#i'm trying to do one a day..... it hurts tho

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in: April 24, 2024 🎀

Wednesday started out so rough, I had a really bad stress breakdown from the pressure I was putting on myself for the exam I have today (Thursday), but luckily my dad was able to calm me down over the phone and my boyfriend motivated me and encouraged me. I don't feel as stressed out anymore, I know that I know the material and I'll do great! (it's a chemistry exam)

🩷 What I Accomplished:

studied chemistry for a good bit

completed 3 chemistry homework assignments

scheduled a make-up quiz for my psyc class

did the Total Body Pilates video from Blogilates

did the 11 minute Wake Up Yoga from Yoga with Adriene

did my morning skincare and journaling

actually, just did my entire morning routine and felt great about it

shipped off shorts I sold on depop

went to chemistry lecture to review for the exam

went to my virtual appointment with a registered dietitian and set some goals for the next 2 weeks

decided to join a step challenge with my health insurance company to win points (they have some cool things in their points shop, plus extra steps during the day is good for my health!)

washed my laundry

made a brain dump list for the remainder of the week

💞 Good Things That Happened:

I really like the dietitian I met with and have another appointment with her in 2 weeks

I really enjoyed using my new 40oz Simple Modern insulated tumbler cup

didn't let my stress breakdown make me go home, very proud of myself for sticking to my plans

went to sleep early

sold another item on depop!

I felt very reassured that I know the content that is going to be on my upcoming exam

the guy who makes sushi at my campus food court made sushi for me and held it until I went to get it so no one would buy it, i could've cried it was so nice of him

I drank coffee on campus and it didn't hurt my stomach for once!

💔 What Could've Gone Better:

need to put less pressure on myself

had some issues with food after my dietitian appointment (sometimes thinking too much about food can be triggering for me, tbh, but my goals are nutrient based which is helpful!!)

started crying before I went to bed because I was feeling oddly emotional (I think I'm starting my period soon)

had to turn down a work shift because I had too much school stuff and that appointment (I need the money so bad tho)

did not drink near enough water

need to be more patient and gentle with myself

also need to really figure out what's going on with my priorities, I keep struggling to do the things I say I'm going to do which is difficult for me to deal with sometimes

need to remember progress over perfection, 50% is always better then doing 0% of something

💗 Stuff For Thursday

clean my room

listen to a podcast episode

maybe do some more laundry

make a grocery list

clean my bathroom

therapy today over video call

reschedule a morning appointment

chemistry exam tonight

try to ship off the shirt I sold on depop

do some more planning and organizing for my life

that's all for now! Thursdays gonna be good. My exam is gonna go great! I have confidence in myself, and my knowledge and I know I've got this!

til next time lovelies 🩷

💕 Song of The Day: Baddie by IVE

Gotta remind myself of this sometimes <3

#pink pilates girl #pink pilates princess #self development #wonyoungism #it girl #mental health #self care #physical health #that girl #self love #that girl energy #it girl energy #pink academia #pink aesthetic #pink blog #college student #student life #college studyblr #studyblr community #studyblr #college studyspo #uniblr #uni student #university student #uni student aesthetic #university life #college life #student #studyspo #study community

[todayisafridaynight]

This might not be anything, but while writing about your fics, the way you have the characters' mannerisms down PERFECTLY got me thinking about mirroring...

There's a lot of it in 7 (Horii is a directorial genius etc etc), most of it more intentional than these probably are, but there's something so interesting about mirroring that takes the tone of a (relatively) fond memory, a familiar gesture, and inverts it in the way shown here.

OH I'M GLAD YOU'VE NOTICED THESE TOO I think I mentioned it months back (or I drafted a post 'bout it but didn't think it was anything noteworthy) but I always really did like how the Arakawa Family mimicked each other's mannerisms (also circling back to how Jo and Masato calling Ichiban 'Ichi' presumably after picking it up from Arakawa)!

Aoki actually does the same sitting gesture too! I went back to double check and skim through the rest of the game's cutscenes, and as far as I could tell unless I skipped a scene, it really is only these three that do this specific pose:

It's such a small detail but I love it immensely and it really does highlight their connections with each other and it drives me insane

#snap chats #the fact aoki holds his left fist with his right like jo..... im gonna be sick... (crying) #potential hints that aoki really does favor jo and/or spends more time with him... or i might be delirious. could be both even.. #focusing on how jo mimics arakawa though i dont think i have to say i love how it is inverted intention wise #like of course in arakawa's situations he's in a position where he's helping ichi and speaking calmly with him #while with jo Evidently each interaction is more tense and antagonistic #really is a cool way to emphasize that whole 'step parent' angle if that makes sense #OH BUT THANK YOU ON MY WRITING that's a huge compliment: i'm glad you think i have their mannerisms down ! #accuracy is a big thing to me... in case we haven't picked that up yet.... i should relax a little tbh-- #BUT i'd like to think my brain's good at visualizing things and i think i've 'studied' enough to get an acceptable result in what i show #it's like... if i can't see it in my head clearly or it doesn't look right then i wanna keep trying until it DOES look right yk #dont want a Hello Kitty Wouldnt Do Xanax moment... only on occasion.... a lil xanax wouldnt hurt as long as its not too far gone ☠️ #alright im. DELIRIOUS. #to end this off i watched the first episode of Sailor Suit and Machine Gun ! #my japanese is. HORRENDOUS BUT the art of inference and context clues and stray knowledge got me through it #i'm excited to watch the next episode even if i'm only really getting half the impact from the dialogue #BUT THE FEELING'S THERE... the emotion's there #embarrassingly i almost cried when izumi was crying in the theater over her dad while she was eating cause like Girl Me Too ☠️☠️ #ill go one day without mentioning my dad i promise... todays not that day tho ☠️ #IN ANY CASE. thank you for droppin the episodes on me !! i can't stress never tiring of having new things to watch #ill watch the next episode tonight probably. i was gonna go out to get lunch buuuut my moms home #so there goes that plan.. at least my bro got me food while /he/ went out today lmao

[daz4i]

how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp

i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand

many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you

also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)

#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭 #i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them #if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person #you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect #and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops #i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck #seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate #if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted #if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use #'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that? #'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way #a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way? #'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that. #i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels #so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process #you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them #but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you #anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol #(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer. #so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤) #also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really #i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.

[candlebel]

I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.

#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you. #I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible. #I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me. #I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth. #I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely. #I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin #I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't... #I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it #or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away... #to this day... #I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again #I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that. #I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY #that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back #that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed. #“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again. #By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant. #I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did. #The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement. #Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF. #You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do. #I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha #No I do not look at your blogs. #The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one. #I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel #safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time. #I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore. #And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry... #I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too... #vent

[troublcmakcrs]

//saw an absolutely ice cold take that tweek shouldn't have a coffeeshop of his own when he gets older bc his parents & their coffee is what caused most of his problems, and i'm like... it's about retribution, it's about allowing him to run their business better than they did, to become more successful than they did without using underhanded methods and hurting people, it's about the despite, it's about letting him thrive despite, despite, despite

#misc :: ( ooc ) #//i actually hc tweek as being genuinely passionate about coffee #//like DESPITE his parents there is comfort in the familiar; it's what he knows #//when he's having a better day mentally and his parents aren't down his throat about something #//he doesn't really MIND making drink orders for people #//tumblr has suuuuuch a huge problem with characters reclaiming the thing that hurt them tho #//even tho that's LITERALLY what i did with south park so ofc it was gonna get projected onto one of my sp muses LKJFDSKJDF #//tumblr is back on their ''there's only one way to be a victim and that's having a COMPLETE repulsion to the thing that hurt you'' bullshi #//it's his PARENTS he has a problem with; coffee is an innocent and has never done anything wrong in its life 😭 #//and yeah for a while he DOES avoid coffee bc he doesn't think he wants to work in a coffeeshop anymore #//and he struggles to find anywhere he fits for SO long bc he's trying to force things he... doesn't really like doing #//and on this blog it's craig who talks him into it like ''hey you LIKE making coffee; why are you not doing that?'' #//and it finally clicks for tweek: ''oh yeah why AREN'T i doing that??'' #//neither craig or tweek are ~perfect victims~ according to this bullshit website's definition of the term #//if they were they would never speak to each other again bc of tumblr's whole... #//...''you absolutely cannot forgive your abuser under any circumstances'' thing #//anyway tweek's future goth/alt coffeeshop where he offers the occasional free breakfast to homeless people is sexy send tweet #//i'm literally the only one i trust with tweek at this point i'm so serious #//like sorry i know literally EVERYONE has him on their blogs but i Get Him on a different level LKFJDSKJDF

[soldier-poet-king]

Anyway had an absolutely horrifying experience last night and yes it was genuinely traumatizing and tbh I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep in my room without fear again and my anxiety is through the roof and I've been SO productive at work today trying to distract mysel and not cry. But like. I will not go into detail, it will suffice to say it involved bugs and specifically, those nasty house centipedes, which I'm more afraid of than anything in the world, even spiders

#whatever you're thinking i promise you the reality is probably worse #franposting #bugs cw #genuinely i need to bleach my whole body and burn down the house and never sleep ever again #NOTHING IS SAFE #my SANCTUARY SAFE SPACE (small private barely 100 ft room) #has been ruined. genuinely #genuinely afraid to be in there rn #its SO STUPID bc its like #a bug. cant hurt me. BUT I HAVE A PHOBIA #tbh. mice would be better. a rat. a snake. #idgaf bugs are the fuckin worst #idk how y'all who live in places where roaches are common survive #i have seen one (1) roach in my whole life and it wasnt even in a house and i live in fear of them #tbh. tbh. tbh. I'm genuinely trying not to cry bc the work day is almost over and im afraid to go home #ik that sounds hyperbolic but pls believe me for once i am being dead serious i am so genuinely anxious #like rating my fears. theyre all intangible existential things+ bugs with too many legs + claustrophobia #THOSE MF CENTIPDES THO #why Do they EXIST

[tellthatbrokebitch]

pairings so far for the zombie au are: byler, hopclair (i think that's el and lucas' shipname???), eventual elumax bc ofc, ronance, vee poly with jargyle and stonathan, jopper, possibly dustin with an oc but almost might just leave him single but also that feels exclusionary but also they don't all NEED to be paired off but also-

#tellthatbrookebitch #just a heads up if i can finish it up in a timely fashion i might post the first chapter within the next few days. maybe. #yell at me if you want me to do that #my new notebooks don't come until friday tho and my back hurts and it's 2am or i'd try to write more rn #i'll do my best #lmk what y'all think about the dustin thing. if you want #tbh i probably wouldn't add a lot of interactions with the oc if i did make one #just bc ocs aren't generally liked or wanted #mark was the exception!!! #and also he might be in it. i might borrow his character model for this fic too #haven't decided #i have a gardener character i need will to interact with for Plot Reasons and i was like oh work #wooow i'm so tired i'm rambling sorry i will get off love you *smooch*

[partyinthemysterymachine]

me @ me "you're supposed to be editing and making it shorter and more concise and not adding a bunch of new paragraphs and words to the damn thing so shut the fuck UUUUUUPPPPPPP" while working on writing the next chapter of goomt challenge

#ches writes #goomt #:3c dontcha guys just LOVE me when i do this :3cccccccc????????????? #yeah. i sure do love me too <3 i'm having a blast :) (no i'm not. omg me shut uUUPPPPPPPPP LMAOOO) #(ME @ ME UR WORSE THAN H A R R Y SOMETIMES STFUUUUUUUUUUUUU) #im sorry gang. i just like to want to be able to tell a story 😔 gomen nasai minna-sans 😔😔😔😔😔🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 #yet this is my Curse to Bear; so SUCK IT (@ me @ me @ u @ me) #(no rly i pwomis i'm working on it LOL) #(i unfortunately just have to Write Out A Bunch Of Words before i can Start To Cut Them All Out (Again™️)) #THAT'S ALL #lmao maybe One Day i'll try to keep and release The Writing Process #and show what the original states of a previous chapter of GOOMT looks like before the Final Product goes out lol #idk would u guys like that?? would u like to see it?? Asking Honestly ngl #and no harm done if not <3 For Real tho my feelings won't be hurt it's just a Curiosity of mine :3c #anyway BYE i gotta go grab me some more Energy Dranks 😩😔 #(i subside mostly on Adderall; frozen pizzas from Target; and Lots of Energy Drinks. idk does it show?? LOL #(don't answer that it's rhetorical i know that it does <333 I'M AN ARTIST AND A GEMINI OK. LIFE IS MY CHAOS)) #and u all just get to Observe It <3 Lucky U LOL #ok byyyeeeee~~~

[missinglittlebritishfriend]

I'M FREEEEEEEEEE

#where's my happy tho i specifically requested it #ok so i just had my final cello exam/concert #and it was fine i guess #although it wasn't really a concert because no one came to see me #it was only my dad and my brother lol #the cellist before me brought her whole family and a lot of people went to see the other one after me #some of them are friends who i invited to see me but they didn't go #i actually posted on other social media about the concert and some people said they were gonna go #well at least that put less pressure on me. i guESS #i didn't actually expect anyone to go but they my teacher asked me why didn't i invite anyone #and if i even had any friends #how do i tell her i DID but no one came anyways and it's not like they're my close friends #i don't have those anymore and that's exactly how i want it. no i won't elaborate on why we'll be here all day #i don't mind it but her calling me out hurt #reminded me of my mom #oh btw she has covid and me probably too but i still had to play while trying not to cough #that was fun #oof this got long #I'm okay i prommy #val's nonsense

[foolishjellyfish]

Heart says ouch. We still sad. :-((((((

#diary #she sent me a text mssg to say that 1. she was tired and sad 2. that wasn't how she wanted to wrap things up that day #3. that she hoped I found some moments of sun for myself after we had that terrible fight on sunday (sending me a nice thought - good sign?) #4. suggested we check in later in week 'if comfort levels allign' #I replied saying same also sad #and saying that I need space #i think its the first time that I've felt so hurt by her that I needed to Not Talk To Her #and she has not texted me yesterday or today and nor have I and it's good because I asked for space but also it fkn hurts #i really like her why does it have to be so fkn messyyy!!!!!!! #but also feeling sad about things that have very little to do with her #i.e. me and my sister not super getting along rn (tho is this rlly news) #and like the realisation of how badly I've neglected my physical health lately #+ the disabled grief I'm feeling lots lately #i think to some degree I've been trying to push past my pain and fatigue so I can convince myself I'm not as disabled as I think I am #but then I just become more tired and more sore and more difficult to be around bc ya kno how being tired and in pain just tends to lower ur #lower ur threshold for difficult things etc etc etc #but also she called me DRAMATIC when i was simply feeling big feelings #like #fuck that shit !!!!!!!! #way to invalidate one's feelings #like yes i am aware that the way I express my feelings can be intense at times #my feelings are intense like i have adhd and there's a part of the brain that involves emotional regulation and #that part of the brain doesn't work as well for adhd brains in comparison to neurotypical brains #UGH #like I'm trying to own my feelings don't u fkn dare call me dramatic - we reserve that word for my mother thank u very much

[shaunashipman]

I either did something to my teeth, am having a nerve issue, or I have an infection in my jaw :/

#cleo.txt #i know my teeth are bad #thank you government for not including teeth in health care #but i had this pain in my neck up on that side on friday night when i went to bed #and now it hurts to chew on that side #and my gums feel tender #it also almost feels like one or more teeth are loose when i try and chew there #but they aren't moving when i feel them with my finger #i hate going to the fucking dentist #i hate the judgement #i hate how they never listen when i tell them i have a sensitive gag reflex #or that i need more freezing than normal before they do any work #if it doesn't get better in a few days tho i'm gonalna have to call and make an appointment anyway

[daz4i]

man if anyone else was in my situation I'd tell them "noooo don't listen to the people in your life who tell you you're making excuses and just being lazy, it's clear that you're in pain, not to mention executive dysfunction makes everything so much harder and depression draining you immediately after one action, be kinder to yourself" however. i am not anyone else

#parents 🤝 old therapist 🤝 friends a few years ago -> convincing me I'm lazy and making excuses to not do anything #it eased up a bit when i had the original crohn's scare bc suddenly ppl had to believe there might actually be smth wrong with me - #- and I'm not just faking my pain/it's just in my head. but the novelty of that passed even though it's still unclear if i have it or not #i don't know either. whether I'm being lazy or not. bc when I'm home alone for a week i DO do some of these things - #- that i normally struggle with. but 1 not all 2 as i mentioned i do need to lie down and recharge after everything #even if I'm not having stomach pains my muscles Do Not like me moving around that much but that might also be me being out of shape #which is think is what all those ppl i mentioned think. which is why they try to encourage me. it's not malicious or anything #but it still hurts a lot to hear. esp when it's coming from all directions and i still. can't. do. anything. #being told I'm just being lazy isn't as encouraging as they may think. tho at this point they're also expressing frustration- #- which i can't blame them for i mean I'd be frustrated too. i AM frustrated too #no one is meaner to me than myself after all #vent #man. that post hit hard akdlglg i didn't realize how much i have held up inside me abt this topic #I'm. really sad now. i just started the day and I'm already crying. damn

[mrfoox]

Help, I don't think I've met another person with these many exceptions in their views ajnsnfjskajsjfk

#miranda talking shit #Talking with oliver can be so spicy. He can do an long rant about people in an group i fit into and when i point it out #Hes like NO YOU ARE NOT PART OF THAT GROUP NO! Like bro... I am. I'm not trying to guilt you but technically i am #Numbers do not lie ajjsjfjdkskskd i can say that much lol #Talking about overweight people and how its dangerous and shouldn't be promoted #Yeah that makes sense and all but also... Im overweight. Im like 20kg over the normal weight limit. I am by numbers overweight #But he wanted to argue i wasnt... Bc i... Didnt look like it? Which i mean uh ty? But i am. Doctors have told me its a fact i know it #I am not so... Bothered by being called fat anymore bc thats true ya know? But he got so fired up about me not being fat it was like #Um... I dont mind it buddy its true? I definitely am. It's okay it wont hurt anyone if you say it i already have #I understand what he meant like obesity is dangerous people die and get sick bc of it. But his 'line' of overweight people is apparently #Very different from the norm...? Or even like Healthcare yeah. I dont think the word fat now is as sensitive to me as it was #In the past. But i also know thats... How to describe me with a mess nice word than chubby. I have a too big belly its a fact #Did i enjoy him being so willing to argue me on this point ? Yeah it was funny #Maybe im not the norm but feels like now a days thin people are scared to use the fat word but fat people dont really care much #Maybe its how our culture have pushed for it to be more acceptable or at least not be shamed etc. But ive had more than #One friend in recent years who have argued on the point of me being fat. Like... I am im not saying it to earn pity or something its true? #Funny to hear he doesn't think i am tho. He always react strongly when i hint at it even #'people are built different youre not fat' its confirmed fellas im just built different lmao

[bladeofthestars]

.

#i was gonna go buy some delta 8 bc i got christmas money early and i've been hurting #but i had to buy some fucking groceries a couple of days ago bc my mom last minute told me she wanted me to make #stuffing for thanksgiving #and with the very meager amount of money i have left i don't want to spend basically all of it on weed #so i decided against it #and was gonna have some pity ice cream instead #but i get in the freezer and find that my SO has eaten the last of it #even tho he usually never gets into it #and there was a brownie on the table and a cookie bar in the fridge that he likes #so why choose that specifically #idk i'm just like throwing a tantrum in the other room quietly while he's sleeping bc wtf #like i'm fucking trying to lose weight sure and didn't *need* the ice cream #but like it's always kinda been 'mine' and how are you gonna eat the last of something that's mine #i had counted on it being there #just like damn. i truly have nothing. #and half the dishes were loaded into the dishwasher backwards either by him or his parents #which like practically zero time to fix but wtf? kinda weird and inconsiderate?? #and imma have to scrub the damn toilet bc we're having company tomorrow and i'm the only one who cares enough to do it #i was gonna pop an edible and get to work on cleaning since it sometimes helps with motivation to do it #but that plan is cancelled and i don't even have a consolation prize #thinking about instead getting drunk off my ass and doing goddamned nothing #i feel bad that i haven't really been working on personal projects recently. makes me feel lazy. but i haven't been bc it's hard to focus #when sitting in one place for like 20 minutes causes me pain. so i cook and i occasionally clean house and i have to beg and beg and demand #and guilt for the few chores i ask of him to be done. which is literally almost only cleaning the pots and pans when i cook for him. but #they'll sit there for days and sometimes his parents who are usually gone half the week woll come home and they're still there and his mom #ends up washing them. i'm not bringing in any money right now and like at least he's working on something but he's not bringing in any #either and we went through my money faster bc it's harder to get him to go to the grocery so it was me for a long time paying for all that #so now i have nothing and feel weird about asking for help and he's offered verbally but hasn't actually sat down with me to do anything #until i literally didn't have enough to pay for my car insurance at which point he sat down to switch it but ugh #he had said he didn't want me to get that low but let it happen anyway and now is still like 'can you get that' on occasion

[noxtivagus]

IT'S ALREADY WEDNESDAY !?! DAMN 🥺 thursday basically now bcs it's just turned midnight here omg.

#🌙.rambles #despite the lack of time i'm not too overwhelmed! oh my god thinking abt it n i really love my friends so much :') #but there's that only one irl i have that has honestly been. hmmm. bcs i don't expect anything at all from others genuinely but it hurts if #you're the only one giving :') but i've been taking my mind off that. she's genuinely the only friend rn i have that drains me. #i still do love & care for her though! she's still my friend. other friendships i have whether irl or online is good enough ! but hmm #maybe i feel a bit anxious in general like i have to do more. sm more. i'm not sure. i'm sorry. i dont want to think too much rn #here's the thing i've had a lot more mood swings lately ( likely due to pms ) & i'm worried of how it may have unknowingly affected things #bcs like in my discord status i write sometimes there n it may not be really clear? often even if it sounds v negative i don't actually #mean it to that extent. it's often a bit dramatized bcs it looks cool. sorry. unless it's something like. oh yh when those two irls #excluded apollo n i on the day before our bday;; unintentional tho & i do realize that's just the kind of people they are. #everytime i spend time w them we just do whatever they want & we have a lot of differences. it hurt bcs it was our bday soon though & #with them i know from experience that they wouldn't reciprocate the similar kindness or gifts i would give or have given? #my fault for expecting something. expectations lead to disappointment. that said if i have problems with people.... #i'm trying harder to bring it up. i know why they're like that ^ but maybe i'm afraid of unintentionally hurting them. yeah. but hmm #i apologized for smth i said then that day but i remember they just said 'hope you feel better soon' which kind of hurts thinking on it bcs #their actions that day made me cry a lot. it didn't seem like they care that hurt. & i realize those two though. they don't . yeah. #idk how to say but they've never been there for me when i need it. genuinely never. i can't see them being my best friends in the future. #they've never been there to ask me how i'm doing. to offer if they could help me. i've done that for them. i don't expect reciprocation but #it hurts when you feel the effort isn't returned. it's been like that for a long time. i've expressed several times wishing to have #heart-to-heart talks but they've never gone through bcs they don't work towards it too. that said though. i'm human. i have my own life #my own emotions and struggles. it gets so draining when it feels so one-sided. & then i feel more sorry that maybe my mental health #in general ends up bringing down my other friendships? sometimes with people if i don't really interact it's either i'm busy or #tired. just shy or anxious in general. or i feel unappreciated. recently it's been a mix of all that so it's been hard to do more than i ca #thank you tho for everything all of you have done. i wish i cld do more for you. arghh i'll go on as i can w my limit but recently #there's maybe this distance i'm too tired to cross rn? i'm a bit tired rn but i think i'll be ok again soon! i'm motivated when it comes to #my interests. passions. just forgetting stuff relating to ^ i'm not TOO stressed bcs i look forward to these games n books n ideas n all c: #i'm a bit tired rn but i'll distract myself! this too shall pass. i was doing better earlier. soon i'll feel better again as well 🤍 #i'll be productive when i feel like it! i can rest. i can take it slow. at my own pace. it's hard n i feel bad for that but i need to. #it's enough to realize i'm tired & let myself rest. just live rn. i don't have to be so harsh on myself. i can rest. but. i'm sorry.... #so much to do. so much yet unsaid and undone. in all aspects of my life. i'm not sure what to do first. it hurts. i'm tired. i'm sorry

[abcjxyzyeo]

Mr Brightside.

summary; Ever since you joined the gaang, Zuko had kept his eye on you. Even tho he hasn't officially joined your team, he thought you were kind, sweet, and good looking. But unfortunately for him, his mind tormented him with thoughts of you and Sokka, assuming you two were a couple. When he finally joined, he tried to make a move but yet it only confirmed his fears. Until...

Pairing; Zuko x afab!Reader(romantic) , Sokka x afab!Reader(platonic)

AN; !!!!! first post !!!!! Kinda nervy writing this cuz it's my first time writing something but I been on my avatar shiiii so yk I gotta do what I gotta do !! Anyways yea this is like kinda sorta based on Mr. Brightside by The Killers but it's also like not ?? And again it's my first time writing so the plot and dialogue and everything abt it is def messy and possibly rushed but pshh enjoy !! And also not to be a lil spoiler but ofc Zuko and y/n get together in the end 😘😘😘

Warning; Angst(???), F!reader(mentioned !!), sex and sexual implications(???) idfk 😭😭😭

Zuko paced back and forth, unsure what to do. You were the only thing on his mind, it bothered him and he had to do something about it. But yet ever since that day when you two first met, Zuko couldn't let go of the fact you were probably Sokka's girl. But he couldn't let go of your kindness, you sat and cried next to his uncle that had just been struck with lightning. But obviously, his emotions getting the better of him, he shot fire at you and Katara. He watched as Sokka grabbed your hand and waist pulling you up and running away. But eventually when he had gathered all his courage(which took a while) and his strength he walked up to you.

Comin' out of my cage and I been doin' just fine Gotta, gotta be down because I want it all

"Hey y/n." he grimly uttered

"Zuko! Hey! Why so down? Did someone die?" you chuckled to yourself

"Uh n-no. I was just wond-"

Just when he was about to admit his feelings, here came the killer of all his courage. Strutting with intensifying ego. Sokka. With widened eyes, Zuko stared as Sokka scooped you up and twirled you around. Wrapping your beautiful arms around his neck and burying your head with them. Zuko looked down and saw his hands firmly carry you while holding your ass. A twinge of pain and jealousy struck his intestines hard and fierce.

"What's on your mind?" You said with immense joy in your voice, but yet not looking Zuko in the eyes. Your attention now only focused on Sokka staring into his dazzling eyes.

"Uh, can I talk to you.. alone." Staring dejectedly at Sokka, and he simply shrugs, setting y/n down and walking away.

Zuko can tell you are obviously annoyed, and it worries him. Maybe he isn't wrong and you and Sokka are a thing, his palms start to become slick with sweat and he lets out an exasperated sigh with a low flame following.

It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this? It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss

You watch as Zuko walks intensely closer, invading all your personal space. It wasn't a problem with you but it was definitely confusing. Zuko opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Letting out a groan of frustration, he made a quick fast move. Grabbing the back of your neck and the small of your back, pulling you in and landing his lips on yours. At first for one mere second you found yourself kissing him back for a second, but when you came to your senses you pushed him off. Zuko falling flat on his butt and looking up at you with hurt in his eyes.

"Zuko what the hell?" You yell trying to shake off the weird feeling in your gut

"Y/n I'm sorry!" He tries to yell while you turn and run towards Sokka, great, you just kissed some guys girlfriend, he thought. "Ugh, I can't believe how stupid I am!" pitiful tears welled up in his eyes before he violently wiped them before they could even think of spilling out of his delicate eyes, god that was embarrassing. He got up and threw himself in his tent to try and take a nap to even forget what he did.

Now I'm fallin' asleep and she's callin' a cab While he's havin' a smoke and she's takin' a drag Now they're goin' to bed and my stomach is sick And it's all in my head

Zuko throws the sheets off of him, sitting up in a cold sweat. He wipes the sweat off the back of his neck.

"Shit," he utters

He kept having weird dreams about you and Sokka, as if he was looking right at you two, having to watch a repeating nightmare of the girl of his dreams get taken by another guy. He lays his head back down and closes his eyes. Clutching his stomach that's tied in all forms of tight painful knots making his throat slick with spit. Maybe if he just thought of anything else he would have some form of nice sleep.

But she's touchin' his chest now He takes off her dress now Let me go And I just can't look, it's killin' me And takin' control

Zuko was having yet another horrid nightmare, but it felt all too real. He had left his tent and made his way to yours to apologize for stepping over lines. Weird noises, smells, and heats emitted from your tent though. He grabbed the curtain and pulled it up, horrified at the scene in front of him. A topless Sokka laid over you on the ground, he was carefully stripping you of all your clothes. You looking over and making straight eye contact with Zuko as Sokka slides himself in.

Zuko shoots his upper body up covering his eyes and yelling. Softly opening up his eyes he realizes it was all a bad dream. But oh God what if that's actually happening? He wipes the sweat off his forehead and swiftly got up and out of his tent in one motion.

Jealousy, turnin' saints into the sea Swimmin' through sick lullabies Chokin' on your alibis

Zukos eyes landed on Sokka watching you practice your earth bending. He slipped down into a spot next to Sokka and blissfully watched a girl he can never have. He looked at Sokka through his peripheral vision, that very familiar pinch of jealousy hitting close to home.

"You're a lucky guy," he uttered

That caught Sokka by surprise and he laughed

"What?"

"Y/n, look how talented she is! And she's kind and pretty, and she's yours."

This caused Sokka to laugh even harder

"Lighten up Zuko! Y/n isn't my girlfriend, she's just a close friend of mine being Suki's sister and all. I see Suki a lot in Y/n and according to Azula with Suki in prison it's nice to still have a piece of her somewhere."

But it's just the price I pay Destiny is callin' me

This caused Zukos eyes to widen fiercely. Everything he had worried about simply drifted away, even if you had rejected him he still felt worlds better. A giant boulder sized relief fell of his shoulders.

Y/n saw Zuko and Sokka sitting together and waved to both the boys with a happy smile, walking up to them and nodding Sokka off. Leaving the earth bender and the fire bender alone. Before you could say anything Zuko shot up from the floor.

"Y/n I'm so sorry, I never meant to overstep any boundaries I just thought-"

He was cut off by the feeling of lips on his own

"You talk too much," you giggled "I'm sorry for brushing you off earlier I was just caught by surprise and I was nervous. But I do like you Zuko."

Zuko smiled and wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into yet another kiss.

"I like you too."

Open up my eager eyes 'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside

#zuko #prince zuko #atla zuko #zuko x reader #sokka #atla sokka #sokka/zuko