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#it's frank ocean so you cannot be complaining about that but still

pinketine · 20 days

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It's like. Rap has a lot of homophobia. And rap is a genre that's mostly black people, mostly influenced by black culture, and there's a lot of history and nuance and delicacy about homophobia in black communities that's hard to unravel. But the bottom line is that rap (and r&b by extension), has a lot of homophobia in it. And it's hard to be black and queer. You end up feeling shunned either way.

One of the first notable cases of rappers calling it out was Kanye West in 2005. And it meant a lot to a lot of queer kids who loved hip hop, especially black ones.

And Frank Ocean coming out, even if I wasn't there for it at the time, meant even more. The guy who made a classic album like Channel Orange was bisexual. He was black and his first love was a man and when you go back and listen to Bad Religion it all just clicks together a little bit more. He says his coming out word doc was hard to write in 2011 but only posted it in 2012 months later. Because it's so hard.

And it wasn't just Frank Ocean either. After years of edgy lyrics and shock factor and some slight undertones at something else, Tyler the Creator released Flower Boy and it was so. Vulnerable. His albums had always had some level of vulnerability to them but this was different. On Where This Flower Blooms... he says "tell these black kids they can be who they are" and I wish I was joking about the level of emotion I felt when hearing it for the first time. As a black kid, you often feel so constricted by the expectation that you should act black, God forbid you get called an oreo or a coconut. And after that, he kept being openly bi on his following albums and he's so casual about it that it just feels. Good. To see. That it's normal.

Lil Nas X is so bold. He was so brave and so bold and I smiled to myself every time my parents complained. And I admired it so much. It was very very cathartic. I wish he wasn't attacked so much by his own communities, and while his clapbacks are fun and tongue in cheek, it makes me sad they even had to be made. But it still feels so good seeing him do his thing, happily.

And it just keeps on happening, Steve Lacy, Kevin Abstract, Syd, even more that I cannot think of rn and I'm so happy that it's like that now. More rappers and r&b singers come out, some in casual ways, others in not, but they all keep coming back to how hard it is to be black and queer, like they're two identities that are inherently compatible when they really shouldn't be. But it's getting better, even if it's slow. And it feels so good to feel represented by the music I listen to as a black kid. Argh. Rap is built on rebellion and the queerness fits into it just right, I think.

#obligatory speaking from an black anglocentric pov #representation matters #what can i say #since these tags empty as hell i can maintag #frank ocean #tyler the creator #lil nas x #black queerness #aye look at this gay nigga's woowoo feelings or whatever #505 radio

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felswritingfire · 3 years

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(Hades) Gods x Shade! Reader

No matter how much you try, mortality will always catch up to those who are not of gods. Even the most blinded of them learn this eventually. You take your death with grace, choosing to go and explore this new world as soon as Lord Hades permits you to go, impressed by how little you complain and demand. You are one of the brighter parts of his day (night?).

You drift along, catching certain snippets of other Shade’s conversations as you wander aimlessly. You notice a crack in the wall; deciding to muster up your courage, you slip through it to find yourself in the glowing green torches of Tartarus. With what little you have, you hold it close to your translucent body and push forward.

You’re quick to notice the large glowing ball with an oddly familiar symbol floating in the middle of it. You take your time circling it, feeling compelled to touch it. When you do, a beam of light comes slicing through the dreary air to reveal a mighty god who stares down at you at your shocked form...

Zues

Cause of Death: Lightning Strike

Zues is confused when he sees you. He’s even more confused when you start screaming at him, waving your hands about and threatening to fight him yourself.

“You fucker! You killed me!”

He raises a brow. “I think I’d remember if I killed you.” You flipped up your middle finger at him and his eyebrows drew into an angry v. “How rude! I am the God of Gods-”

“I don’t care!”

Zagreus had to high tail it to you before Zues tried to smite you (possibly a second time).

Suffice to say you hoped you’d never bump into that boon again. And you didn’t. No, the God of Gods and Lightning himself decided that he’d have to make a house call himself (Hades was not pleased when a bolt of lightning came crashing down and left a scorched black ring in the carpet).

He picks you out quickly and you try to zoom out of the lobby until he catches you by the back of your robe and then you’re swinging and yelling profanities at him. He’s kinda amused now instead of angry- you’re just so weak and tiny compared to him. It’s hysterical- ow! Did you just bite him?

After you and Zues finish your little “spitting match”- Hades kicks Zeus out and you're forced to hang out in Tartarus for a bit (“but I’m just a simple fisherfolk! I can’t fight anything!” You cry, Hades does not spare you a look as you're dragged out by Meg).

You think maybe that’s the end until you’re approached by a… a squirrel? You almost punt it when his voice spills out as he shoots into a long prattle about how much of a jerk Hades was and how he couldn’t handle someone as grandiose as him appearing before him. Threatened him as a god or something- you were busy trying to figure out how you were going to kill this guy and make sure he stayed dead.

Turns out, after the two of you chattered (argued) a bit about whether or not he actually killed you, Zeus had some neat stories about the gods.

While you were interested in his children’s and brothers’ and sisters’ stories, he was interested in your stories of the mundane. A simple fisherfolk? That was a word? You just fished and traded? Amazing! Tell him more!

After this particular interaction between the two of you, Zeus really ended liking you. Maybe a little too much, but, aw well, it wasn’t everyday a mortal soul had the balls to argue with him for something he doesn’t remember doing (he probably did. Probably. Most likely). He swore that he’d come and see you everyday as he sat on your shoulder as a squirrel, going on and on about how you should feel blessed to be praised by one such as he. You were about to throw him until a giant hand came out and grabbed him (seemed you drifted too close to Lord Hades’ desk), the hulking god flinging him out of a portal.

He continues to pop up and bother you and, to be honest, he’s kinda growing on you. Also, I’m gonna be frank and lay it out that, if he likes you enough, he’s probs gonna want to smash, especially if you lean more towards the feminine side (he’s fucking AWFUL). It’s up to you if you wanna indulge that or not, I don’t recommend it, but you can if you really want to.

We’re going with the option you don’t smash- he’ll be salty at you for a whole ass day before he comes back the one after that as a rat (Hades kept finding out his forms that he used to sneak in so it was an ever constant menagerie of appearances to keep up the disguise) and is like: “I thought you would miss me too much so I came back before you could even complain.”

Zag likes to watch the two of you interact because he finds it absolutely fascinating. It’s like watching… He doesn’t know what it’s like but he’s having a blast as you roast his uncle to bits. It really helps him out when he’s feeling a bit down after failing getting out one too many times.

When you first get Zeus an Ambrosia, he thinks it’s poison and then he gets all prideful because of course you would give him an offering, he was the strongest of all the gods! Him and him alone!

“Silly, mortal, you cannot poison me! I am a god.”

You squint your eyes at him before you huff and pull the bottle closer to you. “Fine, whatever, I’ll just give it to Zagreus- or better yet, Hades if you don’t want it.”

“No! No! I want it! Give it to me! It’s mine!”

During this time, he’s actually experiencing some purer emotions in life- he’s genuinely giddy that you got him the Ambrosia and asks how you got it. You hold up a makeshift fishing rod and grin at him, telling him you snatched it from some nasty shades before you wandered back down to Tartarus.

His gift to you is a little lightning pin that, when you're in danger, will send a nasty bolt of lightning down on your enemies. You wonder what good it’ll do since you’re dead already, but shrug and accept it, thinking that he looks years younger and friendler when his smile isn’t packed full of ego and pride.

Poseidon

Cause of Death: Drowning

Poseidon, Lord of the Oceans, Earthquakes, and many other things, is simply- how do you say? Amused? It’s the best way to describe it at least. Of course he was mostly surprised when he appeared expecting the Little Hades to be waiting for him just to meet a Little Shade in his place.

“Why, hello there, Little Shade! You wouldn’t happen to know where the Little Hades is, would you?”

You shake your head, he doesn’t miss the way you nervously play with your hands, drifting back as some of his droplets float close to you.

He laughs at your simple reply. “Shy one aren’t you?” He leans closer to you, squinting and running a hand through his beard while he hummed.

You fight the urge to take a step back, the smell of salt water making your stomach churn.

His eyes flutter shut as he takes a deep breath. He takes a moment before he opens his eyes again and a look of understanding flashes across his eyes. “You drowned. Didn’t you?”

You stare up at him, eyes round and glassy. You nod.

Before your conversation can go any further, Zagreus comes running through the window, surprised to see his Uncle talking to a Shade (you look so scared- he hopes that you aren’t being bullied). You’re quick to take your leave bowing to both and passing the boon to the Prince before you scurry away into the cover of the other Shades.

He hums to himself, a cryptid smile on his face as his eyes follow after you. Such a strange little thing you were- he wouldn’t mind seeing you again.

It takes a bit, but he does happen to see you again, by peaking through a fountain in a fountain room in the Underworld. He spies you trying to poke at the water that he happened to choose, but jumping back each time. You face scrunched up into one of pure frustration. He asks if you’re doing alright there, Little Shade? Causing you to flash out of existence for a moment before settling back down and looking into the pool with wide eyes. Posiedon almost busts a gut with how hard he’s laughing and you huff telling him that it wasn’t funny.

He says otherwise, but asks what you’re doing. When your face bursts into a large blush you mumble something that he doesn’t quite catch and he’s left with more questions than answers as you take the chance to phase out of the chamber when Zag walks in and steals his Uncle’s attention for a split second. He furrows his brow before asking his nephew about you, which Zag, surprisingly, supplies rather quickly, seeing as the two of you talk a lot: apparently you’re deathly afraid of water after you were thrown into the ocean by your supposed best friend. The memories of the waves crushing you deeper and deeper beneath them sticking with you even in death. So, you were trying to curb that phobia. Posiedon nods, letting the words sink in before he offers the Little Hades a thumbs up and says he’ll help with that.

The next time you see the god, he’s eager to call you over and explain that he’s figured out what you were doing last time and offers to let you mess with some of the drops of water that follow him wherever he goes. You stare at them, eyebrows furrowed and looking just as sick as a shade could look. Yet, you still nod your head and hold out a shaky hand. He smiles at you, praising you for your courage and flicks one towards you; it floats gently before it rests serenely on your palm, allowing you to feel the cool sensation of the droplet. You marvel at it, still shaking with an anxiety before you nod. He pulls it away, it shoots back to rest next to his head and you thank him for going out of his way to help you and ease your fears.

He remarks that you should fear the water out of respect: it’s unpredictable, terrifying in it’s own right- vast and, seemingly, never ending, what could possibly be more terrifying than the unknown, hm? He continues to say that you should also hold onto a bit of bravery at the very least, for untold treasures come from there for those who look.

After that conversation, Poseidon makes it a habit of having you hold onto his droplets of water, making them slightly bigger each time for you to get used to them.

By the time you’re able to touch them freely without experiencing crippling fear- the droplets are almost the size of you. Poseidon praises you the more you grow out of your fear.

You do eventually open up to him about how you died and he never tells you that he already knew. Just allows you to talk in a soft voice as you recall it. It’s a nice bonding experience for the both of you and Posideon decides that you’re his favorite Shade and he’ll treasure you for as long as you exist.

The first time you get him a bottle of Ambrosia, you come to him shivering and sopping wet. He’s confused and concerned as he hovers to you.

“What happened to you, Little Shade? Are you alright?”

It takes you a moment to be able to speak. “I- I found a bottle of Ambrosia. I thought-” you take a deep breath, holding out the bottle with both hands- “I thought you’d like it.”

It’s one of his prized possessions now, he takes little sips of it once in a while, but other than that it remains as one of his most precious memories. He’s very attached to you at this point and you’ll forever have his blessing. His gift to you, aside from the undying loyalty, is a shell necklace, if you ever need him- you only need to whisper his name to it and he’ll appear in an instant.

Athena

Cause of Death: Exhaustion

Athena had been prepared to meet with Zagreus- not a curious shade staring back up at her with all the relevance of one of her worshippers.

“What business do you have with me?”

She raises her brow at your gobsmacked expression, watching as you screw your face up before bowing. “Apologies, m’lady, I only happened to bump into your…” you look at where it glows, furrowing your eyebrow, “your orb?”

“Boon.”

You nod your head in understanding before bowing your head again. “Again, my sincerest apologies.”

Luckily, she didn’t smite you, instead asking the question of how you were even talking to her. Getting a shrug from you, you say that maybe it’s because you worshipped her (unofficially, you were never able to make it up to her shrine much to your disappointment) when you were alive- maybe a deeper bond is there compared to someone who had never prayed to her for her protection and guidance.

When she hears this, she’s very interested, pressing you to elaborate further when the Young Prince comes jogging out of the glowing window, waving to you. You slink away, passing the boon to him and bowing to her once again before you disappear into the mass of Shades that choose to wander their new home as well.

After the conversation, you had caught the Goddess’ attention, planting a desire in her to see you again. Even going as far as to write a letter to ask her uncle for a council with you after a week passed of her placing her boon in Tartarus so that maybe you would drift too close to it once again. But each time only the little prince would find them (which she was fine with, but it still left such an unflattering taste of defeat on her tongue each time it wasn’t you). She figured it would be a moot point to send the letter, but it was worth a try.

But she decided to place her boon down once more before she sent it out. Just to try. And this time it worked.

You were the one she saw and she was absolutely delighted- not that she showed it, choosing to keep her stoic and sharp expression. You greet her in a similar way before: awed before bowing your head to her. You continue to go on about how you're happy to see her again and, despite how little you had been buried with, you hoped that she would take this- a broken sword, despite the worn hilt and the deep scars the littered what was left of the flat of the balde; it was still polished (at least what was left of it)- as a proper offering to her for all she had done in your life- even if it truly wasn’t all her doings.

She takes the sword in her hand, holding it high, her eyes shining as she studies it: truly, it was a warrior’s blade. She watches as the history and memories flash in the smooth iron. She remarks that it is a remarkable offering, but she cannot accept it. It feels wrong taking a weapon of a warrior such as yourself.

You smile as her, shaking your head, urging her to take it, for you didn’t need that blade in this afterlife. You had already fought your battles, killing the man who you had been battling with and quelling the rage that had followed you since you were a child for revenge. Eventually, dying from the strain of the fight with a feeling of contentedness.

Athena raises her brow, remarking how that sounded more along the lines of Ares rather than her.

You nod, but say that you couldn’t help but desire her help for she was the goddess attached to your favorite animal. She had to fight the urge to laugh, a shaky smile slipping through as she nods at you. Such a silly thing you are. She decides that she’ll take the sword as a reminder of you, no matter where you should go now. She also decides that you were forming a rather soft cradle in her heart.

After this, she is quick to ask Zagreus about you every chance she gets- not that he minds too much, he tells her about how you’ve been helping him train and you’ve even told him about your life when you were alive (“a general, can you believe that? They’re so young!” Zagreus says as he shows her the new move you taught him). She’s only the slightest bit miffed at hearing that you and Achilles have begun to form a sweet friendship. She’s pleased to hear that his father has been trying to barter with you to get you into Elysium, though she’s a tad confused on the reason you refuse to.

She asks you about it one day and you say that it would take longer to see her and you would prefer to avoid that. It was the only time the goddess has ever had to fight down a blush.

When you get her a bottle of Ambrosia, she’s in pure awe at the huge bottle.

“How did you get one this big?”

You lean against the new sword you managed to get your hands on- something simple and obviously used- you offer her a lopsided grin. “Well, not just any Ambrosia would work, so I decided to try my luck with Lord Theseus and, The Great Bull, Asterius. Took me a couple of tries but I managed to beat them and snag it.”

Athena smiles warmly at it, telling you that she’ll treasure it and think of you every time she takes a drink of it. She realizes in that moment just how important you had become to her, never feeling this… soft for a mortal soul in her life. Her gift to you is a shield and a new sword: the shield bares her symbol of an owl while the sword was ornate with a divine glow. She promises that no matter what they’ll protect you and so will she, you only need to call out her name.

Aphrodite

Cause of Death: A Broken Heart

When the Goddess of Love first sees you- she thinks you’re absolutely gorgeous (of course not as gorgeous as her). The sad look in your eye and the slight frown that rests on your lips makes her almost fall in love right then and there.

“Hello, little one- do you know where the little godling is?”

You shake your head. “I’m sorry, Lady Aphrodite. I know not where he is.”

She raises her brows, a smile on her face. “How did you know I was Aphrodite, my dear?”

You look up at her, a sudden glint in your eyes has her yearning to see it once again. “No one else could be so breathtaking, my Lady.”

Oh. Oh, she likes you.

She chooses to chatter away with you- despite you mostly listening, adding little things here and there, she feels a strange sense of fullness, like she just ate a full and warm meal for the first time in a very long time, by the time Zagreus arrives. You bid your farewell and she can’t help but follow you with her gaze as your transparent form blends in with the other Shades.

Aphrodite is thrilled the next time she runs into you- or rather you run into her boon. She missed the melancholy look in your eyes, she also doesn’t miss the fact that you’ve come bearing gifts this time: an assortment of colorful flowers rests in your arms and you offer it to her. That glint coming and going like a shooting star as she accepts the offering, holding it up to her nose to take in their sweet scent. How sweet were you to hand her something so delicate.

She asks you where you got them and you remark that you made your way up to Elysium. She’s surprised to hear as such- you didn’t seem like the warrior type. You shake your head, your eyes sweeping low. You weren’t a warrior, far from it- a simple florist if anything. You just drifted until you made it up there and plucked some flowers to make bouquets. You mumble that maybe you’ll be more useful in death.

She tilts her head at the comment, beginning to ask until Zagreus is jogging up to the both of you and it was time for you to leave. She’s a tad annoyed, but reminds herself that the little godling didn’t know- simply trying to break out of this dreary place he calls home and see Olympus in all its glory. She’ll just ask next time.

You gave her another bouquet, this one more beautiful than the last, when she gets the chance to ask you her question. Your eyes pool with a mournful look as you gaze up at her, your hand resting over the place where your heart used to beat as you look to the ground. You explain that you were young when you were wed- just as you were young when you died. You were married off to someone you did not love- someone awful, vile, who beat you down daily just to build you back up so they could laugh when they toppled you over once again. You remark about how you could feel yourself dying little by little, your delicate heart bleeding as your want for life began to dwindle away. You grew sick and you would sit by the window day in and day out, staring out and wondering what your life could have been if you were married to someone you loved. A ghost of a smile blooms on your lips as you look up at her, that glint she oh-so loved twinkling in your eye as you say that you did not die in as much loneliness and pain as you could have; having been making a bouquet dedicated just to her love and sweetness: your Lady Aphrodite who you love, ever so much.

She’s shocked when she realizes the tears that drip down her cheeks, her hand coming to caress your cheek (really your head, she was hulking compared to your small form) with her fingertips. She comments that she would accept every bouquet you made and treasure each flower like it was the one you made for her with your last breaths in the living world.

After that interaction, she comes down a lot more, asking Zagreus if he could bring along her darling florist so that she could talk to you. He always obliges, loving to see the two of you chatter about (well, her chatter about, you usually just listened with a smile on your face as you used the flowers you had plucked into flower crowns for him and Lady Aphrodite). You two become a sort of comfort for him when he’s getting frustrated: seeing your usually melancholy demeanor light up as soon as the goddess appears and in turn the goddess becomes something less vain and more gentle as she speaks to you.

At some point, you’ll probably meet Ares himself- the two never that far from each other, also she adores you, so it only makes sense for you to meet him. He’s honestly a tad unimpressed when you first meet, but when he hears about the heart ache you faced he gains a sense of respect for you, remarking that love is a battle in and of itself and you fought valiantly to keep your ability to love freely (Aphrodite might convince you to have a threesome, I’m not gonna lie, she’s attracted to you on a deep level and she has her trysts with Ares- it’s perfect in her eyes. Though she won’t push you if you don’t desire it).

When you first get her Ambrosia, she’s flabbergasted before it turns into worry for how you got it and the potential danger you were in.

She takes the bottle of gold liquid and the flowers that you had so carefully arranged. Her attention, though, is focused on the said bottle of Ambrosia. “My Darling Florist, how did you get this?” Before you can answer she shoots into a flurry of questions. “Are you alright? Did anything catch you? Hurt you? You don’t seem hurt. Oooh-” she puffs her cheeks out, her gaze sharp- “why did you get me this? It’s dangerous!”

You wait for her to calm down. “I apologize for making you worry, but I simply snuck around and grabbed it from some witches- they didn’t even notice me. And I-” you tap your fingers together, a blush blooming across your face as you look away from the goddess and she decides that she craves seeing that expression on you again- “I thought that you deserved it. It’s a much better offering than my silly bouquets.”

Well, aside from the ‘silly bouquets’ comment (which she corrects you on very quickly), she’s absolutely flattered and it might be the final nail in the coffin that has her falling for you, the little shade in front of her. She decides that you hold a piece of her heart in your translucent hands, though she chooses to keep that information to herself.

Her gift to you is a hairpin that matches hers, though if you don’t have enough hair- she says, you can always pin it to your robe. It’s a blatant claim on her part, but it also helps ease the residual heartache that followed you into death. And, hopefully (a personal hope of her), each time you look at it, you’d fall deeper and deeper in love with her as well.

Artemis

Cause of Death: Arrow to the Heart

She’s confused when she sees you, quick to voice her confusion as well. Also depending on if you're more feminine or masculine (and I don’t mean woman or man, I just mean how you present yourself), she will treat you differently depending. So, for now, we’re gonna go with the more “feminine” option:

“Who’re you?”

You bow. “An honor to meet you, Lady Artemis, I seem to have bumped into that orb on accident. Wasn’t sure what it did and the curiosity got the better of me.”

She hums, she perks when she notices your bow. “You’re a hunter?”

You smile, holding it out to her. “Yes, indeed, my Lady- I prayed to you a lot.” You laughed, adding. “Hoped to join your hunters when I was young.”

She’s quite happy to hear that and begins to chatter along with you. For some reason feeling oddly at ease around you. It’s probably because you were a fellow hunter but she simply can’t help the way she grows an odd sort of… adoration? Something like that, she thinks- for you. She almost laments the fact when Zagreus comes to get the boon.

You nod to him, biding your farewell to the Goddess and passing the boon to the Prince. She doesn’t miss how Zagreus’ eyes shine as you walk away. She almost comments on it but bites her tongue, wanting to observe the prince and the dreamy look that drifts over his features, even as you disappear.

The next time the two of you meet, she asks if she can see you in action. You agree and search up ahead to find something to demonstrate your skills on. You’re quick to find a few Numbskulls. She watches as you take a deep breath, your eyes narrowing on your unassuming targets and your footsteps become silent as you skirt closer to them. You nock an arrow, never looking away. Her eyes gleam with thrumming adrenaline at the way the muscles in your arms tense as you draw the string back. The low groan of the wood barely above a whisper as you wait for them to line up. You hold your breath, releasing the arrow- it goes through all three of them, making them break into dust in a consecutive line, a harrowing scream being wretched from them as they fade from existence. You release the breath you were holding and stand, sending a smile to the young goddess whose eyes shine with stars.

She praises you for your amazing skill and sings of your prowess. You shake your head, looking down at the ground as you argued that you were but a simple bow folk in your living life. Nothing more, nothing less.

She begs to differ! That type of skill only belongs to those of her highest ranking huntresses! She continues to gush about you until Zag comes up and, once again, greets the both of you. That dreamy look coming over his face as he looks at you. She watches as you once again disappear into Tartarus, this time though, after you’re gone, she turns to her cousin and shoots into a tangent about why he had never told her about you before and where did you come from? She has to know!

He answers all of her questions to the best of his abilities but there are even some he doesn’t know about, for example: how you died.

Artemis accepts this and decides that she’ll just ask you the next time the two of you meet.

And, true to her word, she does. She asks you point blank and you can’t help but be slightly taken aback. You laugh softly, leaning on your bow as you begin to recount that you were traversing her forest, as you had done many times before, and noticed fresh foot prints of man. You decided that it would be a good idea to look and you found hunters trying to kill her Golden Stag. You had dove in as quickly as you could, shooting one- the arrow sailing in a clean arch through his wrist before he could let loose his arrow. But as you went to nock another arrow- a searing pain in your chest and heart. You looked down to see blood pooling around your robes, dying the olive green of your cloak a wine red. You remember the last thing you saw was the Golden Stag running away. You smiled telling her that you were happy he got away- you don’t know what you’d do if he had been captured despite your effort.

Artemis suddenly remembers that day: her stag rushing to her and urging her to follow him- he bounded through the forest, frantic and panicked. When they got to a clearing, she was quick to notice the blood and the drag marks of a body. Her stag pressed his nose to the ground sniffing at the pool of blood, his eyes watering and bulbous tears slid down his muzzle. It suddenly made sense. You were the one he was mourning for.

She couldn’t help but grab your hands, resting her forehead against the back of them; thanking you for protecting her stag when she couldn’t. You smile at her, bowing your head to her and thanking her for the countless hunts she went on with you. You pull your hands away from her and hold out your bow to her. She asks what you think you're doing in a watery voice and you say it’s an offering. You couldn’t give much when you were alive and you still can’t give much now, but, this bow- it shall treat her right.

She sniffles as she takes it, trying to hold in tears. She vows to treasure it for all of time as she admires the worn wood.

That day, the two of you became closer as comrades, she would actively come down to say hi to you (and encourage Zagreus to take the leap and court you after she learned of his growing affections for you). The two of you would talk about everything you could think of, explaining how your hunting styles differed or how you could set a trap easier. She had realized that she had never felt this carefree with anyone before. She felt like a child. It felt nice.

When you snag her a bottle of Ambrosia- she’s swaddled in a whirlwind of emotions.

“You… You got this for me?” She asks as she takes the bottle of golden liquid.

You nod, that gentle smiling spreading across your face. “Of course. You had helped me so many times- it is only fair, my Lady-”

“Artemis-” she sniffled, rubbing her eyes with her knuckles- “call me Artemis, my friend.”

She finds you to be a perfect friend- a breath of fresh air from home. She may not feel any romantic feelings towards you, but she still holds you in a dear place in her heart. Her gift to you is a new bow and quiver that will never run out of arrows. The bow is enchanted and you’ll never have to fear it breaking for it will protect you for as long as you exist- in this realm or another.

Ares

Cause of Death: Blood Loss

When Ares first sees you, he is… well- he’s impressed that you stumbled upon his boon, but at the same time… He’s a tad miffed? That you found it?

At the very least he’s condescending as all hell about it:

“What is this? A little lamb came to beg me for power? How foolish. No matter how hard you struggle you will never be much more than some little shade.”

“Ah, sorry, my Lord! Didn’t mean to bump into it!” You hold up the basket in your translucent arms, “I wanted to see if I could find some new ingredients to bake with! I do oh-so miss it, sir.”

Well, he wasn’t expecting that.

He ends up allowing you to chatter on with him despite his obvious judgement on your, what he calls, “soft mortal hobby” until Zagreus comes to do his daily try of breaking out from the Underworld.

As he watches you drift away (after passing the boon and giving words of good luck to the Prince, who happily takes it), he kinda hopes to see you again

And see you again he does! He literally sees you the next day- night? Whatever, he’s never sure when he drops a boon in there- it’s damn dark-

He’s presented with a basket of treats and your gleeful greeting as you chatter that you found ingredients to make some Baklava and you thought that, maybe, he’d like to try it?

He smiles- cruel and sharp- and asks if you truly think that this is a fit offering for a god such as himself?

You shrug, saying he doesn’t have to eat it if he doesn’t want to

He laughs and takes it and you two are off chattering again: him regaling you with his war stories and you of the ingredients you had (somehow) found down here until Zag shows up, once again, the boon is passed to him (this time along with a slice of the delicious, warm Baklava. Which, he’s confused on what it is but he finds out very quickly that it’s his favorite treat).

The two of you talk a lot, which Ares is pleasantly surprised about, usually he’s the scorn of everyone- not that he cares, it causes conflict and he likes that. But you’re so calm and sweet that he just can’t get a rise out of you. Which, on one hand, pisses him off to no end, but, on the other, it’s such a nice change of pace for him. He’s used to the bloodshed and animosity of battlefields- the iron tinged air that follows after the warriors that traverse those fields. And yet, here you are: a shade that always has a treat for him when you run into him and the smell of warm sweetness wafting after you.

So when he learned exactly how you died- he was absolutely floored.

“How did you die, little baker?” He asked one day, fiddling with his knife, tilting it discreetly so that your reflection was in it.

“Oh!” You smiled sheepishly, glancing away from him and placing the bag of flour (how did you even get that? He’d have to ask you next) back into your basket. “Well- you see, I bled out.”

He raised his eyebrow, suddenly very interested. “How? You’re so…” he tilted his head and flipped his knife so that the blade pointed at him and the hilt pointed at you, he poked your arm with said hilt. “Soft.”

“Well…”

You explain that you had a little brother who had a nasty habit of getting into trouble- he was a good person, just made foolish choices- and this time, it had cost you your life. He had pissed off the wrong person and, well, when the man had attempted to grab your brother when the two of you were out walking the stalls on your break- you did the only thing you could think of: you fought.

Of course it went horribly, you’ve never been in a fight before then and, despite all the work you did with dough, it didn’t help much when the man pulled out a knife and dug it straight into your gut. But, you don’t mind too much- your brother’s alive and well and, from what you understand from asking Lord Hades, he had started to be more aware of himself and who he angered. Which made you super happy and proud of him!

Ares can’t help but feel some sort of pity for you. So much life to be taken so quickly and placed in- wait. Why weren’t you in Elysium?

You’re incredibly confused when Ares suddenly disappears (Aphrodite appearing in his place in the blink of an eye- she greets you happily and asks if you have any of Baklava to share today. You do not but you do have some Loukoumades if she wanted some. She did). You’re even more confused when the Underworld shakes and angry yelling fills the entirety of it for a solid ten minutes before all goes back to normal.

You tell Ares about it the next day and he simply hums. Keeping it to himself that he made a whole scene about you not being in Elysium by popping up and butting heads with Hades, of course he got kicked out. That still doesn’t stop him from sending angry letters that can span anywhere from one word letters (usually containing a curse word) to a 30 page essay on why you should be in Elysium instead of milling about in such unkempt places.

The first time you go out of your way to get him a bottle of Ambrosia is the day that both scares the shit out of him and makes him hate you for giving him mushy feelings.

You came to him in, almost literal, tatters: your greenish, transparent form ripped in places, the few wisps of you following after your torn form like they were tied to a string. You had held it up to him in a basket, a plate of Baklava sitting next to it, along with some other treats. “Lady Aphrodite mentioned that she wanted to try my Baklava, so I made her some! Though the Ambrosia is just for you, my Lord!”

He blinked at you, taking the basket in a delicate hold. He turned it this way and that, his chest feeling… warm? He wanted to grimace at the soft warmth that thrummed through his veins, yet it was replaced with a smile as he held up the gold liquid. “Thank you, little Baker.”

It was the first time he felt something so unexplainably soft: so gentle and warm as it settled somewhere between the bottom of his ribcage and the top of his stomach. He listened as you told him how you had gotten it: with Zagreus’ help (you even got to meet Lord Hermes! It was so amazing! He had scoffed at that) he led you to a room with Ambrosia as the prize and, despite the young prince’s worry, you managed to beat the monsters and collect it, mostly, by yourself.

Ares was so flattered, but he couldn’t help the way that your tattered form made him feel a sort of worry. He waved his hands through the wisps of your body before he snapped his fingers and a small blade appeared: a beautifully constructed blade that was an exact replica of his (albeit much, much smaller). He handed it to you, telling you that you should have a proper weapon if you’re going to go out of your way to fight in his name.

Dionysus

Cause of Death: Alcohol Poisoning

Dionysus, unlike many, is incredibly excited to see you sitting there. He adores mortal souls and can’t help but look at them each time Zag chooses his boons and he has the chance to glimpse at their souls (despite his tendency to let them go completely after they die- he can’t help but wonder about them once in a while).

“Why, hello there! What’s a little thing like you doing strolling up to my boon, hm?”

He can’t help but notice the way your eyes are a tad dull, but he writes that off as the dark of Tartarus since it’s gone as fast as he noticed it. You smile up at him, absolutely beaming at the God of drink and madness. “Hello, Lord Dionysus!”

“Oho, you could tell it was me? What gave it away?”

The two of you laugh, diving into a conversation. He offers you a cup of wine and is put off with how long it takes you to decline it. He almost thought you looked absolutely ravenous as you peered into the deep red liquid. He shrugs it off and continues to chatter with you until his favorite Zagman stumbles upon the two of you. He’s quick to say hi to you and even leans down to ask you… something. Dionysus misses it, but still watches the way you stiffly nod before you pass the boon to the prince and scurry off.

He’s tempted to ask about it, but decides that he should probably ask you himself instead of trying to pry. Mortals didn’t take well to people snooping around their private lives, which he could respect.

The next time he sees you though, he relaxes you into a sort of peaceful lull as he chats with you before he drops the question.

You stare blankly at him, that dark look in your eye coming back and making his skin crawl. You suddenly laugh it off waving your hands as you tell him that a god shouldn’t worry about a little ol’ shade like you.

He doesn’t push for an answer but the question still swirls in his mind, even as you toddle off after his Zagman pops up. He decides that he’ll actually ask the Prince this time around.

He asks him point blank and Zag, despite him being hesitant at first, decides to spill how you died. You had been the black sheep of your family, never truly fitting into the carefully set path that they wanted you to follow- so you found solace in drinking from a young age. It had taken the edge off of everything, Zagreus recounted you telling him. It filled you with a warmth you had been missing all your life and you couldn’t help but indulge more and more in it until it slowly became your own personal poison. Dionysus grimaced, for once feeling a sort of queasiness in the pit of his stomach as Zagreus continued on with your story. So, one day, you had drunk yourself into a deep stupor after an awful argument with your parents. But, this time, you never woke up. Instead you woke up floating in the river of blood- the River of Styx.

Dionysus had nodded after the Prince finished the story, playing with the goblet in his hand and swirling the red wine that resides in it. He offers a bitter smile to Zag and bids his farewell (of course leaving a boon of his choice with the lad) popping off back to Olympus.

The next time he runs into you, he asks if you’re feeling alright- if you want to talk. You blink at him, confused at first until realization dawns you. You bite your lip, looking down. He’s quick to assure you that you didn’t have to talk about anything- you two could just have a good time like always. You tell him that you’d like that, not yet ready to face your past. He nods, immediately telling you about an embarrassing story about Ares and how much of a lightweight he was which had you letting out an ugly snort along with your loud cackles.

The god begins to take it upon himself to have you smiling more and maybe remedy those dark clouds that appear in your eyes once in a while. He’s pretty observant despite being piss drunk half the time, it also helps that he’s very intune to your emotions for some odd reason, so he’s quick to pick up on when you feel down or your having something the equivalent to a relapse. He has you drink just a little bit from his goblet since it’s better than quitting cold turkey. And that little bit is always enough to quench your thirst and calm you down. You’ve been needing less and less of it as the days (nights?) pass by.

The first time you get Dionysus Ambrosia is the same day that he almost swears that he’ll marry you. He’s quick to grow emotional with the sheer fact that you went out of your way to get something so special for him, his face almost splitting with how wide of a smile he has on his face.

“You got this for me, man?” He says, holding up the bottle in his hand and inspecting it like it’s a precious jewel. “You know this stuff is hard to come by, super hard.”

You nod, the clouds far from your eyes now. “I had to thank you some way and punching a couple of Shades to get my hands on that was worth it.”

“You punched people for me?”

“Of course.”

He fights the urge to squeal and pops the top off, summoning another cup and pouring some in it. “Here’s to us!” He says as he hands you the cup.

He’s honestly never had so much fun just existing with one person. After that he’s never far from you, one usually not seen without the other around- even despite the Underworld not being Dionysus’ favorite place, he can’t help but be willing to venture down there to see you in person (he’s been trying to convince his wonderful Uncle Hades to let you come up with him to Olympus for a little bit- he’s even got his dad and (other) Uncle in on it. Hades officially hates all of them). His gift to you is a matching goblet that will supply you any beverage of your choice. It also has the double power to protect you from all that wishes to harm you, but you’ll learn that in due time. It’ll be more fun that way, Dionysus muses.

Hermes

Cause of Death: Falling

Usually, Heremes wouldn’t have taken the time of day to chatter mindlessly with a shade. But, it was a different story when that shade summoned him through bumping into his boon- now it’s just interesting!

“Eh? Who’re you? It’s kinda strange for a shade to be here and not my Cos, huh? Did something happen to him? You his stand in or something? That’d be kinda funny because you don’t seem like his stand in- not buff enough or something like that.”

You blink slowly taking in the words of his mile a minute speech as he continues to prattle on. You take a seat in front of the quick mouthed god, getting yourself comfortable as he flutters about and chatters. Not like you minded- he filled in the places where you couldn’t with steady conversation. You nod to some of the quips he makes, just to show you were still listening.

He decides then and there that he likes you a lot and that you should meet Charon. As soon as Zagreus pops up to collect the boon- he grabs the back of your robes and goes zooming off with you in tow. You wave to the panicked prince, allowing yourself to be dragged around. He continues to chatter on and on, only taking a break when he reaches the Boatman (who was not expecting a Shade to be accompanying the God of Messengers). He sets you down, tries to introduce you two to each other- realizes he doesn’t know your name, so you end up telling them your name- and then is quick to say goodbye, after he gives a scroll to Charon, and shoots off.

You end up staying with Charon after learning a bit more about the quiet boatman and Hermes is quite pleased when he realizes that he’d be seeing you around a lot more. He’s quick to flutter about you and chatter for a few quick seconds before zipping off. You wave at him.

The process repeats for a while before he finally takes a moment to really sit with you, Charon having gone to pick up more souls and lead them down the River of Styx. He chatters on aimlessly, asking little questions here and there before he decides to ask the million dollar question: “How did you die?”

You blink slowly as him before murmuring that you fell from a very high place, you head cracking open on the rocks at the bottom and now here you are. He asks why you were messing about on a high place, as that seemed to be something most mortals avoided doing. You explained that there was a kitten stuck in an old root on the ledge and you couldn’t just leave her. So, you crawled onto the branch and put her back onto safe ground, but the root gave way and then you went tumbling to your doom.

Hermes is surprisingly quiet throughout the entire exchange until you reach the end and he says: “you’re a real bleeding heart under all that quiet, huh?” You nod solemnly and he laughs, pulling you into a side hug. How could something with such a fleeting life be so selfless with it? He squeezes you harder before he stands up and bids you farwell, shooting off once again. And, again, you wave as he goes.

He grows attached to you quickly afterwards, bringing you little things that might help make you more comfortable down in the Underworld. Of course Charon is there to keep you company which he’s happy about- and he voices that exact thought to the boatman, who just grumbles out a long: uuuuaagghhh as his reply. He pats his arm and says that he knew he’d get it.

When you manage to get your hands on a bottle of Ambrosia- he’s completely blind sided that he almost trips on his own feet. His face flushing a deep red as he takes the offered bottle.

“How’d- how’d you get this?” His speech is all jumbled and jumpy, though he tries to keep the giddy excitement bubbling in his stomach as bay.

“I saved up my coin,” you said, nodding to Charon who nods back. “And bought it from Charon. I would’ve fought for it, but I’m no warrior.”

A smile splits across his face and the wings on the side of his head flutter. He’s quick to scoop you up and hug you, floating up with you as he does.

Hermes is an absolute giddy mess with your offering, not sure if he should kiss you or simply remain holding you. He had a special place for you before but this just solidifies his adoration for you. His gift to you is a pair of boots with wings on the side of them- an exact replica of his (in your size! Somehow-). He promises that they’ll help you get anywhere you want quickly, also the two of you match! How cute is that?

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lombredanslaeu · 4 years

Text

magic hour | johnny suh

plot: johnny suh has been alive for centuries now. as the supreme alpha, he is gifted with a soulmate. the catch is: the death of his previous soulmate disabled him from falling in love with the new one. | word count 6948

werewolf & vampire! au (human reader), soulmate! au | angst, fluff, smut

songs: lying to you - keaton henson | see you again - tyler, the creator, kali uchics | magic - she’s only sixteen | ivy - frank ocean

this isn’t proofread so i apologize for any mistakes <3!

The rain clinged to the fur of Johnny’s wolf. Thunder and the sound of rain hitting the forest occupied his ears. He couldn’t think of anything else. A heavy weight pounded itself inside of Johnny’s chest. He didn’t know what true pain felt like until now. After a minute, he dragged his paws towards the scene he was dreading to see.

What used to be the cheerful face of his lover was nothing more than just an ice-cold facade of death. Her lips parted slightly, with no sign of life in its color. There wasn’t any trace of bold which meant that whoever did this to her knew better than leaving a mess. Johnny pushed his snout towards her face, as if to nudge her awake.

Johnny sensed his friends appear from behind the leaves and trees. The ones who are part of his pack and the vampires who backed him up in searching for her. They did nothing but bow their heads in sympathy for their friend’s loss and in mourning for a person they vowed to protect.

As realization was slowly washing over Johnny’s system, he couldn’t help but whimper. A crushing feeling as he felt his friends watch how the supreme alpha turned into a pathetic, broken animal. And a insatiable feeling of despair as he watch his soulmate dead.

For the first time in centuries, Johnny wept.

“Jungwoo, I swear to god.” You warned your roomate as he was threatening to test how foamy dishwashing liquid could be. You signed in desperation as the thought that you couldn’t stop him from one of his measly experiments.

There was something undeniably weird about your roomate. The first time you met Jungwoo, he looked at you with a face full of confusion. You posted a picture of you on your roommate-hunting ad, so why was he looking at you as if he had no idea his roommate was a girl? Not only that but, as a physics major, Jungwoo had a knack for conducting experiments that you never truly understood. Each time you ask, all he would throw back at you was a vague compilation of scientific terms. However, both of you soon became the best of friends. Despite your contrasting personalities and college majors, it was obvious that you treasured your friendship.

“Y/N, I’ll clean the mess up.” He answered. “Stop complaining and go to your room. This might be a splash zone.”

“Whatever.” You rolled your eyes at him and decided to head to your room.

“Oh, by the way,” He spoke. You pivoted to face him. “I was wondering if you want to go skiing at the place Vernon was taking about.”

“Isn’t that place quiet far?”

“Yeah, but my friends and I have a resthouse somewhere in the middle of the way. We could stay there for a night so we wouldn’t be that tired.” He explained.

“You and your friends have a resthouse?” You inquired, boggled at the fact.

“Yeah, since our parents are far away, we decided to chip in for a house that we could all gather too.” Jungwoo replied. “So, you in or not?”

“Sure.” You answered back.

The sound of glass hitting the table interrupted Jungwoo’s reverie. In front of him, Taeyong poured a glass of red liquid in a wine glass. From the smell of it, Jungwoo figured that it was blood.

“I’m sure of this one, Taeyong.” Jungwoo began.

“You better be.” Taeyong replied. He lifted the glass to his lips, his tongue savoring the taste. “The last thing we need is a furious Johnny.”

Jungwoo swallowed a lump down his throat. A growing ball of anxiety was forming in his stomach. He knew better than to mislead Johnny. Johnny wasn’t really the greatest person when he’s mad. The topic of soulmates was a sensitive one for Johnny’s ears. Memories of what happened centuries ago refrained from leaving his mind. Even Jungwoo still remembers how despodent Johnny looked like at that time. He remembers it all as if it was just yesterday.

“They’re coming tomorrow.” Jungwoo said. “I don’t know what I should do. I should have thought this through.”

“You still have three more years in that university.” Taeyong replied, patting Jungwoo on the back. “You have plenty of time for this.”

The road towards Jungwoo’s resthouse was filled with trees left and right. The remnants of the city life began to fade a few miles back. You couldn’t comprehend still why on earth did you agree to spend a night in a house with ten men. You also didn’t know that Jungwoo had that many friends. He said that they are all childhood friends and they somehow preserved their friendship up until this day. You mentally thanked Jihyo for coming with you.

“You know, I don’t really like forests.” She spoke beside you, in the passenger seat.

“Me too.” You answered, looking a bit forward to see if the line of trees will be over soon.

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?” She asked, a bit worried about the apperance of the road,

“Yeah, that’s the address Jungwoo said it was.” You pointed to your car’s GPS. “Ugh, I hate him for going there before us.”

The voice in the GPS announced that you are only two minutes away from their resthouse. Soon, you spot the surprisingly beautiful house that was hidden behind the vast trees. You turned left and followed the concrete pavement that will lead you to Jungwoo’s resthouse. You saw Jungwoo wait for you in front of the house. He waved his hands to instruct you on where to park your cark. You and Jihyo exited the car, in awe of how beautiful and modern the exterior of the house is.

“Wow, this place is beautiful.” Jihyo spoke, still looking up to observe the house.

“How in the hell did you guys afford this?” You asked him.

Jungwoo laughed and said, “Some of the guys are pretty loaded. Come on in, the inside is just as beautiful as the outside.”

He helped you and Jihyo in carrying your bags. The moment you entered the house, your nose was filled with a lavender scent. The living room was clean and spotless. The interior design almost resembled a romanesque mansion. Details were adorned with gold but the whole color scheme revolved around greys and black. It was almost like a scene out of a fairy tale.

A man emerged from what you assumed was the kitchen. He wore a welcoming smile on his face as his cheekes was adorned with dimples on both sides.

“Guys, this is Jaehyun.” Jungwoo introduced the man. “Jaehyun, this is Y/N and Jihyo.”

“It’s wonderful to meet you both.” Jaehyun’s voice was like velvet. There was no denying that he is an attractive man. You felt your cheeks flush as he smiled at you. “I hope you enjoy the night here. We tried to make the house as clean as possible for you.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” Jihyo said.

“Well, it’s just common courtesy.” Jaehyun replied. “I’ll see you around.”

As Jaehyun left, Jungwoo ushered you and Jihyo to the guest room. The guest room looked magical. A princess could live there. You wondered what the other main rooms looked like if the guest room was this beautiful. Before Jungwoo left, he reminded both of you that dinner shall be ready anytime soon.

The aroma of delicious and enticing food made your stomach grumble. A man who introduced himself as Doyoung fetched you and Jihyo for dinner. He has a wide smile and friendly facade. The faint conversation between men was heard from the dining area. The moment you stepped in their line of vision, you were welcomed by such beautiful faces. Jungwoo’s friends were beautiful. They all had welcoming auras. All except for the tallest one.

Johnny moved his vision from his Taeyong to you. A pletora of butterflies swarmed his veins.

No, this cannot be. He thought.

Taeyong nudged the huge man. He gave Johnny a face that told Johnny to keep it together. He remained crossed browed as he forced himself to match the smiling faces of his friends. At the corner of Taeyong’s eyes, he saw Jungwoo fidget.

The rest of the dinner went on smoothly. You spent most of time between Jungwoo and a guy named Haechan.

“And no matter what you do, do not go in the last room on your floor.” Haechan warned you. You nad him decided to stroll around the garden at the back. There was a fountain in the middle. The breeze was a bit chilly.

“Why not?” You asked.

“Let’s just say someone won’t be happy.” He answered.

As you two walked around, you decided to look up at the facade of the house. As soon as you raised your vision up, you saw a curtain immediately close.

Johnny rubbed his hands on his face. Desperation and exhaustion swarmed his veins. He couldn’t accept it. Leona was his mate, his most treasured jewel. And just with a blink of an eye, she was gone. Johnny knew that Leona was mortal and she was bound to face death. However, what he cannot accept was how soon she was taken from him. She didn’t even get to marry him and see the world with Johnny like he promised her. Now there was you. The moment you entered the dining room with the sweetest smile on your face. The way you laugh at something Haechan said only encouraged the raging fire inside of him. He wanted nothing more than to feel your smooth skin against his fingertips. The moment you stepped into the dining room, he knew. He cursed Jungwoo for even thinking about letting you stay in this house for a night. He wanted to be angry at him but he know that this is Jungwoo’s house as it is Johnny’s. The roar of thunder echoed in his room. He sensed Jungwoo approaching.

“How long have you known her?” Johnny asked the second Jungwoo came through his door.

“A year.” Jungwoo replied sparingly.

Silence enveloped the two werewolves. Jungwoo poured himself a glass of whiskey and sat in the couch of Johnny’s room.

“There’s a big storm coming.” He started. “We figured that we can’t travel for the next day or so.”

“So what you’re saying is that my mate is about to spend another night here?”

“I did this for you, Johnny. Why are you so hostile about this?” Jungwoo cocked his head to the side, obviously confused about the way Johnny’s reacting. “You spent all these years moping for Leona. I found your mate for you. Why do you not seem happy?”

Johnny sighed. Jungwoo will never understand him. He knew better than to argue with him. After all, he did go behind his back to make him happy. He sighed and whispered, “I don’t know.”

Jungwoo’s eye softened. It was him and Doyoung who saw Johnny break down every night after Leona’s death. They were the ones who saw how his demeanor changed. Jungwoo doesn’t know a lot of things about the supreme alpha but one thing’s for sure: he loved Leona more than anything else.

Haechan’s warning to you about the last door on your floor only made you curious. You were never one to snoop around especially when you are told not to. But there was something about the way he said it that made you only want to go there more.

The storm only intensified through the night. You were bummed that your ski trip would be delayed but the joyful spirits of the other guys made you feel okay. You tried your best to sleep. You envied Jihyo who was already somewhere in dreamland. You decided to step outside the guest room. Wall lamps illuminated the long hallway. The guys definitely hit the jackpot with this house. You reached the stairwell and leaned down to check if any of the guys are awake. You didn’t bring any slippers so your footsteps are unheard. The center of the stairs were lined with carpet. By the feel of it, it was definitely expensive. You started to wonder just how rich Jungwoo and his friends are.

There was a light that came from the kitchen. You went there and saw the tallest one, Johnny. He might have sensed you since he immediately turned his head around despite you being careful with your footsteps.

“Hi.” You said, offering him a warm smile.

“Hey.” He reciprocated your smile.

“Are the others asleep already?” You asked.

“I’m not sure.” He answered. You started to play with your fingers due to the growing awkward silence. “Do you want me to warm some milk for you?”

“Oh no, you don’t have to.”

“Please, I insist.”

You went along with his offer. Johnny was beautiful. He has a sweet smile and his lips were unique in shape. His body was also very well built. He towers over everyone, especially Taeil. Since you are shorter than Taeil, Johnny definitely towers over you.

“What do you study in university?” Johnny asked, he has his back towards you while he prepared your milk.

“Sociology.” You answered. “I met Jungwoo through my roommate hunt ad.”

“Living with Jungwoo must be hell for you then.” He added.

“Actually if it weren’t for his idiotic science experiments, all would be fine.” You chuckled.

You and Johnny talked through the night. You learned that he was studying multimedia arts at a university a bit far from yours. He also loved doing photography. He showed you multiple photos that he took of his friends. It was safe to say that Johnny wasn’t only beautiful on the outside.

You looked at the scene in front of you. Jihyo seemed to have a liking to the guy named Mark. You groaned at how they ignored you while they lowkey flirted with each other. The sun was shining outside. You hoped that the storm won’t come back tonight so you could go on with your ski trip. You decided to go outside the garden. The garden was still a bit wet from the storm last night. Out of nowhere, a hand was placed on your shoulder. You jumped in surprise but immediately calmed out after finding out that it was just Johnny.

“You shouldn’t wander around after a huge storm.” He advised.

“Why not? The sun feels great.” You answered, feeling the warm tickle of sunshine on your arm.

“The creatures at night didn’t get the chance to have their run last night because of the rain. They’ll do it now.” He explained.

You wondered how the hell does he know that.

You and Johnny kept in touch even after you went back to the city. Though you both of you became very busy with university, you still managed to hang out every once in a while. You never really told Jungwoo about your frequent dates with Johnny. You didn’t know how he would react and you don’t really want him to make a big deal out of it.

The moonlight helped the street lamps in illuminating the dark streets. The spicy flavor the wings you and Johnny shared a while ago still lingered on your tongue. You hid your flushed cheeks onto the thick scarf that was wrapped around your neck.

“That was by far the greatest chicken wings I’ve had my whole life.” Johnny commented beside you. He insisted that he’d walk you back to your dorm.

“Right? It was so good.” You said back. He chuckled beside you.

It wasn’t long before you reached the doorstep of your dorm. You turned to face Johnny who only smiled down on you. Your eyes travelled from his eyes down to his soft lips. You wondered how they taste like. The silence that lingered between you gave Johnny the signal for doing something he might probably regret later.

Your eyes widened when you felt a pair of lips touch yours. Magic burst through your blood. The sweet mix of heaven and spice made you light-headed. You clinged onto Johnny’s neck as you felt something in you and deepened the kiss. You’ve dreamed about touching him for a few nights now. For some reason, he never left your mind ever since you met him. And you for sure won’t forget him any time soon.

You pulled back although you wanted more.

“Let’s do that more.” You spoke.

“I agree.”

A bottle of wine later and you found looking up to the ceiling of your dorm. Your head was spinning. The memory of you and Johnny kissing last night only clouded your brain. It ignited a fire in you that you never knew could exist.

“I like him a lot.” You confessed to Jungwoo beside you.

“Yeah, seems like it.” He agreed. Of course he’ll agree, he knows why.

“We’re going on a date tomorrow night.” You added.

“I’m glad it’s Johnny you like.” Jungwoo said. “Not some playboy that’ll break your heart.”

You smiled endearingly at your friend. Jungwoo’s heart warmed at the sight of you. He saw love in your eyes.

You giggled at a joke Johnny said. The fancy restaurant he took you to had the best champagne and it was starting to get into you. He held your hand as you swayed them back and forth. He blushed at your demeanor.

A faint sound of a slow love song came from a obnoxiously lighted music store. An idea popped inside of your mind. You pulled Johnny towards the store.

“Woah, slow down.” He reminded you but it had no effect as you were practically running towards the origin of the sound.

“Dance with me.” Your droppy eyes looked up at Johnny.

He looked at the greatest sight the universe had given him in centuries. He chuckled at your idea but proceeded in doing so. You rest your head on his broad chest as he held you close. Johnny’s cheek rest itself on top of your head. He wanted so bad to remove the image of Leona from his head. You’re here. He wanted so badly to give you everything. But the fact that you were down the most romantic thing with him only made him feel a punch to his guts. Everywhere he looked, he always only ever saw Leona.

Johnny inserted the key to the door knob of the room. The room was dark yet it contained the light of his life. With the flick of the light switch, dozen of paintings filled Johnny’s vision.

The biggest portrait stood in the middle. Johnny approached it with precaution, afraid that it would break with the slightest touch. The lively colors contradicted the life of the person in the canvas. Rosy cheeks, red lips, and smooth skin. A tear escaped Johnny’s eye. The pain rummaged through his chest. And he remembered it all. Despite it happening years and years ago, every detail was crystal clear in his memory.

“How do I love someone else when I’m reminded of what could have been?” He whispered to the woman in the canvas. Hoping that magic would disperse into the portrait and bring Leona back to him again. The image of you crossed Johnny’s mind. He knew that you were made for him and him only. Werewolves and vampires were given the gift to determine their and their colleagues mates. It was rare for these creatures to be mated to a human. There are only a few werewolves that are destined for humans. And he was unfortunately one of them.

Johnny went outside to the forest. The cracking of his bones and ripping of his clothing accompanied the sound of the rustling leaves. The soil was moist against his paws as he pushed himself towards the air and ran. The adrenaline fueled him and he doesn’t know how long he could run. All he knew was this was the only thing he could do to alleviate the pain.

Night after night you found yourself even closer with Johnny. Earlier today, he helped you with your literature homework. As a thank you, you decided to order chicken and come over to his house that he shared with Jaehyun and Mark. You walked through his street and texted him that you were already there. As you approached the porch, you spotted two huge wolves in their front yard. Your soul almost left your body as the creatures whipped their head towards you. You didn’t know what to do. It was like someone super glued your shoes onto the pavements. The rational part of your brain yelled at you to run but your limbs refused to cooperate.

One of the wolves had a dark grey fur, one was white. As much as they are a beautiful sight to look at, the fangs that slip past their snout made you realize that these are dangerous creatures.

“Johnny!” You yelled, hoping he could hear you from the inside.

The grey wolf grunted and stepped towards you. It boggled you how it was only the grey one who was provoked by your yelling. The white wolf watched the grey one as he slowly padded towards you. The rational part of you once again demanded you to leave or to throw the chicken the other way in hopes that it’s that they’re after. However, fear seemed to have melted the moment the wolf touched your arm with its snout. It was sniffing you. And yet, you didn’t feel scared. Lifting a shaking hand, you touched the fur of the wolf. It was smooth as silk.

“Johnny?” You cooed at the wolf. You must definitely be dreaming. The wolf rubbed its head on your hand. Johnny is a fucking wolf? You moved your gaze to the white one. You were confused as you saw Jaehyun standing to where the white wolf was. You gave him a look that showed concern and confusion. All he did was nod at you. You returned your eyes to what you assumed was Johnny’s wolf. Jaehyun gestured for you to go inside the house. He still hasn’t spoken a word to you. You looked back to the grey wolf and trudged your way inside.

You sat the edge of Johnny’s bed. Your left leg rocking up and down in anticipation. You still couldn’t grasp the whole thing. If Johnny and Jaehyun were werewolves, does it mean the others guys, and even Jungwoo, are as well? The door opened softly and you saw Johnny entering lightly.

“You weren’t supposed to find out that way.” He started. His eyes looking down at his feet.

“I still can’t understand anything.” You admitted.

He sat beside you and held your hand. “I’m a werewolf. I know that seems so fantasy movie-like but I am.”

You nodded and squeezed his hand in assurance.

“The reason why Jungwoo took your roommate offer is because he knew that you are my mate.” He continued.

“Mate?” You asked.

“Every wolf and vampire are destined with a soulmate.” He said.

“Vampires exists as well?” Your eyes widened at the scary thought. Your mother told you that these only existed in fiction and you had nothing to fear about. But, the revelations of tonight told you otherwise.

“Yeah. Taeyong and Mark are vampires.” Johnny answered. “Some are destined to be with their kind and some are destined with humans.”

“How long have you been alive?”

“More than four hundred years.”

“Why did it take this long for you to find your soulmate?”

Johnny paused for a while. You saw how he had to swallow before answering. “I met her before. It was the year 1845.”

“What happened to her? She didn’t turn into a werewolf?”

“No. Humans can’t turn into werewolves.” Johnny explained. “It wasn’t long before she died. We only knew each other for 4 years.”

You swallowed in realization. The whole thing was scary. You didn’t know how to take it all in. All you knew was there was something in you that wanted to just kiss him. You sat still in silence. You sighed before turning back to Johnny. Without uttering any questions, you latched your lips into his.

Johnny knew that you were the one made for him; he knew that the night you went to the pack’s house. But tonight, he accepted it. He accepted the fact that the fates bestowed him a new mate. He knew that he would be gifted another one once his soulmate dies. Since he was unfortunately destined to be soulmates with a human, this cycle will go on and on for as long as he lives.

The tension was thick in the air. Johnny’s face was so close to yours that you could almost taste him. The shade of his eyes turned darker, filled with carnal desire. Raising his hand, he cupped your cheek. Love excreted from your skin. For the first time in centuries, Johnny felt something warm. Without wasting any time, he leaned down to capture your lips.

The synchronization of your lips intensified when he felt your fingers tug lightly at his scalp. The growl that fell from his throat traveled to your core. He pulled back to look at your face. He pleaded the heavens to allow him to see beauty again and they did. You felt your back slowly touch his soft mattress. The light from the moon entered his room through the large windows.

The skirt of your dress rode up as you tangled your legs around his waist. His clothed cock pressed deliciously against your aching core. It wasn’t long before every fabric was shredded from your burning bodies. Johnny latched his lips on your neck. He left a few possessive marks before travelling down to where you needed him the most. Your eyes widened when his tongue came in contact with your folds.

It was safe to say that you knew what every corner of heaven looked like that night.

“You had sex with him?” Jungwoo yelled at you in surprise.

“What difference does it make?” You reasoned out. “We were bound to do it anyway.”

“Yeah, but you just found out that he’s a werewolf and your instinct was to fuck him?”

“Stop talking as if you’re not one! I’m still mad at you for not telling me.”

“I’m scared that you’ll be scared. It was better you find out about it from your mate.” He explained. You rolled your eyes. Your playful banter coming down as he threw an arm around you. “It amazes me how well you’re taking this.”

“Have you found your soulmate yet?” You asked.

“Not yet. Maybe soon.” He said, shrugging his shoulders.

You hugged him and reassured him that he’ll find his mate soon. You two spent the last remaining hours of the night talking about his werewolf abilities.

He knew violence is never the key. But the sight of some guy creeping his filthy fingers across the skin of his mate boiled hell in him. He saw red, he heard nothing but the devil inside his head telling him to punch harder and deeper. It wasn’t until he felt the warmth of your small palm struggling to keep him calm. Lucas held Johnny back as Jaehyun stood in between him and the creep.

“Come on, John.” You said softly, tugging at his arm.

He followed you not before shooting one last threatening gaze at the creep.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You exclaimed.

“That guy was harassing you.” He growled. The wolf in him threatening to come out but he held it in, in fear of scaring you.

“You could have just come up there and talked to him.” You said, getting the small first aid kid in the compartment of his car.

“Why are you acting like I’m the bad guy here?” He said before hissing as the soaked cotton ball touched one of his wound.

“I’m just saying, you didn’t have to put yourself in such danger. Who knows how strong he is.”

Johnny snorted. No one is stronger than him and that guy in the party knew that. He was part of a rogue pack. He knew better than to mess with the alpha of all werewolves. It was on him to know better.

Johnny’s frustrated gaze softened as he looked at your features. Your soft, feathery touch reminiscent of your soft voice. Johnny knew it, he knew it deep inside of him. He felt it burst through his veins and into his mouth as he muttered.

“I love you.”

The soft chattering of people welcomed your ears as you and Johnny entered an art exhibit. A love for the arts is something you both shared. Your friend, Minghao, invited everyone in your batch to come see his art exhibit. You scanned the walls filled with all kinds of art; some are photos, sculptures, digital art, abstract art, and a whole lot more.

Johnny bounced as he darted towards the wall filled with photos. You smiled at his cute action as you followed him.

“Wow.” He said in amusement.

“Oh, that’s taken by my classmate, Dahyun.” You pointed to a photo of the sky.

“The kids from your university are extremely talented.”

“They sure are.”

You spent the rest of the night gazing over the artworks. Johnny knew it would be best for him to do as well but he couldn’t help but fawn over your amazed face. The way your eyes shine whenever you look at something you really like. The way your mouth form a small “O”. The way your hair fall from your shoulders when you crouch down to look at something. He admired everything about you that night. A smile swept across his lips.

The night was young but the two of you decided to head home early. The incoming winter season was slowly introducing itself by blowing the freezing wind. A thick layer of sweatshirt draped across both of you and Johnny’s arms.

“I hope I’m keeping you warm.” He said to your sleepy air. You only smiled in response.

Although he had your arms and a thick blanket wrapped around him, somehow, he still felt cold.

The sound of rustling leaves filled Johnny’s ears. He slowly opened his eyes and saw sunlight peeking through the branches of the tall trees. He slowly sat up and held his head in his hand. In front of him, an elegant fountain was on display. The water flowed through its different spouts. He stood up and saw the figure of a woman. He knew who it was, he know the person like the back of his hand.

“You should let me go, John.” Her voice is soft yet her words burned.

“I love you, Leona.” He pleaded.

“Y/N is here. You found her.” Her demeanor showed nothing but comfort and sincerity. The sweet smile lingered through her lips. “I no longer exist, John.”

“I can’t.” He whispered.

“Of course, you can.” Her touch shot a blaze through Johnny’s system. “I always believed in you, right? I believe you can.”

The soft light of the sun awakened you. A large, heavy hand was wrapped around your waist. You looked back to see Johnny’s sleeping face. You swiped a stray hair out of his face as you admired. You decided to press sweet kisses to his cheek, in hopes that it’ll awaken him.

Johnny stirred and only pulled you closer. The tightening smile that crossed your face soon vanished at something Johnny said in his sleep.

“Hmm, Leona.”

For the next months you let it go. The sound of his voice whispering that name still haunted your mind but you did your best to throw it at the back of your head. You still didn’t know the status of your relationship with Johnny. It just never occurred to the both of you to talk it out. Were you girlfriend and boyfriends? You said “I love you” to each other, that has to make you both official right? The thought sounded cheesy but you just didn’t know how to introduce him to your other friends.

“It’s not I don’t want you to meet them, it’s just that I don’t know what to introduce you as.” You said, crossing your arms.

“Just say that you don’t want me to meet your parents and go.” Johnny fought back.

You sighed. “All I’m asking you to do is to define what we have right now. Do you want me to tell my parents that you’re just some guy I fuck?”

“How can you still not get it? I told you I love you.”

“Ugh, do you really think saying ‘I love you’ is gonna make everything loud and clear between us?”

He exhaled sharply. Johnny’s mind was clouded. All that’s running through his mind as of the moment are brief memories of Leona. But you were here. You’re the new soul that was destined to be with him. The universe answered his pleads and yearning. He cursed himself as he realized that there was a part of him that wished he never said the three words to you. He didn’t even realize that you left if it wasn’t for the harsh slam of his front door.

Jungwoo sighed as he opened a new pint of ice cream for you. A soft blanket was draped over your shoulders as your head rested on Jihyo’s shoulders. Jungwoo looked over Jihyo and they both exchanged a look of sympathy for you. You hated feeling this way. You know full well that a man shouldn’t be the reason for your tears. But it just hurts knowing that Johnny probably don’t want a future with you.

“I wish I could hug the pain out of you.” Jungwoo said. You sniffed and straightened your position. You have to ask Jungwoo the question.

“Woo,” You called. “Who’s Leona?”

The muscles of Jungwoo’s upper body tensed at the mention of that. That’s a name he hasn’t heard in a while.

“How did you know that name?” He answered you with another question.

“Johnny,” You sobbed but swallowed thickly to continue. “He said it while he was asleep.”

Jungwoo stood up from his seat in the couch and joined you and Jihyo on the floor. He slinged his arm around your shoulders and rubbed them in comfort.

“Leona was Johnny’s first mate.” He said. You remembered Johnny mentioning that he met his first mate before. “We only knew her for a few years. Johnny really loves her and what made her death even more painful is that it happened only 16 hours before their wedding.”

You gasped at the revelation. Were you supposed to feel sorry for Johnny?

“So, there’s a probability that he still haven’t moved on?” Jihyo asked.

“That might be it.” Jungwoo answered.

All you did was sob harder into Jungwoo’s chest. Your two friends enveloped you into an embrace that they wish could take away your pain.

The stars twinkled above the whole city. The wind whistled as it breezed across the trees. The sound of Jaehyun’s party seeped into the walls, making the faint sound of the commotion echo through the balcony. Johnny sensed your presence from behind him.

“Hey.” You said, walking over beside you and leaning your body against the railings.

“Hey.” He replied.

“You said you wanted to talk?”

“Uh, yeah.” Johnny sighed. “I should be over the moon for meeting you.”

“Hmm.” You could only hum out a response.

“I’m sorry.” He said with all the sincerity he could offer. “You’re my mate and nothing could ever change but-”

“You told me you loved me.”

His eyes softened. “I know. I am.”

“Then what’s the matter? Is it me? Is it-”

“I’m not in love with you, Y/N.” He cut you off. He couldn’t bear the pain of hearing you blame yourself over something that’s his fault alone.

Your eyes watered even more. He saw your lips whimper and tremble.

“I wish I could push myself to forget her. To forget the pain and every memory of her.” He started.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s okay, I understand.” You assured in a small voice.

“I’m sorry.”

“When do you think you’ll be ready again?”

“I don’t know.”

You tried to hold back the tears that welled in your eyes. Your breathing became staggered. You stood on your tip toes as you placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

You walked back to your house with a heavy heart. It was as if the world decided to throw boulders on your shoulders. You looked up to the moon and sighed. The tears fell from your cheeks like a storm. You were uncertain if you would see Johnny again.

Oh my god, I’m gonna die as lonely as I feel tonight.

----

“A bouquet of asphodels and purple hyacinths, please.” Johnny said to Taehyung the florist.

Taehyung smiled softly at Johnny as he turned around to arrange the bouquet. After Johnny got the flowers, he walked slowly to your destination. He wasn’t sure if you were ever going to forgive him but he tried. He melted every ounce of pride within him. Johnny hated apologizing but he knows he has to. He could never spend the rest of his painfully, never-ending life without hearing your forgiveness.

He crouched down and place the flowers. Your new home only caused Johnny’s heart to squeeze tight. It reminded him of what could have been. For all the regret and mistakes he made, he exhaled sharply. As if on cue, a stray white tulip landed on your grave.

Johnny smiled behind his tears. He picked up the flower - the sign that you forgive him.

FIN.

a/n: i hope you liked this! feedback and thoughts are always welcome. <3

#nct 127 #nct au #nct imagines #nct johnny #johnny suh #johnny angst #johnny imagines #johnny seo #johnny x reader #seo youngho #nct angst #nct scenarios #jung jaehyun #mark lee #nct x reader #nct x you #seo johnny #nct johnny imagines #johnny smut

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lideria · 4 years

Text

Lost in Yesterday. | Jeno | Backstory.

➥ pairing(s): jeno x gender-neutral!reader, kind of haechan x gender-neutral!reader

➥ genre: lots of angst, also fluff, somewhat suggestive, royal!au, rivalkingdoms!au, loverstoenemies!au

➥ warnings: swear words, mentions of suggestive themes, themes and mentions of war, themes of heartbreak, themes and mentions of family distress/unhealthy relationship, themes of manipulation, themes of psychological abuse, themes of confusion, drinking, mentions of injuries, mentions of gun use, mentions of disassociation. english is my second language so there might be errors.

➥ word count: 25.6k

➥ summary: the firsts and lasts of a forbidden relationship between two heirs.

➥ songs that have inspired this piece/i recommend readers to listen: lost in yesterday - tame impala, low - lenny kravitz, strangers in the night - frank sinatra, six days - dj shadow, next to me - imagine dragons, don’t you cry for me - cobi, to be alone - hozier, c’mon - panic! at the disco ft. fun, morph - twenty one pilots, moon river - frank ocean, sinking man - of monsters and men

➥ author’s note: THIS IS A REPOST, because tumblr’s algorithm did me dirty and took this off the tags. i dearly hope this does not flop heheh please like/reblog if you enjoy this! because i just about lost my mind while writing! also, a big thank you to my beta readers @shimmershimmernct and @neocity-sarai, you guys are awesome!

➥ sequels: reader’s pov // jeno’s pov

i hope everyone enjoys this, have a great morning/day/evening/night!

The Last Ball

The orchestra remains playing songs in the background even after all the past hours they have done so. Hallways are empty and partially dark if it was not for the moonlight. Most of the staff is occupied with serving the hundreds of guests in the middle wing of the palace— working in the kitchen, in the ballroom and outside stood the guards. The left wing of the palace, the one that is supposedly closed to the guests for the night, is only alive because of the two people running through its moonlit halls.

Jeno is holding your hand as he leads the way, excited giggles making their way out without much effort to stop them. The both of you run up the last set of grand stairs and Jeno runs to the end of the wide corridor. He pushes the doors of the library open rather harshly, making you both stumble your way in. His hands wrap around your waist as he pushes you to the nearest set of shelves. It does not take much time for your lips to meet.

The prince, dressed in a pure, blinding white suit with his jet black hair takes your breath away in the best way possible. He pecks you on the lips so many times it makes you dizzy, steadying you with his hands placed delicately on either sides of your jaw as lingers out some of the pecks into longer lasting, tender kisses.

As always it feels rushed and desperate. Yet so, so precious.

It does not feel like you had enough of him when he places his forehead on yours, looking into your eyes while his thumbs caress your jaw. You can hardly see him in the dark, save for his eyes that are sparkling with the weak and pretty rays of moonlight hitting them. He audibly gulps.

“One more,” Jeno whispers before kissing you again. You feel so lost in him that you have to steady yourself to know you still have the strength to stay on your feet. Your hands that had been resting against his chest come up to pull him closer to you, now stationed at his nape. His teeth ever so slightly graze down on your bottom lip, eliciting a breathy hum from both of you at the tension that seems to radiate from where your lips meet— and it clicks in him. That this is not the time or the place.

When he pulls away he takes a couple steps back, and then he smiles. Moonlight barely hits him but your eyes are, at this point, somewhat adjusted to the dark from running through dark halls and semi making out in the dark library. Both of you know why he stops and pulls away too soon before it can go any further. He cannot even kiss you for as long or as hard as him and you would like to, because people would notice from your appearances and the duration of your absence. And gossip was a deadly thing within the royal class.

It was okay. As long as you could escape with him for some time, it would be okay. You two were too used to it at this point.

“You look blinding tonight, your Majesty,” He teases, his eyes curved into the crescents they are. The nickname hitches your heart instantly, triggering all the dreams you know could not come to be. All you can do is press them down in your heart until they become so compact that you feel back in control. Him being there right beside you does not help with the situation in your heart, but the least you can do is to touch him in some way because you missed him.

Hell, you missed him even when he was right there, stood before your eyes.

So you opt to run a careful hand through his soft and silky hair, tidying the mess it had come while running. Realization hits you suddenly then, and your heart picks up again though of causes less pleasurable. “Is Jaemin out? We left so quickly.”

Jeno leaving without his guard would surely create chaos. With the tension the regional monarchies and the state kingdoms were in, and the unspoken arguments and arrogance hanging in the air, any heir even daring to breathe without their personal guards would mean letting them out into the wild with all the dangers and possibilities awaiting. Alone.

And that is a risk none of the kingdoms are willing to take.

The Prince’s eyes flutter a bit, but he sounds somewhat confident. “I was making hand gestures all the time, there’s no way he didn’t pick them up.”

As if on cue, there are loud knocks at the door when you nod. Both of your heads snap at the source of the noise— the doors are then opened even harsher than how Jeno had done some moments ago, and two figures rush in, clearly out of breath.

For a second you dare to think that you have another forbidden couple in the library, but the voice that speaks debunks your theory. “They’re here,” Jaemin breathes out in what could best be called relief. He kneels to his knees and takes a few moments to gulp and recollect himself. His silence is instantly filled, however, with another voice you know all too well.

“Excuse me for dropping the honorifics but for the sake of my poor mother stop doing this to us,” Donghyuck, your guard, complains. Jaemin lets out a laugh and nods appreciatively at his words. The guard carries on with his complaint but not without sucking in a big breath first. “At least inform us of where you’re going so we don’t have to lie through our teeth to the kings and queens while also worrying about your safety. A generation earlier and we would be beheaded if they found out what we’re doing.” Donghyuck kneels to grab at his legs as well, looking at the ground. Jaemin pats his back once in support. “The things I do for this relationship. Really, I would’ve gotten married already if I paid this much attention to my own relationships. I don’t know about Jaemin.”

The guard beside him chuckles. “You and me both at that one.”

Both Jeno and you laugh at their words, too stunned to move from your place. You both give your guards a good few seconds to catch their breaths but Jeno moves towards his guard and best friend before you can even move, waiting for him to groom his outfit and straighten up first. “Did anybody see you?”

The cautious words leaving Jeno catches Jaemin off guard, but he still answers the question rather quickly. “We kept some distance between us until we were out of the middle wing. No one was around after that as far as I could tell.” Upon his words he pats Jaemin on the shoulder as if to say good job, and he mumbles his thanks to both of the guards in gratitude— even though the two of you did not necessarily need them to find you, as in them walking in on you.

Jeno turns to you when Jaemin is done, a warm smile on his face again, probably sharing the same feelings but also knowing the consequences of not being down at the hall for longer than expected. “I will see you in the ballroom, my love.” Affection beams from his words and it makes you incredibly happy, even though you have heard the nickname countless times before.

“Hurry up already, I can hear your father scolding you.” He chuckles a breath and nods at Donghyuck, giving him his recognition and respect, before making his way out of the door with Jaemin trailing next to him.

You sigh when the door closes behind him and his company, knowing this would be the only time you could get to yourselves with him tonight. Just like that, the prince was gone.

Relationships between royals were heavily looked down upon unless they were arranged marriages, because they could bring unexpected feuds, wars, or peace. No royals wanted their love life to affect their politics unless they could impose full control over them. Considering the state the nations are in— with all kinds of political feuds and tight anger in between that waited patiently until it was the time to blow up— your relationship between two heirs of monarchies that have never necessarily gotten along feels all the more forbidden. Even after three years of being steady and having things under control.

Loving him would not be this difficult if it was your ideal world.

“Your Highness,” Donghyuck starts, looking at you with some level of concern. “You should be looking happy. Not like this.”

There is something weird about the way Donghyuck speaks to you. Most probably because of the fact that you have known each other since childhood, there is still a sense of warm and homely friendliness and informality in his words, despite the title he has to call you by. The two of you had met at eight years of age, when his mother who works in the kitchen brought him into the palace that time when his father was sick and she could not take the risk of leaving him alone with an ill man. He had been the first child that you actually made friends with outside the heir community— if it was even one.

Fourteen years of friendship. One of which was spent apart as he was sent away to train to become your guard by your father’s order, and three of which was spent with him as your guard. Mostly with laughs, sometimes with tears, lots of kept secrets, shared feelings and struggles, and helping each other with anything and everything. Donghyuck was your one loyal friend, and perhaps, the only friend you truly had.

Honestly, you could not have asked for a better primary guard. “I am happy,” The words prompt an automatic smile on your lips, albeit one of longing. “I just would’ve loved to dance with him again.”

The First Dance

The first time you had danced together was three years ago, it had also been the day where you had completely fallen for him. Years of silently crushing had been leading up to it— momentary glances at the dinner table when his family or yours were doing their yearly rounds of visits followed by shy smiles, playing in the snow when they visited your kingdom of mountains, exploring the beautiful forests of his kingdom of what felt like a sea of green, helping each other with duties that required a second thought, late night talks in the gardens and balconies, watching the night sky with the astronomy-lover prince. Sometimes he would tell you all about it, sometimes the both of you would lounge around and sketch architectural pieces and compete on insults and comebacks, sometimes you would ride horses together— basically, you would share what you loved doing with one another.

For years it felt like a snowball rolling down the edge of a mountain, starting off small but swiftly tumbling and getting bigger and bigger as it made its way down. Surely it would end in an avalanche where the neatly formed snowball would disintegrate into a new spread of snow that would cover every inch of the surface.

The first dance was the scream that caused the avalanche.

Jeno had come to your side in the ballroom full of royal members and the elite class, roaming through an ocean of people just to find you. He had sensed the stress around the hall— the unhappiness that swarmed within the people spread around, and he thought— you were young. In fact, most people in that very room were young except for the rulers. It should feel energetic and fresh for everyone to take a short break from duties and responsibilities. It was a ball, after all. Not a conference. Nor a summit. Nothing political, so why was everyone making it feel like it was? Why would he not ask someone he liked to a dance?

Because that person was you, and your parents�� views did not go hand in hand? Because it was basic and proper political etiquette for him to not ask you to a dance?

Well, that would have just been plain stupid and a shame in his opinion.

“Hey,” He had leant over to your ear while you were looking at some group of people who were dancing away, prompting a little jerk of your shoulders in surprise. It makes him chuckle. “Hello, and excuse you, I don’t think I heard the ‘your Highness’ part,” You had said in return. “I could start some drama with the way you are disrespecting me right now.” He saw your eyes point at a particular group of teenagers your age, ones that were heirs of ‘lesser’ kingdoms— whatever that meant. Just because they did not have much land to rule over. The heirs, though, were known to be quite the chitter-chatters. They were the ones to have a word with if you ever needed some catching up with the society.

Your eyebrows had lifted a bit then in an effort to point them out further, and your finger had slightly pointed at them as stealthily as you could muster. “All it would take is a few words with them and I swear within the next hour everyone would know how you don’t even have the manners to address people correctly.”

That made Jeno start laughing silly, but you protested further. “You should have been at the last Unity Ball. They made sure everyone knew Doyoung and, you know, his now-wife-and-the-queen were a deal. I don’t even know where they spotted them doing what because I sure didn’t see them.”

You chuckled after your words as well, and Jeno could not take his eyes off of you. He smiled fondly, relaxing his linked hands placed at his back. “I was thinking…” He held out a hand, palm looking upwards at the ceiling, relaxed enough that his fingers were not fully straight. “Maybe we could give them something to talk about.”

With a smile, you rolled your eyes. “Jeno, this will give everybody something to talk about.”

Jeno shrugged carelessly with pursed lips. “I know and frankly I do not care. I just want to dance with you.”

It made your heart skip a beat— a couple, actually. He felt the same way in his chest.

And he knew his father would be watching over him somewhere, muttering to his mother about what was he doing and why would he even do that and this is going to raise so many questions but he had meant it. He simply did not care. Jeno also did not care about what your father must think of him. If it was as he expected it to be, it was somewhere between neutral and he is tolerable. Not he is as bad as his father. Plus, if the two of you got into trouble, just how hard could it be when the two of you were the only heirs for your parents’ thrones and had your own duties every living day?

Yes. It would not be much trouble at all.

Perhaps you also had a similar thought process, because you willingly put your hand in his. The two of you walked to the floor and felt gazes shift towards your direction along the way. And then, you placed your hand on him and let him place his hand at the small of your back, linking your other half of hands together.

And you started dancing. In the same way you would have danced with anyone that was not him. As more gazes landed upon the two of you and people watched you dance instead of only seeing you, understanding and observing first hand that being rivals is not applicable to situations like these and that your parents’ disagreement do not have to be yours, you swayed and you smiled and you looked into Jeno’s eyes.

But something was different.

You got lost in his eyes. You felt your breath escape free from your chest at the feeling of his hands holding you, and your heart started beating at a much faster, hypnotic rhythm— like that of a horse’s trots when it is set free to run around. And honestly, you got lost in the feeling. The feeling of being able to say so much when none of you are speaking. It was comfortable. It was strengthening. It was freeing. Fresh, warm, calm yet exciting.

Maybe he had felt the same, because you could feel his hold getting tighter and his gaze fonder by the second as you danced.

Jeno and you colored your way through that year’s annual visit, the usual black-and-whiteness of it nowhere to be seen.

The Last Official Visit

“Mere years ago I thought it couldn’t get any worse,” You mumble quietly as Jeno and you walk your way to the dining hall. You are making sure you keep your voice down so as to prevent the staff— especially the educational staff— from hearing your complaints. Both of your hands are at your sides lightly brushing against each other’s. That is the most affectionate thing you could do when everyone is around, really. “Having too many lessons on too many subjects in one day and somehow trying to keep all of them in my mind so I can have a shot at being a decent ruler,” Jeno hums in agreement and nods a little, waiting for the actual complaint to come. “But now that I’m actually getting closer to the being a monarch, everything’s just.. I think my head will crack open if I need to memorize anything more about law. Do you ever feel the same?”

From the corner of your eye, you can feel a staff looking at you with judging eyes, so you feel inclined to add the honorific. “Your Highness?”

Jeno chuckles as you turn around the corner and nods enthusiastically, when both of you notice one of the head guards and all three of you bow a bit in greetings as you pass by each other. “I can relate to that. For me having to deal with and participating in the military is draining as I get older. A lot of the time I just want to be able to learn things I want to learn. Astronomy, music theory, science…”

“Nothing to do with politics, I know.” The two of you snicker at his words and yours. You really knew. Jeno, if there were any other heir, would give up his place on the throne immediately— because he hated politics. Not the study or the theme itself as he knew its importance because of his first-hand experience, but he rather hated the reality of being a politician. Every word he says, every action he does, and every step he takes is closely monitored and very likely to cause major changes. And he hates that. Jeno is the type of person that is more reserved, dependent on his privacy, someone who wants to engage in his own interests as he thinks it is the major way to preserve inner peace throughout his life. He wants to live an enjoyable life, understandably.

“How are things going with your father?” You ask him upon the topic with a hopeful tone, knowing it is a bitter one, and thinking that maybe asking about it while you are moving and loaded with sensory surroundings could give him the benefit of swiftly giving the answer without much occupation in his mind. “Not great. I cannot seem to make him happy, ever.”

The answer hurts your heart because it is true. Jeno’s father is never happy with him, as he is a man washed over with his own ideals and denies any alternatives. In his views, it is almost like Jeno has to be exactly like him to be a good king. Ever since you met Jeno around twelve years ago now, his father has bothered you and not only because he is the King of a rival monarchy.

The worst part is that his mother never raised her voice about it. Even though she is much more affectionate towards Jeno and seems to approach him with love unlike the King.

“He was really upset with my performance in the military last time. Said I had to work harder if I wanted to be a lieutenant.” He adds with a barely audible huff, the two of you slowing down as you spot the doors to the dining hall. You frown, and it is audible when you speak. “We have to endure it just a bit more. It will all work out in the end— we always make things work, right?”

With that Jeno smiles assuringly. You feel his finger caress the back of your hand a couple of times as his eyes point downwards with the force of his smile. “Yes, my love. We do.”

Just out of the doorkeepers’ reach, you whisper to him. To reassure him, and to give him strength, and perhaps to apologize to him about nagging him on a topic he does not like to mention. “I love you.”

He whispers back. “I love you too.”

The two of you share a fond smile that lasts a couple of seconds before taking the last few steps to the entrance and the doorkeepers open the doors for you.

Both of your parents are seated at the table, with yours at the opposite ends of the table and his on the left side. Your parents look delighted to see you both, and his mother does look content too, but his father not as much. It is less than surprising to you at this point, but you still want to be naive enough to believe his face looks so down because of the political tension he had with your parents and not because he genuinely disliked his son and you.

Bowing your heads slightly in greetings at the Kings and the Queens, both of you start making your way to your seats.

“Father,” Jeno greets him with a smile of his face that is rather mocking, as he walks over to them to sit at the assigned chair between his parents.

“Son,” His father greets back, watching Jeno’s movements. The King sounds stern and less than moderately content which makes you furrow your brows as a staff pulls the chair for you to sit down on the right side of the table. You realize how your chair is the only one on the right side even though the table is big enough to host grand meals and it makes you wish that the seating plan could be in a way that could have both Jeno and you sitting at the same side. Because you do not want his father to converse with him and be in close proximity to him, where he can bother him all he pleases.

Contrary to all your thoughts, though, Jeno looks okay. He places his hand on his father’s shoulder as he sits down, and turns to his mother to take her hand in his before placing a kiss at the back of it. Jeno whispers something to her that makes her smile bright, her eyes sparkling at her son, and then she brushes some of his hair that has fallen behind his ears. You can hear her asking Jeno about how his studies have gone, along with the duties he had to take care of that day that were just some document work.

Jeno tells her it has gone well, that he has taken care of everything and even has gotten a head-start on his work for the next day. She praises him in return and cups his cheek, turning back around to the table thereafter.

When the attention is at the table and the first course is served, your father takes his glass of fine champagne and lifts it up slightly with a smile on his face that you know is only professional. Him and your mother dislike Jeno’s father just as much as you do if not more for his political stances. “I’m happy we can all gather here annually and share food, thoughts and words with each other in peace even though we are not necessarily on the same side of ideas, and I’m raising a toast for everything to stay this way— in peace— for the eternity to come.”

Me too, you think. Both Jeno’s parents and your mother raise their glasses to meet your father’s with two genuine smiles and one quarter-meant. You raise your glasses as well with Jeno and say your cheers after they do so.

Jeno winks at you before taking a sip when he lifts his glass up to his lips, and you know that it is the two of you that wants your father’s wishes to come true probably the most as you smile.

The First (and Only) Time You Got Caught

It had happened on one of your yearly rounds barely a full year after the annual Unity Ball, in which he had finally collected the courage to tell you about his feelings and asked if you felt the same as you two danced with a beautiful smile on his face— presumably because it was the only time the two of you could truly be alone without your primary guards on your tails.

“Can I tell you something, in all my seriousness, your Highness?” He had asked with his hidden smile on his face, the one where the corners of his mouth were not pointed upwards but there was still a very noticeable amusement on his face. Teasing a bit, if you will. “I have a feeling that you will even if I tell you you can’t.”

Jeno had tilted his head at your words. “You are right, but only because of the heaviness of my words. I really would not tell you otherwise.”

He took a breath, and when he spoke again, it was with a much lower tone. A tone where people dancing near you would not have been able to hear it but only you would, as his voice got drowned out by the sounds of the piano and the violins and the cellos and every other instrument. “I think a lot whenever I see you and spend time with you,” Then, ever so slightly he leaned in a bit closer. “And what I think is always good and relieving. You make me feel like I can drop my mask off with you: the mask I keep on my face at all times. It is incredibly easy for me to be myself around you because of the way you are, and I appreciate you for that. But for a long time now I’ve been feeling like this appreciation and awe I have for you,”

Your brows furrowed a bit at his words as confusion took over you, and he let out an airy laugh at that before picking his words back up. “Has evolved into something much more. Something much bigger and stronger. Something that tells me it is you, and I am okay with that. I can and I do accept that, and I just wanted to tell you because it is so hard not to anymore.” Another breath. This time he leans back again to regain his composure. “But you should know that I will understand if you do not feel the same way about me, or do not want to have what I would like for us to have.”

The two of you continued to dance, making sure your waltz steps were matching both to each other’s and to the music playing in the background. Shocked would have been an understatement for what you felt— not because it was a surprise that he felt that way about you as you were sure the mutual attraction was real before, but because he actually told you. Moreover, because he wanted something with you in the same way you did with him. It was only when you could wrap your head around it that you let out a bright smile with a squeeze on his shoulder. “This is so hysteric.”

Jeno had shook his head in a questioning manner upon your words, but had immediately relaxed upon the ones that followed soon after. “I do. I do want to have that very same thing, because it is you for me, too.”

Needless to say it had been a tad bit difficult after that.

As it was with all new lovers, keeping your hands or eyes off from each other was quite frustrating and a demanding task. You could really only love each other physically when you were completely alone; could hug when you were alone, could kiss when you were alone, could hold hands when you were alone— being alone was a treasure. And for the communication bit.. well. Communication outside of blatantly seeing each other and talking was a non-existent concept.

But you made it work. Even at its first stages, your love had proved to be stronger than the obstacles. The two of you would find a way, eventually.

Perhaps, the one time you were not alone while you displayed your affection was the door opening to communication outside of seeing each other and between the distanced kingdoms.

The two of you were on your way to the greenhouse outside in their garden to have tea with your families, the sun shining through the big windows— not a sight you could always have in your palace as the country was usually covered in snow whether it be a light cover or a heavier one. You loved how green their palace was. It felt like an explosion of colors after staying months on end in your palace until you started your yearly rounds, visiting every single kingdom over the course of several weeks.

Maybe it was what made you more lively, too. More loving, because you do not think there could be any explanation as to why the Prince’s speech on the whole history of the foreseeable future in space sounded so charming to you. “Kiss me.”

Jeno stopped dead in his tracks at the sudden demand. You did too, and could not help but snicker at his widened eyes. “Pardon me? We’re literally in the middle of the hall, dove.” Which was true, but the hall was empty. Completely empty, as the transition halls were some of the most unoccupied during the daytime. Had it been nighttime, it would have been a completely different story. “Where’s the beautiful and bold boy that did not care when he was asking me to a dance in front of everyone in the royal and elite class?”

He chuckled at that, amused and somewhat bothered, but lighthearted. “We’re too out in the open. It would be a disaster if anyone wanted to change wings and walked in on us.” At that you let out a frustrated sigh, laughing a little at him with a slight roll of your eyes. “Just kiss me, Jeno. There is no one around.”

Maybe it is the fact that you asked him for the second time, or that he felt the sudden bravery rush over him, but he did kiss you then. With an amused smile spread over his lips he had leant over with his hands still placed on his back— presumably because it would have made pulling back easier had it come to that. It was a sweet kiss despite the frustration the two of you had in store just seconds before he did so, his lips soft yet firmly on yours as he started kissing your demand and his worries away in a careless moment.

It felt good to be careless for once. To melt into the environment, to feel one and to feel whole by taking only one risk.

Until the sound of laughter echoed through the hall, that is, and the faint footsteps grew louder in sound as the people they belonged to got closer. The footsteps were approaching rather quickly, and Jeno tried to pull away from you muttering something along the lines of see, someone has to come here just to ruin everything but you did not let him. Instead, you pulled him in closer with hands placed on the other’s jaws.

Honestly, you two really could not care. Especially after the laughs got recognizable to you long before they did to him.

And as one would have expected the steps came to a halt once they entered the hall, however as one would not have expected while you were just pulling away from each other.

If you had to stay positive about it, it was an immense embarrassment for both of you. Them possibly seeing you in that state was not something the two of you would have wanted nor planned; the plan was to pull away just before they came in, and you had failed miserably.

It would be fine, though. They were your primary guards. One of whom looked shocked beyond belief, and the other looked a bit uncomfortable. Nonetheless, they were your primary guards and your own closest friends. If anybody could be trusted, it would be them.

“Oh my god. Oh, my god.” Donghyuck rambled, mostly in disbelief and possibly a bit nervously as they kept on walking over to where you and the Prince were standing. “I can’t believe I just witnessed that, you were kissing, weren’t you?” The last part of the question had come out in the lowest whisper he could muster, and Jeno only nodded. It was not his proudest moment for sure if you took the slight blush on his cheek to account.

Mentioning what had been going on between you to them had been out of the question for so long in a dire attempt to protect yourselves from any and all eyes— even theirs, that are supposed to watch over you. Maybe if it was not for this moment you never would have told them as the nature you two held had been too cautious to do anything up until now.

The guards seemed to get even more distressed at that, especially your friend of eleven years. He turned to Jaemin with his hand in his hair, eyes closed, and his face genuinely upset. “It’s too early for this. I’m on my first year of primary duty and this is what you do to me?”

At his words, the Prince beside you cleared his throat, and everyone turned their gazes towards him. “I know this must have come as a shock to you, but we are still two heirs you are talking about.”

Donghyuck tilted his head then, and pushed his tongue against his cheek at the comment, chuckling a little as he placed his hands on his hips. “Well, your Highness, one of them happens to be my best friend of years— and for the record, I think we have well given up on the professional distance protocol at this point.”

That made Jaemin bust out an actual laugh, prompting Jeno to glare at him and the guard to simply shrug before apologizing. “Donghyuck,” You snapped at him with a warning tone. “Keep your composure.” The only voices inside the hall or at the close distance around the hall still happened to be the four of yours, which was rather fortunate considering the last few moments.

“Just let us forget about this, your Highness,” Jaemin suggested to you with a calm manner. “Both of us have vowed to be loyal to you two. Not a single word would leave from our mouths regarding this.”

And that happened to be the best thing Jaemin had ever said to you. For him, and the stressed guard beside him, it was probably the most unfortunate thing that ever did leave his mouth. A smile spread on your face as the idea hit, and Jeno must have thought the same because you saw him jerk a little in his place in a moment of eureka. The guards knew something (or anything, for that matter) would not be going their way as the same kind of knowing smile spread across your faces simultaneously.

“Vowed to be loyal, you say?” Both guards nodded when you asked, and Jeno followed suit with his own question. “And what if we asked you to help us with finding places for us two to meet at?”

The Last Promise

It is a pretty night.

The nights at your palace are always breezy and cold at the right amount: bearable with the right attires, and the type that is a dry cold where the humid cold that might stick on you is never a problem that passes through your mind. Moonlight is bright in the open sky. The stars are visible and scattered across the night like wild flowers scattered across a field. The snow is a thick blanket on top of the ground and under your feet as you sit at the entrance of the abandoned and long-out-of-use tunnel.

Jeno looks pretty, too. Despite traveling for a long time and having to cover everything up at such a time where having this relationship is even harder than it has ever been, he is glowing with pleasure. His eyes constantly seem to smile, and his skin glistens under the shifting rays of the moonlight as he speaks to you. You both were catching up on the last few weeks where you have not been able to see each other and only could deal letters to one another through selected staff that were being paid in exchange of keeping your long-going secret. A lot of it was through affection.

Jaemin and Donghyuck are guarding far in front of you— Donghyuck farther than Jaemin, keeping an eye out for the rest of the palace that was surely asleep and in the distance as the other watched out with binoculars for royal photographers. They seemed to be everywhere after noticing the drama and feud-filled relationships of the recent royal class, and they were insatiable.

“I feel so on the edge whenever I have to talk to anyone lately,” You confess to Jeno as he looks deep into your eyes. “Even on phone calls, and even though I am not my father but just a representative, everyone treats me like I am some manure sticking to their shoes.”

The Prince laughs at that, holding your hand in his and lacing your fingers without taking his eyes off of yours. “You could not be farther off than manure, my love. These are trying times for everybody is all.”

“Which is exactly why I think they should be more compassionate,” You add with a huff of frustration, a pout on your lips. Jeno lets out a breathy chuckle as he leans over and places a chaste kiss on them, before turning back to his seat. “Are you cold?”

“Not really, why?” You ask. “The tip of your nose felt really cold.” With that, he looks down at your linked hands and shrugs a little. “You could go inside. I don’t want you to be cold because of me. I got to see you, and that is what matters.”

“I am not cold. I want to stay here longer.” He smiles at the attempt to reassure him, starting to play with the tips of your fingers. Squeezing them, touching them with his own, fiddling them mindlessly. “Good.” There is a slight relief at the way his word sounds, but it is nowhere to be found with the words that follow. “Listen,”

You know what that tone means, and it means that he is being dead serious. “I don’t know if you have noticed anything about it, but there is a big likelihood that a war is coming. Some areas are already in conflict,” You had known about it a little, as the military paperwork seemed to mount up on your table about the raise of the aids and what-not— but you had not seen or heard any plans of an attack. Jeno gulps as he picks his head up to look into your eyes again. “My father just assigned me to the troops located nearest to the conflict zones as a lieutenant today and I have to be there in the morning,” A breath before he concludes his words. “I will have to fight at the warfront when it breaks out.”

His words struck you harder than you would expect it. Jeno does not say if the war breaks out, no, he says when the war breaks out. And you know he is more invested in the military than you ever will be, so his words hold an impeccable reality to them. It gets you feeling terrified because a war is a war and there is no sense of security in it, and he will have to be in the midst of that chaos fighting; and it gets you feeling angry, because how could his father do this to him? “Aren’t you his only child?” Your breath hitches as you ask, and you feel the warmness at your eyes. “Why is he sending you?”

“Because I have been training my entire life and he said he trusts me now.” Somehow, you think, and a good part of you believes that his father is only doing this because he is too much of an arrogant himself to go fight. That his father is doing this only because he wants to keep his place on the throne as long as he can. Because he is the type of person who makes you really believe that he could have been the best alchemist considering he is so selfishly determined to stay on the throne that he would have probably found elixir of life.

And you see the ugly reality that his father does not care if something happens to Jeno during the war. It breaks you that Jeno sounds so hopeful when he says his father trusts him.

So in a moment of selfishness, you ask him. “Jeno, what if you die?”

He seems to get alarmed at the point where your voice gets shaky, and he tightens his hand around yours, leaning in and placing his other hand on your cheek as he stares deep into you, trying to reach your heart. “I won’t.” He shakes his head to further emphasize. “I won’t die. I have so much to do— we have so much to do still. I will come back,” Jeno’s thumb on your cheek rubs the surface firmly, his palm growing warm now. “I promise, my love. We must hold on for a little while longer.”

A part of you thinks why can you not see it? Do you really not see how your father is using you at a matter like this? How he is using you as a pawn and as a puppet, a mere imitation to his presence at the warfront?

But the other part of you says that what is done is done. That there is no way to hold him back from going after being assigned. And that very same part also notices how confident Jeno is being about this, and yearns to believe that his father had told him truthfully that he trusts him now.

So you give him the benefit of the doubt, for now.

You nod at the Prince with a tight smile. The tears had not even arrived at your eyes because you wanted to keep him from getting upset because of your reaction, especially when he would be the one rushing to his destination to arrive by the morning and would involve himself in something way beyond training. With a turn of your head, you kiss his palm and nuzzle further into it, and he lifts your hand in his to kiss it. He does not pull your hand away from his lips and lets you recollect yourself with your eyes closed for a few moments.

“Love,” He whispers after some while. You open your eyes to meet with his fond ones that are looking at you, adoring you. “I need to ask you something before I go.”

You nod once again as he pulls his hand away from your cheek, and you start following the movement of his hand. It goes to his chest pocket on his jacket and digs something up into his palm before holding it in between the two of you.

Then he opens his palm with a smile on his face.

You notice the bunched up chain before you notice the sparkles that reflect the moonlight. And when your eyes fall onto them, there is a ring. A ring. With many small crystals all over it instead of a single or a few big ones. It looks delicate and easy to hide, with a simple knot to its shape and nothing else.

It means the world to you.

“This is not much of a surprise considering the amount of times we have spoken about the future, but,” He squeezes your hand. “Every time I look at you, I do not even dream about it anymore. I see it. And I want it. Because my heart says that it will always be you. Every day, every time. No matter what. Because I love you that much, and I want to go away this time knowing that when I come back to you, you will be my future and I will be yours.”

A bright smile that is a contrast to the dead of the night, yet one that matches his spreads across your face and he knows the answer then. But he asks the question anyway. “Would you do the honor of taking my hand in yours for the rest of eternity?”

The tears rush to your eyes and break free in a matter of maybe a couple of seconds if not within the same second and you nod. A tsunami-worth wave of emotions hit you; sadness at still not being over the fact of the war that was surely coming, happiness at the reality that you will get to keep your love for the rest of your life, nervousness at the uncertainty of it all, him going away and his father, but mostly— finally. Finally, finally.

Not finally, he asked me to marry him but finally, we are moving to the last stage of everything. We have fought for so long, and we have endured so much, and we now finally get to move onto the time where we get to be us without the obstacles. Everything is finally truly paying off.

With a smile on his face and his own unspilled tears in his eyes, he reaches over and puts the necklace on you and tucks it in to your night attire, patting the place the ring extends to. And he lets you kiss him afterwards.

He pulls away, though, before any of you can open your mouths and before the kiss can turn into anything less gentle. “I found a place. The registrar agreed to wed us in impartiality, and told me we could have a small and serene ceremony.” You listen to him with a newfound spark in your eyes that make Jeno fall for you all over again, your hands on his jaws. “You will love it there. It is deep in the forest and the road is really worn, but it only secures us further. No photographer would be able to follow us. There is a lake and lots of different trees varying from the rest of the forest at the ceremony area, and the place is so pretty at night with dim lights everywhere. It is really quiet, and the staff are very kind.”

Your lips land on his again with a quick and messy smooch, and he can feel you giggle into him. When you pull back you bite down at your lip in a smile washed over with excitement. “That sounds like a dream, Jeno.”

“I’m afraid it will all come true, your Majesty.”

Jeno laughs against your lips when you crash them onto his again, and lets you climb into his lap when you make the move.

The First Escapade

Your heart, for the lack of a better word, was racing.

Donghyuck was leading you somewhere. Neither of you were talking much, even the steps you were taking had to be calculated and soft so as not to alert any other guards that were on watch that night. Moving through the halls was a scary, almost foreign feeling— you would usually breeze through them. But not this once.

He had woken you up with a knock at your door, telling the doorkeeper that there was a minor problem with your belongings being sorted for the upcoming tour through the country that had to be sorted immediately according to your liking, and had taken you through the halls and down the many stairs. Most of which you had not once used in your life, and were widely used by the staff only.

He was good at distracting people, you had come to learn. The amount of people he had lied to and distracted by saying there was a problem with power shortage (which there was, and it was him that caused the shortage in the first place) and it had to be repaired but there were parts that had to be bought from the town (with all the businesses listed), and that the other group of guards would be coming to replace them would have been impressive even for politicians. And that was only the first of the lies he had told people that night.

Through the countless halls and stairways you passed through, you finally arrived at the basement. You had never been in there before, and it was a basement for basically just about anything— cars, old furniture, old belongings, a lot of scraps and some things covered with big, beige and gray drapes.

“We’re almost there, don’t worry.” Donghyuck had told your sleepy yet very much amazed self, bothering to turn around and laughing at whatever your expression was. You trailed behind him to the deeper corners of the basement, letting him lead you until he stopped in front of a group of furniture and what looked like instruments all bunched together.

“Is this it? They are surely not coming from the big entrance, and I would like to think you are not talented enough to smuggle them all the way inside here.”

There was a chuckle that echoed after that. “I don’t know whether you complimented or insulted me,” He was holding off on the honorifics seeing they could give everything away if someone had been watching, or were on your tails, or simply heard you. “But for the record, no they’re not.” And with that, he starts moving the old piano and the bigger pieces of furniture like a wardrobe and bookshelf— moving the rugs away and pushing the boxes with his feet until the metal square made itself apparent.

Donghyuck put the furniture he had pulled away in a way that would cover the two of you, a furniture wall if you will, and set the boxes on top of each other inside the wall as well as planting the rugs upright to imitate a cramped space behind the belongings.

It was kind of terrifying how good he was, and you could only hope he had learned such things in training.

Once he was done, he put a hand on his hip and pointed at the trapdoor. “We’ll be going in through there. It opens to the tunnels.”

The tunnels? They were more than a couple hundred years old, and supposedly in unusable condition, completely blocked. “I thought the palace was built on top of them to cover them up.”

“It was, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t an opening to it. Only the King and the architect personnel know about this I think, someone I know mentioned that he wanted to rebuild the collapsed part back up once.” He shrugs. “But he apparently gave up on it after noticing it had gotten visible to the surface after the heavy snowfall made the dirt on it collapse. We’re going to that end now, and trust me when I say no one ever goes there.”

Going through an old trapdoor proved to be harder than you initially thought. The old ladder was slippery with whatever it was, most definitely not fit for two people, and a bit shorter than the drop down.

It took quite a bit of speed walking to get to the end Donghyuck was talking about, and it was mesmerizing to you how there was this complex system of tunnels with brick walls and cracked stone with small hints of life whether it be plants that made their way in through the cracks or bugs, or the occasional stray cats.

But when you reached the end, there they were. The two silhouettes at the opening of the tunnel system and the collapsed remainder of it behind them. Moonlight was shining through in between and around them as they chatted, both of their shoulders shaking with slight laughter. Although you could not see them, you knew which silhouette belonged to the Prince. Maybe because of the way his shoulders shook, or rather because you had known him for so long already that you could basically find him with your eyes closed if you had to.

The silhouettes turned towards you at the sound of your footsteps when they were audible to them, and you could see the smile on Jeno’s face even in the shade of the tunnels. Automatically you smiled back at him and hurried into his arms that welcomed you, hugging into his chest with a happy chuckle. He kissed your cheek, breathing in your scent, and nuzzled his forehead against the side of your face and neck much like a cat as he cozied against the crook of your neck for a brief moment.

He had his hands on your shoulders when he pulled back and took a look at you. “How are you, dove?”

You smile. “Sleepy, but otherwise well. You look far better than I do.” Jeno tilted his head with his eyes squinted. “I’m sleepy as well but the cold has a way of waking people up.” Not to you, after so many years of living here.

When he noticed Donghyuck who had been standing next to you for a few seconds at that point, he asked him about his well being and inevitably cut through his conversation with Jaemin with an apology to be polite. The two guards had been standing at a bit of a distance in order to give you some personal space, you noticed.

Then, he addressed them both in his gratitude. “Thank you for taking the time out of your sleep to make this possible for us,” When he said it, he meant it. You got two bright smiles in return, and words followed those of two of your favorite people in the world.

“We vowed to be loyal to you, to protect you no matter the circumstances and to keep you in safety, your Highness,” Donghyuck quoted the same way once how Jaemin had done. But his smile spread a bit further across his face as he looked at the two of you— with you leaning into Jeno’s side and his hand placed at your waist, almost back-hugging you as he tried to warm you up with his body heat, both of you oblivious to your states.

“And beyond that, we just want to see our best friends happy.”

The Last Wound

To say that the war had broken out would be a severe understatement.

As if on cue, mere weeks after Jeno’s words governments and monarchies around the world had started declaring war against nations upon nations, showing their feuds and unmet requests as the reasons. There were sides that were established; sides that your father refused to be a part of, hiding in the safety of neutrality for the time being. That being said, the military was still getting aided economically and personnel-wise, guards being transferred into several military branches they could serve in without much training and folk (usually the ones that were severely affected by the financial hardships of the war) taken into the accelerated guard training. There were many faces all around.

The land, thankfully, had been secure so far except for the economical burdens. People were still reliable. The monarchy and your family continued to be respected, presumably because of the immense effort your parents and you put into making feel everything as normal as you possibly could.

But news came in every single day, sometimes more times than you could count, and they were scary nonetheless.

Some nations were fighting on land, some at sea, some in the air. There were too many people that had lost their lives for absolutely no reason that should concern them and their words and actions. Too many had been left in poverty, in famine, in conditions that no human should be left in. Too many homes destroyed, too many businesses left unrecognizable.

Theoretically you had known it all. All your life you had been educated on the possibility of this exact situation. War and its consequences were something you knew too well already, but it was much different to experience it first-hand. And you were not even experiencing it truly first-hand, the people were.

Your routine had changed for the past few months as well. Everything was fast paced. You would be woken up in the mornings either by Donghyuck or your doorkeepers, and would immediately go to have breakfast, checking several newspapers in the process while listening to your father’s senior advisor read out the papers that had arrived that day and summarize the reports of the past days. Then you would move to your office to deal with all the paperwork that were unnecessary burdens on your parents’ shoulders. They would be taking care of calls and meetings while you dealt with the maths and the written bureaucracy. That would go on until it was late in the night and you had to go to sleep to start all over again the next day.

One of the most concerning facts was that you had not heard from Jeno in months, aside from the rare shared secret phone calls between your primary guards and the one letter he was able to send at the very start of things. All you knew was that he was not dead, according to the countless newspapers you had read so far.

And that was all that mattered.

Surely there were days where you were more concerned about him and his well being, but you tried to keep your attention on your work and your people. The distraction, and the fruits of your hard work helped to keep you in line.

It is on one night where you are lounging around with your family in the library to read and forget about the problems a little that Donghyuck barges in, but with a few knocks beforehand in proper etiquette.

He bows his head in greetings when your heads turn at him, and when he picks it up, you can see the slight panic on his face. “Good evening your Excellence. Your Majesty,” Then, he physically turns to you, pointing his feet at your direction where you stood, picking out another book. “Your Highness, I have the car ready.”

You furrow your brows. “For what reason?”

“There is a tree selection going on to be distributed to people in need,” Your father says without glancing up from his book. “You have been working so hard lately and you hardly even go out to the garden. You deserve to take a breather. Go and take your coat.”

So you do.

Hurrying to your room, you ask for a staff to give you your coat and gratefully receive the help that they offer when they dress you. Donghyuck walks after you, waiting for you just outside of your door. When you come out you realize the restless look he has to his body. Especially when he starts speed walking right after you come out of your room.

He does not say a single word until you are out of the building and walking through the garden, he only encourages you to hurry up. But when you are close to the gates opening up to the road of the palace, he speaks up. “You aren’t selecting trees, I’ve got that covered.”

Your response is immediate. “Where are we going then? Did something happen?” The snow crunches below your feet and it is growing harder to keep up with Donghyuck’s pace as he keeps his eyes nowhere but forwards. “He’s here. I’m taking you to him.”

Donghyuck’s words make your heart jump in your chest half in excitement and half in worry. “How is he—?”

“They were moving bases. Jaemin said the Prince told him to make a stop at the forest,” He smiles slightly then, as you can see from the side. “He needs to see you, apparently.”

A warm feeling spreads over your chest, and excitement finally takes over, as well as happiness. “That is fortunate, because I need to see him as well.”

The car ride to the forest closer to the top of the mountains was a bumpy and somewhat long ride in the black car that melted into the dark go the night. Towns all around were strictly following a dark-out rule each night after a certain hour— to make the areas undetectable from the air and hard to detect even in person in case of an attack. Therefore the ride is definitely dark except for the shining lights of the car, the snowfall growing faster as it climbs up.

Donghyuck sits beside you instead of at the front seat and keeps his eyes narrow and focused on the road. At some point he leans forward and tells the driver that they can drop you two off at this point, and that they should be back here to pick you up in a couple hours sharp.

And then, you two leave the car.

He helps you with walking uphill in the thick snow. The snowfall, although fast paced, is with big and fluffy flakes. Nonetheless, when the slightest wind makes the flakes hit your face, it hurts.

The two of you walk deep into the forest, deeper than you would have expected, and you have a good feeling that you would not have trusted with the process if it was not Donghyuck walking beside you with a lantern in his hand. Another lantern gets visible after a while.

And you get happy, so happy like a child, slipping a bit on the snow when you try to pick your pace up.

But when you see their faces, your heart drops.

You notice Jaemin’s face first, as he is the one holding the lantern, and you notice the big healing slash on the side of his face. It is the initial alarm for you that immediately makes your gaze turn to Jeno who is standing beside him.

And surely enough, he looks horrible. There are several cuts on his face that are not as big as the slash on Jaemin’s cheek but still quite fresh, his lip has long busted before and is now almost healed, there are stitches near his hairline on the left side, and his under-eyes are almost a plum-colored purple from how dark they are. You can almost feel his hurt.

“Oh my god,” Is the first thing that leaves your mouth when you hurry towards him. “What happened to you?”

You try to hug him but he hisses, prompting you to lean back and take his face into your hands instead, inspecting the injuries. This is exactly what I was talking about, you think, I knew something like this would happen. I knew you and the people around you would get hurt somehow, so why did you have to go and fight?

“My love,” Jeno greets you by nuzzling deep into your hands, his head dropping a little, but you do not listen to him. “Are you two okay? What happened?”

“The base got raided, your Highness.” Jaemin responds, and you notice he sounds almost too good for a person that has such a wound on his face. “Hence the change of bases.”

“I am healthy. Just sore.” Jeno adds, and chuckles drily once. “Turns out I am not all too good at one-on-one combat.” He tries to be funny despite themselves, but the state they are in is too bad for it to work. Making light of whatever had happened seemed like a far stretch.

Naturally, you cannot bring yourself to laugh at his joke. “I am thankful for that,” But you smile to comfort you both despite the situation. “Not that you got your bums handed to you, but that you are healthy.”

Jeno giggles with his mouth closed at that, and lets you pull him to a kiss when you tug at his face. His face feels really cold, more so than yours, and you wonder just how long they had been standing outside deep in the forest. “You are cold,” You breathe onto his lips.

“Mhm,” He mumbles. “But I want to stay for longer.” He joins in on it when a smile spreads pulls at the corners of your lips.

Getting a move on, you both sit on the snow under a tree not wanting to stand up for longer because in all honesty, Jeno looks nothing but exhausted. Donghyuck hands his lantern to you so you could have a light source before walking away with Jaemin— not too far as it is easier than ever to get lost in the forest with the dark night and the heavy snow.

“How have you been?” You ask Jeno once you are both comfortably seated, holding his hands in yours in an attempt to warm them up even though he seems to be in some of his warmest clothes. There was no guide on how to approach someone who has been through things he had been through, so you did not know how to and the best you could do was being careful about it. “How are things out there?”

“Like hell,” His answer is immediate. “People invade anywhere and everywhere, making decisions is so difficult, sometimes everything is so loud and mostly unnecessary and—“ He takes a breath. “A lot of them die. From both sides.”

Your heart drops further. “Do the decisions you make, do you think they—?”

Jeno shrugs and shakes his head. “I do not know. I try not to think about it.” His answer is spit out quickly. He takes a hand out of your hold, shaking with stress and probably exhaustion. His fingers rub his temple and his thumb rubs the middle of his forehead to try and ease the tension. “They are not even my decisions,” He speaks with pent up frustration and anger. “What goes in the end is my father’s word and demand.”

“He makes the decisions for you?” You ask with brows furrowed further. “When you are the lieutenant in the field?” A ridiculed chuckle leaves your mouth. “Why is he not there then?”

“I try to deal with everything as peacefully as I can, I plan all these negotiations and I mean, I use the advice that the counselors and other senior military personnel give me,” Jeno rambles. “But when I tell him about it he says that it does not work out for the plan according to the policies we have when in fact they do. Then why did he let me train in the military for so long?”

His chest moves up and down quickly and deeply when he is done with his words. You can see his eyes glistening, which is why you approach him lighter with your next words. “You do not have to inform your father beforehand,” At that, he turns his face to you. “If people agree with you, the heir and the lieutenant, you do not have to get your father’s permission. Let him know afterwards instead.”

“That is ridiculous.” An airy laugh comes out of Jeno. It irks you, how his first move is to shut you out. “He is the King. He has done this for years, and even after this all ends it is his word that counts. And he is my father, I do not want to disappoint him. One wrong thing I make, and all he ever did goes to trash.”

“I am sorry to say this, but in my eyes your father is someone with dead straight views. You could prove yourself to him by showing him it could all work out if your word went instead of his around the field— you could get away with less harm as well,” You try to reach him with your words, your voice soft in an attempt to not agitate him further. “You really do not have to follow your father’s guidance.”

“I do!” You know that it is the pure frustration speaking. “You don’t! Didn’t your father send you there because he trusted you? You are a man fully grown and capable of making your decisions— you will be the ruler sooner than later. Doing what your father tells you to do, constantly, is not going to help with anything especially in the future when it will be you who has the call on everything.”

There is a silence where the two of you do nothing but look at each other. His eyes shift continuously and very slightly as if they are trembling. His jaw clenches and he lets a loaded breath out that comes from deep within his chest, letting his head turn forward again and his back hit the tree. He furrows his brows and a couple of his shaky fingers come up to squeeze the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know,” Another burdened breath. “He has been saying he is proud of me.”

And you understand what it is about.

Nevertheless you hate that he lets his father’s pride do this to him; getting him hurt both mentally and physically. Like before the war, you act in a moment of selfishness as you take his hand in yours again and give it a squeeze. “Let’s run away.” Your voice sounds firm and confident. “Get married at that place deep in the forest, and go to some other place. Run from this madness wherever it follows us and come back when everything is over with,” The smile on your face is audible in your words. “We would be so free, Jeno.”

But Jeno breaks your heart into pieces when a sad chuckle leaves his lips and a heavy whine follows. “I wish we could.”

Without another word, you lean towards him and kiss his neck, his jaw, his cheek and temple. Pulling his hand away from the side of his nose on his cheek, which became its resting place after squeezing the bridge of his nose, you place his arms around you and pull him down to your shoulder by his hair for him to rest. He kisses the side of your neck as well, smiling at the feeling of the slinging chain around it, and slides his head back down.

Your hand still in his hair playing with it, you whisper your last sense to him. “It is your pride in yourself that matters. Not his.”

Jeno only nods. And within a few minutes of his steady breathing, he is fast asleep on your shoulder.

When the guards come back after so long a while you spent playing with his hair mindlessly, you have one request from Jaemin. “Make sure he sleeps on the way, will you?”

The First Breakdown

The first time he had cried to you had happened at a surprise visit.

In fact, he had visited you because of it. Had taken more than several hours of his time and more than several lies through his mouth just to get to you and to be vulnerable. In his defense, it was because he could be so vulnerable only with you.

Even so, you had never seen him cry before.

It was in the middle of the night again when Donghyuck had knocked on the door of your office, where you were catching up on some of your studies. He had told you that you had a visitor, and that they were waiting for you, and it had been all that it took for you to stand up from your chair and start walking with him. Following him, you had gone to the basement again, moved the furniture again, went down the trapdoor again, walked a lot again, and had seen the two silhouettes at the end of the tunnel again.

Only this time, only one of the silhouettes’ shoulders were shaking. And not because of laughter.

Jeno had started crying the moment he had spotted you. Jaemin tried to talk to him, but Donghyuck only pulled him away to go away for keeping watch; gave the two of you the privacy you needed.

It came as a shock at first. Jeno never cried— not once, you think, in the entire time you had known him starting from your childhood years. Even when people cried around him. Even when he was at a funeral. Even when he was too happy. Even when he got hurt and was in physical pain. The only exception would be the times you saw him angry where his eyes would tear up, but never did they spill before.

After they left you— without wasting any time— pulled Jeno to you, letting him hug you however and wherever he needed. He made himself comfortable with his face in your shoulder, close to your neck, and his arms around your waist with hands spread across your back. You ran your fingers through his hair as he sobbed. Violently so. You could tell whatever he was crying about was not a one-time thing. It had been bottled inside and pent up for too long.

He held you that way and cried maybe for an hour straight for all you knew. But when his tears died down and all that was left were sniffles, you had finally asked him. “What is the matter, sweetheart?”

There was a content sniffle at the choice of your rare use of a nickname, if that could even be a thing. But a few heavy breaths followed after that, like he wanted to say the things on his mind but could not bear to. You only pulled your chest away from his to be able to look into his eyes, and shook your head. “You do not have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Jeno placed his forehead on yours and stood in place, breathing with his eyes shut. You shut your eyes too, trying to connect with him at a level that is beyond words because that was what he seemed to need.

But then his voice cut through the night. “I just want him to love me.”

It angered you to no extent that you knew who he was talking about. “What did he do?”

He chuckled bitterly. “Humiliated me in front of my mother’s family and the whole staff at my early birthday celebration in the morning.” There was a gulp as he weighed the words that were told to him once again, as if they would have been lighter that time. “Said he could not believe I was his only son and only child. That a peasant would have done a better job at being a king if he placed one on the throne right then and there. That I am lost in useless studies. That whatever I do is still clumsy as if I am a kid.”

You let him rant on because whatever this was, it seemed to work. “I try so hard to meet his every demand. His dreams for me are so challenging to keep up with but I honestly try, I do.”

“I know,” But he was not done. “I try to be a good son for him and my mother and I work really hard and I train really hard and—“

“I know, sweetheart.” You pulled slightly away again, and hated that you saw tears flowing down his face once more. “What did your mother do? Did she do something?”

“She told me to go to my room and that she would come to get me,” The smile on his face was tight. “But I couldn’t.” A single sob left his mouth, defeated. “So I asked Jaemin to sneak me out.”

“You did the right thing,” Jeno shook his head and tried to turn it away from you, but your hands took a hold of it from the back. “Hey,” You forced him into eye contact, and saw that his tear-invaded eyes looked almost drunk. Empty and sluggish. Nothing like his usual sparkling, poem-worthy orbs. “You did the right thing by getting out and away from there.” But he shook his head, so you shook yours in a questioning manner, prodding him to tell you why. “When we get back they will ask him about everything first and then they will ask me. I am just troubling him.”

“Believe me when I say you are not. He is your best friend before he is your guard. He cares about you, sweetheart.”

It took awhile for that to sink in, but it did in the end and he nodded, which was what mattered. And you succeeded at making him smile genuinely when you kissed the tip of his nose.

What truly sucked then was the fact that you could not tell him that his father would love him someday. Because you did not believe in it, and you would not tell him what was a blatant lie to you. And despite it all, your beliefs, you could see how much he wanted to be loved by him. How much he wanted to be recognized by him.

So what could you have told him? ‘You do not need his love.’? That did not sound right. That felt like it was the opposite of what he should have heard. ‘Our love for you is stronger than your father’s lack thereof.’? That simply was not true for him even if it was for you and for Jaemin and for his mother, because there was a hole punched in his heart and he wanted it to be filled. Rightfully so.

In the end, you did not tell him anything related to his father. You just told him what was true to you. “Happy birthday, sweetheart. I am so grateful you are here, with me.”

The Last Breakdown

The two of you had not talked to each other in months, let alone see each other.

The war had been going on for too long at that point. It was a wake up call that showed you just how insatiable rulers were. If it was not land they were looking for, it was people that they could exploit in labor, or valuable reserves like mines or things like historical monuments that could be stolen. People were dying still. Even more so than the beginning, in fact. Some places were left in famine, a lot of places were taken over by other rules. Any war crime you could think of was most likely happening just outside the borders of your family’s rule.

Since day one of your education you had learnt about law and order, and ethics, and just like that they were all thrown out of the window in this chaos.

Standing in neutrality had proved to be harder and harder day by day as well. The economic conditions were not getting any better, trade was almost impossible because of the disassociation the other powers and partners who had declared their sides were putting you through, and the damage was big even though your family’s rule was one of the most powerful. Unemployment rates had risen despite your immense efforts to keep it stable, and in turn, healthcare had become a problem, hunger— especially throughout the population who had already been struggling with making a living below the hunger threshold— had become a problem, crime rates were on the rise.

Which was why your father, by the obligation the sociopolitical states provided him, declared sides one morning. Thinking it would be the best thing to do.

Of course it was opposite to the side where Jeno and his family’s rule had sided with. Your families’ stances had never been the same, so there was absolutely no way they could be now. And frankly, you did not care about that even though you recognized how big of an ordeal it was. All you could care about was the safety of your people and your loved ones in these cruel conditions.

Scratch that. You wanted innocent people to stay out of harm’s way. That was all.

War, in your opinion, was cowardice. You still could not wrap your head around the fact that people were mostly doing this just because they had feuds within themselves and the circle of their class. Hundreds of thousands, even millions of innocent lives were destroyed both literally and figuratively over some disagreements between only several rulers that were their ‘representatives’. Which was in fact the biggest lie you could have ever heard of, because they were just hungry for their exclusive benefits. There was nothing in this war’s roots where the actual folk were represented. Just elite individuals and their selfish problems.

Just because the said elite individuals did not want to make sacrifices.

The biggest cowardice.

After the declaration, the hard work you had to put yourself through was at least doubled if not tripled or quadrupled. You could barely get sleep anymore, and would count yourself lucky if you managed to get some shut-eye for a few hours seeing that even when you did get to lie down on your bed it would be restless with thoughts racing through your head. Most of your responsibilities still revolved around document work but at this point the document work had gotten more important and heavier in and of itself, to the point where your eyes burned and your brain screamed at you to give up reading the papers. The maths of it all had gotten a lot worse as well because now there were so many spontaneous expenses paid that sometimes there would be problems with communicating on time between bureaus and people, which would in turn lead to wrong calculations and wrong reports— which would in turn cause you to do everything from scratch again. Sometimes a single, seemingly minor error would take days to make right again.

The Prince came to visit you on one of those restless nights where you were rolling around in your bed with the discomfort weighing on your mind.

Donghyuck came to your door again and requested the doorkeepers to alert you that he was there. They did, and something in your heart immediately knew what was happening, so you only took your coat and bolted out the door.

And now he is rushing through the halls beside you, with you following him. “Where even are they?” You whisper as you pick your pace up, not even in the condition to feel excited about it.

“There is this abandoned farmhouse in the fields across the town.” He responds back, and your eyes widen. “How are they so close?”

“They are both in the military, your Highness.” His voice is serious as he speaks. “I would expect their stealth to be outstanding.”

Donghyuck leads you outside to the back road of the palace and it is raining outside, definitely with an intention to completely pour down within the hours that would follow. He covers your head as best he can with his jacket and places his hand at the top of the car when he opens the door for you, before hopping in himself.

Which is the exact point that you realize there is no driver, and that he hops into the driver’s seat.

“Donghyuck?” You lean forward with a frown on your face, placing your hand on top of the headrest-less seat which has its quality so that guards and whoever is inside can see the people sitting at the back (usually royals or their guests) better to ensure their safety. “What are you doing?”

“This is not a matter we can bring more people into at this point,” He says as he starts the car. “I basically bribed the guards to shut up about taking you outside the palace. If I brought a driver, I would have had to explain the situation.”

The frown deepens on your face just as he presses the gas and the car starts moving. “With what money?” You ask him, and you genuinely fear his answer at that moment.

He carefully drives his way out, even the guards at the gates not stopping the car to question his antics. It really was a wonder how much money he could have offered to them for their silence at only you leaving the palace with him, at an ungodly hour, in a car, and no other information given. It felt extremely suspicious even for an heir and their primary guard.

You could not help but also notice his silence after starting to drive, so you pushed your question. “Donghyuck, with what money?”

The guards tilts his head and licks his lips before making eye contact with you through the rear mirror for a split second. “I had been saving some from the allowance my mother sends me and from my paychecks for some time,” His eyes turn back to the road as your mouth falls open and your brows furrow, about to protest. But he beats you to it. “It doesn’t matter, really,” He says, and you know he means it, because you can hear the genuineness. “It doesn’t matter if it’s for the relief and happiness of my best friend and the person I’ve vowed to protect.”

At his words, you slump back against the seats. There is a lump in your throat that makes it hard to speak, so you do not. You only turn your gaze to the scenery outside your window and take out your necklace through the collar of your coat, holding your engagement ring in shame. It does give you comfort, but you still find yourself wanting to cry.

The ride does not take too long despite the rain, as there are no people outside and on the roads because of the dark-out policy, and since it is a fairly straight drive with no hills to drive up.

The two of you reach the farmhouse without a hassle. Donghyuck puts the car somewhere less visible (even though it is nighttime and the car’s exterior matches the dark) before he allows you to get out. He then guides you to the barn where the Prince and his guard must be and opens the doors.

Again, there are a couple of lanterns around that provide dim and unnoticeable light. The heir and his guard are standing apart, and you can see your love walking up and down with his hands linked at his back. He halts, however, when he sees you.

You waste no time in running into his arms, and the ugly sob that leaves your body is loud enough for everybody to hear when you tackle him with your arms around his neck and shoulders. The tears break free when you nuzzle yourself into him everywhere, squeezing him tight for numerous reasons. Because you missed him so incredibly much, because everything was going bad, because you were tired and you knew he was also tired, because he is looking better than last time where he almost gave you a heart attack, because you love him, and because it hurts that everything has come to a point where two of the people that care about both of you the most, and two of whom you care about the most, has to put themselves in danger and through many sacrifices. Because you feel ashamed for what you are causing. Because somehow everyone standing in that barn is hurt someway or another, even if they are things that all of you can make right whether it be by yourselves or with help.

“I have you, sweetheart,” Jeno whispers as he kisses your cheek, catching a tear that was trailing its way down. You smile at your shared and reserved nickname for the times where one of you had to console the other while they cried, but it is still a bitter one, because you can hear his choked voice as well. “I have you. It is alright.”

But you can see Jaemin behind him and Donghyuck, who is looking down at the ground. Jaemin looks at you with pity and genuine sadness, so much of those that you cannot give them a meaning. Yet it fires something in you when he looks at you like that. The best you can do is to cover your eyes with your hand. “Jeno, we—“

“I know. I know, my love.” He kisses you once more, this time from the top of your head. He rubs your back and holds you tight in his arms as you cry in your shame and emotional overload.

Why does it have to be this way? You think. Why is it so hard to make things work? Why is abhorrence at the base of everything, even love? I love you and you love me, so why do others have to be involved? Why do other factors have to be involved? And even if they have to be involved, why do others have to get hurt because of our love? Why does everything need to be so precise in order to have a chance for this to work? Why can’t this be happy and like a game again, where our excitement is caused by the fluttering of our hearts and not because of the dread that makes our heart race? Why do you have to do what you have to do, and why do I have to do what I have to do? Outside of our love, why do people have to suffer? Why are people so selfish and filled with so much hatred that there is no place in their hearts for negotiation nor empathy? Why does everything link back to those people in the first place? Why are those people in charge of everything in life?

You weep, and Jeno holds you. He sits you down, and pulls you close to his lap, and he holds you. He asks the guards to please wait somewhere else, and he holds you. Your weeping subsides, and he holds you.

And you remember, when all that is left is your sniffling, that his voice was choked too. That he was about to cry too, when you first walked in.

So you ask him with your hoarse voice. “Why were you upset before, when I first saw you?”

His hand that holds you pulls you close a little tighter. “I wanted to tell you something, but I don’t think I can.”

Your eyes furrow again, but you nod once. “Why?”

He chuckles this deep, airy, thick huff that is full to the brim with emotions you cannot quite decipher, and then says what is on his mind. And his voice is so sad, so loaded and tired that you tear up again at his hopeless words. “I suppose you would not love me the same.”

A tear falls onto his hand resting on his lap with that.

The First ‘I Love You’

Dreamy, was all you could say about it.

It was the fruit of most probably the stupidest thing you two had ever done in your relationship. On one summer night where Jeno and his family were hosting a dance for his cousin’s engagement, he had stood beside you and leant into your ear to tell you that you should meet with him at the vineyard in their garden in half an hour, and excuse yourself saying you are going to your room. He seemed to be playful that night, conversing with anyone and everyone that stood in his way and entertaining them; genuinely happy for his cousin and his fiancé. On top of being entertaining, he looked like he was entertained as well. Aside from the happiness he felt for the couple, there was this whole-hearted, content smile on his face. Even when nobody was conversing with him, or looking at him.

You had gone there as a representative with only Donghyuck accompanying you. The King and the Queen were too busy with duties revolving around politics— and in all honesty, they did not want to be too involved with his family in the first place. So they had sent you as a solution.

It was a good solution for them and you. You could not protest such a plan.

Half an hour seemed to not pass at first. You were eager to be with him, as you did not have the time to meet beforehand, and to be close to him. There was something about the way he made you feel when he smiled around and beamed like a sun under the moonlight with his happiness like that.

To make the time pass, you did everything you could possibly think of. You conversed with people you do not have the slightest connections to, barely knowing who they were. Congratulated the engaged couple with a polite manner and got surprised by the same politeness they seemed to showcase. In return delivered a short speech to them about how lucky they were to find each other and to be with the person they loved and be open and celebrated about it in a world like yours where relationships like theirs between a royal and a commoner were hard to come by.

As if on cue, Donghyuck who must have been informed about the meeting beforehand called for you from just behind you, prompting you to excuse yourself by saying you had already had quite the travel, and that you would be leaving early tomorrow morning. That you had to catch some rest before you left for duty. They nodded in understanding and thanked you for coming, sending their best wishes to your family.

They were almost too good for the royal family they belonged to, but all of it was genuine.

Donghyuck walked you to the front yard then, taking you to the small vineyard area where Jeno was standing. Jaemin was at a distance as far as you could tell, conversing with other staff that seemed to not be guards. Soon enough, though, the staff he had talked to would leave and go to the backyard where the celebration was, leaving the four of you alone in the visible distance.

Jeno met you halfway, greeting you with a sweet peck on your lips. “Welcome, dove,” From the side of your eyes you saw Donghyuck leaving after seeing you two meet to greet Jaemin in the distance.

You giggled at Jeno’s words then, looking at his eyes that bore the rather occasional glasses that night. “I have been here for quite a while now.” He tilted his head and nodded, squinting his eyes, silently saying you are right but not spot on. “But you haven’t been here when it is completely empty. An immensely different version of this place.”

Furrowing your brows, you smiled at him mischievously. “What are you trying to imply?”

And he played along. “The guards are changing shifts,” With a hand, he moved his jacket’s sleeve to look at his watch with slightly furrowed brows. “We still have around five minutes, and I was thinking we could go to my room.”

He beat you to it to understand the rather shocking and awkward way his words sounded. “Only if you would like to.” Even under the weak light of the stars, you could see the embarrassment flushed over his face. The boldness he held had almost dissipated.

All honesty due, you wanted to go to his room. It sounded amazing, getting to spend time with him one-on-one completely alone for the first time outside of a library, where even guards would not enter to leave you unbothered while doing your studies. You wanted to have him to yourself truly, without guards or anybody else for once. So you nodded. “I would like that.”

The smile was back on his face. “Then we should hurry up.”

Taking your hand in his, he hurried you inside. Their palace was just as grand as yours. It was dizzying with the halls and the open plan, grand staircases, and it held a lot of colors to it presumably because of the warm climate. Paintings on the walls, lots of feature walls with art painted onto them, gold linings and marble floors. Nothing like yours, which is older than theirs so a bit grimmer with the colors. The cold climate had its effects on it too. Mostly everything was either dark in color like deep blues and greens or extremely light like almost-white grey, with old wood on the rooms’ floors and stone in the halls.

When you entered Jeno’s room, it felt weirdly familiar. Both of you had balconies, for instance. His balcony doors were right beside his bed, and his room was cluttered with bookshelves just like yours, blueprints and pencils lying around on his desk and his paintings of planets and constellations leaning against the wall under his desk, some of his favorite research papers and scientific articles messily pinned on a big cork board.

His room felt a lot like him to you. It looked all about his interests, anything other than politics which seemed to drain both of your personalities out slowly but surely.

It looked like a safe space.

He showed you his paintings and told you all about them. His love for Neptune for example, how he liked its color and its personation in mythology. How he loved sketching stars the way he understood them from the books he read, transitioning through their seven stages of life, growing bigger and stronger until they expand into a Red Giant where it is its biggest at a diameter up to a hundred times of its original diameter to then transform into a White Dwarf where everything is dense and quickly growing cold, losing all of its personality, and finally the Black Dwarves where they were so old and so cold. Jeno went on to talk to you about how in way too far into the future eventually all the stars would be Black Dwarves and the universe would be even colder than it was then, but that there would be a second explosion where something new started.

He showed you his blueprints, skimming through the lines with his fingers, and told you how he dreamt of renovating the palace with his own prints someday. And he told you about the scientists that would inspire him to not give up on learning about space no matter what.

Jeno did talk about his interests, but usually they were confined to conversations in the library. Never had you once seen him talk about it so passionately before, the kind of passion where it added new sparks to his eyes, and something about it made you extremely happy to see.

At some point he realized he had been rambling about all these things in his room and the stories behind them, and had apologized. “Ah,” He rubbed his nape as it hit him with a chuckle. “Sorry. I get excited when people pay attention to these.”

“No, don’t,” You shrugged with your own smile. “You should not be sorry. It is very refreshing to see someone be so passionate about something.”

There is the start of a silence, but you cut through it before it can take over, pointing to the board. “And I agree with those scientists. Keep learning about the universe in your free time. It would be a shame if you got shackled to the small ground underneath.”

Jeno laughed at that, his shoulders shaking with the airy release. When it died down he looked around his room, his bookcases and desk, and the door that led to his bathroom, the documents he had taken care of that day before the event had started placed on the armchair next to the bookshelf, several notes set on them reminding him to do the things he had to take care of the next day.

And then he huffed, walking over to his bed and sitting down. He fiddled with his fingers a little. Looked up at the ceiling. Another lonely chuckle left him as he contemplated on what he wanted to say. “Can you.. Do you think—?“ One more fierce huff through his nose, but then he looked at you. “Can you not go to your room tonight?”

He saw that you were about to protest on auto-control, so he stopped it before it could happen, and made it a silent promise to himself that it would be okay if you wanted to leave. Even if it happened to be right then. “We do not have doorkeepers at night. No offense to how your family does things, but it feels creepy for me to have it, so we just do not have them. You would not be stuck or anything.” He shrugged, smiling but pouting at the same time, if it could even be a thing. “It is just really nice to have you in here.”

With the comfort of what he had just told you, you smiled and hoped Donghyuck would not lose his mind until the morning. “I think I can stay.”

Walking over to him on his bed, you stood in front of him and let him hug your middle with his head on your stomach. You ran your fingers through his hair repeatedly knowing he liked the combing feeling on his scalp. At some point while you played with his hair and scalp he tilted his head, placing his chin on your stomach instead and looking up at you with a smile on his face. The genuine, happy and content smile you had seen on his face throughout the night before you fled to his room. “I think I am in love with you and I don’t know what to do.”

Your fingers faltered with the smile that spread on your face, and the warmth that spread through your chest surely reached everywhere at the spoken knowledge of being loved. Truly and utterly loved.

You had your suspicions of it before with the way his words sounded and the way he acted. But to hear them being confirmed, so casually and bold and with confidence, made you feel like the most important person alive. In a different way than how it had felt all your life. Like it was only the two of you that mattered on the face of the Earth. Hell, like it was only the two of you that existed on the face of the Earth.

Then your hands retracted from his hair to carefully take his glasses off, putting them on the side table closest to you. Slowly you knelt down until you were face to face with him, and told your love your only request from him. “Kiss me and promise me a forever.”

So he did. Jeno gulped a little at first, keeping his eye contact with an intense gaze, one that mirrored everything in and around him. But then he crashed your lips with his, bringing a hand up to your neck and tugging at it gently in hopes of bringing you down onto the bed with him, which ended up being a wish that you granted. You let him pull you down and lay you down on the bed underneath him as he kissed you, not only on your lips anymore but anywhere he could find exposed. “I don’t want to call you dove anymore, as pretty as it is.”

“Hm?” Was all you could respond with as he kissed your neck. “I want to call you my love.”

At that did something burn and tumble inside you, and you found yourself talking before you could hold it back. “Say that again.”

He laughed out a huff. “My love,” He kissed your collarbone, nibbling only a little, driving you two to the edge with the frustration of what did not come after. “My love,” The nook between your jaw and your neck. “My love.” And your lips, sinking down with all he could offer you. It sounded better— more right in his ears to call you that, and you had to admit that the feeling of being treated exactly like what he called you was otherworldly.

When he pulled away from you, his lips puffy and his gaze still intense yet somewhat softer with the adoration that made itself more apparent, he gave his promise. “I love you my love, and I will for an eternity.”

With a laugh, you gave him your own promise right then and there too. “I promise to love you until the end of time.”

He found it appropriate to meet his lips with yours again, and this time, it was with a newfound hunger you had for each other, filled with the wish to know one another on a level you could not know otherwise had you not loved each other, intimate and private and special. The kind that made your heart race and your stomach twist in the best way possible. The kind that did not feel rushed, but instead gave you relief in knowing yes, it had not been wrong all this time. It was him for you, and for him it was you; the one.

Jeno made love to you that night when he asked you if he could and you gave him the permission, wanting to lose yourself in him and his love and yours. For once you got to spend a whole night with him, making love and talking and showing your love to each other.

And after that, the memory of him under his white sheets kissing you and laughing with the light blue of the lifting night, and the weak but golden-white rays of the early morning sun became the dearest thing to your heart and mind.

Jeno and white, and Jeno in white reminded you of that night.

The Last Goodbye

Everything starts at the dead of the night.

You do not know what was more alarming to you. The crashing sounds of windows that woke you up from your light sleep? The hurried steps that turned into running outside your room, breaking into an unsettling rhythm in the pure silence? The sound of crashing doors and harshly turned locks? The sounds of metal clanking? The occasional firing of the guns and the couple of groans and shouts that follow them? The shouted codes between the guards right outside your room? The surprised curses that leave whoever’s mouths? The unsettling feeling of not knowing who is who outside, perhaps?

Or the fact that you are completely alone for a few minutes, not knowing where to hide because of the shock?

More, the fact that Donghyuck takes longer than you would expect him to come get you, pushing you into thinking did they get to him? Did something happen to him?

There is not a single question in your mind about what this is. The palace is getting raided with soldiers— not that many like a whole army, considering the somewhat inactive nature the commotion seemed to have while you listened to it from your room. Never did you ever feel grateful that your room was placed in a deep and unsophisticated hall away from the library and the archives and the throne room, but you felt so grateful for it as you could do nothing but hide yourself away, locking the balcony doors and covering the doors with your curtains— completely blacking your room out.

You hurry over to the bathroom then, waiting next to the wardrobe sunken into the wall, knowing the far right compartment of it has an opening to a pathway between the walls of the rooms in between the halls that is otherwise inaccessible except from the way down.

The commotion grows more aggressive as you wait. Gunshots grew more frequent yet did not fail to make you jump in your place, and it is when you hear an order of search around that you lock yourself further in your room, locking the bathroom doors as well. You could not see anything, so there was nothing to do but wait for Donghyuck until he came to get you. Just opening the compartment and walking into it was not a possibility as well, since you had no idea what was and was not going on down under the palace.

You lose sense of time as you sit on the cold, stone floor of your bathroom. You lose a big chunk of your sense of self as well. That big chunk of your self melts into the sense you lost, vision, and doubles your attention on hearing. Everything sounds more clear, more violent, and more scary, as you hear bodies falling onto the ground and punches and kicks if it was not guns and daggers. You did not even know such sounds could leave from people’s mouths when they shouted orders and codes and warnings.

Maybe you wait for an hour. Maybe for a few. Or only a few minutes. But in the end someone opens the compartment open silently, filling the bathroom with the artificial light coming from the lantern in their hand, and you only hope that it is Donghyuck.

Thankfully, it is.

His head peeks out from the door and he searches for you, rushing over when he spots you. He kneels down on his feet to level with you and holds his arm out. “Are you okay?”

“I am,” You say, but truthfully, you do not know how you are. You are okay in the sense that you do not have any wounds or injuries, but experiencing something so violent you had only known in theory before? Could anybody be okay when they experience such things, and are separated from the people they care about, completely isolated even though it is in an effort to keep them safe?

Donghyuck links his arm in yours and pulls you off the floor and bolts the two of you out of the compartment door. He locks it behind him, and takes his belt off of his pants, rounding it around the top of the door hinge and securing it by tying— trying to push the door forwards and back, satisfied when it does not budge the slightest bit.

He then picks the lantern he had placed on the ground and rushes over to you, leading you to the narrow stone stairway and taking you down.

The way down is far deep. You pass through rooms you had not known existed, open and close countless doors at the top of the stairways, and you have a good feeling that you go way down under the ground floor of the palace. But you arrive at the destination within a few minutes of basically running down the stairs nonetheless, and you know it is the lair under the palace that you had never been in before.

It is almost a smaller version of the palace. There is a lounging area, a very compact library and office separated in a small room, a kitchen and a bathroom all the same. The place has its own landline— though you hardly expect it to be available to anyone outside of staff.

You can see the council members, some of the military officials, and their personal guards, along with some staff from the kitchen who had most probably been doing early preparation for the next day. There are documents of all kinds sprawled across the lounge table and some across the floor, and you see the military officials jotting down their notes, as well as the heads of the council. All eyes land on you when you walk down the last step and hear Donghyuck close the door from behind.

Your parents are nowhere to be seen.

With your hands sweating immediately and clammy, you ask. “Where are my parents?”

Your father’s senior advisor stands up and walks over to you as a few others look down. There is nothing good that could come out of that, and you feared the answer, to the point where you do not know if you want to hear it. The advisor lands his hands at the sides of your arms, a touch you do not mind and find rather comfortable, considering you had known him your entire life and would trust him with everything. “Your Highness,” He starts. Donghyuck comes to stand just a step behind you before he can continue. “The King has gotten severely injured, but he is stable and soon he will hopefully be in good health.” His wrinkled, bright eyes look at you behind his glasses reassuringly and calmly. You wonder how he actually feels. “We are taking him and the Queen away to a safer place away from here. With some of our best doctors at their company.”

Worried, you feel your heart skip a beat. You can feel the sadness running to your head and chest like a wild horse, but the confusion that hits you presses it back down. “How will we deal with this if he is not here?”

The old advisor glances behind over his shoulder, and at the agreeing nods, he turns back to face you. He clears his throat. “The King is unable to attend to his duties presumably for a much longer time than the matter at hand, and the Queen is royal by crown and not by blood. Therefore, she cannot be the next ruler.”

Opening his mouth, he takes a big breath, and gives you the news with a full chest. “Hence why we need you, as our new monarch.”

A wave of high voltage electric rushes over you then within less than a second. His voice being calm, and him speaking the words out trying to ease you into them does not help at all. You feel like your knees will give out but you do not let them, because there is this part in your brain that has somehow already accepted this and is screaming at you to keep your composure. What leaves your mouth, though, is not much the same. “I can- I cannot do that, my education—“

You get cut off with reassuring words. “Your education would have continued until the day you had no chance but to become the monarch, no matter how long it took,” And then with some of encouragement. “Most fruitful practice comes out of the ruling process, and it is very unfortunate that you are in this situation your Highness, but you have trained for this all your life. There is not a person in this room who can do this better than you.”

And you can feel all eyes on you, pitying you and worried for you. Although pitiful, their eyes do have good meanings behind them for the most part, wishing you good luck for both their sake and yours. It is understandable even though it hurts to see it.

Taking another breath, the advisor speaks, holding you tighter between his hands and rubbing them a little to ground you. “I will bring the book now, okay?”

Without a single thought, you nod.

It happens in a blink of your eyes. The advisor moves to the library and everybody stands up from their seats, and those who're standing away come just a bit closer. They still give you the space you need, and Donghyuck pats your shoulder lightly, giving you the most genuine smile he could muster at that moment. And when the senior advisor comes back he holds out the book of constitutional law upright, looks into your eyes seriously, tells you to put a hand on the book and the other in the air, and asks you to repeat the Oath after him. “You can take your time,”

But you do not. You repeat the words after him at the same pace. I vow to protect my people and love them as my own family. I vow to work towards my people’s best interests. I vow to see and listen to them. I vow to see them as my equals no matter the situation and the differences. I vow to never stop working for the betterment of my own, until the day I pass, or until the day I have to step down. I vow to see my place on the throne sacred and important, and I vow to recognize my power and its consequences. And I take the oath, right now and in the witness of my aiders and the people, to serve them as their monarch for the days to come.

Everyone in the room bows and kneels around you, and you take your hand off the book. Just like that you become the monarch and nothing about it is as you imagined, even though you have never imagined it before.

“Your Excellence,” The advisor smiles a soothing smile. The change of honorifics feel unnatural immediately. “I sincerely hope better days are destined for your rule.”

You hope so, too.

There is no time for anything to sink in as the seniors all take you into the small library to have a meeting. They tell you all they know, that a remote number of soldiers still roaming around at least a couple thousand have broken into the palace and the nearby town mostly in civilian outfits, and that there is a number of people that has been taken hostage. Not much damage was done according to them, as in there was not an expectedly big number of people who had lost their lives as these some thousands of soldiers broke their way in. The towns were left in relatively good shape. “I suspect they are here for the palace and your father, your Excellence.” One of the military personnel says, and adds. “Our troops are after the soldiers with all their equipment to take the hostages back. They will be severely outnumbered, so I am positive we will succeed.”

And then, they talk about national security following this night, and the guards who have lost a significant amount of staff. They talk about the upcoming days where you would have to appear in front of your people to address these events and to give your condolences, describing in detail what is being done in the aftermaths of this first-hand attack your people and you have experienced, and what will be done to ensure the security’s, the justice’s, the politics’ and the legislation’s wellbeing, as well as addressing your efforts of the sociopolitical betterment that will inevitably see positive progress if you do the right things.

That is exactly what scares you to no extent. The possibility of not doing the right things at a time like this.

So when they leave, you stay in the library, digging into your most trusted sources of law, security and sociology. You take notes, and read, and take more notes, and think of how you might apply these theoretical things practically, and take notes when the ideas come to discuss with the advisor later, and read— and it becomes a cycle. At one point the landline in the library that you had not noticed its existence of rings, and you get the news that around a dozen of soldiers have gotten captured across the land, one close to the palace who was being interrogated. You work on the documents given to you by the seniors, sometimes calling them in and asking them questions and advice on your notes as they have been specifically at these things for years. You do not recall ever working harder before in so many areas at the same time, and you hate that it is such a thin ice you are walking on. One wrong step and you fall in the icy water, bringing the people you have vowed to protect along with you.

Some things go well. The hostages got released suspiciously early on, before the troops in your rule could get to them. They took the hundreds of hostages back with them for interrogation and to provide them food and water, and if needed, healthcare. Which only meant one thing, really.

This was a dirty work. An attempt at an assassination, most likely targeting specifically your father, and espionage. A wide network of an espionage, and thousands of soldiers had left with whatever information they had. Their targets were you and your family, not the people, even though a good part of them got affected.

It felt incredibly wrong for you to admit it, but you were almost grateful that the palace was the target instead of the people. You would have rather lost information than people, because you were strong, and you knew you could tackle whatever problem was thrown at your way once you got the hang of things.

And since you do not have the luxury of time, you were already getting the hang of things slowly but surely.

After a couple of hours, while you are tackling everything related to law and law in war as they are most important to you for the night, Donghyuck excuses himself in with a knock at the door.

By the way his face looked, you could tell you were going to get bad news.

“Your Majesty,” He starts. But you notice that he cannot find it in himself to look into your eyes. “I have the reports back from the interrogation of one of the captured soldiers.”

He hands you the papers, and you gladly take them. Name, Huang Renjun. Position, Private. Why did they raid? To get information from the archives. For what reason? For the use of the King. Was he involved in the assassination attempt? No, he was not appointed to that purpose. Did he hate your land? No, he did what he had to do. Why did he have to do it? Because he has a mother to look after, and the military pays well enough. Why was he involved in espionage? Because he had done it before. Why was he dressed in uniform? Because he wanted to get back to his mother if he ever got caught and had to serve time in jail, he did not want to take the right away from her— the right to visit him. Why was he shaking? They would not do anything to his mother, right? No, they would not. They are not that type of people. He has been providing useful information and been hopefully truthful until now, could he tell his lieutenant’s name?

Lee Jeno.

Surely it cannot be real.

You look at Donghyuck, and see him looking at you now. “I’m sorry.” Is all he can say.

It is as if someone pours a bucket of boiling hot water down your head, and another bucket of ice cold right after. You feel your heart sink. Disappointed, sad, let down, but what hurts the most is that you do not feel like it does not make sense.

Your hand tightens, squeezing the pen in your hold as the other lifts to rub your temple, both elbows placed on the table for support. Although you want to cry and scream, what leaves your mouth instead is an airy, unhumorous chuckle.

It takes a few seconds for it to kick in. “Take me to him.”

The guard opens his mouth, but you shut him up. “I do not care where and how. Just take me to him.”

Donghyuck comes back to get you in what feels like less than an hour.

When you get out of the small office you had been stuck in for hours, most of the military and security advisors and seniors are nowhere to be seen. They were most probably dealing with the finalization of the reports of the captured soldiers, transferring them to the hands of the judiciary system. The lair, at that point, was more of a place used simply because the palace could not be used still. Duties were still duties and not all of them could be delivered to a few floors underground.

The senior advisor— your senior advisor was about to protest when he saw you walk away with Donghyuck alone, but you simply told him you had to see it for yourself as the reason for your outing. You decline when he offers you more company, saying he could provide you with more guards.

Then, you were out.

But you do not make your way through the palace. It hurts when you notice Donghyuck is taking you through the basement again, even though it makes sense. Nobody knew about the tunnel system still.

You make a note in your mind to change that after today.

Feeling numb in the eerie quiet of the palace, you let Donghyuck lead the way, helping him with the furniture, dropping down the trapdoor, and walking beside him. Neither of you talk. What could he possibly say? What Jeno had done was beyond words.

When you arrive at the end of the tunnels him and his guard are there. Standing in silence. You pick your pace up, unlike the excited and hurried steps you used to take, but angry, disappointed and confronting. Jaemin looks at you before he does, and you see his pitiful look. He does not greet you with the usual nod he does. Jeno looks at you only when you are a couple of big strides away from him, his eyes bright at first, but dimming slowly.

This is the first time you meet him ‘alone’ in early daylight. And frankly, you do not care if somebody finds this place and discovers him at that point.

Taking the last couple of strides, you come to a halt in front of him with a considerable distance between you two. Your chest rises up and down with all the emotions you are feeling and all the thoughts that are racing through your head. With one particularly angry breath, you speak. “Jeno, I have one request from you, and that is for you to tell me my best friend and primary guard is lying and mean it.” At the mention of your guard you had pointed at him with your finger, looking into Jeno’s eyes to find something.

But he does not speak. Because he cannot lie. Because your best friend and guard was, in fact, not lying to you. Because he really was at the lead of all of this. And the guilt, you could see in his eyes that did everything to avoid your intense gaze.

Figures you were not the only one who noticed that, because you hear the sound of Donghyuck’s pistol behind you. You look back at him to see his gun pointed at Jeno, and you hear another one drawn behind you. Namely Jaemin’s, pointed at Donghyuck.

Everything really kicks in then.

Alarmed, you raise your voice. “Nobody is shooting anyone.”

Jeno does nothing. Does not back you up, nor say his independent thought. He just watches, frozen in place, looking at you and yet not looking at you. “Donghyuck, lower your gun down.”

“But—“ You shut him up for the second time within a few hours. “I said, lower your gun down.”

He does, and Jaemin follows suit. You turn back to look at the person standing in front of you.

You do not know who this person is, you cannot tell. Because the Jeno who stands before you is not the one you know. He is not the one you love as well. Because the Jeno you love is someone who has his own pride, feelings, dreams and conscience. Someone who has his own passions. Someone who stands against all the bad and all the evil. He is someone who loves people and who loves you, who is truthful to the people he loves and cares about. And he cares about a lot of people.

But this person in front of you, this Jeno, is not him. This is someone who wanted his father’s acceptance so much that he let it swallow him whole. When, even though he protested he was not, he was someone fully capable of making his own decisions. This is someone who is alright with being used as a puppet for the foreseeable future. This is someone that gave up his personality and dreams just to go with someone else’s. This is someone that did not care if others got hurt because of him. This is someone who is selfish, willfully blind and deaf.

The Jeno standing in front of you was someone you would pity at best. The Jeno that stood in front of you was someone that would be much like his father. Not respected and looked down upon. Oblivious to his doings.

There was so much you wanted for the person that stood in front of you. You desperately wanted him to have a part of himself that recognized the things he had done until this point, whatever he did to you and long before that. You wanted him to experience the aftermath for years to come. To hear the consequences was one thing— they could enter through one ear and immediately come out of the other, as fast as if he had not even heard it. But seeing the consequences would be different. Turning a blind eye every single day would be impossible. You want him to live in the reality of what has happened, and you want some part of him to recognize everything from today on as well.

Looking at his empty eyes, you furrow your brows and sigh. “Most of the soldiers will be handed over once their judiciary process is done. They were caught in uniform.”

You do not even feel like talking to him. It is so disappointing, he is so disappointing; you had such hopes both for the two of you and him. He had his dreams and this person he wanted to grow to be. And nothing about this was what hope entailed for you two. Individually and as a pair, and as people who had huge populations of people dependent on you and following you.

Instead of saying all the things you would like to say to him, you reach for your necklace with a shaky sigh. You take it off, and hold the ring out for him to take.

Jeno obediently opens his hand under yours, and you drop the ring into his palm. You cannot even find it in yourself to close his hand when he fails to do it promptly. Partly because you are scared you are doing the wrong thing and that there is hope for him still, and partly because you knew you would break if you did.

“Leave, Jeno. Take your hand off my rule, my people and my family. Take your men, too.” You take a deep breath and straighten up, looking deep into his eyes that still have sparks somehow.

Not being strong was not an option. “And never come back.”

Jeno nods only once ever so slightly, gulping and closing his palm, putting the necklace into his chest pocket before turning back on his heel and walking out into the bright and silver snowy morning light that surely consumes him whole with his guard on his trail.

It is extremely difficult to watch him walk away. Because the bottled up emotions rush to your chest and the memories rush to your mind, and it hurts when the acknowledgement of the past few years of your life is being thrown into the trash dawns on you. The past genuinely beautiful and happy years of your life where the two of you had taken so many risks, so many things to account, had told so many lies to make everything work. Where you had shared so many laughs, some tears, a lot of secrets- the biggest secret the two of you could possibly ever share, so many kisses and fond words and physical affection. Where you had shared your true love at the expense of living it undercover. Because you had loved each other so purely and so intensely that you could do anything for each other. Still, you believed that what you two had was such an incredible, true, and big thing.

Which was exactly why your heart physically hurt when he disappeared from your sight.

Because you knew who did this was not him, and that the person who disappeared from your personal life for good was not him. The ‘him’ you loved was nowhere to be found in whoever this was; someone who lived according to the strings that were being pulled. Who this person once was, would only live in your memories. And even those, with the start of your healing process, would slowly but surely die down.

So much for an eternity.

The First Vow

After the war everything turned back to normal slowly but surely.

You were becoming better and better at this ruling business you had to attend to, keeping in touch with the communities more in the aftermaths, occupied with duties of all kinds from any branch, meeting people, going on travels for said meetings, seeing beautiful sceneries. There would be new faces at the palace to get acquainted with every once in a while. You would get to go to trips in your own land, visiting farmers and asking about how harvest season was treating them, visiting businesses to see if they could hold up in the fragility of post-war days, visiting families in need to have a chat with them and hear them out, to see if you could do anything for them. More often than not you would be able to provide them care and whatever else it was that they needed. Sometimes you would visit schools and the neighborhoods no one dared to go into, and you would try to help them, too.

Sometimes you would check on the prisons and courts to see how the atmosphere was, and sometimes you would have a brief chat with Renjun on visiting days, updating him on his judiciary situation yourself.

Did the anxiety completely dissipate after what happened? No. Definitely not. The fact that you had gone through espionage on a very big scale was a fact that still stood strong.

But your father was there to aid you with his wisdom. Back on his feet and retired, living at a house far from the palace, your mother and him kept the doors open for you for whenever you had the time or the wish to pay a visit. Him and your mother’s experiences as well as their advice helped you so much during the beginning of your rule where everything felt like you had to learn how to walk again. You were grateful for them and your advisor, who would not comply with your words and just retire because he wanted to help you out as long as he possibly could.

Some things were nice. You were adored by the people, because you had been loyal to the oath you had taken so far. Your full days and duties were keeping your mind off of most things that could bring you down. The palace staff and you seemed to have a close relationship as well, genuinely having fun in your daily life because of your young aura that beamed with energy. Truthfully you were energetic. There was no way you could do what you did if you were not as energetic. You pushed yourself to be happy too, reminded yourself of these things to keep you going.

Yet, some things were bad. There were a lot of things that you could not get no matter how hard you tried, but that was okay, because you were trying no matter what too. The fact that your parents had moved out left you with the reality of living alone in an utterly gigantic space. You would have to eat breakfasts and dinners alone, reading a book while you ate because no one would agree to have a meal with you even though you told them it was okay— except for Donghyuck who would agree to have lunch with you most days. Going to your room would leave a bitter taste inside your mouth. And when you laid down on your bed, sometimes the daydreams of what you could have been come up.

You try to push them away, but sometimes you find yourself breaking down over them anyway.

And then, there are some realities. Like the fact that all these duties, although incredibly helpful at distracting, were growing to be a bit too much for you. The fact that you really needed to share these duties with someone to get some workload off your shoulders. The fact that although wise and helpful, your advisor is growing older and older, and you want him to have a retirement.

The fact that you need another monarch.

It is ridiculous how you deal with it. On one restless night where your mind is flooded with things you need to take care of and the things that are yet to come, you find yourself leaving your bed and your room. Without a drop of sleep in your eyes you walk down the halls and greet the guards silently with a smile on your face, changing the wings of the palace twice to go to the far left end and walking down numerous sets of stairs to get to the room you were looking for.

When you do get to it, you knock only once and excuse yourself in not caring if the guards were staring, finding your guard and best friend on his bed about to pass out. “Why is there such a thing where royals can walk into places without any alert beforehand?”

“I knocked.” He hums at that, and you move to take the seat in the chair at his desk across from his side of the bed. You look at him, who has his arms under his pillow, and think that it is better to pull the bandaid quickly rather than easing it. “Donghyuck.”

“Hm?” You love how he has given up on the honorific in this setting. Usually he would call you by your rather new honorific to get his mouth used to it. “Will you marry me?”

He snickers. “Isn’t that a rather important question to ask me at this hour?” You only smile, so he questions further with his squinted eyes. “Why?”

You shrug. “I need someone to share duties with, and I need someone who will understand me. The only person I can trust is you.”

That makes him smile sleepily, a soft huff of breath leaving his nose, causing his chest to jolt a bit forward. “Well I think I will have to take you up on that.”

“You do not have to,” You whine, a bit annoyed at yourself. “I can hold on for longer. Assign another senior advisor, I don’t know.” But it would not be the same as having someone you could constantly trust. And you needed that, someone who can be there for you whenever you needed them to, as much as you needed another monarch.

You also needed a partner if you were to commit to something so big.

“No, really,” He assures. “I feel honored. I don’t have much of a life outside of my life as your guard already. Which is okay, because I love it. I love that I get to spend so much time with my closest friend despite what they have to do, so when you ask that from me, it feels as something I would only benefit from,” There is a silence before he picks his words back up again, realizing they do not sound the greatest when they are left there. “As a person.”

“It is not that simple,” You warn him as you feel he leaves out some important points. “You will be the King. That is going to take a lot of work, at least a couple of years’ intense education. And all this time you have gotten used to shadowing people. It is a completely different thing to have countless shadows following you with every step you take.”

In all honesty you expect for him to consider it. To retract from his words, and to say that he is in fact not fit to that role because he wants to live a life more free. But he does not. Donghyuck just smiles and buries his face deeper into the pillow, and holds out a hand to you. “I was serious when I said I’ll have to take you up on that. I am willing to do whatever it takes.”

Relief washes over you then. It feels as if almost a big, heavy weight has been lifted from your shoulders at the knowledge that you will get to have someone to really help you out with everything and be there for you; someone who you will be willing to do all the same for them. And how fortunate it was that your closest friend would be that someone, because you think you lacked the energy to look out for new people at this point.

You sigh as you place your hand in his, holding onto his fingers when his curl into yours. “Thank you.” You whisper, and feel your hand get tugged towards him before you can feel his lips on your knuckles. “Let’s give these people the most flamboyant royal wedding they will ever witness.”

The two of you share a light laugh that would have surely been louder if it was not for the stupidly late hour this conversation took place in.

And that was it.

You had to remove Donghyuck from his position as your guard when you announced your engagement, getting rings the day after the conversation and breaking the news to the council at an emergency meeting. Thankfully they seemed to be on board with that, and teased the two of you for all the times you disappeared together without much explanation.

It made your heart pang that no, although you had disappeared together you two had not been the lovers. It was for and with someone else. Nonetheless, you were glad that they felt that way, so you made light of the situation by joining in on their laughs.

Donghyuck starts his education immediately after the announcement. It is a nightmarish process almost, seeing him so deep into studies you are far too acquainted with at that point, being reminded of your own struggles trying to learn. Sometimes you would meet him at the library if you had piled up document work to meet and work with him, which would result in him asking you questions about stuff he did not understand when the tutor was not around. Some other times he would nervously laugh at the dinner table (that he could finally join you at) when you would quiz him on things he should have learned, but he would do a great job at that as well, even with his occasional slip-ups.

Donghyuck would make public appearances with you from time to time, and the people would be loving the idea of you and him together. They would tell you how you went so well with each other and how you were so powerful together and they were great compliments, they were, but sometimes they would hurt you deep down even though you had a smile on your face.

In the first year of his education, you get a letter inviting you to a conference held in impartial land. A conference where safety measures and war prevention will be the focus, and one that will be held annually. You agree to it, go alone, see faces (one face in particular) that you do not want to see, and come back.

At a grand meal close to the end of the year with your family and the staff and the council and their own families, someone asks about the wedding plans. That happens to be the exact moment when you realize you do not have plans for your own wedding, and they tell you it is okay before drunkenly jumping from idea to idea on the colors and the venue and whatever else they had to talk about.

Mid-year after that, you slowly start letting Donghyuck in your business. You give him first-hand education, saying these documents should be handled like that and these types of documents should be taken into meetings instead of those ones even though they are basically the same thing, and these reports come from here to go to there, and they go there when you hand them to someone (which sometimes happened to be him in the past) but when you are the one sitting down while doing all your work you call people over like this when you want something to be delivered. And when you file them you can have your own way but one that is preferably neat, I like to do it this way, for example. It becomes an occurrence that grows more and more frequent as time goes by.

Around the cold fall of that year, Donghyuck almost gets done with his education. He had known quite a lot in theory having been with you for a long time and that was probably what helped with him and his pace, and since it came to that, the wedding planning started. Your parents joined in at that as well, and you got to see Donghyuck’s mother and siblings for the first time in years. Which was why you proposed to him the possibility of moving them into a house closer to the palace, or even into the palace that night. Because you knew his relationship with his family was close and sacred to him, and you knew that it had been interrupted by his heavy shifts as a guard and his obligation to stay in the palace. So, you thought it would be convenient for both sides if they lived closer.

Attire fittings for the wedding are always eventful with chitter chatter, some dramatic emotional response from both mothers and fathers as you two stood on platforms with your arms wide open to the sides, the tradition about to-be spouses not seeing each other’s attires until the wedding inapplicable simply because everything has to be perfect at a royal wedding.

Throughout everything, choosing outfits, choosing themes and colors, choosing the venue and sending the invitations, there is always a slight pull at your heart’s strings. The kind of pull where it feels a bit pitiful and hard to breathe. Sometimes your hand lands itself around the area on your chest where your first engagement ring would fall onto, and most times you can stop yourself by saying it is completely unneeded but sometimes you cannot stop it— and sometimes you can see Donghyuck realizing it.

But the hardest is when the wedding day finally comes right after the new year’s, on a bright sunny day without snowfall, which was extremely rare for where you lived. Everything was still and calm outside but not inside, neither inside the venue nor inside your heart and mind.

The reality of getting married gains another dimension when you walk into the venue. At the heart of a town rather far from the palace, the venue does not have the feeling of being far from home with its stone structure, greenery that surrounds it, and its grand scheme. Decorated in royal blue and a bright red that matches the liveliness of the blue, everything looks like how a royal wedding should look. There are golden lights on the walls and dropping from the ceiling that bring the power of the decorations down with their warmness yet somehow also emphasize the importance of everything. The old structure has cracks in which various plants and ivies have made their way in, the sole reason you and Donghyuck had chosen this place. Because you both believed that they symbolized second chances and faith, seeing as these plants had somehow survived the cold and the stones placed on top of the earth, and had been strong enough to crack through and claim this place as their home.

Overall, everything is bright, red and blue and green and golden, and it looks like this is your destiny. And everything including Donghyuck welcomes you, even though there is a road of hurt and imperfection that you still have to walk on.

You are grateful for that feeling.

Yet, suddenly everything feels wrong and out of place when you start the process of getting ready. Not because of Donghyuck and his dear soul that was trying his hardest, but because of yourself. Because your past self that was once in love with a person that did not exist anymore was still looking for a way and time to throw a tantrum about it all. It made sense, somehow, that it was at the most inappropriate moment that it would decide to act up.

The bigger problem is that a lot of people can see how you feel, presumably because you get quieter and inactive. You are extremely distracted from everything that you get so clumsy, tripping all over the place in the old, stone building that had greenery cracking through its a few centuries old material. The people who dress you might as well have been dressing a toy with how nonchalant and flappy your body was.

Despite the obstacles, they get you dressed and taken care of at your room, where you can hear people starting to walk into the venue. At first it is a few greetings between some handfuls of families and people, but it so quickly turns into a sea of undetectable voices that it is almost scary. Everyone sounds excited and happy outside in the hall, and you can hear them dining and conversing on topics that were mostly around you. That was nice after having your name in gossip for quite a long time regarding the espionage and your seemingly amateur ways of ruling, and the ones that suspected a relationship between you and the person you used to love.

Neither side shut the gossips down, but they died down anyways. You had gotten engaged shortly after their surfacing.

At some point people’s voices start to dim down. The wavy ocean turns into a much more still sea with hushed conversations, and it is then that you are able to hear the chants outside.

The happy chants of your people, who had come there to celebrate.

Donghyuck walks in when you get frozen in place, looking at the big, frosted and stained windows as if you could hear the chanting clearer if you did so. From the corner of your eye you see him nod his head slightly to the side and smile, silently ordering people to leave the room to only the two of you.

The ceremony would start soon.

He comes to stand in front of you, and he opens both of his hands, palms looking upright. You look down at them when you notice his moves and let your eyes linger there, not knowing if confidence or hesitance would take over you first.

Not being strong was never an option.

You place your hand in his with a deep exhale, and meet his eyes. Donghyuck smiles at you, as if to say it is alright. It will be okay.

And then he speaks.

“I know I am not the one you would have liked to have here today,” He starts, and that hurts you perhaps with the truth but also with your newfound care for him upon getting engaged, but he does not let you protest. “But I have once sworn to protect you with my life, and I just want you to know that I will continue on with it. And I swear to you— forget the Oath I will take in a matter of minutes now, I swear to you that I will try to be the best I can be for you, for us, for whatever that means from now on, and for our people.”

You smile at him with your first genuine smile of the day when a fresh comfort washes over your heart the same way an angry and fizzy ocean wave washes over the shore, and give his hands a squeeze, holding onto the hopeful future they offer. Thank you.

#NCT-WRITERS #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct x reader #nct dream #lee jeno #jeno #haechan #lee donghyuck #nct jeno #nct haechan

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apologies-in-advance · 3 years

Text

scene bucket #6

kristin: what if percy could sing

under the water?

like...sirens?

marion: :o

kristin: but like, he can't above water.

but when he's under it

it's like...

marion: oof-

like in harry potter!

kristin: idk

what happnes

marion: the merpeople's song is beautiful underwater

kristin: ok

marion: but in air it just sounds like high-pitched screaming XD

kristin: yeah like that!

but under the water it's like the best singing any of them has ever heard

marion: aw

so no one hears it except annabeth and no one believes her

kristin: oh gods yes

UNTIL

one day when they're under the water and they need a song to open a door

(kinda like in TLO/hadestown)

marion: ooh

kristin: ooooh

wait

but then Piper could just sing

marion: ew piper

kristin: cus i have a feeling unless he needs to, he won't sing

marion: piper cant sing

piper cannot sing

what would she sing???

kristin: pretty sure it’s canon

marion: no matter what she sings it has charmspeak tho

kristin: like, she sings summertime

marion: so...

kristin: right???

marion: she could accidently do something to the others with charmspeak tho

kristin: oooh yeah, okay

so Percy has to do it

marion: percy's just oh ok

kristin: sighs real deeply

(but wait, why are they underwater?)

marion: idk

kristin: eurhguh...so maybe they're on the Argo

and somebody/something throws them overboard? so i need a monster

a greek monster

y'know any?

marion: chimaera? arai

kristin: like, he hasn't fought, mayb?

that they would find

on a boat?

marion: khione and the ice spirits mebbe?

he wasnt there for that

kristin: hmmm

so like, i need something that's gonna throw the seven (and hedge?) overboard

marion: KYM

kristin: OOH

so like, an AE, or just like, revenge?

marion: revenge as a screw you to her half-brother and bc she hasnt gotten her figurine yet

kristin: HAH

took you too long, little brother

marion: she demands a better advertising campaign

kristin: and now she demands assistance

as insurance

this time, the storms stronger

marion: oohoohooh

kym is mad

kym is real mad

kristin: yes and guess what?

she throws 'em overboard, and Percy has to make airbubles (like he did with Jason)

marion: ah, wait

you mean with annabeth

jason summoned a storm spirit i think

kristin: OH! Right

marion: vent...us?

kristin: pfft

marion: vent ai?

kristin: Dylan

marion: something

yeah him

kristin: (hah)

which kinda wears him out, just a bit, by the end of it, because he has to do it a long time

(the airbubbles)

marion: true

he has to keep cycling air for these pathetic non-sea people

kristin: xD

he just complains about it the whole time

"stupid mouth breathers"

marion: can't you just breath like a normal person

kristin: pfftt

marion: we are normal people you're the half-fish guy

he gasps, all indignant. "I am not half fish"

"then what in Hades names are you, Percy?"

marion: half-...

kristin: "Annabeth, you're supposed to be on my side!"

marion: which side? the human one or the fish one?

kristin: xDD

marion: -_-.

kristin: pfft

but like, she sends them down to this place

Wait?

which body of water are they in?

where are they?

i'm trying to be as accurate as possible here

marion: hmoshenhahoce

kristin: ANancient lands?

marion: idk

assuming they're on the argo? the middle of the atlantic ocean probably

kristin: okay, cool

hold on.

so part of the war world 2

there was this big battle in the atlantic right?

marion: erm

i think

kristin: (yes, it's true, i wikid it)

basically there was submarines for the navy and stuff, and some of them like sunk

so...i'm thinking if she lead them into one of those, right?

marion: hm

trap them in a subright

sounds like kym

kristin: xD

except

there's a problem

you wouldn't need to sing to open a submarine door

marion: hMMmmMMM

kristin: maybe like...magic?

but idk how far that goes…

marion: magik

DOOOH OOHOOH

kristin: what?

marion: magik activated by something dumb like the song of the sea

or something

kristin: yeah yehayeah

okaokay

so...how does she do it though?

like, she just does storms and stuff.

marion: eruhha

oops

i have no clue

i know there's a lot of minor sea deities

kristin: yeah

marion: but i know nothing about them

kristin: hold on lemme do the google

marion: keurgh

kristin: Are you serious?!? Google says there are 270 water gods. 270.

marion: 😐

kristin: *sigh* okay

what is the goddess? of magic

marion: ok den

hecate

kristin: Right

so...idk maybe like (it's a stretch, for sure)but maybe like she pairs up with like a child of hecate?

or smth, idk....hm

marion: hecate joined kronos? i think? or gaea

uhm

kristin: Kronos

marion: so maybe hecate herself would help

she was mad b/c she wanted recognition

kristin: yeah, but she also helped the seven, right

like taught Hazel how to do the whole magiked thing

right?

with her farting weasel

marion: hmuH

yes

dang it

but,she can't control her children?

so...?

so kym says she can give hecate recognition!

kristin: okay

right bc kym wants recognition too

yeah yeah

and she uses her whole "figurine" as bait

she's like oh yeah, these demigods promised

y'know. we're gonna get recognition.and at first, maybe the kid (his name is....shawn,,,)he's like, i dunno man

but Kym's like oh no you won't have to kill them. we won't even hurt them

we just have to remind them of their promise

marion: ooh kreepy kym

remind zem of zer promize

kristin: so, kym and sean (?)...yeah, sean

marion: oof

kristin: kym and sean

dum-dum-duuuuum

marion: kim and sean

kristin: anyways

The seven swim down there, with an annoyingly complaining Percy, and uh-they get down there, right.

and they go into this old submarine, that's mostly intact

except, there are holes and rips and stuffs so it slowly sunk

marion: and it demands magik like ursula stealing a voice

kristin: right

before they go in? or after when they try to leave?

marion: tryint to leave probably

kristin: yeah, maybe she's got the Argo somewhere

so, like she stoled it?

marion: yeah

kristin: and they go in, and Sean closes the doorway, when they enter. they're locked in (because they don't know how to open it yet)

sorry, got distracted

marion: oooh maybe it gets real dark in there, so they like can't see anything

at first

kristin: (ugh sorry)

marion: and they're paniking and percy's trying to tell them he wont let them drown

kristin: yeah

like, he's like slightly internally panicking b/c

y'know drowning.

but, he's just trying to reassure them.

(im sorry, i'm typing something)

marion: true

but, he's like, guys, guys, calm down

he's like i swear i wont let you drown while internally what if i drown

kristin: yeah

and then maybe Leo says something like"we can't see, aquaman. why aren't you freaking out?"and maybe he's freaking out the worst, because he's got fire powers?

marion: and water stops fire and he's fire oh no what if the water isn't good for him 'im useless underwater fire is light and we need light but fire cant exist underwater

kristin: 'leo, calm down, if water wasn't good for you you'd be dehydrated’

Wait

remember that scene in TLT where he's underwater

and he the lighter still burns?

marion: hmoh yeah

and he's like leo look

kristin: buddy, there's a thing i can do

and at first he's not listening he's just nonoono this isn't good

marion: 'frick no the one thing i can do and the one time we really need it i cant do it'

kristin: "leo!"

"What?!

"calm down"

"Well, he's got a point" annabeth says

and Percy's about to lose it, "Just listen! For a minute!"

marion: One minute

kristin: haha

marion: all i ask

one. minute.

kristin: if like

Leo was like

"Well, we're actually trying to figure it out. you're just sitting there telling us to stop talking"

"Yeah, how are we supposed to figure it out if we can't talk" Hazel points out

marion: -_-

kristin: xD

"stupid mouth breathers"

marion: normies

kristin: can't you just breathe like i do

frank overhears his little rant

"What like a fish?"

Percy just fixes him with this look

like, really?

marion: was that necessary

kristin: "GUYS!" he finally says

marion: really, frank

kristin: (haha, yeah)-also kym and seans just watching them like, idiots-

marion: "what!?!"

(vivid memory of the beginning of drive- GUYS! WE JUST EXPLODED A BUS)

kristin: (Hahahaha)

"ALL I HAve to do is hold Leo's hand"

silence

marion: aw how sweet-

kristin: "Shut up, Piper?

marion: hA

kristin: "Perce, man you know I love you but, I don't swing that way"

"No, LEo!"

Annabeth just snorts

marion: percy's so done

kristin: why am i here i could just let them drown

marion: *sigh* (er, as well as you can sigh underwater)

kristin: (hA)

"Look, when i was twelve, after a jumped off the arch,"

he looks at Annabeth, and she nods

(the others are like, What?!)

marion: what-THE arch????

kristin: What Arch??!

as in the gateway arch???

wHenwHY

kristin: "Unimportant"

"WHAT?!

marion: un-unimPORtANt

kristin: pfft he says something snarky like

"i was in a really bad place at the time, okay,"

and Annabeth starts laughing, while the others just stare at him wide-eyed

"Anyways, I was at the bottom of the ocean, and there was this slimy McDonalds rag-"

Hazel's like, "What's McDonalds"

marion:...wha-hazel how do you not know what mcdonalds is? your brother is nico

kristin: xDD ooh maybe Piper, who doesn't know about Hazel's past is just like

What?!

like-what-

Percy sighs, again (?) am i ever gonna get through this?

marion: who knows

the others are intent on not letting him, apparently

kristin: oh, look i'm talking to myself again

marion: pfft

kristin: "Do you want me to drown you guys?"

marion: panicked cries

kristin: "PErcy! We're literally under the water, with only you being the thing keeping us alive

You CANNOT

joke about that?"

marion: >:)

yes he can

kristin: >:}

and yes he will

"Then shut up and let me talk

for gods' sake."

"Or, for your sake,"

marion: not the timE

let me finish

kristin: hAh

"ANYWAYS" he grits out

"I lit this match, right"

"Why would you do that? you were underwater. that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard."

marion: lighter, i think

kristin: *oops

"LEO VALDEZ! I swear on my mother's life that if you don't SHUT UP

I will go over there and strangle you with my bear hands, and I won't even let you drown. I'll just do it"

marion: .-.

kristin: XD

marion: touchy

kristin: he growls."I lit this*lighter* and it wokred, okay?"

*worked

"So, maybe, if you guys shut up, and we get throgh this, we can tyr it with Leo"

marion: annabeth is like you never mentioned trying to commit arson at the bottom of a body of water? also how does that even work? percy just needs her to be quiet

kristin: x'D

next time I try to commit arson at the bottom of the mississippi river, i'll make sure you're there

you can be the subject of the arson.

marion: :o pfft

kristin: "Okay, but I still don't want to hold water boys hand"

"Would you rather die?" Frank asks, drily

marion: haha no

kristin: "that's what i thought"

"okay, but do you want to hold his han-"

"Leo, do it,"Annabeth says.

He just grumbles, "easy for you to say, you probably do it all the time," but does it anyway

marion: and his hand lights up!

kristin: !!!WOO!

Percy, you're a genius!

marion: oh nOW im the smart one

kristin: :D

pffft

"Ah, yes, I see you've finally figured it out"

an all-too-familiar voice says from behind them

marion: uhoh it's kYmkYm, kYm, the gArbAgE bIn

kristin: pfft

hahahah

where'd you hear that?!

xDD

marion: i made it up rn

kristin: xDD that's so great

haha

marion: ^^

kristin: imagine one of the seven saying that though(like jason, leo, or percy?)

marion: oh look it's kym, kym the garbage BIN leave us AlOnE

probably leo

kristin: yeah, probably.

like, i'd burn you but my mom said not to burn trash

Jason glares at him like shut up, really?

there's a time and a place, man, a time and a place

marion: mom said not to start dumpster fires

LEO BE qUIET

kristin: "No, im kinda with Leo on this one"

"perCY!"

Kym just lets out her dolphin laugh (which *shiver*)

marion: ew

kristin: hA

marion: kym is his siter

sister*

kristin: i feel bad for him

marion: which is kind of strange

kristin: he has awful siblings (besides tyson whose awesome)

anyways, so that's when it gets serious

marion: :0

*gasp*

kristin: what?!

marion: it gets s e r i o u s

kristin: haHA

Leo wants his boat back, and really they just need the boat backlike, y'know don't want the mother earth destroying the world

marion: kym is just upset

kristin: yeah, like i just want my stuff,

marion: mad at being called a dumpster fire

kristin: yeah, that too xD

"What do you want, Kym?" Jason asks

marion: i was going to say my figurine but now…

kristin: ReVeNgE (cue maniacle laughter)(pfft, idk)

marion: hAHAHHhhHhHHAHHAHA

percy: oh wow what a new plot

kristin: (less maniacle, more dolphin, he mutters)

marion: lol

kristin: (Percy's not too happy about this, because he remembers last time)

marion: percy wants to leave

kristin: yeah, rly

marion: but apparently his mentally disturbed half-sister demands revenge

kristin: *which one?*

marion: oh, the one with the dolphin laugh

kristin: He just sighs, resigned, "Look, Kym, just give us our boat back, okay?"

"Why would I do that? I don't have my merchandise yet, and you're elf friend called me trash"

marion: everyone (bar jason and percy) is so confused-

merchandise??? what????

kristin: hahah really

Leo's also slightly indignant

marion: elF-

kristin: "Who you callin elf, lady? you're one to talk you sound like a dolphin." Jason and Percy wince, because last time that was mentioned....oof.

Annabeth notices them and she's like, "You know this...her?"

percy: yeah she's my half-sister

annabeth: *sighs*

of course she is.

annabeth: honestly, percy you have the worst siblings

percy: ikr?!

marion: thalia: he's annoying, but i would never kill jason

hazel: nico is my brother! no way i'd ever hurt him!!!

percy: i can think of several siblings i would very much like to murder.

percy: not you, tyson. you're awesome.

percy: kym tried to kill me, tyson hates me, dolphin captain boy also tried to kill me...

not tyson i meant triton. triton hates him

tyson is a lovely peanut butter boi

kristin: xDD

Kyms like: "ANyways!!" as Percy just starts listing them off xD

marion: ANYWAYSSSSSS

wasn't there some guy where you had to clean his feet but he'd kick you off a cliff???

and percy was his half-brother

and hazel used the mist against him or something

maybe i should look into that

oh that guy with an underground fighting ring in the labyrinth

hes poseidon too

and i think polyphemus is as well

the one who kidnapped grover

these numbers are not good

kristin: the bandit guy or whatever, yeah

and the underground ring guy swas uhm

marion: murder and scacrifice

kristin: oof yeah

marion: b l o o d

b l o o d w i l l b e s h e d

kristin: antaeus!

marion: oof

kristin: wait that doesn't sound right

hold on

oh wait...

marion: hm

kristin: no it is

marion: oh ok

I am his favorite son! Behold, my temple to the Earthshaker, built from the skulls of all those I've killed in his name! Your skull shall join them!

dang, kid. slow down.

and bandit guy was

sciron

marion: ew

i hate them all

they're all so

...

extra????

kristin: so....

marion: idk

kristin: yeah, exactly

percy's just like guys, guys, come on.

let's calm dow-

*gets stabbed*

kristin: basically

child of hecate

sean

grren hair

with

orange highlites

marion: ooh

didnt know he had dyed hair

or he magiked it and cant fix it

kristin: its not dyed

and yes

it was his sister...

marion: lol

shermn

erUGH

i don't know where to take this

marion: oof

ok sean and kym

in a submarine

kristin: sean and kym

marion: and the 7

kristin: with the others

yeah

marion: hmmm

so, like where were we?

marion: pfft

kristin: Okay, okay.

Introducing them to her?

like, they're still like

whose she??

marion: and percy and jazon know

like oh it's y o y

y o u*

kristin: oh it's you

...

gross

marion: kym: *offended storm noises*

kristin: Percy: okay, okay, chill. we just want our boat, sis

(also, imagine how gross it would feel calling that thing your sister)

So, Percy explains (the short version- very short) what happened last time

like, oh yeah, she tried to kill me and jason until we promised action figures.

and then, sean shows up and annabeth's like so...

whose this kid?

they're like...we dunno

marion: idk bro

kristin: annie: i thought you said you knEW what do you have short term memory loss

percy: nO. i JUST got over my loNG TERM memory loSS

marion: pfft-

kristin: oof-

aren't you supposed to be the one that knows everything?

marion: yeah annaBeTH

kristin: "i can see why, now, percy wanted to strangle you, leo"

marion: hA

kristin: "piper, why are you laughing. this is serious"

"i'm sorry it's just, honestly surprised she hasn't said that sooner"

marion: kym is just completely ignored in the background

kristin: seans like

what?!

these are the people that we're after?

marion: these children aren't worth my time.

poor kym

all that effort

kristin: xD

marion: for 7 squabbling kids

kristin: xDD

really, tho

"RAAAH!"

marion: SHUT UP YOU IDIOTIC DEMIGODS

kristin: PAY ATTENTION TO ME

marion: M E E E E

kristin: *snorts*

please, lady

if we had to pay attention to every monster that we came across

we'd never have time for anything else

marion: they'd start to think we actually cared

and trust us,

we don't

kym is so done

done

she's like fed up

kristin: "Do you want your boat or not?!"

marion: oh yes. very much yes.

kristin: then listen to me!!!

okay, okay, chiil

*chiiilll

(pfft, chili_

*) eurgh

marion: c h i ll

leo: ok seriously guys sh shhhh i want my boat back

piper: *hysterical laughter

leo: shhshshshshhshsh

kristin: xD

marion: really

leo: you're making me laugHhhHH pleASe shhshshhshHSHHSH

kristin: *bursts into laughter

*the others join

marion: sean: let's just kill them. please.

kristin: *i'm sorry, distractions are too much rn*

marion: (oof same im not allowed to have paper and pencil in front of me anymore)

kristin: xDD

(honestly sammeee)

okay, okay, so Kym's actually done now and she shuts them up

"LISTEn, if you don't shut up i'm gonna kill you without telling you where your boat is"

marion: *silence*

kristin: "Now."

"That I have you undivided attention

(does she have octupus tentacles??)

marion: idk

she has storms

kristin: hA

okay, lemme do the rick fandom page thingy

marion: to the fandom wiki

kristin: exactly

" Before Jason and Percy leave, she warns them that Percy's fatal flaw may cost them the world. "

idk i thought that was important

not an octupus

marion: hm

water, tho

lots of water

kristin: pfft

okay, so like

if she uses her magiked powers to knock [enter name here] against the wall

marion: frank why not

kristin: yeah, sure.

she uses her (epic) storm powers, and knocks frank against the wall

"Hey!" Jason yells as he hits his headdddd

marion: oW

kristin: that hurted

meany

(pfft, im sorry)

marion: ew kym

kristin: eww

( i don't know how to write a fight scene, ngl )

marion:i dont either

like in the lightning thief musical fight with ares

duck- ow- get to the ocean

kristin: pffft hahahah

marion: aurgh-

like that's all i get out of listening to it

kristin: xDD

same

marion: like ow- ow ow

kristin: stOP

pleASE

does jason stil lhave his coin/sowrd/thingy?

marion: i think

probably\

kristin: to the fandom wiki

did you know its name is ivlivs?

like, wtheck?

IVLIVS was a gold coin which belonged to Jason Grace until its destruction in The Lost Hero.

marion: IVLIVS

kristin: xD

what does that m_e_a_n??

Okay, he uses a golden roman galdius

marion: sounds like roamn nurmerals

cannot type

kristin: oooh

hold on man

there's not answer

i looked up ivlis meaning and got

The Lost Hero

IVLIVS was a gold coin which belonged to Jason Grace until its destruction in The Lost Hero.

I guess there was a guy named ivlis caesar

in rome

or smth

marion: ah

kristin: hM

anyways,

so like, jason comes after kym with his sword

but sean intercepts and like blocks it?

(im so bad at this help)

and then they jab for a while

marion: hm

idk

im worse

like???

stab...?

kristin: like, rick and other fanfic writers used all these fancy terms

i'm like what?

it all means the same to me: stab.

marion: stab, jab, parry,

idk

kristin: ikr

ffff

marion: merder???

kristin: pfft

stab stAB STAB

(is it possible to just skip and say they beat kym?)

marion: yes please

please

kristin: okay good

so after a lot of stabbies and persuading, kym finally lets them go?

marion: yes bc we suck at fight scenes

kristin: Exactly.

she's like, "if you don't get my action figure in the manufacturing phase by next month, i'm gonna eat you"

"or something"

but, what they don't know is that she's got one last trick up her sleeve.

marion: uh oh

Boom!

explosion

(jk, its a magic door)

marion: magik dooroororor

doorororo

kristin: she and her friend leaves, in a poof of smoke (curtesy of sean)

and the seven are left

bruised and slightly beat up.

underwater in a submarine

marion: welp

kristin: percy shrugs he's like, "okay, let's go"

and the others shrug and nod

and then

marion: why- why isn't it openin

pull not push mebbe?

it's not working

what do you mean it's not working

i mean it's not working what do you think i mean

let me try

see i told you it's not working

kristin: well, maybe we need to like warm it up?

is there a key somewhere?

a pass code?

fingerprints?

marion: nO there's nothing

there's always something maybe you broke the handle

there was never a handle!

kristin: then how did it open?!

i dunno...it just did

marion: then why. isn't it. OPENING

kristin: i. don't. KNOW.

after several (failed) attmepts, Annabeth growls, and kicks the door.

marion: ow

kristin:(right) doesn't do much, obviously, so they all sit down to think.

well, is there someway we've got to activate it?

like, i dunno. pipes try charmspeaking it.

"it's a door. you really think you can charmspeak a door?"

"hey, she did it with festus. who knows"

marion: yeah it worked with festus right it should work here

...

nothing happens

kristin: eURHG

marion: well what now

"i don't understand. did you guys break it?!"

marion: we can't sit here at the bottom of the ocean forever- no i didn't breAK iT

it's a massive door how would i even have broken it

everyone is just steadily getting more aggressive

kristin: I don't KNOW!

percy's getting a bit tired because of his bubble magik ,"guys, slow down, we're kind of on a time limit, here"

marion: oh frick yeah he's right

so we die if we dont open the dumb door

yes

uhm

kristin: just checking

marion: try...

uhM

kristin: try licking it

marion: what do we try next

kristin: "Leo WHAT?!"

marion: hey maybe that's all it needs

absolutely not

let's be reasonable

reasonable??? we're about to drown at the bottom of the ocean, reason has failed us all

kristin: percy has to sit down to calm down

* i meant cuz he's getting dizzy

marion: look i cant open the door, you cant open the door. how do we open the door

ok maybe it has to be a specfic person???

pfft yeah right specific person? it's a door it doesn't have preferences

kristin: hA

marion: well what's your grand ideea

kristin: ...

thought so.

so, who hasn't tried yet?

marion: could leo burn it???

kristin: burnnnn

marion: i dont even know who's talking anymore

kristin: yeah, i don't either lol

marion: leo just comes up and tries to burn it

wow that helped

hey at least im trying

look we need to calm down and no one is helping

does the door like- say anything???

kristin: also, i'm gonna pass out

the door has spoketh

marion: percy what the frick

you are literally the only reason we are alive rn don't you dare pass out

kristin: well, i won't do it on purpose

marion: percy i will punch you awake if necessary

kristin: he's breathing real heavy (what's wrong with you? i dunno, you try making seven huge bubbles for two hours under the water.)

-dik how long they've been there-

*idk pfft

marion: everyone is freaking out and jason is holding his breath

can someone please open the door so we can not drOWN

kristin: "okay, okay. frank you try opening it, since you haven't yet. or, better yet, try rhinocering it open"

"fairly certain that's not a verb"

"whatever, we're gonna die, man, just do it"

...

at first, y'know, it's letting up,

but it still doesn't open. it just dents it.

marion: fantastic now it probably wont open normally

hey it's progress

at least we tried

kristin: what else is there to do?!

marion: yeah well trying isnt going to keep us from drowning

what are we even going to do now just wait for our deaths

aw heck no im not dying by drowning with water boy here

that's just pathetic

kristin: "at this point, it is, because there's nothing else we can do, and percy looks about ready to die."

marion: *heavy breathing*

kristin:*pale*

*can't even stand upt at this point, probably*

marion: well time to say goodbye

i love you, frank

leo no

shut up

kristin: okay, okay

they sit there for another few minutes before piper speaks up

"okay, okay. anyone hear of like hadestown?"

and percy just weakly raises a hand

marion: ok then. uh

kristin: what's that/

*exhales frustratingly*

basically, this kid has to sing to a door.

"That's dumb"

"so is rinocering"

marion: annabeth : oh, is this about orpheus and eurydice?

kristin: yeasss

yeasss it it

*is

marion: ok ok i know what this is

kristin: "but wiat, you wanna sing to a door?!"

yeah yeah like that

kristin: *exhales frustratingly* again

"who here can sing"

marion: piper is disqualified she'd probably charm speak us into drowning early

uhm

kristin: i can't sing

leo's like absolutely not

marion: annabeth: maybe hazel? i can talk, but my singing is a dying seal

kristin: xD

(okay, i feel like under any other cicumstance, hazel can sing, but for these purposes, she can't)

marion: naw my throats dry, i forgot to drink some water before we left

kristin: pppftyeah, something

so, basically nobody can sig

*sing

marion: panik

kristin: panick

panikc

(anyways)

and they ask Percy's and he's like

"Im pretty sure if i tired to sing, i'd cause an avalnche"

marion: welp

kristin: there goes that

BUT

Annabeth remembers that one time they went under the sea together in an air bubble, and percy was muttering a song underneath his breath

and...

marion: :0

yeeeee

"Percy, wait,"

he looks up at her, with glassy eyes that are unfocused, "...yeah"

marion: ... *lethargic blink*

right

"you can sing under the water"

he can't comprehend it very well, but he thinks she knows what he's talking about, basically

marion: ...yes

"well, you should try it"

he is by no means in condition for singing

but unless they want to die, he has to

marion: *exhale* k

he probably starts humming, and then the door starts to creak

piper: OH MY STARS IT'S WORKING THAT WAS A JOKE

kristin: but, it's not gonna open all the way until he sings

so like he opens his mouth

and

woah

marion: ooh preetty voice wowow

kristin: (what's he singing. oooh, he should do something for hadestown. y'know, for ironic purposes)

(imagine him doing hey, little songbird xDD)

marion: hA

hm maybe... doubt comes in?

ooh or just hades' and persephone's melody

kristin: yeah, yeah

okay, okay

marion: and only piper recognizes it but it's still fantastic

kristin: like what? how?

"too bad you can't give underwater concerts"

marion: *wheeze*

*literal wheeze bc he's about to pass out so they need to get out right friggin now*

kristin: *like, right now*

marion: the door opens and they all flee while annie grabs percy and tugs him along

kristin: and they're like halfway up to the surface, and the bubbles burst.

marion: frickity frackity

kristin: clickity clackity

Leo freezes for a moment, but starts swimming faster than anyone else

marion: jason takes percy from annabeth and they're all panicking

like frick just a little while more

kristin: percy's slightly delirious

just muttering

just keep swimming,

just keep swimming

like dory

annabeth struggling not to laugh with her little oxygen left

kristin: xDD

like, if there can be tears under the ocean, she's got em

marion: percy: *wheezing hysterically and so out of it*

kristin: as soon as they break through he passes out

and jeez he's a lot heavier than he looks

marion: oh hey is that the argo ii????\

kristin: xDD

*unconcious*

marion: *unconscious muttering*

kristin: they splutter onto the argo, with an half delirious half unconscious percy, all of them soaked and out of breath.

and then, annabeth starts laughing

hysterically

and piper joins

(jesus, how the hell did that plan work) and leo joins

marion: hysterical laughter from everyone

and a thump as percy falls over

kristin: even percy, even if it does get cut off shortly

(he ends up in the infirmary for like twenty-eight hours)

(doesn't remember anything from like before he sings)

marion: he was so out of it

just

did... why do i remember finding nemo?

kristin: x'DD

fin

(sorry bad fish puns)

marion: nah bro that was fintastic

kristin: doesn't get any Beta than this

if you can think of a better one, let minnow

marion: im going to krill myself thinking of more i have no ideas

kristin: -we-should-probably-stop-pfft-

marion: probably

this was bad

i'm terrible

bass-ically awful at all puns

(i tried)

kristin: oh gODS

that was actually kind of terrific

marion: (yay!)

#hoo #pjo #scenebuckets #percycansing #likesirens

3 notes · View notes

anti-pasto · 4 years

Note

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon:

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of

191: My 1st car was: 94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4 xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

181: On my calendar: i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can.

177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already

121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

120: Gay Marriage: be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy.

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition.

105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

97: Swam in a pool: last week

96: Changed a diaper: never

95: Got my nails done: never

94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here.

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band?

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well.

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

28: Band: fall out boy

27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

23: Website: tumblr or youtube

22: Animal: snow leopard

21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

10: Restaurant: chiplote

9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

3: Comedian: john maulaney

2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

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sofiazuhairin-blog · 5 years

Text

One in Each Hand

"She's too weak, her heart cannot beat on its own now but the machine keeps her alive." Adrian's voice is shaking a little even though he tries so hard not to show how weak he is. Isabelle is there beside him and she is holding his hand tightly as if Adrian would collapse if she let him go. And I am speechless for so many reasons but if you want me to list down a few, first, I can't believe that Addelyn is seriously going to leave me even when I have given to her every reason to stay. Second, it's our 5th anniversary tomorrow and I want to propose to her but Addelyn is actually dying. Third, Adrian looks so sad. It's obvious that he has stopped hoping.

Adrian hopes for so many things but most of the time he hopes for Addelyn to recover quickly so that she can have a normal life. It's a nonsense wish and wishful thinking because we all know that it's impossible because Addelyn is dying and it's so damn obvious - but we want to live, we want Addelyn to live so we don't mind lying to each other, we don't mind lying to ourselves. Addelyn knows that we lie to her too but just like us she doesn't mind us lying because that's better than spending her last days with the truth that she's dying. I smile a little when Addelyn crosses my mind. It's so easy to smile when you can picture her smiling perfectly inside your head. I look back to Adrian, he is now sitting on the bench and his head drops so low as if his life has been taken away from him. Isabelle is still beside him, she's hugging him as she whispers comforting words to him.

I am always grateful that Adrian dates a girl as sweet and as kind as Isabelle. Isabelle never complains whenever she has to take care of Addelyn. Honestly, she can leave. She can date guys who don't have a dying younger brother but no, when she met Addelyn for the first time she actually fell for her. Of course, I fell for Addelyn the first time I met her too. Addelyn is just so lovable. You cannot resist her smile, her laugh, especially her eyes that are deeper than the ocean. Maybe, Isabelle fell for her because of one of those three reasons and I don't mind about it because I always want Addelyn to know that she is loved by many even when she is bald, even when her lips are chapped and she's as skinny as a skeleton. I want her to know that she is loved not because she's dying but because of the fact that she's beautiful and she is as kind as an angel.

I met Addelyn six years ago when were both eighteen. She happened to be my classmate and I was happened to be a jerk. I wasn't actually a jerk but as an eighteen years old boy it was so odd to have my heart beat like a drum whenever she was around so I chose to be a jerk. That way, she will hate me, and she will stay away from me but this is Addelyn we talk about. She is sassy, she won't back away unless you tell her what her fault is for you to treat her like a dog. This happened a year after we met, Addelyn just got back from a party the night before and his lips were so swollen that morning when I met her at class as if she was kissed by someone and I just can't stop thinking about how mad I was at the man who dared to kiss my Addelyn like that. Yes, my Addelyn, in my mind and heart, she is always mine. So I actually called her cheap for kissing around a random person and she glared at me and said: "What the fuck did I do to you that you won't give me a break? Did you realize that you act like a total jerk now?"

I remember myself smirking. "Give you a break? No, I hate you, remember?" I replied, confidently but she took a step forward and I lost half of my sanity upon seeing her flawless and beautiful face up close even when I have seen it thousands of times already, I mean, we were classmates so it was normal to see each other's face.

"Listen, Noah," she called me with my name and I was actually feeling so nervous that I broke into cold sweats because I never thought that my name was going to sound so magnificent slipping out from her lips like that. "If you like me, man up," she continued and I was gaping in disbelief. I was about to ask her where the hell she got an idea that I actually like him but she was fast to talk again. She said: "You call my name in your sleep as if your life was depended on me when you passed out on the field three months ago. Stop acting like a jerk because I like you too. I like you a lot! Because I’m just a normal girl who loves a jerk like you." and I didn't even wait for her to catch his breath because the next thing I remember she was panting and we were kissing as if there was no tomorrow.

Long story short. We became boyfriend and girlfriend. It was two years ago when Addelyn was diagnosed with stage three of myeloma. Myeloma is a rare type of cancer that develops in plasma cells. Normally, in our body, plasma cells are responsible for recognizing and fighting off invading germs and infections but in Addelyn's body, the cancer cells overtake the healthy plasma cells and this causes a depletion of much-needed white blood cells. The thing about cancer, it's a fast and silent killer - and it's so damn unpredictable. Cancer is evil. Addelyn eats a lot of medicine, I can't even name them. She underwent countless of chemotherapy sessions. But since cancer is evil Addelyn is now lying on a hospital bed with a machine by her side that keeps her heart beating.

To be frank, I want to cry. I want to curse our fate for being such a jerk. I want to shout. I want to kick things. I want to kill myself. But Addelyn made me promise to her that I won't shed a single tear in front of Adrian for he is her pillar of strength so I don't cry. Yes, Addelyn loves me a lot and she hates to see me cry but she loves his brother more than she ever loved anything. Adrian is her mother and father. Adrian taught her to read. Adrian worked so hard to take care of her. Adrian is all she has - so seeing him cry is the last thing she wants to see. That's why I never cry in front of Adrian. I have to convince Adrian that Addelyn is alright, that I am alright.

I take a deep breath as I seat beside Adrian, he quickly looks at me with his teary eyes and he hugs me. "How come you're not crying, she's your whole world." He remarks.

I smile. He's right, Addelyn. You're my whole world but I am not going to cry because I have seen you suffer enough. No offence, but I'm actually glad that God is going to take you away soon. As much as I love you, I want you to be happy too. I don't want you to be in pain just because I want you to stay by my side.

"Of course, she is my everything," I reply. "But I won't cry. Not now. Not when she can listen to us. Not when she's hoping for us to send heraway with a smile on our face."

"But it's so hard," Adrian sobs. He sobs so hard that I can barely understand what he's trying to say.

"It is, but let's do this for one last time for Addelyn. Okay?" He nods his head. "Now smile," I add and he smiles, as wide as he can.

Adrian is inside with Isabelle, they are talking to Addelyn but she isn't replying to anything they say, she can't. The clock strikes 3 in the morning and I am so damn tired that I can't even eat. My body is sore. My mind is blank. My heart is breaking. It's finally here, the Grimm Reaper is probably somewhere looking for Addelyn's ward and I couldn't even take a breath without thinking that in a few minutes (hours if the Grimm Reaper couldn't find Addelyn's ward) I will live without her by my side. Doctor Kim called us a few hours ago and told us that she is too weak, weaker than she was three days ago. So he asked us to get ready emotionally. Doctor Kim is silly. No one will ever be ready to lose someone they love but we nodded our head without much talking because we know that sooner or later Addelyn will leave us for a better place.

I take a glance on the clock again and it's 5 minutes past 3 in the morning now. Adrian is not going to leave Addelyn anytime soon, he has so much to say to her. So I take out my phone from my backpack which is packed with my dirty clothes but I find the tiny red box that I am about to give Addelyn two days ago instead. I open it and I see the ring that surely will fit perfectly on her finger. Of course, I am sad. No, I am beyond sad because she will never have a chance to say 'yes' but I know that if she can he will say it loudly, proudly and surely - and automatically a smile appears on my face. There's no way she will reject me, she loves me so much. I keep the tiny red box back and I take out my phone. I open my gallery and I am not surprised that I see a lot of photos of her.

I love taking photos of her. She's just so beautiful. Addelyn is like an ocean, she is beautiful from any angle. I come across a photo of her with my cats, I hate my dogs for loving her more than they ever loved me but then again no one and nothing can resist Addelyn, so they are forgiven. In that photo, she is smiling as Timmy licks her face and Jimmy is biting the hem of her tee shirt. She is wearing my tee shirt actually and I remember everything perfectly. It was on the 25th of June, she wanted to sleep at my house and I had no reason to turn her down. We kissed a lot that night. It turned out to be that she missed me because she was away for a few days for her chemistry decathlon. I thought that she was cute, so I kissed her hard on her lips before I told her that I missed her just as much.

And then I see a photo of her sleeping, I click to enlarge to photo. It was taken when she accidentally fell asleep at the library. Addelyn isn't a fan of biology but her best friend, Lisa made her study the growth of cells for hours. When I came to the library to fetch her, she was already sleeping and Lisa was staring at me like: "Your girlfriend is such a lazy ass, but she's cute, so she's forgiven." I smiled at Lisa, and then I thanked her for taking care of Addelyn. Lisa told me that Addelyn got tired easily lately, I told her that Addelyn was fine, but I lied. She was not fine. She just underwent a chemotherapy cycle yesterday and she threw up a lot that morning and that explains why she fell asleep. She was tired, but of course, she hates biology too.

By the time I click on the nth photo, Adrian is already standing outside of the ward. "It's your turn," he says. Adrian's eyes are so red, and Isabelle looks as messy as he is. I could only hug him to assure him that we will be fine. I hug Isabelle too, and she hugs me tighter. I don't know what to say to her so I entangle myself from her and give him a smile.

When I enter the ward, Addelyn is lying on his hospital bed, of course, she hasn't moved an inch since last week. I take a seat beside her, and I stare at her for at least 10 minutes without saying a word. I want to remember her face. I want my brain to remember every corner of her face, I want to sketch the outlines of her face inside my head and keep it securely so that I won't ever forget how beautiful she looks like. I want to remember the shape of her lips. I want to remember her pretty eyes. God! I want to remember every inch of her. Every line, every mole, every scar - everything of her. Once I'm convinced that I have remembered everything about her face, I dare myself to hold her hand.

Addelyn's hand is cold, so cold – colder than her hand when I held it for the first time in the winter last year. I hold it tight before I kiss it. "How are you?" I ask but of course, she doesn't reply. "You know, sometimes, I wish you can tell me that you're alright, that you're fine and you're happy but then I remember how strong you are so it's okay. You don't have to answer me. I know you're alright, and you're fine. You'll always be fine, my love."

I smile a little upon remembering how strong of a person she is. She doesn't even complain about the chemo port on her chest, but I know that it hurts a lot. She doesn't even cry when the pain gets too intense, but I know that she is on the verge of screaming on top of her lungs. Addelyn is just so strong. She won't do things that will make us worry about her. She is convinced that she's alright even if she's not. "Lately, I think about you a lot. About what we could be, about what I can actually give you but I want you to know that it doesn't mean I regret that I date a dying girl. I never regret loving you, let alone meeting you."

"But I can't lie to you. When I think about you, I imagine myself coming home and seeing you waiting for me at the dinner table, and I hug you so close that you could barely breathe. I can actually see ourselves, a few years from now with four kids. We will walk around the park together, with one in each hand. And you're going to smile at me and say: "I love you so much." and guess what? I will be saying the same thing because I love you so much. So much." I cry. I know I have sworn to her that I won't but I cry because it hurts so badly. I can't do it. I am breaking into pieces.

"I love you so much that I give you a permission to leave me. I don't want to see you like this anymore. I don't want you to hold your tears, I don't want to hear you silently moan in pain, I don't want you to go through countless of surgeries anymore. I want you to be happy, somewhere up there. I am fine here, I am fine so if you want to leave, just leave. Every day, I pray to God to not take you away from me because without you I lose my way, I lose my purpose to live but then I realize that I am so selfish to pray for something that will put you through so much pain. I know I imagine us having kids, I imagine us waking up next to each other but that doesn't mean I hate being with you now. For God's sake, I don't mind being reborn in this exact universe all over again, as long as I meet you, I don't mind, love."

"But I don't want you to go through this pain all over again, so if you leave now, I hope we will meet again in a different universe where you don't have to leave me like this, where we both can live happily as a family." I cry harder than before. I kiss her hand again, and then I slowly take off the oxygen mask that is clasped around her face and quickly give a peck on her lips. I kiss her forehead and then both of her eyes, and I whisper to her: "I love you now, as I love you even then. I will love you more each day until the end of my life." I take out the tiny red box from my backpack, and I slide the silver ring on her finger - and then I ask: " Addelyn, would you marry me?"

She doesn't answer me, but I know, she'll say yes if she can.

Addelyn leaves me a few hours after that.

She left me a note. Isabelle gave it to me a few days after she left.

She says: "Noah, I want you to know that I am alright. Yes, I'm in pain but you keep me going. I'm sorry that I have to leave you alone but I have told your cats to take care of you. They are more trustworthy than Adrian anyway. Thank you for loving me, thank you for making me happy. I owe you a lot, I wish I can repay everything but you know I can't. But I promise you that I will keep my eyes on you up in the clouds. I'll save you when you're in danger. I'll show you the way when you're lost. I force God to make me your guardian angel. Lastly, I know that you haven't asked me about it yet but I know you will. So here's my answer. Yes, Noah I will marry you. And I love you, then, now - forever."

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pamphletstoinspire · 6 years

Photo

Charismatic Aromas Associated with Padre Pio

His wounds never festered but often gave off a pleasant aroma.

Many people have said that they have experienced an odor – they really smelled something – which was associated in some way with Padre Pio. The odor was charismatic – through it Padre Pio was telling them something, perhaps that he was nearby simply to be with them, to thank or protect, warn them, or that he was about to obtain a miracle for them.

People who have experienced Padre Pio's charismatic aromas range from atheists to devotees. They include the clergy and laity, professional and nonprofessional people, in San Giovanni Rotondo and across the ocean. Often these people, when they smelled the aroma, were not thinking of Padre Pio. Many of them had never even heard that such a phenomenon was associated with him.

The aromas were real odors, but never body odor. They might be the smell of roses, tobacco, incense, lavender, lilies, violets, pine, camphor, sulphur, or carbolic acid.

At least four doctors have given us written statements about this phenomenon. Two of the four doctors were Dr. Luigi Romanelli and Dr. Giorgio Festa, who had been commissioned to give Padre Pio an extensive physical examination.

Dr. Romanelli wrote: "in June, 1919 (sic: it was May, 1919) on my first visit to Padre Pio, I noticed a peculiar scent, so much so that I said to Father Valenzano, who was with me at the time, that I thought it was very improper for a friar to use perfume. For the next two days, either when talking to Padre Pio or just sitting in his room, I did not notice anything. Before leaving, however, as I was going down the stairs, I had a whiff of the same odor, but only for a moment, because it soon disappeared. I have consulted several learned scientists to find their opinion of perfume in the blood.

Every one of them declared that it is impossible for blood to have a sweet odor, but the blood that drips from the stigmata of Padre Pio has a characteristics scent, which even people with no sense of smell can detect. Besides, when the blood is coagulated or dried on some garment that he has worn, it still retains its perfume. This is contrary to all natural properties of blood, and yet many people have experienced it."

Dr. Festa has given us his own report: "The blood which is discharged in droplets from the wounds has a special perfume, fine and delicate, that many people who have approached him have distinctly noticed.

"Padre Pio never used any kind of perfume. Nevertheless, there were many people who, as they approached him, very clearly noticed the pleasant smell of violets or roses.

“As far as I am concerned, I can testify that during my first visit I took from his side a small piece of cloth stained with blood. I wanted to examine it under the microscope. I did not notice any special odor because I had been deprived of my sense of smell. However, a distinguished official and other people in the car with me as we were returning from San Giovanni very clearly noticed the special fragrance. They did not know that I had brought with me the special piece of cloth enclosed in a small case.

“They noticed this, in spite of the fact that the car was moving and air was circulating. They assured me it was exactly the same perfume that emanates from the person of Padre Pio. In Rome, during the following days, and for a long time afterwards, I kept the same cloth in a closet in my study. It filled the whole room with perfume, so much so that patients who came to consult me continually asked me how to explain it.

“My colleague Dr. Romanelli accompanied me during my second visit to Padre Pio. His sense of smell is normal. Along with a large number of people, he verified the same impression that I got from the people mentioned above.”

Dr. Festa went into a lengthy analysis of the properties of blood and concluded: “This phenomenon, then, is contrary to every natural and scientific law. It goes beyond the possibility of logical discussion. But in all honesty we cannot deny the reality of its existence.”

The doctor raised the question whether the perfume might possibly be the result of the tincture of iodine. He answers very definitely that that is impossible. In fact, iodine would cause a repulsive odor.

Just as Padre Pio had applied iodine in the hope of healing the wounds, so also Dr. Festa applied iodine and other medications to the wounds. As time went on, the wounds continued to discharge little drops of blood. The iodine had no effect. The smell of the iodine was usually very strong. A long time after the iodine was no longer used, drops of blood continued to come from the wounds. The perfume did not diminish in any way but continued to be equally strong.

To the testimony of Doctors Romanelli and Festa we can add the written reports of two other doctors. Dr. Amanzio Duodo, of Veglio Mosso Picco (Vercelli), wrote: “On February 15, 1950, I was with the Battista Bertolo family, of Vallemosso. We were engaged in pleasant conversation. In addition to myself, all the members of the above-mentioned family were present.

… A friend who had recently come from San Giovanni Rotondo was describing to us the great humility of Padre Pio in spite of all the publicity about his work, when suddenly and unexpectedly an intense perfume of violets enveloped us all. It lasted about a half hour, although the doors and windows were wide open. Later on, a pungent and strong odor of perfume blanketed (literally: assailed) us."

Another doctor, Dr. Eduardo Bianco, of Vallemosso, corroborated Dr. Duodo's statement: "I, the undersigned, assert that on the occasion referred to by Dr. Duodo, I was present and smelled the odor of violets. I must add that on various other occasions I have repeatedly perceived odors of roses, violets and carnations, whose source was positively not artificial. I wish also to declare that these observations of mine elude all scientific explanation, although I have done my best to rationalize them."

Sometimes Padre Pio’s charismatic aroma was sensed by people without a sense of smell. Mrs. Ann McAvoy, who lives in the Bronx, N.Y., had never heard about Padre Pio until an Augustinian priest, Father Robert E. Reagan, O.S.A., mentioned him to her.

Mrs. McAvoy had been praying that tension in her family be resolved, and that her brother, Frank Stoddard, would be relieved of the severe pain of terminal cancer of the stomach, so that he might die in peace.

On November 1, 1968, Frank began to take the medication which the doctor had prescribed. On November 11, Father Reagan visited him again. For the first time he told Frank and Ann about Padre Pio. He applied to Frank's stomach a crucifix which Padre Pio had blessed, and he left the crucifix with them. Afterwards, Ann applied the crucifix a few times to her brother's stomach and prayed with him. All the while, Frank did not have to take a single pill for his pain.

The following evening Ann was exhausted. "My brother was in the bedroom," Ann stated, "I was sitting on the couch and picked up the Times. I had not even opened it when I sensed a beautiful, sweet odor. I thought to myself: 'What is this?'

"Twenty-three years ago I had pneumonia, and ever since that time I did not have any sense of smell. But then I smelled honeysuckle. There was nothing around to give off an aroma. It got stronger and stronger. It came two or three times. Then it died away.

"I broke into a sweat, because this was unusual and frightening. Perspiration dripped from my forehead. I thought I was losing my mind. I couldn't figure it out. I had on no makeup. I had just sat down, and there wasn't even time for the heat of the lamp to affect anything.

"I didn't connect this with Padre Pio, but it bothered me all night. I didn't tell Father Reagan about it. When I told him later on, he scolded me: 'You should have told me sooner.'

"I said I didn't tell him because I didn't know how to explain it. Then for the first time he explained that frequently the aroma of flowers and incense are connected with the presence of Padre Pio.

"My brother said the rosary every day until he died. Since November 11, he said that he was very comfortable, even though he had not taken any more medication. I asked him: 'How do you feel? Do you feel any pain?'

"He answered: 'No, I don't feel any pain, but I do have a little nausea.' "On December 6, 1968, my brother fell asleep and slept for twelve hours. He died a beautiful, peaceful death in his sleep. And peace was restored to the family, too."

Mrs. Mario Pasqualini, of San Francisco, wrote to Padre Pio to thank him for helping her daughter. "Our little girl, who is six years old," Mrs. Pasqualini wrote, "is very delicate and subject to colds leading to pneumonia and bronchitis. Last June was no exception. It was the afternoon just following her first Holy Communion, and we had prepared a little dinner to celebrate. A few friends were invited, including Mr. and Mrs. Victorio Caimotto (Padre Pio's spiritual children). Suddenly, our little girl began to complain of not feeling well. She coughed violently, vomited repeatedly and ran a temperature of 104 degrees. We called the doctor immediately, but it seemed ages before he arrived.

"In the meantime, Mrs. Caimotto suggested that we pray to Padre Pio and to our Blessed Mother. No sooner had we finished our prayer than our little girl opened her eyes and said: 'Oh mother, I smell such a sweet smell. It's like the incense they have in church.'

"Her eyes seemed brighter, her cheeks were no longer burning with fever. By the time the doctor arrived, her temperature was almost normal. He diagnosed that she had bronchitis, but it was the mildest case she ever had."

On one occasion the aromatic sign of Padre Pio's presence almost ended in a broken marriage. Vincenzo Catalano, who lived in East Harlem, New York City, had just returned to the Sacraments after being away for sixty-four years. He makes it known very emphatically than it was Padre Pio who led him to make a good confession to a Capuchin priest at Our Lady Queen of Angels Church, on East 113th Street, in New York City.

On the way home, he bought a money order for $12.00, to send to Padre Pio. When he arrived home, he took the receipt out of his pocket and tried to tell his wife what he had done. But she did not hear a word he said. The receipt reeked of perfume. "You have another woman!" she screamed.

Fortunately, Vincenzo was able to convince his wife that the aroma was associated with Padre Pio.

In Hazelton, Pennsylvania, Dr. James Falvello was for twelve years Chief of the Dental Staff at St. Joseph's Hospital. In 1957, he was admitted to the hospital as a patient for surgery to remove his kidney stones. His doctor performed two cystoscopies but without success. "The pain was so severe, "Dr. Falvello stated, "that I felt as though the operating instruments was still in me."

He had a third and a fourth cystoscopy, neither of them anymore successful than the others. When his doctor said that he would try a fifth cystoscopy, he told Dr. Falvello that if he did not have any better results he would have to undergo open surgery on his side.

"At ten minutes to four, on the morning of June 19," Dr. Falvello stated, "I got out of bed. I rested my elbows on the stool that we used at that time to get out of bed. I knelt down and signed myself with the Sign of the Cross, and I said an Our Father, a Hail Mary, and a Glory Be.

"This was my petition. I said: 'Padre Pio, if you are at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, or if you are in meditation and can hear me, won't you be so kind as to include my petition with yours, that I may be spared the open incision in my body, and may the hand of my surgeon be the divine instrument to rid me of my stone.'

"I had the cysto. I guess it was around 8:30 when I returned to my room. I was just coming out of the anesthesia, when my wife came into the room. I could see the door leading to my private room. I can see the little picture of Padre Pio which I had kissed so often, and a little piece of palm which was loaned to me by an attorney who is a devotee of Padre Pio.

"I could hear my wife walking into my room. My nurse said: 'What a strong perfume you have on!'

"Mrs. Falvello said: 'Who, me? I stayed with my widowed sister-in-law last night just two blocks from here, and I came hurriedly to see how Jim made out. I haven't used any powder or any cosmetics at all.'

"Within a few minutes the nurse came to my bedside and said to my wife: 'The smell is stronger at his bedside.'

"By this time I was worried if I was out of the anesthesia, and if I had heard them correctly. I said to them: 'I heard you talking about a strong odor.' By this time I had passed my right forefinger and thumb near my nose, and the rose perfume, which I had identified, seemed to be admitted from them. This was the hand in which I held the picture of Padre Pio so many times during the day.

"I asked the nurse, Mrs. Brill: 'Did you ever hear of Padre Pio?'

"She said: 'I never heard the name before.'

"I said: 'that's his picture on my bureau.'

"I called to my wife: 'Eileen, come over here.'

"She said: 'What do you want?'

"I said: 'Just come over here. Smell the odor of my finger and the thumb of my right hand.'

"She said: 'Where did you get that?'

"I told her that it was the perfume of Padre Pio. No one knew what I had asked for at ten minutes to four, on my knees. Only myself. I knew then that I would not have to undergo the operation, even though it was scheduled for 1 o'clock that afternoon.

"Shortly after that, the doctor, Louis McAllos, came in and said: 'Jim, we are canceling the 1 o'clock surgery.'

"All I said was: 'Thanks, Louie!' I didn't say anything to him about what was in my mind. There was little or no pain, no bleeding. I was quite comfortable. I was discharged and went home."

Another person who has spoken extensively about Padre Pio's charismatic aromas is Alberto Del Fante, who attributes his conversion from atheism to Padre Pio.

"I was coming home with my family," Del Fante wrote, "after a visit to my parents. It was Saturday, and thinking that the next day I could have a rest, I decided to write and work until three o'clock in the morning. I had previously left a certain piece of work unfinished, so now I started where I had left off, but I omitted to bless myself, as is my custom.

"I was suddenly aware of a delicate scent, which I did not at first recognize. Padre Pio's different odors do not have the quality of commercial perfume. They resemble each other but are not the same. This was the smell of incense.

"I called my wife and my children, who had already gone to bed. They all came down, including the maid, Maria Rocca. Every one of them smelled incense except my Flora. In order not to influence them, I asked them to tell me what they could smell. My wife and my oldest daughter as well as the maid said at once that it was incense. My little boy could not exactly describe it. I was most particular in not suggesting the word incense to any of them, being anxious not to give them any lead.

"Padre Pio was telling me that I had not held to my bargain with him to make the Sign of the Cross and say a prayer before starting to work. The scent remained in my room for a while, and I was made very happy by it, feeling that I had Padre Pio near me.

"There are innumerable accounts of this kind, and it will be very worthwhile to make a study of each particular case, since each one reveals the manner in which Padre Pio follows souls, and how he guides, counsels and comforts, using this divine gift. Many of these souls are suffering from various trials, and there are those who are begging for his powerful intercession with God. There are mothers with sick children, fathers asking help in financial difficulties, people want him to guide, support and help them. He makes them aware of his perfume to warn them not to be afraid, but to hope, to pray and to behave well. He warns them not to return to the wrong road but to steer always toward the right goal. Their spirits become serene and their hearts are filled with hope because they are no longer alone. They feel that they are sustained by a supernatural strength. Many people have been assured of their prayers being answered through the Father’s perfume, and each time the scent suggest the favor that he has asked for.

"As already noted, the perfume is indescribable. It has all the varieties of ordinary odors, but it also has elements that are new and different and hitherto unknown. Sometimes it is more distinct than others, sometimes it reminds you of roses, violets or lilies, or, in fact, of any sweet smelling flower. At other times it is like incense or carbolic acid, and again it is like some very fine oriental tobacco. This is the first kind of odor that is noticed, particularly by recent converts, and it is what I smelled the first time I went to see him."

#padre pio

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withinthevision-blog · 7 years

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There’s a lot of things I need to write about tonight. Things I can’t stop thinking about, or take my mind off, things that are driving me insane that I need to get out somewhere and this seems like the only appropriate place to do it. If for whatever reason you’re reading this, I want to forewarn that this is going to get sappy, apologetic, poetic, and just kinda miserable all the way through. But then again, this is for me, not you. So please, remember these are memoirs and thoughts, not some fictional thing for opinions.That said, here goes.

A Letter To My Ex -

I’ve needed to talk about you for a very long time, but I can’t ever really bare it. Its been years now, but I guess that’s what both love and heartbreak are. Because I felt both of those, not that I really have anything but memories of either anymore. I guess you’re the reason I’ve become so closed off, not that I’m blaming you. Of course I could never blame you.

I remember how we met, you were crying in an exam, and me, both being curious and having literally the most horrendous White Saviour complex anyone has ever seen, decided to talk to you after the exam. I won’t lie, I don’t even remember seeing you around school before that day - You were part of that invisible crowd, you know the ones, they’re at every school, kept to their own, straight A’s etc. I could never work out why you trusted me so quickly, maybe because I was the only one who ever really asked? I don’t know, and I guess I never will! I remember I badgered you to talk about whatever was bothering you for about a month, and one day, you knocked on one of the music room doors while I was teaching guitar, and when I opened it, you burst into tears. I think that was the moment we really started to love each other, if I’m frank, I finally had someone real to care for, and you finally had someone who’d hold you.

The relationship went well, for about a year and a half, we’d moved in together, or more accurately I’d moved in with you. And I was happier than I can ever remember being before then, or since then, but the same couldn’t be said for you. Looking back on it I can almost see the change in you, wherein you stopped seeing all the good in me, and started noticing the bad. When my blunt honesty became arrogance, where my violent pasttime became something to worry about, rather than something to keep you safe. I see all of that now, but hindsight is 20/20 I guess. Needless to say, six months later. you broke it off with me. January 1st, 2014, I remember it perfectly. I remember going to your house and crying to you, begging you not to do this. But to your credit you stuck with your decision and let me walk away.

I don’t blame you for this at all, I was a nasty person back then, and you’re never going to hear me say any of this because we’ve barely spoken since. You’re never going to hear about how drunk I got the night you broke up with me, about how I failed college because I couldn’t not think about you, but these are just that - My failures - And they started with my failure to see that I was no longer needed by you, and that I was becoming the exact thing I started talking to you for, just another one of your problems.

I’ll never get to tell you how proud I am that you had the strength to do what you did, and I know you’ve grown to be a beautiful, proud woman. And I respect every inch of that, you never needed me, but I sure as hell needed you. But most importantly, you’ll never hear me say this because I AM over you. I am, but you were the last time I felt love, and it’s hard not to think of you, and how happy I was then, whenever I feel lonely, on nights like tonight where I’m typing stupid letters to people on Tumblr to hopefully make myself feel that little bit better.

To My First Friend -

God, this isn’t even a sappy story. Not anywhere near as bad as the last one, probably won’t be anywhere near as long either. But I feel like typing about you, just once. You won’t see it I know, but I want there to be some evidence, somewhere of how damned much you actually mean to me. Asshole.

I remember the day I met you too, the first day of high school, you shook my hand, squeezed a lil too hard, I thought it was a game, and squeezed back. I remember how much you cried, you were small back then, quite fat too. I nearly broke your goddamned fingers. And you hated me, for months. I can’t remember why or when we got over that - I do remember you coming to my house one day and just apologising for whatever it was you were apologizing for, and that was that! From that day onwards, we were nigh on inseperable. Still kinda aren’t I guess...

Two years ago, we went to America, just me and you, for 6 weeks. That’s where our bond has gotten too, You trusted me enough to follow me 4000 miles across a fucking ocean, to live with people neither of us had ever met, for near 2 months. Purely because I asked you to come with me. Those were a very happy 6 weeks. I’ll never forget them, I know I won’t, because I went on my greatest adventure yet with you.

Eleven years down the line. Where the bloody hell has that time gone.... I ask myself that a lot really, I look at you now. Taller than I am, fitter than I am, with a wonderful girlfriend, your first flat, I can’t help but realise how you deserve all the happiness in the world for dealing with me, god I know I can be and insufferable wanker at times but you’ve dealt with me so many times. You’ve stuck by me through all these years and I really cannot ever thank you enough for it.

To My Second Friend -

No I promise I’m not going to list all of them, I only have two more letters to get through, so bare with me here please!

I don’t remember the day I met you. All I know is ‘First Friend’ introduced you to me at some point soon after me and #1 became friends. At first I was jealous, because I’m an ass like that, of how close you and #1 were, but soon you adopted me, this outsider into your little clan of weirdoes, because lets face it that’s exactly what we were, and we were thick as thieves. Now sure, you were friend #2, but for a very long time you were my best friend, my brother, and lord knows if you ever need me I’ll still be there.

I remember this one day in particular. We decided to walk from my house - to a house party the town over, a 14ish mile trek by our count. I remember preparing for it, the backpacks filled with energy drink, packed lunches, cigarettes for me, and those weird orange tablet thingies for you. You never did eat any fruit or veg. I remember how halfway through this trip, we came to a fork in the road, left had a few feet of mud, right looked fine, so we took right, turns out, it was a fucking bog. Fun. I remember how I got stuck, so I yelled for you, and without missing a beat you turned and ran back across this knee deep, stinging nettle infested bog to come and help me. You never complained about that, never bitched, never even told anyone I yelled, as far as I’m aware. And I’m not too sure I ever thanked you for it either.

For months now I’ve been complaining of friends forgetting me. Well, unfortunately #2, that’s all about you. I couldn’t really give a damn about the other 2 guys from our group, we were never really all that close - But whereas they sort of just let me get on with my stupid little games, and my tantrums, and as I got older, my violent tendencies. You joined in with my games, bitched with me during my tantrums, and found a way to curb my anger so I wouldn’t hurt others. You know me so much better than anyone else, I’m fairly certain I know you better than anyone else too.

Which brings me to my point of this section, all of this, everything you’ve ever done for me, every time youve stopped me hurting someone, or even worse, taken the hit for them, for all the times we’ve laughed, and cried, and screamed, and faught, and drank together, I can truely call you my brother in everything except blood. Which is why this hurts me so much, you’ve watched me walk away when I’ve needed you most, you haven’t so much as asked why I’ve done it either. I love you and I would do anything for you. But this stings in a way I can’t begin to descibe, I’m crying writing it, and I’m fairly certain this won’t be the last time I cry over man who has as good as saved my life, several times over. I hope you come back.

So I’m going to move on to the really bad one now. If you don’t like ‘bad childhood’ stories. Please stop reading here. If you ever want to understand where my temper comes from, then don’t. Quite simple.

To My ‘Father’ -

I’m not going to start this with some ‘I remember’ tale, because frankly. You don’t deserve the effort to write something nice. You’re the only man I’ve ever known to leave his kids not one, but fucking twice! ‘How did that happen’ I hear you ask. WELL.

When I was about (I don’t remember my childhood too well, it’s mostly a complete blank) 8, I think? My Dad stopped. Literally stopped. No more working, no more taking his kids to school, no more making food or anything else. All you did was drink. You fucking coward. I remember how on a summer party, you dislocated one of my shoulders chucking me into a paddling pool. I remember how when I decided to take our shit of a dog on a walk, and it pushed me into a ditch of stinging nettles, you laughed. But more than anything. I remember the sound of you hitting my mother. I’m not sure if it happened more than once but I am certain it happened at least once. And now I remember it I will never, ever look you in the fucking eyes again. You had four children to look after, to raise, and you just couldn’t. You were a weak, harsh, cruel man. My mother is the most hardworking, loving woman you could have met and you hurt her?! She raised us all, singlehandedly, WHILE juggling a large company she owned, singlehandedly. And you couldn’t even manage the school run in the morning. Scum.

I promised didn’t I. Last one, if you’ve bothered reading this far, I’ll try and give you a nice ending. At least, a happier than ‘abusive father/abandoning friends/my ex/ kind of happier. This is where the real sap is going to come in.

To My Friend, Richard. -

I know I can be an absolute asshat to you, we like to press each others buttons, but I know I can occaisionally take things too far. I don’t mean it, I’m sorry for that.

These last few months have been fairly tough on me, from new years till now I haven’t really been feeling well at all. But you’ve been there for me. Every single step of the way. I can’t begin to describe how good it feels to KNOW that I have someone that I can call at any time, to talk to, to cry at, to yell with, to read my comics with when I’m feeling bad, or to play games or watch films with. That’s you Rich, you have been the absolute best friend I ever could have wished for at this time. I know you’re there. God knows why you put up with me after how I can act, but you do. You always do.

You say your family love me because of how I’ve helped you out before. But it isn’t you, or them that owe me. It’s me that owes you. Time for one more ‘I Remember’

I remember, the end of May, and without a doubt one of the worst nights of my life. I was walking a friend home when suddenly depression hit me like a fucking truck. And I won’t lie. For a solid few minutes I genuinely considered walking to the bridge over the A14/Dockspur and just ending it, but for some reason, my hands decided to ring you instead. And at 2 in the morning, on a rainy night, you walked approximately 3 miles from you house, in a fucking jigglypuff oneise, with a beer in each pocket to find me, you never asked me to stop crying. You just let me get it out, I sat there for what must’ve been an hour or so in the rain just crying, and you sat with one arm around me, and when I finally pulled myself together, you gave me a beer and a pep talk, you never let me thank you for what you did for me. You brushed it off like it was nothing.

Of all the humans that have ever existed across the millions of years we’ve been around. I had the good grace to not only exist around you, but to befriend you. And I know I have found one of the most kind, caring people I ever will in you. You have been an absolute rock for me over these last few months, and nothing I ever do will be able to repay you for all you’ve done for me. I don’t think I’ve ever told you what you mean to me, I doubt I ever will face to face just because of how closed off I am. But again, let this be evidence I’ve said it somewhere. I love you, Richard, you are easily one of the best things to have ever happened to me. You have quite literally saved my life.

I told you this shit was gonna get bad, but like all bad writings, this needs a conclusion!

Thank you once again, blank internet space, I’ve spent close to two hours writing this, there aren’t any backspaces, or redo’s (aside spelling errors) because I want to make this as true as is possible to how I feel about these people.

I struggle with people at the best of times. I’m a closed off person at best, and emotionally inept at worst. But these are a few of the people who I’ve felt very strongly for, not the only, but the most prominent in some way. But this is me, done for now. Once again with talking about how I feel.

If you’ve read till here. Please, these are all true, I don’t want to hear opinions on each subject, or any for that matter. Not that I really believe anyone will have read this anyway.

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cheesebrain · 7 years

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about me

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify is your room messy or clean? clean what color are your eyes? brown do you like your name? why? yes. I especially like my middle name 'charlotte' because it's my grandma's middle name & also the name of the place where my parents met. what is your relationship status? single describe your personality in 3 words or less friendly, kind, caring what color hair do you have? blondey-brown what kind of car do you drive? color? white Hyundai where do you shop? nowhere because I have 0 money how would you describe your style? casual favorite social media account tumblr what size bed do you have? queen any siblings? just my pets if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Florence, Italy. Italy is my favourite country and Florence my favourite city...could never get sick of it. favorite snapchat filter? I don't really use snapchat, but those cute little animal ones with the glasses that make ur face all round and voice squeaky are cute favorite makeup brand(s) I don't really wear makeup and know like nothing about it how many times a week do you shower? every day favorite tv show? the Simpsons, orphan black & Orange is the new black shoe size? size 6 US how tall are you? 164cm or around 5'4" sandals or sneakers? sandals do you go to the gym? 4 times a week describe your dream date o I dunno ??? I like bowling hehe how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? I don't carry cash (otherwise I'm inclined to spend it) what color socks are you wearing? not wearing socks how many pillows do you sleep with? two do you have a job? what do you do? no, unfortunately :( I'm finding it difficult to get one at the moment...my ideal job atm is a legal secretary/clerk job how many friends do you have? apart from family I have like 2 (at most) whats the worst thing you have ever done? when I was younger (like 13) I was really mean to this girl at school because I was jealous of her and I regret it everyday whats your favorite candle scent? ooooo I like any nice smelling thing, earthy, flowery, vanilla, anything really! 3 favorite boy names Oliver, ???????? 3 favorite girl names Amelia, Celeste, ?????? favorite actor? Matt Damon or Denzel Washington probably ?? favorite actress? viola Davis I think ?? my favourite actors/actresses are always changing who is your celebrity crush? Harry styles or will smith lol favourite movie? hacksaw ridge do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I use to but it's hard to find the time now with Uni...I'm always reading textbooks! I'm trying to start getting back into a reading routine and I'm currently reading "the girl who went missing" and I'm really enjoying it! my fav book is probably "a thousand splendid suns" or "the light we cannot see" money or brains? brains! brains can get you money! do you have a nickname? what is it? my mum calls me "possum" or "floss". because my names Danielle, I get dani or dan a lot how many times have you been to the hospital? 6 (including the time I was born)...my longest stint was 12 days top 10 favorite songs this is too tricky!!!! my most played at the moment is Chanel (Frank ocean), slide (Calvin Harris ft Frank), false alarm (the weeknd)...I love all of Blonde by Frank tbh and anything by Rihanna do you take any medications daily? yeah; anxiety, depression, OCD pills & sleeping pills at night what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) combination probs, but it's dry atm cos of winter what is your biggest fear? failure :( how many kids do you want? 2 or 3 whats your go to hair style? pony tail what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) two story, 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom...pretty average who is your role model? serena Williams probs what was the last compliment you received? oh, I don't recall haha what was the last text you sent? to my dad about how much data I had used on my phone how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? I was in grade 4, so I think I was 8 or 9? what is your dream car? Mercedes m series! my uncle has one and it's so big and luxurious! opinion on smoking? my mum smokes and I hate it...I worry for her health. though I don't judge people if they smoke do you go to college? yeah, in my second year of law & business what is your dream job? a big-time lawyer in New York haha! would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? sometimes hehe do you have freckles? a couple but not many...they come up after going in the sun do you smile for pictures? yep how many pictures do you have on your phone? 2,700ish...mostly of my pets and other cute animals have you ever peed in the woods? no do you still watch cartoons? yeah, I'm always watching the Simpsons do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? I don't really like chicken nuggets :o Favorite dipping sauce? probably ketchup ? what do you wear to bed? in winter I wear long pants and long shit, in summer usually just my undies and a baggy tee have you ever won a spelling bee? never been in one what are your hobbies? I do jigsaw puzzles and go to the gym! can you draw? I wish do you play an instrument? I wish !!! what was the last concert you saw? I haven't been to a concert :( but I'm going to the weeknd in December and then Bruno Mars in March 2018! tea or coffee? green tea Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Starbucks do you want to get married? I'm not really sure what is your crush’s first and last initial? I haven't got a crush are you going to change your last name when you get married? I don't think I will...it also depends on my husbands last night what color looks best on you? black do you miss anyone right now? my dad...he's been away for 8 months do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed, otherwise my cat comes in and lays on my head! do you believe in ghosts? hmmm, I'm not sure...I think so, though I've ever had a ghostly encounter what is your biggest pet peeve? complaining! when people burp and don't say excuse me! when people don't cover their mouth when they cough! last person you called my mum favorite ice cream flavor? neopolitan (3-in-1) regular oreos or golden oreos? regular chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow...the novelty of them is fun! what shirt are you wearing? a baggy sweater what is your phone background? a cute picture of my lil doggy as my lock screen, and my wallpaper is of some nice mountain scenery are you outgoing or shy? I'm an ambivert...I'm shy with people I don't know do you like it when people play with your hair? yeah, as long as they don't pull on it haha! do you like your neighbors? yeah, they're quite and nice :) do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? morning & night have you ever been high? once and I didn't like it have you ever been drunk? yeah, but I get really bad hangovers last thing you ate? a fruit salad ! favorite lyrics right now I don't think I have anyway summer or winter? summer in Australia because of the beaches! but I love winter in the northern hemisphere because of skiing! day or night? night dark, milk, or white chocolate? dark favorite month? December because Christmas! what is your zodiac sign Gemini who was the last person you cried in front of? my mum

#me

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animejebbush · 7 years

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Multiples of 7

o fuck

7. An overrated song

That 7 Years Old song by Lukas Graham or whatever is honest to God the only time I’ve ever heard a song and said “this is irredeemably bad”

14. If you played an instrument in grade school, what was it

I didn’t play anything in grade school, actually :

21. A song that’s a joke between you and your friends

U Guessed It by OG Maco has become a go-to for car rides

28. Can you play any instruments, if so, which

I cannot :

35. A heart wrenching song

It’s pretty recent but Real Death by Mount Eerie is one of the saddest things I’ve heard in recent memory

42. A song with no percussion

I guess Solo by Frank Ocean counts?

49. A song from a band/artist you met/know

https://soundcloud.com/7777mg/weep

great song and great artist! check out her soundcloud!

56. A song from an artist still alive

Broke Boi by Playboi Carti lol

63. A song that makes you think about life

Can’t Complain by Bomb the Music Industry! gets me pretty contemplative

70. Okay what’s the real answer to number 1

(Number 1 is “A Song you’re ashamed of liking”) I’m not ashamed of any of the music I like. Taste is subjective, why would I be embarrassed?

#ask

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marcusssanderson · 5 years

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70 Deep Quotes that Make You Think & See Life Different

Our latest collection of deep quotes that will make you think differently .

Amid all the ups and downs of life, we all need some amount of time to reflect upon what matters to us. We need to devote time to thinking to allow us to ponder our plans, actions, and decisions.

With all the pressures of life, spending time to think brings lots of benefits. It’s vital for your success and well-being. Thinking time allows you to understand yourself better, to make smarter decisions and to see things differently. It also helps reduce time waste, reduce stress and increase your confidence and happiness.

No matter how busy your schedule might be, set aside some time in your calendar to think of new ideas and to brainstorm ways to push through your problems. To maximize your thinking time, set goals for those open hours and use powerful questions to encourage deep thinking.

All in all, devoting time to think will allow you to maximize your Everyday Power and operate at your full potential. In that respect, here are some inspirational, wise, and powerful deep quotes, deep sayings, and deep proverbs that’ll make you think and inspire you to look at life differently.

Deep quotes that make you think and see life different

1.) “You are only as free as you think you are and freedom will always be as real as you believe it to be.”― Robert M. Drake

2.) “Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.” – Oscar Wilde

3.) “The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”― Albert Einstein

4.) “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” – Soren Kierkegaard

5.) “Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” – Joshua Marine

6.) “Together we can face any challenges as deep as the ocean and as high as the sky.” – Sonia Gandhi

7.) “Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.” – Martin Heidegger

8.) “Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” – Omar Khayyam

9.) “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” ~ Maya Angelou

10.) “I don’t think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains.” – Anne Frank

Deep quotes about life

11.) “Turning your back on the darkness didn’t mean the darkness would turn it’s back on you.”― Jennifer Donnelly

12.) “Do not be lured by the need to be liked: better to be respected, even feared.” – Robert Greene

13.) “Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

14.) “The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.” – Stephanie Perkins

15.) “You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.” – Mark Twain

16.) “What matters in life is what you care about and what you will continue to make effort toward caring about it.” -Nokwethemba Nkosi

17.) “We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” – Winston Churchill

18.) “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anaïs Nin

19.) “If you are living out of a sense of obligation you are a slave.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

20.) “Life is too deep for words, so don’t try to describe it, just live it.” – C. S. Lewis

Deep quotes that make you think

21.) “I want to be like water. I want to slip through fingers, but hold up a ship.”― Michelle Williams

22.) “A thousand words will not leave so deep an impression as one deed.” – Henrik Ibsen

23.) “Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.” – Anne Frank

24.) “Could I have been anyone other than me?”― Dave Matthews

25.) “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” – Buddha

26.) “Take life one step at a time look forward to your future, stop looking back and regretting the past, the past is the past because it does not last!” – Abhishek Tiwari

27.) “Happiness is within. It has nothing to do with how much applause you get or how many people praise you. Happiness comes when you believe that you have done something truly meaningful.” – Martin Yan

28.) “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” – Frederick Douglass

29.) “I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.” – Mitch Hedberg

30.) “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

Deep quotes about love and friendship

31.) “The longer I go about living, I see it’s the relationship that is most meaningful.” – William Shatner

32.) “Since loving is about knowing, we have more meaningful love relationships when we know each other and it takes time to know each other.” – Bell Hooks

33.) “Sometime, when you least expect it, you’ll realize that someone loved you. And that means that someone can love you again! And that will make you smile.” – Homer Simpson

34.) “It is not so much our friends’ help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us.” – Epicurus

35.) “If I love myself I love you. If I love you I love myself.” – Rumi

36.) “Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.” ~ Erich Fromm

37.) “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” ~ Bob Marley

38.) “Good friends help you to find important things when you have lost them…your smile, your hope, and your courage.” ~ Doe Zantamata

39.) “Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” ~ Albert Camus

40.) “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” – Helen Keller

Deep inspirational quotes

41.) “You might want someone else to save you, or might want to save someone so badly. But no one else can save you, not really, not from yourself.” ― Ava Dellaira

42.) “It is better to have a meaningful life and make a difference than to merely have a long life.” – Bryant H. McGill

43.) “The fullness of life is only accessible in the present moment.” – Eckhart Tolle

44.) “Always go too far, because that’s where you’ll find the truth.” – Albert Camus

45.) “Life is in ourselves and not in the external.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky

46.) “Happiness is like those palaces in fairy tales whose gates are guarded by dragons: we must fight in order to conquer it.” – Alexandre Dumas

47.) “Today me will live in the moment, unless it is unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.” – Cookie Monster

48.) “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.” ~ Bertrand Russell

49.) “With an eye made quiet by the power of harmony, and the deep power of joy, we see into the life of things.” – William Wordsworth

50.) “It is only in our darkest hours that we may discover the true strength of the brilliant light within ourselves that can never, ever, be dimmed.” – Doe Zantamata

Deep quotes to make you reflect and see life from a different angle

51.) “Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.” –Harper Lee

52.) “What matters most in life is often invisible.” — Duane Elgin

53.) “For every minute you are angry you lose 60 seconds of happiness.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

54.) “The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

55.) “The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”- Stephen Furtick

56.) “Knowing what must be done does away with fear.” –Rosa Parks

57.) “Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.” — Jackson Brown Jr.

58.) “The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it but that it is too low and we reach it.” – Michel Angelo

59.) “You must do the things you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

60.) “The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.” ― Isaac Asimov

Other deep quotes to help you set perspective in your life

61.) “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” – Albert Einstein

62.) “You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.” — Tom Wilson

63.) “No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.” – Tony Robbins

64.) “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” – George Bernard Shaw

65.) “When things go wrong, don’t go with them.” — Elvis Presley

66.) “If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it.” – Toni Morrison

67.) “Have I not destroyed my enemy when I have made him into my friend?” – Abraham Lincoln

68.) “Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.” ― Bill Gates

69.) “If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” – Peace Pilgrim

70.) “Everything you can imagine is real.” ― Pablo Picasso

Which of these deep quotes was your favorite?

Although life is busy and full of pressures, you need time to think and reflect upon what’s important. Our bodies and minds were not wired to operate under constant distractions, stress and information overload.

So, for us to achieve peak performance and live a fulfilling life, each of us needs to set aside a regular contemplative time in which to just think. Hopefully, these deep quotes have made you reflect and see life from a different angle.

Did you enjoy these deep quotes? Which of the quotes was your favorite? Let us know in the comment section below. We would love to hear all about it.

The post 70 Deep Quotes that Make You Think & See Life Different appeared first on Everyday Power.

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newstfionline · 6 years

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Frustrated foreign leaders bypass Washington in search of blue-state allies

By Michael Birnbaum and Greg Jaffe, Washington Post, November 18, 2017

BRUSSELS--California Gov. Jerry Brown’s recent trip to the capital of the European Union had all the trappings of a visit by a head of state--he even got an upgraded title.

“Mr. President, welcome in Brussels,” Brown (D) was told this month as he exited his Mercedes van in front of the European Parliament in the spot usually reserved for national leaders. Then he was whisked off to a day of hearings, testimony and high-level meetings in the heart of European power.

Nearly a year into the Trump presidency, countries around the world are scrambling to adapt as the White House has struggled to fill key government positions, scaled back the State Department and upended old alliances. Now some nations are finding that even if they are frustrated by President Trump’s Washington, they can still prosper from robust relations with the California Republic and a constellation of like-minded U.S. cities, some of which are bigger than European countries.

Brown’s 10-day trip to Europe, which ended Tuesday, was just the latest in a growing transatlantic back-and-forth that bypasses the Trump-era White House. In July, New York Mayor Bill de Blasio headlined a protest in Hamburg against the Group of 20. Several European countries have stationed ambassadors in Silicon Valley to boost trade ties.

Meanwhile, state and municipal governments are expanding or building new offices to help them manage the increased interest in Europe and Asia. This year, Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti (D) created the position of deputy mayor for international affairs to better manage relations with foreign governments.

Last week Garcetti huddled in Los Angeles with the Israeli president and Armenian defense minister. The latter stopped by on his way to a peacekeeping conference and briefly described his country’s ongoing dispute with Azerbaijan over the breakaway Nagorno-Karabakh region.

The mayor’s motives for taking the meeting were simple. “We have a big Armenian population in Los Angeles that cares about events in Armenia,” said Nina Hachigian, who filled the international affairs position and previously served in the Obama administration as U.S. ambassador to the Association of Southeast Asian Nations in Jakarta, Indonesia.

Many world leaders say they have no illusions that they can avoid the White House on critical issues at the core of global stability, especially those related to security. But they have embraced efforts by Democratic governors and mayors to present a different face of U.S. power to the world, albeit at a lower level than the White House or State Department.

“There is an impression by politicians here that President Trump in person is no longer the voice of the free Western world,” said Christian Ehler, a German lawmaker who heads the European Parliament’s delegation for relations with the United States and helped broker Brown’s visit to Brussels. “We are much more carefully looking now to the diversity of what is being discussed in the United States, and we see that California is one of the powerhouses of the world economically.”

European leaders said they have been frustrated by the Trump administration’s unprecedented slowness in filling senior political jobs at the State Department and Pentagon, which has given them few policy interlocutors in Washington.

Ambassadors complain that even when they can secure meetings with administration officials, the policy is often unclear.

“The problem is that people don’t know anything,” said one Eastern European ambassador in Washington who spoke on the condition of anonymity to share his frank opinion. “They are quite open about it. ... It doesn’t matter what level. It is all levels.”

In meetings with Trump to present their credentials, European ambassadors said the president was laser focused on two subjects. He wanted to know how much their countries were spending on defense and the size of their trade deficit with the United States, two ambassadors said.

In Brussels, Brown got the welcome of a global leader, delivering an address in the vast European Parliament hemicycle from the same rostrum as German Chancellor Angela Merkel when she is in town. Brown commanded applause at a Vatican environment conference; joined the Democratic governors of Washington, Oregon and Virginia at the Bonn climate gathering; and was feted by E.U. ministers for his efforts to combat rising greenhouse gases.

Brown said that he was happy to take on the role of a U.S. emissary even if he cannot negotiate treaties.

“I don’t think we can confine our thinking just to federal employees,” Brown told a small group of reporters.

“I have an opportunity to talk to a lot of national leaders, and so that’s good,” he said. Contact between U.S. states and other countries can be “helpful and important, because you have to keep talking. This business of yelling at each other across the ocean is not good.”

#US foreign policy #California #Jerry Brown

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maxcore-blog1 · 7 years

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A Basic Overview Of Rapid Programs Of Construction Loan Tips On Clear-cut Plans In Mortgage Broker Melbourne

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marcusssanderson · 5 years

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70 Deep Quotes that Make You Think & See Life Different

Our latest collection of deep quotes on Everyday Power Blog.

Amid all the ups and downs of life, we all need some amount of time to reflect upon what matters to us. We need to devote time to thinking to allow us to ponder our plans, actions, and decisions.

All in all, devoting time to think will allow you to maximize your Everyday Power and operate at your full potential. In that respect, here are some powerful deep quotes that’ll make you think and inspire you to look at life differently.