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themswritinwords · 5 months

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Mostly!

I've been in and out of doctors offices and the hospital for the past 2-3 months, which is in itself exhausting and not really conducive to writing. Add in the end-of-year holidays coming up, at least four more appointments in the next month, my child's first ever dance recital and all the prep that entails (way more than I thought), a cross-country trip to visit family, and some other personal stuff on top of all that, and I might still be a bit absent. I'm hoping by the second week of January I'll be back to some kind of routine, which hopefully means being more active here too. (Gotta build that dying-platform social media, amirite?)

But! Despite losing approximately 1/3 to 1/2 of my blood volume in the space of a month (0/10 do NOT recommend), I did actually get stuff done. Important stuff! I did DVpit on Discord, got requests, and actually got those sent out before the major hospitalization adventures. I polished up a finished manuscript and actually got it out to some beta readers. Excitingly, I also got my first two full requests ever, and got those sent off with minimal freaking out and rethinking my entire everything.

No word on the fulls yet, but the beta readers are all coming back with the same kind of feedback:

"engaging," "couldn't put it down," "hysterical," "cinematic," "powerful," and my personal favorite, "WOW." (if i had a nickel for every all-caps WOW i got on this manuscript, I'd have 3 nickels; which isn't a lot but it's weird exciting that it happened 3 different times)

Okay, I lied. My personal favorite was the single, solitary, italicized, "Holy shit."

So for once I'm feeling pretty good about myself and my writing! And that's in spite of one of my worries for this manuscript coming true: I got some details wrong and the Car People noticed. And yet! Despite something being egregiously wrong, they said they didn't care because the story was "so engaging it didn't matter." (Still gonna fix it, though. Now that I know, those inaccurate spark plugs will haunt me.)

I also managed to dust off an old project-- my oldest to date that's still functional as a story-- and figured out how to fix all the problems that led me to shelve it in the first place. I have a plan. I have a workable outline. I fixed the stagnant characters and plot and the massive plot holes all at once with minimal scrapping and without trashing my most favorite (and compelling) aspects.

Most importantly, I'm excited to work on it.

After finishing this latest project and then having my whole body fall apart piece after piece for almost a full quarter of a year, it feels like I haven't wanted to write in a long time, let alone been excited to do so. But here I am, getting words down and dusting off Spotify playlists. It feels really, really good.

So here's to the next few months. They might still be rocky and stressful, but I'm recovering in more ways than just the physical. I hope the end of the year brings you joy and peace in whatever ways you need it most, and that the new year finds you well and, most importantly, happy. If not, please know I'm here for you and rooting for you. My askbox and DMs are always open. <3

#personal #hiatus update #writing #writeblr #health #wips #writers of tumblr #writing community

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forlix · 3 months

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hi! I'm back 🐼 and don't apologize, please, everyone has their hard days and weeks (even years sometimes)! I just hope you are good now and everything worked out fine!

firstly, I'm a real person indeed! and yes you do remind me of him somehow, idk maybe is the bubbly vibe or how sweet you are to everyone? idk, it just gives off lix's vibes and STOP!, you are not undeserving of it! you deserve all the great things that come to you! (also I'm not always the mom friend per say, but I'll def hurt people who hurt my friends type of person 🫣 also, PLEASE! Minho is my bias, this is too much! 🤭 but I wouldn't mind being the Minho to your Felix 👀🫂)

secondly, I'm always happy when people talk about going to international relations, it's so exciting! I finished my course a while ago, but I never actually left, I love it so much! I always loved non-governmental organizations, but after my exchange program I fell in love for real with the whole concept of War&Peace, my thesis was actually regarding how multicultural countries can be a blessing and curse depending on how you manage them, in the end it was about how the multicultural situation affects society, focusing a lot on the internal conflicts before, during and after the whole thing, so i I analyzed the rising and fall of the country viewing the multicultural aspect. sorry I'm rambling, but I just love to talk about it! I loved the course so much and all the people it gave me thanks to it, I honestly have such great experience about it, even after I had one specialization, during an MBA and starting my literature studies I met and became friends with such amazing people doing that course for the first time. I hope you have great memories of it!

lastly, it wasn't really a conversation per say, bc I'm a bit shy with people idk or don't feel completely comfortable (unless they are mean, then I'm their personal nightmare if I want to), but I did ask you to add me to the spy x family au taglist, I think I commented after a while you had posted saying you were gonna write it, and you said you'd add me to the overall taglist, so yeah, that's all, wasn't an ACTUAL conversation, but you were so nice regardless, either way, I'm happy I found you and your tumblr, I hope you receive as much joy and happiness you give us (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡

- 🐼

first of all, WAHH YOU'RE REAL! AND WAHH YOU'RE THE MINHO TO MY FELIX! application accepted with unbounding enthusiasm hehe LOOK it's us ily and i would hold you in the palm of my hand any day

sticking the rest under the cut bc i wrote u an essay (so NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR RAMBLING i can't hold anyone else to any standards in that regard i am the No. 1 perpetrator of that crime)

you are SOOOOOOOO COOL. oh my fucking god. i've always been curious about ngos and i would love some more of ur perspective on them - what about them did you love? and what do you recommend are the best ways to get involved? that's definitely a bucket list item for me once i find a cause i'm passionate enough about

and war and peace!!! oh my god!! in the least weird way possible my interest in ir has always centered around conflict, so we have that in common for sure! the most impactful classes of my life were about modern chinese history, about how china became the nation it is today and the role it's come to serve in the world over time, and american foreign policy, basically about how the u.s. found a new way to royally fuck everything up with every international conflict it got involved in. both were so interesting and changed my world view in irreversible ways. my specializations are 'east and south asia' and 'social development and human well being' btw

your thesis sounds INSANELY cool. on the note of multiculturalness i've been reflecting on the united states as a country and its citizens as a population a lot recently 1) because of biden's active promotion and enablement of israel's war crimes and 2) because i just came back from spending three months in east asia so there's been a lot of comparing and contrasting to do in terms of lifestyle, culture, society, etc. idk if it would be too much if u gave me the thesis statement or primary argument or maybe even the abstract of your thesis bc i'm so curious about your thoughts on this. but also totally TOTALLY okay if not!!! i feel like i'm overstepping just asking sorry i'm letting my ir nerd get the best of me

and AH. I THINK KNOW WHO YOU ARE 💡 and you're so so fine, bb, you will never receive any pressure from me to come off anon or interact with me in any shape or form that you're not absolutely comfortable with. "unless they're mean then i'm their personal nightmare" LMAOOO AS YOU FUCKING SHOULD THAT'S ON QUEEN BEHAVIOR!!!! make that two. if anyone is mean to you i will Find them and Hunt them like a timber wolf awoo. mark my words

i'm the one who should be happy that the universe brought you to me, lovely! thank you for being you, as always; i'm reciprocating every ounce of your warmth and light in your direction!

#*inbox #🐼 anon

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ncteez · 10 months

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hi hon!! congrats again and happy sleepover! 🥰 questions for you!

1. what’s a song you’re currently into?

2. what are songs that remind you of your biases (feel free to pick from any or all groups you stan!! i’d love to know abt them all!)

3. what’s your favorite fic that you’ve written and why?

4. this is more of a personal observation but, i noticed your fics are often pretty lengthy (not complaining, i love it 😈). do you plan for their length or does it just come flowing and you find yourself reaching double digit k words? it is so impressive to me to be able to write as many lengthy fics as you do!

5. kind of bouncing off the last question but, what inspires you to write and when do you know you’re satisfied with a piece before you post it?

thank you and i hope you find these questions fun!!

join the sleepover!

YESSSSS, LETS GO.

1. what’s a song you’re currently into? okay so there's two songs i've been listening to on fucking repeat.

wake up - ateez (self explanatory)

nugu - villain (it makes me want to physically assault a police officer)

2. what are songs that remind you of your biases (feel free to pick from any or all groups you stan!! i’d love to know abt them all!)

OHHHHHHHH MY GOD OKAY. some of these are lyrically related but mostly it's just the song vibe that makes me think of my biases.

the death of peace of mind - bad omens is 100% a song that makes me think of hongjoong.

losing my religion - r.e.m. .................................mark lee

wildest dreams - taylor swift. MINGYU. i will comment no further about this.

pony - ginuwine. mingi mingi mingi mingi mingi mingi.

3. what’s your favorite fic that you’ve written and why?

shockingly, i have two.

on edge. the one where you cheat on your borderline perfect and most loyal loving boyfriend doyoung with his little brother, Mark. and of course, he never finds out. I know that it's 100% something a lot of people won't read, and unfortunately I love writing drama styled stuff and this one was just......it was genuinely so fun to write and I think a lot of people can tell that I enjoyed writing it seeing as how much went into it. i genuinely think it's the best fic i've ever written. I like the push and pull, i like the guilty aspect, i like the sense of pure passion and desperate need for another person that you should not want. there's a whole dynamic there that a lot of people don't explore in their fictional stories, and i'm not afraid to say that I fucking love how juicy it is.

charity fuck. i will never get over how much i enjoyed writing the 26 year old virgin hoshi. it was fun, playful, and intense even. everything felt as healthy as I wanted it to be, and ultimately i ended up very proud of the fic once it was out for everyone to read. i will always recommend it if someone wants to see what's up when it comes to my fics :D

in all honesty, i cannot, for the life of me, manage to write shorter fics. when I do, it's often very forced to be finished in under a certain word count. i try to challenge myself to write shorter fics but even then some people find them long. For instance, 5k length is incredibly short for my fics. that's not to say i don't enjoy reading that length or even less from others, but i really do struggle to keep a low word count.

like, i'm so invested in putting plot in all of my stories that most of the time i'm writing fics because the plot has me invested and the smut is very much just a secondary thing. i put a lot of effort into my story lines and i simply can't write the way I want to if i don't at least reach 10k, bc that gives me enough space to at least touch on every plot point and have it fleshed out enough. otherwise i will feel like everything happened too fast? does that make sense? TL;DR: i naturally write long fics bc i'm not satisfied with the plot if I don't. it's never forced when i write longer fics, but it's always forced when i write shorter ones.

5. kind of bouncing off the last question but, what inspires you to write and when do you know you’re satisfied with a piece before you post it?

i think i've always enjoyed writing. i tend to live inside of a fantasy world in my head and think very vividly. sometimes movies will inspire me, sometimes a lyric in a song will inspire me, other times it's a fuckin' porn video i saw and i'm like "HMMMMMMMMMM". There are so many scenarios in this world that can happen in a fic, and i find it very fun as a passing hobby to day dream about like, "hey what if person A loved person B so much that they let them go, not knowing that person B never wanted to be free anyway?" then i'd be like "oh fuck, okay how would they get to this point of miscommunication? how is it resolved? how would--" etc etc, and that's usually how my brain works. Also, thirst trap tiktoks are a great way to get inspired. there's this one video of mingyu and wonwoo simply WALKING and looking back at the camera smiling and......when i saw my brain went BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR with ideas.

as for knowing when I'm done.......idk tbh. Sometimes I'm not actually done with it and complete a piece..then later start a second part of it, other times I set up the story where the climax is the smut, and what's left is a short epilogue that wraps everything up. That's pretty common in my writing. You'll legit read about a cum shot, you see my little "~" to indicate time passing, then jumping into the future where i give a lil explanation of what happened after. that's usually when I know i'm done. When i feel satisfied enough to do that lil epilogue bit is when i know i can post it.

sheeeeeesh, sorry this was so long.

#[sleepover]#[mail]#markonthemoon

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yellowocaballero · 2 years

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6, 7, 18 :V

What is your darkest fear about writing?

Oh god uh uh uh

I worry my stuff is bad, like literally everybody else. I get stressed out when I feel like I just can't make the story work, when it just has way too many flaws, or when I feel like I just can't reach the level that I want to reach. It frustrates me and I definitely vent to friends that I'll never be good enough for myself and my own standards.

But that's just frustration. That's my shit self-esteem and my bad habit of wanting things to be perfect without putting the effort in. I WISH I was a perfectionist. That's a huge part of my psyche that I have to manage in every aspect of my life.

That's not fear. Fear is anticipation of negative consequences. Fear is 'I'm terrified this'll happen, because then X Y and Z will happen'. These consequences can be physical - I'll flunk, I'll get rejected, I'll crash the car - or they can be emotional - she'll hate me, he'll be disappointed in me, they'll dump me, I'll hate myself. There's, like, stakes.

There's no stakes in my writing? If I post a fic and it gets no hits, then I've lost exactly nothing in this process. If I write a fic and it's terrible, then I'll get really frustrated and go cool off and then go back to writing something better. Worst case scenario with my writing is...?!...my friends will think it's bad..?!...I don't know. That I'll never be good enough...? I will never, ever be good enough for myself, this is a me problem that has little to do with my writing. This is why I write to destress. Everything's made up and the points don't matter?

(This is why I'll never be a professional writer, for what it's worth - hugely rooting for your success in that aspect).

What is your deepest joy about writing?

I sometimes get extremely nice comments about how much a story meant to them. That is always so wonderful, they are very meaningful to me. I also sometimes get comments that I have made somebody realize that they are ace/trans/has made them quit their job, which are the ABSOLUTE BEST. I love talking about my writing and discussing it with other people, and I achieve this through writing stuff that is hopefully good enough that I can make other people care about it. It's hugely rewarding and feels wonderful & it makes me happy to know that I brighten days. The best part of fanfiction is the friends I make through fanfiction.

But my actual joy is - I don't know, just in the writing. When I'm wading through a scene and I just really love the scene, and I feel like a freaking genius, and I can't type fast enough to keep up with my brain. When the image is incredibly vivid in my mind and I'm feeling everything in the scene, and it's coming out even more beautiful than in my head. When I'm, like, ALMOST THERE. Writing a sentence and going 'that's the EXACT right sentence' or writing a line of dialogue that is so clever or writing a joke that is just so funny. When everything is just right and I'm just having a complete blast, and then I go brag to my friends about how smart I am. I just like doing it.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

This post is already pretty long, so I'll attempt to be laconic.

I like Wolverine , Khonshu said wistfully.

“Damn, then go staple yourself to his adamantium skeleton. Their crusade’s a waste of time. This ain’t a team-up issue, it’s a multiversal mistake.” Jake snorted softly, flexing his hands inside his hoodie pockets. “Mark my words, Boss. Day after tomorrow my knife’s going to find that kid’s heart. He’s going to die because our little justice system’s fucked up, because he made the shit choices a shit situation gave him, and because the keepers of the peace like us care more about justice than what’s right. And the same thing’s gonna happen next month, and the next month, and the next month. ‘Cuz there’s nothing cruel or unusual about state-sanctioned serial killing. How’s that for your piping hot pie of justice?”

The entire process of trying to make Jake was complicated enough, and he changed a tremendous amount through conceptualizing him. I hadn't intended to have him in the scene - I actually never intended to do a Jake POV until the final scene - and him becoming a major character actually fucked some stuff up. But I just liked my brand new OC so much he started eating up word count (The joy of Jake Dialogue is real). He was going to be a bit more unhinged until I wrote the passage, really loved it, and swerved hard in this direction.

This passage is to blame for a lot of that, because it cemented Jake as: an astute outside observer of the situation, a mouthpiece for the justice-themed moral, keenly intelligent, a kinda spicy fourth wall breaker, pretty hilarious, uncontrollable, pettily cruel, and bugfuck insane.

Anyway I actually just bring up this passage because I read The New Jim Crow in prep for this story and somehow Jake became the character in universe who's read The New Jim Crow. I also re-read all of She-Hulk 1989, and although Shulk was always gonna be 4th-walley it somehow became INCREDIBLY funny to have Jake be the only other 4th wall breaker just because he is bugfuck. I also watched many telenovela recaps and none of them made it in except for the general vibe of extreme drama.

Thanks for the ask!

#I'VE ACED SEXUALITIES WHICH IS WHY GOD PUT ME ON THIS EARTH #my writing #somehow Jake fell into the category of my OCs that can be described as #The Rich #and if you know then you know #or I could just do the jake in mk fanfics which is #*frantically reads notes*#speaks spanish? he speaks spanish? Spanish?

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biiedwin8 · 4 months

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Maladaptive Daydreaming: Why you Need to Manage Your Daydreaming as A New Year Resolution

Hey guys, Happy New Year! I hope you enjoyed your holidays. Today, I'd like us to start the year by understanding why it's crucial for you to manage your daydreaming, not stop it, but incorporate it as part of your New Year resolutions. I've heard many people say, "This thing is not a problem; I enjoy it. I can't live without it. Let me just focus on my career, work, and other things." However, the addiction to daydreaming is something else. I'm going to explain why it's essential, and it's a crucial part of crushing your goals this year.

Actually, there are various elements of daydreaming. Let's start with the logical aspects first. On average, from my research, most compulsive daydreamers, or those addicted to daydreaming, spend 3 to 7 hours of their day daydreaming. So, imagine spending 3 to 7 hours of your waking days, or active hours, where you should be working on your goals or career. If you spend, on average, close to 5 hours a day, that's nearly 150 hours in a month and around 2400 hours in a year, which is almost 100 waking days.

If you don't manage your daydreaming, you'll end up losing about 100 working days in a year to daydreaming. Will you really achieve those goals when you're spending 100 working days in an imaginary world? Without even going into other aspects like stress, let's focus on the logical aspect. If you spend 100 hours in an imaginary world, you're taking away 100 hours from your real life. What can you achieve in 100 days in real life? You can pursue another course, find another job, spend time with your family, study, or develop additional skills. You can do a lot with this time, and it can significantly impact your life.

If you keep spending 3 to 7 hours a day in that imaginary world and insist it's not a problem, you are slowly taking away your life. That's why you may not achieve your New Year resolutions or 2024 goals. Managing daydreaming is not about stopping it; it's about taking back control. Instead of spending 3 to 7 hours a day, you should have control over it. Choose when to engage in it and when not to. Therapy is about giving you new choices and control over these behaviors in your life.

Daydreaming itself is a normal behavior, but the uncontrollable aspect becomes abnormal. If you want to work on your goals, achieve your dreams, and live a more peaceful and happier life this year, it's time to accept and acknowledge that your addiction to daydreaming will not help you get there. Managing it, not stopping it, is the key. Imagine saving yourself 100 days by the end of January. What would you do with those 100 days? You could make more money, build quality relationships, have deep experiences, try new hobbies, and achieve more than you thought possible.

So, start the year by looking for solutions to manage your daydreaming. Don't start the year knowing that you'll lose 100 days. Instead, look for ways to manage it, and you'll see significant improvements in your life. If you need help and want to start the year by managing your daydreaming, book a free breakthrough call with me. I'm taking new clients, and I'll explain why daydreaming is not the problem but a symptom. Dealing with the root cause is crucial to achieving your New Year resolutions.

Don't just focus on the simple aspects of New Year resolutions; focus on things you didn't do last year and improve on them. Take back control of your daydreaming. Until next time, guys, Happy New Year! I'm looking forward to some amazing content this year. Feel free to subscribe, share, comment, and ask me questions about your daydreaming journey. I'll be glad to answer and guide you this year. Happy New Year, guys!

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with overcoming and managing your maladaptive daydreaming without spending years in therapy, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

#maladapting daydreaming disorder #intrusive daydreaming #actually madd #actually maladaptive #madd #imaginary friend #daydreaming #maladaptive daydreaming #obsessive daydreaming #immersive daydreaming

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corpsegold · 8 months

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got a self help book for narcissism lol. its pretty good actly. did the tests inside, got a score thats just a bit over the "woopsie ur a narc" boundary. Feel ok about it tho. Met a woman during a bender a while ago and was talking to her about it all. She was significantly worse than me. Going through the questionnaires made me realise which aspects of it are issues and which ones arent. Theres a lot of overlap with autism and addiction. After the questionnaires it goes straight into talking about childhood emotional neglect which was kinda mind blowing. Feels validating

I feel less like its the end of the world now. I know that I'm not inherently a bad person, its just gonna be more difficult for me to be a kind person than it might be for other people. Its nice to see what things I need to learn how to manage, and that it could be way WAYYYY worse. It feels good to be able to undertand myself. Its like I need to put a lot more effort into securing and regulating my self esteem. Like eating properly, or sleeping well, I gotta try to manage that, and then itll be easier to be nice to people and not want to die

being a narc doesnt really change anything. I always had these issues. Like getting the label just means I understand why, and its not all the end of the world. I can be more sensible about myself now and hopefully make less chaos.

the book said that like. when youre a child you make these barriers to block of emotions, and thats why you cant have compassion for yourself as an adult, or for anyone else. You find it really hard to empathise because those parts are locked away, but theyre still there and you can get back in contact with them, it just takes loads of work and is really painful. Which is neat tbh

I've felt like I only have 75% of a soul for a long time. Its nice to think that I'm still a whole person inside, its just that parts are locked away. When I was reading the emotional neglect stuff, bits of memories were coming back. It was weird to notice that a tiny part of me felt an impulse to cry over it, but it was really easy to quash. It was like there was a placeholder emotion there. There was an emotion, like a subdued tension, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was like actually feeling the wall.. kind of like "oh yeah I have feelings about this but I'm actually genuinely not feeling them right now" like I didnt have to. It wasnt hard or anything. It wasn't really numb either. Just muted. placeholder

So yeah I've definitely got some narcissistic pathology that gets in the way of being functional, but it could be WAYYYYY worse. Its nice to feel like its not my fault for once? idk if that makes any sense. Its nice to understand that I might never get to be happy, but I can maybe find moments of peace. Its unrealistic to be able to live the life I want to, or to ever be satisfied, but I can get better at regulating and be a nicer person, and then existing might not be so painful

I think its going to be a long road of practising listening and gratitude and keeping things simple. None of those come naturally to me AT ALL. and then maybe it'll be possible to not have to always use myself as a map to understand the rest of the world or other people. Or to not always have to see myself through a lens of success and failure. If that's all that I know how to do, and I use myself as a map, then it makes sense why I'm like this . but mb it wont always have to be this way

#crazy stuff

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abyxbby · 2 years

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i always share existing content but never find myself typing out much anything all on my own.

25 years doesn't seem like it's that much time at all it seems at least to any individual with a full long life already tucked in nice & secure under their belt. i've always been very much so self aware, i guess that's just the reason why i want to die too.

the first 5 or so years on this planet the only things i knew where i felt were loneliness & bewilderingly unfit. i always knew there was not a single place in which id ever actually belong. the next 2.5 years only gave those feelings more permanence, i still clearly recall the ugly dark places my mind would wander off to late at night tucked sweet n sound in the toddler bed adjacent my sisters. even though i didn't know about it then, it's like some force from inside of me knew for a fact that a soul at such a young age should even be capable of thoughts & feelings with so much complexity, i was just as ill as i am now back then, i really haven't seen one aspect of this life without these painfully heavy & ridiculously damaging lenses given to me from the moment of my birth.

i am yet again more than sad within my time here where all i can manage to be is inconvenience & disregarded due to how different i am compared to the vast majority of this dull world. i'm seen as a real quack job, a nut case. which over time seems to give any person with which crosses my path the idea that they have any right to label me as a manipulator, i was born sick but it's all just that i'm out for attention. i've never known a day thus far without soul shattering levels of pain. even the best of days hurt more than most imagine, i still after all had to experience it while being me.

as far as the message im trying to get across, i couldn't tell ya what the hell it even is. after being isolated from quite literally any & all human contact, after living within the confines of 4 increasingly claustrophobic interior walls, i guess this is just the one place i have left where i feel any kind of safety. between u & i, it's all been set up so when it's deems to be THE time, i'll have more than what i could ever need and best of all being simply just peace of mind. the legwork is done, it's all ready as soon as i am as well. that way, i won't have to scramble ideas, source inventory or even have a chance for a damn soul to get in my way, not a chance to stop me, because at this point all i know is i am absolutely dead set on it, i just want to fucking die.

not too long ago, despite how off it may have seemed at that time, i took the one last attempt to save myself if ever be given again & risked every bit of it all because some boy told me kind things & somehow it did actually feel like I AM finally understood. for the first time of my life it was as if i was worthy & valued, deserving of any others effort & time, and as absolutely stupid of me as it was, i also let myself grow to genuinely love that boy. unfortunately, just like all others in my life, it wasn't ever actually based on the truth or had anything solid within it at all. my last ditch effort to at least find contentment seeing as happiness is too far away still for me as any kind of goal, the only time id be given to literally save my own fucking life, was ripped away in one fast excruciatingly malicious, selfish ass tear of my soul. once again i was no more than what everyone sees of me from the outside, which is never more than some sex fantasy perverted individuals make me into within their own minds, i've never been a single thing other than smokin hot. i'm sure it can sound great at first but being desired physically then consistently rejected mentally & emotionally has killed me entirely at this point already. i see not one reason then as to why i subject my physically form to such torment & misery.

i guess that's why i just won't anymore.

i'm tired. for so long i have kept my head above the water enough to survive while every now & again scream out with my soul in hopes somebody, please help fuck literally anybody please see me because i'm about to go under again n for the very very final time i ever will.

all it ever would've taken to make the universe of a difference for little ole me, is one person who doesn't judge & has enough compassion, just let go of norms bc they don't apply in the least bit when it comes to me just show me i deserve still to be fully embraced.

i've never had a friend this entire time. never more than simply a matter of wanting to fuck me or wanting to fucking be me. oh, my bad there is a lethal dose of pure hate that comes right with it too. and if by chance a soul thats encountered mine happens to come across this, just know yes it's exactly as i've always said & is now while taking in my agony. yeah just to toss it directly in the trash like the funnies from last weeks sunday paper after forgetting day after day i keep meaning to be rid of it.

if anything is to ever be educational & come to serve a purpose from the short & trauma filled years of torment im going to be free from, the most fitting of all it could be is just for human beings to STOP treating other human beings any less than respectfully & regard them with decency, because that's a u would ever want someone else to fucking do for u.

with all this being said it has come time to close up my inner thoughts & exhaust myself just getting by another day with no chance or possible way that i don't have to do the shit and still have to be me.

this is where i always say how much love i have for whom i'm addressing but since i have nothing more than just posts on tumblr saved to my own blag, it feels larger than life to say i dont fucking love shit & the first excitement to run through my body in so so very long comes from finally making the decision to ensure the ending to my very own life.

i won't see this time next year. maybe not even in 6 months. sooner the better in my book.

so long & fuck off to every single last one of u. the reason those who are born into suffering don't stand a chance is all because of selfish close minded tainted vile cruel tasteless hurtful manipulative wastes of good quality pack full of potential clean slate souls.

i hope the world burns and maybe then everyone would feel a touch of what i've endured full force now for every last moment in my 25 years of life.

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smilingperformer · 3 years

Text

Discussing the good and bad of Pokémon Journeys: Part “Rocket Gang”

It is no secret that the handling of Rocket Gang in Journeys is quite different from how the fans and audience have come to know them. Even I have tons to say about how I feel about Rockets in this series, so let's get started!

TLDR; Their handling in this series isn't exactly the best kind as it has removed one of the beloved aspects of them (having own Pokémon they bond very closely with) and is showing less often how they are RIGHTEUS evil, not evil evil. More under the cut, Journeys abverted to JN.

So. How do I begin. Let's start with saying: I am a Rocket Fan. A huge one. Ever since I started watching Pokémon couple years ago during Sun & Moon's first year, I fell in love with these buffoons, and I absolutely adored how the two bonded with their Pokémon and showcased that they're not that different from the brats, just on the villainnous side. Kojiro is a loving and caring man, Musashi has gone through lots of stuff and Nyarth has deep understanding over Pokémon's feelings due to his past experiences. Oh, Sonansu's there too, I love that blue blop so much. Honestly, the main reason I love these four so much is because they're such lovable villains who tend know what is right for their Pokémon, or other Pokémon they manage to bond with. And it was shown really well pre-SM as well.

Like, one of my favourite episodes of all time for Rockets is actually JN019, and it's because of how the Rockets end up helping a Ditto/Metamon who wants to be a proper actor, but thus far tended to fail in transforming into Pokémon perfectly. Musashi, as a actress herself, really bonds with this Metamon, managed to help it perfect the transformation with the help of Kojiro, Nyarth and Sonansu, and despite having the job to pokenap Pokémon... they actually end up helping Metamon to get back its job, to make sure it doesn't have a reputation of a Rocket 'mon. And they do SUCH a good job at acting like they're not intending it.

Like, during this acting performance, they really want to get blasted off! They don't even hide it. They keep provoking Satoshi to use Pikachu's Thunderbolt to blast them off and save Metamon that way. And I just fricking love them for this asjhgsjhgfs.

But aside from this episode, there really hasn't been that many episodes focusing on this aspect of Rockets. Another good episode for them JN is JN024 thou, where Rockets are on vacation and, are NOT on their villainous acts.

They're mere citizens in that episode, enjoying their free time in Sinnoh's Resort Area. And even when the brats come around, they fully ignore their need to capture Pikachu. For Sakaki-sama's orders. Akjhksajfh I just, really love how this ep managed to show that, even if they are part of Rocket Gang, it's merely their job, not who they are fully. They're not like Matori, they're not like Yamato and Kosanji- oh it's Kosaburo. They're merely doing the villainous stuff because they believe it to help make the world better. And when they're not working? They're good citizens. This was such a good episode for them because of this because it really showed that they could easily just be friends with the brats if they weren't on the opposite sides.

They even helped foil Matori's team's plans on kidnapping every single Pokémon in the Resort Area and sajghsjhgf. These four really hate Matori now do they. They're on her side, but they also keep foiling her plans. Even in Sun & Moon they foiled Matori's plans to pokenap Nuikoguma, because they knew their lovely Kiteruguma mom bear would be upset. As I said before: They're villains, but they're not evil evil. They do the evil stuff for their own rightful reasons.

Now that I've discussed the reasons I love Rockets and what I've loved in JN, let's talk about what it is that makes me feel iffy about their handling in JN, one of them being the lack of own permament poketeam.

In the past seasons, Rockets would always catch themselves one of their own 'mon that would willingly join their causes, and end up bonding with them deeply. In JN, this is... pretty much non-existant. We have the recurring 'mon of Kamukame/Chewtle and Morpeko, but the first one appears in such a rare rate, and latter one has been used as a... abuse comedy. When the Morpeko started following Rockets, I had hoped that it would end up bonding with the Rockets and they'd find some common ground, but so far, there's no sign of it, and Morpeko is more like a leech in their base instead of a powerful asset, and like. I feel like this was the show's way of trying to recreate Kiteruguma but with an opposite twist of it eating their rations instead of feeding them like Kiteruguma did, but it's not working as well as Mama Bear's gimmick did. At least in my opinion.

Now let me just say that, I don't really mind the Rocket Gacha machine. I feel like the concept it has is pretty cool, and seeing what kind of Pokémon Rocket Gang has managed to capture for using is super cool to witness. They also have been able to switch up it's results in unique and fun ways and seeing it sometimes fail is kinda fun and relatable to anyone who's played gacha games, sajhgfs. However, it feels like the Gacha completely replaced Rocket Quatret's ability to capture Pokémon of their own and, it hurts my soul to say it.

I think one of the reasons they did this route was due to how in Sun & Moon, Musashi and Kojiro ended up leaving their 'mon behind, due to knowing that they won't like it at the Rocket Head Quarters and leaving the cozy family that is Kiteruguma and Nuikoguma. So, maybe the writers felt like the Quatret would now feel bad about capturing 'mon they would bond closely with after this, and then ending up having to send them to HQ. So in a way, I get the possible intention behind this decision. Yet it still hurts. And I feel like most Rocket Fans feel the same way.

Their writing is pretty much the same throughout the show (which imo is kind of an average, as it doesn't hit the nail the same way I came to love them in Sun & Moon or OS to DP era, or even XY and Best Wishes DA! Arc), so it doesn't make sense for me to recite every single appearance of theirs, but I really have to discuss what irritated me a lot:

So. JN059.

I'll just say it straight away: I did not like how Rockets were written in this episode. At all. While their personality was spot on, their motives and actions weren't. Like... the fact that Grookey/Sarunori was a Rocket 'mon is a unique concept and I honestly like it. However, the way Sarunori ended up switching sides was so bad for me. So bad.

No. I am not one of those who think that Gou stole Sarunori from them and doesn't deserve it. No. That ain't my problem. It's more like the issue in how Rockets weren't allowed to learn more about Sarunori, bond with it, learn that it's not the one to want to join the villanous side and feels happier with Gou. The idea of the story for Rocket 'mon to switch sides is great. Excecution however is not.

Like... this line where Musashi says that Sarunori needs to be sent back to HQ to be re-educated specifically ticks me off in bad way and I hate to feel ticked off like this. And this line is all because they weren't allowed to learn more about Sarunori's motives. Because the plot had to be in one episode. I feel like the motives, Rocket Gang's handling and side switching would have worked better for me, if it was a longer built arc. Sort of like how Mijumaru/Oshawott, Hikozaru/Chimchar and the likes of them were done.

And this hurts more because of JN019 where they WERE allowed to bond and perform an act of helping Metamon get back its job. These buffoons KNOW when the 'mon deserves to go to the non-villainous side. And it's all because of JN019 that I feel so strongly ticked off for this line. "We'll... ...have you re-educated". That's not what they were gonna do with Metamon. Like. God damn it.

Rockets were there when Hikozaru switched teams from Shinji to Satoshi. They came to care for the lil monkey before this switch and after this switch. They KNEW it would be better off with Satoshi, and they kept rooting for it from afar, despite constantly trying to steal it. That's their job. Same with how Nyarth comes to like the Honcho Nyabby, due to its background, and finds peace with knowing that Nyabby will find a happy life with Satoshi. All of these examples are exactly why I strongly dislike how Jn059 handled Rockets, and I so god damn wish they would have ACCEPTED that Saruroni should join Gou, but make it so that they'd have to rescue Sarunori instead of giving it to them just like that. They're not heartless.

Unless this was an act from them. Which I doubt since Nyarth learns about Sarunori wanting to go with Gou late into the episode and then trying to deny it having been said??? Uuuugh. This episode really could have used more build up and different handling with Rockets.

Another option that would have made me like Sarunori's capture was if it had been some other Rockets it escaped from, like Matori Matrix or sudden return of Yamato and Kosaburo, or something else. I LIKE the idea of Sarunori being a Rocket 'mon, so I wouldn't change it. I just don't like that it was OUR beloved Rockets that had to be treating it this way.

Sigh. Now that that's out of the way. What else is there to say. Well. How would I try improving Rockets in JN? Simple: give them their own Pokémon to care for. Make them bond with more than just Chewtle. Let them have Pokémon they can bond with and show their loving side with. It's severely lacking right now and I feel like most Rocket fans are really missing this aspect a lot. Also please don't make them act like they don't understand Pokémon's feelings. They do. I'm glad that Satoshi still knows that Rockets care for Pokémon of their own and wouldn't treat them badly, but it still isn't showcased that well in JN. So I wish it would improve on that. I would also seriously love it if some of their old 'mon from past shows would come up from the Gacha Machine, as I'd imagine them being put inside there as well. It did have tons of Gulpin inside for some reason.... Sakaki, wtf.

Well. I guess there's not much else to talk about regarding Rockets. In short, I love Rockets, but I'm not happy with how they're handled in JN fully and despite there being couple really good episodes for them, and some of the episodes have excellent usage with them (like JN038 where Musashi just casually says "Evening" to Satoshi when he discovers them hiding in bushes, sajhgshfsghjf forever love that moment). I just want better handling with their righteus evil.

So. What's up next? I'm thinking about compiling a post of COTDs and supporting cast next time, which would include the likes of Kikuna, Renji, Sakuragi, family casts etc.

So, thanks for reading if you got this far, hope you enjoyed it despite possibly disagreeing with me, and I hope you'll all have a fantastic day.

Til next time! Aleira, aka Smiling Performer, signing out!

#pokemon #pokeani #anipoke #pokemon jn #team rocket #rocket gang #discussions #character discussions

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amindofstone · 3 years

Text

Match-up, No. 1

Anon asked:

"oh hi hello! i just saw the match up posts and i got super excited cause i love your writings and i never had to chance to send an ask like this lol! i'm 19 years old but i'll be 20 this year. i'm pretty tall for a girl (173 cms!) but still i'm on the chubbier side because i eat a lot and im proud of it lol. i have green eyes, and raven black hair, medium length with short bangs, because i dye it regularly, but normally i'm a blonde! also idk if this matters but i'm straight!

i really like cooking, it's a big passion of mine, i also love singing! music is a big part of my life, i cannot go a second without listening to something and i've always been like this. even though i'm not talented about it, i love to listen to it. i'm a big hopeless romantic so i'm a sucker for anything that's romantic, like movies, songs, books etc! i really wish nothing but for real and pure love! i also collect toys and figures cause i didn't had the chance to buy them when i was little.

i really dislike being left alone. i don't have many friends or loved ones, but whenever i have to leave them for something it hurt's me a lot. i don't like too much people around me but i really adore the ones who i care about. other than that, i hate the way i look most of the time. since i was a little girl i was never comfortable with my body and had lots of issues with it but im trying to do my best to love myself!

i know this was too long but i couldnt stop myself so i hope its okay! im so much lookinf forward to this match up thingy! thank u soooo much for the chance! take care ❤️"

a/n: First of all thank you so much. I'm so so glad to see that you like my work. This is a great motivation for me to keep writing. This really made my day. 💙 And I really hope that you'll be liking what will come next. I really hope that I didn't disappoint you my dear anon. This is my first time doing something like this and going honest I'm really insecure and anxious when it gets to my work. I'm never happy or satisfied by the outcome... But that's not the point. It's about you. So if there is something bothering you please don't hesitate and DM me or anything and tell me. Other than that happy reading! 🙈

Match up rules can be found HERE.

Warning(s): maybe some grammatical or spelling mistakes since English is my third language and I'm still improving in every aspect. (Please have mercy on that))

!!! Please do not steal my idea or work. Credit me if this is shared or published in any other platform or any other way. Please respect me as the writer and my work. Picture is not mine. Credits to: Lord know who. IF anyone knows who did it please tell me so I can give credits. Thank you. :) !!!

• I think that you and Sanji would give a great pair.

• There are a lot of traits of you that resemble that of Sanji in my opinion. And exactly this was the reason why Sanji started to spend more time with you and get to know you more than Nami or Robin.

• Whenever Luffy screams from the top of his lungs "SANJI! FOOD!!" you scream back from wherever you are right now "Gimme a minute and I'll get you something!", before Sanji can react to the food loving man.

• Sanji loves it when you join him cooking because you two seem to be able to work together without having to communicate. But even if Sanji would like to talk to the beauty that was next to him he wouldn't dare saying a word because as much as he loved talking to you he loved listening to you sing while you prepared anything you were on at the moment. Sometimes he would just stop in his tracks and just watch you dance around the kitchen whenever one of your favourite songs starts to play in the radio. He would watch every of your moves and smile like a idiot.

• After some time passing Sanji manned up and asked you out in the most romantic way. Sanji prepared a picnic with some snacks under that one tree with the wing (I hope you know what I mean 😂). Everything was set. You were in the girls cabin reading a novel when you heard a light knock. You didn't look up and just told whoever was there to come in but the person simply knocked another time what made you stand up with a scuff. You were ready to scold anyone that was there for ruining your peaceful reading session but there was no one except of a huge bouquet of red roses. It had a little note in it saying that someone is waiting for you down on deck. With a huge smile on your lips you stepped out of your room just ro realise that the way down to the deck was decorated by flower pedals. The sight in front of you made your heart race. You didn't wanted the feeling that grew with every second in you to stop. But you made it down and was greeted by the blond man you were always fond of. He took your hand in his and lead you to the swing and made you sit down.

• He took both of your hands in his and looked you in the eyes while giving the most sweetest confession ever made. And of course you said yes and wanted to date him

• dating him was the best thing that happened to you. He was sweet and caring. He spend every free second with you. If you were close to him he would always grab your hand and intertwine them. Sometimes he would appear out of nowhere and give you a kiss and compliment a different part of your body just to leave you dumbfounded and confused with a racing heart.

• There was this island the straw hats docked on and to their luck there was a festival planned for the night of the day they came. So Nami and Robin took you shopping and made Sanji go have fun on his own. Unlike these two you wanted something fancy that wasn't a dress but they still brought a few for you to put you in later on. And they managed to get you in a short sleeveless pretty blue-black dress. They did your make-up and theirs and ran out when Franky yelled that the fireworks were about to get blown what was the sign for the beginning of the festival. But you didn't came out because you felt uncomfortable in your current state.

• Sanji sensed that something was wrong and made his way to you only to find you standing in front of the mirror and looking at yourself with a tilted head and slight pout. Sanjis eyes widen at the sight of you. Because of 1. He couldn't believe how good that dress locked on you 2. He was shocked because he knew that you didn't like the way you looked.

• "How dare you!? How dare you not love this beautiful sight?! Baby! Darling! Love! Please don't. You look stunning. Simply gorgeous now please allow me to take you to the festival and brag with the fact that I can call the most beautiful woman mine."

• As you can see Sanji doesn't, can't and won't tolerate you being insecure so he took it upon himself to push your ego and make you love yourself as much as he loves and adores you.

• On the festival Sanji would never let go of you. He would constantly have you close to him so he could protect you no matter what happens. He makes sure to once in a while ask you if you're alright or if you want to go back to the sunny since he knew that you're not a fan of crowed places.

• Sanji left you alone for a few minutes but sat you down on a less crowded and also quieter place to get some drinks. You were happily looking at the ocean when a guy approached you and started a conversation with you. You were clear not liking it but still tried to talk nicely. But the guy seemed to understand your friendliness in a different way and got closer. You told him to keep a distance but he laughed it away and simply acted as if you said nothing. You felt uncomfortable and suffocated so you were about to stand up when Sanji came and kicked him out of the chair with a sweet smile upon his lips saying "Thank you for keeping my seat warm but now move your pathetic stupid ass away and leave me alone with my girl."

• When the guy left he took you in his arms and apologised while sitting you down on his lap while asking you probably a bunch of times of you're doing good or if he hurt you.

Bonus:

• While Sanji confessed his love to you Zoro was in the crows nest watching you two with a disgusted and confused look while silently praying for you to reject him but sadly you didn't. In fact you even kissed him. "TF is that stupid woman doing?!"

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makkoskafanfic · 3 years

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hello may i dump every idea i'm too lazy to write right here -they are very unoriginal, do what you want with them. Plus, you might not like them at all since my fav is hashirama and i guess urs is madara (and I used to prefer him too, but something in me changed when i went to look up the tag madara/hashirama on pixiv and discovered smithsan- such a great artist. okay i'll stop telling my life, but honestly it made me understand how ships worked so much, to switch points of view like that. anyway)

- three words: mokuton cancer cells (but it shows up before he's an old man)

- european medieval au (totally the idea of akatsukiarts but i'm shamelessly asking a talented author to write it :D)

- u probably prefer bottom madara -i've read all ur fics lolol and have i tell i love them all? cuz i do (which i totally get! we can't choose which one we're projecting one) buttttt may i ask for kinda nasty dom madara and obedient sub hashirama? (i'm again going on a tangent but it's so funny how people get "vibes" for who is top or bottom when it doesn't work like that. I mean yeah, u can get clues, but you could turn those clues totally upside down. The opposite situation is soft dom hashirama and bratty sub madara and it fits them just as well - according to me, because opinions are personal-. But that's what i'm getting at. It usually goes from "the sexuality u feel fits the character" -> finding the clues indicating it fits the character. And not the opposite direction. ANYWAY. I'M TALKING TOO MUCH.)

- tajima lives au; what does it change? -probably nothing. I'd like to hear ur opinion hehe (or worse; butsuma lives old au. what happens?)

- do u write hashitobi? i feel like i read one of urs but i might be confusing with another author. Anyway, idea: yandere/dark tobirama (honestly i feel like im so predictable it's not even funny, sorry for those awful ideas this is the worst)

- au where it's tobirama with the mokuton and hashirama (so without mokuton, to be clear).... well u tell me, but i doubt he would fit the scientist role.

okay, i think im done because the rest is even worse and u probs won't use them but here we go! do what u want with these! thank you for the opportunity to share ideas with u! bye now i'm going to hide in a ditch somewhere. urgh why did i write that. :(

Oh Anon, this is a treasure island or a minefield of ideas depending how you look at it!

But first of all, I have to say that if I have to pick one favourite, it is Hashirama and I do project to him maybe a tad too much. That’s why I like to write him from different aspects and see him suffer now and then. Let’s not dwell on this too much hehe.

(Smithsan is indeed a great artist!)

Mokuton cancer cells sounds way too sad! Not that I can’t see Hashirama turning into a tree or something, not knowing how he actually died and all that, but I’m not ready for it!

European medieval AU! Now that sounds a whole lot of fun, especially with some fantasy elements? Dark magician/warlock Madara and knight in shining armour Hashirama? But I do love akatsukiarts lovely arts there, will need to check them again. I fear this might be something longer winded than I currently have the capacity for atm!

I’m all for switching, but yeah, I do picture Hashirama toppier and Madara bottomier. Which makes bottom Hashirama all the more fun to write. Spice things up and all that! While S/D isn’t necessarily my cup of tea, I do like to play around with the dynamics. I actually really getting into the obedient sub Hashirama idea as I can clearly picture him struggling big time with that role, while Madara, I can equally see him struggling with being all dominant (though probably not with being nasty!). Anyhow, this can be gold for The Awkward Sex Scene I Always Wanted To Write, But Never Got Around To Do It.

I have maybe half a page started on a Tajima (and Butsuma) lives AU! It’s one where H&M managed to achieve peace pretty early on and their biggest concern is introducing the other as their boyfriends to their family. I wanted to write it for that one scene where Izuna tries to set Hashirama’s hair on fire with the Katon over family dinner as he can’t stand him having his hand over Madara. Not sure I’ll ever write it though!

I did on one (okay, two, it had a sequel) occasion wrote HashiTobi and I killed myself with it. I’m not saying never again but anything that comes to mind is rather sad and dark. (wow, you’re asking for Dark Tobirama and it’s Dark, who would have ever thought so.) Never wrote any misuse of Edo Tensei (bringing back Hashirama temporary) kind of story, so when I feel I’m in the mood I might go for it.

And nothing loads in my mind when I think about Tobirama and the Mokuton, but knowing me, this will wake me up one day 3 am hehe.

I’m really happy that you took the time to share all these ideas with me. I absolutely don’t promise anything, but I have two weeks before starting a new job and I plan to spend it as any responsible adult would, with playing video games and writing fanfic.

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sugawara-sweetheart · 4 years

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hi! could i have a matchup? i'm a 5'4 female, brown hair & blue eyes, my zodiac is pisces! i'm quite shy at first & it can be a little hard for me to trust people but once i open up i'm really cheerful & fun to be around! i really enjoy going out & doing literally anything late at night with friends. i also really like hugs & cuddles :) & i've played volleyball for about 6 years! i'm impulsive & careless at times but i just like to have fun! i'm down to try anything new! i love your writing!!

aww i’m so happy you like my writing and thank you for requesting!! i really hope you enjoy💗

i match you with...Ushijima Wakatoshi!!

you and ushijima meet at a volleyball tournament- his team had just won and out of interest, he accompanies tendou to watch some other teams play

immediately all he can focus on is you. you look so beautiful yet competitive as you play your position with perfect technique and power- he’s captivated, not even focusing on any other positions- only you and he tells himself he must speak to you before he leave for romantic volleyball purposes

ushijima notices your shyness and wariness of him so he’s very patient before you guys begin dating, being completely honest with his intentions of wanting to date you when you’re ready

even when you do start dating, ushijima is patient and understanding of your shyness, speaking calmly and the conversations moving at a slow, easy pace to make sure you’re not overwhelmed. your first dates are always in quiet, peaceful places where you can feel more relaxed such as parks and quiet manga bookshop/cafes

you make a flower crown out of daisies on the park date and ushijima asks you if he can keep it and whether you’ll make a matching one for yourself

one day months later he asks you to get his card from his wallet and you find instead of keeping a photograph behind the plastic he had pressed daisies there aww soft bby

ushijima is also straightforward and blunt with you enough that you never doubt him as trust is very important to him too. the two of you would be very respectful partners, understanding each other’s privacy but when either of you want to open up, you cuddle together and allow them to speak for however long they want, knowing whatever emotions and thoughts escape them will never go beyond those four walls

also because you and ushijima trust each other so much, this stoic boy shows you all the emotions other people don’t see. he lets you see him laugh when he’s on the phone to his dad, he lets you see him get flustered when you kiss him, he lets you see him needy when he wants to be cuddled and smothered in affection and he even lets you see him cry. he feels so safe when you brush away his tears, your sweet words both validating his feelings and comforting him

he loves your cuddles so much- every time the two of you greet each other it’s with a long hug that has tendou sighing heavily and telling you both to hurry up. ushijima seems like the touch-starved sort so he loves to feel protective and affectionate with you, giving you long, lingering hugs throughout the day and cuddling before bed/upon waking up

often you and ushijima like to spend time with you sitting on his lap as you check your phone/do your own thing and he’s reading his mangas

your cheerfulness brings out a happy energy in ushijima. he also loves to make you happy because he thinks you look even more beautiful when you smile so he’ll definitely try to make jokes they’re probably dry af at the start so he googles good jokes and they’re all dad jokes but they’re so awful you laugh anyway???

your dates are generally revolved around volleyball- you both love to practise together and go to the gym together, cook healthy meals together and watch matches

but you also have softer dates like romantic meals and going to the beach and hikes and going into beer gardens where they coincidentally have a huge television playing a live volleyball match

ushijima is pretty introverted but is willing to accompany you on your late night adventures with your friends. he’s always interested in any aspect of your life and begins to love going out with you

becomes an emotional drunk one night and literally drags you around the club, almost sobbing at anyone who’ll listen to him “this is my y/n- she my baby and ain’t nobody gonna touch my baby!”

because you’re always so impulsive and fun, you get along very well with tendou (who i think is also impulsive) which makes ushijima very happy even though you get up to crazy shenanigans

you encourage ushijima to try lots of new things which makes him really happy and confident- you two have a lot of fun doing random things ushijima didn’t think he’d ever do before like tiktok dances, trying new foods? making disgusting cocktails at home and just getting into trouble tbh

but being grounded, ushijima always manages to hold you back when you start to act too careless, sometimes sounding stern which can make you clash but you always make up because you know he truly cares and loves you

someone else you’d match well with: iwaizumi hajime

#if i post a match up for you can you please possibly tell me what you thought bc its insecure hours rn #haikyuu #match up #match up requests #haikyuu match ups #matchups #anon #headcanons #ushijima #ushijima headcanon #ushijima imagine #haikyuu headcanon #hq #hq ushijima #hq headcanon

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aphrodicted · 5 years

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Hi, I saw that your readings were open again and was wondering if I could have a Pigeon Spread reading? Since I've started more seriously/regularly practicing my craft I've felt like my guidance have been more present in my life and trying to reach out to me more but I'm having trouble with really getting any clear messages from them and I'm just curious what they're trying to tell me or who/what they are even, so any help you can give would be greatly appreciated :) thank you! -NS, Capricorn

Hi, NS! I’m excited to know that you are starting to contact your guides! I started a few months ago and at first it was exhausting, but now it’s simpler. I usually connect a lot with them through dreams or numbers. I look forward to helping you improve your relationship with them! (I’m a Capricorn too!)

1. General information about them: Knight of Cups, The Magician.

Your guides are represented with the Magician’s card. They are people with diverse abilities, capacity for creation and manifestation. In addition, they are honest, reliable and well-intentioned people. They want to help you and they will do it from honesty. On the other hand, they want to show you a world that you have not yet been able to see. From showing you a new inner world to a new perspective of seeing things around you. Your guides have a very attractive energy. They are entities capable of attracting other energies to achieve great things. They have the ability to conquer any goal, and they will help you have or increase your ambition when it comes to achieving everything you want.

Your guides convey a lot of love, peace and serenity. They have developed their feminine part and their emotional capacity is very well balanced with their abilities to manifest what they want. Your guides also want to help you develop your emotional side a little more and know how to work with your emotions. This is one of the new worlds that your guides want to show you, and show you that coincidences don’t exist. Everything that happens in your life has a reason for being.

2. Why are they with you? Six of Swords, Three of Wands, Nine of Pentacles.

Currently, your guides want to show you how to forgive those who have hurt you. I don’t know if you have been hurt recently or if you will feel pain in the immediate future, but your guides want to show you how to forgive those who have hurt you. They also want you to learn not to drag the past or compare current situations or relationships with those you lived in the past. The pain suffered in the past doesn’t have to occur in the present or in the future.

3. What do they want from you? Six of Pentacles.

Success in your life is linked to generosity. This may mean that your prosperity will arise from your investment in others, perhaps a financial investment, or perhaps advice and support from a friend. This card can also mean the opposite, that your success will arise from the generosity of someone else. Both are not exclusive and this card suggests that you naturally lean towards acts of charity and charity. Therefore, your guides want you to be as generous as they are with you. They want you to be generous with them: open up, let them know your fears and insecurities, talk to them as if they were by your side… show yourself to them as you are. They will do the same and answer all the questions you ask them. They are for you, but you must also be for them. Reciprocity will be one of the keys to your relationship.

4. General message from them: The Empress, Prince of Wands, The Star.

Pay attention and identify your selfish, dominant, controlling or possessive behaviors. When you exercise your roles in an extremist way: either you think too much about your interests and neglect those who depend on you, or you control their lives in the extreme, preventing their autonomy and self-management. The means of avoiding it is the practice of respecting the other and contacting unconditional love in you.

Love life, beauty and everything around you. Your creativity and fertility without limits are expressed in multiple ways. Believe in yourself and your endless possibilities. Relate to the world from love and understanding. Trust you and your genuine authority, which does not require manipulations or lies to prevail. Accept those who want to collaborate with you. Team up and lead with humility and affection for the common good.

Make sure what you need and yearn to achieve; acknowledge that if you haven’t done everything necessary and fair to achieve it. Looking inward and reaching greater clarity about your motivations and impulses, you will know how genuine your interest is and how true your efforts are. Don’t follow the dreams of others or do what you are supposed to do. Every crisis is an opportunity to meet oneself. They, the crises, invite us to stimulate creativity and skill, hopes, openings, sincerity, calm and inner confidence; all necessary for new beginnings, new projects for recovery and healing.

5. In what aspects of your life do they want to help you? Four of Wands, The Fool, Three of Swords.

Your guides want to teach you that you will not always win or get things as you wish. They want to make you see that when you take a risk you don’t always get the chance, but sometimes you must lose to learn not to make the same mistakes. You have to accept your mistakes, losses and learn from them. Don’t be afraid or ashamed of being wrong or losing, but learn from it and grow both personally and spiritually. In addition, your guides want to teach you to enjoy the joyful and euphoric moments. It’s okay to enjoy the joy and get carried away by euphoria. It’s always good to make a small stop along the way and rest.

6. How can you improve your communication with them? Knight of Pentacles.

Don’t want to be in a hurry to make progress. You don’t have to get everything in one day, but you have to do it little by little. Success (and stability) is assured if you do things with your head and in no hurry. Nor do you want to make everything perfect, since it would slow down your progress too much. Enjoy all this and learn about your guides and, especially, about you. You are doing well, NS, the methods you are using are correct.

All I want to recommend is that you try to have fun. Communication with your guides may be boring for falling into the same routine. Why don’t you vary? You can try meditation, prayer, visualization… don’t always use the same method. This way you will ensure that the routine doesn’t turn this path into something boring. Finally, don’t lose hope if you see that things don’t progress. If at any time you feel lost, try other ways to communicate with your guides. If you feel that you have been stuck, look for other methods and don’t stop trying. Just, NS, have fun.

7. What stops me from improving your communication with them? The World.

There is stagnation and heaviness in your environment. So much that it seems that everything is absolutely stopped. However, you well know that this statism is only an appearance, because nothing really stops. The conditions aren’t given for the fruits to be given. Don’t fight.

Just observe and learn from the circumstances. You will know how to recognize the time to act when the correlation of forces changes and favorable conditions occur. You can’t fight the current. Don’t insist on doing what goes beyond your abilities and means. At this moment your only strength is knowing how to wait.

If you aren’t in tune and synchronized with life, you will not be able to see what your true needs are and then your efforts to be happy will be vain and exhausting. Identify your real goals to put your efforts in that direction when the conditions are met.

8. How do they see you? Ten of Pentacles.

Your guides see you as a provider and capable of caring for and giving security to those you love. You have in your hands the possibility of achieving success in everything you set your mind to. Stability comes into your life to stay in all aspects of your life. It’s a good time to approach and enjoy your family. Enjoy the moments with those you consider part of your family.

9. Advice: Thinking of you: Loving Thought, Lucky Find.

This card is the confirmation that someone you have been thinking about also thinks of you. It could be someone deceased, a friend, a member of your family or someone you love (even your guides). Our thoughts and feelings are energy frequencies or wavelengths that transcend space and time. We all transmit and receive information through our thoughts and feelings. We care if someone is near or far; we are in constant subconscious communication with those in whom we think and whom we love. Seeing this, you probably imagine that your thoughts travel through space and time. However, nothing really travels anywhere. This is because, energetically or spiritually, there is no separation. We are all interconnected and finally we are one, sustained eternally within an ocean of infinite love. The great cosmic ocean of life is as vast and infinite as we can imagine, and at the same time, it can be smaller than the tiniest particle.

Everything I love lives forever in my heart. I’m one with all humanity. I’m one with all creation. I’m in constant communion with everyone. Time and space are only real when I create them.

Good luck, NS!

Please consider leaving feedback to know whether or not my reading has resonated with you.

#tarot readings #pigeon spread #NS #squeezil

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mariocki · 5 years

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The Missing Million (1942)

"Look 'ere Inspector, this ain't right. An Englishman's 'ome is his castle, even if it is one room and a gas ring. 'Ere am I, sitting, cooking me sausages, happy and peaceful like - and in come your fellas to tell me I'm wanted, what for? I ain't done nothing, I've been too busy. So I ask yer - what's it all about?"

"It's about opening a safe."

"But they acquitted me!"

The latest in my ongoing quest to watch as many Edgar Wallace potboilers as humanly possible, 1942's The Missing Million is a comforting return to form after the disappointment of Crossroads To Crime (1960, discussed elsewhere on this blog). All the classic EW tropes are in play - a mysterious blackmailer known only by an unusual pseudonym, petty criminals acting as comic relief, square-jawed policemen and plucky heroines. None of it is especially original, and if you've watched one EW adaptation it can often feel like you've seen them all - but it's cheerful and charming, and sometimes an obvious twist can be just as fun as an unexpected one.

Based on Wallace's 1923 novel of the same name, TMM is a fairly straight adaptation in terms of plot. The major characters are all present, as are the main set pieces, with only a few names changed here and there. Interestingly, the blackmailer is known here as The Panda - a typically outlandish Wallace name (his other books featuring such villains as The Ringer, The Terror, and The Frog), but this appears to be an invention of the film; in the novel, the blackmailer signs himself 'Kupie'. Another change is in dropping all reference to the two male leads' former heroics in WW1 - perhaps unsurprising, given that the film was produced during WW2.

The Panda - also known as The Prince of Blackmail - has set his sights on young Rex Walton, soon to be married to the beautiful Dora Coleman. Rex has inherited a fortune, and looks set to lose it all, until suddenly Rex - and a million of his fortune - disappear. Luckily for Rex, his feisty sister Joan and Scotland Yard man Inspector Dicker set about solving the case and bringing The Panda to justice - with a little help from safe-breaker Nobby Knowles. Cue much night-time creeping, a trio of murders, and some funny business about chicken broth.

Our cast is a mixed bunch, but all equip themselves well. The intrepid Inspector is played by John Stuart, a leading man of British silent film who managed to hold his own once the talkies took over. Helping him crack the case are the lovely Linden Travers, as Joan, and Charles Victor as Nobby. Travers gets a much better deal than many of the leading ladies in Wallace adaptations - Joan is feisty, independent, and refuses to be intimidated by the villains. The romantic aspect to her relationship with Dicker is both inevitable and inexplicable - it seems you couldn't make a film in the 40's without your leads ending up together, but although Stuart and Travers are both very good in their roles, there's nothing in their chemistry to suggest they'd be interested in one another.

Nobby is an altogether more complicated character. He's the classic Wallace comic-crook, a safe-breaker who ends up aiding the police and helping to save the day. And he is funny - he gets the best lines, some great physical moments, and a scene in which he breaks into a safe he once installed is a masterclass in smug, self confident villainy. However, he's also painfully misogynistic. I'm not applying a 2018 mindset to a 75 year old film here, either; when Nobby is first introduced, he's referred to by another character as "The woman-hater", and it doesn't really get any better from there. For every great line or eye-roll he delivers, there's an uncomfortable comment about the evils of women and a withering assessment of their 'weaknesses' and 'tricks'. It's unpleasant, and it detracts from the film - and it makes Nobby, who should be the most likeable element in the film, into a nauseating bore. (For a masterclass in how to play a Wallace comic-crook, see William Hartnell's perfect performance in the 1952 version of The Ringer).

Rounding out the cast are Patricia Hilliard as Dora, and John Warwick, Brefni O'Rorke and Valentine Dyall as a selection of suspects. Hilliard is very good, although this was her final film role - she retired soon after. Dora doesn't get to be quite as tough or as feisty as Joan, but Hilliard mixes vulnerability with stoicism to produce an endearing and sweet character. Dyall - soon to find fame with his treacley voice on BBC radio, as The Man In Black on the long running Appointment With Fear (and almost forty years before he stuck a crow on his head as the Black Guardian in Doctor Who) - plays against type as a snivelly, cowardly lawyer mixed up in The Panda's intrigues. He also gets the biggest (inadvertent) laugh in the film, as Rex admonishes him for his weakness and his dishonesty, all while Dyall tucks into a hearty breakfast.

It ends, as all Wallace projects must, quite happily. Wrongs are righted, the wicked are punished and love has been found. There are some twists along the way - and to be fair, a few of them were actually quite surprising - and then everyone goes home, presumably for tea. It's very British, and it's very comfortable - there's nothing to suggest the world was tearing itself apart as these characters variously charm, cheat and hoodwink one another. It might not be very challenging, and it might not be very original - but it's Wallace, and that's enough.

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jorienalexanderrrrr · 4 years

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Hope Shines Brightest In Darkness

If you can’t find hope in humanity then be the hope. “I dwell in possibilities.” “Hope is passion for what is possible.” We're all fighting our own wars, and hope is what keeps us fighting. Have you ever spoken of pessimistic thoughts? Like, what if I'm not going to succeed? What if all my struggles are useless? We've all done that, right? But the only thing that keeps us fighting, even if we can't go on, is hope. We were hanging on to something that wasn't even sure if it was going to happen, or maybe it's all just fantasies. To have hope is to seek a result that will make your life easier in some way. Not only does it help make the current unpleasant situation more bearable, but it can also inevitably change our lives, and the possibility of a better future motivates you to take action to make it happen. Whether or not we think about it, optimism is part of everyone's life. Everyone is hoping for something. It's an innate aspect of a human being. Hope allows us to describe what we want in our future, and it is part of the self-narrative of our lives that we all have in our minds. Getting hope, in a sense, connects the history and present to the future. You've got a vision of what you think will happen. If it doesn't, just thinking about it will make you feel better. And if it's something you can manage, like kids trying to get out of poverty, then hope can inspire you to take whatever steps you need to take. Hope is not the same thing as optimism. Generally, the positive is more hopeful than the others. On the other side, the most cynical person you've ever encountered may still be optimistic about anything. Hope is very specific and concentrated, typically on just one question

Hope. It's a simple term, and yet it can mean so much to someone going through a tough time. It could mean the difference between holding on and giving up. It could mean a tiny smile in the face of a devastating diagnosis. It is one word with no true definition, hope can mean whatever you like.

Hope shines brightest in darkness. Now, what's that darkness? These are the realities that we have to face. The uncertainty created by greed, injustice, inequality, poverty and several other issues. For example terrorism. Terrorism is caused by greed, greed of their leaders and also caused by the greed of someone in the government that resulted to people opposing them to rebel. It is also caused by injustice and inequality. There are many things that can lead to chaos. How do we find hope amid all this darkness? We've got to start from ourselves. Rely on goodness rather than negatives

Greed is an excessive love, a desire for wealth, or any possession. Greed doesn't only care about money and belongings, rather he or she cares so much about them. Wealth isn't a negative thing, in and of itself. It will help us fulfill our basic needs as well as enjoy the luxuries that make life easier.

Many politicians are greedy, which is why most of them are corrupt, particularly here in the Philippines. We don't have to argue about this because it's the unalterable fact. They care so much about the money, and they turned out to steal from the people who they promised to represent. Why did I include politicians here? Simply because they are one of the best example of people who are greedy. I am not saying that all of politicians are corrupt but I can say most of them are. At first the politician is full of promises but they just prove that the saying “promises are meant to be broken. They swore to serve the people and end up betraying them, steal from them because of the selfishness they have in their bloods. Greediness can never be disconnected from the politicians.

It is a nature of a human being to have desires and it is not a bad thing. Our desires are the one who make us work hard for the desire to protect and ensure the future of the family. But sometimes that desires went too much and became greed. Not just the people around us are effected, the environment also is affected. Because of greediness of humans the earth is dying, some of the animals no longer exist and some will reach there extinction. The forest doesn't have trees anymore. The mountains are becoming bald because of illegal logging. The river turns to mud because of mining. Just look at what the greediness of humanity can do to our mother earth. We did not even think about the consequences of our deeds just because we only think about our own good. The greed of humanities will retaliate someday, even these days it already does.

Injustice. Many said that justice is only for rich people. And that is really happening in our world today. Poor people are forced to forgive by paying them rather than going to court to fight for their rights. That is the truth that commonly happens. Poor people are threatened by the rich one saying that their effort of going to the court is useless because they cannot afford it. Even if you say that public attorney is free, poor people are the most affected because they can’t work for their livelihood since going to the court consumes time.

Poverty. Of course it is one of the major problem commonly faced by most of the people. Poverty can be described as a situation in which the basic needs of the family, such as food, shelter, education and clothing, are not met. It can lead to other problems like poor literacy, unemployment, malnutrition, or maybe worst like committing a crime. A poor person is unable to receive education due to lack of resources and therefore remains unemployed. Unemployed people are not able to buy enough and nutritious food for their families and their health is declining. A poor person lacks the energy required for a task. The unemployed person remains poor only. We may then assume that poverty is the major cause of many other problems. Poverty can cause someone to commit crime. For example a father who do not have anything to buy food for his children to eat and also cannot find a job because he is also a fruit of poverty. He will end up stealing, or doing illegal things like selling illegal drugs.

All of these darkness are happening every now and then, everywhere. Even among ourselves we deal with stress and pressure from our workplace, because of the tasks given that seems to be too much. Pressure from society, because of the standard that was set by the society that we cannot reach. Pressure from our own families. We continue battling against all of these because of our hope. We think about what ifs’. That someday everything will be alright and the faith will be in our favor. We are struggling for the dream we seek to achieve. We continue fighting regardless of our pessimistic thoughts.

Amidst all of the negative things that surrounds us. We can also find hope if we look at the little things that appear to be unseen. Small good stuff, much like a man giving coins to a beggar. The sunrise in the morning symbolizes a new beginning. That means, whatever happened yesterday, we still have tomorrow to atone our mistakes, to move on from it but never forget, take that as a lesson and you will achieve the better version of yourself. In that way, the things that you are hoping for are one more likely to happen.

The hope of the humanity is the humanity itself. There are many things that can turn the darkness to bright. We just have to appreciate the things that are done by humanity, not just the negative. After appreciating those things, then we have to be one of those individual who became a symbol of hope and give hope to the hopeless. In that way, you can be the light in their darkest days. There are many things to appreciate and symbolizes hope for humanity.

Experiencing or witnessing acts of compassion, generosity and kindness. There are people whose heart is full of goodness. People who have preferred to give than to receive. Happy and cheerful sounds and sights of youngsters and people of all ages. Have you ever heard about the song One day by Matisyahu? The lyrics of the song means having hope. “All my life I've been waiting for, I've been praying for, for the people to say, that we don't want to fight no more, they'll be no more wars, and our children will play, one day” The persona in the song is hoping that, one day there will be peace. That one day, he will see the children’s playing.

Freedom. We have freedom to change turn the situation in favor of us. We are free to choose, to decide about the things and freedom for our next move. Just be clever and let that hope drive you to achieve your dreams. Freedom is something everyone has heard of, but if you ask for its definition, everyone will give you a different definition. This is because everybody has a different view about equality. For some freedom means the freedom to go wherever they want, for some it means thinking for themselves, and for some it means the freedom to do anything they want. The true worth of something can only be known by those who have won it or who have given their lives for it. Democracy also requires the liberalization of injustice. It also means freedom from prejudice, hurt, opposition, discrimination and much more. Equality does not mean that you are violating the rights of others, it does not mean that you are ignoring those rights. Moreover, freedom means captivating the beauty of nature and the natural world.

Experience the best that the world has to offer such as music, art, elegance, dance, singing, learning, imagination, inspiration and knowledge. We may not pay attention to those simple things that surrounds us that symbolizes the hope of humanity, we just have to look at the little things that appear to be unseen as hope. Hope is intact and lives in a place where pain, sadness, disappointment, or devastation are the cause of death. Every time life cuts us down to the size we have to choose how to respond. It could feel tiny in the midst of traumatic stuff. But there it is, hope. Hope lets us make an intentional decision to take hold of the life it gives, no matter how long it takes. This is the part of hope that I didn't like until all I had was hope. Then I realized that. Building takes time, and when you're in pain, you want to improve right this second, not next week, next month or next year. But if we don't let hope build what's needed for change, change will never happen. This is a sobering thought.

The hope we seek for humanity is in the humanity itself. In darkness, the hope shines. It is like a match that was lit in a cave. It is like the northern star that guides the fishermen to where they want to be. If you can’t find hope in humanity, then be the hope. Start with yourself. What are your dreams? Identify it, chase it, struggle for it, and claim it! Life is full of dark paths and every dark paths needs a light for everyone to see their ways, their meanings. And one day, those people who seen you as a hope will someday become the hope of someone, somewhere. We do not know who we inspired. Just do not give up, be humble, be kind. Be the kind of person that decides to do good things, regardless of the negative things that surround you. Keep in mind that life's full of ups and downs. Do not lose hope and be the hope!

@queenlupitajones

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skys813 · 4 years

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Discovery

Chapter 3

*Anxiety slams the door to Romance's room open*

Anxiety: How. Fucking. Dare you!

Romance: *looks up and raises an eyebrow* *writes*

I dare anything. Nice to see you too, Anxiety. It's been a while since you stormed into my room unannounced. What can I do for you?

Anxiety: Oh, don't play coy with me, you know full well what you did. How dare you make such decisions on your own?

Romance: *sighs* *writes*

Go on. Get it out of your system.

Anxiety: Oh get off your high horse. Do you realize-no. Scratch that, you do know, that's why you didn't announce it, you tried to pass it off like nothing happened. I was looking at our priorities this morning, and you know what I found? One of the top items on the list is missing. Wanna guess which one?

Romance: *looks bored but gestures for Anxiety to go on*

Anxiety: Prince was gone. Now I understand that finding us a romantic soulmate was a slowly descending priority as we grew older and more mature, that's understandable. However, we were all agreed that it would always remain as part of the top 10, if not the top 5. What the hell did you do? Better yet, what were you thinking?

Romance: *picks up marker*

Anxiety: No, shut up, you weren't thinking. You weren't thinking about anyone but yourself. You are nothing, you're just a pathetic excuse for an attraction, do you understand? You don't get to make decisions, you're not even on the council. So unless you want a trial, get your act together and put. Him. Back. You have until the end of the day. *turns to leave*

Romance: *waves hand and the door slams shut and locks* *writes*

What's my name?

Anxiety: Open the fucking door.

Romance: *writes*

What is my full name? Say it.

Anxiety: *turns around slowly to read* Romantic Attraction. Your point is?

Romance: *writes*

I have kept my orientation to myself for 18 years. Never once did I raise an objection, not even when out of desperation we clung to a figment of our imagination-

Anxiety: At least we can agree on that.

Romance: *writes*

And then proceeded to pretend that dreaming about a guy she's never met 3 times somehow made him real and our soulmate and that when she found him, Sexuality would magically be "fixed", and we'd fall in love with him and live happily ever after. I even played the daydreams myself to comfort everyone when you made her spiral off about living and dying alone. But things have changed recently. You can't deny that.

Anxiety: Are you talking about Sexuality right now?

Romance: *writes*

Yes. Her coming out as ace changes everything.

Anxiety: *laughs cruelly* It changes nothing.

Romance: *takes a deep, calming breath* *writes*

What exactly were you planning to do if we ever entered a romantic relationship? Sex would've been expected after a certain point. And you out of all of us know just how bad an actress we make. The disgust and fear would've given her away instantly and we would've all been traumatized.

Anxiety: We have the basement level for a reason.

Romance: *slams her fist on the wall*

Anxiety: *continues coldly* If necessary, Sexuality would've been bound and gagged there until she learned to accept it. Libido would've been more than happy to take her place.

Romance: *writes*

First of all, you can do all of that over my dead body. No one's laying a finger on her. Ever. Second of all, you would've forced us into a relationship we have no need or desire for where we would've had to act in ways that would've ultimately destroyed us. THAT is selfish. I acted in our collective best interest.

Anxiety: Is that what you told yourself? Let me guess, you also believed Love when she said that this thing with her best friend is going to last forever?

Romance: *stiffens* *writes*

So what if I do?

Anxiety: Love is, quite literally, blind!

Romance: *gestures "so?"*

Anxiety: It means she can't reliably make decisions for us. She may be on the council, but I lead for a reason. And you? You have no voice. Maybe think on what that means. *turns and wrenches the door open* Oh, and I've changed my mind. You have until the end of the hour to put Prince back on the list. Afterwards, you're to remain in your room until you learn your place.

Romance collapses to her hands and knees as soon as the door shuts behind Anxiety and finally allows the illusion to fade. She's soaked in sweat, sickly pale, on the verge of throwing up. She stares at her hands in horror. The feeling had started the instant she'd locked the door. Was this her true punishment?

Meanwhile.....

Sensuality: So?

Aesthetic: How is she?

Research: I'm happy to say that Sexuality looks to be recovering at last, she hasn't had an episode in days. It's best to let her rest until she's ready to rejoin us. In the meantime, it would be best for her, and all of us, really, if we lay off the sexual content for a while and had more wholesome intakes of media until she's fully recovered.

Libido: *grimaces apologetically from her seat* Yeah, I understand.

Research: Alright, if that's everything, I'll leave you to it.

Sensuality: Thanks, Research. *goes over to Libido* Hey. You okay?

Libido: *scoffs* I'm not the one you should be concerned about.

Sensuality: Well Aesthetic has the whole fussing over Sexuality thing covered at the moment, so I'm all ears.

Libido: Shouldn't you be the one fussing over Sexuality?

Sensuality: Not really, Aesthetic was always closer to her since Aesthetic's all about looking. Sexuality just felt more comfortable around her than me.

Libido: Right.

Sensuality: That's it! *pulls up a chair* You're miserable and everyone knows I'm a sucker for a good tragic backstory. So, get on with it, what's going on in that head of yours?

Libido: It's not that simple.

Sensuality: Yes it is, now shut up and start talking.

Libido: *sighs* Can't you just leave me in peace? I'm trying to have an existential crisis if you couldn't tell

Sensuality: Oh but darling, haven't you heard? Misery loves company! Now, are you going to start talking any time soon or do I have to get some caffeine involved and stay up with you all night until you crack?

Libido: You wouldn't!

Sensuality: Want to test that theory?

Libido: Not really.

Sensuality: *in a sing-song voice* Then start talking!

Libido: I just...I feel like it's all my fault. I did this to Sexuality for years. I hurt her so much. I helped create the daydreams about our possible future that haunted her. I helped solidify the dreams that denied both Romance and Sexuality their identities. I hurt two of your sisters so terribly, I hurt my birthmate. I just- *chokes up*

Sensuality: Oh darling, come here. *pulls Libido into her arms* It's alright, you know. We're an oblivious bunch, something like this was bound to happen, it's really not your fault.

Libido: *breath hitches*

Sensuality: Romance is a big girl, we all are, we've been doing this far longer than you and Sexuality have and we knew what we were getting into long before you were born. We should've known better and we didn't. We all had a hand in this, it's not all on you, little one.

Libido: But I-

Sensuality: *screams and clutches her head*

Libido: *clutches her shoulders* What's wrong? What happened? Are you alright?!

Sensuality: I'm-I'm alright. *turns wild eyes to meet Aesthetic's who's lowering her hands from clutching her own head* Why don't you watch over Sexuality for a moment? Aesthetic and I have somewhere to be right now.

Libido: What? Where are you going?

Aesthetic: *grabs Sensuality's arm as she crosses the room* Just watch over Sexuality. *stops as they reach the door* If anyone or.... Anything happens, anything at all, I want you to raise the alarms like hell, understand? Anything except me and Sensuality tries to get in this room before we're back and you summon Rage in here to destroy it, even if it's an aspect of the core personality. Got it?

Libido: *nods firmly*

Aesthetic and Sensuality race across the mind from the hospital wing to Romance's room and kick down the door to find her collapsed by her desk. She'd managed to knock down her board and write something before she passed out.

Help Anxiety

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