#just realised how long it's been this semester went by before i could even realise 🤧

[v-hope]

Contigo pt3??🥺🥺pls when

i still have only half of the third part written 😬

#i might just do a time jump straight into the good parts lol #just realised how long it's been this semester went by before i could even realise 🤧 #ask #;c

[wri0thesley]

I am so sorry if this is invasive and weird, but may I ask what you work as? I'm at the stage where I have to build my future and I know you don't have an age specified but you seem to be doing really well (at least from the posts we've seen, again I really hope not to be invasive) for yourself and your partner and 25+ is still young! Again, I hope this isn't mean or weird, I'm just curious. (and severely nervous. First year of college is ruining me harder than any fictional man.)

ahh anon i'm afraid that the answer is probably not what you're looking for!

for the record, i am 27, i just find getting fandom older a little scary, especially having it listed right there!!!

i actually intended to be a performer and a singing teacher (my degree was going to be in music & musical theatre); unfortunately, due to a plethora of reasons (mostly my undiagnosed autism, unmedicated ocd/depression/anxiety combo, a nervous breakdown and my partner's physical health declining) i dropped out of my degree before the end of my first semester.

for about three years or so after that i was severely agoraphobic. talking 'can't answer the door' agoraphobic; 'never left the house alone, and even when with someone only went to the doctors and therapy' agoraphobic, 'rotted in my bedroom in an absolutely non romanticised way' agoraphobic. i was on the equivalent of disability because i literally could not function. meanwhile, my partner, who lived with me and my parents was getting physically worse whilst i was mentally struggling (since then haz has been diagnosed with ehlers danlos syndrome, fibromyalgia, lipoedema, thyroid issues and a lot of other things; they have a lot going on). i DID access several therapies, had . . . a couple of very bad relapses, went under crisis teams and all of that stuff (i had occupational therapy too which was HONESTLY i think one of the most useful things and helpful things for me in the long run; i cannot imagine what i would be like if i hadn't had the occupational therapist the crisis team found for me).

(coincidentally, if you are an og jojo follower you probably remember how bad it was; i've said it a hundred times, but running this silly little reader-insert blog probably helped save my life at a time when i had almost no contact with the outside world. i couldn't leave my bedroom, but i had my blog and i had my little internet friends and discord server).

i have gotten a lot better.

haz, unfortunately, has not gotten better physically and probably never will. they need help with a lot of things most people don't even realise disabled people might need help with. brushing their hair, fastening clothes . . . when haz first moved in, they were doing the same dance-intensive college course that i was. we danced maybe three or four hours a day. nowadays, haz needs me to hold their hand and keep them steady when they go from our bed to the bathroom (the room next door).

so i don't really 'work' as anything. well, my therapist would tell me off for saying that; the uk government classes me as an 'unpaid carer', which basically means i am on call for haz literally 24/7 and they pay me the pittance that is carer's allowance (carer's allowance assumes you care at least 35 hours a week, and pays you the privilege of about 45 pence per each of those hours. if, like me, you live with the person you care for and do more than those hours, it gets . . . yeah. oof. the government unfortuately know that most unpaid carers are loved ones and family members of the person who needs care and won't just stop doing it, and they'd be in the shit if we did because trained carers are expensive, so they can get away with that - FUCK the tories, honestly.

i am EXCEEDINGLY lucky that i live in a cheap area of the uk, that haz and i are internet savvy enough to be able to access carers/disability discounts, that we are in rent-controlled social housing (which my crisis team helped find for us because living with my parents was taking such a toll on us both, woo!!!!), and that we've been able to access services to help on the nhs. i got my autism assessment and diagnosis; haz is under several pain management teams.

all in all, i'm happy. i'm so much happier than i was seven years ago when i'd dropped out of university and felt like a huge failure, because all of my life i was a gifted overachiever and i thought my self-worth was tied to my academic achievements (and as an extension, what roles i got in what shows and when and who saw me and so on). i don't have a lot of money (i am a bargain shopped fgbnkjgjnfb) but i know what i like and because i'm Older Now (tm) i've amassed collections of it.

i am absolutely sure that you'll boss college, anon! that you will find that thing that works for you (one day i would LOVE to go back and get my degree! pre-covid i had an acceptance for a creative writing degree and i was getting ready to go back to uni as a mature student, but haz's health got bad again and then covid happens - and now ofc i have my autism diagnosis i can access so much more help!). but even if you don't, you can absolutely find happiness without 'traditional' success.

i don't have a lot in the grand scheme of things. but you're right in that i am doing pretty well, in terms of where i am, and where i've been. i have my own little home. i have my partner of ten years who is my soulmate in every conceivable way. i've had experiences that make me feel so happy i sometimes cry when i remember them. i have my own little cat now!!! things still stress me out. but i have come so so far and when i feel down i remember that.

good luck anon! i believe in you <3

#nat.txt

[pidayforpi]

[Personal, somewhat very emotional stuff]

This "burnout / stressed-out / depressed" episode of mine at the moment reminds me of similar episodes in the past.

Specifically, the summer of 2021, which some of my old DC buddies may know and remember about.

Actually, the pattern/symptoms/feelings are almost identical, which I don't know how to feel about. I am somewhat relieved that this is not an isolated incident (it never was, actually), and I know past experience tells me that things will get better; but every "relapse" feels just as bad (sometimes worse, like this time), and I personally fear the concept of relapse/moving backwards very, very much. It is a somewhat irrational fear - I know - but there was a certain period in my life that I would do almost anything to avoid going back to. That I fear I would fall back into.

And every time, this fear paralyses me. Because I never know when a small tripping stone of sadness can make me fall back into that abyss of depression - a place I can never, ever go back.

Although I know the sadness will pass eventually, I fear how long this time will take for it to pass. Because it once took years.

This time is arguably much harder to deal with, mainly because there is a continuing stressor going on. (I now realise stress makes me depressed, which is something I should have realised much sooner) Before, I was usually depressed after a stressor, so I had time and space for me to mope around without anything I need to do.

This time? The stressor is so continuous and long, I guess my mind decided it could not wait until the stressor ends to be depressed. So now I'm stressed and depressed. And I still have to go on.

Which is absolutely not ideal and honestly very terrible.

It has been consistently very hard since the year started, probably because I really can't do anything about it at the moment, when there is an exam, an interview, and a new semester immediately after. The situation was the same last year (minus the interview) - and I also felt stressed and depressed last year - but this year is much, much worse.

Mood is constantly very bad, with almost every symptoms/signs you can find online when you look up "symptoms/signs of stressed and depressed" (which were the same signs I had when I was stressed and depressed in the past). One thing new (?) is mood swings, when there are better times (usually at night for some reason, which was when I had the energy to write this), and absolutely pathetic times.

There are also a lot of worries. Some stupid but intrusive, some substantial but overwhelming. I guess it is because I am stressed in addition to depressed. A mind of depression alone would be mostly blank and empty, instead thoughts crashing every time and everywhere.

I know what I have to do. I know what I have to believe in, to tell myself. I have gone through this in the past, I should know. "Never despair, never run away." And I am trying, but it is just so hard when there are both internal and external obstacles at the same time.

I thought summer 2021 was already rock bottom, but this is undoubtedly a new low. I thought I would never have to go through such crippling episode again, but apparently no. I remember feeling the same feeling 2.5 years ago: The same depressed, hopeless feeling. Now, I know that 3 months later, when autumn 2021 came, things would be much, much better. Maybe 3 months later, when spring 2024 comes, things will be much, much better too.

But at this moment, it is just hard to imagine. Even if I can imagine, it is just hard to believe. Even if I can believe, it is just hard to wait even a day longer.

This "random thoughts" kind of went off course and turned into a full-on vent, when I originally wanted to write something slightly more positive / less emotional. Regardless, even if I don't have any motivation at all, I will try to write down my thoughts (among other things). I remember also telling myself to write down and share my thoughts back in summer 2021, which led to me at least reconnecting with my DC friends, with whom I had disconnected for 2-3 months suddenly. I still have the thought passages I shared with them 2.5 years ago, and when I read them again now...the feelings are/were just the same 2.5 years later.

Honestly I don't know how much I can do at the moment. I am only writing this when I am feeling somewhat better (and even then this is somewhat incoherent, sorry). The mood swings come quickly and last varyingly; and again, the stressor is still here this time. There are times I tell myself I will write out an infodump - sometimes even a short story - but then a sudden (negative) mood swing renders them only ideas and not realities.

The most I can do are "passive" things (even which I constantly lack time and motivation to do), like art-browsing and fic-reading (was reading a Paw Patrol story which triggered my Hinamizawa Syndrome infected brain). I would love to give more detailed comments to those wonderful artists - and I will try - but all I can do is try. There are also messages I have been wanting to send to some lovely people (as well as some asks/messages from lovely people that I absolutely have to reply to), but try is all I can do at the moment, unfortunately.

Looking back at the conversations/passages I have written in the past, I used to be more open about my feelings and thoughts (although I never was the type to wear my heart on my sleeves). This "openness" had led to some writings of mine which I now cringe at, but honestly I prefer those cringy writings than not writing anything at all.

I keep a list of "comments" I have given throughout different platforms (such as DC long conversations and Ao3 story comments) (the list is literally named "Insert Comments" in Japanese). I started to realise the list gets updated less and less frequently. And what I do say are getting shorter and boring.

Which - again, like most "bad habits" I have realised myself developing recently - is not ideal + I am trying + But there's only so much I can do in this circumstance.

Another bad habit I absolutely have to break is to be more active (which I know I have said many times). I used to go on DC daily, engaging in fandom/friend groups and a public gaming server where I had been somewhat very active in. These servers (and the people there) had been with me through difficult times, including said time in 2021. There had been times where I became suddenly inactive, but I would try to go back as soon as I can, even to just read others' conversations.

Now? I don't know since when, this routine suddenly became unimportant, that I can somehow do without. I have never been a sociable person, nor chronically online to start with. But withdrawing completely? That wasn't healthy of me, and I should have known that was a sign of something going on.

(But even then, what can I do about it? This is a question that keeps looping in my mind during these days, when I look back at "what I could have done better to prevent this episode from happening".

Honestly, I can't think of a solution. There is nothing more I can do.)

[Attached with a photo I took during a trip with my family back in December 2023. Mostly for them to visit some old friends, but we did go somewhere else as well. That was a beautiful journey. I would have really enjoyed it, or maybe even been inspired, if I hadn't been a depressed mess.]

[Funnily, we had also gone on a trip in December 2022, and I had also been a depressed mess during that trip. Before the Dec 2023 trip (and before I got depressed), I told myself to not be a depressed mess during this trip, so that I could fully enjoy the journey. Everything was going great. The trajectory was going absolutely well. And then I ended up being an even worse depressed mess.]

(12-1-2024)

#wrote this last friday night™ but the sentiment still holds (for now) #random thoughts #infodump

[jaeyunverse]

i wish you would write a fic where y/n said

"You deserve everything I couldn’t be"

to sunghoon

oo interesting tysm for sending an ask anon!! 🥰

You hadn’t seen much of Park Sunghoon for a month now.

It wasn’t intentional at first—you were busy with your life and school was taking up most of your time. Committing to a bunch of extracurriculars along with studying for AP classes barely gave you enough time to breathe, much less hang out with your best friend.

You still kept in contact, but the short, daily calls to check up on each other had reduced to texts that went unanswered for hours.

Sunghoon had cancelled plans and even gone as far as skipping skating meets to make time for you as per your convenience, but having fun with him was the least of your priorities.

As days went by, you realised he had become the least of your priorities. You hated yourself for always blowing him off, but you were too stressed about other things to worry about it for long.

Even though you wanted to, your circumstances weren’t allowing you to be a good friend to him. And now here you were, waiting for him outside class to tell him to branch out and find someone better.

“Hoon!” you exclaimed the moment you saw him exiting the room. “I know you’ve got P.E. but I need to talk to you. Can we walk together?”

The boy looked alarmed at your request, but nodded and let you fall into step beside him nonetheless. There was a mixture of confusion, surprise and fear on his face, and that only made you feel terrible about yourself.

Had you really become so distant that Sunghoon was finding you approaching him weird?

“Sure, yeah,” he said, “go ahead.”

Suddenly anxious, you took a deep breath and glanced at him. “I’ve realised I haven’t been a good friend these past few weeks and I’m really sorry for it. I keep saying no to hanging out, don’t call back even though I see your missed calls and answer your texts several hours after you send them.”

Before you could continue, Sunghoon cut in, “No, I understand. But does all of this mean we can meet now?”

Oh.

Your heart fell to the bottom of your stomach. You couldn’t believe you had led him to think you were there to make amends. Now how the fuck were you supposed to tell him you were there to talk him into making another best friend?

Laughing nervously, you said, “Uh, actually, I won’t be free till the end of this semester.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and muttered dejectedly, “Oh.”

“Why don’t you try hanging out with new people?” you asked in an attempt to do some damage control.

Sunghoon looked at you like you had gone crazy. “I do have friends outside of you, you know?”

Embarrassment heated your face. All of this was suddenly seeming like a stupid idea. “Right, of course—”

“But you’re my best friend. When we’re together, we don’t just hang out,” he continued. “We talk. We confide. I understand that my name is not very high on your list of important things, but I’m willing to wait for you. So if you’re here to tell me to replace you, please don’t, because no one will ever be able to reach the level of trust we’ve built.”

You found yourself at a loss for words. It baffled you, how quick he had realised your true intentions and how easily he saw through you.

“I just—” you finally started. “I just think you deserve a better friend. I think you deserve someone who has the time and energy to be there for you, listen to you and support you. Someone who isn’t so caught up in their own life that they neglect you. You deserve someone who can be everything I couldn’t be.”

“I’ll be the judge of that, Y/N,” Sunghoon snapped, halting in his tracks and grabbing your arm to stop you too. “I’ll decide who I deserve and who I don’t. Over my dead body will I willingly replace you.”

“But—”

“I can wait.”

“I know you can!” you burst out. “I know you’re capable of waiting for years, but I don’t know if it will be worth it in the end. I don’t want you to waste your time.”

“You will always be worth it,” he said, enunciating every word and looking you dead in the eye. “Always.”

send me an anonymous (or not) summary of the fic you wish i would write

#jaeyunverse asks #anon #ask games #SORRY this got wayy too long 💀 #also i ended it abruptly HELPP

[jaytmann2]

How I discovered sex True story part 53.

Fast forward 3 weeks and School started for the year. I was delighted to see I had Mr Phellps for maths again that semester. We had home room in the morning before classes started and my teacher called me over. She introduced me to this new guy Daniel and introduced us and explained to Daniel that I was new last year and hadn't been at the school that long so it might help having me show him round. Obviously my teacher knew I hadn't made many friends and might have been trying to help.

Daniel was short too, not as short as me but still short. About my build, short black hair, well dressed and like me had a slightly more feminine look compared to the local boys around here. Daniel was fucking gorgeous for a boy. He might have been the first boy I ever met that I actually looked at his attractiveness the same way I'd look at a girl. He was real cute. Like me his voice was a little softer and less blokey. We chatted and Ms Swanson had put Daniel in all the same classes as me so showing him around would be easy. We had English first up and Ms Swanson was our teacher as well as our homeroom teacher and she said why don't we take the class off to show Daniel around. We dumped our bags in our lockers and walked around and started chatting. I found out that he also came from Victoria and his old town was only 30mins from where I used to live. We hit it off straight away. He was funny, sarcastic and quick like me. The day went so fast. For the first time I was excited for school the next day.

I was in a great mood that night. I hung out with mum and Emma, helped out with Sarah till I decided to shower and went to bed.

Mum knew how much I hated the horrible school pants and got me a nice pair of Black Levi jeans instead and had prewashed them too. I excitedly put them on and dam they were a great fit. I decided going commando at school was a bad idea so I had underwear on my white school polo shirt on and my dark blue school jumper and my black Nike air max on........I looked fucking good if I may say, even mum and Emma said I looked great as I headed off to school.

When I got there, Daniel was waiting by my locker he too had black jeans on and looked GOOD! I noticed him eye me as we said hi and got our books and headed to homeroom and Ms Swanson seemed really happy to see us getting on so well. My other friends liked him and vice versa but Daniel and I really seemed to click.

At lunchtime he asked if I'd call him Danny from now on. We chatted with our group and after lunch we had maths. Mr Phellps seemed to avoid me but I didn't care. Danny and I were like two peas, it was scary how much we clicked. Danny said its like we were brought together for a reason.

Days passed and I was finally happy again for the first time in ages. We were chatting when we realised he knew my cousin Robby. Danny's mood seemed to change a little after that! I asked what was wrong and he seemed really reluctant to say. I asked what I'd done wrong clearly visibly upset and scared I was going to loose my new friend.

He asked if we could go somewhere quiet so we went to the library and sat by a table at the far end. We sat there and I asked again what I did? He said "you've done nothing wrong Jay it's just......" and stopped. He looked upset and scared now. I begged to know what's up. He said "if I tell you, do you promise not to ditch me and tell everyone?" I said "no way" he lent to my ear and said " I'm gay and people in my old town found out and made my life a living hell. You're cousin Robby knows I'm gay too so I'm freaking out" he also said "You're my best friend, the bestest friend I've ever had and I don't want you to go" he looked like he was going to cry. I was relieved that I hadn't done anything wrong and I lent over and whispered in his ear "it's ok Danny, I'm bi and no one knows so we are fine" Danny looked so relieved and things went back to normal and life was good.

When I got home, mum was out and I heard Emma moaning in her room, I knocked on her door with no answer, I opened the door and saw Emma naked from the waist down, headphones on and eyes closed, laying on her side and working a dildo in her arse! I quickly went to my room, stripped naked and ran back to Emma's room, my hard cock bouncing as I ran. I walked to the edge of her bed and just watched her! After a couple of minutes I reached out and touched her ankle startelling her, Emma opened her eyes wide before she realised it was me, smiled and pulled her headphones off and said "oh good it's you" I didn't reply I just climbed onto her bed, I moved her hand off her dildo, pulled it out and threw it on the floor, I layed on my side behind her and without saying a single word, I pushed my cock into her arse.

She was already stretched out so I was able to fuck her nice and easy right away. Emma moaned loudly and bucked her hips and butt into my cock. God she felt great. I try'd something new and reached over and stuck two fingers in her pussy and try'd my best to pound her pussy at the same time I fucked her arse. This drove her wild and she squirted all over my hand as her arsehole gripped my cock as it spasmed.

I cam in her shortly after that. Before we showered and we decided to start cooking diner to surprise mum when she got home. Emma sucked my cock in the kitchen just before mum got home.

A few days had passed. Danny and I were inseparable.

[bigolgay]

that’s a very good reason not to reply, don’t you think? sleep is important :)) i took a nap which is the reason why i’m only replying now :) have things calmed down for you a little this afternoon?

wait…your gym has a pool? i have never seen that before but that’s so cool! i would probably go there to only use the pool as well haha :) i can’t believe i’m saying this but i’ve come to enjoy getting up early or at least earlier…it’s like now that i have more energy i actually want to do stuff and not just lie in bed all day haha :) i guess we’re gonna see how stressful it gets, next semester is gonna be the most important one yet but i’m feeling weirdly optimistic about it :)

definitely not the end of the world, yeah…at first it felt like it but i realised very quickly there’s nothing i can do so i guess i’m over it :) THANK YOU!! i’m very proud of myself for this one :)) this should be the official description of seasonal depression, thank you! it’s my favourite season too, i just love witnessing nature coming back to life :) i will patiently wait for your arrival ;)

i would appreciate that very much, thank you :))

Hehe the best reason to not reply! Love sleep… even if my sleeping schedule doesn’t reflect that…🤣I hope you had a nice nap! Yeah, after the initial mad rush of this morning trying to get all the time sensitive stuff done it calmed down loads😌

Yes! Admittedly it’s not a deep pool at this gym, only about 4.5 feet deep throughout, but it’s deep enough to swim in! But I think pools in gym are relatively common where I live? Or at least there used to be one in the other gym near me… but that one has been closed for… basically forever🤣and I think there’s one with a pool in the next town over? Maybe? I dunno, i think I went there once years ago after I had surgery (not immediately after surgery, just in the weeks following🤣). Wow… you’re an early riser?? I’m not only impressed but also slightly jealous. I feel like I’d be so much more productive if I could naturally wake up early everyday… or at least not without needing a solid hour to remember how to exist🤣but I’m honestly so happy that you have more energy now and it’s helping you get stuff done!👏. I’m glad you’re feeling optimistic! I’m also feeling optimistic, as always, you have my full belief and you’re gonna kick ass this next semester!

Aw sweetheart☹️it always feels fucking awful in the following days after finding out you failed an exam, I’ve failed plenty in varying degrees and whether I failed by miles or by a mark, it always felt like shit. But as you say, eventually it does get better and you realise nothing can be done and you’ve just gotta move on🤷. YOURE WELCOME. And as you should be! You did great!🫶🏼it should be shown directly under the google definition of seasonal depression🤣. ME TOO. I used to have horses when I was a kid and watching the winter turn to spring was always my favourite. Especially because winter felt endless and incredibly miserable (dark by 5 and freezing… not great when you’re in a shoddy barn with shitty lighting and you’re trying to muck out stables or mix up food or getting their rugs on and stuff🤣). Oh and lambing season, that’s the greatest indicator it’s spring time🤣. But I just love it. Everything gets so green and happy and I love it😌I’ll try not to keep you waiting too long!

#a sweetheart has stumbled into my asks!

[drea-exclusives]

Week 2 — CNY Incoming 🍊🧧

So, it is only after yapping on and on about everything that went down in week 1 that I came to know that we don't actually have to write about what happened in our week for these entries. But since I've already jotted down about the events that took place over the past 2 weeks, I figured I'll include it for this entry anyway. Perhaps after this I'll write about both my weekly experiences as well as the thoughts in my head for my entries, it's quite fun albeit a little time consuming.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

If I were to have searched the readings for my zodiac sign this week, I have a pretty good feeling it would've said that I would be unlucky on Monday. By that I mean the 10 minute intervals I encountered while waiting for the MRT. And it didn't just happen once, but twice! Both the Putrajaya and Kajang train doors closed just before I could enter, leaving me 15 minutes late for class. Though this is a usual occurrence, I think I definitely need to start leaving my house earlier this year. The lecture was rather boring so I honestly didn't mind being a tad bit late, it was just English after all. The more memorable parts of this day I would say were the clear blue skies and fluffy clouds; I remember staring out the train windows with soft music playing from my earbuds adoring the scenery. Despite my love-hate relationship with the MRT, this visual experience is definitely something that makes my commutes worthwhile.

Tuesday was another driving day. This time I came to uni earlier and found parking easily without humiliating myself! I was pretty stoked by then as I had an hour or so to eat my lunch while watching my K-drama. I've been watching a new horror/thriller drama lately called "Gyeongseong Creature", which is frankly quite a shocker since I'm probably the biggest scaredy-cat amongst the people I know and would probably cry if you forced me to watch a horror movie. But since I had seen a few snippets and knew the rough plot of the show, I figured to give it a go as it looked intriguing (and it surely has been so far).

I also received a few positive feedbacks for my short story as we had to critique each others' works during class. This was quite a shocker as I had mentioned in my previous post about how I struggled to write that story and was a bit disappointed with the outcome post-writing. I feel like this was one of those times when I realise how critical I am of myself and how low my self-esteem truly is, and only through receiving praise and academic validation that I allow myself to feel deserving in life. Although this was just a small example, but moments like these make me reflect a lot, and was for sure a booster for my self-esteem telling me I'm more than the thoughts in my head.

I drove home that day, euphoric and with music blasting while I sped through the empty highways. I will say though, this good day was interrupted by unbearable heat in the evening. It was the type of heat and humidity that made you say "CNY is coming", as this incredibly hot weather was typically seen every CNY season.

Wednesday was a free day! We didn't have class since Ms Ashley was able to finish the lecture on Tuesday (thank you Ms Ashley for letting us sleep in 🫶). It was also the last day of January, which was a little weird as for the first time in a long while, a month actually felt like it lasted for the proper duration of a month.

I collected my laptop from the ASUS repair centre in Lowyat Mall today. Long story short, these 2 weeks going back and forth to the repair centre was a tedious process that had my parents saying to "not buy from ASUS after this". I was glad to have my laptop back without the fan inside revving like an engine; it really was quite hilarious yet absolutely terrifying when I had to bring my laptop to class last semester as I had no idea when it would start sounding like a motorboat.

The day ended with me (finally) starting to set up my Tumblr account and decorating it. The process of searching for layouts made me so reminiscent of the time I was on BTS stan Twitter. Scrolling on Pinterest for hours on end to find a header that matched the aesthetic of my profile picture, designing my account layout, and so on. I miss that era a lot, with all the online friends I met and experiences I gained so I'm glad I was able to do something like that again for this account in the efforts to make it a place I enjoy coming to.

(headers I saved while trying to design my layout)

I don't know why, but Thursday schedules are always the worst. It is yet another semester where I have morning to evening classes on Thursdays, but since my classes don't start at 8 am, I won't complain. To make matters worst, it was from this day that I started attempting to save my data and use the uni wifi as I was running really low on data (note to future self: please look into other data plans.)

Our first broadcasting class was today, and at the end of the class our task was to come up with a script on a given topic and record a video roleplaying a news anchor. Although my group had chosen another group member to be the news anchor, the role was handed over to me at the last minute. I found it kind of ironic that the person in the group who was the least likely to major in broadcasting ended up roleplaying as the news anchor, but it was kind of fun nevertheless if we ignore my anxiety levels spiking because of this sudden change.

Friday had finally come, and this was the last day of us meeting all our lecturers in-person. I was 5 minutes early for class which is a rare occurrence for someone with time management issues, but it actually felt nice not having to rush my way to class so hopefully this is something I can keep up next week. Having officially met all the lecturers for my courses this semester, I feel a little more at ease as the classes seem promising. I do hope this is the case for the rest of the semester since it is a rather long one.

After class ended, I headed to Tropicana Gardens mall just to look around, have dinner, and hopefully get some work done, since it was a Friday evening after all. I spotted a new cafe and decided that this was where I was going to settle my dinner and enjoy the rest of my K-drama. As a pasta girlie, of course I ordered the pesto pasta and it definitely did not disappoint. Would've definitely ordered a coffee if I hadn't already had one earlier in the day, so next time it is!

Saturday was another shopping day, with my parents this time. I had initially wanted to do my shopping after class on Friday, but seeming that my parents needed to shop for CNY too, hence we all went this day. To say that the mall was crowded would be an understatement, evidently since it was the weekend before CNY itself.

After browsing many clothing stores for hours on end, I only ended up getting a blouse, but the backstory for this blouse made it worthwhile. The store I had gotten it from was more of a boutique, with its prices ranging from RM100 to over RM300. I went in with no intention other than window shopping as it was way out of my budget, until I stumbled upon this blouse in the discounted section, originally priced at RM129 but currently sold at RM39. Even though this blouse (which was more of a fancy T-shirt honestly) was definitely overpriced, but it was still a steal after being discounted.

The funnier highlight of this day was noticing all the tired boyfriends in the mall, standing outside the stores with bags of clothes in their hands, tired and scrolling on their phones while they wait for their girlfriends to shop. There must've been a couple of them in every 1-2 meters from me as everywhere I turned, they were there undoubtedly. I found this quite amusing as someone who was single, and it was also a moment of gratitude for being single as I had the joy of spending time on my own without limitations and troubling others.

By the time Sunday came I was exhausted and aching all over from going out the past few days. Hence, it was a day to relax and take it easy. The only major event was following my parents to the market after lunch to buy some mandarin oranges! Once again, the weather was just ridiculously hot and having to walk under the sun carrying bags of fruits and cooking ingredients made me realise how much our parents do for us, especially in terms of food as food is such a significant part of Chinese culture. I'm grateful for the hard work my parents put in to always make sure there is more than enough food on the dinner table, and of course the daily cut-up fruit that is a symbol of their love.

Week in Summary

This week made me think and reflect quite a lot, particularly regarding my self-esteem and just how I feel about myself in general. I long for the day when I'm older and wiser and have more experience in life that I realise that I should've been kinder to myself. I say this because sometimes it's difficult to comprehend in the present; it is over time as you change that you figure out these things along the way and are able to look back and see how far you've come. But for now, I simply wish to have more faith in myself and to trust the process as it will lead me to where I need to be.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

Song of the Week! This week's song is another one that's been a favourite for awhile. Although the title may raise eyebrows at first glance, but the lyrics are really sweet once you've understood the meaning of the song. I listened to this song many times this week as I admired the bright blue skies; the soft, calming melody were extremely fitting along with parts of the lyrics incorporating different colours which reflected how I felt about life at the moment. Despite not having a lover to daydream about with these romantic lyrics, the melody itself feels really grounding and peaceful.

[starrprincesss]

It is almost my birthday.

I don't want to feel it, the ache of last years birthday. The memory haunts me. To remember it, I must feel it, I must feel it completely. And I don't want to go back to that day. But I must if I want to move on, I can't let it hover over me, I want to release it. So, here goes.

Last year for my birthday, I punished myself. There was this gaping hole inside of me all spring semester, but it was amplified in the month of May. I have always told myself that the best things happen during my birthday month, that life is sweet and the air feels inviting. So it felt a thousand times worse when I woke up on that cherished first day of May and realised that it would be the most painful month of my life. I was deeply alone in Paris, my spring semester I had managed to make one meaningful connection, to my best friend John whom I still love and adore to this day. But we both had the same ache, and we were both humans trying to survive, we didn't have the capacity to fully be there, which we weren't. In the month of may I drowned out my sorrows with drugs and empty nights, and so did John. I told myself if I could forget and not feel, that the days would be easier. But I found myself in the loneliest point of my life, desperately yearning for connection but rejecting it at all cost. I dreaded my birthday because I knew how ashamed I would feel, because I knew there was nothing to celebrate about myself, because I had nothing to be proud about - or look forward too. I felt like a failure, I was rooted in gutting myself alive, in making sure there was nothing left of me to like. The day before my birthday, May 25th, my wonderful friend Ting; who was staying with me at the time, took me out to have a nature day. We dropped acid in a forest, I was happy in that moment, I felt that it was just her and I and no one else, I felt connected to life in a way that I wasn't for so long. She said something to me that day that I have never been able to forget, we were laying on the ground twirling our hands up at the sky, I think I had said something along the lines of, "It feels nice to be here with you, it feels good to just be here, I feel like I haven't been really sat and just been here for a while" she looked at me and then up at the sky and said, "I think this is the first time you've been present in a while, I've felt that you have a hard time just being here, enjoying the present, I feel you now, you're finally here". I wanted to cry, I wanted to hug her and thank her for being my friend, for being patient, for seeing something inside of me, for choosing to see me, and still like me. But I was torn, and at that time I couldn't really feel anything, it felt like sadness had consumed me entirely that I couldn't distinguish it from normalcy, it had become my new normal.

We went back home and she convinced me to go to a rave with her on the outskirts of Paris. I agreed, I turned 21 there, in the middle of all those people, no one knew, how could they right? I remember that night, around 5am we were sitting down in the smoke room, some of the lights had turned on and I looked around at everyone there. It was a mess, but more so, it was heartbreaking. There was a couple to my left, the guy sitting on the couch was holding his boyfriend as his body and face contorted uncontrollably, a girl to my right was blinking aimlessly at the ground, a few people in front of me were passed out, everyone just looked so sad. And I thought to myself, "Is this really what I want my life to be like? Is this the peak of my existence, do I want to be like them? High out of my mind that I look disgusting? Repulsive even?". I had to leave, I said goodbye to Ting, I didn't want to end her night on my own melancholy and odd epiphany, it was my own discovery, my personal awakening to deal with. So I left, in the uber I kept thinking, "He doesn't know it's my birthday, he just picked up some random girl at 6am, but he doesn't know it's her birthday", part of me wished that as I opened the door he would turn to me and say, "happy birthday Elizabeth" but I knew that would never happen. I guess what I wanted more than anything was just to feel seen, was for someone to care enough about me to recognise my importance, even if just for one day. I got home and I took off my makeup, I went to the kitchen and I chopped up 6 strawberries, I poured whipped cream on top of them, I found the only candle I had in my apartment (which was a gigantic white candle, you know the ones people stick in wine glasses) I squished that on top. I found a lighter and the candle came alive, I sat myself on my bed, and as I held the sad bowl of strawberries and whip cream with the enormous candle, I felt my soul being crushed. I had no one to celebrate with, I had no one to celebrate me. If no one was around, the least I could do was wish myself happy birthday, so I held the bowl in my palms, extending in front of me, and cried as I wished myself happy birthday, I closed my eyes and blew out the candle. I felt myself vanish along with the flame, I couldn't stop myself from crying, I was alone on my birthday.

To punish myself even further, I took it upon myself to make sure that this day would be etched in my memory. I woke up at 9am and told myself that I must leave my apartment and not come back until midnight, hence it would no longer be my birthday. Sometimes my apartment felt like a black hole, but more so I needed to be out in public, with the sheer embarrassment of no one knowing me, but especially not knowing that it was my birthday. I wanted every stranger that passed me by, to be a reminder of my lack in peoples life, to solidify for me, that I meant nothing, that I wasn't special, even on my birthday. So I did just that, I put my phone on airplane mode so that no one could reach me, or know where I was. I took the metro and got off at a random spot, I told myself I wanted to get lost, and see where I would end up at. I found myself in the Latin Quarter of Paris, strangely I had never really spent much time there. I walked around, trying to familiarise myself with the area. I found an old theatre, and thought maybe it would be nice to treat myself to a movie. So I looked at what was being played, they were screening "In the Mood for Love" by Wong Kar-wai. I had always wanted to see that film so I went up to the pay box and I purchased a ticket, the movie had already started but I didn't care, I would've been fine with even just watching as the credits rolled by. I went in about halfway into the movie, I found an empty seat all the way in the back. The movie theatre was very old, a timeless old, with low ceilings covered in red velvet, in fact the entire room was red velvet, it consumed me in red. The chair was comfortable though, movie theatre chairs always are. But it was in French subtitles, I don't speak Chinese so that didn't help either, so I was watching this film not understanding anything that was being said, nor understanding the subtitles. It was up to me to interpret what was being said, and in a strangely beautiful way, it was up to me to understand the movie, in my own liking. But the two hours of sleep weren't helping and I kept finding myself in a constant battle to keep my eyes from closing, I ended up knocking out for a good minute, only to wake up at the end, realising I did not get the movie whatsoever, and stayed for the credits. To my right was a cute teenage couple, the French are always so obvious with who they like, I felt happy for them though, but it pierced me to recognise how void of love I was. Again, the reminder that I was deeply alone.

After the movie, I walked around for a bit, I found a couple food venders, it was mostly sweets that they were selling. So I bought some sour candy and noticed that the man to my left was selling Hungarian pastries, but especially those warm cone breads, you know the ones they roll in sugar and maybe even put Nutella in. I had gone to Budapest earlier that month, but never got to try them. So I figured now should be the time, I bought one and walked around as I ate it. Isn't it odd how every time we eat a sweet treat we are reminded of being 7 years old again? Of sitting on the ground and tasting the sweetness of life. I wanted to feel like that again, and oddly, I did, just for that moment. My phone was turned off and I forbade myself from turning it on and using the maps to find a restaurant, so I kept walking, hoping that something would catch my eye, but nothing did. When I think back to Paris, I am reminded how the asian restaurants there had become a sort of safe haven to me, a place of deep comfort and familiarity, because it reminded me of home, and the mix of cultures I was luxury to by growing up in the San Gabriel Valley. So finally, I found a Thai restaurant and decided that would be the place for me. I went in and they sat me down in the front, right in front of this huge window, that opened up into the street and allowed me to watch people passing by. I was turned away from everyone else in that restaurant, in a way it was nice though, I didn't have to feel peoples eyes on me as I sat there alone. In truth I had no appetite, because with every bite I pushed back tears, I wanted so badly to break down and cry. I felt the depth of my aloneness so strongly in there, I looked ahead at the bar in front of me, there was a man sitting down by himself as well, and we both made eye contact, there was something in his gaze that told me that he saw my sadness, my loneliness, that somehow he recognised it was my birthday and here I was, all alone. I looked away, I couldn't bare to be seen, to feel humiliated, so I did what I always do, and poured myself out in writing. I took out my journal, and wrote possibly the most depressing paragraph I had ever written, even to this day. Even now, I can't read what I wrote because what is embedded in that page is a girl full of anguish, full of remorse, shame, guilt, disgust, but most importantly full of fear. I closed my journal and looked at the time, it was 10 o'clock, I still had two hours to kill, I still couldn't go home. So I walked over to Les Deux Magots, and sat outside, I ordered a hot chocolate with whip cream, and tried to doodle in my journal. The server passed by as I was drawing and pointed it out, "Oh my god Picasso! You are Picasso, very good!" he proclaimed, I smiled softly at him, I hated that he saw what I was drawing but his joy managed to cheer me up, even if just for a second. It was finally nearing midnight and I ordered an uber back home.

When the uber arrived part of me felt elated, it was 12:01, no longer my birthday, it was no longer a day that could weigh down on me, I was free. When I got in, the uber asked me if I was from Russia, to which I laughed and said no but everyone always thinks I am, oddly it is the best compliment. He laughed and asked me if I was sure, he told me he was from Georgia and could always spot another Eastern European, but I laughed again and told him that I was actually Mexican, he could not believe it. He asked me what I had been up to, and I got the strangest urge to tell him that it was my birthday and I had spent it alone. So I looked at him and said, "today was my birthday", "Today is your birthday?" he answered, but I realised that it was midnight and that today in fact, was not my actual birthday. So I corrected myself and told him, "Sorry, yesterday was my birthday", but his broken English and my confusing answer didn't help, "So the other day was your birthday" he said. "I am just as confused too" I answered, he just laughed and said "Well happy birthday to whenever it was", it was nice though, I liked that we both shared in the confusion of such an odd day and conversely such an odd conversation. He finally dropped me off, and I made my way back into my apartment. Ting was still awake, I didn't want to see her, not because of anything, but I just didn't want her to wish me happy birthday, I didn't want to explain what my day had consisted of, I didn't want to let her down, I didn't want her to feel bad for me. But she caught me, and said happy birthday, asked where I went, and showed me the quiche she had purchased me for (we have an inside joke with quiches so it was a tender gift). She explained that she had planned to spend the day with me, but I couldn't have. All I could tell her was thank you but that I needed to be alone. The truth was, I wasn't actually as alone as I make it out to seem, I had a wonderful friend living with me, and a best friend in the city. But I was the one pushing them away, in truth it is much better to have a small amount of dear friends to spend time with rather than a large group of superficial "friends". Because those are not real, because there is no real feeling, no deep connection, no actual care.

When I finally took my phone off of airplane mode, the stream of messages came in. Because I wasn't actually alone, maybe physically everyone that was close to me wasn't able to be present with me that day, but it didn't mean that they had forgotten about me. I was still loved and cared for, even if I couldn't see it, even my ex had managed to send me a text, a much more thoughtful one then the one I had sent him (I apologise). So I sat there, phone in hand, reading over the paragraphs from everyone, of how much I mean to them, and how much they wish me the best. The problem was that I just couldn't see that in myself, I couldn't feel that love for myself, I couldn't recognise that I was special. I am writing this now because this year, it is so different, everything is so different, my life is so different, I am so different. I no longer feel like that helpless, lonely and afraid girl in Paris, I feel good about myself, I love who I am, I show up honestly and truthfully, I show up as a good friend, as a good daughter, as a good sister. I care for people now, but most importantly I care for myself, and I would never let myself punish myself like that on my special day. And now, I am back in LA, and I have the most wonderful of friends, I have people in my life who genuinely care for me, who want me to be okay, who care for my future, for my health and my sanity, friends that love me without explanation. My best friend jacky and her sister came by earlier this afternoon and surprised me with a mini fruit tart, she played Mexican band music as I walked up to her car, she had put a candle in the tart and lit it, and told me to make a wish. Something so simple you know, but it touched me in the most beautiful way, because she cared, because she did something in loving thought of me, because that's all I would've wanted in Paris. Without even asking she did that, and that's what I mean about this time of my life, that I don't even have to ask people to be good to me, they just are. Because that's who they are, because I've allowed myself to be vulnerable and open to connection, because I've finally told myself that I am worthy of good friends and love, but most importantly, I am worthy of being loved. To Summer, I say thank you, for being patient in me even when I would only respond back to her in single sentences, for showing me genuine care, for allowing me to enter her life, for being a friend that makes a job feel like a moment of sanity in which I can act like a complete fool and not be judged, for standing up for me, for being someone that I cherish beyond words, for being a friend that I see for the rest of my life, you are the light of my life. To Jacky, oh man I could never have the words to describe who you are for me, or the many ways in which you have changed my life. Meeting you again in Paris after all those years, was the best decision of my life, you are the sister I never had. I would give my life for you, I love every part of you, you are love in all its forms, beauty in every aspect. I thank the world for you every day. And to John, where do I even begin. You are my soulmate, you saved me in Paris, if I had never met you, I don't think I would be here right now, writing this. You are the person I prayed for the entire time I was in Paris, my connection with you goes beyond this existence, you have been my best friend in every past life, in every universe we have always found each other. When I think of you too deeply I can't help but to cry, because the love I have for you is too much, because who you are to me means too much. I can never imagine my life without you, without your humour, wit, and quick comebacks, you mean the world to me. And I love you, I will love you forever, even in the afterlife. We are connected forever. And to all my friends as well, I hold you all tenderly in my heart, always.

Now, I'm not chasing the feeling of love, I am loved, and I give love back. I wish I could go back to who I was on that day, I wish I could hug her and tell her that life is worth living for and that soon one day I will wake up and feel so proud of myself, that one day I will wake up and life will be sweet again. I regret nothing, I had to experience it all. I love you Elizabeth, happy birthday.

Love,

Elizabeth Sainz.

[chaeryybomb]

TRAITOR

pairings: female reader x lee heeseung

summary: you thought lee heeseung was the best boyfriend you could ever wished for. but they did warn you about long distanced relationships. at first, you convinced yourself that it was just your insecurities taking over. but your gut feeling has never been wrong

genre: college au, lovers to exes, fluff, angst, sad ending

featuring: kang hyewon, shin ryujin, lee chaeryeong, lee daehwii, yang jeongin & zhong chenle

word count: 10.4k

warnings: breaking up, mentions of insecurity and cheating, arguments, strong language

the sour series masterlist

Setting down the final box on the ground, you released a sigh of relief and stretched your arms upwards. The satisfying sounds of your joints popping gave you a sense of relief as you stretched. Then you felt a pair of arms snake around your waist. You smiled as you took in his familiar scent. You reached up to touch his neck as Heeseung pressed a kiss to the side of your head.

"Thank you for your help, lovely," he mumbled in your hair.

You turned around in his arms and clasped your hands behind his neck, toying with the back of his hair. Lee Heeseung was looking at you with pure love in his eyes and you couldn't be more happy. "I can't believe we're both finally in university," he said, squeezing your waist.

"Hmm yeah, finally out of high school," you hummed. "It's sad that we didn't get into the same university though," you cupped his left cheek, rubbing his cheek lovingly with your thumb.

Heeseung nuzzled into your hand, slowly drawing you closer. "I can always drive to your dorm, it's just a three hour drive from here."

"Or I can drive to you," you replied.

He scoffed, "Yeah if you get your driver's license," he teased.

You rolled your eyes and softly punched him on the chest before pushing yourself away from his embrace. "Listen, not all of us can miraculously pass on their first try okay," you defended yourself but Heeseung just laughed at you.

Although you tried to act like you were mad at his joke, you couldn't wipe the smile off your face as you sat down on his bed. Currently, the two of you were in Heeseung's dorm. You wanted to help him move in before you had to leave. Heeseung and you were high school sweethearts, the school's loveliest couple. And you've been together ever since then. Today marked a new milestone for the both of you as you had finally graduated from high school and now both of you were accepted into different universities.

The both of you had decided to do what's best for each other and went to different schools. It was for the sake of your future, you didn't want to cause a commotion just because you guys were three hours apart. Plus, it was just three hours. Heeseung could always come visit you and video calls were a thing. You're friends were scared that the both of you wouldn't survive a long distance relationship but you had faith in each other. And that was enough.

Heeseung was lucky to have a room all for himself, whereas you had to share a dorm with two other girls. His room was small but big enough for one person. You knew Heeseung was a simple man, if it had a bed and a table, that would be enough for him. A knock on the door caught your attention, you suddenly remembered that you guys had left the door open when you were moving boxes.

Outside the door stood a pretty girl with long blonde hair. She was really pretty, you noted. She looked so natural as a blonde as well, you couldn't help but thought. The pretty girl sent both of you an awkward smile and waved. You stood up and walked to her, somewhat excited to make a new friend.

"Hi!" You greeted her with a smile, you felt Heeseung behind you.

"Hi," she mirrored your smile. "I'm Hyewon, I'm from the room next door," she pointed out.

"Oh! I'm Heeseung," the taller boy introduced himself. "And this is my girlfriend, Y/N," he smiled at you.

"It's nice to meet you, are you both music majors too?" Hyewon asked. It was common for Hyewon to ask that, considering the university Heeseung applied for is known for their music stream. Heeseung was extremely talented, being blessed with a heavenly voice and all. It was his dream to pursue a music career. Thanks to you, he found the courage to do so,

"Oh no, just him. I don't actually go here," you immediately told her. "I actually go to George University instead."

"Oh! So you're a theatre major then," Hyewon said, surprising you a bit. You nodded in return and Hyewon's smile seemed to grow wider. The university you applied to was quite well known for its theatre arts course. "That's so cool, I'm a theatre major too!"

Your eyes lit up in excitement and you stepped closer to the blonde, eager to learn more about her. But before you could ask her anything, your phone chimed. You gave her an apologetic look before checking your phone. "It's my mom, she's asking when I'll be home. I still have to pack up," you said disappointed. You really wanted to talk more with Hyewon so the both of you could geek out. (And spend a bit more time with Heeseung.) Hyewon looked disappointed too that you couldn't stay longer.

"Let me drive you home," Heeseung started to move to get his keys but you placed your hand on his arm to stop him.

"Nah, it's fine," you shook your head. "I can take the bus home."

"Then I'll walk you to the bus stop," Heeseung said with determination. He was gonna make use of whatever time he had to spend it with you, even if it was for five seconds.

You realised that there was no way of rejecting him, so you just chuckled and said, "Alright, let me grab my bag then." But Heeseung was already one step ahead of you as he had already gone to get it for you. You sent another smile to Hyewon. "It was really great to meet you, Hyewon. I hope we can talk again soon," you told her.

"Likewise Y/N, have a safe trip home," she bid you goodbye before returning to her room.

Heeseung appeared behind you once again, sneakily slipped his fingers through yours and pulled you out of the room. He locked the door with your bag on his shoulder, he looked like he had the intention of not letting you hold it.

"C'mon," he tugged your hand and you giggled, falling into step with him.

The walk to the bus stop felt quicker than it should be, much to your dismay. The bus stop was empty besides the both of you. As the two of you stood under it, you mindlessly swung your intertwined hands back and forth. Heeseung laughed at your action. He released your hand and you looked up curious on why he did it. Heeseung moved so he was standing behind you and wrapped his arms around you, effectively back hugging you.

Your lips tugged upward at the position you were and you held onto his arms. Slowly, he started to rock you back and forth. "I'm gonna miss you," he suddenly said.

You couldn't help but let your smile falter. You were gonna miss him too, you're gonna miss him so much. "This is the first time where we'll be so far apart, I think I might die without you," he rubbed his face into your hair as you laughed at his words.

"I'll call you everyday, Hee. I promised," you assured him with a pat on his arm. The taller boy only hummed in reply but you felt him move his arms to your middle so he could bury his face in the crook of your neck. You giggled when you felt him peppered small kisses up around your neck.

"I love you," he mumbled before pressing a loving kiss to the top of your head.

"Love you too," you leaned back into him.

Just in time you saw the bus in the distance, which meant your time with Heeseung was ending. As the bus slowed down in front of you, your boyfriend finally reluctantly let you go from his slip. "I'll see you soon, okay?" you promised him. He nodded and leaned down to give you one more kiss before you entered the bus.

Sitting down, you waved from the window and he gave you a smile. Oh god, you already missed him. Heeseung watched as your bus left the station. You sighed, leaning back into the seat. This was the beginning of a new chapter of your relationship, and you have faith that the both of you will be okay.

"Thank you," you said to the barista as she handed you your coffee. With your free hand, you pushed the front door open. The November breeze welcomed you once you stepped outside, your coffee warming your fingertips. Your phone then started to ring in your pocket. You fished your phone out and a smile crept onto your face when you saw the contact name.

"Hello, love," Heeseung greeted as soon as you picked up. You smiled at him, holding your phone in front of your face.

"Good morning, Hee. I just got my coffee," you showed him your coffee like it was a little trinket. Heeseung laughed at your child-like action. The second semester was almost ending and your relationship was still going strong. The both of you were consistent with the video calls and text messages. You'd be calling him at the end of every day and the two of you would talk about your day till one of you fell asleep. (Spoiler: It was usually you.)

And now your second semester as a couple is ending, the both of you had decided to retreat back to your hometown during the break like you did during your first break. So you could bask in each other's presence and visit some old friends. It was slowly starting to become a tradition and you couldn't ask for anything more.

"So, how was your audition?" Heeseung asked as you walked past a group of band kids, sending them a smile as they waved at you.

At the mention of the audition, your smile turned into a pout. "Rejected, as usual," you sighed. You have auditioned for almost every play in your school but you were always rejected or chosen as a background character if you were lucky. You knew that there were a lot of talented students in your school, but you felt dejected each time.

"Sorry, love. I'm sure you'll have better luck next time," Heeseung told you with a sad smile. "I wish I could hold you right now."

You looked at him with a sad gaze, "Me too, Hee." You couldn't lie that long distance relationships were hard, everyday was spent through a screen and you yearned to be next with him physically. During the first few weeks, you told yourself that you would get used to it after a while. Spoiler alert, you still haven't gotten used to it. "But enough of that!" You said, waving away the depressed aura and taking a long sip from your coffee before letting out a sigh. "Our break is coming up and I can't wait to see you."

At the mention of the break, you noticed how Heeseung visibly flinched. His eyes suddenly weren't looking at you anymore, averting his gaze to the side instead. "We are going to be seeing each other, right?" You inquired. But you were met with silence, you stopped in your tracks when Heeseung didn't say anything. "Hee?"

"Actually, Y/N," he started to say and you felt your heart sink already. He didn't call you "love". Some may say you were being dramatic, but Heeseung only used your name whenever something was serious. You're not going to be able to see him during break, your mind told you. You knew it was the most possible outcome, but you hoped that you were wrong.

"I'm not going back during break."

And there it was, what possibly could have been the worse news for you. "Oh," was all you could say, your fingers tightened slightly around the plastic cup before you plastered on a fake smile. "Well, there's always next semester," you assured him, but it felt more like you were reassuring yourself. This was going to be your first winter break without Heeseung.

Heeseung smiled at your reply, a twinge of sadness in him but he brushed it off. "The reason is cause a senior from the film department asked me for help," he explained. "You see, there's a music video competition and he asked me if I could write a song for it."

Your eyes lit up in excitement. "No way! So they're gonna shoot a music video for your song?"

Heeseung nodded with a big smile. "Yup! It's such a big project, like they're bringing in some of the theatre kids as the actors and we're gonna start filming, like next month."

"I'm so happy for you, love," you told him truthfully. Internally, you were scolding yourself for feeling sad that he wouldn't be free during the break when he has something big going on in his life. Stop being so selfish, your mind scolded. Of course you felt a bit blue but this was a big opportunity for Heeseung, imagine if they won the competition. He would finally get some recognition for his music. And the fact that the senior chose him to write the song meant that people were already starting to appreciate his songs and his voice. You were being selfish, like a child.

As Heeseung continued to tell you about the project, you resumed your walk back to your dorms. You listened to him intensively, capturing every small detail in your heart. It was rare for you to see him speak so passionate. Music was his passion, his safe place. You knew that and you wanted him to live a life where he could make his dream a reality. A singer on the bright stage with thousands, no, millions of fans to appreciate his vocals.

You managed to reach your dorm just as Heeseung was being called for off screen. A feminine voice was calling from him and you easily recognised it. "Is that Hyewon?" You asked.

A few seconds passed and a familiar looking pretty blonde came into view. "Y/N? Y/N, hi!" The blonde waved at you enthusiastically, Heeseung was slowly being pushed out of the frame. You could tell he was scooting over to make space for Hyewon. An uneasy feeling slowly sprouted in you when you saw how Hyewon and Heeseung were sitting too close, but you shoved it down when the blonde girl grinned at you.

"Y/N!"

"Hyewon!" You responded with the same enthusiasm, which made the two of you burst into a fit of giggles.

"I'm so sorry for disturbing your time but Chan is looking for you," she apologised, the last part directed to your boyfriend.

"Ah, it's okay, I understand," you said.

"I'll talk to you later, okay? Love you," Heeseung said once Hyewon was out of frame.

"Love you too," you replied and your phone screen turned black, your reflection staring right back at you. You were frowning. With a sigh, you stuffed your phone back into your phone pocket to unlock your front door. Your coffee was now cold in your hands and the uneasy feeling from before was slowly creeping back in. You did not like it one bit.

Chaeryeong and Ryujin thought you were being dramatic, they were right in a way. But you were too busy missing Heeseung to be bothered. You missed his warmth, his voice, the way his hands perfectly fit yours when he held them. you missed the way you laid your head on his chest when he sat behind you, you could always hear his steady heartbeat. It always lulled you to sleep in seconds.

You let out a long and loud sigh as you flipped onto your back on your childhood bed. You had returned to your hometown one week ago, which also meant another week without Heeseung. Your best friend and roommate, Chaeryeong, was the one who drove you both home. The last time you saw her was when she dropped you off at your parents home. And you've been dwelling in your Heeseung-less days ever since.

Reaching over to retrieve your phone, you moved to open your chat with Heeseung. The last text message from him was from this morning. It was just a simple "good morning" text, and you replied with the same message except you added a heart emoticon at the end. And the message was on delivered. Not even on read. You don't know which one was worse.

Your phone suddenly dinged and you immediately sat up straight, thinking it was Heeseung. But your shoulders sagged in disappointment when you saw it was just a message from Jeongin. If Ryujin had seen you right now, the short hair girl would have called you a "lovesick fool". She was right, of course but still.

[2:42 pm] jeongin: guess what

[2:44 pm] chenle: what

[2:44 pm] jeongin: guess

[2:45 pm] chenle: no

[2:45 pm] chenle: just tell us

[2:46 pm] jeongin: g u e s s

[2:46 pm] chenle: n o

[2:46 pm] jeongin: guess goddammit

[2:48 pm] ryujin: jeongin i stg

[2:48 pm] ryujin: i will break ur kneecaps just tell us

[2:49 pm] jeongin: ugh fine theres a amusement park and i wanna go

[2:50 pm] chenle: its winter

[2:50 pm] jeongin: yeah and

[2:50 pm] jeongin: is there snow? no

[2:51 pm] jeongin: so therefore, amusement park

[2:51 pm] ryujin: i-

[2:52 pm] chaeryeong: where is it

[2:52 pm] jeongin: its like a 2 hours away from here

[2:54 pm] ryujin: and who tf would be driving us genius

[2:55 pm] jeongin: y/n bc she loves us

[2:56 pm] y/n: since when

[2:56 pm] chaeryeong: and shes alive, great job jeongin

[2:57 pm] chaeryeong: u pulled her out from her depression

i[2:58 pm] y/n: hey im not depressed >:(

[2:59 pm] ryujin: hm sure

[2:59 pm] y/n: >:(

[3:00 pm] y/n: also i dont have my drivers license yet dumbass

[3:01 pm] jeongin: ah right i also forgot y/n cant drive

[3:01 pm] jeongin: ryujin it is

[3:02 pm] ryujin: whAT I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS

[3:03 pm] chaeryeong: lets meet up at jeongin's place then

[3:03 pm] chenle: cool with me

[3:05 pm] ryujin: HEY DONT IGNORE ME

[3:04 pm] y/n: sure!

You stifled a laugh as you read Ryujin's message. Then, you switched to check your chat between Heeseung and you. It was still on delivered. Maybe he's just busy with filming and recording. Yeah, he's probably busy. Stop being so selfish, Y/N.

Yang Jeongin just had to choose the coldest day of the year to go to the amusement park, didn't he. You silently thanked yourself for dressing up in an extra layer, unlike Chenle who looked like he was about to die from frostbite. Whereas Jeongin had a huge grin plastered on his face as he looked at the Ferris Wheel ahead. You rubbed your hands together, bringing it to your mouth to blow hot air at it. You heard the car door slam shut behind you and Ryujin walked next to you.

Families lined up at the ticket booth, laughter and chatter filled the atmosphere. You spot some couples around the area as well, the sight of them tugged at your heartstrings. You wished Heeseung was here with you, he would've wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel with you.

Chaeryeong linked arms with you and Ryujin, leading the two of you to the entrance. The boys already beat you guys to it, you realised. Once Chenle handed you your ticket, you were immediately dragged to the first ride that caught Jeongin's eye.

After a couple of hours, you found yourself resting on the bench with a cup of hot chocolate at your side. Your social battery was empty and you didn't know where the rest of your friends had gone. Ryujin may have mentioned going to the restroom, you're not sure, you were too tired to keep up. So here you were, on the bench next to the Teacups Ride.

You watched as the visitors walked past you. Some were students with their friends laughing as if it was their last day on earth, children giggling as their parents lifted them up in the air and couples sharing a loving look. You fiddle with your phone, debating whether you wanted to text Heeseung or not.

The both of you had called each other last night. You couldn't see him but his voice sounded tired. You felt bad for calling him. Maybe it was for the best if you didn't. You picked up your hot chocolate, the warmth spreading through your fingers as you blew on it. Your body relaxed once you took a sip, enjoying as the warmth spread through your body. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a very familiar looking coat.

You saw a couple walking together, he was wearing a coat that looked identical to the one you gifted Heeseung last year during Christmas. It was almost as if that was Heeseung, well his back kinda looked like his and Heeseung was about that height as well. But it couldn't be him, his school was almost three hours away from here. Plus the girl beside him was blonde, she kinda looked like Hyewon.

What are the odds of those two being here, you laughed. But when those two stopped in their tracks to look at the Ferris Wheel, your entire body froze right there and then. That was Heeseung and Hyewon together. What were they doing here?

Your body reacted immediately by standing up. Heart beating rapidly, you were about to walk towards them when you saw Heeseung laughing at something the blonde said. A gnawing feeling grew in you, he was laughing with her. He was at the amusement park with her. Not you. Her.

And he never mentioned anything about going to the amusement park, let alone the same one you were going to. Your feet stayed glued to the ground as you watched them get into one of the carts. Why was he here? Why didn't he tell you? Why was he with her? Why? Why? Why?

You saw Hyewon stopped from getting into the cart and she stretched her hand out while she looked up in the sky, Heeseung following her. It was snowing. It was the first snow. And Heeseung spent it with Hyewon, while you watched from the sidelines. They looked like an actual couple. Snow started to fall, your hot chocolate was losing its warmth and jealousy filled up instead. The noise drilled out of your ear so all you heard was a low buzz, your gaze burning on the two. You didn't notice Ryujin walking towards you.

"Jesus, the line was so long that I-" Ryujin stopped mid sentence, her eyes following the direction of your gaze. "Y/N?"

You walked past her without saying anything, chucking the drink into a trashcan.

Your phone felt heavy in your hands as you paced around your room. You knew your eyes weren't wrong. It was Heeseung and Hyewon at the amusement park, you could tell it was him from a mile away. After that incident, you went to find your friends and told them you wanted to go home because you weren't feeling well. It was partially a lie anyway, you didn't feel comfortable. You don't know what you would do if you had stumbled upon them.

Thousands of questions echoed through your mind. And you couldn't bear to ask Heeseung. You knew you had questions but you didn't know what to ask. Why didn't you tell me? Why were you with Hyewon? Why wouldn't you tell me?

Your phone suddenly rang, causing you to jolt in surprise. The phone screen lit up with his name in bold. He was calling you. Without thinking, you accepted the call.

"Hey, love," Heeseung's smooth voice greeted you.

"Hey," you replied, making sure your tone was steady. You were silently grateful that it wasn't a video-call so he couldn't see the nervousness in your eyes.

"How was the amusement park?" He asked.

You bit your thumb, hesitant to answer. Should you tell him that you saw him today? "It was fun, a lot of people thought," you hummed, moving over to sit on your bed.

"You know, funny story. Today we actually went to an amusement park too," he suddenly said and you froze on the spot. "They decided to film there so we went there in the afternoon, it started snowing too!"

You felt a weight was lifted from your heart. So it was just a pure coincidence. Heeseung never planned to go to the amusement park, he just went with what they said. "It would've been funny if we bumped into each other, don't you think, love?" He laughed but you couldn't find the energy to laugh along.

"Yeah," you mumbled, leaning back into your pillows. He was there to film for the music video. He's busy with the music video. It's always for the music video. You trust Heeseung, don't you?

Winter break went by like the cold breeze and now cherry pink flowers occupied the empty branches. Flowers were blooming from the left and right, the cold winter was now in the past and you welcomed (the still cold) spring into your arms. Which meant you left whatever uneasy feeling and doubts in the past.

You were currently in Heeseung's dorm. Today was a big day, it's the day where they were gonna upload the music video and Heeseung wanted you to be there to watch it with him. Heeseung picked you up from the bus stop and then took you out for lunch. Thankfully it was the weekend so you could stay for the night.

Heeseung was at his desk, his thumbs typing away as he laughed silently at his phone. You wondered who he was texting. Maybe he's texting Hyewon, your mind taunted. You shook your head to drive the thoughts away, you were not going to be paranoid. You already left the bitter feelings in winter, you agreed with yourself that you'll leave it behind. You trust Heeseung.

"Who are you texting?" Yet the question slipped out of you either way.

"Huh?" Heeseung looked up, like a deer caught in headlights. "Oh, uh no one," he quickly said, turning off his phone and placing it on his desk. "I think the music video is uploaded," he added before you could question him more.

He moved to his bed, where you were sitting. You scooted over to make space for him as he sat next to you with his laptop propped on his lap. He clicked into his senior's channel, Jeong Yunho, you took note. And there it was, the music video, uploaded forty five seconds ago. You let out an excited noise once you saw it.

"Not for sale," you read the title out loud. Heeseung had a proud look on.

The music video started off with a frame of Heeseung and Hyewon facing each other, then he handed her a note with the words "Not For Sale" on it. The camera then panned out to film the sky where the title appeared again in bold, and the song started to play. The song had a bubbly beat to it and Heeseung's angelic voice accompanied it. The music video was filled with pastels and some scenes were filmed at the amusement park. Specifically, at the carousel. There weren't any scenes of the Ferris Wheel though, you noted.

The video ended with Heeseung and Hyewon holding hands as they face the sunset, while the camera slowly zooms away from them and into the sky. The last scene was a black screen with all the credits listed out. When you saw Heeseung's name being credited for writing the song, you felt a sense of pride inside of you. Your boyfriend wrote this song, of course you're going to be proud.

Once the video ended, you threw your arms around Heeseung. Heeseung laughed as he wrapped an arm around your middle and the other holding onto his laptop. You planted a big fat kiss on his cheek and he tightened his hold on you.

"The song was so good, Hee! I'm so proud of you, babe," you complimented him, one hand reaching up to ruffle his hair while the other cupped his cheek.

Heeseung smiled and leaned into your touch. "Thank you so much, lovely. This song means a lot to me," he kissed your nose. "I actually thought of you when I wrote this song," he confessed.

You blinked at him, your heart beating faster as you processed his words. You were kneeling on his bed as he looked up at you, pink dusted on his cheeks. Instead of saying anything, you threw yourself onto him, tightly wrapping your arms around his torso to buried your head in his neck. Heeseung let out an "oof" when you knocked him back onto his bed, his laptop on the edge of his bed.

"I love you," you mumbled.

"I love you, too," he said. His hand reached up to stroke your head as the both of you laid there in each other's embrace.

A few minutes passed and Heeseung tapped on your head to get your attention. "Hm?" you hummed in reply.

"I need to go pee, love."

"No," you said stubbornly, tightening your arms around him.

"Please, love. I'll be back fast, I promise," Heeseung told you, looking down on you.

You lifted your head to rest your chin on his chest as you narrowed your eyes at him. "Hng, fine," you pouted before you rolled off him.

"Thank you, lovely," he pecked your lips before pushing himself off his bed, not before moving his laptop to his desk.

You watched as Heeseung left his dorm to go to the restroom. You stretched your arms upwards, making grabby hands in the air before sitting up. You reached over to his desk, which was next to the bed, to get your phone when you saw Heeseung's phone lit up. You knew you shouldn't have looked but when her name was in bold white, you couldn't look away.

[4:47 pm] hyewon: can't wait to do it again hee!

"Can't wait to do it again?" You read the message out loud. Can't wait to do what again? And since when did Hyewon called him "Hee"? That was your nickname for him. The bitter feelings from winter crept back into you like the cold seeping in through the crack of your window. Why did you feel so uneasy whenever Hyewon was alone with Heeseung? Was there something going on?

No, they're just friends, Y/N, you reminded yourself. Just friends.

The door opened and your eyes snapped up to see Heeseung returning from the restroom. Suddenly, you wanted to get out of here. You don't know why, but that text message from her just rubbed you the wrong way and you wanted to get out of there before you say something you regret.

"Ryujin just texted me that she needs my help," you lied. You stood up to grab your coat and bag from the chair.

"Woah, woah, what's with the hurry?" Heeseung took a hold of your wrist as he looked at you. But your eyes didn't meet his.

"Ryujin has an emergency, she needs my help," you said again, this time firmly.

"Oh," his grip on you loosened and you pulled your hand back to you. "I'll drive you back-"

"No, it's fine," you cut him off. "I-I'll take the bus home. I'll call you tonight," the words rushed out of your lips and soon enough you were out of his door.

You did not call him that night.

You ignored Ryujin's questions when you reached your dorm, she didn't press on. Now it was Sunday morning and Ryujin had left for breakfast. You felt bad for leaving Heeseung like that and ignoring Ryujin when she just wanted to help you. And you knew you should've talked it out instead of walking out. Sighing, you curled deeper into your blanket.

After a few minutes, you threw your covers off and sat up. Maybe some warm breakfast would make you feel better. So you went down to the cafeteria to see your friends all huddled up at the corner.

"Y/N, just in time!" Jeongin called out. Curious, you walked towards them and saw that they were watching Heeseung's music video.

"The song is so sweet," Chaeryeong cooed, leaning onto you.

You let out an awkward laugh, not quite sure what to feel because of the act you pulled yesterday.

"It has almost two thousand views. I bet you must feel so proud, huh," Chaeryeong said.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you nodded. Now you feel even more bad, Heeseung wrote this song for you and you should've stayed at his dorm to celebrate with him. Instead, you left because you saw one text message without context. You were being a bad girlfriend, you should apologise to him.

"Who's the other girl? She's really pretty," Jeongin suddenly asked.

"Ah, that's Hyewon. She's his neighbour," you explained.

"Hyewon? As in Kang Hyewon?" Daehwii suddenly said. He was passing by when he heard you say her name and pulled a chair across Jeongin. You nodded. "Oh, I know her," he casually said.

You tilted your head to the side. "You do?" Jeongin leaned forward. You heard Ryujin mumble "simp" under her breath, and you bit back a laugh.

"Mhmm," Daehwii nodded and pulled out his phone. A few seconds later, he showed his phone screen and it was Hyewon's Instagram. "I went to the same high school with her, she was really popular. All the teachers said she had the face of an actress. There was a rumour that she even got scouted by an entertainment company."

Ryujin reached over to grab his phone to scroll through her account. "Woah, she has like two hundred thousand followers," she said in amazement. You leaned closer to Ryujin to check, Hyewon sure was popular.

"Yeah, she's a free-lance model and I think she models for smaller brands," Daehwii added.

You couldn't help but feel very small next to her. She was beautiful and she had somewhat of a reputation in the entertainment industry, a rising model. Imagine what kind of connections she could get for Heeseung…

"I bet Heeseung wrote this song for you," Ryujin suddenly said, smoothly switching the topic back to the song.

You felt your cheeks to warm up at her words. Sheepishly, you nodded. Your friends immediately reacted with a chorus of "ooh"s and Chaeryeong playfully nudged your shoulder. "Fuck Romeo and Juliet, I want what these bitches have," Jeongin quoted and the rest of you fell into laughter.

After breakfast, you and Ryujin strolled back to your rooms with your arms linked together. She was telling you about what happened when you weren't here yesterday. "And then he said and I quote "sometimes bullying is okay" just as a family was walking by, the mom was literally glaring at us," you laughed as she told you. "And then- oh," she stopped, and you stopped as well. She was looking ahead of you so you followed her gaze.

"Heeseung?" His name left your lips before you could even process the whole situation.

Heeseung waved awkwardly at you, internally wincing when you used his full name. You and Ryujin exchanged a look before Ryujin pushed you towards him. You stumbled right into his arms but you took a step out of his arms, you rubbed your forearms instead.

"What are you doing here?" You asked him.

"Ah," he rubbed the back of his neck, "I wanted to surprise you since you left early yesterday. I hope you were able to solve Ryujin's problem."

At the mention of Ryujin's "emergency", you stiffened because you didn't mention that you had used her in a lie. You could feel her eyes on you and mentally hope that she got the message.

"Uh, yeah. It was solved," Ryujin replied with an awkward chuckle. "Actually, I forgot I had to meet up with Chaeryeong so it was great seeing you, Heeseung." You turned around and mouthed a "thank you" at her and she gave you a look as if to say "we are going to talk about this later".

And then the two of you were left alone in the empty hallway. Was it always this awkward?

Heeseung stood awkwardly in your room. This was the first time he looked so out of place. Usually, you were the one at his dorm. He doesn't come over to yours that often since he was more busy than you. So it truly was a surprise when you saw him outside your door.

"So, uh, how are you?" He asked.

You hummed in reply. "I'm doing fine," as you sat down on your bed.

"Great! That's great," he coughed while he played with his fingers.

And then the awkward silence returns. You knew it was your fault for walking out yesterday, you probably made him think he did something wrong. When really it was just you refusing to communicate. You gripped your sheets, your mind running laps on what to say. But he beat you to it.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Your eyes snapped up to finally meet his eyes, he was looking at you with brown innocent eyes. Your heart broke a bit at the sight. "It's not you," you assured him. "It's…it's just me," you told him truthfully.

Heeseung looked at you with confusion, he didn't understand what was wrong. He wanted to help but he didn't know how. So instead, he slowly moved to sit next to you. When you did not move away, he took it as a sign of permission. So he took your hands into his, slowly rubbing circles on top of your hand.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"Love, what are you even sorry about?" He softly asked.

"I saw you at the amusement park that day," you confessed.

Heeseung's fingers stopped moving. "Oh," was all he could say. You bit the inside of your cheek, the atmosphere shifted but you can't read him at all.

"I'm sorry," you whispered again because you didn't know what to say. "Ever since that day, I've been feeling weird whenever I see you with Hyewon and I don't like it."

"Love," he softly cupped your cheek to make you look at him, "are you perhaps jealous?" he asked with a teasing tone. You shifted your gaze to the side, you were jealous but you were reluctant to admit it. But your avoiding eyes already sold you out. Heeseung chuckled and brought you into his embrace. "There's nothing to be jealous of. Hyewon and I are just friends," he assured you.

His voice was genuine when he told you and you felt a sense of relief hearing him say those words. You fell forward to hug him and Heeseung immediately accepted you. He planted a kiss on the top of your head and sighed. "Next time we're gonna be honest with each other, okay?"

"Okay."

Heeseung was right, honesty was the key to maintaining a healthy relationship, Heeseung has been nothing but truthful to you since the start, and you allowed yourself to be overwhelmed by your insecurities instead of talking it out. This reminded you of when Heeseung once shut you out because he didn't want to burden you.

He hid his passion for music from you because he thought you would react like his parents, against him. He refused to tell you the truth which left you confused and hurt. Did I do something wrong? The question was constantly in your head. It wasn't until you forced it out of him, and it was the first time you saw his composed figure break down in tears. You embraced him and assured him with comforting words, you loved him at his worst.

And you told him the exact same words: "Next time we're gonna be honest with each other, okay?"

Exam season was the most painful time of your life. Everyday was the same routine: wake up, eat, study, sleep and repeat. You're starting to spend more time in the library than in the comfort of the dorm. Heeseung was just as busy as you, the both of you rarely have enough time to check up on each other. But you tried and so did he.

You plucked out your earphones and let it fall into your lap as you stretched your arms upwards. Chaeryeong and Ryujin were scattered around your shared room, with the latter laying face down on her bed. The three of you had spent your entire morning studying for your own examinations. You had sent Heeseung a quick good morning text before telling him that your phone will be on silent mode until you were done.

That was six hours ago. You pushed your laptop away from you as you reached over for your phone. You smiled when you saw your first notification was from your boyfriend.

[8:15 am] hee <3: okay remember to stay hydrated love! and take some breaks in between!!!

"Look at her, smiling all lovey dovey and shit," Ryujin sneered at you in disgust as she lifted herself onto her elbows.

You stuck your tongue out at her before typing a reply.

[3:52 pm] y/n: guess who's done studying?? 

While waiting for his reply, you decided to scroll through Instagram. Tapping through people's stories, you stumbled upon Hyewon's one. (She had followed you a few weeks ago.) Your thumb pressed down on your phone screen as your breath hitched. It was a photo of Heeseung, it looked like he was in the library and he was reading a book. The words "with mr. hardworking" positioned above his head. You tapped through to the next slide and it was a candid of Heeseung looking up at her with a smile, his hand outreached to grab her phone. This time the words "oops, got caught" were written on the side. You checked and saw it was posted ten minutes okay.

You frowned at the two photos. You knew Heeseung said they were just friends, but you couldn't shake that uneasy feeling away. Your mind was telling you that they weren't but your heart was with Heeseung.

"Who's that?" Chaeryeong suddenly asked.

You jump, startled. Since when was she behind you? Chaeryeong ignored your expression and leaned towards your phone. "Isn't that Heeseung? Who's he with?" She asked.

"Hyewon," you answered.

Ryujin crawled over to plop down next to you, her curious eyes peering up at your phone. "The same girl we saw at the amusement park?" The short-haired girl asked.

You looked down at her, shocked. You never told her about what you saw last winter. Ryujin understood your expression and rolled her eyes. "I'm not dumb, Y/N," she said.

Chaeryeong looked between the two of you with confusion. "Did something happen when we were at the amusement park?"

"Y/N saw Heeseung and Hyewon getting on the Ferris Wheel together."

"Ryujin!"

"What?" She shrugged at you. "We did see them there and it was the reason you were upset," she stated with her arms crossed, now sitting crossed legged next to you.

Chaeryeong gasped beside you and placed her hands in front of her mouth. "Do you think he's cheating on you?"

"Chaeryeong!" Ryujin hissed at the other girl. "Heeseung isn't the kind to do that," she defended him despite what she said before, "right, Y/N?" Ryujin nudged your elbow.

You opened your mouth to defend your boyfriend but no words were said. You bit your lips, Heeseung wouldn't be the kind to cheat, right? Then why were you hesitating? You wanted to agree with Ryujin and say that Heeseung would never cheat on you. So why were you doubting him?

"I'm just saying, long distance relationships never work out. Like Yeji and Soobin, they broke up like six months later," Chaeryeong shrugged innocently and leaned back on her hands as she spoke.

"But that was different, Yeji never really liked him anyways!" Ryujin countered.

"Vivi and Haseul! Everyone thought they were gonna last but they broke up the moment Vivi went home, and they were together for four years. Four years, Ryujin!" The younger girl exclaimed. "Point is, long distance relationships rarely work out."

Before Ryujin could retort, your phone lit up and all three of you looked down. It was a notification from Heeseung.

[4:01 pm] hee <3: hey sorry i was with taehyun

The three of you blinked at the message, Ryujin and Chaeryeong exchanged a look. While you just stared at the notification, refusing to tap into the chat. Did Heeseung just lie to you?

Something shifted in your relationship, you could tell. Calls with Heeseung were now cut short and text messages got short. At first, you blamed it on the upcoming exams and you told yourself that Heeseung was equally busy as you. Sometimes you were too tired to send a text because all you wanted was to sleep but when you tried to give him a call, he always brushed you off with a "I'm busy" text.

Text messages now never got past the "how was your day" before he said that he was going to sleep. Ever since that day with Ryujin and Chaeryeong, you turned a blind eye to the text message. Maybe he really was with Taehyun, you wouldn't actually know.

But that's the thing, isn't it? You would never know what really happens because you're not there with him, your mind taunted you. You shook away the thoughts and tried to be positive. Exams had ended a few days ago and Chaeryeong suggested that you should surprise him with a visit.

So here you were, on the bus to Heeseung's university. You could barely contain your smile, it's been so long since you last saw him and you just missed him so much. You could imagine how happy he would be to see you. An hour later, the bus came to a stop and you thanked the bus driver before boarding off.

Tightening your coat around you, you looked at the road ahead of you with a determined look. You were gonna surprise Heeseung today. And nothing was going to stop you from doing so. You reached the entrance of the school and sent a friendly smile to the security guards.

You made your way towards Heeseung's dorm, your feet have walked this path multiple times. You were familiar with these hallways. Soon enough you reached his door, you patted your clothes and fixed your hair before raising your fist. Your hand hovered in front of the wooden door, Heeseung was one door away from you.  Knocking precisely three times on the door, you took a step back and clasped your hands behind you. You couldn't wait to see his smile when he sees you.

"Surprise!" You said, doing jazz hands the moment the door opened.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" Heeseung asked you.

You blinked, slightly lowering your hands. Heeseung wasn't smiling at you like you thought he would be, instead he was looking down on you with furrowed eyebrows. His hair was dishevelled, like he ran his fingers through it multiple times and he wasn't opening the door fully, like he was blocking something.

"I was going to surprise you, since exams are over and all-"

"Why didn't you text me beforehand?" He cut you off.

You narrowed your eyes at him and crossed your arms, annoyed that he was questioning you instead of being happy to see you. "Because it was a surprise, Hee, that's the whole point. I wasn't supposed to tell you, surprises don't work like that."

Heeseung opened his mouth but cut himself off with a sigh, he turned his head around to look inside then back at you. "I didn't mean it that way, I just wished you would've told me before," he repeated with a softer tone this time.

You frowned and dropped your arms, you shouldn't have listened to Chaeryeong. Maybe you should leave, the next bus would be in two hours. Heeseung was still leaning against his door, you couldn't see past him. "Whatever, I'll leave then," you mumbled and waved him off, turning on your heel to walk away.

"Y/N! Wait!" Heeseung called after you but you ignored his calls and just continued forward. The taller boy caught up with you and grabbed your wrist.

You tried to shake him off but his hold on you was strong. "Let me go," you said through gritted teeth.

"No, you're mad," he said.

"Of course, I am! I wanted to surprise my boyfriend after not seeing him for weeks but he doesn't even look happy to see me!" You sneered at him, still trying to shake his hand off your wrist.

Heeseung's hands moved to hold your shoulders instead to keep you in place, forcing you to look at him. "Hey, I didn't say I wasn't happy to see you. I am happy to see you, okay? It's just that today's a busy day, love," he explained to you softly.

You stopped squirming and sighed. "Sorry, I just…I just really missed you okay," you told him. You overreacted and got mad at him without letting him explain himself. "Sorry," you said again.

Heeseung smiled warmly at you and pulled you into a hug. "It's okay, love," he planted a kiss on top of your head. You rested your chin on his shoulder and returned the hug.

Then, you watched as a certain blonde walked out of Heeseung's room. Hyewon stepped out of his room and waved at you with a smile. Was Heeseung hiding her? You slightly pushed Heeseung away and he took a step back in confusion. He turned around to see Hyewon and then back at you.

"Hyewon and I were working on a project," he quickly explained.

"Yeah," the other girl nodded in agreement. "If I had known you were coming today, I wouldn't have bothered Heeseung," she said.

"Ah, no. I'm sorry for interrupting the two of you," you apologised, slightly ducking your head. You're not sure if you meant the apology. Should you be sorry that you interrupted them? But Heeseung was your boyfriend.

"Well, I'll leave you two be," Hyewon smiled at the both of you before walking away.

You watched as Heeseung smiled at her and how his eyes followed her figure until she disappeared down the stairs. You bit your lower lip and clenched your fist together, feeling uneasy in your chest once again. Your hand reached to tug on his sleeve and he finally looked at you, like he forgot you were there in the first place.

He moved to hold your hand and lead you into his room, not before smiling softly at you. Instead of the usual feeling of butterflies in your stomach whenever he smiled at you, there was a sinking feeling. Because he smiled at Hyewon the same way. Your lips raised a small smile for him but it didn't reach your eyes. He doesn't seem to notice.

The door closed behind the two of you and you swung your arms before clasping your hands behind you. "So, what was Hyewon doing here?" You tried to ask naturally.

Heeseung wasn't looking at you when he replied, "She was here for a project," he hummed.

"What project?" You continued to ask more.

"For school," he simply replied, taking a seat on his bed.

You leaned against his desk while nodding your head. "Ah, so you're helping her?"

"Uh huh."

"Ah, didn't know you guys were this close…"

"Well, we are neighbours so it's just natural that we grew close, you know," he shrugged.

"Close enough to get on the Ferris Wheel with," you muttered under your breath. You thought Heeseung wasn't able to pick up what you said but his eyes snapped to look at you. You gulped, knowing you were caught.

"Love, I already said that we were there for the music video shooting," he told you with a tired sigh.

"I know, I know but I can't help feeling jealous, Hee," you explained yourself.

Your boyfriend sighed exasperatedly as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I already told you that we're just friends, there's nothing to be jealous of."

"Well, you would be jealous too if your boyfriend didn't mention that he was going to the amusement park with you and you found him hanging with another girl!" You scoffed sarcastically.

"I already told you it wasn't planned, Y/N. Why don't you trust me?" His voice was slightly raised when he spoke the last sentence, his expression was begging you to drop the topic.

But your stubborn self refused to let it go and stood up straighter. "Because you're making it really hard to trust you."

"What?" He looked at you in disbelief as he stood up as well. "How am I the one being hard right now? You're just being paranoid and you're letting your insecurities get the better of you!"

"Can you blame me?!" You raised your voice at him. Anger clouded your eyes as you begged him to understand your point of view. "We're so far apart and we rarely get to talk to each other and you're always brushing me off! It's almost like you're cheating on me with Hyewon!"

Heeseung groaned in frustration and dragged his fingers across his face. "How many times do I have to tell you that we're just friends, Y/N? Hyewon literally has nothing to do with this! I don't get why you hate her."

"Cause you talk to her while we're together," you knew that sounded childish and selfish but you were blurting whatever that came to mind.

"Oh, so now I'm not allowed to talk to other girls?" He curled an eyebrow at you while crossing his arms.

Your words were caught in your throat. "I didn't mean it like that-"

"Then what do you mean, Y/N? You never acted like this before," Heeseung rubbed his temples.

"Because!" You threw your hands out in frustration, trying to convey your words out, "I don't know what's happening in your life because we're not in the same school and I'm scared that you're cheating on me with Hyewon!"

Heeseung knitted his eyebrows at you, you don't know if it was from confusion or annoyance, maybe both. "Cheating? No, you just don't trust me! Never once did I doubt your relationship with Jeongin, so why are you doing this to me?"

"Don't bring Jeongin into this," you sneered at him, "you knew Jeongin since we were in high school. Hyewon is a completely different story. You…you look at her like…you're in love," your voice slowly died at the end, it was the final hit on the nail. You looked up at Heeseung, his eyes widened at your words.

They said the eyes are the window to your soul. Brown guilty eyes just stared at you, because you were right. Heeseung couldn't figure out his feelings and you just did it for him. Your boyfriend was falling out of love with you and he was falling for someone new. And you watched as he realised it right in front of you. You swore you heard your heart crack.

He held his head and took a step back from you, silence fell upon the both of you. "I-I think you should go," he managed to say.

"Yeah," you croaked out, your throat was swelling up. You walked past Heeseung in hurried steps and out the door to the stairs. You never saw how Heeseung dropped to his bed with his head in his head as guilty tears slowly rolled down his cheeks.

God, you wished he had thought this through before you went and fell in love with him.

You haven't talked to Heeseung since that day, you knew that your relationship was over but your heart refused to believe it until those words came from Heeseung himself. A dark cloud hung over you and your friends didn't dare to ask. You felt betrayed by him.

You loved him at his worst, but that didn't matter. He gave you his word, but that didn't matter too. You were bitter, angry, devastated, heartbroken. But you couldn't cry, your heart was full of tears yet nothing came out. A single piece of tape holding back your fragile heart. A small sign of hope that you were wrong and Heeseung still loved you.

In the middle of a cold winter day, you were nestled between your warm sheets. Chaeryeong and Ryujin had left for lunch, not before promising to get you something. In the midst of your dark covers, your phone screen lit up and caught your attention.

[2:23 pm ] hee <3: We need to talk, I'm outside your door right now.

What? Your head snapped up to look at your front door. There's no way he was standing outside right now. Gulping, you pushed yourself up and walked to the door. Your hand hesitated, hovering right in front of the silver door knob. You already knew what was coming. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door.

The same brown guilty eyes looked at you, and the little white lies from before all came crashing down at once. You stepped to the side to let him in and closed the door. Your back was facing him, you refused to look at him. Your hope was wavering, you don't know if you accepted it or not.

"I'm sorry," he was the first to break the silence. you still refused to turn around. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Lies, lies, lies. You shut your eyes closed, your hand was still on the door knob, holding it tightly.

He inhaled a deep breath before saying his next words, "This is the end."

The words pierced your heart and it started to fall apart. This doesn't feel like a break up, it was the end of your story. It was him telling you that he was removing himself from your life. Falling out of love hurts, but losing a friend is the worst.

"Do you still love me?"

"What?"

"Do you still love me?" You finally turned around, your glossy eyes looking right at him.

Without a heartbeat, he said, "No."

And when you were alone again in your room, your heart finally shattered and the tears poured out like a waterfall. You fell to your knees with your hands clutching your heart, ugly sobs escaped from your lips. You were crying out the pain as big fat tears dropped onto the wooden floor,

Chaeryeong and Ryujin nearly dropped the food when they found you broken on the tear stained floor.

Two weeks later (after being forced to get out of bed by Ryujin), you found your friends huddled at the same place of the cafeteria like when the music video was released. They were surrounding Daehwii with their heads ducked, whispering to each other.

"What are you guys doing?" Ryujin's voice caught their attention and their heads lifted to see the both of you, eyes widening at the sight of you.

Everyone exchanged nervous glances whereas you and Ryujin were left confused. You tilted your head to the sign to show that you were confused while Ryujin raised an eyebrow as if  demanding an explanation. Chaeryeong shoved Daehwii's shoulder and gave him a look, silently telling him to break the news.

Daehwii nervously looked between you and his phone before sighing, his shoulders dropping. Instead of saying anything, he showed you his phone. Ryujin reached over to take the device from him before you could see anything and squinted her eyes. The short haired girl inhaled a sharp breath and looked at your friends, finally understanding what was happening. She then looked at you, deciding whether she should tell you or not.

"What?" You asked her, your eyebrows furrowed as your patience was running thin. What were they not telling you?

But instead of telling you, she showed you. The phone screen displayed an Instagram post with a person holding hands with someone else. The caption was a simple "with him". At first you were confused on what it had to do with you, then Ryujin tapped on the post to show you the person tagged in the post. Heeseung's username appeared, your eyes travelled up to the owner of the post and it read Hyewon's name.

"Oh," was all you could say.

Your gaze averted down and you don't see how your friends exchange worried glances. "Y/N..." Chaeryeong softly called out to you while she walked towards you. She angled her head to look at your face with her arms around you.

Your mind was a mess, it took him two weeks to find someone new. No, not someone new. It took him two weeks to go off and date her. He talked to her when you were together. And you knew if he truly loved you, there was no damn way he could fall in love with somebody that quickly. Ryujin and Chaeryeong embraced you but you felt numb. He betrayed you. And you knew that he'll never feel sorry for the way you hurt.

"He cheated on you," you heard Jeongin say, but you shook your head as you tried to rub the tears away.

"Guess he didn't cheat but he's still a traitor," Jeongin rephrased.

The girls hugged you tighter when you let out a choked sob. Jeongin was right, he didn't cheat but he was a traitor. You played dumb but you always knew that he'd talk to her, maybe did even worse but you kept quiet so you could keep him.

God you wished that he had thought it through, before you went and fell in love with him.

© chaeryybomb 2021

a/n: this took so long to write and i wrote more than i expected. thank you for waiting and reading this, see y'all in "drivers license"!

#chaeryybomb; the sour series #enhypen #lee heeseung #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #lee heeseung imagines #lee heeseung x reader #heeseung #heeseung imagines #heeseung x reader #enhypen angst #lee heeseung angst #heeseung angst #kpop imagines #enhypen scenarios #lee heeseung scenarios #heeseung scenarios

[queenshelby]

My Friend’s Father (Part Ten)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Age Gap, Smut, Domestic Violence, Angst

Words: 2,300

Please comment and interact...it's what keeps this blog going

***************************

After your father stormed out you grabbed your stuff from the table and walked to your room. You were still shocked and somewhat perplexed about what happened and how he reacted and, whilst he had always had problems with his temper, this was more than you could handle.

You weren’t sure what to do but, in the middle of mid semester exams, you couldn’t cope with the stress and anger and started crying again while you walked around your room like a headless chicken.

Just as you did, your phone rang and when you saw that it was Denise who was calling, you picked up the phone.

Denise had just landed in Manchester and had realised that she had forgotten to call you following your exam yesterday. After she apologised, she asked what was wrong as it was obvious to her that you had been crying and, of course, you told her about the incident with your father.

She felt terrible for you and began to worry but, being you, you told her not to worry. You had it covered. You’ve been looking after yourself for a while after what your sister endured and, as she knew, you were working towards moving out which, being a student with only twenty hours of work and expenses, wasn’t exactly easy.

Nonetheless, Denise told you to keep her posted and let her know if she can help and, whilst she had offered to lend you money before, you never accepted and you knew that this wouldn’t change now.

***

Later that day, just when you thought matters had calmed down, your father had yet another one of his moods and suggested that you come to church with him the following day. He wanted you to join the local youth group but, since you didn’t believe yourself, you had no interest in it.

‘I am working and I am studying full time. I don’t have time dad’ you explained to him and, whilst you were happy to volunteer at the local church on occasion and participate in their fundraising events, the bible group he was referring to didn’t appeal you.

‘Obviously you have time for other things, things you should be ashamed off Y/N’ he said with a raised voice and, when your phone rang, you couldn’t help but walk away from the conversation with your father who, clearly, had built up his anger again and the last thing you needed was a matching bruise across your other cheek.

***

You went into your room quickly and picked up the phone.

‘Hey’ you said in a somewhat more happy voice when you realised that it was Cillian who was calling you.

‘Are you alright Y/N?’ he asked almost immediately with great concern in his voice before telling you that Denise had told him about the incident with your father.

‘I am fine Cillian. It’s nothing, just a bruise’ you explained, brushing it over.

‘Y/N, this is not nothing. He can’t just fucking hit you’ Cillian said and you could hear the anger in his voice.

‘Cillian, I am fine. You need to calm down please’ you said as you could hear the rage in his voice.

‘Fuck’ Cillian growled before taking in a deep breath. ‘Why didn’t you call me?’ he then asked worryingly and you knew that you probably should have made contact with him before you spoke to Denise about it.

‘You were filming and I didn’t want you to worry’ you explained.

‘This is not how this works Y/N, you can call me any time, alright? And, if something like this happens again, call my assistant if I am on set. I worry, alright...’ Cillian said in a calm and reassuring voice and, just as he did, you began to break out in tears yet again.

‘Y/N, listen please…you need to pack your stuff and get out of there before this happens again’ he then said in an equally calm voice after he comforted you the best he could.

‘Cillian, I can’t just pack up and leave’ you said.

‘Yes, you can. I told you, you can go to my place’ Cillian suggested.

‘I am not going to do that. I can look after myself Cillian and you really don’t need to worry. I am a grown woman and just because you are older than me doesn’t mean that I need you to look after me. It’s like Denise offering to lend me money. I can’t accept that and I won’t’ you said, still somewhat teary.

‘I know you are independent but that doesn’t mean that you can’t accept help in a situation like this and your friends offering you money is a little different to me offering you a place to stay for now, don’t you think?’ Cillian said, still calm but a little bit more demanding.

‘Not really’ you said, really not wanting to take his help as you felt that you would appear weak and dependant on him.

‘Fuck, you are stubborn, you know that?’ Cillian then huffed out, his voice filled with concern rather than anger.  

‘Please, for my sake, so that I can sleep at night, go and stay at my apartment. I am worried about you and I know that this isn’t the first time he did that’ Cillian then said and you had no idea what he was talking about.

‘What do you mean it’s not the first time?’ you asked.

‘It doesn’t matter, just please…you are in the middle of exams and I am worried and don’t want you to get hurt…please’ Cillian pleaded with you.

‘If you don’t get out of there, I will get onto the next plane and pick you up myself and, God forbid, your father is in my way when I do’ Cillian said as anger was building in his voice again.

When Cillian finished what he was saying, you took in a deep breath and chuckled.

‘What?’ Cillian asked in response.

‘Nothing. I just like how protective you are over me. I am not used to someone caring’ you admitted, causing Cillian to chuckle himself.

‘I like you Y/N, so of course I care’ Cillian said.

‘Thank you Cillian’ you said before accepting his offer reluctantly. ‘Just text me where and when I can pick up the key to your apartment’ you then said quietly.

‘I will text you, now go pack your stuff. There are some spare toiletries in the bathroom next to the kitchen, just take whatever you need, alright?’ Cillian said before telling you that he missed you.

‘I miss you too’ you said before saying goodbye. You didn’t really want to ruin his evening with Denise.  

****

Two hours later, you left your house without saying a word, but texted your mother that you would be staying with a friend for a while after you got into your car.

Within ten minutes, you arrived at Cillian’s apartment, which is where his housekeeper met you and handed you the keys before showing you how everything worked,.

The electricity, lightening, stereo and heaters were all controlled via some sort of device which looked an iPad and she handed you a note with the pin for the alarm system.

After she had left, you walked around the apartment and felt somewhat strange about being there without Cillian. You hadn’t really been seeing each other for a long time but yet he entrusted you with the keys to his apartment.

“I am here now. What room did you want me to use? Xx” you texted him after you had a quick wander around and it didn’t take long for Cillian to respond.

“Is that a trick question? Because you know that you can sleep in my bed, right?” Cillian then texted back without hesitation.

“Can I borrow some of your clothes too?” you then asked cheekily.

“Not sure if my clothes fit you, but sure, knock yourself out” Cillian texted back before suggesting that you should have a glass of wine and a warn bath so that you could relax.

“I just might. Want me to send you a picture when I am in the tub?” you responded and all you received from Cillian in response was an emoji that smirked, making you laugh. Not only does this emoji look ridiculous but also did he never send you an emoji before whilst you, on the other the hand, used them frequently.

***

After you had a nice long and relaxing bath, you returned to the living room, completely naked. You didn’t bother to wear any clothes since, for the first time in a long time, you were all on your own.

Walking around naked felt natural to you and, after you found yourself an interesting novel on Cillian’s bookshelf, you lied down on his bed with it and a glass of red wine by your site.

“Feels weird lying in your bed without you. What are you doing?” you texted before you stretched out across the large king-sized bed and opened the book.

“Watching a movie, although I am curious now about what you are doing on my bed. It’s too early to go to sleep” Cillian texted back and, just as he did, Denise glanced over towards him and asked him whether the movie they were watching bored him. Just as Cillian told her that he had seen the movie before, he received yet another text message from you.

“Just settled down with a book” you responded and Cillian was quick to pick up his phone again and text back, much to the amusement of his daughter.

“What book?” Cillian texted back just before Denise asked him whether he was texting with Laura Jennings after she observed that he had been on his phone pretty much all evening, texting back and forward with someone like a teenager.

‘No, we ended it. I am just texting with a friend’ Cillian said in response to Denise’s comment.

‘A female friend by any chance?’ Denise asked as she saw the cheeky smirk on her father’s face.

‘Just a friend’ he then responded to Denise as he placed his phone back on the table, shortly after which he received yet another message.

This time, unfortunately, the message didn’t contain any text but a picture instead.

‘I think your friend just sent you a nude and, clearly, your friend is a woman…a woman who must like you if she is sending you pictures like this’ Denise then laughed out loud as she saw the preview of the text from a distance popping up on his phone.

Cillian quickly reached for it, cheeks blushing red as he hoped that she wouldn’t recognise that it was you on the picture after he went through the trouble to change your name on his contact list a few days ago to your initials only.

Luckily, when Cillian opened the message after standing up and walking away from the lounge room, he realised that the picture didn’t show your face.

In fact, it showed nothing more than your naked stomach and legs while your core was covered (barely) by the book he had been asking about.

Whilst it shocked him, Cillian decided not to tell you about the fact that Denise had seen your picture in preview on his phone. He thought that, at least this way, you would send him some more.

“Nice choice…now can I get a picture without the book?” he asked cheekily and, of course, you didn’t deny him and responded with yet another more graphic picture.

Just as the phone buzzed again, Denise yelled out from the living room of Cillian’s Manchester apartment.

‘Stop sexting dad and explain this movie to us. We are lost’ she joked and Cillian couldn’t help but roll his eyes when he returned to the living room.

Cillian was quick to change the topic as he was somewhat embarrassed following Denise’s comment and, just before he returned to the living room, he texted you to inform you that he would be in touch in an hour or so.

Of course, you knew that he was spending time with Denise and didn’t mind and, instead of pondering on about the fact that Amalie was around him, you indulged in your book while you waited for Cillian to text you back.

***

Half an hour later, after the movie was well and truly finished, Cillian excused himself in order to have a shower while Denise had already passed out on the guest bed.

She was tired after travelling since, as usual, she had to take motion sickness medication before getting onto the plane.

Amalie, on the other hand, was not tired at all and decided that it was now or never in order for her to make her move on Cillian.

‘Cillian, uhm…could you give me a hand with this please, I don’t want to wake Denise’ she said as she tried to fiddle around with the zipper of her black fabric top.

‘Sure, I can try’ Cillian said, not thinking anything about it while Amalie turned around and lifted up her long blonde hair.

‘There you go’ Cillian said somewhat uncomfortably as he unzipped the back of her shirt and noticed that she didn’t wear a bra beneath it.

As soon as her shirt came undone, she turned around and, without bothering to cover her breasts, she placed her hands on to Cillian’s chest and thanked him.

‘Amalie, you might want to put on a t-shirt or something’ Cillian said as his cheeks turned red and, just as he did, Amalie leaned forward and pressed her lips onto his.

 Tag List:

@lilymurphy03@deefigs @theflamecrystal @desperate-and-broken @weepingstudentfishhorse @livinginfantaxy @rosey1981 @atomicsoulcollecto @peakyboyslover @nerdy4itall@elenavampire21 @hanster1998@mariapaiva13 @fairypitou @harry-is-your-sunflower @zozeebo @lauren-raines-x @kasaikawa @littlewierdalien @sad-huffle-nerd @theflamecrystal @peakymalfoyscullymulder @themissthang@0ghostwriter0 @stylescanbeatmyback @1-800-peakyblinders @datewithgianni @momoneymolife @ntmynouis @lilymurphy03 @mcntsee@cloudofdisney@missymurphy1985 @peakymalfoyscullymulder @otterly-fey @janelongxox @uchihacumdump @basiclassy @being-worthy @chaotic-bean-of-smolness @margoo0 @chocolatehalo @vhscillian @ysmmsy @littlewierdalien @crazymar15  @stickyknightflowerbailiff @im-constantly-fangirling @goldensunflowe-r  @tellingyouastory  @captivatedbycillianmurphy​  @namelesslosers​  @littlewhiterose​  @ttzamara​  @ttzamara @cilleveryone  ​

@peaky-cillian​

@severewobblerlightdragon​  @ysmmsy @kpopgirlbtssvt

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #Cillian Murphy x Reader #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy x y/n #agegap

[jae-canikeepyou]

| into you | j.jh

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

word count: 7.7k+

summary: as the uni campus’ social butterfly, it’s a given you have a lot of friends, invited to almost all gatherings and all adore you. for the latter, jaehyun does too. he’s so into you and likes how you’re his happy place. or; jaehyun— an unsocial, often misunderstood person, finds his behaviour different with you and perhaps wants to keep you for himself, not anyone else.

genre: fluff + elite!au

a/n: i’m back after a while since i’ve been so so busy! this is not proofread again and i’m sorry if there are any grammar mistakes down there :> this is not canon with “letting go” scenario in case there’s any similarities with the characters. hehe anyway i hope you all enjoy reading! ♡ ~j.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

seated at the front row in the amphitheatre-shaped lecture hall, jaehyun frustratingly put his hood back on to hide himself from those who were staring from all around. they were definitely whispering about him, hands by their lips to conceal their voices in case he heard them. he hated this much attention, all because he chose stay of out school and classes— and claimed that it didn’t interest him.

so did coming today.

but the point was his attendance for this class was on the line and his busybody parents were sick of receiving phone calls or mails that kept filling their boxes, all for the same reason; that their son could be expelled despite handing assignments.

he rolled his eyes at the heat creeping up his ears as the whispers grew louder. he slammed the thin granite table, causing everyone to flinch at the sound and his presence. “can i have some quiet?! i can hear you guys talking crap about me!” he turned around at the pairs of eyes, soon frozen like meerkats.

they ticked him off. he couldn’t stand being in the same room with people who repeatedly questioned his existence of being here. he knew that rumours were going around, that the ‘jeong jaehyun’ in high school got into an private elite university— it could be anywhere but never expected it‘d be this campus. it was written in the judgment of their faces.

“chill man,” a guy his age swung his lollipop with legs on the desk. “some are curious why you decided to show up today since first semester’s a week away from ending, while some even wonder why you got into such prestigious and elite university.”

jaehyun’s eyed him slowly from legs to head. “who are you supposed to be?” he snorted at the stranger.

“just a guy who wants to break the distraught you’re trying to start.” he kicked his legs off the desk and stood up on his suede shoes, showing off his pearly whites.

he looked at everyone whose eyes averted from the two of them. “our town’s a small neighbourhood, so everybody knows everybody. we know exactly who you are, jeong jaehyun.”

“excuse me?” he swirled his tongue that it was evident he was pissed. “careful what you accuse me of. you and i both know it’s not going to end well-”

“they’re near they’re near!” a voice echoed the hall, cutting jaehyun’s attempt to intimidate the young man any further.

and with that signal alone, jaehyun could see and observe ladies fixing their hair and make-up, while the guys gave fistbumps to those near them. he rolled his eyes at him returning the favour to them as the guy unbuttoned his collar. “what’s wrong with you?” jaehyun was utterly weirded out. “with everyone?”

the crimson-haired guy only gave a flirty grin with raised brows. “this happens everytime.“

the door swung open with the professor rushing in. the students swifted heads, it wasn’t the first time he ever was late. he was young and good-looking, and it was hard to believe he still a bachelor. he gestured someone at the door, then the held-in giggles and mumbles were soon replaced with whispers of awe, as you walked in carefully with a tower of binder folders halfly covering your view.

clearly the guys around him have been secretly admiring; some had the confidence of taking selfies even if you were far, while others took a picture with their eyes so you were marked in their memories. ladies flocked towards the flustered professor like little chicks and surrounded him.

and that’s when the comments started coming in.

“park seojoon is so hot.” “hey remember to use ‘professor’.” “i guess genes runs in the family.” “his sister is ethereal too.” “i see her weekly and y/n’s a goddess.” “y/n! are you coming to the party tonight?”

jaehyun knew who you were through social media and common friends. and he included himself part of the people who admire you. he also remembered because he bumped into you during orientation. he wouldn’t usually care about passerby’s and strangers and although that was a brief moment and short eye contact, something about you was hard to not forget. you had people and friends under a charming spell he couldn’t describe, and that was in a good way.

you tucked a strand behind your ear and became shy afterwards as they whistled and cheered towards your gesture, making you heat up a thousand degrees higher. you should be used to this but every time it happens, you were just as flustered as your brother.

jaehyun’s legs got up on its own and was surprised at himself for making his way to help you. he picked up the fallen binder files and scattered papers while the whiskers by your eyes creased up in shyness.

he hitched a breath realising that the clumsy you was adorable too.

“thank you.” a smile then appearing at the corners of your lips caused jaehyun to freeze for a while. yuta wouldn’t miss anyone’s reaction. he slid his chair close to jaehyun’s as the he came back, nudging his chair for him to give into your beauty.

“i know a person with heart eyes when i see one. now you understand why we’re whipped for y/n. isn’t she a babe- agh.” he held the back of his head from the smack.

“don’t call me that, nakamoto.” you hissed sharply with how confident and careless he could get, especially with people you weren’t familiar with. you looked at the guy in a black sweater and let out an embarrassed sigh. “i’m sorry about my annoying best friend. yuta tends to be chatty when he feels lonely.” you winked at him.

it was jaehyun’s turn to flash short chuckle, its faint sounds perked not only your ears, but yuta’s as well. “not a problem. i know a lonely person when i see one.” jaehyun emphasised through his gaze.

“i’m not lonely! i have y/n and my men!” he whined and turned towards you. “see what you did y/n?”

“it’s good to finally see you, jeong jaehyun.” you ignored yuta and brought out a hand for a greeting.

you pursed your lips to stifle a laugh, jaehyun’s ears quickly turned from pink to red. he gulped loudly and took your hand in his, eyebrows lifting at how you knew his name.

lost for words and you both locked eyes where he forgot to let your hands go. “we take the same course together? i know your name because you’re the only one missing from the class-” you said, shaking his hands to subtly let him know it had been a minute since your hands felt his vainey flesh.

“okay young lad that’s enough time holding my sister.” seojoon separated your hands and jaehyun snapped out of his admiration, inhaling quite stressfully with how stupid he looked. “get to your class y/n.”

“alright, i’ll see you at tea hour.” you waved at the boys.

“as long as you’re treating i’ll go.” yuta hummed in a monotonous voice, fixing his laces that went untied.

“i’m not talking to you dimwit.” you flicked his forehead, leading to your satisfaction of the nut-like sound from it. “jaehyun, because you missed yesterday’s class, prof assigned me to assist you, along with the other topics you’ve yet to cover. i’ll be expecting you at the café near campus.”

before you stepped out of the hall, yuta pulled your sweater, yanking you back. “are you going to taeyong’s party tonight? you never miss an event!”

you puckered your lips, pinching his cheeks that a cute gummy smile came out from it. “you know my rules. as long as you’re driving me home, i’ll go. see you later.”

jaehyun nodded yet was still in a daze. he realised what you said when yuta pushed him. “gross. don’t act as if we’re already close.”

“hm? was i really? i think it’s normal when you’re making a move on my best friend.” he brought out his laptop and typed his password.

i wasn’t. “whatever.”

and to say that jaehyun didn’t feel butterflies flying uncontrollably in his stomach would be an understatement. they made the intestine churn in ways he couldn’t imagine, and he himself wanted to deny that what he was feeling was just from the influence of others. but wouldn’t that mean his feelings were temporary? because if it were, he should perceive you an ordinary person.

yet here he was outside, still admiring you before he entered the café. he found it was amusing of how oblivious you were of his presence— you were too immersed into this assigned task by professor, but others found it funnier when jaehyun looked stupidly in-love and cowardly the lad looked, despite having the overall aura of a stuck-up.

as the sun’s rays brightened the city and the wind’s breeze made the trees leaves dance, only then had you raise your head to see jaehyun waving at you. ten minutes early, not bad for an actual first impression. “hey,” he greeted, making you smile with his low but gentle voice. “am i late?”

you took your bag from across and asked him to sit down. “no no. you’re just in time, it’s really nice to have an early bird around.”

his dimples deepened at the compliment. “how about the project? is it too late? you think i can still catch up?” jaehyun cleared his throat.

“that depends on your dedication. based on the record professor gets, you’ve been doing your tasks and homework quite diligently. he’s just worried about your habit of not attending his lectures might lead to procrastination when second semester starts.” you gave him a slice of cheesecake to eat. “he’s still teaching us another subject.”

“it’s quite the contrary.” he dove in for the dessert. “i don’t have the will to procrastinate at all.”

“then good.” you twisted the pen in your fingers. “let’s get started?”

for that span of two hours, how he wished it could be more. who knew you would have a lot of things in common with him? that time alone was not enough to talk about vinyl and jazz singers and pretty much everything that were overlooked by people. he brought up his favourite spots in the city and how they became a safe haven to escape the reality.

to cut the explaining short, his shell slowly started to open, bits and new things were showing. if you were surprised he was a good person, jaehyun himself couldn’t believe he was able to converse with people normally. being the awkward and shy type, doing this almost seemed impossible.

was it your magic that caused him to do so?

you learnt that jaehyun was rather special and by special it meant he had gifts that you believed were way beyond human limits. he never studied in a library, rewatched lectures or written his notes. and the professor mentioned how jaehyun received good grades in most of the things he submitted.

to be very honest, you were a little jealous. from how he was sitting in front of you, he didn’t seem to be interested but was definitely listening. and you sort of gave up in continuing anyway. “i don’t understand why i’m told i need to guide you when you’ve already caught up with everything.” you let out a soft chuckle that seemed more of a question.

“i was waiting for you to stop..” jaehyun said quite blatantly and stretched his arms and you were hurt because if he didn’t want to, he could’ve said so. heck, even more so, he shouldn’t have come here and wasted time-

“..because it looked like you were forced to do this by prof.” his smile then faded seeing you mirror the same. “are you alright? you’re a little pale..”

your eyes widened. “oh uh, sorry, i assumed-” you sputtered and probably died inside with what he said. you cursed in your mind. dammit y/n.

jaehyun raised his brows, making you more flustered and panicky. you sighed and waved your ‘its-nothing’ hand. “assumed that i’m brusque and a stuck-up?”

he pierced his eyes at you and you weren’t going to lie, he scared you a bit. but that fear immediately disappeared when a gentle giggle and adorable dimples replaced it. “i get that a lot, but don’t worry. i’m different from what people think. they think i’m not friendly, a-and a loner too.”

“you’re not.” he heard you counter him, slightly slamming the fork down. “if you were, you wouldn’t be here with me. or even bothered to come.”

his heart became warm through your words, that act of kindness torn down his walls of inferiority and his perception towards people changed. “thanks.” he checked the time on his watch and twisted his wrist to show to you. “don’t you have a party to attend to?”

“lee taeyong’s?” you stood up to leave the café. “i feel like skipping it for tonight. i’m not in the mood for parties somehow.”

“because i’m a better company for you?” jaehyun teased and boy was he proud with his remark, you didn’t even deny it. “you don’t have to go if you really don’t want to. it’s better to have time for yourself sometimes.”

“you’re saying from experience?” you asked, putting pressure on your words about his claim of being alone.

“it’s more of an advice for you.” he winked.

you thought he was quite observant even though he barely socialised with others. he noticed the light in your eyes sparkling, in which he felt his chest squeeze. you twirled in your toes as you hugged your laptop. “say.. are you up for a movie marathon?”

—

including now, it’d be the fourth time you both have rewind the specific scene just for that certain song jaehyun kept singing nonstop. and although you loved his voice, having the song on replay would be a little too much and the purpose of the marathon might go in vain. it seemed jaehyun was way into it, so interrupting him would be mean of you so you sang along.

“the nostalgia still hits me ‘til this day.” jaehyun tossed a bag of chips from your kitchen island to you.

jaehyun kept saying it may sound stupid and corny coming from him, but as a child he liked the whole high school musical series; and he pretty much became one when breaking free started to play.

because you both couldn’t decide where to watch the beloved movies by everyone, the marathon ended up being at your apartment. it was subtle, yet quite obvious to you he didn’t want it to be held in his place. you thanked your psychology course for giving lessons to notice even the little things in behaviour.

“how many times do i have to keep telling you it’s okay to like it? not like anyone would tease you for it.” you giggled as you opened the bag and popped a couple of chips into your mouth.

“yeah sure, but i know you would.” he squinted his eyes for you to admit that that was your plan eventually.

“have i?” you singsonged, sipping on the large cola cup.

he pointed at the hairbrush you held and suddenly you bursted out in laughter since jaehyun was obviously— maybe a little— offended with how you mimicked him singing earlier. “okay you caught me.”

jaehyun felt his entire body heating up. still in denial about actually being into you, he took a challenge upon himself and scooted next to you. his arms slightly brushed and touched against yours. “you in for hsm 2?”

“well we are having a marathon, might as well go for camp rock later.” you shrugged and eyed him with a confirming gaze.

“uh-huh.. but i’m still a fan of the trilogy.” jaehyun stole the chips in your hands.

“now aren’t you cheeky.” you gasped at his playful behaviour, and you didn’t dislike it. perhaps you prefer this naught over yuta’s as it didn’t get into your nerves or have the urge to hit him because of the hyperness.

he sat deeper into the beanbag. “i’m comfortable in here. your house feels too homey.”

“so is it my fault that you’re in your comfort zone?” you stated, taking the bag of chips back into your arms.

“yes.” he protested with frequent waves of his palms. “you’re too kind and i might come here to visit often.”

“suit yourself.”

since he arrived here it had him wondering, why did he decide to show up today at campus when there was actually a pure human being like you? he just needed a person— just one— to knock onto his heart. yet with many people in his life trying to do the same thing, none held the correct key. and somehow,

it had to be you.

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you’ve lost count of the number of times jaehyun has been hanging at your crib since then. it became a normal routine but never have you been to his place. it was always yours and you didn’t mind that. though he did promise, you respected his decision.

you found out he could be little dorky and corny but that was the unique trait about him. like friends at kindergarten, you both were still at a get-to-know-each-other stage. so that day, he created a schedule where he would hang out with you on wednesdays and fridays, claiming that he didn’t want to be seen by others, e.g. mr. nobody with ms. golden girl.

however, since then, people close to you have been looking at you rather differently. it wasn’t because they sometimes see jaehyun following you around, they sensed a different aura from you. you could feel their piercing stares from all directions, as if you were the centerpiece of a watch. there was something a little different than usual.

and you tried to ignore this ominous feeling for now.

yuta shook his legs vigorously, in which was an unsightly act to see for someone on the soccer team. you could see him from afar with his hands by his lips, biting it as he waited for your arrival at the university’s sports ground. jaehyun jogged towards you with his bag slung diagonally across his torso. he poked your neck and as a person with severe tickle spots, that caught you off guard into a fight-me position to the doer.

“chill, it’s just me.” jaehyun had both of his hands up, whiskers appearing just by the sides of his nose.

“jaehyun!” you relaxed your limbs. “got a better way of greeting? i don’t like being surprised.” you pulled the hem of his sleeve, missing how he pursed his lips in glee when you both instantly became close, like it was overnight.

he let you grab him as you both walked towards where yuta was standing by the bleachers. “i’m sorry?” he giggled loud enough only for you to hear. “i thought i’d get a priceless reaction from you.”

you rolled your eyes that it almost hurt doing so. “be glad i have enough patience for you.”

“and i didn’t have enough patience last night!” yuta joined the conversation seeing you and jaehyun before him. “where have you been? you said you were coming to my place yesterda- why is he here?” he looked at him then at you. “with you? again?”

“ever thought that i want to have my own ‘me’ time for once?” you took off your cardigan and placed it on the bleachers. you could feel jaehyun chuckling softly when you made reference to his remark.

and boy was he proud. “you’re emphasising on that quite often nowadays.” he helped you carry your bag as you to settled down.

“that’s because i never realised how true it actually is until i say it out loud, since being in everyone’s eyes does pressure me.” you balled your fists to nudge him lightly on the arm, and for him to dramatically receive the attack did put yuta in an awkward position.

“uh hello? i’m still here!” in front of you and jaehyun, yuta snapped his fingers several times to divert attention. “what’s going on with you two? how are you both suddenly so close when you’ve just met for the first time two weeks ago?”

jaehyun swifted his head towards you, and the telepathic exchange of words between you and him had yuta clicking his tongue in disbelief. “you were right, he will react.” jaehyun’s voice prolonged while munching on a corn dog.

“told you so.” you flicked your hair and turned to yuta as you continued talking. “bestie, we’ve been seeing each other since then.”

what the hell? the way yuta’s face turn sour at your smile towards jaehyun, he could almost faint right then and there since he swore he saw mr. dimples smile subtly at you too. “and with just that i’ve been replaced-”

“no i would never replace my best friend.” you held his palms hoping he would calm down from his high emotions, but he immediately pulled his hand away from you, much to your dismay. “hey, i’m here to make amends-”

“yeah?” he clicked on a pen and wrote something on a tissue, soon grabbing your bag from the seat and fished out your wallet. “then you’re treating me my meals for a month. i have another order right now.”

now it was your turn whose face became sour. “a month?! i can’t do that- hey!”

yuta tossed your credit card up in the air and upon seeing his eyes darken— though that was all in your head—you gave in and sighed heavily. you stomped your way to the caféteria while yuta comfortably put one leg on the benches with a satisfied grin. “man she’s easy to tease.”

“is that so? then i know now who she gets it from.” jaehyun said through his chews on his food, making yuta’s ears perk up at the response.

the atmosphere lingering between the two of them invited dark clouds. both could sense the change in their moods, and they both weren’t liking it.

yuta spun and played the ball on his hands then forearms, later let out a scoff when jaehyun raised his brows. he didn’t like the vibe jaehyun was giving and so did the latter. “i do it for fun. it’s natural between us.” yuta said.

“hm? she told me she doesn’t like it when you do.” he saw you on your tiptoes as you struggled to tell the order to the person at the high-levelled counter. but another scoff came out from yuta. “you got a proble-?”

“yeah kinda.”

“i don’t think so. i can tell it really bothers you when y/n hangs out with me.” jaehyun sat up straight at yuta’s comment about him.

“i should be. because i’m her best friend and who knows what type of person you are.” he did a few tricks with his legs. “but if you really want to know then your attitude is what i have problems with.”

“i remember telling you it wouldn’t be good for you when accuse me wrongly.”

he let out a monotonous and rather mocking laugh, taking jaehyun aback but he anticipated this kind of response from him. “and what? you’ll go berserk like you did years ago? as a high school freshman? beating the innocent up or whoever comes your way?”

“look i don’t know where the hell that came from but it’s not what you or everyone else thinks.” jaehyun aggressively crumpled the hotdog wrapper in his palms.

“c’mon you don’t have to hold it all in,” yuta set his ball aside and rested his hands on his waist. jaehyun was getting uncomfortable the more he listened to him. “unleash that side-”

jaehyun rolled his tongue, nodding his head to test him. “alright, i guess i don’t have to when i have feelings for y/n. thanks for the advice.”

what the..? yuta stared at him when there wasn’t a change in his expression. jerk- “now you’re talking. you wanna fight? let’s do that-”

“tsk yuta! the bill’s too expensive!” you whined and gently put down the tray.

while yuta clicked his tongue at your sudden entry and with how quickly you came back, for a moment jaehyun wanted to hug you for being his saviour. he was so close to lose his temper towards your best friend. the relief seen in his tensed shoulders, but you interpreted it otherwise. “are you okay?” you asked while you sat down beside him.

he hummed, folding his arms and looking at the distance, clearly avoiding eye contact with yuta. “mhm, i just realised the deadline is coming up in three days.” he excused.

you managed to utter out a giggle as you finally ate, finding out how jaehyun’s ears always turned red when given attention to. “you’re stressed about it?”

“aren’t you?” jaehyun drank the remains of his soda.

“not really since i finished mine. but, if you’re worried about your progress, i can help you.” you swirled the fork in the air like a wand. jaehyun smiled to himself when yuta took his ball to throw a fit.

“i’m not worried about the project. but there’s an annoying bug i’m trying to hit so help me.” jaehyun’s dimples appeared deeply again and as the darkening ombré sunset shoned his side profile, there you witnessed how pure he actually was— and you missed out on yuta’s frown towards jaehyun.

you gulped and almost choked on your own saliva, eyes still locked in jaehyun’s. his hair caught in the wind, making it look fluffy and his entire demeanour softer than you usually see him. you hitched a breath since jaehyun seemed like he had no plans to avert his gaze too. both of you were definely mesmerised and hypnotised, and for jaehyun it was just like that time. he remembered the colour palette of your makeup while you recalled the perfume he wore.

in the recent marathons with him you’ve never been this close, physically speaking. so this close-up really debunked the impression you heard from people, especially from yuta.

however, as you were oblivious with the pressure behind jaehyun’s words and even smiled back at him, yuta flicked your temple. he was indeed a worry wart and sometimes he would like to flick you just this once for being too much of a social butterfly. he knew it was in your nature to be kind and always on the look out for others. he’s fine when you were with anyone except with this guy you befriended. not him.

he dodged your flying limbs in attempts to hit him. “oi, you’re not going to ask how i am? if i’m worried?”

the pain from the flick remained on your temple. “no? you look fine to me-” you stared at your phone. the message reminding you of the singles elite party a month from today at 8pm. “a party?”

“yeah if you attended the previous party you’d know that there’ll be another one after taeyong’s.” yuta took off his shoes in change for his casual.

“hm. i’m don’t feel like going.” you jumped off the bleachers to dust off your pants. “probably gonna be boring.”

“i’m the one who’s holding it this time!” yuta put you under a headlock in his arms. “you’re ditching your best friend?!”

you giggled and ticked his sides and followed it with a playful hug. “just kidding. i heard from momo! i’ll be there.” you brushed your hair up into a messy bun while spotting jaehyun starting to feel out of place. “oh! do you wanna come to the party, jae?”

yuta mentally facepalmed and it was given he didn’t like what you did. but your eyes were quick to see his reaction and you slapped his chest. he glared at you while his hands caressed it. why did you have to invite him? it was the whole purpose why he decided to hold a party; maybe you’d finally appreciate his hardwork, or perhaps, notice him as someone more and as not a best friend who only worries and teases you.

jaehyun nodded in response, no words needed. a smile crept your lips as if you were given chocolates on valentine’s. “cool.” you pulled him on the wrist after hearing the coach calling yuta, followed with a loud whistle. “ah yuta, we‘ll get going! see you.”

“mm yeah..” yuta hummed, seeing you both vanish in the distance. “see you..”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

your sulking self laid sideways by jaehyun’s lap, head rested on a pillow. it’s been too long since yuta avoided you, purposely ditched your hangouts, seenzoned your messages and ignored your calls. as if these weren’t obvious enough for you to know something was up. there definitely was but you couldn’t put a finger to it. so you forced jaehyun to let you stay at his place, being it your apartment was currently invaded by your brother’s friends from abroad.

but honestly it was also because you discovered jaehyun’s unit was blocks away from yours. fate was gladly on your side.

“y/n, you know i can’t work properly when you’re like this.” jaehyun sighed while he adjusted his sitting posture and lifting his laptop.

you slightly and lazily your body turned upright, seeing his dimples beginning to show themselves. “let me be.” you complained.

jaehyun put down his laptop. “i can’t. you’re in my way of cramming hours. plus, how long have you been coming here? it’s getting too frequent..” he paused when your eyes were no longer on him— rather they were on your phone, staring at the last conversation from yuta.

he couldn’t bring himself to say that he was reason why yuta acting the way he was to you. and for all honesty he would keep this matter to himself. “did i do something wrong?” you asked.

“of course not. he’s probably in his emo phase. guys have them a lot more than you think.” jaehyun typed on the keyboard for the remaining parts of the essay. “but he’ll get out of it eventually.”

“fine i’ll trust on that.” you sat up and scooted over to see his progress. you submitted your assignment hours ago. looking at jaehyun, it seemed he was struggling at some parts. were you unconsciously pressuring him? the beads of sweat began to roll down his temples and that made you giggle if it was the case. uh-huh. he was really feeling that way.

he gulped so loudly that it came out as a weird noise. he hoped you didn’t hear that. but the way you pursed your lips to hold the laughter in only had him discontinuing his report. “d-don’t do that.”

“do what?” you snicker.

jaehyun rolled his eyes and poked your forehead. “you’re too distracting.”

oh how the tables have turned. that comment flipped your head upside down, your heart in a frenzy and stomach churning. it wasn’t “so”, but “too”— that only meant he wasn’t concentrating on his work for a while.

even so, you waited for him to finish despite questionable feelings you’ve been feeling. his coffee cup already did seconds and thirds. and suddenly you remembered the happy hour the local café was promoting and there was a few minutes left until it ends for the day. you had to bring him there.

but you decided that because you wanted to be out of that suffocating air jaehyun caused.

—

the more you walked faster, the more jaehyun’s wrist reddened and hurt. but he let you be as he liked how you were comfortable with someone like him. your hair flowed with the wind, the remains of your shampoo left a sweet scent. was it lavender? and the wind blew stronger, making the scent clearer to the nose. his heart skipped beats, because it was indeed lavender. he swore in his head. scrap aside the frequent marathons and meet-ups. lavender’s all the more reason why fell for you quickly than ever.

and when the local café closed early for the day, you almost lost sight of the pedestrian signs. jaehyun pulled you in as the light emitted red. though you had your emotions get the best of you, you realised how childish you were for something so minor. you laughed in awkwardness, he did too. “i didn’t want anyone to see this side-”

warmth. that was all you thought of right there. you were in his embrace.

“..of me.” you soon mumbled in his chest, realising later of the action he just did. “jaehyun-”

“it’s okay. i don’t too.” his hand gently caressed the back of your head, treating it with care as if he held a newborn baby. “so can i keep you?”

that warmth became hotter, almost boiling that you weren’t able to breathe properly. “i’m sorry.” he said, that must’ve surprised you.” jaehyun chuckled.

surprised? of course you were. how was it natural for him to do skinship? and that smoothly? you both weren’t at that stage yet, let alone have a relationship with mutual feelings. even yuta couldn’t hug you because of how conscious you felt.

but then again, you looked up. you saw his ears. it was red, the usual reaction whenever you were with him. was it normal though? you were never aware of it up until now.

because it was so clear now.

“i’ll see you tomorrow? i have to help my mom with some things.” you lied as you scratched your neck.

jaehyun nodded and pulled away. “alright, go on ahead.”

you poked his dimples because he has been staring at you like he had questions to ask. “what is it?”

maybe he didn’t notice or maybe he did, but he was leaning closer, his head tilting to the side and eyes staring into your soul. you knew what he was about to do, you feel like letting him do so but at the same time you weren’t sure of your feelings.  

just a little more and you could’ve locked lips but..

your phone vibrated.

in panic you looked at your device and eyes widened that brought jaehyun aback.

“ah yuta!” you brought your phone so close to your face, not believing your best friend’s announcement on social media, in which he then followed up with a text message.

the light in your eyes was something jaehyun liked seeing, but didn’t so as well.

“oh! he said the concept for the elites’ party is live wardrobe. all singles will go through a ballot draw. it’s for the clothes to wear for the night..” you locked your phone. “tsk i wanted to wear my favourite dress.”

“i think you’ll look great in whatever gown is chosen for you.” jaehyun pat your head while you were immersed in your phone. “now go. it’s getting late.”

“i’ll expect the same for you.” you replied.

he laughed and that didn’t want to make you leave just yet. “nah don’t. i’m just ordinary in a suit.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

funny how he was so damn wrong.

fate let him draw red, and confidently chose a suit once it was his turn to change. it was as if he knew this attire would go well with him. a suede texture with a black outline on its collar accentuated his brushed up light brown hair, while his black under-shirt contrasted with his porcelain skin. gladly it wasn’t halloween, or else you would’ve mistaken him for a vampire.

he had you feeling all sorts of things, and you didn’t know why when you were nothing more than friends.

an hour ago he was in his usual casual wear. now he was surrounded with ladies who already seemed like they were friends with him for decades. you could see jaehyun was uncomfortable but he kept his cool with folded arms as he leaned against a column. the comments from them irritated you, because at one point they were badmouthing him— and the second he showed up they flooded him with compliments of his good looks and how they named him the “model elite”.

you swirled the wine glass in your hand, the other arm hugged your waist. you rolled your eyes at the falseness these people have towards him. “can’t believe it.” your fingers curled as irritation began to cover your sight. “look at them trying to make a move on him. erlgh too close. they weren’t like that before.”

sicheng rolled his tongue, hands in pockets and walked to be in front of you. “really? you weren’t like that before too.” he pointed out.

“i agree. recently you’re stuck like glue whenever you’re with him.” yuta gestured.

“am so not?” you gasped while your eyes trailed to jaehyun, who was still had patience for the ladies surrounding him. “i just like how he’s a good friend.”

“doubt it.” sicheng poked your cheek. “you wouldn’t feel like this when you have feeli-”

not this again. “i’m grabbing a drink.” yuta suddenly cut the conversation.

“get me one too!” the younger one yelled and after he was satisfied with the gesture, he winced as you pinched his sides from the remark he said earlier. “ow! y/n! it’s true though! i know what i’m seeing!”

truthfully, nothing about sicheng’s words or actions bothered you. but if there was anything that did, it was your own heart. as of tonight, you began to question your feelings towards jaehyun. when did it start? how was it possible to like someone so quickly? “i’m telling you i don’t.” your eyes trailed to him, not realising the rush of heat creeping your cheeks.

jaehyun was approached by yuta, who was giving him a glass of beer. the ladies fled after stealing pictures of the guy and he took the drink in his hands. then they headed towards the garden of the mansion. wonder what he’s here for?

“nice party you have here. concept’s cool.” jaehyun started to break the lingering silence because he knew how awkward this was going to be with your best friend.

“yeah, never knew you’d end up in red. it’s y/n’s favourite colour.” yuta’s voice lowered. there was an impact jaehyun could describe but assuming that would be too rude of him.

“really? i didn’t know.” he hummed. aren’t you a little too happy, jaehyun told himself. he shook it off, for he doesn’t expect him and you to go any further than this.

“now you do. so can you back up for a while? take a week off or something from y/n.” yuta raised his brows.

this was the same feeling from before. he knew this feeling because he felt the exact same way. he wanted to be selfish for once. not like he hated yuta, it was just.. he always had to appear whenever he didn’t want him to. then he would mess his mood. he interrupted his joy of admiring you. jaehyun licked his lips to dampen them. “i’m sorry, who are you to tell me what to do?”

yuta grinned and leaned against the column as he mirrored jaehyun. “don’t you get it?” he asked, his tone rising. “i love y/n. you entering the picture just ruins everything.”

my hunch’s correct. he does love y/n. “if you love her you wouldn’t ignore her.”

“it’s because you’re with her! and she does the same to me! it’s like she’s found someone else-”

“you’re being dramatic.” jaehyun pushed himself off the column and turned to him. “y/n’s sad and moping around because you treated her like she’s all alone. you have no idea how much she waited for you to contact her.”

“what do you know, smartass? you’re just another guy trying to fit in when you know you couldn’t. no matter how much you tried, everyone’s afraid of you. and now you’re telling me you have feelings for y/n? please.” his lips jutted with sounds of disbelief while his body posture challenged jaehyun. “y/n’s kind to everyone she meets. it’s who she is. but to think you have hope to be with someone like her? if you ask me, all i see is a greatest mismatch.”

jaehyun usually didn’t give a damn of the comments about him. he couldn’t care less of any of those. in fact he’d hear them through one ear and out they went. but when he said anything, it irked him.

you see, that was the thing— right now, he actually listened.

he turned a blind eye on yuta’s words and let it off for the night. he was given a drink and maybe the alcohol didn’t work its way on him than it did to guy. in the end, yuta was probably spilling tea even if he didn’t intend to.

“what i feel for y/n has nothing to do with you. just like people can’t control the tides,” jaehyun lightly knocked onto yuta’s chest. “i can’t control mine.”

the footsteps echoed in yuta’s ears, he could hear them despite the noisy hall. “rghhh!” he grabbed hold of his glass and threw it towards jaehyun.

sounds of shattering glass met the ground, as well as catching everyone’s attention. then there was silence. jaehyun began to lose his patience as he turned around. his smirk challenged him. ouch. this was the fight yuta was looking for, seeing jaehyun’s heavy breaths only made him stand on his toes.

jaehyun punched him in the jaw though he knew it wasn’t worth his time. but he wanted to give him a taste of stepping beyond boundaries. yuta punched him back too. he made sure the star of the night was the other— shone the brightest and reveal his true nature. he didn’t count the number of hits he received, as long as jaehyun stayed that way.

“i told you it wouldn’t be good if you provoked me!” jaehyun growled. “you’re asking for show? i’ll give you one!”

“huh..” yuta wiped his bleeding lip. “you sure about that, beast?”

jaehyun held himself for the next punch, feeling all of the pairs of eyes on him. yours included. that was what he feared. “aw. what impression does she have on you now?” yuta’s cooing words caused jaehyun’s eyes to soften.

all bleeding and bruised, jaehyun’s injuries have matched with his suit. he clenched his fists as he frustratingly left the hall.

in your peripheral, your eyes trailed his direction and your legs followed him by heart, without realising yuta calling out your name several times. everything went blank, not thinking things straight because while everyone watched, no one understood. you glared at yuta before heading outside, a more disappointed sigh was the only response he got from you.

yuta was then nudged by sicheng. the latter could see the change in his expression. “what did i tell you?”

“you don’t have to tell me.” yuta dusted his pants.

“i’m still gonna.” sicheng rolled his eyes and poked the lad’s temple. “that’s what you call ‘stupidity’. if only you confessed to her before maybe things would be different between you guys.”

“i don’t want things to be different dude.”

“i’m gonna state the obvious, you probably already know this but.. you lost this battle.”

“crap..” yuta’s voice changed from a nervous chuckle to a soft sob. “i liked her first.”

you spotted jaehyun sitting atop a metal barrier just in front of the carpark— head down to mend his injuries and scratches. he sniffed from the cool night breeze before hopping off. “you’ll hurt your feet.” he pointed at the heels you had dangling in your hands.

his gaze softened when you pointed at his face, especially the black eye. “touché.” he chuckled, later feeling your cold hands against his throbbing flesh. “it’s no big deal-”

“i’m sorry about yuta’s behaviour.” you sighed. “don’t let it get into you. he’s an airhead when he’s drunk-”

“you sure? he seemed pretty sober when he said- ah.” he pursed his lips to speak any further. “nevermind.”

now that gotten you curious. “what did he say? spill it!” you whined, causing jaehyun mouth to curve a little in amusement.

jaehyun prolonged the silence and grabbed your shoes, leading you towards his car. once he unlocked it and opened the door, he bursted out in a loud, healthy laugh. “he said he was head over heels for you.”

you pushed him to the driver’s seat and slammed the door, rolling your eyes at the pun. “that was so lame!” you sat on the other side. “but i know that already if you thought i didn’t. i subtly turned him down ages ago. guess he didn’t take the message.”

“clearly.”

as you tended to his wounds, one question still had your curiosity at its peak. jaehyun was quiet through-out, so it was hard to bring the topic up for a while. until your eyes and his met.

“what did you tell him before he threw the glass at you?” you dabbed the cotton onto the beaten area. “it must’ve pissed him.”

he dropped his car keys and let out a nervous hum. “uh..” he didn’t know what else to say. right when he was finally about to tell you, you suddenly giggled.

“unless you told him you like me and that made him angry, but i doubt that happened.” your lips shrank to a circle, cursing at yourself for assuming too much. girl the guts you have was incomparable—

jaehyun’s large hand held yours while you continued to apply medication. the warmth, the heat and the building tension of skinship made you weak. “you’re right.”

your smile and breaths changed in an instant when he fixed himself on the seat. he smirked a little, finding how cute you were. it drove him crazy.

“i like you, for the longest time, since the orientation. i’m so into you that i couldn’t help myself be selfish and have you to myself— i- i don’t know what i’m saying.” he sighed, pushing himself away in embarrassment with arms above his face.

“t-thanks.” you fiddled with your fingers.

“i’m not asking for an answer. i just wanted to let you know.” he said. “gosh this is a bad timing for confession.”

“then is it a bad timing if i said i’m into you too?” you looked away and out in the distance. you could see his reaction on the window’s reflection. he was shocked, but an uncontrollable smile was forcing itself on the surface. it was written in the dimples.

“no,” his husky voice called you to look back. “you’re just about right.”

#jung jaehyun #jung yoonoh #nct jaehyun #jaehyun oneshot #jaehyun #jaehyun imagines #nct 127 #nct #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun nct #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun angst #jaehyun au #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun fanfic

[roscgcld]

HEDACANON + NANAMI KENTO || friends to lovers

request: Headcannons for my husband Nanami and a fem childhood friends to lovers? They became friends as children because they were the only ones who could see the weird scary monsters that no one else could see, and he’s very protectice of her! Gojo used to flirt with her in highschool to tease Nanami and get him to finally confess （＾＿＾）☆

note: honey you mean OUR husband nanami - because i love him a lot as well TT and of course gojo will do that lol - he just wants nanami to get off his ass and ask you out before some random ass boy tries to steal you away. but i love this honestly, such a cute request for our husband TT 

pronouns: she/her

note: very long because i love nanami and more people need to give him love 

you and nanami met in the park one day, and it was because of a weird ability that only you two share that bonded the both of you together

nanami had always been able to see curses, but he hates telling people this; espeically the adults, who just think that he is making things up for attention and will lecture him for it 

so he had learnt to ignore it for awhile now, pretending that he does not see that weird catfish like curse lurking in the pond that he stood next to as he fed the ducks

“h-hey - can i feed the ducks next to you?” a shy and sweet voice had called out, causing for him to look over to see you; dressed in a cute flowery dress and haired pulled back with a matching fabric headband. “i wanna feed the ducks too...but i don’t like the scary monster in the water...”

“...you can see it too?” nanami asked you in shock, having never met anyone who can see the things he does; even his parents were blissfully unaware of the weird creatures and monsters that lurk in almost every corner of the small town you live in 

when you had shyly nodded your head in reply to his words, you had no idea that it was the start of your relationship that will last a lifetime

because you were from the same town, you two basically became the best of friends; going to the same preschool and middle school together, spending most of your free time playing with each other, and always seeking each other out even if you two have different friend groups

when he had developed his technique, he uses to exorcise a few of the low level curses that are in your town - of course he does to quietly and in the covers of shadows so no one will notice

he always make sure that there are no curses near you that can scare you, and if they try to attack you or are scaring you too much, he’d exorcise it - yet at the time he didn’t really know what he was doing

he had remember once when you had come crying into his room, clinging onto him since there were a few fly heads that were terrorising your room - you had no idea how they had managed to enter, but they were knocking things off your shelf and scaring the living daylights out of you

nanami had entered your room and somehow dealt with them, even staying the night by sleeping on the floor next to you on your futon; only to make space for you in the middle of the night so you two can curl up together when you were too anxious to fall asleep

with how small your town along the outskirts of Tokyo is, everyone there is tight-knit and very close with each other; with very strong family-centered and peaceful living values instilled in everyone from the moment they are born

everyone was pretty sure that one day you two are going to marry one another, with how you two come as a package deal as the years go by. even your families have pretty much accepted that fact and just act like they are in-laws a this point

when he was offered a space at Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College for high school, he was hesitant - this will be the first time that he is going to be away from not only you but the town you lived in, and the first time either of you had been separated from one another ever

yet you were the one who encouraged him to go to school there, since he’d be wasting his potential if he doesn’t - you didn’t want to be the reason for him to stay back in your small town

so he had went, and now you two mostly spend time on your phone; calling and texting one another late into the night, even if you have classes the next day

there was once, during your long break, that you had decided to take a bullet train up to tokyo to spend the weekend with nanami and to explore the city that you’ve always wanted to visit

so he had waited for you by the train station, dressed in his simple Jujutsu High Uniform with his then wrapped sward resting in a weapons bag over your shoulders - smiling softly when he spotted you before catching you in his arms when you launched yourself into his embrace to give him a long awaited hug

soon you found yourself standing before the temple that hides the college within, looking around in awe as you latched onto his arm, walking beside him with the most entranced look on your face that had nanami watching you with the softest of smiles

it was there that you had met his small group of classmates - the bright and positive haibara who had stuck to your side to ask you a few more questions about his usually quiet classmate

the second years had just returned from classes, the three of them turning into the main hallway just in time to see you giggling up at nanami at a joke that haibara made; and gojo’s eyes nearly popped out of his head at the sight of his usually cold kouhai smiling back at you so freely

it took him a few seconds to realise that you were probably the reason why nanami spend so much time on his phone, to which he just grinned and rubbed his hands together; this action causing geto and shoko to just sigh tiredly 

operation: getting nanami laid is a go

“kent-kun~ you never told me about your pretty little friend.” gojo called out as he skipped over to his junior, his grin widening at how nanami’s expression dropped as he gave his senpai the most unamused look on his face

yet you were just curious as you blinked up at the tall man, offering a warm smile as you untangled one arm from nanami’s and held it out for gojo to shake. 

“my name is l/n y/n, and i am from kento’s hometown. it’s nice to meet you!” you had greeted him with a wide and warm smile, causing everyone in the hallway to just stare at you before it was wordlessly decided that they were going to protect you from all the curses of the world

saying that, gojo is still going to go ahead with his plan on making nanami confess to you

so the entire time you were there, he made sure to suck up to you, being extra nice to you and giving you a few flirtatious comments here and there - but you just brushed him off with a soft smile, not really interested at his advances at all

but pushing him aside lol - you loved meeting his seniors, who asked a little more about yourself and how you seem so casual with the idea of nanami being able to see Curses

it was then you admitted that you can see and sense Curses as well, but you had no Inherited Curse Technique, meaning that you were just the every day civilian with the exception of seeing Curses

they also took the chance to ask questions about their usually quiet kouhai as well, wanting to know more about his life back home in your town that he keeps so private

usually nanami will be against it, but since you were laughing and giggling at all the fond memories you two share, he decided to let it go for once - even if it’s all at his expense

the rest of the weekend was a blast - nanami brought you about tokyo to see all the tourist sights, visit a few places that he loves to shop at or drop by from time to time, letting you try all the different street snacks and famous restaurant to your hearts content

but it is when you’re in the college that he is the most annoyed with - not at you, no. but at gojo - who kept flirting with you and kept making jokes with you about random things

if that wasn’t bad enough, you had shared a few laughs with the older male, since a few of his jokes were genuinely funny - and that had nanami fuming

geto probably took pity on the dense boy before he started to nudge at him to confess his very obvious feelings he had for you, since it was obvious that the both of you are very much in love with one another

it was either he confesses, or more dumbasses like gojo might try to pull something like this on him and take you away from him 

and even though he was sure that wouldn’t happen, the more he thought about it, the more he realised that geto might be right - and that there is a chance he is going to loose you to someone if he doesn’t act fast

and there is no way he is going to loose to that white-haired ferret - no wat in hell

when he had returned home for the semester break, meeting you up at the train station where you greeted him with a wide smile that you only reserve for him and pulling him into your warm and comforting embrace, he just sighs in relief and holds you close as well, taking a few moments to just appreciate you

throughout the semester, he had slowly build up the courage to confess his feelings to you - making a rough plan of how things are going to go before he went full on ham on the day he plans on confessing

and if we know something about nanami - it is that this man always stick to his plan 

for most of your free days, the both of you are out on dates; visiting old favorites of yours, trying out the new restaurants and cafes that you’ve yet to visit, going to a few arcades, and even a few stores to just do some window shopping together

it went on like that for a few days before he suddenly asked if you wanted to go out to visit the nearby festival that your town is holding - which you agreed with a warm smile on your face before he promised to drop by your home

you had decided that since it was a festival, you’d put on one of your most favourite yukata pieces - a beautiful dark blue one made of silk, with cranes and clouds printed all over the fabric, a simple dark blue obi to tie it all off 

nanami had decided to wear a simple grey kimono, since it just adds to the excitement of going to a festival - so when he saw you dressed for the occasion as well, he smiles and takes your hand in his, telling you how beautiful you looked

while you were still fangirling about the comment, nanami promised your father to bring you home before midnight, to which the older man just smiles and waves him off; knowing that he can trust nanami to keep his word and make sure you’re safe

when you two were there you had a blast - trying out all the different kinds of candies and treats, playing a few games, and visiting a few vendors that have set up shop at the tourist spots as well

nanami had even won you a cute seal plushie, one that you hugged to your chest in delight the entire time with the brightest smile on your face; nanami blushing and rubbing the back of his neck bashfully at how that look was directed right at him 

he had confess that night when the both of you were just admiring the stars and the moon visible in your small town, asking if you had wanted to officially become his girlfriend

when you had agreed the biggest and most happiest smile on your face, launching yourself in his arms with an excited giggle while he smiles and hugs you around the waist, happy that you had agreed

to be honest there was not much of a change between your current relationship and the one you had before - the only difference is the more physical aspects of your relationship, and how open nanami is when it comes to showering you in affection

when gojo had found out that you two finally got together, he just grinned and clapped his hands in delight, happy that nanami finally got off his ass to admit his feelings for you 

and as much as nanami hates that gojo will forever take credit for the both of you getting together, he isn’t wrong either. but there is no way in hell is he going to admit that to the older man 

even when he was a salesperson or return to the jujutsu world after awhile, he is forever going to be the protective boyfriend that he is

an arm around your waist whenever you two are out together, sharp eyes glaring at anyone who stares at you a bit too long or is eyeing you up like you’re a piece of meat

doesn’t stop you from wearing things like short dresses or low riding tops if it makes you happy, but will make sure that you are safe whenever you go out together; tossing a jacket over you if you get cold, and keeping a hand on your thigh the entire time

even now he makes sure that you’re safe, texting you when he gets a mission so you aren’t in that part of town where he is going so you’re not hurt by the curses that are roaming that part of town

by the way, it didn’t take him that long to propose to you and ask if you wanted to get married to him, which you agreed to with the same enthusiasm that you had when he asked you to be his girlfriend all those years ago

and he’s never been more grateful that he gets to call you his

© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jjk headcanons #jujutsu kaisen headcanon #jjk headcanon #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk fluff #jjk nanami #nanami kento #kento nanami #jjk nanami x reader #jjk nanami kento #jjk kento nanami #jjk kento #jjk nanami kento x reader #jujutsu kaisen nanami #jujutsu kaisen kento #jujutsu kaisen kento nanami #nanami headcanons #nanami headcanon #nanami fluff #nanami kento x reader #nanami x you #kento nanami x reader #nanami x reader #nanami x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader

[secretsandwriting]

So I’m testing some new things out with this so you guys will have to tell me what you think!

I’ve also come to the conclusion that while Timothee isn’t my favorte celebrity I like writing for him.

Also, I have no idea how movie premieres work so this is really just a guess and could be completely wrong.

Word Count - 1609

Beta Read - by google docs

Navigating through the crowded streets of New York was getting to be something you were good at. Moving there had definitely been a culture shock but after getting used to it, it was pretty nice. But now, you needed to get coffee and work on your French for one of your classes.

Ordering and setting yourself up, you started the assigned video and prayed it would make sense and you wouldn’t have to add another hour or two of study to your already full schedule. But as fate would have it, it sounded like gibberish.

Restarting the video to try again, you were pulled out of your studies by a burning sensation going down your arm. Pulling out your headphones you looked down at your arm to brown soaking into the sleeve.

“I’m so sorry!” The guy in front of you looked familiar but due to his mask it took a moment for it to sink in. Timothee Chalamet. He was an actor, but that wasn’t important. What was important? He knew french.

“That’s not important. Do you have any free time right now? I know you know french and I need to learn it and this makes no sense and it’s due in two hours.” You definitely caught him off guard, but he checked his phone.

“I have an hour.” He pulled a chair over and you handed him one of your earbuds. For the next hour he helped you, he was a lot better than the video your teacher had given you.

“Here,” he handed you a slip of paper. “If you need more help just text me and I’ll help when I can.”

“Thank you! With your help, I’ll at least pass.” He laughed and you said your goodbyes before he went on his way and you worked on finishing the rest of your homework.

While you worked, you didn’t notice the girls in the corner watching you with their phones out and slightly pointed at you.

The next day, you almost regretted asking Timothee for help when you woke up to your phone being blown up by friends and social media. There were multiple pictures of you and Timothee as well as multiple dating theories. One of the notifications stood out, Timothee had messaged you on Instagram.

You didn’t really talk until your next assignment came and you texted him about it. Together you decided to meet at one of the libraries. This time you knew that you would be spending time with a celebrity and people would notice so you made sure you at least looked alive. That way if there were pictures posted online at least you wouldn’t look like too much of a mess. Apparently Timothee noticed.

“You look nice.”

“Well, the chances of pictures being taken are pretty big so I at least want to look alive and not like I just rolled out of bed.” He snorted and you chatted for a few minutes before getting to work.

This time it was a bigger assignment so it took a few hours instead of one. But it didn’t seem to be so long, it felt like time had flown by and it was finished immediately. Timothee was interesting, you two could have fun but when needed it could be serious.

So when you split ways and Timothee started texting you an hour later, you didn’t feel like he was trying anything. It just felt like you were talking to a friend you had known for years. Then, you had plans to hang out two days later when he was free. The plan was to got to a park and play with kids and act like a kid, simply to feel like you didn’t have so much on your plate and could just have fun for an afternoon.

The interview he asked you about, was before you were meeting to go to a park and act like you were children, not adults who had jobs and college. But that was the plan, and exactly what you did.

The two of you ended up chasing each other until all the other kids at the park wanted to play with the two of you. The parents watched the two of you close when you played with them but that was to be expected.

Timothee was good with kids. Not just good, amazing. All the little girls were absolutely in love with him while all the boys were amazed by how strong he was.

However, as most people know. Kids have no filter, therefore they ask any question that comes to their brain. Hence the 30 different times you had to tell them that you weren’t dating and you were just friends having fun. Some of the parents seemed to think so too, one of them basically told you.

“Thank you for playing with Maggie, she had a blast and she’ll probably sleep well tonight.” The lady looked relieved at the thought. “You and your boyfriend would be good with kids if you decide to have them.”

“He’s not my boyfriend. We just met a month ago and we just came here to have some fun.” She nodded but you could tell she didn’t believe you. Trying to ignore what she said you turned and went back to playing with the kids.

It was after two hours of playing different games, the two of you decided that you were out of energy. Timothee offered getting a meal and you agreed. And that’s how you ended up in a Mcdonalds.

For the next few months, you would meet up for assignments or just to hang out. The press had a hayday with it but after a while it was easy to ignore and then it became more fun to do funny poses every once in a while.

Then he had to go work on a movie so your contact was left to text, phone calls, and facetime. It worked but it wasn’t as good as meeting in person. He still helped with your french until the semester was over part way through his movie.

“Timmy!!! I passed!!!” You held up your phone to the camera on your computer so he could see through his screen. It was amazing and you owed it all to him. Last semester you had barely passed and that had been with 4 times the amount of studying then you had done today. Timothee was godsent.

“Yes! You did it!” You celebrated for a little bit before he got serious. “Y/n, since you passed I know what we can do to celebrate. When this is over, you should come as my plus one to the movie premiere.”

“The movie premiere?!” He nodded, you could see how nervous he was in his eyes. “I have one question.” He nodded, waiting for you to ask. “What am I supposed to wear.” He snorted.

“I’ll talk with my manager and see what he says.” So that was the plan. You kept talking with him, but now it was less about school and more for the fun of it.

When the movie premiere came close Timothee got an answer to your question. Though he almost seemed hesitant to tell you.

“You just have to go get measured and go to a few fittings. The brand making my suit is making you a matching dress.” You would be matching with Timothee sure, you were going as his plus one, or date depending on who you ask. But brand? This dress sounded like it was going to cost more than your college tuition.

“Ok, when and where do I need to go?” He gave you his manager’s private number so you talk straight with him and get all the details. Little did you know, that that was the beginning of the storm.

Somehow it got out that you were going with Timothee and even getting matching outfits. Soon, your phone was being blown up by people trying to get details and even shows asking you to come on and talk about it. Timothee’s manager called you and offered to be your manager until this all calmed down, mostly because this affected Timothee but the offer was still appreciated and accepted.

He texted you a link and told you to post it in all of your public social media bios titled ‘Manager’s contact’. While it wasn’t something most celebrities did, you had just been dragged into this. It would start as a base line until things were figured out.

Through this mess, Timothee kept apologizing even when you said it was ok and it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. You thought the manager would be enough but then you ended up sharing Timothee’s booking agent too. Apparently everyone wanted to talk with you.

A few days after agreeing, you learned that the episode would be realised a week before the premiere, but hopefully it would go well. You were also told that Timothee would be doing the interview with you which made you feel a lot better.

Timothee came back the day before you had to fly to California so you were going to let him take the day to rest because frankly it was a lot, but he showed up at your door with his suitcase. He hadn’t even gone home.

“Timmy! What are you doing he-” He cut you off.

“Can I kiss you?” What? That wasn’t what you expected. While you stood there staring at him completely confused, he started shifting around a little bit and playing with his hands.

“Yeah.” That’s all it took for him to get his confidence back.

Request:

Hey, I really love your writing.

Can I request something with Thimothée Chalamet? Maybe like they meet at a coffee shop and he accidentally spills his coffee on her and then they become friends and they progressively fall in love with each other? If you can’t I understand.

Thank you 🤍

#timothee chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet x y/n #timothee chalamet x you #timothee chalamet imagine #timothee chalamet

[pennylanewrites]

I got seven different asks about the College AU so here are some headcanons I have about them! (imagine aiura is in the picture I couldn’t find a good one with all of them)

I definitely didn’t mean to make this so long but I can’t help it I love them all so much<3

~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~

Saiki Kusuo

→ marine!!!biology!!!major!!!!!!!!

→ doesn’t need to study but he still does bc he finds marine life so fascinating

→ read all of his textbooks on the first day bc he was so excited eeeek

→ always wears his germanium ring in class so he can stay hashtag focused

→ him and aiura have to bail toritsuka(didn’t go to college) out of jail once a month

→ speaking of aiura, she somehow has convinced him to go on a date on five different occasions

→ i think after high-school he realised he didn’t mind a kind of casual not-relationship with her

→ lets her hug him to greet him and sometimes he hugs back bc college boys stare a lot and he is just worried for her okay?

→ maybe I’m just projecting bc I kin aiura

→ does not go to parties unless he absolutely has to

→ if he does go to a party he’ll drink something quietly in a corner, just watching the crowd

→ a perv laced Teruhashi’s drink and almost lured her up the stairs so of fucking course Kusuo sprinted to help her, holding her on the way home bc men are drawn to her like bees to honey

→ she didn’t let him live it down ever

→ he rented a studio apartment and keeps it super clean, minimum clutter but enough to look lived in

→ cooks amazing food that Nendo smells from upstairs and next thing you know, they’re all bringing chairs to Kusuo’s apartment and have dinner

→ nothing excuses the fact he makes at least eight servings every time–

→ such a dad to everyone honestly

→ usually studies at a library or teleports back home if there’s a big test

→ mrs. saiki was banned from visiting every two days but she still ends up there somehow

→ not that he minds bc he’s the biggest mama’s boy ever

→ probably graduates a year early

→ doesn’t move away even though he got a job at the aquarium at the other side of the city help–

Kaidou Shun

→ fine arts major you can NOT change my mind

→ doesn’t do good in theoretical subjects but mans can draw some good bowls of fruit

→ wears those stained from the paints t-shirts all the time bc ‘no they’re not dirty it’s art!’

→ him and aren have small designated spaces in their apartment so they can focus on their hobbies/studying

→ his corner at the living room has newspapers on the floor to protect it from the splattering paint, some canvases propped up on the wall and a lot of unfinished projects

→ hides all of them when Nendou comes over

→ can not cook or clean to save his life

→ so he calls his mum to help clean up when Aren is at work

→ got over his 8th grader syndrome at some point

→ still wears red bandages bc he’s edgy

→ volunteers at the neighborhood exhibit centre

→ got asked to showcase his own works for a night and hasn’t shut up about it since

→ goes to yumehara for relationship advice and braids her hair as a thank you

→ couples sleepovers with Yumehara and Teruhashi (yes they’re dating shut up)

→ always makes something for Aren at special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries etc)

→ at first he went back home every saturday bc he missed his family :(

→ Aren helps him get over it though!!!!

Nendou Riki

→ got in on a sports scholarship

→ we already know he couldn’t be accepted in a college otherwise

→ in the chiropractic major bc he wants to be one of those athlete doctors

→ has failed way too many exams and classes

→ Hairo helps him so much though!!!

→ the last one in the group to graduate but somehow gets a job first (excluding Saiki)

→ him and hairo get up at 5 am for jogging or to hit the gym

→ and then he goes and gets noodles bc ‘if noodles aren’t for breakfast why do shops open at 6 am?’

→ hasn’t stepped foot in class in months

→ he gets decent grades after failing the first semester and it’s totally not Saiki’s doing

→ he ends up signing up for way too many clubs

→ attends all of the meetings and has so many friends through them

→ I would be his friend too in college honestly

→ a fraternity wanted to get him bc he’s so good at sports

→ he declined bc he does not understand how fraternities even work

→ is the life of EVERY SINGLE PARTY change my mind you can’t

→ whatever you do don’t imagine nendo surprising his boyfriend with flowers after every practice

→ *dies cutely*

Kuboyasu Aren

→ SOCIOLOGY MAJOR

→ idk I just think he would enjoy Marx’s Capital

→ debate club? hell yeah

→ gets in philosophical conversations at the school yard for HOURS

→ kaidou has to drag him away

→ only shops at thrift stores and makes coffee at home bc “capitalism is not accepted in this household”

→ rides his motorcycle to college even though he lives five minutes away

→ grew his hair out in a mullet again and he looks *chef’s kiss*

→ thought he would be moving too fast if he asked Kaidou to rent an apartment together

→ aiura convinced him it was fine

→ cooks kaidou’s favorite foods every day

→ participates in student rallies, human rights protests etc etc

→ comes home with bruises and kaidou thinks he looks so hot but still yells at him

→ Aren’s favorite place to study is his balcony or at a coffee shop

→ always with kaidou! cute boyfriends who do everything together!!

→ gets so drunk when they go out

→ drunk karaoke with kokomi yes yes yes

Hairo Kineshi

→ did someone say Athletic Training?

→ does every single sport and is amazing at it

→ will cheer for his bf if they have a game at the same time though

→ it was his idea to move in together bc ‘hey we’ve been dating for three years now might as well’

→ volunteers at a nearby elementary as a coach for the kids

→ SO GOOD WITH KIDS

→ wants to be a P.E. Teacher and he’s going to be great at it

→ does everything he can at campus

→ helping random clubs, making posters, cleaning up the hallways, helping the cheer squad with their new routine

→ dances ballet as a hobby even though he’s so good at it that he could be a professional

→ makes everything a competition with Nendo so they never get bored

→ once made everyone get up to jog with them and they ended up sleeping on random benches while Hairo and Nendo were halfway across town

→ will punch someone if he sees them catcalling a girl

→ doesn’t drink at all and eats super healthy

→ designated driver for the group’s outings downtown

Aiura Mikoto

→ THEATER MAJOR

→ is so good at stage acting it’s unreal

→ lands the lead role almost every time

→ is also an amazing singer so she gets great roles in musicals as well

→ doesn’t have to get a job bc she gets all her money from doing readings on campus

→ gets coffees and pastries from all the coffee shops around campus and sits Kusuo down so he can taste them

→ they have a little taste-testing date in his apartment until they decide none of them are as good as the ones at Cafe Mami

→ she totally doesn’t make him teleport there every morning and he totally doesn’t listen to her

→ moved in with chiyo bc they wanted a nice place that they couldn’t afford on their own

→ teruhashi told them to move in with her but they already loved their little place

→ aiura’s bedroom is the most comfortable and cozy room ever

→ their apartment is also the hang out spot for the group bc it’s just so homey

→ hangs out with her theatre group a lot, especially after class

→ they can’t compare to her friends though:(

→ everyone goes to her when they’re worried and she loves it bc she’s the mummy of the group

→ she makes everyone coffee and their comfort food before big exams:)

Yumehara Chiyo

→ psychology major one thousand percent

→ you know how they say that people choose psychology bc they don’t know what major they want?

→ that’s exactly what happened except she fell in love with it immediately

→ such a good student!!!

→ always does her assignments on time and still manages to have a social life

→ teruhashi asked her out at the end of their first semester and that’s the first time chiyo missed a deadline

→ practically lives with teruhashi, insisting it’s just to leave aiura alone

→ she’s just IN LOVE OKAY?????

→ would want to be a sorority girl at first

→ changed her mind when she realized how much shit they all talked

→ her and kaidou drink wine and talk about their relationships and studies

→ she’s so sleep deprived it’s unreal

→ she doesn’t need sleep anymore though

→ coffee is her best friend

→ makes asks Aiura for readings twice a week

→ brings all her psychology friends home and they analyze their textbooks

→ once she got the hang of it, she decided to examine Kusuo

→ she told him he needs actual medical evaluation

→ he almost threw her out the window when she offered some Xanax for his nerves

→ chiyo is a neat freak one hundred percent

→ hates when Aiura throws everything on the floor, but she loves cleaning

→ opens her own office after school

Teruhashi Kokomi

→ PRE-MED

→ lesbian doctor :)

→ just wanted to get away from her perv brother at first

→ she always wanted to be a doctor though, preferably a neurosurgeon

→ she’s super duper smart and hates when she gets good grades bc of her good looks:(

→ makes it her goal to show her professors that she’s more than a beautiful girl

→ hasn’t failed a single exam

→ helps everyone with their studies even though she’s drowning in work

→ drops the perfect girl image at college and decides she should try and aim for something normal

→ gets invited to every single party

→ in a knitting club bc it would get disbanded without one more member

→ knits!!!matching!!!sweaters!!!for all of her friends!!!

→ asked Chiyopipi out while drunk

→ never regretted it though

→ her and aren get so drunk when they go out with the group

→ it’s honestly unreal how much they can drink before passing out

→ has to get carried home

→ wakes up after getting drunk and runs to her class before remembering it’s Sunday

→ her penthouse has the perfect view of the sunset and sunrise and is all she could ask for in life

→ does get lonely so she’s practically living with Chiyo and Aiura

→ once she realized she didn’t like boys she made it her goal to get Saiki and Aiura together

→ people wonder how she has so much time to play matchmaker and volunteer while she’s in premed

→ does her internship at a hospital

→ ends up working there as a neurosurgeon after her Doctorate degree

~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~

#saiki kusuo no ψ nan #tdlosk #saiki k no psi nan #saiki kusuo #nendou saiki k #nendou riki #kaidou headcanons #kaidou shun #kaidou x aren #saiki k headcanons #teruhashi #teruhashi kokomi #aiura mikoto #yumehara chiyo #nendou x hairo #hairo kineshi #aren x shun #aren kuboyasu #saiki k #Kusuo #college au #anime headcanons #anime fluff #the disastrous life of saiki k. #tdlosk headcanons

[tomtenadia]

Dreams of Gold

Rowaelin month day 11  - Surprise kisses

Rowan loved swimming. He had been doing it since he remembered. His parents had put him in a swimming pool when he was very young and according to their stories he had loved it immediately, so when he was a bit older they had sent him to swimming classes and then once at school he had started competing as well. Small tournaments while he was in elementary and middle school, but once in high school he had joined an actual club and had started competing seriously. He had won his fair share of medals and trophies and his parents loved to brag about their son’s athletic prowess. Sometimes it was bordering on embarrassing. 

Now at uni and on his second year of a degree in computer engineering he had taken his love for swimming even further.

He had joined an actual professional club and with time he realised that butterfly was his favourite stroke. He was quite skilled at freestyle as well but he loved the raw power in the butterfly. It had taken him a lot of time and training to master it to perfection but now that he did, he’d never change it for any other stroke.

Juggling university and a heavy and very strict training schedule had been exhausting at times. Sometimes he even wondered why he bothered studying but his parents had made him promise he’d have a plan b. They had faith in him and supported him throughout his career. Drove him for hours to competitions when he hadn’t his licence yet and then following to all his events. But they also believed that the sports world was fickle and that glory would not last forever. He had agreed and had a plan b. At least he liked working with computers and was pretty skilled at that as well. He had fixed both his parents laptops and taught them as well how to use them properly for their jobs.

*

It was a January day and Rowan was running across campus to get to his car as quickly as possible and get to training. He hated Thursdays. His last class of the day finished twenty minutes before he was due at the pool and without traffic it took him seventeen minutes to reach the sports complex. He was looking forward to the semester to be over and rid himself of that boring class.  

Luckily for him, that day the traffic had been light and he had made it with four minutes to spare.

He parked his car, grabbed his duffel bag and ran inside.

He peeked through the big glass windows and saw the team already gathered at pool side for the daily briefing.

What he had tried to avoid thinking was that it was a special day. The federation was going to release the names of the people who were going to be chosen to attend the olympic games the following year. Rowan had been training even harder, smashed records and won a few more competitions to prove that one of those spots was his. 

Sighing heavily he ran and joined the team.

“Sorry coach.” He apologised. 

“Don’t worry, Rowan. It’s Thursday and I am aware of your class finishing late. Glad you could join us.”

Coach Gavriel was a legend in the swimming world. He was a multiple olympic gold winner. He was  a butterfly swimmer like him and his regime was strict. Once he retired he had created his own professional team and many of the people he had coached had gone and won medals.

He moved closed to the blonde woman with the blue swimsuit “Galathynius.”

She turned and gave him the most beautiful of smiles “Whitethorn, excited for the big announcement?”

He nodded.

“I don’t think I ever wanted anything so badly.” She told him eagerly.

I do. Thought Rowan. You.

His secret was that he was madly in love with her. It had happened all of a sudden. One evening they had both stayed late for extra practice. Aelin was a freestyle specialist. That night during training he had noticed a small error that she would do and that he was sure would cost her time. So he had coached and fixed the slight issue allowing her to cut the water perfectly and almost null the friction. With her long golden hair and her deep turquoise eyes with a ring of gold in them she was like a goddess. And he was madly in love with her. But he never said anything. He had bottled up his feeling. Plus he was positive she saw him as nothing but a friend.

“I am sure we are all excited to discover who is going to represent Terrasen in next year’s olympic games.” Gavriel started, drawing the attention back to him “Some of you will go home and will have a lot to celebrate for. Having the chance to attend the olympics is the greatest goal for an athlete, it’s the prize after years of hard training and sacrifice.” His tawny eyes swept the group in front of him “For some of you it won’t be this olympic games, but I don’t want you to be discouraged. Keep training. It will happen.”

Rowan cast a side glance to Aelin and saw her head high and a hopeful face. He wanted her to get a spot too.

“Ok, people here we go.” Shouted Gavriel flapping a sheet of paper in the air. The list. The list of those who were going to the Olympics.

Rowan’s heart raced.

Gavriel went through the list and announced all the specialties for the guys. He was slightly detached until he announced his specialty.

“Men 100 and 200m butterfly,” Gavriel’s voice woke him up and he closed his eyes for an instant. That was it. That was the moment of truth. “Rowan.” 

His heart stopped. He knew that there were other three guys in the team up against him for that spot but he had got it. He was going to the olympics. He turned to Aelin and the smile she gave him made the moment even more precious.

Gavriel started calling out the names for the relay teams and Rowan almost cursed when he was added to the freestyle one and then in the butterfly leg for the medley. He hated relays.

He took another step closer to Aelin “I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you.” He whispered to her.

“Thanks and well done for making the team.”

He nodded and went back listening for the female selections.

He zoned out until he heard the magic word freestyle and refocused straight away on Gavriel.

“Aelin will swim both 50m and 100m freestyle.” Rowan’s head flipped to her side. He saw her look at him with the biggest smile ever seen. 

And then, his body moved of his own accord. He closed the distance between them and swept her in his arms, up high and tightened his strong arms around her body. She folded her legs around him and he started spinning in joy and then out of the blue he kissed her. Deeply, with passion and with all the love he had for her for a long time. Everything around them disappeared. There was only the two of them wrapped in each other arms and the taste of her lips on his. He had been dreaming about that for so long and it hadn’t disappointed.

“We are going to the Olympics.” He whispered against her lips.

“You just kissed me, Whitethorn.” She replied.

“Any complaints?”

“Yes, only that it took you so long to do it.”

 Eventually he put her down and apologised to the team for the extreme level of PDA. Everyone had laughed and told him it was about time. Apparently it was not a secret that he was in love with Aelin.

“Ok, people Rowan finally made his move. Now let’s all go back to training. You won’t win a gold metal by sitting on the side of the pool relaxing.

Everyone scattered and Rowan went to the changing room with the biggest smile on his face.

He was going to the olympics and Aelin at his side.

Tag

@thegreyj​

#rowaelinmonth #rowan whitethorn #rowaelin fanfic #rowaelin fanfiction #rowanwhitethorn #aelin galathynius