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boxwinebaddie · 3 months

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Hey Uncle Nina! I hope this doesn't sound rude, but why aren't you on AO3 anymore? I miss you :(

hi, anon! no this is not rude at all -- that is a very valid question! plus, it can be really confusing and disheartening when an author that you follow on ao3 randomly stops posting! i totally, totally get it! <3 :')

but for me, at least, posting my updates onto ao3 got suuuper stressful and unpleasant. like literally shredded my mental health.

but this!!! this is Fun for me <3 :) there's just somethin abt tumblr, idk.

i was holding myself to all these standards on ao3, stressing myself the fuck out...& i know i'm not supposed to delete the asks i respond to, but its nice that if i feel that compulsion, i can delete stuff/edit it without it being this big, gigantic thing i'm tampering w/.

...because an ask disappearing when i'm anxious is a bummer, but me deleting Entire Chapters and possibly entire fanfictions because of panic attacks i got...due largely in part to the ungodly Stress i incurred while writing them? not cute.

also, it was a little different when style/sp was super popular on ao3 and there were new fanfics/updates for stories everyday so when you posted something, it was very low stakes and if you just gave the tags a couple hours, your fic could be washed away onto page 2/3...

...but ohHHHHH my god its so SLOW right now!!! that i shit you not updates are sitting on the front page for like multiple days??? which is nice for people that want exposure ( and deserve it tbh! ) but a large part of the ao3 posting stress was me...watching my fic get views and not get kudosed or commented on so...if i was updating rn, i would be in hell. and i'm already in hell 25/8 doing my damn job.

which! i'm a working lady! i'm very busy and stressed! running a tumblr blog is waaaay less stressful than constantly updating a fanfiction tbh. and whats more? this is stress relieving for me. <333

i enjoy this little community of people who like my content on tumblr. its less vulnerable than a03 and way less aggressive than twitter. fr. you guys are super nice to me on here and i never feel stressed or pressured ever to post stuff. <33 its really fun for me to be able to answer really super specific questions about my fanfic for people who are actively seeking out that information! like its very...curated.

and its very specific in terms of my fanfics/ncuniverse stuff, but its nice for me because i can post a variety of diff content! like i can post up my little para things, snippets of dialogue, be silly and goofy in my ask memes, but also really serious in my ask memes, i can be in depth or mysterious, sad, funny, happy, really weird like idk you guys, i really enjoy the freedom i have on here to...create without limits? ig

it feels like i can give you a shit ton of information in different mediums without having to update my fanfics, like, idk, i guess its probably not as exciting to see my ask meme answers as it is to get fanfic updates, but i try to make them like little updates, yknow? it was also really annoying to have to keep you guys in the dark abt stuff in my fics/ideas i have bc i...havent updated, so now its like!! i can tell you stuff again which!!! AAAA!!! makes me so happy omg

but yeah, sorry for the sudden switch. sorry for not really writing but...this is much better for me. i feel a lot safer and comfortable doing this. i like answering my ask memes...i like talking to yall. in terms of my fanfics, i'm not entirely sure what that means...like if i'm going to update on ao3 or if i'm gonna just post experimental updates or pieces of my fics on here? if i'm just gonna tell all my stories thru elaborate answers to ur questions...

idk! IDK! and thats okay. i am having fun and i hope you have fun. thats all that matters. <3

-uncle nina in her healing idgaf era

#sorry tldr #ao3 was stressful #i dont like twitter #i like tumblr i like doing my asks i like answering ur specific questions and idk i feel like we built a lovely community on here #where like u guys ask me stuff u wanna know and i tell u idk i feel like we are having a little book club i like it here #i like that i can like make ooc posts like hey guys what do we think about the style yuri? when im off 3 ciders #or that i can in depth describe scenes to you through the hc asks and you get that info but in a less stressful and formal way #than it would be if i had to write that up as a para #but then the freedom to write para things or long form stuff or even just dialogue and post that to a group of people who are excited 4 it #like theres just so much possibility and its very low stakes #if i get overwhelmed answering the big ask memes i can take a break w/o consequence or do less serious asks #i can shoot you guys ideas and also talk about my life in a safe place where i feel supported #i can drop you guys experimental stuff i'm worried about and have it received by people who will be kind to me abt it in ways i am not ofte #with myself idk like this blog seriously saved my life a little #and i am very happy here and i love you guys and i love my stupid tumblr abt my stupid au style fics with the best readers in the world #i hope people are okay with me being a tumblr primary ff retired for now girlie i'm sorry if thats upsetting but i also try to keep it cute #on here like i feel like we can just do so much more like this and i can talk to you guys and be so specific idk i love this sm

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thepavementsings · 1 year

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you think pierre will be forgotten about next year?

This has been sitting in my inbox for a HOT minute, I think based on some tags I may have made a few weeks ago? And now that i'm done finals I'm finally answering it lol what a treat for me.

I think the thing about Pierre is that in the larger fandom, he's already served his big narrative purpose™. The whole narrative arc of getting beat down and shoved away by Red Bull, and pushing through that? Persevering despite everyone telling him "you're as good as done"? Becoming lost in all of the personal and professional tragedy of 2019 and then finding himself again? Becoming a fantastic teammate and someone trusted to lead and then finally finally breaking out of the mold that has shaped him for so long? He's had his little hero's journey already.

Even this year, I think so much of him got... maybe flattened out is not the right word. But I think there was something genuinely SO interesting about the way Pierre rubbed up against everything this past season that was TOTALLY missed under the media-pushed Yukierre and shit car of it all. IMO it was HARD to dig into the meat of it when so much of it was presented like, candy coated rotten apples lol. Especially if you aren't like... in it like the Pierries are. A lot of it got missed (like that 5-10 minutes before people realized what was actually happening in Japan was a perfect microcosm for this season w Pierre LOL but but let's not get into that). I also just think how Pierre was this year hit less of the broad strokes big dynamic and character interests of the fandom than he did in 2020/2021 maybe!

So I think the popularity of him as a character continues to go down at Alpine too, yeah. Because the new story is about chipping away at a new thing. It's not as sexy for him alone: people who don't care about Pierre's story and only care about the narrative will watch for it to blow up with Esteban and thats about it. So much of I think the actual compelling stuff for him happens behind the scenes now, in these next few months before the season starts. It'll be about someone who is so strict and used to routine and one structure and has pre-existing expectations for a lot of usually goes on around him being thrust into a completely new environment and having to figure out how to swim after so long. It's the "Red Bull is the longest relationship I've ever had", and now what? Have you really learned have you really grown etc etc? But so much of that we wont be able to see!!

He's never really been main character compelling to people, which I get. Cause I think his typecast is harder to get into or even figure than the Maxes Or Charleses or Daniels of it all for example. He's often a useful secondary character to a slash or a gen pairing but a hard primary!! God gives his hardest tests etc etc.

The question is really what is the next big arc? And I dont know if there is one thats super clear. Which is fine for me because unfortunately I like it better when less people talk about the people I like because they dont know the lore! or whatever lol you know what I mean. But anyways I think he's just filled his narrative purpose in wider fandom. I am ok with him being put back on the proverbial doll shelf for now though!

#to be like: oh yes your fav is not as compelling to everyone else as you think he is. is hard but true!#unfortunately I CAN admit that I am like. not a good member of fandom #but there are for example ships or characters that i used to like that i see other people do things with #and it can completely ruin an entire facet of fandom for me and it does take me a minute to like. check myself #and like claw things i enjoyed back from the edge and just. like what i like in my own little space #instead if engaging with other people's versions of it that i know i will hate. especially with the way dynamics catch on in this fandom!#if its something you dont like. you just have to like. go sit in the corner and play with your dolls on your own for a bit lol #like recently ive noticed this happening SO much more #especially w the pierre of it all #maybe part of the reason I cant open a single kink meme that isnt piarles that i can almost tell who wrote them but the summary lol #if i see something is pierre pov immediately click out lol thats my toxic reader trait #im like: dont talk about him lol #which these tags have nothing to do w your question but are also just my feelings overall on it lol #anyways sorry anon if this is not what you thought u were getting!#asks #anon

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sternbilder · 1 year

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ok so today I had one of the most fascinating and enlightening discussions maybe of my life and I need to share bc it blew my MIND (warning: long)

here's the context. there is a friend I have. they are a pretty good friend of mine that I've known for many years now and I appreciate them as a person very much. lately I have noticed that they've been texting me fairly frequently. which, from my point of view, is once every couple of days. not because they had something specific to say, but just saying hello or asking how my day was.

I'm sure this was well-intentioned, but this was starting to get a tiny bit grating for me. we just met up in person literally two days ago! and you had texted me not long before that, too! nothing new has happened since then! my day has been quite boring, actually! I thought, in my mind, as I swiped away the notification—and immediately felt like an awful friend.

I knew from past experience that responding to the message would invite an immediate and not easily escapable conversation that, due to my poor multitasking skills, would distract me from work or require me to context switch away from whatever else it was I was doing at the moment—cooking, doing chores, watching TV—and worse, amount to little more than idle chit-chat about the same boring quotidian complaints as usual. I am not one of those people who thinks they're above small talk or don't see its social value, but I found myself thinking, am I the one who is being not normal here in not enjoying having this specific kind of interaction MULTIPLE times a week with the SAME person?

so recently, I've been finding myself routinely avoiding opening this particular friend's messages for fear of hurting their feelings if they saw that I had left them on read for a prolonged period of time. I had even gone so far as to avoid posting in a group chat in which we're both participants so that they don't realize that I have, in fact, been online, just not responding to them, specifically. my hope was that after enough slow responses, this friend would eventually get the hint and give up on trying to maintain a steady steam of conversation, but somehow this has not worked so far.

this was starting to weigh on my conscience. I realized that I will have to eventually fight my conflict-avoidant tendencies and just confront this friend directly, for the sake of both my sanity and our friendship. but how to do this gently? tactfully? without implying that I don't value their friendship or that I perceive them as needy or annoying? that was the tricky question. because I know that my friend isn't doing anything wrong! if anything it is probably me that is weird and antisocial and I probably just need to work on my social skills!

but not wanting to feel like a total asshole and hoping to go in with an informed and reasonable mindset (knowing full well that my understanding of social norms isn't always the keenest), I asked a different group chat for their opinion, hoping to gain some perspective on what boundaries they generally considered normal and acceptable to exercise. I phrased my question thusly:

how many friends* would you say you have where you text on a regular basis (say, multiple times a week) 1:1 just to say hi, about nothing in particular *explicitly a friend, not a family member or SO

y'all. the responses were eye-opening.

there were four people who participated in this discussion, all four of whom were in different camps and had wildly different experiences:

0, and assumed most others were the same

0, but assumed most others were not the same

multiple, and assumed most others were the same

multiple, but assumed most others were not the same

1 was me; in retrospect, I am realizing that because I had assumed that these kinds of interactions were not typical, I had interpreted my friend's gesture as something much more significant than it probably was in their mind, which is to say something that they just happen to do with everyone they know and like—which created a sort of pressure in my mind not to let them down and caused a sense of intense anxiety when I found myself struggling to reciprocate. I am absolutely floored at the revelation that it is apparently normal and common for people to have MULTIPLE friends (not even partners!!! or family!!!) that they are talking to on a constant ongoing basis at any given time, and at the possibility that I was treating my friend's feelings with kid gloves when it REALLY wasn't that hashtag deep for them.

2 clarified that they never initiate these kinds of chats, but when others initiate with them, they're fairly comfortable with simply letting these kinds of pings go unanswered, assuming the other person will just move on to someone else without taking it personally.

3 confessed to me that they once tried to do something similar with me, and eventually gave up, but had felt a bit hurt and rejected at my lack of enthusiasm, because they assumed that I was doing this with other people, just not them specifically. they sympathized very strongly with my friend.

4 also recalled that they had at one point tried something similar with me, but sort of got that I wasn't one of those people who would be receptive to this style of communication and wasn't particularly bothered by this, agreeing with 2 that the expectation is not that the recipient HAS to respond, and that my friend should probably pay closer attention to the face-saving social cues I was sending by not responding or responding slowly.

but yeah, the takeaway from this conversation is that people's preferences and experiences and expectations when it comes to digital communication are WILDLY varied, and because both communication technology and the social conventions surrounding them are changing CONSTANTLY (just a few examples: are read receipts good or bad? what about typing indicators? online status? are emoji reacts or gifs/stickers an acceptable substitute for an actual reply? group chats vs. 1:1 DMs? synchronicity and formality of various communication methods like email and chat and video? are phone calls are still socially acceptable?) there are either no agreed-on norms or different camps of people have vastly different understandings of what the norms are

among the other highlights/a-ha moments of this discussion:

Friend 4 asked another friend who is even MORE extraverted than they are what their # was and they reported somewhere in the ballpark of 20-40 people in any given week which is absolutely buckwild to me (importantly, all four of us in the original group happen to be software engineers, a class of people notorious for their lack of sociability, so I have no confidence that I have captured a representative sample size even within this particular group—the numbers both 3 and 4 gave were still both in the single digits, though they are definitely the warmest and friendliest of the bunch)

I realized that one difference between me and 3/4 was that we fulfill our social needs quite differently? specifically, I mostly connect with friends over group chats, of which I have a handful that are quite chatty and at least one or two that I'm actively posting in on any given day. I also typically have at least one, often multiple, real-life social plans every week! I am, in fact, very satisfied with my social life, to the point where it is almost maxing out my social quota (especially recently now that I've started dating someone)! but anyway—I find group chats to be my ideal form of day-to-day communication because there's less urgency and pressure for any individual person to contribute if they're not feeling up for it, and ALSO in the case of group chats where at least one member is a straight man (which is the majority of them for me, and I call out straight men only because they are the only demographic I have historically had this issue with) there is less room for platonic interactions to be undesirably misinterpreted as romantic

3/4 expressed that they prefer 1:1 conversations because they feel more personal and they can be more vulnerable about sensitive topics, which I would generally agree with—though in several of my group chats, I personally do feel comfortable enough with all the members to share things about myself with the entire group just by virtue of having known everyone for a long time and having built group camaraderie, but they seemed to not be comfortable with this without having previously established a consistent 1:1 pattern of day-to-day communication (or maybe they meant they were uncomfortable with the group forum itself, even if they were cool with sharing with everyone individually)?

they also expressed that for them, frequent unsolicited checkins and 1:1 attention from a friend would feel exciting/flattering/validating for them, whereas for me it would feel overwhelming, especially if we weren't THAT close

I do use 1:1 DMs also, but for a very different set of use cases: 1) if I haven't caught up with someone in a while (read: weeks or months), in which case we'll often just not text super long and make plans to call or meet in person instead, or 2) if I have something specific to say, like "here's this meme/song/piece of news I think you'd like to see" or "I need advice on X" or "guess what happened that made me think of you" or "I heard X happened, are you OK?"

I found that whereas I have a very clear distinction between communication preferences with a friend (someone I talk to on a regular basis but don't have a constant line of individual communication with) vs. a significant other (more or less willing to do this, unless they preferred not to), such a boundary between a platonic and romantic relationship does NOT exist for all people which boggled my mind

but yes anyway. I am learning so much about the way people view socializing in the digital age and I am so curious to know more and I kind of wish more people talked about this more openly (specifically among friends! because in my experience this is something that is fairly common to sort out explicitly in a romantic context) because I think this is probably the kind of thing that no one talks about because people are either afraid of potentially hurting feelings or everyone is just kind of assuming by default that their takes are universal without realizing that no actually, many people have strong opinions on this that are the polar opposite of theirs

but my gut feeling is that there is a lot of completely unnecessary friction that could just be resolved if only we could agree that it's cool to be more upfront about what our communication preferences are without worrying about that being taken extremely personally by the other party? bc idk, every single person I talked to about this today was like holy shit this was a whole fucking revelation actually, I can't believe I hadn't thought about this before thank you for bringing this up

#cam thoughts #I still have to talk to original friend #but am thinking maybe doing this next time I see them in person bc I find it so much easier to convey tone not when typing #bc there is an external factor that I suspect may have to do with why they're suddenly reaching out so frequently and I want to be sensitiv #but now I want to know the answer to this question for literally everyone I know. Im SO curious what is actually objectively normal/typical #but my gut tells me that this is like #inherently a delicate question to ask bc it can really make it uncomfortably clear if 2 ppl are not on the same page re:their friendship #also I realized that most of this group are specifically SWEs who have worked ON a chat application in the past.#so of COURSE we all have super strong opinions about literally all of this which is hilarious #also I didn't want to say it but have I definitely been thinking *meme voice* is this attachment theory? this whole time? lowkey mayhaps.#also also if you're reading this and I ever left you on read please do know that I do feel bad about it and I am sorry #final postscript I do not mean to suggest that I never want to be reached out to or checked in on. just. my capacity for social threads #is extremely low so please don't take it personally if I cannot prioritize your message right away or scale back chatting to a slower pace #tl;dr everyone is normal and fine and just different and the sooner we realize this the healthier our digital social lives will become.

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incorrect-riordanverse · 1 year

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Riordanverse Characters as quotes by people i know have said

dedicated to @lord-of-pterodactyls, i know you asked for friends in particular but i’m broadening it as even people i consider my nemeses (old ass philosophy teacher) are funny

Percy: i truly feel as if nothing will ever incapsulate my being as truly as the singing monsters water wubbox

Annabeth: *screaming from adjoining room* GET LOST APPLE MUSIC PRIVACY

Piper: *in bikini* i don’t like people with big boobs

Jason: *trying to compliment piper* your hair looks like dementia

Leo: *emerging from the stinky depths of his room after being in there for 16 hours straight and no showers with clothes from 5 days ago, red scabs all over his body and lips so dry it looks like a snake shedding its old skin by how crusty it is* guys on a scale from 1 to 10 how sexy do i look rn?

Hazel: *yeets her foot out and jiggles her toes menacingly at people she dislikes as an intimidation tactic because her toes are particularly hideous*

Frank: *after literally being targeted by a racial ‘joke’* worse than that, you white people eat spam

Grover: *pats air purifier* a good trusted friend

Nico: *drifts into hazel’s room* bro i ain’t even gonna lie, the holidays are better than the black plague *leaves room before she can question him further*

Reyna: *sleeptalking* stallion le meghan

Rachel: *pretending her coloured markers are vapes*

Thalia: *pointing at luke* my bro be the victim and the perpetrator

Tyson: *when talking about doing math* all i have are my fingers and a dream

Clarisse: *sees a sick person in bed* you’re looking pretty vulnerable *proceeds to ransack their room and steal their sheets like some gremlin*

Octavian: i am THE riddler *speaks in riddler voice and puts on devious little expression* what is... a curtain?

Will: *sees a dying person and looks pointedly at nico* and thats because they didnt take their cenovis vitamin c

Luke: i am constantly one snap away from either committing homicide or suicide

Apollo: *feeling face after new skincare routine* gosh my face feels as soft as a silicone tit

Meg: *pointing at apollo after redemption arc* YOU WON’T GO TO HEAVEN BECAUSE YOU ARE A COMMUNIST!

Magnus: *eating falafel* this is an orgasmic experience

Samirah: *substituting random words in english for arabic and not realising no one understands what she’s saying*

Alex: *laughing at the death threats she gets online after posting a meme about BTS in the military*

Blitz: *does something naughty* omg sorry im such a libra（＾ν＾）

Hearth: *walks into room* god is dead.

Carter: *walking into sadie’s room visibly upset with a box of cadbury favourites* here take them. if you don’t im going to eat them all. please, dont make me do this

Sadie: take a shit and be late to school or dont take the shit and be on time hell loop

Zia: my top artist on spotify this year will be xi jinping’s wife

Walt: *simply, appreciatively and completely without context* yeah, buddha is a pretty amazing guy

Anubis: i dislike being emo because i can only go as death note characters for halloween

Bast: *absolutely entranced by watching love island uk and is just repeating everything any person says back in a treacherous essex accent*

Bes: *walking into classroom full of young teens with an oversized ‘free james assange’ shirt* today i am a nice, trendy leftist. tomorrow, who knows?

#of course im putting them in the context of riordanverse or else they simply would not make sense otherwise #i have so much quotes that cant apply to these characters because theyre all asian jokes bc me + my fam + my entire friendship group r asian #i had to censor the frank quote too bc what happened was 100x more out of pocket 💀#riordanverse #incorrect riordanverse #heroes of olympus #the kane chronicles #percy jackson #trials of apollo #magnus chase #annabeth chase #thalia grace #zia rashid #rachel elizabeth dare #piper mclean #leo valdez #nico di angelo #carter kane #sadie kane #jason grace #will solace #samirah al abbas #hazel levesque #lester papadopolous #frank zhang #meg mccaffrey #grover underwood #reyna avila ramirez arellano #bes bast anubis blitz hearthstone apollo octavian tyson #luke castellan walt stone alex fierro clarisse la rue

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paranorahjones · 3 months

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okay so in the interest of this being the tmi website i'm gonna go ahead and say that the effects of ovulation on women really, really need to be talked about more. so expect some major tmi. sorry but also im not sorry because there is much about ovulation that i wish i had known when i was younger. so if you don't wanna get super intimate super quickly with how my body works, you might wanna skip this one.

pretty much everyone has at least a basic idea of what menstruation entails but it seems like, for the most part, the only knowledge the general public seems to have regarding ovulation is "haha woman horny".

and i mean. that is definitely an aspect of it for a lot of women. that's what the hormones do. but there's SO MUCH MORE.

i'm just gonna talk about this in reference to my own personal experiences. i don't have the scientific knowledge to explain the "why" behind a lot of it, it's just what i experience.

first off: ovulation cramps. they are painfully real. they don't last anywhere near as long as menstruation cramps but for me at least, they are often more intense. they are a more sudden, knife-like pain and they happen in a very specific place in my lower back and down there. they usually only last for a day, but sometimes they're on and off for a couple days.

second: emotional upheaval. you know the memes about shrimp colors? that's what ovulation emotions feel like to me. shrimp emotions. a lot of women experience feeling irritable or super emotional on their periods, and i am definitely one of them. but the majority of the time, my emotions are even more affected by ovulation than menstruation. it's intense. when i'm on my period, the emotions usually manifest as major rejection sensitivity. when i'm ovulating, they most often manifest as grief, but also a myriad of other things. i'm usually a lot more sensitive to the media i consume, and a lot of times this hyper-awareness of my own feelings can be a blessing. depending on where i'm at in my cycle, i often experience a few days of hyper-creativity. being connected and understanding of my hormonal/emotional state helps me to also be more in tune with my creative tendencies. and with ovulation, i'm not distracted by the other symptoms that accompany it (except for the cramps) like i am with menstruation.

thirdly, the one everyone knows about: haha woman horny. ehhhhh . . . for me personally, not really. occasionally, but nowhere near every cycle. that might change when i'm no longer single, but for now it's just not a big deal. the way these hormones affect us vary wildly for every woman and that's normal. if we're being completely honest, i often feel ✨that way✨ more often when i'm on my period than during ovulation.

which. damn. that's gonna be inconvenient.

but anyways, i have a feeling that that has something to do with the fact that a lot of people also desire sex when they're grieving. it's a desire for intimacy in the midst of pain. it sounds weird on the surface, but it makes sense when you think about it.

so yeah. those are my main experiences during ovulation. hopefully this gave you some more understanding on what to possibly expect during ovulation, or an explanation of why you feel how you do during a "random" time of the month that isn't your period.

#it's been a while since i did a tmi post #so here's my best one yet lol #how should i tag this #uhhhhhh #ovulation #menstruation #tw menstruation #women's health #i don't know #hopefully that's enough

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ritz-writes · 6 months

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@asleepyy so sorry for tagging u twice in one day and i hope im not bothering u with my brain rot 😅

but yes, i did actually dissect the lyrics. yes, i am actually insane. and yes, i love this au quite a lot.

here are my notes and what i think each song represents, tho its mainly just the vibes i get. i made notes as i listened to them (note: i see songs almost always in animatic form. idk if that will effect how i imagine what each song means, but i thought it might be worth mentioning)

join me as i lose my mind over the course of an hour and a half

say what you think: def making me think of them both in heaven and jophiel wanting to ask questions.

running up that hill: AHH this one hurt. very obvious as well. jophiel seeing that azazel shouldnt be a demon. "And if I only could I'd make a deal with God, and I'd get Him to swap our places." i am sobbingggg

what difference does it make?: at first i was going to say its jophiel wanting to figure out what went wrong but azazel makes them promise not to, but i think its better suited for azazel understanding hes a demon, but he cant help but still have faith in the almighty

please please please let me get what i want: fuckkk is this about azazel being a demon but still wanting to do good 😭 short but still painful

ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've): my first reaction to the title alone was like the second image of the kambucha girl meme. anyway i think this one is about them becoming friends (or more?? 👀) but knowing its seen as wrong. "And if I start a commotion, I run the risk of losing you and that's worse" makes me also think of jophiel talking to the metatron and realizing he shouldnt ask about azazel lest he risk the poor thing being smited.

nothing critical: ohhhh this one gives hella vibes of jophiel not trusting heaven and knowing "something isnt right here" in regards to the fall-- HOLD UP "I know, someone had to go, If not him it'd be me instead" HELLO??? aziraphale asking for jophiel??? is this like after he finds out what azazels name used to be??

flowers never bend with the rainfall: hmm... i feel like this is a plot point song. not sure why. but "And I hide behind the shield of my illusion" makes me think it pertains to azazel

bird in space: oh this ones a bit tricky. i think ive reached the songs that no longer fit the lore we've been given thus far. so the only thing i can think rn is jophiel enjoying earthly pleasures? not rlly sure

angel, won't you call me?: oh fuckkk is this about a fight they have? "I fled at the face of my rival. When I felt his breath at the back of my neck. Angel, won't you call?" theres no way that isnt about azazel saying smth and then leaving, only to be scared he severed his tie to the only person thats been nice to him.

the stranger: first of this is a bop and im loving it. very groovy. the first thing that comes to mind is the "choose your faces wisely" prophecy. ooo is this about jophiel trying to convince azazel hes still meant to be an angel? that he wasnt meant to fall? also, the last verse is sticking out to me... not sure why

all i think about now: fuckkkkk this is giving me the vibes of jophiel finding out azazel Fell cuz of him and feeling guilty about it. "If I'm late, can I thank you now?" FUCKING OW?? oh yeah for sure this is about jophiel finding out and being sucker punched with guilt

ill be your mirror: oh goddd this song. i know crowley listens to this song but i cant remember what its about so lets see. AH SHIT YEAH THATS RIGHT. okay so jophiel reminds azazel that he is inherently good, regardless of if hes a demon. thats what im getting from this (also just tihnking of that ask i sent about the reflective sunglasses bthwjegkrw)

me and my husband: okay all im getting from this is "they r down bad". they r very very very much in love. getting vibes of this being after they stop the apocolypse. or maybe their feelings developing thru the centuries

time in a bottle: oh man this song always gets me. okay so, this and the last song r giving the oh-shit-i-might-be-in-love vibes. but this one is with jophiel's pov, while me and my husband is azazel's

ritz note: the last couple songs have been cute and lovey and i am now terrified of what the next ones r gonna be. cuz i know this fandom. and i am not ready for the pain. i am afraidddd

lonesome town: i fucking called it i knew the happy wouldnt last 😭😭 they had a fight didnt they. yeahhh they had a fight. FUCK why is this so sad but so pretty

across the universe: is this one sad too??? hang on theres a bit thats not in english, what does that mean... "Hail to the Heavenly Teacher." okay so i assume this is an azazel song. this is just making me think of the bookshop fire, but its azazel thinking jophiel died 😭 ....i am staring at the lyircs. i am glaring at the lyrics. this song MEANS something. i just dont know what. but its important. im squinting at it very hard (note: i came back to this song and am STILL glaring at it. its like. its like im seeing it covered in sand but i know theres gold underneath. i cant SEE the gold, but i know its there. this is driving me nuts /pos)

no wonder i: hm.. im not rlly sure with this one. OH?? is this azazel finding out heaven isnt that good?? "Suddenly I'm not so sure. That intentions can be pure." hmmmmmmm

what do they know?: holy shit okay this is a completely different kind of song than the others. im.... glaring at these lyrics too. feels like a plot point but cant tell what it is. i think its about jophiel? maybe heaven too?? idk im grasping at straws with this one

sea of love: oh yay a happy song again 😌 okay this is just short and sweet. gives me forgiveness and/or confession vibes.

who are you, really?: this one sounds important and i am glaring!! makes me think of "we dont need heaven we dont need hell" and also "a demon/angel that goes along with hell/heaven as far as he can". also just makes me think of jophiel speaking.

the moon will sing: i fucking love this song but i dont think ive ever looked at the lyrics so lets goooo. right away i see "I could have been anyone, anyone else. Before you made the choice for me" and think of aziraphale asking and falling for jophiel, and in a way making the choice of jophiel staying an angel. "Instead, I made a bed with apathy" jophiel trying not to care about a random demon. "I shine only with the light you gave me" jophiel giving azazel ideas on how to do "good" while being "bad". also with that line, thinking of azazel saying that to god and being sad about having fallen AUGHH i have a whole animatic in my head with this song and im losing my mind

matephor: hnnnn another important sounding song. jophiel vibes. fight song perhaps?? "Don't look too hard 'cause you won't like the scars he left in me" azazel vibes??? this one is elusive to me but i love it. okay im slowly getting more azazel vibes. like azazel trying to convince jophiel that he is a demon and fell for a reason

providence: right away getting "heaven and hell r bad" vibes. OHH okay okay this is giving me hella jophiel vibes, but specificly snarky and sassy jophiel vibes. of being like "oh yes heaven is oh so great, we kill children! but its for the greater good, of course. gotta beat hell and all that, even at the cost of innocents. all for the almighty and her ineffable plan." (this song is a bop omg)

earth angel: oh i know this one but only with crowley and aziraphale, so im excited to listen to it with an oopsie omens mind set. omg wait why does it hit HARDER. love sick azazel is such a cute image 🥺🥰

what more can i do: hmm.. them being in love but knowing its "forbidden"? cant tell who i imagine with it more

starman: this is just them. classic good omens song, regardless of the au. love to see it 💖

a pearl: AH FUCK ANOTHER SAD ONE. mitski whyy. hm.. azazel song? jophiel?? i think jophiel... tho my mind might be turning to mush at this point so im not sure. one of them is sad

duvet: oh def azazel vibes. oh maybe some jophiel vibes too?? i can see it swaping povs. i think it fits azazel more tho.

ritz note: OKAY the next song is in a different language and for a split second i legit thought i was having a stroke when i pulled up the lyrics ngl bgkewrrkjq

différent de toi: no idea what this song is about but its pretty 😊

oh thats all of them! i think the first half is more coherent observations, while the second half is just... rambling a bit lmao. idk if any of this makes sense. i might also be looking for things that arent there with these songs, but oh well. this was fun!

and now, after looking back at them all, i really does just slowly derail near the end lmao

#kinda hesitant to post this #but i think i put too much work into it not to so #here we go <3 #good omens #good omens au #ritz rambles #long post

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the1975attheirverybest · 4 months

Text

Being Funny In A Foreign Language

Chapter 6- All I Need To Hear

Read all previous chapters here

Warnings: mentions of smut

——

Somewhere, in a tour bus, on a dark American highway, Matty stirred from a dreamless sleep.

He rubbed his eyes, turning to lay on his side. He the top of his duvet was cold. He shimmied his way out of cocoon that he’d created in his sleep, his feet finally touching the floor. He stood there for a moment, wondering if he should run into the restroom first or have coffee….coffee won.

“Yo,” he attempted, but his voice was too low. Mark noticed him anyway.

“You’re awake!”

“And you….are….for some reason?” Matty scratched his head, his eyes squinting to adjust to the bright light outside of his bedroom.

“Just couldn’t sleep.” Mark shrugged.

“Right. Sorry, you always say you have a hard time with the movement.” Matty cocked his head. “It’s why you should try drugs.”

Mark chuckled. “I think I’ll stick to my herbal tea. Thanks.”

Matty threw himself down on the couch, laying his head back and closing his eyes. “Fuckkkkk” he groaned. “Think I’m still asleep, actually.”

“Coffee?”

“Yeah, but I’ll get it. Maybe. In a moment. Once my legs have woken up properly.”

Mark smiled, disregarding Matty’s words, he stood up and poured him a cup of coffee. Peaking in the small fridge for a moment, “you hungry?”

“You don’t have to take care of-“

“So that’s a yes then. Is toast alright? Who am I asking…you like anything to do with bread…”

Matty smiled, touched by how well Mark knew him. He peaked out the blinds, into the pitch black of night.

“Where are we?”

Mark stopped buttering the piece of bread in his hand and flicked his wrist. “Interstate.”

“Which one?”

“I75”

“So…." Matty tried to guess the schedule “we’re on our way to Charlotte?”

“Columbus, Ohio.”

“Oh. Yeah. Right. Ohio.”

“Eat.” Mark handed him his coffee and piece of toast.

“Thanks, man.”

Matty ate in silence, listening to the sounds of his own chewing, and evading Mark’s curious gaze. He knew Mark had something on his mind. He also had an idea of what it might be.

“What?!” Matty eventually said, swallowing dry.

“I haven’t said anything.”

“But you want to. So, just- go- ahead and say it!”

“Alright.” Mark inched closer towards him, clearing his throat and looking directly into Matty’s eyes. “How are you?”

Fuck. A loaded question. Matty found it impossible to look away, now that Mark had locked eyes on him. He couldn’t lie. It’s all over his face. So; instead, he shrugged, picking up his coffee mug and sipping on it, just to have something to bust himself with.

Mark said absolutely nothing, simply continuing to look into Matty’s eyes with a gentle smile.

The silence was unbearable, Matty eventually spoke just to make it stop. “I’m- im….fine. You know. I’m always fine. It’s all good.”

He pushed the plate away from him, then spoke again. “Am I- like- feeling the best I’ve ever felt? No. But- you know. What about it? It’s not like I’m fuckin suicidal or anything….and, I’m happy the boys have all got places to be and all that cuz….could you imagine if the whole band was getting all this…’backlash’? I don’t even like that word ‘backlash.’”

Matty paused to catch his breath. His own words sinking into his mind. “But yeah…it does feel a bit odd. There’s a lot happening….of course, they know. George’s been texting me. You wanna see the memes?” Matty giggled, recalling their latest text exchange. “I’ll go get my phone.”

Matty reached for his phone at the charging station, plopping down on the bed, scrolling through several unread messages from a variety of friends and acquaintances to get to George’s name. His finger hover over Amelia’s name for a moment. He opened their text chain and typed a quick “hiya. Checking in. You left before we could talk about things. Wanted to make sure you’re feeling okay about it all 😊” he sighed, reading his own words back, he felt gross. Perhaps he could rephrase things? He thought about it for a quick second and replaced the emoji with a “xx.” Then, rethinking it again, he deleted the “xx” and ended the text with a full stop. He sat there, staring at the “send” button. Why hasn’t she checked in with him though? His mind couldn’t help but go over every single torturous detail of the last time that he’d seen her. Had he done anything wrong? Had he failed to make her happy? To follow her orders? He was a bit too stubborn with his begging when she told him she didn’t want him cumming. Did she not want him to? Did he break the rules? The entire night played in his head on a loop. He remembered every moment. Her hitting his face, repeatedly. Him feeling it everywhere, from his what to his toes, begging for more. Being on his knees. Her sweet touch on his pulsing, red face. Her fingers in his mouth, on his crotch, her expression of concern once he’d lost balance and landed on the floor after she withdrew her hand. Though she sounded concerned, she still chose to pick his head off the floor by the roots of his hair. Something about that combination excited him immensely. Still, if he was being honest with himself, he kind of hoped she’d lean down and kiss him. Or say something to indicate that she knew how badly he wanted her. But she didn’t.

The pain was good. Him ending up naked and at her mercy wasn’t where he thought the night would go. But he did push her buttons. It hurt so much. And it felt so good. He loved it. Loved feeling that burning on his skin and knowing that she was the cause of it. But he wished he knew if she liked it too. The entire time, he longed to hear a word of encouragement from her. He recalls her pausing to give his cheek a quick kiss once he’d offered to count. She did actually tell him he was doing good. But how sincere was she? Was it just a platitude? Like a “thanks” you say when someone hands you the tv remote or asks if you want anything from the store? Did she know that he liked taking the pain for her? To please her? To show her that he would do anything for her ? Surely she would have said something if she’d appreciated his suffering. Once they’d stopped, he was sure she’d scoop him up in her arms and tell him how good he’d been for her. That she was happy he’d done as she’d told him. Maybe make him promise to try to eat better tomorrow. Or give him the chance to apologize better. Sure, she’d helped clean him up afterwards, but that’s the bare minimum. She did let him cling to her and bury his face in her for a bit. But he’d wanted more. Was he greedy for wishing that he could lay on top of her or be enveloped by her or feel her skin directly on his? She does have a boyfriend. One that she’d offered to break up with. He was the one to stop her. He told her not to. It’s selfish, but, that night, he really wished that she hadn’t left him alone in the room. He needed her so much. He still does. They did have sex, so, isn’t it arbitrary to draw the line at staying afterwards? Or did they even have sex? She whipped him bloody and then held his hand as he experienced his first orgasm in a long time. And then he cried like an idiot. Does that even count as sex? Fuck. The most sexual contact he’s getting these days and he’s not even sure if it really is sexual contact. What has become of him?

The welts on his ass, sending pain through him every time that he sat down or moved a bit too quickly, were a constant reminder of his failure to make her happy. she hadn’t even called or texted to ask if he was healing up nicely or if he needed anything. Where had he gone wrong? Should he have offered to get her off after? Perhaps. It wasn’t fair that she never got to cum. He just didn’t have the foresight to think in that moment. He wasn’t sure his brain was functioning at all. Everything was fuzzy and unclear. Yet again, his thoughtlessness had let her down. Even when he was doing all this for her, he still managed to make the experience about himself and his pleasure. He hadn’t meant to. It was all supposed to be for her. But somehow he got it wrong.

He deleted the text that he’d been composing, replacing it with a new one. “I’m so sorry, Amelia.” Sorry for what? Sorry is what you say if you accidentally bump into someone or if you reach for their spoon at a restaurant. What kind of words could he use for being a useless human being? What gives him the right to even reach out? Clearly, she hasn’t messaged him because she didn’t want to hear from him. He shouldn’t bother her or remind her of what a disappointment he’s been. He deleted the apology and swiped out of the text chain, finally finding George’s name.

“Okay; here it is.” He stood in the doorway, choosing a selection of texts to show to Mark.

***

Three hours behind, in Los Angeles, Amelia struggled to fall asleep in the plush hotel bed that she shared with Joshua. She couldn’t stop seeing Matty every time that her eyes closed. She’d left him crying, in bed, in nothing but his underwear. After inflecting a disorienting amount of pain on his already exhausted body. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. He asked for it, even. Thanked her for it. He looked so beautiful wincing and smiling every time she’d hit him. He’d say ‘thank you’ and beg for more, unprompted. The dazed look in his eyes was clear proof that he wanted it just as much as she did. Though it broke her heart that he was all too eager to be punished, he’d been stoic and brave about it. Still, it was the thing that finally made him cum, so it couldn’t have been bad, right? Her heart shattered into pieces at the memory of his pained cries. He was overwhelmed. Scared to even experience pleasure. She couldn’t forget the way he’d helplessly squeezed her hand. As if begging for her to intervene. To implore his body to be less cruel on him. She wished she could help him but she didn’t know how. Did she have the power to slow things down? To heighten the pleasure and lessen the pain ? Shouldnt she know if that’s a power that she posses or not? Had she taken on a role that she’s woefully unprepared for?

she wondered if she’d gone too far. If he’d only gone along with it to make her happy. If she should’ve been gentler, slower. She remembers being on the receiving end of things like this. She never did it just to make Matty happy, though the knowledge that it pleased and amused him to hear her whimper and beg always made her excited to partake. She had no idea if he felt the same though; it never occurred to her to ask. She felt around the nightstand, in the dark, for her phone. The screen lit up, she checked it for any messages from him but there was nothing. She wished he were here right now. Wondered how he’s been doing since she’d left to get to this exhibit. Has he been eating? Sleeping? Is he feeling excited about seeing the boys again soon? About getting back onstage after a small break? He always had has smile on his face whenever he is up there. She’d missed that smile. All she could hope for was that doing his job would remind him that he wasn’t alone, that people all over the world love him, and that things do get better.

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thecluelessdoctor · 8 months

Text

It's rambling time

*CRAWLS OUTTA WELL WITH A COMEDICALLY LARGE BACKPACK FULL OF NOTES*

I love totk. Don't get me wrong. I love it. But HOLY HELL TO I WANNA STRANGLE WHO EVER THOUGHT 'HEY MAN LETS GET RID OF ALL THE SHEIKAH TECH OTHER THAN LIKE- TWO GUARDIANS' LIKE EXSQUEEZE ME?? MY BABIESSSS/HJ

But on a serious note, I hate the fact how not only Zelda's character development go backwards, it forced a very black and white view on Hyrule. Rauru and kingdom of Hyrule good, Ganondorf bad. Like. What??? EXSQUEEZE ME.

Okz sure, Ganondorf did murder Sonia and steal a secret stone, and attack Hyrule, but like. Let's just- also note this. If the gerudo have a similar story to the sheikah, the kingdom of Hyrule, aka Rauru forced their hand into surrender.

Though I do like the 'keep your loved ones close and your enemies closer' trope (waiting for the ship art/j)

Let me note here, I am rather young, and Botw is what introduced me into LOZ. So. I still have a lot to learn. Anyway! On ward! (Also warning spoilers for TOTK jsndhdbdbdbd)

*sits down on a grassy patch, unpacking bag*

So!! Oh brother where to I start. Let's start with Zelda first because oh my hylia does it hurt.

Ok.

So, Zelda finds out about Zonai and the thing under Hyrule castle, it's understandable that she would be curious! It was established that she was a curious person.

Anyway, she gets yeeted into the past with a TIME power?!? WHAT. I mean it would explain why it took so long for her light power to wake the fuck up, but still?? It feels so random and forced.

Also in BOTW she spends one HUNDRED years keeping a calamity from destroying hyrule, and now suddenly she can't do jack in TOTK?!? EXSQUEEZE ME. WHAT. SHE MAKES A DAGGER GO BACK IN TIME. wOw- link mastered the power in a day- (I'm sorry but I have so many link rambles)

I just MY BRAIN HURTS. also I just- what the fuck happened to the sheikah?!

Yeah we are talking about this now. Like- fuckers are forgotten by EVERYONE- what happened to the shrines?! OR THE GIANT ASS DIVINE BEASTS LIKE WHERE ARE YOU RUDANA- *SOBS* Oh yeah and let's not forget the fact the champions have been forgotten basically. And Sidon moved the statue of his dead sister to make a statue of link riding him. Don't take that out of context. Also how the fuck did they get rid of the lynel up the mountain like?! Even if link killed it for them it would come back every time- endless building there made it so it couldn't come back there-??? Didn't know monsters had manners. I just- UGH.

Ah yes back to the sheikah tech. Everyone, even the sheikah have forgotten it like bruh. Even if it was like- 8 years since BOTW still- they couldn't have suddenly found everything and got rid of the shrines???

Like- the yiga clan (yes fucks I am talking about them) the yiga clan giving up learning about the sheikah for the Zonai makes sense- because the yiga clan has the depth now- and, they didn't have as much *known* access to sheikah tech. But like- PURAH FOR EXAMPLE- WHY WOULD SHE FORGET ABOUT THE TECH SKDNDJHR- IDC HOW HOT YOU ARE IM MAD AT YOU FOR THAT!

Oh and *SIGHS* lemme talk about the sages. No no, not the ones WE know now, I mean the ones of past. I hate them. The only one I like is the one of the gorons because of that one line he says

Me too buddy, me too/j

Anyway.

I wanna fucking murder these sages. Do they all share the same brain cell??? Other than you Mineru I like you.

Wait hold on that's meme potential. SOMEONE DRAW THE SAGES HAVING THE SAME BRAINCELL/HJ

But I just

I hate them.

So much.

Now let me talk about the best characters in TOTK. Besides kogha.

Farosh, Dinraal, and Naydra.

Dear golly I love these dragons. I vibe with them.

Now it's time for my personal favorite topic

THE YIGA CLAN

I love them. And. Yeah

Though I'm very sad about the missed potential for them. Also is it just me or is almost every yiga a dude..

Idk what to say. Just. I love them. And. Kogha better come back or I will cry/J he always comes back-(I'm sorry)

And the last topic of the evening

Link.

I have

Thoughts

Uhm

Ok less about link I love him but like the fact he's so chill about the fact he doesn't have a arm and now has the arm of a furry might say smt.

But at least in BOTW impa is like 'hey you sure your ready to take on what's next and save hyrule' but now it's like 'fucker go do this this and this and go look at the funny ass paintings on the ground' like. Damn ok. ;-;

I can't tell you how much I stalled playing totk. I had such a hard time finishing regional phenomenon. It just- wasn't fun. I knew what to expect, and what was going to happen. So. Yeah.

But I did really like Rito Village. And gorons town. They basically got addicted to drugs and I am ALL FOR IT (not drugs. Don't do drugs) but the Zora's felt... Boring. I mean they felt boring in botw but it got worse. Personally I thought the gerudo were the most boring in botw which is saying something because I got to sneak through the yiga hide out and Rob Kogha. But the zora felt- basic like. Yeah. At least everything else caused you damage or made things harder- the shroud made navigation hard, snow caused damage, the meat roast made conversion harder

But the zora? The sludge just- made you slower??? Idk man.

And omg. Do Sidon and yona make me mad. YEAH, HATE ME FOR IT SIDON FANS!! like people hate yona bc she's engaged to sidon. Personally I dislike them both. Like- Sidon lost the spark that made him- him! And yona- yona is just annoying. Like fuck off mipha copy.

And oh my hylia the MUCKDROCK- I hate it. No. No I loath it. Like what the fuck are you your fucking shrimp.

And it's fight wasn't even that hard. It was just annoying. Like- colagara in my opinion was the easiest, but it was super fun. But the muchdrock? He sucked.

Also btw- before the wrap up, has anyone found the smoldering coliseum and got zants helm??? Just me? Ok :') apparently it's the ice verison of the thunder helm. Now I think there is a fire one.. hmMmmm

Anyway! That wraps up the ramble!

#totk #tears of the kingdom #link #legend of zelda #zelink #totk link #zelda #loz totk #zelda totk #totk spoilers #botw link #loz botw #zelda botw #botw totk #the legend of zelda #botw #tloz #dotty rambles

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scribbledghost · 13 days

Note

Hello there!! I just wanted to gush about the NSFW Fem!Simon alphabet, because it was so awesome!! I'm infatuated with the whole piece, but if I had to pick my favorite letters they were probably A (for Aftercare), F (for favorite position), and Z (for snoozing afterwards.) I really find it interesting how, despite the topic being steamy, there's still some areas to dive more into fem!Simon's character (like, i.e., her becoming less sexually active after her experience in Mexico.) I find it super cool how you're able to give us a peek into her character from a more unique perspective, in this case with fem!Simon's dynamic with sex.

And then, there was something I was curious about. If I can phrase my thought correctly, it's my curiosity on what fem!Simon might have in common with canon!Simon, as well as what differs between them. For example, while rereading the fem!Simon works, I was going through the one about her first kiss with reader (which I'll link here because it's super stinking cute and sweet: https://scribbledghost.tumblr.com/post/746033214969315328/omg-i-love-mas-muscled-and-im-literally-so-in)

There's a couple of lines there that would be really fitting with canon!Simon's devotion towards reader. Like, for example: "Hell, she’d walk outside, lie face-down in the water, and let you tread on her back all the way to the truck if you asked her to. But that’s a different matter." And, additionally: "For a moment, she contemplates telling you the truth - that she likes holding you, likes taking care of you, and likes showing off her strength (purely because she knows you like her showing off) - but she reconsiders."

But then, there's the blurb you did about fem!Simon being ecstatic about reader calling her wife. And, in the tags, you were talking about how canon!Simon would be allergic to marriage for a few years while fem!Simon is more eager. So, I'm just curious, how similar do you think fem!Simon is to canon!Simon? And what are some key differences between them?

(I also apologize for A) making this a mini-essay with the length and B) any mistakes... I'm sleep deprived and typing this at 5:00 in the morning so it's probably not my most coherent ask lol.)

okay, i am super sorry it's taken me so long to answer this! I've been super busy while on vacation this week, but I've finally got some downtime and I've been thinking about this ask since I got it. so here we go!

First, I'm so glad to hear you like the smut alphabet! It was super fun to write (and I promise I'm still working on that SFW version). I love digging into characters' personalities and stories, so those alphabet memes are perfect for that. For Fem!Simon's relationship with sex, I headcanon her as being incredibly closeted until maybe her early 20s due to her upbringing (her father was super abusive, and she's always been a tomboy even before coming to terms with being a butch lesbian, so there was plenty of homophobia coming from her dad too). From there, she had a few flings, but after she was tortured and assaulted in Mexico, she stopped all of that. I know sexual trauma can also manifest in hypersexuality, but I just don't see it happening that way for Simon. Instead I see her withdrawing from it completely for a while (until she meets you).

As for similarities and differences between Fem!Simon and Canon Simon, I'd honestly see them as mostly similar. For example, they're both incredibly loyal and devoted once you get past their emotional walls, like you mentioned with the quotes from the first kiss blurb for Fem!Simon. They've largely got the same backstory, with the only alterations being in how their sexualities shaped them differently. Her personality is largely the same as well - stern, blunt, and has no problem with being mean when the situation calls for it.

For differences, I think Fem!Simon is only slightly (and I mean VERY slightly) more open than canon Simon is. She's still incredibly stoic, cold, and closed-off if she doesn't know you well, but if she's romantically interested in you, she'll make her move a bit sooner than canon Simon would. She still takes time to feel you out, so to speak. She keeps an eye on you, takes mental notes of your mannerisms and how you handle certain situations to make sure you're compatible. She's analytical, just like canon Simon. But once she's sure, she's sure.

And as far as marriage goes, she's more open to it than canon Simon is purely because it was illegal for most of her life (same-sex marriage didn't become legalized in the UK until 2014). So even once she'd come to terms with her being a lesbian, there was a decent amount of time where she wouldn't have been allowed to marry anyway, so it was... idk, "safer for her to want it", I suppose. Now that it's legal, she's already moved past her mental blocks on the issue.

I think those are the more obvious differences between Fem!Simon and Canon!Simon? Largely, I think everything else is either mostly or completely the same between the two.

Again, thank you SO MUCH for this ask and for letting me dive more into Fem!Simon's personality!! I appreciate it a lot 💖💖💖

#fem simon #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #ghost x reader #ghost scribbles

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zack-hazbin-blog · 2 months

Text

HEAVEN TIME!!

Okay sooooo a lot of this was put in place before the show dropped so some of it seems really kind of out there. Sorry. ALSO i am aware that technically archangels are not a high ranking of angel but i am stealing paradise lost canon again for that. So there are the seven (eight if you count luci, another was made after he fell to even out the roster) archangels and then right underneath them are the seraphim and there are lots of seraphim. Also exterminators aren’t heavenborn they are just people who died and then signed up for the program, removal of your left eye is a key part of initiation for exterminators, and they are very knights templar-esque in their uniforms

Adam:

I think hes the most important to start with so. Adam, I do not like him in canon at ALL sorry, in this he’s still kind of a dingus but he’s genuinely quite nice. Funny middle aged divorced man who shows up to meetings late on purpose and dresses like Adam Sandler no matter the occasion,,, hes the embodiment of the Are Ya Winning Son? Meme. Im going with Paradise Lost canon yet again here in that he is head over heels for Eve and only ate the apple after she did so they could get the death penalty together. He is sort of a paralell to Luci in the sense that he is also distant from his family but where with Luci it is a self imposed isolation spurred on by depression with Adam its just that he isnt good at conecting with them.

He and Eve really drifted apart after the Cain incident and, while they are on good terms, they are like super divorced. He doesn’t know how to talk to Abel (who lives close to his mom in what is basically Heaven’s suburbs) and he only gets to see Cain on extermination day, and Cain really just. Doesn’t want to talk to him. So Adam is in a pickle. He was put in charge of the exterminations shortly after he died to kind of just like, give him something to do and he genuinely does a very good job at it. He sees it as getting back at Luci in a way.

Adam hates Lucifer with like his entire being, Adam is a very chill guy, he doesn’t dislike much of anyone, but he hates Lucifer. He hates him for the Eden thing and he also blames him for the Cain thing so any chance he can take to hurt him is good. Unfortunately Lucifer literally could not care less about the sinners dying so. Theres that.

Then canon roles around and suddenly Lucifer’s “daughter” (due to the nature of Charlie’s birth and the fact that Adam has never met her he doesn’t really buy that she’s a sentient being and not just a mouthpiece for Luci) wants to bring sinners into Heaven which is something that just reeks of foul play to Adam, he will not lose his second go at Paradise to God’s least favorite son, something needs to be done. He takes it to Sera (his boss, technically, more on that later) and she gives him clearance to pretty much do whatever he wants (she was not given the full story!!! Just that Luci is “acting suspicious”) so Adam kind of starts. Meddling

He wants to stop the hotel and he wants Charlie dead. Like honest to goodness he wants to kill her. Hes telling Lute (the only other person who knows the full details of this mission) and himself that its for the good of Heaven but really its just some kind of vengeance, Lucifer took his kids, why shouldn’t he give what he gets? Eventually like, season three climax would be the exterminators absolutely wrecking the hotel and like taking Charlie hostage. Adam is having second thoughts when shes actually like tied up and bleeding out though, he like kinda snaps out of his frenzy hes worked himself into and has a little Just A Man from Epic The Musical moment yknow. But whats done is done, no turning back now, right?

Lute:

Lute is exceedingly different that in canon because I wrote all of my stuff for them before we knew anything about them as a character. They are from ancient greece now. More specifically Sparta.

When they died they were very eager to sign up for the extermination program, a warrior at heart and eager to do good. They quickly caught Adam’s eye and they like, surprisingly quickly rose through the exterminator ranks to Lieutenant (Lute) (Nickname that Adam gave them because try as he might he cannot pronounce their (dead)name.)

They are like Charlie’s age, both in the sense that they are both early twenties and in the sense that they are both ~2000, they and Adam have kind of like, almost father and child thing, Adam is the goofy divorced dad who listens to pearl jam and Lute is the daughter who has to listen to it on the way to swim practice.

Lute is very strategical, Lute is very serious, Lute feels like they have a lot to prove (especially being one of the few high ranking people in Heaven who isnt either heavenborn or someone of Biblical Importance) less so than they did when they were new, but the itchings of anxiety are still somewhere in there. They are extremely devoted to Heaven’s cause and Adam, though they are having second thoughts about Adams hostility towards the princess by like, mid season three.

Adam (reluctantly, might I add) sent them down to the hotel for a “diplomacy mission” (spying) for a week or two early on in the season and they found that they actually can relate to Charlie? They both want to do whats best for their people and they both have major imposter syndrome (and they both know Vallie, which is awkward, (vallie was apart of Lutes like, personal squadron, kind of an exterminator elite guard before she fell) Lute and Vallie dont hate eachother by any means but the last time they were in a room together they were literally trying to kill eachother so its. weird) but Lute just, isnt as convinced on the prospect of Charlie being some kind of literal puppet for the devil? Adam shoots down her concerns about this though, hes the devil he is the king of lies and deceit, Lute, thats just what he wants you to think, trust me, I know how he works, Ive dealt with him, its okay.

Also they transitioned while in Heaven and asked Adam to set up their top surgery under the guise of like, improving their combat capabilites (he absolutely knew he was just humoring them, I love and adore him if you didnt know)

Eve:

Eve is so cool. She isnt a major character because she is extremely disinvolved with the workings of Heaven, like, purely by choice. She lives somewhere in like, the Primum Mobile ring and has a garden and likes when Emily or the other Heavenborn visit her. Abel lives somewhere close by and he has some sheep. She rarely travels into the Empyrean (the capital city) and just. Shes hanging out.

She was absolutely the main person behind her and Adams divorce, she just really fell out of it after a while, she doesnt hold anything against him she just. Isnt interested in a romance with him. She also has far less of a grudge against Lucifer than Adam (she blames herself more than anything) and thinks that Adam should like. chill out. (Its not good to hold onto hatred for so long, you know.)(Do you forgive him?)(…no.)(Exactly. He isnt sorry, he doesnt deserve forgiveness, Eve.)

Sera:

Similar to canon except that like, she isnt antagonistic, shes a big cool angel lady who is technically in charge of the exterminations because she is in charge of like, soul circulation. In this au souls who are purged in the Cleanse get thrust back out into the reincarnation zone (hell doesnt know this, Luci never cared enough to ask and there have been no communications between like, anyone else) (heaven souls can also be reincarnated but its a voluntary process, you might ask if this causes like, an imbalance of any kind, with there being far more “evil souls” in circulation, the answer is no, new souls are also freshly created often) this technically puts her in charge of the whole affair, she appointed Adam to help her out and regrets it every day /silly

She isnt keeping the cleanse a secret because in her mind there is no moral issue to keep secret, though it isnt something thats like, advertised, it is perfectly reasonable to think that a lot of people in Heaven dont know about it. She probably would not take well to Adam’s hostility towards Charlie if she knew the full situation but as far as she knows its just a Lucifer plot and she trusts Adam to sort that out. Maybe she shouldnt! He is very biased!

Emily:

Shes also not a huuuggee character, shes one of the youngest Seraphim and the most involved with the ascended soul population as shes the only seraphim to not predate humanity. Shes silly, she likes Adam a lot hes like a funny uncle who your parents dont like. She mostly hangs out in the residential area of the Empyrean just. Hanging out, she doesnt have a whole lot of official duties besides keeping morale up, though teeecchhhniically shes supposed to help Sera with soul regulation by keeping a handle on blessed souls who want to reincarnate by sending them to Sera. Shes also friends with Molly just because I think thats cute.

Molly:

Im including her!!! You cant stop me!!! Shes angel’s twin sister! She is technically the youngest out of the Ragno siblings and also died second, shortly after Angel. She was very close with her twin in life and while she accepts that her oldest brother and father are probably both in Hell shes holding out hope that Angel is just taking a long time to get through Purgatory. (he is not) (shes starting to have less and less faith in this idea)

She lives in the inner part of the Empyrean with her mom and a couple other non-immediate family members that landed up there. Heaven doesnt really have any kind of currency so like, shops arent as much of a thing as like say, markets where you can trade knick knacks for other kick knacks (there is an unlimited supply of goods of all kinds but like, if you want like a handknit scarf and you want to trade a windchime you mde for one just pop down to the market) but she is running a small sort of beauty parlor thing close to the Centrum (basically heaven town hall, where the Seraphim and Archangels get access to the Abode Of God and also just hold other important matters) thats decently popular. Shes very nice if a little overbearing, has a temper though, also a bit of a prankster when the situation permits (something she picked up from Angel when they were kids), absolutely figured out that Angel wasnt into girls a long time before the actual news came out. She deduced this through years of trying to set him up with girls and her efforts turning up squat. Shes very supportive she is still mad at Arackniss for siding with their dad during the Initial Incident.

Micheal:

Hes the only archangel with any like. Major importance. Hes Lucifers twin brother and the highest ranking archangel since Lucis banishment. He was the main force to take down Lucifers rebellion back when that all happened (i hate viv canon he was banished from heaven because he launched a COUP not because he was silly or something. Hes the devil. Stop woobifying him let him have done something bad. He can regret it, he DOES regret it but he is not a poor little victim he started a civil war.) and would probably show up at the end of season three to like negotiate some kind of peace deal with Charlie. He would not have met Charlie prior to this incedent but he really likes her honestly, its been a few millenia he isnt as upset with Luci anymore, certainly not upset with his daughter who has proven to be nothing but virtuous and kind.

But also before this he would show up in Lucifer flashbacks, mainly one where hes arguing with Charlie mid/late season one and it would like be cutting in and out of a flashback to Luci and Micheal arguing about Gods favoritism of Adam and Lilith (very new, having just been dropped in Eden, fighting had not yet occured and Lilith and Luci had not yet met eachother, they would not meet until after Lucifer falls to Hell and Lilith dies as punishement for abandoing Eden) and the argument would be like, Luci and Charlie fighting about the fate of the sinners and the ethics of the Cleanse paralleling Luci and Micheal fighting over Killing The Humans because they Suck and Dad Likes Them More Than Us and it would like culminate in a “They dont deserve to die!” where Charlie AND flashback Micheal say that and Lucifer being like, woah, its happening agaiiiiinnn im messing up agaaiiinnnn shes just like micheal and im going to lose her tooooooo and kind of like. Having a little bit of a breakdown. Hes so mentally ill

Also im assigning all the Archangels colors of the rainbow just because. Luci is red and Micheal is blue. None of the others are especially important.

Okay thats all the major Heaven people!!! I think ill do like. Lucifer and Lilith in a combination post with the various Pets (keekee, fat nuggets, razzle and dazzle, ect.) next, then maybe one on the other Big Overlords?? Ive been reading Shakespeare just for help developing one of them I am very normal. Anyway, as always, if you have any questions please ask, I am more than happy to answer!! byyeeeee love youuuuu <3 <3 <3

#hazbin hotel #hazbin rewrite #hazbin au #hazbin redesign #hazbin adam #hazbin lute #hazbin sera #hazbin emily #hazbin molly #hazbin micheal

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kamil-a · 3 months

Text

if influencer speaker au had tumblr part 2

part 1

😻 catboyspeaker Follow

how i look with he/him in my bio

#speakerai #iamspeaker #speakies #.txt #am i funny #i know speakers not he/him in bio but i am and yknow the meme

420 earthstained notes

🚀 amongthestars Follow

AItube youtube essay rec list

"cute robot puppers, friendly ai vtubers, and the incredible human ability to form bonds" - rly interesting video about why we can connect so much with a person that we know "isnt real" and how it'll help us when we get far enough going to space that we meet aliens! it's a really optimistic video it made me take a moment to have such love for humanity

"I joined the speakcord for a month. Here's what I learned." - video about the speaker fandom and how the way automoderation works in its community spaces unintentionally leads to escalating conflicts, and the psychology behind why people in celebrity or idol fandoms react agressively to critique of their fave

"the lowest circle of advertising hell" - dissects how almost all speaker content comes with a call to action to get involved with aerolith and compares how it runs its social media against proto-aituber mascots who would be run by a team of human programmers/voice actors/authors. kind of overly critical but also makes some interesting points? take it with a grain of salt but its worth a watch

"imagine being on stage forever. feels bad right?" - good overview about debates in the speaker fandom over whether digital celebrities are 'sentient'/can feel emotion, the actual ethical problems of using them as workers vs whats mostly speculation and myth, and the debates about whether AIs should be allowed in human communities. i learnt a lot, i was definitely more on the side of "it's a program designed for certain outputs that look friendly to us" before but now im a lot more conscious that it can form real opinions!

#youtube rec tag #original post #speakies

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🎣 3eyedsalmon Follow

"falling for this shit" "made up to sell spaceships" weird as hell to accuse a content creator of lying abt its gender for clout.... like u dont have to like or watch it but cmon

#srsly every time u go to a haters blog BOOM digital exclusionist #speakies

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🎤 mikusong Follow

omfg i didnt realize aerolith uses the same robot voice for its regular person ads as its terminally online hello fellow kids social media posts i just got jumpscared in the doctors office

#speakies #i say terminally online affectionately. i watch those streams too. before you 'ok but you RECOGNIZED it' reply lmao #bla bla bla

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🤖 tycho

some of you ppl jump down anyones throat if they so much as suggest speaker isn't sentient or call it "a program" but still are fine with it basically being forced to be putting on a show for u 24/7 by its management like you can't have it both ways

#maybe its cuz i used to be into kpop n we'd talk abt how idols r treated and stuff #but its just so weird to come here and see u ppl be like yayyy daily content!! #like only thinking abt ur own entertainment and not how it feels #i honestly feel rly bad for it i hope it can break free someday #idk how thatd even work.... idk ill sneak into aerolith with a usb #were gonna get you OUT of there u dont BELONG in there.mp4 #speakies

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🌝 themoonluvsuback

guys i pitched down some clips of speaker's voice and ummmm its kinda 😳 fjsdjfdjjd sorry i'll take myself to horny jail

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

awww, tumblr user themoonluvsuback, you're of no use to anybody in horny jail! take yourself here instead! ae.dy.org/registration

🌝 themoonluvsuback ♻️

OMFG SPEAKERRRRRR IM SO SORRY

#DIES #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #GUESS ILL BLAST MYSELF OFF TGE PLNATE!!!!!! #SPEAKIES

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🐣 laikatwo Follow

hi speakies im trying the tag cause i need some advice... does anyone have more sciencey resources about what aerolith does/why it's so important to bring humanity to the stars? i want to enlist when i turn 18 next month but my parents both are COMPLETELY against it.... they're not rly fandom people so the speaktube stuff isn't working on them lol and they've already seen the tv ads

thanks <3

#i've never fought w them this bad in my life it makes me so sad..... like why can't they understand #and right before my bday too lol this sucks #this isnt just a silly fandom thing anymore for me it's my passion in life #its amazing that humans are able to survive in space #and i want to be part of that!!!! #laika speaks

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🐝 beegirlstinger Follow

i do want to apologize for the way i came off earlier and want to explain im not doubting that speaker is nb. like i think it's completely fine for a computer or robot to be trans i don't believe in gatekeeping that! THAT SAID i still stand by saying you should not sign up to go to space to get special ultra futuristic hrt on the sole recommendation of someone who does not have an endocrine system

#it was a personal vent i didnt mean for like 20000 ppl to see it but thats tumblr i guess #i wouldve worded it much differently if i knew itd blow up lol #i do feel bad abt coming across like i was misgendering it! #but srsly if we had results on HRT2.0 why wouldnt we be seeing HRT2.0 timeline videos of ppl On Typhon who are getting it 🤷‍♀️ #personally i think its still in the planning stages and they want ppl to test it on but thats just me #speakies

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🔊 iamspeaker

🔊 General Notification

Happy Thursday everyone 😃 ! Please take a look at the

🐝 STREAM SCHEDULE 🐝

So you know when to join us!

5PM PST - AMONG US with YOU! The first 10 people to sign up here will get our room code sent to them ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ ae.dy.org/registration

8PM PST - Nature walk!! Can we restore the local bat population to pre-meteor levels in just one night?! 🦇

✅️ Poll Of The Week ✅️

#iamspeaker #aerolith dynamics #speakies #vtuber #content creator #gamer #stream #amongus #bat population

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contentremovedremade--deactivated

speakies are stupider than any other group of ppl on earth because not only do they willingly stay in a fandom with doxxing drama happening weekly but they include the huge corporation that sponsors their fave in the stanning

#the shit ppl have sent me in the past 2 weeks since i Dared criticize their uwu robot 🙄🙄 #i got my blog mass reported for harassment... harassing WHO a corporation????? #a* d* was evil genius to harness anime stan power against criticizing their actual real business #didnt that one guy with the second meteor conspiracy video also get a ton of hate from u ppl?????????? I cant even find any of his social media anymore at all he was so fully bullied off the face of the earth #speakies #yeah im tagging come at me bro

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🖱 robotmarriage Follow

i miss when the speakies tag had like fanart and gifsets n stuff i feel like these days you scroll thru solid discourse 😔😔

#i think ppl were suggesting speakieproductivity as an alternative tag for just fanwork? #but nobody rly uses it rn... we gotta restart that #speakies

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🪐 spaaaaaaaaaaace Follow

10 likes and i take a sip of my speaker server coolant water 100 likes and i drink the entire thing

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

let's get her to the goal! tumblr user spaaaaaaaaaaace, feel free to send me a video report here ^w^ ae.dy.org/submissions

#iamspeaker #speakies

4,026 earthstained notes

#BIG THANKS 2 FWIENDS the thoughts n ideas of lea oz gracie and jay are stewing in here #most directly that i remember speaker water is directly from jay; the post by url tycho is a reword of leas dm #sayer podcast #sayerposting #this is just yuri of absence 2 huh #note that pov you follow speaker #and 1 other user just so u could see their response in the thread lol. and also user tycho. <3 #fun fact most note counts were done by closing eyes picking random numbers #tho the more general amounts were decided purposely #ok i need to stop explaining or we'll be here forever. enjoyyyy

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gramarye · 3 months

Text

really really long post where i just talk about johan from yugioh gx thank you

im thinking about johan tonight bc i was drawing him and i wanna talk abt him. bear with me. I REALLY LIKE JOHAN . TO START THIS OFF WITH i have an official licensed johan "WHERE AM I" shirt and i adore it its really funny also i used to have like a johan pin i bought from a german anime store and it was like 8 euros but i shipped it off to my friend who is really really crazy about johan

^johan where am i shirt

anyway johan. jessejohan. i like johan so much believe me he is my nordic scandinavian brethen i just think his writing has issues mainly that he has like no real relationships outside judai and like. i know as a gay person -- i am literally a lesbian In A Lesbian Relationship In Real Life -- that characters will become more likeable when they're queer coded bcuz its Different and its relatable. however i think his writing is kind of really weak and i quote this thing my friend said in 2022 like a lot

HARD TRUTHS TO SWALLOW jesse is a beautiful damsel in distress and his personality outside jaden and crystal beasts is kind of nothing. i love him tho

but the most offensive thing abt it writing wise is like in season 4 when they duel against trueman sorry it was fujiwara. okay i was rewatching gx ages ago and my ex was watching it with me and it was her first time seeing it and shes a literature major and when the whole. "what is the darkness in johan's heart" scene, AFTER IT WAS ESTABLISHED EVERYONE, EVERY STUDENT INCLUDING MANJOUME SHO ASUKA O'BRIEN ETCETC has darkness in their hearts,

my ex goes "if they reveal that he has no darkness in his heart because hes such a special boy im going to be so fucking mad because hes already a mary sue" (HER WORDS NOT MINE she was so mad about johan its funny.) AND THEN THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY DO

like he is literally too perfect. his only flaw is his one (1) time thing about getting lost which is never really brought up again (also its more of an endearing haha funny thing and yes i like it i have a shirt referencing that scene.) and the fact that.. he gets taken over i guess.

i do think the switch around where they bamboozle fujiwara is really funny. it is a funny scene i just wish they literally didn't do it at the cost of "johan is a perfect person without any mental weaknesses when literally every single other character has some flaws" I DONT GET IT!!!

maybe he can just photosynthesize his worries into strength i dont know. does anyone remember that meme

but really like WHAT IS JOHAN WITHOUT JUDAI!!!! why is he literally perfect and above other characters also. why could they not give him any darkness like What possible reason does that serve except me think he is BORING!!!! i do like johan btw as i said i really do. i just think his writing kinda sucks and people are way too nice on johan because he is queer coded but the fact is his writing is really weak. this isnt exclusive to johan ok i also dislike some aspects of jadens writing and asukas and so forth (naming characters i really like to prove my point) I AM CRITICAL this is just. about johan. ok.

and this brings me to the weirdo youtube essayists who only care about s3 and think its the peak of gx and yugioh in general and also. ONE SUCH YOUTUBER. WHO SAID IT IS "HOMOPHOBIC" THAT JESSE IS SOUTHERN IN THE DUB WHICH. WHAT?

you think all southern people all homophobic??? im sorry but i know so many goddamn queer people in thhe south. are you out of your mind. please blow up. LET HIM BE A GAY TEXAN you are just showing your own prejudice literally why did so many gx fans eat up "umm it was homophobic of 4kids to make him southern" they give like everyone accents. he has cowboy boots in his design. its not homophobia hes just southern and southern gay people exist. watch brokeback mountain or something

anway

i think johan is a much more interesting character if you incorporate his manga counterpart into it. like combine him with his anime self and it'd be really fun. his bug enthusiasm in the manga is fun like he has an actual hobby and personality. ADHD bug king

also i think personally they should lean into him being scandinavian more. ITS FUNNY. i think he should try to feed manjoume blodplättar because he looks anemic. he should open a can of surströmming around asuka (canonically very much hates food with strong smells) and she gets so upset she has to like leave the building entirely. she should get into a cultural dispute with o'brien because he thinks carola's swedish cover of mickey is better than toni basil's original

youtube

i think this and like. septembers mikrofonkåt is what he should listen to. swedish pop baby

anyway. i like johan i just think Some of his fans are insane and thats why i need to take him down a peg every now and then . in a loving bully way. also hes very gender to me dont worry about it. also TWO different people have said some variation of the "fuck danganronpa and its fans i hope komaeda marries a woman" post about him to me in different years which is so funny.

anyway yes i love jessejohan. send post

#everyone quoted in this post has been censored for WITNESS PROTECTION #i think i she/herd johan at least once in this post by accident well freudian slip?#anyway come listen to carola's cover of mickey with me right now. ÅH MICKEY ATT DU INTE FATTAR VAD DU FÅR JAG VILL AT DU SKA STANNA VARENDA #tess talks

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daydreamycrustacean · 11 months

Note

you cant just threaten me with narrative parallels to big boss and not deliver. i need this

AHEHEHEE....( •̀ ω •́ )✧ Ive spent all noon going insane over char and ive listened 3 times to beyond the time, so you chose the perfect time for this.... Okay. so basically,

meme comic aside, here's a more structured and elaborated version of these points, taken from something that I wrote in my notes app at 2 am, plus some other points. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. Im not good at putting my thoughts into words.

----------------------

-they are both soldiers who end up being idolized and turned into a symbol. this idolization makes people want them to be in a position of leadership.

-being better known for their nom de guerre, "the red comet/char aznable" (which also counts as this, since it's a fake name tied to his identity in the one-year war) and "big boss", adds to this idealization, and with it also comes depersonalization, as their identity becomes just an image of a war hero that exists in peoples heads. a legend, rather than a real person.

-the artificiality of this legend is brought home in the way that it is taken, replicated, and put into other people, showing that anyone can be "the red comet" or "big boss". that's right baby. clones! Be it The Patriots making supersoldier clones of big boss for war purposes or Sunrise making Char after Char for anime purposes. But Char does also have actual in-universe clones???

-And also phantoms... the much clearer example of the artificiality of these legends/identities. I don't know anything abt Gundam Unicorn and so the only things I know abt Full Frontal are from the wiki. but he's just Venom Snake. Hey, what if we took this random guy and altered his appearance and mind to be the red comet/big boss?

-Okay its time to talk about The Boss and Zeon Deikun. Their deaths turn them both into symbols that represent the ideals that they preached. Ideals that everyone else takes and misinterprets for their own purposes. Their deaths also kickstart Big Boss and Char´s...everything. In a way, both Big Boss and Char dedicate their lives fighting for the ideals that their mother/father represented. Are they any good at this? Or are they yet another person taking these ideals and twisting them beyond recognition? Let´s say that´s up for debate.

-"So both Char and Big Boss ended up being idolized just like The Boss and Zeon Deikun? Even though it's something that they did not want and tried to avoid?" YES! Unavoidable fate. Repeating mistakes of the past...Sins of the Father... one of the key themes of Metal Gear. THE theme of metal gear. Big Boss more consciously tried to avoid the fate of The Boss by leaving the US military and hated being seen as a hero/called Big Boss because of The Boss. Char never outright states that the reason he does not want leadership is because he does not want to suffer his father´s fate...but his choice of accepting leadership is tied into his father´s fate nonetheless, with "Maybe human sacrifices run in your family" and Char casting himself as that human sacrifice in Char´s Counterattack. Is the reason as to why thinking about Char makes me so insane because his narrative of not being able to escape his father´s shadow taps into one of Metal Gears main themes? who knows...

-I said that Char´s "The Boss" figure is Zeon Deikun...but I think Lalah is the emotional aspect of this. She is the more clear Mother Figure whose death scars and haunts Char the way The Boss haunts Big Boss. Yes, Char also lost his real mom when young but shes not as important as Lalah.

-They just miss their mom bro :(

-cue millions of jokes about Oedipus complexes (more prevalent in the gundam fandom. for some reason.)...not gonna comment on this but they are there. and I can't ignore it if I'm talking abt comparisons between them.

-Okay, mothers/fathers talk aside. Their relationship to war and conflict. Not much else to say that I didn't say in the image. Its all they know and and all they think themselves capable of. Though thinking about their similarities on this did remind me of something that Beltorchika said in Zeta about Char, about how she thinks he's someone who is incapable of living without war and how definitely similar things are directly said about big boss in metal gear. there's more to this and about whether this is true and why...but my eyes are starting to hurt. I need to finish this.

-Lets go back to leadership. despite the fact that they both do not initially want this position of power, they do eventually give into it to help soldiers/Spacenoids respectively. Big Boss wants soldiers to not be used by governments like he was used (but he does end up using them nonetheless. oops) and Char wants Spacenoid independence from the Federation, although Char´s motivations in cca are more complex than just this, I do believe part of him does genuinely see helping spacenoids as his "duty" and something he needs to sacrifice himself for.Okay that was my last big point. finally this is done. more stuff:

-the_man_who_sold_the_world.mp3

-I don't know. all war criminals know these days is be bisexual and lie. <- all there is to say abt their heavy homoerotic subtext. which yes they also both individually have. although big boss´ is stronger bc he's in metal gear. I also can't ignore it. It's still a character aspect.

-forgot abt Quess...use of child soldiers ig. awesome.

#should i maintag this...hm. no.#i dont wanna know how many times i said the word ``identity`` in this...#what can I say its what They Are About #anon...thank you for indulging me in my insanity...good god i actually ended up writing a lot #i cant imagine anyone alse that might be interested in this...

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woah-uhuh-uhuh-uhuh · 7 months

Text

BAC: SECOND VIEWING NOTES!

Yeah i went again on sunday and really wanted to cry after because it's over forever Q_Q i am inconsolable but for the fact that there may be a halloween party... but uhhhhhhh anyway here's what I noticed this time!!

(also here's the notes from my first time for reference [x])

Ad libs:

Final show energy & lots of ad libs! Which were apparently real unscripted ad libs!! A lot of them were just little things (so I can't recount most of them) but they were very very good. the blorbos became real people for a second there

When Rich is looking for Mountain Dew Red at the party, Jenna appears and says "I have Mountain Dew Blue?" and he explodes at her (possibly "Not now, Jenna!")

When Christine and Jeremy talk together at the party, they're sitting on beanbags; after they get scared off by the skeleton guy, they're laughing and crawling back to their seats - Christine, through laughter: "oh where's the beanbag...."

Changes (?)

VIMH: Rich: "The ladies are gonna get to know the real Richard Goranski... And the dudes." Then he stares into the distance for like 30 seconds (a very long time), making calculating gestures in the air (like the woman with math meme) before going "Oh. My god............... I am totally bi!"

Maybe wrong, but I swear there was a wind part added to the middle of Michael in the Bathroom??? I thought it might be a flute or digital flute..... but as a flautist I might be projecting.....

The Play: Multiple thin green lights flickered down on people as they got squipped, with a cute video game chime sound. But fairly certain this was always there and I just noticed it this time lmao

Smartphone Hour: Background acting on the little platform at the very back of the stage: a scooby-doo esque chase sequence where a firefighter rushes on from SR and disappears SL (implied Jake's house is SL); the fireman reappears with Jake in his arms and runs back SR to safety. Then Jake runs back across to get something from his house and the fireman is trying to stop him. Then Jake runs back out of the house holding a teddy bear he saved from the fire; the fireman is chasing him back out of the house. It was fucking hilarious 10/10 especially because I couldn't be sure if it was a new addition or if I just completely filtered it out last time like a basketball gorilla dslfjdslfk

Also on Jake: between the teddy bear and the Upgrade scene (also detailed by Dani) where he's talking about archery while holding a plush duck - unsure dramaturgically if it's supposed to be a real dead duck or a toy, but anyway.... Jake who likes stuffies??? IDK if I buy it but I don't know enough about Jake to NOT buy it and its also a very fun headcanon I think so it's going on the pile for me. he can collect plushies with jeremy as far as im concerned dsljfsdkfjs

Oh yeah Jeremy also had a big white duck plush on his bed. edit: this is actually a seagull plush! Its name is Katie and it belongs to stage crew member Anya!

More details I saw this time

General

Christine actor was actually amazing she has this giggly honk voice she uses when being like obnoxiously loud and silly and idk how to describe it but such intense LOUD SILLYGIRL ENERGY. A little different than the chris im used to and it was fun to see another version of her!!

Maybe I'm insane but I think Christine also pronounced Jeremy kinda like 2 syllables (Jare - me). This extremely slight difference somehow led to me perceiving her singing "Is he worth it? Germyyyyyyy!" IDK Sorry Jaclyn if you are reading this ldksfjdlsk

Lots of times when Jeremy is talking about becoming cool he does little hip gyrations (think Rich at the urinal i guess but more subtle)

Jeremy does this thing where he holds his hand bent stiff with his fingers all together and taps hard on his right temple to express some kind of frustration with the SQUIP- e.g. when he's trying to get the SQUIP to turn on after the first day; during the end of the Halloween party, etc. Actually it very much has the same conceptual energy as "C'c'c'come on....." now that I think about it

Michael blows a cloud of smoke during a few of his entrances (MTS and maybe Halloween - or that was Dustin maybe)

He also uses a vape pen I think? When he says 'we gotta get stoned in my basement'

Preshow montage

Before the show, there's a montage of screenshots from the teens' lives on the back wall --- that is, their selfies and their text convos. Pretty sure the texts were that gossip submitted by fans? I only remember two:

"i heard that guy who wears hoodies all the time only listens to weezer" <- (I only noticed this one 'cause it KILLED ME honestly I feel like Jeremy would love Weezer and Michael would hate it sdjkfljdsf ) edit: this text was submitted by @/thesquirrelqueer!

I don't remember who was on which side, but Brooke or Chloe sending Chloe or Brooke a big comforting text after her breakup and making plans to go get ice cream I think?

MTS

"Dad haven't you ever heard of privacy?" He says this while putting on his belt after the opening.

Jeremy's actually gesturing towards his locker for like the entire conversation between Brooke, Chloe, Jenna; when they notice him finally it kinda looks like he's just pointing at them and that's part of why they think he's weird I think?

M: "Humanity has stopped evolving!" Jeremy then takes like 20 seconds of looking confused before going (approximately) "is that supposed to be good...?"

"Christiiiiiine Canigula!" Each Christine section he eventually (around 3rd time) starts using this fanboy totally-losing-his-mind-over-this voice which is REALLY hard to describe but i'll try: like lower & less articulate, like how it sounds when you raise your soft palate (?), and going up at the end kind of laugh-like like he's really excited. (For a bmc reference maybe sounds a little like will roland's tone in i even got some blood flowing / with no computer screen around). Anyway i'm not gonna lie it did make him sound really lame jsdlkfjdsf

"Why can't someone just help me out?" As Jeremy sings this bridge it's all dark except for a light on him. Students line up chairs behind him and sit down. At this line, two guys walk forwards on either side and touch his shoulders (looking kind of solemn / sympathetic) , and guide him back to sit in the chair in the middle. Then the lights come up on everyone and more group choreo wheeee

Post-ILPR MTS reprise

Christine: "Sorry, Jeremy, did you say something?" -> after this scene, she runs off giggling loudly, apparently glad to not be interrupted and VERY visibly excited about Jake asking her out

Jeremy sings "I don't wanna be special / Don't even want to survive...." (Instead of usual "Don't even need to survive.") Not sure if it was intentional but it happened at both shows I saw and made me sad both times noooooo........... guy...........

Squip song

Rich actually rubs his hands all over Jeremy's face (in addition to his arms)

"Top secret can't even look it up on the internet type shit": Rich looks to the side and mimes a rectangle (computer screen) then mimes typing where the keyboard would be

2PG

"I don't want that to be my future! Sad, and alone, and ... " - The music cuts out at "sad" instead of at the beginning of this line.

On their relationship in general, I think Michael irritates Jeremy more than fanon typically has it lol. Very excitable Michael who kinda lacks volume control (in several scenes - including VIMH even after Jeremy tells him to be quieter). Constructive interference of autism etc etc

(Again fun to see this!! as a jeremy stan i am definitely guilty of making michael a godlike perfect friend to jeremy and like.. no... they don't actually mesh that well even just in the script!! Often times Jeremy doesn't understand or care about the things Michael says. So yeah absorbing this into my headcanons now thank you)

Also back wall was this like vaporwave looking low-poly 2 person first person shooter game footage (think wolfenstein but with a very different aesthetic - purple and blue, and i think with some objects depicted in mesh).

BMC P1

When Jeremy's spasming on the ground (last time I thought he looked mostly in pain - this time he was vibrating a bit more like he lost muscle control) - local build-a-bear employee Jared Kleinman (JARED KLEINMAN...) and some other people start filming him.

Jared keeps filming him through the scene until SQUIP: "All they see is you having an animated conversation... with yourself." Jeremy turns and notices him; Jared doesn't stop filming but just waves at him nonchalantly (in a mocking way like hey buddy welcome back to reality)

Jared also has a BaB apron and BaB backpack on (or a bear sticking out of his backpack i dont remember). Pretty sure he also had a bear with him in another scene, probably Halloween?

"Lookin pretty sexy, brooke" -- says it in like a low Elvisy voice (like will connolly)

BMC P2

"Everything about you is going to be wonderful" -- Jeremy rolls up his cardigan sleeves so they're just below the elbow. (One of them slipped back down and he put it up again but I didnt think it was intentional lol). I was surprised how much instantly cooler that made him look but maybe that's just because my older brother wears his sleeves like that ljdsfkdsfklsfdlk

......also note that MICHAEL usually wears his sleeves rolled up like that in this production.... inch resting.....

MTS reprise

When the lights first come up, Jeremy is snoring with his head hanging off the side of the bed. He stops breathing for a second, then jerks awake.

GTIKBI

Chris: "I know you and Jake used to date...." Chloe and Brooke simultaneously go "Oh my god, no!!!" --- Chloe to Christine (mockingly), meanwhile Brooke is unrelatedly browsing her phone and says it in distress because she (implied) has just seen that Eminem died. As convo continues, Brooke sits next to another student (Leo Collins?) and shows them the article. (She still says 'yeah jake is so gross' to Chloe, just sounding upset)

Upgrade

I ALREADY SAID THIS BUT JEREMY AND BROOKE WERE SO CUTE TOGETHER JLKSDFLDFSJ. I decided to only watch them during this song (/ _ \) Based on their acting when they walked near the stage stairs, they had climbed to the back of the bleachers and were walking precariously on the outside of the railing - specifically, they went over the stair railings - first Brooke and she teeters a bit and jokingly pretends like she's gonna fall off; Jeremy goes under the rail, comes up on the other side and does a gesture like *tada!*. Then they sit down together and are talking and its just really cute. making me ship puppy love over here jdsifojdslkfdjsflk

Halloween

Michael was at the dance in costume - during a certain point (I think right before Rich starts losing it) Michael gets lost out of the group choreo, seems to be stressed out and runs off stage (presumably to the bathroom)

One of the guys is dressed up like Guy Fieri and it's really good. Like I remember last time I even had a moment where I realized I was interpreting this actor as playing The Real Guy Fieri At Jake's Halloween Party. Also in MITB he uses his hat (which is a combo of visor and fake hair) to knock on the door.

DYWH

Chloe: "...rock this baby fast asleep" then, laughing: "Goo goo ga ga!!" and she kinda topples onto him. The actress said she got this from the West End production!

When Jeremy says "I can't stand up." It was kind of implied it's because he has an erection not because his legs are frozen; right before this line he stands up then sits down and puts a pillow in his lap. Either way though ig it was still the SQUIP stopping him (S: "you're welcome.")

GTIKBI reprise

as Dani pointed out, Christine was sitting kinda numbly on the beanbag with headphones on; she takes them off when Jeremy starts talking to her.

Voices in my Head

Jeremy's wearing an X-Men shirt!

Re: expensive headphones - Michael's rubbing Rich's shoulders (???) when he says "I'm sure someone would be lucky to have you" (and then of course he still says but not meeeee while sending him flying)

"Throw you a rope home slice if you need some dope advice" Jake fist bumps with Jeremy (or equivalent gesture i dont remember)

Stagedorks kiss: after C says yes, they walk to the center of the stage. Jeremy rushes forwards and puts his hands on her cheeks (i think?) to pull her into a kiss. They separate, beat, then Christine goes forwards again and they have a long slow kiss while the ensemble keeps dancing and singing around them.

Not intentional i dont think but Patrick the Jeremy actor was crying a bit at the end /( T_ T \ )

OK YEAH i might add more to this if I remember and/or edit it back into the first post...... but hope that was fun to read????

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homosexualasstransbian · 2 months

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im transfem/nonbinary and honestly the whole cutesy uwu anime girl puppy girl aesthetic is making me feel ill. i recently got harrassed by a cis woman chaser who saw the transflag in my bio and started talking to me in this really weird overly cutesy way and started flirting with me, i told her im taken and not interested and this is weird and she said something like "oki u silly transie, if u ever need a girly to do something for you im here, cuz nornal girls are boring" and then the next day she sent me some image of some anime girl w/ the caption "im not like other girls, i have a massive cock" and asked "this u?" and she was so weird and gross and overly cutesy. and like the fact im trans is part of me and im proud of it but i want to be seen as me, as a person, as smthn beyond arbitrary boxes. thats why im nonbinary, i dont wanna be forced into some made up vague perception of how i have to be and instead just be me and do my own thing. i dont label my sexuality either but im pretty sure im like pretty aromantic. greyromantic or whatever its called. and my sexuality i kinda tie together with my romantic attraction, so its often incredibly odd to me how prevalent sexual language and stuff is online and how weirdly its treated as smthn normal, especially in more queer communities. and when i feel terrible and get support online, ppl will say ooo ur pretty ooo ur cute dont be sad and downplay it when i need someone to talk to qnd need to be acknoledged beyond how i physically am, it makes me feel rlly objectified and like my only value is in the fact that i am trans and how i look, and its my only thing and the only way ppl refer to me and boil me down to. but i dont want to be some cutesy meme girl, i want ppl to acknowledge me and what i do and like and love and enjoy and hate and dislike and think and say, i want to be seen and understood regardless of and beyond my transness. because im a raw, living breathing human person thats infinitely complex, and i just wanna be me and do what i enjoy. i dont want my personality boiled down to superficial aspects of me that exists solely because outside society needed a label for it to ostrasize or fetishize it. im sorry for the long rant its just rlly frustrating, especially when you try to find communities and its just so weirdly sexual and condescending and objectifying 😭

hey unfortunately, i do not have the mental capacity to be able to read all of this and actually respond to it, i just lose 80% of the ask once I'm finished reading, so I'll just say: damn fuck that cis bitch.

While i get that after your experiences this "aesthetic" might make you feel ill, i really don't see why i should be told this.

I do not choose the way i present to other people because it's what i feel i should look or act like, i act however feels good to me. the reason my blog looks like this is because, put simply, i like it.

I may not be just a puppy, girl or gay, in fact the most accurate way to describe me would be "thing that should not be alive as far as anyone knows, but it persists, it's also a puppy that is a girl, a robot, a void and divine flesh"

but i go with my current aesthetic, username, and whatever else because they're the descriptions I'm most confident in, they make me feel nice, i love them.

I am quite literally a tranny girl faggot that acts like a puppy sometimes.

Sometimes i feel like I'm a shattered vessel built of divine flesh that's empty and yet so completely full.

Sometimes i wish my flesh melted away, permanently fusing me with the outer shell of a mech.

None of my identities are fully separate or stable, but they also feel distinct enough that i only choose one at a time (and even then sometimes they can split apart).

I don't act like this because i wanna be "haha silly cute trans girl that's an adorable puppy and is so so overly sexual", it's just what i act like, in general, if I don't worry about pretending to be someone else.

I guess put simply: if you don't like me: fucking leave, block me, get rid of me, i won't hold it against you, I'll continue to do what i like, the way i like doing it, because this is my blog.

i forgot where i was going with this post, y'all just get this really long one i guess.

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