#if you’ve messaged or anything i’m sorry but idk when i’ll get back to you

[ifimdreaming]

i don’t deserve you

//

Luke Hughes x Reader

authors note: i wrote this super quick and also on my phone so idk the word count or if this even makes sense because it is unedited lmaooo but I hope you enjoy it!

-

You had just hopped out of the shower and were putting on uour leggings and one of lukes hoodies to wear for the day.

You hadnt really been wearing anything besides for lukes hoodies when you have a day at home since you two started dating so honestly it was nothing new.

Going back to your room after cleaning up the rest of your stuff in the bathroom, you remembered you forgot to text Luke back last night. he always gets on you about that but you always forget how worried he gets when you don’t reply to his calls or texts.

And when you head to look at your phone that’s plugged into the charger on your bedside table, you see many missed notifications from your worried boyfriend.

(4 missed called from: Lukey @ 10:37am)

Lukey: hey you said you’d call me at 10?

Lukey: call me back pls

it was now nearing 12:00pm and you knew he would be more than a little bit pissed off that you weren’t answering him.

and you felt terrible about forgetting so you unplug your phone and called him back right away, sat on your bed with a towel around yojr hair as the phone rings in suspense.

“baby? ...let me guess? you forgot to check your phone again?..” he quickly says as you are getting more comfortable on the bed, relieved he had answered your call.

You just hum in response as he pours out his concern to you, knowing that all he’s saying is true.

“i’m so so sorry. i completely forgot. i know you’re looking out for me but i fell asleep without texting and i literally just got out of the shower.” You say and hear him sigh at your words.

“Luke i promise i’ll try to keep my phone close by cuz i know you worry...but i’m fine i promise” you say apologetically .

“i didn’t get murdered or anything..” you add jokingly but quickly follow up with an “i’m kidding...” before luke gets a chance to be a smart ass and tell you not to joke about that.

You laugh a little hearing him sigh with an unamused tone in his voice.

“anyway, how are you?” You ask trying to move on from the subject knowing he is already annoyed about you not answering his calls.

“i really miss you...” he sighs out and you hear the little bit of sadness in his voice and instantly feel exactly how he’s feeling.

“i miss you more bubs...trust me time will fly by way faster than you know it…we’ll see each other soon..i promise.” You reassure him, not trying to sound too cheesy but also trying to lift his spirits somewhat.

it’s been over 2 months since you’ve seen each other last. School has picked up and made it impossible to be able to visit him in jersey, even just for a weekend.

You were starting to forget a time where it actually was easy to see each other.

And you were getting so used to late night phone calls to one another, and luke sending you random long ass text messages about how much he misses you at random hours of the night. and you being so fed up with everything that you cave and just call him even when you know he’s busy or at practice, because you miss hearing his voice so much.

“it’s just been so long since i’ve seen your face. ugh i hate this shit so much. i’m just... so fucking over it.” Luke continues pouring out and his words are laced with a bit of anger, causing his voice to have a scratchy and dark quality.

he’s clearly getting more and more frustrated about the current situation the longer it goes on and you know he’s getting irritated with only being able to talk on the phone and over facetime. we both are.

“Luke i understand... i miss you and i love you so much. And look, i know you’re upset but there’s really not much we can do about it right now is there?” You say before luke interrupts you with a loud sigh.

“hey what can i do though? huh? ...how can i help you feel better?” You ask with as much reassurance in your voice as possible, trying hard to keep your voice high and uplifting even though youre feeling just as down and unhappy as he is right now.

he doesn’t answer and you are sat in silence for too long to still be expecting him to answer your question.

“what’s on your mind? Will u just talk to me?” You ask innocently.

“ugh. fuck! i don’t know! nothing i guess.” Luke sighs out, raising his voice and catching you off guard.

“i’m just trying to help … can you calm down a little..” you say quietly because you know he was probably wound up about a lot of stuff on his mind and you can tell that he is putting his anger in the wrong places.

“you don’t need to tell me to calm down...there’s nothing you can do ok? it’s fucking awful. i hate this...fuck..” he spits out at me. “can we just talk about something else?” he asks with his voice still raised.

“look, im not trying to force you to talk to me if you don’t want to but you called me and clearly something is on your mind..whether it’s the fact that we can’t be together right now or something else but you can’t just get angry with me for no reason.” You say sternly and hear him about to say something more but you interrupt him “just please lower your voice...” you add.

“i’m not getting angry. i’m just really fucking annoyed and you’re not helping” he says exasperatedly and you are taken by surprise with his words and a little pissed off that he’s taking out whatever he is angry about at you.

You stay silent on the other end of the phone as his words instantly put tears into yohr eyes and you don’t say anything because he is being so unnecessarily rude to you.

“i’m sorry, i’m just having a really fucking bad day...” he adds and you hold your breath trying to not make your shaky breathing noticeable as he keep talking.

You begin to feel the tears slowly start to stream down your face but you quickly blink them away knowing he’s only mad about the situation and not worth yours tears. but his words made you feel so so hurt.

there’s silence between the both of you for a few seconds as you try to get yourself together and acknowledge that he hurt you.

“Ok. Im not gonna sit here and listen to you complain about something that i literally cannot fix or change right now. i’m sorry you’re feeling upset and angry with what’s going on but you can’t just call me and take all your fucking anger out on me. it’s just not fair. i really miss you too ok? ...i’m sorry we can’t be together right now but i can’t do anything to help if you’re not going to tell me what’s actually wrong...just...call me back when you calm down a little” you say trying your hardest to not raise your voice and lash out exactly like he just did to you.

he’s quiet on the other side of the phone and you hear him about to reply as you hang up the phone before he has the chance to respond, knowing you are probably not going to like or want to hear what he has to say to you at this moment anyway.

this isn’t the first conversation that’s went like this recently. this past week luke has been getting more and more pissed off and angry rather than just upset about you not being able to see each other right now and it’s not doing you any good.

Youve been trying your hardest to just hear him out and be there for him but today’s conversation was different, usually you share a mutual sadness about not being able to see each other and talk about all the things you miss and then it cheers you both up hearing all the fun things you can do together once exams and the hockey season ends.

but today luke wouldn’t even tell you what was bothering him without getting mad and it didn’t help that he was putting his anger towards you.

Feeling really frustrated about that conversation, you plug your phone back into the charger and start to feel a slight sinking in your stomach.

You hated the fact that you just hung up on him and didn’t resolve your discussion. And you knkw it was his fault for getting angry at you but can’t help but feel a little guilty for just hanging up the phone without saying goodbye.

to get your mind off of it for a while you start tidying up your room and play some music to drown out the silence.

Now it’s almost nearing 2pm and luke hasn’t called back or even texted and it’s been almost an hour.

You begin to get more and more pissed off that he hasn’t said anything and consider just sending him a text but you remember the things he said to you . so you ignore the feeling and continue waiting for him to call you back.

-

After deciding to lay down and read a book to distract yourself, you accidentally fell asleep for a few hours. Waking up to see that it’s around 6pm...you definitely slept longer than you should have.

Surprisingly, you see that luke tried calling back and left a few texts as well.

Lukey: hi

Lukey: i’m really sorry about earlier

Lukey: can you call me back please? i need to apologize...i didn’t mean to get upset at you. i know none of this is your fault

Lukey: please call me back

You decide not to answer him right away and start making yourself some mac and cheese and sitting at the dining room table waiting as you wait for the water to boil.

You were beginning to get so impatient. Impatient with everything, but especially with luke. You wanted him to call you again. Do something, say something. Try harder.

Your thoughts were spiraling and you knew calling him back was really the only way to stop them.

After finishing making and eating your dinner you sit down at the couch to finally call luke back. at this point your stupid argument definitely didn’t feel worth all this and you felt a little guilty for ignoring him all day long.

You ultimately decide to facetime him so you can see his face and he answers you on the second ring.

immediately you see him laying down in his bed wearing no shirt and his wet hair hanging down his face on one side and his face slightly smushed against his pillow.

he smiles at you knowingly and waits for you to say something so that he knows if i’m still angry at him or not.

“why are you staring at me?” You blush a little, ignoring your anger for a moment. he just smiles back at you with his pretty little face and completely ignores the question.

Luke sees you awkward laugh a little feeling a bit insecure with the way he’s staring at you, but he continues. and he laughs lightly as he sits up and turns the light on so that you can see him better.

“i’m really really sorry baby...” he starts “i’m sorry for getting upset at you. I shouldn’t have done that. i was just so fed up and tired of not being able to see you and i let my feelings get the best of me, i also was just having a really shitty day. Practice fucking sucked today and you already know how shitty our game has been lately.” He says with honest sincerity and regret in his voice.

“i took my anger out at you which i should not have done...and im really not trying to make any excuses because I know i hurt you. And i promise i won’t get mad at you about this ever again, especially since you did absolutely nothing wrong...” he spills out apologetically.

You say nothing at first and just wait for him to continue his apology. making it clear to him that he was completely out of hand and you are not gonna put up with his bitchy attitude. And he continues,

“... to be honest i’ve been feeling like you don’t miss me as much as i miss you which sounds stupid but i just got so angry because i didn’t understand. When you forget to call or text i just…i take it hard..” he says trailing off at the end.

“what? luke i’ve been trying so hard to keep it together for you because i know how upset this makes you. trust me when i tell you i miss you more than anything...i suck at remembering things like texting goodnight and stuff because I’ve just been so exhausted with work and school. You’re on my mind all the time and i promise you that i will try harder to not forget those things.” you quickly reply, making sure he understands just how much you mean it.

“i love you so much.” You add and smile at him as uou see his small smile on your phone screen.

“i love you too baby. i’m so sorry for getting mad..” he says quietly and puts his head down a little.

“it’s ok...i understand your frustration.” You add with a little laugh letting him know you’re over it.

“i saw your instagram story..” you change the subject and he smiles at you with his face getting a bit red.

“You posted us?” You say knowingly as he smirks at you and runs his hands through his hair.

Luke had posted a slightly blurry photo of the two of you on the boat last summer saying he misses both the summer and you. It made you melt to see him gush about you, especially because he was typically such a private person.

“You are so cute..” you say honestly. and youstart to laugh a little remembering that night on the boat together and how it was the night luke asked you to be his girlfriend.

Luke wasnt always the most romantic person but he put so much thought into that night, his words, every little thing he planned he put so much care into and it was such a beautiful moment.

You would never forget it.

“im glad you saw it. i wanted to show you how much you mean to me..and how sorry i was.” he chuckles and it makes you softly laugh, knowing the world would have no idea that post was technically an apology to you.

“will you stay on FaceTime with me tonight? i miss falling asleep with you…” you ask politely and luke nods his head and smiles at you.

“of course...” he replies.

“i’m glad you’re not mad at me anymore baby” He says quietly.

“I could never stay mad at you..” you say knowing how true of a statement it honestly was.

“...and I don’t deserve you” luke says almost in a whisper, seemingly more to himself as opposed to you

-

-

#devils lb #nj devils #nhl #luke hughes #new jersey devils #hockey blurb #hockey imagine #luke hughes fluff #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes fic #luke hughes angst #luke hughes imagine #nj devils imagine #hockey x reader #hockeyblr

[jeon-ify]

that night : j. yunho - pt. 1

a/n: this is my first actual fic since i’ve just been posting scenarios and requests :3 !! this idea came from listening to ‘you broke me first’ by tate mcrae. its a great song and it reminds me of yunho but toxic yunho. it would kinda be good if you listen to the song while reading !! idk girl i just write

genre: smut, drama, early 20s- mid 20s romance, toxic/dark romance, 18+

warnings: smut, dark romance, toxic!yunho, yunho has a threesome with y/n’s best friends, yunho is a cheater, reader swears a lot, yunho calls reader a psychotic bitch, san is a druggie, alcohol, cocaine, yunho begs, yunho gets sad and guilty, reader claims she moved on, san is annoying as hell, wooyoung is readers bestie!!

“san! i haven’t talked to you in so long, i’m sorry! how have you been?” your phone rang, you look to see that san called you about 20 times. you’ve been ignoring him, since he’s done almost every drug under the sun in the past year since you all have moved to different cities.

“man I called you 6 times. stop playing dumb. yunho’s asking about you again, please call him back. i’m sick of his shit.” san sniffles sharply. you’re sure he’s doing crack again, but when is he not?

you did not want to hear about yunho. you haven’t heard about or seen him in almost 4 years now, recovering from that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~

you call yunho, in hopes that he’d pick up. you left him a voicemail asking if he’d want anything from target when you were off work tonight.

*hello!! it’s yunho, sorry i couldn’t take your call. leave a message and i’ll call back!*

“i’m gonna stop at target, babe. did you want anything? love you, call me back.”

you finish your target run, grabbing a set of shampoo and conditioner and other necessities as you’ve been out of your favorites for a week now. you step out of the car, grabbing your bags and unlocking the door to yunhos apartment. you didn’t live with him, but you practically did since you were there almost every day of the week.

“~yuyu, fuck its so good! so big!” “you fuck us so good oh my god.”

“you’re both so fuckin’ pretty. my god.”

no fucking way.

your heart dropped to your ass, at a loss of every word in the dictionary. you felt like you were being run over by a truck 100 times over.

it felt like every moment with yunho was flashing at once.

he told you he loved you a million times a minute, you thought you were the only one. you thought that yunho would love you and only you, but how could you be so stupid to trust anyone else again?

you walk to where the noise is coming from, tears flooding your eyes, threatening to fall. the door is cracked a little, you see a pile of black hair and red hair mixed, one on top of the other. one of the girls has a tattoo on her wrist while the other has one too— it looks all too familiar.

one tattoo being a moon, the other being a sun.

your best friends.

you want to cut off the star tattoo on your wrist so fucking bad. how could they ever betray you like this? they never approved of yunho, but he’s inside both of them, fucking them on your shared bed. in your (what was once) home.

you didn’t even want to acknowledge the situation, instead you dropped the target bag at the door of the bedroom, leaving as soon as you could.

hours later, yunho calls. no answer.

you stare as your phone rings.

*32 missed calls from yuyu 🫶🏻✨*

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: hey, sry i didn’t call back. where’d u go?

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: babe?

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: y/n, pick up the phone.

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: not funny.

Read at 12:43AM

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: ur reading my fkn messages but ur not answering n its pissing me off

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: alr whatever lmao dnt pick up.

Today at 5:21AM

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: i cnt sleep, thibkin about yoj

*2 missed calls from yuyu 🫶🏻✨*

you watch your phone ring, waiting for the ringing to stop. your tears flow, deciding to call him back.

“baby? my fucking god, i mis-missed you. *hiccup* had me worried sick.” he slurs. he’s fucking crying.?

“you’re a fucking liar. my best friends? you’re drinking, you piece of shit. and you’re fucking crying?”

“relax, they’re not your best friends and i know that cus they did that to you, plus me and you baby, we don’t belong to each other. been wanting to leave. felt so fucking locked up. you won’t let me do what i want, you controlling fucking psychotic bitch.”

what the fuck.?

you watch the time on the phone call increase as he mumbles what you really meant to him.

you feel like you really did trap him, but you both didn’t agree on a poly relationship. for him to fuck your best friends is an insane thing to do to someone.

you end the phone call after 57 minutes of yunho talking about how much he fucking hated you for never letting him fuck your friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“i’m never talking to that piece of shit again and never bring him up to me. i have things to do, i’ll text you.”

you hung up the phone after 35 seconds.

you’ve grown past the situation with yunho, healing and becoming a better person. you were single, traumatized from your past relationships being a burden on you. but, your best friend wooyoung always supported you through and through. he wanted what was best for you, even though he introduced you to yunho. it wasn’t wooyoungs fault that yunho had fucked up (or was already fucked up), he just wanted to help you find someone. you had your own apartment, your own car and your own lash studio. you were booked for days on end, always working and being your own person.

but, with healing comes pain.

you’d occasionally think about yunho, how he’d pamper you in gifts and he’d take you anywhere you wanted. you thought about the nights that you’d cried to him, he’d hold you in his warm chest, making sure you were held and you didn’t feel alone. you sometimes still toss around in bed, thinking yunho was next to you, on your right side. you’d still bake matcha and white chocolate cookies as if he’d eat them with you, a reminder that you loved yunho— as your love language was baking— and every time you see those cookies, your heart begins to ache.

you pick up your phone and text your best friend, as he’s the only person you go to for anything.

—————-

to: woo 🧍🏻‍♀️

y/n: bitch get up

y/n: r u awake yet

y/n: GET THE FUCK UP BRO ITS AN EMERGENCY

y/n: if ur not up in the nect 5 minutes i’m calling the cips

y/n: next *^ & cops^*

y/n: man i just need to talk 😩 san called me

*seen*

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: girl what the FUCK

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: did u call the cops yet

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: is the cop hot

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: bitch WHI CALLED

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: im calling u rn answer

your best friend calls you in no less than 3 minutes after your series of texts.

“why is san calling you? what’d he want?” wooyoung asks, concern masking his voice.

“woo, i just started feeling like i finally moved on from all that bullshit. he fucking calls me like ‘oh yunho wants to talk to you’ and i’ve been dodging yunho for fucking ever. i know he’s been calling me but-“ you ramble to him. he cuts you off, questioning:

“did you ask him what he wanted from you?”

“it doesn’t matter because im over it and im over fucking everything. its all bad news and i don’t wanna go down that hole again, woo. if you’re so curious ask him yourself. i don’t care and i honestly don’t wanna know.”

“okay. i won’t ask.” wooyoung says in defense. he has a sixth sense, and his sense is telling him that maybe something is wrong with yunho, or maybe he wants to try to give you the closure you deserve. though he already gave you closure— just not the kind you expected from someone you’ve loved for 6 years.

but a part of you really wanted to know why he called. a little portion of your heart still aches for yunho, but you’re healing, remember?

the phone call ends after small talk, and you stare at yunho’s contact info for 7 minutes. you open messages and read the last message he sent you. you have him blocked, but you know it’s his number.

May 19th, 2021 at 3:21AM

*You have new messages from (***)***-**** *

(***)***-****: baby, i’m so sorry.

(***)***-****: you won’t ever forgive me, but i’ve changed. my star, my love, my moon, my sun.

(***)***-****: i can’t sleep anymore.

(***)***-****: i’ll leave you alone, okay?

December 10th, 2022 at 1:21AM

(***)***-****: i can’t live without you.

(***)***-****: it’s been so fucking long

(***)***-****: js need to see ur face. keep staring at the same pic but it was so long ago

(***)***-****: my messages are green, why are they green?

(***)***-****: i met someone today, his name started with an M but i can’t remember what his name was

(***)***-****: he’s helping me heal. ik i don’t deserve to heal but i wanna be better bc u deserve better

(***)***-****: i wanna be the one for u my love

(***)***-****: i fucked up but pls believe me when i say i’ll change for u bb

(***)***-****: i’m going to sleep, goodnight my angel

January 8, 2023 at 7:08PM

(***)***-****: everythibg remjnds me of u baby

(***)***-****: ur everywhere i go

(***)***-****: ur everything i see

(***)***-****: mingi won’t let me live diwn what i did to u

(***)***-****: i deserve to fucking die

(***)***-****: i really lost u

Today at 10:32PM

(***)***-****: i still miss you, my love.

(***)***-****: want you to carry my children and be in my life forever.

(***)***-****: i’ve bettered myself. i’ve changed, please let me see you again.

*seen*

shortly after you open his book of messages, your phone rings.

*2 missed calls from (***)***-**** *

———————

you watch your phone ring twice, your heart dropping 6 times over, you didn’t think he would be this bad about it, but maybe he aches for you the same way you ache for him.

maybe yunho is sorry. maybe he changed and maybe he wants to be with you again.

your phone rings again, the same phone number showing up, as your shaky hands press the green button.

silence. the first 8 seconds is silent as yunho tries to process and come up with what he’ll say to you.

he tried calling you for 3 years on end, you’d blocked him. he was so used to your voicemail being the only thing left of you to heal him.

“h-hello?” there it is. the voice you refused to hear for almost 4 years, its there. it’s no longer only in your head, it’s his voice on the other side of the 7 inch screen against your ear.

his voice makes your stomach twist and turn, your hands sweating as your chest forms a hole within itself.

“you don’t need to say anything, just listen to me, hm? you can hang up any second you want, but if your heart still aches for me the way mine does for you, you’d listen.

my love. i’ve ruined you and tore you to shreds. i don’t even know where i begin. you are the most precious thing that has ever happened to me. the minute you entered my life, i took you for granted and fucked up. i didn’t realize how much i loved you or how much you meant to me until you left. that night is a blur to me, you didn’t deserve any of that. you deserve to be treated like royalty, you deserve to be treated in the most beautiful and enchanting way because that is how you made me feel. but i went and fucked that up for the both of us. i didn’t mean what i said to you. i was drunk but that’s no excuse to talk to you the way i did. it’s not right. it never was.

the only time i ever find myself doing right is when i beat myself up for doing you wrong.

i stay at the same apartment, san comes over and does whatever he needs to do but i haven’t touched a drug since you left me. the minute you left was the minute i decided to better myself. mingi is helping me be the person i want to be for you. my god, i hate myself for everything ive done to you. i’m not asking for your forgiveness, i know you won’t give it to me. but i want you to know that i still am here and i still love you. i love you better and i love you the way you deserve.

are you still with me, y/n?”

he breathes. you breathe. you finally breathe.

“i- yunho. i don’t know how to feel about any of this, you really hurt me and i can’t trust anyone anymore. you fucked my best friends, in our room. i don’t even know why i even looked at my phone or why i even answered san when he called me. i’m doing better, but you calling me again is really making me feel like i’m falling down that hole again.” you try your hardest to not let him hear you grow weak to his confession. his heart caved in, and his stomach grew empty when you’d brought up his mistake.

“i understand. i won’t push or do anything to make you uncomfortable. but, i want to have coffee with you, or one of us can come over and we can talk about this, hm?”

you sigh. you felt like all the healing and all the self care you’ve been doing is going straight down the drain.

but do you wanna listen to what he has to say?

“i’m free tomorrow afternoon. but i can’t stay long.” is all you say. you don’t wanna keep this conversation going, nor do you even want to talk about this at all. you are growing selfish; only wanting to see yunho because you miss the attention you used to get from him.

“as long as i get to see you, its okay. i look forward to talking to you, y/n. been waiting forever. is 4:30 fine with you?” he sniffles and lets out a calm chuckle from within his throat.

he’s aching just as much as you are.

“yes. goodnight, yunho.”

“goodnight, star.” that nickname. the same nickname that dragged you into his lore. he speaks lightly. the phone call ends and he sounds like an angel, making your head spin and your heart confused.

you don’t know whether to trust yunho again because, maybe, he is sorry. maybe he wants to make things right with you.

for the rest of the night, you cannot sleep. you don’t decide on going tomorrow, you really don’t want to face yunho after what he did to you. after 4 hours of tossing and turning, rereading texts from yunho, drinking water, and listening to nothing but the buzzing in your ear, you finally manage to get sleep.

—————————————————————————————

first fic!! yay!! i know yall are gonna hate yunho because what he did to y/n is trash and ass and all of the above. i hope you guys start to understand yunho further in the story. idk what im gonna do with this fic but i hope i come up with part 2 in a timely manner cus i dont want it to be dragged lol. but!!!!!!!!!! i hope you all like this fic just as much as i HATE it 😋

#Spotify #kpop smut #ateez #ateez fanfic #kpop #ateez imagines #ateez smut #ateez x reader #jeong yunho #yunho #ateez yunho #yunho x reader #yunho smut #jung yunho #m: yunho #yunho fluff #SoundCloud

[ayyy-pee]

Chapter 9 - Powerslide

Discord 18+ - Twitter - Kofi

Previous Chapter - Masterlist

Pairing: Suguru Geto x Female Reader, Choso Kamo x Female Reader

Summary: It's reader's turn to have an eye opening heart to heart with NanaGo.

Warning: Profanity because it's me, duh, mentions of emotional manipulation, reader finally making a choice!!!!, idk what else I can't remember what I even wrote

Suguru Art: YuOekk

Choso Art: @DmD_0_03

The annoying sensation of your phone ringing beneath your pillow pulls you from your dreamless sleep. With a groan, you silence it, ignoring whoever is reaching out to you this early in the morning. You know it’s not who you want it to be – your boss – because you’ve been placed on a temporary suspension until the investigation into the violence that took place on set has been completed.

It’s been a little over a week since the shitshow that was your photoshoot and you’ve spent your days wallowing in your bedroom since your followup meeting with Yaga. Just thinking about how it went down makes you shiver. You’re grateful for the dreamless sleep you’ve been having the last week or so. You fear you’d hear his deep, gravelly voice yelling expletives until your dying breath. 

In all honesty, you were surprised you’d even left with a suspension. If anything, you thought you would be leaving to make an appointment in the unemployment line. A suspension pending investigation gave you a sliver of hope that you may have a career to come back to. 

Your phone vibrates on your bed for what feels like the fiftieth time this morning. And just like the last morning and the morning before that, you ignore it, turning over in bed as you pull the blankets over your head. It dawns on you that you may feel better if you actually left your apartment, but any time you muster the courage to crawl out of bed, vivid images of the disaster on set run through your mind and you slink back beneath the sheets.

But you can’t hide away forever, you know that.

Again, your phone vibrates on your bed. With a groan, you finally pick it up. There are several unanswered texts from both Choso and Suguru, who you really don’t want to talk to. There are multiple missed calls from Suguru and one missed call and a voicemail from Choso. You don’t bother to listen. There are texts from Satoru checking to see how you’re doing and a friend request to your social media from Momo? But it’s the text at the top of your screen that really draws your attention.

It’s Nanami Kento.

He never texts. Sure, he’s been with your longtime friend, Satoru, for as long as you can remember, and you’d consider him a friend as well, but you never text each other.

You swipe your phone, unlocking the screen and tapping the message, your name the first thing you see at the beginning of his paragraph. You don’t even giggle at the goofy nickname Satoru saved his number as when you feel the serious tone of his text. 

Nanami Gojo’s Love Bun: Hello, 

Sorry to text you out of the blue like this. Let me preface this by saying I hope you’re doing alright. I’ll get to the point here.

Satoru had Suguru over for dinner last weekend and he filled us in on what took place at your photoshoot. Firstly, I hope you did not let those horribly misogynistic and frankly vile words Zenin said get to you. I don’t imagine you would.

Secondly, I don’t usually take it upon myself to involve myself in the matters of others unless asked, but I’d like to have you over for dinner tonight if you’re able to make it and discuss where your head is. I’m sure you’re aware of Suguru’s ability to over exaggerate and make statements leaning in his favor. 

Satoru is worried for both of you. He does not want to interfere, but I can’t sit idly and watch him worry himself to death. I think it would be a good idea to have you over if not to simply keep you company while you’re going through this.

If you can make it tonight at 7pm, we will have a plate ready for you. If not, just let me know.

- Kento

The gesture is nice, you can acknowledge that. And as much as you don’t want to move from this very comfortable spot on your bed, you think it’ll be a good idea to get out of the house for once. A night with friends, no guys vying for your attention, no pressure to choose someone, just…fun. You deserve that at least.

You: Hi Nanami. Thank you so much for the offer. I’ll see you all tonight.

He texts back within a few minutes.

Nanami Gojo’s Love Bun: Wonderful. See you tonight.

- - - - - -

The door to Nanami and Gojo’s apartment swings open, Satoru’s eyes literally beaming under the hallway lights. His brows draw together in confusion, head tilted to the side as he peers down at you. It may also be because you look like a tired sack of shit after all this time wallowing in your bedroom. But Satoru, the great friend he is, doesn’t comment on it.

“Hey? What are you doing here?” He steps aside, leaving room for you to come in. You move past him, already seeing Nanami setting their small, round dining table.

“Nanami invited me for dinner,” you explain, your answer being met with an “ah” from Satoru as he moves around you, motioning for you to take a seat at the table while he heads into the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine and two glasses for you and Nanami.

“Hello,” Nanami greets you as he plates the goddamn gourmet meal he made tonight. Any time you’ve been to Nanami and Satoru’s place, he’s always in the kitchen making something. Their house always smells like a damn Michelin restaurant

“Hey Nanami,” you return his greeting, as you sit down. Nanami and Satoru take a seat next to each other on the other side and Satoru pops open the bottle, pouring the wine into both your glass and Nanami’s. As usual, Satoru sticks to whatever sweet juice he’s in the mood for.

“This looks so good, Ken,” Satoru grins, leaning to the side to rest his head on Nanami’s shoulder. Nanami doesn’t acknowledge the compliment, but you can see the pink lightly dusting his cheeks. Nanami is the first to raise his utensils, never wanting to waste a moment to eat. As long as you’ve known Nanami and Satoru, dinner at their place has always been a quick experience. The moment the food hits the table, Nanami is all in, ready to judge his own cooking. It’s actually funny to watch his eyes close and his brows knit together on first bite as he assesses his creation. You and Satoru watch him with hardly concealed amusement. Satoru glances at you and grins, shaking his head. He looks back at his partner next to him, eyes sparkling. It makes you smile even harder. 

“Good,” Nanami voices to himself as he loses the concentrating look on his face. Satoru shakes his head again, picking up his own utensils to begin eating and you follow suit. There’s a lull in conversation for a bit and then Satoru finally asks what you know he’s been dying to get into. 

“Sooooo…what’s been up with you the last few months?” He nibbles at the food on his fork.

You shrug. “Didn’t Suguru tell you?”

Satoru rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but you know him. He likes to…embellish.”

You nod, chuckling because it’s so fucking true. Suguru turns everything into the damn Suguru show when he feels like he’s the victim, which you’re beginning to realize is almost always as of late.

“Yeah, you’re right about that.” So you fill them in on what’s been happening between you and Suguru over the last few months, your version. “He’s been trying to change. Trying to be better.”

“How so?” Nanami questions, leaning back in his seat and taking a sip of his wine.

“I mean, he’s been doing sweet gestures like sending me flowers and breakfast. He texts me or calls me telling me he misses me. Things he didn’t do before.”

Satoru rolls his eyes, chuckling and you feel your irritation build.

“What?”

“That’s like the bare minimum.” He sighs. “After all this time, he suddenly wants to call you for something besides sex? Send you little gifts? I mean, come on.”

You feel your cheeks warm under Satoru’s scrutiny, because you know he’s right. And you can admit that you may have looked the other way about that fact because you were simply happy he was finally doing it. It’s embarrassing how desperate you were for Suguru to make the most minimal effort that you didn’t see how little he was actually doing.

“I mean…it’s more than he used to do,” you try to defend Suguru because…you don’t even know why.

“He’s love bombing you.” Satoru continues. His bright gaze holds yours and he sees the confusion loud and clear behind your eyes.

“Love…bombing?”

Nanami speaks up this time. “He’s trying to manipulate you into sticking around by giving you the attention and affection you’ve been asking of him for the duration of your…whatever it is.”

Love bombing…Manipulating you? Is that what’s been happening this whole time with Suguru? Suguru had always been straight up with you about his intentions, and while you weren’t particularly okay with it, you had agreed. Once you started seeing Choso too, he said he was fine with it, even said he wanted to be with you and he’d prove it. How was he manipulating you?

Somewhere in the back of your mind, there’s a very small voice screaming that you’re a fucking idiot.

As if he could see the wheels turning, Nanami interrupts your thoughts when he calls your name.

“Think about it. Satoru and I know about your situation with Suguru. We’ve also known Suguru for a long time, long before you knew him, and well…” he pauses, pursing his lips as if thinking carefully about what he says next. “Can you think of anything that’s happened that would trigger Suguru to suddenly want to be an upstanding partner for you?”

You sigh because you know where he’s going with this. Because the answer is obvious. 

“If I can be candid…” he asks.

You nod your approval. “Yes, of course.”

“It’s the new factor he didn’t account for in your life,” he states factually. And he’s absolutely right.

“I mean, he didn’t start acting like this, didn’t start wanting to change until I started seeing Choso, too.”

Satoru and Nanami nod in unison.

“Suguru doesn’t…share well,” Satoru mutters. “Doesn’t like other people trying to take what’s his.”

“I’m not his,” you affirm, almost defensively. “He’s told me that plenty of times.”

“Yeah, but that was before he saw you making eyes at Choso at the skatepark,” Satoru says. “You know he broke his skateboard when he saw Choso kiss you at the park?”

You want to laugh, but not because it’s funny. You want to laugh because everything is starting to dawn on you now; your entire situation with Suguru, how maybe you’ve been letting him act how he has because while he’s not really committing to anything, he’s giving you just enough to keep you attached. He’s been love bombing you, as Satoru said.

“He told me, yeah…on the date he took me on.”

Nanami and Satoru share a look and Satoru sighs.

“And Choso? How does he feel about all of this with Suguru?” Satoru asks.

Choso…

“He’s…” Your mind thinks back to your last real interaction with Choso, the sadness in his eyes when he confronted you about Suguru.

It’s always going to be him, isn’t it?

“He was okay with it at first, that I was still seeing Suguru and getting to know him at the same time. Somewhere along the way, that changed.”

“As expected,” Satoru chimes in. “I don’t know Choso at all, but with how interested he’s always seemed to be in you, he never struck me as a casual relationship type.”

“No…” You think about all the time you’ve spent with Choso and how understanding he’s always been with you, how he told you he’d wait for you to, how he’s always only ever been committed to you, even when traveling for competition. All the effort that he’s put into getting to know you, show you he cares for you. He’s never made you doubt his intentions, never made you nervous about where you stood with him.

And yet, you made him feel that way.

You treated Choso the way Suguru treats you, thinking he’d just always be there.

You rub your hands over your face, the feel of tears prickling at your waterline.

“I’m a fucking idiot,” you whisper, trying to hold back the sob. “I’m so stupid.”

Nanami shakes his head, reaching across the table to grab hold of your wrist. He pulls one of your hands away from your face so you can see him clearly. 

“You’re not stupid. Anyone could be in your situation. Are you maybe a little selfish for wanting to make Suguru change for you and hold onto Choso as well?”

“Yep! For dragging Choso along…” Satoru announces. “But honestly? So is Suguru for how he’s dragged you along all this time and made you feel like he was going to suddenly become this better person.”

“I’ve just wanted this side of Suguru for so long. It was nice to finally get it, but I just feel stupid for how long it took me to see that it’s always been this, that even with the promises he’s made, he’ll always be Suguru…And I feel like an asshole for how I’ve been treating Choso…He’s always been good to me.” You sniffle softly, wiping at your eyes. “Always. Without me asking.”

“You can always make that right,” Nanami notes as Satoru leans over, laying his head on Nanami’s shoulder.

You’ve been watching them throughout dinner, throughout this conversation. It’s their little touches throughout that you notice, their glances at each other, the way they share pieces of food with each other without the other asking, their unspoken language. There’s so much love between them in the smallest things they do. Pure, genuine love. 

You imagine what it would be like to have an actually healthy, functioning relationship. To be with someone who wants you and only you, and won’t ever hold back from proving it to you. You want that, you really do.You could have that. You could have all of that if you stopped fucking around and just made a choice. And made the right one.

- - - - - -

You leave Nanami and Satoru’s apartment shortly after dinner, thanking them for stepping in and opening your eyes. Your mind reels as you mull over everything you discussed. Everything is piecing itself together for you; being strung along by Suguru for all this time, your excitement when he finally decided he wanted to change, even through your apprehensiveness you had hope.

You may have enjoyed the attention Suguru was giving you, even if it was annoying most times. It was him finally doing what you had been asking for all this time.

And then there was Choso, who had been nothing but patient until just recently. It dawns on you that between you two, he saw Suguru for who he was. It seems he always had and even then he waited for you to come to your senses. That is, until he couldn’t anymore. He made his feelings clear at the photoshoot. Choso had never outright shown his jealousy or disdain of your feelings for Suguru – did you even have real feelings for Suguru anymore? You hardly saw him. You spent most of your time with Choso anyway. 

What were you even hoping to get from Suguru if he actually had changed? A real relationship? Commitment to only you? A relationship with both him and Choso?

What the fuck have you actually been doing all this time? With both of them?

Your phone rings in your pocket and you fish it out, your boss's name popping up on the screen and you answer.

“Mr. Yaga…hello.”

He gets straight to the point. “We’ve closed the photoshoot investigation. Let me start by saying this…what you do with your free time and who you do it with is a non-factor here. These skaters are not under contract with us. The issue here was the violence that took place.”

You nod along as he speaks. “Yes, I understand.”

“Now, that being said, Mr. Zenin has taken full responsibility for his actions and has apologized…” he pauses for a moment, clearing his throat. “This is all coming from his agent, so, do with that what you will. Anyway, you can thank Mr. Kamo for coming in and giving a written statement. We were able to take that into account and present it to Mr. Zenin, so given that Mr. Zenin escalated the situation, you’ll be able to return to work.”

There’s another long pause from Yaga and you almost think he’s hung up until his deep voice rings through the phone again. “Off the record…Take the next week off, gather your thoughts, get your shit together please because we cannot afford another instance of your personal life leaking into your professional one.”

“Of course, sir. Thank you, sir. Thank you.” You end the call. You feel like you can’t breathe, your heart leaping into your throat. You have a job. You still have a job! And it’s all thanks to Choso. 

You swipe your phone, selecting the voicemail Choso left you a couple days ago. Your heart is pounding so hard, adrenaline still rushing after your conversation with Nanami as Choso’s voice rings clear through the speaker.

“Hey. I…um,” he clears his throat, his voice tense with nerves. “I know you probably don’t want to speak to me and honestly? That’s valid. I understand. I acted out of character and embarrassed you on what should have been your day. I’m so, so sorry. I can’t begin to express that enough. I spoke with your boss…Yaga? Nice guy…um…” He’s rambling and you’re standing in Nanami and Satoru’s hallway grinning like an idiot as you listen. “Anyway, I took full responsibility for instigating the fight. I told Yaga that our personal…whatever we have doesn’t impact your work in the slightest.” He pauses. “And neither does your…whatever you have with Suguru. He agreed.” You bite down softly on your bottom lip. “I told him that if Naoya pursues anything legally, I’ll take responsibility but Yaga doubts he will. Thinks that little worm wouldn’t be stupid enough to make himself look even worse than what the article published after they pulled him from the lineup.”

What?

They pulled Naoya? Yaga didn’t mention that.

“When you get a chance, if you want to, will you please call me back? I’d really like the chance to sit down and just…talk to you…bye.”

You listen to Choso’s voicemail two, three, maybe four more times before you finally leave Nanami and Satoru’s apartment building. You know exactly where you’re going next.

- - - - - -

Your fists lightly tap the door to the apartment ahead of you. Your hands are trembling and you’re pretty sure your anxiety is dripping from your pores. When the day started, you hadn't imagined that you’d end up here. You started the day sad, confused, angry. And you’ve ended it with clarity. Even if it took you weeks to get here, you got here. 

It only takes a minute before the door opens, dark eyes meeting yours, framed by the raven strands hanging loosely around them.

“Hey, I’m glad you came,” he says, voice making your heart…do nothing. Interesting…He steps aside so you can come in.

“Hey, Suguru.” You shake your head when he gestures for you to come inside again. “That’s okay. This won’t take long.”

Discord 18+ - Twitter - Kofi

A/N: DLSKFJKDJ READERRRR GODDDD WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!

Taglist: @mimiszworld @mighty-luna @re-dd0 @k4zuhasleaf @nekonanamiiii @Sacvh @suguju @watyousayin @nothisispatrick300 @sukunasseventhfinger @mykyoon @athenaholmesher @nobody289x @OUTTHEBASEMENTNAE @alpacapum @cherribxio @gloomiigloom @xocreedvo @ficti0nalslxt @getousbabymama @510hz

#jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jjk fanfic #jjk fic #jjk x reader #jjk x y/n #geto suguru x reader #getou suguru x reader #getou suguru smut #getou suguru x y/n #jealousy #jjk x #getou smut #getou x reader #suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen suguru #suguru geto fanfic #suguru geto fic #suguru smut #suguru jjk #choso smut #choso x reader #choso kamo x reader #anime x reader #anime smut

[ravieisunhinged]

Insecurities

Noah Sebastian x Reader

Oneshot / Imagine

Prompt: "Idk if you do Comissions but I would love to read something about Noahxreader where he finds out she has developed an eating disorder (maybe while he was on tour without her? Or bc she felt ugly compared to poppy? )."

Content Warning: Angst, Fluff. Mentions of reader dealing with an eating disorder, body image issues.

Tags: @ladyveronikawrites, @lma1986, @blackveilomens, @cookiesupplier, @thcfountain

You were struggling with your body image for years. But you didn’t realize it was an eating disorder. You’d see people more…prettier than you, and you would strive to look like them. Only for you to feel like shit in the process.

When you met your now boyfriend Noah, you tried to change that, but it was fucking hard. He was currently on tour in Europe, while you stayed in the states. 

Unfortunately, you’ve started to relapse on your eating disorder. This started because once you saw a photo of Poppy, you thought she looked prettier than you. In your eyes, at least.

Since you started doing this, you’ve grown distant. Noah got worried sick about you, you barely responded to your text messages, and took forever to even reply. 

By the time he got back, you were fast asleep. He saw that you were wearing baggy clothes, and this made him even more worried. He knew about you having an eating disorder, so this made him well…concerned. Noah sat on the other side of the bed, and caressed your face with his hand. He missed you dearly. 

When you finally wake up, you open your eyes and see your boyfriend looking at you. He smiles at you when he sees that you’ve woken up. “Hey baby,” He says, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” You say, smiling lightly.

He sits up a bit more, then moves you so you’re sitting on his lap. “I uh, need to talk to you about something. I’m just worried sick about you.”

“Okay…what is it?” You ask, concerned. Noah wraps his arms around your waist, and kisses your cheek.

“I don’t mean to sound harsh or anything, but what’s going on with you? You’re not…yourself.” He asks.

“It’s nothing special.” You reply quickly. He raises an eyebrow, and quickly grows suspicious. 

“Baby,” He says, “talk to me. Please.”

“It’s nothing-” You start to say before he interrupts. “Nothing my ass. You’re not yourself, you barely even replied to my text messages while I was gone.”

Giving up, you sigh. Your eyes start to water when you speak. “It’s nothing to do with you, if that’s what you’re getting at. I just..I feel fucking unattractive, and I’m pretty sure I relapsed on my eating disorder.” 

Noah squeezes you, and brings one of his hands to your face to wipe your tears. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” You tell him.

“You’re not unattractive though, whoever put that in your head..I’ll kick their ass.” He says.

“Talk to my brain then, because that’s what did it.” You mumble.

“Baby, look at me.” He says. You look at him, and he looks down at you. 

“I love you, no matter what. Okay? If you allow me to, I would like to show you how much I love you.” He suggests.

“I’d love that.” You say smiling.

“Good girl.” He says, before moving you so you’re laying on your back.

He spends all night making sure you feel loved, you were his favorite person. Next time, you were definitely joining him on tour.

#bad omens fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens fic #noah sebastian fanfic #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian fic

[devilat-thedoor]

What Is and What Should Never Be Ch. 4

A/N: I know this one took awhile and i’m sorry. life has been life-ing😅 I don’t know if anyone has really noticed or cared, but for each chapter, I’ve linked a song that heavily inspired the story for me, whether it influenced the specific chapter or just influenced the storyline in general. I’m always listening to music while I write and it’s where i draw a good bit of inspo from. idk. But I really recommend listening to the songs or at least reading the lyrics💖

Word Count: 7.8k

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI. No smut this chapter. Toxic Themes(Fighting/Arguing), A lot of angst and a bit of fluff. Nothing else really? just a general sadness…

…Stay a little longer if you convince me and tell me all the things that you have against me // Every time we make up the truth is fading, everybody’s blind when the view’s amazing...

You pulled the visor down, letting the keys drop into your lap. Your chest felt tight and you fought to keep the tears back, blinking them away as they came. As you turned the car on, you realized that you left your bag beneath the counter and it had your wallet with your license and money and cards, but there was no way you could go back into that place. You looked through the windshield as you put the car in drive and saw Josh barreling through the back door, trying to get your attention. Ignoring his waving hands, you drove out of the lot and went straight home.

“Why are you home?” Bellamy was standing in the kitchen when you came through the door and dropped your keys on their hook, “I thought you didn’t get off until 9?” 

You slipped out of your shoes as you turned to her, “Umm. I wasn’t feeling good, so J- I got sent home…” You walked past her to open the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water, “I’m gonna go lay down.”

She caught your arm before you could exit the space, “Don’t lie to me, Y/N. What’s wrong?” She gripped your shoulders, forcing you to face her, “This is the second time you’ve come home upset and I can’t help but think this time also has something to do with Jake. What is it?”

“Bellamy, it’s nothing, I just want to go to bed.” Your voice cracked as you tried to pull out of her hold.

“It’s not nothing. What did he do?” Concern was etched across her face as she stared at you.

You shook your head, trying to hold the tears back again, “He didn’t do anything, Bell, it was me. I fucked up… You told me from the start not to get caught up in them and I didn’t listen. I did this to myself.” You were embarrassed at letting it get to this point. You should’ve just left them both alone and kept it purely professional.

“Hun, I also told you to have fun…” The guilt was creeping over her but it was quickly replaced by her protective nature over you, “Which one of them were you working with? Who’s there now?”

“No. Bell-“

She cut you off, stepping around you to exit the kitchen, “I just want to talk to him. Which one was it?”

Now you were grabbing her arm to yank her back, “Please, Bellamy.” You let out a sigh, “You can’t fight this one for me. I’ll deal with it, I just- Not right now. I wanna forget about it until tomorrow.”

“Okay. Fine.” She released a sigh, nodding her head as she allowed you to exit the room.

You strolled into your bedroom, clicking the door shut, and went straight to your closet. Stripping out of your work clothes, you reached for the one article of clothing that you always sought solace in; Your dad’s old, blue Penn State college hoodie. It was littered with teeny holes and fraying seams, the nittany lion logo peeling away from the fabric, but it still smelled like him. You pulled it over your head, the hem falling to your mid thigh, and held the sleeves over your face to breathe in the familiar and comforting scent.

Grabbing your phone from the dresser, you flicked the light off, crawled into bed and checked your notifications. There was a single message from Josh but nothing from Jake.

Josh 7:21pm: Did i cross a line? What is going on with you and jake?

You 8:02pm: I crossed the line. I’m sorry.

You didn’t wait long enough for a response, just plugged your phone in after turning on Do Not Disturb and laid it facedown. You picked up your laptop from beside the nightstand, opening it up to play some music. After clicking play on a playlist, you put the laptop down beside you and curled deeper into the mattress. The soft organ notes of the first song floated through the room, Cold Heart Killer by Lia Marie Johnson, the lyrics immediately plaguing you with thoughts of Jake.

But my friends keep saying he’s a cold heart killer

Make you crazy, yeah, he’s smooth as liquor

So damn dangerous, I got too close

Oh, I should’ve known better…

You really should have known better but even now, after the constant back and forth, after what he said, the idea of him was still enticing. Pulling the duvet up to your chin, you closed your eyes and willed your brain to conjure up thoughts of anything else, anyone else, but it was no use. Your mind kept wandering back to the night you spent with him, waking up with him, your body longing for the feeling of his draped over it. You gave up on fighting the thoughts and let them run wild until you inevitably fell asleep.

💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿

“Y/N…” Bellamy’s hand was on your back, shaking you awake, “Hey, Jake is here to see you.”

A soft hum vibrated from your chest as you peeked an eye open, not quite registering what she was saying, “M’sleeping, B.” You pulled the blanket up over your head to partially block out the morning light but also to make her go away.

She yanked the comforter away, whisper-yelling, “Jake is in the living room…”

You rolled over, wide-eyed, “No. Get him out.” Sitting up, you pulled yourself from the bed.

“What am I supposed to tell him? He knows you’re here, Y/N!”

Now you were yelling in a hushed tone, “Tell him that I don’t want to see him. Tell him that he’s a fucking dickhead! I don’t give a fuck, Bell, just make him leave.” You pointed at the door to get your point across and watched her slip out and pull it shut behind her. Raking a hand through your hair, you let out a sigh and reached to pull your phone from the charger when your door was flinging open.

“Dude, what the hell is your malfunction?!” You heard Bellamy yell before the door slammed shut and drowned out her shouting.

You whipped around, knowing exactly who you were about to face, “Did you not get the message? Leave.” 

He stood just a few feet away from you, those stupid sunglasses covering his big, dumb, brown eyes and his annoying, soft mouth drooped into a frown. He lifted his hand, holding your bag up, “You left this at the shop…” He was looking around your room and you weren’t sure if it was just out of curiosity or because he was trying to avoid your eyes.

“And you couldn’t just leave it with Bellamy? You had to bring it to my room?” Your tone was growing louder and you thought you saw him flinch, “Or better yet, why bring it at all, Jake? Why make the special trip down here for a whore? That’s what I am, right?”

“No. Y/N-”

“No? But that’s what you said, hun…” You were sure you looked crazy with your wild sleep hair and angry eyes, “I’m just a fucking whore who gets on her knees for everyone, according to you.” You released a humorless laugh as you turned away from him, “Yanno, my dad always said all a man’s got in life are his balls and his word and he shouldn’t break ‘em for nobody…So don’t take it back now, Jake. Own the fuck up to it.”

“Can we just have a conversation like adults? Are you capable of that or does everything have to be a goddamn fight with you?” He grabbed your shoulder, spinning you to face him again, “I wanted-”

You were cutting him off again, ripping yourself from his touch, “Fuck you! I don’t care what you wanted and you made it blatantly obvious that you don’t care what I want.” Your voice dropped, cracking a bit as your emotions became overwhelming, tears prickling in your eyes., “Why are you here, Jake?” You brought your hands up to your face, trying to stop the tears from falling. When he didn’t answer, you dropped your hands to see him coming towards you. He was grabbing your waist with one hand, the other curling around the back of your neck, as he collided his lips with yours. You instantly melted into him, moving your mouth against his without a thought as your fingers desperately searched for any sliver of his skin they could find. He was pulling you in tighter, his thumb pressing into your hip, when you finally realized what was happening. You flattened your palms on his torso and forced him away, “Stop it- Just-”

“Y/N, please…” He reached for you again, but you threw your arms up, blocking his hands.

“Don’t touch me… I want you to leave.” You could hear your voice shake with every word, but you tried to remain stern, “I don’t want to see you anymore, Jake, just let me be.” You finally started crying, unable to hold it back anymore, “Can you please just leave me alone? I can’t do this anymore, I can’t- I need you to leave.” You sat on the bed, letting your head hang as you stared at the floor, watching the hardwood collect the salty droplets from your cheeks.

He stayed rooted in place for a minute or so and you could feel his eyes boring into you, begging you to just look at him and tell him to stay. You saw his old, filthy vans turn around, followed by the sound of the bedroom door opening, “I didn’t mean it, peach. I’m sorry…” Your head snapped up at his dejected voice, but he was already gone, leaving the door to hang open as he left you alone. Just like you asked…

“God, he’s a real piece of work.” Bellamy came into the room after a few moments and found you crying, “Oh babe…” She rushed to your side, sitting down on the bed to hold you, “What did he do?”

“Bell, I just want my dad…” You leaned into her, letting your tears soak into her shirt, “I d-don’t kn-know what to do.”

She took one of her arms away from you to pull her phone from her pocket, “I know, Y/N. Hang on…”  After a few seconds, you heard the facetime calling tone coming from her cell, “It’s not the same, but it’s the best I can do, babe…”

You raised your head just as Bellamy’s dad picked up, “Hey, hon- Oh, it’s both of my girls! How are you guys?” Mr. Cole’s jovial greeting brought a tiny smile to your face.

“We’re okay. Umm… Y/N could really use some advice, dad.” She angled the phone in your direction.

His eyes focused on you through the blurry pixelation, “Awwe, sweet pea, what are you crying for?”

Your heart warmed at the nickname; Your dad graced you with it when you were three years old and took it upon yourself to pick all of the flowers from your mother’s garden. You held them tight in your grasp, running to find your mom on the back porch and presenting what you thought would be a nice gift, Mommy, look what I got for you! When she saw you, covered in soil with fistfuls of the tiny, pink blooms, she was furious. She yelled and threw a tantrum about her precious flowers, but your dad just smiled as he pulled you to the side  of the house and turned the hose on to clean your little fingers off. He looked at your mother with a gentle smile and said, “We can always plant more, honey… But this sweet pea? She’s irreplaceable.” He pinched your chubby cheeks and left a soft kiss on your head and the name stuck. Even after a few years of him being gone, Bell and her family still kept the nickname alive for you.

“I really messed up, papa Cole… Dad would be so disappointed with me.” You put your head in your hands again, shaking with soft cries.

“No, Y/N. There is nothing you could ever do to disappoint him.” He paused, only speaking again once you brought your attention back to the phone, “You were the world to him, his perfect, little sweet pea blossom.” His voice held a solemn tone now, “Talk to me about what’s hurting you, honey.”

After a few more sniffles, your eyes flicked to Bellamy and she gave a gentle, reassuring nod. You know she was dying to know what was going on so she could help. You looked down at your fingers, twisting them together as you started to unload on your best friend and her dad, leaving out the moment in the parking garage, for obvious reasons. “...And Jake saw me kissing Josh and he said some really shitty things…and maybe I deserved it, yanno?” You shrugged, confused by your own feelings, “He made me feel disgusted with myself, but I…can’t stop thinking about him. Part of me still likes him and I hate myself for it…And I like Josh too, of course I like him. He’s so sweet and he’s funny and he doesn’t make me insane, but I just-.” You couldn’t find the right words to describe what you were feeling, but Mr. Cole and Bell both listened to your ramblings with no judgment. “God…I can’t even imagine what dad would say.”

You could tell Bellamy had so much she wanted to say, but her dad spoke up first, “I think he would say that you went with your gut and you shouldn’t punish yourself for that. You may have made a few missteps, but that’s life, Y/N. You can either make decisions with your heart or your head, and though the outcomes may be different, neither choice is wrong… Now given what the boy said, I can confidently say that your father would’ve made him eat his words and his teeth.” He released a soft chuckle. It was times like this when you realized just how close he and your dad were. He could form sentences to sound exactly the same way your father would put them, “Girls, I have to get back to work but you can call me later. I love you both.”

“Love you, dad! I’ll call once you’re home, I wanna see mom too.” She hung up the call after you waved bye and mumbled a ‘love you.’

You flung your arms around your best friend, pulling her backwards to fall into the mattress with you, “Thank you for sharing your dad, B…and thank you for just being you. I wouldn’t be able to get through life without you.” You planted a hard peck on her cheek, making sure to pop your lips when you pulled away.

She forced a grimace as he wiped the wet splotch from her face, “Pea, my dad loves you like you’re his own, hell you practically are. I don’t think of it as sharing. You’re my sister, you know that.” She rolled on top of you, grasping your face to return a sloppy peck to the middle of your forehead, “I’m gonna make some breakfast. You hungry?” She popped up from the bed, heading for the door.

“No. I’m gonna shower and try to get my shit together.” You pushed yourself to stand and snatched your phone from the nightstand. The screen illuminated as you pulled the charging cord, showcasing a few text notifications. You pulled the old hoodie off and folded it, tucking it back into the safety of your closet for the next time you’ll need it, and made the short walk to your bathroom. Allowing the water time to heat up, you finally opened the new messages, three from Josh, one from Jake…

Josh 8:11pm: Y/N i wanted that kiss but if there’s something between you and my brother then tell me. Why did he say that?

Josh 8:32pm: Can you at least answer me to tell me you made it home okay? You were crying when you left

Josh 12:02am: Okay I’m trying to give you space but I’m going a little crazy worrying about you Y/N please

A new kind of pain rippled through your chest at his messages and you knew you owed him an explanation.

You 10:56am: I’m sorry, Josh. I didn’t mean to worry you. I made it home and just went to bed early. There was something with me and Jake or at least I thought there was. I never should’ve kissed you the first time, it wasn’t fair to either of you. I’m just really confused about my feelings.

You hit send and swiped out of the thread to read Jake’s single message, only it wasn’t a text, it was a voice message. Your heart dropped into your stomach as you clicked play to listen, his slurred speech coming through the speaker.

Jake 2:35am: *inaudible grumbling* … Youuuu… ha ha…. You really have me soooo *hiccup-burp* so fucked up… I don’t know hoooow you do it, peach…ha ha ha ha…peeeeeach. *glass clattering* You love it when I call you th-that. My sweet pea- *hiccup* My sweet peach… But you’re not miiiiine, are you? Nooooo. Naaaah. You’re too good for me…drive me fucking craaaazy, baby… *childish giggle* You and that goddamn mouth…just love to… press… my but- *droning snore* Shit…*more grumbling* ha ha. She…loves it…

What the fuck…

You listened to it again. And then again. The bathroom was filled with steam by the time you put your phone down and stepped into the shower. His message continued to replay in your head, the nauseating rush of butterflies growing more powerful each time you thought over it. You had him fucked up??? Did he even know what kind of effect he had on you? You finished washing up and pulled a towel around you to go back to your room. Sitting on the edge of your bed, you let his voice play one more time, catching on one thing that hit you with a head rush; Your nickname. Albeit accidental, caught in a boozy hiccup, but it was there. Spoken through Jake’s lips with that intoxicating rasp that made you weak in the knees. But it didn’t matter… None of it mattered anymore because you sent him away, told him to leave you be and that’s what he did. Would you have acted differently if you’d heard his message before he’d shown up? You shook your head, trying to dispose of the thoughts altogether, and started getting dressed.

When you walked into the kitchen, Bellamy was sitting on the counter, eating a bagel, “Hey, babe…” She mumbled cautiously around her bite of food.

You looked up at her as you pulled the fridge open, “What’s up?”

“Would you be like…upset if maybe…Sam came over later?” She lifted her shoulders, bracing for you to tell her that you would absolutely be upset, but it was the complete opposite.

You chuckled at her, “Bell, of course not.” Grabbing a string cheese, you closed the door and leaned on the counter beside her, “I love that weird little guy.” There was a pause and you turned your head to see her smiling shyly as she typed on her phone, “You like him don’t you?”

She looked up at you, her smiling growing, “I think I do, Y/N. Don’t tell him that, I can’t let it go to his head.” She bumped your shoulder with her own, laughing quietly, “We’ve been hanging out a lot when our schedules line up. Most of his classes are either early morning or early afternoon. He goes to CCA.”

“Oh yeah, you said he’s majoring in photography, right?”

“Yeah! He’s actually really fucking talented too…Hang on.” Bellamy held her phone up, opening instagram to find his account, “Look at these pictures, they’re unreal.”

You took the phone from her and scrolled through the array of photos. A mix of landscapes and portraits, even a few wildlife. You were quickly noticing how much he favored film over digital, but nevertheless, his talent was undeniable. Scrolling for a few more seconds, you were about to give her phone back when one portrait grabbed your attention. You tapped on the tiny square to get a full view. Jake. A black hat, wild hair and an intimidating glare, his eyes staring straight into the lens. He looked exactly like the Jake you knew, yet different…younger maybe? You slid out of the app and handed your friend the cell, “You’re right, he does have talent. Those are all amazing.” You looked away, peeling the wrapper from your string cheese.

She clicked on instagram again, the screen popping right back to the photo of Jake, “Don’t do this to yourself, sweet pea… He doesn’t deserve you, not with the way he treats you and definitely not after what he said.” She jumped down from the counter with a sigh, “You have to understand that, babe. You are worth so much more than what he’s reducing you to.”

You wanted to argue, to tell her that he wasn’t the guy she thinks. He was sweet in his own warped and twisted way. She thought he was sadistic…maybe he is…but not always. Not in the way he held your hand or how he always made sure you had lunch when you worked with him. The way his tongue would beg for permission before slipping against your own…But arguing was no use, she made up her mind about him, “Yeah, Bell. I know…I uhh- I’m gonna go get a coffee and maybe check out a few of the local shops.” You turned away and stalked out of the kitchen, wanting nothing more than to escape everything for a bit, “I’ll be back later. Love you.”

After getting your coffee, you wandered through the streets, slipping in and out of different locally owned stores. You found a cute little thrift store that you wound up spending over an hour in, sifting through vintage t-shirts and knick knacks that could be considered relics. When you finally started your trek back home, it was slipping into early evening. The apartment was too quiet when you entered and you found Bellamy napping on the couch. Deciding to let her be, you went into your room and followed suit, stripping out of your clothes to pull on an oversized tee and some boxer shorts, and fell into bed for a nap of your own. You opened your music app and clicked on your ‘Dad’s Favorites’ playlist, being met with the distortion heavy opening of War Pigs by Black Sabbath. Placing the phone on the opposite side of the bed, you snuggled beneath the warm blanket and allowed yourself to drift.

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*bzzbzzzzzbzzbzz*

You woke up to the feeling of your phone vibrating beside your head. Snatching it up from the pillow, you squinted through tired eyes, focusing enough to swipe the button and lay the device over your ear with a groggy, “Hello?”

“Y/N, hey…You answered…”

You shot up into a sitting position, pulling the phone in front of your face to be sure it was who you thought. Slowly bringing it back to your ear, you squeezed your eyes shut, “Josh… What’s up?” You tried to sound normal but you’re sure he could hear the anxiety in your voice.

“I wanted to apologize for not texting you back earlier, the store was slammed all day. We did really good in sales, but the order is gonna be a bitch to put away next friday.” The casual conversation threw you off a bit, but you were lying if you said it wasn’t comforting.

Your nerves eased at his usual joyous tone, “That’s great about the sales, though. And if you need me to come in to help out with the delivery, I’d be more than happy to, Josh.”

“Y’know, I might hold you to that, especially since I don’t know where to pick up with your organizing in the storage room.” You could hear his smile through the phone, but then there was a shift, “Hey, listen…” You braced yourself for what was coming, staying silent, “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable about anything. I like you, Y/N… You’re cool as hell and such a sweetheart. But if there’s business between you and Jake, I’ll step back.”

You released the breath you didn’t realize you were holding, “I like you too, Josh, really…and not just as my boss, but-” You took a pause, not really sure what to say, “It just that- Jake and me, whatever it is or was…it’s unresolved and I don’t know where we stand right now.” You dropped your voice to a whisper, the bleak shame settling in, “I made a complete mess of everything and I don’t know how to begin to fix any of it…”

“There’s nothing to fix with me, consider the slate clean. As for him… Jake is easy. Just ask him.” He stated it so plainly, like it was the most obvious answer, “I know he wears his bad guy mask pretty well, but it’s just an act. He’s not good when it comes to feelings ever since-.” He stopped like he was about to share something sacred, “He just has a hard time dealing with his emotions. You have to push a bit and he will push back, but he can only fight for so long. I promise, I know exactly how he is.”

“I don’t know…” You fell back against the pillows, talking to Josh like he was your middle school best friend, “He’s so confusing, Josh. Just when I start believing that he likes me, he’s saying mean things or he’s flirting with Olivia. I just can’t help but feel like he only serves to hurt me.” You sat up again, realizing how shitty all of this probably was for him to hear, “Fuck. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”

He was quick to shut you down, “Don’t fucking apologize. This is the shit friends talk about. We’re friends, aren’t we?” He let out a breathy laugh and put on a valley girl accent, almost like he was mocking Olivia, “Baaabe, like, you know that, you can tell me, like anyyyything.” When he heard you giggling he broke character, “Okay, seriously, Y/N. Just talk to him and find out where his head is at. If not for yourself, do it for me…If he doesn’t want what you’re selling, I know somebody who’s dying to take it off the market.” He was laughing again, a sweet, melodic sound, “Listen, I gotta get everything cleaned up for closing but I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

You were smiling wide, feeling the hot blush spread across your face, “See you tomorrow, boss… and thank you, Josh. This- I like being able to talk to you, it’s nice.”

“Feelings mutual, Y/N. Goodnight.” He hung up the phone before you could respond.

Pulling the phone from your ear, you checked the time, feeling a comforting warmth spread through your body. 8:39pm. You slept a lot longer than you wanted to, but you felt great after the conversation with Josh. Flinging the duvet from yourself, you rolled out of bed and heard voices coming from the living room. You stretched your limbs as you remembered that Bellamy invited Sam over and made your way out to say hi. They were both on the couch, Sam leaned back with his bare feet kicked up on the coffee table and Bell, stretched across the cushions, with her legs over his. You stepped closer, making your presence known, “Made yourself right at home, huh, Sam?” You said it with a laugh so he would know you were joking.

“I actually did, yes. The moving truck is downstairs, I was waiting for you to wake up to help carry the big stuff.” He flipped his palms up with a shrug, “I’m surprised you’re not spending the night with Jake since he has tomorrow off.”

Bellamy pulled her legs from his lap to sit up, smacking his arm, “You’re brother is a dickhead, Sammy. She’s done with him.” She said it with finality, like she was making the decision for you.

He dropped his feet to the floor, looking from her to you, “Wait, what did I miss? Weren’t you guys like-.” He poked his fingers together, making kissy noises.

“I thought we were, but shit happens, I guess?” You dragged a hand over your face with a sigh.

Bellamy popped up, “He made her think that he liked her and then practically called her a whore. Not to mention the way he flirts with that other girl.” She shuffled around his legs to walk to the kitchen, “I’m gonna grab another beer, do you want one, babe?” She pointed at him, receiving a nod in return as she disappeared through the doorway.

When you turned back to him, his eyes narrowed, giving you a questioning stare and prompting you to tell him what happened, “Look, Sam, I don’t know, okay? We hangout, have fun, and then he changes in a flash and becomes this malevolent force that just loves to jumble my brain. I can’t do it, the back and forth, it’s- He’s fucking twisted but…I still feel this pull towards him, I hate it.”

Sam sat up straight on the couch, “He’s got some shit to work out, that’s for sure… And I don’t know all sides to the story, but there’s something you have to understand about Jake.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he looked up at you, “He’s barely even looked at a woman since his last girlfriend. Yeah, he flirts, he’s had hookups, but it’s never serious, not to him.”

“Nothing excuses what he said, Sam.” Bellamy chimed in as she came out of the kitchen, “He’s been treating her like trash since the minute he met her. Brother or not, you can’t sit here and defend him.” She handed him the IPA and sat down beside him.

“Bellamy, just let him talk. I wanna hear this.” You sunk into the chair opposite the couch and turned your attention back to Sam, “What were you saying?” You ignored your best friend’s scoff as you encouraged him to continue.

Twisting the cap from his bottle, he took a long drink before speaking up, “I’m not defending him. I just think there’s a reason that he’s acting like this.” He took another drink and placed the beer on the table, “His last girlfriend, Ivy, she really fucked him up. They were together for four years, really fucking lovey dovey.” Sam shook his head as he recalled, “We all kind of thought they were a forever deal, even mom and dad. Jake was so deep in love, he talked about moving across the country with her because she wanted to live in New York… Two years in and he was gonna drop his entire life to stay close to her.” He paused, scratching his chin, “He’ll kill me for telling you this.”

“Sam, please. Help me understand.” You stood up again, pacing back and forth, “Explain to me what I could’ve done for him to treat me like this, because I can’t keep forgiving his behavior. He’s letting me in, making me feel like he might really want me, just to push me away again. Over and over, and I can’t do it, I won’t.” You were rambling out of pure anxiety and frustration, “It’s not fair… I made it clear that I liked him, that I wanted him. We had fun on his birthday…at least I thought we did. We stayed up all night, completely wrapped up in one another, then the next thing I know, he wakes up a completely different person and kicks me out? I mean, what the hell was that?” You stopped to take a breath and Sam was quick to raise a question.

“Wait, you- He let you stay the night?” His confusion was clear as you nodded your head, “Like, slept in the same bed?”

Now you were confused, “Yeah… He begged me to stay. Not that he really had to.” Your shoulders dropped in defeat, “It was kind of sweet, when I woke up, I mean.” A faint smile appeared as you remember the warmth of his body draped over you, “He was out cold, laying on top of me. Fuck, he was like, clinging to me. But then he woke up and it was like a switch flipped… He pushed away from me, wouldn’t even look at me. I tried to ask him what was wrong, he gave some bullshit excuse and practically told me to get the fuck out.” You wrapped your arms around yourself as you stood in the middle of the room.

Bellamy stood up and came over to you, “He kicked you out after you slept with him? Why didn’t you tell me that when I picked you up, babe?” She was mad, that was clear, “I would have went straight up there and beat his ass. What an asshole!”

“We didn’t have sex…” Your voice was quiet as you stared out to the balcony, “But we still did things… That’s why I didn’t say anything. I felt used and I was embarrassed, Bell…”

“You didn’t sleep with him and he still let you stay? All night?” Sam was standing now too, trying to connect the pieces.

You released a huff of annoyance at having to repeat yourself, “No, I didn’t sleep with him and yes, I stayed all night. We made out, cuddled, wrestled a little bit and listened to music and then we fell asleep in the same bed, wrapped up in each other. Any more questions?” Pulling away from your friend, you stalked towards the sliding door to get a breath of air.

“He likes you, Y/N… Like, really fucking likes you.” Sam let out a chuckle and you turned around to glare at him, “No, I’m serious! It makes sense now!”

“No it doesn’t, Sam! Nothing makes sense!”

He flinched at your loud tone, “It does though…” He held his hands up in defense, waiting for you to lash out, but you stayed quiet, allowing him to explain, “Jake doesn’t let himself get close to anyone anymore. Not since Ivy. He barely hooks up, but when he does, it’s always some girl he meets in a bar that he knows he’ll likely never have to see again and he’s sending them home the minute he’s finished. Then here you come.” He was smiling like he solved an impossible puzzle, “I knew something was up with him. That day that I met you, when you came into the store and he forced me out?” You nodded to let him know that you remembered, “He was off his game. Normally, nothing can bother Jake, he’s always so sure of himself. But he was messing things up, putting shit where it didn’t go, and just overall in a shitty mood. Kept checking his phone and staring at the clock… Then you came in and there was this shift. For someone who doesn’t know him, it wouldn’t have been noticeable, but I noticed.”

You thought back on it for a moment, “You said he was on edge because of me…I wanted to ask what you meant but he was shoving you out the door before I got the chance.”

“I just kind of forgot all about it, but him sleeping with you- or not sleeping with but- well, you know what I mean.” He was waving his hands to get his point across, “Anyways… You said he kicked you out in the morning?” Nodding your head slowly, you told him about the entire interaction you had with his brother that Sunday morning, “He got freaked out. That’s it, I’m telling you!”

“Freaked out about what? He woke up with the same girl he asked to spend the night. What is there to get freaked out about?” Bellamy stared at Sam with her eyebrows raised high, clearly frustrated.

He slapped his palm over his forehead, “How can I simplify this…” He took a deep breath, “Jake hasn’t wanted anything past sex with women for two years. After Ivy, he changed. He-he’s closed off, doesn’t let anyone in, doesn’t let himself get close to people or let people get close to him. Ivy fucked him up, destroyed his trust.” He was talking with his hands, waving them around as he explained, “But he likes you and he refuses to admit it to himself. That’s why he freaked, because when he woke up, all cuddled up with you, it scared him. He’s afraid to get close to you because he thinks you’re gonna hurt him just like she did, Y/N.” Sam tossed himself onto the couch with a grin, proud of himself for cracking the case.

You let it all soak in, but something was still digging at your brain, “What did Ivy do to him, Sam?” You didn’t know what Jake was like before, but the way his little brother described it, she must’ve done a good bit of damage.

“That’s something he’s gonna have to tell you himself, it’s not my place.” He shrugged, leaving it at that, before grabbing Bellamy’s hand to pull her down on his lap, “Sorry, Y/N.”

You were fiddling with your fingers in silence for a few minutes while they both stared at you, completely lost in your own head. Your eyes went back to the balcony door as you gazed out at the city lights and then you were moving, heading for the front door and slipping your vans on. Bell called after you, asking what you were doing, but you just grabbed your keys from the hook and left.

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“Come on…” You had been standing outside for at least 20 minutes, waiting for somebody to come through the front door of the building so that you could slip in. You tried calling Jake multiple times, but he would just send you straight to voicemail every time. Just as you were about to give up completely, by some stroke of luck, a man was coming outside. You rushed to get into the door before it shut and went straight for the stairwell, running up to Jake’s floor. When you made it to his door, you hesitated, wondering if what you were doing was a bad idea. Pushing the nerves aside, you shook out your hands to wrangle your nerves before leaving three knocks against the door. You could hear him shuffling around inside, but he wasn’t answering the door. You knocked again. No Answer. Refusing to leave without talking to him, you reached for the doorknob, chancing it with a slight twist. You were surprised when it turned and the door popped open, “Jake?” You said it quietly, unsure if you should have gone in at all. Closing the door softly, you walked a little further in, calling his name a bit louder, “Jake…”

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He came out of the kitchen and walked by you, straight into the living room, making no move to send you back out, “How did you get in?”

You kicked your shoes off by the door and went after him, “You weren’t answering and it was unlocked. You ignored my calls… I need to talk to you.”

Jake was slumped into the couch, a bottle of bourbon in his hand, “Now you wanna talk. Convenient.” He scoffed, lifting the bottle to his mouth for a short chug, “You said you didn’t wanna see me, told me to leave you alone. So I did. Now you can repay that fucking courtesy.” His voice was calm, not the slightest hint of aggression despite his words.

You inched closer until you were standing at the end of the couch, looking down at him, “Tell me about Ivy.” You watched his eyes go wide as he swallowed hard, “What did she do to you, Jake?”

“Who the fuck- I’m gonna kill Josh.” He sat up, slamming the bottle on the coffee table with a bang, “There’s nothing to tell. It’s in the past and it’s nobody’s fucking business.” Now his chest was rising and falling hard, angry huffs pushing through his nose.

You didn’t come here to upset him, you came for clarity and he was the only one who could provide it. You put on the softest tone you could muster, “Baby, look at me…” His eyes flashed to you, a sad vulnerability in them that made your heart ache, “Why do you pull me in just to push me away? Tell me what she did, Jake, please.” He started to shake his head as you took a seat beside him, but you reached down, carefully taking his hand in yours, “How did she hurt you?”

He stared down at your hand wrapped around his, your thumb rubbing over his knuckles, “She left. That’s all people do is fucking lie and then leave.” He picked the bottle back up for another drink.

“Jake, I’m not leaving. I’m-“

“But you still lied, Y/N! You fucking lied right to my face!” His tone made you wince.

You pulled your hand from his, taking his face instead, “You’re right, I did. I’ll own up to that, Jake. I lied and I’m sorry.” You tilted his head, forcing him to look at you, “I can’t take that back, but you have to know it was only twice. I kissed him before I came into work and I don’t know why I did it, but then he came back and it happened again and I just-… You have my mind so messed up.” You watched him roll his eyes, ready to argue, “I’m not blaming you, I made the choice, that was all me. But you’re not entirely innocent either.”

He gripped your wrists gently, removing your hands from his skin, “I don’t know what you want me to say. What do you want to hear, Y/N?” He was lifting the bottle back to his lips when you snatched it from his hands.

“I just want the truth, Jake! You fucking string me along and just when i start to fall a little bit for you, thinking you might catch me, you cut the fucking string and leave me to fall on my face.” You put the bottle on the far end of the table, away from him, “If Sam’s right and you’re just afraid that I’ll hurt you, then tell me that. But if it’s all just some game, then it’s over. You don’t get to question me about what I’m doing or who I’m doing it with, it’s not fair!” Your voice was rising out of pure frustration, but he remained quiet, staring at the floor, “Tell me what you want, Jake… If you want me to leave, I will walk out that door right now and you’ll never have to see me again.” You waited for him to say something, anything, but he was silent, still avoiding your gaze, “Okay… I’ll text Josh my resignation.” Standing from the couch, you looked down at him, giving him one more chance before heading for the door.

Just as you slid your shoes on and grasped the doorknob, his hand was grasping onto your shirt, tugging you backwards, “Please don’t go.” His big brown eyes were pleading with you, holding all the emotions that his words couldn’t carry, “It’s not a game… Not anymore. I-.” He paused, fighting to find what he wanted to say, “I’ll tell you about her, just- Not tonight… Don’t make me talk about it tonight, peach.” He sounded so deflated, the complete opposite of the Jake you’d come to know.

“Okay.” Your hands went to his arms, sliding up over his shoulders to cup his face, “We don’t have to talk about her tonight, baby, it’s okay.” You kept a gentle tone, guiding your arms around his neck to pull him into an embrace. Despite the tension keeping his body stiff, you held him close, “Do you want me to stay, Jake?”

His movements were hesitant, but he slowly brought his arms up, circling them around your waist, “I do.” His face was buried in your neck as he mumbled the two words.

“Are you still gonna want this in the morning?” It came out a whisper.

“I will.” His body finally began to relax against you, “Promise. That night you stayed, my birthday…” His was still murmuring against your throat, “I slept so well. For the first time in so long.” He was tightening his arms around you as the confession spilled from his mouth.

“Then why did you kick me out?” You brought your hands back to his shoulders, trying to push him away so you could look at him, but his grip remained locked.

Jake released a soft sigh, “That shirt you picked to wear- the old store shirt… That’s the one she always reached for.” His lips were tickling over your skin as he spoke in a solemn tone, “When I woke up, I was groggy. I saw the shirt, your body underneath me…felt like the last time I woke up with her and it made me sick.” He finally lifted his head from your neck, meeting your eyes, “When I came out of the bathroom, I wanted to tell you to stay but the look on your face… I knew you’d want an explanation and I couldn’t-.”

“Whatever she did, whatever pain she caused you,” You held his liquor-blushed cheeks, “I’m not here as a reminder, let me help you forget it, Jake… Just let me in.”

“I’ll try” He let his head fall back into the crook of your neck, letting the silence take over as he breathed you in. You held onto him, pulling your fingers through his tangled hair, until he finally spoke up again, “Can we go to bed, peach?”

His arms tightened around your waist again as he lifted you from the floor. You wrapped your legs around him, keeping a grip on his shoulders as you whispered, “Yeah, baby. Let’s go to bed.” Allowing him to carry you into his bedroom and kick the door shut behind him.

.

.

.

.

.

🤍Taglist🤍

@jakekiszkasbuttsweat @ieatedasammy @twistedmelodies @dropdeadalyx31 @ageofbajabule @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @ignite-my-fire @becinabubblegvf @literal-dead-leaf @sanguinebats @myleftsock @laneygvf @writingcold @sinarainbows @lipstickitty @giraffehippy @jakesmustache @gracev0609 @gretavansara @profitofthedune @gvfmarge @brookekiszkaa @earthgrlsreasy @welllauragvf @takenbythemadness @swim2shore

#jake kiszka #greta van fleet #gvf #josh kiszka #sammy kiszka #danny wagner #jake kiszka smut #jake gvf #josh kiszka fic #josh gvf #josh kiskza smut #josh kiszka x reader #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka x reader #gvf twin series #gvf twin fic #gvf fic #twin lane #gvf fanfiction #sinsofstardust #what is and what should never be

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Bloodlust

kai parker x reader

part of you knew it was wishful thinking to believe vampires couldn't sense period blood. your heretic best friend proves that true when he comes over to see you. in fact, to him, it smells even sweeter than the blood you normally offer, and he practically begs you for a taste. (heretic!kai) (virgin!kai)

tags: period sex, oral sex, blood drinking, blood sharing, loss of virginity

word count: ~3.5k

As soon as you get back from the bathroom, your phone gets a new message. Checking it, you see it’s your best friend. 

Kai: hi princess, are you free tonight? i miss you. movie night?

You bite your lip, fighting the urge to say ‘yes’. The two of you haven’t had a night to yourselves in awhile, and a movie night sounds like heaven. Only one thing - your period has come three days early, and Kai’s a recently turned heretic. You don’t know if vampires can sense that type of blood the same way they can with venous blood, but if they can, that’ll lead to a pretty embarrassing situation that you don’t think you can handle. Not that Kai won’t be a gentleman, because you know he always is with you, but just the thought of explaining that to your best friend sounds less than appealing. Besides, periods tend to make you way more needy than usual, and that crush you’ve been harboring does not need to be revealed. 

Sighing, you type a reply. 

Y/N: i’m not feeling great today. another day?

The minute you hit send, you know you chose the wrong words. Kai answers immediately.

Kai: you okay?? anything i can help with? if you’re sad, i don’t want you alone :( 

Fuck, why’d you tell him that?

Y/N: no, i’m okay, i promise. just a stomach bug. i don’t want you to catch it

Kai: i can’t get sick, i’m a heretic now. plz let me help you

Kai: i’ll get you some soup from the grill and we can watch your favorite movie

Y/N: idk i just don’t think it’s a good time rn

Kai: oh, okay

Kai: i didn’t do anything wrong, did i?

Y/N: no! pumpkin, you did nothing wrong, i just don’t feel good

Kai: okay

Kai: you sure i can’t help? i miss you sm

Y/N: i know, and i miss you, too

Kai: do u want me to find jo and ask her your symptoms? she might be able to help

Y/N: no you don’t have to do that! i know what it is, i’m okay. it just hurts

Kai: wait, what is it?

Y/N: nothing serious, just a lil bug

Kai: i don’t like knowing you’re hurting alone

Kai: i promise i won’t talk too much, just let me come comfort you

It’s a losing battle with Kai. It always is. He’s always so adamant about keeping you company, especially at times you don’t feel well, and most of the time, you’ve given into his convincing. But in the past, he’d only been a witch. His vampirism is an unfortunate game-changer. 

Kai: y/n, please, i’m worried

Kai: take a nap if u want, just let me come and make sure you’re okay

Kai: you can use me as a pillow again :)

The needy part of your mind takes over, and you answer without thinking twice. 

Y/N: alright, but i might go to bed really early

Kai: that’s okay :)) i’ll be there in 2

Great job, Y/N. Now you’ve fucked up. How are you going to explain this??

In the two minutes that you have to spare, you burn some sage, hoping that smell will overpower the more obvious one. Your fingers are crossed that maybe vampires can’t detect periods, but you have a feeling that’s wishful thinking. The knock on your door comes sooner than anticipated. 

Despite your worries, you can’t help the happiness that consumes you when you see Kai at your door. “Hi!” You exclaim, rushing forward to hug him. 

The boy hugs you back with one arm, the other full of soup and snacks, then grins at you when you separate. “I know you aren’t feeling well, so I’ll keep my voice down and try to talk less. I just don’t want you alone when you’re sick, y’know?”

“I know,” you nod, leading him to the kitchen to open the takeout boxes. “Thank you for caring.”

“I’ll always care about you. Mhm, is that sage?”

“Yeah, sorry. I was hoping it would make me feel better.”

“It should. I mean, it’ll at least help. Is there anything else I can do?”

“Hmm, all I need is you, this soup, and a good movie, and I’ll feel okay eventually, m’kay?”

He’s unsure about the truth in your statement, but agrees anyway.

The two of you sit on your couch, soups in hand, sharing a blanket across your lap. You decided on a stupid movie that’ll make you both laugh, and try not to think too much about the cramping in your abdomen. As the movie goes on and Kai begins to get lost in it, you start to feel a little more comfortable. Maybe your sage trick worked, or maybe it is undetectable to vampires. Either way, you let yourself curl into his side, enjoying your closeness. You don’t miss him putting an arm around you to pull you closer, and the gesture makes your heart flutter. 

About an hour later, the midol you took is finally kicking in, and the pain is lessening more and more. Sighing in relief, you stretch your legs out for a second, easing those cramps, before tucking them back under you. In that moment, though, you forget that movements like those might trigger blood flow, which may then trigger the heretic’s bloodlust. And if he can smell period blood, that most certainly did it.  

With a glance up to Kai, you almost see the gears turning in his head. Fuck. 

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Mhm?”

“Do you smell blood?”

“Um, no. Why?”

Yes. Yes, you do. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

“I don’t know, but out of nowhere, I do.”

“Maybe I got a cut from this plastic lid?” You refer to the container you’ve been, thankfully, playing with for the last half hour.

Kai immediately grabs your hands to check. “No, no cuts.”

“Maybe it’s the neighbor?”

“Too close to be the neighbor. You sure you aren’t bleeding anywhere?”

“I’m okay, I promise. I’m not hurt.” It’s not a total lie. You aren’t hurt, you said. You hadn’t confirmed nor denied if you were actually bleeding. 

“Can I check?”

“What?”

“Check for blood? Just to be sure.”

Panic courses through your body. “No,” you blurt out. You even move a little away from him without realizing, but then immediately regret it. 

Kai tenses, “okay. I’m sorry.”

“Wait. Fuck, okay. Kai?”

“Yes?”

“Chill, Y/N, it’ll be fine.” You tell yourself out loud, concerning him even more. “Okay, I actually am bleeding, but it’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“It’s natural, supposed to happen, but I can’t control it.”

“Please explain, Y/N. What is it? Does it hurt?”

“Okay. It’s a period, women get them every month, and like I said, it’s totally normal. They cause a lot of stomach cramping and such, which is why I was in pain earlier, but I took something for it and I’m okay now. But basically, in simple terms, when women don’t get pregnant, their body gets mad and retaliates by shedding the lining of the uterus. This results in the lining, and tissues, and blood, and some other things to be drained from the body via…” you gesture to the lower half of your body. “So no, I can’t control it, but I can stop it from leaking with pads and tampons, whatever’s on hand. But right now, the cramps and pain are gone, but the blood doesn’t stop.”

As you explain it, you see his eyes darken. The veins underneath turn to a purple-ish, black, and you think you know exactly what’s happening. 

“Can I… can I taste it?”

“What?”

“The blood.”

Hell yes, please, you want to say. But at the same time, that’s a step too far into intimacy that you haven’t taken. “Um, I don’t know.”

“It smells so good, I need it.”

You try to swallow the butterflies swarming in your stomach. “Kai, I’m sorry. You can feed from my neck or wrist, but we can’t-... I can’t-” you don’t know how to finish that sentence. 

Slowly, he nods, the bloodlust taking over. 

“Okay,” you lift your wrist up to his mouth, “drink, baby.” It’s a pet name you use for him all the time, but this time, both of you can feel something more. 

Kai licks the spot where he plans to bite, then in one quick motion, sinks his teeth into your skin. You gasp for a second, but then start to enjoy the feeling. He’s fed off you more times than you can count and it always delivers the same pleasure. 

Kai drinks for a few seconds, but detaches way too soon. There’s no way he’s full from that. 

Though, you get your answer in the form of a desperate plea, “Y/N, I need it. There’s something different about it. I can smell it, it’s so good.”

“Kai… c’mon, drink.” You lift your wrist up again, but the stubborn boy literally refuses to latch. “What about here?” You offer your neck, even tracing your hand along your jugular. 

“Just a taste, please, Y/N.”

Once again, a losing battle. His determination plus your increasing arousal at the thought of it all betrays you, and before you know it, you’re laying back on the couch, his fingertips at the waistband of your leggings. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Do you want me to stop?” He offers the option, even though you know he’s silently begging you to say ‘no’. 

“No,” you admit.

He looks at you with lust-filled eyes - an expression you’ve never seen before on him. “If you change your mind, I will.”

“Okay. Hey, can you put something down on the couch? I don’t want to bleed on it and have a big, embarrassing stain.”

The heretic nods, fetching a towel, then continues. He puts it under you as soon as your leggings and panties are gone, then for a minute, just stares. No blood is visible, but he can smell it. It’s strong, and mixed with the intoxicatingly sweet smell of your arousal. His heartbeat quickens, pants tighten, and he looks at you for one more consent. 

“Go ahead. I trust you.”

Kai doesn’t know whether to use his mouth or a finger first. One thing he’s never told you: he’s a virgin. Yet the need for this blood is too strong to dive into that right now, and he fights with himself before making a decision. 

“Kai, please do something,” you whine, wondering what has him waiting. The cool air on your body causes you to shiver; his gaze makes you wet. 

In a split second, he chooses to feel you first. His index finger traces your clit ever so lightly. It travels between your folds, then dips into them in such a slow motion, you could explode. You fight the urge to moan his name again, but maybe that will snap him out of whatever trance he seems to have entered. 

He’s still going gentle, much too gentle, as he feels around your walls. Seemingly exploring, as if it’s his first time. Though the idea doesn’t cross your mind that it may be, because you’re too needy to think coherently. 

“Please,” you can’t help but beg. The need for his fingers, tongue, anything, to taste you is overwhelming. 

Kai finally goes deeper. One finger is inside you, down to the knuckle. Wetness begins to coat his finger, whether it’s arousal or blood, you’re unsure. Please let it be blood, you think, and then his vampirism will take over and he’ll be consumed by it, and I’ll get some pleasure out of this. And then you immediately feel bad for thinking that. He’s exploring your body for the first time, give him a break. For all you know, the crush is mutual. 

After a minute of swirling his finger around you, he pulls it out and brings it to his lips. There’s a bit of blood, but most of it is the clear, creamy substance you know all too well. 

Kai’s afraid to ask what exactly it is - afraid to reveal he doesn’t know what he’s doing; afraid you’ll regret letting him do this. If she knows I’m inexperienced, she won’t ever want me, a voice in his mind tells him. Speaking of which, you better get your shit together. He sucks your juices off his finger, and his eyes roll back in his head. Fuck, that’s heavenly. Need more, and need more blood. The second time, he’s less slow. Two fingers enter you, they move about, coating them evenly, and then he sucks them off again. This time, there was more blood. His eyes start to turn black again, and he knows he needs better access. 

You sign in relief when Kai moves his body down, mouth making its way towards your heat. Him eating you out has been a dream of yours for months, and with the added sensitivity of your period, you know this is about to be perfect. Not even the vampirism scares you, because you love the feeling of him feeding on you, so why would this be any different?

“Need you,” you moan, bucking up your hips slightly. The action causes a little bit of blood to dribble out onto the towel, and Kai’s veins reappear.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Yes, please, Kai.” In your state, you speak without considering your words. “I love the feeling of you feeding on me. It’s euphoric, it makes me wet. This’ll be ten times better.”

The confession drives him, finally, to indulge. His first few licks are still slow as he gets used to the sensation, but then the taste of blood overwhelms him. It’s better than the blood from your neck, if that's even possible. It’s coated in the same sweet wetness that covered his finger, and seems to gush more with every flick of his tongue. The taste soon has him humming into your heat, causing you to cry out and grab his hair. You’re pulling him into you, bucking your hips against his face, panting heavily. Kai grabs onto your hips to keep you steady, helping him to maintain some control. 

“Fuck,” you hear him mutter. The vibration goes straight into your core. “You taste like heaven.” The praise makes you grip him harder. And with every tug of his hair, he delves his tongue deeper.

For a second, he begins to nibble on your clit. At first, it feels good, but then you realize he might actually bite you there. 

You giggle, “don’t bite me, Kai! Not there!”

He stops for a minute, confused. You look at him, now equally confused. Why does this seem so new to him?

“Bite here,” you poke your inner thigh. “Or here,” your lower stomach. “Or really anywhere, just not right there.”

“Okay.” Immediately, the heretic’s teeth sink into your thigh. Blood from your period has dried onto the area from his messy feeding, and now fresh blood joins with it. 

“Holy fuck,” you squeeze your eyes shut from pleasure and pain. When you open them again, his fangs are covered in your blood, dark red. His eyes and veins are still black, but there’s a pinkish tint to his cheeks. 

“You’re so beautiful,” you gush up at him. “Kiss me.”

Unlike before, there’s no hesitancy as he obeys your command. Blood from his lips seeps into your mouth, giving you a chance to taste yourself, quite literally. As the metallic taste drips down your throat, you find yourself moaning again. Kai’s lips curl into a smile. 

Then, moments later, his head is dipping back down, tongue re-entering your heat. He seems to have gotten more confidence now, alternating between slurping blood from your entrance, and sucking at your clit. His left hand covers the open wound on your thigh, preventing too much blood loss. Though you both know you have to tend to it soon. 

“I’m so close, Kai.”

He keeps pace. At times he’s on your clit, two fingers enter you, feeling your walls, and bringing you closer to orgasm. He hums again, sending more vibrations through you that are better than any vibrator you’ve ever used. Repetition takes you to your high, finally, as white spots cloud your vision. You cry out so loud that you hope the neighbors can’t hear you while your orgasm rips through your entire body.

Kai laps up your blood until you’ve finished. The second you feel yourself go weak from the overwhelming pleasure, he sits up and bites into his own wrist, bringing it up to your lips for you to feed. You take it gladly, feeling a bit dizzy, and can’t help but admire him as he watches you. Eyes, turning back to blue, but intense. Hair, a mess from you tugging on it. Mouth, stained red from the copious amounts of your blood he drank. It’s a sight that would scare most, but you’ve never been more attracted to him. 

“You okay?” His voice snaps you out of your thoughts. “I didn’t go too far, did I?”

His blood begins to heal the wound on your thigh and return your body to its normal state. “No, Kai, you’re perfect. That was amazing.”

“To be honest, I could’ve kept going.  I could drown in your blood. But I could never hurt you, so I had to stop. Plus, I didn’t want to overstimulate you too much, and I think you started to feel that way when you came.”

“Just the perfect amount of overstimulation. Like I said, you were perfect.”

He swallows, as if debating what to say next. “Um, thank you. For both, letting me feed, and letting me taste you.”

You smile, “so… you liked it?”

“What do you mean? Of course I liked it.”

“I know, but I mean… the intimacy of it.” It’s a risk, but you have to know. “I know we blood-share all the time, but never like this. Never with my… y’know.”

“The intimacy… you mean, sex?” 

His bluntness makes you blush. The sociopath’s limited emotions lead to a lot of bluntness, you’ve learned.

“Um, yeah.”

“Yeah, I liked it a lot. I mean, I’ve always wanted to go that far with you, but I was afraid you’d reject me, and then we’d stop being friends. Right now, I’m thanking whoever gave women periods and Lily Salvatore right now for these stars aligning.”

If it’s possible, you’re blushing even harder. “I wouldn’t have rejected you, Kai. I wanted you, too. More than you could know.”

“I know… I mean, I figured. Because I’ve been able to sense your heart rate getting faster when I’m near you, and even before turning, I could see your cheeks reddening and you’d stutter sometimes. But I couldn’t risk losing you because you’re the only person to ever care about me.”

“Well worry not, because I’m not going anywhere, pumpkin.”

“I think I…” he licks his lips, “oh, fuck it, I do love you.”

You had looked down because of your blushing, but his confession snaps your eyes back up to face him. “Oh my god, I love you, too.”

For a second, the two of you just stare at each other. Then, out of nowhere, he grabs your shoulders and pulls you into a hug. You squeal, let out a laugh, and turn to kiss him. He’s gentle, yet hungry for you, and the combination drives you insane. When you separate, he looks nervous again.

“Kai…?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Are you sure I was okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“The sex, or at least, what of it we did.”

“What?! Are you crazy? I’m dead serious, Kai, that was the best I’ve ever experienced.”

“Okay. Good. Because, uh…”

You duck your head, waiting for him to continue.

“You’re, uh, my first.”

“Wait, what?” 

“Um-”

“You’re joking?”

“No.”

“There is no way.”

“Is that okay? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Malachai-”

“Ew, don’t call me that.”

“-Parker.”

He bites his lip, looking anywhere but at your face.

“There’s no fucking way you’ve never done this before.”

“I mean, I’ve touched myself in the prison world plenty of times.” The sociopathic bluntness returns. Coincidentally, your blush also returns. 

“But you’ve never touched, eaten out, anything with a woman?”

“Not until you.”

“You’re mine,” you look him in the eye. He meets your gaze, not expecting the possessiveness. It’s usually him being overly protective of you. “You’re mine, and no one else’s, you fucking sex god.”

It’s his turn to blush, and he does so a deep red. It matches the blood staining his teeth, Your blood. “I don’t want anyone else but you.”

“Good. Now kiss me, and let’s watch this movie until you get hungry again.”

“I will not argue with that.”

#malachai parker x reader #kai parker x reader #kai parker #heretic kai parker #virgin kai parker #the vampire diaries #tvd fics #bloodlust #this is kinky im sorry

[dippindaz]

I need grabber smut I don't care about the details how you write I NEED SMUT

I NEED GRABBER SMUT

A/N: I gotchu boo. I like parts of this and idk why I made it very Stockholm syndrome based, just kinda felt natural to write it that way. Thanks for the request bb :)

The Grabber x (kind of) GN Reader

Warnings: NSFW 18+ minors DNI, belt whipping, sex on the floor lmao, hella Stockholm syndrome, he calls you a good girl, punishment, blood mentioned, unedited

Warm hands trailed down your sides. It had been happening for months now. Every time he came down to visit you in the basement, this would happen.

Your not sure how it started, or when even, but here you were. Pushed against the concrete wall, shirt thrown to the floor, your pants soon to join it.

Your lips connected with his for a passionate kiss. Your nose bumping the top half of his mask.

Previously, during these moments you were nervous. Something was different today. You felt, brave. and extra needy

He was moving annoyingly slow today. So, when your lips met again, you bit his bottom lip hoping he’d get the message. Only, it was right when he tried to boost you up so you could wrap your legs around him.

This caused you to bite down harder than you meant too, making him pull away from you. He pressed his hand against his lip and pulled it away looking at it. Blood.

A low sigh turned into a growl as his eyes shifted from his hand to you. “Now, why would you do that?”

Disappointment, anger. It wasn’t a real question you knew that, yet, you had to answer, “I, I didn’t mean too, I’m sorry.”

Your brows were furrowed and eyes wide. What if this was it? Did you make the final mistake, put the nail in the coffin?

His barely visible eyes squinted at you, “I’ll be back down to get you.” His tone was low and threatening.

Your heart raced and the door slammed behind him. What was he going to do? Was he going to kill you? All because you bit his lip?

That’s when the door unlatched. You froze staring at the door. You trembled and beads of sweat began to form on your forehead. Your eyes never leaving the door.

But it never opened. You knew what he wanted. He wanted you to walk up those stairs and accept your punishment. To just take it like a good girl would.

So you did. You knew better than to upset him even more. You opened the door and slowly walked up the stairs, not caring to be quiet.

You knew what would see once you turned the corner. He would have his belt wrapped tightly around his hand, sitting in a chair, and an unbuttoned shirt.

That was exactly what you saw when you finally mustered up the courage to walk around the corner. He had a full mask on but you knew just how smug he was under it. He knew he won, he knew he had all the power, the control.

He stood up from the chair sighing, “Against the wall.” You obeyed.

You walked to the clear wall in the kitchen. Placing your hands on the wall you leaned against it, letting your hot face be cooled by the wall.

He slowly walked over to you and leaned against you. His face was buried in your neck. He breathed deeply taking in your scent.

“You know what’s going to happen next, don’t you?” Calm and soft.

You only nodded your head. He chuckled and backed away from you. Shakily you took a big breath in and your upper body tensed.

He pulled down your pants and underwear. He helped each foot out of them so you didn’t get caught. So thoughtful. He then threw your pants across the floor. Standing up he backed away from you.

You heard the crack before feeling anything. A second afterwards it began to sting. You bit your lip and your face scrunched. You never got used to the feeling of it.

Another crack of his belt and the burning sensation grew larger. This continued until your bottom was covered in red welted strips. Your lip was bleeding now and nails were digging into the wall.

The next whip hurt the worst out of all the others you’ve felt. You yelped and jumped, tears burned your eyes.

The next one was even worse, he managed to hit right where he wanted too. Exactly where his previous whip was. This time you sobbed, you couldn’t help it. It hurt and the stinging wouldn’t stop.

“Aw sh sh sh, don’t cry.” He moved closer to you and rested his hands on your shoulders. So gentle, so kind, so condescending.

Even though you knew the underlying meaning, you leaned into his touch. His warm embrace. He was all you had anymore. All you knew. He was life and death itself. Why shouldn’t you be grateful? Death showed mercy one more time.

“Face me.” He whispered in your ear. You obeyed, turning yourself around to come face to mask with him.

His hand trailed from your waist to your hair and began playing with a few strands. “You understand why I had to punish you, right?”

You nodded.

“You understand if you’re a good girl you won’t get punished?”

Sniffling, you nodded.

“Are you a good girl?”

You nodded.

“Good.” The tone of his voice betrayed the frown on his mask. “Do you know what good girls get?” You gulped and shook your head.

“Rewards, silly. You said you were a good girl, right? Don’t you think that means I should reward you.” It wasn’t a question, you knew it wasn’t. He would get things his way no matter how you answered.

You agreed anyways. Ignoring him wouldn’t have made him happy and you weren’t going to get yourself punished again.

Letting go of you he ordered, “on the floor, good girl.” He no longer had that comforting voice. Now it sounded like it was full of hatred. Had you made him mad again?

You obeyed him and quickly moved away from the wall. Now you were crouched in the middle of the kitchen floor, staring up at this man like a dog waiting for it’s next command.

“Hands and knees, now.” You wasted no time getting into the position he wanted.

Pleased, he signed. He admired his handiwork then crouch to his knees behind you. He gently began to run his hand over you. Your back, your butt, your thighs, anything he could reach. Though, he was extra careful when moving over your ass. He is so thoughtful.

His hands came to a stop and gently groped your thighs. You tensed. Then sighed and relaxed. No, he wouldn’t hurt you as long as you were a good girl. Just be good and you won’t get hurt.

He started to laugh. “Look at you, already so turned on and I’ve hardly touched you.”

Your face burned with embarrassment. You were kidnapped for Christ’s sake, you shouldn’t be turned on. But you were. Somewhere, deep down, you knew how you should feel; disgusted, angry, depressed. But you felt none of those emotions. You felt excited, grateful, happy even. You were a good girl now.

One hand made its way to your hip and held onto you. The other trailed in between your thighs. Slowly he began to massage the area and you lightly moaned. He stayed this pace, just letting you relax.

Pulling his hand away, you heard his pants unzip and a small shuffle of fabric. His hand now planted on your unoccupied hip and held onto you tightly.

He entered you quickly, but was slow with his thrusts afterwards. It could’ve been worse, right?

Already your arms began to tremble, not used to holding up this much weight for this long. As his pace quickened, your arms weakened.

Eventually, one powerful jerk of his hips was enough for your arms to give out. Your cheek landed against the cold floor. Spit dribbled out of your mouth and tears pricked the corner of your eyes.

He lightly slapped your ass and your eyes shot open. He did it again, harder this time. You yelped and bit into your arm. You weren’t sure why, but you didn’t want him to know it hurt. Good girls don’t complain.

Your hips began to twitch backwards, trying to meet his thrusts. You wanted to cum so badly. To feel that feeling of calm euphoric relief. To feel like you’re somewhere that isn’t here.

His thrusts grew rougher. You should be grateful shouldn’t you? He’s so kind, he comforts you when you’re hurt, he feeds you, pleasures you.

His thrusts grew faster. Continue being a good girl. Impress him, make him proud. Maybe he could begin to trust you. After all why wouldn’t you trust a good girl?

He began to hit that one little spot. The spot that would push you over the edge. You wanted to last longer now, you wanted to try, for him.

You failed. You felt disappointed, upset, but it also felt so good. You couldn’t remember your last thoughts as waves of pleasure came crashing down and rolled through your body. Your hips twitched and jerked. It was all thanks to him for allowing you to feel this way.

You don’t know how long it was but the next you could register feeling was him picking you up. He carried you through the house. Gently, you were set down on a mattress.

For a moment you though you were back in the basement, but this mattress was clean with sheets. It was a bed. His bed.

You stared with half lidded eyes and began to fall asleep. He said something to you but your brain couldn’t register it.

You tried to shake yourself awake to ask him to repeat himself. But you couldn’t. Sleep had a strong grip and wouldn’t let go.

#horror #the black phone #horror x you #the grabber #slashers x reader #slashers x you #the black phone x reader #the black phone x you #the grabber x reader #the grabber x you #horror x reader #slasher smut #smut #the grabber smut

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Hi!! You're really cool :D I was wondering if maybe (if you're comfortable) you could write a Penelope Garcia x Ftm! Reader? Maybe the reader is very strong and "macho" and he is maybe a suspect in a case? None of the team knows it, but when Reader's alibi is his girlfriend (or best friend if that works) Penelope Garcia, the team is like what- Idk just a silly idea I had. Feel free to ignore this <3

Hi! Thanks aha! Also this is a super cute idea! :)

Warnings: needles, injections, testosterone shots, sheriff’s an ass, mentions of past arrests, mentions an attack, hate crime, mentions of broken bones, mentions of being attacked because of gender identity

Word Count: 2342

Penelope’s heart sank when your name popped up your screen. She forced it aside. There were plenty of other names on the list. Just because your name was on it, didn’t make you the killer. But she kept refining the list and your name sat, unmoving at the top. Eventually, she ran out of filters to put through the mass spec, and so, she had to turn the list over to Mr Bossman. She wasn’t even allowed to warn you. She huffed as she hit send on the email. Hotch immediately replied, asking for a deep-dive into your history. Guilt swarmed through Garcia’s stomach. She couldn’t not do it. And so, reluctantly, she began to gather the information. Twenty minutes later she received a message from Morgan that they had arrested the suspect. Garcia needed a coffee. 

You were confused to say the least when they arrested you. It made no sense, you hadn’t done anything, you had no clue who ‘Andrew Macey’ was. You were just working out at your gym when they strolled in and arrested you! You didn’t even get to finish your session - or change clothes! 

You gave a small huff, shifting in your chair. They could have at least given you a comfy chair. You knew their tactics, you weren’t an idiot, you noticed the drop in temperature, that they were leaving you on your own to make you feel nervous, intimidated. It wasn’t working, if anything, you were just bored out of your skull. You looked at the two-way mirror, standing up, and walked towards it. Breathing lightly onto it, you drew a smiley face in the condensation and gave them a grin.

Morgan huffed a laugh, “Is he for real?”

“He seems too relaxed,” Spencer noted, Aaron found himself agreeing.

“Let’s go talk to him,”

“I thought we were leaving him to stew?” The Sheriff asked.

“There’s no point,” Rossi said, “He’s relaxed, that tactic’s not going to work with him,”

You sat back down, resorting to counting the tiles on the wall opposite you. 

The door opened and closed, revealing a tall man in a suit (who introduced himself as Agent Hotchner) and the Sheriff (who’s name you couldn’t be bothered to remember).

“Where were you Thursday night?” Agent Hotchner’s voice stern. You stared at him.

“I was at my girlfriend’s apartment,” You answered. 

“Somehow I doubt that,” The Sheriff snorted.

“I was! You can ask her!” You argued, folding your arms. This was ridiculous!

“What’s her name?”

“Penelope Garcia,” You really didn’t have time for this. You looked at the time, it was 7pm, nearly time for your testosterone shot. If you missed it, it would screw up the whole routine. You shut your eyes as you sighed.

“I’m sorry, have you got other places to be?”

“Yeah, I do actually,” You snapped at the Sheriff. This man was simply an idiot, you decided. “So if we could just speed this along-”

You watched as Agent Hotchner looked at the mirror and sighed, before exiting the room, to watch from behind the glass. The Sheriff hung back, “You’re not fooling anybody. I know you did it,” He snarled, “I’ll get you for it,”

“Respectfully, I did absolutely nothing,” You stated. 

“You’ve been arrested on multiple occasions,” 

You rolled your eyes, “If you look closely you’ll see that those occasions were self defence,”

“And what exactly would you be defending yourself from?” 

“Other people? What sort of question is that?” 

Aaron turned to Morgan, “Call Garcia,” He said, “I want her on the next plane here,” Derek gave a nod, rushing out of the room. 

“I know these men,” The Sheriff said, looking the file over, “They are good people. I do not believe for a second that they would attack someone without good reason,”

“I’m sure they thought it was a good reason, doesn’t mean it was though,” You answered with a shrug, “Besides, why are you so caught up on that arrest? It was declared self-defence and I ended up in the hospital after that with multiple fractures. If you’re going on past arrests, you should really be speaking to the men that started it,”

“He does have a point,” Rossi stated. 

“And what, exactly, was the reason for attacking you?”

“They recognised me from school,” You said, vaguely. “Only I looked a lot different back then,”

“And what does this have to do with anything?”

You don’t answer immediately, weighing up whether you think the information is important enough to disclose. For whatever reason, they didn’t know you were trans. “I’m transgender. They disagreed with ‘how I live my life’ or whatever. Really, they just had a crush on me when we were teens and they got insecure that it made them gay,” The Sheriff scoffed in disbelief. “Scoff all you want, it doesn’t change what happened,”

Seeing the anger in the Sheriff’s eyes, Aaron joined you both back in the room. “Am I free to go, yet?”

“Not just yet, we’re confirming your alibi,” He said and you gave him a nod. “Is there anything I can get you?”

“I, er, need my testosterone,” You said, “It’s in the bathroom cabinet,” 

“Alright, I’ll have someone pick that up for you,”

“Thank you,” 

The team (and Sheriff) gathered on the other side of the glass. “He’s dating Garcia?” Morgan found himself asking.

“Apparently,” JJ said, “That’s not who I thought her boyfriend was,”

“Me neither,” Emily chimed.

“You knew she had a boyfriend?” Spencer asked. 

“Yeah, came up at girls' night,” JJ shrugged.

“I just didn’t imagine him being so… Macho,”

Hotch shook his head slightly, "While we're waiting for Garcia, we should continue to go over evidence with the basis that (Y/N)'s innocent," He said, "How far out is she?"

"She boarded the plane, so should be here within the hour," Morgan said, Hotch nodded. 

“Okay, Morgan, Rossi, revisit the crime scenes, see if we missed anything,” Hotch said, “JJ, Emily, retrace the victims’ footsteps, Spencer, work more on the geographical profile, Sheriff - maybe take a break, you’ve been going non-stop for days. I’m going to head to the airport and pick Garcia up.” The team nodded and split up.  

Garcia knew she was in deep shit when she saw Hotch at the terminal to pick her up. “Sir,” She said, Hotch nodded and they silently began their journey to the car. They got in and buckled up, still silent. “I know I should have told you but-”

“Yes, you should have,” Hotch said, looking at Garcia briefly before turning back to the road. 

“But then I would have been taken off the case,” Garcia finished, “And I knew that (Y/N) didn’t do it so I thought there wasn’t any harm in me not saying anything.”

“You left out that he was transgender,”

“It’s not my place to out it,”

“Except it’s your job,”

“Well, yes, but-”

“I understand why you did it,” Hotch said, “I do, just… Don’t do it again,” Penelope nodded.

“You got it, you’re the boss,” She replied.

“We need to go to (Y/N)’s apartment,” Hotch said, “He needs his testosterone,” 

Penelope’s eyes widened, “I completely forgot it was Monday!” She exclaimed, face palming, “He takes it at nine. I will also be grabbing him some clothes,”

Hotch nodded, not questioning it - he knew Penelope would have her reasons. “How is the team taking it?” She asked as Aaron pulled into a parking spot.

“Good, just shocked,”

“Shocked? Why shocked?”

“He’s very… The word Emily used was ‘macho’,” Hotch said, Garcia gave a laugh as she nodded.

“He is, isn’t he?” She smiled. “He’s sweet though,”

“And treating you well?” When Garcia nodded, Hotch smiled, “Good.”

Fishing the key out of her purse, Penelope unlocked the door, walking in - Hotch following her. “I’ll let you grab whatever he needs,” Hotch said.

“Won’t be two ticks,” Penelope said as she began to faff about, gathering bits and pieces you would need. Ten minutes, she approached Hotch again. She had grabbed a spare change of clothes (jogging bottoms, t-shirt, and a large hoodie), a tight fitting sports bra and a binder (she knew that you didn’t bind whilst working out, but that you might want to later), she also grabbed some TransTape just in case you didn’t want to wear the binder but still wanted to bind. She had also grabbed your hormones and a small plush turtle about the size of her hand. “Alright, I am good to go,”

On the drive back, Hotch had asked Penelope what she had been doing on Thursday. “I was with (Y/N),” 

“Until what time?” When Penelope glared at him, he huffed slightly, “Just to eliminate him as a suspect,”

“Until ten that night, then he had to catch a flight back,” Hotch nodded. They would have to check with the airport and then they would be able to release him. Unfortunately, he would have to ask someone else to check now that they knew Penelope was dating the suspect. Which would take at least an hour. 

You blew out a puff of air. This was dull as fuck. You turned your head, looking at the mirror, “Anyone there?”

“Yes?” A timid voice asked. 

“Huh, I was just expecting to be speaking to myself,” You said with a laugh, “What are you up to?”

“A geographical profile,”

“Cool,” You said, “How does that work?”

“I mark down each crime on the map in hopes of narrowing down where the unsub lives,” Spencer explained.

“That’s cool,” There was a small pause, “Please don’t tell me I live in that narrowed down area - that’s the last thing I need,” Spencer gave a chuckle.

“No comment,”

The door squeaked open, you turned towards it, half expecting to see the Sheriff. Your face lit up when Penelope walked in, you felt like your brain cells were dying off one by one whilst stuck in this room. “There she is,” You cheered, causing Penelope to roll her eyes, cheeks blushing a light pink. “I would have gotten you flowers if I knew I was going to see you today,” You joked, Penelope rolled her eyes yet again. 

“They’re just checking flight records and you should be good to go,” She said, placing a bag in front of you. “I brought reinforcements,”

“Should I be scared?” You teased.

“You’re such a tease,” Penelope laughed, “I brought clothes, meds - except Bossman has that incase you are the killer, which we all know you aren’t, and try and stab me with the needle or something-” You opened your mouth to argue how ridiculous that was but Penelope continued, “and Gregory,”

You grinned, previous statements forgotten, “You brought Gregory?!” 

“Who’s Gregory?” Morgan whispered on the other side of the mirror, Spencer, JJ, and Emily all gave a shrug.

Penelope reached into the bag, pulling out the plush toy, “Oh yeah,” Penelope said, “I couldn’t not bring Gregory,”

“Ayy, Gregory!” You cheered. Penelope set him down on the table as the door opened, the Sheriff, Hotch and Rossi walking in.

“Er, Garcia, why’s there a turtle on the table?” Rossi asked.

“It’s Gregory,” You answered.

“It’s the Turtle of Testosterone,” Garcia responded. 

“Speaking of which,” Hotch said, placing another bag on the table, “Testosterone,”

“Thank you,” You looked at the time, “I should probably get started on that. Do you guys have a sink?” 

“You can’t do it yourself,” The Sheriff said. “You’re a suspect - our main suspect - until the records come back. Someone else will have to do it for you.”

Your jaw dropped, “Is he for real?” You asked Penelope, who turned to Hotch (who gave a subtle nod).

“Yep,” Penelope sighed, “It’s alright, I’ll do it, right sir?”

“Yes,” Hotch answered, turning to the Sheriff when he began to protest, “Garcia’s a valuable member of the team, despite dating the Mr (L/N), she still gave us the information needed. She’s more than trustworthy enough to do this.”

“How do we know she’s not in on it? That it’s not their plan?”

You snorted loudly, “Oh yeah, I became trans, faked it for years, so that if I committed a murder it would be the perfect escape,” You said sarcastically. “You’re honestly ridiculous,”

“We will be here while she administers the hormone,” Hotch said. 

“Fine,” The Sheriff muttered before leaving the room.

“He’s a real charmer,” Penelope muttered.

“Do I have competition?” You laughed. 

“Oh, yeah, definitely,” 

Garcia was motioned out of the room by Hotch to wash her hands and find a pair of gloves, leaving you and Rossi alone.

“You holding up okay, Kid?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” You asked, furrowing your eyebrows.

Rossi shrugged, “Sheriff’s a bit of a jerk,”

“Oh, yeah,” You answered, “Met a lot of people like him, he’s not that bad,”  

Penelope and Hotch returned moments later, Penelope putting on a pair of gloves. “Bit lucky I’m wearing shorts, huh?” 

Penelope chuckled, “Come on, get your thighs out,”

You gasped, “Right here in public?”

“Oh shut up,” She grinned as she sat down opposite you, wiping an alcohol pad over the (now exposed) area. You stared at her as she concentrated, a small smile painted on your face. She filled the syringe with the dose, making sure there were no bubbles before positioning the needle. 

“I love you,” Penelope grinned, looking up at you. 

“I love you too- Ow!” You hissed, “Sorry, sorry, I’m fine, caught me off guard,”

Penelope chuckled, “That’s the whole idea.” She paused, “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” You replied, “Yesterday was leg day,”

“Oh get over it,” Penelope poked, handing you Gregory.

“Ay, Greg, my man!” You laughed. 

Spencer poked his head through the door, “Flight records came back, he’s clear,”

“You’re free to go,” Hotch stated. 

You smirked, turning to the Sheriff, “Ha,”

Penelope sighed deeply, “My sweet Muffin, you’re not supposed to antagonise the Sheriff,”

“Ugh, fine,” You said, standing up with a groan. Penelope looked at you with an exasperated look, “It was a hard leg day!”

#penelope garcia #garcia x male reader #penelope garcia x male reader #male reader #x male reader #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #asks #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid #david rossi #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau

[yunholuvrr]

we all need love chapter 5.

chapter summary: who spills the beans?

pairing: yunho x reader

genre: workplace au, ateez ensemble, fluff, romance, angst, eventual smut, hurt/comfort

warnings: none for this chapter, let me know if i should add anything!

word count: 3.2k

note: i promise we will get serious and smutty very soon i just love writing stupid cheesy fluff lolol

(previous chapter) (next chapter) (masterlist)

When you wake up it’s in a bed you don’t recognize. The sun peaks around the closed blinds and your hands instinctively feel around the sheets for your phone. You wince at the brightness. 10:47AM. You try to focus on whatever Wooyoung was blowing your phone up about, but it’s too hard. Your head is pounding and your body feels heavy. You spot a bottle of Gatorade and a post it note on the nightstand next to you.

Make sure to drink this! I left some spare towels and clothes in the bathroom if you want to wash up. Feel free to take any snacks from the kitchen. I’ll crash on the couch tonight.

“Oh my god,” you groan and throw your head back into the pillows. It all comes flooding back, your friends’ messages, everything you said to Yunho, the way he held you. He listened to you ramble about something that probably didn’t make any sense to him and now you’re laying in his bed because he’s just too nice for his own good. You wonder when he’ll finally get fed up with you. 

You might never get an answer to that question, because when you finally muster the strength to get out of bed and shuffle into the living room, he jumps from his spot on the couch to bring you a plate of food. He let you sleep in his bed and now he’s handing you food on a literal platter. At this point, you wouldn’t be surprised if he offered to help you into the bath.

“Good morning, y/n,” he speaks softly, “I cut up some fruit and bread if you’re up to it. And there’s spare clothes in the bathroom, but if you want I can start running the water for you.”  

You’ve got to be kidding me.

“Why are you being so nice?” You giggle and accept the small breakfast, plopping down on a chair. 

“Proving that you’d like me in college,” he jokes as he walks towards the bathroom. You can only sigh in response, feigning annoyance. You finally pull out your phone again to read your messages, and a few moments later you hear the muffled sound of water rushing into the tub.

[Jung Wooyoung] She’s probably passed out just like San LOL

[Choi San] Well clearly even I woke up before her

[Choi San] y/n we’re not letting you drink like that again until your farewell party

[Park Seonghwa] Can we start planning for that now please

I’m so sorry!! Idk what i was thinking, but i feel better and yunho’s place is mad comfy

[Song Mingi] ask him to let you see his gaming setup its insane

There’s still a dull ache behind your eyes, but whatever nerves you were feeling last night are completely overshadowed by the butterflies of friendship you just can’t seem to get used to. You were sure they’d judge you for getting shitfaced immediately, and maybe they silently are, but they're not making you feel bad about it. Maybe Yunho was right, maybe you’ve been calling the wrong people your friends. You have to remember to thank him for keeping their conversation a secret. But first you need to wash off the makeup you’re sure is smeared all over your face.

“Bath’s ready,” he pokes his head around the corner, smiling.

“Thank you, really. For everything. I’ll get out of your hair as soon as I wash up,” you get up and try to make your way down the hall, but he places both hands firmly on your shoulders.

“You’re really not a bother at all, to any of us,” he stares at you for what feels like forever, willing the message into your head. You know he’s trying to comfort you after crying about how alone you feel, but you can’t take this kind of directness while sober. When you nod and look down at the floor he finally loosens up, “and I’m not doing anything today, so feel free to stay. You know, if you want to.”

When you look back up he’s giving you a fond smile again, ears tinted light pink. You just nod a second time, too aware and nervous of how close you two are standing now. Neither of you really know what game you’re playing, but it both makes you rush to opposite sides of the apartment.

You spend your bath wondering what imaginary line everyone was walking between you and Yunho. You’re smart enough to notice all the jabs at him anytime he mentions you, and Wooyoung’s question about dating is still clear as day in your head. But what are they all getting at? Is your crush just that blatantly obvious to everyone? Why else would they make fun of you? The water slowly gets too cold for your liking and you try to switch gears and think about what you’ll do today instead.

Yunho stuck to his word and had a pile of clothes ready for you on the counter. You assume it's just a pair of his own sweatpants and a shirt, but it still makes your stomach flip flop at the thought of him preparing all this. Maybe you should ask him about what games he has or if there’s a movie he could put on to pass the time. But first, you needed a real meal.

Apparently he can read your mind, because when you pad back into the living room he already has a menu pulled up on his phone. “Do you want waffles from that one place again? They looked really good.”

“They were, but it was kinda expensive,” you flop down next to him on the couch, close enough to see his screen.

“I wasn’t planning on letting you pay anyway,” he nudges you playfully, “you can return the favor when you get your first paycheck.” 

You just roll your eyes in response, confirming the order with him and letting him handle it. He recommends a movie before you get the chance to, and by the time your food arrives you’re both already comfortably in each other's arms. 

“I think the food’s here,” you mention, making no effort to get up.

“Then you should get it,” he mumbles back. He doesn’t move his arm around your shoulders or his head on top of yours to let you, though.

“What if I’m comfy?”

“I already paid for it.”

You can’t argue with that, and he finally detaches himself from you to emphasize it. You pick up the food and slip back onto the couch and all you can think about is how normal it all feels. Sitting and eating and laughing with him comes so naturally, as if you two have lived together for years. He makes no effort to press you about the night before or imply that you should get going. He just happily accepts your presence. You barely make any conversation at all while the movie plays, but he doesn’t let you go for a second. You’ll never know if he did have plans for today, because he spent it all with you.

When you finally get home, it’s already late. You were going to spend the day catching up on some videos and articles you have bookmarked, but instead you just climb into bed and set your alarms. Even the lack of free time can’t upset you, not with the feeling of Yunho’s body engulfing yours still at the front of your mind.

[Choi San]: Hey I’m sorry again for the party! I should’ve been looking out for you

[Choi San]: It’s a good thing Yunho always does LOL

[Choi San]: Anyway me and Hwa are gonna get coffee before work tomorrow and you are invited ! See you tomorrow 

You shoot back a quick message confirming you’ll be there and set your alarms a tad earlier. That friendly poking fun at Yunho is back, and you decide you’ll ask San over coffee. You feel like you’re on cloud nine right now, what’s the worst he could say? 

“There she is!” Seonghwa shoots you a sweet smile before blowing on his fresh coffee.

“Good morning! I’m sorry again for the party you guys,” you pull out a seat at the small table and set down your bag.

“Listen, we’re the last two people you have to worry about judging your alcohol tolerance,” San chuckles over his own cup, already half finished. “Those men are beasts!”

“They’ll be lucky if their livers don’t dissolve soon,” Seonghwa jokes, finally taking a sip.

“I really didn’t think I’d drink so much, but I guess the games got the best of me,” you laugh along with them. There was no need for them to know about your internal dilemma, or the way you clung to Yunho for dear life in between passing out.

“How was Yunho’s place yesterday?” San asks, and you immediately blush.

“It was fine! We just ate food and watched a movie. It was chill,” you look down, playing with your fingers to ease the sudden stress of his name. You were sure they knew about your feelings at this point, why else would they ask?

“Good,” Seonghwa circles the lid of his cup with a finger. They look at each other briefly before smiling.

“Is it that obvious?” 

They both look up at you startled. San is the first to compose himself, “is what obvious?” 

“Between me and Yunho…” you mumble, regretting your decision. Maybe you misread the situation. The bliss of Yunho's cuddles might've clouded your judgement on this one.

San just sighs, visibly relieved, “thank god we’re all on the same page.” Seonghwa starts cackling. 

You look up at them in utter bewilderment, “we are?”

“It was getting hard teasing him without outright saying it,” Seonghwa finally catches his breath.

“I didn’t know how much longer I could embarrass him without just telling him to make a move!”

Your jaw drops at San’s comment, now fully lost. “You were making fun of him?”

“Well yeah, he’s the one with a giant crush on you!” This time its San who breaks into a fit of laughter.

“He hasn’t been this whipped since like… the first year of college,” Seonghwa recounts, and your head is spinning so much all you can do is rest it in your hands while they compose themselves. San is the first to notice.

“Do you not like him back?” He's worried now. You look back up at him and you don’t know what face you’re making but it can’t be pretty.

Seonghwa mistakes your shock for disgust. “Hey, if he’s making you uncomfortable we can tell him? That’s the last thing we would want.”

“No no no that’s not,” you blurt out, cheeks running so hot you could probably burn someone. “I just… I didn’t realize he liked me too.”

It’s their turn to stare at you, mouths agape. Clearly none of you had been on the same page.

“Too?” they say in unison, and if you didn’t feel like your world was falling apart you would’ve laughed at their timing.

“Yes? This whole time I thought you were making fun of me,” you sigh. Seonghwa can only muster a small “wow” before going back to his coffee. San looks speechless, words forming at the tip of his tongue before completely dissolving. 

You cross one leg over the other and clear your throat. The situation feels like it belongs on a sitcom. “So you guys mean to tell me that this whole time you were teasing Yunho for liking me? Yunho has liked me this whole time?”

“Precisely,” Seonghwa responds between sips, “and you mean to tell us that you liked him this whole time?”

All you can do is nod. Hearing it out in the open like that brings you a new sense of shame, although you don’t really know why since it’s clear to everyone else that the feelings are mutual. San finally echoes Seonghwa with a delayed “wow” before whipping out his phone.

“Please don’t tell him,” you borderline beg, but he just giggles.

“You really didn’t notice? You guys are practically made for eachother you know,” he puts his phone facedown on the table after typing a suspiciously long message.

“Be nice,” Seonghwa scolds him before taking his own turn to tease you, “if I fell in love with a man not even a week after meeting him I’d also be flustered.” 

“Hey!” you shout, but giggles quickly follow as it dawns on you. You’re both stupid. You both have been so caught up on not making the other uncomfortable that if it weren’t for the teasing men in front of you, you might’ve never known. But now you don’t know what to do next.

San must read your mind because his phone dings and he holds it up for you excitedly, “you should meet him after work!”

“What did you say to him!” you reach for his phone but leans back, your arms comically flailing across the table. 

“Just that a little birdie told me his crush likes him back,” San smirks and slides the phone back into his pocket, “you better thank me. I just scored you the hottest date ever.”

All you can do is hold your head in your hands again while the three of you laugh. You don’t really know what you’re laughing at, maybe at how stupid this whole thing is. Maybe it’s the only way you can relieve all your stress around seeing him everyday.

“This feels like a match made in heaven,” Seonghwa starts, finally finishing off his cup, “but if it doesn’t turn out well we’ll still be your friends, seriously.”

San chimes in with an approving hum. “Yunho’s really the nicest person I’ve ever met, but if anything you don’t like happens, let us know! The last thing we want is for you to be uncomfortable the whole summer.”

“Thank you for the blessings,” you joke, but it's the nicest thing they could’ve said to you. Apparently the thought of actually dating Yunho was more nerve wracking than just being delusional in private. 

It’s been hours since your eye opening exchange and you still feel giddy. You thank the universe Wooyoung called in sick today or else you truly never would’ve heard the end of it. Your leg is shaking endlessly, fingers tapping on your mousepad instead of writing the emails you desperately need to. The few times you’ve made eye contact with Seonghwa across the room, you both giggle quietly like middle schoolers. You felt like a middle schooler too, urgently waiting for a text from one person. And then it arrives.

[Jeong Yunho] Meet you in the lobby at 5? 

You quickly respond and set your phone down to get some work done, hoping it will speed time up. It doesn’t, because you end up shooting laser beams at the clock in the corner of your screen and counting down each minute instead.

“Are you done for the day?” Seonghwa’s voice floats above you and you jump. Saying you were would be a complete and utter lie, but you decide to take up the offer.

“Yeah, is it okay if I leave a bit early?” you start logging out before finishing the question, and he only nods and winks in response. You’ll have to remember to thank him for being the best wingman ever, for the both of you.

You spot Yunho as soon as the elevator doors open, surprised that he’s also here so early. He’s wearing a light blue sweater and slacks to suit the slightly chilly weather today, and his eyes are glued to his phone. When he finally looks up, you see a kind of smile you’ve never seen on him before. His shy, thoughtful look has been replaced with some air of confidence.

“Out early?” he questions once you’re only a few feet away.

“Seonghwa let me go,” you chuckle at how much it sounds like he’s your parent.

“San also told me I should head down early,” he takes a hand in yours, an ever familiar feeling, and starts walking, “they’re quite the mischievous ones aren’t they?”

You can only giggle in response. “Where are we going?”

“You take the subway home don’t you?”

“You only asked me to meet you so you could walk me two blocks?” you nudge him lightly and he grins down at you, lighthearted energy behind his eyes that you usually only see when the others are around.

“Were you expecting something else?” he nudges back.

“I thought you might bring up San’s messages?"

“His messages about what?” He quirks his eyebrows.

“About how much you’re in love with me,” you roll your eyes, deciding to play along.

He lets out a dramatic gasp and drops your hand, “how could you accuse me of such a thing?”

You can’t help but laugh at the act and he finally breaks, taking your hand back in his. You make it to the first crosswalk and wait for the light to turn.

“Could you really not tell?” he looks down at you, brows quirked in genuine confusion this time.

“I was too worried I was projecting onto you or something,” the walk sign lights up and you pull him forward, not wanting your confession to linger in the air too long.

“San was right, we really are made for eachother,” he chuckles, “but I thought having the equivalent of two dates already would’ve made it obvious.”

It’s your turn to gasp. Thinking of your outing as a date was one thing, but hearing him call it as such made your stomach flip flop in ways you couldn’t hide. You arrive at the subway station before you can think of a good comeback.

“Do you want to make it three?” You look up at him and he’s got a mischievous grin again, clearly finding joy in making you say what you both already know.

“I’m not so sure…” you try to act, tossing the idea around in your head as if it isn’t the only thing you’ve been thinking about all day.

You don’t process the way he says “then let me convince you” before you feel the hand that isn’t laced in yours come up to cup your face and you see him lean towards you. The feeling of his lips on yours is quick and soft and it's over before you know it. He pulls back before you can lean in though, and when you open your eyes again, his hand is still holding your chin to look up at him. His teasing expression barely covers his own giddy excitement, but you know he’s waiting for you to answer. 

“A third would be good,” you mumble, feeling your skin under his fingers heat up in embarrassment. 

“Perfect, I’ll pick you up on Friday,” he lets go and starts walking you down the steps into the station as if he didn’t just scramble your brain. You wonder if he can feel your heart pounding through your hand or the way sweat is pooling between your fingers. If you had trouble waiting until the end of the day today, you feel like you might die before you make it to the end of the week.

(previous chapter) (next chapter) (masterlist)

#yunho x reader #yunho fluff #ateez fic #ateez au #ateez series #we all need love fic #yunho series

[lustbile]

hi :)

-

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I’m typing this all at like. Almost 11 at night so excuse me please if it’s at all rambling or weird idk. I just felt like since it’s been over a year since I genuinely posted anything I need to say some stuff about me just going ghost.

So hi :) to old and the somehow new followers I’ve accumulated. How are all of you? I missed you all and this account a lot and I feel really shitty just kind of abandoning it the way I did so I think it’s time I give some explanations? Or like… I don’t know, life updates? Which feels weird to say considering I’ve always been very anonymous on this account, which I will continue to do in this so. Please enjoy some basic info about my life

1) I graduated college :) Which I think was a huge part of why I had to abandon this account for a minute. Those of you who are unaware, I was a studio art major, and if you think that studio art is an “easy” major you’d be wrong! That shit kicked my ass like no other. “Art school” just used to be old rich dudes giving a little freak some money and told him to paint or sculpt some dicks and god do I wish that was how it still was. I had to like, come up with concepts and reason behind my work, and create a shit ton of it to. I put my entire soul into that shit, defend the hell out of it in critiques, and my final work means so much to me. If I wasn’t anonymous on here I’d without a doubt post it because. It truly feels like I ripped out my little dumb heart and put it on paper/canvas

But with that, I’ve had to become real adult :( I’m doing what I can to make money off my work (which is going better than imagined) while also doing some part time work. It’s great, but very tiring.

Also 2) (this part will be short I swear) I have a long term partner now. I won’t say exactly how long we’ve been together, but I do live with them. And as weird as it may sound, I’ve never told them about this account or my writing. They know I like kpop, but not this side of it. And I think part of me is still weighing my emotions towards writing smut about kpop idols while being in a committed/monogamous relationship. But I digress.

3) With how busy I became around the time that my posting schedule really took a hit, I’ve also just fallen away from kpop :/ I still listen to the music and watch music videos and stuff. But the fandom side and the non music related videos, I completely lost on that now. And I don’t like that. Being into kpop made me really happy and I liked watching boys be silly. But it just feels like I’ve missed so much now. I like a lot of groups, but more than anything, I miss nct so much :( I don’t even know what they’re really doing now. I know some of them will be entering the military soon so I feel like maybe the fandom will slow down, and as someone who used to run a 5sos account, I know what it’s like to just feel like a fandom is dying. And idk. I doubt kpop fandoms are like that but. Okay yeah now im rambling anyways!

This is all to say, I miss this part of my life a lot. Keeping up to date with music, watching funny videos of my boys, talking to you guys, and writing. I still have so many stories half finished. So many ideas that im just so disappointed didn’t see the light of day. Maybe I’ll get around to it again, but im not exactly sure if/when I’ll be in the headspace to write smut. Which I know, I can write without involving smut. But some of my ideas kind of needs it I think? And if im being honest, would anyone read my stuff if there wasn’t smut in it? Idk and I don’t know if I want to know.

Anyways if you’ve read this, thank you but like also. Im so sorry about how much there is lmao. If you want to send me a message please do. I don’t know if I’ll respond to what’s in my inbox now, since I just feel like I waited to long and I’d feel like a dick responding now. But I promise to keep an eye out. If you just want to say hi or just update me on what been going on in nct (please I want to get back into nct even if it’s not for my writing). If you have any questions for me I’m here :) and just as dumb as I was when I left. And I would recommend the inbox more than anything. I get really anxious with dms and I’m horrible about keeping conversations going there, so my inbox is really the best. I won’t promise I’ll get to it like, the second you send it, as, awhile ago I turned off my notifications for tumblr. 1) because sometimes the notifications were cringe lmao. Like I’m very liberal with who sees/handles my phone and some of those notifications were clearly for fanfiction and I don’t need to be exposed like that lmao. But also because I started getting very, very anxious about how many notes/likes a fic got and how quickly and it just was so bad for my mental health. But that’s not the point.

The point is, I’d love to hear from any of you guys again, be able to talk about kpop and just shoot the shit. Which if I’m not writing (for now, we’ll see about the future because those old ideas are still gnawing at my brain) I understand if the traction and interest in my account has worn off. But either way.

Hi :)

#putting this under a read more because it’s longer than I intended #and also some of you won’t care #and that’s okay #just needed to say some things :) #and uh if you see any typos umm no u didn’t #anyways <3

[aka-indulgence]

Made another Bob Velseb drabble… thing. Idk why I was suddenly inspired, I just was > < It’s a lil thing where he comes to take care of you a little while you’re sick in the winter, while it’s snowing, late at night /w\ hehe

——

It’s snowing pretty hard out, and your bed is placed next to the windows. You’ve drawn the curtains, as if it was going to protect you from the chill outside. Huddled in your blankets, trying your best to force yourself to sleep, through the headache.

It’s pretty damn hard to do.

…

Especially when you hear some hard knocks on your apartment door. In this late night.

“Mmnerghhh,” you grumble, giving the doorway an irritated look. You are not getting up from your bed. Who was it anyway?

You tried not to let your mind run wild at whatever spooky monster had crawled its way to your door, from all the rumors you’ve heard around the town. Especially when an acquaintance you had couldn’t resist introducing you to the scariest ones when they found out you were a newcomer.

Thanks, Luna. You thought sarcastically to yourself, Real helpful for the newcomer who lives alone.

It’s probably nothing anyway. Though you struggle with a proper explanation, since.. you didn’t really know your neighbors.

Tried to ignore it.

… The knocks were back.

Fuuuck.

“Who??” You try your best to keep the irritation out of your voice, and physically cringe at how raspy your throat sounds. “Is it???”

Silence hangs for a moment. You’re about to start cursing, you didn’t have TIME for this, when a voice answers.

A familiar one.

“.... ‘s Bob.” His baritone voice answers.

It startles you to alertness, eyes opening wide, looking at the doorway. It’s a good thing you didn’t curse immediately, you would be very panicked right about now.

“O-oh, c… comingng!” You say, the ‘ng’ sounding stuffy. You had the problem of getting out of your bed… the heater was warm, sure, but it felt as if anything was cold when you were sick. Especially in winter… while it’s snowing…

You decided to try to walk barefooted towards the door, stepping over the carpet threshold onto the tiled floor.

Bad idea- you made a very unattractive yelp when your delicate foot touched the icy cold floor (probably not that cold if you weren’t sick, you note). You mumbled incoherently, putting your feet in your fluffy slippers and shuffling towards the door.

You have little brain-power, some of it going to the thoughts of What if he’s confronting me about giving him late notice on your absence? Maybe this is why he worked alone-

You don’t hesitate to open the door, however. You blink confusedly, looking at a wall of red before you remember right. Have to look up to look at his face, before doing just that. Bob is… looming over you a little bit, eyes narrowing as he looks at you. Puffy eyes, stuffy nose, blanket wrapped around you, making you look like a cloaked grandma.

The question that comes after a moment of silence surprises you with how warm with concern it was. “Are you ok?”

“Yes I am, don’t worry about me, just… cold.” You explain easily, “... I mean I’m cold, but I also have a cold… but it’s fine, I’ll… I’ll try to come to work tomorrow.”

… You shivered.

He looks unimpressed. Although… you aren’t sure how you’d read his expression, right now.

“... Let me in.”

It comes as an order, rather than a request.

You… you weren’t prepared for that, and all too quickly the word “Yes,” tumbles out of your mouth.

Bob opens the door wider. And maybe, if you had the clarity of mind, you’d start to feel pretty awkward, having invited your boss into your modest apartment while you were poorly, but. You didn’t have that right now, and simply hobbled back closer to the warmth of your heater, in your bedroom. Your boss(/friend????) walked in after you, his footsteps heavy.

“I’m sorry… ‘bout the late… message,” you muttered, “I don’t think it’d be good to work like this, and I didn’t have energy to talk it with you this morning and just passed out…”

Bob is silent as you try to explain yourself.

“.... Are you firing me?” You turned to look at him as you stand in the bedroom, your brain too headachey to think about how odd it was that you had this big man in your bedroom… not that you don’t trust him. Just, odd.

You don’t see the weird face he makes.

“No. You’re sick.”

Hm… why does he look so angry then? … no that’s a look of concern.

“I’m… mean not tuh be rude…” you say, as you feel your legs aching, sitting back on the bed. “Why’re you here, Bob?”

“To check on you,” he explains simply.

“Awh… that’s very nice of you,” you say, unintentionally interrupting something that he looked like he was about to say. “It’s not that bad, just-”

Itchy.

Ah.. ah…

“ACHOO!” you sneezed, quite violently in fact, that your whole body shaked and snot was dribbling down your nose. Wonderfull, (Y/n), you looked great in front of your boss. Curse this window right now… you could feel the chill when you bring your hand to it. You ungraciously feel around for the box of tissues beside your bed, and furiously wipe away your snot. The trash bin you’ve moved closer to your bed was almost full.

You look at Bob… then start shrinking into your blanket. You must look like garbage right now- not a look you wanted him to see.

“... Sorry.”

The man only shakes his head, asking “Have you eaten?”

“Mm… sure…” You nod your head at the yet-to-be-cleaned table just beside of him. Microwaved, ready to serve food, that.. didn’t taste very good. You needed something warm, something that tasted good even if your taste buds decided to take sick-leave.

It was not that.

“... Darlin’,” your brain doesn’t even process the nickname, “No.”

He looks at you disapprovingly. As if on cue, your stomach starts grumbling, and you shift uncomfortably in your bed.

“Was a good idea I came here, then…” He puts his hand in his coat pocket (he hadn’t taken it off)... producing a tupperware.

You sit up straighter.

“What’zat?”

“Stew.” He answers simply, then smiling secretively, adds “Beef stew.”

He smiles wider (but not eerily so!) when he sees how your eyes start to regain it’s sparkle, looking at it. Maybe you even start to drool when he opens it up, and the delicious scent starts wafting in the air.

“Whoa…” You wipe your mouth with sleeve. If he noticed it, he doesn’t mention it. “That smells heavenly… … did, did you make this for me?”

Bob chuckles, that warm chuckle that made you feel… something, when he did. “Yeah. Can’t have my only waitress sick… need her back as soon as possible, hm?”

Your cheeks warmed, at the idea of mm, stew, and that Bob was being such a sweetheart. You thank him, as you take the stew into your hands (wonderfully warm… wonderfully fragrant…), dipping the spoon he’d so kindly offered you to taste.

“Fuck… this is so good!” you moan a little at the taste, “Burger isn’t the only thing you’re good at, huh?”

“It’s… anything with meat, really,” his eyes cast to the side, eyes giddy about… something. He takes off his coat, revealing more of his signature red sweater, putting it on a clothes hanger, and… you notice, as you slurp your soup, the snow starting to melt off it. You open your mouth to mention it, the winds howling out the window, but it’s Bob that talks first.

“I can make other stuff too, if you’d like…”

“Oh, would I!”

—————

Bob was happy to see the color flooding your cheeks again, (he always enjoyed watching blood rushing…) and you looked less miserable while he talked with you. You shivered less, too. Eventually you went quiet, and it took a while before he noticed that you’d fallen asleep, head on your pillow.

Eyes softening, he pulled a blanket over you. By the stars, he thought you looked cute. Your cheeks were slightly pink, even if your nose was redder. You were snoring very quietly that it sounded cute. He chuckles to himself, pulling the blanket up over you, tucking you in.

He wouldn’t have pegged himself for a guy who liked… soft things. Sure he… liked soft meat, but he also found out he liked soft bodies. Soft, warm bodies. Body.

This one.

He lets his hand reach for your cheek, running the back of his finger up and down your cheek. Such delicate skin… so warm. Perhaps that was a slight fever, but it felt nice to touch in the chill.

It’d be laughably easy to break it. … but he doesn’t let his claws scratch you up. And he doesn’t even think about the knives he has on his belt.

Never this one. He thinks to himself. This one’s mine.

He stands up, wondering to himself if he could just… settle into your bed and wrap himself around you, but thinks better of it. Let her rest. He should probably leave now.

… But.

The snow wasn’t letting up soon.

And his house was a bit far away.

And the chair looks mighty comfy, right about now.

He could leave, but then your door would be unlocked and the thoughts of someone else bad that could walk in here puts a bad taste on his tongue, like bad meat. And he definitely isn’t willing to wake up the sleeping little thing in front of him…

So to the chair he goes. It creaks under his weight, grunting as he settles into it. He closes his eyes for a moment, before opening one, to look at you again.

… Yeah. This was much nicer than having to go home alone, where there wasn’t any adorable little things to look at.

#‘this is my blog and i will post whatever i want and i’m making it everyone’s problem’ #also #me: (looks at violent character) but what if they were soft #what if they were soft indeed #bob velseb #aka writing #bob’s smiling because he consciously chose to gave you beef instead of human #he keeps almost doing it and goes ‘… no i can’t let her eat human…’ #same timeline as where you work for him #fun fact about me: im very. bad with the cold #it gets a bit chilly and the wind getse and I go HRK x_x

[lovincherries]

I first wanna say that I love your writing! Also thank you for being one of the few Austin/Elvis writers on here lol. I saw on here you posted about requests, if you're taking them I have one lol. I was wondering if you could do something angsty with Elvis x reader? Idk why but I've just been itching for some angst here lately haha.

Love Yourself

a/n: love it babes!!!! I love a good angsty moment. I’m sorry it took me so long to get to this!!!

summary: you and Elvis get into an argument over the lack of attention he’s shown you.

warnings: angst

“All you fucking do, is eat, sleep, and sing! Elvis, when the fuck is there time for me? Huh? Your own wife!” You screamed. You couldn’t take it anymore. Not this, he could just blatantly ignore you anymore. You were in his face now, the anger prominent in his eyes. Both of you breathing harshly.

“I put food on the table, I put this roof over your head, and I give you everything you need Y/N, but it’s never good enough, huh? I’m just a piece of shit husband,” he shouted back. You swallowed the lump in your throat and let your anger manifest.

“I don’t want all this shit, I married you because I wanted you. I would live with you in a shack, hell I married you when you had no money. I married you even though my daddy said you were never going to be anything, but I knew you would be. I married you because I loved you, I don’t care about the things you can give me. I care about you.” You whispered, just barely audible. You poked his chest to place an emphasis, stepping closer to him.

“You loved me, huh?” He scoffed, “so, you don’t love me anymore?” He questioned with a deep sadness in his voice.

“No, not who you’ve become. I miss that 20-year-old boy who had passion in his eyes, who wanted to give me the world and who would never hold it against me. For Christ’s sake, I’m pregnant with your child. I’ve been so lonely, I cry myself to sleep every night but you’re never there to comfort me, I’ve been alone this whole pregnancy,” the grief of your relationship shined through in your voice, tears falling from your eyes. You saw the stray tear fall down his face as well.

He just stood there and stared at you. You knew you were hurting him, but he hurt you for so long. 

“I want this child to know you Elvis, the real Elvis. In order for that to happen, something has to change,” you wiped the tears falling from your eyes, taking a deep breath to control your emotions. You placed your hand on your 7-month bump, which was already huge. “I’m going back to my daddy’s house. Come to me when you’re ready to be a father and husband, not a rockstar.” 

“Please Y/N, don’t leave,” he hugged you, “please don’t leave me.” It hurt you more than he knew to do this, but it had to happen. You had to show him that you weren’t going to stick around if he didn’t give you the attention you deserved.

“I’m not leaving you Elvis. I just think we both just need time to find who we really are. I’m still your wife and you’re still my husband, but we need to find a way to be together again. I’ll be ready for you when you’re ready,” you caressed his hair as you spoke. “I’ve always been ready for you baby, even when you weren’t ready for me,” you kissed his cheek. 

“I’ve got to go now, you know where I’ll be,” you cried as you walked away. He was sobbing as he sat and watched you walk away. 

Your bags were packed in your car, and you drove home...

*******

Your parents had money, that’s why they were so vehemently against you marrying Elvis, he was no good in their eyes. That never mattered to you, the money, or the fame, the cars, or the house. You missed your home in Tupelo with your parents, sure but it was nothing like the home you had made with Elvis. Although it had been lonely the past few months, it was officially your home. 

Elvis had called multiple times and you cried listening to the messages he left, but you wouldn’t give in until he came to you and that day seemed like it would never come. You knew if he came back to his roots, back to who he truly was and left that California shit behind, he would get his head back on straight. And until that day, you were not going to go back. It had been two, going on three weeks. 

Your parents saw how burdened you were, but they didn’t know with what. They figured your relationship with Elvis was perfect, you just wanted to see them before the baby was born. It was some lie you spewed to cover your marital distress. 

It was another one of those nights that you laid in bed, singing Elvis’ song to your stomach, wishing he was there holding you. You wished that he could be the man that you need right now, in this very moment. That’s all you ever asked of him, to be good and true to you. To be kind and respectful, but he was none of this recently. Too focused on his career, he forgot about you. To leave him left a hole in your chest you don’t think you could ever repair on your own.

You know this distress wasn’t good for you or the baby, staying up late and night and sleeping throughout the day. You were depressed and had been for months, it was a miserable existence to be so lonely.

It was 3 am now, you were wide awake staring at the ceiling, wishing nothing more to be in his arms now. You hear a faint knock on the front door, leaving you with a nervousness in your gut. You weren’t quite sure if it was truly there or if you were just imagining it, but you walked down the stairs anyways.

You looked out of the peephole and he was there, you weren’t sure if your eyes were deceiving you till you opened the door. You just gasped in response, his eyes went straight to your stomach. You were now 8 months pregnant, about to burst it felt like.

“Elvis,” you spoke shakily, you needed to hear his voice. Needed to know it was truly him and not some figment of your imagination.

“Hey, darling,” he greeted you, a pained smile on his face. His hair was disheveled, his eyes red and puffy, you were sure you looked exactly the same. He opened his mouth before closing it again, trying to find the words to say to you. “There’s a lot I’ve wanted to tell you these past few weeks,” he tan his hands through his hair. “You mean everything to me Y/N, and I know I’ve been so caught up in my career but that’s done now. I’m about to be a father, I’m a husband to you and I need to act like it. I’ll be home more. I told the Colonel that California is done and I’m moving back to Graceland to be with you. I love you more than the music and the fans, i love you more than anything in this world and I will do anything to get you back. I’ll quit singing, get some desk job if you ask me to. But, I’ll reap what I sow if you don’t want me back, I’ll understand. I just needed to tell you, needed for you to listen to what I have to say,” he rushed out, trying to get all of what he’s been thinking about over the past few weeks.

You rushed to his arms, embracing him. You kissed him all over his face, just happy to be around him again. You so desperately missed him, it was truly unbearable. His arms held you back slightly, so your belly didn’t hit him so hard. You could tell he was more concerned about it now.

“I just want you, Elvis. That’s all I want,” you confirmed. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

You cried, with sadness and with joy. You hated that you spent so much time apart from him, but you needed it and he needed it as well. “I can’t believe you’re really here,” you pulled back to get a really good look at him, not really sure if you were dreaming or not.

“It’s me darling,” he spoke with such a deep rooted sadness that it broke you. “Your belly,” he said. His eyes longingly looked at your stomach. “You’ve grown since you’ve been away.”

He looked as though he wanted to touch you, but felt like he couldn’t. You guided his hand to your stomach, wanting him to feel you. “He/she is growing every day, doctor says the baby is on the track to be 9lbs,” you joked. Just then, the baby kicked, and Elvis felt it.

“He is his daddy’s boy,” he smiled.

“Or her momma’s girl,” you retorted. Smiling as wide as you could, you were just beyond happy to see him.

You guided Elvis into your parents home, sneaking him up to your childhood bedroom. You laid in the bed together, embracing each other like you’ve never done before.

You laid like this for an hour, just comforted in the other ones touch. No words, just the sound of your breaths.

“So, this means you’re taking me back?” He asked with a fear behind it, like you wouldn’t say yes.

“Yes, Elvis,” you kissed his lips. “Yes, i am.”

a/n: rushed out! But I loved the idea. Once again, I don’t edit my posts until much later. I like to get them out first. This is kind of short :/

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#elvis imagine #Elvis Presley imagine #elvis presley #elvis 2022 #elvis x reader #austin butler elvis #Austin butler x reader #Austin butler x reader smut

[4-hour-naps]

Tom Cardy lyrics as incorrect Dazai quotes from every song

In order of most fun/fitting. I feel uniquely qualified to make this. But I add more unnecessary commentary as we go.

Big Breakfast

“Hey Patricia can you bring me a kitchen sink so I can drown myself infront of all your clientele”

Artificial Intelligence

“So i guess that i feel a little sad, that i can't feel all the ways it feels to be human”

Perception Check

“you’re a short motherfucker and nobody likes you”

Why am I Anxious

“I would try to do anything to make my life feel better, except anything that my life feels better”

High Five

“Could it be me buyin' everyone a round of Fireball, but then drinkin' them all. And then tellin' your girlfriend that you're cheatin' on her with me” (This whole part tbh)

The Ballad of Smoking Joe Rudeboy

“I know that their packing heat, and I know they know I’m the man to beat”

Mixed Messages

“I’m really sorry for punching your dad in the dick I won’t do it again…I ball up my other hand and punch your dad in the dick again” (does anyone even have a dad in bsd)

Business Man

“Ahh! You shot me in the leg!” (Like he could’ve said literally have said this, bonus: “no, you’ve got a dumb name”)

HYCYBH

“Have you checked your butthole” (specifically after the grandma dies part. I can see him doing this to Kuni for like a week straight, purposely hiding stuff just to say it)

Read Between the Lines

“please don’t misunderstand me I’ll always leave you a clue” (the clue in question only Ranpo understands)

Big Dumb Idiot

“Light on my feet as I sneak into your house, be a giant fuckin' idiot, then sneak back out”

Hey I don’t work here

“That way I could teach your kid to drown in front of you” (he is an expert… or is he?… I mean cause he..)

.・゜゜・ things get a little iffy here ・゜゜・．

Paint That Lady

“Do you want to be my lady? I want to raise your babies. My only job is to pleasure you” (Lying through his teeth to get laid)

Carol Brown

“Mimi will no longer see me. Brittany, Brittany hit me. Paula, Persephone stela and Stephanie. There must be fifty ways that lovers have left me” (womanizer king /j)

Get Louis Theroux

“I was being to feel 👹 omnipotent👹” (okay maybe he wouldn’t but… like to scare Chuuya or smth? Idk I just like this part okay??)

Party Dog

“So kiss the ring motherfucker and then I’ll let you stay”

Beautiful Mind

“I, know, so sit back and enjoy thе show” (said after he has crafted the most devious of schemes)

Your Love is Not Enough

“You’re love is not enough, give me some really cool shit”

Call Your Mother

“You've got the power to be a massive sick cunt” (somehow trying to encourage atsushi)

Monster Truck

“I’ll stab you in the face bitch” (? To Mori idk)

・゜゜・．I struggled with these songs ・゜゜・．

Naughty or Nice

“When he thinks no one is watching, I’m watching” (uhh.. )

#inspirational

“I use emojis to deflect” (he would)

Future of Humanity

“Spit in my mouth for mankind” (I will not be taking feedback here)

Red Flags

“You know the deal (Pucker up)” (did I just pick this bc it’s funny? Yes)

(That’s all the songs on Spotify + perception check, there are probs other unreleased songs but)

#bsd dazai osamu #bungo stray dogs dazai #bsd incorrect quotes #what is this? idk but I was giggling making it so that’s what matters ig #cw cursing #cw cussing #tw sui ideation #nap talking

[purplesurveys]

1677

What were you doing at 10:30 this morning?: Sending out my last few emails before we had an all-day workshop at work. We had a mock pitch presentation contest of sorts and my team won 1st place :)

Is there anyone else in the room with you?: Nopes, it’s just me here.

If you married the last male you spoke to, what would your initials be?: That was a barista at Starbucks and I didn’t even catch his first name, much less his surname.

What did you have for lunch today?: Skipped lunch as usual but I did have an iced Americano. Was too nervous to eat anyway as our turn for the presentation was right after lunch.

In your phone, who is the first contact listed under ‘L’?: Laurice.

How old is he/she?: 24.

What colour are your father’s eyes?: Dark brown.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female?: Male, it was someone from the family reunion we had two Sundays ago although I couldn’t remember which one he was at all haha. I added him back nonetheless as he’s family anyway.

What’s the 9th song on your iTunes “Recently Played” list?: I don’t think Spotify does a listening history per user but I wish they would. How do they still not have that feature?

What colour are the eyes of the last male you text messaged?: I can’t be bothered to check my texting history right now.

Who is the first contact in your phone? What colour is his/her hair?: Alex from high school. Not sure but if I had to guess it’s probably just in black??

How many tracks were on the last album you listened to?: 10.

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you?: My relatives know better than to fuck with me lmao but if anyone, probably my mom.

Is there a song you can listen to over and over and never get fed up of it?: Yes.

Do you have a friend whose name begins with H’? Describe him/her.: Hannah. I haven’t seen her since before the pandemic started, but she’s one of my lowkey friendships and we’ve always remained quietly supportive of one another even as we’ve started leading our own, separate lives. She’s very perky, loves David Archuleta, and is a great singer and also skilled at the piano.

Are there any songs in your iTunes library that you’ve never listened to?: I don’t use iTunes and it doesn’t work that way on Spotify.

So, how are you? Is there anything wrong?: I’m okay. Very tired from today’s events and I even had a TERRIBLE headache all afternoon, but I’m in bed now answering surveys with the aircon right in front of me and that’s all that matters.

How do you handle awkward situations?: Idk, it depends on the situation and where I am and what options I have lol. Most of the time my awkward situations happen at PR events where the person I’m talking to is shyer than expected – in those cases, I’ll pretend to get a text or be like, “oh sorry, let me just take care of something but feel free to go around the venue and take some photos before we start!” hahaha. Who is the most intelligent person you know?: Andi.

Who was the last female you were introduced to?: Ruthie, my newest teammate at work. She’ll be replacing one of my associates who’ll be having her last day this Wednesday.

What was your first impression of her?: I got super excited when I saw that her laptop bag has a big Tata print on it, but when I got to talk to her a bit more, she seems super quiet. Hopefully she gets to open up once we get to start working more together!

Who was the last male you were introduced to?: Celeste’s boyfriend.

What was your first impression of him?: It was like a 5-second encounter when I caught him video-calling with her yesterday haha, it was barely enough for me to have a first impression.

Name one of your favourite foods that starts with the letter 'F’. FAJITAS. Love those to death.

Do you have a close friend of the opposite sex?: Hans.

Would you ever consider being more than friends with them?: I’m not a homewrecker lol

Who is the 8th contact in your phone? Is he/she in a relationship?: Yes he got married late last year.

If you could travel back in time, which year would you go to?: 2015 so I can see my grandpa.

What were you like as a 12 year old?: Alone, anxious, angsty. Just a troubled kid for the most part who wasn’t getting the emotional support someone my age needed both in school and at home.

What colour are the eyes of the last female you text messaged?: Idk but dark brown probably as, like, all Filipinos.

When you woke up this morning, what kind of mood were you in?: Anxious. Are you hungry? Craving any food in particular?: Yeahhhh I am getting a bit hungry. Right after this I’ll get my leftover corndog, my leftover Starbucks cookie, and the leftover sushi bake we have in the fridge.

In the past week, how many times have you cried?: Too many times. I’ve been super vulnerable throughout May so far lol

On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being amazing), how good is life atm?: 6.

[another-dra-anew]

see if he'll reach out today? :O???

//We leave the classroom, which has been empty for a good ten, fifteen minutes now, and head to…

Sub-Event: Haruhiko heads home?

//Hopes Peak Main Course Dorms, Floor 2, Class 79-B: Kobashikawa’s dorm.

~*~

//Kobashikawa lays on his bed, still in his uniform, slowly kicking his legs as he scrolls on his phone.

Kobashikawa - …

Kobashikawa - No ones posted anything new…

Kobashikawa - Tsurugi will probably update with a picture when he’s back to his dorm after looking at the market…

Kobashikawa - But it’s only been a short while since class got out.

Kobashikawa - …

Kobashikawa - …Mmm…

//He pauses for a moment, before swiping out of Instagram, and clicking on his phones texting service. It’s still selected on the last contact he was messaging; his mom.

Kobashikawa - …

//He scrolls up, re-reading their conversation for the millionth time.

~*~

Description: A text conversation between Kobashikawa Yuriko, and Kobashikawa Haruhiko. Given names used for clarity.

Monday, December 9th

6:37 AM

Yuriko: Have you texted Miki today? 

Yuriko: Today’s her birthday; she isn’t up yet, don’t worry.

7:46 AM

Haruhiko: i remembered, so i stayed up until midnight to text her

Haruhiko: is she out of school yet? 

Haruhiko: I know none of her classes required her meeting with them this quarter, so itd be fine for her to sleep in even if she’s not, I’m just curious 

Yuriko: Good job, honey!

Yuriko: No, she’s not out until the 13th.

Yuriko: Which should be the same as you get out…?

Haruhiko: they aren’t letting kids go until the 22nd, I believe. We have to stay on campus until then

Yuriko: You could always tell them you want to work the break, and head home when you’re off…

Yuriko: I’m not saying you have to go earn money, I just know you usually get to fly a lot more than you’ve been able to.

Yuriko: And I wouldn’t want you to spend all your time with us up in the air…

8:22 AM

Yuriko: You’re free to do whatever, but I don’t want you to be off in a different country when you could be sleeping at home.

Yuriko: You don’t have to leave your room, I’d just be happy knowing you’re in there ❤️

8:31 AM

Haruhiko: sorry, I was taking a bath

Haruhiko: I can try to apply for an early leave, I’d need to get it approved by administration, and get a work schedule cleared

Yuriko: Do you need me to call anywhere for you?

Haruhiko: I have people I can text to coordinate with airports for me

Yuriko: Okay! 

9:16 AM

Haruhiko: Love you, mom

Yuriko: I love you too!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Tuesday, December 10th

2:32 PM

Yuriko: Do you think Miki would like this? //Attatched is a picture of a torn up black shirt, taken at a bit of an odd angle.

Haruhiko: yea

Haruhiko: get it for her!

Yuriko: Got it ❤️

4:52 PM

Yuriko: Have you asked for early leave, Haru?

Haruhiko: not yet, no

Yuriko: Okay, be sure you get that handled!

Yuriko: I still have a copy of your schedule, do you think it’d help for me to text you when class is out? As a reminder?

Haruhiko: it’s okay, i’ll ask today

Yuriko: Thank you, honey!

5:07 PM

Haruhiko: :( //Attached is a picture of a paper sheet taped to a window. It reads:  OFFICE HOURS (Dec 8-14) M-F 8:00 AM - 5:00 PM SAT-SUN 8:00 AM - 6:00 PM

Yuriko: Oh no!

Yuriko: Think you can go before class? Or send them an e-mail?

Haruhiko: i’ll try to get there tomorrow morning

Yuriko: Sounds like a plan!

Wednesday, December 11th

8:03 AM

Yuriko: Don’t forget to ask the office about leaving early!

Haruhiko: 👍

5:30 PM

Yuriko: How did it go?

Haruhiko: they said i can go early if i can get  four hours flight time per day i leave early.

Haruhiko: I’d have until I come back to get those complete though, so they could be dispersed over the week between christmas and new years

Yuriko: Hm… what do you think?

Haruhiko: idk

Yuriko: Well, do you want to come home early?

6:16 PM

Haruhiko: i don’t know 

Yuriko: Honey, I just don’t want you to feel like you need to escape during the time you have with us.

Yuriko: If you don’t want to come home early, that’s okay! 

Yuriko: You can stay at the school, you can come home and take some flights, it’s whatever you want.

Yuriko: I just worry about you…

Yuriko: Do you think you’ll be able to spend time outside of your room this season?

8:37 PM

Yuriko: It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, or can’t. I don’t you to feel like you’re being pressured.

Yuriko: I love you, Haru.

9:29 PM

Haruhiko: ♥️

Yuriko: ❤️❤️❤️

10:16 PM

Haruhiko: it’s hard right now. 

Haruhiko: i love you all, i just get really really anxious when i think about coming home

Haruhiko: i don’t want to waste my chance to see you all, but im having a hard time this season

Thursday, December 12th

7:32 AM

Yuriko: I hear you, honey, I’m sorry.

Yuriko: And it is okay if you don’t feel up to leaving your room when you’re here! No one would be upset, we understand.

Yuriko: We love you ❤️

12:51 PM

Yuriko: Miki needs to learn to not cause trouble… //Attached is a short video of a young woman throwing snowballs at a teenager a few years older than Haruhiko. The young woman has long, honey brown hair, and is wearing a light green winter coat. The video is filmed from a small distance away, but she seems to be very pretty in a conventional way, and very upset, in a “attack the cause of anger with snowballs” way. The teenager has jet black hair pulled back into two buns, and wears a black coat. The video starts about a second before she falls to the ground, screaming as the onslaught of snow continues even after she falls. The person behind the camera can’t be seen, but after filming for a bit, says “…They’ll work it out just fine…” and ends the video.

4:08 PM

Yuriko: Have you tried talking with your classmates? They seem nice, I’m sure they could help with your anxiety…

Yuriko: Also, isn’t there counselors at the school? 

Yuriko: Or I could reach out to your therapist for an online appointment, those are pretty common now!

7:14 PM

Yuriko: Shira should be sending you gift ideas for your grandparents; no promises on how they’ll behave, but I’m fully planning to make a quick escape this year!

10:01 PM

Yuriko: Sleep well, honey ❤️

Friday, December 13th

2:37 AM

Haruhiko: tell shira im proud of her and am looking forward to her amazing snowball throwing skills when miki inevitably decides to bully and torment me

3:13 AM

Haruhiko: love you ❤️

6:58 AM

Yuriko: I love you too!

Yuriko: And Miki also loves you~

7:56 AM

Haruhiko: Miki bit me last time I was home

Yuriko: She’s teething.

Haruhiko: SHE IS SEVENTEEN AND RUDE

Yuriko: And she loves you!

Yuriko: Love bites. Like a puppy.

1:17 PM

Haruhiko: I’m not really doing well.

Haruhiko: I have an hour and a half to focus on my talent, i might try to get a quick flight in.

Haruhiko: But idk, i just wanted to say something? Keep you updated, u know 

2:14 PM

Yuriko: Sorry honey, I was in a meeting!

Yuriko: Do you maybe want to call? We can video chat, if you don’t want to talk, or we can talk, if you think this is one of those episodes.

Yuriko: Whenever you want though, I know you’re up in the skies now!

Yuriko: I’m here for you ❤️

Yuriko: Stay safe!

~*~

//It’s around a quarter past five now. 

Kobashikawa - …

//He slides his shoes off, and nudges them off the bed before grabbing one of the many blankets tossed onto his bed, and cocooning himself inside it.

Kobashikawa - Aaaaa…

//He continues to stare at his phone, watching the cursor blink on the empty text box…

Kobashikawa - …I miss my mom…

//Then clicks on his mom’s contact, now hovering his finger over the “Call” button.

Kobashikawa - …

Kobashikawa - ……….

//Kerosene and copper and a sting in your nose and pain in your ears and tears in your eyes and blood on his face and waking up and sirens and sobs.

Kobashikawa - No no no no no no no nooo… let’s… let’s not, let’s not do that.

Kobashikawa - That’s… a bad idea.

//He turns off his phone, and throws it to the carpeted floor. Then, he frees himself from his blanket, trading it for a pillow which he uses to cover his face, and-

Kobashikawa, muffled - Aaaaaaaa…

Kobashikawa - AAAAAAAGH

//Finished with his attempt at ruining his vocal chords by screaming without opening his mouth, he stays still for a moment, before rolling off his bed, joining his shoes and phone on the floor.

//Once again, he takes a moment to… ? Before blindly grabbing for a blanket from his bed, with a surprising amount of success.

Kobashikawa, muffled - Mmmmm…

Kobashikawa, signing - Fuck… fuck fuck fuck.

//He lays still on the floor for a solid five minutes, before abruptly standing, and cleaning his things from the floor.

//Blanket and pillow back on the bed, shoes in the closet, and phone plugged in to charge.

Kobashikawa - …

Kobashikawa - I feel sick…

Kobashikawa - M’kay… uh oh, uh oh, let’s just…

Kobashikawa - I’m gonna take a bath, that’ll help, yeah?

Kobashikawa - That’ll help…

~*~

//Kobashikawa emerges from his bathroom, carefully drying his hair via microfiber towel, focusing on caring for the slight curl in his hair instead of addressing any of the actual issues in his life at the moment.

Kobashikawa - Keep this calm energy, keep this calm energy…

//He stands still, closing his eyes, and breathing deeply.

Kobashikawa - …Okay.

Kobashikawa - What do I need to get done…

Kobashikawa - Kisaragi and I are doing homework tomorrow, so I’m not concerned about that…

Kobashikawa - …I really want to fly.

Kobashikawa - What time is it?

//Kobashikawa grabs his phone- no new texts.

Kobashikawa - Oh… Ōtori’s shift isn’t over yet.

Kobashikawa - …Yeah, I’ll go get coffee, why not.

Kobashikawa - Maybe he’ll want to go fly with me when his shifts over…

//Kobashikawa pauses, thinking over his options for clothing; he puts on a undershirt, then a loose-fitting sweatshirt, and stares uncomfortably at his reflection.

Kobashikawa - …I got dressed sometime after 8, plus four hours makes sometime after 12…

Kobashikawa - But I went to my room to calm down, and can’t fly with it on, so… another hour to get to 1, making 5 hours,

Kobashikawa - Then I’d put it back on before class, making… 

Kobashikawa - I mean, that is a bit over 6 hours, but not consecutively, and I just had it off, and I’ll take it back off if I go to fly…

Kobashikawa - …

//He removes his sweater and his shirt, grabbing a black binder from his laundry pile, and adding that to his outfit. The undershirt is tucked into his jeans, and the front hem of the sweater follows it, better helping to hide Kobashikawa’s figure.

Kobashikawa - …Ugh…

Kobashikawa - Good energy, good energy, good energy.

Kobashikawa - It’s cold out, this sweater is thin enough… I can add a overcoat, yeah.

//True to plan, he grabs an overcoat from his closet and pulls it on, fixing his collar, but not checking his reflection again.

Kobashikawa - …Mkay, I need to grab my phone…

Kobashikawa - …I’ll call later, not now.

Kobashikawa - Maybe I’ll ask for some flights out of HND…

//Kobashikawa takes a moment, fidgeting with his hands, and taking deep breaths before signing and placing his phone in his jacket pocket. He grabs a pair of gloves, and tugs them on as he opens the door to leave his dorm.

~*~

//Kobashikawa stands last in line behind three people- a duo, and one sole person in front of him. His eyes visibly widen, and he stills, before slowly grabbing his phone from his pocket. He rapidly types as the person in front of him orders.

Ōtori - Here you go… enjoy your drink.

??? - Thank you! Have a nice break.

Ōtori - You as well!

Ōtori - …Kobashikawa, I need to cut you off, this isn’t okay.

Kobashikawa - …

//He gives Ōtori a awkward smile, and holds his phone out at him.

Ōtori - …

Kobashikawa, via phone - TOP TEN REASONS YOU SHOULD COVER MY DRINK

1)I forgot my wallet back at the dorms and don’t want to walk back 

2) We live in the same class area, and you’re always in my room anyways, you can literally steal my money anytime you want, so it’s not even on me to get the money to you, you can just grab it

3) I’ll tip you really really well for the amazing customer service 

4) Please

5) I’ll tell Tsurugi and make it sound like you did something wrong

6) Please don’t make me walk back that would be so mean

7) Pretty privilege. Really I shouldn’t even have to pay. I’m amazing and so attractive and the sight of me is enough payment

8) I’m literally so cold I neeed a warm drink or I’ll die

9) And then you will be a murderer

Ōtori - …That’s nine reasons.

//Kobashikawa types again

Kobashikawa - 10) Please

Ōtori - You already said that!

Kobashikawa - And?

Ōtori - You’re so spoiled, and I hate you.

Kobashikawa - It’s okay Ōtori, I still love you, even when you talk to me like this.

Ōtori - Vanilla latte?

Kobashikawa - Yes please.

Ōtori - Fucking hell…

//Ōtori starts to make Kobashikawas drink.

Ōtori - Did you just bathe? 

//He turns to watch Kobashikawa.

Kobashikawa - Mhm!

Ōtori - If you go out in the cold with wet hair, you could get sick. 

Kobashikawa - I don’t want to blow dry it and kill it…

Ōtori - Hmm… one sec.

//Ōtori turns back to finish Kobashikawas drink, and passes it to him.

Kobashikawa - Thank youuu, I love youuu…

Ōtori - Yeah, yeah… what have you done since class got out?

Kobashikawa - Nothing much, I pretty much just took a bath and stressed over what to wear to seduce the cute guy working at the student store.

Ōtori, dryly - Yeah, checks out.

Kobashikawa - Mhm… such a shame you were here instead…

Ōtori - That’s it, I’m charging interest on your coffee.

Kobashikawa - Ah. Fair.

~*~

//We’ll return to Kobashikawa won’t communicate later, for now…

{Follow Maeda and the others to the market}

{Make sure she’s on time}

#dra #au #haruhiko kobashikawa #teruya ōtori #sdra2 #<- TERUYA SHOWS UP so i can tag that <3 #holiday event 2022

[corruptedsilence]

Anonymous asked: I honestly get it to an extent. I suffer from depression and anxiety and all that fun stuff. But for mine it comes and hits hard for a week or two and then leaves for months. But when I'm depressed, nothing helps much either. :/ But honestly, it DOES help to know people care about you, for me at least. Just people sending me kind words and stuff. Or people sending in threads and RPs to distract my brain. Just remember it's not weak or anything to rely on a few friends from time to time. (1/?) Anonymous asked: I'll be happy to throw you some anons if I see you down. Whether it's kind anons or anons asking questions for Missi to help distract the brain. I know we've never talked, but I really enjoy you on my dash. And let me tell ya, I normally unfollow non mutuals after a week. But there's some people who just seem like someone I wanna hang with, even if it's on anon. I'm not always on, but if you need someone to vent to, you can vent to me if you'd like. I know how it is to bottle it all up.

Sorry I was eating my borger and fries fhewjk

But yeah I totally get that. If people have been around me long enough they know I tend to get like that too. My depression is (at least in my opinion) always worst in Spring and Summer just because the heat absolutely murders me and I find it so difficult to get motivation to do anything. IDK what’s with those seasons it just makes everything worse. Since summer is finally ending and Autumn (like my favorite season) is coming I feel already a lot more relaxed. The cooler temperatures and the rainy days are just helping me relax so much more. Winter too is also so much nicer because while I hate the silence there’s something about Winter that just, it’s a calm quiet instead of silence. Like the entire world for once, can curl under a blanket and restf and that it’s a rest we’ve waited all year to take.

My depression (minus last saturday) hasn’t been too bad. I haven’t intentionally self harmed in so long and my depression has felt more intrusive than active? What I’ve felt this past week or two hasn’t felt like my depression, like it’s someone else’s.

I agree kind words do help a lot, TBH I’ve kept a lot of asks in my inbox just to remind me of the nice words people say and something I can always go back to, to help remind me that I am worth it, that I am good. I’ve finally broken out of the “im not worth it” but more worried I’ve become the “im not good enough. I’m worthy to be here and have friends, but I don’t give anything in return for everything they give me” kinda thing.

If you ever want to my DMs are open? Or they should be at least. You can always send me an ask about who you are cuz yo udo seem like a really cool person! I don’t follow everyone who follows me back because I do have a lot of personal blogs following me (not that i mind since no one has been rude in spamming me or w/e) and Tumblr has a really annoying habbit of not telling me when people follow me??? I’ll look at my followers list from time to time and be like “wait, when did this person follow me?? Hello???” And this happens way too often.

Honestly? At this point I’d feel like we could be mutuals, even if we wouldn’t RP you seem like a really nice and chill person I’d want to support even if we don’t RP or we just slap each other anons lol. I appreciate everything you’ve been writing to me tonight and it honestly feels amazing. Wait it’s not night, it’s afternoon. RIP that’s what I get for sleeping 19 hours and living in a windowless room lol. Always feel free to hit me up, you’re more than shown to be a really cool dude (or dudette) I’d like to chill with too, or just support. Anyone who’s willing to go to this extent to help someone feel better I feel like should be given the respect they deserve because I’ll always respect people who do things like this.

Time is something that is valuable however cheesy it is, but it’s true. And the fact you’re willing to spend time to send me these messages shows to me how much you do genuinely care and how kind you are. So thank you, so much for these and I do hope to see you again whether anon or not I’ll treasure these messages and hope you don’t mind me filing these away with my other kind asks

#Out for a Bite // OOC #Screams from the Abyss // MT #;; literally i hoard so many asks of kind words just as reminders #;; there's like 5 in my inbox rn fhewjkkw #;; and im totally adding these too #;; also i havent had a borger in so long so im just yes i need my monthly borger fix