#it all hurts so fucking much

[coccinellaseptempunctata]

good God.

#i don't want to block him #i don't ! truly ! #but it hurts so much to keep him unblocked and watch them disregard our friendship like was nothing #like it IS nothing #i fucking adored them #he was the most important person in my life #i saved his life and they saved mine #it all hurts so fucking much

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

#writeblr #warm up #to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace #but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X' #and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!'' #babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3 #mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES #and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for #than have 1 kid NOT get help #but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here #bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness'' #it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!'' #& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness #but use it to defend THEIR actions #like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell? #you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse? #but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck? #your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross? #HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like #all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like. #anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol

[lazylittledragon]

did somebody say dadkarios

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale dekarios #galemance #dadkarios #pregnancy cw #just a man and his slightly terrifying wife and goblin offspring #the sign won’t stop her because she can read but she’s ignoring it #this was inevitable we all knew it was coming #i almost regret spending so much time on these but they’re so pretty #i love decorating the wizard tower #side note have you ever had a baby pull your hair it fucking HURTS #they’re out for blood from day one #spoilers for future stuff but poor cyra goes through fucking HELL with that baby and it looks nothing like her #also i'm fully a gale abs denialist. where's his tummy you cowards make him Soft

[pcktknife]

IQ

#ice queen #fiona and cake #fnc #adventure time #i think its interesting how much more disconnected she feels from her counterpart in comparison to everybody else #we never really get the simon part of ice queen right? like even the small cameo in fnc. maybe its cause we dont get that side of her in th #fnc episodes of adventure time we only get the surface level 'evil crazy ice lady' and never the person b4 the crown like her being a #ice cream vendor and her appearance while still slightly reminiscent of simon feels so different #etc etc shoulda made a textpost if i was gonna say all that #anyways ice queen + simone(?) #n marshall n betty but *waves hand* #myart #edit: so fucked everything i said apparently shes just some nymph in the comics 🗿 #i cant have anything. whatev im gonna continue living in my world of ignorance. those comics cant hurt me and i won't allow them to (u_u)

[lotus-pear]

regret

#literally excuse the shitty anatomy and cell shading i was thinking abt chuuyas reaction to what he'd done and i decided to make it skk #bc skk copium :') #the way i've hated dazai so fucking much but i still cried like a bitch when he died #he's not dead the bsd fandom has this phase like the elevator chapter where we're like ''dazai's not gonna make it he's done for!!'' #and then he comes back next chapter like surprise bitches yall thought i was dead lmao #this chapter fucking HURT for skk shippers tho like we rly lost this time around huh #deluding myself into thinking that chuuya used gravity manipulation to slow the bullet #bc we didn't see a bullet hole behind dazais head like when chuuya shot his shoulder even though the bullet to his skull was fired at close #the reason theres a wound is bc the compressed air that was still fired was enough to wound him #and the shock wave that followed caused him to pass out bc of the sudden tension to his head intermingled with the blood loss and poison #we also know dazai can control his heart rate at will so maybe he can drop his pulse to zero for like thirty secs #enough to make fyodor believe he's dead #in the event that all of this is untrue and dazai rly does die the way my entire being will go numb and cold and dead #knowing that fyodor will most likely use dazai's death as a weapon against chuuya effectively chaining him to his side #like bffr chuuya may dislike dazai but that's his partner his reflection the boy that makes him desperately want to be human #dazai is the embodiment of chuuyas humanity and once chuuya loses that tether to his human side he will snap and the facade will shatter #and we will truly see chuuya unhinged with nothing more keeping him bound to his mortal shell #this wasn't the skk reunion we wanted asigiri what the fuck :( #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #skk #soukoku #lotus draws

[lunarrolls]

listen so closely to me i think liliana temult is a fascinating character and she’s really fun to examine morally but also nothing will ever come fucking close catharsis-wise to watching ashton and orym fucking cross examine her ass in episode 92. the sexiest shit i’ve ever seen “your worst fear is probably my worst fear, and i think we just got a little sample (my worst fear came true because you weren’t fast enough, what will you do when it’s her head on the line?)” and “keep wrestling (you must bear the weight of their deaths on your conscience and know it will never be enough for what you took from me)” like holy SHIT you guys

#cr #cr3 #cr spoilers #liliana temult #ashton greymoore #orym #like. imogen was 100% valid for telling them to step the fuck off but also i lowkey just wanna see them scream at her #ashton and orym buried their families because of people like this woman #they have both killed people like this woman. misguided and lost and selfish people. but people nonetheless #they have borne that blood on their hands and neither of them have stopped wrestling with it because they know how much it hurts #so for liliana to constantly play fast and loose with her only daughter. to leave her husband a husk of himself. #of course it strikes home for them. ashton was that kid. orym was that husband. different circumstances #but it stings all the same. it’s insane. it’s SO good though #ONCE AGAIN. IMOGEN IS SO FAIR FOR TELLING THEM TO PLEASE NOT PUSH HER MOM OFF THE CLIFF OF FULL VILLAINY AGAIN #but ooouhjhhggggh #roll history

[haunted-xander]

Wholeheartedly

#(but not willingly) #they makr me insaaaaaaane bc its like. #wanting to be who you used to be. wanting to go back to when things didnt hurt all the time #ignoring the fact that even back then things were still bad #it was bad and it still is bad but now its bad and also painful constantly #and just bad is better than pain #but its not possible to go back bc ur not that person anymore #and 'that person' is now seperate from you #and he doesnt know anything #and all you want anymore is to join with him so you can both be the 'you' that was sad and lonely and abused #but at least you werent in pain #this actually doesnt have much to do with the art itself i just felt like rambling about vanitas bc hes fucked ip #and deserves therapy for *gestures vaugely* all that #vanitas #ventus #vanven #in spirit #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts birth by sleep #kh #kh bbs #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Would Bardaby (from the Fantasy Au) still do his affectionate biting as shown in the original WH or would it be different?

i'd say Yes Absolutely!

he's gotta be more Careful about it tho... look at those chompers...

#he's probably accidentally drawn blood before... just a teeny bit tho #so it might not be a Bite so much as holding his open mouth to wally - or whoever - yk? #little to no pressure is applied! #his teeth arent that sharp but theyre still Not Dull! #pretty much no one besides wally will let barnaby 'bite' them since uh. yeah Big Pointy Teeth #so whenever they look over and barn has his teeth closed around wally's little face they all get a little nervous #they know barn wouldnt hurt him But Still. Yikey! Accidents Can & Have Happened! #rambles from the bog #scribble salad #wh fantasy au #btw with all of my aus i have and will create - I Try To Incorporate As Much Canon As Possible! #and if i change or omit anything i Will have reasoning! #i like to stick to the source while also fucking around & having fun yk yk #so widely character dynamics and habits will be consistent! #the characters are still themselves! theyre just in different settings!

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

♡ handwriting analysis: alex turner and miles kane ♡

as promised, here is the analysis my wonderful friend (who used to work as a professional handwriting analyst) did of miles and alex's handwriting! a couple of important points to read before you dive in:

my friend analysed these blind - to avoid bias, she always makes a point of never knowing whose handwriting it is she's looking at, so she had no idea that these samples were from alex and miles while analysing them (not that it'd have made much difference if she had, she can't even name one am song lol)

she stressed that her analysis should NOT be taken as fact - it's just one person's interpretation of the material, and handwriting analysis is ultimately always subjective

the two analyses below are based on notes i took while she was talking and is pretty much verbatim - none of the wording is my own and i have changed as little as possible in typing it up

she noted that it was harder to provide a full and accurate analysis just working with photos of handwriting, as you can't see things like pressure on the page etc. she also stressed that context is significant when it comes to interpreting someone's writing, and it's important to bear in mind that how someone writes in one context, e.g. signing autographs or writing something for the general public could show quite different characteristics to how someone writes in another context, e.g. personal letters to someone they're close to. in an ideal world she'd have access to samples from a different range of contexts to provide the most detailed and accurate analysis. in other words, this analysis is quite rough

alex's handwriting:

(samples taken from roughly 2011 - 2018)

block capitals suggest this is someone who don't want to show themselves, makes it hard for people to reach them

someone interested in thoughts and ideas, would engage with these in a way that's intelligent and very original

a lot of emotional and social inconsistency, suggests someone pulled in different directions. they might show very different sides of themselves with different people and probably have complex and/or conflicted feelings about identity

very creative, someone who'd make interesting and unusual connections about the world around them

highly intuitive but also lacking harmony from an emotional perspective. lots of internal emotional conflict and changeability

someone who fluctuates a lot socially as well as emotionally - might go from being quite sociable to withdrawing completely. ultimately struggles to reach out socially and holds back a lot, but there might be certain situations or people they feel particularly at ease with where this is different

really hard to read, don't give much of themselves away

thoughtful and enquiring, interested in ideas

someone who feels things very strongly

signature:

implies someone hiding themselves or presenting as someone they're not. they want to look confident and exciting, but they're actually much less confident that they'd like to appear. lets their creative and artistic tendencies hide them and take centre stage.

miles's handwriting:

(samples taken from roughly 2022 - 2023)

a little sharp, could suggest humorous wit and/or being critical (either of self or of others)

ambitious and incisive, intelligent and enquiring mind

fearful or wary about opening up and reaching out to people, emotional inconsistency. potentially quite restrained - looks like someone used to hiding a lot of hiding of emotions

has an enquiring mind but isn't particularly interested in abstract thought, more grounded in reality and social/emotional things

someone with strong feelings, they get held in and confused. could be warm and open on a surface level, but looks like they'd be reserved about their innermost feelings

could be sharp tongued to avoid dealing with their own feelings

lower zone suggests someone who might not be completely comfortable in their own body and/or sexuality, or have a complex relationship with these things

someone with a tendency towards strong feelings and devotion/worship (could be religious, or could just be to do with the way they relate to people or ideas)

signature:

someone who wants to look more confident they feel. sense of changeability and flashes of insecurity, but ultimately suggests strength of character, not someone who's a pushover. they know what they want and what matters to them.

interesting extra notes:

the wonderful @ballad-of-what-could-have-been managed to find this sample of alex's handwriting not in capitals from when he was much younger (from what i can see, it looks like it was early fwn era):

so i showed this to my friend too (after her analysis of alex's usual writing) and noted that it was probably done when he was a lot younger. she said that all her points from the original analysis still stood, and that despite the fact this writing isn't capitalised it was actually still very hard to read and definitely someone not comfortable with showing themselves. she also said that it was more emotionally conflicted and uncertain than the later sample of their handwriting. the phrase "emotionally all over the place" was used, and she noted a greater sense of inconsistency with identity. overall though she said the earlier sample confirms that this is someone with a high level of intuition and originality, and she said they're someone she'd be fascinated to have a conversation with!

thank you for reading! if you have any questions, please feel free to comment/drop me an ask and i can always pick my friend's brain again the next time i see her!

#wow this took me forever lol #please feel free to share thoughts/comments! 💗 #i don't know how everyone else feels about this but i personally was BLOWN AWAY and honestly i haven't recovered yet 😭😭 #so much of it just feels spookily spot on #in terms of my personal sense of each of them anyway #like when the first thing my friend said about alex was to do with identity and being pulled in different directions?? fuck #and then all the stuff about miles and devotion/worship??? #i don't even know how to talk about everything i'm feeling rn actually #god my heart hurts 🥺 #anyway #i'll stop rambling #i hope everyone found this as fascinating as i did! #alex turner #miles kane #the last shadow puppets #tlsp #arctic monkeys #lulu posts

[transjudas]

Wild Blue Yonder

bonus:

#doctor who #doctorwhoedit #dwedit #dwgifs #timelordgifs #dw spoilers #wild blue yonder #fourteenth doctor #donna noble #filmtvedit #televisiongifs #usereena #userlauren #the scene where he was spilling all his hurt to the not thing... destroyed me #cause he thought donna might've known/remembered the time that had passed for him #the fucking hurt #he has so much grief that he’s desperate to let out #and then the buttoning up with real donna. a little less than he used to #but still #david tennant is such and incredible actor

[skylersprompts]

DC x DP Prompt *4*

Jason had been a little better recently. He had the pit better under control, even though it reared his head from time to time. But it was easier to talk with the bats... his family.

But B's staring was making his skin crawl. The big bad bat was staring him down for over ten minutes.

"What?!", his tone was harsher than he intended, but that wouldn't make him back down. The silence carried on for a few beats, before his fahter batman finally graced him with an answer.

"I spoke with Constantin... a while ago", it almost sounded like he wanted to talk emotions. Which could just mean something bad.

It took some moments before B continued. The emotional talk theory sounded more and more likely.

"There could be a way to help with the pit madness." - Bruce lifted his hand to stop any Protest from Jason - "I just want you to consider it. We won't do anything without your permission. It wouldn't even work without it. The entity is strong, but it is confirmed that it isn't a danger, as long as we treat this the right way", if he didn't know the old man any better, he would have thought that he was just as businesslike as always. But his jaw was clenched, his fingers kept twitching ever so slightly. His father Bruce was nervous.

And that was enough to reign the pit in, that kept whispering how they still didn't accept him. But that didn't mean he liked this idea.

So his answer was nothing more than a non committed grunt, before he swung on the back of his bike. The old man would be alright to wait for a bit.

.

.

.

It took months before Jason brought the conversation back up. The pit had been a bitch to reign in the last few weeks and today he felt at least somewhat like himself again.

They spoke just a little bit about what would need to happen, but Jason felt like his time was running thin. He didn't care all to much about the details at the moment.

Constantin was ordered to the cave and the summoning was prepared. No blood or sacrifice was needed, which made this magic bullshit at least a bit more tolerable.

Beside the Batman, Constantin and Red Hood was also Nightwing there. He didn't want any of his other siblings by his side. Not when he felt so easy to irritate.

The Magician began the ritual and in the circle formed a whirlpool of lazurus water. If Dick hadn't been standing behind him, he would have bolted.

But after just a few seconds emerged a white headed boy out of the pool. The portal closed and left a confused, floating boy behind.

But before Constantin or Batman could say a word, the green (Lazarus green!) eyes landed on him. The being gasped and flyed directly to him.

.

.

.

Danny had been minding his own business, free from rouges and king work for once. His finals stood right around the corner and he took the time off to learn.

But of course he had to be summoned in the only normal time he had. But since the energy felt familiar, he was to 90% sure that it should be sad trenchcoat man. So it should be important... hopefully.

As soon has he looked around he saw John and the Batman! But there was an energy that pulled his attention.

His eyes widened. This poor... Revenant? Halfa?? He wasn't sure, but! He was one of his people and it looked bad. And he seemed to be around his age, what made it so much worse.

Danny zoomed over to him, to have a better look. And that just made it worse.

"That looks bad... who did this to you?", he whisperd with a horrified glance at the chest of the other boy.

His core was slowly poisoned by his own ectoplasm and seemed like there was not much time left.

#skylers prompts #dcxdp #dpxdc #dcxdp prompt #dead on main #maybe #Diana helped Bruce with his speech #because he would have said something in a way to hurt Jason #he knew that #so he asked his one emotinal intelligent friend™ #Danny is not amused about the situation #one of his people is slowly dying again! #Lazarus water is like a cancerous parasite #it eats away all the good ecto and twists ones obsession #till the ghostly host dies #Danny learned Ghost medicine from Frostbite #because he wants to be able to help Ellie and others #Jason will need a long time to recover #and it will hurt so fucking much #at it will be so much better if he gets healed #if it isn't already to late

[blueskittlesart]

nintendo hire me i have tons of marketable skills like uhh *checks notes* drawing your characters wrong

#honest to god i drew this link thinking like 'there's no way this is gonna be that bad right' and then i pulled up his model. god #babygirl you are everything to me but why the fuck are your eyes like that. ugly hot king #also fully forgot that i never actually use the eyedropper for his hair bc i think it looks better w a redder tone #OR HIS EYES LMAOOO i always just use the champion's tunic blue even tho they are very much 2 different colors #zelda is a liiiiitle closer i think but i had to draw skinny zelda for this which hurt me a little bit #it is interesting to think abt the features i subconsciously choose to emphasize tho bc like. in my mind her hair clips ARE that big #but theyre rlly. actually not that big an element of her design LMAO #same w link's ponytail. logically i know it doesnt actually stick out like that but i desperately need to know its there at all times #also why the fuck are their model noses so small. i just noticed that. anime has done irreparable damage to the state of noses in art #anyway. #skribbles

[spockfallsinlove]

Prompt: Spock’s hands are injured and since Vulcan hands are so sensitive he can’t help but cry about it

"Shit," Jim is saying, over and over, as he digs the salve out of his bag. "Shit, hang on, shit—"

Spock, for his part, is biting down on his cheek so hard that he tastes blood, his hands held out in front of him and shaking. The burns aren't severe, but the pain is enough for his telepathic bonds to be burned themselves.

The storm rages outside the cave they've found themselves in. Lightning had struck as they were running to find shelter, causing a fire. Jim was trapped and Spock didn't give it a second thought when he pulled the burning debris off of Jim, his hands scalding from the embers.

"Jim," he croaks out, his voice shaking despite his best efforts. He doesn't know what he's asking for.

Jim uncaps the salve, hands steady as he scoops out a dollop. "This will hurt," he says. "I'm sorry."

Spock grits his teeth and lets out a small cry of pain as Jim, as careful as he is, painfully applies the salve to the burns dotting Spock's fingertips. Jim then wraps each finger in medical tape, wincing at every hiss and sharp breath that Spock takes.

"The comms," Spock manages to get out, "are they—"

"Still down because of the storm." Jim sits back on his heels, face pale and drawn. He wipes his forehead with his arm. "Damn it, Spock. I'm sorry."

"It's of no consequence," Spock lies, biting down harder on his cheek. The pain is mounting; not just the burn, but the lack of feeling he has in his hands. It's like he's been thrown into the dark with nothing but fire and pain to accompany him.

Something in his face must betray the true extent of his pain because Jim suddenly looks stricken, eyes wide. Spock realizes, belatedly, that there are tears streaming down his cheeks.

"What can I do?" Jim asks, his voice steadier than the panic Spock sees in his eyes.

"I cannot—" Spock sucks in a breath. Tries to steady himself, unsuccessfully. "Without touch..."

Jim nods, like he understands. With Spock, he always seems to understand. "Your telepathy. It's dependent on your hands."

"Yes. It's..." Spock squeezes his eyes shut at another wave of pain. "The burns are painful. But the lack of connection to my environment may be... worse."

Jim grips Spock's wrists, which are undamaged from the flames. It's like a balm over Spock's wounds; an anchor in the darkness. Jim's expression is intent. "What about my touch? Does it help?"

Spock could sigh with relief. It's like he's found home again, after groping in the dark for so long. "Yes," he says, gratefully.

Jim's hands grip just a fraction tighter, his fingers imprinting into Spock's skin. "Then I will continue to do so, as long as you need it."

The pain is already receding, Spock falling into the comforting warmth that is Jim's presence. "That may be a very long time," he says, a little more honestly than he would like.

Jim smiles. He releases one of Spock's wrists, but only to run a thumb across Spock's temple. "Forever, if you need it," he promises softly.

#i hope this is ok!! #i turned it into hurt/comfort because i'm a sucker for it lol #spirk #space husbands #my writing #thank you so much for the prompt!!!! #also if this totally fucks up the current facts on vulcan anatomy my only defense is that i have not kept up on current st canon AT ALL

[luck-of-the-drawings]

FOR A BEAT OF HEART, THE BREATH IS SHOT. AND WITHIN A BREATH, THE HEART IS CAUGHT. THE PIPES ARE BURSTING, UNDER GREAT STRESS, BOLTS TORN ASUNDER, MAKING A MESS. A FINAL COUGH, A FINAL RETCH, A GOREY SLOUGH, CLAIMED BY WRETCH.

#cw gore #jrwi riptide #jrwi riptide spoilers #chip jrwi #jrwi fanart #jrwi show #I LLOOOVE POETRYYY I LOVE MAKING WORDS RHYME IN STRANGE WAYS AND DESCRIBING VISCERA AND VIOLENCE OR WAHTEVER. YKNOW WHAT ELSE I LOVE #CHHHIIIIIIIBBOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL MAAANN WWHAT. WHAT HAPPENED. OH MY GOD. IVE BEEN SAYING FOREVER. I NEEED CHIP TO GET SCARIER. #HE HAS THE POTENTIAL! I KNOW HE DOES! HAUNTED BOY WITH THE HAUNTED EYES WHAT TRAUMAS HAVE YOU SEEN? AND WERE THEY YOUR FAULT? THINK ABOUT I #EVERY FAMILY HAS CRUMBLED AROUND HIM. HIS BIRTH FAMILY CRUMBLED BEFORE HE KNEW IT. HIS SECOND FAMILY DROWNED. THIRD BURNED TO THE GROUND #AND SHALL THIS NEXT FAMILY JOIN THEM? CHIIIIP YOU UNFORTUNATE BOY YOU HAVE WITNESSED SO MUCH CALAMITY #YOU ARE CALAMITY BOYYY AHAHAHAHA DONT YOU SEEE!! ZOMBIFIED AND DEAD. TRUELY MORE HAUNTED THAN EVER BEFORE. THIS WILL BE FUN #THE FIRE HURTS WHEN IT BURNS TOO LONG. BUT NOW YOUR NERVES ARE DEAD AND YOUR MIND IS FREE. BURN THIS CORPSE AS YOU WISH TO GET WHAT YOU WAN #CHIP IS NOT THE FIRE HE IS THE MATCH. I LOVE THAT IDEA SO MUCH IM SO PROUD OF IT. OHHH AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE CORRUPTION #bizly mentioned that chip wants to be a good captain. in his most corrupted state however. he would be the BEST captain.. #thAT DOESNT MEAn hes gonna just suddenly be all controlling. the BEST captain keeps his crew safe. keeps them together. keeps them alive. #and chip is doing just that! he doesnt need to stop being a good captain just bc of the corruption! he just needs to be the BEST CAPTAIN #AND THATS SUBJECTIVE BABY!! im so excited to see where chips zombie arc goes. neeeed him to get scarier and just a little more fucked up. #neEED HIM TO PERFORM ABHORANT ACTIONS THAT HAVE JAY N GILL GOING ' dude woah what the fuck...' #RIGHT I SHOULD TALK ABT MY ART TOO. this one took TOO LONGGGstarted out witha sketch how did it end up like this... #the heart and the blood KILLED ME. LOOK AT MY RENDERING LIKE HWAAATT #better not see any more mistakes after i post this.... i cant fight withit anymore....STILL RLY PROUD THO.. #I WAnted to make it visually LOOK like the grossest vomiting sound possible #i want it to make your throat feel uncomfortable. am i achieving that? i hope i am. thats tubes dude!!! like cmahn!

[vaguely-concerned]

Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.

G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.

An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........

#the unwanted guest #the unwanted guest spoilers #the locked tomb #ianthe tridentarius #augustine the first #pyrrha dve #palamedes sextus #this series is going to make me lose my mind completely one day (affectionate) #the locked tomb meta #the fact that ianthe seems to have had some genuine admiration for augustine makes my head spin. of course though. #of course she sees the person who looks the most like he's successfully made himself impervious to the world #utterly untouchable and impossible to hurt because he isn't even really there #and she believes it! even after seeing the john mercy augustine mess at the end! because it's such a seductive idea #when you've stuck yourself in an inevitable ocean of pain to think you could make yourself numb enough that it doesn't matter #it's the emotional equivalent of 'oh there's water all around? well I just won't breathe in then. easy lmao get on my level' #she holds on to that thing from him even when it's been proved to be both impossible and ultimately untrue even in him #because uh. oh I'm about to be kind of sad for ianthe what the fuck is going on. he might actually have been the closest thing #to parental and especially paternal affection she's ever known. certainly known enough to try to model herself after #IMAGINE how fucked up the nine houses must be when augustine the first registers for anyone as a model of psychological survival #ianthe do you really want to be yourself completely so much that you're willing to be nothing. I mean yeah probably but. oh my god #gaining nothing at the cost of everything

[mother-of-houseplants-2]

fiona gallagher // the angry man in the house

#ami weaves a web #for real this time!!! since it's not just a couple of pictures with lyrics from one (1) song lol #anyways #tw abuse #something about growing up with an angry abusive father and harboring all this fear and then watching your siblings learn his violence #and then turn it on you #and you're also this deeply angry person #there's no escaping that #but seeing your father's rage in your baby brother's eyes #the baby brother you've raised from infancy #god. it fucks me up so much #also the fact that fiona looks resigned to frank's anger and puts on this brave face when he's yelling at her but is visibly shaken and #terrified when it's lip or ian is breaking my heart #you can put up your wall of steel when you know someone's going to hurt you. but when you don't expect it... #man fuck these fathers who put their hands on their little kids #i should be allowed to go feral i think. hm. maybe i am just struggling to be at home with my family. anyways #fuck frank all my homies hate frank