#im gonna have to buy it but jesus christ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shotmrmiller · 5 months

Text

I'm your only situationship.

A/N : yall i stayed up til 324 am writing this. I felt like if i went to bed still only having it as a thought and not on 'paper' thats unacceptable. If i gotta think about this then so do yall! it was also supposed to be a small one shot but it got wildly out of hand im not sorry.

18+ MDNI

TW: typical smut, EXPLICIT mmkay im talkin clutch ur pearls explicit.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Simon had finally come home from a grueling 6-month mission. All he wanted was some Kentucky bourbon with you at your favorite seedy bar.

Once he was home, Simon cleaned up, put on a black clinical mask, and sent a text to you to meet him there. As he finished his first glass of the night, a rather attractive young woman approached him, asking if she could buy him a drink.

“Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around, lovie?”

“Not at all. This is after all the 21st century. I’m simply asking— wouldn’t want any missus at home getting upset.”

“There’s no one at home for me, lass.”

“Well then, how about you get yourself another glass, my treat, and we’ll see where this night takes us?”

He slightly nodded —he’d never say no to a free drink— and as she left to order a drink, he took his phone out to text you again.

“C’mon, pet. I’ll cover the tab. Too good f’me, now?”

His phone vibrated a minute later.

“I can’t today, Si.”

“Why not? I know you don’t go out on Sundays.”

As the young woman came back, drinks in hand, he lifted the screen to read your response.

“I’ve got a dick appointment~ It’s been a year and then some and I’m gonna claw at my walls if I don’t get a fix ASAP.”

Simon goes tense— soft blues hardening to a silver and he’s gripping his phone so hard it might crack. He pulls up your contact and calls you within seconds.

“Hiya, Si!”

“What the fuck is a dick appointment?”

“Oh,” you giggle. “I forget you older folk don’t know ‘bout that. It’s just a one-night fling. No commitments or nothin'.’ Exactly what I need right now.” You don’t tell him that the reason you’ve practically regrown your hymen is that when you’re best friends with Simon, every other male in existence pales in comparison.

“Anyway Si-, he’s getting here in like an hour-”

“No.” And hangs up.

The young woman who’s casually rubbing his bicep and shoulder gets practically flung off of him, as he gets up off the bar stool so fast it’s falling back with a loud clang, and he’s yanking his leather jacket on and pulling on his leather gloves so hard they’re about to become fingerless—

“Hey! I thought you didn’t have a girlfriend?!”

One gloved hand gripping the front door, he turns his head slightly to her and says, “Pet, with how good I’m gonna fuck her, she won’t even have to ask to know she’s mine.”

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

You’re standing in the bathroom with your liquid eyeliner in one hand and phone in the other, staring at the ended call screen. ‘Weird,’ you think, then shrug and put the phone down. ‘Maybe the call got dropped.’

You finally complete the look with your false lashes when there’s a very hard knock on your door. You frown as you look at your phone screen. ‘7:14 pm’. You know the guy said at 8 and you’re in one of Simon’s big shirts he always forgets and your hair is still tied up in an oversized pink and white polka dot scrunchie— The pink leopard print booty shorts you’ve got on will suffice.

The second time there’s a knock it’s even louder.

“Jesus Christ, I’m coming!”

You open the door and say, “I’m sorry I took so long, I—”

Simon flies past you, with a rough shoulder bump and you turn to look at him and he’s almost sprinting to the bedroom, slamming the door open—

“Simon, what the fuck? What’re you doin—”

“Where is he?”, he snarls.

“Who?! Are you talking about my date? He’s not getting here til 8! And why’re you slamming doors in my apartment like you pay my rent?!”

You see Simon deflate immediately at the important part of your answer and chooses to ignore the rest as he takes off his jacket and walks to your hall closet to hang it. Closing your door and locking it, you growl out,

“You need to leave. I haven’t even finished getting ready. I promise I’ll—”

“No, pet.”

“Will you quit interrupting me! Simon, I swear—”

“Pet.”

You’re holding a scream behind your teeth, about to rip the hair out of your scalp when you see Simon take one loop of his mask off from around his ear and then the other. You gape. You’ve seen Simon without his mask— that isn’t the reason you can no longer find your voice. It’s the way he put his gloved middle finger in between his teeth and pulled it off so sensually. You can feel your cheeks and ears radiate heat from just seeing the tip of his pink tongue. Christ, you’re down horrendously.

You open your mouth to say something, anything, to distract yourself from the fact that you’re getting wet over an interaction so chaste when Simon is touching your ass, giving it a hard squeeze, before moving down to the back of your thighs and lifting you up. You startle at the movement and throw your arms around his neck out of habit, hoping he won’t drop you in the move to your bedroom.

He presses you against the wall with his hips, then grabs both of your ankles from behind his lower back and hooks the back of your knees over his forearms. Simon noses your jaw and starts grinding his clothed erection deliciously hard over the definitely wet spot on your shorts and growls out,

“If you think,” grind “that I’m gonna allow My,” grind “Girl,” grind—and you whimper in his ear, “get fucked by some little cock two pump chump,” he gives a forced chuckle, “you must be daft, pet. Or maybe you’re doing it on purpose, eh? Trying to get my attention? Well, you’ve got it now. “

He moves his face to hover his lips over yours— you can lightly smell the bourbon he drank earlier— and he whispers, “You ever like this and I’m around, you come to me. And if I’m away, you wait for me like a good girl and when I come back I’ll give this,” he taps your pussy over your shorts, “greedy little cunt all the cock it can take.”

With a shaky breath, you nod before he kisses you, his bourbon-flavored tongue curling against yours, and you’re moaning into it because you’ve wanted this for too long and he’s finally touching you. Curling your fingers into his ash-brown hair, you move your mouth to his neck, to the right of his adam’s apple, took a bit of skin between your teeth and sucked.

Simon hisses, dips his fingertips into your flesh hard enough to bruise, and all but yanks you off the wall to toss you onto your bed.

You yelp as you bounce from the force of his throw— you’re still bouncing on the bed when Simon grabs the waistband of your shorts and knickers to pull right off, which you’re grateful for because the grey knickers you got on aren’t what anyone would wear for a first, second nor third impression.

Simon grabs both of the back of your knees with one hand, goddamn bear paws, you think, before you feel his tongue in between your lips— so warm and wet and fuck, you needed this, needed him— and he flicks his tongue up and down on your clit. He sticks his long middle finger into you and it goes in without resistance, you’re slippery, drooling over his wrist and finger that’s curled up into the rough patch of nerves against your gummy walls, that he’s pressing into, over and over. God you’re about to come, your legs shake in his one-handed hold and you’ve got a white knuckle grip on the forearm you’re sinking your nails into—

Simon pulls away. You were so close, your eyes start watering because he can’t possibly be this mean to you but then you see him shove his tongue in between his middle and ring finger, eating up your nectar when he says, “The first time I’m gonna make you come, it’ll be on my cock. I want to see the frothy white cream you're gonna leave at the base.”

You’re nodding hysterically at this point, anything for him to make you come, anything for him. With a twirl of his index, he’s telling you to get on all fours. Scrambling, you turn over and arch your back— resting your head on your forearms— and you feel his calloused palms run down from your spine to your ass cheeks before he gives it a spank.

“You have a condom?”

You shake your head and you mewl out, “No, but I’m clean.”

“Good. I don’t want anything between us.”

You arch your back further, pressing your ass further into his hips when you hear his belt buckle clank and zipper open. Simon brings his palm to your other cheek, reddening it.

“Fuckin’ hell, pet. Look at you spread out for me.”

You feel warm velvet over steel over your slit before he slowly pushes inside, not all the way but about a little over half of his length, remembering that your g-spot is a little closer to the front. Fast, relatively shallow thrusts hitting your spot with almost clinical precision have you reeling, your orgasm about to break you, mind and body. Hands tightening painfully, you shatter— loud, high-pitched whines, ringing in your ears and pussy pulsing around Simon’s thick girth— and god, Simon doesn’t stop thrusting. He keeps the same smooth rhythm and you’d think he’s unaffected by the tight vice your pussy has him in— but you hear him, low, deep groans and a tighter grip on your hips telling you otherwise.

He pulls out to bend over your back, completely covering it, and he murmurs in your ear, “I hope you didn’t think we were done. My girl wanted a fuckin’, now she’s gonna get it.”

He takes off your pink, silly scrunchy and you see it around his tattooed wrist before he grabs your hair into a makeshift ponytail and is leaning back up and forcing your back to arch under his pull. You feel his leg at the height of your hips— propped up, foot flat on the bed and knee bent and the other straight on the floor and all you can think of is how this man is gonna kill you with his cock.

Simon snaps his hips forward, fist full of hair pulling back, stretching and filling in one strong thrust, bottoming out. He gives you no reprieve, no time to get used to how fucking deep he is, and sets an intense, firm pace that has you feeling a pinch below the navel every time his hip bones slap against your ass, balls to the clit and you love it. Every pinch in your lower belly has your pussy making a squelching sound and you can’t help yourself— you reach underneath your body to feel how split open you are with two fingers, encasing his cock and feeling the skin drag with them as he pulls out.

That has him hissing air between his teeth, he’s about to come but doesn't want it to be over so he pulls out, and opens your cheeks to spit in your furled hole, before pressing in with the pad of his thumb, and you’re almost screaming. He moves back a bit further to spit in your pussy, not that you need it— you’re drenching the sheets underneath you— and now he’s spearing you with his tongue before curling it, getting your juices pooled on it before coming back up, lips smacking, and he grabs your hair in his ponytail and now he uses his other hand to curls his fingers and palm over the front of your throat and that's all it takes for your vision to darken and arms go limp but he’s again, fucking you through your orgasm and this time you leave a creamy white ring at the base of his length.

“Oh, fuckin hell.” He groans out and it sounds desperate and you know he’s close.

“Come in me, Simon. Please fill me up, I promise I’ll keep it all in.”

He gives a strained chuckle and says, “Pet, I can barely pull out of a driveway much less this tight little cunt.” He squeezes your throat hard, strands of hair popping out of your scalp and his cock feels massive, the pinch in your stomach feels like a cramp from how deep he is and he lets out a low drawn out moan that lasts 3 thrusts— and then there’s warmth filling you up, so much so it leaks from the sides of where you two are connected. Simon lets go of your hair and you fall face-first onto the bed, exhausted. Defeated. Back properly broken. You officially know what it’s like to get fucked within an inch of your life and you love it.

He pulls out slowly, with a hiss from both of you and with one hand on your left cheek, he spreads you to look at your stuffed hole.

“Fuck. I love seeing me drip out of you.”

You’re about to tell him to sod off when the doorbell rings and the both of you stiffen and lock eyes. With a mean snarl, Simon grabs a towel from your bathroom and his mask before stomping his way to answer the door, pink obnoxious scrunchy still on his wrist.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

#call of duty #cod #cod mw2 #cod smut #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon riley smut #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley smut #simon ghost x you #ghost cod #cod mwii #ghost mw2 #ghost simon riley #call of duty smut

4K notes · View notes

shipmanisms · 3 months

Text

you belong to me ⋆🪽

҂ summary: jackie being possessive over reader before they even start dating and even more after cause she's a lil obsessed pookie :3

҂ warnings: a lil bit of jackie ghostface cuz i had to add it SORRY 😣

҂ a/n: posting this early cuz i got 2 nat fics hopefully coming in today so :D ( scared this is gonna flop )

you guys were friends but really only talked in school and when you had soccer practice

if she saw misty or natalie talking to you she'd immediately shoot daggers at them w her eyes and then just walk off

but if she saw them HITTING on you, not just talking, GIRL SHE'D RIIIIOOOOOTTTT you bet your ass she'd make everyone but you run the whole field 10 times

always helping you with anything cause "i know you can do it but i dont want you to tire yourself out im gonna do it for you i dont mind" and AAAAALWAYS buying you lunch

knows all your friends, the places you hangout at, your house, your favourite sports, your phone number, EVERYTHING

nowww after y'all start dating.. this girl isn't resting one bit

always attached to your hip 24/7

seeing u abt to talk w a random girl and going like "who was she?what did she want?do you know her?ok but why didn't you tell me about it?" and you're just ":0 i couldn't even say hi to her-" "AND????why do you need to say hi to her??"

she's the strongest believer of you don't need a girl bsf if you got a girlfriend and yk what she's right

always having sleepovers at your place cause she 'wants to protect you'

YK THAT ONE SCENE WHERE JACKIE TELLS SHAUNA "i was trying to save you" THAT BUT WITH GHOSTFACE JACKIE

she'd see misty trying to make a move on you ( she was just asking you when you can come over to her house so she can help with hw, BUT ALSO MAAAAYBE A LIL BIT HITTING ON YOU ) and when night comes you go to misty's house, only to find ghostface standing on top of her with blood dripping from the knife and being splattered all over the mask..

ofc that makes you scared SHITLESS you're like oh my god what the fuck jesus christ 😟 and then jackie pulls off the mask and goes "i was trying to save you, im sorry you had to see me like this>:( but it's okay now you're safe :D" and you were thinking SAFE FROM WHAT?????MISTY QUIGLEY????? but you still ran back to jackie cause HOW COULD YOU NOT💕💕

ANYWAYS UHM... she's just a desperate sad little girlfailure loser that needs love, does it really matter if she killed someone for you? she wants your love!!!!

240 notes · View notes

gh0stsp1d3r · 2 months

Text

ℬℴℴ𝓀𝓈𝓉ℴ𝓇ℯ 𝒹𝒶𝓉ℯ𝓈

Masterlist

I wrote this while waiting for my fn queue, it took literally over an hour and I fell asleep, im so excited for the new season but omfg im so bored w/o it 😞 im getting Fortnite schizophrenia

thinkin bout rafe w a reader!gf, one smut joke that’s it

You sat behind him on his motorcycle as he sped up, your arms wrapped around him. He stopped, parking in a stop downtown and pulling his helmet off, shaking his head and fixing his hair. You took yours off, holding it.

He had a small smile as he looked at you already walking down, catching up with you. You were giddy all week when he told you he would take you to the Barnes and Nobles- even though it was far away.

“Slow down, slow down.” He said with a chuckle when he noticed you were walking fast down the sidewalk. You pouted and slowed down.

“Not my fault you walk so slow.”

He rolled his eyes at your antics, a small smile on his face. You gently pushed his chest as he feigned offense.

“How dare you?” He gasped dramatically.

“How dare you?” You mocked. You both laughed and soon you were met with the sign of the Barnes and Nobles, you practically running in, dragging Rafe.

Your helmet under your arms got hard to carry, he took it from you, both his hands full now.

“Thank you.” You told him quickly, giving him a kiss on the cheek and grabbing a basket. You scoured the sections for books, reading the backs, your face interested. But, Rafe noticed you were hesitating to buy some.

He took one from your hands making you smile, amused as he flipped through the pages.

“Baby, this might as well be pure smut.”

“It’s not all smut.” You argued, taking the book from his hands with a roll of your eyes.

“You seriously reading about this when we can do it?” He said, tone teasing.

“You’re gross.” You hit his chest, putting the book back.

And sometimes, you put back one and put in another. Soon, you said you were done but the basket wasn’t any where near full, and that wasn’t okay in his eyes.

“Why’d you put down the others?” He asked curiously.

“It’s expensive,” you shrugged. “I can’t waste all my money, I still have shit to pay off.”

“I’m paying for it.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “What?”

“I’ll pay for it. This is a date, isn’t it? I should be the one paying.”

“But, Rafe-“ he always paid for you, despite your protests.

“Don’t worry about it. Buy anything you fuckin’ want, yeah? That’s what I’m here for.”

“Ugh, will you ever let me pay for something?”

“Nope.” He said with a smirk, you smiled back and went back over to the books you were originally looking at.

“Why don’t you get the uh… what’s it called?” He asked, picking up a hardcover.

“A hardcover costs more. I don’t wanna drain your pockets.”

“Have you seen my bank account? I am off perfectly fine. A little what, couple hundred bucks? Is not gonna drain my pockets.” He spoke, putting the hardcover in the basket for you before you could protest.

You rolled your eyes and began walking to the register when you were done, putting the books on as you greeted the cashier with a small smile.

“Find everything okay?”

You nodded, your eyes going to the screen as the amount went up.

“Rafe, that’s a lot-“ you mumbled, he shrugged.

“It’s fine, baby.” He said with a laugh, you looked up at him now and back down.

“Your total is… 246 dollars.” The cashier spoke.

“Jesus Christ, Rafe, are you-“

He swiped his card, and you had a small smile on your face.

“You didn’t have to.” You told him.

“Don’t worry about it, baby. I wish my hobby was this cheap.” He said with a laugh, giving you back your helmet so he could carry all the bags for you, flexing his biceps as he did so.

#outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron x reader #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron #rafe x you #rafe fanfiction #rafe x reader #rafe imagine #rafe fic #rafe obx #rafe cameron fluff

317 notes · View notes

ot3 · 3 months

Note

Hi, I just finished the AA trilogy with my bf and we fell in love with it! I found your blog the other day, and it sometimes feels like you're the only one giving correct takes on these characters' writing and the minutiae of everyone's inner worlds (or the fumbling of, see Godot).

I just got here, but, something that's been bothering me about the fandom's approach to the sequel trilogy is like... the imperialist undertones are glossed over, or swept under the rug. Researching "The Dark Age of the Law" and beyond puts a sour taste in my mouth. And with Khura'in the country vs Kurain the village? It all feels racist at best (the concept of the Divination Seance gives me squick). If you have the time, I'd love to hear your thoughts about AA5 and AA6 in relation to the world of AA as a whole. Thanks again for all of your thoughtful and nuanced takes on this series!

so glad to hear you guys liked the games!! thank you for enjoying my posts, i always appreciate it.

the tl;dr of it is that i do think they are genuinely bad enough additions to the franchise that they have signed mainline ace attorney's death warrant. picking out the dark age of the law stuff and aa5 and the imperialism in aa6 you've pretty much honed right in on my two biggest critiques

however i do want to say that although they're being bundled and sold as a 'second trilogy' that's not quite accurate either experientially when playing the games or from a development perspective. aa4 had scenario design/creative direction by series creator shu takumi, with the art director being kazuya nuri (responsible for character design for rise from the ashes in the series previous to this); aa5+6 was spearheaded by takeshi yamazaki, who had been with the franchise since its first game, with the slightly less tenured takuro fuse on art direction/character design. yamazaki and fuse are not without skill, but i think they're both significantly less skilled than takumi and nuri respectively and. it really shows.

pair that with the fact that aa5 and 6 fundamentally do not follow up on any of ace attorney 4's established characters or plots more than superficially, i don't think it's particularly useful to critique 4-5-6 as if they're a single body of work in the same way the trilogy is. apollo justice isn't a perfect* ace attorney game but it's a good one.

anyway i think buying into the 'dark age of the law' stuff in ace attorney 5 necessitates cheapening all of the events preceding it. the implication that 1. the law wasn't that bad before but it Is Now and 2. a single case was the tipping point for whether or not the entire legal system would be bad just ruins the times when ace attorney has managed to acknowledge corrupt systems as a massive source of problem for the everyman in the past

i think this screenshot from the dark age of the law wiki page says a lot:

For starters, that phoenix quote. He would not fucking say that. I don't think there has ever been a point during or leading up to phoenix's career where he thought the legal system had 'glory' he would then want to restore it to. you seem to get it so im not gonna harp on this too much on this but. jesus christ

then, then there's fact that even by stating the most basic details about the franchise's events undermines the whole premise. like okay notice that the corruption that happens during the trilogy/investigations spinoffs is coming from all of the actual agencies that represent law and order/the system: the prosecutors, the police, and the prosecutorial investigation committee. however in aa5 the thing they choose to paint as responsible for supposedly unprecedented levels of corruption in the legal system is defense attorneys resorting to more drastic means, and the general public; aka not the people who are responsible for upholding the legal system but the people who are victimized by it and in opposition to it.

i don't think this was an intentional choice as much as it's just sloppy, inconsiderate, and contrived writing.

aa6 is just flat out racist. 'imperalist undertones' is i would say the gentlest way you could phrase it. like. japanese characters going to a made up south asian country that needs to be taught how to govern itself to quash its internal rebellion is like. so high on the yikes meter.

making a bunch of fake 'ethnic sounding' nonsense names filled with apostrophes to make them into silly sounding english phrasing was a disastrously tone deaf thing for the localization to do. they're really unforgivable. the worst of it all is probably "Inga Karkhuul Haw'kohd Dis'nahm Bi'ahni Lawga Ormo Pohmpus Da'nit Ar'edi Iz Khura'in III" i'm unsure if the names are quite as offensive in the original japanese because i haven't looked too much into what they actually are and have a really limited knowledge of the language. but. this name in japanese is "インガ・カルクール・ククルーラ・ラルバン・ギジール・ホフダラン・マダラ・ヴィラ・ヤシマ・ジャクティエール・クライン３世" which is written in katakana. katakana is, in contrast to kanji and hiragana which are used for writing japanese, used to phoenetically transcribe foreign languages or to write loan words. so the foreign-ness of this character is being emphasized here in the original text as well.

the supposed cultural inferiority of the khurainese people is baked into the game at pretty much every level, down to the gags. khura'in has the 'plumed punisher' show, which is actively criticized by the characters in game for just being a cheap ripoff of the steel samurai. they don't even get to have their own tv.

i believe the reason the racism is pretty much glossed over a lot in the fandom is for several reasons. for starters, ace attorney fans overall tend to fall into three camps: 1. people like me who fucking hate these games, refuse to acknowledge them, and would retcon them out of existence if possible. 2. people who have found things they like about the game and have a Good Version of the characters and plots that they have constructed in their head and 3. people who view all of the hate on these games as completely overblown

the first camp Does talk about how the game is racist but we're all already in agreement about that so it's kind of preaching to the choir and a bit redundant to keep going on about. the second camp tends to acknowledge the stickier aspects of the game but focuses on making content around the elements they like rather than critique. the third camp is the type to throw the baby out with the bathwater re: critiquing a thing they like. it's all haterism to them. but either way i think its kind of fucked up how many people will be like 'aa6 isnt that bad you guys are just mean' without even acknowledging these complaints.

anyway the khura'in country vs kurain village thing is really weird to me it shows both a lack of imagination and a disregard for the series' own established lore. why would a girl from a village where almost everyone is a spirit medium need to go to a place where only, like, two people are mediums to train.

i will say though that the divination seance is kind of one of the only things i found about aa6 to be an interesting addition. for a franchise with ghost summoning and murder solving, the two have a kind of hilariously low amount of overlap so i found the idea of bringing ghost bullshit into court really fun. mechanically speaking, the divination seances also felt a LOT better to play than the mood matrix segments of aa5.

in general, i think the biggest weakness of the mainline franchise under takeshi yamazaki's stewardship is its misunderstanding of stakes. both aa5 and 6 prioritize more bombastic and impressive on paper material stakes. oh no! the ENTIRE JUSTICE SYSTEM BEING GOOD OR BAD depends on this one case! on no! we have to DEAL WITH REBEL INSURGENTS! complete horseshit when there is not competent and functional enough character writing to get us emotionally invested here. yamazaki seems to think bigger is better, and that just simply isnt true for something like ace attorney

i've pointed this out in the past when critiquing aa5 and 6 but if you look at the actual material stakes on the line in ace attorney, they're at their highest after rise from the ashes. ousting the corrupt chief of police is the most impressive and impactful thing phoenix does with his career (arguably until the jurist system, but definitely in the trilogy.) but that's not the big Finale case for his character arc. his finale case is defending his college girlfriend; a nun who lives in the mountains, whose conviction would have had zero implications on the larger fabric of ace attorney's legal system. because takumi's writing clearly shows that he understands what makes a plot impactful is the emotional stakes the characters have invested in the events.

before taking over the main franchise, takeshi yamazaki was responsible for the miles edgeworth investigations spinoffs. i do enjoy both of those games - aai2 in particular is really strong. yamazaki does a great job with edgeworth's character arc even if i have some specific gripes with the duologys writing. i think theyre solid additions to the franchise. but you can see traces of this sort of misalignment in narrative priorities here as well. for example, the last case in aai1 is notorious for still going on for, like, an entire hour or two past the time when the last remaining plot point we care about has been revealed. because yamazaki seemingly had no understanding that That was the thing the case should have been about, and that should have been the final mic drop of the game. it just keeps going! he didn't know the game was done and he added a bunch more bullshit busywork after it that no one likes!

so yeah. without going into anything even as specific as how individual plotlines or character arcs were mishandled in aa5/6 that's really my overview What Went Wrong of those games.

#i genuinely might need to put my opinion on aa5 and 6 in my faq at this point #not because i mind getting a chance to talk about how much i hate these games. but just for due diligence #ace attorney #*there are two perfect ace attorney games: aa1 and plvspwaa #this got so long im so so sorry.#i think ill just hotlink this post in my faq because it hits most of my talking points about these games

241 notes · View notes

poppy-metal · 2 years

Note

I can’t explain it but my brainworms are brainworming. i love love love love the idea of virgin!Eddie Munson and what it would be like to take his virginity.

I can just picture being a popular girl in school and having a crush on Eddie for a while (unknowing to the fact Eddies been damn near obsessed with you for years) but not quite knowing how to seduce him. You ask to buy drugs off of him and say you want to meet at his trailer, his uncle Wayne isn’t home and he’s just trying to turn this out like a regular drug deal but you out the moves on him and he’s just so god damn confused. Asking you a million times if you’re sure.

Once you get to banging he’s, surprising, really good. He’s fucking you like it’s his last day on earth because to him he doesn’t know if he’s ever going to get another chance to do this. His bangs are sticking to his forehead sweat and his eyes are entirely blissed out as he huffs and moans and mumbles praise. He keeps repeating things like “I don’t know why you’re letting me do this” “I’m the luckiest motherfucker on earth” while you’re just clawing at his shoulders as he fucks you into his mattress. He cums with a strangled moan and buries his face in your neck and you can just hear him breathlessly chanting “thank you, thank you, thank you”

"i don't know why you're letting me do this." punched me in the gut. he is just. so thankful? that someone so pretty and soft and sweet is letting his cock slide into their cunt, letting him fuck you on his squeaky mattress. hes brainless over it.

something about his adoration and his eagerness, his utter readiness to be dirty, makes the sex already better than any you've ever had before. has your toes curling in the air as you grip his back and moan for him to go harder, "s'okay eddie, feels good- you're doing so good- god, i love your cock-"

hearing him whine and slam into you faster, knocking you up the bed with his thrusts. his balls slapping against your soaked ass. "you're unreal-" he gasps. "m'so glad you're my first. so fucking lucky- oh my god-"

and fuck if that isn't an ego boost. makes you dig your nails in harder and coo up at him to really get him going. "yeah, baby? how's the first pussy you're gonna cum in, hm? you like it?"

hes delirious when he nods, choking on words as he gives up and sloppily mouths at your neck. you twine your hands through his sweaty locks as you wind your legs tight around him, anchor his waist to you, so his thrusts are shorter pulls, more like deep ruts into your heated core. god, his cock is fat.

"mhm." he whimpers, lazily sucking your throat. you let him. he needs it, you think. as much as you need to hold onto him and wrap around him like a vine leeching his warmth into yours. he thrusts and your bodies both move together up the bed, chests bare and slick and gliding against eachothers. his necklace scrapes against your nipples, the warm metal making you sigh. you want it in your mouth. "feels so good. feels-" he stops likes hes trying to find words, then you feel him shudder and he just blurts whatevers on his mind, clearly unable to think properly. "-so warm and tight. uhnn- m'gonna cum."

you squeeze around him just to hear his breath hitch. "Inside." you wrap your legs so tightly around him he can barely pull out at all, your ankles crossing at his back, locking him in. "wanna feel that virgin cock cum inside me."

its probably the cruelest thing you could say to him then. he jerks above you, his whole body trembling at the words. his hands grip the sheets on either side of your head in a death grip, pulling the ends off the mattress, but neither of you give a shit about a made bed right now.

his balls smack wetly against your ass again, grind there and you feel them twitch against your asshole, full and soft and heavy.

"you're-" he shakes his head. "you're a wicked p-person. jesus christ- fuck. im coming. holy shit- oh, you feel so good. you feel so fucking good on my cock-"

you feel the warm spurt of his cum coating your walls as he twitches and sags against you, moaning into your neck as he rocks his hips in little desperate grinds to work the cum deeper into your cunt. hes a fast learner. already knows how to feed your little hungry hole his cum.

"mmm." you sigh, like a happy cat.

#ask #hehe #eddie spaghetti #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x reader

2K notes · View notes

hotchaways · 2 years

Text

pov: your instagram but you’re dating aaron hotchner (part 2)

Liked by jenniferjareau, spencer.reid and 90 others

its(Y/L/N): the love of my life and aaron :) #wheninlondon 🇬🇧

view all 28 comments

itspennyg: WEEEE LONDON!!! have the best time my lovely furry friends 💘

↳ its(Y/L/N): aaron did not enjoy the furry friends BUT we’ll get you loads of penelope coded things :) miss you!!

e.prentiss: oh coffee is the love of everyone’s life ❤️

↳ jenniferjareau: mine would be cheetos

↳ its(Y/L/N): we know that. your breath smells like cheetos

spencer.reid: i believe (Y/N)’s love language is to bully hotch

↳ jenniferjareau: it’s so weird to think about because he’s our unit chief…..

↳ aaron_hotchner: the bullying never stops in the hotchner household

↳ its(Y/L/N): don’t forget the loaf of bread and baguette retaliation :)

↳ aaron_hotchner: jesus christ please stop with the breads

↳ e.prentiss: no (Y/N) keep going with the breads

Liked by daverossi, e.prentiss and 95 others

its(Y/L/N): “no, coco is mine.” and do you think coco enjoys being in your arms 🤨 #dognapper

view all 21 comments

spencer.reid: what is even so endearing about that rat?

↳ its(Y/L/N): no clue why i started dating him honestly

↳ e.prentiss: it should’ve been our ship that sailed 🙄

↳ derekmorgan: hotch gotta watch out for emily, she’s about to steal his girl

↳ aaron_hotchner: she’s right, she’s out of my league. i don’t know why she did either

↳ its(Y/L/N): AARON, BABY :( i love you, you’re the one out of my league

↳ aaron_hotchner: also, emily– why not make the ship sail with cheeto breath?

↳ itspennyg: LET THE JEMILY SHIP SAIL 🚢🤍

↳ jenniferjareau: man when will i ever stop being called cheeto breath I HAVE A NAME

Liked by daverossi, spencer.reid and 88 others

its(Y/L/N): cause of my death: my boyfriend in a polo shirt playing golf 😩

view all 17 comments

derekmorgan: any news about the women fawning over him?

↳ e.prentiss: we haven’t received texts in the group chat so im assuming all is well (for now)

↳ aaron_hotchner: she followed me like a lost puppy and publicly displayed her affection to make sure they knew.

↳ jenniferjareau: well! looks like you’re not gonna be attacked by bread this time

↳ its(Y/L/N): no he’s gonna be attacked by bread when we get home

↳ daverossi: i just have to say– why do you have to attack him with bread?

↳ itspennyg: so she doesn’t waste money buying a weapon and if she attacks with bread, she can eat it afterwards, mr. holy pasta man 🍝🧔🏻‍♂️

↳ aaron_hotchner: (Y/N) just said it’s because she can and she will…not because she found out about the soccer moms fawning over me from the clubhouse this time

↳ e.prentiss: the bread retaliation will literally never stop

Liked by jenniferjareau, itspennyg and 91 others

its(Y/L/N): my handsome boyfriend being all grumpy and it’s tempting to smooch him all over 🥺

view all 18 comments

e.prentiss: you both are my close friends but you have to tone the mushiness down at work

↳ itspennyg: NO LET THE LOVEBIRDS BE. PENNY LOVES LOVE 🤭❤️

↳ jenniferjareau: penelope you’d be glad you don’t have to be with (Y/N) out in the field because she goes feral when she sees hotch with kevlar vest

↳ its(Y/L/N): uh no i don’t. psh kevlar vest? nah doesn’t look good on him. i don’t know what you’re talking about

↳ spencer.reid: your respiratory rate increases whenever you see hotch wear that and in general your pupils dilate when you just see hotch

↳ its(Y/L/N): go choke, spencer

derekmorgan: she wants another dog, doesn’t she?

↳ aaron_hotchner: yeah. she saw one at this little adoption event held at the park last week

↳ daverossi: you’re about to give in, aren’t you?

↳ e.prentiss: the silence is loud, of course he’s going to give in to her

Liked by derekmorgan, e.prentiss and 84 others

its(Y/L/N): why has he not looked at me for the past hour :(

view all 24 comments

derekmorgan: i smell jealousy in the air 👀

↳ spencer.reid: who? hotch or (Y/N)?

↳ jenniferjareau: have you not seen hotch’s eyebrows go deeper than it usually is, spence?

↳ e.prentiss: sulky (Y/N) is also my favorite version of her

↳ its(Y/L/N): i just want my boyfriend to give me attention :(

↳ daverossi: guess aaron’s still a jealous man when it comes to detective peralta aka that goofy detective here in brooklyn.

↳ aaron_hotchner: i don’t know what you’re talking about, dave.

↳ itspennyg: sir hotch, don’t you worry! detective peralta is in no way infatuated with our (Y/N) because he’s happily chained to detective santiago

↳ spencer.reid: i don’t know whether i should thank you for this penelope, but i did not miss the mushiness of lovesick (Y/N)

↳ e.prentiss: aaaaand we’re back to the madly in love hotch and (Y/N)

Liked by jenniferjareau, itspennyg and 89 others

its(Y/L/N): i am gifting everyone with young aaron hotchner because i simply cannot stop swooning

view all 13 comments

aaron_hotchner: sweetheart, i love you but– this is embarrassing.

↳ e.prentiss: this feels almost illegal to see. what even happened to you?

↳ jenniferjareau: i seriously cannot believe this was hotch

↳ itspennyg: HOTCH??? I AM??? IN ABSOLUTE SHOCK??? 😧

↳ spencer.reid: just erase the wrinkles and lessen his eyebrows a tad bit, we’ll come up with the image of the present aaron hotchner.

↳ derekmorgan: boss man must’ve gotten a lot of ladies

↳ its(Y/L/N): my man’s so handsome though. present or past >:( also morgan, no

↳ aaron_hotchner: my girl :) and morgan, i do not want to bread to be thrown at me

↳ daverossi: she’s saying that so you could let her get that dog.

↳ its(Y/L/N): literally go choke on pasta, rossi 😒

Liked by daverossi, derekmorgan and 97 others

its(Y/L/N): someone sent jack and i to run errands just so he could send me this selfie saying “come home mama” 🥺 HE GAVE IN TO ME. welcome to the hotchners, cooper! 🐾🤍

view all 19 comments

e.prentiss: i simply cannot believe how much of a simp hotch is for you

↳ derekmorgan: she should make him give us more weekends 😉

↳ its(Y/L/N): your wish is my command my lovely friends

itspennyg: every time (Y/N) uses ‘welcome to the hotchners’, i forget you two aren’t married :( WHEN WILL I HEAR THE WEDDING BELLS 🙈👀

↳ aaron_hotchner: soon enough, garcia.

↳ jenniferjareau: hotch, im gonna need you to pay for my ear check-up because (Y/N) just called me to screech into the phone

↳ spencer.reid: yeah, you’re gonna need to pay for two check-ups.

↳ e.prentiss: make that three, she busted out my ear drums. put a ring on her now, hotch

↳ its(Y/L/N): EXCUSE ME I DID NOT SCREECH IN YOUR EARS 😒

↳ aaron_hotchner: i heard you from the sidewalk when i threw out the trash, sweetheart.

↳ daverossi: i don’t know whether i should be terrified or amused. but im gonna need that (Y/L/N)-hotchner wedding soon.

A/N: im enjoying way too much with this fake social media thing and this makes me yearn more for our favorite grumpy dilf 😒 ANYWAYS i hope you love it, lmk what you think :)

ps. yes i did put brooklyn 99 in the cm universe 🤭 just want my crime fighting worlds to collide <3

click here if you wanna be a part of my taglist for my future works!

tagging my lovely hotch girl nation: @ssamorganhotchner @14buddy22 @allthefandomstogether @sbeno22 @1234-angelika @fandom-life-12 @sprentiz @themoontoyourshine @aaronhotchy @singinginacargettinglostupstate @gspenc @616wilsons @fadingpersonaspyexpert @thenewnormalforensicator

1K notes · View notes

toadprose · 2 months

Text

An Exchange of Endearments;

The one where a stolen phone united two people who were destined to meet. A story told through text messages.

☎ w.c: 3,1k

☎ pairing: ghost x soap // simon riley x john mactavish

☎ rating: pg

☎ archive of our own: link here

☎ genre: silliness, humor, fluff

☎ warnings: mention of an inappropriate app but only by name

☎ author's note: hello :) i wanted to experiment with writing a story in a different format. it's mainly just silly. there's only 3 chapters rn. i'm testing out different ways to end this fic but there will definitely be more chapters to come. thank you for reading! ALSO!! the plan was to have tho WHOLE fic like those imessage screenshots but they take too long to make and i am lazy so pls just use ur imagination

Soap: dumbass. how many times u gonna drop ur phone at exfil? this is the last time i’m saving ur new number, gaz. venmo me $6 for the tea or i’ll give it to that hot dog cart guy.

???: ?

???: Wrong number.

Soap: fuck. sorry, lad.

Soap: wait. this is gaz’s number. what the hell?

Soap: how did u get this phone

???: I stole it from a drunk guy in a bathroom.

Soap: …

Soap: what the fuck, man?

???: I think he left his phone there.

???: And I need one.

???: This works out fine.

Soap: where tf r u, i wanna yell at u

Soap: and ask if u want any help getting back home. were u drinkin too?

???: Why would I tell a complete stranger where I am?

Soap: fair enough.

???: Why do you care about the well-being of me, a phone thief?

Soap: im a big brother. always looking out for the little guys. even when theyre stealing phones.

???: I am not little.

Soap: ok then, big guy.

Soap: i know we just met and all, but maybe take ur new phone and get somewhere safe tonight. dont sleep on a park bench. or a strangers bed.

???: Who do you think I am, a hobo? I have a very nice home.

Soap: then why tf did u steal a phone in the first place?

???: Because I wanted one.

???: I did not have any money on me.

Soap: well now u do, so buy a fucking phone, mate.

???: But this one works fine.

Soap: and im not sure that the owner agrees with u

???: He will live.

Soap: not the point.

???: If he can afford this type of phone, he can afford another one.

Soap: not my argument

???: Are you saying I should buy my own phone?

Soap: yeah. thats literally what im saying.

???: But why, when this one is free.

Soap: jesus christ

???: And you can Venmo me the money instead.

Soap: ill venmo u my foot up ur arse.

???: I will pay you back.

???: You do not have to be mean.

Soap: how did u make me a dick in this conversation. i was trying to help.

???: Well, I still have the phone.

Soap: yea. but at what cost.

Soap: u got a name, phone thief?

???: Ghost.

Soap: is that ur name or are u hiding.

Ghost: Yes.

Soap: ok im calling the cops

Ghost: Please do not.

Ghost: I can explain.

Ghost: I can be normal.

Soap: not what i asked.

Soap: im joking. im not a cop.

Soap: but seriously, ghost. what the hell are u doing?

Ghost: Living.

Soap: not a lot of living happening in the bathroom of a bar, lad.

Ghost: I needed a new phone.

Ghost: And the bathroom was very clean.

Soap: thats it. im gonna go find u.

Soap: if u wont listen to reason then at least give me ur location.

Ghost: I would prefer if you didn't.

Ghost: I don't really enjoy meeting new people.

Soap: ur stuck with me now. i wanna meet the man who stole my mate's phone in a public restroom.

Ghost: Please, don't.

Soap: too late, i got u in find friends.

Ghost: WHAT

Ghost: WHY

Ghost: HOW

Ghost: WHEN

Ghost: DO NOT

Soap: relax, im joking.

Ghost: This is not funny.

Soap: a lil bit funny.

Ghost: Fuck you.

Ghost: Do not text this number again.

Soap: too bad.

Soap: this is my new favorite thing.

Ghost: This is not an entertainment device.

Soap: u made it into one when u took the phone.

Ghost: I should have stolen your phone.

Soap: yea. u prolly should have.

Soap: maybe u still can.

Ghost: No, thank you.

Soap: im so glad to hear ur manners kicked in at the end there.

Soap: i feel better knowing ur not a total dick.

Ghost: That's not what my mom tells me.

Soap: oh god.

Ghost: Sorry.

Ghost: I didn't mean to send that.

Ghost: It was a joke.

Ghost: A bad one.

Ghost: I will never send another inappropriate message.

Ghost: Please stop laughing.

Soap: i cant

Soap: my face hurts

Soap: ur so awkward

Soap: im dying

Ghost: Thank you for your feedback.

Ghost: Now please stop messaging me.

Soap: hey. gaz is rlly sad about his stolen phone. give it back.

Ghost: What is a gaz?

Soap: the drunk guy u stole the phone from a few days ago.

Ghost: That seems like his problem.

Soap: yeah. but if u give him the phone back, he might let me play with his new sniper rifle.

Ghost: Interesting.

Soap: he also has a big bag of jelly beans.

Ghost: I have his phone.

Soap: u wanna come over and trade it for the jelly beans?

Ghost: No.

Soap: :(

Ghost: Maybe.

Soap: yes!!

Ghost: You can have the phone.

Ghost: But only if you take a picture of him holding the jelly beans and send it to me.

Soap: that sounds easy enough.

Soap: do u like black liquorice?

Ghost: No.

Soap: good.

Ghost: ?

Soap: hey

Ghost: This is not Gaz's number.

Soap: i know. it’s urs and we’re friends now

Ghost: No, we aren't.

Soap: yes, we are.

Soap: if ur not gonna give the phone back, at least tell me a name i can put in the contact for this number

Ghost: No.

Soap: just gimme a name. or i'll make one up for u

Ghost: Do not.

Soap: u know what, i think u look like a jack

Ghost: You don't even know what I look like.

Soap: no, but that doesn't matter

Soap: i think i have an idea

Soap: and a friend named jack. it would be hilarious

Ghost: Please, no.

Soap: too late. jack it is

Jack: I don't want to be called that.

Soap: it's a nice name

Jack: You don't even know if I'm a guy.

Soap: are u

Jack: That's not the point.

Jack: It doesn't matter.

Soap: then what's ur name

Jack: If I give you a name, will you leave me alone?

Soap: yeah

Jack: Okay.

Jack: Call me Toad.

Soap: toad???

Soap: ok

Toad: Okay?

Soap: i'm not gonna call u that

Toad: Then why did you say you would?

Soap: why did u say u would give the phone back and then not give it back?

Toad: Fine.

Soap: fine

Toad: Good.

Soap: good!

Soap: hey toad

Toad: Oh my god.

Soap: how are u

Toad: I hate everything.

Soap: what a coincidence. so do i

Toad: How wonderful for us.

Soap: yeah it is.

Soap: u want to hear about the mission i just got back from?

Toad: It’s Ghost, not Toad. And I literally couldn't care less.

Soap: well that's rude. it was very exciting

Ghost: Are you military?

Soap: u know i could have asked for the phone back a long time ago. but i'm not. i'm just a good samaritan who wanted to make sure u got home safe

Ghost: That was a lot of words.

Soap: i had a lot to say

Ghost: Are you always like this?

Soap: yes. anyway, i am military. sort of. i like making stuff explode.

Ghost: What's your rank?

Soap: sergeant. i'm pretty cool.

Ghost: Cooler than most sergeants?

Soap: probably

Soap: but i still wouldn't tell gaz i said that

Ghost: Who is Gaz again?

Soap: i already told u

Ghost: It's been a while. I forgot.

Soap: that's the same as saying u care. i know u care.

Ghost: I don't.

Soap: ok, u dont care.

Ghost: I don't.

Soap: so if i texted u at 3 am to say my roommate accidentally lit my bed on fire, u wouldn't care?

Ghost: That's different.

Ghost: If you're really in the military, you should be able to deal with it.

Soap: wow.

Soap: ur kind of a dick

Ghost: You don't even know me.

Ghost: Besides, I'm not a dick. I'm a ghost.

Soap: lol

Soap: did u just make a joke?

Ghost: I suppose I did.

Soap: nice. maybe i'll forgive u

Ghost: For what?

Soap: stealing a phone

Ghost: Stealing a phone that I found on a public bathroom sink.

Ghost: The same phone that is currently being used to annoy the hell out of me.

Soap: karma is a bitch

Ghost: Is it?

Ghost: Or are you a bitch?

Ghost: maybe both.

Ghost: Sounds like it.

Soap: i'm gonna text u every day.

Ghost: I don't even know your name.

Soap: john mactavish. they call me soap tho.

Ghost: Soap.

Soap: yea

Ghost: Your name is John, and people call you Soap. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Soap: i've heard worse

Ghost: I believe it.

Ghost: How the hell do you get Soap from John, though?

Soap: u could just call me john

Ghost: I will never call you John.

Soap: k

Ghost: Ever.

Soap: nice talk.

Ghost: Don't text me anymore.

Soap: they call me soap bc i clean up real nice

Ghost: I thought we agreed you wouldn't text me.

Soap: oh did we? i don't remember that

Ghost: I hate you.

Soap: <3

Ghost: Was that an emoji? Never do that again.

Soap: but rlly. the reason i'm called soap is bc i set some kind of record time clearing a warehouse in basic and it just kind of stuck

Ghost: Why are you telling me this?

Soap: to help u sleep at night

Ghost: It will not.

Soap: what kind of name is ghost anyway?

Ghost: Not important.

Soap: i've seen some of the guys around here. they aren't ghosts

Ghost: That's the point.

Soap: i bet you have a boring ass name like timothy

Ghost: Don't be ridiculous.

Soap: markus

Ghost: No.

Soap: paul

Ghost: I'm going to block this number.

Soap: okay okay, sorry

Soap: can i call u smthn normal like dave

Ghost: You're not even close.

Soap: damn

Soap: what do i get if i guess it right

Ghost: Absolutely nothing.

Soap: i'm not gonna stop guessing til u give me smthn

Ghost: How about you stop texting me and I won't kill you.

Soap: no ur a nice guy. u wouldn't do that

Ghost: Try me.

Soap: fine, i'll leave u alone for a day

Ghost: A week.

Soap: two days.

Ghost: Four days.

Soap: three

Ghost: Three days and a photo.

Soap: what?

Ghost: A photo of you.

Soap: why?

Ghost: I want to see what you look like.

Soap: why didn't u ask before

Ghost: Because I didn't care before.

Soap: send me a picture of u first

Ghost: No.

Soap: i'll think about it if u do

Ghost: I won't.

Soap: i'll take a bad picture.

Ghost: Why do you have a bad picture of yourself?

Soap: for situations just like this

Ghost: Okay.

Soap: u send one first.

Ghost: No.

Soap: i have pics of u already.

Ghost: What?!

Soap: lol

Soap: not really

Ghost: Don't fucking do that.

Soap: don't threaten to kill me

Ghost: Don't scare me.

Soap: ur not very good at this, are u?

Ghost: At what?

Soap: talking to people

Ghost: It doesn't seem to matter. You're still talking to me.

Soap: i guess it's a gift.

Soap: what would u do if i sent u a pic of myself

Ghost: Nothing.

Soap: that's a lie. u would look at it. perhaps save it to ur camera roll

Ghost: What do you want from me?

Soap: i wanna be friends

Ghost: Why?

Soap: u seem lonely

Ghost: I'm not.

Soap: u can keep telling me u hate me but i know that u don't

Ghost: I don't hate you.

Soap: so u like me?

Ghost: No.

Soap: we r gonna be the best of friends

Ghost: No, we aren't.

Ghost: Send me the picture.

Soap:

Soap: there. i cropped it so u couldn’t dox me

Ghost: Nice try. But I'm not a civilian. And I'm not an idiot.

Soap: ur not a civilian?

Ghost: Fuck.

Ghost: Pretend you didn't read that.

Soap: only if u send me a selfie

Ghost: This is extortion.

Soap: yup

Ghost: I don't have a photo.

Soap: then take a new one

Ghost: Fine.

Soap: is that a skull mask? and skeleton gloves? are u sure ur not an edgy teenager under there?

Ghost: Just shut up.

Soap: this is great. can i post this on instagram

Ghost: No.

Soap: can i show my roommates

Ghost: No.

Soap: ok, can i save it for blackmail purposes

Ghost: I would prefer it if you didn't.

Soap: too late

Soap: i didn’t think u had brown eyes

Ghost: You have an unfortunate beard.

Soap: what does that even mean?

Ghost: Exactly what it sounds like.

Soap: fuck off. ur a beanie baby.

Ghost: ?

Soap: a beanie baby. theyre like those little stuffed animals and u collect them. except, yk, a beanie baby

Ghost: I know what a beanie baby is. Why did you call me one?

Soap: ur just a little soft, squishy man

Ghost: Fuck you.

Soap: :)

Soap: did u know there are beanie babies of real people?

Ghost: What the fuck are you talking about?

Soap: i'm at walmart and i saw this miley cyrus beanie baby

Ghost: Miley Cyrus is not real.

Soap: they're called limited editions. u gotta collect them all

Soap: wait what do u mean miley cyrus isn’t real

Ghost: I mean that Miley Cyrus is an illusion. A fabricated idea created by a corrupt government and sold to the public. An industry plant to poison the minds of the youth.

Ghost: But now you've ruined the surprise, and her secret is out.

Soap: omg

Soap: i thought her secret was hannah montana

Ghost: You know nothing, Soap.

Soap: i can't believe you broke into gaz's phone, stole it, and now u won't tell me ur name

Soap: and yet u just tried to gaslight me into thinking miley cyrus isn't real

Ghost: I would have gotten away with it, too, if not for you meddling kids.

Soap: are u even a real person

Ghost: I have a question for you, Soap.

Soap: yeah

Ghost: Why haven't you reported this stolen phone to your authorities?

Soap: it's not that big of a deal. gaz has another phone. i think he just liked this one better

Ghost: And what about me?

Soap: what about u?

Ghost: How do you know I'm not a terrorist who is using the phone to spy on the military or steal secrets?

Soap: u don't seem like a terrorist

Ghost: Thanks.

Soap: and besides, u couldn't have stolen that many secrets if u didn't know miley cyrus is real

Ghost: I could.

Soap: how do u even use a phone with skeleton gloves on?

Ghost: With difficulty.

Soap: that helmet makes u look stupid

Ghost: Says the guy with the worst beard I've ever seen.

Soap: i'll have u know i've been told it makes me look handsome

Ghost: By who? Yourself?

Soap: well now i am not telling

Soap:

Ghost: I bet it was a mirror.

Soap: i would say i'd block u, but we both know i won't

Ghost: That's fine. We both know I won't give you the phone back.

Soap: that's true.

Soap: did u know gaz has a lot of games on his phone

Ghost: Like what?

Soap: the entire clash of clans series. a few versions of candy crush. and something called lovehoney. not sure what that one is.

Ghost: Are you sure about that, Soap?

Soap: ?

Ghost: Have you actually played LoveHoney?

Soap: no, it says its rated m

Ghost: I thought you said you were a grown ass man?

Soap: i can't play a rated m game without supervision

Ghost: Oh, really?

Ghost: Do you want supervision?

Soap: from who? u?

Ghost: Maybe.

Soap: u should come visit us sometime. we can play clash of clans together

Ghost: I'd rather stab myself.

Soap: :(

Ghost: Why do you keep using emojis?

Soap: to convey emotion

Ghost: But there are words for emotions.

Soap: u should try it

Ghost: Why would I do that when I have a mask and a helmet to hide my face?

Soap: why do u hide ur face anyway? are u ugly?

Ghost: Quite the opposite.

Soap: oh so ur pretty

Ghost: I don't see how that matters.

Soap: ur face matters a lot if it's the only thing u can see when u look at someone

Ghost: Then look elsewhere.

Soap: can't. the rest of u is covered up

Ghost: If you're lucky, you'll never have to see the rest of me.

Soap: if u were here i could prove to u that ur a real person

Ghost: Is that so?

Soap: yes. i would hold ur hand

Ghost: Gross.

Soap: maybe even hug u

Ghost: Definitely gross.

Soap: i'm a very affectionate person

Ghost: That's unfortunate.

Soap: i can be anything u want me to be

Ghost: Not interested.

Soap: ok fine, i can be anything u aren't

Ghost: Good luck with that.

Soap: do u always text like ur writing a report

Ghost: Yes.

Soap: it's boring

Ghost: You are boring.

Soap: and yet u keep replying

Ghost: I don't know why.

Soap: maybe bc we r friends

Ghost: That's not why.

Soap: yes it is.

Ghost:

Soap: is that a dog

Ghost: It's a German Shepard.

Soap: i hate dogs.

Ghost: I thought you might.

Soap: why

Ghost: They remind me of you.

Soap: hahaha

Ghost: They are loyal and dumb and kind of cute.

Soap: omg

Ghost: But also aggressive and loud and have terrible breath.

Soap: did u just call me cute

Ghost: I did.

Soap: are u drunk?

Ghost: No.

Ghost: Maybe.

Soap: do u always get drunk and text random guys on stolen phones?

Ghost: It's the only way I can talk to anyone.

Soap: why

Ghost: Because no one wants to get close to a ghost.

Soap: that was so dramatic

Ghost: So is your fucking beard.

Soap: it's a fashion statement

Ghost: It's ugly.

Soap: and what, ur face is too pretty for the world?

Ghost: Exactly.

Soap: if u weren't a stranger, i'd probably be a little offended

Ghost: We're not strangers.

Soap: not really, i guess. but u don't know anything about me

Ghost: I know your name.

Ghost: I know your rank.

Ghost: I know you work for an unspecified organization.

Ghost: I know you're a complete idiot.

Soap: hey!

Ghost: I know you like jelly beans.

Ghost: I know you're not as much of an asshole as I thought you were.

Ghost: And I know I like talking to you.

Soap: i like talking to u too. even if u insult me every chance u get

Ghost: It's because you're an easy target.

Soap: u are literally the least charming person i have ever met

Ghost: Thank you. to be continued - subscribe on ao3 for next chapters :3

44 notes · View notes