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thelaughingwitch · 6 years

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1. Shadow Work Series—Dealing With Powerful Emotions

Shadow Work is commonly understood as the unearthing of beliefs, desires and fears that hide within the sphere of our own subconscious mind. It is as esoteric or as secular as one may choose it to be. While some use divinatory tools, others do not. Witches or people who identify as pagan may choose to use magic and ritual to evoke powerful images. Ecstatic dance or altered states of consciousness can (when practiced safely) help to achieve a more open frame of mind, but to do so is not necessary. All that is needed a journal, a pen and a willingness to work.

For as many books published and blogs written on the subject, I find that dredging up uncomfortable and often disquieting aspects of ourselves is not easy. Many of us engage in such work without a necessary understanding on how to frame the emotions it can sometimes evoke, largely because we’ve never learned how. We struggle with overwhelming emotions and seek out shadow work for self-understanding, but when confronted with deeper trauma we may be hit with the reality that knowing isn’t always enough.

That being said, for my own benefit and the benefit of others, I’ve decided to undertake a series exploring my own quasi-esoteric practices in the pursuit of self understanding and share how I’ve applied dialectical behavioral therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy and other therapeutic practices to help frame the feelings that arise around shadow work. Much of what I share will come from texts written by actual therapists, whose books are available to be applied in and out of session.

Note: If you are currently attending therapy sessions or already have a pre-existing relationship with a licensed professional, I advise you to chat about whether or not these strategies are for you.

For those of you that don’t know what shadow work is, the link on the very first mention of the word shadow work should lead back to a very potent masterpost done by @unmaskingthedivine, with everything you need to get started.

Now, let’s get into it and see what we’ve got.

1. Self Soothing Strategies—Shadow Work & Distress Tolerance

So for this three part post, we’re going to look at three different ways we can deal with stressful emotional responses as they arise in our shadow work using a combination of dialectical behavioral therapy and personal insight. We can start out by employing what are called “self-soothing techniques.”

Whenever the overwhelming flood of emotions come during any given shadow work session and you no longer feel stable, cease all shadow working activity. Do not resume until you've taken a break. Remember that shadow work is an exploration of the subjective! Whatever you find will be influenced by how you are feeling. Furthermore, your wellbeing is what’s most important. Begin by self-soothing, first by putting the pen and paper down and distracting yourself. Avoidance is unhealthy, but believe it or not, distraction in the temporary sense is your greatest ally. Here are some suggestions:

a. Distract with pleasurable activity, taking a walk, engaging in a hobby that occupies the hands such as knitting, watercolor painting or playing an instrument. Dance. Absorb yourself in a book or video game for a measured period of time. Find something that draws your attention away from the feelings for at least half an hour, or as long as it takes for you to feel stable.

b. Soothe by engaging your five senses. Listen to calming music such as Marconi Union, lo-fi hip hop or soft, ambient tunes. Put Rainy Mood on in the background if you’re mellowed by the sound of rain. Chew gum if you enjoy the taste. Treat yourself to a food that you’re permitted to eat that you also enjoy. You can also use this as a distraction technique, if you find cooking pleasurable! Relax your eyes by scrolling through stimboards, like the ones done by @prideslime and @clearslime. Watch an episode of a low-stress television show you enjoy. If you have a pet, bond with them through touch (if they like that sort of thing) and if you have a pillow, give it a comforting squeeze. Take a shower at the temperature you prefer. If you like particular textures, try using a worry stone or a velvet cloth by keeping it in your pocket! Go to a bakery just for the smell. Try burning a scented candle. Cut out perfume cards from magazines.

c. Distract yourself with counting and breathing techniques. Count both the inhalation and the exhalation of each breath backwards from ten, focusing on the sensation of the air as it passes through your lips. Do this as many times as necessary. Count or solve math problems. Focus on things like word puzzles, sudoku or brain-teaser / neuroplasticity apps. Try things like Viridi.

2. Radical Acceptance: Seeing Things For What They Are

One of the most difficult parts of dealing with overwhelming emotions are our own innate reactions to them. Our automatic response is to repress, subdue or lash out against our natural disposition toward feeling. However in shadow work, feelings are essential. Emotions are often the signposts that help us interpret what it is that we’ve found. Radical acceptance does a lot to help us then, to not only accept our feelings but later use them to empower positive change.

So in order to change things about ourselves and throughout life in general, we must first accept them uncritically and as they are. That does not mean we have to approve of them! Once we’ve found something in ourselves we might not necessarily like or know what to do with, instead of immediately making up our minds, we can practice acceptance instead.

If we discover aspects of the shadow that we dislike or find painful, we can say the following:

Every choice both I and others have made have led to this moment.

I cannot affect what has already happened.

The present is all I can control. I am the only one who can change things.

Fighting the past only blinds me to the present.

What I discovered is what should be, given all that’s happened before.

I am the agent of my own rescue. I do not need to rewrite what’s happened to me.

Try practicing these things not only in shadow work, but also in every day life and you’ll be amazed. Once you’ve accepted any given situation, solutions begin to follow. “What is” becomes within your control; you become the arbiter of your own destiny.

3. Emotional Signposts: What Do They Mean?

After you feel adequately soothed, relaxed and in control of the present, you’re able to revisit what you’ve found. One of my favorite comics by @elodieunderglass talks about the emotional recognition, a concept I learned from an old acquaintance of mine. Emotions are actually our guide. Through learning more about emotional responses, we learn about ourselves. Sometimes when we assume we understand the impetus for an emotional response right away, we do ourselves a disservice. After the shadow work session, we can look at the material we journaled about within the framework of the emotional response we had and determine whether or not our findings were indicative of something more.

Did that feeling of hopelessness overtake us because we are objectively helpless, or was it due to a history of having our autonomy obstructed or taken away? Did our feelings of shame indicate that the quality or characteristic we found in ourselves was unacceptable, or did it perhaps indicate a discomfort with our own identity thanks to feedback by our families and friends? Were we angry because we truly wished to lash out in violence or is was it because we were masking a deeper, more vulnerable emotion and using our anger to regain control?

As we reflect on our shadow work within the frame of our own emotions, we stand to gain more from it. The more we become accustomed to our feelings and to coping with them, the less we behave in ways that are potentially destructive, avoidant or afraid. This way, the quality of our life may begin to improve in unexpected ways!

It’s my hope that this was of some help to you, if you’ve made it this far. It’s a pleasure to share my findings with you and my hope they help yield insight that help you to find some peace of mind. I’ll include references below!

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood and Jeffrey Brantley

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

#shadow work #mental health #dbt #dialectical behavioral therapy #therapy #shadow work series #original

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