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solitaireships · 7 months

Note

❓️ for the prompt meme (one of my favorite emojis tbh) - effiesaude

Emoji prompts: ❓ - “is this what you want?”

This prompt is now officially the longest thing I've written for on here, so thank you for the suggestion @orlz! I ended up going with Alexander for this, tho I did consider using Bruce for a bit bcs I associate that emoji with him a lot lol

Rating: G

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2033 words

Content warning: Mentions of plagues/epidemics

Divider by newlips (who apparently deactivated, but I have the link to the post with the dividers)

The sound of a bell ringing draw’s Xenia’s attention away from the monotony of reviewing shipping details at the counter of her bookshop. The work day is drawing to an end, and with that there always seems to be fewer people stopping by the bookshop. She doesn’t mind the break— there are always plenty of customers around lunch. But as her shift draws closer and closer to ending, a final push to keep herself from getting too tired is appreciated.

And it’s even more appreciated when she sees none other than Alexander walking in.

“General,” Xenia greets with a nod.

“Detective,” he replies.

“Give me just ten more minutes.”

“Take all the time you need.”

He says that, but Xenia knows that time is a precious commodity. For the two of them, she would argue that it’s even more precious.

Xenia had thought that Alexander and his troops would leave after the Polyhedron fell. They had only come here to help deal with the Sand Pest. She had expected that they would leave after it had been dealt with, going off towards another military campaign. Especially with the commander at their head— everyone knows about Alexander Block, how he rose through the ranks to become a general younger than anyone had before. Big things were supposed to be ahead of him.

And yet he got sent to a dying town. He was sent to a village ravaged by a plague, with no medical team sent along with him to lend a hand. Sent with troops who planned a mutiny against him, left to solve a problem with no clear solution. It feels like too much of an oversight to have been an actual mistake, but as much as Xenia loves to pull at the threads of a mystery, trying to prove some grand conspiracy is beyond the scope of her amateur detective work.

Regardless, Alexander’s time in the Town-on-Gorkhon is far from what anyone could have expected it to be. With it already being outside of what’s expected, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that the general decided to stay in town after the Polyhedron came down.

He’s kinder than Xenia would have expected from a man nicknamed General Ashes. He didn’t want to leave the town to heal on its own, left to pick up the pieces after an unimaginable tragedy. Not all of his troops were happy about the decision to stay in town, and neither were all of the town’s citizens.

But at the end of the day, Xenia thinks that this will be for the best. When someone’s recovering from a sickness, others can help with the healing process. She doesn’t see a reason why things should be different for a town recovering from an illness.

Though she might be biased in wanting Alexander to stay here. That was another surprising thing that came from him staying in town these past couple of months.

Xenia had expected a lot of things from Alexander, but the last thing that she had expected was that she would start dating him. And for once not being able to predict things isn’t terrifying. Caring for him is one surprise she doesn’t dislike.

Xenia finishes putting the store’s earnings away for the day, locking it up in a vault built into the floor behind her counter. When she gets back up, Alexander is standing by the shop’s door like he’s keeping guard, making sure that no one can come in to interrupt the closing process.

He’s affectionate in his own way. Xenia can appreciate that. She knows she doesn’t show she cares in the most traditional ways either.

“I should be ready to go when you are,” Xenia says.

“You’re getting faster at that,” Alexander notes as she makes her way over to join him by the door.

“I’m trying to make the best of my time,” she says.

After all, her time with Alexander is limited. The Powers That Be will always demand more of him, and the Capital will always find a way to keep him busy. He can’t be the town’s guardian forever.

Xenia and Alexander have about a month left together. Twenty-seven days including today— Xenia has been keeping track. She has to make sure she savors every moment she has with him.

Xenia has never had much experience with relationships. She’s not the best with people in general. She’s good at studying them— figuring out how they work from a distance. But when it comes to getting close to them, she’s always struggled.

And yet she managed to grow close to Alexander over the course of these last few months. Closer than she has been with anyone, really. She’s dated people twice before, but it wasn’t like this. She’s never fallen this hard or fast before.

Xenia hates that she finally found someone she could see herself spending the rest of her life with, and things between them could end so soon. Maybe they can try to make things work even while he’s away. She’s always been a problem solver first and foremost, and she’s come up with a couple of ideas for how they could keep their relationship alive while they’re apart.

But she’ll make the time she has left with Alexander last.

Xenia will miss getting to go on walks with him like this though. Usually they talk, but today they’re quiet. Still they match steps with each other, the cold winter air from the steppe making Xenia wish she still had a face mask on her. But without that to provide any warmth she inches closer to Alexander so their arms brush against each other.

Neither of them usually like public displays of affection. It feels awkward to know people could see them being close like this. The town knowing that they’re in a relationship is different from being able to see it, so they try not to do any more than hold hands in public.

But Alexander doesn’t shy away from Xenia now. He wraps his arm around her shoulder, keeping her close. It’s sweet, something that’s usually reserved for private moments between the two of them.

“You’re warm,” Xenia compliments.

“Thank you,” Alexander says.

They keep going in silence for a while. The streets of the town are confusing to most, but Xenia’s memorized the flow of them. They’re curving and uneven, cutting odd paths more like something you’d see in biology than city planning. But there’s something about them that helps Xenia to think.

Mainly she tends to think about the future. The things she thinks of now aren’t as bleak as they used to be. But she keeps having thoughts of Alexander being there with her— maybe one day moving in, staying with her and being there for her like no one has before. Through birthdays and holidays and all of the unpleasant things that inevitably come with the passage of time.

Things won’t work out that well. They don’t usually for her. But Xenia can’t stop thinking about staying with Alexander, about him staying a part of her life for as long as possible.

They need to talk about things. Xenia hates doing that. But they need to.

“You leave at the end of the month,” Xenia says. It sounds too sudden, but it’s a good enough start to the conversation.

Alexander nods. “I do.”

“We should talk about that.”

Xenia doesn’t like the thought of looking at Alexander right now, so she focuses on the streets ahead of her. They’re winding with uneven cobblestones, and along the path she sees some twyre growing, somehow persisting despite it being out of season.

“What do you want to do?” she asks.

“What I’d like would be to continue dating you. But the distance makes things complicated. I don’t want to subject you to that,” Alexander says.

“Right.”

At least it’s nice to know that he wishes they could stay together too. It doesn’t stop the ache in Xenia’s chest at the thought that this conversation may lead to them breaking up.

Maybe she should give up. But she’s never been good at doing that. She’s always been desperate to find a way to make things work with everything.

“But maybe first we could see how things go while you’re away,” Xenia says, glancing towards Alexander out of the corner of her eyes.

“As in?” he questions.

“As in we don’t break things off and try to make things work from a long distance,” she says.

Alexander frowns. It’s hard to tell if he thinks the idea is bad or if he’s worried that Xenia’s just saying that because it’s what he’d want to hear. She’s pretty sure it’s the latter.

“Is this what you want?” Alexander asks after a moment. “I’ll be away for months.”

“I know.”

And that’s a thought that Xenia hates. She wishes that she could keep him here with her. The town is safer than any battlefield would be, and she’d be able to see his pretty face everyday.

Alexander has responsibilities. Xenia knows that. She can’t be selfish and demand he stay. But she wishes she didn’t have to lose him. Not when she’s finally found a relationship that she thinks could last.

“But I still want to be with you,” Xenia says. “We can write letters until you’re able to visit on leave. If you want to come here anyway.”

“I would like that. Though I’m not sure that I’m as gifted as you are with letter writing,” Alexander says.

“You can’t be that bad. And either way, I’ll like hearing from you.”

And, most importantly, getting letters from him will reassure her that he’s safe and alive.

“I’ll like hearing from you too,” Alexander says. “I like you a lot, angel.”

It takes Xenia a second to process that he said the last part in English. His words are a little awkward and stilted— he’s clearly still getting the hang of the language.

“You— that was English,” Xenia manages to force out when she remembers she should speak.

“It needs some work,” Alexander admits. “But you’ve always spoken to me in my native tongue. I thought you’d appreciate it if someone learned yours.”

Xenia struggles to find her words more now than she did when she thought they were going to break up. This might be the kindest thing someone has ever done for her, and she doesn’t think that Alexander even realizes how important this is. They haven’t said I love you to each other yet, but this conveys the idea just with different words. It feels like a commitment, like he’s saying he’s here for the long haul. Like maybe the thoughts Xenia had of settling down together in the future might be possible.

“Thank you,” Xenia says. “I— how much have you learned?”

“Not much. I’ve been practicing for a week. Mostly more, ah, romantic phrases. I hoped to surprise you,” Alexander says.

Xenia rests her hand on his back. “It was a really good surprise. Would you understand me if I said, you’re the handsomest man I’ve ever met?”

“I… understood the end.”

Xenia supposes she should have guessed he was more focused on learning ways to compliment her than to respond to her own flirtations.

“How about you’re very pretty?” she tries.

Alexander’s cheeks redden and Xenia’s pretty sure it’s not just from the cold. “Thank you.”

“You have a cute accent,” Xenia says with a laugh, leaning closer into him.

“Your accent speaking Russian is very cute,” he replies, quick as ever to try to turn the compliment back on to her.

“Thank you. I could help teach you more English if you wanted. Maybe I can give you some lessons in our letters.”

“I would appreciate it,” Alexander says. He holds her even closer with his arm as they turn down a narrower street, like he's trying to keep her fused to his side. “I really do like you a lot.”

“I like you a lot too,” Xenia promises. It’s not quite an I love you, but it’s close enough. And for once it’s easy to think that she could stay like this, feeling happy and loved, forever.

#my writing #asks #safeship #selfship fic #orlz #thank you for the prompt!#🔎 Xenia #🎖️#🎖️ doomed by the narrative

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oh-gh0st · 11 months

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OK SONIC OC TIME (putting as a read more since it'll get long <3)

so as a lot of u know (about 50% of u at least) i have two main sonic ocs that i posted about a lot

Phantom (top) and Ghost (bottom)! these two were (and still are) very special to me especially phantom since she was the first oc i made when getting back into the fandom (plus she's self-shipped with Rouge... the thieves.... my ladies <3) and ghost is the persona i think i would have in the sonic universe ^-^ you can read more about them on their toyhou.se's! (ghost's is outdated tho... need to fix that) https://toyhou.se/12423400.phantom-the-raccoon

https://toyhou.se/14189793.ghost-the-bat onto more non-canon ocs and one-off ocs: phantoms extended family! from left to right: Kurse - Spectra - Shade - Specter (L) and Wraith (R)

again mainly story ocs for the side-story that included phantom in the sonic universe, i kinda dropped the idea once i fell out of the phantom but maybe ill pick it back up. maybe...

these two aren't related BUT im really proud of them regardless Nova is (obviously) based on my birds and the Riders games and my kind-of-hidden obsession over space. she got redesigned twice before i was happy with her design (the one im showing you), and tbh it was probably a good thing that i waited a year to do so LMFAO Roxanne was sort of a "oc im making for funsies but i got too invested" oc, and was meant to be in a trio band with two other bandmates (I've finished one so far, her name's Skylar and that right doodle went crazy on twitter when i first posted it)

these next ones are also other ones i did for funsies, so i wont put much besides little information or just their names: Nebulus the unicorn (Sonic and the Secret Rings inspired)

Nitre the ghost-cat (one i did for funsies, honestly LOVE their design still it SLAPS.) they have a zombie pomeranian friend named Candy that i've yet to design also...)

Coco the lop-eared bunny (one i did for funsies)

Both unnamed (did this as apart of that "give me 3 emojis to make an oc" trend a while back and i still liked how these came out

And lastly the most recent one, Miss Muffy! (sadly the last one i did before i fell out of sonic)

soo yaaaa those were my sonic occs i hope u guys liked theeemmm ^-^ obv it wasn't all of the ocs i made considering i have a lot still as wips and stuff that i don't feel confident in showing but i hope this list was a good way to see all the different designs i did!! ok bye now

( ill drop my AF and toyhou.se for people who want to know more about some of these oc's since they're a bit better at giving lore n stuff: ) https://artfight.net/~oh_gh0st https://toyhou.se/oh_gh0st

#ghosts rambles #ghost's doodles #ghost's ocs #excuse the different image sizes/resolutions. im so sorry #but i know u guys wanted to see them. and i will deliver #plus u guys get to see the design range that i can do ^-^ that im personally proud of ngl even tho its not much #i do try branching out best way i can in my ocs #and i do like to experiment #i just need to work on body types. that's a big step im taking this year and sadly right after i got out of sonic #and i KNOW those body types have potential #so i might experiment with body types in oso-san or other fandoms if i get into something new #OK ENOUGH RAMBLING EMJOY MY BOOGERS <33

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torchiiko · 2 months

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Do it!! :O

Do you have Wattpad? Cause the fic is gonna be on Wattpad (I have yet to decide if I want to repost my fics on AO3 cause I've never really used AO3 and I'm way too used to Wattpad at this point)

I just need to finish Chapter 1, get most of Chapter 2 finished, and make a book cover and title

i Do have an old wattpad i can dust off but last i checked a lot of stuff is broken i think cuz of firefox </3 works fine for reading tho so ill definitely make sure to read yours!

i personally would recommend ao3 if youre considering moving/crossposting! the tagging system is great from both a reader perspective, being able to filter exactly what you do & dont want, & a writers perspective, being able to give more misc details abt your story so readers know what to expect, which helps with discoverability :)

id also argue a lot of ppl looking for fics tend to go to ao3 first but i dont have any stats on that. also you dont have to worry abt making a book cover, in case thats smth you wanna consider!

but regardless where you post im wishing you best of luck!! hoping the ideas come easily & you can write everything exactly as you imagine it ✨✨

#sorry for the unsolicited ao3 promo i just think its Awesome. ive had decent success posting the few fics ive written !#im not sure how engagement is on wattpad but ive gotten a good handful of comments & kudos on my stuff on ao3 :3 #plus since your fic would be ongoing itd get bumped up to the top of recently updated everytime you post a new chapter !#i cant member how wattpad workss so i cant offer a very detailed comparison i just know i like ao3 Personally #ask :)#captain of f/os ⛵

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neonscandal · 1 year

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hii, any anime recs similar to deadman wonderland?

Thank you for asking! Because one thing about meeeee? I loved Deadman Wonderland (as featured on this list). There are a few aspects that ultimately drove me to read the manga for a sense of resolution and, since I can't be sure what you liked most about the show, I've included a mixed bag that I hope you'll like! Since this is a specific request, some suggestions may be longer than the bite size recs I typically post.

For the Blood for the Sake of Blood

Elfen Lied (series)

Filed Under: “That first episode tho”, “I love the kind of women that will actually just kill me”

Coming out the gates with an Elfen Lied recommendation is probably ill advised given the controversial way the series has aged (I had to save it for last on this list). But if you're looking to sate the need for gratuitous blood and shock value from the new and interesting fates suffered by prisoners and Deadmen alike, this is probably the way to go. The story follows an escaped survivor of inhumane experimentation who leaves behind a trail of bloody and decapitated bodies. Such is the revenge of Lucy, the Diclonius female lead, who, in her great escape, suffers a debilitating injury that causes an interesting divergence in personality.

Sub/Dub | Prime Video

For the Mutation

Blood Blockade Battlefront (series)

If you liked the idea of the Deadman Wonderland fights spawned from the bloody extension of each fighters' body? Might be worth checking out Blood Blockade Battlefront. Not quite as dystopian as DW (and subsequently a bit more lighthearted), BBB takes place in what used to be New York where magic and monsters are policed by an underground crime fighting organization known as Libra. Members of the force tend to have supernatural powers that make them uniquely qualified to keep up with the nefarious forces that operate just below the surface of Hellsalem's Lot.

Sub/Dub | CrunchyRoll, Funimation

For the Desensitized Dystopia

Danganronpa (series)

Admittedly, Danganronpa can be a bit confusing to watch. You're just kind of dropped into the middle of the story and have to watch as a group of people (in this case, students) are forced to kill one another for the sake of living to see another day. Sound familiar? Without spoiling too much, I think Danganronpa shares a few other key ingredients with Deadman Wonderland which include fatal punishments, sensationalized violence (arguable), and an inescapable game.

Sub/Dub | Funimation, Crunchyroll, Hulu

For the Philosophical Question

Ajin: Demi Human (series)

Deadman Wonderland is interesting because there are several levels of conspiracy. Immediately, you have the POV of the everyday person who can spectate the prisoners at Deadman Wonderland. Then you drop down a layer and discover some of the dead or missing prisoners are actually in a fight to the death as Deadmen, something even high level prison guards aren't aware of but enjoyed, nonetheless, by elite members of society. Without spoiling too much for readers who haven't finished DW, we see, deeper still, there's an even more nefarious plot at play. It compounds the hopelessness the Deadmen feel as, how can you get help for a situation most people don't even know exist? It takes morality out of the equation when all those imprisoned are presumably guilty of crimes. It's why the spectacle of their suffering can be enjoyed by general onlookers. The Deadmen in G Block serve a "life sentence" for possessing a Branch of Sin, regardless of the crime that got them there which almost supports the idea that their power makes them too dangerous to be released. Subsequently the violence of their game and general treatment are considered in line for someone already dead.

I think Ajin hits a few of these notes by begging the question: what does it mean to be human? Similar to Deadman Wonderland, you see an overpowered derivative of the human genome that is oppressed by the larger, weaker population. Their humanity is in question but the cruelty of the other humans toward them show that anyone is capable of being a monster. I think Ajin: Demi Human explores different cause and effect of this phenomenon on human nature through the motivation and journey of each of the main cast of characters, notably: Kei Nagai, Satou and Kouji Tanaka.

Sub/Dub | Netflix

Unrelated but Kind of Related

Battle Royale (movie)

I know you didn't ask for live action but, if you haven't seen this cult classic, watch this too. Battle Royale walked so The Hunger Games could run and earned the stake of its own genre by the same name. I enjoy it so much that I included it even though it kind of broke my blue/red aesthetic for the list.

Dub | Prime Video

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gideongrovel · 1 year

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I've gotten past the point of cringing at my own behavior when it comes to self.ship.ping,,,,, but I am dying a little at one of my wedding pieces,,,,, because like,,,,what the hell am I doing,,,,💀💀💀 autism definitely is winning lately,,,,, but I'm cringing in a good way I guess at the same time,, because as goofy as I feel,,,,, I feel love 10x more 🥰

also prommy you will all ignore the goofy-ass background that's in one of them? 💀 it fits the theme I guess but idk,,,, all I worked on today was like backgrounds for two of the pieces,,,,, one of the pieces I thought I was finished with entirely,,,but i thought the background was too simple so I fixed it/changed it,,,, it's a lot better then before and is more fun,,,,, but it's also kinda ugly? idk like a good ugly,,, it's like chaotic and all over the place,,,, but Chop himself is also crazy and all over the place so it's on brand

spoilers for one of the art pieces the other background I used a screenshot from the movie since I thought that would be fun and give a more of a mood/scene setting,,,,, which it's very cute!!! but also the one I was cringing at 💀 but mostly because I put a short text on the piece,,,,,

ALSO super secret info to anyone who's awake now and took the time to read my rambling 👁️👁️

April 7th or April 10th will be the wedding date!!!! I've mentioned before that April is when our 6month anniversary will be which is the 7th,,,,but that weekend is a holiday weekend 😅 so I also might just wait till Monday since idk if people will be busy,,,, and I don't wanna set myself up to be disappointed if like no one interacts cause they busy and arent online then,,,,, so I might wait till April 10th,,,,, idk yet I probably will make a poll when it's like closer,,,,,,

i'm just honestly terrified of making a big deal about it and no one interacting,,,, I don't wanna "please clap" moment,,,,,,, I know it's silly because I know those who normally interact (my beloved moots *kisses forhead* /p) with all usual stuff will interact regardless of the day I pick I don't doubt that,,,,,,, and i know it should mostly be about me and Chops love for eachother first and foremost,,,,,, but it's also not wrong to want attention? 👁️👁️ tho I will also cry if I'm given too much social interaction,,,,,,,, so idk what one of my mental illness is making me feel both ways 💀 like I still can't even reblog actual ask games on here to talk about our relationship,,,,,, 😔

Sorry I'm still talking in this post my insomnia inner monologue is on high,,,,, but when i DO make the announcement post about the wedding,,,,, if I used a funny t1kt0k audio would y'all still love me? ( /sar ) because I think it would be silly,,,,, and it is extremely fitting to me and Chop 👁️👁️ Also using that audio it would mean you would get a drawing of Stretch if I do it 👁️👁️ I haven't drawn her yet 👁️👁️ despite her being my s/i's bestie in my lore,,,,

anyway time to sleep again 😴

#also i aint rereading that so hopefully its coherent 🏃🏾‍♂️#my post

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fuumiku · 2 years

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Wip. I do want to finish this, i really enjoy doing even digital art of Metal, digital which is usually painstaking for me to do, and I’ve got sooo many angst art pieces of him in the works lol

But this is vent art. And I’m thinking it can be a nice opportunity to give an update on myself? And have a talk about flowergore, machines, sketches and disability, because I’m in that kinda mood

I didn’t want to put a read more split on this post but it became too long to comfortably fit on my blog, so alas... Life doesn’t often go as planned, yeah?

Cw for the next paragraph, just skip if these make you uncomfortable, or if you want to go straight to the flowergore & metal convo: discussion of chronic illness & disability, with references to disordered eating. I’ve been diagnosed a bit less than a month ago with a chronic autoimmune disease that has been severely impacting my life for a long time without my knowledge: coeliac disease. Basically, my intestines see gluten as something to defend the body against, and that not only causes painful indigestions but also damages the intestines over time, so much so that the body starts having trouble digesting other things and getting nutrients from food. This has caused chronic pain, a miriad of ungodly symptoms like hair loss and skin rash, but honestly, more impacting? Chronic fatigue. I cannot express just how much psychological and emotional damage it has done to me, to have that decline of energy come in waves, but also steadily going down over years right up to now, where I spend most my days laying in bed, where sitting up in bed and booting up my computer is a “good day”, where I’m either sleepy, exhausted, bored out of my mind or frustrated that I can’t just be making the creative content I want to do. The self-esteem utter destruction, having to work through with myself that it’s okay to be idle and abandon all ambitions, to prioritize physical survival and keeping the will to live even as you stop eating to protect yourself from pain, struggle to keep up with your daily schedule and even thinking takes so much energy. My ipad, my accessibility tool that allows me to do something even as I can’t do anything irl, has become super old and dysfunctional. It gets overwhelmed easily and works slowly, closes randomly, corrupts art files and loads apps uncorrectly. Doing anything with it is either incredibly frustrating, time-consuming and difficult, or straight up impossible or a risk to lose work. I have a Metal Sonic artwork I’ve lost and redone twice, I’m currently taking a break from redoing it a third time. It’s been rough. But tbh, in another way, I relate to it? Massive brainfog energy, lmao. When I have to remind myself that machines are faillible too, I end up humanizing it and validate its struggles, even tho it isn’t alive and it just malfunctions because it is what it is. It has taught me patience and the ability to build back up work that I have lost. But hey, there ain’t no reason to add another layer of inaccessibility to my pile, and I ordered a replacement for it just today! I’ll be so much more productive and happy with material that works smoothly and allows for more. But anyways, back to flowergore.

Flowergore is vividly poetic, but I only realized why it has always appealed to me as a comfort/vent and cathartic aesthetic while drawing this: There’s an innate stillness and loss of control to flowergore. Pretty, but tragic. Illness stops being an evil, and becomes a simple product of life that does its thing regardless of the will of the soil it grows in. You have to tend to the plants, whether you trim them to get them under control or must care after them to coexist. No matter if you find the flowers pretty or not, it doesn’t change anything. The flowers aren’t an innate good nor a moral wrong, they don’t even have an opinion about growing on you. They don’t care, they can’t, they’re just flowers. And yet there’s something so comforting about it, something that can be sad but that can just be peaceful, too. It’s about living through the effects, and dealing with the weeds as they come and go. Resigning yourself, or the process of getting there. It’s about acceptance, and compromise. I think flowergore has innate ties with disability and illness that can’t be denied, nor broken honestly, when you think about it. I also think it can represent/relate with dysmorphia a lot, bodily or otherwise. In my case, I have various skin and sensory issues that give me dysmorphia, and an otherwise “I hate my body and my body hates me” feeling. The stillness of flowergore often resonates as fatigue, sadness or anguish. It personifies the illness in a way that you can better reflect on your relationship with it, and your relationship with your body & yourself, in a way that allows you to better vent about them. It’s very healing.

These sort of things are the kind of thing that sometimes, you kind of have to personify to distance it from your identity and properly cope with them, you know? Or it’ll just consume you. Even way before I developed my disease, or was regularly fatigued, I loved flowergore, and I think it’s just... A really nice way to frame things weighing you down, that you just kinda have to deal with and process through. Even vague or “normal”/”light” things, like fatigue or negative thoughts, feelings or insecurities.

And don’t get me STARTED on the metaphors and feelings of plants sprouting from an inorganic machine. It’s the classic “sprout growing from a crack in concrete” dystopia trope, except with a negative punchline hah. I’ve always loved to humanize the dehumanized: robots, antagonists and otherwise. I love having characters that feel like they’re on a high pedestral of innate difference and superiority away from others, but that makes them unreachable by default, deeply lonely and misunderstood for it, wether they’re truly an exceptional being or not. I love characters thinking that they’re above physical or emotional weakness getting a slap in the face and having to acknowledge their vulnerability and neglected/suppressed needs head on. I love the delusional, emotionally repressed with anger issues robot having a moment of clarity where he allows himself to be honest to himself for a bit, and resigns himself to the pain of his past and future, before returning to their regular schedule or self-destruction, or not. Ignoring is often the only option you can manage to choose when you don’t have the strenght to make a change or admit to something you didn’t want to about yourself, but ignoring is a lot harder when the proof grows ever bigger and more out of control everywhere on your body. It shouldn’t. It shouldn’t grow on you, impossible. But it does. So what are you going to do about it?

I think I finally get the appeal of hanahaki stuff too. I never understood before, but now I can see it in that same vein. Unreciprocated love causes flowers to sprout wildly, causing, at best, only body horror and/or wounds, when weeding them out or otherwise, and at worst proves to be fatal, most often by suffocating. Except that instead of illness or things like that, the thing you experience a lack of control over and feel some sort of detached destructive blame or resentment for is feelings. Feelings of love, like falling deeply in love, without your own consent, and the pain that being unloved brings. Your love, like a damaging parasitic disease.

Yeah, this isn’t gonna be my last flowergore content.

I didn’t end up talking about sketches, I don’t have the energy to and I don’t think it fits in with the rest anyway, but basically? It’s been an healing journey to allow simple, unclean sketches to be “enough”. To not be shameful, to represent progress and be pretty in their own right and a valid art format. And so, with all of this, I post my messiest sketch on social media to date. One of my very rare public wips. Freedom, baby. You get what you get, and that’s fine. Low standards art is part of my disability recovery arc ✨

#sonic #metal sonic #fuumiku art #my content #Fumi rambles #flowergore #metal sonic angst #angst #vent art #disability #invisible illness #chronic illness #flowergore art #personal update #wip #just bc it's a wip doesn't mean you're allowed to draw over it or copy thanks #is it flowergore if the body horror is robotic? my son is a real boy wdym #feeling like i'm taking too much space on my literal blog but it's fineee /hj

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clownmoontoon · 2 years

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Asks! 63. (How confident are you, really?) 84. (Are you who people think you are?)

🌸 63. (How confident are you, really?)

HMMMM MY CONFIDENCE COMES IN WAVES id say baseline tho im pretty confident! i care very little about what most ppl think of me, i guess after MANY YEARS of caring very much and always ending up w ppl that made me feel bad regardless i finally raged hard enough to find my own kinda happiness in the comfort that the stuff i enjoy is valid bc i enjoy it! idk if that makes sense but ye! overly religious fam trauma overly puritan friend group trauma etc etc

ALSO if i just finished some art that i was rlly excited to work on and post it my confidence SKYROCKETS regardless of how well the art actually does in terms of likes/reblogs/tweets etc 😂

but if im talking to someone i really want to impress or someone im hoping will like me/i find intimidating but cool etc I GET RLLY SHY SDLJJKLD

also if i havent drawn anything in awhile i start feeling like a failure and rlly bad but that might be the mental illness 🤔

🌸 84. (Are you who people think you are?)

INTERESTING QUESTION SLDKJKSD depends on if i actually know how ppl see me dkjlskljd

im very much myself on this blog tho!! ive even had friends call my sona clown character a "soul sona" bc (in their words) "LIKE LITERALLY I KNOW THATS NOT YOU.... BUT ITS YOU, LIKE EXACTLY" 😂🌈🤡

on the flipside i know an ex friend wrote a 5 page rant about how horrible i am in google docs LMAO so like theyre prob right too!!

if you see me and think im horrible youre prob right! im prob a kinda person that you would find horrible to be around

if you look at me and think im delight, youre prob right too!! its all about perspective ;o)

#i do hope if u think im horrible youll do the smart and healthy thing for both of us and just stay away bc OOF #clown honks #princesa-pens-and-pizza #THANK U FOR THE ASK <3<3

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heartlites · 7 months

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updating my little goals list ended up talking a lot about all kinds of stuff so putting this under a read more lol

finished putting my new desk together, so i dont actually need to order any tools for it. instead, though, i would like to get a small rug to put the desk on top of.

rug, desk chair, and that plastic mat for desk chairs so as not to damage the carpet subsequent part of this is dismantling the old bed frame in that room and getting rid of it

currently working on ideas for my hatchery on flight rising. thinking of using the word oddity in it somewhere maybe? concept is like, lots of little worlds found in one place. something with bubbles being like snow globes maybe?

as far as a bush for my front yard flower bed, im looking into shrubs native to my state and likely one that would do well in shade. doing a little research too and i thought i lived in the bluegrass region in my state but im actually in the pennyroyal/mississipian plateau! anyway, i need something hardy that can survive the january winter. current list of possible bushes:

new jersey tea ( small, 2-4ft; caffeine free black tea! )

wild hydrangea ( small, 3-5ft; probably best fit)

arrowhead viburnum ( large, 6-10ft )

winterberry holly ( large, 6-12ft)

masterlist of where i can order one of these; mental note to research each facility

as far as writing stuff and wips im working on- im kiiiinda close to half way on one of my revfinder smut fics. id love to be able to finish the second companion piece that goes with it but idk if ill be able to. its hard to find the time to write rn. its a shame tho cause its a very indulgent piece for myself... well, regardless. after that i have like 3 other revfinder fic ideas so :x

think ill do the oc list either in gdocs or here on tumblr? maybe? there is that one oc masterlist site thing too. if i do the tumblr post ill try to keep the summaries of each short lol but the keyword is try haha. will probably have to do that over a weekend tho

new tumblr theme would have to be a weekend project too

#little goal tag

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leviathiane · 4 years

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Ya boy took a sick nap and someone in my house make tinola so we are back on the grind!!

#im lucid and rested enough for the first time this whole week to do literally any work!!#packbond will likely be updated tomorrow #and if i can ill finish revising posted chapters of WROR #AND finish the shanksmarco fic that got way too away form me #ill probably only manage packbonds chapter tonight tho lets be real i am still dying #but we tryin yall.. happy thanksgiving lmao #my entire family is too sick with the same thing as me and cant eat sjfndjgnfn its literally all tinola and arroz caldo #personal #update rhis just in i have been left a sweet loaf of bread by my darling mother #i have in all honesty been eating it this entire time regardless but #i figured i should warn her that i was about to Consume in its entirety in my hours of illness #and she was like’yes!!! it is for you! 💕’ fam i about cried with bread in my mouth #bread is... bread is healing #im going to look at these tags after i have forgotten about them and become religious solely to pray in thanks that no one reads them

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phoneybeatlemania · 2 years

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just wanted to say I Get It life is hard but Also ive missed seeing you around here Caitlin :(((((

Thank you!!!!! This made me so happy that I literally showed my sister your message (and I never show anyone in my real life anything on my Tumblr lmao but I was excited and I was like "LOOK!!!!!" :)))) )

Literally my face reading your message lol ⬇️

I would just like to take a quick second to just Get Everything Out In The Open about why ive been fairly inactive (will put this below the cut tho so that I dont hog space on everyones dash lol):

1. I just wasn't in the right headspace to answer any asks for awhile. I went through a period where if I were to receive criticism I was gonna take personal offence to it and I was gonna get upset, regardless if whether the criticisms was mean-spirited or not. And I was SO tempted to just delete everything cause I just wanted to be left alone. I think im out of that headspace now, so ive got Some Projects that ill hopefully finish and upload by the end of the month :) but yeah essentially couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone for awhile lol

2. like I said, ive got projects which im very VERY excited about, but they've taken me ages to finish cause im putting a lot of effort into researching them. heres a sneak peak tho of some of the half finished stuff:

3. Ive also just been busy with school :( im doing a-levels rn, and so I just had mock-exams in January (which meant I was revising all December), and then I remembered course work exists :(((( so ive been proper busy (but ive got next week off so I might catch up on some Beatle-ly things :))

4. Sometimes as well ive been taking week long breaks, because im either a) too fatigued to talk to anyone 2) too depressed or anxious to talk to anyone or 3) just cause im busy and again I Need To Focus on real life stuff

Anyway tho, just thought id just make a post Getting It All Out There for everyone, cause ive been mentioning all this stuff in passing but I dont think ive explicitly just made a post saying HERES WHY IM NOT SUPER ACTIVE BUT IM NOT IGNORING ANYONES ASKS OR ANYTHING IM JUST TIRED (I promise!!!)

#one of my essays on Arthur Janov and John MIGHT be finished and uploaded by the end of this week!!!#and I think I have some new (pretty crucial) evidence to offer on The Topic #so im very excited about that one #but thanks Fiona :)))))))))))))))))#<3333 #asks #@idontwanttospoiltheparty

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mazojo · 3 years

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Spring 2021 Anime Opinions

Anyways its that time where I go rambling about my anime opinions no one cares about but here we are and I give you my thoughts and recs from what I watched so lets gO. From least fav to best.

Gokushufudou

I dont want to be biased and that bitch that criticizes an animation because god knows I have no idea how to animate but yeah no, not for me... A lot of people have recommended me the manga so I know its good just,,,, the animation made me not enjoy it as much as I would have liked.

Koi to Yobu ni wa Kimochi Warui

Fuck you Ryou. Fuck you Rio. Tamaru my baby I am SO sorry they would do this to you. The only one who deserves to be here and the only reason this is not dead last. Dont watch this its uh very much illegal and Ryou is infuriating and umm I feel like this should be a given but uhhhhh dont romance minors? lol? The opening does slap tho I'll give them that.

Shadows House

I feel like a lot of people will disagree with me here (which is okay!!! its about the different tastes !!) but I just find it painfully boring at times? sksksk like I just sleep through most of the dialogue and yeah its cute but like idk... Although to be fair I am like on ep 4 or 5 so maybe it improves I just need to pull through and finish it. As of now I havent really seen the big scary element people talk about imo but its cute, maybe my mind will change at the end.

Mashiro no Oto

This may be unfair of me to judge fully because I havent continued it either but its okay, not my favorite nor the worst. It reminds me a lot to Barakamon for some reason and I wasnt a big fan of it but take it how you wish asdfgh. I feel like maybe someone with more musical affinity than me that plays an instrument may enjoy this one more but I have very basic music knowledge so alas :(

Subarashiki Kono Sekai The Animation

I put a gif of Kiryu because he is a good boy and the reason why its so high skskss. I feel like if I played the games I would like this a lot more as sometimes the pacing is a bit rushed and all over but I like the premise of the show! It definitely got me curious to check the game.

Ijiranaide, Nagatoro-san

Nagatoro is that train wreck I dont know why I watch but I continue regardless and thats that. Its definetely not a show that is geared towards my likes so its not on my personal favorite list but hey if you enjoy what Nagatoro and Senpai have I aint the one to judge here.

Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai: Tensai-tachi no Renai Zunousen OVA

I want yall to know I put Love is War OVA so down in my list with a heavy heart because I absolutely adore the love is war franchise but.... The OVA was a bit much for me. They animated probably my least favorite manga chapters in one same special episode and yeah,,,, sadly not my cup of tea.

Hige wo Soru. Soshite Joshikousei wo Hirou.

This is like a guilty pleasure show too because its like the telenovelas I watch but in anime format and its a soap opera but I like those so I keep watching sksksk. I havent read the source material but I really hope Sayu and Yoshida dont end together because big yikers but apart from that solid premise with mature themes.

Yuukoku no Moriarty 2nd Season

Okay so I'll admit that I have only watched the first ep of this season BUT I believe I have enough judgement of the story because I read the manga to place this here ASDFGHJ. If you read my last post I am not the biggest fan of Moriarty the Patriot but I can respect it for the work it is and I cant say its trash. Its okay, I know people like it so I mean ill watch it at some point and the Irene arc is very poggers so watch it for they.

Fumetsu no Anata e

To Your Eternity is a great show praised by many, and although I am enjoying it so far I think its okay. I think theres a few problems in the execution and pacing imo but I havent read the manga so maybe its just me feeling it. Its alright but not my favorite of this lineup.

Shakunetsu Kabaddi

I enjoy Shakunetsu Kabaddi a lot ngll, I love my sports anime, I still have no idea how the game works because i’m big dumb but the characters are cool and the story is solid. Its mostly your general sports anime but those are my guilty pleasures so take it as you see sksksk. I'm like 2 or 3 eps behind but nonetheless its a nice watch.

Bakuten!!

Bakuten is a fun show!! Its a similar feeling I have to Shakunetsu Kabaddi, the animation is super cool and I really like the character designs! I enjoyed the first eps more than the later ones which made me lose a bit of interest but nonetheless its a cute show.

Bishounen Tanteidan

See, I feel like I would enjoy Bishounen Tanteidan 10000% times more if I knew what the fuck was going on ASDFGHJK. I dont know if im just dumb by the pretty visuals or if I just dont pay enough attention but like I have no idea whats happening half the time?? Specially on the latest eps? Like I get thrown information at me and I just am too busy staring at the pretty opening and characters to get it asdfghj but yeah it has been alright!

Boku no Hero Academia 5th Season

I love seeing Shinsou muak you’re doing amazing bby boy *heart eyes*. Its a bummer because ive lost interest to bnha a bit because of the last arc of the manga and I remember really liking this arc and I still do but because I am bitter due to the manga I havent been enjoying it as much as I would normally but yeah, I like bnha and its been okay so far.

Shiguang Daili Ren

Now onto my beloveds the top 4 are all chef kiss. Shiguang Daili Ren is one I got into at the last minute but it really hooked me, the first episode was very solid and the premise is super interesting tho a bit confusing at times. The animation throws me off a little but I enjoy the characters a lot and I cant wait to see how this is going to end because I have a bad feeling about it but if you like mysteries this is a nice watch!!

Fruits Basket: The Final

Fruits Basket could tell me to do 4 flips backwards and a somersault right now and I would do it for its sake so its to no ones surprise this is high up because its just that good ASDFGHJ. But in all seriousness, Furba is an amazing story which I could go on about but just,,,,,, go watch it,,,,,, Momiji and Yuki brain goes brrrr,,,,,,, The only reason this aint 1 is because I have strong opinions about the Akito parts so we push it back a few spots as personal protest lmaoo

Mairimashita! Iruma-kun 2nd Season

What sort of crafts and sorcery do I gotta perform to convince everyone reading this to go watch and read Iruma? because like?? It started as a joke but it aint a joke anymore ASDFGHJUI. Yeah well I know 99% of people will disagree with placing this second but its my list and my recommendations and I say everyone go read Iruma because its hilarious and it actually teaches you some dope lessons and the characters are amazing and goodnight to everyone reading and watching m!ik <33 (Come on look at Asmodeus and tell me this isn't the best show created, I believe in m!ik supremacy).

Tokyo Revengers

Did I wait for Chifuyu to show up to put him as the gif here? Maybe. Y'all are sleeping on Tokyo revengers and it shows. This absolutely slaps, the manga is amazing, the anime is amazing, the plot is interesting and complicated in a good way, the characters complex, Mikey, Chifuyu, the flavor??? The op and ed also are bangers and honestly one of my favorite animes of the year, go watch it.

#i had this in my drafts for a while I forgot to post lel #Yeah no I aint tagging all that ASDFGHJ Just.... spoilers #only the top 4 I guess sksksks #anime #bnha #Shiguang Daili Ren #furuba #mairimashita! iruma kun #tokyo revengers #long post #anime recommendation

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