#im just processing my feelings

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[mienar]

the wandering painter, part one

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#artists on tumblr #illustration #animated illustration #animation #backgrounds #animated gifs #background illustration #myillust #landscape #plants #scenery #summer #hiii! just wanted to share an artwork i made that's super fresh from the oven ksfknsf #'the wandering painter' will be a series that consists of artworks that has elements that i struggle to draw and am trying to improve on! #ive always really struggled with the process of painting (for example) clouds fields grass grasslands flowers etc #despite the end result coming out satisfactory imo but i cant deny that it most of the time feels like a fluke #so this series would consist of my journey of improving how to draw said elements/areas more confidently :D #this artwork in particular - i studied and practiced how to paint/draw silver grass better along with grasses and clouds #i feel like im sorta getting the hang of it but theres definitely room to study and experiment how i can paint it better #so yeah! nonetheless i really hope you'll like this! and i hope you'll have a lovely day/night ahead <3333

[captain-flint]

x

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmdedit #ofmd s2 spoilers #blackbonnet #blackbonnetedit #gentlebeard #gentlebeardedit #edward teach #blackbeard #stede bonnet #taika waititi #rhys darby #literally what do i do with this #WHAT DO I DO WITH ANY OF IT #THERE'S TOO MUCH STUFF MY BRAIN REFUSES TO PROCESS IT #im not even capable of reblogging things yet bc my chest feels like i've been gargling and swallowing glass #i keep having to get up and just walk in circles #i've hyperventilated 73 times since yesterday #i knew david was gonna give us everything we ever wanted but that doesn't mean i was ready to see any of it #anyway i just needed this in the highest resolution on my blog #my stuff

[arsenicflame]

god. this is gonna consume me for years

#i cant even process my feelings im just #im just #GOD #i need to smother myself with a pillow #nyxtalks #ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #edizzy #blackhands #izzy hands #israel hands #waves excitedly #look theyve known each other so long

[julijbee]

girlbossing too close to the sun.

#art #ive literally just been treating this game as a library simuator #i walk from bookseller to bookseller opening up all of their books #vivecs sermons are either a highlight or the point at which i stop reading #ive been trying to convince the ordinators that imitation is the highest form of flattery but it hasnt been working #let me wear your helmets please theyre so funny.. #posting morrowind in 2024 isnt a cry for help but youre not wrong to be concerned. #morrowind #almalexia #vivec #im going to explain the chitin armor give me a moment #so the bonewalker nerevar on the shrines is adorable and it was only after drawing it however many times that i realized #it looked relatively close to a modified chitin armor #and so i modified chitin armor a few times and this was probably the cutest result #i also know i drew almalexia relatively pristine and untouched by years and vivec not so much but my thought process was #vivecs role as if not a favorite then the most accessible divine or the most “hands on” in a manner of speaking #acting in ways visible to the general population or actions explicitly brought to their attention #like not that almalexia isnt doing anything she is #but the dissemination of information regarding that is very different etc etc etc #anyways to a certain extent a god is the face on a shrine or in art or upon a statue or carving #but vivecs presence is interwoven with the geography of vvardenfell especially and his actions and writings with pubished materials #and the arts and culture and customs etc etc etc #so to me the face of a god you know and feel a commonality with or a god that walks alongside you is a face you would recognize #and vivec is already otherworldly looking enough #the simple mark of the years on his skin in some way grounding him in reality felt more right #that and i think the ways in which he and almalexia care about outward appearance are slightly different- they prioritize different things #and the ways they present outward power and their embodiment of their respective attributes share some similarities as they both have that #important preoccupation with physical power and physical strength to a certain degree #oh my god nobody read this i am yapping so bad. #tes

[cotgar2]

Guess what day it is 🎉🎉🎉 🎂

If he’s putting candles on a cake, does he just put one so it’s easier or does he try to fit 200… (we all know the answer but realistically lmao)

And as a little extra:

They then sat there for an hour as Ling tried to count to 200 before Greed couldn’t take it anymore

#im convinced that the process of remembering it’s his birthday is ‘oh shit. oh god.’ to ‘oh shit!!!! Hell yeah!!’ #mostly just cause of this interaction lol #I feel like Ling would be the one to remember it #mostly cause I feel like he probably analyzed literally everything around him the day of losing his body to both get a sense of how it works #and also get a sense of what day it is after being stuck in gluttony’s stomach for who knows how long lol #my art #fanart #fma #fmab #fullmetal alchemist #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #fma greed #greed the avaricious #fma ling #ling yao #greedling #shhh I never had to fix the fact that I drew his hand backwards shhh

[mugwot]

sometimes you sound bit too mean, it happens

it was Supposed to be in colour, and them the bw version Just Looked better

this is mostly based on this meme

#biggest thanks to the person in the discord who just i guess had this screenshot On Hands?? i would not be able to find it #kinda feel like im burning out with art #should take a rest probably #isat #in stars and time #is this spoilers??? probably not??? maybe??? will tag in case #isat spoilers #isat siffrin #isat isabeau #is mostly there as eye candy #any one of the party members could be there #the attitudes would be different tho #i like having at least a vague sense of blackstory for things like this so isa has just finished shopping for fabricks #a long and arduous process in my experience #i feel so bad that i cant draw stylish clothes isa deserves better but i am supremely unfashionable #my art #comic

[tradingjack]

There's no turning back.

... Is there anyone who'll be able to survive what lies ahead?

#millions knives #trimax #trigun spoilers #knives sure as fuck didn't lmao #ending my sick drawing saga with this one <3 i feel better now thx #yeah i'll give knives the piano piece. fuck you #i do love drawing knives beautiful. i loved doing the detailing on this one tbh it was a ton of fun #now i am less confident in the background but. what can you do :3 what i get for trying not to use red ig #it's so interesting that quote is from elendira too. she really just wanted to watch the world burn. get it girl <3 #manga #illustration #artists on tumblr #drawing #my art #comic #fanart #trigun #i've been drawing too much knives for someone who likes other characters way better lmao. listen. im still processing the uhh #my own sibling trauma ok #drawing diablo vash is therapeutic in a similar way tbh lmfao

[azuneekun]

Hello azu, I have a question about the cover of your fancomic "Godfather"!

I like your comic, but I don't understand the symbolism of the mourning frame next to Shane, could you explain it to me?

I just think that the grief of losing his loved ones killed him too, if that makes sense.

Godfather comic

#stardew valley #stardew valley shane #shane stardew valley #sdv shane #shane sdv #stardew shane #shane stardew #stardew #sdv #sv shane #shane sv #if youre curious: my hc is that jas' mom is shane's sister #and jas' dad is his best friend #they were the only two people in his life at this point that he really opened up to... #and his whole world was just him jas his best friend and sister. and he was just satisfied with this quiet little life with them #and of course when they were gone it left a sizeable hole in his heart and it took him a long looong time to recover from that grief #because he didnt process his feelings properly and bottled it up. and it was killing him #he didnt want jas to see him look weak or vulnerable because he knows jas is relying on him to be her father now #but it really wasnt good for him to keep all that inside. and thata why he spiralled in sdv hence his heart events #im talking too much im done now alfkakgksgkskgk

[daily-crabbys]

Today's crab is: pop rocks

#daily-crabbys #crab #sand bubbler crab #um. the caption might be a bit confusing which yeah i get it #looking at it just reminds me of the feel of pop rocks #like the soft crackle which also includes the sound #and also its a sand bubbler #so its bubbling the sand #so its. yeah. im cant really explain my thought process there too well but i hope what i mean comes across anyways

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

Consider Alastor stripping in front of Vox and when Vox is like "holy shit ur comfortable enough around me to be naked??" and Alastor laughs at him and says "Do you think I get embarrassed when taking my clothes off in front of my couch or dresser? Why would I be embarrassed because I'm naked in front of a TV?"

#VOX OBJECTIFICATION #THINK ABOUT IT #especially if we hc that vox if flat like a barbie #i think al would definitely be into objectification and the lack of anatomical parts #sex repulsed al who still engages is so important to me #val: u wanna do objectplay? #vox: no that's dehumanizing and im still a person regardless of my head #al: ur just useless tv and nothing more #vox: yes daddy #i feel like this thought process could also apply to husk #with the whole canon petpay thing they got going on #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel alastor #radiostatic #voxal #fic idea #alastor x vox

[louroth]

Forget the IF, just wanted to check in and see if YOU were okay dear author? I hope everything is well. I know you have a process lol, but I miss seeing you on my TL from time to time.

oh, kjsdhfjskdf . how sweet<3 thank you for this! I am doing well, crafting ouro alongside some personal shifts and growth and setbacks and victories. it has been a godsend to take all this pressure off for this period and do things my way. though, I'll say: while it has taken and will probably take another while, this silence will be broken at some point. I'll avoid saying soon only because I'm staunchly sticking to my pace&process. however !! I finished the draft for the first book yesterday. !! I am currently doing some hefty edits, collecting art and testing coding (&learning something new a hundred times over, over, again, whether it be storycrafting, interactivity, ui design, social media, art, code ... the list goes on) and so for the most part, I'm having a good time, as long as we count the entire spectrum of the human condition as a mostly good time. pfft.

I miss hanging out here too! I genuinely can't wait to get back to online shenanigans once I feel ready for it; if you'll have me, of course. I can imagine that this type of secret development is frustrating and everyone has their limit. It means a lot that you sent this my way. Hope you're doing well too. <3

#OUROBOROS #ouroboros-if #interactive fiction #so much has changed that i see the public demo as an entirely different work at this point. It has been a fun but daunting journey and some #part of me is sad that I couldn't handle sharing that process as much as I'd like. but life takes precedent and that's just how it be #im so pleasantly surprised that the majority of people who advocate for mental health first actually follow through on the compassion #they promise. do you know what I mean? ouro & the community around it is tiny in the grand scheme but #I have never felt so supported in my entire life #every time I feel scared or hopeless the people around me (and you know who you are. I love you!!) have given me nothing but grace #and the joy of their friendship. that's enough for me-- for now >:3

[mamawasatesttube]

i accepted im not finishing the timkon vday fic today and instead launched into yet another new wip instead. i present to you: a snippet of kon vs his deeply repressed medical trauma, featuring core four and what is gonna be some gratuitous kon & clark fambly focus...

The voices are still talking, too loud and too fast to understand. Kon tries to breathe harder, his heart racing—the beeping doesn’t help—and looks around frantically. Where’s the exit? He just came through a door, but he doesn’t know where it went—

A gloved hand settles on his arm, and a cold wipe that smells of alcohol scrubs over his skin. Kon tilts his head to see what’s happening.

A needle glints in the doctor’s other hand. They’re prepping his arm for intravenous injection.

“NO!” He jerks away, terror flaring through his stomach. It’s so poignant it almost drowns out the agony. His TTK flares, too, and the doctor and the needle in their hand fly across the room, far away. A flash of light and a person with chestnut hair catches them, so they’re not hurt.

Good. Kon didn’t mean to hurt anyone. He just—he just wants them to stay away.

He’s safe for the moment. Kon sobs for breath—

“Kon!” The person from before, the one lying and saying it’d be okay, appears again. They grab Kon’s hand and squeeze it. “Kon, she was only trying to help! You’re safe, I swear—”

Kon jerks away. “Don’t—don’t lie to me—” he manages. He needs to get up. He needs to get out of here. He needs… he needs…

When he tries to sit up, pure agony lances through his entire body. It radiates out from his gut and spears up through his chest like lightning, so sharp he can’t breathe and stars sparkle across his blurry vision.

What did they do to him?!

He isn’t safe here, he needs to get out of here! It’s only gonna get worse the longer he stays; they’ll get another doctor, another needle—he has to sit up, he needs to move—

Strong hands clamp onto his shoulders and hold him down. Despite all his strength, they hold him down. Kon cries out, a new wave of ice-cold terror spearing through him. “No! No, no let me go!”

“Cassie, you’re scaring him!” the other voice says, tugging at the new person’s wrists, completely ineffectively. “We need to calm him down, not—"

The new person, Cassie, ignores them. “Kon, listen to me.”

Kon shakes his head, terrified. “No no no no no!”

“Kon, you can’t hurt the doctors. They’re trying to help, okay? You’re badly hurt, and they’re trying to help, but you need to let them do their jobs!”

Another person in surgical scrubs approaches. Kon barely hears what they say over all the roaring in his ears, but it doesn’t matter. He knows how Cadmus operates.

“…you restrain him until we can administer anesthesia?” he overhears. It’s enough. He hyperventilates, sobs for breath, shoves ineffectively at the strong arms holding him down. Desperate, he shoves at Cassie with TTK. Thankfully, that has some effect: she yelps as he shoves himself a few inches off the bed, but then sharp, white-hot pain sears through his entire body, and his vision blacks out.

When he comes to, Cassie is over him again, and—and—

Glowing, golden ropes wind tight around his shoulders, his wrists, his thighs, his legs. He’s completely pinned to the bed. One end of the ropes is wrapped around Cassie’s hands.

He can’t move.

He can’t escape.

No. No no no no this can’t happen again, they’re going to hurt him and he needs to get out but he can’t—he can’t—oh, god, this is happening again and he’s just gonna have to take it, and—and it already hurts so much, he can’t take it—

Kon chokes on another sob. “Please,” he begs. “Please please please please—”

Cassie looks anguished. “I’m sorry, Kon,” she says, but she’s not sorry enough to let him go, so it doesn’t matter. “It’s for your own good, I swear.”

He can’t move. He can’t move and it hurts and he can’t move and it hurts and no matter how hard he struggles, he’s pinned, and it hurts it hurts it hurts so so so bad, and oh, god, he’s trapped. He’s trapped, he can’t—he can’t—

Terrified, Kon does the only thing he can think of.

“SUPERMAN!” he screams. “Kal! Kal-El! Please, please—help me, help me, don’t—don’t let them do this to me again, Kal, Kal—”

There’s a pinch in his arm.

The needle.

Kon falls silent.

It’s… it’s really happening again, isn’t it? No matter how much he fights and screams and pleads. They’re gonna cut him open and hurt him and put him back in the tube. They’re gonna make him just another slab of tissue. An experiment and not a person. It’s happening again. And he can’t stop it. He can’t escape.

He can’t escape.

His chest hurts. A single tear rolls down the side of his face into his hair.

The door slams open. Kon’s gaze snaps over.

“What is going on here?”

Superman stands in the doorway, resplendent in all his glory. He’s an even more welcome sight than the sun, and even though Kon can’t move thanks to the golden ropes, he whimpers, fingers twitching as he yearns to reach for him.

He looks furious.

#rimi writes #its like completely unedited so far bc i only edit once im done with a complete draft but hey. my writing process! #also i just have Feelings about kon looking to clark for safety when he feels helpless. thats superman. he saves everyone. #theyre family... clark is kons idol and hero and he admires him so much... and kons just clark's lil guy... #kon #clark #injury cw #medical trauma cw

[turrondeluxe]

Was it love at first sight for Mikey and the tots? Did it take Mikey some time to warm up to them? Super cute AU!!

It was kind of hectic when Mikey saw the tots for the first time ever, while also being emotionally stunted, so the warming up is kind of a slow but surely process!

#GOING TO WRITE A BIT IN HERE SO SIT DOWN #SO #in the comics its not really said exactly how long after mikeys death casey marie produced the babies SO its my city now #in the au casey marie was actually planning on creating the tots from way before meeting mikey #so after mikey gets nearly killed by hiroto she just thinks that the babies are their safest bet on a fighting chance and basically #speed runs the creation of the tots ALL WHILE mikey is still healing and bed ridden #so when mikey does find out about the babies and why they were created (by casey happily telling him); hes actually still hurt and not yet #fully recovered from his nearly fatal wounds #again casey marie basically speed run the tots but she still had everything planned (im aware of the fact that ronin mikey heals very fast) #so then proceeds the mikey talk with april and the whole lair getting set on fire bit and consequently mikey running away with the babies #so the first time mikey ever saw the babies he had not much time to process his feelings #and general ideas except for Need to Get Away With Them #peepaw and babies au #doodles #tmnt #tmnt the last ronin #the las ronin lost years #tmnt odyn #tmnt yi #tmnt uno #tmnt moja #tmnt mikey #tmnt michelangelo #ask #my art

[puppyeared]

Swapped playlists with a friend and I have normal feelings about it

#also I like beabadoobee now. 'if you want to' kicked me in the stomach and left me lying on the ground #I’m just waiting for my meds to kick in what is this 😭 #girls when the feeling of being loved and someone thinking of you when they make something finally processes #they also included the petrigrof everything in you song. im so normal #yapping #doodles #comics #personal #I’m doing a lot of diary comics huh

[bonefall]

is there any death in the rewrite that you consider to be really graphic? where do you draw the line in the violence of a character's death?

Hmmm... Probably Tigerstar honestly! The cats wrote a song about his organs falling out.

I think when it comes to the "line" of a character's death, it's very subjective. Me and every other kid who read WC pogged out when Tigerstar had a really drawn out, horrific death on-screen, but I'm still haunted by Sootfur with his broken leg, falling down towards a badger while Squilf couldn't save him and seeing the aftermath of his "sightless eyes" when the animal moved off him.

One of those was objectively less graphic, but imo a LOT more harrowing. I think emotions are a lot more important in how deaths are received by an audience than the actual blood and guts, which I think gives you a decent idea of what you're gonna get here.

I think Leopardstar's rock concert is the "ceiling" of how intensely I describe deaths. I think that one's pretty graphic, but it's for a reason. The point is that it's a brutal killing that haunts Mistystar, you get me? And I try to write "around" the gore, describing sounds, the rest of the body, etc.

There is also cosmic/body horror with the Ancestor Rats, and more importantly, BB!Cats do food processing. They skin dead animals and separate the organs and such. When I get around to doing an entry on animal fat, I would also like to show WHERE in the body the fat is stored on certain animals. It's a lot more important to nutrition than you think it is.

BUT whenever I feel like I'm "around" Leopardstar's Boulder Appointment or an Ancestor Rat, I always always tag that. Less "violent" things like the song about the organs (Tiger's In A Heap) and more gentle food processing (like an offhanded mention of removing entrails or skinning) isn't tagged.

If I ever end up including a "diagram" of where fat is stored in the body or "how to properly skin a small rodent" It will be tagged as gore and I'd try to stay tasteful to begin with, I would ABSOLUTELY never drop something like that on anyone untagged and unwarned.

#I have what I consider a high benchmark for gore (medical + mortuary science education + did some butchery for hunters) #So when it starts to feel iffy to ME that is my threshold for tagging things as gore #But I am very bad at understanding when people are sensitive towards like... carnivores eating meat or carcass processing #Because legit in my head that's just Making Food #I go to the store and it is not hard to connect the cuts to where it was on the animal #AND I was raised to heavily value ''appreciating'' meat because an animal died to feed me #cw talk #bone babble #ugh now im thinking about deer stew #mmmmmmm #I miss the taste of game