're looking at the future Mrs. Maximoff."

You stand in front of your full-length mirror admiring how you were actually able to find a dress you feel both comfortable in and know you look fabulous wearing it. Unfortunately, you seem to be having trouble with the zipper and have just let out a string of curses under your breath when you're interrupted by the sound of a certain silver-haired speedster zooming into your room.

"Wow..."

You can't help but laugh at the sight of Peter frozen; jaw dropped, the door left slightly ajar, his hair is blown out from the speeding and to top it all off, his untied tie slides off his neck and falls to his feet.

"Would you help me zip this up, please?" You ask politely. He snaps out of his daze and scrambles to pick his tie off the floor. You have to admit that he is pretty cute all flustered like that, although it only lasts a few seconds before he reaches you in a few quick strides with a smirk.

"I don't think that dress should be zipped up. In fact, I think it might look better on the fl—"

"Come on, Quicksilver," you mock-flirt with him.

"Okay, now I definitely don't want to zip up your dress." He shakes his head but does as you ask. His fingers work the zipper out of where it was stuck, his touch leaving shivers going down your spine as he glides it to the top and closes the clasp around the back neck-line of your dress. "I am one lucky man," he mutters under his breath, half-thinking you won't hear him.

"Thanks," you smile, turning around to face him. "Need some help with that?"

He nods with a sheepish grin and you get to work on his tie. While he stares up at the ceiling, you find yourself distracted by taking note of how handsome he looks all dressed up. In all the time you've been friends you've never seen him like this, and there's a butterfly that's making your stomach flip. You write off the feeling, blaming it on the combination of the close proximity and how well put together he is.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" he asks, head still slightly tilted upwards as you finish the knot.

"Of course," you chirp, letting your hands linger on his chest after smoothing out his shirt. "Look at us," You lightly grab his chin to turn his head to the mirror and link your arm in his. "We're the perfect couple."

"What was I thinking?!"

Peter, of course, chooses after having rung the doorbell to start freaking out and doubting this whole thing. "This isn't going to work! No one's going to believe for one second that you would- a-and she'll be all in my face about it- I'm obviously still a huge loser—"

"All right stop!" you cut him off effectively, placing your hands on his shoulders and forcing him to look at you. "You are not a loser, Peter."

"It was ridiculous to think that this could actually—" He averts his gaze from your eyes. "How am I supposed to go through with this?"

"What do you mean, Peter?" you ask, searching his expression to see what's really bothering him. Maybe he's more nervous than you thought he was and he just needs reassurance. "We've been over this a million times; everything's go to go smoothly. Just trust me, okay?"

He takes a step backwards, shaking your hands off him, and for a moment you worry he might actually speed off and leave you stranded there out of pure anxiety, but then he takes a deep breath before moving closer— much closer to you. His hands gently take your cold ones into his warmer ones as he begins speaking, "We're going to go into that party and pretend all night that we're in love and getting engaged, and then tomorrow we're just supposed to act like none of it happened- I don't think I'll be able to do that."

Your eyebrows knit together in confusion and you shake your head. What is he going on about? "I-I don't understand—"

"You'll be able to go back to normal after tonight! I-I won't!" He snaps, letting go of your hands. They immediately feel colder and you feel like your heart has taken a punch. Peter starts repeating his words in slower, more comprehensible sentences, "You're going to pretend to be in love with me and that you can't wait to marry me, and I'll look at you like you're my whole world and I'm the luckiest guy in the world— except, I won't be pretending and being around you is going to become that much harder."

"I won't be pretending," you say so quietly he thinks he might be hearing things. He does a double take, scanning every inch of your face for a sign that he isn't hallucinating. The grin that spreads is impossible to fight as you repeat your words, "I won't be pretending."

He doesn't waste any time closing the distance between the two of you, his arms wrapping tightly around your waist and pulling you flush to him, effectively taking the air right out of your lungs before kiss lips come crashing down on yours. Responding immediately, you kiss him back, deepening it as your hands slide up his neck and your fingers tangle through his once-neat locks of hair.

"Hi there! Sorry it took so lo- oh..."

Your eyes widen as you're suddenly reminded where you are. Both turning your heads and only pulling apart slightly, you mutter low apologies to the host and greeting everyone. You don't even have to look at Peter to know that his ex probably saw the scene— not that he even cares about that, now that he knows the two of you would only be half-lying. But who knows, maybe in some time you wouldn't have to lie at all.

You walk into the party holding hands, fingers intertwined, and Peter leans down to whisper in your ear, "I'll help you unzip your dress later."

*Bonus Epilogue*

You wake up to the light that comes through the crack between the curtains, shining on your face. The figure beside you is wrapped under the blankets, the steady rise and fall of the form and the sound of light snores being the only signs of life, save for the strand of silver hair poking out from under the comforter. On one hand, he looks so comfy and peaceful that you want to let him sleep, but on the other...

You shake his shoulder lightly to which he groans and turns away from you. Chuckling you shake him a little harder and lean closer to his exposed ear, "Peter, wake up! It's Christmas!"

He instantly perks up, nearly smacking foreheads as he sits up. His expression is the mixture of a child on Christmas morning— which he might as well be, and something else. You can't quite put your finger on it, but you know that you feel it too.

Pushing yourself up onto your knees so that you face him, you lean up to press a sweet kiss to his lips. When you pull back, all you can see is his goofy love-struck smile as he speaks in a groggy lazy tone, "G'morning, gorgeous."

His hands go the either side of your face and he brings his lips back to yours. You break it off, leaving a pouting Peter on the bed as you leave the warmth of the blankets to retrieve your dress from the floor.

"Told you that dress was better left unzipped," he quips, reaching for your hand and pulling you in for a another kiss that you cut short.

"Shut up and come open presents with me."

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stantalentstansk-archive · 6 years

Text

Blooming Heart - Changlix AU

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

Genre: mostly fluff with some angst

Pairing: Changlix (Changbin x Felix)

Words: 2,628

A/N: This is the first fic I’ve written that will have multiple parts to it, I hope you like it!

A New Beginning

Most people will look for the signs of a one-sided love within the stars. They ask, and ask, and ask to get the answer they need but never find it. The answer for my one-sided love was found in flowers. Painful, beautiful, and bloodied flowers. A chest pain like no other almost as if your heart was really broken. Coughing until you start to wheeze. Then the worst of all, puking those disastrous flowers.

I walked into the dance studio I owned to find the papers with the words “I QUIT” scattered all throughout the building. In all the practice rooms, bathrooms, hallways, and even the staff lounge. Well it looks like one of our best choreographers quit again and it was Minho on top of it all. I sighed picking up the papers knowing I’ll have to go out and hang up flyers later tonight. After everything I had done for Minho, and he decides to do this. I mean it wouldn’t be the first time a choreographer quit but it certainly won’t be the last.

♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□

I woke up the next morning to find that I had missed calls from an unknown phone number. Could it be somebody trying to get an interview for the choreographer position already? No, it coul-. My thoughts were cut off by my phone buzzing in my hand. It was the same unknown number so I quickly answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Lee Felix from the Young Wings Dance Studio?” So it was somebody asking about the choreographer position!

“Yeah, I’m Felix. Did you have a question about anything?”

“I was just wondering if the choreographer position was still open”.

“Yes, it’s still open. Would you like to set up an interview?”

“Can I come in sometime today?” Today?! This guy must really want the job if he’s willing to come in today.

“Yeah, of course. Uhm I’ll have to check what my schedule looks like for classes but I’ll see if you’d be able to get the interview in today”.

“Thank you so much Felix, I’ll talk to you later then?” Wait, I still need his name.

“Yep, but could I get your name so I know who I would be interviewing?”

“I guess I got caught up in trying to get this interview that I forgot to say my name, hah! Well, Felix, my name is Seo Changbin”. I quickly scrambled to find a paper so I could write his name down. Seo Changbin… what an interesting name.

“Well then Seo Changbin, I’ll be talking to you again later”.

“Once again thank you for considering the interview, goodbye!” The phone went silent after Changbin hung up. His energy, I like it. I don't think I've ever seen somebody more enthusiastic to get a job than Changbin.

I looked at my phone calendar to see which classes I had to teach today. Only the 6 pm boys advanced hip hop class today. Well Changbin, I guess you’re getting your interview in today after all I thought whilst smiling at my phone. I saved Changbin’s contact information and texted him to let him know he could come in anytime for the interview then I put my phone down deciding to finally get out of bed and get ready for the day.

I walked into the studio not expecting to see anybody waiting in the lobby but to my surprise, somebody was. If this is who I think it is then-

“Ah! You must be Felix!” I was greeted by a short, ecstatic, and darkly dressed guy who really didn’t seem much like much of a choreographer if I’m going to be honest but hey, who am I to judge? Well, he is a bit cu- “Sir… sir!”

“Uhh,” I shook my head, “yeah, I’m Felix. Then you must be Seo Changbin”. He nodded then bowed so far his face was almost touching his legs. “Oh wait you do-“.

Changbin straightened himself back up and replied, “It’s okay. If I want to get this job then I’ll have to show my gratitude in formality”. Looking at him smiling up at me made me blush a little and turn my head away.

“Formality’s are a-a bit too much especially since most of th-the people I work with are older than m-me”. Great, I stuttered. First I space out from how gorgeous this guy is and next thing I’m stuttering. “Well,” I cleared my throat, “Interviews here are different. I’m not like most people who interview with questions, I interview you with what skills you have. In order to be a choreographer I need to know that you’re good at dancing, making dances, and teaching people these dances. In order to do so I will have you teach me a dance that you choreographed yourself”. Changbin nodded and stared at floor looking as if he was deep in thought.

“Alright, I’ll teach you a dance then. C’mon!” He grabbed a hold of my arm and dragged me towards the hallway with all the practice rooms in it. Stop thinking like a thot Felix, it’s not going to happen. It won’t happen you just met the guy stop thinking like a thot!

When I looked around I noticed I was in a practice room with Changbin who was trying to hook up his phone to the speaker.

“Wait, I’ll do that,” I walked up to Changbin and grabbed his phone from his hand. “The speakers here are a bit hard to work with so I’ll hook it up for you”. Changbin nodded and walked away as I got his phone connected to the speaker. “Okay, there you go! Which song are you doing the dance to?”

“Just that first one”. I read the title of the first song and surprisingly I knew it. Spring Day by BTS, he must have a beautiful dance to go with it. I tapped the play button on the song and turned towards Changbin.

“Alright, I’ll watch the dance first”. I sat down as Changbin started dancing and I got fully immersed into his world. The flowing movements, the emotions on his face, the story he’s trying to tell… everything was being all brought out into this dance. If anything the thing that got me the most was how he was telling his story, it was like I saw a little part of his soul trying to let people know these are the things he does. Everything he’s doing is just…. it’s just absolutely stunning. You can tell how much he loves dancing just by talking to him but seeing his dance now…. I blushed again as he held his hand out in a way that says he’s trying to reach for something, for me. DAMMIT FELIX YOU’RE THINKING LIKE A THOT AGAIN!

“You ready to learn it now?” I was met with a breathless Changbin with his face right in front of mine causing me to blush again.

“Uhhh y-yeah, of course”. I stood up and Changbin took me over into the middle of the room and started to teach me his dance.

♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□

“And that’s it!” Changbin said showing me the final pose. I looked at the clock to see that 3 hours had passed by. “Didn’t take too long, did it?” Changbin asked with a smile.

“Nope, it didn’t take long at all.”

“So how was the dance?”

“I already knew it was good but learning it was even better. You really are a skilled choreographer”.

“Oh,” Changbin scratched his head, “I don’t get many compliments like that”. The guy is talented and he doesn’t get many compliments? I guess it’s time to change that for you.

“You know, you’re good at teaching and you’re great at choreographing-“

“Hu- wait, are you… are you going to say what I’m thinking?” Yes.

“.... I don’t know, what do you think?” I smirked. Yes.

“Yes, possibly, maybe?” Yes.

“Yes”. Changbin smiled so big and started bouncing from foot to foot whiles looking down at the ground. “You can start next week, welcome to the Young Wings team,” I said whilst holding out my hand. Instead of shaking it Changbin decided to give me a hug.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you so much!” How many more times are you going to make me blush?

“Yeah, o-of course,” I replied, patting the top of his head a few times.

“Oh, sorry,” Changbin let go of me, “I just got a little excited”.

“It’s alright, I almost hugged the realtor after finding out I got this building”. Changbin laughed. That’s a cute laugh for sure. “Well I should start preparing for the class I have to teach in a couple of hours. You can hang around or go home and rest for bit, it’s up to you”.

“I’ll hang around, I should see the stuff you teach as well.”

♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□♡☆◇□

Changbin: you going anywhere today?

Felix: no

Felix: the studio is closed today

Felix: Why would I go anywhere

Felix: ????

Changbin: I was just wondering

Changbin: …. well I guess I’m not hanging out with you today :’(

Felix: WAIAT

Felix: TO DO WOHATA

Changbin: oh idk, just to meet somebody

Felix: HOOO

Changbin: You’ll see

Changbin: just come over to my apartment

Felix: alright ;)/p>

Changbin: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY STOP IT WITH THE WINKY FACES

Felix: NEVER ;););););)

I wonder who it is that Changbin wants me to meet. I hope it isn’t a significant other because…. I want that position. Just thinking about Changbin dating somebody made me really jealous and I don’t even know if he is dating somebody. I stood up and walked into the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror.

“Alright Felix, control your emotions. He may not even be dating anybody and if he is you just have to be happy for him, you don’t want to lose him. You need him there to be a good friend and one of the best choreographers you’ve ever had at the studio. Everything he does no matter how big or small is a blessing. Him existing is a blessing”. I paused for a long time trying compose myself and whispered, “.... l-loving him is blessing”.

I turned on the faucet not wanting to think about it any longer and rinsed my face with the ice-cold water. I looked at myself in the mirror again seeing that my face was tinted a pale blue and my eyes were starting to get bloodshot. “Jesus Felix, if you fall too hard for people and keep getting upset like this nobody is going to stick around! Nobody, not even Changbin, is going to stay with you if you keep getting butthurt over something that probably isn’t real! Changbi-“ my voice finally cracked as I started to break down. “This is exactly what you didn’t want to happen yet here you are, crying to yourself over a boy!.... a boy that I have to go and visit now”.

Turning off the faucet I took a towel and dried my face whilst trying to calm down before I left. Luckily for me Changbin’s apartment is a good fifteen minute walk from the apartment building I live in so I should be fine by the time I get there.

I knocked on the thin apartment door and the door immediately swung open to reveal a smug looking Changbin.

“Hey”.

“Hel- huh!” Before I could finish greeting Changbin he dragged me into his apartment. “You must be excited for me to meet this person, right?” Too excited if you ask me.

“Yeah, uh, yeah”. He smiled, it was different though. It wasn’t like his normal smile that showed that he was feeling happy, it was one that looked like love. The exact one he showed after he finished teaching me the Spring Day dance…. that was over five months ago.

“So… where are they?”

“Oh we were just hanging out in my room but I can go get him so all of us could hang out in the living room”. I don’t want to.

“Oh, okay”. I forced a smile on my face. Luckily I took some acting classes when I was younger, now it’s really paying off. Just smile and lie through the pain Felix, just smile and lie.

I followed Changbin to his living room and he went to his room calling somebody’s name. I sat down and prepared myself to hear the exact thing I didn’t want to hear. Changbin then walked in with a person who looked similar to him but with softer looking facial features. He also had a similar hairstyle but it was brown.

“Felix, this is Jisung”.

“Hi Jisung”. What do they mean to you what do they mean to you what do they mean to you what do they me-

Jisung held out his hand and said, “Nice to meet you Felix”. I looked up at him from where I was sitting forcing out yet another smile.

“You too”. I shook his hand.

“What kind of work do you do?”. As if you really want to know.

“I'm the owner of a dance studio but I also teach and choreograph for some of the classes as well”.

“He owns the studio I work at,” Changbin interjected.

“Oh, that’s nice!” Lies, you really don’t care.

“What work do you do?” I asked Jisung. I actually don‘t care what you do.

“I’m a music producer!” Just fake a smile and lie, smile and lie.

“Cool…”

“Oh right! I guess I should mention why I wanted you to meet Jisung, right Jisung?” Changbin smiled at Jisung. Don’t smile at him, smile at me!

“Well, what is it?”

”Uh… well,” Changbin started fiddling with his hands, “Jisung and I are dating so that makes him my boyfriend”. His boyfriend? Just fake a smile, fake a smile, be happy for him. Just be happy for him dammit!

“Congratulations Changbin, that’s great! Same for you too Jisung!” Lies, they’re all lies! I started feeling a sharp pain in my chest and grabbed at it, suddenly letting out a little screech.

“Are you all right Felix?”

“It’s probably just some heartburn from the tteokbokki I ate earlier, no worries. I’ll just go home and get some medicine for it. You two just keep on doing what you’re doing I’ll be alright. Once again, nice meeting you Jisung”. I quickly ran out of the apartment not waiting for anybody to reply. My chest kept hurting making me think, maybe this isn’t heartburn.

As soon as I walked into the apartment building I started coughing, the pain in my chest getting worse, which brought along a burning sensation in my throat. This is definitely not heartburn. I barely made it into my apartment before I puked, but it wasn’t like anything I’ve ever seen. They were flowers, bloodied flowers.

“F-flowers?” Before I freaked out I took out my phone and searched up what this meant.

“The Hanahaki disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient coughs up and throws up when they suffer from said one-sided love. The disease can be removed through surgery but the feelings for the person you longed for will be removed along with it.”

I closely examined the curved, small petals of the light purple flowers feeling another cough arise. Not again please, not again! ….Wait, this is a lilac! I tried searching up the meaning of the flower while more of them threatened to spill out. Wait wait that’s it!

“Lilac, the color for which this flower is named, is a light purple that symbolizes a first love”.

“A first love. Is Changbin…. really my first love?” I couldn’t hold it any longer, tears fell as a painful cough shook through me and more lilacs came with it.

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