#idk but I've been dealing with this for months now and I'm sick of it

[imekitty]

Today I worked on:

Buried: 527 words -- forced myself to finish the chapter.

Ghost on the Couch: 227 words -- I need to push myself to finish this too because I'm literally on the last chapter and I'm SO CLOSE.

Uploaded a new Tumblr exclusive fic.

I very suddenly have to move so I've been busy packing and also my cats just keep getting sick with this weird virus that just keeps coming back and ugh. But I really really do want to get back to writing regularly someday.

#today I worked on #10/22/2023 #I think it's the herpesvirus but I'm not entirely sure #plus it responds to antibiotics which makes me think maybe it's not a virus? #or they just keep getting infections as a result of the virus #idk but I've been dealing with this for months now and I'm sick of it #and it costs 220 bucks for the blood panel that tests for herpesvirus #because I wanted to try famciclovir but the vet said she wouldn't prescribe it without knowing for sure it's viral #I guess I'll just keep throwing antibiotics at it and hope it eventually just stays gone one of these times #but at least they tested negative for FELV I was a little worried about that #I've had two cats test positive for FELV in the past two weeks and one had to be euthanized #there is so much disease out there for cats

[gentlethorns]

fuck dude i have got to find a job where i can be self-employed and creative. i cannot be in fucking retail hell anymore

#she bork #tbd #like now i don't deal w customers which is cool but now that i work at like a big retail store and not a little mall outlet the pressure is #insane. and i have bosses who never say good job or thank you and who have set me up to fail by throwing a department on me that i was not #hired to run or trained for and frankly don't have time to run properly either. so every week just starts w me in our weekly meeting being a #fucking piñata like 'why didn't you get this done 🤨 you need to manage your time better 🤨 you're losing sales 🤨' and i'm like i'm trying!!!! #what more can i do!!!!!! and then the side of it i actually kind of enjoy (which is what i was originally hired to do) is very very hard on #my body bc it's a very physical job (i run the team that unloads the trucks every day and like i'm usually helping unload bc i'm not just #gonna stand there and watch while my team busts their asses lol) and now i'm finding out that it's actually not normal to wake up every day #w your joints screaming and stiff and that i might have a chronic condition (doctor is thinking some sort of chronic inflammatory arthritis #but i won't know if my imaging and blood tests showed anything until like mid-june) and i'm like. so even the part of my job that i don't #mind as much is not good bc it's like actively destroying my body. okay sick 🤠 and i don't wanna quit bc i've only been there for like #eight months and this job would be really valuable on a resume but i don't want it to look like i'm a job hopper or like i'm fickle or #unreliable. so i'm stuck here for a while i think. but the pressure is destroying me mentally and i know i need to find a position somewhere #else that is 1. not fucking goddamn retail bc retail will always be hell and 2. not management bc i don't see myself ever really getting #into upper management but lower/middle management gets shit on the most so if i go somewhere else and end up in middle management i'll be #right back to wanting to kill myself in a matter of months. basically i'm tired of expectations and pressure and stress and i'm tired of #waking up at fucking 2:30 every morning just to go in and get shit on and destroy my body all over something that in the end i do not fuckin #care about. i need to make art and be held accountable by only myself. idk i've been toying w the idea of learning how to tattoo and trying #to start establishing some artistic skill so maybe eventually i can do that? not now bc the economy sucks and that's scary lol and anyway i #have to give myself some time to actually learn the skill and perfect a style. but it makes decent money (at least before the expense of #supplies and taxes) and allows you to travel and still work and also it would be fun. and i could tattoo myself so it would cut some #expenses for me since i cannot stay away from the damn needle. idk lol i need to save some money before i buy a tattoo gun or anything but #i'm considering it bc i am going fucking crazy rn and ik this feeling will leave me eventually but i also know it will come back bc it #always does. and i'm tired of just surviving and just making it through every day and every week like i want to be happy and this is just #not doing it for me anymore #ugh fuck why couldn't i have been born w a brain that likes numbers and code and technology. i love being an artist but it makes finding a #sustainable career really difficult bc i feel so restless and miserable when i'm stuck in a passionless job but my passions are not #particularly profitable. hate it here why wasn't i born a capybara no job no responsibility just squint and squeak and sun

[zepskies]

OMG I KEED A PART 2 TO SAM HAVING A CRUSH ON DEANS GF

Like idk maybe say Sam didn't listen to Dean and tried making a move on reader? Like ofc he wouldn't ever do that *I don't think* but in this hypothetical scenerio it happens

Hey hun!

Oooof, that's hard. You guys really like this angsty love triangle stuff, huh? 😂 I genuinely think Sam would rather saw off his own hand than hurt Dean that way. But this is like, the only thing I could think of on this one. 😅

See this imagine for context: You are Dean's one exception.

Pairing: Dean W. x Reader, one-sided Sam W. x Reader Word Count: 1,100

Imagine: Sam crosses the line.

Goddamn witches.

That's the last coherent thought Sam has, before his mind is no longer completely his to control.

Well, it's still his mind. His body. But the careful door in his mind and in his heart, reinforced with steel and chained shut with titanium, combo-coded, locked and loaded, now has broken hinges.

Thoughts he hasn't allowed himself to think for months are pried open, with a sick kind of enjoyment in pain.

You're his brother's girl. Sam can't help but love you. He wants you. And now, he might be able to have you.

The witch is dead, but the spell she just hit Sam with remains. He's not dead, so that's a plus.

"Are you okay?" you ask him, slightly breathless. You're the closest to where he's sprawled on the ground, so you go to him. You touch his arm, and he can't help but clamp down on your hand. He looks at you with the thinly veiled eyes of a hunter as he smiles. Because your concern reaches the deepest parts of him.

"I'm fine," he says.

But Dean reads the hunger in his brother's eyes. He's subtle in the way he grasps your shoulder and Sam's (noticeably tighter).

"But what happened? How do you feel?" you ask, trying to take stock of what you're all dealing with here.

"I uh...feel fine, actually," Sam says. He rolls his shoulders. His gaze focuses on you. Dean holds him back from getting off the ground.

"Get the book. See if there's a way to fix this," Dean tells you without taking his eyes off Sam.

Sam tilts his head at Dean, the beginning of an angry frown on his lip as you rush away to find the witch's spell book.

"What's the matter, Dean?" Sam asks. He doesn't bother to lower his voice. (He literally doesn't have a filter anymore.) "Afraid of what might happen when she actually has the chance to choose?"

Dean's lips purse as his eyes darken. "This isn't you. And when you wake up from this, you're either gonna hate yourself for even thinkin' what you're thinkin', or you're gonna have one hell of a headache."

Sam stares back incredulously. He scoffs. "What're you gonna do, kill me?" They both know that's not happening.

But that's also when Dean knocks him the hell out.

When Sam wakes, it's to you stuffing tissues in his bloody nose. He groans a bit. He looks at you and still wants. But when he looks down at himself, he's in the bunker, handcuffed to the war room table.

You look worried for him as you go back to your side of the table with the book. Dean is oddly nowhere in sight. Sam thought he'd be watching you (and Sam) like a hawk.

"Dean'll be back in a sec. He's trying to get ahold of Rowena," you supply. "But how're you feeling? What's the spell doing to you exactly?"

Sam rolls the kinks out of his neck and removes the tissues, even though his entire face radiates with pain. His brother once promised to break his nose, and he did just that.

"Basically? I think it took away my inhibitions," he replies. More like threw them in a blender and put his deepest, headiest desires into overdrive.

You frown. "Like a really bad bender, or a truth serum kind of thing? But why would he punch you out for that?"

Your gears are turning rapidly, weighing out all the options. You always were smart. Sam leans forward slowly. Noting your thread of wariness, his face softens. He doesn't want to scare you...

He sighs. "Listen...there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a while now."

He reaches out a hand. You're looking at him in frozen surprise. His curled fingers brush your cheek. He leans in toward your face.

But you flinch and pull away.

"What the hell are you doing?" you ask.

Sam should've known, but it still hurts him. His jaw clenches. The spell takes away his self-preservation, however.

Just as he might've tried with words to finally confess the depths of his heart, the door creaks open.

The sound of Dean's heavy boots approaching makes him flinch. But Sam looks over with an unrepentant stare.

Dean glances at Rowena, nostrils flaring. "Fix him." He gestures at Sam before he joins you on your side of the table, resting a protective hand on your back.

Rowena shoots him a droll look. "Only because you asked so nicely."

"I don't need fixing!" Sam argues, glaring at Dean. His voice echoes on the bunker's walls. "You're just afraid of what happens if she knows the truth!"

Your eyes widen further. You look from Sam, to your boyfriend. Dean's jaw is clenched tight.

"Okay, what the fuck is going on?!" you ask in earnest. Dean meets your gaze for a moment, his face tense. His reluctant eyes communicate to you things you never knew. Things that clog emotion in your throat. Dean turns back to Sam.

"Don't do this, Sammy. It don't end well for you," Dean says.

"Like hell," Sam retorts.

"Okay, sleep now, dear," Rowena says. And with a wave of her hand and a haze of violet, Sam's world once again blackens.

When he next wakes, he's in his own bed. Not restrained. He indeed has a massive headache, and it's hard to breathe through his still broken nose. He groans and turns, and his brother is there.

When the overwhelming guilt sets in, Sam knows he's himself again, with all the careful walls around his heart put back in place. Rowena must've broken the spell when he was unconscious. Dean can see the truth in Sam's eyes.

"There he is," Dean remarks dryly. "Our giant Jekyll and Hyde."

Sam inhales deeply. "Dean..." I'm sorry doesn't quite cut it.

"She knows," Dean says, after a moment. "Obviously."

Sam nods, swallowing past a lump in his throat. He hesitates to ask the next burning question, because part of him knows the answer.

"It doesn't change anything."

Sam's head turns at the sound of your voice. You stand in the doorway, with your arms crossed despite the disheartened look on your face. Your eyes meet his, steady and sad, but firm.

"I know," Sam says, with a small, self-deprecating smile. "I'm sorry...for all this."

"It's not your fault," you reply. Spell or no spell, the way he feels is not his fault.

You step into the bedroom and go to Sam's bedside, laying a hand on Dean's shoulder. That hand smoothes up his neck, and your fingers briefly thread into his hair. Another silent conversation passes between you and Dean, the way only lovers that close can accomplish.

After a beat, Dean nods and gets up out of his chair. He thumbs at your cheek; it's both an answer to your unspoken request and an endearment. Then he pats Sam's shoulder before he leaves you and Sam alone in the room.

Trust. That's what that is. Dean trusts you, and now that the spell has worn off, he trusts Sam again.

Sam meets your gaze. As awful as he feels, he still loves you. He knows you know by the way your gaze meets his.

All he wants to do is touch you.

To apologize, and to touch you.

He hates himself.

You shake your head. "I love you, Sam. As my friend. My brother."

"I know," he nods. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry," you reply. "You just have to respect that."

"'Course, I do," Sam nods again. You would've never known, if not for the damn spell.

You surprise him by taking his hand. Yours is soft and warm and kind.

Always kind...

But never truly his to hold.

AN: GAH! The Angst. You could bottle it. 😩

Want to know what that conversation was like between Dean and the reader after she "found out?"

Read It Here: You and Dean talk about Sam's feelings.

Dean Winchester Imagines

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Dean W. Tag List:

@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb @vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @roseblue373 @this-is-me19 @emily-winchester @spnexploration @deans-spinster-witch @deans-baby-momma @iprobablyshipit91

@melancholictearz @nic-kolas @sleepyqueerenergy @wayward-lost-and-never-found @thewritersaddictions @just-levyy @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @deanwanddamons @antisocialcorrupt @lacilou @adoringanakin @theonlymaninthesky @teehxk @midnightmadwoman @brianochka @branj19

@agalliasi @venicesem @chriszgirl92 @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78 @solariklees @xsophianicolex @deansbbyx @candy-coated-misery0731 @curlycarley @sarahgracej @bagpussjocken @ultrahviolentart @chernayawidow @beskarfilms @mimaria420

#ask me stuff #dean winchester #dean winchester imagine #Sam crosses the line #being deans one exception sequel #sam in love with deans girlfriend #sam winchester #sam winchester imagine #sam and dean #angst #unrequited love #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x female reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester fic #spn #supernatural #zepskies answers

[oval3000]

Chapter 5

Yandere Teacher Nanami x Student Reader

Warning: Abuse, (force) smut. Abduction, violence, rough play, toxic behavior, age gap, everything from all above. Mainly from his point of view...somewhat... modern au- ish idk. College teacher x student.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 6

-------------------------------------------------------

"Mr. Nanami?" A man in a suit knocked on his classroom door. Nanami was grading some paperwork before his next class. He turned to the side and saw the man alongside some police officers." I hope we're not interrupting you? I'm detective Aki, this is officer Yamada and officer Fujikawa. We want to ask questions about one of your students, (Y/N)."

"Sir." Nanami stood as the man and two police officers entered, closing the door. Nanami knew this day would come. How could he not know? "Of course. Miss (Y/n) hasn't attended my classes for the past month.

"That's why we're here. Her friend had filed a missing person's report on her and we just want to know if you may know anything regarding her disappearance." The detective said.

"The last time I saw her, was when she was sitting on one of the campus benches. I asked her if everything was alright and she told me she was waiting for her ride." He explained. " She seemed a little down and mentioned something about an ex-boyfriend. I've dealt with many of my students who were dealing with hard breakups so I didn't think too much of it."

"Ex-boyfriend?" The detective said.

"Yes. I don't know his name it was never said, but she did mention an ex-boyfriend and by the look of it, it's not something she seemed happy about." Nanami looked at the detective as he jotted down what he was saying.

"Was she acting strange while attending your classes before her disappearance? Did she seem a little down?" Aki asked.

"No. She was a normal student. In fact, she was my best student. Although she had trouble with one assignment, she would stay after her classes for help. Other than that, she was fine. However, I am a teacher with many students, so I might've not pay too much attention to her because of the others, who might be in the same position as her. College is college. Nothing changes." Nanami fixed his glasses and sighed. "Her family must be worried sick if she hasn't shown up." Nanami asked, almost looking a bit sad.

Aki raised his eyebrow. "Have you noticed her disappearance?"

"I did at first. She never missed a class ever. Then again. I have many students who don't bother showing up for months."

"Why is that?" He asked.

"They want to give up. Math is too hard. Struggling with mental illness. I've been working here for ten years, I've seen at all." Nanami sighed, looking down at his papers. "Sadly, no matter what I do, I can't always fix their problems when it's out of my reach. I should've asked Miss. (Y/N), about what was bothering her that day. That was my mistake."

Aki looked at Nanami, who still kept a normal composer. "So her disappearance wasn't too strange for you?"

"Like I said, at first it did. Then again, it's not the first time a student stopped showing up here. I guess I was wrong about that." Nanami raised his eyebrows. "Has anyone seen her since then?" He asked so concerned.

"No, we're working on a timeline on who might've. So far, you're the last person who has seen her. However, no one mentioned an ex-boyfriend before." Aki tapped his little notepad with his pen.

"Oh. it makes sense now." Nanami scratched his head.

"What makes sense?" Aki questioned.

"When she mentioned the ex-boyfriend, it went like this." He hummed, " 'My ex-boyfriend is a jerk who only thinks about himself. We were hardly boyfriend and girlfriend since we dated for three months.' It was confusing to me. I don't know what these young adults think now about relationships; now there is a thing called situationship' or whatever it's called. Every day, I hear students talk about their 'situationship'—are they boyfriend and girlfriend? I don't know what kids are up to these days." He explained. "I was puzzled because, aren't boyfriend and girlfriend, boyfriend and girlfriend? Now, I realize, it must've been one of those situations where you're just with a guy, just cause, with no title. Now it makes sense why it's called situationship'. Either way, it can still break someone's heart. Maybe that's why no one mentioned him; it didn't seem like what they saw was a relationship. Nonetheless, for Miss (Y/n), it must've been more than that, but it was overlooked."

"Did she mention anything about this ex-boyfriend or lover she had?" The detective asked, jotting down as much information as he got.

"No. She was on her phone during the little conversation we had so it was cut short. I swear those kids are always on their phones like they're addicted to them." Nanami picked up his papers and hit them on the desk countertop to straighten them in place. He checked his watch and saw the time. "My next class is about to start. Is there anything I can help with?"

The detective closed his notepad, "No that'll be all for today. Thank you, Mr. Nanami." He shook his hand and headed his way out alongside the two officers.

"Oh! Please tell (Y/N)'s family my condolences. She's one of my students here. Hope she's found soon." Nanami said.

The detective gave him a sympathetic smile, "Sadly, her parents died recently, in a car accident. I'll tell her friend though, she's worried sick about her."

Nanami went back to teaching his class. He went on to be a normal regular teacher. He saw the detective and two officers roaming around, talking to other students and teachers. He kept his usual face and went on with his day. He would hear his colleagues about you, how they're saddened that you just vanished.

Some came up and spoke to Nanami since you were in his class, and he gave them the same type of response he gave to Detective Aki. When he got into his car, he drove off.

He went on to run some errands really quickly and got some snacks and a beverage. He went and decided to stop by a public library and started to use the public computers and continued to do some paperwork and make new homework and test assignments.

He looked at the time got up from his chair, logged off, and walked away from the library building. He got back in his car and drove off to a food place.

He ordered a meal for himself and ate in his car while grading more of his paperwork. When the sun was completely gone, he went to a copy, and fax machine place that was open 24 hours and started to make multiple copies before heading his way home near midnight.

He did this routine for 3 weeks. 3 whole weeks. 3 torture weeks for him.

The day he saw a man getting arrested on the college campus with Detective Aki and the two officers, his 3 whole weeks ended.

He got out of work, he went on to the library, and used the computer for some time. He went to an electronic store and bought himself a new computer. He got into his car and drove home.

He opened the door that was inside the garage and placed the store bag on the kitchen counter.

He walked upstairs and opened the bedroom door. "Sorry, I'm late. Work has been chaotic." He stared at you with your eyes glossy and the rag on your mouth. Your hands were still tied up to the headboard. He went towards and touched the rag and pulled it out. " Sorry about this, sweetheart. It was just a precaution. On the good news, they arrested that ex-boyfriend of yours. It wasn't good for him when they saw all the texts he had 'sent' you. Too bad they found your phone on his property."

"P-please...don't hurt me...Please don't hurt me." You cried to him.

He grabbed your cheeks with his hand, "Who's your best friend?" When you didn't answer him, he grabbed onto you harder, "Answer me!"

"E-Emi." You told him.

"Well, that Emi bitch made those 3 weeks a living fucking hell for me and I'm not too happy about that, sweetheart." He sighed and let you go. "At first I thought your family was gonna be in my way, but it turns out is Emi. Tell me, what should I do?"

You shook your head.

"You're right. It'll be too suspicious." He got on the bed and laid next to you. "I'm just happy to be with you." He slid his hand down to your body and stopped once it reached your stomach. "It must've been lonely here for you. Tell me something else, do you want some company while I'm gone?"

You felt your body shiver with his touch and talk. "N-no."

"No? You're fine here without me? Because if you ever feel alone, I can change that." He rubbed your stomach.

"I'm fine. I-I'm okay." You pulled your knees up to your chest feeling chills going through your body.

"I love you, I hope you know that." He said, smiling at you. He pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms around your body. "I'm doing this all for you."

He kissed your cheek, "This is all for love."

SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Sorry for the long wait! R.I.P to Nanami 😩)

#nanami jjk #kento nanami #nanami smut #yandere nanami #yandere jjk #yandere #nanami kento #jjk smut #jjk x reader #jjk #jjk nanami #jjk kento #jujutsu nanami #yandere jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen nanami #nanami x reader #kento smut #kento x reader #nanami #kento #jujustu kaisen #yandere nanami x reader #nanami x y/n #nanami x you #kento x y/n #kento x you #jjk nanami kento #kento nanami x you #kento nanami x reader #kento nanami x y/n

[dampsleeves]

life update :3 (a little vent-y)

sooo, been over 200 days since the house caught fire and we had to move. obviously, a lot of stuff's been happening. can't go into deep details for fear of someone I don't want to find this, finding this, but I'll say this much: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've very rarely mentioned family on here (for obvious reasons - this account is NOT made for that lol) but here goes. tw for pretty heavy topics: mentions of abuse, father issues, health issues, transphobia & financial issues. I turned 18 Feb 21st, literally just almost 2 months before the damn house caught fire. Meanwhile, my brother's still a minor. MEANING, I narrowly escaped the custody battle my mom & dad are in. But unfortunately, he's still stuck in the middle of it. :( My pops was not really the nicest person to me when I was a kid -

whooping my ass whenever I did anything wrong, no matter how minor the offense was.

Telling me that he loved God more than he loved me, because "You're God's gift to me. God is the one who gave you to me in the first place," when I was four.

Telling me that if I didn't start being ok with receiving physical affection from family - which he knew made me uncomfortable - I was "going to grow up to be a S3R1AL K1LL3R" (yes he said that.)

Telling me that "God doesn't make mistakes," and that he "made me into a beautiful young woman for a reason" after I came out to him personally at 14 - big mistake 0/10 stars, would never do again. You get the idea. And those are the tame examples I could think of. So, I finally cut him off. As soon as my mom, brother, & I were in our new place, I blocked his number and haven't talked to him since. I was sick of him not respecting my boundaries, and repeatedly demonstrating that he thought of me as nothing more than a possession. Tired of him making me feel crazy all the time too. But now he's fucking with my mom & brother. Intentionally not paying child support till the last minute possible - & then making it in as small of payments at a time as he possibly can (yes he can afford it btw.) Trying to force my brother to go over to his place, even when my brother does NOT want to - which has begun giving my brother psychological issues & issues with school, mirroring the ones I used to struggle with bc of that bastard. My mom is juggling all sorts of things, & I really at least wanna try to help financially by getting a job, but I can't yet because: she says that I'm only 18, & shouldn't have to get a job to help out (I disagree.) I don't have an ID bc she wants me to wait on my legal name change - which costs a pretty decent chunk of change - reason is bc she "wants me to have as easy an early adulthood life as possible" (love her.) AND, I haven't actually graduated - No, I dipped in 11th bc school was hell (not exaggerating,) & instead just decided to pursue a GED, that I haven't been able to work towards bc of the shit show that is life in midwestern america. So I've been very depressed, exhausted, & hopeless. The least I can do is clean up our house while she's at work, & get this - some days I don't even have the physical energy to do THAT! I do not know what the hell is wrong with my body currently, but it absolutely sucks. & I'm really tired of just taking up space all the time. She's dealing with health issues too, & I'm always worried ab her. Idk what the hell to do, but something's gotta give. Everybody needs a fucking break. I keep trying to shoo away all the dark thoughts, push myself as often as possible, & keep my fingers crossed, but jfc... Sorry just needed to yell into the void for a sec. I'll live, I'm sure - I've survived worse. Sometimes things just suck. But I like to think that someday they won't. :,)

#spiidervent #not snz #venting :3 #feel free to ignore this if you dont wanna hear me bitch and moan

[bearsbeetsbeskar]

stupid personal life highschool bs drama?

idk if it is the fact that I am getting my period soon, or that there it gets dark by 6pm now, but I've been feeling so meh and low and unmotivated. for what feels like, absolutely no reason?

I'm dealing with personal drama from a best friend I have had since highschool (let's call her B), who has seen me through thick and thin, and it's honestly so draining. B and I have been saying for months that we are going to go visit my other highschool best friend who moved two hours away from us (let's call her S), (we're basically the three amigos). I have gone to visit 'S' many times before, made the drive up to go see her handful of times without 'B' because she was not available or always busy. well, I went to go visit 'S' this past weekend and posted on social media (cause it's my life and I can), and 'B' messaged me, basically attacking me and ripping me apart for going to visit our other friend.

For context, 'B' and I had last texted about going to visit this friend in August, and the dates just weren't working, the last message from B was suggesting 'what about October?' I didn't end up replying to that text cause, well, life happens. My mom started radiation and I was gearing up to begin grad school, so it was the furthest thing from my mind, and B and I texted about other things since then. When I posted the pics from my visit with S this past weekend, B called me out and texted me being like 'thanks for the invite, you know I wanted to go with you.' I got defensive because why is it my responsibility to keep messaging her and providing dates that don't work for her? I told her she doesn't have the right to make me feel bad about going to visit S, and that she could have also texted S about coming to visit her. Cue B calling me a bad friend, a bitch, condescending, telling me that I have my head in my ass and a bunch of other shit. To which I say, it isn't that serious?

She refused to see my point of view and kept going on her tirade, saying I was talking down to her like she was dumb or didn't know how to make plans of her own. I honestly don't know what got into her but she was acting psychotic. And I'm sick of getting the brunt of it and having to justify myself and my actions. We're all adults, we can make plans without needing approval from one another, like ?????

This is just a rant at this point but I'm pretty fucking hurt and upset that my so called friend from highschool days would go to such lengths to attack me. And by the sounds of it she doesn't regret lashing out like that. Anyone who knows me in my personal life knows that if you cross me, you'll never hear from me again, cause I don't do second chances and I absolutely do not hesitate to cut people off who have hurt me. I'll be really sad if a 12 year friendship ends over something so small and trivial as this but I'm at the point in my life where if you come at me with any sort of hostile energy you better prepare to deal with the other side of Nicole that comes out.

#what was the point of this #nothing honestly #I am almost 30 I don't do bs petty drama like this

[mugiwara--ya]

I've been applying to jobs like crazy for months and months and months and every interview feels like this time its finally gonna happen and when it doesn't i just feel this crushing fucking hopelessness and i try not to get discouraged and stay positive etc but. god.

right now im super sick and i took the day off to rest and i keep feeling guilty that im not using every waking second to look for a job. i feel like i should start taking commissions but i KNOW i cant commit to it. i could work on graphic design but they fucking kicked me out of school after nearly 2 goddamn years of them wasting my time so i dont even have a degree and i dont even want to look at my apps n tools most days bc of the sheer fucking burn out im in. i could post the tons n tons of finished art i got collecting dust on my folders and maybe maybe maybe get some tips from it but i simply cannot move past my anxiety so i just dont. i wanna do so much stuff but im paralyzed bc my absolute priority is to find a job that can get me out of here and i literally cannot think of anything else. i feel ungrateful all the goddamn time bc at least i dont have to worry about food bills and a roof over my head.

i am 28 years old and 100% dependent on my family. i don't and WON'T have a degree. i'm chronically ill. i've been on psych meds for about a year and while mentally ive literally never been better, i'm dealing with the consequences of 27 years of untreated adhd, undiagnosed autism, several mental illnesses, plus extremely fresh and violent trauma from the massive fires where i live and i keep fucking having nightmares and panic attacks over it and its been like two months and i'm so fucking tired. i have next to no work experience and my last "real" job was on 2015 so i have to bullshit my way through interviews and so far no one has fucking called me back.

im just complaining rn bc fuck its getting real fucking dark over here but rn im just worried sick about my partners. they're living together at the moment and they can barely get by. i already reblogged their donation posts and i'll make one linking to them just for idk reach or whatever so please if you read til here wait for that post to go up and please please please help them so at least i can have that peace of mind, if nothing else.

#vent / #sol.txt

[symptoms-syndrome]

(tw brief mention of suicide attempt) I had a friend for a few years (since Jan 2020). They started telling me I was being a neglectful friend this past September. I had just flown across the country to see them a few weeks prior... they said for the last few months I had been short and canned responses and stuff and I was like idk I felt like we grew closer than ever this summer? I remember basically confessing my (platonic-ish-it's-weird-I'm-very-queer) love for them in July. we talked every day pretty much. I guess I was also incredibly sick and also moving house at the time, so maybe I was reaching out to them less? Anyway they disabled their account after leaving very long messages about a bunch of confusing stuff and saying they had to leave or they'd abuse me, but they also had issues abandoning people, so they would be back. That was like 5 months ago. Now they've popped up in my inbox again asking to reopen the conversation. A few weeks before they left, I told them the door would always be open and I'd still be their friend, which is true, I still feel that way. but I've been really struggling with my own mental health the last couple months. A ton of self-hatred/repressed stuff that's been festering since childhood. A few weeks ago my sibling tried to kill themself. so I am like... sure, I want to talk to my friend and hear them out. but if they just start laying blame on me again, I don't think I'll be able to handle it on top of everything else that I'm dealing with right now. I responded briefly to their message and basically said things are really rough for me right now and I'd reach out to them in a few days. IDK. I'm already tired from thinking about what they could say. That's it from me, you wanted tea, this is the newest development for me. say whatever or delete this ask. just???? ugh when it rains it pours

Nah NGL I would give them like. Very little grace at that point. But that's just me. Like. Put ur foot down, say that you have very little tolerance for Bull Shittery RN (in a nicer way, probs. Smth like "I'm very fragile RN") and if they're gonna pull stupid shit that you're gonna block them or w/e. It sounds to me like they don't appreciate the lengths ur going for them and that's smth they might have to learn the hard way.

Plus like. U can totes be their friend if u want and still say "hey if u pull bullshit w me I'm not gonna wanna talk to u. I wanna be ur friend but ur gonna have to act a friend bc this isn't a one way street."

Like I can understand where they're coming from, sometimes ur brain is a shithead and tells u ur friends hate u or whatever, but that's their problem not urs. Don't bend over backwards for someone who won't appreciate it. Plus IDK, sometimes showing that u rly mean it when u say u don't wanna hang w someone who's a dick to you actually makes smth click in their brain like "oh shit they're for real about this, I gotta change the way I act if I wanna keep this person around." And if they don't change. IDK man maybe they think of u as a particularly nice dartboard more than a good friend.

#suicide tw

[fizzingwizard]

Well, I bought ad-free Tumblr.

I did it because I realized what I would prefer, if I could have my way (aside from just no one needing to pay for anything at all ever hahahahaha), then we'd all pay to subscribe to tumblr and it just wouldn't be free. It'd be like $1.99 per month and all of us would pay it and have no ads and be happy and whee.

Now that's not my serious opinion. I know, for one, what happens when you stick things behind a paywall. Tumblr might not be a scientific journal or reputable news source (lol) but a paywall still divides, still excludes, and that's antithetical to the entire experience of the Internet. And then, there would still be all the other social media sites that have ads and don't make you pay out of pocket, which would sail on with everyone who can't afford or doesn't want to afford tumblr.

Everyone paying a nice, neat, cheap monthly fee or discount annual fee and getting along together is what would work best for me, but it's not realistic for everyone. But, since I'm willing to do it, I thought, why haven't I? And I'll tell you why: Because idk about the rest of you, but much of tumblr really doesn't work that well for me. I have issues with posting, especially with paragraph breaks and trying to move bits of text around. I don't like that posts I reblogged in the past are hidden forever behind "Flagged for mature content" warnings and it's like. A picture of a cat. Not to mention broken music links and videos (which I guess aren't tumblr's fault, just makes me sad). I don't like how pictures seem to always end up sized differently and you have to open it just the right way to see it how you want. Not to mention a bunch of features tumblr used to have that I loved have gone away or been massively de-emphasized: support for music players on blogs, for example. (Yes I still have one but it's a pain the neck.) Polls are nice but I miss that. I also miss convenient free themes - they're still there of course! But finding one that has everything I want (no endless scrolling, clear navigation, visible icon and description, music player, etc) is also a pain and I just end up reusing the same old one I've been using since I joined and recoloring it lol.

So I'd be happier about paying for tumblr if the experience were just a touch cleaner, faster. Oh, and not forgetting about PC users xP I know lots of people use their phone, I do too, it's convenient - but PC is just easier. Well, maybe for teens who can type on their phones at 50 mph it's no big deal. But I love love love my keyboard.

But anyway I paid it so I get a year without ads. Honestly I thought about it and $40 a year is what, ten cents a day? I really don't mind that. I wasn't really bothered by ads anymore since they've been scaled back, but now I can be bothered by them even less, so yay. OTOH, it looks like the subscription auto-renews, which I HATE. If so, I hope they send a warning email a few days before.

Oh and you know what else helped. I did a few youtube searches recently, and wanted to tear out my own hair over how frustrating it was. I just want a list of videos that relate to the subject of my search, not interspersed between "things I've seen before," "random shorts," "things that are similar," "things totally different that Youtube wants to show me anyway." And same thing on Google, Amazon, anywhere. I'm just so sick of it. So I'll fucking pay for fucking tumblr x'D Just work and not be annoying alright!!

I find it amusing that the moment I paid, I got a pop-up asking me to pay more to give ad-free to someone else. I might be more amenable when my pocketbook isn't smarting anymore 9_9

But this was funniest of all:

OK, I can't imagine ever doing it, but I suppose there's someone out there who thinks highly enough of the stuff that gets blazed to decide they want to continue seeing it even after spending $40 x'D But who is paying the fee and choosing show all ads? Please, is there anyone? I want to see a cryptid for myself.

#tumblr

[koukaimagines]

Life Update/Posting so you guys know I'm not abandoning you

I got sick 💀💀😭😭 I got sick and I'm still working on school stuff at the same time and dealing with other orgs I'm a part of in my community, so while I wanted to have one of my asks cleared by the end of this month, I'd say to expect it come February. Sorry. 💀💀💀

I managed to get one of my close friends into Akayona too, so I'm excited to write more for this blog not just for yall, but for them as well.

I can't really think while I'm sick, and I'm using every last fibre of my braincells to write up an assignment. Standard schooling is brutal. Prestige in education is a scam. down with the ivory tower . drop out raahhhhhhh

That being said, it's a coincidence because my next req post will be about reader being sick. and I'm sick. Haha

I've been so worried about leaving this blog be again that I've thought about just breaking my long posts up into two parts, but i feel like that would be a bit disingenuous, idk if thats the right word. tldr im not gonna. just know i still worry. but im also still writing. just not now bc im sick.

#not writing #akayona

[broodsys]

just life stuff, nothing bad. a little complicated, some heavy topics, but mostly just me feeling safer and more at ease with myself here at home

so i've found it kinda remarkable that like... okay, so i quit smoking weed like... fuck, idk. probably around 6-7 months ago now? and i'm still figuring myself out. like, i feel like i'm having to relearn myself from scratch. but that's not a bad thing and that's not rly what this post is about

what it is about is that i am making progress with my family. my brother has been a really, deeply triggering presence ever since he came back home, and i just... i couldn't talk to him, i could barely look at him, i just felt sick all the time that he was here

but he finally kinda... he started respecting my boundaries instead of trying to push them. and when i had to put my cat down, he was very kind. it was short, it was simple, but he was still very kind. and he's given enough and proved that he's willing to respect me enough that i've begun to talk with him again

we're not friends. we'll never be friends. but i never thought we could have anything like this kind of balance in our lives again. so it's a mix of a lot of things - i'm not smoking; i'm no longer so fucking worn out by school; i've made more friends and have a healthier balance to my life; and he started respecting my boundaries. but it's made the house feel a lot better to me

and in this recent ice storm he even came out and just helped me deal with an issue outside. it was nice. i just feel safe here in a way i haven't for a long, long time. or maybe ever. i still don't feel like... entirely supported or comfortable, i'm not saying that, but i feel safe and that's new territory for me tbh. a lot has happened these past few years and also over the course of my life that has led to me never really feeling safe anywhere ever, but i'm starting to get there

it's strange, but good. far from perfect, but better than it ever has been

[bots-and-cons]

Hi, I'm sick

This is just me venting a bit, but I'll put the important stuff here so you don't have to read the whole thing if you don't feel like it. I'm sick, pretty tired and don't have much motivation for anything, so Idk if I'm gonna post much this week.

I've been sick for like 4 days now and I'm so annoyed, because I don't have the motivation to do anything. I want to write and do school work, but I'm feeling like crap so I haven't done anything for a couple of days now. Or at least I haven't done things I want to do. I've been doing laundry, washing the dishes and making food. When I made the big pot of soup on Sunday, it took me probably a couple of hours because I was in a lot of pain. Idk why though, like sure you can get some joint pain when you have the flu but holy shit I was having a hard time moving the whole day. Peeling potatoes and carrots and stuff was a really bad time.

I really hope I'll get better by the weekend, because I need to go to the school next Monday and Tuesday. I have to be there, because we have group presentations and I already missed the last two school days because of the train worker strike. I only have school 4 days a month, and the rest I have to do on my own. We get assignments and stuff for between the lectures, and a ton of reading that we have to do. I've enjoyed it so far and it's really nice to be doing something again.

When I heard that I wouldn't be able to go to the school when the train worker's strike was happening, I didn't take it very well to say the least. I don't deal well with change, I had a panic attack and cried for over an hour, because I absolutely hate it when my plans change suddenly. My mom was suggesting alternative ways to get to the school, but I couldn't handle it at the time, so I just went to sleep. I was semi-okay the next day and I attended the lectures online since it was an option for two of the four lectures. Then of course I got a call from the social worker I've been in contact with about some additional benefits. She told me that I should go on a sick-pay of sorts and slow down my studies. The thing is, if I wanted to go on that particular sick-pay I'd only be allowed to get 12 credits in the time I need 33, so I really can't do that. I couldn't explain that to her on the phone because I was so stressed already, I just started crying and she just kept telling me to slow down my studies.

I thinks it's pretty fucking stupid to tell me that, since I'm doing well enough so I can study more. Plus, I need the 33 credits since I want to get into the degree program for the fall. It just pissed me off and added to an already stressful situation.

I would not deal with social services if I didn't have to. I'm just not in good enough place that I'd be able to work and study at the same time so I have to live on benefits for now. I hate it, but I also know my limits and I know it wouldn't end well for me if I started working too.

I've had a pretty stressful couple of weeks and now I'm sick, so the stress if probably catching up with me. Thanks if you read this, and I wish you a good rest of the week, and remember to drink water :D

#ony speaks

[shankschewtoy]

Hi!

I don't even know how to ask, actually i never made it, so... hi! I'm not from USA so my english is pretty bad, sorry!

The request is pretty personal. I've fighting against tuberculose since april/may this year, and i lose a lot of weight in a small time, what let me with a skinny appearence. Now, i've gain all the weight i lose, and i hope it's my last month of treatment (it's 6 to 12 months). But today, when i went to receive my medication, i saw that i lost 1kg, and that made so sad, like, all my effort to gain weight was like nothing.

Only if you wish to or accept to, i really wanted somenthing with Sanji and fem!reader or gn!reader that is passing trought the same thing at me.

Idk if that follows any rule that u have, but i would be glad. :D

Sanji my beloved 😭💞

a/n - hi hi!! Your English is great so don’t worry! I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been dealing with that, you’re so strong and really amazing for being able to push through!! I believe in you, and I’m gonna send you my best wishes 💜💜\(//∇//)\ Sanji would be there for you at your beck and call, and I just know it :) thank you so much, 🥺💜 keep going! You’ve got this!

Warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, mentions of sickness, (I’m gonna make this one super happy :)

I love you no matter what <3

- Sanji isn’t a doctor, but he truly tries his very best for you!

- He knows you’re going through something extremely tough, and he feels helpless that he can’t do anything to take your pain for you

- Sanji doesn’t care what the fuck you look like, he only cares about how you feel. How you are doing

- He’ll try his best to help you with gaining weight back, he’ll make your favorite foods whenever you’d like, and he’ll encourage small steps, whatever you’re comfortable with!

- he’s there with you 100% :)

- even if you’re self conscious about your skinny appearance, he will remind you every single day that you’re absolutely perfect in his eyes

- He’ll tell you that so often that you can’t even think about your appearance anymore- 💜

- When you saw that you had lost 1kg again, he didn’t know what to say

- But he was there, holding you in his arms and trying to reassure you that not all hope was lost

- He’d rub your back, and let you talk whenever you needed to. Or if you just needed him to give you hugs, kisses, anything. You didn’t even need to ask him, he’s already doing it :D

- He felt so angry at your illness, why did it have to make you go through it? If given the chance, he’d gladly take your place if it meant you weren’t in pain

- listening to you tell him how your efforts to gain weight were all for nothing shattered his heart, the pieces stabbing his soul

- What was he even supposed to say to that? He didn’t know what to even think..

- He tried to tell you that your efforts weren’t all wasted, and that he’d help with whatever you needed

- (he’ll make you dessert 24/7 if that’s what you want hehe 🥺)

- Anything to make his love happy 💜

- He often stays awake at night and makes sure you’re alright before falling asleep, he always wants to see you fall asleep before he does

- It makes him feel a bit more at ease when you’re relaxed, your features peaceful

- He’ll be with you every step of the way, and he tries his best to encourage you and to support you! Hugs, kisses, sweet compliments, cuddles, and more.

- He hopes that this is your last month of treatment, (he wants to kick tuberculosis’ ass so bad-)

- the one thing he wants in life is for you to be happy

- Content with your life

- To see you smile gives him the life that he never thought he had before he met you

- And to see you happy? Makes his world brighter 💜

a/n - I hope this is what you asked for!! :) Sanji would be there for you 24/7 so don’t you worry! I seriously want to give you a hug so bad, but I won’t if it makes you uncomfortable 😭 thank you so much for requesting, and you got this! 💜💜

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece hcs #sanji headcanons #sanji one piece #vinsmoke sanji #sanji x reader #sanji x y/n #sanji fluff

[wooahaes]

What about a Mingyu single!parent AU ? 👀

ooo... single dad gyu is. clutches chest. it rly doesnt help i've been having baby fever recently for reasons that it admittedly took me a hot minute to realize what they were. but thats not important lol

i feel like theres a lot i can do with single parent aus since i've talked abt a jeonghan one w my moots (holly and livvie if u see this... mwah <3) once (which i'm also happy to talk abt if anyone's curious). for creativity's sake, i'll go with a different plot for single dad gyu <3

gyu is a single dad who has sole custody of his kid for probably undescribed reasons unless i wanna get into it if i write it. he's happy, tho: he loves his daughter more than anything else and is completely happy just working to support her. he usually hires a sitter or asks his friends to watch her if they aren't working that day (some of them like... adore her to the point where gyu whines if they're Too doting bc thats his baby!!! he should be her number 1 person!!! not uncle wonu!!!). hes got stuff figured out. sometimes ppl ask abt him dating again since he's not exactly happy single, but he kinda just insists that he'll be good for now--he'd rather wait until his daughter is a little older.

and then enter you: a new server at the restaurant he works in. his coworker, junhui, immediately realizes that mingyu's a smidge bit smitten within the first few weeks of you working there bc u do ur job well and you're a kind person?? just something abt the combination makes him a lil flustered when interacting with you. mingyu just kinda chalks it up to you being new, but you're the one who helps him wash and bandage a cut when he wasn't watching his fingers once. you end up giving him ur number to talk more, mingyu is painfully oblivious that ur trying to flirt a lil w him since the two of u get along, and he goes home to spend time with his daughter before he has to put her to bed for the night.

about a month or so of very obvious flirting (to everyone But gyu), his daughter gets sick. hes stuck at work, so are pretty much all of his friends, but you're about to leave for the day when mingyu asks you for a huge favor. he'll call the preschool and get everything arranged for you to pick her up (probs by showing ID and confirming ur the person mingyu gave permission to), plus he'll tell you where the spare key is, he just needs you to take her home and watch her for about an hour until his friend can get there. so you agree to it, and he's relieved.

and then he goes home to see you and wonwoo sitting on the couch, talking. you apologize bc you meant to leave waaay earlier but wonwoo was telling u abt college shenanigans (mingyu is like Oh No) and showing you baby pictures (bc wonu is best uncle for a reason) and the two of u just kinda help talking. mingyu panics for a moment, wondering if this means ur into wonu, but wonu kinda pushes him straight into walking you out and making sure u get a cab home and u kinda just. ask him out for coffee, but not explicitly calling it a date.

idk more plot of u and mingyu p much dating and growing closer before mingyu has to recognize he's falling for you. straight up would have a lil convo with his daughter, whos old enough to understand, abt him bringing someone into their lives (maybe w the 'but if they treat you badly, you can tell me' bc they're a package deal and he's not going to be w someone who treats either of them horribly). happy ending of u and gyu in love <3 maybe w a timeskip of you moving in with him and loving the lil family the three of you have become

#wooahaes.ask #asks.anon #wooahaes.askgame

[kosmic-songbird]

Trigger warning: suicide, night terrors, death, #bad brain

Been going through shit since the death of a family member and I'm trying to figure some stuff out about night terrors. I started having them at 14 and they got the worst at 17-20 years old. They went away for a few months and then came back but less frequent and violent. I moved at 23 (almost 24). Turning 25 this month and I had an unusually bad night terrors episode where I had three or four a night for several nights. I'm not out of that stage yet. And I'm so fuckin pissed cause all the night terrors research is on children, young children. And that's just a fuckin punch in the gut for 17 year old me that was suicidal out of fear of living with severe night terrors (several times a week if not nearly every night) for the rest of my life. And it's a slap in the face to nearly 25 year old me that has nothing to go on and blank stares from my doctor's when I bring it up. I'm tired. I thought I was over this. And maybe I am. Maybe I'm having an episode due to all of the medication and lifestyle changes im facing rn. (I am finally, finally, finally over Effexor withdrawals-when your doctor says it will last for a few days or a week know that they are wrong. For myself and many others it's 4-6 weeks if not longer even following a tapered withdrawal plan. It was a month-ish of pure torture for me. Imagine feeling faint and having your ears ringing and the ground swaying while they pick up your grandmother's casket? I was so angry that I had to feel I'll from withdrawals on top of grief. And now that I'm over the withdrawals I'm still dealing with grief and stress from financial matters. Idk. But if I look up why I get so paranoid I can't even close my eyes to sleep and get directed to another article for parents of 6 year olds I'm going to scream. I'm so sick and fuckin tired of no one helping me get over this shit and I'm so fuckin sorry for anyone out there in the same sorry state I'm in. Sorry for disappearing, leaving a rant, and then probably vanishing for at least another few days but I'm so fucked in the head rn I can't function. Starting to wonder if it's all natural or if there's a supernatural element too. (My parents' house is haunted and my night terrors immediately improved after moving. I've not had super serious problems with the terrors until this week. And I visited my family after my grandmother's death for a week. Maybe the bad entity back home hitched a ride or left a stain? Idk. But tomorrow I'm cleansing the whole fucking house, I'm gonna clean it, redecorate the alters (I had to take them down, just in case my Christian conservative family drove me home since they said they would even tho they ended up not doing it), I'm gonna make fresh offerings to my gods, spirits, and ancestors and ask for protection, and I'm going to invoke Medusa for protection something I've only dabbled with but found helpful (she's a cool entity to study and I have some upg about her associations with other Greek figures that I'm planning on creating a researched post about. I'm hoping to dive deep into those aspects of my polytheistic worship soon, but I have to feel stable first so sorry for the wait but it's necessary.)

Again, apologies for the hiatus but I'll be coming back stronger. I just need this rough patch to pass and, from experience, I know it will. Stay safe witches 💙

#triggering stuff #trigger words #bad brain

[ohifonlyx33]

i feel so overwhelmed right now with not understanding how to operate in this world.

I know what some of my interests are. I know I am a competent writer and generally good with children. But I don't have any Important Qualifications™. And short of going back to school, I really don't know where to get more qualified. For that reason, I want to work for myself and create my own qualifications. But then there are still all these rules and regulations that I don't even know about. Legal protections, tax codes, "proper procedures" I know nothing about, etc. And with all that in mind, I really don't know how or where to start. And even if I figure that out, on top of that I have to deal with crippling anxiety that I won't be good enough, that I'll loose my fleeting motivation, and fail.

And on top of that I've been so, so furiously angry with my dad for the past two months because of the way he treats us (and I wasn't built to be angry this long, it's draining me). I'm sick of his pretentious arrogance and paranoia. I'm tired of him making my mom cry and feel worthless.

I feel like i'm always two seconds away from crying in front of strangers the second they ask me how I am. And idk what to do to fix anything that is broken in my life. I need a partner in life.

Oh, and that's another thing. I don't know how to be in a relationship because of my parents. I'm uncomfortable with the thought of dating and YET... It'd be so nice to simply have a husband who provides so that I can simply support him and run home instead of fretting over my own issues. But I'm ugly and unlovable. 😭😭😭

#personal rant