#idk. it sucks that it's still with me after all these years | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wonnieluvr · 2 days

Text

thinking of you

pairing -> grayson hawthorne x fem!reader

summary -> grayson can’t get you off his mind even years after your messy breakup. do you still think about him too?

warnings -> angst again lol 😭 i tried to make it a happy ending but idk yet

a/n -> pt.2 to this fic but can be read as a standalone :) this one is long, woo 😮‍💨 i also dk if gray is a bit ooc, i tried..

you had been grayson's first love. and sometimes, he believed you were the only one he had truly loved.

you were perfect. and you knew him so well. it had never been difficult with you.

he had never been as happy as he was with you. he hadn't even imagined a world where the two of you broke up.

and yet... you were standing there, across the room.

and you weren't his anymore. how could he have ever let you go?

he could feel his chest tightening, it was becoming harder to breath.

all he could think of was you, you were right there. could he really see you again? he knew in his heart that he still loved you, he could feel the painful twinge in his heart at the thought of you leaving again. leaving without even saying goodbye, without even trying to make this right.

"gray? what are you doing?" he barely registered jameson’s voice, his brother nudging his side to get him to focus. they were meant to be taking photos for the paparazzi and all grayson could do was stare at you.

jameson posed for him, wrapping his arm around grayson’s neck to pull his attention away long enough for a good photo. or at least, one that wouldn’t spark any rumours.

grayson’s scowl was a normal sight, normal enough to please the paparazzi.

“gray” jameson hissed as they moved away to a further less crowded area of the gala. “what the hell are you doing?”

“she’s here jamie..” grayson’s tone was airy, filled with unresolved emotion. he didn’t sound anything like himself. that immediately set off warnings in jameson’s mind.

“who’s here?” jameson was an inconspicuous as grayson had been, head wildly swinging around the room to find who his brother could possibly be talking about.

that seemed to snap enough sense back into grayson. “stop it” he snarled, pulling on jameson’s shoulder in an effort to stop him. “you look stupid, come on”

jameson finally turned back, frowning in offence. “rude. so you’re allowed to act weird and i’m not?” he huffed, subtly glancing around the room this time. “can you just tell me who we’re talking about now?”

“y/n”

jameson froze, eyes widening. “what?”

grayson didn’t reply for a moment, too busy looking for you again. he had almost given up, you probably weren't even here anymore.

had you seen him? had you left at the sight of him? he sucked in a sharp breath at that thought, trying to believe you wouldn't but he knew you would. you would turn and leave the minute you saw him.. it was his fault, after all.

jameson was staring at him, trying to decipher what he was thinking. "look, i don't think this is going to go well.." he begun, the look of disapproval an unusual one for the younger brother. "but, if you're going to talk to her, take it somewhere private"

grayson blankly stared at him back for a moment, struggling to believe that his brother was really encouraging this.

"what?" jameson raised an eyebrow at him. "we all knew how much she meant to you gray, you were never the same after she left" he shook his head, "i don't know if you, or we deserve a second chance but you should try"

"thank you.." grayson's shoulders dropped their stiff posture slightly, grateful for his family for once. not his mother, his aunt, his grandfather but his brothers.

"go on, i've got distraction" he didn't like the look of jameson's proud grin but he could care less what jamie was up to this time. he needed to see you.

he caught sight of your dress first, across the ballroom. he made an immediate dart line for you, weaving between people and looking over their heads to keep track of where you were. you were moving again when he finally reached out, fingers clasping around your wrist.

"y/n"

he could feel himself at a loss for words, his breath even leaving him when you turned. you looked as beautiful as you had back then. even more so, maybe.

you were confused but that quickly turned to a look he knew all too well, one that didn't suit you at all. the sadness, the melancholy, the pain.

"gray.. what are you doing?" your voice. oh, how he had missed hearing you say his name. your beautiful voice.

"y/n i-" he could feel his throat tightening. "i need to speak to you. please"

grayson hawthorne was not a man who said please. not to anyone. but you, he would plead on his knees until you came back to him. if you came back to him.

you looked unsure, but eventually you agreed, pulling him along casually as though you were just talking like anyone else. but you weren't anyone else. not to him.

he couldn't help the way his eyes stayed glued to your figure, taking in everything that had changed. you still managed to leave him breathless, even after all these years.

when you were out in one of the more secluded corridors you finally parted from him, dropping his hand and taking a step back. even the way your arms tightened around you waist broke his heart, you were protecting yourself. from him.

"what did you want to talk about?" you were trying to be assertive, short. you wanted this over with.

he winced slightly. "i'm sorry" he had never said that to you as desperately as he did now. he should have.. "i should have defended you, i should have stopped them, i should have- i should have done a lot of things. and i'm sorry, i'm so sorry, y/n. please, you have to understand-"

"i do understand, gray. but you never came after me" your voice was meek and full of emotion. you were trying not to cry. he had hurt you. badly. "you never called, you never texted, you never spoke to me again. what was i supposed to think then? was i just a game? did even really want me? or was i just a fun summer fling? someone you could let go of when you're done messing around with them?"

you were getting angry.

"i can't let you go!" he snapped, loudly echoing down the hall. he didn't even notice, didn't care. you had to understand. "i can't stop thinking about you. you never left my mind. i see you everywhere i go. i kept all of our pictures in the foundation, i can't go anywhere without thinking about you! i never wanted anyone else. i just wanted you and i was stupid and stuck up and i left you! i loved you"

you stayed silent as he breathed heavily, running his hands through his hair. he couldn't look at you, not after that.

"i'm sorry, i shouldn't bother you-" he begun, voice quiet. he was ashamed. he was the solid hawthorne, he never broke. but you weren't a hawthorne game, a mystery. you were not what he was used to and he as much as he hated feeling like this, you were worth it.

you cut him off, "stop it" he looked up now as your voice cracked. you were crying. his hand raised, instinctually, ready to hold you but paused as he remembered you weren't his. "stop it" you repeated, turning away from him and fiercely attempting to wipe away your tears.

you hated him, you hated the way he made you feel. you hated that you loved him.

he stayed quiet, unsure what to say. was this it? were you telling him to leave, to never talk to you again. you stepped towards him again, eyes narrowed and trying to keep up the angry facade.

"i hate you so much, grayson hawthorne" he could practically feel his heart break the minute those words left your lips. "you're so-" you threw your hands up, unable to voice just how frustrated you were. "how dare you come here? how dare you come back to me now? you're so annoying! i hate you! i hate how much i think about you. i hate that you're always on my mind. i hate that i can't stop watching your interviews, that i can't stop looking up whether you have a girlfriend. i hate you so much.." you trailed off, hands clutching at his suit jacket as you teared up again.

"i loved you, gray.. i love you so much" he didn't know if it was a mistake that you had changed the tense of that sentence but he wasn't going to question it. not now that you were in his arms. he gently embraced you, head pressing into your neck, breathing in your familiar perfume. you were so beautiful.

"y/n?" a voice called from down the hall, confused. "i heard yelling, are you okay?"

you froze in his arms, slowly pulling back and patting your face dry. you looked just as you had when you'd led him down the corridor. beautiful. "everything's fine, darling. we were just catching up"

darling. grayson's heart twisted in a painful way at the word leaving you mouth. his eyes narrowed coldly at the man standing at the end of the corridor. "gray, this is my date.." you gently introduced the two, frowning slightly. unnoticeable to your date but he knew.

as you went to leave again, you took his hand, squeezing it tightly. "gray" you whispered, your eyes shining. "wait for me, please? please, i can't lose you again" he almost couldn't speak, stunned. he nodded, dumbly. hand chasing yours as you disappeared.

his hand may have been cold, but his heart was warm. for you, he would wait forever.

tags 🫶 @pockyyasii

#hopefully this is good?#grayson hawthorne #grayson hawthorne x reader #grayson hawthorne oneshot #grayson hawthorne imagine #the inheritance games imagine #the inheritance games x reader #the inheritance games

58 notes · View notes

snnumntik · 10 months

Text

idk there's something so fucked up about how anyone regardless of age treats your disability if you're fat. like when I was a varsity athlete I was just barely overweight, and I kept pushing myself SO much harder than my peers because I kept seeing they could do things I couldn't. and they kept making fun of me relentlessly and accusing my pain of being made up, fake.

I was dislocating my bones as I was running. specifically at my hip. my patella kept moving in places it shouldn't have moved. my wrists kept sliding out of place when I had to lift the heavy equipment. but all these kids calling me fake, all these adults rolling their eyes at me, simply because I had a larger figure than all of them, it made me push myself so much harder than I needed to. I pushed myself twice as hard to be half as good as my peers.

it was to the point that physically I felt SO MUCH BETTER when I graduated high school and dropped the sport. people kept raving on about how the exercise would make me lose weight and make me feel on top of the world but I didn't lose the weight and felt awful all the time.

when I got my diagnosis and the doctor explained things to me, it was like that little kid was being seen for the first time regardless of their weight. it's a case where being skinny and being relentlessly active is NOT a sign of being healthy whatsoever. I just wanna shake my younger self by the shoulders and tell them that.

#disability #fatphobia #ehlers danlos syndrome #eds #tw fatphobia #tw ableism #text post #sorry i felt the need to get this out. i got diagnosed officially like a month ago and it's been circulating my head since #that poor kid #when i hiking with my boyfriend a few days ago there were people behind us #approaching me faster than i was currently going #and i just started that old habit again. i closed off my mind and started going fast #and ended up subluxating my ankle in the process #but kept going until i started crying p mucj #bc i was afraid of being the slow one and being ridiculed by them. i was afraid i was gonna ruin the hike for others #so i ruined it for myself instead #idk. it sucks that it's still with me after all these years #people wonder why fat people hate to exercise esp in public. this is why

4 notes · View notes