#it eats up literally all of my time

[insignificantfailure]

im so fucking useless

#all I do is consume without contributing anything to society #i feel so guilty for eating breathing taking up space buying things producing trash wasting people's time and energy #literally my existence has no meaning #why am i alive #literally w.o.r.t.h.l.e.s.s. #tw depressive #tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #depressing shit #sorry for being depressing #im exhausted #i hate everything #i hate my self #more than anyone else #i dread having to exist #self h@te #i'm sad #mentally tired #vent #venting #personal

[moghedien]

Shipping Cassandra and Leliana is so funny because I feel like the only people who actually do it have either only played Inquisition or don't think much past "Well they're the Left and Right Hands of the Divine" because you KNOW they only get along to the extent they do in Inquisition because they've never had an actual conversation because the second Leliana opened her mouth about her theology in front of Cassandra, they would have been trying to strangle each other

#either they never talked about it #or Cassandra just silently had an aneurysm because she didn't want to disrespect Justinia by fighting Leliana to the death #also because Leliana is obviously the Divine's favorite in that manner #but I think Leliana is smart enough not to stir the pot when she needs Cassandra #because like look at her if she romanced the Warden #Cassandra will be like 'we LOOKED for the Warden we can't find them!' #but the second its clear they aren't gonna be trying to bother the Warden about leading them anymore #Leliana is like 'yeah I knew where she was the whole time wanna write her a letter? we're in touch constantly she's busy leave her alone' #also like how Leliana reacts to be romanced and becoming Divine versus Cassandra #Cassandra is like 'oh we're going to break up because that's what my religion strictly tells me to do' #meanwhile Leliana not only DOES NOT break up with the Warden but is very public about not having done so #like literally even all the way back in Origins she flirts with the Warden by being like 'Hey god wants me to eat your pussy' #and she's 100% serious about that #Cassandra would become an atheist before she got on board with Leliana's beliefs lbr #dragon age #cassandra pentaghast #leliana

[pixlokita]

Man you ever think about how some museums show paintings that aren’t even finished? Like you can see the sketches of people that weren’t painted in but they’re still so beautiful nonetheless, tbh when someone posts their WIPS they never finished and their sketches I hope they know that it’s the same as those paintings on display for people to enjoy and appreciate forever even if it’s not finished, sometimes it just doesn’t have to be it’s complete in it’s own way

#pix habla #ignore me #i just remembered a trip to a museum years ago and noticing the little sketches that were just there behind the paintings #and i would just stare at them for a long time because how lovely is that #the art has so much beauty in it no matter how it ends up looking #-hasn’t been to a museum in literal years- #anyway I’m eating all my friends and mutuals arts and sketches forever

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[hystericfae]

Someone convince me that the next 5 days at work are worth it

#chloe shush #all for 13.50 an hour too #permanent hearing damage and losing the will to live I suddenly see why vetmed has one of the highest suicide rates #and I'm just a lowly little kennel tech but damn #.....did I mention that last weekend we literally had a puppy they'd feed 5 cups of food only at night #a 5 month pittie does not need 5 cups and certainly not all at once #he'd throw it up and eat the throw up and shit thr kennel 6 times after so #when my coworker said he was doing thag i was like yeah no we're telling a tech #why are owners just fucking stupid

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[saysflora]

you know how there’s that “black cat x golden retriever” trope that sprung up a while ago?

‘92!javid are both black cats and livesies!javey are both golden retrievers, and that is the fundamental difference between them

#I’ve figured it out I am literally the smartest person in the world #92!javid are so so good for each other but they’re absolutely not a soft couple at all #they’re both kinda mean and snarky and cynical #whereas livesies!javey #oh my god they’re so sweet #they literally love each other so much and everyone can see it within two seconds of meeting them #no one cares but this is revolutionary stuff you hear? #like they’re obviously (to a degree) the same characters so the vibes are the same #but the dynamics are totally different #and I eat both of them up every single time #newsies #newsies 1992 #92sies #david jacobs #davey jacobs #javid #javey #newsies live #jack kelly

[bylertruther]

personally, i love that will is a crybaby and i hope that he never loses his sensitivity and boundless empathy for others. it is NOT a negative trait, ur just stinky.

#noah makes will tear up ALLLLL the time and i LOVE it!!!!! #representation 4 all the sensativ girlies in the world #when will tears up any time someone is injured or hurt in any kind of way whether physical or emotional? or when he's scared? I EAT THT UP! #that's MY marshmallow heart boy and that IS will and how he is written and how he canonically just fucking is! #i hate the Macho Manification of will in fanon if you want a stoic mike is literally right fucking there #leave my boy ALONEEEEEE GET UR PAWS OFF OF HIMMMM #HE CAN BE STRONG AND A CRYBABY AND SCARED AND BRAVE ALL AT THE SAME TIME ! #it's not His fault some ppl cannot understand tht humans are complex. #anyway. im fine im chill im coolin 😎

[fluentisonus]

working full time with normal hours has convinced me more than ever that actually high school Could have been a sane & even enjoyable time for me if it weren't for the homework. sick & twisted tbh

#i spent all of high school continually behind on my work/desperately trying to make it up/getting ~4 hrs of sleep a night/full of #guilt over it/feeling like i was losing my mind/not eating properly/trying to do my hw at lunch/etc etc whatever #& now I'm waking up/going out about the same time as i was & getting home only a little later and i have None of that i have to do & I'm #eating regularly & sleeping like 8hrs a night I'm looking back on that like what the fuck. that was so fucked up & evil i had to go through #all that. what the hell. #<- i mean i sort of knew this but i genuinely thought getting up early/spending so long at school/etc was also a major contributer #but like. it's literally not. I can do all that just fine when i ferl like a normal sane healthy person. it was literally just the hw. #hw is evil fr. what are we doing to our kids etc etc #thoughts #I say regular hours bc i have worked full time before but it was w such weird hours I couldn't really make the comparison

[hamartia-grander]

Starting to slowly realise I'm really not doing well mentally and it's. concerning. I feel like I should take a break from tumblr bc it takes some of what little energy I have but it's also my source of joy with friends so idk what to do, like I'd miss y'all more than I'd feel good about being away. But if you notice me talking less/not responding in days it's bc I just cannot. I leave your message notifs up so I don't forget tho <3

#Personal #Feeling dreadful bc so many friends have shared with me things they wrote that I SO GENUINELY AM EXCITED TO READ #I've just had literally no time nor energy for ANYTHING I enjoy in like a month #And I'm also literally not sleeping. I'm either not sleeping or I have recurring nightmares that wake me up. It's god-awful #Therapy isn't helping either cause atp I already know everything they're advising me about it's just not working #Nothing's changed either which ofc makes me feel worse. No meds changed no habits changed nothing crazy happened #I'm just suddenly worse than I've been in years which is Not Good #I feel awful for not being able to read my friends' things if I could let y'all see my mind you'd know I want to read what you write so bad #I just can't right now. I'm sorry #Not to mention work and school have been especially more demanding recently and I literally get home after 8 every single night #Don't even eat dinner til past 10pm #Doing hw until 3am etc etc #It's like high-school all over again but I'm an adult with more responsibilities than ever

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF GRISSOM ACADEMY

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, EDI, and Jack With: Flight Lt. Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Lt. James Vega, Ens. Jason Prangley, Ens. Rodriguez, David Archer, and Kahlee Sanders I never had a family- and these guys... Anyone screws with my students and I will tear them apart. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨ #james vega #sophie shepard #jeff joker moreau #EDI #jack #subject zero #david archer #kahlee sanders #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #grissom is literally my favorite side mission in ME3 so i was so excited to make this omg #it just has it all- good plot + solid witty one liners + an awesome bunch of characters + a nice emotional moment like #and it stars jack who’s like one of my favorite ME2 squaddies so ??? it’s just an all around iconic mission #EDI has so much good grissom dialogue too and she looks mighty cute in her lil hunter hood! 🥹 #james has a few really good lines too but none of the ones i liked were in the cutscenes so it was sooo hard to get more of him in the set #i will say i forgot how much good jack dialogue there is in grissom like i just love and stan my girl so much #and now when i see her i think of saoirse and seamus every time like that’s THEIR GIRL KICKING ASS!! ✨✨ #her lines with prangley and rodriguez are top notch too honestly #but honestly my favorite moment is still shep and EDI’s conversations with david #like EDI’s soft little ‘no apology is necessary’? #when david says ‘the number of days you lengthened my life’? #i tear up a little bit playing grissom every time bc overlord is the best ME2 dlc and you cannot change my mind #also soph once again eating in cleric’s fabulous guardian armors for shepard (which will always be famous✨) #like the shoulders?? the omni mark?? the set is just talented. brilliant. incredible. show-stopping. spectacular. beautiful. iconic. #and soph's usually rep'ing the purples/deep reddish pinks but did i make the omni mark blue so we could rep spectre alenko colors? #i’ll let you be the judge ✨

[irritablepoe]

I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME. I want someone to casually sit beside me and nudge me every now and then to get my attention. I want someone to pull me into a side-hug because they've been laughing about a joke of someone and want to share that joy with me. I want someone to carefully take my hand into theirs and look at my fingers or perhaps the lines on my hand just because they can. I want someone to look at me absentmindedly while they're thinking of something. I want someone to sit quietly beside me when I'm feeling down and just take my hand and squeeze it to tell me I'm not alone anymore.

#christ alive dhdhhsjwhddj this is so dumb🫠 #I'm sorry #had a lil bit to drink and I'm feeling affectionate okay #also my brother had his last day of school and he's been telling me about his plans with his friends while- #- he has free time and I'm literally so nostalgic rn #like that free time was so nice #i was basically eating dinner with them out qnd about and been going to bars and stuff #also sitting at a lake and the park and the river almost every day like. those were the times fr #those were the times i wasn't a isolated bitch lmao #well i was. just not that much #hhhhhhhhhhhhh i miss my irl friends😭 #if they're all back in germany we have to meet up literally omg🥲 #but also... they've so different lives now. I'm such an outsider somehow and idk #i can't really connect with them as much as i used to #which is fine but. i don't have any other friends with whom i could meet up #maaaaaaan life's so complicated 😔 #johnny's silly rambles #(also yes this is the kind of qp love i want plsplspls #)

[ell-arts]

Hey. Psst.

Sooo...if all goes well...

And the motivational drive lasts just a little bit longer-

Then ya'll are getting a new PMATGA oneshot fanfic from me.

Either this week or the week after.

Watch this space.

#The fic is just a small idea that was born out of that pmatga prompt game I made a while back #I hope its interesting enough! #Its literally so close to being finished #I have the motivation #just not the energy #so much is happening amidst graduation #and its eating up all of my energy reserves #I just wanna WRITE dangit #Both this new oneshot and The Veil and Call Me Cyli have been living in my head rent free #now if only I could find the time to feed them their rent's worth lol #the new oneshot will be kinda dark #which is maybe not fitting for the month of December- #BUT afterwards ya'll are more than welcome to cleanse your pallet and read Just This Once lol #which is a two-shot revolving around the spirit of Christmas #anywho #time to go to bed

[kafkaguy]

character wrapped 2023 💥

tagged by @davidtennantpussytulpa ^-^ i didn't know how many to do so i copied tara and did top 10. i know the severance guys are Four Of Them but i can't separate them theyre all equally important to me

will graham (hannibal), em haywood (nope), aziraphale (good omens), mark & dylan & helly & irving (severance), hawkeye pierce (mash), martha jones (doctor who), ivan karamazov (the brothers karamazov), kim kitsuragi (disco elysium), stewy hosseini (succession), ruescott melshi (andor/rogue one)

i will tag... @fagician @britomart @libraryfag @roadwhores @majorbaby @globuspolski @hadleyfraserfaggot @tenderscience if u want to ^-^

#and now i will explain them all in detail #cos i started watching hannibal back in like. january or february and will immediately set up camp in my head and started to settle there #*I* pay rent to *HIM*. he lives there permanently. sweating and monologuing constantly #em was not only the character of 2022 but also of 2023 and of 2024 and the rest of the decade and all decades to come #she had such an impact on me keke palmer's performance will live with me forever and i love nope so fucking much #i almost didnt include her because nope was more of a last year obsession. but she lives on #aziraphale.........no comment #severance.......i love them all so much and at first i wanted just irving and then just helly and then i realise i cried over mark this week #and then i realised i couldnt possibly leave out dylan when hes probably my favourite character. so then i settled for all of them #hawkeye is my fucking wife. enough said #martha... well i knew i had to have a doctor who character. i thought maybe the doctor but then i thought their companions mean more to me #sometimes at least. i did have a fourteen icon for a while but then i was like but Donna..... and then i thought. well #these past few months at least martha jones has been eating away at my heart. i go batshit insane when i think about her #her impact. her grace. her power. so she had to go on the list.it was a toss up between her and donna for sure though #then i figured i had to include a karamazov since reading that book took up half of my year. and ivan was my favourite of the 3. so <3 #kim goes without saying. literally nothing to be said hes the character Of All Time. to me #stewy also goes without saying ive had so many Stewy Save Me moments since the beginning of season 4 all the way to the end of the year #i miss him every day. he is the moment. i wish there was more of him all the time #and the last one is a bit of a wildcard cos all my insanity abt melshi has been on my andor sideblog. #but rest assured ive been thoroughly Not Normal about him. he literally side appears in 4 episodes and has 11 total minutes onscreen #but i love him. so much. and hes occupied most of my thoughts since september. once again his impact his power his grace. his homosexuality #enough said. that's all. thanks for reading. this was a great year for autism and madness #tag game #🍪

[jettison-my-gift]

Everyone please look at this photo of Coconut the guinea pig (right). Last week she lost her balance and was having difficulty eating. Today she has made a full recovery and she eats strawberries in the sun. Assuming Hazel the guinea pig (left) doesn’t steal them from her.

#it was so weird. one moment she can’t walk at all. and I’m considering taking her to the vet to be put down #and the next she’s back to her old (but slightly thinner) self!? #obviously I’m not getting my hopes up too much. normally once a guinea pig goes wrong it’s only a matter of time #but I’m not longer checking on her every hour excepting to find her dead #honestly looks like full recovery and I have no idea how #you should have seen her! she kept falling on her face. and she couldn’t eat. it was heart wrenching to watch #it’s literally a miracle! #personal #Avery articulates #never posted photos of my children on here before but this is a special occasion

[radmista]

Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake

#was already not in a great place mentally but i entertained the call and was actually feeling okay talking to them giving them an update #she just hits me with that. and I'm not normally sensitive about my weight even when my mom harped on me for gaining some a few years back #i genuinely normally don't care bc I'm happy with myself. but i know ive lost weight because I've been on icu and we don't have time to eat #im so fucking mad and im even more mad I'm crying about it #bc what the fuck #i was actually feeling like momentarily safe talking to them and being vulnerable about working on my next life stages #and she just ruined the call. i wanted to talk to my mom and dad more. i do miss talking to them about some things. #i was happy to get to see my family all together even if it was for the dogs birthday. and people were smiling and shit #and ik theyre gonna say i ruined it by being sensitive but jfc #it was literally the 2nd thing my mom said to me on the call after we sang happy birthday #why couldn't she just shut up. why couldn't she have said anything else. why did i let it bother me so much i hung up #I'm just fucking tired and sad and now feeling even lonlier than ever #i just wanted a nice moment with my family god fucking damn is that too hard to ask for #and im even more angry and sad now that i cant call them back bc my mom will get on me about smth else we were previously talking about #that phone call was supposed to be a neutral zone just for the birthday song. and i was going to ride it out but fucking hell #why didnt i just put up with it so i could have talked to my family #and no calling them back isnt an option. they haven't apologized and it would be an un neutral call #which gives them space to harass me about work and shit