#i was scared making this bc i'm not sure if it's entirely faithful to the characters and stuff

[shreksstepfather]

Yeah.

#hopefully everyone knows this meme??? if not then this is going to look really weird. #pontus #coal #lemon #gaia #zomo #boomer #foggy #ocs #oc comic #not warrior cats #tw suicide #cw sui mention #i was scared making this bc i'm not sure if it's entirely faithful to the characters and stuff #but then i remembered that they're my characters. so. here.

[starry-blue-echoes]

Ok rapid fire

Jojo Pose by Apollo Fresh ;)))

The Joestars in general: Light em up x Radioactive by Exostomp Music, Sinners by Barns Courtney, Glitter & Gold by Barns Courtney, Legacy by THINKTANK, Cannonball by 8 Graves, Children of the Stars by Bella Goldwin x Oliver Lie (they're the joeSTARS), Revolution by The Score, Larger Than Life by pinkzebra, Industry Baby by Lil Nas X, Red by Aviators (acoustic version), STAR WALKIN' by Lil Nas X, We Rise by Aviators

Golden WInd: Gansta's Paradise by Coolio

Stardust Crusaders: Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears For Fears, Around The World by Daft Punk

Diamond is Unbreakable: No Lullaby by Siames

Jonathan: House of Memories by Panic At The Disco (him towards Dio if that makes sense), Warriors by Imagine Dragons, Witness the Masterpiece by GANYOS (man carries the whole joestar legacy on his back), Warrior Spirit by Samuel Day, FALLEN LEAVES by Miracle of Sound

Joseph: World at our feet by Timmy Trumpet, Can I Get A Witness by Sonreal

Jotaro: Crossfire by Stephen (all the shit that happened in sdc), In My Zone by Moody Mourad (his self reliance), Horizon by Amongst Wolves (Dio's influence over his whole life+his trauma), Ghost of You by Charlie PS (more dio trauma), Hey Brother by Avicii, I Am a Stone by Demon Hunter, Dead Weight by BRKN LOVE, Tough Guy by BENEE, Godhunter by Aviators (he kills Dio, which means "god in italian so), Knee Socks by Arctic Monkeys (vibes), Freight Train by Smash Into Pieces

Josuke: Die Young by Kesha, La La La by Area 21, Listen Up! by Excuses Excuses

Giorno: Dare To Dream by Glow Beets (I, Giorno Giovanna, have a dream,), Tidal Wave by Portugal. The Man (he turned the entire mafia in italy on it's head in a week)

Jolyne: Angels by Vicetone, THAT BITCH by Bea Miller (could work for Ermes as well), Hell No! by Mel Senese, Deal With It by Ashnikko (her avoidance of marriage to Anasui lul), Mother's Daughter by Miley Cyrus, Bad Things by NOT THE MAIN CHARACTERS

Dio: Making Love To the Dead by Beginners, Applause by Lady Gaga, Rituals by Jiovanni Daniel, Vampire by Lazyboy Empire, Bad by Royal Deluxe, Villain by Garvie, Liar by Jake Daniels, Ancient Dreams In A Modern Land by Marina, Oh No! by Marina, Villain by K/DA, Good To Be Bad by CRMNL, Phonky Town by PlayaPhonk (dio walk), The Cult Of Dionysus by The Orion Experience, Supernatural by Barns Courtney, Babylon by Dirt Poor Robins, Brad Pitt by COIN, The Rose That Poisoned The Ground by El Misti (he fucked up the entire joestar family), I'm Back by Royal Deluxe (him coming back in part 3), Forevermore by Ghost Nation, Don't You Dare Forget The Sun by Get Scared, The Greatest by REACH (there's a lyric which goes "the one with the greatest seed" and dio has like four kids lmao), Hypnotized by Set It Off (the flesh buds)

Wammu: Eye of The Storm by Watt White

(no Esidisi bc I don't know enough about his character)

Kars: Black Mambo by Glass Animals (vibes really), La Espada by Eternal Raijin, Bird by Joh Yoban

Kira: Slavonic Epoch by Tombstone (repairing the mistake he made of letting the enemy know his identity and fixing it), Houdini by AViVA (mans barely escaped getting killed. and he's insane), Hey Brother by Jakob Samuel ("your secret's well protected" "and the ghost under your bed so far away" "the devil's coming"), Faith by Karen Aoki ( ;) )

Diavolo: Dark Red by Steve Lacy (his paranoia towards getting his identity discovered), Play Dirty by Kevin McAllister (mentions the devil and he "plays dirty" by almost killing his own daughter to make sure no one finds out his identity)

Pucci: Bloody Mary by Lady Gaga, Preaching To The Choir by Alex Runo (he is literally a priest), Honey I'm Home by GHOST (religion in like. an evil way), Devil by Alex Runo (more religion), Creature by Half Alive, The Beast by Old Caltone (heavy religious vibes), Preach by SAINT MOTEL, Babylon by Dirt Poor Robins, My Church by Aviators (he is religious), Lust For A Vampyr by I Monster (dio follower)

Speedwagon: One Way Mirror by Christopher Kenji (mans literally had BLADES IN HIS HAT he was so inventive and had a lot of tricks up his sleeve)

Caesar: Rise Up by Smash Into Pieces (reminds me of how his life was cut short and he spent his last moments to help Joseph win), Put In The Time by Future Royalty (he put his all into hamon training), Curses by The Crane Wives (the zeppeli curse), All That Glitters by Earl (vibes ONLY), Skyfall by Adele, Blossom by Reckless Jacks

Kakyoin: Skin and Bones by Cage the Elephant, Brothers by SIAMES (his first friends with the sdc were like his brothers), Washing Machine Heart by Mitski (this song has the vibes of something dying too young), Take The Fall by JAXSON GAMBLE ( he dies to help the crusaders), Mountain Sound by Of Monsters And Men, Skyfall by Adele (both Caesar and Kakyoin get this song ok), It's All Happening by SAINT MOTEL, Cherry's Bent by STRAINJER (cherry), All Comes Crashing by Metric, Fish in a Birdcage by Fish in a Birdcage (kakyoin as a child being alone, and probably hoping to be surrounded by people that understood him)

Avdol: Exposed by Matt Fees, Pheonix by Fall Out Boys (fire, he basically came back to life), Fire by Barns Courtney, Grumpy Sun by Shannon Clark & the Sugar (vibes again)

Polnareff: Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes, Enchante by Dirt Poor Robins, When Honor Dies by Miracle of Sound

Okuyasu: Losemyhead by littleDEATH, Bang by Sir Sly

Koichi: Stockholm Syndrome by Sofia Karlberg

Bruno: River by BRKN LOVE (it has his vibes ok), White Lies by Max Frost (him to Diavolo), Dance with the Devil by Fame Cartel (the devil...LIKE DIAVOLO?)

Abbacchio: Hurt by Oliver Tree, Lovely by Billie Eilish BUT the cover by Beneath My Skin, Cold World by 8 Graves, Bittersweet by The Galactic Effect

Naranchia: D.A.N.C.E. by Justice (you know why)

Mista: All Eyes On You by Smash Into Pieces, Kick by Saint Chaos, Bullet by SAINT MOTEL, Roses Or Blood by Actice Captive

Trish: High Waist To Hell by Cloudy June, Bubblegum Bitch by Marina And The Diamonds

Fugo: Go To War by Nothing More (shows his anger AND Fugo was originally supposed to be an enemy spy), Bad Faith by 8 Graves

Ermes: Deal With It by Ashnikko (look it fits her too ok. it has her sass), Might Heart by Acid Arcade, My Time To Shine by UPSAHL, YES MOM by Tessa Violet, Bad Things by NOT THE MAIN CHARACTERS

F.F.: Wait A Minute! By Willow Smith (vibes), Jackpot by TheFatRat (more vibes), Bad Things by NOT THE MAIN CHARACTERS

Weather Report: Better Off Dead by 8 Graves (him after getting his memories back), New Depression by Mark Doucette (also him after getting his memories back), Lost by Ghost Nation (his memories are lost), Rain by Grandson (rain), Veteran of the Psychic Wars (he had his memories stolen which had a lot of trauma a stuff)

Anasui: Destination Unknown (the music video is explicit and when Anasui breaks out of prison he just follows Weather Report lmao), Beggin' by Maneskin, Come Back Down by Trevor Something (him to jolyne lmao)

Emporio: Saviour by Jennings Couch (him basically getting together the whole squad to save the day), Ship In A Bottle by Steffan Argus (survivor's guilt after watching all his friends die after failing to protect them), GOD OF FAILURE by WITCHZ (survivor's guilt again)

Songs I don't know what to do with but go somewhere: Eye For An Eye by 8 Graves, Freaks by Timmy Trumpet, Arsonist's Lullaby by Hozier (I honestly just really love this song and feel as if it could fit someone in this list that is like...addicted to something and that's like their flaw or something. Maybe Dio with power), C'est La Vie by Weathers, Moonshine by Caravan Palace, Hold On by Unknown Chapters, Hell's Coming With Me by Poor Man's Poison, Ain't No Rest For The Wicked by Cage The Elephant, What, Me Worry? by Portugal. The Man, Menace by Rezz, The Wolf by Siames, After Midnight by Darren Day, Devil by Twice is Nice, Crash And Burn by Unlike Pluto, Bones by Imagine Dragons, One In The Same by BRKN LOVE, Let There Be Fire by Aviators

there's more characters I could've done but like it took literal hours to get all this so...anyway. lemme know what you think :)))

-ffa

I

I am in awe and absolute terror of your power because anon how the every living fUCK DID YOU FIT THAT MANY CHARACTERS I A SINGLE ASK JESUS FUCKING CHRIST-

#my guy what the absolute fuck(positive) #I can't even tag everyone there's too many- #jjba #jojo’s bizarre adventure #sb answers #ffa anon

[theficblog]

lil sis, i just came across this video and thought i'd share it with you T^TTT rmb when i told you najib was convicted recently? his wife who's as corrupted as him is convicted today too in a separate trial!!! it's a happy moment for me but i had tears in my eyes when i heard what the lead prosecutor of this case (Gopal Sri Ram, a former judge, now a private practitioner, but was specially appointed as the prosecutor for this case bc he is one of the best legal minds in this country T^T) replied to the reporter's question T^T:

"are you happy with the decision?"

"we're not happy or unhappy about anything. we just do our job, and we get on to the next case. it's not our role to be happy about someone else's grief."

T^TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT it's things like this that reinstore my faith in humanity again T^TTTTTT

ive always thought that ppl who reach the highest level/position in their field, they have to be at least a bit "evil" to get there. but my naive thought & impression were slowly proved wrong as i meet some more ppl in those positions, who can still be genuinely kind and helpful..as if they stayed true to their hearts, and never conceded to anything that's against their values. i think that is such a precious trait a human can have. we dont have to harm ppl to "succeed", we could still be kind while doing what we think is right. T^TTT... my mum & family members always tell me that i'd have a hard time fitting in in this society if i remain this honest & straightforward. i know that too.. but this is how my mind works and what keeps me at peace, i cant do fake things to please ppl, that is just not me...(also bold of them to assume i ever think of wanting to "fit in with the society" 🤪) i havent been in the society for long, so idk how long i can "survive" here while being myself. i used to think that i have no fears, but now that i think of it, i think my biggest fear is losing my identity & my values...

however, whenever i lose hope in ppl or in life in general, it's ppl like him that remind me that you actually dont have to be evil in order to "succeed"...in the conventional sense. who defines "success" anyway? if i dont regret what im doing, and im not legally or morally harming anyone, i can be proud of my achievements too, right? i think everyone can define their own success while being true to themselves...♡

im so sorry lil sis, this entire message is so incoherent omg 😭😭 i hope you dont find this confusing 😭 but as i was typing this, it made me realise some things too T^T♡♡♡

Yes World Politics and Affairs is super duper interesting as usual. And the words of the prosecutor are so intellectual, no doubt he is on the topmost level with that kind of professionalism. Yeah I agree I think that too, as I have barely and kind of am yet to function in the society. That kind of scares me out too. It's so rare to find people who always stick to their morals even when things are hard and they have an easy way out of anything, and kindness is what matters at the end. Aww you don't need to develop a fear of those, you know who you are and I'm confident in you, also you don't ever need to fit in, you can be a misfit (get out of my ya'll~) I agree it's possible to find a sort of inspiration or motivation through anyone. Say that louder success is way more than a high paying job and big house. Success is probably that felling of content from the inside. Nahh, it wasn't, as I read through it I could make sense of it all. Also I love deep talks like these so much, thanks for this lovely ask, I'm sure you'll send more of these in the future as well >< ❤️

#not kpop #success #the happiness reading and answering this brough me #yes we love some intellectual talks #❤️ #my big sis

[sapphiredhearts-a]

GET TO KNOW THE AUTHOR.

name: Jo

pronouns: she / her

preference of communication: probably DMs on the dash although I don't mind discord I just tend to be slower on there . Of course , DMs at all give me anxiety so sometimes I just get slow and don't respond right away because being perceived even through like 1 on 1 conversation freaks me out idk .

most active muse: this literally changes every day . right now I'm reading pjo again and have a bunch of greek mythos muse . but I tend to always have high muse for twilight / thg muses - probably because I have been down bad for twilight since the start of my rp career and thg I've developed so much in my head sldkfj.

experience/how many years: too long man . so I started way back on myspace in 2009 with a random renesmee blog - but it was very short lived because I ran into this huge twilight group and turned her into an oc named chloe lucas . eventually , the person who vacated a brady fuller profile offered up the entire edited page for whoever wanted it so I took it over and entered into some of the best times of my life . I fell in love with brady ( & a ship I had on there which was so angsty and just lsdkfj ) and ended up writing analee ( now analeigh here ) ateara , kim connweller , and I'm sure some others I'm forgetting . any way the mun behind part of my brady ship introduced me from there to tumblr and I joined a pjo rpg group as cora ( a daughter of demeter ) . from there the biggest tumblr group moment was mushu's daughter in a disney group named faith who I adored & I dilly-dallied around on here in groups until the same mun that brought me here ( miss you so much skdlfj ) introduced me to indie . and I've been stuck in the indie hell-hole for years . I started out with just a single muse jacob blog ( spaceheatcr - sigh I loved that blog ) and then eventually came around to the idea of multi-muses and here I am .

best experience: I'd have to say the first twilight group ( twilight teams - it was so cute you were " team forks " or " team la push " or " team volturi " or " team nomad " depending on who you wrote / where they lived ) on myspace because I met hella lifelong friends that I still have on facebook etc and it made me fall in love with writing / expressing & developing different muses . also the disney group I was in on here ( back to disney I think it was called ? it was a boarding school type for disney character's kids and SO cute and the admins were all so sweet I cry ) was amazing and just wholesome . and then spaceheatcr my jacob single muse because I also made lots of friends ( hales literally brought me back for this blog so I mean come on ) and idk.

rp pet peeves: bothering me over plots I don't agree with / if I block you / don't follow you / don't respond in time in a pestering way . I don't mind a hey is this thread still going if it's been awhile but I've had a few instances where people just were icky over like my time and availability . it makes writing a chore for me and that's when I usually go on hiatus . also, there is a reason I usually do mains and not exclusives on indie blogs . I had a horrid experience with a ship where the mun literally followed me onto here from myspace and acted super clingy / possessive over a male muse of mine ( i won't go into details this isn't a call-out but still ) and would like get jealous / angry ooc if he interacted with any other people in any ship way / close way etc etc etc and just all this other shit so yeah, I'm on indie for a reason - I enjoy exploring multiple ships ( not even just romantic but ya know ) and universes and aus and what have you so like - idk, exclusives are not my thing and mainly bc of that . I'm so scared of that happening again .

plots or memes: memes are the best way to get ideas rolling in my head because sometimes I just hit a block with plots and also idk where to go with new people ? mostly because I feel awkward and don't wanna suggest things and like offend or upset anyone so it's always a good idea just to either attack me with plots or memes lol. most of the time I'll say yes - esp now that I have a ship page for canon up for my thoughts on them and have some headcanons rolling for my own canon views .

long or short replies: this honestly depends entirely on my muse and not on my partner at all . sometimes short replies have to happen to transition . sometimes short replies are all I can come up with because my muse is fighting me . and sometimes I go stupid and crazy and give you a novella . it's literally all me not you sdlkfj and will vary within threads and memes for the same muses depending . so never be discouraged !!!

are you like your muse: I have so many muses - a lot of them I am drawn to because there is something I see in them that I guess is like me ? some are not like me at all tbh . I guess it all depends on who we're talking about . I try to have variety so idk .

tagged by : slightly stolen from @divienity tagging : all of you !!

#☾ ` out of my mind ; ooc post .

[the-nysh]

If were any of Saitama's friends see what Saitama has done in the OG timeline, how would they react?

Tbh I'm pretty sure they'd be immensely horrified by what Saitama has done. While it was necessary for Garou to be defeated, not a single one of Saitama's actions in that fight was heroic. It's a more monstrous side of Saitama no one has seen before — tbh the scariest thing abt Saitama during 166 isn't the fact he was gonna blow up the earth as collateral and didn't care, it's the fact on how quick he snapped. There wasn't a gradual descent, just a quick switch. I honestly think if the core was destroyed, Saitama would've destroyed everything in turn

But honestly, I just feel bad for Genos. This kid is just trying to stumble his way through his life, but while he may think he knows what he is in for, he really isn't. Being the morality chain/living emotional crutch for a destructive god is unfair for Genos (too much pressure for anyone in that shoes), even if it was unintentional on Saitama's part. A conversation between Saitama and Genos, even if it won't happen in this arc, is absolutely necessary. Genos should know what he's signing up for, bc else this would def get him unfairly killed.

Tbh regardless whether or not Genos abandons him, I think it would still be in Saitama's conscience that Genos gets to make a decision for himself on whether or not to stay by Saitama's side — Saitama seems to be the the type of person who wouldn't care if Genos would hate him for the rest of his life, what matters is that he's alive

*record scratch* Whoa, hold up. This is a lot, concerning the hypothetical whether his friends ever become scared/wary of his strength is one thing, but "whether or not Genos abandons him"? We're talking -the- same Genos here who, since the Sea King arc, had already vowed to be there for Saitama in the event the entire public turned against him?? Who couldn't contain his joy/excitement by bodily crashing into him, who's always had unwavering faith in him? It would feel like hell would have to freeze over before Genos' level of faith earned for him - not just as a hero, but as a person, is ever broken/betrayed. That even if he saw Saitama doing morally questionable things, it'd be unlike Genos to just drop everything or turn on him just like that without questioning/inquiring for more info, or unless it was something huge that thoroughly shook his foundations to his core, or if Saitama ever broke his heart (whoa, figurative here, not his literal core.)

Anyway, this reminds me of what I wrote back in 2017 about his post-arc webcomic decision to stay with Saitama after everything (yes, his choice). And....the manga has certainly changed a lot of context since then, that....it's honestly probably on Saitama whether he comes clean to Genos about certain things, or tries to keep his distance out of concern for Genos' own safety, or continues to leave Genos in the dark due to Saitama's own insecurities not wanting to disrupt things between them or bring up the awkward elephant in the room he doesn't know how to properly talk to him about. (And of course, if Saitama forgets much of it, too. geh.) In any case, Saitama is bound to respect Genos wishes to come and go as he pleases, despite how....dependent Saitama won't admit he’s grown on him for his emotional needs/stability in life. He's the type who’d rather suffer in silence harm/revert himself back into his old alienating habits rather than try to impose his wants on others. :')

But if anything, Genos learning how much he actually means to Saitama, that he was indirectly the key to Saitama's surge in strength/growth (emotion), would be....!!!! :OOO (Considering how much Genos had always wanted to learn the secret insight about that for so long! To learn it was indirectly him this time would be mind blowing.) That I doubt either of them could have ever fathomed that he'd essentially become 'the morality chain/living emotional crutch for a destructive god' D: Not an easy subject to broach at all, heh. But whatever happens, I certainly hope we get SOME talk/communication between them before further misunderstandings potentially happen.

#opm #saitama #genos #manga spoilers #anonymous #replies #speculation #whether or not saitama even remembers #there's likely to be a bunch of difficult topics he won't know how to talk about #if they ever get there

[gorescreamingshow]

some spoilery (Leonid and Neil's routes) shingakkou thoughts

It's really interesting how Neil and Leonid are both so different to what your first impression of them would be.

Leonid seems so closed off and uninterested in people, but he's in reality so deeply lonely. He's never had anyone in his life put him first, even his own mother. During the time you spend not talking to him he gets upset seeing Michael being able to chat to his friends normally while he's now completely alone in his room. He's such a proper and put together guy but when you get to know him, he's a total slob. Despite having an important position in the school, being in the choir, preaching, having great grades, he has absolutely no faith - he's not religious at all and his reasons for investigating the cult within the school are purely selfish.

And then Neil is the total opposite. You'd think he would have little regard for religion giving his disregard for the school rules but he's already a full on pastor !! Where Leonid is investigating the cult for self satisfying reasons, Neil is investigating it on behalf of the church and to protect the image of graduates of the school and not bring shame onto them. I still haven't completed Neil's route but I'm excited to learn more....

i think it's super cute in Leonid's route how different he is to what everyone else's perception of him is, and how Michael is like "Nobody knows this side of him but me :)" it's super cute... Leonid is for sure my fav so far, the romance in his route sure is slow but SOOOOOO GOOOOOD, but I am really really loving Neil so far.... he COULD surpass Leonid but idk yet...

leonid just makes me want to cryyyy like i wonder if he puts himself into such an important role in school, despite having no faith, to feel some semblance of importance or relevance in people's lives. he was discarded by his own mother in favour of his half brother, discarded by his fiancée in favour of his half brother, and when he stops talking to Michael it hurts him even more to see Michael still has friends to talk to. he thinks "Well his life is perfectly fine without me too". IT'S SO SAD 😭😭😭 so then when it's revealed he's at risk of Michael killing him bc of Lucifer's prophecy, he isn't scared. He's happy because him being the one Michael is fated to kill means he is the one Michael loves more than anyone and he has never ever in his life been that important to someone. He'd prefer to be killed by Michael than for Michael to kill himself and he' have to live on without the only person who ever cared about him.

IT MAKES HIS BAD END WHERE MICHAEL KILLS HIM AFTER THEY GRADUATE THE SCHOOL EVEN SADDER TOO 😭😭 LIKE he had been wanting to talk to Michael again that entire time. And it also means Michael held onto his feelings for Leonid the whole time as well. ITS SO DEVASTATING IMM LIKE I'M SURE IM GONNA LOVE NEIL AND AUGUST'S ROUTE BUT KNOWING ALL THIS HOW COULD I POSSIBLY WANT HIM TO END UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE

#playing: shingakkou #this vn is all that's on my mind rn

[chosonore]

part one | oblivion

oblivion [noun. the state of being unaware or unconscious of what is happening around one]

pairing: kamo noritoshi/f!reader

summary: your relationship with noritoshi was like a game of cat and mouse; no matter how hard you tried to escape from him, he would always find his way back to you.

wordcount: 3.9k

content/warnings: friends to enemies to lovers, language, noritoshi is kind of a dick but i promise it gets better so please don’t lose faith in him, we’re not strictly following the manga timeline bc while i am reading it, i do have a goldfish brain, lowercase intended

a/n: hello, here’s the first installment of my sanguine series! it’s the prequel of this drabble (nsfw) i wrote the other week while i was working on the outline of the fic. it’s a little slow burn because i wanted to spend some more time exploring their relationship and the groundwork for it, so yeah. i’ll try to update it regularly, but since i’ve only planned five parts for sanguine, it might take a while bc i want to take my time with it. if you want to stay updated with the series, i’ll post the masterlist to it shortly! i do hope you enjoy it though :) and stay safe, everybody! [tagging @sukirichi​ the sukuna to my yuuji, who just gets spammed when i start rambling about my aus but always screams with me (´• ω •`)]

masterlist - next 

"y/n!" you look up to see miwa storming towards you, thrusting a book in your direction. "could you- could you please give this to noritoshi? i borrowed this book from him like a week ago and if i don't return this anytime soon, i think he's gonna kill me." 

scowling at her, you look at the book in disdain. you wanted to avoid crossing paths with noritoshi as much as possible and miwa was well aware that you didn't like hi- 

"please," miwa pleaded again, taking your hands and placing the book in it. "i'm really scared of him. he always looks like he's going to shoot me soon. even todo is pretty nice if you don't interrupt his takada-chan time!" 

you sighed in annoyance, you just couldn't say no. ever since coming to the kyoto metropolitan curse tech, miwa and you had been pretty close because you strongly disliked the other students. most of them were arrogant and stuck-up, thinking they were better than the other; the two that belonged to the three clans were even worse. on your first day here you'd promptly gotten into a fight with mai, disliking how haughty she was and trying to prove everyone that she was better than them. much to your chagrin, the fight ended in a tie.

"fine, but you owe me some mango," miwa's face lit up in relief and she gave you a thumbs up before dashing to her room, most likely to escape noritoshi's wrath. you inspected the book. was it even worth returning it? maybe you could just throw it in the trash. if noritoshi ever found out, he'd kill miwa first and then you. you let out another sigh before making your way towards the training grounds. he most likely was outside to practice, either with one of the guys or alone. as you were nearing the training grounds, you could already hear the sound of arrows whistling and the dull thuds of them hitting the target. it was hard to spot him through all the trees; you weren't entirely sure where he was. your ears perked up when you heard him release another arrow until you realized that it was heading your way. this bastard. fortunately, you were able to slash the arrow clean in the middle, angrily pointing your sword in his direction. you still couldn't see him anywhere.

"you fucking idiot! you could've killed me," you snarled, stomping deeper into the forest. an amused laugh echoed through the trees. 

"you're acting like i can't control my arrows. it's not my fault you let your guard down," noritoshi retorted smugly, lowering his bow as he saw you approaching. you were fuming, hurling the book at him. how dare he? you watched with satisfaction as it hit him square in the chest - who was caught off guard now, huh? he deserved it anyways. 

"miwa asked me to return your book," you curtly explained and turned back around to leave but apparently, noritoshi had other plans. instead of saying anything else, he just followed you which unsettled you even more. 

"stop following me." 

"who said i was following you? i'm just going back to the dorms. i'm sorry you can't handle me being near you."

you whirled around, sword pointing dangerously close to his neck. he smirked at you triumphantly, it was just too easy to get a rouse out of you. "another word and i'll cut you, seriously. you're pissing me off," you gritted your teeth, hating that you always fell for his stupid games. he knew you all to well, what made you angry, what made you happy, what motivated you. once upon a time, you'd thought the same about him; until he changed so rapidly, so unlike your expectations. you were worlds apart and yet you'd reserved an ounce of hope that he wouldn't turn out to be as arrogant as the clan heads. swift as the wind, noritoshi grabbed your wrist, dragging it upwards and towards him until he could lean down to you. your heartbeat sped up - holy shit why was he so close to you - and you froze in shock. 

"i'd like to see you try, princess," he whispered in your ear, the grip on your wrist tightening. "you wouldn't dare to."

the first time you met noritoshi, he was sitting outside in the garden with his mum. both seemed to have a good time. noritoshi's hair was tousled from the soft summer breeze and he had a soft smile on his face, happily munching away on the snacks that were displayed on the table. while he looked friendly enough, you were wary of meeting and talking to him because you felt kind of queasy around the kamo family. you couldn’t quite place a finger on the feeling, the older members of the family intimidating you to no end. much to your dismay, you felt like you had to be watchful - your parents worked for the kamo family, so naturally the apartment you lived in was close to the estate. you avoided any run ins with the adults, they weren’t exactly friendly to you. noritoshi’s mum had befriended your mum and they spent a lot of time together when possible. and yet you’d never met noritoshi before, seeing how busy he was with his various classes.

the fit that you threw, not wanting to tag along with your mum, was long forgotten when you’d spotted the jar of cookies on the table. before your mum could react, you pulled your hand away from hers and quickly ran towards it. “hello miss!” you greeted enthusiastically, your eyes shining at the sight of the sweets. “my name is y/n! i’m here with my mum and i uhm… could i have some of the cookies? please?” when your mum finally caught up to you, she scolded you quietly and greeted the other two, taking a seat beside noritoshi’s mum. you pouted, immediately climbing on her lap as you refused to sit next to the boy. his mum handed you a cookie which you happily took and thanked her politely. noritoshi was curiously eyeing you; it wasn’t often that he saw other children around his age and he didn’t have any friends to play with. his everyday life revolved around reading books, studying, taking archery classes and sometimes spending time with his mum. noritoshi barely even knew what fun was - he’d only ever felt at peace when he was around his mum.

“y/n, sweetie, why don’t you go and play with noritoshi?” your mum prompted but you immediately shook your head, hiding your face in her chest. she simply laughed and shook her head, brushing your hair back softly. “come on, noritoshi is really nice. you can be his friend one day, right? didn’t i tell you that friends are important?” 

you frowned. then huffed. when she worded it like this, there was no way you could refuse. the cartoon that you religiously watched featured a group of friends that went on adventures and helped each other out. you’d told your mum that you wanted to be like that too! begrudgingly, you slid off her lap and trudged towards noritoshi who looked at you with big eyes. you held your hand out, waiting for him to shake it. “my name is y/n. uhm… nice to meet you,” you shyly whispered, eyes darting away from him. 

it took a while until noritoshi reacted, shaking your hand gently and answering: “hello y/n, i’m noritoshi.”

much to your surprise, noritoshi was actually fun to be around with. he showed you his collection of books, the bow that he was practicing with and you often played the card game you’d received for your birthday together. he was smart and witty, often explaining you things that he’d read in a book but he was also attentive when he listened to you ramble about the other kids in school or when you told him about the cartoon that you were watching. for you, noritoshi was becoming your best friend - for noritoshi, you were his first friend. he cherished you and how unabashedly true to yourself you were. spending time with you was something he looked forward to; you always made him laugh and you didn’t care whether he lived up to the kamo family name or not. to you, he was simply noritoshi. you were like a fresh breeze of air in his life.

noritoshi didn't quite understand why the elders were always so hard on him, so strict and unrelenting. they expected only the best results from him and didn't show any understanding when he exhausted. he didn't enjoy practice anymore, the lessons becoming a chore and burden on his mind. but whenever he saw your face light up at his newly acquired skills, he thought it was worth the trouble. you came to visit him everyday after school, never skipping a day. sometimes he questioned why you weren't visiting your friends from school but you shook your head, poking his chest indignantly. "you're my best friend, 'toshi. of course i'd want to spend more time with you." noritoshi was glad you always chose him, without fail.

even though your parents had always warned you to be careful around noritoshi because his family was strict and didn't like outside influences distracting the heir, you never really strayed from his side. noritoshi didn't have any other friends, who would keep him company or listen to his troubles then? you didn't understand why your parents were suddenly going back on their word. they'd always told you that family and friends were important. you couldn't pinpoint your feelings for him - but your parents saw it. it was obvious; the stars in your eyes when you looked at him, the slight blush on your cheeks when he complimented you and how happy you were when you got to spend time with him. the more time you spent with him, the more they were worried for you. 

"'toshi!" you yelled in excitement as you ran towards him, waving wildly. he dropped his bow and turned to you, a soft smile gracing his lips as he opened his arms to hug you. you squeezed him tightly. two weeks you hadn't seen him due to a school trip after which you got sick and weren't able to leave the house. you'd missed him a lot and you were excited to show him the souvenirs you brought him. 

"look, i bought you an omamori!" you handed him the small object, then pointing on your bag to show him the one you'd bought for yourself. "i got myself a matching one too! my teacher said it wards off evil spirits and brings you luck." noritoshi's smile was bright, so bright. he was happy you thought of him and were always kind to him. your eyes widened as he leaned in to kiss your cheek before thanking you. the two of you were blushing, neither saying a word but not minding what had just happened.

the day noritoshi's mother left the estate was the day you were slowly starting to lose him. noritoshi grew more forlorn and didn't seem to easily find joy in anything anymore. the departure left a deep, deep gap in his heart. it had shocked him deep to the core when she left him. him. why couldn't she stay? why did she leave him when she was the only person who protected him, loved him? she did say that she was hindering his growth but who was she to decide that? he didn't want to become stronger, didn't want to protect other people like she'd told him to. he wanted to stay with her. "'toshi? 'toshi!" a concerned voice broke through his trance, pulling him back into reality. "i asked you a question! you weren't even listening to me." 

you were pouting at him, tugging at his sleeve impatiently. noritoshi apologized, patting your head to soothe your temper. "what do you want to do in the future? mum said it's important to work towards your dreams!" you asked him curiously, grasping his hand to hold it. the gesture filled him with indescribable warmth, drawing him in like a moth to the flames. "my mum said i have a special power, i can heal people! i want to become a doctor in the future, so i can help everyone that got hurt," you explained to him so earnestly that he felt bad for the lie he was about to tell. noritoshi didn't have big dreams or ambitions just yet. he didn't even know what would be suitable to him - he was strictly following orders, never allowed to think for himself. 

but when he looked at you, he only had one wish. "i think… i think i want to help people, protect them. especially those that i love."

with each year passing, you noticed that noritoshi was putting more and more distance between the two of you. at first you'd brushed it off as the stress of his training and number of classes he was attending. but as you spent less and less time together, the weight of the situation didn’t escape you. he was easily irritable, cold and arrogant, often rude towards employees of the kamo estate. every now and then when you’d scold him for being an asshole, he’d simply scoff at you and haughtily ask you how it was any of your business. you sighed, tossing and turning in your bed as you thought about how much noritoshi had changed. it kept you up at night, just thinking about how he wasn’t your ‘toshi anymore. you didn’t know this person. ‘toshi was always gentle and kind, he tended to overthink many things and sometimes he was a little bit of a crybaby but you still loved him regardless. you sneaked out of your room, finally mustering up enough courage to ask your mother for advice. the thought of her discovering your blooming crush on noritoshi was scaring you. your parents were wary around the kamos despite working from them - even more so ever since noritoshi’s mother left and the elders had free reign over her son.

“noritoshi! noritoshi, stop walking away from me! hey, i’m talking to you!” you yelled frustrated as you were trying to keep up with him. noritoshi was crossing the garden in long strides, it was nearly impossible to stop him as you couldn’t catch up to him. you lunged forward, getting hold of his sleeve and tugged him back harshly. noritoshi yanked his arm out of your grip, glaring at you annoyed. 

“what do you want from me? i have better things to do than to quibble with you,” he hissed irritated. you couldn’t believe him, he had the nerve to dismiss you like this when he was in the wrong? 

“you know exactly what i want from you! you can’t just go around and talk to people like you did before just because they’re not from a reputable family! noritoshi, you’re not any better than them just because your last name is kamo.”

as much as noritoshi scared you, you stood your ground. you knew he didn’t take you serious, not with the amused look he gave you. in the past month or two, noritoshi was suddenly hit by a growth spurt - you barely reached his shoulder now and he took advantage of that to mock you, often treating you like an armrest. he pat your head condescendingly, pouting at you in fake regret. “aw, did i hurt your feelings? did i make itty bitty little y/n sad?” he mocked you, before abruptly grabbing your cheeks to make you look at him. “i don’t care what you think of me, cry all you want. i strongly suggest you hold that sharp tongue of yours if you know what’s good. know your place.” 

tears filled your eyes; noritoshi had never talked to you this way. what has gotten into him? your heart broke in pieces, unable to take the pain any longer. you were no longer his equal but below him, much like everyone else.

“mum?” you cautiously knocked at the door of her study, waiting for her response. your mother was most likely still awake and dealing with paperwork like she usually did. upon hearing the affirmative noise she made, you flitted inside, closing the door behind you so your father didn’t catch any wind of this. it was already embarrassing enough and you were sure your mother could offer you better advice. you gingerly took a seat on the armchair, grabbing a pillow and hugging it close to your body. how were you going to approach this? hey mum, i have a crush on noritoshi and he’s weird to me now and i don’t know why? uh yeah mum, i caught feelings for the guy you warned me about and now i look like a fool crawling up to you like this? 

“it’s about noritoshi, isn’t it?” your mother interrupted your stream of thought, spinning her swivel chair towards you. 

“huh? oh no it isn’t, why would it be? i have-” 

“y/n.” 

“ugh okay fine, maybe it is about him,” you sighed defeated, of course she would look right through you. she always seemed to know what you were thinking, even when you hadn’t confided in her before. “but promise me you won’t judge me!” the look in your mother’s eyes told you that she was going to judge you regardless but you knew she meant well - she simply wanted the best for you.

“i- i just don’t understand why he’s been such a pain in the ass lately. and he’s been treating everyone like dirt too, including me! mum, he’s becoming someone else and i… i don’t know what to do,” you sniffled inconsolably, wiping at your eyes with the sleeves of your sweater. she wasn’t supposed to see you getting emotional. “he’s always busy and when we do get to see each other, he doesn’t want to spend time with me. what if he doesn’t like me anymore? and i don’t like how he’s treating you! it’s the same issue with the elders, they don’t know any human decency at all!” 

your mother motioned you to scoot over a little and sat next to you, wrapping her arms around you and patting your back to console you. while she meant well, it accomplished the opposite - you broke down in tears, unable to stop your sobs. “i just want my ‘toshi back,” you whimpered upset, burying your face in the pillow to muffle the sound of you crying. “i know you didn’t like that i became good friends with him but i couldn’t help it and i just really like him and- you weren’t supposed to find that out.”

“sweetheart, i know you love noritoshi,” she handed you a tissue. “you let a lot more on than you were aware of; dad and me always knew you were in love with him.” as if on cue, your sobbing stopped and you just looked at her in disbelief. she knew. she knew. you wanted the earth to swallow you whole. “i think it was always pretty obvious, to be honest. you always looked at him as if he was your entire world and no matter what happened, you were always by his side. i know it’s hard to accept when a dear friend is changing but sometimes you just have to, right? both of you are still growing, there’s no way of telling how your personalities change.”

“but i don’t want him to change like this,” you protested stubbornly, glaring at her. she was talking about it as if it was a matter of simply discarding a bad apple in the trash. it wasn’t easy and it made you anxious. you grew up together, shared secrets and memories. he was the person you’d always looked up to.

“y/n.” your mother sounded stern but you didn’t back down, not yet. “is it really worth it? if a person is changing so rapidly and you’re not getting through to them, you’ll have to let it go. there’s only so much you can do. people grow apart sometimes, it’s only natural. you have to let go of them, temporarily, so you both can heal and grow. y/n, i know you’re being stubborn about this but you’ll have to let him figure things out on his own. fate has curious ways to bring people back together.”

when the time came, noritoshi left to attend the kyoto metropolitan curse tech school without telling you a word. you were disappointed, apparently you weren’t worth saying goodbye to. whatever his reason was, it must’ve been pretty important. important enough to forget the promise that you’d always stay in contact. you wondered whether he'd change again, for the better maybe? maybe you would reconcile when you could finally attend the school as well and train together. you were excited to show him your sword skills, having received your family's heirloom, an elegant steel blue sword. though your skills probably weren’t up to par with the other students, you still wanted to show them off, show him what you’d learned in the year that you spent apart.

noritoshi had changed but not for the better. holy shit, did he get on your nerves. the first time he'd practiced with you, you realized that he had mutated into an insufferable know-it-all. he would give you backhanded compliments or make snide remarks about your posture, how you were supposed to hold your sword, how inefficient your fighting style was. sometimes you wished you could just beat him for once and have him shut up. there was no denying though, noritoshi was way too strong and you had a long way to go. judging from the reactions of the others, barely anyone had beat him either. 

and just like that, your feelings for him were buried. you’d taken your mother’s advice to heart, keeping conversations and interactions with him to a minimum but somehow noritoshi always found his way to you. he was everywhere and a quarrel was inevitable. noritoshi got under your skin and he knew how to push your buttons. why he chose to pick on you was beyond your comprehension; he didn’t pay much attention to the other students nor was he particularly liked by them. just how much was he going to get on everyone else’s nerves? out of all the second years, todo aoi was the most amicable; you had the (dis)pleasure to run into him on your first day and for some reason, he took a liking to you. while he was loud and boisterous, mostly doing whatever he wanted, you couldn’t deny that he was a good friend. even though he didn’t care about anyone as much as he cared about takada-chan. at one point, he’d looked at you in sympathy when he caught you staring at noritoshi, patting your shoulder (too forceful): “i’m sorry, y/n, i’m so sorry.” 

you still didn’t know what he meant by that.

ps.: todo knows and he’s kinda judging you for your taste in men 

#jujutsu kaisen #kamo noritoshi #noritoshi #noritoshi x reader #kamo noritoshi x reader #noritoshi kamo #noritoshi kamo x reader #noritoshi x you #kamo noritoshi x you #noritoshi kamo x you #noritoshi kamo imagines #kamo noritoshi imagines #jujutsu kaisen imagines #noritoshi imagines #fic: sanguine #writing #my writing has gotten SO incredibly rusty i literally only know how to write academic papers anymore bc that's all i do in my everyday life #it makes me speechless to see all the love on my previous sukuna fic and i'm so glad people are enjoying it #hey if you're lurking in the tags thank you for reading i really appreciate it! pls stay hydrated

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

The Bad Joke and The Scoobynatural

(13x14/13x15)

Hello there!!! This time I'm gonna talk about one of the most OOC episodes ever and one of our favs episodes Scoobynatural. I put them together bc one was so bad I needed some fresh air. Hehehehe.

Let's start!

So OOC that hurts...

Episode 13x15 "A Most Holly Man" was written by Dabb but also by Robert Singer.

This episode was odd, with easy bad jokes, and OOC. It also had Wincest subtext, and it was very messy.

If you rewatch the entire season, this episode seems to be out of context. If they've wouldn't put the search for the element they needed for the spell, it could have been passed as an episode from another show.

I could write more criticism, but let's just talk about little pieces of dialogue that worked as clues, I'm very sure it were put by Dabb (even if I dislike his writing) more than Singer.

The three elements the gangsters wanted to get were:

Incense: Is used by christian rituals to elevate prayers and gifts from the parishioners to God. This could be speaking of Chuck coming in the next season.

Chalice: The chalice represents sacrifice for christianity. The Holt Blood of Jesus Christ that have his life for humanity. So, is talking about a future huge sacrifice. It could be taken for Dean and his Mal'ak box or Castiel in 15x18.

Skull: it's related to death, and it could be speaking of Mary Winchester death in season 14.

Another little take from this episode was this little piece of dialogue:

MARGARET: Oh, don’t thank me yet. Greenstreet has all the trappings of a gentleman, but… I would advise caution.

Okay subtle, but not that much. The last name is a combination of two words GREEN and STREET, it's obviously related to Dean, and the quote after this 'has all the trappings is a gentleman, but... I would advise caution." It's obviously talking about AUMichael!Dean.

A brief comment about the Wincest subtext... We had Sam flirting with Margaret and Dean showing signs of jealousy, it could be taken as annoyance, but, because is Singer involved, I would say it was intentionally written to be Wincest subtext. And after this we had Dean flirting... Super out of character, with a brunette... With a lame excuse... Unnecessary. But it worked to make this time Sam the jealous one. Connecting the drops, my dears...

Dean has faith again and the distracting rubbing lips...

In this episode we can also rescue another good points as Dean declaring he has faith. Remember at the beginning of the season he was lost and faithless, I ask myself what could happen to make Dean to recover his faith???

Oh yes, Cas is back.

Then the rubbing lips... We had the same gesture from Cas in the previous episode, so, I wrote two entire metas about how Dabb team used the hands to show foreshadow. So I truly thought Dean and Cas would kiss... Hehehehe. It could fit perfectly, but nah.

This episode also talked about how a priest, a righteous, a saint man, was trying to get the most precious thing for his community.

Trying to get back the most important thing he had, willing to make any sacrifice for it, it's the same would lead Dean to say 'yes' to Michael. When Lucifer kidnaps Sam and Jack.

(This could be just nice because family, and because Dean raised Sam, so Sam represents a son and such, but, because is Singer... Wincest again.)

Another piece of dialogue I found is the following...

FATHER LUCCA: (...)And what your brother’s doing, it’s a good thing.

DEAN: Yeah, or a stupid thing.

FATHER LUCCA: Or both. Many times, they can be the same.

This is telling Castiel's name, Because Dean is always asking him not to do stupid things.

Another foreshadow was Father Lucca talking about Lying is wrong, is a sin. This was the preamble to one of the most revealing episode that will bring Chuck back. The episode in which Jack erase the ability of telling lies in the whole world population.

Dean's cave meaning and visual narrative.

Episode 13x16 was full of symbolism, and is one of my fav episodes.

At first, we had Dean fighting against a huge green dinosaur, practically a monster in green. Just like the Squirrel/Godzilla in one t-shirt we'll see in episode 14x04, is representing DEAN, his inner photography of himself. He sees himself as a monster.

Everytime we see SCOOBY-DOO in Supernatural, it's related to Dean's innocence and purity. Those qualities on him will be the key to release him from his emotional prison in season 14.

Visual Narrative in Dean's cave

Let's talk about the Dean's cave. When Dean says to Sam "Be like Elsa, let it be," he's referring here to the most deepest feelings and fears. Elsa released what she had tried to repress her entire life, her powers. And once she accepted what she really was, she was really free.

This will happen to Dean too, the process had just started. Now that he got Cas back, and now that deep inside he had accepted he can't live without the angel, he will slowly be able to embrace his bisexuality, to accept who he really is. The climax of this metamorphosis it's gonna be describer through the whole season 14. It's the birth of Healing!Dean.

Dean's cave represents that. First of all I want you to know that the Dean's cave had been made to watch movies with Castiel. It's subtextually displayed by the location of the two couches and the color of the lights in front of them: RED AND BLUE. Those are Dean and Castiel's places. That place had been built to share time with his angel.

Gif credit @out-in-the-open

Fred and Daphne were Dean's bisexuality representation.

Mostly than Dean having a crush over the two characters (openly with Daphne and repressed over Fred) both characters were representing Dean's bisexuality (just like Pamela and himself in Rocky's bar and his friend and the waitress in 15x07).

When they had to team up (just like in 14x04) we had Sam and Vilma represented the insight, the intelligence. (Just like Sam and Sam). Castiel pairing up with Yaggy and Scooby, the innocence and the talking dog, the most precious thing for Dean. (Remember Dean would take a bullet for that dog, that's why Cas was compared several times in season 12 with a dog, and that's why Dean follows him anywhere to keep him safe after suffering his lost).

Gif set credit @gentleman-demon

Finally, the bisexual team Dean with Fred and Daphne. In one opportunity Dean asks Daphne what does she sees in a man. Without mentioning she loves ascots, what this symbolically represents is Dean asking to his female side what she really likes to see in man. And we have Fred related to blue color, as a switch mirror with Castiel. Also because Daphne describes the perfect man as STRONG AND HONEST. Which are characteristics related to Castiel.

Castiel's entrance a la 4x01 and the dinosaur in love

Castiel enters in the mansion the same way he did in 4x01, stormy, mysteriously, and bright.

Immediately after his entrance, we had this weird dialogue...

DEAN: It's a book we're writing. Yeah, about...killer stuffed dinosaurs. It's called...

CASTIEL: "The Killer Stuffed Dinosaur in Love."

FRED: Huh. Great title.

SCOOBY: Yeah. Great title.

"It's a book we are writing " this is very meaningful Because, the book they're writing despite the one Chuck is writing, is Team Free Will, but... We are talking about DESTIEL. Dean and Cas are writing their own story... Why? Because when they mention the title of that book is... The KILLER (Do you remember REGARDING DEAN? another brief appearence of Scooby Doo and Dean's innocence? In which Rowena told him he was a killer? So yes, Dean sees himself as a killer, that's why the image of a monster, a green DINOSAUR, and huge Godzilla Squirrel... But this KILLER GREEN DINOSAUR has a very important characteristic HE IS IN LOVE. DEAN IS IN LOVE, as he confessed in 14x12.

Do I have to explain how writers connect d Castiel's first entrance in 4x01 with this book they're writing as they go? The book is named DESTIEL.

Jealous!Castiel and the little scared ghost boy

I loved the scene in which Daphne freshly confesses Dean grabbed the ghost by the thigh and immediately Cas shows his jealousy over that.

Gif set credit @tearsofgrace

But There's another almost at the end of the episode in which Dean mentions his affair with the Cartwright Twins and Cas asks about that, and Dean's face is priceless. Because if CAS would just represent a friend to him, he were absolutely explaining to him what happened with those twins, but he didn't. Why? Because Castiel is not just a friend. Castiel is Dean's love interest. So... Better not to talk about it.

Gif set credit @sssssssim

But let's jump over the symbolism of the trapped child ghost.

BOY: I'm not. I never wanted to hurt anyone. But the bad man, he makes me.

CASTIEL: The bad man?

BOY: His name is Jay.

I want to point here we are inside of Dean's head as you've noticed so far, so... Velma is Dean's intelligence and reason, and is linked with Sam (just like in episode 14x04 in which we had the scooby-doo box opening the locked door). Yaggy and Scooby are the innocence and love, part of Dean and linked to Castiel. And Daphne and Fred are Dean's bisexuality. But There's another huge character inside of him THE MONSTER. The monster, the one he has to defeat, is represented by JOHN WINCHESTER'S TOXIC HERITAGE AND AUMICHAEL, they're part of his toxicity, his rage, his violence. The little ghost here is all the good inside of Dean, his childhood, his innocence, but the bad man who obligates him to kill, it's his inner monster. So this is a war between TOXIC!DEAN and HEALING!DEAN as we will see in season 14.

BOY: When I died, my soul was tied to a pocketknife. My dad gave it to me. It meant everything. When Jay found me, he used me to...Sometimes, I get so angry I break things, hurt people.

John Winchester's toxic heritage implies the GUILT. So, Dean's soul is tied to that GUILT. Jay represents AUMichael here, when AUMichael finds this tool, the guilt, he uses it against Dean to control him. The boy says he gets angry, he breaks things and hurts people. He's describing perfectly Dean's toxicity. His violence. We will see it in this season but also, at the end of season 14.

To Conclude:

In episode 13x15 we had a very OOC bad episode, but with a few clues for foreshadows.

Episode 13x16 was a travel through Dean's innocence, inner thoughts and repressed feelings. It's a preamble to Healing!Dean season and how Dean will be able to break free from his emotional prison, defeating his inner monster.

Hope you liked this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you want to be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from season 13 here you have the links...

Vol. XCIII, XCIV, XCV, XCVI, XCVII, XCVIII, XCIX, C, CI.

Buenos Aires, February 28 2020, 2:23 PM

#destiel chronicles #destiel #destiel meta #Supernatural meta #season 13 meta #13x15 meta #13x16 meta #Scoobynatural #Scoobynatural meta #Castiel #Dean is bi #Dean Winchester #Sam Winchester

[norgestan]

SPOILERS!!!!! // i actually despise the route they've taken, i really do. if they really wanted dani and amira, and if they were endgame, i actually wouldn't have minded - i would've sighed a little bit sure, but i'd be ok.... but what they're doing with kassim... i'm just ... wow. disappointed and frustrated is a huge understatement. if they wanted representation it would've been great, but making that representation someone who could've been a really amazing love interest for amira? smfh.

uhhh i tried to put a “read more” but it’s not working???

yeah like i really like how the show has handled the first steps on the damira relationship, where there’s a lot of communication and you can see that they’re both negotiating. my biggest complaint is still that dani is a white man taking the spot on what originally was the place of a muslim man of color. and in that sense, i won’t give eskam a pass. while skamit pretended that they “ethnic-looking” white non-muslim female actress was a hijabi teenager of color, and that’s something i don’t think eskam would do, eskam is the second remake that has taken away one of the spots of that couple with two people of color, so they go to a white actor/actress.

but i agree with you: the worst this has got to be the kasim subplot. i DESPITE it with all my being for the following reasons:

perpetuates the notion that all muslim people are homophobic, something that they show has fought before in cris’ season and in the video lucas filmed with amira.

actually, let me go back to that video. because i feel like the eskam writers didn’t look at that video when they were writing this bullshit. both amira and lucas make points about how homophobia is not inherent to islam, that one can be gay and muslim because it depends on how people interpret their religion and how they feel their faith, etc etc. but then kasim spews out the same bullshit amira was fighting in the first place: that lucas, who lives in a christian environment, will have the support of his friends and people around him, but because kasim is muslim he’s deeply scared and doesn’t want to come out. it’s not because lucas is white while kasim is a brown man, it’s not because kasim has had particular experiences with his sexuality outside his religion. no. it’s because lucas is christian and kasim is muslim. and of course christian people are waaay more open minded than muslim people, right? that’s how LITTLE NUANCE was put in the whole thing. the entire story is written like any youtube comment under a clip of las labass, saying that they will punch cris for being bisexual and other islamophobic bullshit.

this kinda shits on the entire religious subplot of og s3. in og, isak’s mother insistence with showering his son with the word of God(tm) was what held him back from coming out to her and part of his internalized homophobia. the season also made points how what isak believed in, aka the evolution, could also lead into homophobic rationalizations of the presence of gay people in the story of humanity, while sana made sure to tell isak (and the audience) that hatred came from fear, not from religion. isak suffered because he was in a white and christian environment, where people were either disgusted by him (his parents at first), completely okay with outing him because “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” (emma, vilde at some extent, bunch of other people who spread the rumors in school), casually calling him slurs (magnus), fetishizing him and even (the dance girls, the skam fandom), and then people who were supportive of him (admittedly, not all of these things were called out in the show, but people got the point with the first two groups). the only muslim character in the show had absolutely no problem with isak being gay, and supported isak and even’s relationship: sana even got mad when she thought the balloon squad hit isak bc he was gay, when they actually hit him because he fought them first out of jealousy - and back then it was the white girls who insulted sana in the bathroom and who theorized that the balloon squad were homophobic. so, like, absolutely all of that is gone here. and in the last dani/amira clip, dani says how his parents aren’t actually “good christians” (hmmm the christian cult survivor in me absolutely loathes that term) because they’re intolerant and homophobic, but the fact that it’s kasim, the muslim gay guy, who says he’s in a bad environment, means that the show wants us to believe and empathize with him, right? UGH. very progressive of you eskam. i’ve never seen this before.

let me expand real quick on that last point. so far it’s only been amira, a straight muslim girl, who has told us that homophobia is not inherent in muslim spaces. HOWEVER, we have an actual muslim gay character say to out faces that he feels oppressed and that his circles will never understand him the way lucas’ christian circles understand and accept him. and because he’s the gay muslim guy, we’re supposed to believe he’s right over amira, who has never experienced being lgbtq+ and muslim. WOW. I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT.

yet again other western stereotype of a gay guy nonchalantly asking amira to play as his beard. WOW. WOWOWOWOW. WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK. but what i hate the most about this is that amira is clearly SO disgusted by this, the narrative wants us to be on her side and demonize the closeted muslim guy of color for this. all while we were supposed to take dani’s al qaeda joke as a funny thing that amira adds to the list of why dani is the funniest guy she knows and why she likes him. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

moreover, i hate this entire conversation: because amira has had two people come out to her. cris and kasim. and when cris, white christian cris, told her she liked a girl, amira was immediately okay with all of that. but when kasim tells amira that he likes a dude, amira’s reaction it’s just SO baffling: she accuses him of FOOLING and LYING to his family and the people around him. but she never once questioned why cris hadn’t told anybody this yet, much less call her a liar for not coming out to everybody. what the fuck is this!!!!!!! not only this is yet another way that the show demonizes kasim, but it’s purposefully writing amira ooc to do so. wow. i absolutely hate it. i don’t think i have said that yet?

and to close this huuuuge rant off lmao, i just really dislike that everything about kasim’s sexuality is misery porn: begging for the white guy he likes (loves?) to understand him and be with him, the pressure of being the only man on his family, the pressure of his sister trying to find him a good muslim girlfriend, how oh so homophobic muslim people around him are... even if at the end the show ends up saying (again) that coming out as a muslim is Not That Bad, all of this is just, immediately gonna make white/non-muslim people look at this and think: “yep yep yep, muslim people are sooooo intolerant, not like Me, raised in a good Christian environment, where we’re Open Minded not like those arabs”. and i already hate all of that, no matter what the resolution is. this is SO catering of western audiences only. terrible writing choice and i won’t let eskam get out of this one. even if they found a way to say the right stuff at the end, what they’ve done for now it’s enough for me to step away from the remake. but i’ll be here to criticize it when the entire episode is out, you bet.

#skam españa spoilers #answered #skam españa #anti eskam #wow #never thought i'd use that tag before

[dangan-happy]

give me back my glitter, monomi!!!

hi mods, i hope things are doing well for all of you.. i don't usually do things like this, but I'm desperate, i guess. i don't really have anyone to go to. i DO have online friends, but they're already busy with their own problems and i don't want to make it worse.

since lockdown and online school started, my executive dysfunction is getting worse. i keep submit my assignments past due date. it's so hard for me to start working for some reason... especially past the due dates. i usually had my energy and motivation in this kind of stuff after some time recovering (even though it took months...), but after almost a year, i just can't seem to grasp that energy and motivation anymore. the feeling of overwhelm and fear keeps holding me back.

my parents don't help either. they keep me up until 12 or 1 am almost every nights doing extra chores. I'm more focused at nights, so i feel exhausted and passed out the whole day most of the time. if i tell them i have assignments to do, no matter how important it is, they would get angry and threaten to punish me by taking my devices away (which is not good bc i need them for school).

i did ask for help in a server i used to be in, they said sleeping, showering, and taking walks would help. but I'm not allowed to go outside, and if I *do* sleep, I don't have much time for assignments except for chores given by my parents. showering and pacing around my room wont help either. and if i DO get time to do my assignments, i would be scared and doubting to do it and find myself staring blankly at the wall for a long time.

i can't even do my own hobbies like drawing and reading novels because i keep worrying about my assignments!!!! but like i said before.. it's so hard to start working and stay focused. i tried so hard, but i keep blanking out.. and my hands refused to work. i swear, i really tried and i HATE being not able to work like any other normal students.

I'm scared for my future. my grades decide for my future and my family depend on it. I'm very close on graduating highschool. I'm the oldest child of two, yet I'm not showing a good example infront of my younger brother (who is 7 btw). I swear I'm trying to be a better person, not just for my family but also for myself.... I want to work hard, I want to be a good student like I used to be but I find it very difficult. I feel so alone.

that's all i could remember in my mind. thinking about it in more details make me feel horrible. i wouldn't ask for advices because i doubt they could help me anymore (although the efforts would be appreciated), but may i ask for encouragement from komaeda, rantaro and/or taichi fujisaki? (if all three can't make it, then I'll ask for taichi only instead if that's no trouble) i keep feeling about giving up and i don't want that. maybe a little push? my English isnt my main language, i hope i make sense. thaank you and have a nice day!

H-Holy moly with a side of macaroni, kiddo. That’s a huge plateful right there; you truly have been going through a lot, huh? Don’t worry about your English, by the way; for it not being your main language, you did a great job! Phew, for a moment there, I was almost ready to program some advice. Heh, see what I did there, kiddo? A-Anyway, I’m just glad you spoke up about just wanting some encouragement and a bit of a push instead. I hope a average programmer like myself can do just that.

Kiddo, I acknowledge that things are really rough for you right now. I-It probably feels like you’re up against this huge computer virus that you can’t seem to destroy or shake off. O-Okay, that was sort of a bad, bias metaphor, so I’ll say something else. It... I-It probably feels like despair; despair that might feel too overwhelming for you. But while I may know more about programming than anything else first, I do know something else that isn’t related to programming, and that is: You can and will get through this. I-I believe in the power of hope, and you should, too! I have hope in you, kiddo, and I mean that. I have hope that you’ll be able to fix your academic issues; hope that you’ll continue to work hard and better yourself as a individual; hope that you’ll succeed and show others just how talented you truly are. Of course, I know you didn’t ask for advice, b-but just keep in mind that if you ever need to confide in someone, please confide in someone. Don’t hold it all in. Whether it be me, someone else on this blog, or someone else entirely in your life, just try not to bottle it all up, o-okay?

I see a bright, hopeful future for you, kiddo. I-I’m serious! I’m more serious than when I finished my most recent programming project last minute, and that project was... a rather important, huge one. L-Like I said, things are rough right now, but that doesn’t determine your future. As long as you try your best, th-then what more can anyone ask for? I-I only ask for the best from my child, and so, the same goes for you, too, kiddo. J-Just do your best to stay on the side of hope, and keep your head held up high. I’ll even help you with gaining some hope of your own, if you want.

I-I know you didn’t ask for one, but if hugs count as giving you a little push, then mind if I give you one, kiddo? Y-You deserve it for having to deal with this much despair and fighting back against it. I hope some of this made you feel better and gave you what you wanted. I’ll be on my computer if I’m needed again, kiddo.

-

Hey there anon, don't worry about it. I'm happy to help out. Things are going pretty well for me, thanks for asking, but let's focus on you now. I'm real sorry you're so desperate. Yeah, this whole blog thing is an interesting way to do things, but I'm glad we can be an outlet for you, at least for now. That's a real nice thing for you to do, worrying about your friends like that. Just know that you don't have to keep things like this in. You're not a burden, and you don't have to stay quiet. I can't say I know too much about executive dysfunction, at least at a personal experience level, but I do have a general idea of what it is. Times are freaking crazy. It makes sense that you're relapsing, as crappy as that is. You said that fear is holding you back, and is there something specific that makes you afraid? Maybe exploring that will help you out a little.

Yeah, it doesn't sound like your parents are any help at all! What chore is important enough for you to stay up past midnight? That seems more than a little crazy in my book, and I think that's probably a big thing that's holding you back from getting stuff done. You've obviously heard this before, but sleep is important. With the chores thing and device thing combined, yeah, they're a huge roadblock. Yeah, that is some pretty good general advice you got from the other server, but yeah, I don't think that's gonna be too helpful for your specific situation. Is there any way you could motivate yourself? That's another thing that doesn't help in all situations, but it's something to keep in mind. Hey, you can't help the fact that you don't work like other students, you can't control your feelings all the time, and that's ok. It sounds like you're stuck in a cycle of chores, minimal sleep and stress over assignments, and that would take a toll on anyone. Could you use your hobbies as a way to motivate yourself? Maybe work for five minutes, then read or draw for five minutes?

Hey, you're almost graduating, and I think that's awesome! Even if you're struggling a little now, you've come a long way. Honestly, I don't think you should feel too guilty about not being a good example. Honestly, I don't think you're a bad example at all. The odds are kind of against you, and you got things and people actively making it harder. I can tell how hard you're working, and that's seriously amazing. You've sure as hell earned my respect. I think you're actively fighting to be the person you want to be, and I'm so proud of you for that. You're not alone, that's for sure. I'm no stellar student myself, and I've seen a whole lot of people give up way faster than you have. It's ok, you got your point across, and you don't gotta think about it anymore if you don't want to. Honestly, yeah I don't think I have a whole lot of advice aside for this. I think you wanna talk to teachers, or a counselor, or any other professional who can get you some extra help. There's not a lot I or any non professional can do on our ends, and I think the extra help would really help you out. Yeah, you sure as hell shouldn't give up. You're so close, and you're not as hopeless as you think you are. I can tell you're fighting for this, and I know you can make it all the way through. It might take a little bit of extra work, but I know you're tough and resourceful enough to see this through to the end. You're already a good person, and continuing to want to be better is really impressive. You're an amazing person, and you can handle this ok? Try to have a little faith in yourself. Honestly, your English seems fine to me, I never would have guessed it wasn't your first language. Anyways, I really hope this helped, I wish I could do more for you. You can do this, I know you can. I hope you have a nice day too!

My my Anon, your Luck seems to be all over the place. Truly Despair is trying to sink it’s disgusting claws into your life. Your English was fine Anon. You did a good job if I do say so myself, hehe. I’m glad you were able to calm and talk to us! I may not be the best but I shall try everything in my power to raise your Hope.

For starters, friends are supposed to help each other, it’s what makes you friends after all! If they are uncomfortable with you venting or that’s what you think, try asking them first before doing so, sometimes people aren’t ready to handle emotions like that. This pandemic has done a number on many of people. I’m sorry that it’s been going worse for you. Turning in assignments on time must be hard as well. But in my opinion, turning them in is better than not turning them in at all. Doing your work is also very important. I’m glad that even if you do have little energy, you try to use it to do your work. Trying to get energy to do anything is hard as well. I’d consider that burn out. Sometimes you just need time for your brain to heal, to process things that are happening in your life. I’m sure it’s quite overwhelming, how school has to take extra precautions and be online, or a hybrid class. It must all be very difficult to grasp.

Your parents seem to be a bit...strict? Having you up and doing chores for that long and that late isn’t good for anyone. It seems you tried explaining to them beforehand, but I’d like to see if you could try one more time. If that doesn’t help, maybe talk to a family member to help you out in some way? Maybe they help make your parents listen to you.

Hehe sorry, I’ve just been giving you advice this entire time! My bad, can’t help trying to help people, even if I’m garbage. Anon, I applaud you for coming this far, through all this crap and Despair, you’ve been trying your best to push on! Even through the darkness you’re still trying to be a good student and do your work! I’m so proud of you! I’m glad that you’re trying to take steps to help improve your energy as well, taking care of yourself is very important in any situation, no matter how little energy that you have! Once you graduate you won’t have to worry about this stuff for a while, and maybe things will get easier! I know your brother knows you’re trying your best, he can see it I’m sure! I hope you don’t mind I give you a hug! Hopefully it’ll help take the weight of your shoulders and give you some Hope.

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #taichi fujisaki #mod hajime #rantaro amami #mod rantaro #nagito komaeda #mod nagito

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

Vicky did u ever feel like nothing in ur life would work out? Bc I mean u have a really cool spouse and seem to be happy like did u ever feel like u would b alone forever? That's how I feel & I'm just scared it'll come true for me. Sorry if this doesn't make sense

i’m not sure if i made any coherent sense but i put some thoughts under the cut. very sorry mobile users.

the day after i turned seventeen i had a 12 hour long panic attack because i genuinely didnt think i’d make it that far. as far back as i can remember i never really thought i would be a ‘grown up’ because i was convinced i would die before then and hadnt had a single plan of action for my then-hypothetical adult life. i very truly had no idea i would ever become an adult.

i had a really badly planned suicide attempt at 14, and another in college when i was 19, and a few years ago when i was 22 there was an urge i thankfully took care of before it got bad and i was in psych hold for a few days for it.

we got married in 2015, when i was 21 and he was 20. through my entire teenage life i was convinced that whatever breakup i was going through at the moment was it, thats the one that breaks me, i cannot go on, i will be alone for life. i actually only discovered like last year that there was one pretty bad one when i was 16 that i just completely repressed. my mother had to be the one to remind me about how horrible it was and how i was sobbing like someone had died every night for weeks.

most of my time in college, where i met my husband, was spent wondering if it was even worth it being alive and if anyone would ever be able to stand me long enough to get to the next holiday, not even considering marriage. we broke up like three times and had to do a lot of personal improvement to become the kind of people who should even be allowed to date anyone, and only by luck were we still each the kind of person the other liked and enjoyed.

i turn 26 in a few months and i only just figured out like a month ago what i wanted to do with my life, something i’m actually kind of excited about working towards. i lived 25 and a half years without any kind of direction or purpose or real goal and just drifted along hoping shit would work out because i never really expect it to.

but it has.

shit’s been weird. it’s always been fucky and it always will be.

but it’s never gonna be as fucky as it used to be, and i think thats why i might come off as seeming like i have my shit together (i super dont) i’m just… really relieved, and comfortable, i guess. i have faith that as long as we’re alive, it’s never gonna be that bad again.

#sry mobile #Anonymous #its ok 2 reblog this btw if its like #something you want to keep and come back to for whatever reason #i guess

[batemanofficial]

i have to annotate the book of job for class and im noticing a lot of stuff that got conveniently left out when it was taught to me as a child! no idea why that would be! /s

religion/violence/cult tactics (information control) cw if you decide the read the bit under the cut jsyk (it's just me ranting about fundie bullshit)

just the act of studying the bible somewhat in-depth is like drinking ipecac so i can get the fundie koolaid outta my stomach bc HELLO everything in this story goes against everything my church said about god. like satan just says 'hey you gave this guy everything and if you fuck with it he's gonna be pissed' and god just goes 'well watch THIS' and MURDERS JOB'S ENTIRE FAMILY and I WAS NOT TOLD THAT THAT HAPPENED. at least not in those terms, and not with the neutrality with which it's actually presented in the text. all the education i got about god's tests of faith for abraham and job and all the others basically boiled down to 'well god wanted to make sure they loved him <3" and not the repeated threats of violence against families even though the targets didn't even do anything. it's basically the same principle as my mom getting mad at me and taking my phone away bc SHE had a bad day and decided to interpret my completely neutral tone of voice as 'having an attitude.' like tell me i'm wrong. they told me when i was eight years old to prepare myself for the day that a man would knock on my door with a gun and ask me if i believed in jesus, and that he'd shoot me if i said yes, and i was told to say yes anyway and die right there on the front step because that's what brings glory to god. i'm sorry, but why the hell does god need me to give up my life for a yes or no question? would i go to hell if i said no? if god is all good, then why does he feel the need to wreck people's lives just to prove a point? if god is all knowing, then why does he test people? shouldn't he know that their faith is true, that the test will play out exactly as he thinks because he's fucking OMNISCIENT? i'm sorry but was me being stalked and genuinely afraid for my life "a test of faith?" was me almost dying on the operating table "a test of faith" for my family? i've heard so many fundie freaks talk about how birth defects are a reflection of the parents' wavering faith and i just ??? like i had a birth defect that kinda fucked up my life in a MAJOR FUCKING WAY but that's not because of anything my parents did and the implications there make me so sick. i'm not isaac my parents aren't abraham i am a person with a life and a soul and i'm terrified to even think the thoughts i'm typing right now because they've still got their claws hooked into me no matter how far i run. i got it beat into my head over and over and over and over and over that if i ever questioned any of it that i literally had the actual literal devil in me and i was going to corrupt the Good People and i'd burn in hell forever. it was hard enough realizing i'm gay and that i'll never be good enough for them and i know i shouldn't care but so much of me is still so scared that god's going to make an example out of me by punishing me for things i can't control. i'm all for religious freedom but if your religion creates people who are so afraid of the man in the sky deciding at any moment they're not good enough to continue living then please take a moment to consider why you've devoted your life to him

#madi talks too much #don't rb please #paranoia tw #unreality tw #religion tw #brainwashing tw #i'm so sorry i just. fuck #'you're afraid because you know you've got the devil in you' my brother in christ you're the one that told me i was gonna get smote

[bubonickitten]

So what do you think are anders best traits (other than him worrying about mage rights and him being a compassive healer?) I really love him and I love the way you write about him so I'm just curious.

There’s a lot I love about him :0

I mean, on a personal level, he’s a really relatable character for me, so that’s part of why I like him so much.

But I also like him as a character in general. (I’ll put this post under a cut bc it got long.) 

Him being a compassionate healer and being incredibly passionate about mage rights are huge parts of his character and they’re honestly two of the biggest things that make me like him so much. 

Like, here’s a person who was subject to systemic abuse for most of his life, who knows full well the repercussions of rebelling against the status quo, but does it anyway, because his convictions are just that strong. He knows that the Circle and the Chantry are fundamentally wrong. He’s experienced and witnessed firsthand what happens to people who fight back. Hell, when we meet him Awakening, he’s only just recently been released from a year of solitary confinement for running away - he just got out and as soon as he was able to, he ran again. If he gets caught and sent back to the Circle again, he’s going back into solitary confinement at the very least, and by the time he’s in Kirkwall, he’s also possessed by a spirit, so he’s risking just being killed outright. He’s risking everything by fighting back so openly and actively, but he does it anyway. 

And it’s not just Justice’s presence that makes him so willing to fight. Even when he was running, he was fighting back, because by constantly running away, he was refusing to submit. But in Awakening, Anders did feel like he couldn’t have any impact on the status quo - he believed that things would change eventually, he believed that the way mages are treated is inherently and fundamentally wrong and one day things would be different, but he didn’t think he’d ever see it in his lifetime, and he didn’t believe he of all people could do anything to enact change. Justice helped him realize that he could be an agent of change, but that fire and that strong sense of right and wrong were already there - it just needed to be validated and encouraged, which Justice did for him. 

And I do like that Anders needed support to be able to get to that point, bc I feel like that’s... realistic, y’know? I don’t like the idea that everyone should have to fend for themselves and not have to rely on others to stand up and fight. He couldn’t do it alone, and there’s nothing wrong with that. He hasn’t gotten much support from others throughout his life, so I like that in this instance, he had someone to lean on. (And I still wish there were more opportunities to support him more actively in DA2.)  

Like, it was difficult for Anders to admit to those feelings of powerlessness - which is entirely understandable, because in his experience, showing that kind of vulnerability could get him killed or worse (if the templars considered a mage to be weak-willed, they might not even give them a chance at the Harrowing and just make them Tranquil outright - and Anders is canonically mentally ill, which I imagine added an extra burden in terms of hiding his vulnerability). So, outwardly, he talked a big talk about only being concerned with his own freedom and pretends to be more apathetic and careless than he actually is. 

This also shows a lot in terms of his sense of humor - it’s a lot of morbid sarcasm, irreverent joking, gallows humor even - because he uses it as a shield and a coping mechanism. Ngl, I love that aspect of him, it’s one of the things that started endearing him to me in Awakening first. I play my Hawke as having a similar sense of irreverent, snarky humor, so they play well off of one another. Humor as a coping mechanism is a character trait I tend to appreciate and relate to a lot, haha. 

Anyway, I think in actuality he cares so much it hurts. It might not seem like it when we first meet him in Awakening, but I think it’s just that it’s easier and psychologically safer for him to pretend he doesn’t care than it is to admit that he does care but feels powerless to change things. It takes a lot of strength (and also support from others, which again, is something that Anders hasn’t had much of throughout most of his life) to be able to confront your own vulnerability and try to channel it into something that benefits others. 

But even in Awakening, his actions often contradicted the “I don’t care about anyone but myself” talk - if you tell him to run away in the beginning of the game, he’ll do so, but he shows back up like five minutes later because he felt like he couldn’t leave the Warden to fight the darkspawn alone (he jokes about being “bad at the whole ‘fugitive from justice’ thing”, which... turns out to be way more accurate than he may even realize in that moment). In the endgame, he’s not eager to go along with the Warden to Amaranthine, but if you do bring him, he’s one of the companions who will argue against leaving Amaranthine to burn - his instincts might tell him to run, but he cares too much about the survivors in Amaranthine to leave them to their fate. 

Not to mention, canonically, spirit healers are kinda rare. They derive a lot of their power from spirits of compassion, which means earning spirits’ trust and cooperation. A person who isn’t compassionate probably wouldn’t be able to earn that cooperation of a spirit of compassion in the first place. Not to mention his interest in being a healer in general - it’s a big part of his identity, to the point where in DA2, one of the things he worries most about is not being able to heal anymore because he’s so afraid that he or Justice will accidentally hurt one of his patients.

I think a lot of his attachment to the healer role is also tied up in his own internalized belief that he has to be a Good Mage in order to deserve freedom - it seems contradictory, it’s something that goes against his stated principles, mages shouldn’t have to prove themselves and be ‘good’ mages according to the Chantry’s fucked up doctrine to deserve freedom and life and love, but he lived in the Circle for at least half his life and he definitely internalized a lot of the hateful messages they taught about mages. Fighting against those teachings is a constant battle for him - which also ties into his occasional crises of faith, because he’s an Andrastian and all the spiritual authorities in his life have taught him that he’s a non-person, that he’s inherently sinful and cursed and deserving of subjugation because he’s a mage. 

So, he has a lot of moments of self-doubt. He has a lifetime of trauma and abuse that affect his present well-being. He has a lot of self-loathing and a lot of fear of himself (the latter esp after merging with Justice). He doesn’t see himself as worthy of love or care, even if he talks passionately about how mages deserve those things - he often doesn’t give himself the same consideration that he’s willing to give others. He has an incredibly complicated relationship with his own anger - because his anger is totally and completely justifiable, but it scares him, because he associates rage and anger with demons and loss of control. (I think a big source of the conflict btwn he and Justice is how they differ re: embracing and accepting anger. For Justice, that anger is righteous fury, it’s justified, it’s a source of passion and change. For Anders, it’s a source of fear and insecurity a lot of the time. I think a lot of their miscommunication is rooted in that fear.)

But Anders works himself half to death trying to help as many people as he can for as long as he can, and even though he’s barely making a dent in all the suffering he sees in the world, even though he’s risking everything, he just keeps going, because that’s how strongly he believes and that’s how much he cares. Every mage he helps escape the Gallows, every patient he helps in his clinic is worth it to him. That kind of perseverance in the face of hopelessness and doubt and a world set against you is really admirable to me.

And I also like how clear it is that it doesn’t come easy to him. It’s not just some inspiration porn “you can do anything you set your mind to if you just try :)” thing. He stumbles a lot. He fails a lot. He spends most of DA2 in a constant state of anxiety and desperation (esp since he really doesn’t get much support from the people closest to him, except like… Justice and Hawke, if you play Hawke in a supportive role). He’s idealistic, but he can’t help but dip into periods of hopelessness and depression and doubt - partly because he has a mood disorder, partly because that’s just… expected for someone who’s seen as much shit as he has. His life is messy and he’s tired and it shows. But even when he’s running, he’s fighting. Sometimes, survival is in itself a form of rebellion and he’s a walking example of that. He is stubborn and although sometimes it’s a negative, it also has its perks. And that passion doesn’t just manifest as rage - it’s also love, because lbh, he is a hopeless romantic (in a dorky, endearing way at times) and in his romance route he loves Hawke fiercely.  

It’s a shame that he didn’t get more positive character development in DA2 (it’s no secret how resentful I am toward the writers, he and Justice really deserved better). I headcanon him over time learning how to communicate and coexist with Justice; learning to practice self-care and be kinder to himself; more fully accepting that he has a right to be angry and he doesn’t have to prove that he’s deserving of personhood or love.

And he has a fair amount of flaws for sure - he has a tendency to project his insecurities onto others (e.g. Merrill), he’s not a good ally to other marginalized groups (e.g. elves), he sometimes lashes out at others when they don’t deserve it (which, although I understand why he behaves that way, it still isn’t fair to others who are on the receiving end), he was manipulative in the ‘Justice’ quest (I understand his motivations but despite his intentions it wasn’t acceptable behavior) - but I think he has an ability to better himself in those areas and I like to headcanon that personal growth for him. (That’s not to say I want him to be a flawless character - nobody’s perfect, and a flawless character would be pretty flat and unrealistic, but I also like when characters are allowed to have personal growth in a positive direction.)

I guess, in all, he’s an interesting, likable, and relatable character for me - I wish the writers treated him better, I have a lot of criticisms wrt how he (and Justice) were written (including how Anders was treated as a bipolar character), and I’m also willing to criticize him where it’s deserved (I have a whole tag full of meta w/ my criticisms of him) - but overall he’s one of my faves.

 Tbh the reason why DA2 is my fave game in the series (despite all of my criticisms of the writing in it, esp Act 3) is the characters. Hawke is my favorite protag and DA2 has probably my favorite companion group - like, Anders, Merrill, Fenris, Isabela, and Varric are some of my fave characters in the whole series - so the characters are ultimately what make me like that game.  

#/ #// #/// #//// #////// #dragon age #anders #anders meta #i guess #long post #Anonymous

[dork-with-a-uke]

The song that always makes me stop what I'm doing to listen to it is addict with a pen. I'm not sure why but the lyrics are very soothing and comforting. I haven't really analyzed the lyrics myself yet but I'm curious to see what you think it means and what you associate the song with! (Ily bye)

the first notes of addict with a pen will forever be etched on my heart. i feel like this song can take so many forms depending on who’s listening. here are a few things i have said about it in the past (it’s a bit tough to come up with an entire explanation rn bc im tired but here)

anonymous  asked:

i really want to talk about addict with a pen. but i really don't know what more to say about it than that it's simply perfect. so beautiful, packed with so much and so many different kinds of emotion - there's pain, anger, desperation, vulnerability, repentance, guilt. such a powerful, emotive piece of art. and the music to it only hightens and enhances all of that emotion. man, i love this song so much. words really can't describe just how incredible it is!

fuck, i know exactly what you mean. i love addict with a pen to bits and it makes my heart quiver a bit every time it comes on shuffle and i hear the first notes on the piano. you’re right, it’s the regret of “we haven’t talked in quite some time” and the guilt of “i haven’t been the best of sons”, it’s the desperation of the rap part, it’s the hellos that echo in your head, so similar to trees in a beautiful, twisted way. it’s the water that seems like salvation and that can speak to believers as well as non-believers. it’s a thousand interpretations, each equally as beautiful. i love addict with a pen, so much. the live session they played where tyler is nearly crying breaks my heart every time. it’s such a beautiful song.

irlescapism  asked:

one of my favourite lyrics is " i am only at it again, as an addict with a pen who's addicted to the wind as it blows me back and forth mindless spineless and pretend" because it was one of the lyrics that helped me get out of a depression and actually try to do something rather than dreaming of what things could be, for better or worse

wow reuben addict with a pen is a really important song to me and i feel like that line is fucking powerful because tyler sounds in pain when he sings that line and i just imagine him drifting because of the wind, not knowing where he’s going and just being really lost; having lost the faith he was clinging onto. but i feel like your interpretation of the lyric is so fucking important because, well, it helped you and i can see why.  

anonymous  asked:

i think my fave lyric is "i tried my best and all that i can to hold tightly onto what's left in my hand, but no matter how tightly i will strain, the sand will slow me down and the water will drain". it just hits me so hard, every time i hear it - 1

i know that this song is about tyler’s relationship with God, but to me perosnally it’s not about my faith in God (i’m not religous, btw), but about having faith in general, you know. i’m not trying to twist the meaning of the song - part 2

i’m not trying to twist the meaning of the song, to make it not about God, just because i’m not religious. it’s just the way the song speaks to me perosnally. i’m having struggles with my faith right now - that things will get better - part 3

and i won’t always feel like that. but no matter how much i try to believe, how hard i’m straining to hold onto the little faith i have left in me, it seems to that it’s never enough. like, how much more do i have to suffer to get finally get better?

i’m an atheist, and i completely understand what you mean. i’m scared of completely changing what tyler means, scared that i don’t -and can never- understand what he really means since I don’t have religious faith - but i promise that you will manage and that one day, all this suffering will be behind you. things will get better no matter how hopeless things seem right now. as josh once said, you get tunnel vision - the light at the end of the tunnel seems so fucking far away and it’s as if you’ll never reach it; but you will. you are strong enough. and it’s okay if you feel your faith in the fact that things will get better slips sometimes; but in the grand scheme of things, you will defeat your demons and get so much better. i love you, friend.

send me ur favourite lyric and tell me why!!

#im sorry!! #but these are interesting to read especially since it's various people's povs!! #purrymckat #ask

[queercapwriting]

Ok I'm trying to keep hope, so what if Kara is really only getting with Mon-El so that she can deny and push down her feelings for Lena? Bc if not the idek what to think just I really hope that's all it is.

Oh honey, the Swan Queen fandom has been doing this for years, and it is a beautiful and clever and necessary coping mechanism. Here. Enjoy.

Alex calls for an emergency Sisters’ Night. In fact, shedemands it.

And Kara is excited, because Rao, does she need to talk toAlex. And Rao, does she need to hear Alex talk, because so much is going onwith Maggie, and with her lab work to find Jeremiah, and with J’onn missingM’gann, and with just… everything.

But even more than talking, Kara just wants to snuggle onthe couch with her big sister.

So when Alex lets herself into her apartment and Maggietrails in apologetically behind her, Kara bristles.

She adjusts her glasses and she forces a smile. “HeyMaggie,” she strains, reminding herself sternly that Maggie has been through somuch, that Maggie was just retraumatized, that Maggie is probably going to beher sister-in-law one day, so might as well start attending Sisters’ Nightsnow, right?

But Alex is throwing up her hands and taking Kara by theshoulders, because she knows her sister, and she knows the war that’s raging inher head, in her heart.

“So, Kara, I lied. I want to do Sisters’ Night, just you andme. Because Sisters’ Night will always just be for us. But, tomorrow. Nottonight. I lied, and I’m sorry about that, but I was afraid you’d tell us notto come over if I told you…”

Kara backs away from Alex and furrows her brow.

“If you told me what?”

“We’re worried about you, Kara,” Maggie chimes, and holdsout a bag of potstickers that Kara hadn’t noticed before, and Kara snatches themwith narrowed eyes and a suspicious glare.

She sits down with a grunt and begrudgingly nods her sisterand her sister’s girlfriend to do the same. Alex and Maggie exchange a glance,and it’s like they can read each other’s minds, they work together soseamlessly.

Kara feels a stab of something like jealousy, but she knowsit’s not about Alex. She’s purely happy for Alex. It’s about something else,something different. Something that she hopes against hope that Alex an Maggiearen’t going to try to make her talk about, because Rao, she doesn’t know howshe can handle it if they do.

She tears into the potstickers and blinks. “So, what are youworried about?”

Maggie and Alex exchange that glance again, and Alex leansforward and puts her hand on Kara’s knee.

“Kara, you know I respect you. And I respect your judgment,and I respect your heart. I love what a big heart you have. It’s what makes youa hero. But Kara, I…”

“You’re getting with Mon-El, Little Danvers, even though youreally kind of seem to hate him, and that’s… we’re worried about you, Kara. Notbecause we don’t think you can handle yourself, or because we don’t respectyour decisions, but because I… we… we know what it’s like to be with someonebecause you feel like you have to, not because you really want to.”

Kara nearly chokes on a potsticker, and Alex thumps her backmechanically, her eyes fixed on her sister’s face.

“That’s ridiculous,” she splutters when she finallyswallows. “I don’t feel like I have to do anything, I’m Supergirl,I – ”

“Well, Mon-El doesn’t seem to respect that, and you don’tseem to think he does, either.”

“I’ve never told you anything like – what are you talkingabout, I – ”

“Kara,” Maggie says, her voice soft and her voice full ofunderstanding pain, mixed with the beginnings of ironic humor. “The entire DEOheard you yelling at him. And lemme tell you, for secret agents, your peopleare pretty terrible at, you know. Keeping secrets.”

Alex mock-glares at Maggie before leveling Kara with a lookof significant concern.

“Oh please, Detective, it’s not like any of that wasa secret. Kara was shouting what a misogynist, unsupportive,manipulative, disrespectful, gaslighting, mansplaining – ”

“Nice new vocab, Danvers.”

“Thanks babe, I’m trying.”

“Alex, I – ”

“Oh, I’m sorry Kara, did you want me to stop that list?”Alex’s tone, the way she’s caressing Kara’s face, is much softer than herwords. “Because I don’t have to. I have more, and they all seem to have comefrom your mouth in one way or another – ”

“Alex – ”

“And I love you, Kara. I love you, more thananything, more than life itself, so here’s the thing I can’t understand: whyare you throwing yourself at this guy when he spends every waking minute tryingto stomp all over the powerful woman that you are? It would be like me actuallygoing for Max Lord or something – ”

“You and Maxwell Lord were a thing?”

“Ew, god, no, which is exactly why I can’t understand whatyou’re thinking, Kara.”

“And she’s not blaming you, Little Danvers, no one’s angryat you – ”

“No, Maggie’s right, I’m not, I just – ”

“We’re just worried, Kara. Your sister loves you, and I’mgrowing to love you, a lot, and hell, even J’onn asked us – and believe you me,it was as awkward as it sounds – if we could talk to you to make sure you’rereally okay, because this is… we’re worried about you, Kara. So are you? Okay?”

Maybe it’s something in Maggie’s soft eyes, or maybe it’sthe way Alex is stroking her hair, or maybe it’s the way they’re both goingthrough so much of their own struggles right now, but they’re making it a pointto check in with her. Or maybe it’s all of it, everything, the way his handswere too fast and his tongue too eager, the way he’s an okay guy, she supposes,but as a wayward brother or something, not as a lover, but she was so worn downand she’s just so tired and maybe it’s everything, all of it, because Karabreaks.

She breaks into her sister’s arms and immediately she feelsthe walls of Alex’s love rise up around her, protecting her from all herenemies, protecting her from herself.

Immediately she hears Maggie kneel down in front of thesisters, in front of her Danvers girls, a hand on Alex’s knee and a handhovering over the small of Kara’s back until Kara nods through her sobbing thatMaggie can touch her, of course Maggie can touch her, because god it feels goodto be held by two women who love her for exactly who she is, not for what theyimagine her to be, what they wish she were.

“I’m so…” She gasps wildly for breath and Alex kisses herforehead, smoothes her hair, rocks her, rocks her, rocks her. “I’m so scared,Alex,” she chokes through her gasping, through her tears.

“Shhh, I know, it’s okay. I’ve got you, Kara. I love you, Ilove you, shhhhh. Cry it out, Kara, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m here,always. I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.”

Tears bite at Alex’s eyes, and she glances down acrossKara’s body to meet Maggie’s, and she’s almost surprised to see tears gleamingin Maggie’s eyes, as well, and she knows it’s not the time, but she also knows,beyond doubt, that she’s in love with her.

Kara grabs at the back of Alex’s sweater and is forciblyreminded of when Cat grabbed at the back of Supergirl’s suit – her suit– and it’s suddenly all too much, suddenly all needs to come out, no matter howscared she is.

Suddenly, she knows she needs to dive.

“I didn’t want to, Alex, I didn’t want to because you werejust coming out and I’ve taken so much from you, so much attention, for so manyyears, I didn’t want to do it again – ”

“Kara, it’s okay, everything’s okay. I’m not angry, I’m notgoing to be angry, but what… what are you talking about?”

Alex’s face is a map of compassionate confusion and Maggie’sface is a map of compassionate realization, and she glances at Alex because herewe go again.

“I was in love with James, so… so in love with him,” Karagasps, and Maggie nods slowly, and Alex just tries to keep up as she wipesKara’s running nose with the tissue Maggie passes her.

“And kissing him was nice, it was… he was lovely, he is lovely,and I love him, I do, but it… it didn’t feel… ka-pow.”

Alex smiles uncomprehendingly but supportively, and Maggiesmiles knowingly, and they both rub soothing circles onto Kara’s skin as shegathers the courage to continue.

“And I didn’t understand it, I didn’t have to words for it,but then… but then you came out and I was doing research, for you, and I found…I found out that you can be in love, straight love, but not want to have sexwith men, be asexual towards men, even though you can be in love with them… andthat you can… you can also… at the same time…”

She glances down at Maggie, and Maggie nods slowly at her, asmall smile on her lips, because like sister like sister.

“You can also like girls. Women. Romantically. And evensexually.”

Comprehension starts to dawn on Alex’s face now, too, andshe gets flashes of Kara spending so many nights crying when Cat left NationalCity, of her terror when Livewire got loose again, because Livewire had tried,so hard, to kill Cat.

Of Kara adjusting her glasses a bit extra whenever Lena cameup in conversation.

Of Kara steadfastly refusing to lose faith in Lena, evenwhen everything looked, well, grim.

Of Kara’s desperation to find her. Of hermore-than-just-everyday-heroics willingness to die for her. Of her beautifully,passionately written article vindicating her.

“Kara,” is all Alex says, all Alex can say, as she pulls herlittle sister in closer, closer, closer.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” Kara chokes, pushing back, pushing away,so she can look Alex in the face. “I don’t want to take attention away fromyour coming out, I don’t… I don’t even know what to label it all, I just knowthat I… I’m so scared that if I…”

“If you don’t throw yourself into the most easily availablething – if you don’t surrender to the guilt he’s putting you through – you’llhave to confront your feelings for Lena Luthor,” Maggie supplies softly,softly, because Kara is shaking so badly, and Maggie knows that look, knowswhen someone needs to hear the words before they can say them themselves, andsure enough, when Maggie says it, Kara stops trembling quite so much, and hertears become of the silent variety, and she nods, nods, nods.

“Please don’t be mad,” she whispers to Alex, and Alex doesnothing but shake her head and kiss her face, tears and snot and all.

“Kara, listen to me. I need you to really listen, and Ineed…” She glances down at Maggie as she cups Kara’s cheeks in her hands, andMaggie gives her a small smile. “I need you to really hear me. I wouldnever, ever, ever be mad at you for loving whoever you love. However youlove them. Because whoever you love, and whatever kind of love it is, whateverkind of intimacy you want with them? That’s absolutely fine. It’s absolutelyperfect. You’re absolutely fine. You’re absolutely perfect. And I would neverbe angry at you, or disappointed in you, or resentful toward you, for being whoyou are. I promise. Alright?”

Kara shudders and smiles and reaches for the last of thepotstickers.

Alex chuckles and Maggie laughs and Kara chews with abashful smile.

“Will you help me break up with him? I still care about him,as a person – ”

“We both will, Kara. Whatever you need.”

“You got it, Little Danvers.”

“And then… then maybe you can help me talk to Lena?”

Alex groans with a smile and Maggie laughs and puts bothhands on Kara’s thighs as she stands up to slip onto her girlfriend’s mock-traumatizedlap.

“Of course we will, Little Danvers. Of course we will.”

#sanvers #sanvers minific #danvers sisters #supercorp fic #supergirl fic