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ducavalentinos · 3 years

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Is Meyer's book on The Borgias subtitled 'Hidden History' or is that another book lol I want to make sure I get the right one (Meyer's is good, right?)

Yes, it’s the same book, anon. Is it good? I mean, it has its issues like any other bio. Personally I don’t think Meyer did a good job where Cesare, Lucrezia, and their sibling relationship are concerned. He doesn’t challenge much of the official narratives and assumptions made about their characters and lives, not like he does with Rodrigo. I don’t think they were his point of interest, either. Indeed, it’s easy to see his interest, his focus were on their father, Rodrigo, and his papacy as Alexander VI. I’ll put my thoughts under keep reading because idk if you are reading it now, and I don’t want to impose my conclusions about his work without you having formed your own first, so if you like you can check the rest after you’re done reading, or you can check it now, it’s your choice ;)

He is a diehard fan of Rodrigo, more so than previous scholars I think, although I’m still less of an expert on Rodrigo’s historical literature. So naturally, he tries his best to give him justice, and to set the record straight in regards to his reputation as Pope. I believe he follows De Roo, and the phenomenal work about Rodrigo and his family, published in 1924 iirc. I think it was Meyer’s intention to make De Roo’s research, and his great questionings more easily available towards a general audience, since De Roo’s work is very scholarly, very long and not so easy to find. And I understand what he was trying to do, I appreciate his effort, at least he tried to deliver something new, I just don’t think it worked out that well tbh. Because no matter how strongly you may disagree with De Roo’s interpretation of Rodrigo, some even call him an apologist (which he certainly was not imo), there is no denying his arguments are all incredibly well constructed. He meticulously exposes all of his evidence for his claims and conclusions. He gives the reader a pathway for his thought process. Meyer often does not offer evidence for his claims and conclusions about Rodrigo, much less about Cesare, Lucrezia, and other popes lol, nor he tries to explain his thought process at all. You have to guess, or just take his word for it, which always gets a big no no from me. And that leads to many confused moments, and contradictions on his part. It gets messy from time to time and you have to check other sources. He also goes about the wrong routes when trying to give Rodrigo justice. His tactic is basically: I’ll attack and blame anyone around Rodrigo, esp. Cesare, in order to acquit him. Cesare has to be thrown under the bus, again, (as he always is by all sides btw) in order for Rodrigo to get his rehabilitation. He is the “dark force” working behind his father, forcing him to do his will. Which not only it’s laughable, it’s also truly unfair to Cesare as it is for Rodrigo himself. He was not a Sixtus IV. He was and remain the patriach of the family until the end. And in the same way he doesn’t deserve to still be remember as one of the worst Popes in history (quite contrary actually) Cesare also doesn’t deserve to be everyone’s scapegoat, and still remember as this evil tyrant, or Renaissance’s villain. Or perpetually as Machiavelli’s Prince, with all its negative implications attached to it. The latter which, whether Meyer intended or not, he certainly feeds into it and helps to perpetuate. In addition, this narrative doesn’t help in understanding Rodrigo and Cesare’s complex and amazing relationship. It completely ignores the fact they mostly worked together, and their interests were very much interwined. That they were one of the most remarkable, powerful duo of this period. One that made the whole of Italy tremble in envy, anxiety and hatred for their accomplisments. Understanding their dynamics has a direct link to understanding one of the key factors of how the Borgian myths came about, and it was a missed opportunity for Meyer, sadly. De Roo seems to have understood this better, unlike other Rodrigo scholars I’ve read, he miraculously tried to be fair to both father and son. Giving them a honest, equal treatment. He does not see the need to attack nor blame others to justify Rodrigo’s behavior. He prefers to simply insert the man within his historical and social context, and let the evidence do the talking. Only pointing out what’s malicious gossip with its political agenda behind it, and what’s hostile and uncredible sources. Had Meyer followed these routes and approaches of De Roo here, instead of not offering historical evidence to back up his claims, and letting his bias go unchecked, his book would have been better imo. As it is, it’s ok. Definitely better than Bradford’s bios for example, (not a hard thing to accomplish tbh, but still lol) or the other more popular, generic bios about the Borgia family. The same caution needs to be applied though, when it comes to Rodrigo’s family, as well as other people outside his family. Meyer is accurate about the lords of the Romagna in general, but not so much about other Popes. He tends to be a bit too harsh and dishonest about them and their papacies, again, in order to rehabilitate Rodrigo. Other good aspects for me about his book were his treatment of Juan Borgia, he was possibly the least venomous one, that I've read. Dealing with him more fairly than others, at least acknowledging we don't actually have a lot about Juan to make so many claims about his character. And I adored the way he constructed the book, with chapters about Italy in between the ones about the Borgia family. It was the hightest point for me. It was a nice, creative addition, that allows you to understand the political and social context of the time the Borgias were borned and lived in. If you already know these things, it’s still very enjoyable to read it. Meyer, like the majority of Borgia scholars, is clearly a skilled writer. I really wish he would write a bio about the Catholic Church and Italian politics from the 11th to 16th century. I think he would thrive there.

#ask answered #anon ask #auth: g.j. meyer #rodrigo borgia #cesare borgia #house borgia in history

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inyoursheets · 3 years

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what inspired the warm water title? very curious, because I love the title and I’ve wanted to ask for a while! 💖

oh! thank you for asking! i can talk about warm water for days! wish i had the same energy with actually writing it lol

ok im a wordy person and apparently can’t answer a simple question -- i just started rambling about symbolism im using in this fic so let me put it below the cut

anyways!!!!

warm water is named after a BANKS song with the same title!

the lyrics i think i may love you / if you give me some time / maybe you’ll love me too open the first chapter

and it’s something that i thought relates to how beth feels at the beginning of the story, hoping rio will one day love her. the same way she loves him.

that said, there’s a reason chapter 14 is named after the lyrics i could never make you love me from SEVDALIZA’s song Hero bc i dont think you can MAKE someone love you

that’s kind of a... ok i dont think it’s a theme im exploring all that much with this fic but it’s just something i think about sometimes

anyway back to the actual title

warm water almost got a different name -- i changed the title at the last minute

im so very glad i did bc ive been messing with water-related imagery in the fic and it’s really helped me tether the story? just for myself?

it’s been really fun and helpful for me to use water as a metaphor or... symbol or literary device (or whatever the term is idek) for the relationship between beth and rio in this fic

using water to indicate their changing relationship and the blurry boundaries between friendship and something more

so i kept using water as a reminder of how they...stick to each other i guess?

ive also used anything relating to doors and windows to indicate the transition in the relationship between beth and rio

it just helps indicate closeness and distance between the two -- and the ever-present possibility of something more

ive given a few examples of how ive used doors/windows here! but there’s more references in the chapters ive pubished since then, like in chapter 8 the tiny bathroom window cracked open and in chapter 14, where bedroom door is gaping wide, bc hey, things are finally happening

but a slightly less on-the-nose way ive tried to show how beth and rio and their feelings for each other are always there, always sticking to them, is water

most explicitly (which i completely forgot about and wasn’t intentional) is in the first chapter with the leaking heart metaphor

but other occasions include chapter 8 at tequila night, which may be my favorite use of water in this fic

chapter 8 is a very moist chapter in general but im pretty fond of what i did at the end of the chapter

Shaking her hands in an attempt to dry them, she turns around, looking for the towel dispenser, only to find it empty.

first we get beth in the bathroom trying to process tequila night with aria, trying to dry her hands -- and trying to rid herself of her feelings for rio

She tries to dry her hands on her jeans—can’t, because they’re still wet from the rain, but she barely registers it, eyes glued to big hands wrapped around a body that’s not hers.

she tries but she can’t. not only is the towel dispenser empty, her jeans are still soaked from the previous rain. even if something external to her (a towel dispenser, or, say......thanh) would be there, the rain has been pouring all night, her whole body is still soaked. paper towels doesn’t stand a chance against years of loving someone.

When she makes it to Thanh’s apartment, she lets him towel her dry, before falling asleep in his crisp, white sheets.

annnnd we close the chapter with thanh drying her. coincidence? i think not. bc i deliberately made that happen.

anyways there’s also chapter 12, post-kiss, right after beth says it was a mistake

She looks at the floor. Notices there’s a spill of water—probably Rio’s doing, watering the plant that sits on their makeshift side table, the books they never read. Feels his eyes on her. Doesn’t know what would greet her, should she find the guts to look.

yes! water can spill like your messy feelings for your best friend! you fools!

like i said it’s mostly been useful for myself to idk keep track of where they’re at emotionally

but you’ll find a lot of references to water in this fic

basically im a hoe for water

i was pretty surprised to find how useful it was for me to have one or two symbols to keep coming back to. idk if it’s something that people notice when reading the fic. but it was very helpful for me!

in conclusion im very glad i ended up switching titles right before i shared the first chapter! it just ties together the watery imagery of the fic pretty nicely, i think

thank you for asking!!!!! anonymously (or not) ask me any question you’d like to know about me

#in other words yeah there will probably be some shower sex in the final chapter #you are so sweet to ask! absolutely wild to think you'd wanna know!#also soz you didnt ask for all this meta stuff #i got a little carried away there #im just very happy that i accidentally dicovered that using one (or two i guess) kind of metaphor/imagery/idk what to call it helped #i think i changed the title bc i re-fell in love with the song and the use of those lyrics for the first chapter #and bc a shorter title felt like a good choice #and then when disoovering the water metaphor stuff later it was just a very nice coincidence #i just keep realizing how appropriate the title is for the fic #but it deffo started bc of the song #my fic #ask games #ask #anonymous

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princelestatdelioncourt · 3 years

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Just Becasue...

//This is a fanfic I wrote long ago but I cant find it on my old account. So I will try to recreate it again. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The seven son of the Marquis D'Auvergne. I had no rights to the title, no land or money to own after my father passes. But I was good in one thing, Hunting.

I spent hours in our land hunting, away from my father and the chateau. My only moment of happiness and freedom. All I could have trapped in that village, trapped in my won land.

The Villagers called me the Lord becasue I was the only one in my family able to use a pistol, a sword and hunt. Provide for the family. Fix the vineyard, fences...etc. Do whatever was needed to do to have a decent life and not live in ruins. We were poor so to see things like that, left alone and root it even made it worse. I hated it but I did it anyways. But I loved to hunt. I loved to provide for my family. Even if I never received a Thank You in return. I never expected that from them but I wished they did.

I got up very early every morning to go hunting with my dogs, my mare and get a piece of bread of cheese I could find in the old kitchen. Sometimes an apple or an orange. All I had the whole day until returning home and hopefully with whatever I caught that same day.

So hunting was my happiness but it was a monotony. Everyday the same. Get up, hunt, come back home, eat if there was something cooked, to my room, sleep and all over again... boring.

But I had a few things that broke that monotony. I went to mass even if I never believed in God. I just went to do something different. I went to the village and to the tavern to get a glass of wine that sometimes, most of the times I could not afford so I ended up stealing from the back door. And the girls... yes. I bed girls here and there, anywhere. Never cared and I found it funny. Distraction. They were kind to me becasue I was the Lords son but I never really cared or loved any of them. I liked them, yes pretty girls, attraction perhaps but never that heartfelt deep love. I guess. I dont know. I grew up with a family of no affection or love so I never knew what love was. I wasn't unsure if I loved them or liked them or nothing or all and I was just a billygoat never caring of anything.

Spending time with these girls, sometimes the same one for a couple days , sometimes different one everyday or going back to that one that I didn't see in a few ... whatever. I drank so that might influenced the situation s well. The barn, the forest, the back door, the back of the church, the chateau barn, my room...you know, I didn't care if my family saw me with them but it made me alive if they knew. Made me more rebellious. I loved it. My brother Augustin screaming to me I was a lost cause. My father just upset becasue he was always upset with me. My other brother just following Augustin steps. My mother just reading her books in her room, I wonder if she ever heard anything - smiles - but she never came to me about the girls or anything.

But one night things just became a little bit more... exciting.

We were seated on the big dining table, eating broth and big chucks of meat from the deer I caught that same day. My whole family was there. My mother and father each on the end of the table as always. I always seated by my mothers right side. My brothers seated always on my fathers side, on each side, beside them their wives.

I had no one in front f me, it was always like that. Me the outcast. whatever, I did not want to see their faces near me. But I looked to all of them eating that broth and these pieces of meat. Mixed emotions. I hated my brothers and my father yet seeing them eating that meat was good. Then I looked at my brothers wife and realized she was looking at me as well. Well we are family so I thought it was..ok? she didn't say anything, remember this is the 18th century, women belonged to men and they had no power. Like my mother Gabrielle, my brothers wife, she was trapped there.

I continued looking at her and she smiled at me on a shyly way. I wondered what was that about. I didn't thought much about it and i went back to finish my meal. Everyone finished eating. and once again everyone left the room even if I did not finish eating. Whatever.

I ate a piece of deer I had on my plate just listening to the earth, the fireplace was in front of me and I just looked at the flames. Then I heard someone walking in the room. I turned my head, It was my brothers wife. I just looked at her holding the piece of meat in my hands. I wasn't sure why she was there and I really REALLY never wanted anything or anything related to my brother. I did not had an open family relationship with his wife, barely we ever spoke. So yes it was strange she was there now.

"Thank you for the hunt" She said to me in a soft tone. I was surprised about that. It took me a moment to process that and respond with a nod with my head. She looked at the open door making sure no one was around and she came closer to me and leaned forward and she whispered in my ear "you are not like them, you are beautiful" I felt her fine thin fingers on my chin very gently touch. I looked up at her I was surprised to such act. And I have to say I liked it. She was pretty. Pale skin, blond, blue eyes, pink lips, her skin seemed so soft, her cheeks...her breasts...Ok I had to stop myself there. Lestat think! thats your brother's wife. Then a sound came from the door, someone approaching. She moved away from me rapidly. It would be a disaster if someone saw her doing that. And with that means, beatings for her. and for me... i guess just a fight with my brother, nothing out of normal. We fought a lot. My brothers wife left the room. The maid came to clean the table. I was done with my meal. I stood up and left the room.

A few times me and my brothers wife happen to step on each others path. I started to like that game. A few nights later I was in my room, late night. Sleeping. Ive heard the door of my room open. I always had a very light sleep. I looked towards the door. It was my brothers wife. She was only wearing the long white night gown. I only thought: Well....

I looked at her while she approached to the bed and crawled and laid by my side.

"So.. is anything you need?" I said. I smirked. I knew why she was there. I looked at her for a brief moment and smiled. She smiled back and up next I found myself kissing her lips. One soft kiss lead to another and to a more passionate one to end up devouring each others lips. She sat on top of me while still kissing each other like if it was the air we needed to breathe, I took of her night gown. Very nice body she had. I looked at her naked skin sending me more electrifying sensations that now I could not stop.

I made us roll on the bed and now it was me on the charge. I kissed her everywhere, I touched her caressed her, whispered her whatever I had in mind and she giggled and she wrapped her legs around me and her hands holding me tightly her fingers grabbing me hard. I gave her pleasure with my mouth up until she could not handle anymore, I touch it like probably she was never touched before. I kissed every inch of it. And we became one and it was like a blur. I dont even know what I thought. I thought about my brother and what he could have done to her, I thought about her with my brother, I thought about the door of my room to open suddenly and my brother extremely upset on an horrendous face expression on fire to see me with his wife. Look brother this is the way to make love, like it? she loves it. She is happy now.

But the door never opened. We laid on each other arms and I dont even know why all of that happened. She then spoke to me, fingers curled on my hair, I could fall asleep to that. But I listened.

"I have never felt like this before" she said sweetly. I looked at her

"Isnt he a good lover?" I asked

"No" She doubted to continue talking but she did "He....just likes it when he wants it by force."

I completely knew what she was talking about. Again this was the 18th century and women were just to stay home, and marry, cook, clean, obey the husband, stay quiet and have babies. I thought about my mother and these days or nights Ive heard her and my father fight and imaged what happened and surely all 7 children she had was not an act of love.

"He is ... You know I dont like my him" I told her. "but I am happy to know you felt good now." I smiled to her, I knew I was a good lover. "It was very good ....very" then I kissed her. We did it again.

We had a few encounters every now and then, not every night after a long period of time. Secretly in my room after everyone was asleep or in her room when my brother was away or quickly at the barn... anytime the opportunity presented. I think once my mother saw us but she never said anything.

So yes, I bed my brothers wife a few times and no she never with child from me. Thank God! at least not that I am aware of! but no, months have passed after these encounters and she wasn't pregnant so it was all good.

God knows for this Ill go to hell, but how so much excitement and fun was. I deserve the punishment but no one will steal from me all these happy times. My only happy times in a rotten place with no love or nothing but hate and screams and fights, tears and hopes and dreams... I found my own happiness. I'm a brat. I love it. I need action and excitement in my life . I need something to happen if not ill make it happen.

ha!

And the thing is....I always do it with good intentions. To never hurt. To do it with love. What i think is good for people. Lelio makes people smile. Lelio makes people to forget their pains and sadness with his acts. Lelio plays onstage and offstage. I want to be Lelio, I am Lelio, I am Lestat.

#mortal days #lestat de lioncourt #fanfic

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bellasharifuddin · 3 years

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The Day I Became a Mother

It’s been a while since I last post anything here, typing feels awkward as well. But this has always been a thing that I wanted to do since the day I’ve given birth, to document and blog about my pregnancy and my birth journey, so in 4-5 years to come when my memories fade, I can always come back to reminisce every detail that I keep here, like a memory capsule.

The Day I Found Out I Was Pregnant.

You know, when people say that when you have a strong intuition about something, trust your gut feeling, because it’s often true. Mirin and I have always talked about having kids, me wanting a baby so much within months after we got married, however, Mirin having second thoughts about it. We were both married for less than a year, sleeping on a toto without a mattress or a bed, living in the deep slum of Wangsa Maju area where the rats are larger than the cats. Hahaha. Naturally, given our circumstances, he’d want to take things slow.

Fast forward to a couple of months, we went out for some steaks and karaoke on a weekend night. I told mirin to stop by Watsons, for me to buy a pregnancy test kit. Mirin didn’t question much, because occasionally I would randomly buy one, just for fun. But this time, I didnt just get one. I ended up buying three. Why? Because somehow, I had a strong feeling this time. I just felt... weird. It was a feeling that I can’t put it into words.

We came home at midnight, I went to the bathroom too “pee on the stick”. Then I saw the first line... a few seconds later comes the second one. Oh my god. Okay. I knew Mirin was standing outside the toilet door, waiting. Eventually, I had to break the news to him. When I showed to Mirin, we both ended up hugging and crying. Was I happy? Was I in shock? Was I sad? Yes, a little bit of everything. Its funny that all you’ve wanted was a baby, then when it actually happens, suddenly you’re freaked out. Happy that its a blessing. Sad that it hits you without a warning.

Pregnant!

When the morning sickness finally kicked in, I knew we couldn’t live in the current house. Its not the best place to raise a child. And the next-door neighbor was having major renovation that was super loud and noisy. After sleepless nights and searching for a new place, we eventually moved out. Bought our first bed, bought our first dining table, bought our first gas stove. A many of firsts. Soon we finally bought a baby cot from Ikea. We bought it too early. Although it was too early to put it up, but Mirin assembled it anyways. I could tell that he was excited. It was such a fun and exciting moment, for the both of us.

But those were the fun part. Like most pregnancies, the not so fun part about being pregnant was me being diagnosed with Pregnancy Hypertension during my 36th week of pregnancy. My blood pressure spiked up to 140/100 on two consecutive readings, and the next thing I know, that I’m sitting in an ambulance, on my way to Hospital Kuala Lumpur’s emergency building.

At Hospital Kuala Lumpur. Waiting for an available bed

Mirin bought me the entire family mart food available xD

I spent 3 nights in their maternity wards, finally discharged after the doctor told me that I was clear to go. While I was in the hospital, it pains me to see new mothers struggling during the COVID19 pandemic. Throughout your stay, no visitations were allowed from anyone including your husband. If your baby cries or if you’re in pain, you’d have figure it out yourself. I remember praying to god while crying that I do not want to be induced there. The ward was stuffy and hot. There were too many people crammed in a room. It was hell.

The Day That I Give Birth

One week after my discharge, we both went for my monthly checkup with my OBGYN at Pantai. Again, my doctor advised me to be induced tomorrow, since my blood pressure spiked again, and I was almost full term (38 weeks) so it was okay to go. She told me that “It’s best to get the baby out or else you boleh kena sawan” OMG Okay okay. So we packed our bags, ate sushi for dinner, slept soundly for the very last time, and headed to the hospital again at 9 am the next morning.

Induction day. We definitely overpacked haha

Arrived at the hospital lobby, did a mandatory swab test before entering

Appointment card. Booked and paid for the accommodations prior to checking in

I was told to change into my labor robe (I’m not too sure what it’s called), and waited. When my doctor finally arrived, she then began to insert some sort of a plastic strip deeeeeep into my cervix. Ouch, that hurts. Okay, so that’s how induction works eh? Then I was given antibiotics into my IV drip too, since I was GBS (Group-B Strep) Positive as well.

Toilet selfie! Calm before the storm

After an hour, I felt the contraction. Initially it was uncomfortable, then it hurts like hell. The contractions felt like period pain but like a million times worse. Occasionally, Doctor Haslinda would come and check on my “bukaan”. Hours passed. 1cm... 2cm... 3cm.... when I finally said:

“Omg sakit sangat dah tak tahan, I want an epidural!“

Ok no, that was a lie. I initially didn’t want to take an epidural. I wanted to try and bear with the pain, but Mirin convinced me to take it, so after tossing and turning like a dying fish I finally said okay.

The anesthesiologist came after what felt like an eternity, and asked me to sign a consent form. I’m not really sure what was written in that. Siapa je ada masa nak baca terms and conditions panjang panjang bila tengah contractions???

He told me to sit on the edge of the bed, while hugging a pillow. I remembered him injecting some numbing spray, then I felt the BIG NEEDLE poking through my spine. Then.. that was it. It was so fast. The entire process took only 5 mins. Was it painful as I thought it would be? No. Was it still scary tho? Yep hahaha.

Soon after, Dr Haslinda pecahkan air ketuban when I was 4cm dilated. It didnt hurt because I was on epidural, but I felt so much warm liquid flowing out non-stop. So bizarre.

Once you’re on epidural, you’re basically bed-ridden. No bathroom trips anymore, my legs feel like jelly. Sometimes the nurse will come to empty my bladder with a catheter. When the epidural kicked in, I could finally sleep. I slept like a baby. I slept for hours. Painless. No more feeling like a dying fish. And so I thought.............

3am. I woke up with INTENSE CONTRACTION PAIN. Why is it so painful? I thought I’m on epidural? I called the nurse straight away. Turned out the epidural drug ran out. It was sooo stressful because the nurse that was on duty that night didn’t know how to topap balik the epidural drug into the machine. She called her colleague, then the colleague also tak tahu. Then both of them spent like forever to troubleshoot how to use the machine, sampai lastly kena call doctor tanya. YA ALLAH, rasa macam nak maki je.

7am the next day. Bukaan baru 7-8cm. Doctor decided to use another form of induction to speed up the process. It’s called pitocin, and injected through my IV drip. Within MINUTES, I could feel very intense and painful contractions, that the epidural can’t even help. So throughout the remaining 7cm to 10cm, I felt every inch of real labor pain. I clenched Mirin’s hand. So tightly that I think it got bruised. A minute felt like an hour, and an hour felt like years. It was soo bad that my memory was so fuzzy.

Finally, it was 10cm. Time to go. They put both of my legs up, macam gambar bawah ni haha:

Picture courtesy from Google

There were two nurses, one small cute Malay nurse, one pregnant Indian nurse, and my OBGYN, Dr Haslinda. I love them all, they were so supportive and nice to me throughout my labor process. My doctor taught me how to push correctly:

“Take a deeeeeeep breath then tahan, clench your fists, chin down and teran macam nak berak sekuat-kuat hati“

I was so determined to get the baby out. I just wanted the contraction pain to end. I did everything they told me to do. I hold on to Mirin’s hand, and PUSHHHHHHHEDDDDDD! I could hear Mirin saying “You’re doing great sayang!” After several pushes, and some sips of water breaks, the baby’s head is almost out. The head was the hardest to push. Besar! I literally felt like my down there was stretching to its limit. Once the head is out, I did another small push, and the rest of the baby’s body macam keluar instantly macam super slimy like that haha.

Finally the baby is out! 8.26AM! The contractions stopped immediately. I instantly feel like I wasn’t pregnant anymore. The doctor then injected something on my thigh, then my uri just popped right out haha. My body felt so tired, but so so light. Lega, yay no longer pregnant haha. I ended up having second degree perineal tear without an episiotomy, and was stitched. I felt the benang, ngilu. I felt the needle pierced through my muscles too. But it didnt hurt so it wasn’t too bad.

The baby gets cleaned up. Then soon all of the nurses left the labor room, it was just me, Mirin and our baby. Mirin picked her up, and azankan. Mirin started crying, I cried too. It was magical :’)

We did skin to skin and tried breastfeeding for the first time. As I look at her, hair was so thick. Her cute little fingers. Her beautiful face. She’s perfect.

I slept for 5 hours straight after the labor

Thinking back, I have no idea how I managed to muster such courage to go through all these. Mirin even told me that during the active labor stage, when I was pushing, at one point I pushed so hard that my entire face turned blue. Talk about adrenaline.

Do I want to have another baby? Well, lets keep a rain check on that question for another few more years to come xD

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yellowhoothoot · 4 years

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i think both versions of the old guard are really good and fun and i like that neither one feels overall better than the other so here's my thoughts on what i like in each version. ive only read the first book of the comic so spoilers for that ig

comic - honestly funnier. especially andy, she’s less stoic in the comic - also on the topic of andy, booker’s betrayal being for her sake as well makes much more sense bc it’s more clear that having lived so long really takes a toll on her. her depression and unhealthy coping mechanisms are a lot more explicit. even though she’s more sarcastic and funny than in the movie it doesn’t take away from her personal struggles. i think having her “voice over”/narration throughout helps show this

-also, even though it’s not explored a lot, canon bi andy. a couple of the people at the beginning that she wakes up with are women and then i believe there was also a line about her sleeping through whole populations? which in my bi opinion would not be limited to men

- andy old person technology jokes. come on. also it makes more sense for nile to figure out booker betrayed them because of him getting internet in a cave than being like “this one gun is empty so something’s wrong”

- nile lore! nile lore! nile in the comic seems much more competent and experienced. her role on the team is less of a trainee and the skills she already has come into play more. it’s really nice to hear her talk about her life before, with the different jobs and interests she had. also it’s a crime that her interest in art history isn’t explicit in the movie because the scene in the comic where she sees the rodin and the other art is so good and you only get a little slice of it in the movie

- andy and merrick have better designs in the comic. everyone else looks better in the movie but andy’s design just kinda feels more “her“ and merrick just looks cooler honestly. i’m mad that joe and nicky were both robbed of long hair in the movie

- merrick is more evil and the way they kill him is way better. like, his bravado is way more hollow and the fact that he’s just a little rat bastard coward is more satisfying. so rather than a dramatic way to save andy they all just shoot him while he’s cowering in a bathtub. and he deserves that more than he deserves getting dragged out of a window with nile.

- oh on that note, the scene where they all jump out the window is great. i mean, “so nile, read any good books lately? SPLAT” is way better than being silent on the way down

- sexier settings. mostly i’m talking about the fact that they’re not in england. imagine being british. dubai and then malta is so much better than london and then... i think still london?

- nile and andy have a better relationship. nile seems less like a protege and, again with the way the comic has more jokes and lighthearted moments, they’re a lot quicker to get to that found family level of friendship and their fights/arguments are less actual anger and more poking at each other

- the van scene has slightly different dialogue i think, and it’s even better than in the movie. i think there’s a few extra lines. and they’re really good.

- the actual results of the research! the fact that there’s nothing scientifically special about them! i mean as a science person i would love some sci-fi answer as to what their deal is but honestly i think them just being regular people who don’t die fits the setting and tone of the story better

movie - despite some nile details that i love being left out, there are scenes with her that aren’t in the comic that make her more... sympathetic isn’t the word i’m looking for because she’s sympathetic in both. but like when she talks about her dad and her mom and brother it gives a better sense of why she joined the military and makes it hurt way worse the way her friends turned on her. you kinda see it again at the end when andy mentions she would’ve let book off with an apology

- copley is so much more sympathetic and their not killing him makes way more sense. not only are his reasons and motivations more clear, but it’s also clear that he didn’t realize how brutal merrick and co. would be and actually tries to both stop them being treated so poorly and then is willing to risk his own life to make things right when he brings nile to the lab.

- i can’t decide if i like andy becomes mortal or andy is fine better. actually i think that the difference is good because each outcome fits its medium better. comics andy staying alive means she has time to address the self-destruction that’s pointed out to her, while movie andy learning to deal with mortality means it gives her more of a chance to see the bright sides of things like she says to nile about how she thinks nile’s presence can remind her what it feels like

-quynh being alive! there’s so much possibility with that and like, i guess in theory it could be a thing in the comic too? but honestly i don’t think it will be. so yeah both the angst of knowing that quynh’s out there and then the twist of her getting out of the water are really good elements

- this is more of a benefit of the medium than of the interpretation, specifically, but all the characters are so much more expressive. especially nile, i like how when she’s processing how old everyone is her eyes get really wide and her inflection is really good. also i think when different team members give each other A Look it translates better.

- ok yes comic merrick has a better overall design BUT movie merrick does look more like a rat bastard. im sorry to that actor but god he just looks so unpleasant to be around.

- the fact that dr. uhh... kozak? was that her name? gets more screen time of actually doing experiments is nice. like dr. ivan in the comics is for sure more explicitly awful but his actual mad science is all off screen. whereas in the movie dr. kozak is SHOWN doing all her stabbing and poking and prodding and it’s awful and a great detail.

both - ok the main thing i really like about both is that they’re not cowards with the found family. i know other people have said this but it’s really nice that the characters actually act like they like each other rather than it being like “this ragtag team has been together for 200 years but they have no chemistry or inside jokes and are very stoic to each other”

#i don't actually expect you to read all of this don't worry #just wanted to like write it down #the old guard

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viktormaru · 5 years

Text

a super post on some kakashi and sakumo meta

Alright lets do this

BOOKS?? idk is there any connection how lil Sass and Strict Kakashi somehow ends up to porn?? did he accidentally read the word 'boob' in one of Sakumos books and was forever tainted.

According to Naruto Online, Kakashi starts reading Jiraiya’s books at age 18. So what I think happened is well ... puberty. Kakashi shows a bit of an interesting in reading early on so we can assume he was already into books. But then I imagine that like... he hit puberty at around 14 but things were still a mess back then, seeing minato dies then and so on so Kakashi never had a chance to process those things properly. But then time passes, he’s ANBU and he needs to do something whenever he’s stuck on the village be it to recover or simply because he has no missions. He’s gotta isolate himself and Gai keeps giving him frowny looks at the depressing books he has so he goes to the bookstore to get a new one and its like... he bumps into some sales and oh.. its Jiraiya’s book... Kakashi knows Jiraiya. And he opens the thing and goes red. Glances around and its like, his whole new set of hormones make themselves very known and Kakashi buys the thing and reads it alone and is super embarrassed but LOVES it. Its so different from everything else his read he cannot stop reading it. Travel fowards a little and Kakashi notices he can use it to troll other people so he starts reading it in public.

Do you think Sakumo brought Kakashi along on missions a lot? Lower ranked missions, as bonding and training? And and, because the leaf village doesn't vet these things, one of those D/C missions actually turns out much more dangerous than intended and Sakumo has to teach Kakashi how to kill much earlier than he intended to, which is partially why Kakashi is desensitized to violence until the one dead is his dad

Yes! I think at first Sakumo would bring Kakashi along because he didn’t trust anyone with the baby (and he was paranoid the kid would die if he got too far away ever since his wife died) so kakashi is a mandatory company for any missions within the village. It becomes a habit and when Kakashi’s curious eyes just swept over anything Sakumo did , he found it cute. And then Kakashi started to try to copy what Sakumo did and proved that maybe he could do those things as well. So sakumo takes him along as a learning experience and just a way to spend time with him (sakumo is not good at Dad-ing in his own opinion but he’d good at ninja-ing, so if he can teach kakashi how to ninja, he will). And yes, I can see missions going south and Sakumo having to teach Kakashi about life and death, about in the shinobi world sometimes its you or them, and Kakashi having to process it the best way he can. Kakashi knows early on that poorly trained shinobi are dead shinobi.

Opinions on animals that are not dogs?? Are they okay with cats or do they Dislike because of the cat v dog natural fight

They are probably ok with other animals, including cats. Dogs are just their favorites. Also, Kakashi might be a dog lover but he’s sure cat-like often! Gotta stick with the pack though, dogs number 1.

What was Sakumo's relationship with the ninken?

With his own or Kakashi’s? I love the idea that Sakumo had a pack of wolves that he called The Ladies (read that on a fic but can’t remember it now). Just a bunch of amazing wolves that Sakumo respects a lot (hes the babiest of them all, they call him soft). If you mean Kakashi’s... idk if like... 5 years old is an age in which summoning is possible but I think Sakumo would love them as his own children as well (in a way).

What did Kakashi tell his dad in the afterlife?

Tales of team minato at first! Sakumo would have loved clumsy obito, kind rin and the lovely Minato. He tries to tell him happy stories. He goes over the sad stories and the losses and he tells him about Gai, about how sakumo had been right and how Gai really has made a difference. He tells about team 7 and their potential. He talks about himself and about how much he’s changed from the little girl he used to be and he hopes he could be something his father could be proud of.

Did Sakumo attend PTA meetings

*googles PTA*

Well, he had to when they decided to boost Kakashi through the ranks. Sakumo was shitting his pants in fear thinking something might have happened to Kakashi or some trouble was stirred with the kids but then they were just like “yea hes too good to be in this class” and gave praises about his childs performance and sakumo was just like “..... ok....”

Do you think Kakashi hated his dad for a while after his suicide? Or do you think he hated the village?

I think he hated his father, or tried really hard to. It’s really complex. Kakashi seems to still love his father despite everything but... hating the village is something that is just.. its not possible. Its not allowed. Kakashi was bred to fight and die for the village first and foremost and what that means is that if the village turned against him then its cause he must redeem himself. And if his father died under the pressure, then its cause his father couldnt give the village what he should have given. The village abandoned him cause he deserved it, sakumo abandoned him cause he chose to.

Kakashi understands the reason his father did what he did, but falls into denial because the opposite would turn against the village. And now that he was alone, how the hell could that even be possible? If he becomes a better ninja he will prove himself to everyone. If sakumo had been a better ninja he wouldnt have been scorned so much. Simple logic.

Its easier then thinking about the morals of one actions and the whole deal of humanity versus being a weapon of the village.

What happened to Sakumo's ponytail

Kakashi cut it

Did Sakumo read Jiraiya's books

I dont think sakumo was alive by the time jiraiya published his first book! I think Jiraiya had a few drafts before though, just random stuff he’d scribble. Sakumo liked the cheesy romance shorts (they were bad).

In SD, there's a joke that Sakumo is the inventor of the One Thousand Years of Death. Thoughts?

i LOVE IT. Sakumo impressing Kakashi with a super secret dangerous forbidden technique and Kakashi is like oh?!?!!! And he tries to get Jiraiya with it.

Relationship between Sakumo and Minato?

Ah! Theres one fic out there that i really like that shows how i picture their relationship to be like. Minato at first being a nervous puppy around this Man of Legends Sakumo, and said man being completely unaware of his status and just being like “oh wow what a nice boy”

this fic btw: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12854022

Relationship between Sakumo and the three sannin?

Jiraiya likes Sakumo because Sakumo is very easy to be dragged to places and he can talk nonstop to him and Sakumo is usually too nice to call him an idiot. Sakumo hangs out with Jiraiya cause he fills the silence for the both of them and makes him leave his home and try to have fun some times (sakumo is a workaholic unfortunetely)

Tsunade thought he was a coward at first but its also very easy to make him pay for your tab so she keeps him around. She learns eventually that he!s smart and a good person and a good listener! So they become friends and they can gossip about jiraiya too. Sakumo was definitely terrified if tsunade at first but shes too fucking cool and smart. Hes always scared into hanging out with her but ends up enjoying himself around her.

Orochimaru finds him too bland. Sakumo is boring and soft and he fights like a legend but says sorry too much. They only hang out because of their shared friend circle. Sakumo is too busy being socially inept to know what to do around Orochimaru. Its painfully awkward, he feels bad.

Has Sakumo beaten up Hiruzen?

Oh hell yeah! They totally must have sparred at some point and DAMN Sakumo’s a beast when hes fighting. Hits like a fucking truck. Destroy that old man.

Is Kakashi gay

Yes

What do you think if kakashi wanted to be a medical and how will that affected the storyline

Oh! Ive read a fanfiction on this! Its pretty good and I think its about how things would have happened if Kakashi was a medinin.

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1273706

#kakashi hatake #sakumo hatake #naruto

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thoughtsandthecity · 4 years

Text

Your daily nightmare

I haven’t upload a post for a week and a half. The previous days were taugh for me. I am talking about the mean reds that Audrey Hepburn talked about in her movie called Breakfast at Tiffany’s which I highly recomend by the way. Attention, we are not talking about the blues. Allow me to use her words to explain. <<The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of>>.

One of those days, my teacher who had been fighting against blood cancer passed away. All the student’s and teachers went to the funeral. We heard really beautiful words of his people and we all said our last goodbye. While I was there listenning to all those speaches about him, I wondered, Did they ever tell him all those nice things about his personality and how amazing he was? Some tears later, I went to eat greasy chineese food. It sounds so disrespecting I know. What’s going to sound more disrespecting is that I actually had fun. As soon as I went home I couldn’t stop thinking about his death and crying. I realised I had went through the ‘’I can’t accept it’’ stage. But now tears were all over my face and I couldn’t stop thinking about my worse nightmare. Death. People tend to hate it because we are scared of what it causes. It takes away our ability to think, talk, see other people we love, listen to music we enjoy, taste flavours again, simple stuff. Or is it not? See? We know nothing about it and that’s the scariest part of it all, its a trip we have to go through alone and we, human beings, hate to be alone in scary things. Its just human nature. What about the people we loose? Are we ever going to overcome this loss? To get over the pain of not being able to talk again to that person? Listen to their laugh, feel the warmth of their hug? The answer is no. We are made up with the ability of memories, we are made up to not be able to forget. We fall in love with life and other people no matter how hard it gets. This person looked so strong to me, he had power and indeed he was a weird but intresting personality. Seeing him so small made me sad, we are really nothing, thats what I kept thinking.

On top of this, I started second guessing my choices about my studyies and the future I am going after so hardly! Things are getting harder as time is passing by and I feel like I’m trapped in a symphony I really was not sure if I wanted to sign for. Classes are getting tougher and reality starts kicking me hard. The thing is I can’t really complain about it there are other kids who are going through it too. Last year of high school is hard year for us all. A year full of fear, doubt, pain, and tiredness. It’s really sad if you think it through because we are being told that those years are assumed to be the best of our lives. So why are we wasting them all in tears, pain, fear and negative feelings about ourselves? Should’t we be out and about exploring the world, making friends, getting drunk, smoking, making music, writting or reading books we love? Anything that makes anyone happy? Shouldn’t we be free? I read a quote saying that we are not tired as we say. We are mentally tired of people coming and go, constantly trying and never succeding, having the same day on and on, being in the same place e.t.c We are mentally tired but we are so young for this. Not even older people should be mentally tired! He never was, he was always young, proud and bold. Some say it’s the electronics, the music we listen, the change of our values. Sure those really influenced my generation. But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad generation. We are wild ones, people with dreams, plans, goals, believes, our own values no matter how ugly they might look to you.

I’ve seen many of teens like me losing their faith, their way. What a mess. Do we need to change? Sure. But we don’t know how. Everybody is scared to be kind, gentle and happy because we are used in misery and pure hapiness or good energy are way too unknown to us. I made an experiment. I shouldn’t talk bad for anyone and I shouldn’t mention negative situations to anyone I was talking too. I found it hard, the second day I had given up. Maybe it’s just how we are made. We are beings with a brain that is constantly working. We are processing through things too hard and that’s the problem. We are creating the problem most of the times. And all this mess is something we have to face daily.

Am I enough? Are they wrong or am I? Am I wasting my time? Is that friend really my friend? Why doesn’t anyone really seems to like me? Why can’t I be like them? Will I ever be accepted for who I am? Why am I so alone? Am I not that smart? Did I gain weight? Does she looks better than me ? Why did I broke up with that guy? Am I going to date again? Why we never talked again with that person? Am I that bad? Am I such a weirdo? Are they talking behind my back?

I know if you are my age or close you can relate. Older like to blame it on the puberty. No it’s not really coming from it. It’s life. It’s us realising things, the change, the fear. The thing that we have to leave our childhood behind and face reality. It’s the natural way of life right? No I’ve talked about normality in an other post of mine. There’s no such thing. It’s the pressure of life. Are we gonna make it till the end, and even if we do, how do you know it was enough? How do you know you you made it? How do you know if the people you met were the right ones? Maybe you could have met better or worse. Untill now I got to my conclusion. Does it matter in the end ? Does it matter if you gained weight? If you lost time trying to get what you want? Does it matter if that boy/girl never saw your value? Does it really matter if you fail? If you don’t pass a test? If someone is better than you? NO IT DOESN NOT. Because in the end all it really matters is, did you managed to live? To fall in love with life? He did, he did so truly. He was the lover. Full of energy, goals, power, believes, passion. I remember him sayin ‘’ When I’ll die, I will be full of life, Because ive lived it to the fullest, every pain , every hapiness, every love I had,will you? Your generation is always stressed. But really, what are you going after so hard that makes you so sad?’’ Nobody ever could answer.

We don’t really know what we are sad about. We don’t know why we are so stressed about. We are always sad and stressed about something. Our shoulders and back always hurt. Are we that tired caring around sadness and negativity? Aren’t they way too heavy? Maybe he is right. We should stop stressing so much and let ourselves live. It’s not a button I know. But we can turn it into one. It’s all really in the way we are accepting and processing things through. In every situation we can choose to look on the bright side. Your energy is important and so is your time, do whatever you want with it. Make mistakes, its a part of life, take your time to feel sad about it, if you don’t go through it, you ain’t getting out of it. Maybe you will never will, who told you that you should? As I mentioned we are beings with a brain full of the ability to think and think and think. Stay vulnerable, true to yourself. There are things that we went trhough and shaped us, we all have demons, secrets, fears, dreams, passions.

Should we predent everything is ok? God no. all im saying is that might it’s worth it to try an other way of living, realise things, turn our frustration, anger , sadness into something better. We have the power of the brain, we shouldn’t take over for a long time. You can stress as much as you want, cry as much as you can but in the end, when you are going to leave this life behind you, are you going to be full? Are you going to be like him, cause I want to feel full, I want to feel like I was never missing out of my life, I wanna die young just like he did.

Take breaks, make decisions but always keep something in mind. Live every moment as intensly as you can. Even sadness. Can we make it? Can we try? We really should because in the end nothing really matters but love, moments you were there, memories, life and not our problems or our stress, neither our failures, our fights... Dance through your stress pain, drink through it, write about it, even talk about it if that’s what you want. You gotta keep believing, learn to listen to your body and heart. When you are procrastinating and not doing homework it might be because your mind is tired of homework take that day off, come back stronger tomorrow it doesn’t matter! If you felt mentally fed up, go to the nature, go party in a club for no reason, go traveling and meet new people, go start that blog or that hobby you want so much. Life is not about finding yourself you never lost it, you are creatting that bitch yourself and I wish us the best.

Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”

― Marilyn Monroe

Untill next time,

Xoxo

#life #quotes #stress #teens #thoughts #late night thoughts #2 am posts #2am #nightmare #pain #mental help #long reads #positivity #personal shit #writterscommunity #writing #death #school

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fanartfunart · 5 years

Note

Hey, could you give me a few tips on writing dyslexic characters? Sorry if I’m being rude…

Oh no problem!

First things first: not everybody experiences things (like dyslexia) the same, so, there’s things about the individual that will shift how they react and adjust to their dyslexia and just how the dyslexia is itself.

I personally found a lot of ways to make my dyslexia work for me. (And mine tends to get noticeably worse when I’m stressed and/or have been doing a lot of talking.)

A: do some research about the definition of it, just, know the science of it a bit. (you don’t have to be an expert, I mean, I certainly am not, but it does help to have an idea of the various symptoms and how things are treated… and, it’s not a childhood thing, it’s a life-long thing. There’s just ways it gets better/worse in certain times) AND, it’s not always recognized/diagnosed.

B: explore many ways people react to it. I personally tend to laugh about it, but someone else could very possibly just avoid reading/writing, and another person could get frustrated every time they need to read/write/talk and it’s not working.

That said, here’s some general things I experience and others probably do too: (under the cut because I began to ramble.)

Id say the most frustrating things are writing something down, and then feeling like its wrong, but knowing it is right? I cant stop the feeling that it looks wrong. It just does. (the opposite occurs sometimes, but, usually it’s ‘that’s wrong. why is that wrong, it’s not actually wrong??’ (howeVer, usually, you just. can’t tell. it’s ‘…maybe that’s right…. ?’)

Dyslexia effects your ability to differentiate words that sound the same but look different (effect and affect being a very annoying example…. I’ve looked up the differences so often…. it’s also for things that look similar but sound different…. but that’s less common in my experience)

They’ll say words like its read pretty commonly (notably if they learned the word from reading it…which is half my vocab). …and usually not notice unless someone corrects them (which never stops getting embarrassing because “that’s the tenth time i’ve said it like that and been corrected why the frick cant I say it right, how do I keep forgetting?”)

Reading and re-reading and re-reading again. Oh my god it takes me forever to read a paragraph of any book if there’s things that my brain skips, flips or entirely jumbles. It has caused me much test anxiety. (Especially with timed tests…..god I can complain about testing and how terrible it is as a dyslexic individual for a long time)

Left or right? No clue. And the “Make an L shape with your hands and whichever looks like like an L is left” does not work because my brain doesn’t know what a L is supposed to look like. (Ive heard that so often you have no idea.) HOWEVER the thing I found does work is raising your dominant hand (mine is the right) and going “oh! This must be the right because my dominant hand is on this side!” Is so much easier. (And I almost always say the wrong direction. “I’m gonna go left” “no you need to go right” *points to the right* “yeah exactly.” “You said left!” “Oh….” Is a common conversation)

(on that note I personally feel like im always facing north??? Idk if this is a dyslexia thing or im just weird)

Google and dictionaries are both the enemy and friends when trying to spell words right. (“How am I supposed to find this word when all I know is that it either starts with either a or maybe it was e??”)

Vowels are the worst…they always switch up. (a and e are evil in particular.)

b and d being next. and s and c …and p and q (How I remember is “bed” looks like a bed….. your character may have similar processes to make sure they’re doing it right)

(idk, anywhere you can flip or duplicate or misplace letters when writing, I’ve probably done it.)

Honestly, learning any and all languages is hard. Especially things like accents and spelling.

“I said that backwards” is a pretty common statement (in my vocabulary at least). Just…accidentally switch the subjects or verbs of a sentence and just- wait what. (I’ve also HEAR things all odd sometimes… like, It takes me a second to process some sentences because they sound backward and weird to me. sometimes I just wait to answer a question as my brain catches up, but sometimes I just go ‘did you just say ‘nonsense that kinda follows the same length/key sounds as what you actually said but is still nonsense, but I didn’t catch that’)

I ended up in those remedial classes in elementary? where they pull you out of class and give you minute-tests and feed you sweets because you’re a stressed out child because you feel dumb in comparison to your peers. and that’s all I remember about it.

IDK man, elementary was pretty much a series of me taking longer than everyone else on literally everything and then worrying about it. (then I went to online school and my life was improved by 100%) ((this might just be me but I was kinda always split between trying to focus on reading and listening to people and I never actually was able to focus on either properly and so I never properly absorbed the information?…feels like a dyslexia thing now that I think about it))

Cursive and calligraphy is actually…really nice? ….Yea idk. I was obsessed with cursive when I started to learn it.

Vague directions/questions are TERRIBLE. Like, its 10 times worse when I’m nervous or embarrassed or tired, but I’ve stumbled trying to properly figure out the thing I’m missing from people’s statements that they’ve assumed was clear. (like, “Look at the red dot” “I don’t see a dot?” “uh, right there?? right in front of you?” “I wasn’t LOoooking there. I thought this was a ‘find the red dot’ thing not a ‘just look straight ahead’ thing.”)

Oh and I like puns because it’s like being dyslexic on purpose! >w

OK wow…. I hope that….kinda helped? IDK? (I probably haven’t even touched on everything, but that’s all I can think of right now.)

TDLR:

I’d say just be aware of where it COULD be a problem, but, overall, your character won’t be stumbling over words ALL DAY. They’ll have developed ways around it, even if they haven’t been diagnosed or if they never got help.

AND, there’s different forms and degrees of dyslexia…. mines pretty mild honestly, again, most of my issues are exasperated when I’m tired/nervous (and noticeable dyslexia habits kinda makes me embarrassed and nervous which kinda feeds into itself.) Some people’s dyslexia is most noticeable w/ written word, others are more auditory/vocal. It all depends. ^w^

#answered asks #dyslexia #I have no idea how much this will help #it's just kinda...me rambling about experiances #but! that's what I'd personally want if I was asking about these things tbh

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yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy · 5 years

Text

Magic and Miracles and BEYOND Chapter 11

AAAAAAHHHHHHH FINALLY Ada leaves Cor and returns to Luche!!!!!! I mean with a declaration of love like that, how can you notI’m so happy. Cor really is a lone wolf tho. So in case you haven’t noticed, I recast Gentiana as this lovely woman next to Ada. @the-immortal-marshal, GIRL. You hopefully will love this. I was CACKLING when I wrote the end of this chapter and hopefully you’ll laugh too.

So without further adieu. You can go here- AO3 or read below. Enjoy.

Chapter 11

Cor helped Ada take a shower by taking a shower with her and just held her under the hot water for a long time because he didn’t know what to say so he said nothing while he mentally tried to come up with something to say. But when he was done Ada got to see the full extent of his new wounds.

“What happened to you while I was gone?” Ada asked as he helped her get dressed and ready for bed.

“Don’t worry about it. You have enough on your plate.” Cor waived off as he got dressed in some PJ’s too, grateful that Regis had gone to his house to get him some clean clothes and things.

“Oh come on, just tell me Cor!” Ada pleaded before Cor got her tucked back into bed.

“While you were gone I got close to Gilgamesh, really close, like I saw him from across a warehouse we raided, he was under full guard and I tried to hack my way through to him and I did actually got to fight him but he... he slipped away again. So I may have gotten hit a bit. I was in this hospital for a little bit but I’m fine, besides you were on the cruise to Alaska and I didn’t want you to worry or spoil your vacation and there was no way for you to come home even if you wanted to. Sylva did everything she could from the boat, which thankfully that ship had internet and I swore her to secrecy and not to tell you or anyone else. Granted my stay wasn’t as nice as this was but I didn’t need all of this or want it. So once I got out, I changed tactics and I thought if I could get The Empress and nail her down permanently that Gilgamesh would cave and come for her himself and I’d be able to trap them both and finally end it once and for all.” Cor explained. “I was hoping to do that before you came home. I should have sent you on a plane back to your parents the moment you came back. But I swear to you Ada, I will make this right and the bastard will see justice, I swear.” Cor admitted as he got in the bed next to hers as he held her hands in his as they faced each other before the nurse knocked and came and hooked Ada back up to her IV fluids since the bedding had been changed while Ada was in the shower and there had been warm blankets put on under the comforter so the bed was perfectly warm for her.

“Feel a little more human?” Sadie gently teased since the line she used to get Ada in the shower was to scrub off the grime and blood and ‘feel more human’ which had gotten Ada to crack a smile as Sadie grinned wider when Ada cracked a larger smile.

“Yeah,” Ada nodded, she had needed a shower and a good scrub down and to brush her teeth, put on some deodorant and stuff.

“Good, do you want some more meds to help you sleep?” She asked thoughtfully.

“Yes please.” Ada nodded.

“How about...remeron? It’s an anti-anxiety med and it’s side effect is to knock you out while it calms you down.” Sadie offered.

“Perfect.” Ada smiled appreciatively as Sadie punched that into the computer before she pulled the med out of her pocket and administered it, having already loaded up before she came into the room so that there wouldn’t be a wait time for Ada and within seconds Ada’s eyes grew heavy before she fell asleep.

“Cor? Do you want some too?” Sadie asked thoughtfully.

“Nah, I’m good.” Cor waived off.

“Ok, well get some sleep you two. Let me know if you need anything.” Sadie offered before she pet Baxter affectionately as he curled up next to Ada in her bed.

“Will do, good night.” Cor bid her before she bid him goodnight and left.

The next day Cor took Baxter for a walk to go potty in the little rooftop garden on that floor while Sylva stepped in to check on Ada.

“So how are you feeling today?” Sylva asked curiously as she came into the room.

“A little better. So Cor told me last night that while we were in Alaska he was here in the hospital, so since he told me, can you tell me more about that?” Ada requested.

“Yeah, I can actually, I had Cor sign a waiver before he would be discharged so that when he told you, you would be able to see for yourself the full extent of it, I have it printed out already, I’ll go get it.” Sylva answered before she turned and went and got it and called Rose to come to the hospital before she came back.

“Now if you don’t mind, I called Rose, Gladio’s mother, because she’s the one who brought him in and she’ll be able to tell you what she found when she found him.” Sylva began before Cor came back.

“Oh no.” Cor frowned. “Sylva come on, she’s been through enough, don’t do this now.” Cor pleaded.

“Hey, since you didn’t want to tell me the whole story, I found someone who will.” Ada challenged.

“I told you all you needed to know, more than I should have.” Cor defended as Sylva rolled her eyes so hard they damn near rolled out of her head.

“If you had told me enough, I wouldn’t have reached out to her.” Ada maintained.

“Fine, you two knock yourselves out, I’m going to call into work.” Cor huffed as he put Baxter back up on her bed as Baxter curled up next to Ada and simply sat there.

“As you can see Cor is of the mindset that the less people know, the better, he thinks that he’s protecting everyone by keeping them “blissfully ignorant” obviously that doesn’t work.” Sylva muttered under her breath as she pulled up a chair before Rose came into the room.

“Hey Sweetie, how are you holding up?” Rose asked thoughtfully.

“Well I’m not bawling my eyes out right now.” Ada shrugged.

“So you’re numb, ok.” Rose nodded in understanding as she came and pulled up a chair too before they both went over Cor’s medical history with Ada as well as Rose gave insights with Cor’s past and the nitty gritty of his personality as Sylva had all the medical history to back it up and show the full extent of his injuries as Ada realized, Cor had always been this way and that she simply ‘got in the way’ of his work, his life. He said he had changed and that he wasn’t this way anymore but clearly that wasn’t true.

And he had downplayed it all again, he had surgery again, not just one- he had five. His liver and his kidneys had been slashed and had to be sewn back together, his spine got hit, he could have been a parapalegic, he could have died, he was super close to dying several times. He wasn’t just in the hospital for a day or two he was here for over a week. His life had hung in the balance and he was in the intensive care unit, he had gotten attacked worse than he had ever been before and he didn’t tell her. He didn’t….he kept this from her. If Sylva hadn’t gotten him to sign a waiver to have this released to her, she never would have been able to know. She just sat there and let all of this soak in. She had almost lost him and it was like...he didn’t care that she almost did. His idea of “protecting her” is keeping her in the dark, he had promised to stop doing that and he broke his promise. As she realized how there was no way he was ever going to live up to that either. Had she been foolish to expect that from him? He was never going to change, not for her, not for anyone and he was going to kill himself in the process. He wasn’t going to get her justice, no there was no justice to be gotten, no, this was a vendetta and this was vengeance, she was just collateral damage. What had she been to him anyway? Just a good lay and live in mother to clean his house and do his laundry and warm his bed? To take care of him on his terms because emotionally and mentally he didn’t need her. Obviously, he never needed her. Not really. He had been used to be self sufficient and all she had been was a distraction. One that he thought he wanted and he thought was good for a while at least but now, she clearly just got in his way. She didn’t want this life anymore. She was done. She had thought this was fun and “exciting” oh yeah, loads of excitement, not knowing if he was going to come home to her, not knowing what was going on, always being in the dark, always being on the sidelines and the supportive role while he got all the “action”. This was bullshit. How could he ever protect her when he had never even tried to protect himself. He obviously knew it was just a matter of time before this happened and the risk of her and her safety and wellbeing was worth his quest for Gilgamesh. Fuck this.

After a couple of days, Ada felt it was time to go home and was discharged and was really quiet on the way home which left Cor to do his own thinking in his own head because he felt he couldn’t say anything without starting a fight because the fight that had ensued after Sylva and Rose had left had been big and bad enough that the other patients had called security and he had promptly just left for work and didn’t come back until she had fallen asleep.

Ada wasn’t surprised by that. She wasn’t surprised when he left her alone all day once he brought her back to his house that didn’t feel like home, Ada realized, it never really had either. But because of what happened, she was terrified to leave the house and started to have panic attacks. Crowe was livid when she came by to see Ada having a panic attack and Cor was nowhere in sight and ignoring Ada’s calls. Luche was fuming because he did his best to keep a respectful distance once she left the hospital but at the call from Crowe that Ada was at home alone having a panic attack, he immediately dropped everything and came running and thanks to those books Sylva had loaned him since had done nothing but read those and study them like his life depended on it, he was able to get her calmed down. Luche and Crowe worked out how to get Ada back to therapy. And for a few days more they tag teamed with Ada, if one of them wasn’t with her, the other was while Cor was at work with Crowe taking the evening shifts to be there and make sure Cor came home to her before she’d leave Ada.

Luche even coaxed her into leaving the house to take high tea again. He thought if that if she could see herself looking put together and with makeup on and her hair done, she’d feel a little better about herself, like she was coming back together and coming back to herself too.

“You look beautiful.” Luche praised as he drove her to the tea house as he held her hand tightly, Baxter, Kona and Kahlua in the back seat with them since when Luche came, he brought the dogs to get to know ‘mommy’ and the dogs took to her as such and had always been hesitant to leave her when he would leave.

“Thanks,” Ada whispered as she squeezed back. Grateful he was with her. She preferred his presence to Cor’s because when Cor was home, he was quiet and still wouldn’t tell her shit. At least Luche talked with her, talked her through stuff. And even when Cor was home, Ada felt even more alone in his presence now.

Once at the tea shop Luche escorted her to the private booth in the back so that Ada could still be ‘out’ but not feel ‘exposed’ because the two were different things. So here Luche sat- across from her, pouring her a cup of tea, in his suit since he had been in the office that morning trying to do a little bit of work before he came to take care of her and he was looking particularly handsome today while she still felt a bit raw on the inside despite looking put together on the outside. But she did feel better that they were both dressed up. Cor didn’t believe in dressing up outside of a uniform or simply a Tshirt and jeans for everything, granted they were black jeans and black shirts, but still. The man owned one suit and one tux that Sylva had bought for him for the wedding.

Luche had a whole closet full of suits and shirts with gorgeous ties. All of the suits were tailored to fit him so he looked like a damn suit model half the time. Ada still noticed how it was Luche that got looked at appreciatively once they arrived in a teahouse full of women, he was the only gentleman there and those other women had looked at him like he was a snak. It both made her feel jealous that even hinted at possessiveness and made her so proud to be with him. But to Luche, it was like they weren’t even there.

“I’ve missed you.” Luche finally said after he ate his cucumber sandwich and they were quiet for a few long moments and Luche felt like if he didn’t say something his brain was going to explode because he wanted to say a thousand and one things all at once but he had to really be mindful of her and how she was feeling and make sure she didn’t feel overwhelmed and he couldn’t overwhelm her with his thoughts and feelings and emotions right now. But GOD was it hard.

“What are you talking about? You saw me yesterday. Plus you’ve been too busy babysitting me to do anything other than that, I haven’t been anywhere for you to miss me.” Ada gently argued as she took the tea cup and drank from it again, the warmth of the tea cup warming her fingers as the tea and his presence seemed to warm and soothe her soul.

“Not what I meant and I don’t babysit you, you’re an adult, if anything I just simply hang out with you.” Luche countered gently.

“Then what did you mean?” Ada tilted her head as she considered him curiously.

“Well... I’m legitimately scared all of this is going to change you so much, you’ll never be the same and you’ll never get to be your old self again, I’m going to do all I can to keep up with you and keep up with how this will probably continue to change you but...” Luche countered before he trailed off and looked away guiltily. He shouldn’t have said that or brought this up, this was dangerous territory.

Ada simply smiled sadly at him, not sure how to answer. “Are you sure you’re not missing something really important back at the office right now?” Ada questioned changing the subject as she felt a deep sense of dejavu.

“Nope, I don’t deal with anything that’s life or death, whatever is there can wait until whenever I get back, I got a new office when we came back and I'm still settling in and Sylva made sure I didn't get anything important that would need more attention than you, nepotism is fantastic sometimes plus you’re always way more important than any paperwork I could possibly do there, something Sylva and I completely agree on.” Luche insisted, looking back up at her, his gaze soft and his grin gentle as it turned reassuring and Ada felt warmed by the sentiment and she could tell he wanted to say more but forced his mouth to stay shut and let her have a moment of peace but part of her wanted to hear whatever he would say.

“What?” Ada asked, hoping that would help him say whatever he wanted or needed to stay.

“Never mind.” Luche shook his head no before he picked his tea cup up and sipped it again, trying to acquire his taste for it.

“Stop.” Ada demanded. “Everyone looks at me like they want to tell me a thousand and one things but no one tells me what they’re really thinking anymore and I hate it. Luche, I want you to be the one person on this planet who doesn’t do that to me. Just tell me what’s going through your head, don’t worry about offending me or hurting me or anything like that because out of everyone you’re the one who’s actively healing me and making me feel better and keeping me safe while gently pushing me towards recovery which is what I need. So just...keep talking to me, keep communicating with me. Stop holding back.” Ada pleaded desperately and Luche caved. She did technically ask for this so he leaned his elbows onto the table and leaned forward and made sure she looked him in the eye. Go big or go home and he was going for broke.

“Ok. I love you, I’m in love with you and I never fell out of love with you and I have never stopped loving you and the last 9 months have been a living hell for me because I haven’t been with you and when you broke up with me I felt like you took my heart with you and you never gave it back so I’ve been an empty shell ever since and no matter what I’ve done to attempt to move on or find someone else I’ve failed spectacularly because I’ve only ever wanted you. And it’s killing me keeping a respectful distance but if that’s what you need that’s what I’ll do. I thought I was going to lose my mind when this happened to you and only God knows what I would have done if the unimaginable happened to you because the idea of living in this world without you in it is abhorrent to my very soul. You are my whole world. So anything I can do to spend time with you, no matter what the cost to me personally is- is something I’ll always do if it’s for you, I got Kona and Kahlua for you, I got seven tea sets at home just for you, I have a whole cupboard in my kitchen that’s bursting at the seams because I can’t stop buying ridiculously expensive but hopefully really good tea in the hopes that one of these days you might love me back again and you’ll want to go home with me and use those tea sets and drink the tea and find even more tea that you love instead of going home to Cor when Cor isn’t even coming home to you, not in any way that matters anyway. He ignores you and has abandoned you mentally and emotionally and it’s all of my strength to not scream and yell at you and shake some sense into you to see what’s really happening and it’s killing me that you’re hurting and I can’t fix it and make it better and it’s killing me that you will probably never get justice when you are the most deserving person there is of it and I would give everything to go back in time and change everything and as angry as I am at Cor, I’m also angry and frustrated with myself because you deserve better and I’m trying to give that to you if only you would take it.” Luche finally spoke, his voice dropping to a low murmur so that he wouldn’t draw attention to them but it felt so good to finally get that off of his chest. But the look in his eyes brought tears to hers. The words were eating their way out of her throat as she stood as Luche did the same and came into his arms as he hugged her tight.

“I only ever want you too! I love you so much! I never should have left you, it was the biggest mistake of my life and I’ve done nothing but regret it ever since and I’ve been so miserable Luche, please, please forgive me, I’ll never be unfaithful to you ever again as long as I live! I want to be happy again, I want to be happy with you because you make me happy! You make me feel loved and cared for. Please, please take me to Cor’s house to get my stuff and take me home!” Ada wailed into his chest as she felt so safe and warm in his arms again. Like nothing could hurt her ever again.

“Oh thank God! Finally!” Luche exclaimed in relief before he kissed her, letting all the built up emotion over the last few months finally come to a head and kissed her like a man starved as she kissed him back in kind. He tasted better than he ever did. Luche paid for lunch and grabbed her hand and left with her and once in the car they made out again because it had been long overdue and they finally didn’t have anything to get in the way or hold them back anymore and once Luche finally got to drive back, Ada texted Crowe before Crowe texted the gang who all showed up at Cor’s house to help Ada move out as quickly as possible and made sure they got everything that was hers while Ada wrote a break up note to Cor.

Within the hour, they had gotten all of Ada’s stuff loaded into their vehicles and happily and super quickly they had her things loaded into Luche’s apartment. Even Baxter was happy to get moved to the new place and happily laid down on the third dog bed in the living room and stretched out after getting acquainted with the food and water dishes and the premium dog food and the little backyard and Sylva was cheering and dancing and leaping for joy in her office when she got the text from her kids and from Luche about the change. That and her and Tredd did win the pool since their friends had secretly opened a bet as to when Luche and Ada would get back together and Sylva had picked today and Tredd had simply added his bet with hers.

Cor came home and was relieved when it was peaceful and quiet and sat in his chair and relaxed for a moment before he frowned in confusion. It shouldn’t be this quiet. Maybe Ada was sleeping. He went upstairs and found his bed empty but made before he looked around and noticed Ada’s things were gone. Vanished like she was never there to begin with.

“Oh fucking hell.” Cor groused as he looked around and was relieved to find that his stuff was still ok, she didn’t do the whole- dump your shit into your yard- thing. Or destroy anything and everything she could touch- thing.

He went downstairs and found the note Ada left him on the kitchen island. It was surprisingly, sweet, fucking sad but still, he was surprised it was as...well put together as it was as he suddenly realized that Sylva had warned him, everything listed here was exactly what Sylva told him not to do that he had done. Hell, even Regis had repeated it, Clarus and Gladio too, it was all his fault, he had the perfect girl and he lost her because he was an idiot and an ass, he could have had it all but he blew it and she was gone forever. Now he could blame no one but himself for losing her. So he did the “sensible” thing, got into the cabinet and grabbed the first bottle of liquor his hand touched and started chugging.

Meanwhile Luche was all too happy to have Ada settle in and Ada found herself actually smiling to herself as she put her clothes away and put her toiletries in the bathroom and caught herself smiling in the mirror. She felt so much lighter and like she didn’t have to dread...anything. She knew Luche was always going to come home to her. Like she was more than just turning a page, she was snapping the book labeled ‘Cor’ shut and reopening the book marked ‘Luche’ and starting a new chapter in that one.

“You ok?” Luche asked as he came into the bathroom with her to check up on her.

“Yup,” Ada nodded as she finished putting her things away.

“What do you want for dinner?” Luche asked thoughtfully.

“I have no idea.” Ada shrugged with a little giggle.

“Do you want to go out or stay in?” Luche put to her as he leaned against the door frame.

“Stay in.” Ada decided.

“Well I don’t really have “groceries” groceries, but there’s a bunch of places that deliver or I will happily go and pick something up if they don’t deliver here so come on,” Luche invited and gently and reverently took her hand and led her downstairs to the kitchen where there was a drawer full of takeout menus and got them all out as well as got his apps up on his phone so he could order their first official dinner at home. Granted it wasn’t nearly as glamorous as he wanted it to be but at least she was here. He would make it glamorous later. Oh he was going to do the whole, candles, rose petals, sweep her off her feet big romantic gesture soon enough. Right now he just wanted to her to feel at ease and comfortable and not put any pressure on her at all in any way.

“Just tell me what sounds good and I’ll get it here, whatever you want.” Luche invited as Ada looked them over before they ordered several things from a few different places before Luche finally got changed into comfy clothes and came back down stairs to relax on the couch with Ada, happy to practically have her sit on his lap she cuddled so close to him with a throw blanket over both of them as the dogs still laid on them both, Kahlua especially getting as much of herself onto Ada as she could as Luche was damn near pinching himself that she was here with him, in his arms and back with him- while they waited for the delivery and simply watched TV in companionable silence and as usual the dogs alerted that there was someone there when all three got up and stared at the door, their tails wagging slowly but Kona and Kahlua didn’t bark because they had been trained not to before Luche got up and got the door and paid the delivery guy generously before he had to carry the bags high so the dogs wouldn’t sniff holes through the bags before putting them on the breakfast bar that separated the living room from the kitchen and started unpacking everything before handing Ada her food before they relaxed on the couch again, simply eating and watching tv. LIke it was just another day for them but he was happy they could at least be happy and content to just be and Ada was happy to just be and feel settled already.

When they had both eaten their fill Luche put the leftovers away and made a mental note to actually go and do some real grocery shopping with Ada before Ada came up behind and just hugged his back which got Luche to smile and hug her arms back as he couldn’t help but smile wide when he felt her nuzzle her head into his back before she came around and pulled him down to kiss her. Luche was supposed to be controlled when he kissed her but god damn, he couldn’t help it, before he knew it, he had her pushed up against the fridge because she was smiling into the kiss, fisting her hands into his clothes and trying to pull herself up onto him which he was all too happy to help as he lifted her and to have her wrap her legs around his waist had him almost past the point of no return.

“Oh God, wait, uh, I...you don’t have to, we don’t have to, if you’re not…” Luche tried to put on the breaks before he did lose control.

“Lu, if you don’t fuck me until I can’t walk straight right now, I’ll kill you, plus this place needs to be christened properly.” Ada insisted and that was all the permission Luche needed before he let the floodgates of his affections open and promptly carried her up the stairs himself as Ada cackled and started stripping her shirt and bra off.

A few days later they shopped at Pier One and several other places to decorate the place to really make it theirs while Cor after sobering up enough to go to therapy with Dr. Gentiana.

“So where’s Ada today?” Gentiana asked as she sat in her chair and got her notebook out even though she knew exactly where Ada was and what she was up to since Ada had gone to see her only a couple of hours before.

“She left me.” Cor answered as he handed her the note as Gentiana took it and read it over and made some notes.

“Cor, I’ve known you for years, I’d like to think over that time I’ve come to know you fairly well in that time, so now that you’re here, I’d like to do a little exercise.” Gentiana began and reached behind her and pulled out an inflatable bat and stood up before she hit Cor upside the head with it a few times.

“Ow, what the fuck Tiana?!” Cor asked as he shielded himself from her blows while Gentiana finally did what Ada, Sylva and so many others had wished they had done to him by just, wailing on him with this inflatable baseball bat.

“Really?! You took an 18 year old, exposed her to her first super traumatic experience, purposefully kept her misinformed and in the dark and then left her alone and on her own when you came home for days?! She was having panic attacks left and right and you ignored her! And you’re surprised she left you?!” Gentiana growled once she was done before she got straightened up and sat back down before she put the bat away before she looked questioningly at Cor who only hung his head in shame.

“Just because you’re jaded and callused doesn’t mean that she should be too. So here’s the deal, you knew better, you don’t get to hate Luche for picking Ada up when you clearly dropped her and you don’t get to blame Ada for being a human being and having needs that you clearly didn’t fulfill. This note was a kindness, read it before you think about entering into another relationship because I can tell you right now, every woman would do what she did. Now, let’s move forward shall we?...” Gentiana began as she handed the note back to Cor and continued with the therapy session.

#Magic and Miracles and Beyond #Magic and Miracles and Beyond chapter 11

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rosykims · 5 years

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DRAGON AGE QUESTIONS

tagged by: @nordxz thanks so much !!! *heart emoji*

favourite game of the series?

origins! although inquisition is very close as well. inquisition was my favourite for a very time, but like midway through last year i replayed origins and it just felt.....so good. i really struggled with enjoying dao because of the clunky fighting system but an amazing mutual introduced me to a mod that lets u skip fights basically lol, so i was just able to focus on the story/characters/exploration of the game, which just....made me realize how immensely beautiful the game actually is, and i fell in love all over again aaaaa

how did you discover dragon age?

i was a huge mass effect fan ! mass effect was the game that motivated me to make this blog, actually, and obviously through following people i saw a lot of posts from the da community as well. so i bought origins and inquisition (i had NO idea there was a da2 until half way through awakening lmao) and tried to play origins but HATED it gtrhutgrhugtr and then eventually gave it another try like a month later and completely loved it and now here we are

how many times you’ve played the games?

not as many times as some people on here have - i would say origins maybe four times, da2 maybe twice, inquisition three times. but that also doesnt count all the timesw ive created new games and then abandoned them lol bc theres too many to count

favourite race to play as?

love me some elf booty ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

favourite class?

at first it was rogue dual wielder ! i played as a rogue in every single first-time playthrough and idk i felt that class has always been the easiest/most op. but in the last maybe 2 years it’s changed to mage. ive always been super intimidated by magic classes in every game i play but i LOVE inquisition’s mage classes/specializations and i can never go back now

do you play through the games differently or do you make the same decisions each time?

im so so so bad and i usually end up making very similar choices, but usually bc i just......replay the same characters every time hgtuhgtruhgtrui. i REALLY need to make more da ocs to explore more choices but....i dont want to lol i already have to many. i still havent sided with the templars in a playthrough like i just cant do it

go-to adventuring group?

i always bring my characters love interest with them no matter what, just bc its cute, but usually i try to evenly cycle the other characters around that. i always try to have a warrior/rogue/mage in every party. but sometimes i’ll go warrior/warrior/mage/mage especially if i need to focus on straight damage and a LOT of healing lol

my favourite parties would probably be:

dao - alistair + zevran + wynne (wholesome and also funny)

da2 - anders + fenris + merrill (SO much chaotic energy)

dai - solas + cassandra + cole (i just love them ok)

which of your characters did you put the most thought into?

ashara lavellan, my canon inquisitor who was never supposed to be canon tghtgurhtrg. my original canon inq was a trevelyan rogue, who was super nice and good. i made ashara so that i could actually play as an evil/mean character without feeling bad lol, oh and i also wanted to see what the deal with solas was bc i had heard his romance was good ;;;;) anyway that backfired and i ended up completely falling in love with her, and i STILL couldnt make the tough choices with her so i was like ok maybe she isnt THAT evil and now shes just..... the way she is now i guess lmao

favourite romance?

trhhtruih okay u guys KNOW its solas. u know. i dont even have to say anythiing about it bc...u fucking know

(alistair’s is very close tho)

have you read any of the comics/books?

i havent :(((( im such a bad fan but i cannot deal with ordering online and thats the only place ive been able to find them. im planning on reading asunder and the masked empire as soon as i get the chance (and the money) tho !!

if you read them, which was your favourite book?

nope

favourite DLCs?

trespasser ! its pretty simple and very plot-driven like u didnt have to worry about side missions as much as u would with other dlcs so idk that was... refreshing. but obviously i loved it just bc it was so beautiful and intense and sad (since my chara romanced solas obviously) and that music score????? unbelievable i’ll never be over it

things that annoy you.

can i say the fandom trghuitgrhutrhui

mostly the thing that pisses me off the most is the grey morality. writers trying to make everything deep and Thought Provoking like..... no jerry, slavery IS bad theres no alternative viewpoint lol??????? also the fucking whitewashing makes me see red.

orlais or ferelden?

ferelden!!!!! (*blows a kiss* for highever)

templars or mages?

mages <3

if you have multiple characters, are they in different/parallel universes or in the same one?

i only have like 3 protag da characters and they’re all canon, although emeraude is an au. so ella is my canon warden and ashara is my canon inquisitor, but emeraude does exist in that universe, bc i hc she befriended the warden and alistair when they visited the alienage, and she was very outspokenly angry and didn’t really give a shit that alistair was going to be heir. which alistair really,,, appreciated i guess? so emeraude is made his official elven adviser after his coronation but she also kinda helps out as a royal protector because she’s one of the only people in court they both trust completely lol. also she is....stronk.

and the only other characters i have for da are obviously side characters who are related to my canon protags so. they’re all canon as well lol

what did you name your pets? (mabari, summoned animals, mounts, etc)

ella named her dog ser bark gthutgrhutghruihtr she thought it was cute ok

emeraude just went with barkspawn since alistair came up with the idea as a joke but she thought the joke was so bad she made them keep it as punishment vjhuightui

i dont really have a hawke oc but.....he named his dog shepard in my playthrough ! like from mass effect ;;;;)))

have you installed any mods?

origins is modded to hell and back and i genuinely couldn’t play the game without mods at this point. inquisition is slightly modded but im in the process of removing them all, and only keeping a few because my game runs pretty terribly with them installed

did your warden want to become a grey warden?

ella did ! but it was kind of,, a naive childhood dream, she had a really romanticized view of the wardens and she wanted a life of excitement and bravery and adventure, not really taking into consider all the bad things about it (and obviously not knowing the full truth about what it means to be a warden)

emeraude did NOT want to be a warden. she basically had to be dragged out of the alienage because she wanted to stay and protect her community. she never really enjoyed being a warden, although her friendship with alistair was its one redeeming quality

hawke’s personality?

uh i cant remember the colour/personality thing but he was a combo of funny/ethical. mostly there for memes tho.

did you make matching armor for your companions in inquisition?

for origins i do ! i always make sure alistair and ella wear the grey warden armour, as well as every warden in awakening. thats like, all theyre allowed to wear lmao.

if your character(s) could go back in time to change one thing, what would they change?

ella would obviously change her family’s murder lol, and emeraude would at least try and change what happened at her wedding, to prevent shianni and the others from being hurt.

ashara would change romancing solas :((( she was so angry at herself after discovering who he was, and she felt weak and foolish which she HATES more than any other feeling, so she definitely wishes she had never met him for a long time. after she kind of processes it though, and learns to deal with her anger, her answer would be that she wishes she had saved the chargers. it’s the one move she made that actually keeps her up at night sometimes.

do you have any headcanons about your character(s) that go against canon?

ghuitrhuigtrhugtr so many. canon? dont know her.

the biggest example would be that i hc king!alistair was at the winter palace during the wicked hearts level. because uh..... celene and the fereldan monarchs had been corrosponding for over 10 years, trying to build up rapport, of COURSE the king would be there to see who the potential ruler/s of orlais would be and whether or not he ought to be worried. like. im sorry but alistair was there lol you can’t change my mind. i also hc he helps ashara with information about the grey wardens during this chapter, because ???? it just makes sense??? im so angry i wish this was canon

are any of your characters based on someone?

ok it was unintentional but ashara reminds me of an english teacher i had in highschool who was very scary but also....really cool and i loved her. it was an accident but,, still counts.

who did you leave in the fade?

gtiturghtugh okay at the risk of pissing off EVERYBODY who reads this, i left hawke in the fade, even though it was a toss up between hawke and stroud. it was ashara’s fault tho !!! she would have 100% prioritzed an alliance with the grey wardens over like,, some guy. it broke my heart but yeah That happened.

favourite mount?

i like all the elk mounts mostly ! but i never use them bc they sound ugly af

tagging : @trvelyans @f3nharel @allisondraste @ensevens @tethraas @talizorah @fereldun if u are up to it <3 and whoever else wants to do this !

#/ long post #sorry this is so long i got carried away oops #dai #dao #da2 #personal

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baekhvuns · 2 years

Note

Ofc I'm messaging when MATZ is live! Hwa in his robe, uwu can't wait for mine to arrive <3

First of all I'm leaving Shinestarism again actually because WHAT THE FUCK now I will need that jaguar Hwa fic asap! This isn't him, this is Hala Hwa speaking... nothing against bunnies I love them, but he fucking meows, bunnies DO NOT meow, he had cat ears too. I hate this man, he ruined my life. 😭😭😭😭

https://twitter.com/1016Seonghwa/status/1518671864582840320?t=IBltqIkw_5yKb0jq320NIg&s=19

He's lying and for what??? His holo cat ears PC isn't expensive as fuck for him to write this shit 👿👿👿👿

Now, second of all I'M GONNA HACK YOU RIGHT NOW BETTER CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD. How can I read it when it's not even done, misssss?! So cruel to me, ehhhh it sounds so so good...

Haha yes I do have all the stationery lol, finally have a good excuse to buy more. I also had to figure the best way of packaging and now it's pretty fun! So I only co-host GO's for people I know and it's a very chill process now that we have more experience, we rarely fight and that's so relieving honestly. Sure we're jealous sometimes hsususjshshhw but it's all good. The last GO I co-hosted got a video call win and sure my friend was jealous, but she had no problem with me participating especially since she had work anyway. It can be intense between me and other Shinestars, but we manage somehow, it's much easier and less stressful, don't wanna deal with sus GOMs and especially give them fan call wins!

OMGGGFF Jab We Met sounded familiar so I had to google and I definitely saw it on tv ageeeeees ago! There was a time I was very into Indian movies and they were played on the telly very often, but I would literally not remember it if it wasn't for your description! But I can say I love this dynamic so much and the female character is so cool and fun. It's been done many times but I'm always into the seemingly polar opposites getting together - but only if it truly makes sense if the chemistry is there.

I don't know the other one but it looks and sounds so lovely and hilarious, so let me save the title. I also love watching and reading things about travelling since I'm a huge fan of road and holiday trips 😭

I've always been into Ghibli movies or Makoto Shinkai ones, they're just so magical. Like Howl's Moving Castle? Sign me the fuck up I could l live like that tbh.

Yes only DILF Hwa has rights in my book but I could do without all the drama with fucking my best friend's father 🤚🏻 yo, wtf I forgot about Addicting Kitten am I sick or something?! Properly was so nice too, wish it was longer 😍 Anyways, yes miss Baek let's have an Addicting Kitten reading session ksuysjshshsjsh

Ok, but why is Lucifer Hongjoong and Simeon Seonghwa.... lowkey, that's what it is 💀

I see another Lucy simp, he's a bit rough around the edges and a bit pushy at first, but sometimes you can be mean to him as well so it's cool 😅 there are times I'm like "bitch tf calm down" just to go "yes, sir" later... 🥴 plus in the end he's just a stressed eldest brother who also needs to fulfill his duties cause he kinda "belongs" to Lord Diavolo - seems like he likes him more than us MC sometimes but 🤡

I'm so sorry to other users kaudkahsjsbdhshshs, this shit is looooooong - DV 💖

HIHI

Ofc I'm messaging when MATZ is live! Hwa in his robe, uwu can't wait for mine to arrive <3

BDWMDBWK HE LOOKS SO EXPENSIVE 😮‍💨😮‍💨

LMFAOOOO RHWJHEWKHDWK JAG HWA ARE U SURE U WANT HIM 👁👄👁 bUNNIES DONT MEOW ABSOLUTELY, HES A CAT, HE WILL FOREVER BE,,,,, FBWNHDKS ME HES RUINED MY LIFE IVE NEVER DELULUED SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭

He's lying and for what??? His holo cat ears PC isn't expensive as fuck for him to write this shit 👿👿👿👿

HES A BIGASS LIAR 🔫🔫😭😭😭😭 FBWNDBWM PLS I BE SEEING PC’S FOR 200$ the only expensive pc i have is of taehyung and the limited group card from ly era i only realized last year 😭😭🔫

Now, second of all I'M GONNA HACK YOU RIGHT NOW BETTER CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD. How can I read it when it's not even done, misssss?! So cruel to me, ehhhh it sounds so so good...

BRWNDBKQ HACK IN PLS I HAVE SO MANY WIPS I JUST WANT OPINIONS ON IT 😭😭😭 FBNWDBWK no bc i be imagining the scenes of angst with bad liar by imagine dragons wearing,,,,, it’ll be so next level for me bc the yn lives at the dark castle on top of a hill where her kingdom is guarded by magic,,, everyone ridiculously misunderstands them 😭😭😭😭😭😭

AHHHH THE PACKAGING PART IS MY FAVOURITE i watch asmr for ppl with small business packaging their stuff and i just imagine u doing it too 😭😭😭 WHEN IS IT MY TURN TO BE HAPPY,,, omg is it all pretty and aesthetic omgomgomg this is so fun the process must be so tiring but rewarding in the end !!! OH WOWWWW A VIDEO CALL??? that person so lucky !!!! 😭😭😭😭 there’s so many sus gom’s ik it’s a little cheaper but i can’t find good ones at all 😭😭😭

NO WAY YOU HAVE???? FBWNDBWK 😭😭😭 omg ik the movies r extremely popular in europe bfmwbdms YES I LOVE LOVE THE DYNAMIC and im currently writing it for hongjoong but ik hwa will win anyway 😭😭😭 i love polar opposite’s, it’s like their chemistry together is better than those of ppl who r similar,,, the opposites attract is a very huge thing for me fbwndbk gives me 🦋🦋 even if in professions or personality,,,

AAAAAA it rly is lovely !!!! i can bet u will never find a movie like this particularly,, u will def relate to the main guy he has this YEARN to travel and it’s quite literally the movie of my generation bc it started this whole thing with everyoNE ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT !!!!!!

I've always been into Ghibli movies or Makoto Shinkai ones, they're just so magical. Like Howl's Moving Castle? Sign me the fuck up I could l live like that tbh.

YES YES YES those magical, whimsically, comforting movies with calm orchestral music is >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

YES ONLY HIM ONLY HIM like that man never gave the yn trouble, he only gave that d 😩😩 BRAMBDMANDMW I WAS SURPRISED BC IK UR THE BIGGEST ADDICTING KITTEN ENTHUSIAST DBDBDB,,,, YESSS PROPERLY NEEDS TO BE LONGER 😭😭😭😭 i wish it was like a big one shot id cry and scream,,,,, LETS GO BDBDBD POPCORN READING ADDICTING KITTEN

Ok, but why is Lucifer Hongjoong and Simeon Seonghwa.... lowkey, that's what it is 💀

im gonna need you to 🔫

LUCI IS A SIMP !!!! omg have u read good girl it ateezmakemeweep it’s LITERALLY LUCI (HWA) AND SIMEON (YEO) GRNWBDKW PLS I LOVE THAT FIC,,,,, LMFAOOOO “yes sir later” this is y/n in ceo hwa and he loves it ☺️☺️

I'm so sorry to other users kaudkahsjsbdhshshs, this shit is looooooong - DV 💖

DBMADBKWHDK IM SURE A FEW EVEN READ THESE AND LAUGH DBDB also omg side note, are u watching the johnny depp and amber’s case 👁🤚🏼

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

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psychostrilondes · 7 years

Text

HI IM GONNA WRITE MORE davekat because im disgustin

i made this little babie post that said like, dave hides in cramped little spaces like closets and laundry rooms sometimes and needs to be coaxed out, and ye!! its mostly when hes close to his version of panic over a delusion, oh no, oh no im not safe, where is, i cant find it, i need, i cant, everyones looking to kill me, im horrible, ive failed and im still failing, things like that? all hidden behind his flat mouth expression and No Words, and when it gets really bad the expression doesnt change at all but maybe he starts crying with how pent-up afraid he is and has to dip three fingers behind his shades to wipe the tears onto the sleeve of his god pjs , and, something has to Happen, and if theres no way to fight whats happening, and no one is around right now like its the middle of the night, the only option is to hide??

so imagine at like 4 am on the meteor or even in his lil house on earth c or just wherever, dave stalking down the hallways with his 1/2swordkind in his hands, clutched so freakin tight, and hes Cool and doesnt have much adrenaline even though hes scared bc he knows he needs to stay calm to fight if something jumps out at him, and there are so many perceived threats even though hes maybe actually totally safe, and hes on guard while he walks to ,,,, somewhere? anywhere thats more unfamiliar and cramped than his room, because whatevers stalking him would obviously know to check his bedroom for the man himself, so maybe he goes to the little walk-in food pantry they’ve got and shuffles aside some big bags of whatever of makeshift storage to hide behind them, or like, hides way back behind the laundry machines and, wherever, he curls up really tight with his knees to his chest and his specibus tucked away and ready to be drawn in a split second should he need it, and he’s so used to hunkering down in weird spots from his childhood, ugh, its just too natural and too bringing-back-memories, ugh, dangit

so he just kind of sits back there, totally hidden, and lets his adrenaline build up and he starts trembling and just kinds of , waits, for the feeling to pass, might , take a while , ah

and karkat and him have had this routine that he’s foregone today in favor of heavy dissociation, karkat hangs out in the main room with a book he’s reading and waits for dave to wake up even though dave wakes up like two or three hours after he does, its cool, he can use the reading time? its no big deal? its a big book anyways, but then, it’s four hours that hes been hanging out in the common room, and then five, and um, hes getting bored of reading, like u cant just read forever hehe

after five and a half hours he decides to go over to daves block and just wake him the heck up, itd be kinda cute to see him all sleepy and he totally has this image of messy-haired shadeless dave in his head, and hes kind of in a good mood, and he knocks, and theres obviously no answer so he punches in dave’s doors password like its nothing, nbd, and daves literally just

not in there

wtf ,,,, there goes his good mood hehe dave just Doesnt skip their whole eating breakfast together in the morning thing, either theyre about to argue or somethings kinda wrong?? is dave hurt or something?? did he get kidnapped by somebody on his way to the bathroom?? he laughs a little, and over the next hour he asks around for dave and gets a thorough “nuh uh” answer from just about everybody, and then, um, where the heck is dave. where’d he go.

after asking literally everybody he asks rose and kanaya last and kanaya sort of looks really worried?? oh no,, rose explains to him with equal worrie that maybe dave isnt feeling well, and we’ll keep an eye out, but she’s being freaking cryptic in the way karkat hates about her and he just leaves without unendingly pressing her about it bc he knows its useless by now lol

so for the next hour and a half hes just. looking where dave usually likes to go

dave isnt at any of his favorite spots, and if its earth c he even asks daves favorite cafe’s baristas if theyve seen him yet, and they say no, and its literally the afternoon?? um?? ugh

he’s gone freaking everywhere and karkat just ends up back at home or back where he started and he just ,,,,,, doesnt know what to do

its been hours and hours, its almost been like, all day, and karkat misses him, damniiiiiit, hes so sad :( in his Misery he wanders down the hall to make something to eat since he literally hasnt eaten , he ................... sees daves red outfit in the dark from where hes hiding under the shelving.........

wow , he just has this little second, like “um,” and he has this second to look and see his knees to his chest and his hands still clutching his hair, sort of frozen like that, and karkat crouches and says “dave..?” and dave startles and his hands re-clutch into white hair and oh no, oh god its happening, its happening im gonna die, oh no, this is just and im gonna be gone oh no fuck fuck and he cant stop some more tears from just Pouring omfg and he kicks out his cover, a big tub of whatever miscellaneous, and his 1/2swordkind is back in his hands and shielding his body from karkat, and karkat says “hey, whoa” and holds up his empty hands, “its just me dave, karkat, its karkat” and dave doesnt move, and his mouth is in a grimace, he totally just, caught that hes holding up his sword at his boyfriend?? karkat?? karkat’s here, this is karkat he’s looking at, and karkat just watches him, and settles a little when dave does, and his sword lowers a little as he falters, um, and he realizes he made a mistake, wtf omg

hahaha umm, but hes still so sure karkat is here to kill him maybe?? that might actually happen ,,, so dave does lower his sword and set it aside VERY slowly and cautiously without turning his eyes away from karkat, but he doesnt move from where he is , um,

and karkat settles out of his crouch and sits down on the floor there, and like, “have u been hiding here the whole time?” and dave stares at him like hes surprised karkats here?!?!?!?!? when did karkat get here wtf

an hes dissociating out of his darn mind, like it feels like hes been hiding behind this big box for years,,,,, and most of him feels like hes vulnerable with the box pushed out and away and he has to cover himself back up in case Someone Else comes in, and part of him is so happy his boyfriends here, karkat can make it safe, when he was upset earlier karkat was asleep and he couldn’t verbalize his emotions to wake him up or anything, omg, and dave just stares at him a whole bunch without even blinking, just taking in that his boyfriends here >w< dangit that would personally make me so happy too arg

karkat asks if he ate anything today, and asks when dave started hiding in here, and dave cant even process what hes saying to him but its okay!! karkat says, if you come out we can grab some food, i bet youre hungry right? and dave totally realizes that the cramps in his middle are actually from not having eaten and not from internal stomach insects and it must be really late in the day? and dave nods a little, and thats really good, really good that hes responding, honestly its been more than 12 hours and his back hurts really bad and his butts Beyond Numb and he could really use a blanket and a bowl of cereal .......

so karkat inches into dave’s hiding spot with him, sort of over the course of their conversation, and then by the time dave’s nodding or shaking his head to his questions karkat is back there in the dark with him, and he comments on how cramped it is back here what the heck?? how are u not atrophied?? and literally within One Minute dave is hugging him, he even initiates it because dave is a total cuddle monster, and they just sort of hug for a little while , and

theyre so cute :(

karkat instructs dave to shuffle out of there with him, and he helps dave up and supports his weight for a minute because his joints Freaking Hurt, and he holds him up until dave stops trembling and then they hold hands together really tightly and go and make something easy to eat like cereal or hot pockets or what ever

and then they eat the hot pockets

and its good

and dave still isnt talking but thats cool, hes still a little fragile, but its ok, dave is nodding and tapping his fingertips silently on his thigh and maybe he’s not feeling it yet but hes warming up, karkat can make up for the other half of silence , its really nice to get food in him, and within the next hour he says “what the hell, karkat” and then “you’d think they’d know how to make those” and its clear dave is gettin back in the swing of things :p

and that is the story of dave spending 16 hours hiding in a food pantry ... thnk u im garbage

#hs #psychosis #davekat #LONG!!!!!!!!

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