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mymoonagedaydream · 4 years

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ps, idk what the biker/college bucky story will include but i can throw out the idea of doing the modern day army veteran Bucky as a one shot or something? or whatever you don't include in the series lol

Recluse

Summary: You barely even expected to get a conversation out of Steve’s reclusive roommate, never mind anything more than that.

Pairing: Modern Veteran!Bucky x y/n

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: Language, smut references, references to military service

Author’s Note: You bet your butt I can do that for you anon. This one really got out of hand idk what happened man I couldn’t stop.

---

You’d been living with your friend Sharon for a couple of years now, and it was still going pretty well.

Your ground-floor apartment was very compact, but she was so considerate and easy to get on with, you barely even noticed the lack of space. She cooked for you occasionally, always paid rent on time, even did your laundry without being asked.

You just couldn’t help thinking that things were much more fun when you were both single.

Nothing much had changed in your life, you were still a lone wolf, but she’d been with Steve for almost six months now and you barely ever saw her anymore.

Most nights you were just left to your own devices, clattering around the apartment like some sad old spinster.

It got to the point where, one Friday when you got home from work, you heard Steve and Sharon talking in the kitchen and got excited at the prospect of just having some company for the evening.

Sharon almost jumped on you as soon as you walked in. ‘Y/n! Are you free tonight?’

‘Yeah, totally, completely. You guys sticking around?’

‘You think he’d ever agree to that?.’

‘We were actually thinking of going out for some drinks. You in?’ You contemplated for a second, not wanting to come across too eager, then gave her an enthusiastic nod.

As she grinned back at you, you saw an idea dawn on her. ‘Steve, you should totally bring Bucky.’

Sharon frowned in resignation. You had no idea who they were talking about, their conversation going completely over your head.

Steve went home to change, leaving you and Sharon with a couple hours to get ready before heading out, so you thought you might as well try to probe a little deeper.

‘Who’s Bucky?’ You asked casually, sitting on her bed, watching her hold dress after dress up to herself in the mirror.

‘Steve’s roommate.’

‘I didn’t know Steve had a roommate?’

‘I’d be more surprised if you did.’ She turned towards you. ‘In six months I’ve only met him twice.’

Your eyebrows darted up. She spent so much time at Steve’s place, that made no sense at all.

‘What? Why?’

‘I’m pretty sure he makes a point to avoid people generally.’ She flopped herself down next to you on the bed, her tone lowering to one of deep sincerity. ‘He was in the army with Steve. Apparently he just really struggled to adapt when they got back, collapsed in on himself for a while. I think he’s a mechanic now but Steve is still the only person he really speaks to.’

‘Shit, that’s awful.’

She gave a grim nod and shrugged slightly, before standing back up and starting to get changed.

You figured you should do the same, shuffling back to your room and finally taking off your work clothes, relieved at the thought of getting out of the apartment for the evening.

Just as you were about to leave, Sharon’s phone pinged.

‘Holy shit.’

‘What?’ You’d never seen her look so shocked. She put her index finger up at you while quickly typing something back. ‘You’re killing me here Sharon, what the hell is going on?’

‘Bucky’s coming.’

---

You managed to find a cramped table in the back of the bar. Sharon made you wait for Steve to arrive before ordering drinks, because for some reason he always insisted on buying the first round.

About ten minutes after you arrived, she glanced over to the door, grinned and waved her hand above her head. Following her gaze, you saw Steve pushing through the crowd, followed closely by a statuesque, tower of a man.

Studying him intently as he approached, you noticed how visibly uncomfortable he was, his jaw clenched tight and his hands folded into slowly whitening fists. You let your eyes dance over his huge shoulders and wide chest, feeling your stomach flip a little as he got closer.

‘Hey guys. Sharon, you remember Buck?’ Steve gave his friend a proud pat on the shoulder. Sharon nodded and grinned at Bucky, getting only a short, tight smile in return. ‘And this is y/n.’

Looking up to his face, his sharp blue eyes briefly met yours, prompting you to quickly avert your gaze. He looked tense enough without you gawping at him.

‘Nice to meet you.’ You adopted the friendliest tone possible, doing your best to put him at ease.

Steve went to grab some drinks and Sharon volunteered to help him, leaving you at the table with Bucky, bracing yourself for some intensely awkward small talk.

‘So, you’re a mechanic?’ He nodded. ‘Do you enjoy it?’ Another nod.

Alright, he obviously wasn’t in the mood for chatting.

Christ. If you didn’t break free from this spinster shit soon, that’s exactly where you’d end up.

You didn’t want to force it if he wasn’t comfortable, you could happily sit in silence if that’s what he’d prefer.

You moved your eyes to scan the room, eventually landing on an older woman propping herself up at the bar, downing martinis, eyeing up young men and wobbling on her insanely high heels.

‘What do you do?’

It was barely a mumble, you hardly heard it over the bar’s background music.

Your eyes returned to Bucky’s face, meeting his hesitant gaze.

‘I work in HR, so boring admin stuff mainly.’ He nodded slightly, his eyes flicking nervously between the table and your face. ‘But occasionally I get to use the shredder, which is pretty rad.’

He cracked a brief smile, the sight of it giving you a wave of goosebumps. ‘Sounds thrilling.’

‘I’ve never been here before, have you?’ You were determined to keep this conversation going, especially if there was a chance that you’d be able to make him smile again.

‘No. I haven’t been to any bars recently.’

‘You’ve got quite a bit of catching up to do then.’

Resting your head on your hand, you gave him a mischievous smirk, and felt a little smug as you noticed his shoulders relax slightly and the corners of his mouth curl upwards.

Hours passed, the bar called last orders, and the four of you traipsed out to begin walking home.

Then Steve and Sharon came back with the drinks, pretty effectively ruining the moment you’d been setting up.

Bucky went quiet again, keeping to himself for most of the evening, only speaking when spoken to. You felt his gaze fall on you occasionally, but each time you tried to meet his eyes they were quickly averted.

‘Oh hey, I forgot to ask.’ Steve gestured towards you. ‘Sharon said you went to visit your parents last weekend? How was that?’

‘I couldn’t go in the end, my car's fucked. It’s my own fault, everyday there was a new rattling sound but just ignored it.’

‘I’ll take a look at it.’ Your eyes snapped over to Bucky, a little shocked at how enthusiastically he’d come out with that. ‘If you want.’

You gave him a wide smile. ‘Wow, yeah, that’d be amazing. Thank you.’

---

A few days later, you were faced with another evening alone while Sharon was at Steve’s.

You unenthusiastically pulled a ready meal out of the fridge and poked some holes in the plastic, shoving it in the microwave and reaching for the half-empty bottle of wine on the counter.

‘Hi. Sorry. I was coming this way and Sharon said you’d be in, I thought I could take a look at your car?’

Just as you went to grab a glass out of the cupboard, you were stopped by a faint knock at the front door.

Shuffling over and yanking it open, you saw Bucky standing on your doorstep, looking just as uncomfortable as he did walking into that bar.

You were a little embarrassed that he’d caught in your pyjamas at 6:30, but that feeling was hugely outweighed with how pleased you were to see him.

‘Yeah, great.’ You gave him a warm smile. ‘I’ll just grab my keys.’

You found your gaze pretty quickly drawn to his arms, propping him up as he leant over the machinery like thick, hefty tree trunks. It was amazing how entranced you were by them, but considering how long it’d been since you’d even brushed past an attractive male, it made sense. God the things you’d let him do, if he-

You slipped on your shoes and led him over to the rustbucket, badly parked on the street outside. He flicked open the bonnet and immediately started tinkering.

You had less than no idea what was happening, but it looked very impressive.

‘Could you start it up?’ His deep voice pulled you out of your hazy fantasies.

‘Hmm? Oh, yeah.’

You tried your best to hide how flustered you were as you climbed into the driver's seat and turned the key. An intense rattling started, which he listened to for a second before signalling for you to turn it off and closing the bonnet.

‘You were right, it needs a lot of work. It’s definitely not safe to drive.’

‘Shit, stuck with the bus then.’ You sighed and climbed out, slamming the door behind you. ‘Thank you so much, you really didn’t have to do this. I appreciate it.’

‘Anytime.’ He smiled politely, taking a couple steps backwards before turning, dropping his head and starting to walk away.

‘You can come in for a drink if you want?’ You called after him, a little shocked at your boldness but not at all mad about it. He spun round. ‘It’s the least I can do.’

He took a sip and turned himself slightly to face you. ‘Look, if you bring your car to the shop where I work, I can probably keep the price down.’

His polite smile evolved into a wide grin as he nodded, following you inside.

You grabbed him a beer from the fridge and gestured for him to join you on the couch, smiling to yourself at how nervous he seemed as he balanced himself right on the edge of the seat.

‘Are you sure?’ He nodded. ‘That's so nice, you barely even know me.’

He looked a little sheepish at that, scurrying around for his words. ‘Sharon was pretty keen for me to come take a look, it’s probably best to keep Steve’s girlfriend on side, y’know.’

‘Oh I do know, Sharon can be terrifying.’ You both chuckled as Bucky edged back, settling himself into the couch a little more. ‘So you and Steve met in the army?’

‘We’ve been friends since we were kids, we signed up together.’

‘That’s nice.’ You tilted your head at him, deciding to take a slight gamble on your next question. ‘Do you miss it?’

He fixed his eyes on the ground and faintly shook his head, nervously starting to pick at the label on his bottle.

Shit, you really didn’t mean to make him uncomfortable, you were just curious.

A swift subject change remedied the situation somewhat, and after a while you sensed him beginning to relax again.

You finished off your glass of wine and checked your phone, your hand shooting up to your forehead in shock when you saw that it was close to midnight.

Over the next couple hours he slowly came out of his shell even further, eventually chatting and laughing with you like you were his good friend. The two of you unconsciously edged towards each other throughout the evening, ending up face to face with legs folded up on the couch, as close as you could get without touching.

‘Shit, I have work tomorrow.’

‘I’m really sorry.’ He put his bottle on the coffee table and stood up quickly. ‘I didn’t mean to keep you up.’

‘Oh you don’t have to apologise, it’s not your fault. I had a really nice evening.’

‘Me too.’ He smiled and buried his hands in his pockets, following you to the front door. ‘I’m working every day this week, you can come in whenever.’

‘Friday would be great? I have the day off.’

‘See you then.’

You watched him disappear down the street, feeling your limbs tingle with excitement at the prospect of seeing him again so soon.

---

You usually used your days off to sleep in till midday, but on Friday the tow truck showed up at 7am to take your car to the shop. You didn’t even get up that early on workdays. A pint of coffee was barely enough to keep you from passing out on the ride there.

He eventually noticed you stood there, staring, and your face immediately heated up as he approached.

You hurried inside the garage, scanning the room and eventually spotting Bucky underneath a hoisted truck, reaching up to work on it. His arms were glistening with oil and sweat and his shirt was riding up, exposing the faint trail of hair starting underneath his bellybutton.

Lord in heaven, what a view.

‘Sorry, didn’t want to interrupt.’

‘That’s alright.’ He pulled a dirty rag out of his pocket and roughly wiped his hands. ‘Did you bring the deathtrap?’

‘Yep, just outside.’

‘It’s gonna be a while. I finish at four, d’you wanna come back then?’

‘Sure.’

You walked up the driveway ten minutes early, which you thought was reasonable, and asked the very intimidating guy out front for Bucky. He just eyed you up and down and gestured vaguely to the side of the building.

On the way home you kept accidentally walking into roads, your mind completely occupied with Bucky’s midriff.

The whole day dragged. In your boredom you ended up leaving for the garage about an hour too early, meaning you had to loiter in an off-license, probably looking like you were shoplifting.

Turning the corner, you were met with a pretty impressive, cinematic wide shot of Bucky’s arse as he was leaning over the inside of your bonnet.

You should probably say something. Tell him you were there. Say hello.

Yeah, probably should.

Yeaaah.

You sighed and reluctantly shuffled towards the car.

‘How’s it-’ Bucky jumped and whacked his head against the propped-up bonnet. ‘Fuck! I’m so sorry, are you alright?’

He smiled at you, standing up and rubbing the back of his head. ‘Yeah, all good. Happens all the time.’

‘Oh, really? In that case you might want to consider a career change, could end up with some permanent damage.’ Chuckling, he reached up and slammed the bonnet with one powerful movement. ‘How’s it looking?’

‘Not bad. Want to take it for a spin?’

‘Sure.’ He held up the keys and you grabbed them out of his hand, excitedly hopping in the driver’s seat while he walked around and got in the passenger side. ‘You coming?’

‘Can’t just let you drive off without paying, you might never come back.’

You shot him a wide smile as you fired up the engine, amazed at how smooth it sounded, and pulled away from the garage.

‘I can’t believe it, it didn’t even run this good when I first got it.’ He smirked a little and nodded. ‘Thank you, Buck.’

You were already in the outskirts of the city, so you decided to drive out into the sticks a little, eventually pulling up into a dusty layby on a narrow side road.

Glancing to your side, you saw that Bucky was struggling not to look very pleased with himself.

As he began stroking his thumb along your knuckles, he cautiously pulled his gaze up to your face, looking at you like you’d just told him he’d won the lottery.

His hands were resting on his thighs and, almost unconsciously, you reached out to grab the one closest to you and squeeze it lightly.

He stared down at it for a few seconds, eventually turning his hand over and squeezing back.

You could barely even remember what happened next. You remember the back of your neck tingling, your stomach tightening almost to the point of becoming painful, the feeling of Bucky’s rough, calloused hand against your cheek and the way your heart jumped when he leaned towards you and pressed his mouth against yours.

Eventually pulling away, he buried his face in your neck, planting short kisses along your jawline between laboured breaths. You pushed his head back against the seat and pressed your forehead to his, closing your eyes and letting your hands dance down his chest.

It was slow and tender at first, but it quickly picked up, becoming feverish and passionate.

He threw his arms around your waist and roughly pulled you over onto his lap, holding you so tight to his chest that you couldn’t tell whose heart you could feel thumping like a steam engine.

‘It’s been a while since I’ve done that.’ He sighed, bringing a hand up to bury itself in your hair.

‘Me too.’ Your mouth curled into a smile. ‘It’s been even longer for other stuff.’

Melting into each other in a cacophony of limbs and flesh and tearing clothes, both of you eventually found the release you so desperately needed.

There was a loaded silence, you opened your eyes to see Bucky staring at you intently, wearing an expression that made your toes curl.

You dived clumsily into the backseat and pulled him after you, giggling as you both adjusted yourselves, trying to get even slightly comfortable in such a tight space.

And both of you did all you could to savour the feeling of finally having someone to hold close.

---

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shadlad24 · 3 years

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More Funny Little Moments #1: Season 1, Episodes 1-12

So, I decided to do this post after all. Halp. LOL Because I apparently LOVE giving myself a bunch of unnecessary work, I decided to choose two to three extra moments, per episode! SUPER halp! X’D Anyway, these are moments that didn’t make the cut for my FFLM series because: my sense of humor is a little weird, they were gonna be too much work (LOL/Siiigh), I like to highlight patterns, and I don’t like a lot of repetition. [Links to each FFLM along the bottom of the post. :)]

Let’s start with something I originally agreed with other fans on but have since changed my mind. A lot of people didn’t like this part of “Chariots of War” because it seems so ludicrous that Xena would forget her chakram anywhere. Well, let me tell you! This lady has left her weapons behind most episodes thus far. I didn’t note it every time here (and especially didn’t bother with her whip) because that’d really overrun the post buuuuut… You’ll see. XD

1.01 Sins of the Past

Xena’s shift being so much dirtier than the little boy’s clothes though she’s high up off the ground, and he lives in smoked-out rubble.

Yup. Xena forgot her sword (and later, her main saddlebag) at her mother’s tavern. Pft.

Sorry these were kinda lame, but I didn’t want to re-use any more of the original fifteen points I made about this episode... Ah well. Moving on! (heh)

1.02 Chariots of War

Xena loses her sword after the chariot crash, taking up and discarding Sphaerus’s but walking off without her own. (See her front and back and both of Argo’s sides.)

Gabrielle chewing Xena out, Xena being bummed about it, and Argo being surprised. X’D

1.03 Dreamworker

This got me good. Gabrielle does Xena’s war cry so well here that I really thought it was Xena for a few seconds. Realizing it was GabbyWabs only made me chuckle more because she apparently can’t do it when it really counts in “The Greater Good.”

Argo NOT being on Team Gabrielle. XD (Their feud is a little funny to me.)

1.04 Cradle of Hope

Xena tossing aside her sword after killing Nemos. Extras even dance and celebrate right on top of it! Wut thuh?

I decided to avoid mentioning Hope in the FFLM because Xena’s quote here is more ironic than comedic, and Gabrielle’s little face is just so sad, but I didn’t want to let it pass by entirely unremarked upon. At least GW gets to show off her oracle skills again? :’)

1.05 The Path Not Taken

So, Xena and Gabrielle walk into a bar… Heh. No, but really, they enter this tavern for the first time ever, yet the bartender not only knows what they want, he knows that they’re coming and has their drinks waiting for them too. All Xena has to do is knock on the counter and nod to get her fire-breath alcohol/oil, and Gabrielle barely has the word “cider” out of her mouth before the guy hands it to her. Xena, like me, is duly amazed.

Lucy, through Xena, making another timely anti-peanut statement. I just didn’t want to do the same thing twice back-to-back in the FFLM. X)

1.06 The Reckoning

Gabrielle thinking along the same lines Xena and I did about this poor excuse for a judge.

Me not being well-versed in ancient Greek heroes and picturing the fool who Draco killed so handily in the first episode. heh

1.07 The Titans

I’ll let Xena explain this one. …Mostly. I can’t believe Gabrielle not only sassed the Titans such that she unashamedly put Xena and Phyleus in danger too, but also kinda got this (admittedly awful) town demolished and didn’t lift a finger to actually help anyone in the temple. Tsk tsk. XP

So… Hyperion here can smash homes and businesses that were probably well-built and reinforced and all, but he can’t get his hand out of a stocks-cuff that was made in a single evening with scraps from those destroyed buildings. He also, inexplicably, has no use of his left hand or the power-breath that he used to knock Gabrielle over. Okie. XD

1.08 Prometheus

Is this really a thing? I was giggling quite a bit in disbelief that severed windpipes can heal. Like, perforated is one thing; completely bisected? Yeah, I don’t think so.

Gabrielle being incredulous upon learning that Xena has other friends, realizing what the warrior princess means, and then wondering if that could be her one day.

1.09 Death in Chains

Gabrielle enjoying watching Xena kill someone for the first time, then quickly realizing that fact. Whoops.

I found this moment really odd and then kind of hilarious. This poor dying old woman begs for water and goes ignored not only by the hospice workers, but also Talus and Gabrielle. Then Talus decides to be helpful. Gabrielle goes to the woman and lets her talk a lot (undoubtedly drying her mouth and throat even more), hears that Xena might be in danger, and then just… leaves. Talus goes with her, not having gotten water from the well after all. What a couple of jerks! XD

1.10 Hooves & Harlots

I really don’t know why Gabrielle kept making this face as Terreis died, but it tickled my funny bone too. So, I provided alternate subs to go with it. [Did you notice how she kind of cringes when Terreis tries to hold her hand and then just lets the Amazon flop once she’s died, flinging her hand aside like, “Ew, get it off me!”? What was that all about? X”) Hm… maybe she has an aversion to dying people, and that’s why she abandoned the old lady last episode?]

Gabrielle being a smart aleck, just like me, because Phantes’s complaint here is so ludicrous. But then you see the close-up of little hoofies in cuffs too, and, if you’re anything like me too, kinda just topple over laughing. The poor actual horse they did this to, though, man! What even?

Gosh, this episode was chockfull of hilarity, eh? Why did this happen? Gabby, take it away!

1.11 The Black Wolf

I laughed at this too. But now I wonder. Is Xerxes related to Caesar and/or connected to Rome or something? Because Xena does this twice around them too. In “When in Rome,” she jokes that the two guards lost playing tag with her, and in “A Good Day” she informs Pompey that if there were more guards hiding around their meeting space, then she would have had more helmets. heh Oh, Xenie. I think I know why Gabrielle’s turning out to be such a little punk ...or vice versa? Is Gabrielle actually a bit of a bad influence on Xena? XP

So, this fight just struck me as really odd. Xena passes her sword to Flora though she (Xena) needs to battle the big boss of the episode, and… actually, is totally right. The king throws a single wide-ass punch, waits while Xena kicks the guy behind her a few times, lets himself get kicked in the face a couple of times, and then comes at her with a little piece of chain, presumably from the restraints that were intended to keep Flora in place during her execution. Sir, you have a sword! A giant sword, right there on your hip! What are you doing? Then, when Xena kicks him a final time and sends him flying, his (supposed-to-be) metal armor is no match for the splintered wood of the axe she broke earlier. …Okie. XD XD XD *gif below*

Xena once again leaves her chakram somewhere. …And I am now imagining this being part of Gabrielle’s maid duties: the poor kid has to go find Xena’s weapons each night and bring them back to her. I’m especially imaging the fluffball hilariously, adorably struggling to get the chakram out of things like this wall, as she did with Xena’s sword in the tree stump in “Dreamworker,” but more parallel to the floor. Cuuuute! XD

This plus this

*pic + GIF below*:

1.12 Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts

This scene too really made me wonder, though amused as well. Why is Gabrielle so surprised that the only city nearby, that they were headed to, is the one they find? Is she really being that loud? Is Xena goofing around with the bootlaces question? Why startle Gabrielle and then yank her into enemy territory screaming, when what you want is quiet? What’s with the trapdoor-spider soldiers? Xena’s pose throwing the chakram. XD Gabrielle mostly featherlight dance-y moves through the battlefield. XD XD XD Why is it that when Xena tells Gabrielle to stick right behind her, Gabrielle disappears? And what was with the bucket-sitting soldier? Gabrielle is like, “Oh; no, thank you!” when she sees him and turns tail. Then Xena ...follows her. “We’re goin’ this way! Now we’re goin’ that way!” But they still end up dead-ahead from where they burst out of the bushes. XD That was ridiculous and nonsensical, and I’m very confused but had lots of fun. heheheh *gif below* [ETA: Darn! The original file was too big, so I had to remake the GIF and cut quite a few things out. :( Sorry]

Xena’s outta-nowhere crusade to emasculate Deiphobus coming full-circle. What was that all about?

Welp, I hope you had as much fun as I originally and then later did. Not so much in the middle with the collage-and-GIF-making and editing and redoing, but; y’know. XD Wouldn’t trade it for …Hm… Nevermind. LOL

If you missed any of the FFLMs, then please click on the corresponding number-links below. :D

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12

#xwp #xena #xena warrior princess #gabrielle #xena and gabrielle #fflm #funny #comedy #season 1 #forgetful #magic #shenanigans #argo #chakram #sword

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fumbling-fanfics · 5 years

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Imagine having a second child with Viktor Drago...

So I wrote this because @lady-olive-oil was insistant on killing people off, lol. Love you Liv!

I also kind of forgot I wrote this so there was more I wanted to write but I forgot those parts.

**********************************************

You weren't meant to give birth so early. But here you were sitting in a nice relaxing bath, Lily on the bathroom floor drawing more pictures for Viktor while you soaked. If you were honest the contractions had started early in the morning, but they varied between 4hrs and 3 minutes apart. So you had ignored them. But now it was 2 in the afternoon you were pretty sure you were having contractions - the proper ones.

"Lily baby, can you pass mommy here phone please" her little head popped up beside the bath with a big smile. "Are you going to ring daddy? Can I talk to him?" she asked as she disappeared out of the bathroom.

Viktor should have been the one you were going to call but he wasn't.

"I'm going to call Aunt Jenny" you smile kissing her forehead in thanks letting her get back to her drawing. "I'll make Aunt Jenny a picture too" she states, paper rustling about. You pressed the call button next to Jenny's picture (a picture of her and lily at the beach) and waited for her to answer.

"Thank god you called. I'm so tired, I'm literally falling asleep at my desk… What's new?" she sang.

"Code Red" you whispered down the phone.

"Huh?" you can hear the frowns of confusion on Jenny's face. "Oh, Lily, I can go get her from preschool" you could here her moving around more on her end.

"No, Lily's here with me-"

"Hi Aunt Jenny!" Lily called from the floor, voice echoing off the bathroom tiles.

"Oh" Jenny was frowning again.

"The other code red, the new one. The second one" you watched Lily for a reaction but she was absorbed back into her drawing.

"Shit" Jenny shouted.

"Shit, shit, shit! SHIT! Are you sure? It's not those fake ones, those pickle hiccup contraction things" she panicked, you could hear things being knocked around and a draw open and then slam closed.

"You mean Braxton Hicks, and no"

"You're not due for like another 2 months, I'm looking at my calendar. It says on my calender" you could hear her voice go up an octave in panic. You were pretty sure she was also poking the calender too.

Jenny was down as your second birthing partner, after Viktor of course. But since Viktor was away for a fight that was still wasn't due for another 6 weeks, Jenny had happily (and in a drunken state) assured Viktor she'd be your number two should anything happen. But it would be fine because nothing would happen because you still had two months to go.

"I know, I know...Can you maybe come anyway, and maybe it'll be fine by the time you get here"

"Of course, I'm leaving now" she hung up quickly.

"Will Auntie Jenny bring me jellies" Lily asked, pencils poised in her hand.

"Maybe" you laugh, glad she oblivious to what's happening.

By the time Jenny arrived you were out of the bath and sitting in the living room on your yoga ball wondering if you should call Viktor or not.

He'd flown back to the states to fight again, and really concentrate on getting ready as this opponent was almost equal in size to Viktor. You knew if you called him he'd freak out and even fly back (or walk if he had to).

"(Y/n)!!!" Jenny practically screamed, slamming the door closed. You could hear her but not see her. Lily sprinted off to find her Aunt, and reappeared on Jenny's hip.

"Are they for real?" she asked looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I think so, they've just got worse"

"Auntie bought me jellies!" Lily waved the box and then wriggled out of Jenny's arms and ran off. At least she was occupied.

****

“Is it okay to make a call?" you asked in the back of the ambulance. The female paramedic nodded as she carried on writing things down.

Jenny was following in her car with Lily and your hospital bags.

You pressed the call button and held the phone against your ear. There was a series of tial tones, including the international one.

"Hello" it was a quick, short answer.

"Ivan, it's y/n" slight relief washed over you hearing his voice.

"Hello. You want to speak to Viktor?"

"No, no, no, no, no" there were too many no's for Ivan's liking - he felt worried but the fact you weren't crying and he could understand you made him worry a tiny bit less.

Ivan said something in Russian but you couldn't hear, it was muffled, like he had his hand over the mouthpiece. There was the sound of a metal door slamming closed and then silence.

"What's wrong?"

"The baby, its early" there was a long pause from both of you - you both didn't know what to say.

"I'll get Viktor"

"No don't...I mean I know he needs to know, but not right now. You know he'll get on the first plane back, won't think twice about the fight. I can't let him do that." Ivan said nothing but also agreed. But he also wanted to tell his son. Congratulate him, tell everyone in the training room - he had another grandchild.

"I'll let him know it was all my idea not to tell him, just try and act like everything's normal. Please?“

“Are you okay? Are you at the hospital?" the concern in Ivan's voice broke you and you started to cry.

"I'm fine. I'm on my way in an ambulance"

"Are you on your own?" he sound panicked. "Where's Lily?"

"She's following in a car with Jenny" Ivan remembered Jenny from when she came to the beach that day. Ivan was struck by how caring Jenny was with Lily - making sure she ate and drank enough while still having fun.

"She must call me" you nodded even tho Ivan couldn't see you.

"Here" the paramedic handed you a tissue to dry your eyes. "Don't worry, everything's gonna be okay"

***

Olivia May Drago, born 2 months early but otherwise healthy.

Jenny had called Ivan to let him know everything was okay - you were okay, Lily was okay (but probably had new found profession as some sort of Antinal Nurse specialising in premature babies) and that Viktor's new baby girl was okay too. It was only when Jenny came back into the room, an hour later did you realise she had been talking to Ivan for an hour. "He's so funny, Ivan" she said with a smile on her face. You raised a quizzical eyebrow at her as she peered into the neonatal cot to look at Olivia. "Did you just say Ivan's funny?“ you asked, maybe the drugs were making you hear things." Yeah, the jokes he cracks. But otherwise he says he's glad everyone's okay. I said I'll call him tomorrow"

"You should go, it's late" Lily had crashed out on the bed in the room reserved for partners to sleep on.

"No way, do you know how hard it was to get this parental leave. HR officially hate me, so I'm going to use every moment to stare at this beautiful girl" she cooed, picking up Olivia from her cot.

Lily had been born 4 weeks early, so Jenny had fought tooth and nail to have the right to use shared parental leave to help you look after Lily and the baby assuming Olivia would be born early too, despite not actually being a parent to either. She had initially demanded full maternity leave, but had settled for 3 and a half weeks "shared parental" leave. "That's what they get for not having a watertight policy" she'd smugly smiled sipping non alcoholic wine with you when she told you when you met her for lunch just after Viktor left to prepare for the fight.

You were trying not to cry but the harder you did, the quicker your eyes filled up with tears. So when you blinked they came streaming down your face. "Hey, don't you start crying because I'm gonna start crying again" Jenny moved to perch on the edge of your bed still holding Olivia.

"I know you feel bad, but don't. Everything is okay, you're okay, baby's okay. Lily's okay. I'm okay" the last part made you laugh and you brushed the tears away.

"But we need to make sure Viktor's okay, and that means not telling him just yet because we app know what will happen. I'll just keep taking a million photos and videos so he has stuff to watch. Here, hold her" Jenny passed you Olivia and grabbed her phone to take pictures.

"Do I look a mess?" you asked, aware that not only had you given birth 6 hours ago but you had also cried one too many times. "Actually, you look so good. Which makes me slightly hate you" she placed her phone down and then made grabbing hands at Olivia. "My ovaries hurt when I don't hold her" she blushed.

***

You where now sat in the hotel suite that had been reserved for Viktor. Lily was laying on the floor - half on top of the fluffy rug, half off - drawing more pictures for Viktor. You were sure she was on over 100 at this point, but it kept her occupied, you enjoyed listening to her stories behind them and writing them on the back of the picture for Viktor to read later.

She was currently drawing the picture of him winning his current fight - the one that was meant to start in 45 minutes.

You were sat on the overly large sofa breastfeeding Olivia, after having to shout at Buddy Marcella and the entourage he brought for you to leave. He'd brought a nanny with him - just in case you wanted to leave Lily and Olivia to go watch the fight. He was driving you crazy more than usual.

You didn't need help, you just needed space and for not a single soul to mention to Viktor that he had an earlier than expected baby girl he'd never seen. You'd also spoken to Ivan at length who had been extra hard and stubborn on your behalf making sure everything and everyone would be perfect.

***

Just as the fight started Olivia woke up with a cry. You half didn't mind as she'd been asleep for a long time, as if she was waiting for the perfect moment to announce her presence in the world. She was very quiet for a newborn.

You noticed that Viktor seemed to be fighting differently, quicker, even harder, like he just wanted it to be over.

But that wasn't surprising. When Viktor had agreed to the fight, there were a few additional requirements that Buddy had added in. Endorsements and a whole bunch of extra PR stuff, including promo stuff with Adonis Creed.

"Hey!" you called to Buddy. He turned around with that stupid grin on his face. "Just remembered my husband's a person and not just your cash cow" he'd then proceeded to try and butter you up but it didn't work.

***

As the ring filled with people from either team and the official referee to call the match you spotted Buddy climbing into the ring. You held your breath as you watched him whisper something to Viktor. Ivan appeared and pushed Buddy away, but you could see Viktor was getting impatient and just wanted the result said. You watched Ivan place his hands on Viktor's shoulders and he calmed down a little. The referee appeared and the camera angle zoomed back showing Viktor and his opponent standing either side of the referee.

You didn't let your breathe go until the referee held up Viktor's arms and the crowd cheered. Lily jumped up dancing around with her picture in her hand. "Told you daddy won" she wiggled her hips side to side and threw the picture in the air along with her crayons.

***

Now you felt sick. Sheer panic and you tried to organise your thoughts and your words to explain to Viktor that you were sorry for not telling him that Olivia had come early, that you cried after every phone call with him because you wanted to just tell him. But you were glad that you didn't, that there were no distractions.

"Lily, come here please" you call, her silence not always a good thing. She skips from the bedroom, her face covered in melted chocolate. Then she stop rigid, eyes wide. "Daddy!“ she screams, sprinting past you. You turn, this isn't how you wanted him to find out. "Grandpa!“ Lily screeches, almost another octave higher. She doges Viktor and throws herself at Ivan.

Viktor doesn't seem to mind that Lily skipped him. He's staring at you or Olivia, or both of you as you rock Olivia in your arms. She's quiet now, as if nothing happened. He drops his bag and slowly walks closer to you. When he reaches you, he pulls you against him, his lips rest on forehead which makes you cry.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, I'm sorry you had to do this on your own" Viktor tenderly hugs you, careful not to squash Olivia.

You pull away to wipe your face with one hand, surprised at how relaxed Viktor is. "My dad told me. I made him when I saw he had a lot of calls from Jenny, I thought something was wrong" you looked to Ivan, but he was busy cleaning the chocolate from Lily's face.

***

Everything was calmer. Everything was fine. Viktor sat holding Olivia, with Lily on his lap. They talk in hushed tones over a sleeping Olivia. Both falling quiet every so often to stare at the peaceful baby.

Viktor was stunned by how beautiful his second baby girl was. Her tiny nose, her tiny mouth, her ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. Lily's mind was slightly blown by Viktor telling her she was once this small, even he was too.

Together they couldn’t stop looking at Olivia. Every now and then Lily gently kissed her sister - telling Viktor all the things she planned to teach her little sister - coloring within the lines, eating jellies that Aunt Jenny brings etc, eating all the chocolate you could find in a hotel suite.

By the time Ivan got back with food for everyone, it was his turn to fuss over his new grandchild. "World's happiest grandfather" Ivan announced taking Olivia from Viktor. He sat down on the couch with Olivia while you pulled out your phone to show Viktor the million photos you'd taken while he was away.

**********************************************

Tags: @ellixthea @lovelymari4 @chaneajoyyy

@honeychicana @beaminglife @amelatonin @themyscxiras @crushed-pink-petals @jojolu @endless00paradise @est1887 @cajunpeach @melinda-january @profoundlynerdywolf @deathonyourtongue @designerwriterchic @itsbqueenthings @alicesfracturedmirror

#viktor drago x black reader #viktor drago fanfic #viktor imagine #viktor drago x reader #viktor drago fic #viktor drago

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heymeowmao · 4 years

Video

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[Full] Our Song _ E11 (Last in rankings today (fourth place) will leave. Last episode next week.)

4:17 - MC: Na-jie is back with the team, and XZ can finally breathe a breath of relief. He finally let Na-jie come back and has withstood the challenges without her, right? But right now we have a different situation, which is that they haven’t met for a while. Tonight is an important match. XZ, you won’t let Na-jie only come back this once and then not again, right? XZ: Of course not! Na-jie and I have not felt the passing of time at all, we’re still as compatible as ever! NY: I have communicated through phone, and I always ask him how the song selections are going.

5:30 - MC: In order to pick our order today, we all went shooting. The only person to shoot a 10 was... /one day earlier/ MC: When you (XZ) film, you should have practiced this, right? XZ: Yep. NY: Ge, let me tell you. You might not win over him (XZ). While filming he’s been learning how to shoot. FYQ: Oh, he has experience? NY: Yes, yes. Be careful! XZ: Playing blind~

6:44 - WOW, Fei Yuqing shoots a 10 AND made it look so easy. 7:15 - XZ: NA-JIEEEEEE!!!! /shoots a 4/ oTL [total 18 points] 7:26 - FYQ getting ready... /Na-jie starts singing/ He misses. FYQ: Who was singing??! ZHJ: You definitely influenced him. 7:51 - NY: Let me sing another song. FYQ: /misses again/ [total 10 points]

8:32 - MC: Because FYQ’s skill is very good, he can give the #1 spot to another team. FYQ: Ah, number 1.... Who was it that sang “The Evening Bell of Nanping”? NY: /oops/ FYQ: Who sang “One Plum Blossom”? NY: HAHAHA

9:14 - MC: Team Na-Zhan will be the first to sing tonight. They’ll be fulfilling two expectations. The first is that Na-jie is back! What sort of stage will their collaboration bring to us this time? The second is that they had prepared this song a while ago but didn’t get the chance to sing (bc they passed into the next round already), and at the time I had asked XZ to sing a few lines. Since that time, the audience has been asking non-stop when we would hear the song in its entirety. Everyone. That time is now.

9:54 - XZ: Na-jie!!!! NY: What is this? We’re matching again today, too. XZ: Come quick, come quick! XZ: I really missed you. NY: You missed me? How did it go? XZ: Pretty good. I need to report to you my results. NY: I thought it was a payroll. XZ: LOL. This is our record for the past weeks. We got third place twice, but last time we got second. Pretty good. NY: Very good!

Na Ying x Xiao Zhan - 被风吹过的夏天 (Bei Feng Chui Guo De Xia Tian)

16:07 - XZ: /confused baby takes the fish from Na-jie/ NY: I’m sorry. MC: Na-jie. I’m sure in all your years on stage and in your life, you’ve never been gifted a bag of fish before, have you? NY: /giggling/ XZ: /still confused/ NY: You didn’t see, did you? XZ: ? NY: I dropped the fish. XZ: /WHAT?/ A: If he had seen I bet he also would have laughed. XZ: If I had seen I wouldn’t have been able to sing the last verse either

16:45 - NY: When we were practicing, XZ would only be holding an ID card. Look at this thing- all wet, and REAL fish. With water. I didn’t hold it properly and when I was walking behind you I dropped it. At that time- my heart shattered. NY: And then when I was sitting here, I held up the fish and then I remembered how I dropped them and I COULD NOT sing anymore.

17:15 - XZ: I didn’t know what happened. I thought I sang wrong, Na-jie! NY: You were great. You kept on singing until the end. XZ: I didn’t have any other choice

17:26 - NY: I’m really glad you didn’t see that. I really need to tell you I’m sorry. XZ: No, no, no, no. It’s his fault (the fish). It’s you. /pokes the fish/ 17:38 - A: We were laughing ourselves silly down here. I saw Huajian-dage over there... ZHJ: I knew it could definitely influence them, but I get more screen-time.

17:51 - MC: Let me ask HJ, do you think it’s alright to make mistakes on a live stage? ZHJ: Of course! In this world, who can compare to me in terms of making mistakes on stage? JYQ: Big Bro “Forgetting the Lyrics” ZHJ: Not only forgetting the lyrics. I’ve written a whole new song before. ZHJ: This has to be said though, Xiao Zhan has improved a lot.

Hacken Lee x Zhou Shen - 大会堂演奏厅 (Da Hui Tang Yan Zou Ting)

30:06 - MC: Hacken wrote the lyrics for this song in 1988, when he was just 21 years old. A lot of people know his songs, but I must let everyone know that he’s written lyrics for more than 80 songs.

Fei Yuqing x Ayanga - 新鸳鸯·蝴蝶梦 (Xin Yuan Yang - Hu Die Meng) + Ayanga in a Pikachu sweater. Never thought I’d see it.

37:55 - MC: I need to say, from my standpoint, the one I could see the most clearly was Xiao Zhan. It looked like there was something shining from deep within his eyes. XZ: I feel very touched. I felt like I could hear in the song a hopeful feeling. It was divine, and made me see “hope” and the “future”. It’s very abstract, but I liked it a lot. NY: As soon as FYQ opened his mouth, I felt (indescribable). I realized that in the music industry, he’s too superior. -- NY: I’ve been thinking to myself- how could FYQ not continue to sing anymore.[FYQ is retiring, after this show is over, he will not be singing professionally anymore.] At the very last moment, now here is Ayanga. When he stood there singing I came to realize that even when Xiao Ge doesn’t sing anymore, he could be relieved that Ayanga is there to sing in his place.

Zhou Huajian x Jiang Yiqiao - 虎口脱险 (Hu Kou Tuo Xian)

Na Ying x Xiao Zhan - 恼人的秋风 (Nao Ren De Qiu Feng)

1:00:20 - MC: Hold on! We need to confirm something first. Could the female singer please say a few words? (/confirm it is really Na Yin XD/) NY: He’ll talk first. Him first. MC: I really do not dare believe this is our Na-jie! Audience: Team Na-Zhan! x10000 NY: What about us? Audience: You’re great!!! NY: Do you think we can turn this around (win another round)? Audience: /cheering/ MC: XZ, tell me. Whose idea was this? XZ: Actutally, it was Na-jie. She said she wanted to pay tribute. MC: ??? NY: It’s because previously we heard Hacken and Zhou Shen sing the “Ye Lang Disco”. After I saw that I thought that we also should sing a song like that. I wanted to pay tribute to my 80′s. MC: XZ. When you heard about the song, did you not even hesitate for a second? NY: He ignored me for a whole day! XZ: No, Na-jie! I really was working! I wouldn’t dare (ignore you)! NY: I was thinking “Oh shoot. He probably doesn’t like it.” MC: Or maybe he got scared. XZ: Honestly I did hesitate at first. I didn’t think I would be able to control it. But Na-jie said she wanted it retro, and she explained her vision to me, and I was convinced. I said if we’re going to do it, let’s [go big or go home]. So we tried a retro style.

1:02:05 - MC: You know, with Na-jie.. it’s very rare that we have the chance to see you sing AND dance on stage. ZHJ: And she danced very well! NY: I really need to thank XZ for practicing the steps with me all the time. When we were sitting there, too, he was counting the beats for me. You all know that even when I walk normally I’m a little uncoordinated. So this (dance) was really hard for me. You may not have seen, but up there where the lyrics are, the choreographer was there, showing me the steps.

1:02:53 - MC: Let me tell you, ever since we started battling in teams, this is the first time that FYQ forgot to hold his pen and paper. 1:03:44 - ZHJ: I know you are all very happy, but have you thought about how we feel? (ZHJ x JYQ, who have to sing next). You two... do you have to be so cruel? NY: In this music competition, you HAVE TO be this cruel. ZHJ: If we could vote, I’d vote for you to win. ZHJ: I’m really happy and thankful to have made it this far in the competition. It doesn’t even feel like one at this point. We’re all here to appreciate each other. I really want to thank the two of you for letting us open our eyes and ears. Especially Na-jie. NY: This is not easy for me. ZHJ: You’re obviously someone who can just rely on your face... why do you have to sing so well? And why do you have to have such a nice figure? NY: Do you know how much I’ve suffered off this stage? I can’t eat all the good foods! YOU can eat a bowl of noodles, but I can only eat three strands! XZ: !! NY: And then I have to work out. I think if you still want to stand on stage, you have to maintain a healthy mind/body. ZHJ: We will still work hard! Watch out for us!

Zhou Huajian x Jiang Yiqiao - 其实不想走 (Qi Shi Bu Xiang Zou | Don’t Want to Go)

1:05:11 - NY: This title makes my heart hurt. ZHJ: We can only play the sympathy card now.

1:12:24 - MC: When I was conversing with HJ before, he had told me that there was a singer that he always wanted to sing with- that singer is Na-jie. NY: ?! Audience: /sing sth!/

1:13:13 - ZHJ: Work with me here, is there any of my songs that you’ve heard? NY: I can sing any/all of your songs. MC: Can I request one? Because the two of your teams.... only one will continue in the competition, and now you have to part ways. So the only thing I can think of is “ 让我欢喜让我忧” (Make Me Happy Make Me Worry)

多想說聲我真的愛妳 I want to say I really love you 多想說聲對不起妳 I want to say I’m sorry to you 妳哭著說情緣已盡 You cry and say the relationship is over 難再續難再續 It’s too hard to continue, too hard to continue

就請妳給我多一點點時間再多一點點問候 Just please give me just a little more time, just a little more greetings 不要一切都帶走 Don’t take everything and go 就請妳給我多一點點空間再多一點點溫柔 Just please give me just a little more space, just a little more tenderness 不要讓我如此難受 Don’t make me so uncomfortable

ZHJ: Wait, there’s more I have to sing

妳這樣一個女人讓我歡喜讓我(+們)憂 A woman like you, makes me happy and makes US worry (he changed the lyrics from “me” to “us”) 讓我甘心為了妳付出我(+們)所有 Let me be happy for you, give US everything

1:16:39 - MC: I’ve been listening to a song recently that I really like, and I’ve written down a few of the lyrics to share with you. I think it suits this stage and everyone’s thinking. We say that this society runs too fast sometimes. So how fast is it? [Lyrics to Zhou Huajian’s most recent release “少年” Shao Nian (Youth)]

有时候来不及沉淀　岁月总是跑在灵魂的前面 Sometimes it’s too late to rush, years go by passing faster than the soul 好在还有一点信念　陪我们完成每一天 Fortunately I still have a little faith to accompany us to complete the day 别忘记心中的少年　狂奔的勇敢的 Don’t forget the youth still in your heart, hasty, brave 最初的少年 The youth you were at first

MC: We’ve been waiting six years for a new song from Huajian. Could you tell us about this song? ZHJ: Let me speak directly. For people my age, it’s hard to walk into a record shop... it’s highly likely that there aren’t many songs we can choose to listen to. That’s not to say that the current music of the youth isn’t good, it’s just that when you reach a certain age, there’s inevitably going to be that generational gap. I wanted to be able to give people in my generation a choice. For the past six years I’ve been thinking about this, and it’s only in the past year that I realized that after having written eight songs I was always talking about the past, when I was young. That’s how I thought of the theme, the title- “shao nian.” When I finished making the song I found it interesting. I used the word “youth” to look at the faces of everyone around me. The people I know now, the people I’ve known for years, the people I am getting to know. There’s a youth inside all of us. No matter what age you are now, whether 60 or 70, there’s a youth inside you. Don’t hide them. Let them out.

Goodbye to Zhou Huajian and Jiang Yiqiao :’(

#Our Song #我們的歌 #i think lkq x zs or fyq x ayanga will win #straight up vocals #give fyq a grand memory for his start of retirement

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arya3610 · 7 years

Text

Was tagged by @jay--may

Rules: Answer these statements and tag 20 people (i... don't have 20 friends I'm a loser)

I tag @hereforhistory, @space-juice-smoothie, @jeonghandled, @queenofminininjas and uuuhhh anyone else who sees this and wants to do it go for it, I’d love to see what you say

also if i tagged you and you dont want to, you can ignore me, its cool lol

ALSO JUST BEE TEE DUBS THIS IS A LOT LONGER THAN I THOUGHT LOL SO IF U DONT HAVE THE TIME DONT WORRY ABOUT IT

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Tap water lol

2. Phone call: I missed a call from my mom like two hours ago

3. Text message: my mom telling me to do my laundry

4. Song you listened to: probably Nightmares by All Time Low. It’s good, I’m a fan.

5. Time you cried: ah jeez, idk like... junior year? so 2-3 years ago. Everyone in the drama club went out for an after-party thing except me bc everyone forgot to invite me lol. found out about it later and cried pretty hard. still makes me sad tbh.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: id have to date someone Once for that ahahah. No.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: No

8. Been cheated on: Nope.. Again, requires a relationship to begin with

9. Lost someone special: family members, yes, but in a romantic sense, no

10. Been depressed: um I've been sad plenty of times but idk about like “depression”? Maybe?

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no lol I'm under the legal drinking age and also not into breaking laws

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. purple

13. blue

14. that kind of iridescent black where you can see rainbows in it

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yeah! :D

16. Fallen out of love: No lol haven't been in it to fall out

17. Laughed until you cried: like once. it was this video

18. Found out someone was talking about you: um no? hopefully not

19. Met someone who changed you: I don't think so?

20. Found out who your friends are: wow this is worded aggressively lol. My friends are all great <3

21. Kissed someone on your FB list: Nope, no kisses from me

GENERAL:

22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them lol Facebook is used for family (i don't get on it a lot, my family is awful)

23. Do you have any pets: I have a long haired German Shepherd named Micah! She is adorable

24. Do you want to change your name: Not really. I used to as a kid bc its super common, but I'm used to it at this point lol

25. What did you do for your last birthday: had cake lol ACTUALLY MY BIRTHDAY IS FRIDAY (7/28) SO IM EXCITED FOR THAT

26. What time did you wake up: like 8:25. and then I cursed my sister for waking me up so early lol

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching Ray Narvarez Jr. (Brownman) play Dream Daddy lol

28. Name something you can’t wait for: my books to ship in! I ordered a bunch of novels from Amazon :D

29. When was the last time you saw your Mom: last night :)

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: maybe my family? I just wish they were more accepting and less super Christian republicans

31. What are you listening to right now: my brother watching Youtube videos in the other room. idk what he's watching but it sounds like a lot of yelling

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah, Tommy and I were co-valedicorians of our high school :D He’s super chill guy

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: My mom telling me i can't dye my hair again for a while lol

34. Most visited website: probably Youtube or tumblr

35. Mole/s: ALLLL OVER I am a very mole covered person lol freckles too, but not on my face which is weird

36. Mark/s: birthmark on the back of my right hip lol

37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be an Author bc I loved to read so much like all the time

38. Hair color: It’s a darker blonde with purple streaks and bits all over. the purple is fading out though. :(

39. Long or short hair: oh my goodness, my hair is long. It hits a few inches below my bra strap

40. Do you have a crush on someone?: nope, not really my thing lol

41. What do you like about yourself: I like my hair lol. No matter what else happens in my life, I can always say my hair is soft af

42. Piercings: lobe piercings and one up on the shell (thinking of adding another set of lobes and another shell one, but... in time, in time...)

43. Blood type: I don't know??? is this a thing Im supposed to know??

44: Nicknames: not really

45. Relationship status: Single and not really looking to change that for the moment

46. Zodiac: Leooooo

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV shows: SPN, Broadchurch, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine lol

49. Tattoos: NOT YET but I will... one day

50. Right or left hand: Right hand

51. Surgery: nope, I am a healthy child

52. Hair dyed a different color: Purple! love it, would do it again and again

53. Sports: Noooope

54. Vacation: went to Florida earlier this month lol

55. Shoes: what is this even asking lol like “shoes” how many, what kind? idk Im just going to skip it

56. Eating: nothing currently

57. Drinking: uh water? Stay hydrated kids

58. I’m about to: play Stardew Valley :D

59. Waiting for: uh. My motivation to finish my 20 AUs?

60. Want: a cookie rn like dang that sounds good

61. Get married: Maybe one day, but they’d have to be pretty great

62. Career: I am a college student, currently

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: Hugs!! Warm hugs!!

64. Lips or eyes: Uh idc? I don't really pay attention to either I guess. Eyes?

65. Shorter or taller: This seems kind of shallow lol idk Taller?

66. Older or younger: as long as they’re nice, idc

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: um okay but how about nice sense of humor? :D

68. Sensitive or loud: my dog is loud, thank you for asking

69. Hook up or relationship: relationship I guess

70. Troublemaker or hesitant: these are weiiiirrrd queessstiiooonnsss

HAVE YOU EVER:

71. Kissed a stranger: Nah

72. Drank hard liquor: nope

73. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Nope! I’m very careful with my contacts and glasses

74. Turned someone down: Yes but it was for a good reason lol

75. Sex on first date: Aahahahahahaa Im Ace yo

76. Broken someone’s heart: Nope, no one really feels that way about me

77. Had your heart broken: nope, I’ve never fell in love with anyone

78. Been arrested: no, I was valedictorian lol I am the most boring child

79. Cried when someone died: no, but no one super close to me has died

80. Fallen for a friend: No, but my friends are great <3 <3

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: I believe in a thing called love... just listen to the rhythm of my heart lol

82. Miracles: idk?

83. Love at first sight: i believe in infatuation at first sight that can develop into love. I also believe in an aesthetic/sexual attraction that can develop into love. idk about love at first sight

84. Santa Claus: He’s a good dude. You do you, Santa

85. Kiss on the first date: if ur feeling it man go for it. I’ve never been on a date so idk XD

OTHER:

86. Current best friend: idk I have a lot of important friends

87. Eye color: Brooown

88. Favorite movie: uh... I like Hercules a lot?

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katiemcgrxth · 7 years

Note

1-44 ;)

yikes i forgot about this lol okay

i’m gonna put it under a read more

(i’m doing zero too bc i don’t want it to feel left out)0: Height? 5′61: Age? 192: Shoe size? UK 73: Do you smoke? no4: Do you drink? i’m known to dabble in the art of alcohol5: Do you take drugs? no6: Age you get mistaken for? somewhere around 18-217: Have tattoos? nope8: Want any tattoos? yeah, i wanna get one super soon9: Got any piercings? just my earlobes twice on each side10: Want any piercings? i mean, i’ll probs get my ears pierced more11: Best friend? i have close friends but idk whos my best friend tbh12: Relationship status? i couldn’t be more single13: Biggest turn ons? tattoos, sense of humour, people that are dorky and don’t know that they’re hot af14: Biggest turn offs? arrogance, ignorant opinions, and general rudeness15: Favourite movie? life is beautiful, mona lisa smile, mean girls, & harry potter16: I’ll love you if… you sing along to musicals with me17: Someone you miss? childhood friends mostly n then just a couple people i don’t get to see very often18: Most traumatic experience? i don’t wanna type it lol19: A fact about your personality? there’s too very contradicting sides to me…like i can be super nervous and meticulously plan everything or just go with the flow and give zero fucks…its one extreme or the other and its confusing20: What I hate most about myself? my appearance (minus my hair)21: What I love most about myself? i’m a good person 22: What I want to be when I get older? actor all day er’day23: My relationship with my sibling(s) i can’t imagine life without them24: My relationship with my parent(s) i love them so very much25: My idea of a perfect date? i love just sitting in pubs/bars tbh, stargazing, cute activity dates like pottery or archery???, walks at night… i’m rlly not hard to please26: My biggest pet peeves? honestly just people27: A description of the girl/boy I like? straight….so lets leave it there28: A description of the person I dislike the most? cheeto with the w o r s t combover 29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend? i didn’t wanna start an argument lol30: What I hate the most about work/school? its not what i wanna be doing31: What my last text message says? “yo you alright??”32: What words upset me the most? well whenever someone says ‘snake’ i can feel my body go into panic mode 33: What words make me feel the best about myself? ‘young’ it sounds dumb ok but i constantly feel like i’m running out of time so when people remind me that i’m young it makes me feel sooooo much better34: What I find attractive in women? usually dark hair, blue/green eyes, tomboyish but like, just girls that are complete badasses n don’t compromise who they are35: What I find attractive in men? if they can play guitar, stubbly beards, dresses kinda like a hipster but not so much that they look like an asshole36: Where I would like to live? New York City, get me there nOW37: One of my insecurities? i hate pretty much everything about my body38: My childhood career choice? Actor/Singer/Writer i’m a creative kid lol39: My favourite ice cream flavour? cookie dough or mint chocolate chip40: Who I wish I could be? me but like, the version of that has their shit together and is an actual accomplished actor lol41: Where I want to be right now? on a film/tv set wouldn’t be too bad….it may sound like my entire life revolves around acting but that’s because it does….42: The last thing I ate? an apple43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately? honestly ive been thinking about chyler leigh like all day44: A random fact about anything? space is really fucking cool

#about me #thanks!

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ravingsofajunkie · 7 years

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“At least you’re still alive”. It’s almost as bad as “at least you’re sober”. I really have no idea what those mean to me. Alive…dead…sober or high, I don’t see importance of one state over another. Suicidal, I am not. I’ve been suicidal before because I thought that’s what you do when you’re depressed. A suicidal thought would cross my mind saying life would be much easier if I weren’t here. I would go with that thought believing it was real. But if there was any amount of known pain involved in a certain method of suicide I wouldn’t want use it. So the best way was Tylenol. Right? As if! Twice even!

My belief system had been this: I’m capable of thinking a thought therefore it must be true and I have no choice but to follow that one path. I really didnt know, deep down, I had a choice about everything…and I mean e-ve-ry-thing until about 2013. My first lesson was in 2004. Being sober for almost a year I found some solace at a Methodist church in the Lakeview neighborhood of Chicago. I attended an orientation class for those who were curious about becoming more involved with that specific church. The straight pastor who had been suspended from serving this church for marrying gay couples said, “we’re more universalist than Methodist here. Some of us actually believe that Jesus didn’t rise from the dead which doesn’t mean youre not a Christian.” I knew what he said was Truth yet still I was flabbergasted and gratitude radiated from my body like light from the sun.

The second lesson was in 2011. I had been using crystal meth off and on for about a year. My most personal and revealing tweak was carpet combing. I would spend hours (in total adding up to days and days) combing through my carpet to see if I or anyone else had dropped any crystal meth whether or not it was used in that part of the apartment. The sense of lack in my life was fierce. Lack of choices. Lack of friends. Lack of money. Lack of worthiness. I wanted more T and that shiT was expensive. Letting the cat out of the bag and revealing my tweak to a “friend” he said, “You have a choice. You need to tell yourself to get up off the floor and do something else. That shit is pathetic”. Why did he have to add THAT at the end? My sense of lack was so loud I had neglected my truer instincts.

I have never understood concepts such as a God based out of major religions, baptism, funerals, I am supposed to give a shit about the plight of every human being (especially when I could imagine aspects unknown to my experience and without judgment), and the importance of “at least I didn’t die”. Gosh, I must be a heartless person. That’s not what most people have told me, though. My first sponsor (in AA) of eight years mentioned that I was very altruistic at least once in every conversation, always trying to affirm my worthiness. I had no idea what that meant, at first, so I looked it up. It meant I was a very giving person with no expectation of reward or reciprocity? Please. No one…absolutely no one I know is the perfect model of altruism. A reward always awaits in anything we do or are with the simple release of the feel -good-chemical dopamine. I had started to hate all people because I gave too much of my energy trying to be friends with everyone. I sat on the term, altruism, for quite a long time trying understand why he would say that. My sponsor also sat on a pedestal where i had placed him until it came crashing down during the “relapse” or “revolving door” years between 2009-2012. I recall six major flaws in our relationship. 1. He would always forget routine activities that had been happening for years. 2. When I started “relapsing” on Crystal Meth his ignorance and lack of curiosity of what I was going through climaxed with “you were gone for three months and you still have your teeth”. 3. He actually meant “intuitive” or “empathic”…not altruistic…u’s, t’s and i’s…I see it. (And yes ive had almost all UTIs…LOL) 4. The statement, “you are now a chronic relapser” stung. 5. I was way too sensitive. 6. I placed him on that damn pedestal…he’s not perfect.

In 2013 my experiences had been traumatizing enough to bring me back to sobriety and rehab for what I had thought would be the fifth and last time. I had been attending back to back workshops at Haymarket, the boot camp rehab center in Chicago’s West Loop (two blocks away from Oprah’s Harpo studios) for poor and mandated-by-court patients.The difference between previous rehab experiences and this one was I had sensed an overwhelming flood, an abundance, of worthiness with no external motivation but the observation of a few opinions being thrown my way. Id, ego and super-ego were bookended with the father, son and holy spirit in a matter of a couple hours. Accompanied by my “mind, body, and spirit” theories floating around in my head I had made the connection between the holistic, religious, and psychiatric examples. They’re all the fucking same. Fuckers. Everyone. The whole bit. We, as human beings, have come to a place of identification and political correctness, no matter how liberal or conservative, dividing ourselves into the most lonely of separation. It’s all the fucking same. We’re all the fucking same. A fun bitterness accompanied those thoughts and feelings…just pure instinct, knowing, curiosity, and worthiness. Or was I just close enough to the A-Ha energy emenating from Harpo Studios? Who cares?! Naturally, bitterness arrived in the grieving process of letting go of old conditioning, assumptions and ideogy later on but I knew I had touched on Truth. Without knowing I had set out on a mission to choose my own belief system. The excitement of a clear internal motivation allowed me to hear the quiet “no of all nothing” (e.e. cummings) and the little guide posts externally along the way, aka synchronicity. A common phrase in AA made more sense to me then and now. “These (ideas, thoughts, 12 steps, clichés) are merely suggestions. You can take them or leave them”. Now if they, as one example of a recovery community, actually knew how to do that I would still be involved.

Ironically, despite my internal spark, two pieces of advice that I can give anyone today to achieve this state of mind, of knowing abundance, are not of my own making.

1. Set a hoola-hoop around you on the ground. Whether or not you have done this literally or in your mind’s eye, the only thing you need to worry about is inside this hoola-hoop. Dudes…all that gobbledeegook out there, i.e. media, government, gossip, your neighbors, etc are mostly a distraction. Everyday, all day, little by little, I gave this thought and asked myself, “why am I doing this? What is my motivation”. I have a tendency to over do things but the importance of being able to take all of my attachments and examine them overwhelms me with gratitude. My goal was to identify and keep my sense of inner motivation. Ironically I discovered that abundance after quitting injecting crystal meth on my own yet still getting high as a kite. More on that later.

2. Get religion out of ‘spirituality’. I don’t give a fuck if you’re atheist, muslim, naturalist, scientist, evolutionist, creationist, christian, or a devil worshipper. It’s all the same and 99% of all people can relate to this definition. The most important thing next to feeling worthy is being able to communicate our worthiness to each other. Just retrain your brain. Easy, right? If you’re too lazy to do it, fine. Ive been super lazy about lesser important things about which most people have pigeon-holed me into a being bad person. True, external motivation/inspiration exists but I cannot give you your worthiness. You have to feel that all on your own. So, take it or leave it.

Spirit - that life-giving source…the spark of life…energy everywhere…infinite microcosm….infinite macrocosm…atoms…universes…the unknowable thing that makes you or me breathe or get up in the morning or feel or do or be or the fact that scientists say that energy cannot be destroyed.

—“I’ve got spirit! Yes, I do! I’ve got spirit! How 'bout you?!”

Spiritual - expressing that energy. For all people and things something is being expressed. Even a rock.

Spirituality - experiencing the energy from within and from without. The sharing of that energy. Giving and receiving. Selfishness and selflessness. Reciprocity. The flow. Not Aunt Flo….but…The Flow.

What does this have to do with the phrases “at least you’re still alive” and “at least you’re sober”? Because I feel that it’s all the same, life, death, energy. To say otherwise is to imply shame or that I am not as good of a person for being high or dead. I’ve given myself the chance (time and space) to experience where motivation, creativity, inspiration, passion, love, hate, boredom etc comes from. All of these are within the realms of the abundance and gratitude I feel. I think it’s a lot like the idea of Zen….that energy and motivation are coming from the “no of all nothing”. Relax and go. And it’s even okay to question it all because I am naturally human, merely a doubter, a forgetter, blinded by my ability to separate, organize and categorize. In that painful distraction I can experience an even more powerful understanding that “it’s all the same.” Through the Flow of every experience, high or sober… dying or living, I can allow my humanness to evolve into knowing a little better than the last time I forgot. I have come to accept that, over time, I have seemingly no choice but to evolve in any state of being through some higher purpose…or inner purpose…or. Maybe I’m limiting myself by saying I have no choice in the matter. But until that discovery my options seem endless. And only by experiencing and expressing will I be able to see and know those options.

I am existence. I am energy. I am expressing my True Self through the tool of categorization (aka the Ego or Original Sin) and with each glorious experience. I choose to believe in my worthiness through the abundance of my expression without as much filter of seperateness and as many boundaries as I need.

Life is a paradox. I am a paradox.

May The Force be with you.

#charity

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echeveriia-moved-accounts · 7 years

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Get To Know Me

man i love oversharing so here’s another one of these

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag people

THE LAST: 1. Drink: coffee 2. Phone call: probably with one of my parents, but all that’s showing up in my call history is the endless calls from the red cross asking for my blood that i ignore 3. Text message: with @elliox 4. Song you listened to: scream - 2ne1 5. Time you cried: hmm i don’t really remember but it was probably about my cat

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: no 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: no 8. Been cheated on: no 9. Lost someone special: yes 10. Been depressed: buddy i’m always depressed

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: green, blue, black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yes! i made friends with @some-good-meme this year and also got closer to @nart-snart and i’m love you guys 16. Fallen out of love: no 17. Laughed until you cried: yes i love when that happens 18. Found out someone was talking about you: i can’t remember but maybe? 19. Met someone who changed you: not really 20. Found out who your friends are: yes 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: no

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them, and i assume anyone i don’t recognize is someone from elementary school who i just forgot about 23. Do you have any pets: three cats and a bearded dragon 24. Do you want to change your name: idk i mean i don’t really like my name but i don’t know what i’d change it to 25. What did you do for your last birthday: not much, i went out to eat and got a chocolate turtle cake to celebrate 26. What time did you wake up: sometime after 11:00 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching psych 28. Name something you can’t wait for: going to college in august! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like 5 minutes ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i really wish i’d done more outside of school during high school, like i wish i’d joined a club or something and gotten a job. i feel like it’s gonna put me at a disadvantage eventually cause other people actually did stuff with their lives 31. What are you listening right now: madness - muse 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: ...i actually don’t know haha 33. Something that gets on your nerves: the sounds of other people eating 34. Most visited website: probably this blue hellsite

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: i have a couple on my arms 36. Mark/s: i have freckles all over, but they’re a lot more faded now than when i was younger 37. Childhood dream: i didn’t really have one specific childhood dream idk 38. Haircolor: red 39. Long or short hair: long 40. Do you have a crush on someone: nope 41. What do you like about yourself: *visibly straining against my self loathing* i really like my drive to work hard and be successful cause as long as it’s there i know i won’t give up on myself 42. Piercings: i’ve got two earlobe piercings on each ear, and two cartilage piercings on my left ear (one of the cartilage piercings is closed, though, and so is one of the earlobe piercings on the same ear) 43. Bloodtype: o+ 44. Nickname: crusty (lmao) 45. Relationship status: single and a strange and confusing mixture of happy and lonely 46. Zodiac: capricorn 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: star trek (especially the next generation, deep space nine, and enterprise)

49. Tattoos: i don’t have any but i want to get some 50. Right or left handed: right handed 51. Surgery: i had minor knee surgery when i was 14 in an attempt to correct my leg length discrepancy, but it didn’t really help that much 52. Hair dyed in different color: just the bottom, i had a gradient from my natural red to black 53. Sport: haha nope i’m no good at any sports 55. Vacation: ...is this asking about a favorite vacation?? the last couple summers my family and i traveled to a bunch of different national parks so that was really cool, i especially liked glacier national park and banff/lake louise 56. Pair of trainers: what the hell does this mean lmao

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: nothing 58. Drinking: nothing 59. I’m about to: go to bed 61. Waiting for: my college’s counseling department to email me back so i can try to get some help haha 62. Want: the sweet release of death 63. Get married: possibly??? i have no idea 64. Career: i wanna be a doctor someday

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller 68. Older or younger: older?? idk 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: nice stomach i guess 71. Sensitive or loud: ehh kinda more on the sensitive side 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: no 75. Drank hard liquor: yes 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope, i don’t wear them 77. Turned someone down: yes 78. Sex on the first date: no 79. Broken someone’s heart: no 80. Had your heart broken: no 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: yes 83. Fallen for a friend: no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: my initial reaction is “lol no” but honestly i do believe in myself. i’m strong and i’m gonna succeed 85. Miracles: not magical ones but the random happenstance ones yes 86. Love at first sight: no 87. Santa Claus: no 88. Kiss on the first date: sure if that’s what someone wants to do

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: jack 91. Eye color: grey 92. Favorite movie: spirited away

I tag: everyone i already tagged in the post, @nicheofnight, and anyone else who wants to do it

#tag game #about me

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