#im already crying what the fuck

[quaggyday]

Ace's death is a tragedy because it was both preventable and inevitable

After like a thousand episodes of an impossible goal of rescuing Ace and losing thousands of lives in the process, at the last moment everything goes to shit because if ONLY he had just ran with his family. If only he had just swallowed his feelings and got the hell out of there to live another day

But like

Of COURSE Ace would never run from a fight, something shown time and time again. Of course he would defend Whitebeard, the only Father figure in his life to tell him "You deserve to be here" and showed again and again he loved Ace no matter what. Of course Ace would put his love and pride all out for somebody he loves, its simply who he is

And of course if Luffy, the crying baby brother who told him he needed him around was going to die in just seconds Ace would give up everything for him. His own pride got him in this despairing situation, and he took the consequences by saving his brother for another day because that's what big brothers do

What Akainu did was basically playing Ace's worst weakness, a weakness that came from a government that normalizes hunting and killing kids for just existing with things they can't control. And the fact that Akainu wanted Ace and Luffy dead not because of any of the crimes they did as pirates, but because their Fathers were technical criminals is what honestly makes this more of a gut punch of cruelty

Luffy and Sabo better get the chance to punch avenge their brother eventually

#I didn't cry at Ace's death #Cause I already kind of knew #But like I could not breathe while it happened #one piece #op #monkey d. luffy #portgas d ace #fuck akainu all my homies hate akainu #Im not tagging that mf but like you know #tragedy #btw this is based of off posts dissecting tragedies and what makes them so good check them out #asl brothers

[taikanyohou]

#And All Three Lived Codependently Ever After. KinnPorsche (2022) : Episode 14.

#vegaspetemacau #kinnporsche #asianlgbtqdramas #asiandramasource #* #faiza gifs #IM GONNA FUCKING CRY #NO BC MACAU LOVES PETE SO MUCH HE WOULD LITERALLY SQUEEZE HIM INTO THE TIGHTEST HUG HE JUST HAS #SO MUCH INFECTIOUS LOVE TO GIVE TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and at first pete doesnt know what to do with MACAU doting on HIM???? but then he gets used to it and realises how macau needs this??? #so he just LOVES macau back SO MUCH oh my GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and vegas ufihbvhfdbv LMAO the Visible Sigh NFUJVBH LMAOOOOO. #but also IN THE VERY LAST GIF? YOU SEEEEE HIM HESITATING LOOK BACK AT MACAU. like oh BABY GIRL dont even WORRY ABOUT IT #macau ALREADY LOVES pete!!!! #ANYWAY THEYRE MY FAVE FAMILY EVER EVER EVER EVER EVERRRRRRRRRRRR!!! #AND YES ALL THREE of them live codependently ever after ALL THREE fucking NEED each other. to toxic levels. THEY NEED EACH OTHER.

[jay-starss]

@ilikesillythingswooo I BLAME YOU FOR GIVING ME THE URGE TO MAKE A KIRBY OC

#original character #oc #oc art #character art #doodle #kirby series #kirby #kirby oc #kirby right back at ya #i love her #shes so pretty #shes so silly #shes so funny #but like #WHAT I DIDNT KNOW #IS THAT SCARFIE WAS ALREADY A CANON CHARACTER #IN THE FUCKING SERIES #it just ends with a ‘y’ but oml #im gonna cry #I DIDNT KNOW #MY ASS THOUGHT I WAS BEING SO SMART AND ORIGINAL #but you know what #i said screw it im gonna make scarfy and scarfie best buds #THEY ARE NOW VERY MUCH BEST BUDS

[lucentshore]

DEATHDUO MEETUP REAL AND TRUE NOBODY TOUCH ME IM GOING TO START SOBBING UNCTONROLLABLY

#I WAS JUST DOING MY HOEMWORK #AND I GET A NOTIFICATION FROM TWITTER #FROM PHIL #AND IM LIKE ?? WHAT #BECAUSE IT SAYS ''IT FINALLY HAPPENED'' #AND IM LIKE. WHAT. WDYM #WHAT HAPPENED #I KNOW HES ALREADY THERE IN BRAZIL WDYM #SO I PULL THE NOTIF DOWN A LITTLE AND SEE THE IMAGE PREVIEW #AND I REALIZE IT MIGHT BE MISSA #AND THEN I OPENED THE NOTIFICATION #AND I GOT SO SURPRISED I NEARLY THREW MY PHONE #WHAT THE FUCK #DEATHDUO JUMPSCARE #IM GOING TO EXPLODE #I ALMOST STARTED CRYING I WAS SO SURPRISED + EXCITED #WHAT THE FUCKKK #our posts 🌊 #deathduo #qsmp #philza #missa sinfonia

[the-converse-high-top]

this is going to sound really fucked up but i just need to say it i think.

I never realized that people could actually care. I always thought that the depictions of friendship in movies and TV shows were over-the-top portrayals, and weren't things that actually happened. This was then exacerbated by the fact that my entire life I always wanted people to just Know How I Was Feeling like they do on TV and I found out that that's Not How It Works. I always thought I was naive for caring so much about my friends and for doing nice things for them out of the blue, and I always resented myself for resenting my parents for not doing more for me as a child.

So when I got to uni, and my friends started caring about me and asking if I was ok when I looked sad and doing nice things for me, I didn't know what to do with myself. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me in a long time. When I was staying with a friend, and she said that she left the window open in the room I was going to be staying in because I liked it to be cold when i sleep, I bluescreened. I didn't know how to respond. It is quite literally one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for me. No one had ever paid that much attention to the things I liked. Every year on my birthday it was either a gamble if I would get something I actually wanted from my parents (spoiler alert: I was often disappointed) or I would just have to straight up tell them what I wanted. I got accustomed to the latter, and now I don't mind, but receiving two gifts from friends about languages this year made me realize that I could have it so much better.

And don't even get me started on online friends. I sort of thought that everyone was lying about them? Or that it was something unattainable, and reserved only for God's Chosen Favorites or something. But no, there are little people in my phone who care about me. They legitimately care about me as much as I care about them. I've been nervous to ask them about their well-being because I'm still nervous about being naive and getting a wake-up call that no one cares again, but after being told that they were worried about me when I overslept, I think i should know that I'm in the clear. And that's not even including all the times they tell me to go to bed when it's late, and when they ping me about things I may enjoy or things I was involved in.

All this is to say I guess that I'm touched that people remember my existence. It makes me feel good to be wanted. I will be eternally grateful to both my irl and online friends who made me realize that just because my parents or my friends from home didn't care enough to remember what I like or to go out of their way to do nice things for me, it doesn't mean that no one will. I need to step up and do more for you guys. I trained myself to push down my desire to help and check in with people because I thought I was betting on something that I'd never get in return, but now I know I can.

Thank you all, and I love you 💚

#uf this is a long one sorry 😅 #i put it under a cut so it wont clog up your dash #btw if you are an online friend and you do something nice for me #what you arent seeing is me squealing and crying and bluescreening before giving your message a heart emoji and possibly the 🥹 emoji #the 🥹 emoji to me is a dear friend #🥹 to me in the context of accepting nice things means that im basically already crying #i am so incredibly appreciative of you all #i will not stop saying it #and i need to say it more to my irls faces #if you know me irl and you see this expect me to tell you very soon that i fucking love you #and if youre an online friend and you have vagueposted about something happening to you since ive met you #you may or may not get a message about it (depending on how chicken i am) because i fucking care about your well-being goddamnit #idk idk idk i just #it still amazes me that this isnt fake #that you actually care #i keep thinking that ill say something wrong or whatever and ill lose it all #but in the back of my mind i know that isnt true #i should probably be telling all this to a therapist but therapy is expensive and posting online is free #there was something else i wanted to say but i forgor so ill edit and add it when i rember #ok to rb #long post #personal

[jakowskis]

"i hated owen for all/most of s1 i only started liking him in s2" weak. i liked owen since he got choked against a wall by an angry woman and then told her he wanted to shag her immediately afterwards. and then even more when he spent ep3 trying to intimidate and murder a rapist

#txt #torchwood posting #owen in the pilot? trash. but i tend to think ep3 was his comeuppance #anyway i was biased goin into tw but nonetheless. i loved him near immediately #i was like oh hermann from pr but hes a mean shitty little twink ohh??? #oh hes fucked up! oh he has murder in his eyes and hes crying! oh im obsessed! and it spiraled from there #which is usually how it goes #sigh #but yeah ep3 was when i rllyyyy started to love owen #the obsession. the vigilantism. going against jack's orders. #that one shot where gwen looks at him and he looks dangerous #i think what got me was in ep1 we see torchwood broke suzie and pushed her to kill #so seeing that a second torchwood member was also at that point only two eps later #it was like ohhhhh. ohhh thats whats going on here #and then it's amplified like the end of s1 is just owen spiraling so hard he almost destroys the world. and it was fucking fantastic #even if the cgi was bad lmfao #s1s character arcs all have to do with exploring how that life breaks people. esp ppl who were already broken. as we find out in s2e12 #& owen's the best example he's sooo fucking mentally ill and self destructive and toxic and miserable and he means the fucking world to me #and then they threw it all away in s2 to make him palatable 😒 #but thats a me problem. i do luv s2 owen just in a diff way #and im v fond of the undead arc #but s1 owen just hits diff for me. burn played him as a scared little boy and it rlly rlly shows #sss

[b1mbodoll]

repeating “jealousy is a disease get well soon bitch” in my head every time i block rude anons and delete hatemail so i can try to brush it off but i am not ur strongest soldier so can you all stop being mean 🩷 please

#♡.gabi barks #im okay i prommy (im crying rn) #like omg seriously what did i do!!!!! i dont do anything but mind my fucking business!!!! and talk to my precious little friends!!!!!! but #apparently i cant even do that bc no matter what i always get meanies in my inbox 🤞 #like im seriously not doing anything i just came back and im already receiving asks telling me to kms and deactivate like do yall realize #im a person too.. like im literally real and i have feelings and im not a complete ditz #like what is so hard about treating people with kindness!!!! #ive spent all morning blocking mean anons and deleting asks and trying to brush off the mean words i see and receive and it hurts!!!! #im just a girl #if u send hate or tslk meanly to or about me im assuming ur a LEWSER and have no life bc i dont even do anything fr!!!!! im coolin!!!!! #i was gonna post this with the jealousy is a disease get well soon girl meme but i couldnt find it #anyway im fine!!!! (as im actively texting my therapist) #no bc im so upset and so angry WHAT AM I DOING WRONG #what am i doing to deserve this like please give me a valid answer so i can fix it im so tired of being sad and mistreated and bullied :( #i know i promised i was gna try to be more active but my little heart is so heavy and sad

[xxcherrycherixx]

Blondie walking into the room to see cupid lounging completely naked on her bed scrolling through hextagram:

Cupid noticing her and moving to wave, her boobs now fully on display: blondie! You’re back early :D whats with that look?

Blondie:

Blondie: dexter would have never survived dating you.

Cupid: what

#ever after high #blondie lockes #c.a cupid #dexter absolutely dodged a bullet he would have been a wreck #‘cmon dex! i want another round ;) ‘ #dexter crying ‘i cant- i physically cant go anymore- its been TWO HOURS cupid i cant go again 😭’ #‘thats fine!’ dexter has hope at cupids words ‘really? youre fine with it’ #cupid nods excitedly ‘yeah! its totally fine! we can just switch positions so im fucking you instead! so you dont have to get it up :D’ #‘wait what- what do you mean- oh. oh thats a dick.’ #dexter frowns as he notices something ‘why does everyone including my gf have a bigger dick than me?’ #dexter could not handle any of cupids constant nakedness or lust #meanwhile blondie is a total freak who is honestly a lil disappointed if cupid isnt naked and ready to go the moment she comes home #lets put it this way: #if dexter walked in tge bedroom to see cupid with even just basic bondage- he would be out of there. #if blondie walked in the room to see cupid as a literal bear with a dick- she would be undressing already. #im sorry i slipped in a bear cupid sex joke #silvers posts just reminded me of it so i have it on the mind 😭 #DAMN YOU BEAR CUPID

[radmista]

Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake

#was already not in a great place mentally but i entertained the call and was actually feeling okay talking to them giving them an update #she just hits me with that. and I'm not normally sensitive about my weight even when my mom harped on me for gaining some a few years back #i genuinely normally don't care bc I'm happy with myself. but i know ive lost weight because I've been on icu and we don't have time to eat #im so fucking mad and im even more mad I'm crying about it #bc what the fuck #i was actually feeling like momentarily safe talking to them and being vulnerable about working on my next life stages #and she just ruined the call. i wanted to talk to my mom and dad more. i do miss talking to them about some things. #i was happy to get to see my family all together even if it was for the dogs birthday. and people were smiling and shit #and ik theyre gonna say i ruined it by being sensitive but jfc #it was literally the 2nd thing my mom said to me on the call after we sang happy birthday #why couldn't she just shut up. why couldn't she have said anything else. why did i let it bother me so much i hung up #I'm just fucking tired and sad and now feeling even lonlier than ever #i just wanted a nice moment with my family god fucking damn is that too hard to ask for #and im even more angry and sad now that i cant call them back bc my mom will get on me about smth else we were previously talking about #that phone call was supposed to be a neutral zone just for the birthday song. and i was going to ride it out but fucking hell #why didnt i just put up with it so i could have talked to my family #and no calling them back isnt an option. they haven't apologized and it would be an un neutral call #which gives them space to harass me about work and shit

[sharp-tooths]

Thinking about the fact that Knives loved western movies as a kid and liked the idea of gunslingers and how after the crash he took the gun from a man he killed and gave it to vash, not only because he wanted his brother to protect himself and join him in killing humans, but because he thought gunslingers were cool. He gave Vash a gun cause he thought having his brother be a gunslinger on a desert planet would be cool. Just like a western movie.

Im dying

#trigun stampede #millions knives #vash the stampede #im just gonna go lie on the floor and cry for a while again #kni at the ripe old age of maybe 7 years old: #my names going to be millions knives #and my brother is going to be a cool gunslinger #and were going to protect our people and kill all of humanity! #im sobbing #on one hand i can see why vash would still so readily forgive him despite the things hes done that alot of ppl would find irredeemable #but also. kni has already been so blindingly consumed by his fear fuled rage #that hes come full circle and doesnt realize hes committed the very same acts he condemns humans for doing to plants #on the very people he was trying to protect #his brother and all the remaining dependent plants #and i personally think the way he went about it was so much more unforgivable and horrific #cause what the ever loving FUCK that was in episode 11 makes me want to puke #and in the beginning of episode 12 i actually almost did #i didnt mean to start ranting in the tags i just have FEELINGS #trigun stampede spoilers

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

WHATS WITH THE FUCKING SKK MUSICIAN AUS WHAT THE FUCK

#caps cw #i just spent the last #5? hours reading still still still im experiencing a range of unexplainable undescribable emotions #i liked that this one was a lot more like overall positive than i was screaming your name through the radio #bc there you already KNOW dazai and chuuya are on bad terms currently so when you're reading them falling in love you have this like #looming dread #the entire time as you wait for things to fall apart #here i had the same sort of anxiety bc theres no way there WOULDNT be drama but it was a LOT less rhan i expected #it was nice #the social media segments were always cute too #they were just #so fucking in love and happy and im fucking crying aouch #esp when dazai announced he got the part. ahgh #me everytime he picks up and spins chuuya: #I WAS JUST EXPLODING BC IT WAS SO SWEET AUFH #anwyay WHATS WITH THE FUCKING MUSIC AUS IN THIS FANDOM #THE FUCK IS THIS #swearing cw #skk

[elegyofthemoon]

MY BEAUTIFUL BOY WHO I WOULD DESTROY THE WORLD FOR

#WHEN TF DID HTEY FINISH MAKING AND COLROING HIS NENDO WHAT THE FUCK #WHERE DO I ORDER IT #WHERE IS #WHERE IS HTE LINK #I CANT FIND IT ANYWHERE #I FOUND BREAKS BUT ITS OFF HTE JP WEBSITE #WHERE HTE FUCK IS MY OZ LINK WHERE I WANT IT SO BA DPLEASE #LOOK AT HIMMMMMM LOOK AT HIS LITTEL SMILE WHHHSHWHWHWHWHWHWHWW #IM GONNA CRY HES SO HAPPYYYYY #MY BABY BOY MY EVERYTHING MY PRIDE AND JOY #avil speaks #pandora hearts #oz vessalius #IF ANYONE KNOWS WHERE I CAN GET IT #PLEASE #I AM BEGGING ON MY HANDS AND KNEES I WANT HIM SO BAD #YES IM AWARE I HAVE AN OZ PLUSH ALREADY #BUT I MUST ALSO ATTAIN THE OZ NENDO.... HE IS EVERYTHING TO ME #this boy turned my life around i you dont understand.... #another Essential you must know about this blog #i love this character his name is oz vessalius and he is from a manga known as pandora hearts :) #Unfortunately i also grew up to be like him LASKDJFALSKJH

[gnomeboops]

just finished young royals and i'm truly regretting wearing my shitty non-waterproof mascara today because holy shit!!!!! oh my god!!!!!!!

#MAN #i couldn't watch the final season when it came out so i've only just finished it #and OH MY GOD. OMFG!!!!!! #i really wasn't sure they were going to make it i was already crying #when there were like 10 minutes left of the episode i was like omg are they going to save it in that time... will it be ok... #and like it got to the point where i was thinking i would have to learn to live with this #and the ending would be bittersweet and id have to deal with that #but OMG!!! THEY SAVED IT #i fully started to sob at ''what the hell do you think'' #like omg... truly im so fucking happy rn i was preparing for the worst and we got THE BEST!!!!!! #young royals #yr #<33 #gnomeantics original 🌟

[boxwinebaddie]

NINNAAAA WHATS SPCD STAND FOR??

oh, it's not that exciting, it's actualy awful. i mentioned it towards the tail end of chapter five of rm. it's basically what cartman used to call kyle when they were growing up. a really cruel fucked up nickname.

the s.p.c.d,

or rather,

the south park city dump. :(

the sp boys used to be fucking horrible to kyle because cartman ruled their elementary/middle school. and when cartman and the boys saw kyle in the hallway they were like "what are you doing here, broflovski? trash day's tomorrow" or omg whenever he walked ANYWHERE they made the "Beep! Beep! Beep!" trash truck noises, but worst of all was that they used to dump out...Full Trashcans On Him. like spoiled milk, rotted food stuffs, glass bottles that werent put in recycling, crushed aluminum cans that cut his cheeks, all kinds of awful, foul smelling sludge...sigh. :/ ily so much baby jersey.

also, if you want to cry extra hard, i think that being covered in all that disgusting lunchroom trash, feeling it soak thru his shirt, stink down to the skin, pool around his shoes, get buried in his hair -- just feeling that dirty and disgusting and Unclean was one of the factors that made his ocd so severe and it's a large part as to why he takes scorching showers and rubs his skin raw bc especially if he smells something weird or its trash day, he gets triggered & has to SCRUB.

but anygays! you bet your ass that tiny lil stan was giving them ALL the business rippin around on his bike brandishing his hockey stick like a big sword, running them out of town and back to their mommas crying and screaming bloody murder all in that giant wayne gretsky *ravenstan vc* yersey...they were SCARED, lolllll!!!

which is a very interesting juxtaposition to sweet, gentle stan very lovingly picking all the food debris out of his kyles beautiful curly whirly hair before marching him over to the bathroom where while kyle showers, stan always sits on the toliet bc their running joke is that kyle might drown ( yes yersey also can't swim ) while stan listens to rock n colors his nails in w/ sharpie or stolen nail polish from shell.

and he's just like "dude, Fuck them, kyle! those fkn gilipollas are just mad because theyre all total perros and you're the most handsome guy in school, hands down." wHICH? AAA??? tbf stan does say shit like that all the time & Means It bc ravenstan has loved jers from the moment he Heard him but kyle thinks he's fuckin w/ him

bc haha!

very fun joke, stan! hit on the weird, overweight, clunky, awkward, nerdy loser boy to make him feel better about himself! great joke, bro!

bUT ITS NOT A JOKE, BESTIE!!!!

HE WANTS TO KISS YOU SO BAD!!!!!!!!

not them both bein secretly and painfully in love with each other but convinced that acting on their feelings would ruin their friendship/be unrequited and both of them being like "he is perfect, what would he want with a fuckin Loser like me?" :/ </3 WERE IN HELL!!!

regardless of thinking it was a joke, it totally made kyle blush, my rosecea king and stan was sooo nervous like oh my god, you are SO stupid, stanley marsh!!!!! guapo??? gUAPO BITCH??!!!! ARE U ACTUALLY INSANE!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??!!!

i love nervous ass tiny stan with his massive universe sized crush on kyle broflovski that he carries around in his black jansport backpack at all times...along with the weight of the world, ofc. we know this.

but anyways..off topic.

closing thoughts?

fuck you fartman.

-uncle nina, tiny but big baby jersey kyle defense club

( don't touch my sweet son!!! MY BABY!!!!! )

p.s. i'm sorry i just started making new sections without warning. i wanted a way to post about what the boys looked or acted like during different periods of their lives -- so like, satana ( which is what stans mom called him ) refers to the period of time before the fire and kyle's 'the s.p.c.d.' section also refers to that period of time.

it's cool you guys are so perceptive tho! i hope you like them <333 you're always welcome to ask me questions about them xx

#the spcd nickname always makes me want to cry #i love you baby jersey kyle he is my angel #the world was so cruel to him #just for being fat too like #everyone who has ever hurt jersey can go hell right after they meet with me and i beat the living shit out of them...til they Die #stan was mad over protective too and stan was weird but he had Clout from being pretty so he was like IF I SEE THAT SHIT AGAIN ITS OVER #and then goes to lovingly tend to kyle like dude im so sorry you dont deserve this shit look im gonna tell their moms #and theyre gonna get so busted and have to pay you back for al your clothes...then we pretend to hit the gap and go to good will instead #and use the rest to buy tokens at the arcade or buy the new mario game and see who can finish a pizza faster its me btw #theyre in love ur honor like why didnt i give them a chance like they were...so married #ALSO AN ANON ASKED ME ABOUT BALLET KY #YES JERSEY TOOK BALLET it wasn't his idea it was an accident bc they were marking electives #and ballet was RIGHT next to basketball and then basketbal got full and sheila was like I ALREADY BOUGHT YOU SHOES UR GOING #and like at first it was really awkward but i think kyle actually really liked the structure of ballet and when u dance beautifully #what he found is that no one had anything to say about his weight just that his pirouette was perfect it was freeing #he dropped it during the kyley b era #but picked it up again in college and its kind of a form of self harm and he fucks up his feet very badly trying to be perfect #also hes like fuck all those people who laughed at me im perfect now im fucking perfect i have to show them i have to be the best #sigh...kyle kyle kyle...ill elaborate on that more in one of the ballet kyle asks but kyle loves ballet and going to preformances #ice skating and dainty refined stuff which is cute bc theyre very nosm like jers on ice skates and stan w the hockey stick during winter

[something-about-sunflowers]

Thinking about Izzy with hanahaki, coughing up flowers over Ed for like 25-30 years. Yeah it sucks but its not gonna kill him. Obviously keeps it a secret (From Ed at least, Fang and Ivan caught on but they don’t wanna get involved in All That so they keep it to themselves and help Izzy out when he gets bad spells. None of them mention it but Izzy is grateful, which makes it all the worse when they start palling around with the Revenge crew over Izzy :’Tc).

(Uh, readmore cause I didn’t expect this to get. Like. Huge. lmao)

Then Stede Fucking Bonnet comes along and things get worse as he watches Ed fall for Stede, even if he doesn’t really understand. Still, he manages. Gotta push through, Ed would expect nothing less.

And when Stede leaves and the Kraken happens Izzy goes through a good bit of hell. Ed is barely out the room after the toe incident before Izzy is hacking up so many flowers he thinks he might actually die this time. He doesn’t, though. Cleans himself up, puts his shaky legs to work. (And then Lucius finds out, doesn’t really matter who pulled him back on board, Izzy knows about it because none of them are subtle. He keeps the secret because. He’s really not sure. But Lucius is in the walls and he hears Izzy having a fit and now he knows. He wants to ask. Tries to, even, Izzy shuts him down and he’s not even angry when he does it. Just. Defeated. Lucius silently adds another thing to his ‘Things I’m Gonna Bitch At Blackbeard For Once He’s Not Crazy Anymore’ list.)

When Stede comes back its. Better. For a while. There’s a lot of hurt all around but everyone is alive and they’re (mostly) talking it through as a crew. Ed makes his apologies to the crew, even to Izzy. Stede makes his apologies as well. Izzy accepts that This Is His Life Now. Since Stede seems to actually want to learn now that he can’t just throw money at all his problems Izzy offers to actually teach him (instead of ‘teaching’ him like Ed does). He shows him the ropes (literally), gets him passable with a sword, keeps Ed focused when he’s teaching him navigation (not Izzy’s strong suit, he can manage if he needs to but Ed’s always been better at it). They actually find themselves getting along.

Izzy starts joining the crew during ‘story time’ (sometimes its stories, sometimes its other group activities, easier to just give it the one label). One night, after Stede finishes the story and everyone is heading to bed, he watches Stede and Ed head to their cabin. Sometimes they’ll ask him along for a night cap, not always though, and its. Fine. But. He watches them head off without him. The way they hold each other as they go, smiling, only eyes for each other.

He barely makes it to his room before he’s coughing up the most flowers he’s done since Ed fed him his toe. He, frustratedly, sets to work cleaning them up but. He actually stops to look at them. He stares. And stares and stares.

Two distinct types of flowers littler his floor. He tries to deny it but he understands immediately the implications. Fuck.

Still, Izzy is nothing if not the worlds most repressed trooper. He sticks it out. Or. Tries to. Its hard because Stede and Ed keep asking after him and seeking him out and talking and touching him and. Its just camaraderie he knows but. It makes him want. And he knows he can’t have that. He wouldn’t have a damn botanical garden in his chest if he could. Its starting to take its toll on him though. He can tell its getting bad because Stede and Ed are starting to worry about him. They don’t say it in so many words but he can see it in their eyes. Ed is more hesitant to go on raids, makes up some excuse about his knee playing up more than usual, but Izzy knows it because he can see how his hands shake even when at rest and he’s thinking about him slipping up in a fight. Stede’s plying him with herbal teas and feeding him several small meals throughout the day, he’s noticed Izzy can’t stomach much anymore, how he’s getting weaker by the day because of it.

He leaves after Lucius catches him having another fit. A bad one. He says he’s going to get the captains but Izzy begs him not to. ‘Not yet,’ he lies, ‘I’ll tell them myself but. Just. Give me some time.’ Lucius begrudgingly agrees, gives him two days. ‘And if you haven’t told them by then I’m going to do it myself and you can thank me later.’ Izzy leaves that night.

He shouldn’t be surprised, when he finds Calico Jack in some seedy bar at the nearest port he can reach, though he is. ‘Thought you were dead.’ He finds himself relieved he’s not, its nice to have a familiar face around if he’s gonna die here. (He knows he’s dying. Not immediately, he’s got more fight in him than that, but. Its coming on the horizon and he knows it. Like he knows a storm eventually follows a red dawn.)

Jack eyes him, calculating, never as drunk as he pretends to be. Izzy doesn’t know what he sees but he breaks into his usual grin and says, ‘Nah, still got - what is it - four? Four lives left. Take more than some crazy bird’s cursed cannon ball to take down Calico Jack, babydoll.’ If it were anybody else, Izzy would be bristling at the nickname, but he’s long since resigned himself to being called things like that from Jack. Jack loses his easy grin though and adds ‘You look a bit like death fuckin warmed over though, fuck happened to you?’ There’s genuine care in his tone and it reminds Izzy so much of Ed and Stede and, thank fuck Jack seems to notice because Izzy’s slapping a hand over his mouth and Jack is taking his arm and they barely make it to the shitty little room Jack’s occupying before the petals start spilling out. Jack holds him through the fit, its nice. Izzy almost regrets when its over because Jack sets him down on the bed and steps back, fixes him with a look he’s too exhausted to decipher. ‘Fuck.’ He says, eventually. ‘Think we’re gonna need a drink for this.’ The alcohol burns his tender throat but he knows Jack is gonna get him to talk anyway and its easier with the rum so he drinks. And he talks.

Jack doesn’t call him an idiot but its strongly implied. Izzy doesn’t know what he expects him to do, its not as if he chose this. He doesn’t call him an idiot though, instead he. Takes care of him? Its odd, he knows Jack isn’t as callous and heartless as he pretends to be, knows he’s actually got pretty good bedside manners in fact (There’d been a time before all the legend and everything after when they were all sailing together, they’d lost their medic during a raid and Jack stepped up. He was no doctor but he knew enough to keep everyone from dying til they go someone new. He also had a child and Izzy knew, for all that he was regularly absent from their life, he wasn’t an absent father. He knew how to care for people.), but it surprises him nonetheless to have it turned towards him. Like it matters to him that Izzy is as comfortable as he can be, given the circumstances.

Izzy manages to be up and around most days but they’re growing fewer. Lacking much better to do (he’s never been good at sitting idle) he follows Jack around when he can manage to get out of bed. On days where he can’t Jack still goes out, Izzy wonders why, he mostly just drinks and fucks around, its hardly as if he can’t do that here with Izzy. He supposes he must not make for very good company, sorry state he’s in. Still.

He’s more than a bit annoyed that it takes him hacking up even more flowers after Jack leaves one morning, with a ‘Be back sometime this evening Babydoll, I got something for you,’ to realize. ‘Fuck’s sake,’ he rasps, staring down at the mound of three distinct types of petals. He’s so tired. He’ll clean it up later, promises himself he’ll be up before Jack gets back to clean them up.

He dreams of warm hands, fond smiles, soft touches, and tender voices and wakes coughing up more and more flowers. He can’t breathe. Tears sting his eyes, from the pain in his throat and his lungs, at the thought of being alone at the end like this. He spares a brief thought towards how Jack will react, coming back this evening to find him gone. Wonders how Stede would react. Edward. Still more flowers.

The door bursts open and Izzy doesn’t have the air or the energy to startle. Jack. Jack is there and he looks panicked. And there’s Stede behind him. And Edward. Somehow Izzy finds the air to let out a hysterical little laugh, it comes out more of a gasp. Must have died already, he thinks, how else could they all be here, as though his thoughts summoned them.

‘Izzy!’ He’s not sure which of them is calling him, his vision is starting to go spotty and his ears are ringing. Maybe none of them, maybe its a trick of his desperate, dying mind. There’s hands on him, warm and soft and. Instinct tells him to fight, he can’t see who’s touching him, he knows he needs to fight but. He’s so tired. He can’t see but he feels his eyes slip shut.

‘Izzy, I love you.’

Nothing.

#the dork is being a dork #the dork does a fic #apparently #izzy hands #edward teach #stede bonnet #jack rackham #uh #stackedhands #gentlejizzed #im not sure what the agreed upon ship name is tbh #izzy/ed/stede/cj #he wakes up afterward to some very angry worried faces #they're all crying and telling him they love him talking over each other #lucius is also there crying telling him he's a fucking idiot and he should have listened to him earlier #jack put 2 and 2 together to realize izzy was sick over ed and stede so when he went out without izzy he was tracking them down #as best he could without actually leaving trying to get the message to them that izzy was dying over them and 'if you dont get your sorry #fucking asses here before he does and fix this then i'm gonna fuckin kill yall myself' #naturally they were already looking for izzy and they booked it when word reached them #real talk i have no idea where this came from i was just struck by the thought #izzy hands‚ the one man repressed and stupid enough to almost die from hanahaki over THREE people at once #i hope its obvious that they all do love him and he's just really fucking stupid about it

[allofuswantgwinam]

it terrifies me the way so many people keep living without even batting an eye about the genocide that’s happening right in front of our eyes. i will never shut the fuck up about this.

#from the river to the sea #free Palestine #im so fucking pissed rn #was just havin a conversation with my mom and it did not go well #and i want throw up and cry #she makes me so mad #she knows this is wrong #idgaf if she’s scared of trump. idgaf if this is stressful and scary to her it is to me fucking too #which is why I will not ever stfu about this #or ignore this or forget what is going on #and live in comfort #I think the fuck not #I wanna fucking lose my shit rn but I’m not bc that won’t help anything #she’s already said before ‘I don’t have to know anything to know that it’s wrong’ so fucking accept what I have to say then #i pay attention #I know wtf is going on. let me be your fucking tool to help with this instead of getting upset with me!!!!! #she is being a coward #she knows this isn’t right. she’s being selfish #i understand it’s hard but like that’s why we fight #that’s what drives you. the outrage and pain you feel watching innocent people get murdered #I can’t understand her rn. im so done with people her age