[tw: mentions of vomit and substance use, flashing lights]
james novak is a good christian businessman who goes to church and loves his wife. unfortunately for him, god predestined him to become the ultimate partygirl against his will.
Rewatching 04x20 makes me f e r a l, because 1) Misha Fucking Collins deserved to win an award for that performance where Jimmy is cussing out Cas 2) Cas gets tortured BECAUSE OF DEAN and 3) JAMES NOVAK DESERVED BETTER
in another world jimmy novak notices from a young age that he has a superhuman ability for endurance (as a result of his chosen status for vesseldom) of some truly wild shit (like the boiling water), and it sets him apart so starkly from his peers, some fascinated and some horrified in turn, that he ends up joining the circus. when castiel finds him, jimmy isn't an advertising salesman for am radio, happily married with a kid and a thriving place in his local church.
instead, he is sitting under the low canopy of a circus tent at night, passing plastic bottle vodka back and forth between a man who swallows swords for a living. the cold air of the night puffs slowly against their fronts as the show goes on through the open flap behind them, casting a warm yellow glow on their backs. laughter and gasps of shock and the soft explosion of the firebreather at work. above and behind jimmy, the only two places he has ever felt at home: the circus and the stars.