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#i'll probably regret this later and delete it
starflungwaddledee · 3 months
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been working on answering a prompt i received in an ask the other day, and so i'm back thinking about... the Thing... 💖🎀 and thought maybe prompt doodles might help me work through this a little?
so uhhh.... if by any wild chance anyone has any ship suggestions for starstruck...??? feel free to send them through!
#this is *only* for starstruck and is not general requests! i'm just trying to figure out how i feel about this 😳#obviously no guarantees that i will be confident enough to draw any of these or that i'll enjoy them all but i just... am considering it?#idk idk idk is this stupid....#hope i won't regret this or won't get genuinely weirdass things.#just to be transparent this is sfw exclusively tho implied flirting is a-okay. please don't be weird....? i'm trusting folks to be nice!!#i would also happily take little prompts if you have thoughts about how it would work or whichever! like if you're a character Understander#if you have an idea how it would Work or what it might Be Like that would also help me to get a concept on how i feel about it!!#also i would.. consider ocs (only from their creator) if you... wanna??? character+artist *must* be an adult. starstruck is in her early 30#also with ocs preferably from folks who i've at least interacted with before and like.. not just bc u want art ;;;#like... do u geniunely think they could have a cute dynamic? i'm just wondering if she could be Cute w someone. AUUghhGHHHH#again no promises and also for now i need this all done on the assumption it's just for fun!! just funsies. i'm just... thinking i guess!#want to try and figure out what it might be like if she WAS involved in a little ship/romo space...? as a treat? auughghhggghGHGLLG#also fair warning i may just get super embarrassed/nervous about this all and delete!! but i'm.. yknow. trying!#also i figure you can kind of tell my faves and who i hardly know much about. might not have lots of feelings about most side chars!#delete later#probably#wheeeeeEEEEeeahahahah okay;;; just post it. just post it starflung. just do it. hit the button hit the button hit the b
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javierpenaispunk · 4 months
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Is there something wrong with me?
because i have zero interest in watching TLOU 2 and have decided i probably won't watch it.
Since I've heard about what's supposed to happen in season 2 I've tried very, very hard to get excited about it but I can't.
And the main reason is that I'm definitely way too emotionally attached to Joel. I know this might sounds unhealthy, stupid or childish but I know that I won't be able to witness the tension between Joel and Ellie but most of all, it would be literally unbearable for me to watch "that scene".
Yes, of course I know this is just fiction, this is just a character but this character had such a huge impact on my life that I simply can't deal with the way things are ending for him. How violent this is gonna be. Just the thought of it hurts me more than it should.
I also have to deal with the guilt that comes with it because i feel like I'm been disrespectful towards Pedro and Bella and all the people working on the show because i know they're gonna do an amazing job and i really wish I could enjoy it but right now i don't think I'm capable of doing that.
I know I'm probably the only person feeling this way but please don't send me hate for writing this down and sharing what's been in my mind for months. I really hesitated before doing it but I just needed a place to get this off my chest.
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vulpixelates · 1 year
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i could be so unstoppable if my throat would work for swallowing pills. soooo unstoppable. why can i deepthroat a popsicle but not swallow pills that make me not insane without miserable pain
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been feeling really paranoid about putting things in my google calendar like i don't want People to know all that but like . it's fine. but also i do feel weird about it...... might have to switch to another platform or just stick to pen and paper
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halogalopaghost · 2 years
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Yeah, I'm gonna regret this later, but here's my 2 cents.
Abortion is murder.
Science agrees that life begins when the egg attaches to the cell wall. The ten weeks, twelve weeks, twenty weeks arguments, those are arbitrary lines. We aren't drawing lines at where life does or does not begin. You either think that life begins in the womb in early pregnancy, or you believe it begins when the baby takes its first few breaths of air. It's very simple but nobody likes it. I don't even like it.
Of COURSE termination needs to be legal when there is medical cause. That shouldn't even be a question. If there's an ectopic pregnancy or a dead infant in a live womb, something has to be done. This is obvious and undebatable.
But abortion is just killing a person. It just is. And yes I know; rape babies, underdeveloped or disabled babies, etc etc etc. but I think they still deserve to live. It sucks. It hurts. But there are ugly realities to life and sometimes all we can do is hope that they don't happen to us and offer support when it does happen to others. But killing a person isn't an option.
Do some reading into the medical experts who testified and advised during Roe v Wade. Look at their opinions and when they think life begins. I'm not citing this stuff because I'm tired and it makes me sad and you should be doing your own reading anyway. And let me remind you that if you're only reading things you agree with, you're just as bad as those ultra conservative pro lifers who get comfy in their who chamber. If you're not uncomfortable you aren't doing it right.
There isn't an easy answer or one that will make anyone happy. Sometimes this fucked up world is like that. But last I checked murder is still illegal.
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sarcophagid · 2 years
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im feeling pressure to draw out some panels of my story now that the summary is up because i wrote it with a comic in mind and it’s a lighter funnier comic but the summary is literally so doodoo it’s not that bad it just fluctuates, but when you have the bare bones out like that it’s ass because none of the silly and fun themes of love&friendship were included
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seilon · 2 years
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i really wish i could just intern in a writers room full time or something instead of going to my stupid competitive college doing things i dont care about with a completely sadistic workload for an insane amount of money just slowly killing myself over time for no god damn reason. that would be so much simpler and perhaps, maybe, possibly, enjoyable even. but i guess this is my life for the next one and a half to two years. haha. and for fucking what. to go into an industry where i'll be even more overworked and with higher stakes and where i'll just waste time rotting away for the foreseeable future for the sake of some dead eyed company or whatever else. really bleak existence if i do say so myself
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whitemochacoffee · 3 months
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I hope my friends know i love them. I am such a hypocrite.
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crowsdove · 8 months
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()
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smallest-moon · 9 months
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vet bills is on 595,15€ and going up again soon, I am not going to survive this 🙂 might attempt writing commissions bc ha ha..
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herearedragons · 10 months
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I think I'm going to repost some of my old Dragon Age fics here
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nebuloussoul · 2 years
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Do you ever hate the person you become with certain people?
How the little bit of light in your eyes go away and the emptiness of hatred takes place.
How the words you say are meant to hurt, no treatment for the burns.
How you don't even recognize yourself when you are stone cold.
Nothing but wrath and hatred and disgust, but those feelings are already old (friends? Enemies? Who knows)
/Who's that person staring at me in the mirror?/
The words slip through your lips like smoke, it burns and it chokes everyone
And at the end, the only thing left is the aching in your heart. For you are just as hurt and very much lost
HJ. L.
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avatar-anna · 1 year
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Unknown Number
someone made a request about reader accidentally being given harry's number, but i accidentally deleted it, so if you requested it, here it is!
(the text chain will be from harry's point of view)
italics: y/n (unknown number)
bold: harry
Part Two
Part Three
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Unknown Number (UN): heyy. i had a really good time the other night. maybe we could do it again sometime? xx (click to download image)
Harry Styles (HS): How did you get this number?
UN: you gave it to me?
UN: last night at the pub? marcus, right?
HS: No. You have the wrong number.
UN: is this a joke? are you fucking with me right now?
HS: No.
UN: oh my god
UN: i feel like such an idiot
UN: one of the first times a guy gives me his number at a bar and he gives me the wrong number
UN: probably on purpose too
UN: i should've known when he left his OWN APARTMENT the next morning but i was actually hopeful
UN: and now i've made an ass of myself here too. sorry to bother you i'll leave you alone. sorry again
(one hour later)
HS: It's okay. Sorry about that guy. Sounds like a jerk.
(twenty minutes later)
UN: it's fine, i guess
UN: i wasn't in love with him or anything but he could've had the decency of expressing his disinterest himself instead of hiding behind a fake number.
HS: That is quite a dick move.
HS: I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't expecting that text. I didn't open the picture either by the way.
UN: thank you. for a moment i was worried i was messaging a creep, but hopefully you're not a creep
UN: i mean you could be still and i'd have no idea
UN: maybe i should stop texting you
(ten minutes later)
HS: I'm not a creep.
UN: that's exactly what a creep would say
HS: I don't really know how to prove it to you. You're the one who sent me a photo of yourself half naked. You could be the creep.
UN: you said you didn't open it!
HS: I was trying to be polite!
UN: great now some 40 year old living in his parents basement has one of my nudes
HS: I'm not 40! And I don't live in my parents basement
UN: you text like an old man
HS: wuld u rather i txt like ths???
UN: no but i'm just saying i don't know many people my age who use proper punctuation in text messages
HS: Well I might not be your age, but I'm certainly not 40
UN: "certainly not." you're right. you sound like my grandpa
HS: I suddenly regret restarting a conversation with you
UN: you know despite the fact that you might be catfishing me, i've enjoyed this. i feel like i'm doing what all the other teen girls did in high school at sleepovers
HS: So you're out of high school.
UN: creep!
HS: You outed yourself, that's not on me.
UN: you...might be right
UN: can you tell me something about yourself to make it even? there's always a possibility that you could be lying and i have no reason to trust you, but...idk i feel like i can
HS: Well that's stupid.
HS: But I suppose since I've already seen you partially naked...
UN: i'm blocking your number
HS: My first name is H, and I'm 20 years old.
UN: h? just the letter h?
HS: You could be a creep too for all I know
UN: fair enough. i'm june
HS: Full name? Wow, you really are a dummy.
UN: don't get your 60 year old panties in a twist. it's a nickname
HS: June is a nickname?
HS: And I'm not 60.
UN: june. june bug. that's what the folks call me
HS: Folks? Now who sounds old?
UN: whatever
(thirty minutes later)
HS: Well, it was nice talking to you, June. June bug.
UN: you too h
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(three days later)
June (J): you're a guy right?
HS: I'm sorry?
J: well when i first texted you i thought you were a guy, but you weren't THAT guy, so i have no idea
J: i just assumed but i thought i would ask
J: plus i need solicited guy advice and if you're not a creep i would really appreciate it
HS: We're back to me being a creep?
J: it's a risk every time i text you
J: so? are you a dude?
HS: Yes.
J: great! can i ask you something?
HS: Um...I guess...
J: ok. would you ever get offended if a woman covered their drink during a conversation with you?
HS: I'm not following...
J: like say we're at a bar and we're talking and i turn my head away for some reason but i put my hand over my drink until i look back at you to prevent it from being spiked. would you be offended by that?
HS: No. Why?
J: see? i don't think that's unreasonable. some loser got mad at me for doing that. well EXCUSE ME for not immediately trusting the guy i matched with on tinder
J: who was not as cute in real life i might add
HS: You don't have the best taste in guys.
J: that is not advice!
HS: Okay, here's my advice: don't swipe right on guys who have mirror selfies in their profile.
J: ...
J: ok fair enough but it's not like prince charmings are falling from the sky. it's hard out here
HS: I'm sure.
J: what you don't have the same problem?
HS: I don't really date.
J: in like a douchey way? are you one of those guys who say they just fuck?
HS: I just don't have time for dating, I guess.
J: so no special someone?
HS: No.
(four hours later)
HS: If you asked for advice, does that mean I can too?
(one hour later)
J: sorry i was at work
J: and i don't see why not
HS: What do you think about guys who wear skinny jeans?
J: hm...i think styled right it could be nice
J: YSL is kind of pushing the whole skinny jeans and chelsea boots thing which might eventually trickle down to the losers i match with on tinder so...why not? i say dress how you want
J: any guy who has a good sense of style is sexy to me
J: sorry if that wasn't the answer you were looking for
HS: Yes and no. I've been experimenting with different styles. Sometimes I get a little in my head about it.
J: doesn't everyone?
HS: I guess you're right.
HS: Do you follow fashion shows and things like that?
HS: That's not too personal, is it?
J: no, but it's kind of embarrassing
HS: Not as embarrassing as sending a complete stranger a picture of yourself in your bra
J: harsh...but fair
J: fashion is kind of my religion
J: i'm trying to become a stylist. keyword trying
HS: That's cool!
J: tell that to my family
HS: they don't support you?
J: nope! but i'm gonna do it anyway!
HS: Do you have a favorite designer?
J: it kinda depends on the year and who was creative director at the time, but the first time i got my hands on vintage vivienne westwood i was hooked
J: you?
HS: I'm just starting to explore the fashion world I guess you could say.
J: well lucky for you i happen to be a bit of an encyclopedia when it comes to house codes
HS: House codes?
J: oh boy. i hope you're comfortable. we might be here a while
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(two days later)
HS: Have you ever had rumors spread about you?
J: i don't think so
J: oh wait! in eighth grade this girl in my class told everyone i made out with a boy at the school dance which was NOT true
J: it was just a peck
HS: Naughty.
J: it was harmless. why do you ask?
HS: There's a rumor going around about me. It's just frustrating when people actually believe it. sometimes it gets to the point where i start to believe it myself.
J: i'm sorry. i won't pry or anything, but i know what it feels like to not be understood
HS: I just hate the feeling of being under a microscope. It's exhausting. I feel like my life isn't my own sometimes.
J: that sucks
J: sorry that was in no way helpful, but i don't really know what to say. is there someone you can talk to about this?
HS: ...
J: oh! i actually feel kind of honored
J: well, obviously i don't know the whole situation, but maybe try and surround yourself with people who don't scrutinize you so much?
HS: Easier said than done.
J: true but i think if you have a solid group of people who know you and understand you and like you for who you are, it's easier to deal with things like rumors and being under the proverbial microscope, you know?
J: and don't be afraid to get rid of the toxic people in your life! it's not easy but you'll be better off in the long run
HS: sometimes it's hard to tell who's toxic and who's not
J: start with the people who would never believe a rumor about you, or the ones who would never START one about you
HS: Well said, June Bug.
J: thanks! maybe i should entertain a career in counseling
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(one month later)
HS: Why June Bug?
J: i was born in the summer. it was a nickname my grandparents gave me. been called that ever since
HS: That's sweet.
J: there are worse nicknames i suppose. i have a cousin that got stuck with chip because he used to stuff his face like a chipmunk when he was little
HS: Yikes.
J: you're telling me
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(three weeks later)
J: have you ever danced alone in your bedroom to stevie nicks?
HS: Have you?
J: i have, and can i just say she does NOT get enough credit as a songwriter?
HS: Edge of Seventeen?
J: edge of seventeen
J: i went on a date last week with a guy who had the AUDACITY to call her music mediocre
HS: You didn't see him again did you?
J: ...
HS: June!
J: just once! and only because he had really nice hands
HS: I don't get how that would make you stay with a stevie hater...
J: REALLY nice hands ;)
HS: You disappoint me sometimes.
J: ;))))
(fifteen minutes later)
J: hey you never answered my question about dancing in your room!
HS: ...No comment...
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(one week later)
J: you ever been in love, h?
HS: I can't say that I have. Have you?
J: no ://
J: i think i want it too much. i've always just been in love with the idea of falling in love, you know?
J: but the reality isn't what i thought it would be
HS: I'm sorry.
HS: It probably won't help but I'm sure you'll find someone. You seem like a great person. Anyone would be lucky to be with you.
J: aw h you're making me blush!
HS: But perhaps you should stop looking for love on a hookup app
J: annnd good feeling gone
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(two weeks later)
HS: Guess who has two thumbs and got invited to Paris Fashion Week!
J: no fair!
J: and that joke doesn't work if i can't see you point to yourself. it doesn't work period
HS: I will let that slide because I know you're just jealous.
J: are you kidding me? OF COURSE i'm jealous! i can't believe you get to see Alessandro Michele's work up close
HS: Who?
J: don't think because we only communicate through text that i can't strangle you
HS: Relax. I'm only joking.
HS: Alessandro is a friend ;))
(ten minutes later)
J: sorry i just had to scream into my pillow
J: what exactly do you do again?
HS: I told you. I work in the industry.
J: but that could mean anything! the cosmetics industry, the movie industry, the meat packing industry...
HS: Meat packing?
J: you know what i mean!
HS: I do a lot of PR.
J: see. that wasn't so hard now was it?
HS: Can I go back to gloating?
J: only if you promise to give me a full report afterwards you go to all the shows
HS: Deal.
(four days later)
HS: Favorite movie?
J: that's hard...
J: it's probably cliche but the devil wears prada
HS: Good choice.
J: what about you?
HS: The Notebook.
J: really?
HS: Yes. Why?
J: do you say that to impress girls or because it's actually your favorite?
HS: Would you rather I have said a film with lots of car chases?
J: no
J: but i went out with a guy who was a film major once
HS: Is that a bad thing?
J: let's just say it won't be happening again
J: he thought he was superior for disliking popular movies. i hate that
HS: Well, I love The Notebook and I love Ryan Gosling
J: now THAT is something we can agree on!
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(six weeks later)
J: BIG NEWS
J: LIKE HUGE
J: GROUNDBREAKING
HS: And here I was thinking you forgot about me.
J: i texted you yesterday
HS: You asked me if my dick could move on its own.
J: a legitimate question! i nearly had a heart attack when i saw it in person
J: but i was also weirdly fascinated. my question was purely scientific!
HS: You said you had news?
J: right!
(twenty minutes later)
HS: Are you making me wait to create anticipation?
J: no sorry i got a phone call.
J: i got my first real gig as a stylist
HS: That's great! Congratulations!
J: thanks
HS: You don't sound excited anymore. What happened to all caps?
J: my mother happened
HS: Still not on board, then?
J: she told me it was a waste of time and that i should get a real job
HS: You're still gonna take it though right?
J: i don't know. maybe she's right. the pay is less than ideal. more like i'm being paid in experience, and it's not the clientele i was imagining...
HS: But it's a foot in the door, right? That's something.
J: i guess
HS: Make connections. Get good references. And who knows, you might actually enjoy yourself.
J: you're right.
J: it's for some up and coming band that's going on tour. pretty sure i was what they could afford
HS: Don't sell yourself short. You're gonna do great.
J: thanks. i hardly even know you and you're currently my biggest supporter
HS: What happened to Bill?
J: ancient history
HS: What was wrong with him? He seemed nice.
J: yeah
J: his girlfriend thought so too.
HS: On behalf of all men: Sorry. We truly are the worst.
J: agreed. what about you? still single?
HS: Yes, though people keep trying to set me up on dates.
J: the horror!
HS: Ha ha
HS: I just want to meet someone on my own terms.
J: i get that
J: i just want to meet someone who's actually a decent human being
HS: I'll be on the lookout.
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(three weeks later)
J: i think i've decided that tour life is not for me
HS: oh?
J: yeah. sitting on a bus for hours and hours with only myself to keep me company? no thanks
HS: it can't just be you on the bus can it?
J: no but i have a hard time making friends right away. and a lot of the crew for this tour are older than me
HS: are your clients nice at least?
J: yeah. one of them tried to hit on me, which i guess i should take as a compliment, but i am on the clock. no flirting for me
HS: a professional then. or are you not into the musician type?
J: not sure. i haven't dated one before
J: i told you that the other day
HS: right. must've slipped my mind
HS: but back to taste in men. is it all about looks for you or do you like funny guys?
HS: are you the type to sleep with someone on the first date? because i feel like that's very telling about a girl
J: who is this?
HS: what do you mean? it's me
J: it's not. you're not texting like a middle aged woman and you're acting like a total ass
HS: Sorry. I thought I'd try something new. And I was just curious. Can't blame a guy for asking right? You did send some guy you barely knew a picture of yourself
HS: It was very wholesome by the way. Maybe try a little more skin next time and you'll get the response you want. You can practice here if you'd like.
J: oh my god
HS: What?
J: this was a mistake. i'm such an IDIOT
J: was this some kind of prank?
J: whoever you are, you're sick
J: don't text me again
HS: June, I'm so sorry. That was my friend he was just being stupid.
HS: Last time I leave my phone anywhere.
HS: June?
HS: June please.
HS: That wasn't me I swear!
HS: I'm sorry.
(three weeks later)
HS: Day 21 of trying to get you to respond.
HS You probably blocked me which is fine. I don't blame you.
HS: But if you DO happen to read these and are just ignoring me...
HS: I'm sorry. Again. For like the millionth time.
J is typing...
HS: June?
J: i should've blocked you
HS: Why didn't you?
J: because as insane as it sounds, you've become a close friend
HS: I feel the same. I'm really sorry about before. I swear it was one of my mates. I would never say something like that.
J: that's what makes this whole thing crazy! i don't actually know you, so how do i know if i can trust you?
HS: I mean you even noticed that he wasn't texting like me. I would never ask you questions like that, June. I never have.
HS: And I do NOT text like a middle aged woman by the way
J: i guess that's true
J: i think it just doubled down the fact that we don't actually know each other. this whole thing is ridiculous if you think about it too long. it gives me a headache sometimes.
J: i know we've joked about it but...this could be potentially dangerous
HS is typing...
HS: I could send you a voice note.
J: you would do that?
HS: You're right. This whole thing is ridiculous but...I don't know, I trust you, and I consider you a friend.
J: a friend you say?
HS: That's all I'm willing to admit for one day
J: and what about tomorrow?
HS is typing...
HS (voice recording): Maybe tomorrow I'll admit a little more.
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(one day later)
Y/n hated how much her stomach flipped every time her phone pinged with a new message.
It was so reckless and dangerous and utterly ridiculous. She didn't know who H was, she didn't even know what time zone he lived in, and yet she felt like she knew him.
And after hearing his deep voice—deep British voice—on the voice recording, Y/n determined that he wasn't some creep in his forties like she'd originally thought.
Since sending that voice recording, they'd sent each other messages like that all night. And by all night she meant all night. They stayed up late sending voice recordings back and forth. It was the longest conversation they'd held to date, which was surprising considering that they often missed each other during certain hours. Just based on what hours of the day they texted the most, Y/n figured H lived somewhere in Europe, which gave her peace of mind considering he couldn't exactly kidnap her if he was a whole ocean away. But the last couple weeks their schedules seemed to be lining up, though Y/n chalked it up to all the traveling she'd been doing lately.
One thing she was certain of was that she adored H's voice. It was soft and deep, but got raspier the longer they spoke. And at times he would whisper in his messages, like he had to keep his voice down. The hushed tones made her shiver.
Y/n didn't call H, and he never offered. But she wanted to, boy did she want to. No matter how terrifying that thought was. A full-fledged phone call seemed more...real to Y/n. With the messages, she and H were still in their little bubble. It was stupid, but she needed that bit of separation. She was becoming attached to someone she'd never met.
Walking through the halls of a stadium in Canada, Y/n pulled up past conversations with H. It was too embarrassing to admit to anyone out loud, but she felt like she really knew him. He was endearing, had a silly sense of humor, had good taste in music, and was honest. Well, as honest as either of them could be. Outside of the one slip up with H's friend, Y/n believed what he said to her over text. Maybe that made her naive, but their conversations were legit. He felt like a friend, and she knew he felt similarly.
Maybe tomorrow I'll admit a little more.
Y/n had no idea what that could mean. She of course knew what she wanted it to mean, but what she wanted rarely ever lined up with reality.
Y/n looked up from her phone to make sure she didn't pass the right door. The one in front of her read, Harry Styles in big bold lettering. She quickly hurried past and continued down the hall to where the dressing room for Five Seconds of Summer was.
Harry Styles was a bit of an enigma. Even though she was on the same tour as him and One Direction, Y/n hardly ever saw him. And when she did, his nose was always in his phone, completely closed off to the world around him. He just had this vibe that said, "don't talk to me," and Y/n received that message loud and clear. The Five Seconds of Summer boys seemed to get on with all the members of One Direction, but Y/n usually made herself scarce whenever they came by the dressing room, for no other reason than too much testosterone in one room.
"You want to come out after the show, Harry?" Y/n heard one of the boys ask. Michael.
"Um...No. I think I'll have to pass tonight, boys. Sorry."
"What? Big date tonight?"
"Something like that."
Y/n felt frozen to the linoleum floor. She knew that voice. She'd spent all night listening to that voice.
"Holy shit."
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maidragoste · 7 months
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The Parent Trap: Chapter Two
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Aegon Targaryen x Velaryon!Reader x Aemond Targaryen
Summary: After the disastrous divorce between Aemond Targaryen and Y/n Velaryon the twins Baelon and Aemon were separated. Each was raised by one of their parents. Baelon was raised by his father while Aemon was raised by his mother. Years later they both meet at a summer camp and discover the existence of the other. The twins realize that there are many secrets in their family, eager to discover their past, they put together a plan to deceive their parents.
Masterlist
Thank you for your support, I was nervous that people wouldn't like it because the fic wasn't the same as the movie so I'm very happy to read all your comments. REBLOGS, comments and likes are always appreciated 🥰🥰💕💕💕
Btw, I made two playlists for this fic. One is from Aemond and the Reader and another is from Reader and Aegon. As I keep writing I'll probably add more songs or even delete some, who knows. If you have songs for me to add or are curious to know why, you are welcome to write to me in my inbox.
Disclaimer: English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.
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Ten years earlier
Your leg kept moving up and down. Your eyes are constantly directed to the door, expecting that at any moment Aemond would return home. You tried to distract yourself by watching TV but you were too anxious. Your mind couldn't focus on the stupid movie because all you could think about was the positive sign on the pregnancy tests you had taken that afternoon with Rhaena and Jace by your side. You regretted telling them to leave. If they were with you they would be preventing you from locking yourself in your own mind. They would make you tell them your fears and they would try to calm you down. The three of them would be making plans. You might even be practicing with Jace how the hell tell Aemond they were going to be parents.
You and Aemond would be parents. You would be a mother. You always knew you would have children, you wanted the happily ever after with the wedding and children like they always showed in the movies, but now you are terrified. It wasn't supposed to be like this. You're barely twenty-three years old, you haven't even finished your second year of editorial editing. It was assumed that when you had children you would be at least over twenty-seven, your career—a career you were truly passionate about—would be finished, you would have a good job, and you would be married. You tried to console yourself by telling yourself that at least you're in a stable relationship. You and Aemond have been dating for three years. You two knew each other since you were little because your godmother is Aemond's older sister and then you ended up attending the same school so you spent a lot of time together. You still remember like it was yesterday how nervous you were when you first kissed Aemond during New Year's. You were afraid of ruining your friendship and that things would become awkward but he didn't pull away when you kissed him he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer to him. That night they hid from everyone and spent the rest of the celebration kissing. The next day they started dating. From there everything was wonderful. Like any couple, you and Aemond have your run-ins—like when you argued because you didn't like the way he behaved with Jace, your best friend, or when Aemond got mad at you because you made the two of you leave the restaurant you were having a date at. to pick up a drunk Aegon in a bar again—but there was definitely more joy than displeasure in your relationship with Aemond. You saw yourself having a future with him, you could see yourself perfectly next to him in your white dress. You can imagine Aemond putting a baby to sleep while he lulls it to sleep in High Valyrian. Are you sure you want a future with Aemond. But you're terrified of his reaction to this unexpected news. What would you do if Aemond didn't want to keep the baby? You would have to break up with him. Even though you were scared, you knew you wanted to keep the baby. That was clear to you.
You heard the door open and it didn't take long for your boyfriend to enter. You got up from the couch and went to hug him. Whenever he returned home you welcomed him with a hug and kisses. This time you held on to him longer than usual, wanting to remember the feeling of Aemond's arms around you in case this was the last time.
You were about to kiss him but he turned your face away from him making your heart skip a beat. Before you could move away he gently grabbed your chin and studied you carefully. Of course, he had realized something was happening to you when you were clinging so fiercely to him.
“What's wrong?” he asked. Aemond first wanted to know what was happening to you before you kissed him.
Once again you regretted kicking Rhaena and Jace out. At least you should have taken advantage of this time alone to practice in front of the mirror how to tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant. Or you could have called your parents to help you. Although knowing them they would tell you to keep the secret so that the three of them could plan a big announcement together. But you couldn't wait, you need to know now what Aemond was thinking. You needed to know whether or not he would be with you on this trip.
“Y/n?” Your boyfriend called you, feeling his concern growing with every second that you remained silent.
“I think I'm pregnant” You closed your eyes feeling frustrated with yourself and hurried to correct yourself “I mean, I'm pregnant” You tried not to panic as you felt him move away from you “I haven't had any blood tests done yet but I'm One hundred percent sure I'm pregnant. I took five pregnancy tests and they all came back positive.”Your nerves were evident because you were talking faster than normal and you couldn't stop gesturing with your hands.
Aemond felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on him. This was not in his plans. Right now he was focused on opening his own publishing house, he needed to focus all of his attention on that, he didn't need a distraction and a baby would be that. Taking care of a child would take up too much time. But I couldn't tell you that. I'd be an idiot if I told you that. His mother didn't raise him to be an idiot.
“Marry me,” he said, knowing it was the right thing to do. Besides, ever since you two moved in together, he knew you were going to get married. He knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life waking up next to you, he wants your face to be the first and last thing he sees, he wants to come home and always be greeted with your kisses, he wants you to tell him about your day while the two of you have dinner, He wants to hear your theories about the TV shows you watch together. Aemond wants everything with you, even the most mundane things like going grocery shopping or walking the dogs. He loves you. The only reasons Aemond hadn't proposed to you already was because he wanted to wait until you finished college and he wanted his publishing company to be established. Planning a wedding was a big deal and you two didn't have time for that. But now it didn't matter anymore. “Marry me,” he said again with a smile as he saw how you opened your eyes and looked at him as if he were giving you the moon.
You couldn't help but laugh at yourself, feeling like an idiot for doubting Aemond. Maybe it wasn't the romantic proposal you had dreamed of but you didn't care. You were so relieved and so glad you didn't have to do this alone.
“Yes,” you responded with your heart racing and tears in your eyes. “Yes!” you repeated louder this time before throwing yourself into your fiancé's arms. You began to laugh as Aemond picked you up and spun you around. Your fears were forgotten. The only thing you felt at that moment was happiness.
Present
Aemon found it strange that when he arrived at camp Rickon was not waiting for him at the entrance like the previous years. He assumed this time that the trip had tired him too much and he went to take a nap in his cabin. So he decided to go there first instead of searching for him throughout the rest of the camp. If Rickon wasn't there at least he would leave his suitcases so he could walk comfortably.
When he entered the cabin he expected to find it empty or his best friend sleeping. He never imagined that an almost exact copy of him would be found walking back and forth all over the place. Aemon is not proud but his first reaction is to scream and throw his suitcase at him with all his might.
“Dude, what the hell?!” his copy shouted, barely managing to cum in time to avoid being hit.
“What happened?!” Rickon asked, also screaming, running out of the bathroom. “Aemon you finally arrived!” He ran to hug him.
Aemon barely moved his arms to hug Rickon but his eyes did not leave the other boy who was too similar to him. The copy of him didn't stop looking at him either, the two of them were studying each other. The only difference is that the stranger had much shorter hair than Aemon and did not have tanned skin like him. But Aemon knew that if he hadn't been sailing in the sun with his grandparents just a few days ago then he would look just like the copy of him.
"Who is he?" Aemon asked breaking the hug, no longer able to stand his curiosity. If he had encountered the copy of him years ago he would have thought that it was some kind of prank by Rickon or that maybe it was an evil clone but now he knew that it didn't make sense. The only logical explanation he could think of was that he had a missing twin but that didn't make sense because his mom would never hide something as big as this from him.
“Aemon do you need glasses? It's obvious that he's a copy of you," said the dark-haired boy, earning an angry look from the other two boys. “Don't do that, it's weird,” he complained.
“I am not Aemon's copy. In any case, he is my copy,” declared the short-haired boy.
“I met Aemon before so you are a copy of him.”
“Wait, why does he know my name?” Aemon interrupted before the other two continued fighting over who the copy was. He needed to know what was going on before he gave him a headache. Although since he saw the stranger he began to feel bad. It was disconcerting to see someone just like himself. He made him feel uncomfortable. Not even Joffrey looked that much like him, and she was his brother.
Aemon wanted to know who this boy was, why he looked so much like him, and why this was the first time he had met him. But at the same time, he was afraid. He could already sense that his life would be different after this camp. He decided to sit on the nearest bed to avoid running out and ask one of the caregivers for his cell phone to call his parents to come back to look for him. Maybe he should have let Mom walk him to the cabin like she wanted.
“Your friend thought I was you, he came up shouting your name when I was with my uncle Daeron. My uncle said that he knew you and that I should stay with Rickon until you showed up. Now I see why he insisted so much."
Aemon was sure he had heard Daeron's name before but he was sure he had never met him. Without realizing it he began to move his leg up and down trying to remember that he knew about Daeron but nothing came to mind.
“I am Baelon Targaryen,” the boy introduced himself, looking at him with concern and Aemon squeezed his leg to prevent himself from moving it further. “I think I'm your twin.”
“No,” the long-haired boy denied instantly.
“Dude, we're literally copies of each other!” Baelon said, frustration evident in his voice, pointing at Aemon and then at himself.
Rickon gave Baelon a look telling him to shut up. In the few hours that he had known him, Baelon had never seen Rickon so serious, so he crossed his arms indignantly and watched silently and attentively as Stark sat next to his twin.
“I know it seems crazy, Aemon, but I really think Baelon is right,” said the dark-haired boy, looking at his friend with concern. Rickon wouldn't know how to react either if he suddenly found out that he had a twin. “The two are copies of each other. Besides, he grew up without knowing his mom and you grew up without knowing your dad. I don't think it's a coincidence. Just like I don't think it's a coincidence that Baelon's uncle knew you."
Aemon looked at his best friend before turning his attention to his possible new brother. “When were you born?”
"June 20th. I guess just like you," said Baelon, and was satisfied when he saw that his twin nodded. "I have a photo of Mom!" He suddenly remembered the photo that he had stolen from Dad a long time ago and that he had hidden in his luggage. “You can see her and confirm that she is our mom,” he said excitedly, thinking that this way Aemon could no longer deny his relationship. He couldn't help but be excited at the thought that he was no longer alone, he had a brother. He had always seen how close his uncle Daeron was to his dad and his other uncles and he remembered wanting to have the same.
Baelon ran to grab his suitcase and began to take out all of his clothes, not caring about the mess, until he found the latest Boku no Hero manga that he was reading and triumphantly pulled out one of the pages the photo of her mother with him in her arms while she kissed his cheek, her eyes were only on him, not caring to look at the camera.
“Look,” he said, handing the photo proudly to Aemon. The photo wasn't complete, it was obvious that someone had cut it in half but Baelon didn't care. That photo was one of his most prized possessions. He looked at her every day before going to sleep because he reminded him that his mom loves him.
“Oh, shit,” Aemon muttered before handing the photo back to him.
“It's her, right?” Baelon asked, watching with anticipation as it was now Aemon who was searching for something in his suitcase. Aemon, unlike him, was not throwing his clothes everywhere. He felt his heart race when he saw how his twin took out a notebook and took something out of it.
“Is this your dad?” Aemon asked, giving him a photo. Baelon nodded several times, unable to say anything out of emotion. His dad wasn't looking at the camera but he wasn't looking at the baby he was holding either. He just looked to the side with a smile.
Baelon took both photos and placed them side by side on the bed. The photo was now complete. Dad was looking at Mom. If Baelon hadn't been so engrossed in looking at the photo then he would have noticed Aemon and Rickon exchanging glances.
“I told you we're twins!” Baelon said with a big smile once he snapped out of the shock of nudging Aemon.
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toskarin · 1 month
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how did you get started making music, tools-wise?
I've talked about this a bit before and I don't necessarily recommend doing this, so skip the following two paragraphs and go right to the one under the break if you actually want the method I recommend
I lied to a girl I liked from my school and told her that, because I could play guitar I could also play piano, so I could teach her to play piano. both of these statements were lies.
I had to panic and learn both guitar and piano one week ahead of the lessons I was giving her as an excuse to hang out. so I self-taught in a haze of panic and "maybe she'll like me" (she did not) (but she kind of did) (but she was bicurious) (but she was wishy-washy on if she wanted to get together and her parents didn't like me) (and her parents were homophobic) (I think she might have texted me at one point years down the line to tell me she had a girlfriend but it was after I deleted our text history and I'm chronically unable to remember to put people's names into my contacts so who knows)
but that's all an aside. that's a bad method.
anyway if you want to start making music in earnest, doing what I did when I got serious about making songs instead of trying to impress girls whose parents wanted to destroy me with their minds here's a better answer
go acquire FL Studio. it's apparently really easy to do this because people have been acquiring it for years, or so I've heard. FL is good for learning because you've got 20 years worth of free tutorials available to you on youtube to dig through and plenty of stock vsts to play with out of the box
FL Studio is, realistically, the only tool you actually need to start making music. you could get away with less, but it's what I used, and as long as you don't pick up Specific Bad Habits, your experience with it will transfer to other DAWs if you decide to switch it later
that's all, really
if you go this route, the golden rule I'm going to impart on you right now is that you need to have a limiter on your songs. the default FL studio song templates have one, so you should keep it until you know enough to know why you might adjust something like that
it doesn't matter if it sounds fine in the editor without a limiter. everyone thinks it's not a big deal at the time, but as you get more experienced, there's literally nothing short of getting in legal trouble that you'll regret more than realising that your old work is almost entirely unsalvageable because you didn't put a limiter on it and now half of the audio is just lost data to clipping
I'm gonna put a few more recommendations for things I've used, just so you can consider them if you need something else to chew on. everything past this point is entirely optional and you'll do just fine with FL Studio alone. in fact, probably don't worry about everything below the line
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items marked with [F] are free.
DIGITAL AUDIO WORKSTATIONS THAT AREN'T FL
for tracker-based editing and chiptunes, use Renoise. you'll either love or hate trackers, and while they have a steeper learning curve than piano roll DAWs, they might come more naturally to you. I personally think that Renoise is a lot of fun to use. it kinda has an "addictive" quality to it, as funny as that is to say
for quickly sketching songs, use [F]Jummbox. it's an html workstation (multiplatform!) that writes your sketches to a url, meaning it's pretty easy to collaborate on musical sketches. Jummbox is good for making chiptune style instrumentals, but what makes it especially accessible is the fact that it works on a piano roll system, which will be familiar to you if you're working in FL
for writing sheet music, I recommend starting with [F]Musescore. I'll warn you right now that there aren't really any good notation editors and you're making lesser-of-evils decisions when you pick any of them, but it's probably the best compromise out there right now. it's the one I use when I need to hand something to a physical musician. you can also export pieces as midi, although there's better ways to do that lol
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VSTs
if you can acquire Pianoteq, do that. if you feel uncomfortable with acquiring it, [F]Keyzone Classic is free and can sound pretty nice with a bit of work, but you really have to learn to work with it
if your workstation can handle it performance-wise, go pick up [F]Vital - Spectral Warping Wavetable Synth. there's tons of free presets for this out there and it sounds good. cool synth. Serum: Advanced Wavetable Synthesizer is also good and has plenty of presets, but it's on the pricy side, so consider how comfortable you are with [finding a friend to buy it for you]
[F]Decent Sampler doesn't do much out of the box, because it's just a tool for playing sample banks, but if you go to [F]Pianobook, you can find tons of weird and fun sample packs of just about everything you can imagine. sounds derived from folk instruments, industrial equipment, lego sets, stylophones, choirs, whatever. incredibly useful.
Valhalla VintageVerb. this is the reverb plugin. you want this one. [F]Valhalla Super Massive is also good but it's more focused on alien-sounding reverb effects and enormous spaces, so it's kind of got a niche use case and you should be a little careful with it
if you've heard a lo-fi hip hop song on youtube, it probably used [F]iZotope Vinyl. this one can save you a lot of time if you're going for that sound because it comes with all the little vinyl flourishes outside of compression (like dust crackling) that you'd otherwise have to add yourself
[F]Genny VST is advertised as giving a genesis/megadrive sound, but what actually makes it shine is that it's an actual synth emulating the YM2612 and SN76489 sound chips. this means you can create your own sounds that work within those specs, which is a lot of fun! definitely beats just using samples, if you ask me
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HARSH VSTS THAT I PERSONALLY LIKE BUT WHICH ALSO MIGHT !!HURT!! YOU. SO BE VERY CAREFUL USING THESE.
[F]Tritik Krush is a bitcrushing plugin. it does a good job of bitcrushing and downsampling. I use it a lot in my songs, but you've really gotta know how to keep this one under control, because it's fully capable of making painful sounds on accident and can completely devour your mix
[F]FSA Latcher is a gorgeous noisebox. it screams in horrible ways and makes dying machine noises in various colours. this is the musical equivalent of working with radioactive material, so be extremely careful using this in anything you don't want to hurt the listener's ears
girlfriend just told me I have to recommend [F]Noise Engineering Ruina to you if I'm making a category with this heading. I don't personally use it, but she likes it (she's better at music than I am) and it's free, so you should go pick it up. "it annihilates sounds very deliciously" (maybe I should use it)
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hope that helps a bit!
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bookshelfdreams · 24 days
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Hiii I hope this isn't too forward, but your tags re: Ed's evolving reactions to abuse and Izzy as abuse-survivor-wish-fulfillment are incredible and it would lovely as its own post, if you felt comfortable doing so!
Aww thank you! The post in question
Also, tbf, I'm just obsessed with the rule of 3, whenever there's the slightest chance of seeing a pattern like this I'll pound on it with a sledgehammer until it fits.
Anyway. Ed has 3 abusive white men in his life; his father, Hornigold, and Izzy. And all 3 he deals with, to escalating effect.
His father is the one who exerts the most power over him. Ed clearly comes from a violent household, and as a child, he is obviously completely at his fathers non-existent mercy. He beats Ed's mother, throws dishware against the wall, and there was a deleted scene where he yelled at Ed's mother for "turning my son soft" (oh how I wish they'd kept that in. I can understand why they thought this was expendable, but it would have made the connection between Ed's father and Izzy so much more obvious).
Ed cannot protect himself, or his mother, against this violence - up until the moment that he can. The moment he realizes he is no longer weak and helpless, he retaliates in the only way that he has ever seen conflicts be resolved. He knows that he can't intimidate his father into better behaviour, if he wants to end the abuse it has to be permanent. So he just fucking kills the bastard.
This is, of course, Not Ideal. Even 30odd years later, he feels monstrous and unlovable because of this moment. The violence scars him. Not because he was wrong in killing his father, necessarily; the show doesn't judge him for it. But Ed destroyed the life he could have had when he did it, and he wounded himself.
Violent solution? Possible, but he deserved better.
Next up, Hornigold, who is also a mean, abusive bastard. He represents the avoidance solution: Leave and never look back. We do not know what became of Hornigold after Ed left his ship, but 02x03 implies that Ed expects him to still be alive somewhere. Ed clearly suffered horrific abuse at his hands, both physical and emotional, and even though that is years in the past, he clearly never dealt with any of it. Gravybasket!Hornigold tells him "Sorry doesn't rebuild an abdominal wall. You gotta move on.": Don't expect an apology, don't try to make amends, just ignore what happened. Apologies are pointless, you can never expect your abuser to change his behaviour. So just try to get away from him and ignore him.
This also doesn't really work. In the gravy basket, Ed is clearly still desperate for Hornigold's approval - and is refused, as he probably was often when he sailed with him. "You're never good enough" is one of the core mantras of abusers. Hornigold is still living in Ed's head, and heart, and soul; the poison he fed him is still alive and well within him. Ed even tries a violent solution this time, but obviously that can't work.
Still, avoidance is better than violence. Hornigold is left behind, standing on that cliff, while Ed goes back into the light. Ed doesn't have to take him with him. He cannot make Hornigold regret what he did, but he can remove himself from his clutches.
And then there's Izzy. With Izzy, Ed obviously has the most ambivalent relationship. He seems to truly like Izzy, to some extend (why is that would be another post, but as briefly as possible: I think Izzy provides an interpersonal dynamic that is familiar, and therefore, a twisted kind of safe for Ed. Chronic mistreatment will embed in you the idea that there's something wrong with you, and that's something Izzy is all too willing to point out to Ed. Crucially though, Izzy is someone who's approval is actually attainable. Ed keeps around someone who will tear him down, yes, but who it is also possible to impress, and over who he has authority. He's going back to the previous relationships, only now he is in a position of power, and that may feel like he can fix them. Obviously this isn't exactly a healthy dynamic. Izzy, for his part, clearly gets a kick out of the power and status being Blackbeard's first mate gives him, and manipulating Ed into doing what he wants. Just watch how pissed he gets when his control over Ed starts to slip.).
And there's another, crucial difference: Izzy wants to come around. Izzy is the fantasy of the toxic person who realizes how shitty his behaviour is, and who deep down, cares enough to want to fix it. Who recognizes the pain he caused, and who tells Ed the things he most needs to hear: I hurt you, and I'm sorry. You didn't deserve this. I was wrong; you're fine.
And then - and this is also an important part of the wish fullfilment fantasy! - he dies. Ed doesn't have to deal with him anymore. We remove the possibility that he goes back on his apology, or tries to use that as a wedge to carve out a space for himself in Ed's life, or goes back to manipulating Ed. No. The apology has to be the final note this relationship ends on.
And this fixes it. Ed can look back on Izzy fondly.
He was a fucking nightmare. What a guy.
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