#im trying to be cautious

[newtlesbian]

going further. franks child self was living in that one room with a strange weirdo boy he dreamed up but never really had. now his inner child isn’t alone anymore. he plays games with his real charlie in their terrible one room apartment. getting weird with it and being okay with being weird no matter what everyone on the outside might think. sharing a bed together to feel the comfort in being close to that

macs child self had charlie the whole time. inseparable. a package deal. the most genuine connection and comfort in both of their neglected tiny lives. not just because they were otherwise alone. decades later theyre not going anywhere. now their inner child rides bikes together they throw rocks at trains together they teach each other about the world just like they needed so desperately in old times

dennis’ child self never had charlie. not until highschool. but that was exactly when he experienced his csa. his inner child found charlie at the exact right moment. caught him when he fell. he got his child self back through charlie just as he lost feeling. and now what do the two of them do together? they go recreate memories and recapture lost youth with a mutual unspoken understanding of why

they all need charlie. relaxing into his genuine youthful energy lets them feel that way again.

#iasip #charlie kelly #:) the first one is the ‘playing together in this room all day’ from the last post i wanted to make it clearer #i wrote a part about dee but i decided its better to reblog with comment instead of one post #because this feels so good to me. so nice to think about him being uplifting. but not possible to ignore the darker aspects of his childhood #give you options #delicate. #im trying to be cautious #but you cant talk about the gang without dee and you cant talk about child selves without trauma. its not Honest not Authentic not Genuine #it does feel sad its kinda tough to touch on it. delicate yk yk #but she seeks charlies natural lack of ambition and a brother who doesnt push her to prop himself up #dees brother fought her and charlies sisters fought him. both cases about superiority. dee fights back charlie ignores #csa warning #kid selves #frank reynolds #bc theres no attention paid to him

[skitskatdacat63]

"If you asked me yesterday or last week if we had any chance to be in the top five, or even fighting for the podium, I would tell you no. Now, I don't know if I can be so sure, so...let's try."

#hes being very cautious so i dont know what to think #\but im rly glad to hear that the pace is way way better than they were expecting #WE WILL TRY. #<- thats all i care about #we will in fact try!!! and maybe...succeed? #shhhh shhhh im getting ahead of myself #man i have to say tho i miss the floofy bits peaking out from under his cap ahhhhh #old man grow your hair back out #back on my gif grind! wish the back wasnt so blatantly shit but its okay ig. just focus on the old man #fernando alonso #f1 #formula 1 #we do a little bit of f1 #2024 bahrain gp

[snezfics-n-shit]

#this meme has been going through my head for a bazillion years lol #i love to interact and then it hits me that im probably bothering you guys #plus the current popular stuff I am sadly so unfamiliar with #when i was younger i would gravitate to my own interests when i was unfamiliar with other topics and it got on peoples nerves a lot #and i completely understand that so i dont wanna repeat those mistakes #its just like a game of pingpong of me talking too much and me hiding under my desk bc i feel like im bothering everyone #also like the last time it was p much confirmed i was being annoying i cried for like two hours bc my fears were realized haha #and when a line is drawn for me i kinda like to stay at least 2ft away from wherever that line is just to be safe #you gotta like throw a cookie attached to a fishing line to get me closer to the line lol #because i will seriously be way too cautious otherwise #im trying to get more brave though im just kinda like my cat who heard a noise in the bathroom cabinet #and now he refuses to go near it #being mindful of others feelings and respecting their boundaries is super important to me #and sometimes that boxes me in a bit

[x-xphantomime]

say hello to my beautiful wife

#trying to use sharpies to force myself to get better at art #somehow. #i think being slower + more cautious abt mistakes helps my brain and my wrist #atsv #spiderman across the spiderverse #the spot #johnathon ohnn #I HOPE HE LOOKS OKAY........ IM not confident when it comes to drawing. normal grown men #ott arts

[littlelightfish]

The hearts don't mean he is in love with no one. The problem with English is how vague of the word love is in his meaning. It envolves different kinds of caring in one single word. But I'll try to express here what I mean.

He cares, as a person, about everyone. This is a basic level of love that he haves towards everybody. He doesn't want anyone to actually die, that's what I mean. He doesn't necesarily cares about someone, but he loves them enough to not want them to die.

He starts befriending someone and gets to know it. He starts liking things about them and disliking others. He starts loving this people in another way, we'll call it liking. This is more a get-to-know phase he doesn't always like. The less he knows, the less reasons to get attached get attached he has. I think this are the kind of love the hearts show in the image. He has to make sure to keep a balance between how much he loves and how much he let's himself be loved. He doesn't want to have misunderstandings. He is in constant fear of "what if I made them love me more and they care more?"

And then it comes the deeply care that love is in the non-romantic way. This care a (good) parent has for his babies. The love that makes people suffer emotionally in an absolute different way from what it could be a heartbreak or a misunderstanding between friends. If something happens to the loved one, the pain is unbearable. It's one of the worst things rhat can happen. And Chilchuck knows this, he is father of three daughters, and his wife left him. She left, he knows the pain it is to come home and find it empty when there should be someone. He knows the guilt it comes with failing those loved ones. The shame. He doesn't like being this vulnerable. This love makes him suffer like no other does. So he is very very carefull of how much he allows himself to care about someone so he won't get to love like this.

He draws a line between work and private life because his private life envolves love and deep care, and he doesn't want to love nor care like this for people who's job is to constantly risk their lifes. He doesn't want to feel the anguish, he doesn't want to feel the loneliness it will come after the unenviable separation of the party.

He tries his best to not get attached to people. To not let people get attached to him. But he fails. He fails and falls downstairs with a whole drum set.

He can't help but to care about this people. He can't help but to love this people he's been living with the past few weeks in the risking of their lifes. He tells himself he's doing this for money and that he doesn't care, but he does.

Those hearts don't mean anything other than him caring about them. He cares about Senshi. He cares about Marcille. He cares about Laios. About Itsuzumi. About Namari. He cares in a way that hurts. He loves this people. He doesn't want to even imagine a world in where they are gone, or suffering, or in problems. They're his friends, they're something he, unwillingly, accepts as family.

He cares about Falin and Mickbell because he doesn't want them dead. He doesn't feel any anguish toward if they do or not get hurt after they're out of his sight. Sure, he cares, but he can live without thinking about them the rest of his days. It doesn't happen like that with Laios. He can't just simply let Laios go and follow Fallin just after he recover consciousness from a punch in the gut. Was it Mickbell, he would let him if he really didn't wanted. But Laios didn't wanted to sit and wait, and he had to care. He had to verbalize to himself that he cared. He had to let them know, so they would act accordingly. So they won't get themselves killed like idiots.

He doesn't want others to fall in romantic love with him. He doesn't feel romantic love towards anyone either. He isn't the man for this kind of love. He is, in fact, afraid of it. He doesn't want to fall in love, because he's still in love with his wife. She left him because he was negligent. But since when has this become the definitive stop for love? Chilchuck knows his wife is angry at him, and she has all the reason to be so! His husband, the one she loved and cared for, gets himself in dangerous situations, treats his body poorly and almost never is home. She loves him, and it hurts her to love like this, so she leaves. Like this she won't have to look at him get himself mistreated like he does. She would have the pull in her's stomach that tells her that he could be in great danger, that she could become a widow, but she tries to calm it with his daughter's mail to him. He could never. He can't imagine a world in wich they cease to exist. A world without his wife, even if she distanced herself, without his daughters, would be a world worthless of living. He knows this. Because he cares and he loves in such a deep level that he is scared of loving anyone else like this. To become so vulnerable to emotion. This vulnerable to something bad happening.

The fact that he is so afraid of loosing his wife, even after she left him, says a lot. He still cares about her. He is still in love with her. He wants to go back to what it was before, but he can't and he know its his fault. And he respects his wife's distance because he loves her. Now, he doesn't love her in the movie way, he isnt in love like a teenager would to his first girlfriend, he doesn't want to kiss her, or hug her, or be by her side at all moments of the day. He loves her. He cares about her deeply, deeply enough that he doesn't need to be by her side to care, to love. He also respects her. He can survive without her because he knows she's better with his daughter. For sure he wants to hug, kiss and be by the side of this person he loves, it would be ideal, but he can survive without thinking about it too much. It's just like with his daughters. They're all adults that now live far from him. And he is ok with it now. He sends mail and recieves mail, and even if he misses greatly, he can manage not to think about it. Because he knows she is allright. Because he knows he fucked up. He doesn't know where he fuked up, but for his wife to leave him, at least he knows he did. They never talked about it, because they both seem to have a problem in expressing themselves. She fell into a bad mood and then she disappeared. The amount of pain he must have felt it's... let's say it's quite big.

He keeps his guard up. He doesn't want to love deeply anyone. He doesn't want to feel the emptiness, the hurt, that comes after someone so dear leaves. He knows for a fact he'll be leaving this people. He knows that they could die. If he loves, it will hurt in a way nothing else hurts. He will miss. He doesn't like missing people he cares like this. This is why he doesn't want to love. This is why he doesn't want to be loved. This is why those hearts that are almost full are his main source of concern. This is why he makes the effort to keep this feelings at bay, to love only in the friendly way and with extreme caution.

But he can't controll his own love. And he ends up caring more and more about these people. He slowly makes him a part of the dangerous love zone that family means. He is afraid to confuse someone about his feelings towards them, so he still tries to maintain distance with his abusive remarks, but this only works so far. He loves and is loved. And because of this he will suffer.

I... I extended myself a bit I see...

#i dont even know what im talking about anymore #but i hope i made sense #as an aroace i feel the need of being extra cautious about how people think of my relationship with them #because I dont want them to like me romantically #i want friendship #because its so uncomfortablr #not #love #so this Chil here is basically me trying to figure out if saying certain things could be considered flirting or not by the other #i shouldnt care #it isnt my fault if they do fall in love with me #but i would be happier if they didnt #to know someone is in love wirh you #and that you dont love him back #but youre still friends #so youre friends but the other wants to be more than that #and to avoid that i gotta measure every interaction #maybe im a bit paranoid #but it has happened to me to have friends fall in love with me #and i dont want to hurt their feelongs but i definitely dont lovs rhem bacj #because i care abkut them in a friendly way #and i don't want them to suffer because of me. but I dont want to suffer because of them either #its all way to complicated? yes bit thing is that chil here represents me interacting with my friends #but in my case the hearts would be romantic #dungeon meshi #chilchuck #chilchuck tims #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi spoilers #my shit

[wild-neko]

how the fuck do i find plague-safe dykes?

#like they dont exist #and if they do they live millions of kms away #like im on discord servers but thats like trying to find an needle in a haystack #uuuugh i fucking hate this timeline #covid cautious #covid19 #covid isn't over #im so socially isolated bc this fucking ongoing pandemic #im so tired #covid #wear a mask #wear a fucking mask #dyke #lesbian #masc #wlw #queer #disabled dyke

[tunapesto]

cosplaying is healing me personally (killing my wallet, also)

#mmmmni love having expensive hobbies HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAAJHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHYAA #Tbh for most of my life all i did was draw so like #i get surprised when shit costs stuff #w drawing #esp digital it s kind of like an investment #where u buy one device then after that have fun go crazy #w cosplay it's like . paying up Per character and Per accessory which is Yay #amazing even #and then i picked up cooking #it's consumable so obviously . youd have to buy shit all the time #im just very . i forgot the word. cautious about my money and end up spending it on dumb shit anyway #i am a hoarder at heart #but also deeper inside said heart is just a monkey brain that smiles when yellow color sad when blue color etc #simple minded activities of a person trying to feel something after being numb for a long time #also trying new hobbies because i fear the passion i had for drawing has been spent #i still do it because its what i do best and itd be a waste #but like yeah i kind of hate it sometimes #its cool when it turns out nice then a few hrs later i dont wanna look at it ever againnnnnnnnn #truthfully #i want to restart my brain #maybe itll do better on its 2nd try

[simelune]

odette hasn't learned that the food is meant to stay in her mouth...

#shes cautious so she has to try it again too T_T infants are going to make me die of cuteness i swear #ts4 #the sims 4 #simblr #*gp #im not sure if this needs tagging bc. tbh that last pic with her pulling food out of her mouth.... EUGH #so pls let me know <3

[transmeds]

ppl telling me abt transmeds communities that turned into terfs like i haven't watched countless tucute communities turn into terfs like! im not disagreeing with u that terfs like to convince transmeds to deteansition! the thing is that its not a transmed thing they do it to all trans ppl!! like i used to be a tucute, i used to have a bunch of tucute friends, i used to join their servers even after i stopped agreeing with them. so many of them turned into just terf circle jerk communities. because thats what terfs do! thats what they do! when you start to blame it on "transmed is a terf pipeline" or "tucute is a terf pipeline" because that's what YOU'VE experienced you miss the point and you miss how disgusting terfs actually are. thats how you blame it on the victims of terfs, when you start talking about pipelines. you have to realize that TERFS ARE THE PROBLEM! not trans people who disagree with you. i dont know how to explain this in any other way. the people who get manipulated into becoming terfs aren't the problem, its the people who manipulated them.

transmeds are not any closer to becoming terfs than tucutes are, thinking youre immune to terf manipulation will just leave you more open to it. it will just make you more likely to fall to it. its not the fault of trans people you dont like.

#this is also why i am so against trying to say terfs dont hurt trans men #it just makes trans men less cautious around them #like! no you cant stop being on ur guard around them #thats what they do! #im not changing my opinion on this btw like im just not #ive seen and experienced my friends from all sides turn into terfs thts just what they want from you #to blame other trans people #or the stop ignoring thats its an issue in the transmed community!!! stop ignoring that its not a transmed problem its a terfs manipulate #trans people problem im not denying it happens to transmeds im literally saying it does! but not because theyre transmeds. thats. all.

[cupioriot]

"I like octavian"

"Oh, so you think he's well written?"

"..no."

#hes such a finicky character #like im really cautious and try to be careful on how I approach my opinions on him because hes very complicated #in general as much as i love him i really try to walk on eggshells bcoz im not particularly sure about all of him yk #ughh i have such mixed feelings on ricks writing sometimes #octavian hoo #octavian #octavian pjo #heros of olympus #hoo #pjoverse #riordanverse #rrverse #rr crit if you squint #u dont have to squint very hard tho #damien rambles

[theloveinc]

i really can't apologize enough for the slowness of my writing and just generally, the lack of. But in all honestly, the improvement i've noticed in it's quality, both privately and in what i've shared, has really stunned me into an amazement i have yet to come to terms with and master.

it feels like i'm wielding a weapon that's way too heavy for me, but ... slowly by surely i am trying to build up the muscle to use it

#idk if its noticeable and i dont want to get seem or be c*cky about it #but the way i can expand my stories now in ways i never could before.... #im scared........... (in a good way). daunted and cautious but .. not deterred #its a little complex to. verbalize #and im in a weird low confidence period . hence my lack of presence here . i don't feel worthy enough to explain myself #but i hope you all know how much i love u and keep you on my mind and am trying to get better for u #to create a space that I can lead independent of my surroundings and any tough outside factors #idk #might be preemptive and weird and unnecessary to say. and i don't know whos listening #but i just thought i should say this alongside the wip content #that im in a weird transition. am having growing pains. #but i'm trying to see it through #caitie blabs

[ecstasydemon]

I will say u definitely have to be very careful with DIY/gray market T, as I’m sure you know, but I know someone who was doing DIY T and went to their doctor like “hi I’m doing gray market T and if you want me to stop you will give me a prescription or else I will not have balanced hormones” and they fuckin got it that day.

thats fuckin crazy wow

#ill definitely try and be cautious im looking at all the reviews and stuff #anon #asks #i was looking at post abt ftm transitioning in vietnam and they mentioned a specific t brand and i just looked it up and found listings

[acasternaut]

STOPPPPPP PUTTING THE WORDS GOLDEN RETRIEVER/BLACK CAT/GF/BF IN THE SAME SENTENCE AS THE SCOTT PILGRIM CHARACTERS OR ILL BLOW THIS WEBSITE UP WITH BOTH OF US INSIDE

#ESPECIALLY for scott. im already so annoyed by the term golden retriever boy/boyfriend #SCOTT PILGRIM IS NOT YOUR GOLDEN RETRIEVER BF. HE DATED A HIGH SCHOOLER AND CHEATED ON HER. #im not trying to say scotts the worst guy in the world but he is absolutely not the lovable sweet goof some people seem to boil him down to #and ​ramona is sort of cat-ish as shes kind of avoidant and cautious but she does still care. <- that is at least sort of my understanding o #what people mean when they say a character is catlike or 'catcoded' #ugh

[frecklystars]

Holy shit. Thank you guys for all of the asks. I got exactly 50!

I meant to respond to them when I got home from work last night, but I didn’t have enough energy by the time I was done reading these. I’m still incredibly exhausted today, it’s like all of the energy is completely sapped out of me since I was in the emergency room the other day.

The heavy ache in my chest definitely lessened while I was focused on reading what you guys wrote last night. The reminders that my TF F/Os still love me is something I really need to hear, something I probably have to tell myself multiple times... I spent so long being conditioned to believe otherwise.  

A few of you also reminded me that Starscream had gone through heavy abuse, and he wouldn’t support someone who treated me the way Megatron treats him. It helped me feel better... I think that’s what got through to me the most. I’ve seen so many commissions/fics my ex-friend showed me where she was being manipulative, and that she would be loved for it. Seeing all of that visual representation of her being so tenderly loved by these characters while she was hurting me at the same time, for so many months, it really did some damage and made me internalize the belief that all transformers characters would want to hurt me the same way and love her for it. Especially when the characters she commissioned and talked about the most often were forming into PTSD triggers. For almost a year now, I have just assumed that all of those characters she wrote and commissioned, including Starscream, would encourage her to hurt me and that they would love to see me getting hurt. I don’t choose to feel this way, it’s just... trauma. 

But a few of you wrote about how... canonically, Starscream was so fucking pissed when he was abused, especially in RiD2015!! He was so broken up and angry just like I am!! His entire 3 episodes focused on him repeating how unfairly he was treated, how much he wanted to hurt Megatron for all the times he was put through emotional/physical pain, how years had passed since he escaped being tied to his abuser and yet he was so, so angry and still worried that he wasn’t strong enough bc that is what he was conditioned to believe for millions of years. I want to think that same bot would look at me and see himself in me, and hold my hand through this and tell me it’s gonna be okay and it’s gonna get better and he’d never want to treat me the way my abuser treated me. How could he bear it if his little starflower looked at him the way that he looks at Megatron? I don’t want to think he would support my abuser’s actions, no matter how many fics or commissions she has stating otherwise. When I escaped a toxic situation with someone else 3 years ago, I turned to Starscream for this exact same reason, I looked to him for support. He helped me get through it. Now, I need him again after facing treatment that was absolutely horrific, except I’ve been conditioned to believe he would hurt me too; I just feel so sad when I look at him and I wish I could feel loved by him again. It’s been really, really, really hard. Hearing other people tell me that he loves me and would never want to hurt me really helps, I need to be reminded of that, because I absolutely can’t believe it when I try to tell myself.

I’m sorry I’m not able to respond to your asks at the moment, I’m extremely exhausted from. everything. Today has been difficult as well so I will be offline for the rest of the night. I don’t know if I’ll be online tomorrow. 

I’m not 100% sure when the commissions will open up, I was really hoping it would happen this week but I didn’t expect to have that panic attack Tuesday, it really drained me. I am hoping that I’ll have comms open by next week, it all depends on how I’m feeling. I might spend more time offline to limit seeing any potential triggers bc I’ve been very fragile since I went to the emergency room, things that normally wouldn’t make me spiral before are probably things that I will have more trouble handling right now, at least until I can calm down again. Normally it takes me about 3 to 5 days to calm down from a severe panic attack like that. But I gotta spend another $400 on new glasses tomorrow morning so... I really do need to open comms soon :’) They will absolutely be open within the next 2 weeks, I just don’t know exactly when. Anyway, thank you guys again for the nice messages, I really needed them and you helped me feel less alone last night ❤

#woof #and all of the asks were nice!!! thank you!!! #im sorry i gotta turn anon back off :( #i didnt get any bad messages or anything but im just cautious #dw i wont keep anons off forever. some of u were asking me to keep it on #i just dont want to read something negative or see any reminders of my abuser #bc then when im at my concert i will be more prone to having flashbacks instead of enjoying charlie puth bangin out the tunes #but ill turn them back on uhhh when im feeling a little better i guess #i just got some ppl trying to talk to me abt my abuser last week like 'ooh shes posting abt u!' #'shes spreading rumors about u. thought u should know' well i DONT want to know! thank u! #anyone who brings her up telling me what she's 'posting about me' is automatically blocked at this point #if she wants to spread rumors that is her problem. and i dont wanna know about it #bc shes dead to me and im keeping it that way ❤ #anyway. to all the ppl who wrote 50 nice messages!!! thank u! i needed them #i will reread them the next couple of days while im feeling rly sad and missing my starlight #god i cant wait to get the hyperfixation back. i cant wait to feel safe w/ them again. #one fucking day

[waylibee-analysis-firm]

chapter eight potentially being delicate coded is something so special to me. chapter nine, however -

#listen. listen. #chapter eight is mike trying his best to go out of his shell to be With Will #and then chapter nine is will’s reaction bc he’s being cautious. please #im prob wrong but hey . #i need to find evidence bee when ur done remind me 🙏 #🫧 #/theory

[comradeboyhalo]

i feel like- some players dont realize that q!bad’s willingness to help doesn’t exactly extend past the eggs. he’s super helpful to everyone and anyone, of course, but when it comes to taking a fall for someone...i don’t think q!bad is willing to do that for anyone but the eggs. he’s dapper’s only parent, he has to protect himself too, and i have a feeling he’s going to be stuck in a very tough spot due to that

#what im trying to say is: he's a bit more spineless than parents assume due to the fact he HAS to be super cautious #so while he'll fearlessly defend the eggs #if another player needs him to back them up against the federation #hes a lot less likely to do so