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lumiidragon · 4 months

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So now that I've seen the last season of the Nine Realms, I can finally give my own personal review on it, and the last seeing as how this was the last season and TNR is officially over.

So needless to say SPOILERS BELOW! PLEASE STOP READING HERE IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LATEST SEASON AND DON'T WANT SPOILERS!!!

So let me start out on a, sadly poor note with this: this season was super disappointing... The big finale, the end-all, the conclusion to The Nine Realms was...flat. Boring. Pointless. Like, this was actually probably one of the more poorer seasons...

So let's start with The World Serpent (Yeah, I can't spell the other name, so I'll just refer to it as 'The Serpent' for ease. This dragon was honestly a really cool design, but not as a "predator of all dragons and the destroyer of The Hidden World". First off, a top-tier predatory animal that is meant to destroy all dragons and the dragon ecosystem...doesn't make sense. Why would an animal like that exist??? If The Hidden World is supposed to be this perfect dragon paradise, then why is there a dragon that literally goes against this notion. Also, this dragon was literally seen poorly trying to catch a terrible terror in a flock of three that was just casually flying around its face like a cat trying to catch a fly and not doing very good at it. This is the dragon that can supposedly take down any dragon such as a Red Death? A bewilderbeast? Any titan-class dragon? No, I don't think so. The poisonous gas attack it has is powerful, but this dragon just doesn't scream "Destroyer of The Hidden World" to me. Not that a dragon that is destined to destroy the world all the dragons that are damned there forever makes sense anyways, but still. On top of that, this dragon spent most of its time "defeating the Riders" by hitting them with the same amount of power any other dragon enemy has and then just taking off. That was pretty much it. It hit once or twice then ran away. The series literally only made this thing to be "unbeatable" because they made the Riders' dragons have 2 HP per battle and have the bad guy dip afterward, thus drawing this out through the entirety of the season. This dragon wasn't powerful, it was long-winded. Finally, the final battle was so.......boring? The group brought in an "Army Of Dragons" to defeat this thing, which would have been cool if it weren't for the fact that they basically just brought one or two dragons a piece. That's not an army and if a handful of common dragons with two special bosses (the Faultripper and the Sky Torcher) is all that it took to beat this thing, then this dragon was never the ultimate dragon destroyer the legends made it out to be. I could really go more into how The Serpant and the battles with it were pointless, boring, and just anti-climatic, but this section has gotten long enough, so I'll leave it at this.

Next up, Tom and Jun. Their romance drama was so pointless and added literally nothing to the story. This is the last season and it's only 6 episodes long. They don't need teen romance side-drama this late into the series, they need to concentrate on what was supposed to be the issue at hand. That, and Jun breaking it off with Tom over him doing the same thing he's always done since Season 1 really shows their compatibility as a romantic duo. But yeah, their whole romance here was just completely pointless and added nothing to the series. Also, Alex and Eugene was also completely unnecessary with what they were trying to build.

Then we have the villains. So Buzzsaw's goons and Linda are the most pointless characters in the villain side of things. The bumbling side kicks to a villain can be charming, but when every villain's group are just kids in adult bodies that still need to be babysat or else they can't do anything right, then it gets annoying and kind of pointless. Linda was probably the worst of them. As for Buzzsaw, his redemption was too much a play off of Dagur and, in my opinion very unnecessary. It felt like they only redeemed him because they didn't need him anymore, but didn't have the time to properly deal with him. As for Sledkin, she was actually a decent villain for what the series was giving, but ultimately fell into the weak trope of "I'm so desperately obsessed over my final goal that I am just throwing self preservation out the window so I can be pointlessly reckless despite being a very intelligent individual" and ended up getting killed over it (which I'm surprised TNR actually had a human death in this).

So let's finally move to my final complaints with this season:

-Thunder being "alpha" is bullshit. There is no way the night lights (yes, even the Elder Night Light) are the "Kings of Dragons" when most dragons didn't give them two glances. So there is no way Thunder is an alpha. I'm sorry, but no. Also, with the Elder Night Light passing, it's nice to see how literally no one cared since Thunder can glow like a radioactive lightbulb now, I guess. They grieved Sledkin more than this dragon. Thunder hardly even cared. Along with the night light thing, Thunder's family is not only useless in the series, but seeing as how we never get a real reason as to why night lights are breeding with each other, I am not convinced that this family line isn't just a messed up family wreath than a family tree at this point. Nothing was explained, so the fans only have the fact that there were only 3 night lights from Toothless (Toothless who was basically never mentioned in this series) and the Light Fury (who wasn't mentioned at all) and no others exist, but we see night lights having kids with each other....I....ew.

-The Raker episode was literally just not necessary and could have been left out altogether and nothing change. This is the last season, we don't need pointless spoilers.

-Olivia was being built as a true character earlier in the series, shame she was basically forgotten about. Same for the other parents.

-The Gods Realm was boring and really uninteresting to look at. Like...it might as well have been any chamber in any cave around the world, not the "Lungs of the Hidden World", which the dragonite still makes no sense and there's no way they would have run out of oxygen in that massive chamber that quickly with the stone removed. None of that made sense.

-There's no way Tom would have ever learned how to communicate with dragons with Valka's staff. I don't know where they got this "Hypnotizing" thing from, but Valka lived alone with dragons for 20 years. She communicated and learned their language that she developed replications of in her own way. Tom cannot learn that in a short montage because Valka's power with dragons came from her connection and understanding from more time of experience with dragons alone than Tom has even been alive for. The staff was a tool, not the power itself. That, and Hiccup would never use his mother's staff. That's A. not his approach to dragons anyway, and B. his mother's. Valka most likely would have had her burial with that staff. Oh, and it's nice to see yet another thing just be casually destroyed and not cared about.

-And I think the last thing I've got for this massive post is the ending. Yes, the dragons leave. What a surprise. This time, the dragons choose to leave and more or less say "Sorry kids, you guys...eh, kinda suck.". The Riders were basically pleading with their dragons (mostly Tom) that there had to be another way and the dragons wouldn't even let them touch them anymore. They acted like they had their fun and it's gone stale so it's time to leave. Great...bond??? Of course, it was over "HOOMANS BAD." so why bother to fix the world when you can just hide in a dead-looking cave system forever? Right? Not only that, but the group itself also split up, expect for Tom and Jun of course, because how else can the series end off with the romance that they pointlessly shoved in.

So yeah, this season was......not good. I really had my hopes out for the series ending much more interestingly, but in the end, with the dragons shoving themselves away again, nothing came from this series other than Tom gets a girlfriend and the group learns the true power of video calls. So in all, I give TNR a personal 5-6/10.

#how to train your dragon #httyd #the nine realms #httyd tnr #tnr salt #//There were some parts that made me laugh and stuff//#//but overall the season was a bust to me//#//and that's sad//

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supermarine-silvally · 6 months

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20 questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tag @chameliyun!

How many works do you have on ao3?

Eight I think! Mostly longform which is why the number is so low lol

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

503,612

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently I'll write for Death Note, My Hero Academia, Hunter x Hunter, Demon Slayer, One Piece, Soul Eater, Mass Effect, Dragon Age, and Doctor Who. I have VLD fic up on my ao3 but I don't write for that fandom anymore lol

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Starbound (VLD, 294), Ground Zero (MHA, 223), Far Longer Than Forever (VLD, 76), Tales From Wammy's House (DN, 62), and The Ghosts Within Us (HxH, 57)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I'm usually super late to respond lol but yeah I try to get to all of them! I love interacting with people and I treasure all the feedback I get!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

All my ao3 fics (excluding Tales From Wammy's House, which is a collection of short stories I wrote as part of a fandom event) are unfinished, but I know which one is gonna have the angstiest ending... no spoilers though!

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again, they're all basically unfinished so no spoilers!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Haven't so far so hopefully I never will lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I am physically incapable of writing smut. I know some ace people write it no problem, but... I am not one of those people lol

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I'm open to crossovers but I can't recall any that I've actually written. Usually I prefer to do them in the same sort of genre (for instance, a MHA/Marvel crossover or Pirates of the Caribbean/One Piece kind of thing where there's a sort of plausibility in setting)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I have, I don't know about it. Not sure why anyone would bother though lol

12. What's the longest you've spent working on one fic? And the shortest?

Longest: I've been working on A Shot in the Dark since 2020 though I don't update it much anymore. But I don't want to abandon it at this time so I'll count it as ongoing.

Shortest: Tales From Wammy's House since it was for a week-long challenge lol

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Second Chances is co-written with the amazing @til-the-static-comes :)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I'm a big canon/OC shipper so I'm really attached to my canon/OC (and OC / OC) pairings moreso than most canon/canon, buuuut my favourite all-time canon/canon ship is still the Doctor/Rose Tyler; you can pry them from my cold dead hands. Killugon (Gon Freecss/Killua Zoldyck from HxH) is a close second.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

A Shot in the Dark is already so bloody long and I'm still a ways away from finishing it, but I'm gonna try, I promise.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, I think. And I'm pretty good at character-centric stories.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm not great at poetic, descriptive writing since I'm usually more interested in what characters are thinking/feeling rather than their external traits/environment. That might be more of a style thing though. I do have a bad habit of making characters monologue for a little too long sometimes, and relying too much on internal monologues too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Oooh okay so I actually have so many thoughts about this!! I think it's a really effective tool if done properly-- I frequently use languages other than English in my writing since a lot of my characters tend to be bilingual. For me, it's really important to use it in the right moments that make sense within the narrative, and keep a logical kind of consistency to that rule. In my own writing -- I'll use my MHA fic Ground Zero as an example since I do it a lot there -- I like utilizing other languages in moments that reveal something about the character (Kova's foreignness/identity as a biracial/cultural Japanese-Ukrainian teenager is a major theme of her character and of the story) or when it creates moments in which a character's dialogue is supposed to be impenetrable to other characters in that scene AND THEREFORE to the reader as well-- but I DON'T use it (even though the character would technically be speaking another language in that scene) when I WANT the reader to understand what's being said. In Ground Zero, when Kova is having a phone conversation with her Ukrainian father, she's obviously speaking Ukrainian to him, but I don't write the conversation in Ukrainian because I want the audience to understand the dialogue-- and because that would be really, really annoying for a reader to have to wade their way through, assuming most of my readers are not fluent in Ukrainian (and neither am I, for the record-- I know a bit, but not enough that I don't have to check with external resources created by native speakers). But in contrast, when Kova is with her Japanese friends, if I drop a Ukrainian word/phrase into the conversation, the reader is getting the experience of the friends, and both the characters and the reader are meant to share in that confusion until Kova translates it. (Example: Bakugou is not meant to know that Kova has been calling him a dickhead (khuylo), but the WAY she says it is meant to convey that she's being derogatory so he's somewhat aware he's being insulted without me having to put a translator's note right after). I do translate and put the Latin lettering (as opposed to the Cyrillic) in the notes section at the bottom of each chapter, though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Ever? Pokemon. On ao3, VLD.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I'm so close to finishing Ground Zero and it has such a special place in my heart so I'll pick that one :)

no pressure tagging: @shrinkthisviolet, @deathbecomesnerds, @chickensarentcheap, @antivanruffles, @til-the-static-comes, and anyone else who sees this and wants to!

#tag game

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tiffanylamps · 1 year

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Lamps you KNOW i HAVE to ask about catholic guilt but sexy!!!!

Turnip, you have picked my most slutty, debauched, utterly filthy wip to date. Just ask Cay, she's read the snippets, she knows all about the super unsavoury plans 😩💀 From this tag game

I'm putting a read more break here cause... yeah....

catholic guilt but sexy is set in a Beyond Evil au, where Yu Yeon lives and Dong Sik follows his family's religion. So much so, that he becomes a priest of a small parish. His life is pretty quiet, he has his friends and his flock, and he's even beloved by his local community. He's... he's okay. (Even if on the inside he feels like screaming). Everything is going according to plan, he's doing fine, until... A snobby, uppity, good-looking prick from Seoul gets transferred (banished) to his parish to be his new Deacon. Han Joo Won enters Dong Sik's life and absolutely destroys it. He is Dong Sik's demise. His doom. His very-own Judas, who has come to kiss him on the cheek.

He is brash and unrestrained, he talks openly about things he disagrees with, he doesn't care about what's expected of him by the church or God... and as time passes, his warm honesty, his single-minded determination, and his utter devotion to Dong Sik, rips the wool from Dong Sik's eyes to reveal what life could be like if he just let himself have it. Han Joo Won isn't Dong Sik's doom. He is his saviour. [Or... Dong Sik meets Joo Won and finds it impossible to repress his sexuality, which results in some freaky, freaky sex. Ngl, in this fic, there's a lot of guilt and shame, a fuckton of internalised homophobia, angst, and some pretty heavy BDSM, but a lot of love... so much love]

Here's a snippet of one of my favourite scenes... Just to be absolutely clear, this fic is rated a hard E. It was super hard to pick a short snippet, but I think you'll like what I've chosen. This snippet is of their first kiss. Obviously, Joo Won kisses Dong Sik first and these few paragraphs focus on Dong Sik kissing him back.

Dong Sik wants to cry. You fool, what have you done? But Joo Won didn't do anything that Dong Sik hasn't already spent twilights and sunsets dreaming about.

Up until this point, his unwavering desire has trickled like a stream. But after he’s felt the warmth of Joo Won’s lips, he has become drenched with a waterfall of need. He silently prays that their Lord will have mercy on him. He is only one man, only a man… and Joo Won is a magnetic force too powerful to vanquish. So, he finally doesn’t fight it. He might find the strength one day. But not now.

Joo Won breathes him in as Dong Sik gingerly brings their lips back together. It’s been so long since he’s done anything like this, almost Joo Won’s entire lifetime… Which… oh fuck, what a ghastly thought. There’s a smile against his mouth as fragile as origami in inept hands and it draws him in, asking to be treasured, begging for him to be the one to admire it. Dong Sik doesn’t know if he’s worthy - he might crush it and forever lose this opportunity - but he doesn’t stop himself from gently kissing Joo Won anyway.

Joo Won moves closer with a bubbling, restless energy that reminds Dong Sik of the blooming riots of spring. A time for youth and life; gleeful as young love permeates the air with a joy that Dong Sik hasn’t felt before. It’s an infectious feeling and for a second, he allows himself the solitude of just basking in it. He can pretend that he’s free from the eyes of God and hell and anyone in between. He can pretend he’s living out the springtime flings of his youth, instead of the quiet comforts of his autumn years.

- So... yeah... that's the priest fic I was working on. At the moment, it's kind of a dead wip but I hope you've enjoyed what you've read. Thanks again for sending me this. (this fic is guaranteed to send me to hell... if I ever actually finish writing it lol)

#tag game #wip tag #ask answered #thank you <3 #clearly i'm out here trying to process some stuff some my religious upbringing #even though I wasn't catholic lol #hope you enjoy it!#beyond evil

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theputterer · 1 year

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Good Things In 2022

“It’s that time of year again! Time to remember all the good things that happened in 2022. I’ve done this since 2017, and highly recommend doing this as a fun way to reflect (and to have something for future reference when you are feeling Down.)

feels like I literally just did this for 2021, and yet.

just under the wire...

PERSONAL

I MOVED ACROSS THE WORLD!!!!! I am now living in Dublin, Ireland. it was a move I'd been aiming to do for years, and once I received my citizenship and Irish passport, I decided to give it a shot. I've been here for nine months and am having a wonderful time.

I did more traveling this year than I think I ever have in a single calendar year.

In Ireland, I've visited several counties and lots of Dublin, including: Malahide, Howth, Dún Laoghaire, Dublin Mountains, Glasnevin Cemetery, Little Museum of Dublin, GPO Museum, National Gallery of Ireland, National Museum(s) of Ireland, EPIC Museum.

I finally went to Paris for a few days in June! Visited: Musée d'Orsay, Eiffel Tower, Sacré-Coeur, Notre Dame (closed to visitors due to renovation/restoration work but wandered around the outside and had a fabulous lunch). Bonus points for the Paris Métro, which fuckin rules.

I finally went to Italy for a long weekend in October! Got to see my folks that weekend as well. Spent time in Venice and Florence. Ate a lot of good food and gelato.

My beloved Seattle Mariners broke a 21 year drought and made it to the PLAYOFFS!!!!!!

I have been puttering away on a ROGUE ONE-FRINGE fusion/AU, ENDLESS FORMS MOST BEAUTIFUL. it has been super slow going but I am trying and I WILL finish it.

Similarly, sorta, I took a writing class! I shared a snippet of my original writing which was well-received. I got some lovely comments from my teacher which is currently sustaining me.

Anything bolded below is something I particularly enjoyed and recommend.

MOVIES

2022 movies I saw and liked:

TURNING RED

THE BATMAN

THE NORTHMAN

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE

TOP GUN: MAVERICK

3000 YEARS OF LONGING

NOPE

SEE HOW THEY RUN

TICKET TO PARADISE

THE WOMAN KING

ENOLA HOLMES 2

BLACK PANTHER: WAKANDA FOREVER

GLASS ONION

BONES AND ALL

THE MENU

AMBULANCE

THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF MASSIVE TALENT

2021 movies I saw for the first time and liked:

ETERNALS

THE TRAGEDY OF MACBETH

FREE GUY

SPENCER

THE MATRIX RESURRECTIONS

UNCHARTED

EUPHORIA (saw season 1, did not watch season 2. lol.)

MOON KNIGHT

FRINGE

STRANGER THINGS, SEASON 4

MS MARVEL

THE SANDMAN

THE CROWN (the first few seasons and then I stopped : / )

1899

DARK (BRO........ BRO........ BEST TV SHOW OF THIS CENTURY?????)

Special acknowledgment: ANDOR. what a trip and a half to see my beloved son on screen once more. I shared some thoughts here.

BOOKS

Did not read nearly as many as I should have! (I did read some other books but they are not on this last as I did not like them).

"Strangers to Ourselves" by Rachel Aviv

"Greywaren" by Maggie Stiefvater

"Babel" by RF Kuang

"She Who Became The Sun" by Shelley Parker-Chan

"Wild Game: My Mother, Her Lover, and Me" by Adrienne Brodeur

"The Hours" by Michael Cunningham

"The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo" by Taylor Jenkins Reid

"The Burning God" by RF Kuang (incredible series but BOY will it fuck you up!!!!!!)

"The Dragon Republic" by RF Kuang

"The Poppy War" by RF Kuang

"Winter Recipes From the Collective" by Louise Gluck

"You Feel It Just Below the Ribs" by Jeffrey Cranor

"Oscar Wilde: A Life" by Matthew Sturgis

OTHER GOOD THINGS

*some of these things are Good as in well-written or well-made, but maybe not Good in topic.

Saw a couple plays at the Abbey Theatre: "Translations" by Brian Friel and "Joyce's Women" by Edna O'Brien. Quite different, both devastating.

Morocco's run at the FIFA Men's World Cup.

Joplin Sibtain, who played Brasso on ANDOR, shared a reel on Instagram of the SPOILERS riot scene on Ferrix with "Killing in the Name" dubbed over it. Incredible.

Martin Scorsese watches DERRY GIRLS.

Local Man Sees Cheese For Sale At Incredibly Low Price, Makes Executive Decision, Purchases 40 Pounds of Cheese

Is Twitter dying? Probably. Here's a thread where everyone shared their favorite tweets.

This angry little dog.

Mother losing it over her baby's laughter.

Dave Sims' calling Cal Raleigh's home run that sent the Mariners to the playoffs for the first time in 21 years.

Janan Ganesh over at the Financial Times with an incredible and scathing assessment of why Liz Truss and the Tories have never gotten Brexit "right". (Hint: they think the UK is on par with the US.)

Twitter user attempts to summarize RIVERDALE in a thread.

This TikTok of two preteen girls discovering landlines that made me LOL and also made me feel DECREPIT.

Shauna Bowers for The Irish Times with a dispatch from Electric Picnic that featured bangers of lines, including: The most sacred Electric Picnic institution of all remains untouched: the inflatable chapel, where all true love stories begin. “That’s probably the only way I’d be able to get you to marry me,” a woman says to her boyfriend. He says nothing.

Ichiro Girl returns to T-Mobile Park and throws out the first pitch to, of course, ICHIRO.

A story about how dogs are the best.

Pianist named Alex Pian covers "Time" by Hans Zimmer in Lviv, Ukraine, as air raid sirens sound. Really powerful.

Emma Baccellieri for Sports Illustrated explores a topic we've all wanted to know more about: what baseball relief pitchers are thinking when they run in from the bullpen during a bench clearing.

This video of STAR WARS characters singing a classic.... just watch it.

CONTACT is one of my favorite movies and Rachel Handler for Vulture wrote an oral history for the film's 25th anniversary.

Stephania Taladrid for The New Yorker, on the ground at an abortion clinic in Houston when Roe was overturned. Required reading.

Linda Villarosa for The New York Times, "The Long Shadow of Eugenics in America". also required reading.

Joshua Rothman for The New Yorker, "Anatomy of Error". A neurosurgeon reckons with surgeries that go wrong. Fascinating!

Rachel Pearson for The New Yorker, "Waiting at a Texas Hospital for the Children Who Never Arrive". Dispatches from a trauma center in the aftermath of the Uvalde shooting. Required reading.

Similarly, Albert Burneko for The Defector, "What It's Like Here". On being a parent in America.

Palate cleanser: Cincinnati Reds allow no hits against Pittsburgh Pirates... and still lose. lol.

Evgenia Peretz for Vanity Fair with an absolutely wild ride of a read about a Grey's Anatomy writer who.... made up an entire life.

Rachel Aviv (who never misses, incidentally) for The New Yorker, "How an Ivy League School Turned Against a Student". What makes a "good" victim?

this thread about creepy shit kids say???

PIZZA FOR DOGS.

sending you all warmth and affection and hoping you have a safe, healthy, and wonderful 2023.

tagging anyone who wants to do this (and tag me so I see it!) as well as those who've done this in the past: @vaderkat @fortysevenswrites @leaiorganas @magalis @illuminahsti @i-am-slain @antifandor @alittlemomentum @cassianserso @callioope

#personal #good things #2022

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septimaseverina · 4 months

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Why Am I Getting Back to Tolkien's Fandom : The Holding No Grudge And About D*mn Time to Take Unhealthy Memory Away off My Chest.

TW & CW: Shitpost. Long Post. Rambling. Millenial Gen's Stuffs. A Bit of Language. Mention of Bullying. Mention of Depressive Disorder.

(You can skip this post.)

Okay, I think it's time to manifest myself from what I'd held as grudge for years. Because this post reminds me, in the positive way.

I've started to fond of and love The Lord of the Rings when I was in my primary school; my younger brother and my sweetest best friend forever introduced me to the Middle Earth, and yes, I fall for this magical and charming fandom right away. We can talk about LOTR universe for hours.

When I was in middle school, I met my another best friend forever. She loves many things, which similar to me, one of them - LOTR universe. And we were like many teenage girls who have big crush over Legolas and Aragorn, we had been co-writing modern girls in Middle Earth fan fic, also she even illustrated our writing. Her arts are unique and incredible.

Time went by, I was lucky again to meet the friends who shared the love of LOTR in high school (somes stop contacting friends after graduating and somes get the new lives - lifestyle changing). But all the joys from the Middle Earth weren't lessen, I drew fanarts and exchanging fics in friends' circle. We knew that our fics were cringy, but we were enjoying and care-free to write.

At University, that was the peak of fondness and love toward LOTR universe. Before The Hobbit : Unexpected Journey dropped, they released DVDs - extended limited edition with beautiful artworks on iron boxes, including BTS. Thought they were getting my allowance much, but I was willing as a fan (I still remember I must had instant noodles as meals for half month 🤣). And I kept rewatching them whever I wanted, instead of the old VCDs. And I was super happy, because my professors are fans of LOTR too. Sometimes they talked about films and books in classes, but I didn't mind. And it was surprised that a teacher in my faculty is the one who translating the main trilogy books, she was my another best friend forever's professor!

When The Hobbit was dropped, me and my younger brother went watching the film at theatre in the city, with new Dolby Atmost system and super ultra HD screen. That was good experience.

But that time, I had been in one Japanese Anime+Manga's fandom too, since I was in 11th grade. In the community's webboard, I had spent most time in Fan Fiction forum. Because I wrote many fics, I happeneing to befriend with many lovely members.

And when I moved to University and a member in my circle returned back from Canada, we held many meetings. We usually roastes on junks-so-called-novels many times, then we established a webboard for writing parodies and satires to those shits with our totally new OCs - which not related to any fandoms. And yes, in the circle, LOTR and The Hobbit Trilogy are everyone's favourite. We talked about them for hours in webboard's chatted box.

In new webboard, we took turns on theme and universes for our OCs, for writing novels and roleplaying. And we all knew that if one OC has romantic relationship with another in each universe, it have to be fixed in those universes. No crossing. But it happened. By the one who returned from Canada and I was always respecting her as close as sister. Then I felt so bad about her, but I never talk to anyone in the group, except my best bitches forever who happened to be my roomate that time.

She did that many times, people who involved with the characters were confused, but let her did them. The real things are she becoming the real bitch and arsehole. And I swear, I'm not lying. Many people in the group I've still befriended with seeing what she had done to me and others, like a jerk.

Twice (or three) meetings, I didn't be at the places on times because of traffic jams. I did say sorry to everybody, they forgave me, but that bitch acted like she was idiot. Yes. After we agreed what would we had for lunches, she hit her head to the back rest, or sometimes, making complains but not directly. And they were not end easily, she kept sabotaging me on chatted box in front of everyone. A few friends soothed me that they were alright. Until one day, when the last Hobbit's film was dropping, we discusses in chatted box, I mentioned; Which characters in Tolkienverse were alike to our OCs.

Yep. It was like volcano erupting gravely and heavily. She threw tantrum over me about how dare I calling myself as a fan, why did I state some headcanons which weren't popular (and don't suit with her preferences) and why was I being the big fucking idiot - talking shits. And she couldn't stand me anymore. So I apologise her of what had I done wrong. After that, whenever I posted things on my Facebook which did not concern about her at all, she usually roasted me or the proper word was carping.

Whilst at the world outside internet, I had been stressful for years, since my Russian grammar examination's scores were awful. I couldn't be able to enjoy many things which usually gave me joy and happiness, including Tolkienverse. I told myself that they were just stress, and they would go away. But they didn't

Every single time I picked up the book or DVD, my thought was keep getting back to that slut. Even my best friends forever couldn't help me in long term. I stopped rewatching all films and re-reading all books, and retreating myself to be alone. That's the time I have depressive disorder. The cause isn't entirely because of that wench, but she is a part in this whole rubbish things.

Can you believe? I had been abandoned Tolkineverse for 10 years. Everytime I saw anything relating, I felt so bad and going down, even lower than the ground - living in the hole might be precisely.

But, last year, I've been recovered and (kinda) back from the death. I manage, deal and break all traumas; since I've this thought - "Why am I let those shits and nonsense which consuming my happiness and stealing my joy as human away? I must fight them, confront them and destroying them, If I want to be happy again with my life and enjoying things around me, including long lost fandoms.

I've been breaking down in processes many times, but I make it out alive. Also, those things truly go away and became only past traumas which I can talk about them without being triggered.

As you've seen, I reblog many stuffs from multifandom that seem like they're new, but no, somes are my old loves. Tolkienverse is one of my old loves. I won't tolerate to live with bullshits from one whore, who doesn't have anything to do with me. No more! She had haunted me and taken all my joys as her entertainment too long, even I've stopped contacting her for years. WHO THE HELL IS SHE? HOW DARE SHE?

I'm gonna let all grudges and the ghost of that bitch's going away with this post. Times up. I'm not a puppet for anyone to manipulate me. I'm human. I don't have to be a people-pleaser to make every one loves or likes me anymore. And I'm not gonna let others taking my happiness and joy away in harsh way. I'm gonna stand strong, tall and proud. Because what I've loved and fond of are not crime. Myself must come first.

Fuck all people who messed up with me and my life. Take your ugly arses to hell or whever you prefer. I hated you all once, but now, you are nothing more than garbages I can throw away and forgetting now.

#sept.txt #phewwwwwwwwww #that's feel so good #but I won't do it again in near future #also things I love come back to me right now

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casspurrjoybell-22 · 5 months

Text

Master - Chapter 60 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

My eyes sweep up from the rocky path to Lincoln's back, and the second they do, my wings start flapping wildly again.

I know Master hears it for sure, just like he could probably hear how fast my heart was racing but he doesn't say anything about it.

He just keeps walking, leading us back to the cave with his hand tightly clasping mine.

I try to make my body settle down but it was impossible when I was nervous, which wasn't something I was used to when I knew we were about to get super naughty.

Usually, I was really excited and I still was but this time, I was also really nervous too.

Master and I had shared many kisses since he woke up but we hadn't done sexy times and it'd been so long since Lincoln and I had spent time together like that.

A piece of me, a big piece, was scared that things might be different now.

After all, I was different now.

I didn't look anything like the Kalem he knew anymore and my heart hurt to think that in bed, Master might not like this version of me as much.

The scary thoughts make my fingers sweaty between his and it only gets worse the closer we get to the cave.

By the time Lincoln ducks under the entrance and pulls me in behind him, my heart is beeping so hard that it almost jumps out of my chest.

"Master..." I start, not sure of what I would say but my words are cut off when Lincoln turns and crashes our lips together.

My eyes shoot wide open and I freeze but Lincoln's hands were already on my waist and tugging me against him so he could kiss me better.

My eyes fall shut on their own while Lincoln kisses me like it was all he ever needed and I try my best not to make a mess immediately.

I melt as his lips slide over mine, possessive and hungry in a way that made me feel all tingly inside.

I was used to having Master be gentle with me and rough too when I asked nicely but Master wasn't usually this restless with me, like he was barely keeping himself together.

I loved it.

I loved the feel of his hands all over me, gripping my hips so tight it was almost painful.

I loved the way his fangs came out to graze my lips between kisses before he'd suck on them and bite in just a little.

It made my nerves so quiet that I couldn't remember what they were even about.

Lincoln pulls a whimper from me as he slides his tongue inside, kissing his way deeper until my thoughts become mush and my pants are so tight I'm scared they might tear.

I could barely breathe but I didn't want to.

I just wanted my Master to kiss me like this forever, as if he'd never get enough of me and never wanted to.

With a groan, Lincoln pulls back, panting slightly.

"Gods, I've missed you," his eyes fall back to my wet lips, and they darken before they meet mine again.

"I have missed every inch of you."

My lips spread wide only to fall away to a moan when Lincoln's fingers find my nipples.

"That's it," he praises before tugging roughly.

I try to breathe but Master takes all the air from me when his lips find my neck next.

It was the spot he always bit, the one that he knew made me a mess.

He doesn't bite it now, he nibbles and licks at it, teasing me the same way he does with my nipples.

"Master," I whine, wanting so much more, but he doesn't give it to me.

He keeps teasing me until my eyes are rolling and my legs can barely keep me up.

Lincoln pulls back to look at me, his black eyes hazy with lust while his fingers continue to work my nipples with tugs and flicks.

"Soon," he promises and when I whimper, he smirks.

"Strip and lay down, I want to see you naked."

I flatter as the words bring those scary nerves back up, stronger now at having to show Lincoln every part of my new form.

But Master still looked interested and happy and he even said he missed me.

Maybe it would be okay.

"What's wrong?"

I look up from the buttons I was working on and find Lincoln frowning at me.

My heart immediately drops.

"Nothing's wrong," I try but the words don't come out like if everything was right.

"Kalem, whenever I tell you to take off your clothes, you do it so quickly you usually end up getting stuck and fall..."

"Master," I scold, my cheeks burning so hot it hurt.

He chuckles.

"I find it adorable, you know that. But right now, you're moving like a snail."

My cheeks burn brighter as I try to make my fingers go faster but Lincoln settles his hands over mine and steps close until I can only look at him.

"Tell me what's wrong, love?" he asks again, patient as he always was.

I feel my shoulders dip as I look down at Master but no matter how much they fall, I was still so much bigger than him.

"I'm so different now, Master," I whisper when I can't hide the words any longer.

"Different?" he asks, his gaze shifting to my wings and he smiles.

"I thought I already told you how much I love your wings."

"It's not just that," I mumble as they fall behind me.

"I'm tall now, taller than you a-and bigger. My hair is white and so are my eyes. It's not like..." I sigh as I drop my gaze.

"I don't look like I did before. I don't look like your Kalem anymore."

It's quiet after that.

Lincoln doesn't say a word, which I didn't know if I was happy or sad about.

I didn't even know what I wanted him to say or do.

So, I stay quiet and look at my feet, the ones that were just as big as the rest of me.

"Kalem," Lincoln whispers, raising a finger to tip my chin up a little.

"Kalem, look at me."

I may be a big boy now but I was still a good one so I lift my eyes and look at my Master.

"It doesn't matter to me," I frown and he shakes his head.

"I do not care what package you come in, that will never matter to me. You could be six feet taller and have scales and I'd still love you. Kalem, you could turn into a unicorn right now and I won't go anywhere."

A giggle comes out before I even know it.

"A unicorn?"

"Just go with it."

My giggles grow and Master grins up at me.

"My point is, I fell in love with who you are, not what you are and that will never change my love. Do you understand?"

I nod but Lincoln frowns a bit.

"I want to hear you say it."

"I understand, Master," I promise but he still shakes his head.

"Not enough. Say that I'd love you even as a unicorn."

"Lincoln," I grumble through my giggles but he shakes his head and holds his chin up high.

"We're not doing anything until you say it."

I stare at Master, at the light in his eyes and I feel my chest try to explode with all the love that was still there just for me.

"You would still love me even if I were a unicorn," I say, knowing the words were true.

"Good," he says as he lifts my hands to kiss them each.

"Now, I'll ask you again, strip for me."

His gaze darkens as he looks me over slowly.

"I want to see you naked."

My cheeks burn but I manage to get all my clothes off without falling down.

I settle down on the mattress and my wings tuck themselves at my back so that I can spread out like Master wanted.

My fingers itched to cover my hard parts up but I don't because I knew Lincoln wouldn't like that.

Instead, I clutch the blankets and use my courage to spread my legs.

"Good boy."

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hospitalterrorizer · 7 months

Text

diary12

getting better all the time. 9/16-17/2023

today was better than yesterday. yesterday i was so miserable because basically i realized that i was mixing everything with bad ears (the usual setup i was using was sapping a ton of low end, kind of shelf effect where everything around 100hz and below was super quiet and almost nonexistent) which leads to obvious overcompensation when mixing otherwise, bass and kicks too loud. so i had to go through, today, and figure out what was fucked up and what wasn't. less than you'd expect was fucked up, but i had to run through about 25 or more songs and then start a and b-ing things to see what was fine and what wasn't, but some stuff has really messed up mixes and that takes hours to unfuck, i don't know, like 5 songs about, 1 taking a bunch of my time today especially. this setup also sapped a lot of high end while also saturating the mix, so everything just sounds different now, some stuff sounds less clinky, and i need to get some kinds of distortion more right/see if i like putting saturation on the master. one song sounds alright with it, but will i feel that way tomorrow. another thing is it really messes with the vocal mixes. it's weird, because the mid-range is so favored in that setup by its nature i guess, it kind of begins to favor where the vocals and "guitars" sit in these songs, and so i mixed around that trying to get the vocals less emphasized and guitars more up front. this puts me in a weird place, because in this other setup which is just me getting my system audio, it's weirdly not favoring guitars, and the vocals are duller because of the lack of saturation and say, not cutting them too much in the lows. the vocals are an easier fix, i need to put a multiband on them and boost the highs, i did that to the songs that i've done vocals for recently to get the brighter/better. when i go to the old setup, it's really fucked up, because it pushes them up front even more, but if i swap in shitty earbuds on the system audio setup, it sounds a lot better to have the vocals pushed out of the mids a bit more than have them fully there, because it eats like every other sound on the song. maybe i'm just bad at mixing, if i were good, these things would sound serviceable in these other environments, but now i think i'm figuring that out now. i guess.

the guitars are either going to be really frustrating or i'll have a breakthrough. it makes me want to cry though. it's so strange because they both have more body and feel like they need some tweaking, more brightness maybe or saturation still, but they're so distorted already.

i think what i'm really getting hung up on is one song, a super short one, that i want to be more readable, so maybe i'll just kill myself doing that or something forever who knows. i'm already opening ableton again to try and get it right lol. i have been doing this since 1 pm today and now it's 1:37.

the reason this takes so long is cuz my computer sucks so bad it makes me want to give up or not really just makes me want to die.

okay and now another version of that same song is rendering and could you believe i am back here typing one who hour later. i spent maybe an hour and a half in the shower and around dinner (11 pm) i finally let myself take a break after finally getting what felt like a good amount done, but here i am, back again doing this. i am stupid and insane.

i still need to work on it. i think i can get it right it's just so difficult.

wwow more than 2 hours later still not where i want it but closer i think.

ok now it's 6 in the morning basically and i think i did it. i hope. i'm waiting on it to render but this should be it, i think.

yayayayayayay i think i have it and when i wake up tomorrow i think i'll like it and whatever needs to be done to it now is like at most moving the high pass on it up probably to remove some dullness but i want to hear it tomorrow to see if i'm crazy for thinking that might need to be done at all.

i'm so tired now i hate being up this late.

soon i will be happy with everything again i hope.

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haarute · 9 months

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sorry that this is late but for that long list of ask me things #4

4: What do you think about most?

okay this will be a lot

i don't have a particular thing i think about throughout the day as i usually get distracted by whatever i come across with work, hobbies, social media, etc. so what i think about the most would have to be a recurring thought in the long-term, which for me, is almost daily constant introspection.

without getting into too many details let's say i hit a major depressive episode i never fully recovered from at age 15 and just kinda shut down. i ran away from the things that hurt me (which historically is a recurring bad habit of mine), leaving people close to me behind when i shouldn't have because i wanted to be alone.

but since humans are social creatures, after a while i tried to meet new people and get along with them, but in retrospect those relationships were shallow and desperate. it's incredibly easy to just say nice things to people who need to hear them until they like you, but you're not actually forming a connection because you're not a real person, and often times, neither is the other party. you're just leeching off of each other with the illusion of kindness.

eventually that led to a another episode followed by the thought that i kept hurting people by not being able to keep my emotions in check and just acting out of selfish impulses. so i decided to completely dedicate myself to "improving" my person so that i wouldn't have to hurt anyone again.

i'm a few weeks away from being 27 now, and i've spent almost 10 years essentially running therapy sessions with myself every day. going over all of my life events, my feelings, my actions, and how to best minimize the amount of "damage" i inflict on others which has mostly led me to a hermit lifestyle. but let's be honest, that's also partially an excuse because i'm afraid of getting hurt again.

now the problem with that mentality is obviously thinking that suppressing my ego is somehow a good thing and not an incredibly damaging thing to do not only for me but for anyone that might care about me, which is not something i have any control over.

this is a mentality that i am just finally starting to grow out of almost a decade later, but it's really hard and i still default to seeing myself and any of my wants or needs (or even other people's) as something inherently bad. desire as something inherently selfish. and we could tie a plethora of gender issues imparted onto me by my upbringing and immediate family into this, but let's not go there today.

ultimately the place where i land now is one where i'm realizing how much of my life has been lost already, and how much of my decisions have been super damaging for literally everyone involved. which to my surprise, and even if i try to be as alone as possible, goes beyond only me.

so now i'm starting to actually allow myself to express my true feelings a bit more. i try to be a bit more outspoken and reach out to others and maybe even make friends, except this time i'm like a real normal person and not someone running simulations in order to be liked. fun fact, i believe i may be autistic and would like to get a diagnosis sometime this year.

however, circling back to the original question (because there was a question at the beginning of this), i have done this for so long that it's almost impossible for me to stop the way my brain works now. i think i've forever been rewired into analyzing everything and trying to problem solve my humanity, which is something that is unquantifiable. but i am always trying, if anything, to be a better person, except now i can tell that i shouldn't suppress my own self for that goal. but it is very much a daily process for me.

in a different life, i probably would have been a buddhist monk.

#only click read more if you want to read long personal stuff #thanks for asking!

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clawdee049 · 11 months

Text

Personal health update/quick lore:

Lore: had COVID February 2022. Didn't know it. Health started to decline - it always takes me forever to heal, I thought it was that. It wasn't. Finally after months of bullshit I had to go to the doctors for leg swelling. Also had a co-worker be like "hey all your symptoms sound like congestive heart failure" 🥴

October 2022 went to the ER bc I didn't have a primary care doctor. After tests and listening to my concerns, I was admitted for 12 days. They probably would have kept me longer if I didn't insist on going home.

My white blood cell count was funky, still is. Had a heart echo, multiple ct scans of my whole body, sonograms of my legs and neck, and a brain MRI.

Turns out I've been having mini strokes. I didn't remember any of them. I had a stroke in the hospital my 3rd day there and semi lost the use of my legs.

Basically:

During those 12 days they had me on lasix, which is a super diaretic, and I peed out 80lbs. I've since gained back 20 and the number is slowly going up, which is rude.

They made sure I could walk before leaving, so I had mobility, but it was hard. My back was in so much pain I spent most of the next few months in bed; I couldn't even sit in a chair. Had to have a portable toilet in my room at the end of my bed bc that's as far as I could go, cane in hand. Mom had to bring me all my meals, which was fine I was barely eating. At this point pigging out for me was now having 2 whole packages of Easy Mac.

I missed Halloween, a cousins funeral, Thanksgiving, most of Christmas. I was well enough at Christmas to sit up a whole 10 minutes for present unwrapping.

Then the apartment flooding on Jan 1st, me hobbling up our front steps, mom helping me, no shoes on, skimpy ass shorts and tank top.

After that I was able to move a little more. Sit up properly in bed. Walk to an actual toilet. We went to a hotel for a week. Was starting to get an appetite back.

Then to my brother's house, where we are still at.

Had to shave my head, it was just too much upkeep and kept getting matted.

February. I'm walking a bit more, sitting up more. Eating more. Can go into town with mom once a week to grocery shop. Slowly. Still using the portable toilet bc I need the arms to leverage myself up and down.

March. Can sit in a chair in the living room for extended periods of time. Practicing using the actual toilet. Took my first real shower since the hospital. Have done sponge baths until then.

Update: And I'm just improving a little more each day. Stairs are still iffy, but I can do them as long as there's a rail or something to hold onto, going down is easier of course. Curbs if I'm careful. Trying to walk a mile a day.

I've been reading a lot, got no internet and no computer lmao. Got myself a little Bluetooth keyboard to use with my phone for writing. Been doing puzzles. Working those brain muscles to make sure the strokes didn't do too much damage to my brain.

Went to Lindsey's apartment yesterday with mom to watch the babies and used her laptop for writing and was able to sit in the computer chair for 4 hours with minimal pain.

Been out of work since October, had to quit bc I didn't know when I'd be well enough to go back.

But I think when we move back into our apartment (July!) I'm gonna see if my work will take me back with short shifts and adjusted duties. I applied for disability but they're being shits and I'm waiting to hear back about a hearing.

#personal #health & wellness #weight talk cw #hospital talk cw #long post

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ming-yu-hao · 3 years

Text

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder | Chapter 3

Pairing: fratboy!mingyu x female reader

Word Count: 6k

Synopsis: When you transferred to a different university, you and Wonwoo promised that you would make long distance work. But distance proves to be more difficult than you both originally thought.

This Chapter’s Tags: angst, protected sex, finger sucking, grinding, light choking/spanking/dirty talk, mingyu just being an ass man, riding, cheating obviously

Warning: THIS SERIES IS ABOUT CHEATING. DO NOT READ IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!

A/N: Y’ALLLLL I’m sorry this took me forever to upload... I just got super busy but there won’t be as long as a wait for the next chapter! As always feedback is appreciated and I hope you guys like this :)

Chapters: Previous | Next | Masterlist

Your knees quivered beneath you as you pulled the soft fabric of your leggings up your thighs and over your hips. You bent down to pick up your shirt that was still balled up on the floor, and when you stood again you could hear the bed rustle behind you as Mingyu shifted his weight.

Guilt didn't hit you until you slipped your shirt back over your head, fully dressing yourself once again.

What had you done?

Without looking at him, you spoke: "I think I should go now."

He was silent.

You stepped over to the door, your hand about to twist the knob when he finally called out to you.

"Y/N."

You looked at him. He was sitting up on his bed; his dark hair was a mess, hanging over his forehead. His lips were parted like he didn't know what to say.

"Um, don't forget your jacket. It's cold outside." He pointed to your jacket that was still discarded on the floor.

"Oh, thanks," you said with your voice wavering. You quickly picked up the jacket and headed for the door again.

"Text me when you get home, okay?" Mingyu rushed to say. The corners of his mouth quirked up into a thin, awkward smile and you nodded your head in response.

Why did he suddenly care? He used to just be some guy you sat next to in class. When did he want to become your friend? When did he start to become protective over you? Was this all really just because of his half-drunken encounter with you at that party? Did the moment you two shared that night cause him to feel some kind of attachment to you? Thinking about it all made your head spin. Nothing made sense to you anymore.

You turned the knob and cracked open the door when Mingyu spoke again.

"Um, also... you know, if you ever need anything... I'm here for you." His voice shook a bit.

You exhaled. "Thank you."

You slipped out of his room before he could say anything else and stepped down the stairs quietly, attempting to dart out the front door before anyone could see you. There was a small group of people hanging out in the living room like Mingyu had said, their laughter and conversations loud and echoing through the house.

When you reached the bottom of the stairs, you kept your gaze down at your feet while you scanned the floor for your shoes.

"Y/N?" You heard a voice call from behind you.

You huffed out a quiet breath in frustration before turning around with an overly sweet smile on your face. Your eyes landed on Seungcheol.

"Oh, hey! It's weird not seeing Jisoo following you around." You joked.

Seungcheol smiled sheepishly. "Yeah..." He trailed off, looking down at the ground.

"Are you guys dating?" You probed with a raised eyebrow.

"I wanted to talk to you about that, actually." He admitted, making eye contact with you. Curiosity plagued you, and you stared at him expectantly as you waited for him to speak. "I wanna do something special for her when I ask her out... just cause, I don't know, I really like her." He stammered nervously, lowering his voice so no one could eavesdrop.

You gave him a genuine smile. You were happy that Jisoo had found someone that truly liked her. Ever since the beginning of the semester, she had been cycling through an array of terrible guys that used and ghosted her. Seungcheol seemed like a genuinely good person; you trusted him to take care of her.

You brought your hand to your chin as you pondered for a moment. "Well, if I'm being honest, she's, like, a huge hopeless romantic. Loves cheesy romance movies and stuff." You started, "If you took her out to a nice dinner and walked around some really pretty, romantic place after, that'd be her dream come true."

Seungcheol nodded, his eyes glazed over in deep thought as he acknowledged your advice. "Yeah, that sounds like her." He smiled. "Thanks."

You nodded. "So... how did the raffle go?"

"It went really good, actually." He responded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "The money's going to a child psychology organization. I've been doing research with them for a few months now."

Your eyes lit up in interest at his story. "That's really cool. Have you discovered any groundbreaking research yet?" You half-joked.

He chuckled, "I guess a little bit."

A lightbulb suddenly went off in your brain. "Hey, do you think I could interview you about all this research stuff you've done? I need to write an article for class."

Seungcheol shrugged. "Sure."

You spent the next few minutes probing him about how he got involved in the program, what he had been researching, his motivation to study child psychology—all while taking down notes on your phone. He explained to you how he had struggled with anxiety his whole life and wanted to find a way to help others. In the back of your mind, this was all affirming why he was such a good match for Jisoo. He was caring, passionate, charitable. Your heart warmed at the thought of Jisoo finally settling down with someone who was actually a good person.

Your interview came to an end and you thanked Seungcheol for helping you out. He nodded before glancing down at the jacket you were carrying in your arms.

"Were you planning on leaving?" He asked.

"Yeah, I need to go work on homework and stuff." You answered.

He attempted to suppress his smirk by biting his lip. "You and Mingyu didn't get much work done together?" He raised his eyebrows at you.

You felt your heart drop into your stomach. "What?"

"Relax, I'm just kidding." Seungcheol laughed. "He just seemed comfortable with you earlier, you know?"

The tension in your stomach loosened a little as you realized that he didn't actually know what happened between you two. This is exactly what Mingyu was worried about earlier. So it was true that Seungcheol liked to play matchmaker and get involved in everyone else's relationships.

"There's nothing going on between you guys?" Seungcheol questioned after you didn't respond.

You felt your cheeks grow hot with irritation. "No. I have a boyfriend." You said curtly.

Seungcheol's mouth formed an O-shape at the sudden coldness in your tone. "I-I'm sorry, I was just kidding." He quickly apologized.

"It's okay." You sighed. You glanced around for your shoes, avoiding his regretful gaze.

"Well, I really have to get going. Thanks for helping me out." You said as you slipped on your shoes.

He smiled apologetically and walked you over to the door. "See you, Y/N!" He called behind you as you stepped out into the cold.

You buried yourself in work for the next two days. You figured it was easier to just get lost in the flow of doing assignment after assignment rather than to think about what happened.

But no matter what you did, your mind still wandered back to that moment—when your lips finally met Mingyu's, and his body pressed against yours.

The worst part was that you didn't even try to stop him: you had agreed to it, and God, you even thanked him for it! You weren't even sure if you could regret what happened. You hated yourself for betraying Wonwoo's trust, but at the same time you craved attention and affection. Mingyu just happened to be the one that fulfilled your wishes after all this time.

You would never tell Mingyu that, of course. Honestly, you were unsure if you could even face him about it. He could tell that you felt guilty afterwards. If you just finished this stupid project and avoided him for the rest of the semester, he would probably get the hint and leave you alone.

It was Saturday evening when you typed the last words of your article on Seungcheol and his research. You hadn't talked to Mingyu since you left his room on Thursday night, but you needed him to complete his share of the work. Sighing, you picked up your phone and pulled up your messages with him. You quickly explained what kind of pictures he needed to take and told him to send them to you (so you could avoid seeing him anymore than you needed to).

You clicked out of your conversation, and that's when your eyes landed on the messages that were still unread by Wonwoo. You wanted to ask him what he was doing, but after three days with no response, it felt pathetic to even attempt to strike up a conversation now.

The sound of the door knob jiggling startled you before Jisoo busted into the room a moment later.

"Y/N!" She cheered in a sing-song voice. "We have another party to go to tonight!"

You already knew exactly where this party was going to be, and you felt your stomach drop at the thought of running into Mingyu.

You shook your head. "No way, Jisoo. I'm way too busy." You lied.

She pouted her lips at you. "Really? You've been working nonstop. How're you still not done?"

You shrugged and let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Well, you can take a break for a few hours. I promise I won't leave you this time. You can hangout with me and Cheol." She begged, looking at you with wide, saddened eyes.

Your phone vibrated between your hands, and when you glanced down you saw Mingyu's name on the screen.

Mingyu: I'm actually gonna be out studying and working on some stuff with a friend tonight. I promise I'll get the pics for you tomorrow :) Sent at 7:37 PM

You thought it was a little weird for a guy like Mingyu to be studying on a Saturday night, but when you realized that he wouldn't be at the party, relief flooded over you.

You looked up at Jisoo and saw her still expectantly staring at you, waiting for your response.

"I- I guess I could go for a bit."

"YES!" Seungkwan shrieked as he successfully landed another ball in one of Jisoo's cups. He turned to you and wildly smacked your palm in a high five, nearly hitting you in the face. Your stomach was starting to hurt from laughing for the past ten minutes over the intense match of beer pong in front of you.

The crowd around the table reacted loudly, some cheering and some booing as Jisoo downed another cup of alcohol. She shivered at the taste and Seungcheol came up from behind to pat her on the back. His lips moved as he said something to her, but with music blasting through the house so loud, you couldn't make out a single word.

Your phone vibrated in your back pocket. Without much thought, you pulled it out and quickly glanced at the screen.

Your heart sank into your stomach as you realized: Wonwoo was calling.

"Fuck," you muttered under your breath. You had completely forgotten that Saturday's were now reserved for your FaceTime dates.

You looked up at everyone with wide eyes, but they were too immersed in the game to notice your reaction. You pushed your way through the crowd and slipped into the bathroom before Jisoo or anyone else could come looking for you.

By the time you reached the bathroom and locked the door, the FaceTime call had already stopped ringing. Leaning against the door, you scrolled through your contacts and called back, but only as a phone call.

Wonwoo answered after two rings.

"Hey, everything alright?" He asked.

You swallowed. "Uh... yeah."

"Why didn't you FaceTime?" He continued. You hesitated, but then he spoke before you could say anything. "Why is it so loud? Where are you?"

You cursed yourself for not running away to a room that was farther away from all the music and noise outside the door. Fidgeting with your fingers, you answered: "A party."

"Oookay," he scoffed. "You could've at least let me know if you were gonna go out. But it's fine. Have fun, I guess." He responded coldly.

Your brows furrowed together instinctively. Now it was your turn to scoff at him. "You're not serious, are you?" The skin of your face grew warmer. Wonwoo was quiet. "I forgot. Sorry." You admitted through grit teeth.

"Why're you so mad?" He questioned in a defensive tone.

You rolled your eyes. "This is the first time I've ever cancelled on you and it was an accident. Do I need to remind you of all the times you ditched me?"

Wonwoo didn't respond.

"And what the fuck have you been doing the past three days that you couldn't respond to me?" You spat. Blood was rushing through your veins quickly now as anger took over.

He sighed through the receiver. "I was busy."

"Does it really take that much time to send a text to your fucking girlfriend?" Your voice began to rise. "How do you expect this to work if you don't even talk to me?"

"I'm sor-" He began to speak, but you interrupted him.

"You know, sometimes it feels like I'm dating nobody!" You cried. "Do you even realize how lonely I feel?" Your voice shook with each word as your throat grew tighter; tears welled up in your eyes. You didn't want to cry, but all the frustration you had bottled up the past couple months was finally spilling over.

In a calm voice, all Wonwoo said was: "I'm trying."

"Not hard enough." You scoffed.

"What the fuck, Y/N? Where is this coming from?" He cried. The sudden rise in his voice startled you a bit.

The phone shook in your grasp. "You act like I don't even exist! How can you call that trying?"

"Fuck, I'm not dealing with this right now. Go back to your stupid fucking party." He snapped.

"Yeah, just go and ignore me again!" You laughed sardonically.

The three tones of the call ending sounded abruptly. You looked down at your phone in shock. He had hung up on you.

Your hands balled into fists as you threw your head back against the door. Your jaw was tense, but your bottom lip still quivered.

He had done it again. It seemed it was becoming easy for him at this point—abandoning you when you needed him.

This wasn't going to last much longer if the two of you couldn't figure this out.

When you pressed your lips into a thin line, tears slipped down, staining the bags under your eyes with makeup.

Was he giving up on you?

Your head began to pound. You couldn't stand being in this hot bathroom any longer, much less this party in general. You wiped your cheeks with the back of your hand and turned to unlock the door.

As you took a step out of the bathroom, you kept your gaze locked on your feet; you didn't want anyone to notice the state you were currently in.

Not even a moment after opening the door, you collided with a tall, warm body.

"Sorry," you mumbled, pushing past.

"Y/N?" A familiar voice called. Strong hands grasped your forearm, and you glanced up at the figure.

Mingyu.

What force was bringing you back to him once again?

His lips parted in a small gasp as he noticed the redness in your tearful eyes. "Hey, what's wrong? Come here."

Before you could protest, he guided you back into the bathroom, closing and locking the door so no one could bother you two.

You kept your eyes down at the ground, unable to look at him. As he approached you, the heat of his skin radiated against you.

"I thought you were out studying." You spoke, breaking the silence.

Mingyu's hands found your jaw. He ran the smooth skin of his thumbs over your cheeks, wiping the tears that remained. "I finished early," he explained.

"Look at me," Mingyu whispered. You swallowed and blinked before meeting his eyes.

You didn't notice the thin, black-rimmed glasses that were resting on his nose before. His dark hair was pushed back, and his tan skin glowed under the bathroom light. You hated how instinctively drawn you felt to his presence.

You started to think that Kim Mingyu might be the Devil, disguised in the form of a beautiful boy that always knew the right words to say. He was here to tempt you, to swindle you at your most vulnerable moments, to test your fidelity. And you were weak enough to cave in.

"Is it your boyfriend?" He asked.

The gaze he held on you was so intense that you found yourself staring at the frames of his glasses instead of his eyes. You nodded silently in response to his question.

"Talk to me. What happened?" Mingyu cooed as he stroked your cheeks with his thumbs.

"I-" You started, but let out a sigh instead. "We just fought. I don't know. I don't wanna talk about it." You rambled.

"Okay," he nodded. "Sorry if I pushed it." He removed his hands from your face. The skin suddenly felt cold without his touch.

He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "We can talk about something else."

You stood still, nodding, but couldn't think of anything to say.

"You know," Mingyu started, "You look really pretty. Even when you're crying." Your skin flushed at the compliment.

Rolling your eyes playfully, you wiped the last remnants of makeup off your cheeks. "Is that your go-to line for every girl?" You joked.

"No," he replied. "Just cause I'm in a frat doesn't mean I'm a douche."

You snickered under your breath. "Yeah, but there's gotta be so many girls that hit on you."

"There's some," he shrugged. "Doesn't mean I flirt back."

Your legs were beginning to grow tired from standing, so you walked over to the counter and sat on the edge. You gripped the ledge to keep your balance, swinging your legs back and forth.

Mingyu stood in his same spot, but turned in your direction. He quirked his eyebrows at you. "Are you suggesting that I'm attractive enough to have hundreds of girls swooning over me?" He shot you a teasing grin.

You chuckled and shook your head. "You wish."

Mingyu's jaw dropped in a fake expression of shock as he came closer to you, but he stood to the side to stare at himself in the mirror. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Since when do you wear glasses?" You inquired.

"Since forever." He replied.

Mingyu placed his hands on the edge of the counter, pushing his weight onto them. The muscles in his arms were prominent through his black shirt. Your eyes dragged across his figure, eventually landing on his face again.

"I like them. They look good." You said.

He glanced at you, his eyes laced with hints of suspicion. "Thanks," he said with his voice a little uneven. He cleared his throat and stood up straight. "Did I help get your mind off him a bit?"

You winced at the mention of Wonwoo, but nodded. "Yeah, you did. Thank you." You exhaled.

Mingyu smiled to himself and his eyes met yours once again. "Good. I feel like it's the least I can do to help."

As you stared at him, you admired his features—his soft, clear complexion and plump lips. You suddenly became aware of how close he was to you; his hand was resting only a few inches away from your thigh. Your mind thought back to how it felt when those hands caressed the bare skin of your body. Impulsively, your thighs pressed together at the revisitation of the memory.

The room felt like it had instantly shot up ten degrees, and the heat left your judgement clouded like a foggy mirror. If Mingyu really was the Devil, his plan was working.

You leaned towards him until your face was only a few inches from his. Your breath caught in your throat as you went to speak.

"I really wanna kiss you right now." You admitted quickly, your eyes focused on his lips.

Mingyu backed away. "Are you drunk?" He asked. His eyes were wide with concern as he scanned you.

You remained where you were, embarrassment creeping up on you as you rapidly shook your head. "I haven't drank anything."

Mingyu chewed on his bottom lip. "I- I don't think it's a good idea. After last time..." he trailed off, glancing up to peek at your reaction. "I don't want you to do something you'll regret again."

"I don't regret it." You blurted before you could stop yourself.

You weren't sure what you were doing or where you wanted to go with this, but you couldn't stop. A feeling of lust had possessed you at this point, controlling your every word and action.

Mingyu looked taken aback at your confession, standing up straighter. His lips were parted in uncertainty, but you watched as his eyes flicked down to look at your lips.

"You don't?" He asked, inching closer to you.

Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest now. You quickly shook your head. "No."

His right hand found a place to rest under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him as his face neared yours. He swiped his thumb over your bottom lip.

"Are you sure?" He whispered.

Desire had overcome you so strongly at this point that you couldn't bring yourself to answer him through words. Instead, you crashed your lips onto his.

Mingyu responded eagerly, his kisses fueled with the same amount of force. Your hands quickly found purchase on the nape of his neck, pulling his body closer to yours. Right as you spread your legs to allow him to stand in between them, Mingyu's tongue darted against your lips, slipping into your mouth when you parted your lips for him.

He placed his left hand on your inner thigh, roughly squeezing the flesh between his fingers as he deepened the kiss. You moaned into his mouth, and he dragged his other hand down to the small of your back to pull you closer to him.

Now your core was pressed against his. Mingyu removed his lips from yours, only to place open-mouthed kisses on the area below your ear. You jerked your hips up as he nibbled lightly on the skin, the friction between your thighs growing.

Your jaw hung open as your arousal increased with each moment; your breathing became heavy while you panted into his ear. He sucked on your collarbone, and a chill shot it's way up your spine. You whimpered loudly and you could feel Mingyu smirk against your skin.

"You sound so pretty," he mumbled, his lips brushing against your skin as he spoke. He lifted his head, his tongue poking out of his cheek while he observed you. Your head was thrown back, eyes half shut, and you were ever so slightly grinding your hips against his for the smallest bit of relief.

Mingyu brought his fingers up to your lips, tapping on the soft skin to catch your attention. "Suck," he said, watching as you obediently parted your lips for him. He shoved two of his fingers into your mouth and pressed them down against your tongue. You could feel wetness building up between your legs. Even though it wasn't anything extreme, Wonwoo never did stuff like this with you in bed. You had to admit, all the new things that Mingyu was introducing to you excited you.

You hummed against him as he stuffed your mouth, almost gagging when his fingers neared the back of your throat. You swirled your tongue around his digits before he quickly pulled them away. You opened your eyes, staring at him in confusion, but his hungry gaze was already locked in on your core. He fumbled with the button of your jeans, and you felt your arousal suddenly spike at the thought of his fingers inside you.

You helped him shuffle your jeans over your ass and down to your knees. He bit his lip as he stared at your clothed heat, his cock stiffening beneath his own jeans, and pressed his dampened fingers to your clit through the fabric of your underwear.

You gasped quietly at the contact, but it wasn't enough. "Mmh, Mingyu," you whined. "Please."

"So needy," he teased with a smirk on his lips. He slipped his fingers beneath the fabric, pressing into your slick folds. His breathing grew heavier. "How're you so wet? I barely even touched you." He breathed against your cheek before he pressed a soft kiss to it. You blushed at his teasing words.

Mingyu rubbed your clit in slow circles, spreading your arousal around your folds. He pressed his lips to yours again, swallowing the moans you were letting out. He dragged his fingers down your heat, teasing your entrance by avoiding it. You clenched around nothing.

"Mingyu, I need you," you muttered against his lips.

"My fingers?" He questioned teasingly, pushing the tips of his digits into your core.

Desire was eating away at you, clouding your thoughts and replacing them with lust-filled ones. You bucked your hips up into his hand, whimpering beneath him.

"No, I want... you." You panted, looking up at him. Embarrassment picked away at you due to your vague request. His eyes appeared even darker than usual as he stared down at you with lust, registering what you were asking for.

Just as he was about to speak, the door knob shook, followed by loud pounding on the door. You jumped, and Mingyu quickly pulled his fingers away from your heat, leaving you with nothing.

"Open up!" A voice called from outside the door. "I have to piss!"

Oh, how wonderful.

You looked to Mingyu with wide eyes, and he motioned for you to stand up. "Pull your pants up!" He shouted at you in a whisper as he wiped his hands on his jeans. He stepped away from the counter, pressing his lips together in frustration as he realized the tent in his pants was painfully obvious.

You pushed yourself off the counter, standing up with shaky legs as you quickly pulled your pants over your hips and re-buttoned them.

The door knob jiggled again. "I'm literally gonna piss myself if you don't open this door in five seconds!" The same voice cried.

"What do we do?" You whispered to Mingyu.

He sighed. "Get out of here as fast as possible and go to my room." Your stomach flipped at the mention of his bedroom; you were really about to go through with this. He reached his hand out for you to grab, and you took hold of it as he led you both to the door.

Mingyu fumbled with the lock, and the door busted open a moment later, revealing a very drunken boy on the other side. He looked both of you up and down. You ducked down slightly, attempting to hide your face behind Mingyu's broad shoulders.

"Fuck, Mingyu? Really? The bathroom?" The boy said with disgust.

Mingyu rolled his eyes, his hand squeezing yours tighter. "Fuck off, Soonyoung." He replied before rushing out of the bathroom with you following close behind.

You couldn't help giggling at Mingyu's comment. He glanced over his shoulder when he noticed you laughing, a smile finding its way to his own lips as he chuckled at you. "Was I too harsh?" He joked.

Mingyu dragged you through the house quickly, and when you reached the bottom of the stairs, he pushed you in front of him to lead the way. You rushed up the steps, and when you neared the top, a sudden smack was delivered to your butt.

You let out a cry, followed by laughter of disbelief. "Mingyu!" You exclaimed with your jaw dropped once you reached the top of the stairs.

Mingyu stood behind you, his hands gripping your waist. He giggled into your ear. "I'm sorry, your ass is so cute." He placed a soft peck to your cheek.

"Let's go," he whispered, his voice suddenly an octave lower. Your stomach twisted, and Mingyu began leading you towards his room with his hands still on your hips.

He let go of you to twist the knob and push the door open, but as soon as you stepped foot into his room, his hands found your waist again and hurriedly pushed you further past the door. He kicked the door closed behind him, pushing you up against the wood. His lips quickly found yours, kissing you with even more intensity than before.

You could barely catch your breath as Mingyu gave you more rough kisses. He was being taken over by lust; he pressed himself against you, allowing you to feel the hardness in his pants. You ran one hand from his shoulder down his chest and stomach, feeling the muscles beneath his shirt tensing at your touch. Finally you palmed him through his jeans and he groaned against your mouth.

"Fuck, you're driving me crazy." He whispered before placing one more messy kiss to your lips. He pulled away to slip his fingers under the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head quickly and tossing it to the floor. His lips found your neck again, and you moaned as his tongue darted out to lick your sensitive spot. His hands were on your ass, pulling you closer to him and squeezing the soft skin.

Your head rolled back. "Shit, Mingyu," you moaned. "I need you now."

Mingyu pulled away to look down at you with a grin on his face. "Yeah?" He raised his eyebrow. He spanked your ass lightly, causing you to whimper and lean into him. "Go to the bed." He demanded, stepping away from you.

You walked to the bed, trying to swing your hips to hide the nervous wobble in your knees. You felt Mingyu come up behind you, his body pressing against yours. His stiff cock was brushing against your thigh. You turned around, sitting on the edge of the bed as you looked up at him.

"When are you gonna take this off?" You questioned while toying with the fabric of his shirt.

He chewed on his lip as he smirked at you. Without a word, he pulled it over his head, exposing his muscular arms and toned chest. Your eyes dragged hungrily over his torso, drinking in the sight of the outline of his abs.

"Better?" He teased, interrupting your admiring of his body. You looked up at his face. His glasses still rested on his nose, but his hair was slightly disheveled and his lips were now pink and swollen from kissing yours. You were breathless. He was beautiful, and you wanted him so badly.

You perked up from the position you were sitting in, a surge of confidence driven by desire guiding you. "Lie down," you commanded. Mingyu looked taken aback for a moment as he processed your sudden dominance, but he just chuckled and laid down without protest.

Once his back was against the mattress and he was splayed out beneath you, you crawled up towards him, straddling his hips. You dragged your hands down his chest, admiring the softness and warmth of his skin while you began to grind against him.

Mingyu threw his head back as he moaned softly, and you felt yourself clench at the sound. You leaned down, pressing your chest to his as you left kisses on his neck. His hips bucked up into your center. The friction between your bodies was so intense it was driving you insane.

You felt his fingers drag across your spine, causing goosebumps to from across your skin. He fumbled with the clasp of your bra and pulled the straps down your arms. You sat up to fully pull it off and throw it somewhere in the room, and Mingyu quickly brought his hands to your breasts. He squeezed the sensitive buds, twisting your nipples between his fingers. You moaned and pressed your hips into his even harder.

"Ride me," Mingyu mumbled into your ear. Unable to form any words, you nodded, reaching for the button of his jeans.

You lifted yourself off him to help him unzip his pants, and once he started pulling them off you kneeled to the side to discard your own jeans. Just as you began pulling your underwear down your thighs, Mingyu reached for the nightstand next to his bed, shuffling around in the drawer and eventually pulling out a condom.

He pulled his cock out of his boxers, and it stood stiffly against his stomach. He quickly ripped open the package, sliding the latex over his shaft. You straddled his thighs again, about to sink yourself onto him when he quickly grabbed your hips.

"No, no." He said. "Turn around."

You looked at him in confusion. "But-"

"Just trust me," he added, pressing a soft kiss to your chest.

You turned around so your back was facing him, still straddling his thighs. He kept one hand on your waist as the other reached for his cock. He guided the stiff head through your folds, wetting his cock with your arousal. When the tip brushed against your clit you whimpered as you clenched around nothing again.

"Please, Mingyu," you whined.

He dragged the head down to your entrance, finally pushing into you. Both of his hands rested on your hips now as he slowly sunk you down onto him.

You moaned at the slight burning sensation the stretch left behind. It had already been months since a dick was last inside you, and with Mingyu's size it was even more intense.

You aided by lowering yourself onto his cock, and once he bottomed out inside you he stayed still to let you adjust. His dick twitched inside you, and you clenched around him in response.

"You're so fucking tight," he moaned into your ear. He began nibbling and sucking at the skin between your neck and shoulder from behind you, and you whined in response.

You lifted yourself off him slowly, basking in the feeling of his cock rubbing against your walls. You sunk down fully onto him before raising your hips again, finally beginning to ride him.

Mingyu allowed you to work yourself against his length while he brought one hand to your breast again. You moaned loudly as he squeezed the flesh between his fingers and bucked his hips up into you.

"Mmmh, shit, you feel so good," you babbled before crying loudly again. Mingyu quickly brought his other hand up to your throat, lightly choking you.

"Shhh, baby." He whispered against your skin. "You can't be so loud." His words were followed by another soft slap to your ass, making you whine quietly.

He let go of your throat, bringing both of his hands to your waist once again to speed up your pace. He angled his hips so he could thrust up into you at the same time, and the angle caused him to hit your sensitive spot every time. You panted loudly as the pressure in your lower stomach grew, and you ground yourself against his cock, clenching around him.

"Shit." Mingyu choked out breathlessly. "Tight little pussy's taking me so well."

Maybe it was the filthy words that left his mouth, or the way Mingyu took hold of your hips to slow your pace and thrust into you especially hard, but you felt yourself tip over the edge, your mind cloudy as pleasure overtook you. You couldn't even tell if you were crying out loudly, but you assumed so by the way Mingyu suddenly pulled himself out of you and pushed you forward until your face was pressed into the mattress and he was kneeled behind you.

He thrusted into you roughly now, trying to reach his own high. Your eyes were rolling back into your head as your core tingled with oversensitivity, and you could feel yourself drooling onto the sheets.

He came with a particularly rough grunt, pausing his movements as his cum emptied into the condom inside you. He moaned breathlessly and he slowly pumped himself in and out of you to milk his orgasm. Finally, he pulled himself completely out, and his hand ran across your spine.

"You okay?" He asked, and you lifted yourself onto your hands and knees, nodding. Mingyu looked down at your legs, his lips dropping in a slight gasp. "Your thighs are shaking." He noted out loud.

Your face burnt with embarrassment as you kneeled back onto your knees. When you finally turned to look at Mingyu, he was tossing the condom into the trash. His hair was now pressed to his forehead with sweat and his cheeks were tinted a shade of pink. When his eyes met yours, his lips quirked up into a smile.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get rough with you." He apologized. He sheepishly scratched the back of his neck.

You shook your head. "N-no, it's okay," you croaked out, finally able to formulate words now that all the post-orgasm bliss was fading away.

You didn't know why, but you felt like you had to be near him. You crawled up towards him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. It felt natural. Comfortable. It reminded you of how you felt with Wonwoo. And despite how much you enjoyed feeling Mingyu's soft lips against yours, that thought terrified you.

"Do you regret this?" He mumbled against your lips.

It scared you—the way you were able to betray Wonwoo so easily. Here you were, in bed with another boy: one that you shared inside jokes with and stole kisses from and ran to for comfort. All that you had built with Wonwoo over the past two years—were some miles apart really enough to tear everything down?

You answered honestly.

"No."

#kim mingyu smut #mingyu smut #mingyu scenarios #mingyu x reader #seventeen smut #mingyu imagines

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fairycosmos · 3 years

Note

hey don't answer this if you don't want to but what was your sister like? what do you think she'd say to you if she were with you right now? i ask bc i have a little sister around your age who i've been through a lot together with, and if she was in ur situation i would never want her to spend her life fixating on the loss, or what she thought she should've done differently. not trying to invalidate your extremely valid emotions or anything, obviously this is hard on you for many different reasons which can't be logic-ed or analyzed away, and you have every right to feel it deeply. i just know that you're an exceptionally bright soul and i don't want you to lose everything to your grief. if you feel like this will take too much energy to answer feel free to ignore❤️❤️

she was just a wonderful person all around. they say that about everyone when they die but i've really never met anyone like her and i don't think i ever will. i think it was just really easy to like and love her. super smart in an understated way and she never fully realized it. she was an ex emo kid and like, the stereotypical cooler older sister for a while there. like loud angry music and boyfriends and girlfriends and staying out late. she was also a libra and she was like, so drawn to relationships and beauty and always falling in love which is typical. i used to read her horoscope for her at the start of every month to see what episodic soap opera would happen next until she got too paranoid and told me she would rather not know. she was really funny too. life is unbearable without her in basically every single way but i didn't anticipate how boring it would be, too. she could talk to anyone - and it took her a lot of work to get to that point, where she was confident enough and calm enough to be a friend to the world but during the last few years of her life that side of her really flourished, despite having a lot of unresolved anger and pain living inside her at the same time. she had been through so much, like an almost unsayable amount. it was such a testament to her character that she was still such a good fucking person. she kind of had that tough/outgoing on the outside, soft/sentimental on the inside dynamic to her. i think she was really switched on too, i don't know how else to word it but just like. hyper aware of the universe and reality and this lifetime, ever since she was a kid. the amount of casual comments she made to me growing up that introduced entirely new concepts to my child-brain and like, changed me forever is insane. everything worth knowing i learned from her, so much of me is her. she is and was my best friend like we spent basically all of our time together since we shared a room and we had ever since we were little. she loved cooking, tarot cards, animals, drinking on the beach.

if she was here i don't know what she'd say, probably that she was sorry and that it was all unintentional. she would be so gutted to have left me behind and thinking about that kills me. but part of me thinks she would expect an apology and an explanation out of me too. i would be so happy to just talk to her, i'd say just about anything and spend the rest of eternity asking for her to forgive me. thank you so much for being such a sweetheart and for letting me talk about her, you're so so lovely and your sister is beyond lucky to have you. i hope you have each for a long time. i think i will always feel guilty because she was the person i loved most in the universe and this is how she ended up - it's complex and pointless to ruminate on but i can't let myself just live with it as if i didn't fuck up by not doing more. especially not if i want to learn from this. you're a genuine angel and i'm sending you so so much love and appreciation. this was like a much needed bout of therapy which is prob unhealthy to post online but we're moving on. adore u ❤️❤️

#anon #talking

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noahstayed · 3 years

Note

Sorry if you've already answered these questions but I still want to ask them so...

1) Are you going to make another book after Earthshine?

(If the answer is yes; (and you don't have to answer this one,) Are you going to do a time skip or will you go the 'the condom broke'?)

2) Will Edward have a mate (If yes; will you create an OC or simply pluck a character from the twilight saga archives are revamp them?)

3) If you do make a version of Breaking Dawn, will it have the same premise (Ie. Wedding, Honeymoon, (I typed hUMANmoon and then corrected it, don't know why my fingers went there.) surprise pregnancy (or not? Because Carlisle is a DOCTOR) turning, then the Volturi going all "We must kill the child!"?)

4) With regards to question three, in the (honestly, and sadly, unlikely) ( completely forgot what word I was going to type, and It as too much trouble to type that so I'm just going to use another word that won't flow as well) situation (I'm so unhappy with this word, my stomach is turning something fierce, man.) that you DO go the standard "with the other book as a very, very, loose guideline) Would you go the route of OYH or would make an entirely new plot?

Also, if you do go with the same general outline, (which is unlikely since Irina isn't with Laurant in newmoon but with Charlie, so there's no bitter feelings and she won't immediately go to the kings before she's heard Carlisle's explanation.) How would you make that work?

5) I know you said that if you do make a fourth book you would just use the dhampire from OYH, Elisha, does that still reign true? Or are you planning to make a new character entirely?

6) If you do make a fourth, and go the OYH route, would you still make Elisha Emse's mate, like in OYH? Or will you go with Garette?

7) Also, since you have previously made an ff about Garette and Bella having a brother-sister type friendship would we see that and get to see Garette claim her as his sister and charlie as his father, and everyone goes along with it? (Honestly, I REALLY want this to happen, especially since I've spent the last hour scrolling through your tumbler and stumbled upon the 'I'm older than my father' post.)

8) Really, all these questions border on the main one of "is there going to be a breaking dawn/part 4-5 (depending) in your rewrite?" but if you do, would Carlisle buy Isle Bella as a honeymoon present of would that be in the oneshots book (that you'll hopefully be writing after this is over) as like a "Have fifteenth anniversary" thing?

9) Are you going to write a book full of random one-shots you couldn't fit into your story? I REALLY HOPE SO.

enthusiastically hope so. :) (that's really a tense smile with eyes SHINING with hope. Just informing you that you'll be crushing my heart. Brutally. With a stake. No pressure :) )

10) If you don't write the fourth book will we get an epilogue with the wedding five years later? Like, with Bella being SUPER nervous?

And finally, 11) (I really want a war to showcase Bella's awesome vampire powers (because you've stated (in a previous Tumblr post) that you'd give Bella her BAMF!Bella OYH powers)) So if there's a part four, even though the Volturi is "lawful" and like, has a brain, in your series, can they like have a brain fart where they go. "He's making an army," Or just straight up CANNON!Aro with his need for power be like "It's an immortal child, and it needs to be destroyed." But really be thinking, "They're growing too large, already their numbers rival our own, they must be put down! This is the perfect time!" Like the (cowardly) power-hungry and villainess we all know and love. Kinda.

I have other questions but those can really wait lol.

I basically want breaking dawn and the third (Do you count Charlie's book as part of Bella's story or as a stand-alone since you weren't really progressing the plot very much (also a very good way to have a time skip in your main)?) isn't even done yet.

I don't know if you can tell, but I've been reading this series for three days straight (new fan!) and just started your OYH series and I'm just filled with a desire right now. Like, I typically hate sex scenes in a twilight book (but that's because I was a child when these movies came out (saw them all in theatre!) and still was when I read the books, so Bella is SACRED lol, and It just makes me uncomfortable to imagine her in those positions (it's like a trauma okay?) but I really enjoyed your stories (even if I basically glossed over your sex scenes and read through them quickly) and could actually sit through your sex scenes (mostly, because it wasn't INTENSE! Like, a lot of rewrites turn breaking dawn into literal Porn and sully the books for me because they basically remove a lot of plot to make room for Bella's sudden appetite, and while, yes, you gave her an appetite and... I am just really enjoying your stories and how you write so Thank You.

Okay, I've let you know your appreciated and put out my question into the tumblr universe so now I just have to wait for you to see this and maybe respond.

I hate waiting.

I haven't gotten an ask in a while and AJKHFJKHD Listen!! THE FACE I MADE AT HOW LONG THIS IS??? Superb!! I'm honored you've taken the time to write this all out so I'm gonna try to answer you as best as I can!!

Right now I'm 100% sure that there will be a couple of Novellas/Novelettes directly after Earthshine. The Renee Story, the Charlie Story, and the Roommate Story which all will get maybe 40k and mini plots that are far more focused than Charlie's first story. Charlie's new story will be focused on his relationship with Carlisle too, so that should be fun!

Edward having a Mate is still up in the air at the moment. Since he is still very young, I don't see the need to really give him someone so quick when other characters have waited WAAAY longer. As for who it might be, that's also still up in the air in case I want to do a short story with him that's a part of a series of Novellas after the main books

If I do make a BD rewrite IT WILL have wedding/honeymoon/surprise pregnancy then it will PRETTY MUCH go off the rails from there because the Pregnancy will be VASTLY different. Carlisle is a Doctor and Bella isn't an idiot. They won't be in Washington either.

Again. The first half will be loosely based on the book and then just go completely off the rails because, Like you said, the Volturi have brains and I LOATHE an 'idiot' plot where people are required to suddenly become stupid for the story to work. As for the OYH route, I will be borrowing a couple elements from OYH but the conflict will be very different.

Elisha is baby and there's no way I could make another Dhampir at this point. Not with how much I love him.

The aging process will work differently in this fic for Dhampirs, so this question is irrelevant since Elisha will be a child for the entire fourth book. As for when he's older, Its still up in the air for this series. He deserves to be baby and I very much dislike the trope of age faster = mentally develop faster because that's BS.

We'll see, I love Bella and Garrett, but there's A LOT I'll have to cram into the last book so we'll just see.

As much as I'd love to answer this, I'm covering the honeymoon in the fourth book so you'll see what happens in there ; )

I HAVE PLANS for random one shots. I REALLY DO. I just has so little time to work on the main story so I might write some when Earthshine is done! I have a name for the one-shot collection already too and some Ideas!

I very much plan to write the fourth book you'll be fine. Bella will not be nervous, she'll be WAY more anxious about it going right. Mostly her nerves will be from anticipation and excitement because she'll be 23 and be very secure in her forever with Carlisle.

There will be a fight in book four that will not have the Volturi turning stupid. Don't worry about how.

Charlies little story is a Novella so I don't count it as a book.... GOD hearing you plowed through the series in so short a time is MIND boggling. I get people telling me this occasionally and I NEVER stop being amazed by it!

As for the sex scenes, yeah, I didn't want this to be erotic literature. I frequently scream that 'THIS ISN'T A SMUT BOOK' because them having sex is just a normal healthy thing that happens in relationships and wanted to show that. The sex scenes I write tend to be glossed over anyways so I'm glad it was readable for you. I get feeling frustrated and wanting more plot, but there are plenty of people who prefer the very explicit smut.

If sex scenes aren't your cup of tea, that's fine. I don't view Bella as pure and innocent though. It teeters dangerously on the Madonna/Whore dichotomy to act like she is. I get wanting to preserve the innocence of your childhood through her. That's not me though. Bella/Carlisle's relationship is highly sexual in nature within SoG and that's ALRIGHT too!

Thanks for the super long ask!!! it was great to read and fun to respond to!

#asked and answered #acadiatclements #long post #Sound of Grey Series #SoG #NoahStayed Writes #Bella x Carlisle #Carlisle x Bella #Bellisle

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