#it makes me feel like im actually writing sometimes

[lillymakesart]

my new OC: cempaka!

she is based on the story/universe that my friend @haydardotjpg's OCs indra and yuwei exist in! pls go checkout haydar's art he is amazing!! his ocs can be found more easily on his ig but if you're lazy this is his oc indra (cempaka's one-sided love interest) and yuwei (indra's fated lover)

also, cempaka means "magnolia" in malay!! (she gets a flower name bc my name is lilly which is also flower c:)

bonus first iteration under the cut!

i accidentally had "poinsettia" flower in mind when i did this iteration instead of an actual magnolia, hence the color scheme. but yeah, this is as self-insert as it gets LOL like she's literally MEEEEEE but still very different and i love her as she is <3

#my art #original character #oc #oc art #art #im in love with her actually #she has 4 brothers all named after flowers #mawar kekwa orkid and melati #not me using google translate literally on the fly i hope im not being culturally insensitive 😭 #but anyway they lost their parents at a young age so she was raised by her brothers #shes the youngest by far tho by like 9 years from her next closest brother #mawar is the oldest hes like 40 a very important Leader Of People so he is not very present in her life #kekwa is a doctor and 38 and he travels often for work so he is also not very present but he visits sometimes #orkid and melati are twins theyre both 30 #orkid is a scholar and on track to being a professor at a prestigious uni #melati is traveling the world doing soul searching #cempaka is 21 she is literally a baby and her brothers send her back money but shes mostly alone #so she joins a traveling dance troupe and she gets really good at dancing #she meets indra while on the road dancing and performing and she is SMITTEN #like shes just head over heels in love with this man because hes so warm and inviting and he fills a void in her life #he makes her feel so incredibly seen and not alone and the feeling is addicting she cant get enough #ok idk most of the details bc i havent read haydars full story BUT #basically to my understanding yuwei and indra are separated for a while #and cempaka knows up front that indra is in love with yuwei like hes very honest with her about this and she appreciates it #but she still wants a chance because indras the only person in the world that has ever made her feel truly seen and loved #so she tries to be with him to ease her loneliness but it breaks her heart whenever he misses yuwei openly #also AGAIN listen im trying to basically write fanfic for a story that doesnt exist LOLL #HAYDAR IF YOURE READING THIS PLS WRITE UR STORY LMFAO

[sexhaver]

In my niche kink/fetish community the "kink can be not sexual" people are using it to justify why they want to write about doing it with kids, or more disgustingly, talking abt it to kids. (bc theyre pedos). They make "nsfw dni!!" blogs where they use exact kink lingo and imagery, but somehow it's "sfw". (and minors are welcome to interact, if course). Also sometimes they want to post abt being into incest but not catch any heat from people weirded out by it. I don't really know why other people claim that tho.

tbh i feel like this specific flavor of "sfw kink" discourse that you're describing is mostly endemic to online communities centered around fantasies that aren't really possible to act out irl, like inflation and vore. since they're fantasies, they're also much harder to participate in non-hornily, since the only way to participate in the scene is to... fantasize about it, which, like, im not saying it's impossible to spend hours each day thinking about getting eaten or stepped on or blown up like a tire in a non-horny way, but i am saying it's happened maybe a dozen times ever in history. then you mix in the standard "inviting minors to discord to DM them about sexual stuff while telling them it's not sexual and they're so mature for their age" playbook and stuff ends predictably.

what's more interesting to me are the people making this claim about irl community spaces like the oft-bandied-about "nonsexual BDSM parties" or "platonic shibari" or what have you. setting aside for a moment the logistical issues with ensuring that everyone at these events is on the same page wrt the horniness (see that anon i got the other day about someone who gets aroused by BDSM tying up people who want it to be "nonsexual"), specifically referring to these meetups as "kinky" instead of "hobbyist" despite the nominal absence of sexual arousal gives me the exact same vibes as those pole-dancing fitness classes that try to separate themselves from the existence of strippers (NO I AM NOT SAYING POLE-DANCING IS A KINK). they want to have their cake (calling themselves "kinky"/having the allure of being Sexually Deviant) and eat it too (make sure everyone knows they aren't actually horny about it unlike those devious Sex Perverts who are just trying to get off)

[kosmicdream]

im confident enough to post FFAK, which has anal prolapse, but i dont post the true drama....... my opinions about manga. *dramatic music* sometimes i kinda want to do some reviews.. its mostly me complaining.. it makes me sound so bitter like "do you like anything kosmic!" and..yes ! i do!!! okay!! i like a lot of things. once in a while, i dip my toes into a popular series to try to see if we are a good fit. Series like: Beastars, Dorohedoro, Dungeon meshi,ect.. and i kind. well. I dont like any of them LMAO. I mean, Ok, i actually really was into Beastars for a time, but after the fight with the bear guy (its been a few years sorry) and that story arc concluded.. it just spiraled to laughable levels and did not recover. I was genuinely laughing at it at times bc it kind of felt like a desperate scramble with the like. loopholes and power upgrades.. But I was invested for a time, it had a charm to me! I also loved the art and im curious about the authors next series about santa (partly because i too, am writing a story about santa). Dorohedoro has a great visual style, fun characters, i enjoyed reading but it also kinda didnt ...land for me beyond that, which is a shame. I feel like it is a series that "should" have clicked with me. And its like, not offensive to me but.. I'll forget that ive read the whole thing. I like STUFF in it. but thats not enough for me anymore. If i had read it when i was younger tho, it might have been a diff story. idk. My most unpopular opinion of all is that... I hated Dungeon Meshi.. Sure its ..pretty! cute designs. but i found it SO painfully boring and it actually was a struggle to finish. in the end, it felt like a waste of time.. SHOCKING take i know. That is the darling of everyones heart and i like, understand WHY its popular. .. but for me, i was not fed by anything. i am unfed and starved and going to eat elsewhere oh, and i.. as a person who has read a lot of fighting mangas.. I have tried to read chainsaw man, but i dont know if I can. I did finish Fire Punch. I'm surprised to say: i kinda liked it but it took a long time to force myself to read thru it. I honestly hated many aspects of Fujimoto's storytelling/character acting that i didn't think my opinion on it would change, but I'm a little more open to it now. I dont think i could ever super be into it or whatever, but i did find genuine enjoyment in aspects of fire punch. I did not really like look back. I haven't read his other one shot(s)? Where am i going with all this..I guess im giving some unrequested reviews after all...oops... a lot of this is spurred by how houseki no kuni is one of my most fav series, not only visually/characters/story/ect.. but i cant lie.... the ending... was kind of a flop for me... gorgeous and poetic ig sure but.. AUGH! it isnt what i wanted. maybe it'll be one of those "it'll grow on me" endings but thats mostly me having to go thru the 5 stages of personal grief and gaslight myself into it, but as the like actual honest first-reaction feeling it kinda lost me. I think it did not work when i felt the confrontation btwn phos/cinnabar wasn't the one i wanted to see. i will say tho, while im dissapointed, its not like a DEEP one or anything. I know its a miracle to even get to an ending.. i guess my take away feeling from it was like "everything fit together too well, too planned" but didnt feel planned, emotionally. I wasn't sold on it. Anyway, im here to speak my truth and my hot takes which, i honestly dont even want to have that one about HnK but its the real feeling i have for it.. Once again Utena's ending just has made all these other issues i have with various stories more obvious LOL

#the series i hate MOST is one piece #those who know me in my life #know this truth about me #i loathe that thing!!!!!! #i am a hater and i dont wish to be changed #oda does good color spreads tho

[whumpshaped]

copy pasted my drabbles again. were getting up there boys

#i started a new document w my newer drabbles bc i didnt want to add onto the 300 page document i already had #from my other blog #i think its from my other blog? #likely it is #yes i just checked it is #so yes. getting up there again. #to be fair the other doc isnt All my drabbles from my other blog #but its a good chunk #i just get very bored copy pasting them bc i always type them on my phone in my free time and then i post 35 and i realise oh no #i havent pasted them into the doc #now i have to copy paste and manually add italics to everything #oh god #and so i put it off and it snowballs #BUT IM PRETTY ON TOP OF IT RN #ALL MY WRITING IS PRETTY MUCH BACKED UP #actually im gonna add it all up again i think and come back w stats bc i like seeing it #it makes me feel like im actually writing sometimes #irlshaped

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

#spilled ink #writeblr #personal #please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it #i really try not to write so specifically about it #bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child #i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years #i might delete this. feels big. #the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum #and if u say ur autistic #inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms #please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do #and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort. #but it still feels like... #when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing. #they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly? #and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find #the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go) #and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW." #''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.'' #and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic #someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.

[dailykugisaki]

Day ninety-five | id in alt

Long time no Nanami💥

#dailykugisaki #jjk #kugisaki nobara #nanami kento #i hate his fuckass tie but like anything for the cool man who cares bad #she likes the fit nanami has but she glares at the tie he has sometimes but it eventually grows onto her like a fucking parasite #also idk how yall sukuna likers do it idk how yall like this man because its so hard for me not to roll my eyes at anything he does #trust me im not biased i roll my eyes at Gojo and co too #i just idk. i feel like ive gone through somebody with a personality like sukunas before and i just want to push him into a black hole #buckets aggression is showing #anyway back to Kugisaki! #she exaggerates the image of nanami a lot but i feel like she'd respect the guy y'know #thats a whole apt teacher dawg #also Nobaras drink...she does like popular shit but i feel like her actual tastes lay with more like refreshing stuff if that makes sense #maybe it could be a little sour #idk she doesn't seem like the weirdo that drinks horrible sweet shit but she would put like an energy drink in that shit #she woll die before she's dehydrated and from experience #sweets dehydrate a bitch #hitting nanami with the melanin beam #i fucking giggled while writing the image description im fucking done for‼️ #Kugisaki would fucking preen at praise from nanami because in her head nanami is probably a massive hardass #yes i like drawing hands

[batfossil-fr]

I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art

#my mental health is starting to improve a bit #took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me #ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while #like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit #so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected #diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier #i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome #just learning how to enjoy things again overall #one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post #and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on #even when I wasn’t actively practicing #just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles #i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors #i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao #i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again #for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments #i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all #that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully #starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing #so who knooowwwsss #rambles #funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL #i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first #anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over

[firefl1ezz]

i just. hit s+ rank in splatoon and i never honestly thought this would happen?? am i cool now.. do i get to be a part of the s4? do i get to be watered down to my running joke all the time?

#the last part is a joke but i do not see a whole lot of recognition of the s4 being. the s4 #like yeah they were cool formidable foes in the s1 era and skull even beat goggles despite his plot armor #but now theyre just #there?? #dont get me wrong i love their existence but #it feels like theyve been watered down at least a bit #skull is always just getting lost and army is almost always either the manual guy or the curry guy #thats. thats it thats their bits #skull also has the sweets thing #rider is sometimes a considerable foe too but at the same time the s4 doesnt usually consist of him so im not sure how much to count him #that being said it is a kids manga so i dont really expect it to lean too far into the formidable foes thing #even the xblood werent that scary in the long run and ended up goofy despite being who they were #i also get it in terms of fandom #i understand the appeal of something like aloha being cutesy dumb pink guy (who maaaaaaybe commited some crimes and it shows) #i also definitely understand the appeal of army having a thing for curry as well as the manuals #the manuals can be an endearing thing to write about trust me #but i also wouldnt mind seeing more things that center around the likes of the s4 and the xblood and even the best8 being the absolute best #of the best during their prime #reminder that s+ was the highest rank around when the s4 were introduced. same with the xblood #they were the strongest players and id like to see things that center around that #id like to imagine that moving on to the square and splatsville that the s4 would have had a chance to move uo and get into xbattles #i think of all of them skull and army would have the highest chances of actually making it to xrank and being successful #but honestly if mask and aloha could probably make it pretty well too if they got off their asses #and i think rider would excel as well being rider #he has his own kind of near plot armour i think #so do most of the big teams in my opinion #theyre the sort of doomed by the plot that forces them to battle goggles at some point lmao #maybe i could use this in a fic or au one day #maybe someone already has... #(please send to me if you know of any creators who have played around with these vague ideas of strength i wanna see em)

[wrylu]

idk why i'm so moody these days but i find my despair funny

aka my average day as of now

#1. impulsive silly thoughts #2. STOP FORGETTING TO EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!1 please :3 (note for myself me myself and i) #3. i get sad 🥱 #4. tired #(tumblr deleted half of my tags. isnt that nice though you wont have to listen to my essay of vents nobody wanted to hear that) #vent art #wrylu #lu's canvas #negative thoughts below :) have some flowers 💐 #sometimes i feel like i should get up more and spend time with my family i miss how it used to be #but you know what i suck and im practically glued to my chair and im lazy like if i was one of the 7 deadly sins i would be sloth #im surprised im not dead yet #this is purely for myself to speak my poor mind #no i actually hate this #i wanna die #i wish i was dead #not really #but still #i wish time just stopped so i can re evaluate my life #and whoa damn dysphoria makes an appearance ever #i wish i had a schlong (funny) #this is awful #sometimes i feel manipulative like i switch my emotions and personalities so hard #am i manipulating you guys?? #i feel like im being sad for attention #ugh i hate that the internet is my comfort #thats bad isnt it #i feel like an attention seeker #why am i even writing this 🥱🥱 #i cant wait to fall asleep forever

[crescentfool]

i love ryomina

no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.

it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.

ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.

minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.

the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.

minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.

it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.

november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.

it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.

how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.

ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.

he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.

SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.

and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!

so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.

messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!

even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.

march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.

and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.

p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.

ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!!  god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!

i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙

#lizzy speaks #persona 3 #ryomina #ryoji mochizuki #minato arisato #meta #long post #(literally) #HI SO UM YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FUCKING SLEEP so to cope i was like 'i will talk out loud about anything and everything' #and somehow that turned into me talking about ryomina out loud and something about verbalizing my thoughts made me feel crazy about these- #two again. i mean for the record i continue to love them always very dearly but like my p3 braincells sometimes go into hibernation bc- #ive been on a really huge splatoon kick. but anyway my voice was like cracking at 3am because i was tearing up #i was like 'THE!! IM! SO NORMAL ABT WHAT ORPHEUS AND THANATOS AND MESSIAH SYMBOLIZE' etc etc etc #so i kinda just went to sleep like 'ok well you GOTTA type it out. everyone needs to know about this.' #and um i didnt mean to make 1069 words! sorry! not really! but i love them!!! even if im very quiet these days! #ohhh how lucky i am to have had the chance to experience ryomina they are such a gem. they make me so goddamn emotional #they really mean a lot to me because of well. (gestures at the entire post) but also they came at a really good point of my life and FUCK!! #im so so grateful to them!!! i love them!!!! the themes that their relationship and characters convey just !! IM SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!!! #they've affected me so profoundly and deeply and i wish i could make better art to get this across. but its ok. one day i can. one day #they make me so fucking talkative like actually but um. i had a lot of fun writing this! i dont think ive had like. a proper appreciation- #post for them that articulates why i like them so much (unless you count the essays i write in my art tags) so it was nice to make this. #admittedly theres a lot abt p3 that im rusty on since its been a goodwhile since ive interacted with the source material #and in a way you could say that like. i need to renew my p3 license LMAOOO but god some parts of p3 still have such a huge death grip on me #and what i mean by that is that the big Fucking Events have such!! clarity!! in my mind!! i recall them and i wilt on the spot!! #oh god i cant fucking shut up. the tags are probably 500 words long. enjoy my ramble. i wish every ryomina enjoyer a Good Life <3 #actually no. i hope that EVERYONE on the dash today has something that sparks joy for them the way ryomina does for me. #everyone deserves 2 have something that makes their brain do a little excited dance that makes them blow up and explode. its good for u! #BYE FOR REAL this is why i have to post my thoughts very spread out otherwise yall would have so many WORDS on ur dash pls help i have so #many emotions and i am so tiny i cannot possibly fit all the feelings i have about ryomina and other things inside my tiny little body

[the-one-who-lambs]

Me: I don't know if my ideas are worth sharing, I'm losing engagement from my readerbase these past few months so I must be doing something wrong, I don't think I've really accomplished anything as a writer.

Some person in my AO3 comments hyped as FUCK for the Risen Lamb/Fallen God rewrite:

#hannah's rambles #negative kinda #I've been really feeling down about nearly everything i make lately and it's bothering me a lot #There was this not quite-well-meaning anon I got a few months ago that seemed to compliment me on the surface #But seemed very backhanded #Basically informing me “oh youre basically the most popular writer in the fandom. here are some ways im going to compare you to others” #and i tangentially kinda knew how readers viewed me as a good/semipopular writer but i just ignored it #because i primarily do it for fun #but it made me realize what readers actually do consider in works when theyre looking for a fic they want #and i feel like i've peaked already in a lot of ways #ugh #sorry for kvetching at yall but i feel like y'all deserve to know part of why im just not writing as much lately #sometimes i try to hype myself up so i can still feel like anything of mine is worth reading or writing in the first place #but it's not working anymore

[jiseoksguitar]

favourite pasttime: loving things so much it makes me feel physically sick

#literally if i like something enough it makes me feel feral #like sometimes i love something so much i actually cant look at it because it makes me feel like im gonna explode #i physically cant stim fast enough or hard enough to process how much i love certain things #txt post #idk what to tag this as #obbsession #this is abt liike 95% of my interests #why yes i did write this while listening to xdinary heroes cover of welcome to the black parade by mcr how did you know #interests #xdinary heroes #kpop #books #shows #aesthetic #places #songs #basically everything i love makes me throw up slash pos #tw throw up mention #idk if that counts but just in case #anyways ava shut up #ava talks #rambles #<3

[kaladinkholins]

i think im gonna take a break from my fic to write my original work instead

#something something lack of engagement makes it discouraging for all artists and writers something something #i think the good thing about how i finished writing 'the stories we tell' before i even started posting a single chapter #is that the writing process was fun in the sense that i did it completely for me #there was no external pressure to write faster or try to write more 'interesting' chapters #whatever i wrote i wrote it for the sake of the story. because i wanted to #but posting a WIP and writing chapter by chapter? at least for me i def feel some pressure to please #and when i dont get much of a response on each update it's kinda disheartening #by response i mean people engaging with the actual like. contents. the lines i wrote. idk. #IGNORE ME IM BEING WHINY AND UNGRATEFUL #i genuinely love all my readers and commenters and everyone following along with the story #i just get too lost in my head and feelings sometimes #which is why i think its necessary for me to take a break and take my mind off it by writing my own original stuff for a while #at least for a few days #shut up haydar #on writing.log

[themyscirah]

When you start anthropomorphizing the green lantern rings 😘💚✌️

#listen HUMPHRIES STARTED IT OKAY- (i think) #IF IT WASNT HIM IT WAS THE OTHER ONE #so like actually tee hee im rlly just expanding on canon okay!!!! okay!!!! #bc like jess's ring already has a personality so it makes SENSE that simon's would develop one too but just like more subtle and deadpan #okay. and the rings would work together and make little plans sometimes and gang up on them. why? bc i said so thats why #every gls era simonjess fic to me has at least FOUR characters: simon jess and their rings #i talk abt simonjess writing like there arent like two of us who do it #and the second one (me) is being generous bc ive only posted one thing #like there are IDEAS okay there is a FOLDER there are words in the GOOGLE DRIVE. i just got to like... actually finish things #well its like okay. this one is a short one that is expanding a little so thats cool #and then ofc theres the vampire one which i need to finish before i let myself start one of my longer ideas #but making myself write the ending there is so difficult 😭😭 even though im like 85% done #anyways anyways yeah #we are talking abt the RINGS i love the rings i have so many feelings on the rings. they are legit characters to me <3 #like actually. #swishy writing #blah

[inkskinned]

i've been in pretty much constant pain for the past 4 months. i have a slipped disc. the mri this weekend finally confirmed what i'd already suspected. mostly, i just put up with it.

i've been in a pretty bad mental space since winter began. my brain is leaking out from between my ears. i just don't care enough to listen to the rabid wet whispering of hope. i'm mostly just bored of being here, the swaddled joyless apathy.

the back pain ebbs and flows, but it's there, so i take care of it. i do my physical therapy. i get in with a specialist. i'm lucky - there's no immediate need for surgery. it's bad, but it could be worse. when i talk about how i did it (it was a very bad sneeze), i usually start laughing. it's funny! i am never comfortable, but hey. i'm young. i'll bounce back, or so they keep saying.

i just found out it's not normal to wake up every night with a category-five panic attack. i'm lucky if i am still able to remember how to spell my name right. i spend my days in a weird blank haze, exhausted, desperate for respite - only to be unable to rest during the night. i say with a laugh - i really hate it when my mental illnesses start working together. i mean, sure. unionize. it's fine. i have lost all sense of myself. there's nowhere that's actually warm in my mind.

i feel bad how often i complain about my back. my friends immediately shush my apology. dude, you slipped a disc. continue complaining.

as a kid, i think i only really admitted to the bad things... twice. for some reason, when he didn't just dismiss it - it made my dad angry. he slammed a door at me. you're fucking ungrateful. what do you have to be sad for?

what an odd delight: the slipped disc gave me the oddest wave of relief. i'm allowed to actually hurt about this thing.

i have chronic conditions which aren't "real" things. i could write a novel on the weird ways people respond to my POTS & the rest of my fun physical acronyms. i am kind of ashamed to admit - i like the way it feels to be able to say well, because of a slipped disc. a slipped disc is a real thing. a slipped disc is serious and painful. there's diagrams and infographics about slipped discs. upon my diagnosis, they immediately offered me narcotics.

i haven't been able to get up out of bed for more than a few hours. i do less and less and less and less. i have started to sit down in the shower. sighing my way from deadline to deadline. this again. in one day and out the other. people tell me i don't really need my meds. i have run out of times saying i have depression, it's become almost transparent. it's so bad my therapist suggested meeting more than once a week, but i don't want to worry her, so i never finish setting up a second meeting. every creative spark in my soul has been entirely ravaged - but that's just capitalism, baby. i don't even take the day off of work. i just show up and do a bad job and get yelled at for it.

it's not real, after all. the pain is just imagined.

#spilled ink #warm up #is this clear? #i have chronic pain & illnesses which i will not be discussing on this blog #and i will say that the way i'm treated about those is often just as bad #but since i don't have the room to give it justice on this post #it's ... about that weird sensation of... #''oh this is a real thing that actually hurts people'' #when u have spent ur life in pain and being told that pain isn't real #feeling like you are '''allowed''' to finally ACTUALLY feel pain #that sense -- oh thank god it's actually bad #idk maybe im a bad person #but sometimes i do like to write about. the actual symptoms of mental illness #and sometimes the Illnesses Do Make Me Think Bad Thoughts #so if this is weird just tell me i'll bring it up w/my therapist ig

[cerealmonster15]

dropping everything to look up zodiac compatibilities. for fictional characters. for fanfiction purposes.

#goood lord. i really am tired. i remembered caters aquarius but i had to look up trey #I KNOW TREYS SCORPIO. HE AND THE TWEELS SHARE W/ME I KNOW THAT ONE OUGHHHH ok anyway #since cater's best class is listed as astrology and he says it's fun to look at horoscopes or w/e i feel like i NEED to incorporate that #into the treycay im writing #i. dont know what im gonna do w/it but jfklsdjlfje #but omg: #'Scorpios tend to be more focused on emotional connections and intimacy' + #'Aquarius values their personal space and independence' hello thats so Them... #[scrolling down] 'scorpios can become possessive and jealous' that is NOT so them 😑 #however i can still use that lol #i want to have a scene of cater and trey lookin at their horoscopes or something #actually doesnt trey or maybe cater specifically have a line somewhere #about cater sometimes doing the fortune telling for trey for fun or practice?? am i making that up???? #i swear 2 god i thought trey had a line about it somewhere #but i have NO idea what context he'd be bringing it up 🤔 #or maybe cater said it idk #i know cater does bring up horoscopes in his own broomquet story w/floyd #HMMMM well i got distracted from this cosplay anyway bye #god why is it already 4:30pm i hate everything im so tired LOL